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Tag: Sabrina Carpenter Espresso

  • Sabrina Carpenter and Jenna Ortega Compete Over Mid White Guy in Death Becomes Her-Inspired “Taste” Video

    Sabrina Carpenter and Jenna Ortega Compete Over Mid White Guy in Death Becomes Her-Inspired “Taste” Video

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    Some might initially be led to believe that Sabrina Carpenter’s video for her third single from Short n’ Sweet, “Taste,” is Quentin Tarantino-oriented with its cautionary opening title card (in a Tarantino-y font), “Parental Advisory and Viewer Warning: The following video contains explicit content and depicts graphic violence which may be offensive to some viewers. Viewer discretion is advised.” But no, it becomes quickly apparent that the Dave Meyers-directed video is a full-on homage to 1992’s Death Becomes Her. And while many attempts at homage in music videos turn out to be mere shot-for-shot re-creations (see: Iggy Azalea and Charli XCX’s “Fancy” or Ariana Grande’s “thank u, next”), Carpenter chooses to riff on the Death Becomes Her concept rather than totally copy each scene.

    Thus, the video begins with a close-up on a “girlie bed” contrasted by “masc” accoutrements like guns and knives, with Meyers sure to give an extra-long pause on the Prada lipstick (brand partnerships are so important, n’est-ce pas?). All the while, Carpenter creepily sings, “Rock-a-bye baby, snug in your bed/Right now you are sleeping/And soon you’ll be…dead.” Carpenter then wields one of the knives as a mirror while applying her lipstick, wanting to look her best before infiltrating her ex’s mansion with a machete. Trotting into the bedroom to find her ex and his new girlfriend sleeping (it reeks of the Betty Broderick narrative), Carpenter is unpleasantly surprised to find that the female body she starts to hack away at is filled with feathers instead of guts. Turns out, Ortega was waiting for her to show up and came prepared with a shotgun as her own weapon of choice.

    It’s here that the Death Becomes Her reference becomes clear, with Ortega—the Madeline Ashton (Meryl Streep) to Carpenter’s Helen Sharp—shooting a hole right through Carpenter’s stomach and sending her flying right over the balcony. When Ortega looks over it to see the resulting carnage, it becomes obvious that they’ve deviated from the original Death Becomes Her scene in opting to have Carpenter also land on two stakes in the white-picket fence that “padded” her fall. Carpenter might be down, but she’s not out, ready for instant revenge by lobbing a knife right into Ortega’s eye and flipping her the bird afterward.

    At the hospital where Carpenter manages to be outfitted with a pink “sexy” gown featuring white polka dots complemented by her thigh-high tights and heels, Ortega then comes for her revenge. And it’s here that the most obvious Tarantino tribute enters the fray, with Ortega dressed in the same nurse ensemble as Elle Driver (Daryl Hannah), complete with a white eyepatch that has a red cross detail on it. Defibrillating Carpenter into oblivion, Ortega has hardly seen the last of her as she reappears at her ex’s house that night, watching them from outside as they get all romantique by the fire.

    Carpenter quickly puts a pin in those plans (voodoo doll pun intended) by pulling out a voodoo replica of Ortega and bending its body in the most cringeworthy ways. Laughing to herself as she bashes Ortega’s doll head against a bush, Carpenter is rudely interrupted by the sudden appearance of another doll Ortega happens to have—one that, quelle surprise, resembles Carpenter (mainly because it’s blonde). Thus, she tosses the doll into the fireplace, in turn, causing Carpenter’s body to burst into flames.

    Things continue to escalate when, in the next scene, Carpenter attacks Ortega while she’s in the shower with this mid white guy (played by Rohan Campbell), who’s mostly just a trophy for these two women (much like Ernest Menville [Bruce Willis] in Death Becomes Her) as opposed to someone they actually seem to care about all that much. Conveniently, Ortega happens to be packing a scythe while in the shower, hacking away at Carpenter’s arm before chasing her back down the stairs and tackling/wrestling her.

    Convinced she’s finally won this time, Ortega is shown blissfully kissing Mid White Guy as the lyrics, “Well, I heard you’re back together and if that’s true/You’ll just have to taste me when he’s kissin’ you/If you want forever, I bet you do/Just know you’ll taste me too,” play in the background. Thus, it’s only right to hit that point over the head by having Mid White Guy turn into Carpenter while Ortega is in the midst of making out with him—fulfilling many a wet dream (though nothing will ever compare to the iconicness of the Madonna-Britney (and yes, Xtina) “union” at the 2003 VMAs), to be sure.

