I am talking about a coordinated campaign launched by the religious right to overturn gay marriage, arguing it harms children. The effort is a direct attack on the Supreme Court’s 2015 Obergefell vs. Hodges decision making same-sex marriage a fundamental right of equality under the 14th Amendment, but also seeks to engage churches on the issue and change public opinion.
Good luck with that last part. Most Americans support marriage equality. But the Supreme Court? That’s much iffier these days.
But what disturbs me the most, while we wait for litigation, is that the campaign is yet another disingenuous ploy by MAGA to use children as an excuse for attacking civil rights, and attempting, Christian nationalist-style, to impose religious values on general society.
MAGA frames so much hate — especially around immigrants and diversity — as protection of children, and through decades’ worth of conspiracy theory has attempted to paint LGBTQ+ parents as deviant and predatory. (QAnon, for example, was all about saving kids from gay and Democratic predators.)
In reality, it’s the MAGA folks who are traumatizing children.
“Our children are afraid. They’re terrorized,” Chauntyll Allen told me. She’s the St. Paul, Minn., school board member who was arrested recently for her part in the church protest of a pastor who is also an ICE official.
“And we’re not just talking about immigrants,” she continued. All kids “are watching this, they’re experiencing this, and they’re carrying the terror in their body. What is this going to do for our society in 20 years?”
This campaign to undo marriage equality, far from protecting kids, is just another injury inflicted on them for political gain. It features twoCalifornia cases that are meant to show how terrible any form of same-sex parenting is, but mischaracterizes the facts for maximum outrage.
The campaign also specifically targets in vitro fertilization and surrogacy as dangerous gateways to promoting LGBTQ+ families, an increasingly common position in far-right religious circles that would like to see more white women having babies through sex with white husbands.
Attacking marriage equality isn’t about protecting children any more than deporting immigrants is about stopping crime. Allowing it to be framed that way actually puts in danger the stability of the approximately 300,000 kids nationwide who are being raised by about 832,000 couples in same-sex marriages.
It endangers the physical and mental health of LGBTQ+ kids in any family who are growing up in a world that is increasingly hostile to them — with gender and identity hate crimes on the rise.
And it endangers everyone who values a free and fair democracy that separates church and state by eroding the rights of the vulnerable as precedent for eroding the rights of whomever ticks them off next. If LGBTQ+ marriages aren’t legally protected, how long before racists come for the Loving decision, which legalized interracial marriage?
If you doubt the MAGA agenda extends that far, when Second Lady Usha Vance recently announced her fourth pregnancy, one lovely fellow on social media wrote, “There is nothing exciting about this. We will never vote for your race traitor husband.”
Hate is a virus that spreads how it pleases.
Those behind the effort to undo marriage equality say that by legalizing the ability for LGBTQ+ folks to tie the knot, America put “adult desires” ahead of children’s well-being, which is dependent on being raised in a home that includes a married man and woman.
Never mind the millions of kids being raised by single parents, grandparents (looking at you, JD Vance) or other guardians who aren’t the biological John-and-Jane mommy and daddy of conservative lore. Never mind the many same-sex marriages that don’t include kids.
“Americans need to understand the threat that gay marriage poses to children and that natural marriage is directly connected to children protection,” Katy Faust, the leader of the campaign, said in an interview with a Christian news website.
Of course, the campaign also makes no mention of the hundreds of children currently held in detention camps around the country — on some days, the number of children locked up just by ICE (not Border Patrol or in the care of other agencies) has skyrocketed to 400 under Trump, according to the Marshall Project.
Outside of lockup, Black and brown children are being traumatized daily by the fear that they or their parents will be taken or even killed by federal agents. Thousands of kids across the country, including in California, have stopped going to school and other public places for fear of endangering themselves or their families. Don’t expect to see these folks campaigning to protect those kids.
The campaign also ignores the fact that U.S. Department of Justice funding to combat sex crimes against children was just slashed, leaving victims and prosecutors without crucial resources to fight that real and undoubtedly harmful exploitation of our youth by sex traffickers.
And Epstein. I cannot even start on save-the-children folks who seemingly ignore the victims of the sex crimes detailed in those files — many of them children at the time — while wringing their hands over families who don’t look like their own. It is a mind-blowing amount of hypocrisy.
But of course, none of this is about saving children — yours, mine or anyone’s.
But framing it around protecting children is a powerful manipulation — a last-ditch effort as same sex marriage does in fact become more accepted. Because who doesn’t want to save our kids? From whatever.
Don’t be surprised if this effort gains traction in coming months. As we head into elections, the MAGA machine will attempt to turn the lens away from immigration and back to old-school issues such as feminism, abortion and same-sex marriage, which time and again its base has been willing to vote on regardless of what else is happening.
Because they actually don’t care about kids. They care about power, and they’re perfectly willing to exploit kids to get it.
Photo provided by the Washington County Sheriffs Office
WASHINGTON COUNTY, Ore. — A 21-year-old Cornelius man has been indicted on dozens of felony charges related to an alleged sexual assault that investigators say began through social media and crossed state lines.
The Washington County Sheriff’s Office said detectives began investigating the case in December 2025 after being notified by the Vancouver Police Department of a reported sexual assault. The victim told medical staff at a Vancouver hospital that the assault occurred in Washington County.
According to investigators, the suspect contacted the victim through the social media application Snapchat and engaged in inappropriate communication before persuading the victim to meet in person. Detectives say the suspect drove from Oregon to Vancouver, Washington, picked up the victim, and then drove them to Cornelius, Oregon, where the sexual assault allegedly occurred on Dec. 24, 2025. The child victim also reported that the man gave them alcohol, marijuana, and other intoxicants during the interaction
On Jan. 26, 2026, detectives located and arrested Alexis Jovanny Leyva-Lopez, 21, of Cornelius. He was lodged in the Washington County Jail.
A Washington County grand jury indicted Leyva-Lopez on Friday, Jan. 30, charging him with three counts each of first-degree rape, second-degree rape, first-degree sodomy and second-degree sodomy; six counts of first-degree sexual abuse; and one count of strangulation.
Investigators said they are concerned there may be additional victims. Anyone who believes they may be a victim or who has information related to the case is urged to contact the Washington County Sheriff’s Office Investigations Division at 503-846-2500 and reference case number 50-25-18247.
The sheriff’s office said Leyva-Lopez’s booking photo is being released under Oregon House Bill 3273 in an effort to identify additional criminal activity.
Recognizing the significance of Cervical Cancer Prevention Month this January,INTIMINA understands that there is never enough encouragement and accessible education regarding preventative care. For many women, anxiety about cervical screening (smear tests or Pap smears) can be a significant barrier.
Cervical cancer is one of the few cancers that is more common in younger women, with the highest incidence in the age group 30-34, followed by 35-39 age group, according to Cancer research UK data. Crucially, it is also one of the most preventable cancers, largely thanks to two major factors: the Human Papillomavirus (HPV) vaccine and regular screening.
“Over99% of cervical cancers are caused by a persistent infection with high-risk strains of HPV. That’s why HPV vaccination is such a critical tool in reducing infection across the population, and gives us a real opportunity to reduce cervical cancer dramatically in the future.
However, regular cervical screening remains absolutely essential. It identifies high-risk HPV infections and picks up precancerous changes early, often long before they have any chance to develop into cancer,” explains Dr Unsworth.
Despite its importance, statistics show that millions of women are not up-to-date with their routine cervical screening. For many, the barriers are fear, anxiety, or embarrassment about the procedure itself.
Dr. Unsworth’s 5-Point Guide To a Comfortable Screening
The cervical screening test takes only 2-3 minutes to perform, though the full appointment may last around 20 minutes. Dr Unsworth shares her top practical tips for a more relaxed experience:
1. Talk to Your Clinician
“Don’t hesitate to share any concerns. Talk to the doctor or nurse beforehand. They are there to reassure you, answer questions, and make any adjustments you need. They can explain each step of the process, which often helps ease anxiety,” says Dr Unsworth and adds: “If you’re worried about how you’ll cope during the test, you can also agree on a word or signal to use if you need to pause or stop at any point.”
