Alec Baldwin says he had suicidal thoughts after charges were filed a second time in the fatal shooting on the set of his film Rust.
The actor appeared on the most recent episode of Dopey: On the Dark Comedy of Drug Addiction, a podcast hosted by Dave Manheim, where he talked about battling some dark thoughts during that time.
Baldwin said he was in a rough place mentally after it was announced that he was going to be charged a second time in the fatal shooting of cinematographer Halyna Hutchins on the set of Rust in 2021. (The case was ultimately dismissed, and he cannot be retried.) Baldwin said he was concerned about the impact it was having on his family.
“The people I was most concerned about, the people that I had the deepest pain for, were my wife and my kids,” he said. “Because my kids would see me sitting in a corner, you know, I couldn’t even move.”
Baldwin said there was a period where he took a nap every day for a year due to his mental state.
“And I don’t want to dwell on this, I just want to say that this was very painful for my wife and my family, my sisters and brothers and so forth, my colleagues. … And I can tell you, it broke every nerve in my body, spiritually, financially … work-wise, my career, my wife, my kids, my friends, my health. I mean what it’s done to my health. I mean, if I told you what my health conditions have been since October 21st of 2021 … it’s taken 10 years off my life. It’s taken at least 10 years off my life,” he added, noting the date of the fatal shooting.
Baldwin said he was able to get through it thanks to his wife, Hilaria, and his family, but not before some really dark thoughts took over.
“When you get to that point where you go, ‘I don’t want to wake up another day, I’m gonna go’ — I swear to God, I mean, to talk about it, and it’s really kind of unappealing to me because to talk about killing yourself and to actually kill yourself are two so profoundly distinctive things. I think a lot of people, I think countless people think about killing themselves and ending their life, and then very few do. And for me, I remember, I used to lay there in bed and go, ‘Oh God, I can’t wake up another day and have it be the same. It’s the same every day. And I can’t do it.’ And but somehow I found the faith in God to, you know, not kill myself tomorrow. Let’s wait one more day.”
Baldwin also said that he believes that the production followed the regulations laid out by the Hollywood guilds but the prosecutors in New Mexico “came along and said, ‘Oh no, no, those rules don’t apply here, and we have our own rules here and that’s what applies here. So we’re going to put you on trial for those rules.’ … No one came to me in the first week we were handling firearms the first week. No one came and told me anything different. It was after the fact. All the rules were changed after the fact, and that was very scary to me. I thought they were going to make it up as they go along.”
He added that the New Mexico prosecutors “wanted to get their names in the paper. That’s what they wanted. And I mean thank God for this judge who called in on them and said, you know, what you’re doing is reprehensible.”
In the same interview, the subject turned to President Trump, whom Baldwin portrayed on Saturday Night Live for four years. Baldwin admitted that he didn’t “want to play Trump every weekend for four years” but did it due to his friendship with SNL mastermind Lorne Michaels.
“Overall, it was a good experience. Those first two years were glorious, and but you look at people who are made fun of on SNL. Comedy is all about mockery now. It’s all about mockery,” he said, noting that very few comedians aren’t “mean-spirited,” citing Ray Romano as one example. But, he said, much comedy these days veers toward being “negative.”
“But you look at Trump. And you say to yourself, Trump’s a human being,” Baldwin said. “Now, do I disagree with Trump about everything? I disagree with Trump about fucking everything. Every fucking thing you could imagine I disagree with him. But at the same time, he’s a human being, and his mistake was when he was wounded, when he was hurt, when he was dismissed, when he was mocked, when he was outed or whatever, in any way he was treated badly, what was his response? What was his response? And that’s the lesson for all of us. What’s your response? Do you just try to get up and clean yourself off and move forward? No, Trump is bitter. He’s filled with hatred. He’s filled with bile, and he only made it worse for himself.
“I mean, Trump is a person who thought, ‘All of you have a problem. All of you making those observations about me, you’re the ones that are wrong. I don’t deserve any of this.’ Trump doesn’t believe he deserves any of what’s been ladled out against him. Now, has he been mistreated in some way or has it been too much of a pile on. Maybe, I don’t know. I mean, I think Trump, occupies a very unique place in our history, but at the same time, I think that you gotta walk that line. Trump’s a human being.”
Baldwin recalled being at a dinner party and sharing his believe that comedy about Trump is “over” — not because it’s scary, but because “it’s just done.”
“What else can you possibly say? If you’re still watching a nighttime talk show and laughing at jokes about Trump, there’s something wrong with you,” Baldwin said. “Al we need to do is just get ready for the next election, get ready for the midterms. That’s all you need to focus on. Fuck Trump. He’s gonna be gone. … And Trump, had he only had one ounce of self-awareness, how different things might have been.”
Kimberly Nordyke
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