    While viewers might be titillated by the image, Ortega is anything but, whipping out a chainsaw to cut at Carpenter’s body anew, sending her backwards into the pool as she makes a bloody splash. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), it turns out to be a witchy trick on Carpenter’s part, as she then suddenly appears behind Ortega to watch Mid White Guy’s body sink to the bottom of the pool. It only takes a few seconds for Ortega to look “not that mad” about it.

    After all, this dude was so generic that all he can be referred to at the funeral is “Beloved Boyfriend.” And while the woman who must be his mother (hence, all the over-the-top sobbing) is noticeably upset about it, Ortega looks over at Carpenter with an almost grateful look in her eye as the two smile at one another and leave.

    For the final scene, Ortega and Carpenter are shown walking down some steps together sipping from either coffee or smoothie drinks (maybe Erewhon’s Short n’ Sweet smoothie?) as they kiki about “Beloved Boyfriend,” with Carpenter noting, “I mean, clingy. Lots of trauma, lots of trauma.” “Very insecure,” Ortega chimes in. Carpenter laughs, “’Very insecure!’ You kill me.” While it might not have the exact ending of Death Becomes Her (with Madeline and Helen opting to remain bitter frenemies rather than close besties), it does conclude with both of them at their ex’s funeral. And what better way to forge a lasting friendship than that?

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    Genna Rivieccio

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  • Sabrina Carpenter’s Short n’ Sweet Packs Some of Her Biggest n’ Bitterest Songs

    Sabrina Carpenter’s Short n’ Sweet Packs Some of Her Biggest n’ Bitterest Songs

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    Apart from Charli XCX and Chappell Roan, 2024 in music (much to Taylor Swift’s dismay) has belonged to Sabrina Carpenter. When “Espresso” first came out in April of 2024 (exactly one month before Carpenter’s twenty-fifth birthday), it didn’t take long for it to become a hit worthy of being deemed “song of the summer.” For yes, its pervasiveness only ramped up as the beginning of June rolled around and the single continued to take on a life of its own. The video’s summery aesthetic and color palette also contributed to its association with Lana Del Rey’s polar opposite emotion, summertime gladness. Frothy and catchy, “Espresso” was toppled from the number one spot only by Carpenter’s own subsequent single, “Please Please Please.”

    With both of these songs giving listeners a taste of the sound to come on Carpenter’s sixth—that’s right, sixth—album, it was apparent she was going in a different sonic direction from the one on 2022’s Emails I Can’t Send. At the same time, it was also clear she was maintaining the same penchant for tongue-in-cheek lyricism. Of the variety that’s only been honed during the past two years since she became an “overnight” success. And it all starts with “Taste,” a “Perfume”-by-Britney Spears-reminiscent number in that it warns another woman that Carpenter has marked her (now ex-) man, whether he knows it or not, with her own indelible scent—or rather, “taste.” As Carpenter phrases it in the chorus, “I heard you’re back together and if that’s true/You’ll just have to taste me when he’s kissin’ you/If you want forever, I bet you do/Just know you’ll taste me too.” Whether Carpenter is referring to how his lips taste of hers or the ones she has “downstairs” depends on the listener’s level of raunch.

    Some have speculated the song could be directed at Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello, but there’s also a tinge of “homage” to her love triangle drama with Olivia Rodrigo and Joshua Bassett during the bridge when she shrugs, “Every time you close your eyes/And feel his lips, you’re feelin’ mine/And every time you breathe his air/Just know I was already there/You can have him if you like/I’ve been there, done that once or twice/And singin’ ’bout it don’t mean I care/Yeah, I know I’ve been known to share.” Though, as a Taurus, probably not when it comes to food (and yes, “Taste” is arguably the most Taurus title for a song she could have come up with).

    Many of the lyrics also channel Rodrigo on Sour’s “deja vu,” albeit with a tone of more self-assured confidence. Like when Carpenter brags, “Hе’s funny, now all his jokes hit different/Guеss who he learned that from?” Trying out all the “tricks” he learned from Carpenter on this new girl, it smacks of Rodrigo accusing her own ex, “So when you gonna tell her/That we did that, too?/She thinks it’s special/But it’s all reused/That was our place, I found it first/I made the jokes you tell to her when she’s with you.”