2. Focus on Your Breathing
“If you’re feeling nervous or tense during the procedure, simple breathing techniques can really help,” says Dr Unsworth. “Focusing on slow, steady breaths can relax your body and make the test feel easier. You can also use any other techniques you know help you stay calm, whether that’s grounding exercises, visualisation, or simply chatting to the clinician. And remember, you can always ask the nurse or doctor to pause at any point so you can take a moment.”
3. Request a Smaller Speculum
For some women, especially those experiencing menopausal symptoms like vaginal dryness, the speculum can be uncomfortable. “Using a smaller speculum can often make a big difference, says Dr Unsworth. “Don’t hesitate to ask about this. You may also feel more comfortable inserting the speculum yourself, and you can absolutely ask to do this if you prefer.”
“If vaginal dryness is an issue, using vaginal oestrogen for a few weeks beforehand can also help, though you should avoid applying it in the 48 hours before your test”, adds Unsworth.
If you think the procedure might be uncomfortable for you, Dr Unsworth suggests taking paracetamol or ibuprofen about an hour beforehand. This can help ease any mild discomfort in advance.
5. Adjust Your Body Position
“Sometimes it can be tricky for the clinician to get a clear view of the cervix, and that’s an important part of the test. Everyone’s anatomy is a little different, and small adjustments can make a big difference. We may suggest tilting your pelvis slightly, which isn’t always easy on a flat examination couch. Simple techniques like placing your hands under your bottom can help adjust the angle, and for some women, lying on their side is both more comfortable and gives a better view. Whatever the approach, it should always be a conversation with you, making sure you feel comfortable throughout,” explains Dr Unsworth.
Why Screening Is Non-Negotiable
Acervical screeningtest involves taking a small sample of cells from the cervix to check for high-risk HPV. If high-risk HPV is detected, the sample is then checked for any abnormal precancerous cells.
Routine Recommendations
While guidelines vary regionally, in general, cervical screening is recommended every five years for everyone aged 25 to 64.
What Happens Next
A negative HPV result is excellent news, meaning you are at very low risk of developing cervical changes. If high-risk HPV is found, your sample is checked for cell changes. Minor changes can often return to normal, but more significant changes will lead to a referral to a colposcopy clinic for a more detailed examination. Most women referred to colposcopy do not have cancer.
Dr Unsworth emphasises: “The key thing to remember is that cervical screening is designed to identify changes before cancer develops, or to detect cancer at a very early stage when treatment is usually highly effective. That is why regularly attending screening is important, as it gives us the best chance of detecting these changes early.
HPV vaccination also plays an essential part in reducing risk, so if you’re offered it, it is well worth taking up. There are also recognised factors that can increase the risk of cervical cancer, such as smoking or having multiple sexual partners. These reflect what we know about how the virus spreads and how the body responds, and understanding them can help people make informed choices.
With education, vaccination for those who are offered it, and regular cervical screening, we have powerful tools to reduce cervical cancer for future generations significantly.”
INTIMINA, in collaboration with Bijoux Secrets, presents the Bubblegum range. This collection features a perfume, an intimate massage gel, and a heat-effect massage oil. You can purchase each product separately.
All three products feature an original strawberry bubblegum fragrance created in 1928. They are 100% vegan, cruelty-free, and contain no alcohol or parabens. They are designed to cover every inch of your body. Enjoy them with a partner or solo to indulge the eroticism of the senses. Taste, smell, and touch combine to ignite passion and surrender to limitless pleasure.
Relive the Roaring 20s with the Bubblegum Range
The Roaring 20s were an era of wild abandonment, sensuality, modernity, and freedom. Nights were endless to the rhythm of Charleston and jazz. In this setting, flappers emerged as a revolutionary icon of the New Woman.
These women challenged established limits. They reclaimed their right to express themselves and be who they wanted to be. They were bold and rebellious. They defied norms that demanded submission. These women rejected stereotypes about what it meant to be a woman: a “lady” with manners who didn’t laugh loudly, didn’t dance, and didn’t speak openly about sex—let alone enjoy it.
They possessed indomitable spirits. They were independent, joyful, and sensual. They personified modern female independence with short dresses, red lips, and intense floral perfumes. We have brought back that original strawberry bubblegum fragrance for you—fresh, sparkling, and sweet.
Bubblegum Body Mist: A Sensual and Sparkling Fragrance
Smell is one of the most important and erotic senses for enjoying pleasure and creating unique memories. According to scientific research from Rockefeller University, humans remember only 5% of what they see, 2% of what they hear, and 1% of what they touch. However, we remember 35% of what we smell!
A specific aroma creates a memory associated with an emotion and a person. So, why not create new memories with Bubblegum Body Mist? It is an intense, sparkling, and sweet fragrance with an aroma that evokes strawberry bubblegum. Its alcohol-free and paraben-free formula makes it compatible with all external body parts, including the most intimate and delicate areas.
Additionally, Bubblegum Body Mist comes in a rounded gold bottle with a retro-style atomizer. It is inspired by the perfume bottles used by flappers. The design matches their flamboyant and coquettish fashion, reflecting the feminine spirit of an entire era. It is a piece that captures the luxury and sophistication of the Roaring 20s.
Bubblegum Heat-Effect Massage Oil
The Bubblegum heat-effect massage oil enhances the body’s sensory response. It stimulates the senses and awakens desire. Enjoy a more sensual experience when your lover blows gently on your skin, alternating between heat and coolness.
Although intended for external use, it is free of perfumes and parabens. Therefore, you can use it in your most intimate areas, either alone or with a partner. Create unforgettable memories thanks to its strawberry bubblegum scent.
Strokes or be stroked with smooth, sensual movements. Stimulate every nerve ending and ignite desire. Believe me, this heat-effect oil is called “Light my Fire” because it truly sets you ablaze.
Bubblegum 2-in-1 Gel
The Bubblegum 2-in-1 Gel is perfect for erotic games involving massage, caresses, and endless masturbation. Its silicone texture extends pleasure to the point of madness. It even works underwater.
Its composition is free of perfumes and parabens. This allows you to apply it to the most intimate and erogenous zones. Use it to give or receive massages, or as an intimate lubricant. It is compatible with latex condoms, such as LELO HEX.
Furthermore, its classic strawberry bubblegum scent—sweet, intense, and sparkling—will liven up your erotic play. It will create a memory that lingers. Surrender to its smooth, velvety texture that leaves a silky sensation on the skin. Masturbate, be masturbated, or ask for it. Yield to desire, feel, break free, and reach orgasm. Be a 21st-century flapper. Ignite your fire.
Timothy Busfield appears at the 2020 ABC Television Critics Association Winter Press Tour in Pasadena, Calif., on Jan. 8, 2020 (AP Photo/Chris Pizzello, File)
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. (AP) — A judge has ordered that actor Timothy Busfield be released from jail during a detention hearing on child sex abuse charges.
The order Tuesday by state district court Judge David Murphy is linked to accusations that Busfield inappropriately touching a minor while working as a director on the set of the series “The Cleaning Lady.”
The judge ordered that the defendant was released on his own recognizance, pending trial. Busfield will be supervised upon release by a pretrial service in Albuquerque, and can leave the state to live at home, the judge said.
Busfield, an Emmy Award-winning actor who is known for appearances in “The West Wing,” “Field of Dreams” and “Thirtysomething,” was ordered held without bond last week at his first court appearance. Busfield called the allegations lies in a video shared before he turned himself in.
At the hearing Tuesday, Busfield was handcuffed and dressed in an orange jail uniform at the hearing in a New Mexico state district court, while wife and actor Melissa Gilbert watched from the court gallery.
Gilbert was tearful while exiting the courtroom after the judge ordered Busfield’s release.
Gilbert, who played Laura Ingalls in the 1970s to ’80s TV series “Little House on the Prairie,” is on the list of potential witness submitted ahead of the hearing.
Albuquerque police issued a warrant for Busfield’s arrest earlier this month on two counts of criminal sexual contact of a minor and one count of child abuse. A criminal complaint alleges the acts occurred on the set of the series “The Cleaning Lady.”
According to the criminal complaint, an investigator with the police department says the child reported Busfield touched him on private areas over his clothing on one occasion when he was 7 years old and another time when he was 8. The boy’s twin brother told authorities he was also touched by Busfield, but did not specify where. He said he didn’t say anything because he didn’t want to get in trouble.
On Monday, Busfield’s attorneys submitted two brief audio recordings of initial police interviews in which the children say Busfield did not touch them in private areas. The attorneys in a court filing argue that the complaint characterizes the interviews as a failure to disclose abuse, but an “unequivocal denial is materially different from a mere absence of disclosure.”
According to the criminal complaint, one of the boys disclosed during a therapy session that he was inappropriately touched by the show’s director. Those records were obtained by police during the investigation.
Arguing Tuesday for Busfield’s continued detention, Assistant District Attorney Savannah Brandenburg-Koch called evidence of abuse against Busfield strong and specific.
“The boys’ allegation are supported by medical findings and by their therapist,” Brandenburg-Koch said. “Their accounts were specific and not exaggerated.”
She also described a documented pattern of sexual misconduct, abuse of authority and grooming behavior by Busfield over the past three decades. Prosecutors also say witnesses have expressed fear regarding retaliation and professional harm.
“GPS is not going to tell this court if he is around children or talking to witnesses,” Brandenburg-Koch said.
Busfield’s attorneys have argued that the allegations emerged only after the boys lost their role in the TV show, creating a financial and retaliatory motive. The filings detailed what the attorneys said was a history of fraud by both the boys’ father and mother. They cited an investigation by Warner Bros. into the allegations that found the allegations unfounded.
Busfield also submitted letters vouching for his character, and his attorneys say he passed an independent polygraph test.
Legal experts say New Mexico is among a few states that allow polygraph evidence in criminal cases, but a judge has final say over whether one can be used. There are strict requirements for admission.
If you’ve been an avid Gizmodo reader since at least the start of the 2020s, you will not need to be told that a guy named Jeff Bennett has been working on an adhesive patch for your taint—the fleshy spot between your anus and genitals—that doesn’t hurt to remove, and delivers mild electrical pulses. Victoria Song, who used to work here, has been on the case for six years now.
What’s new, however, is that bringing Bennett’s dream product to market is now a solved problem. Song, now at our competitor publication The Verge, discovered yesterday at CES that it’s called the MOR patch, it’s cleared for use by the FDA, and you can order it immediately for $299.00 and your gooch can be getting a good zapping in no time. You’re welcome. I assume you have no further questions.
If, for some strange reason, you’re not already up to speed on what this invention is all about, I’ve got you covered: the Mor patch is for sex, it may surprise you to learn. Hopefully all will become clear when you watch this video:
The MOR website says if you wear its product, you’ll “likely feel a mild tingling sensation,” and that “Most users describe it as a comfortable, even pleasant feeling that helps them stay in control.” But it appears the MOR patch is not specifically for anything. Its FDA approval is for safety, and any claims about it treating sexual dysfunction have not been clinically validated. This is something Bennett is being fairly upfront about:
Many have asked why we named our product MOR.
In this video we share the story behind MOR, our FDA-cleared product designed to enhance intimacy, confidence, and connection through safe, proven technology.
So the MOR is, for the most part, a sex toy—no more doctor-prescribed than a vibrator or a french tickler. Things like this get tossed into the sex universe from time to time, and they either slot into someone’s particular sex niche, or they don’t. Sex is the only hobby in the world with almost 100% adoption by nearly every human being who has ever lived, so only the tiniest sliver of the world’s sex-havers need to buy one for Bennett to get a nice business going.
But the MOR comes from a company called Morari Medical, with “morari” being Latin for “delay.” And that’s because this doohickey was originally conceived as a device for dealing with premature ejaculation. So when the Morari Medical site says the device “contains elements that, when activated, interfere with the nerve signals from the penis to the brain that may enhance or improve sexual performance,” the vagueness is probably intentional, but the word “interfere” gets the point across.
It’s not just the intensity but the overall design of the MOR that separates it from a TENS unit, however. Rather than electrodes attached to a controller by wires like in a TENS unit, almost everything on the MOR is right there between the user’s legs during use. Control happens within a smartphone app, which communicates with your patch via bluetooth. It’s arguably a bit much compared to the only control scheme the patch probably needs: a tiny little switch with “LOW” “MED” and “HI” settings that you could turn on before you apply it, with perhaps a 30-second delay before it activates. Plus, when I downloaded the app I noticed a setting that records your data, though the setting defaults to opt-out, which is nice.
But while I can’t claim to have tested the MOR, I find myself admiring the directness and unpretentiousness of this gadget and its marketing materials. Plus, there are zero mentions of “AI” or “artificial intelligence” anywhere on the websites for Morari Medical or the device itself, so that’s at least one thing this product is not trying to cram anywhere near your ass. Others should follow Jeff Bennett’s example.
Gizmodo is on the ground in Las Vegas all week bringing you everything you need to know about the tech unveiled at CES 2026. You can follow our CES live blog here and find all our coverage here.
Zoë Schiffer: Yeah, I think that one thing that everyone can agree on is that Nvidia is undoubtedly one of the companies that has gone all in during this AI acceleration moment. For better or worse, about 90 percent of Nvidia’s sales, which were once dominated by chips for personal gaming computers now come from its data center business, and it feels like every time one of these partnerships between OpenAI and another company, Nvidia’s in there somewhere, it just feels like it’s attached to everyone else in this industry at this point.
Max Zeff: Yeah, it’s done a great job of infusing itself with every AI company, but also, I mean, that’s been a major concern. There’s been a lot of talk of these circular deals where Nvidia really depends on a lot of these startups that it’s also funding. It’s a customer, it’s an investor. Nvidia is so wrapped up in this. So I guess in that way, it’s not that surprising that Jensen is defending the AI bubble constantly now.
Zoë Schiffer: Yeah. It’s also worth saying that one of the fears that people who have the fear of the AI bubble will talk about is the fact that the GPUs are the majority of the cost of building out a data center, and they need to be replaced, what, every three years? Nvidia releases new chips and they’re cutting edge, and companies need to buy them in order to compete. I think the fear is that that renewal cycle isn’t quite factored into the pricing, but as long as people continue to buy chips, what Jensen is saying is, “No, no, we’re insulated right now.”
Max Zeff: Right. We’ll see if that’s really true though.
Zoë Schiffer: One more story before we go to break, and to get through this one, we both have to be extra professional. I’m not sure Max, which we always are, but just a little extra. You will see what I mean. WIRED contributor Mattha Busby reported on how two young Mormons created an app to help other men break their porn addiction and gooning habits. I’m going to be real. I had never heard this term before reading this story, and I was shocked. OK, if you’re not familiar with gooning, it’s basically just another word for edging. That is long hours of masturbation without release. This app called Relay was created by 27-year-old Chandler Rogers with the mission of providing his Gen Z peers a way to stop doing this and to generally escape from the clutches of porn. I have some other ideas. I feel like go outside, talk to a human, but I don’t want to be mean, because I do feel like this could be really difficult for people.
WASHINGTON — The Supreme Court cleared the way for President Trump to remove transgender markers from new passports and to require applicants to designate they were male or female at birth.
By a 6-3 vote, the justices granted another emergency appeal from Trump’s lawyers and put on hold a Boston judge’s order that prevented the president’s new passport policy from taking effect.