    The tone shifts on “Please Please Please,” which offers a more country-infused sound (or “Dolly-coded” as people like to say) produced by Jack Antonoff—yes, Carpenter has officially joined that cult. And it works for her, clearly…what with “Please Please Please” marking her first number one on the Billboard Hot 100 chart. The song’s muse, as it were, also appears in the video directed by Bardia Zeinali. That’s right, Carpenter plays the reluctant Bonnie to Barry Keoghan’s Clyde. And after begging him, “Don’t embarrass me, motherfucker,” it seems that breakup rumors are swirling just in time for the release of Short n’ Sweet. But even if the rumors are true, the songs on the album make it evident that Carpenter is no stranger to disappointment in romance, no matter how brief.

    Indeed, like Matty Healy inspiring most of Swift’s The Tortured Poets Department, Carpenter admits that it was some of her briefest relationships that left her feeling the most bereft once they were over. As she told Zane Lowe, “I thought about some of these relationships, how some of them were the shortest I’ve ever had and they affected me the most.” The same goes for Lana Del Rey with a bloke like Sean Larkin, who inspired many songs in the aftermath of their mere six-month relationship. But to discount the intensity of one’s feelings just because a period of time together is short (and hopefully sweet) is to promote the suppression of emotions that our capitalistic society thrives on. One in which people are encouraged to constantly move on to the “next” thing (or person) rather than dwelling too long in one place, so to speak.

    As for the place Carpenter dwelled while writing Short n’ Sweet, it would appear that the album cover ripping off a French photoshoot for Cosmopolitan France (starring model Tiffany Collier) might have been inspired by Carpenter hanging out in France for a couple of weeks while immersed in penning the record. Thus, perhaps Carpenter was feeling too French not to borrow her album artwork from une photo française—after all, she wrote many of the songs while on vacation in a small town called Chailland. Oui, oui, très inspirant.

    Once again giving her best impression of Ariana Grande (as she did for “Nonsense”) on “Good Graces” (particularly during the opening when she makes random noises), Carpenter warns the ephemeral object of her affection that she can switch up her mood real quick if he starts acting a fool, alchemizing her love into hate. This much is confirmed when she chirpily sings during the chorus, “Boy, it’s not that complicated/You should stay in my good graces/Or I’ll switch it up like that so fast/‘Cause no one’s more amazin’ (amazin’)/At turnin’ lovin’ into hatred.” To sum it up, like Ari, she can switch positions, too—only we’re talking about the emotional kind.

    Carpenter’s brand of innuendo is also on full display here, especially when she delivers the double entendre, “I’ll tell the world you finish your chores prematurely/Break my heart and I swear I’m movin’ on.” It’s that easy for someone who knows her worth, which is why it’s additionally easy to turn ice-cold in response to not getting what she wants out of a romantic interest, singing “I won’t give a fuck about you” in a manner similar to Reneé Rapp’s intonation when she flexes, “It’s not my fault you’re like in love with me” on “Not My Fault.”

    Having only just warmed up on the innuendo/double entendre front, Carpenter’s next offering is “Sharpest Tool.” And while the title might give the impression that Carpenter is going to be in impish “fast mode,” the song is actually a slowed-down melody (furnished, again, by Antonoff) that finds her reflecting on the fleeting relationship she had with a guy who wasn’t sharp enough (“not the sharpest tool in the shed,” if you will) to understand how much he hurt her—though maybe his other “tool” was sharp enough to keep her wanting more.

    So it is that Carpenter laments, “Guess I’ll waste another year on wonderin’ if/If that was casual [very Chappell Roan of her], then I’m an idiot/I’m lookin’ for an answer in between the lines.” Alas, more often than not, there are no answers when it comes to the whims of male emotions (or lack thereof). The casual cruelty of the person Carpenter describes is summed up in the lines, “We had sex, I met your best friends/Then a bird flies by and you forget.” Being easily distracted is, of course, a signature trait of dumbness (apologies to the ADHD crowd). Worse still, the erstwhile object of her affection was able to so effortlessly flip the switch on his “goodwill” toward her, with Carpenter recounting, “Seems like overnight, I’m just the bitch you hate now/We never talk it through/How you guilt-tripped me to open up to you/Then you logged out, leavin’ me dumbfounded.” Due to the nature of the lyrics, listeners have posited that Joshua Bassett seems to be the most likely inspiration. Or maybe, as the next track is called, it’s pure “Coincidence.”