“Displaying passport holders’ sex at birth no more offends equal protection principles than displaying their country of birth,” the court said in an unsigned order. “In both cases, the Government is merely attesting to a historical fact without subjecting anyone to differential treatment.”
Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson filed a dissent, joined by Justices Sonia Sotomayor and Elena Kagan.
She said there was no emergency, and the change in the passport policy would pose a danger for transgender travelers.
“The current record demonstrates that transgender people who use gender-incongruent passports are exposed to increased violence, harassment, and discrimination,” she wrote. “Airport checkpoints are stressful and invasive for travelers under typical circumstances — even without the added friction of being forced to present government-issued identification documents that do not reflect one’s identity.
“Thus, by preventing transgender Americans from obtaining gender-congruent passports, the Government is doing more than just making a statement about its belief that transgender identity is ‘false.’ The Passport Policy also invites the probing, and at times humiliating, additional scrutiny these plaintiffs have experienced.”
Upon taking office in January, Trump ordered the military to remove transgender troops from its ranks and told agencies to remove references to “gender identity” or transgender persons from government documents, including passports.
The Supreme Court put both policies into effect by setting aside orders from judges who temporarily blocked the changes as discriminatory and unconstitutional.
U.S. passports did not have sex markers until the 1970s. For most of time since then, passport holders have had two choices: “M” for male and “F” for female. Beginning in 1992, the State Department allowed applicants to designate a sex marker that differed from their sex at birth.
In 2021, the Biden administration added an “X” marker as an option for transgender and nonbinary persons.
Trump sought a return to the earlier era. He issued an executive order on “gender ideology extremism” and said his administration would “recognize two sexes, male and female.” He required “government-issued identification documents, including passports” to “accurately reflect the holder’s sex” assigned at birth.
The American Civil Liberties Union sued on behalf of transgender individuals who would be affected by the new policy. They won a ruling in June from U.S. District Judge Julia Kobick, who blocked the new policy from taking effect.
The transgender plaintiffs “seek the same thing millions of Americans take for granted: passports that allow them to travel without fear of misidentification, harassment, or violence,” the ACLU attorneys said in an appeal to the Supreme Court last month.
They said the administration’s new policy would undercut the usefulness of passports for identification.
“By classifying people based on sex assigned at birth and exclusively issuing sex markers on passports based on that sex classification, the State Department deprives plaintiffs of a usable identification document and the ability to travel safely… [It] undermines the very purpose of passports as identity documents that officials check against the bearer’s appearance,” they wrote.
But Solicitor Gen. D. John Sauer argued the plaintiffs had no authority over official documents. He said the justices should set aside the judge’s order and allow the new policy to take effect.
“Private citizens cannot force the government to use inaccurate sex designations on identification documents that fail to reflect the person’s biological sex — especially not on identification documents that are government property and an exercise of the President’s constitutional and statutory power to communicate with foreign governments,” he wrote.
When I started dating again after my divorce, I put together a playlist of sexy songs, including Movement by Hozier and Stay by Rihanna and When I Get My Hands on You by The New Basement Tapes. I still stand by them all. Bonus: It’s an hour and 45 minutes, so you can take your time 😉
Do you listen to music when making out? Some of my friends crave quiet instead. “I want to hear my partner whispering to me,” said my friend L. “I want to hear our bodies. I want all my senses involved during sex; those sounds are a big turn on.”
And what about soundtracks other than music? “My fiancé was satirizing the type of voice you hear on public radio, but it got me…feelin’ spicy?” an anonymous reader once commented. “Turns out, my make-out jam is being told in a soft, low voice that it’s the biannual fundraising campaign, and if I donate now, I’ll get a free tote.”
What songs get you in the mood? Sade? ’60s French pop? The entire Moon Safari album by Air? I’d love to hear. Maybe we can make an updated playlist.
As much as jobs discourage it, many folks have hooked up with their coworkers – some have even ended up dating. We wanted to test this theory, and see which professions are truly the horniest.
From Ren Faire employees to Olympians, here’s what our research dug up.
People take a lot of pride in their bedroom abilities. Saatva takes great pride in crafting luxurious, handmade mattresses. To maintain the good work in both situations, the Saatva Classic features an innerspring construction very conducive to lovemaking. There are actually two coil types at play here: pocketed coils beneath the pillow top, and firmer traditional coils at the base. Pocketed coils are better at responding to the situation above them, as they can provide individualized support that homes in on high-weight areas. Whether that’s your lower back while you’re sleeping, or your hands and knees when you’re more active, pocketed coils are adaptable. Traditional coils are interwoven, so they compress together. While the overall support isn’t as targeted, it still has its merits in terms of durability, edge support, full-body pushback, and airflow, particularly when things get hot and heavy. Together, they create a surface that’s easy to move around on and gives you some bounce to work with, which you’ll appreciate more in the moment as opposed to sinking too much. Use that bounce to your advantage.
Buyers can choose from Plush Soft, Luxury Firm, or Firm. I’d recommend you stick to the firmer options to avoid overt sinking, which can be a buzzkill. You can also select your ideal mattress height, with options of either 11.5 inches or 14.5 inches. The variance in firmness and height also opens up this mattress for all kinds of couples to enjoy, not just for sex but for sleeping as well. Couples with different body types and sleeping positions can find an option that works for both, such as Luxury Firm, which would suit both side sleepers and stomach sleepers. Every Saatva Classic comes with an extra lumbar support layer and quilting, regardless of height or firmness. For added coziness, the Classic features an organic cotton pillow top that gently hugs the body.
The Saatva Classic ranges from $1,399 for a twin mattress to $3,078 for a split California king.
Here are a few other toys that aren’t as great as the picks above but are still worth a try.
Courtesy of Lelo
Lelo Tor 3 for $116: If you love cock rings but would love them even more if they were app-enabled, then meet the Lelo Tor 3. While at first the Tor 3 looks very snug, this ring is extremely flexible, making it a perfect fit for all penises or strap-ons, if that’s how you prefer to use this device, as it’s designed to stimulate the clitoris when paired with a partner who has a vulva. Although you can score a whopping two hours of playtime with Tor 3, it’s paramount that you don’t exceed 30 minutes of restricted blood flow to the penis. And if at any time things start to hurt—not in a good way—remove the ring immediately. The Tor 3 doesn’t have the pinchable arms that the Dame Hug has, so it’s up to the users to be cognizant of time limits and potential side effects.
Unbound Bender for $69: The Unbound Bender isn’t marketed as a couples’ sex toy, but as far as I’m concerned, it absolutely is. The Bender is called that because it bends this way and that, making both external and internal stimulation fun. Similar to the Dame Pom, this isn’t a toy that’s connected to an app, but it allows for couples to experiment with different types of stimulation, from head to toe, either as foreplay or as the main course. With 10 vibration modes and two hours of run time, you and your partner can light some candles, put on your favorite album, and explore each other’s bodies. In addition to being used on all your favorite external erogenous zones, the Bender is also safe for both vaginal and anal play, and its versatility really allows you to get creative in how you choose to use it.
B-Vibe Rimming Plug 2 for $108:Ilana Wexler said, “It’s 2014. Anal is on the menu” in Broad City over a decade ago, so it would be profoundly wrong not to include the remote-controlled b-Vibe Rimming Plug 2. It falls into the couples’ sex toy category thanks to its easy-to-use remote, and whether you’re new to anal stimulation or a seasoned fan, this is a plug that gives you everything you’d want. It’s not too big, and folks with prostates will thoroughly enjoy the internal stimulation, not to mention the rotating beads at the base of the plug to stimulate the anus, adding a sensation that can be enjoyed by anyone who has a butt.
That’s my job, or part of it, as an assistant professor in the Gender, Sexuality and Women’s Studies program at Temple University. In January 2023, I launched a brand-new college-level course that focuses on the study of porn with a very specific goal: to help heal the painful social divisions in our country.
It’s no secret that waking up in America today often means waking up to deep, painful, social and political divisions, which seem to be intensifying with alarming speed. Each time I read a new headline stoking the flames of these divisions, I become more certain that thoughtful, less fraught conversations about porn and sexuality education are part of the solution to healing our wounds and bringing us back together.
My goal is to make the unspeakable, speakable. We need to make talking about sex and porn as normal as talking about the weather. The more normal we can make these conversations, the more likely we are to recognize our shared humanity, reconnect with our human-ness, and stop hurting each other.
Thinking this is one thing. Acting on it is another. But the more I thought about it, the more I knew I needed to practice what I preach if I was going to make something I wholeheartedly believed into a reality. So in January 2023, I walked into my boss’s office and said the words that would get most employees sent to Human Resources: “Porn ― I want to teach a course about porn.”
Before I could even finish the sentence, I partly regretted it and wished I could stuff it back in my mouth.
To my surprise and delight, my program director barely batted an eye and enthusiastically agreed. The conversation was so normal ― not controversial, or sensational ― just normal. My proposed course met with a similar reaction from everyone else at Temple University, including administrators and students. I suspect everyone, not just my students, craves spaces to have these conversations without the real or manufactured outrage that often accompanies them.
A few months later, we launched Social Perspectives in Digital Pornography: The Other Sex Education to a record student enrollment.
Every Monday night for an entire 16-week semester, I met with 40 students and talked about digital porn. The course wasn’t nearly as sensational as what most people might think, mostly because we were not watching porn as part of the curriculum.
Instead, students traced the history of porn and its evolution into the modern porn industry with the introduction of photography, watched TED Talks and documentaries, and talked about what digital porn teaches or doesn’t teach about sex, consent, violence, body image, pleasure, intimacy and communication across all identities. Throughout it all, we grappled with the influence and impact of a medium that is used by nearly three in four men and two in five women but rarely ever discussed.
In each class, I took an objective, evidence-based approach that demonstrates that porn isn’t all good or all bad, and that talking about porn in thoughtful, nuanced ways is very, very good. In creating a safe space to have these conversations, I gave my students permission to confront their often complicated, conflicted feelings and relationships to porn. They felt less ashamed, more connected, and more likely to empathize with one another, despite their own individual, personal beliefs and feelings.
“As much as I hoped my students would learn from me throughout the semester, I ended up learning even more from them.”
No matter what students asked or the conclusions they arrived at, we always came back to the same core questions: “Am I normal?”; “Am I lovable?”; “Am I worthy?” We were exploring the basic concepts of what it means to be human and to find belonging.
Their final journal reflections showed me just how much students benefited from asking these questions. They talked about how this class helped them to sit with the pit of shame that they associate with sex and porn and learn to become more comfortable in their own skin. Students talked about the difficulties in being vulnerable and how they were challenged to communicate through sensitive and complex topics.
My favorite reflections are the ones where students shared a sense of empowerment and a newfound confidence in themselves. Now that they’ve reconnected with their own human-ness and the human-ness of others, they feel like they are better prepared to navigate the world. That type of learning is more valuable than any grade they could achieve.
As much as I hoped my students would learn from me throughout the semester, I ended up learning even more from them. Through feedback from our last day of class and in their final reflection papers, they reassured me that I was not, in fact, bananas — that destigmatizing sex and porn not only addresses core questions about if they are normal, lovable, and worthy, but it also helps them understand what it means to be human and how to better empathize with the sheer human-ness of others.
This course is just one of many that I’m piloting at Temple University as we explore ways to make sex education more accessible to people who want and need it. As long as there is student interest and valuable learning outcomes, I plan to offer these courses because I believe that talking about sex and porn will help us bridge the divides that separate us.
This course and the interest that grew from it over the past semester reminded me of the isolating power of the way our traditional sex education internalizes stigmatizing and shameful messages about sex. It turns sexuality into a weapon and creates community based on an “us” versus “them” attitude, making us feel insecure and suspicious of each other. The more we can do to reduce shame and fear, the more likely we are to build communities rooted in compassion, understanding and a shared sense of belonging.
In a world where we increasingly feel more polarized and disconnected from our communities, perhaps it’s time we all sit with questions about what it means to be human.
This piece was originally published in August 2023 and is being rerun now as part of HuffPost Personal’s “Best Of” series.
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Jenn Pollitt, Ph.D., is an assistant professor and assistant director of the Gender, Sexuality and Women’s Studies program at Temple University. She received her Ph.D. in Human Sexuality from Widener University where she trained as a sexuality educator and researcher.
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But even as conservatives are reclaiming the debate around modern dating, coasting on the momentum of Trump 2.0, there are noticeable fractures and hypocrisies in their approaches.
On the podcast Culture Apothecary, Turning Point USA’s Alex Clark educates women about optimal fertility health and well-being. In an episode of Relatable titled “Be a Godly Woman, Not Just a Trad Wife,” host Allie Beth Stuckey discusses the appropriation of the trad wife trend, saying it “can be a great thing to aspire to” but Christian motherhood is “not just an aesthetic.” More recently, in response to polycule family structures, Stuckey noted that “the sexual revolution is reaching new lows.” Much of what the women discuss—on marriage, faith, and the importance of childbearing—dovetails with the agenda of the Trump administration.
On social media, however, where Lacey has more than 1 million followers between TikTok and Instagram, she often straddles her conservatism with a wink and a smile. In one video, Lacey jokes about the consequences of not performing oral sex on your partner. In the next, she’s prancing through a green meadow declaring love for “my bible,” sundresses, and conservative men.
Still, as the womanosphere grows louder, its influence is creating a less stigmatized environment for singles who no longer feel the shame of their values. “Of course that trickles down into the dating scene as well,” says right-wing influencer Debra Lea of the cultural shift, who adds that the “the popularity of monogamy, marriage, and starting a family is growing far beyond just the conservative movement.”
Though she hasn’t prioritized finding a partner, Lea, 25, has dated a range of conservative men over the last few years. In the post-Biden era of young romance, she’s noticed a key difference; “politics seem to be more commonly discussed both on and before dates.” The hardcore moderates always “bring out my ultraconservative side,” she says. “I would never marry or seriously date somebody unaligned with me politically, but I believe there are many more important factors to align on, such as religion, healthy lifestyle, and hobbies.”
Most of us assume that dramatic sexual shifts are reserved for menopause or “old age.” But in reality, changes can happen at any stage of life. Sex is not static. Just like our body, our desire, and our relationship, sexuality ebbs and flows.
To oversimplify, during the teens and 20s people begin to learn who they are sexually. In their 30s couples are building their careers and quite possibly having children – pregnancy, childbirth and parenting all impact sexuality. During the 40s many couples find themselves in what I call Marriage Incorporated – they are subsumed with the pressures of running their lives and families and their romantic and sexual lives are often neglected. Then, in their 50s, both men and women of all shapes, sizes and identities, LGBT+, whoever we are and whoever we love, often find themselves in a very different sexual landscape. And after the 50s, it’s all over, right?
Sex Does Not Have to Stop
I recall with fondness a client I saw only once. He was an 82 year old man who sought me out because he wanted to talk to a sex therapist. He arrived in my office after driving three hours from his small island home, looking dapper right down to the flower in his lapel. This is what he said:
“I’ve been widowed for four years now. My dear Angela was my first and only partner. I loved her so much. But now I have been courting a lovely woman from my church and we are getting along famously. However I’m worried that when we try to make love for the first time, I won’t be able to perform. Can you help?”
We had a frank and beautiful talk about everything from emotions to erections. I suggested he consult his physician about the possibility of an erection enhancer medication – not because I believed he was unable to become erect and ejaculate (he assured me “the equipment still works!”) but to help relax his fear of the unknown and the vulnerability of being with a new partner. I shared my opinion that if he took a pill it would likely give him the confidence that everything would work so to speak, and he could enjoy being in the moment of intimacy with his new sweetheart. He thanked me for my time and went on his way, stepping into the next phase of his sexual life.