    Exploring an inverse dynamic to the one in “Taste,” the guitar-laden, country-ified “Coincidence,” produced by John Ryan and Ian Kirkpatrick, is Carpenter’s “told you so” vindication about an ex who did her wrong with his own ex (again, it smacks of referring to Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello). In this regard, “Coincidence” shares some lyrical DNA with Mýa’s 2000 hit, “Case of the Ex,” during which she paints the picture, “It’s after midnight and she’s on your phone/Saying, ‘Come over,’ ‘cause she’s all alone/I could tell it was your ex by your tone/Why is she callin’ now after so long?/Now what is it that she wants?/Tell me, what is it that she needs?,” adding in the chorus, “Whatcha gon’ do when you can’t say no?/When the feelings start to show, boy, I really need to know and/How you gonna act?/How you gonna handle that?/Whatcha gon’ do when she wants you back?”

    Carpenter fears the same from the ex in question on “Coincidence,” annoyed by the “sixth sense” that ex has for infiltrating his life when she can sense he might have a new girlfriend. Hence, Carpenter giving us the snapshot, “Last week, you didn’t have any doubts/This week, you’re holding space for her tongue in your mouth/Now shе’s sendin’ you some pictures wеarin’ less and less/Tryna turn the past into the present tense, huh/Suckin’ up to all of your mutual friends.” Saving the coup de grâce for the bridge, Carpenter then wields her gift for sarcasm by saying, “What a surprise, your phone just died/Your car drove itself from L.A. to her thighs/Palm Springs looks nice, but who’s by your side?/Damn it, she looks kinda like the girl you outgrew/Least that’s what you said.” But, by now, Carpenter herself has outgrown this dude’s antics, moving on with the eye-rolling assessment, “What a coincidence/Oh, wow, you just broke up again” (while echoing the tone of Selena Gomez on 2017’s “Bad Liar”).

    The mid-tempo “Bed Chem” switches musical genre gears again, embodying a more funkified, R&B vibe as Carpenter dissects the definition of “good bed chem” (hint: it has little to do with a guy’s personality). Undoubtedly spurred by her dalliance with Keoghan, one line in particular stands out for alluding to his “size”—which everyone became privy to at the end of Saltburn. In reference to that, Carpenter sings, “And now the next thing I know, I’m like/Manifest that you’re oversized/I digress, got me scrollin’ like/Out of breath, got me goin’ like/Who’s the cute boy with the white jacket and the thick accent?” A white jacket being what Keoghan was wearing when the two first encountered at the Givenchy show during Paris Fashion Week. And, speaking of Givenchy, this track is also awash in the tone of the brand’s former spokesperson, Ariana Grande, known for her own sex-positive lyrical content as well (e.g., “everyday,” “side to side,” “positions” and “34+35”).  

    Carpenter, however, might just have managed to one-up even the most sexual of Grande’s lyrics with the verse, “Come right on me, I mean camaraderie/Said you’re not in my time zone, but you wanna be/Where art thou?/Why not uponeth me?/See it in my mind, let’s fu…fill the prophecy.” Like Dua Lipa on “Good In Bed” from Future Nostalgia, Carpenter makes it her mission to establish what creates unforgettable bed chemistry. Usually, it relates to being disconnected in every other way but the physical. Or, as Lipa phrases it, “I know it’s really bad, bad, bad, bad, bad/Messing with my head, head, head, head, head/We drive each other mad, mad, mad, mad, mad/But baby, that’s what makes us good in bed/Please, come take it out on me, me, me, me, me.” Or, even more directly, “Yeah, we don’t know how to talk/But damn, we know how to fuck.”

    As for the song that brings us to the second half of the album, “Espresso,” there’s little that can be said about it that hasn’t been already—not least of which is the expansive commentary on the polarizing neologism, “That’s that me espresso.” A phrase that some might find both “Dumb & Poetic,” as track eight on Short n’ Sweet is called. In fact, the title of the album has proven to be quite on-brand, with six of the twelve songs clocking in at under three minutes. And “Dumb & Poetic” happens to be the shortest of all at two minutes and thirteen seconds. But Carpenter says all she needs to in that time (occasionally channeling Chappell Roan’s “Coffee”), including, “Gold star for highbrow manipulation/And ‘love everyone’ is your favorite quotation/Try to come off like you’re soft and well-spoken/Jack off to lyrics by Leonard Cohen.” Though no one wants to hear the comparison right now, there is a faint tinge of Katy Perry’s “Ur So Gay” (minus the country twang) in the skewering tone designed to eviscerate this “man’s” false sense of masculinity. Which Carpenter knocks down completely with the final verse, “Don’t think you understand/Just ’cause you act like one doesn’t make you a man/Don’t think you understand/Just ’cause you leave like one doesn’t make you a man.”