What Factors Impact Aging Sexuality?
Human sexuality is a complex event. Sure, maybe the birds and bees find it simple (though I have my doubts) but we two legged folks experience multiple factors that impact us sexually. They range from cultural views to sexual trauma to shyness to lack of knowledge. And then there are the big three.
Physical Factors
From fatigue to aching joints to hair sprouting in weird places, let’s be blunt – bodies age. Stamina dips, muscle tone softens, and sometimes we don’t feel so great about the reflection in the mirror. Things don’t work like they used to, both in and out of the bedroom.
For women, hormonal changes can bring vaginal dryness, thinning tissue that makes sex painful, and, as happened to me, a sharp drop in bot desire and orgasm strength. Surprise – women aren’t the only ones affected by changing hormones. For men, softer erections, performance anxiety, and shifting testosterone levels can leave them with reduced confidence and little interest in sex. Many men in heterosexual couples tell me they’re the ones who don’t want sex anymore—and they feel guilt and shame about it because they believe men are supposed to want sex all the time. These outdated myths about sex cause so much misunderstanding and distress.
Relationship Factors
Even the healthiest libido struggles in a disconnected marriage. Whether you are so busy with career and kids you treat each other like a convenient uber driver/babysitter/maid or you feel lonely and unwanted, emotional distance and feeling like roommates create a pattern that is hard to break out of. There’s not much currency in the emotional bank account. That’s why I teach couples to connect, communicate, forgive and begin again well before we tackle their sexual disconnect.
If you struggle with nasty arguments, the vulnerability of sexual connection may feel too emotionally risky. The Four Horsemen —criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling – don’t just predict relationship misery and divorce. When they show up in your daily life, sex is often the first casualty. Think about it: do you want to make love to someone you’ve been fighting with? Of course not. Emotional intimacy is the soil from which sexual intimacy grows. Without kindness, curiosity, and respect, it is difficult for desire to flourish.
Psychological Factors
Of course sex is not just physical. It’s tied to how you feel about yourself, your relationship, and your beliefs about the role sex plays in your life. Society often sells the myth that sex is “for the young.” Remember how, as a teenager, you might have cringed seeing a 70-year-old couple kiss? Sadly, we might internalize those messages and begin to believe our own sexuality has an expiration date. Add grief over how effortless sex used to be and intimacy can feel like a burden instead of a joy.
Then there is the issue of low or no desire, which has physical and psychological components. Spontaneous sexual desire may be a thing of the past – so much so that you don’t ever feel like making love( or even masturbating. You might think low desire means you are with the wrong person, or that you shouldn’t initiate sex until you are in the mood. You haven’t learned how to create the second type of desire – responsive desire. Here’s the reassuring news: you are normal. Clinical reports indicate that approximately 30% of couples are in a low-sex or sexless relationship at some point – most likely once they’ve been together for a decade or two. You’re not broken—you’re human.
Why Sex Matters
Sex may be a small part of a long-term relationship, but it’s a vital one. Sensuality—the ability to play, flirt, touch, and delight in each other—is the special sauce that keeps love vibrant. And here’s the good news – with awareness, effort, and the right tools, sexual intimacy can evolve into something even deeper, richer, and more soulful than it was in your 20s.
While the waning of desire is normal, how you choose to handle it is up to you. It IS possible to reignite responsive desire. Tony and Patty, a couple of retirement age from my online program, slept in separate bedrooms for 5 years. After they learned how to improve their relationship, communication, and much more they were ready to explore their non-existent sexual life. Now they make love regularly. Tony says “it makes me feel like a man, a husband, to make love to my wife again” and Patty shares “we are so much more connected and happy – while it’s not the major part of a relationship, it makes such a difference to be sexual with each other again”
Next Steps for You and Your Partner
If your sexuality is shifting, talk about it. Share this article with your sweetheart. Watch the video that inspired it. Be brave enough to name the elephant in the bedroom. Once you learn that low or no desire is very common but that doesn’t mean you need to give up on having a satisfying sexual life, it can empower you to create a new form of sexuality together. Seek knowledge, seek help, and just like my 82 year old client, seek to celebrate the joys of sharing pleasure with the person you love. Creaky joints and all.
Springer Nature’s Journal of Ethology has just published a study on a threesome. Yes, that kind of threesome—and it’s being hailed as a win for marine conservation efforts.
That’s because the lovers in this particular trio are leopard sharks. Hugo Lassauce, a marine biologist from the University of the Sunshine Coast, filmed two males and one female of the endangered species mating in the wild in a first-of-its-kind video, shedding light on their natural reproductive behaviors.
“The Indo-Pacific Leopard shark (Stegostoma tigrinum), listed as endangered by the IUCN, has primarily been studied in captivity, with little information on its natural mating behaviors,” the researchers wrote in the study. “Here, we present the first documented observations of group copulation in free-living S. tigrinum, recorded at Abore Reef, New Caledonia.”
A sharky threesome
Leopard sharks, sometimes referred to as zebra sharks, live in coastal waters throughout the Indo-West Pacific region. As soon as Lassauce captured the video and swam back to his team’s boat, they all cheered. It’s difficult to witness sharks copulating in the wild in the first place, so you can only imagine how rare it is to spot endangered shark species mating and get the chance to film it.
“While I was surveying this particular aggregation of leopard sharks, I spotted a female with two males grasping her pectoral fins on the sand below me,” Lassauce said in a university statement. “I told my colleague to take the boat away to avoid disturbance and I started waiting on the surface, looking down at the sharks almost motionless on the sea floor. I waited an hour, freezing in the water, but finally they started swimming up.”
The male sharks then each mated with the female, one taking 63 seconds, the other 47. Talk about a quickie. The female then “swam away actively,” and the males, now lethargic, lay still on the seafloor. Besides the excitement of catching something rare on camera, the video carries significant implications for our understanding of the endangered species.
“These findings provide novel insights into the species’ reproductive strategies and highlight the importance of identifying and protecting key mating habitats,” Lassauce and his colleagues wrote in the study. “Given the conservation concerns surrounding S. tigrinum, understanding these mating mechanisms and recognizing reproductive sites are crucial for effective species management.”
Sharing is caring
Christine Dudgeon, a co-author of the study and a marine ecologist also from the University of the Sunshine Coast, explained in the statement that the video could also support artificial insemination research working to rewild leopard sharks.
“It’s surprising and fascinating that two males were involved sequentially on this occasion,” she added.
It would seem like leopard shark males are more willing to share their lovers than other species.
The formula is simple: Combine the best-loved traits of J.R.R. Tolkien’s high fantasy and of modern romance novels, make the characters’ sex lives explicit and very detailed, and include a lot of descriptions of beautiful gowns and luxurious bathtubs. Put a lushly illustrated cover on the front. Back it up with authors who have very active social media presences, and get the ever-growing world of fans on BookTok (the book-focused corner of TikTok) and Goodreads to read and review. Call it romantasy or faerie smut—the new genre is everywhere.
Of course, it’s not really a new genre. I say that not because romantasy combines strands of several previously existing genres—romance, fantasy, and (often) horror. A new kind of pastiche still counts as something new. But literature that combines fantasy and sex is at least as old as the 12th century lais of Marie de France. In one such lai, Lanval, a knight in King Arthur’s court is wooed and seduced by a beautiful barely clad fairy maiden he meets in an ornate golden tent in a meadow. Yonec tells of an unhappily married young woman whose lover transforms himself into a bird to fly in her window. Bisclavret is the story of a werewolf baron who is betrayed by his human wife. Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream shows the audience Titania, the fairy queen, and the very human weaver Nick Bottom in love and in bed. And Christina Rossetti’s poem Goblin Market is a Victorian fever dream about the pleasures and consequences of sucking on goblin fruit.
The world of faerie is the world of the other, the mysterious, the forbidden. And all of that is sexy and dangerous in ways that have appealed to humans for a very long time. It’s really only with the rise of sharp genre distinctions—evidenced by bookstore section headings that cloister romance, fantasy, and science fiction from one another—that this kind of erotic, adventurous, magical melange became uncategorizable and thus unmarketable. (I’m inclined to think that the way Amazon and other online bookstores break down the distinction between genres and sections of a traditional bookstore might be a small technical driver for the return of romantasy.)
Technical questions aside, there may be something uniquely 2025 about the way romantasy has come roaring back to life. The overturning of Roe v. Wade and the rise of the hard right have put questions of women’s autonomy and power at the center of American political and cultural discussions. Though it may surprise those who haven’t read much in the genre, romantasy puts those questions right in the center of its texts.
The classic plotline of a generic romantasy novel runs something like this: A young woman who is overlooked and undervalued in her normal life enters a different, magical world where she is a being of extraordinary abilities. She attracts a passionate and highly desirable partner who introduces her to sexual heights she has never before experienced while also drawing her into political and military intrigues that allow her to utilize her newly valuable abilities. Over the course of the story, there will be heartbreak and separation, but an eventual happily ever after is nearly certain.
There is nothing revolutionary about the standard romantasy plotline. Its basic steps align precisely with Joseph Campbell’s idea of the “hero’s journey,” marked by separation from a familiar environment, initiation into a new one, and a return to the old world once the hero has been transformed by experience. Swap in hungry hobbits for horny heroines and you have Tolkien. Subtract the magic and you have the plot of Jane Eyre. Subtract the sex and you have The Chronicles of Narnia. But fantasy novels that focus on an adult female lead character and her journey and desires, while far more common than they were when I began reading them in the ’70s and ’80s, still feel a bit radical, just by virtue of taking a woman’s point of view.
It is the genre’s focus on transformation, stepping into power, and recognition that seems to me to be its most compelling aspect for readers right now. While traditional fairy tales often focus on a magical transformation that comes from outside the main character—think of Cinderella’s gown and coach, or the frog who is changed into a prince—romantasy often deals with a character whose strong sense of self remains unchanged, but whose importance, skills, and even physical beauty change in value as she enters a new world.
This moment where the undervalued becomes valued may be the defining dream of fiction produced for a largely female audience. The best-selling series A Court of Thorns and Roses features a protagonist, Feyre, who begins the series as a neglected and overworked middle sister, hunting game to feed her impoverished and unappreciative family. By the end of the first three books in the series, she is the high lady of the Night Court. She has used her hunting skills to vanquish terrifying monsters, her intellect to outsmart several enemies, and a physical attractiveness that no one has ever noticed before to win the love of two faerie high lords. She has also died and been resurrected, brought her family into the faerie world with her, fought in several military campaigns, and (in a classic fairy-tale trope) seen her small kindnesses to magical creatures repaid with assistance at crucial moments. She says of herself, by the end of the second installment of the series, “No one was my master—but I might be master of everything, if I wished. If I dared.”
Rebecca Yarros’ The Empyrean series presents us with a heroine with a similar trajectory. Violet Sorrengail, who has studied her whole life to be a scribe, is thrust by her mother into a military college that trains cadets to partner with dragons for battle. Suffering from a mysterious ailment that causes her constant pain and frequent joint dislocations (based on the author’s own experience with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome), Violet seems like the least likely survivor of the war college’s vicious training. Not only does she survive, but she also bonds with the rarest and most powerful type of dragon. And then she bonds with a second dragon, of a type no one has ever bonded with before, and is told, “I waited six hundred and fifty years to hatch. Waited until your eighteenth summer, when I heard our elders talk about the weakling daughter of their general, the girl forecasted to become the head of the scribes, and I knew. You would have the mind of a scribe and the heart of a rider. You would be mine.” Violet develops a series of increasingly impressive magical powers, attracts the love of a (nearly equally powered) fellow soldier who turns out to be a duke, restores the protective wards around her country, battles vicious enemies, and becomes an impressive military strategist, often using her formerly undervalued scribal skills to find creative and unexpected solutions to political and military problems.
That both these series place their heroines into positions where they must be politically and militarily savvy is, I think, no accident. Readers of this fiction grew up on epic fantasy novels with complex world-building and political wrangling, and they want the same attention to detail from romantasy. This means that romantasy heroines must, in general, be prepared to tangle with warring fairy courts, espionage, maintaining magical defenses and supply lines for troops, and diplomacy in cultures and languages that are wildly alien to their own. Romantasy heroines have personal problems to solve that matter intensely to them, but they are equally involved in the world-altering problems that surround them. Just as in the real world, the personal and the political both demand the heroine’s attention and talents. In the world of romantasy, it is possible to triumph simultaneously at both. Romantasy heroines can have it all and a dragon, too.
As I read through both series and a selection of other romantasy novels while researching for this article, I kept thinking of economist Claudia Goldin and her lecture, “The Quiet Revolution That Transformed Women’s Employment, Education, and Family.” Goldin observes that women’s gradual move into the labor force “was a change from agents who work because they and their families ‘need the money’ to those who are employed, at least in part, because occupation and employment define one’s fundamental identity and societal worth.”
In romantasy, the work of the hero and heroine often intertwines as they try to save the world, protect their communities, discover hidden knowledge, or generally engage in a quest. Importantly, it gives them a project that they are working on together. Work has always played an underappreciated role in romantic fiction. But as contemporary politics mean that male and female spheres of interest and influence feel increasingly separate, the appeal of reading about that kind of shared project only increases. Istvhan, the berserker knight, and Clara, the nun and werebear, from T. Kingfisher’s Paladin’s Strength have unique capacities for destruction that often go unappreciated by the rest of the world. As a team, they are a well-matched delight, wreaking mayhem when necessary and fighting together with élan.
“Protect the nun!” roared Istvhan, yanking his sword free.
“Protect your own damn self!” Clara roared back.
Romantasy heroines are not sidelined in politics or in battle. They are equal, even superior partners.
It’s not all violence, either. There is an entire subgenre of romantasy dedicated to heroines who are busy building small businesses. Legends and Lattes by Travis Baldree, for example, tells the story of an orc who is retired from mercenary work and just wants to open a coffee shop. A sequel explores the same orc’s stint of working in a bookshop while recuperating from battle injuries. That novel’s best-known tagline, “Things don’t have to stay what they started out as,” is a fairly good shorthand for Goldin’s quiet revolution.
Even now that we are well-established in the labor force, women obviously still find stories about women finding identity and worth through occupation and employment enormously compelling. Women who long to achieve that kind of satisfaction are inspired by reading stories of others doing the same. It is this longing that makes stories of entrepreneurs so important and popular. It is this longing that drives the success of dubious multilevel marketing companies that persuade aspiring girlbosses that they can become millionaires by selling leggings. And it is this longing that fuels romantasy, where the jobs may be slightly less plausible but the quest for identity and desire for worth are the same.
That same longing for recognition fuels the romantic and erotic relationships in romantasy. While traditional fantasy may sometimes contain romantic elements, romantasy treats the romantic and erotic desires of its characters as equally important to their quest to resolve the magical and political tumult that surrounds them. A friend of mine who is a devoted romantasy fan noted that the love interests of these books are often mysterious and emotionally remote “damaged” characters who open up to only one person—the previously overlooked heroine. His attention, given to no one else, is another indication of her unique value. And his ability to see how remarkable she is marks him out as unusual and worthy of love as well.
The intense romantic bonds between the heroes and heroines of romantasy are often depicted not just in emotional terms, but also as part of their magic. Frequently, they are able to read one another’s minds, telepathically communicate over long distances, and strengthen one another’s individual magical gifts. It is not far from Cathy’s insistence in Wuthering Heights that, “I am Heathcliff! He’s always, always in my mind: not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself, but as my own being. So don’t talk of our separation again: it is impracticable.” The subgenre of romantasy that focuses on shape-shifters like werewolves and other human/beast hybrids makes much of a mysticized version of animal pair-bonding when it explores its characters’ romantic connections. There can be no more intimate connection imaginable than to have a partner who is destined to you by both fate and pheromones, who can read your mind, and who can communicate with you when no one else can.
The erotic scenes between these characters are often extremely explicit, and they often explore kinky and alternative sexualities. Romantasy is a genre where erotic and emotional combinations of all genders, species, and magical races are embraced with enthusiasm and delight. Many discussions of the genre express feminist qualms over the way that the male heroes are supportive of their high-powered partners outside the bedroom, but inclined to dominate them in bed. It’s a reasonable point. But these books revel in the sexiness of explicit consent. That erotic dynamic of exploring and experimenting with the taboo aligns with the way the genre as a whole plays with questions of what it means to have power and to be powerless. In the same way romantasy heroines shift from powerless to powerful as they enter the world of magic, their erotic life enables them, and the reader, to explore those changes in a physical context.
Those explorations can be very dark indeed. The vampire romances that seemed so edgy in Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Twilight are weak tea for romantasy readers. Laura Thalassa’s The Four Horsemen series takes the incarnations of Pestilence, War, Famine, and Death as its romantic heroes. Kingdom of the Wicked has a prince of hell as the romantic lead. The darker the hero, the more likely one is to run into the recurring romantasy trope of a woman who can take endless damage, often at the hands of a sexual partner, and bounce back physically and emotionally. It will be a long time before I recover from reading Lindsay Straube’s Kiss of the Basilisk, where a woman is so violently mated by her shape-shifting partner that her pelvis breaks. A recent conversation with some horror writers, however, makes me wonder whether writers who eroticize this kind of violence are using it as a way to cope with increasingly threatening sexual politics. Getting the monster to fall in love with you is one way to solve the problem of a culture that sees you as prey.
Read too much romantasy in too little time, and all the dark faerie lords and maladroit human women with special gifts begin to melt together. You’ll begin to notice the sometimes awkward juxtaposition of Instagram-inspired fantasies of a magical good life marked by glamorous gowns, palaces, jewels—all those bathtubs!—and the rugged woman warrior tropes borrowed from dystopian fiction. These books are fantasies of infinite luxury and of rugged survival against all odds at the same time. Part of the appeal, I suspect, is that these heroines are simultaneously ready for a Vogue cover shoot and drenched in the blood of their enemies.
Like other kinds of romance, romantasy is escapist fiction, and that’s always easy to mock. But the interesting thing about romantasy is that its readers know that. Their TikTok videos and commentary on Goodreads and elsewhere make it clear that the readers love these books—often passionately—but they also read them with a critical mindset and very little patience for authors they don’t respect. Yarros, in particular, has come under fire online for a ludicrously overpowered heroine and a plot that, readers argue, has been stitched together from elements of previous successful series.
But that sharply critical eye doesn’t prevent romantasy readers from defending the genre against all outside detractors. Those who write articles with titles like “The Porn-Brained Women of Monster Smut” that criticize the “spice level” of romantasy or moralize about it as just “pornography for women” are likely to be reminded that the multibillion-dollar pornography industry caters almost exclusively to men. Readers will point out that the romantasy industry’s estimated value of $610 million is nothing in comparison. Is it targeted because it’s largely written by women, for women, with women’s desires at the forefront? Surely, even the most explicit faerie sex scenes one can imagine have analogs in porn films or in the fantasy novels of George R.R. Martin. I was pointed to the pelvis-shattering violence of Kiss of the Basilisk, in fact, because it had inspired such a vigorous online discussion on exactly these lines.
Readers don’t just consume these books. They debate and discuss them, trace the fairy tales and myths that lie behind them, speculate about future series installments, and put that discussion up online. That community is at least as important to the readers as the books are. Readers have countless stories of making friends in online chats and in the aisles of bookstores as they find others who are browsing the same sections. And the upcoming release of a romantasy novel that began as a darkly explicit work of Harry Potter fan fiction reminds readers that their favorite genre belongs to its fans in a way that most other genres do not.
Popular culture—art, music, television, film, and yes, romantasy—can tell us a lot about what we value enough to spend time and money on. It can tell us even more about our wishful thinking. Mysterious magical beings will always be sexy. But right now, romantasy might be telling us how much we wish for a world where the things that make us weird turn out to be the things that make us special and lovable. And maybe also for a dragon.
This article originally appeared in print under the headline “Like Tolkien, but the Elves Have More Sex.”
…what’s it really like to write a sex scene? How do you shrug off inhibitions and describe a scene in real detail? How do you draw readers in while knowing your parents are among them?
“I guess I should have thought a little harder about the inevitable writing of sex scenes before I signed up to write a romance novel,” Erika told me. “I assumed ‘the act’ happened as spontaneous combustion, like 650-ish words on a page as an outpouring of divine inspiration. But it turns out, the words have to be written.”
Here’s how she did it, in her own words:
1. Rid yourself of the notion that the scene you are about to write will be read by anyone you’ve ever met. Actually, let’s just assume this scene is destined for a dusty box under your bed, never to see the light of day. That’s a good place to start.
2. Light a candle. An expensive candle. The kind of candle that lives in a pale pink vessel you save for dinner parties and other grown-up endeavors. This is its exact use case.
3. Prepare for the inner critic, who loves nothing more than a sex scene unwritten. Sauntering into your subconscious, he’ll offer heartless reminders of your high school ex-boyfriend and general notes on your inability to perform any task in front of you. Kindly see him out.
4. Assemble some source of external courage. I opt for dark chocolate chips, but this might be the time to go full-tilt Hemingway with a finger or two of whiskey or a cute little jam jar fizzing with a crisp white.
6. You’ll need poetry, and lots of it. Because no one is as unapologetically horny as poets.
7. Find a playlist without words and lots of yearning (think: Sade and Prince). Play it on the softest volume possible to drown out your neighbor’s crying baby or the sound of oil simmering in the kitchen while your husband makes dinner.
8. You’ll need to write a very shitty first draft. Dive in headfirst. Don’t look up until the scene comes to a close. Reward yourself with the aforementioned treat.
9. This is the time to recall the way it felt when you heard him shout your name during a summer rainstorm on Bowery. Now’s the moment to retrace the steps of her fingertip across your knuckles under the open Vermont sky. Settle into the memory of splitting a martini on your sofa, his lips dragging across your neck, whispering “all mine.” Every moment of electric need and bodily hunger has led you to this.
10. And when it’s over, promise yourself you’ll never have to ever write another sex scene as long as you live.
Never one to shy away from a question, I also asked Erika how she figured out which words to use for body parts. “Thankfully, my editors were very much a resource,” she told me. “Early on, I was like, ‘How do you talk about penises?’ They were like, your two options are d- or c-. There’s no ‘member,’ which I appreciated.”
“A long time ago, you mentioned you’d never shaved or waxed your bikini line,” wrote a reader named Emma. “Could you elaborate on why? I have always wondered!” Well, I’m happy to share…
My answer is really simple: I have sensitive skin, and I’m a wuss, haha. I don’t want to go into a waxing place and get my hair ripped out; it sounds so painful, omg. Plus, I feel fine having hair there, and my feeling is that if I’m going to bed with someone, I want us both to feel so excited and warm and happy and close that we’re fine with whatever the exact hair situation is on either of our bodies. One caveat: I don’t have a lot of hair, and I think my answer might be different if I had more growing outside my swimsuit area.
Also, when I was getting back onto the dating scene, my sister recommended this bikini trimmer. I tried it and liked it, and now I use it whenever I’m in the mood — probably every couple months — to have less hair, without needing to fully shave or wax. It’s completely painless and kind of fun to play around with.
Thoughts? So curious to hear what you do and how you feel about it! Every body is different, and people have all sorts of preferences and experiences. As with all body/sex/parenting/relationships/life questions, “Good for her, not for me.” xoxo