    The musical tone switches up once more on “Slim Pickins,” another track noticeably produced by Antonoff, who Carpenter seems to keep on retainer for her most country-sounding fare (which bodes well for Lana Del Rey’s forthcoming Lasso). With its soft guitar background, Carpenter gives another great Dolly impression as she commences her tale of woe with resigned pluckiness: “Guess I’ll end this life alone I am not dramatic/These are just the thoughts that pass right through me/All the douchebags in my phone/Play ‘em like a slot machine/If they’re winnin’, I’m just losin’.” Once more alluding to the importance of a man’s size, Carpenter delivers another double entendre when she bemoans, “God knows that he isn’t livin’ large,” further adding, “A boy who’s nice, that breathes/I swear he’s nowhere to be seen.”

    As for the chorus, it’s among the most memorable on Short n’ Sweet, with Carpenter declaring, “It’s slim pickings/If I can’t have the one I love/I guess it’s you that I’ll be kissin’/Just to get my fixings/Since the good ones are deceased or taken/I’ll just keep on moanin’ and bitchin’.” Carpenter even offers up something for the grammar nazis (which is ironic considering her “Espresso” lyrics) by shading, “This boy doesn’t even know/The difference between ‘there,’ ‘their’ and ‘they are’/Yet he’s naked in my room.”

    She then goes ultra-country (we’re talking “make Miley jealous” level) for her finale verse, during which she assesses, “Since the good ones call their exes wasted/And since the Lord forgot my gay awakenin’ [surely, another nod to Chappell]/Then I’ll just be here in the kitchen/Servin’ up some moanin’ and bitchin’”—as most single white ladies are prone to do.

    As are they also prone to having a soft spot for Diablo Cody movies like Juno, which just so happens to be the title of the next song. And, in case there was any doubt as to whether it was about that specific movie, Carpenter sings, “If you love me right, then who knows?/I might let you make me Juno/You know I just might/Let you lock me down tonight.” Of course, Juno’s name was in honor of the goddess (called Hera in Greek) of women, marriage and childbirth, so it still holds that dual reference as well. Hardly the first “pop girlie” (that odious term) to use film as a song’s inspiration (Charli XCX and Lana Del Rey both have plenty of those), Carpenter does Cody proud when she also pronounces, “Hold me and explore me/I’m so fuckin’ horny.” After all, it’s Carpenter herself who said, “Those real moments where I’m just a twenty-five-year-old girl who’s super horny are as real as when I’m going through a heartbreak and I’m miserable.”

    Elsewhere, she serves Britney Spears’ “Perfume” yet again by urging her object of desire, “Mark your territory.” On “Perfume,” Spears is the one to assure, “I’m gonna mark my territory.” As any girl would when there’s a “whole package” involved—another dick innuendo Carpenter makes when she effuses, “Whole package, babe, I like the way you fit/God bless your dad’s genetics, mm, uh.” The Ariana Grande connection is also renewed when Carpenter teases, “You know I just might/Let you lock me down tonight/One of me is cute, but two though?/Give it to me, baby.” For it channels Grande on “34+35” when she gets to the point with, “You might think I’m crazy/The way I’ve been cravin’/If I put it quite plainly/Just gimme them babies.”

    Unfortunately, Carpenter has to endure the same path as Juno MacGuff in terms of being left heartbroken by the one she loves, as poetically explored on “Lie To Girls” (another Antonoff track). Capable of being as hard on herself as the boys who disappoint her, Carpenter opens with a verse featuring the lines, “I’ve never seen an ugly truth that I can’t bend/To something that looks better/I’m stupid, but I’m clever/Yeah, I can make a shitshow look a whole lot like forever and ever.” As can most women, when they want to. After all, love is blinding, in addition to blind. So it is that Carpenter crafts one of her most indelible choruses yet: “You don’t have to lie to girls/If they like you, they’ll just lie to themselves/Like you, they’ll just lie to themselves/You don’t have to lie to girls/If they like you, they’ll just lie to themselves/Don’t I know it better than anyone else?” And yes, this is Carpenter at her most Gracie Abrams-sounding (after all, there’s a reason Swift chose both women as her openers on The Eras Tour).

    None of this bodes well for Keoghan, but hey, who’s to say the two won’t get back together again, Bennifer-style (though we’ve all seen how that works out)? As for the arrival of whenever their “final” breakup might be, Carpenter is ready with an “anti-needlepoint” platitude, showcased in all its glory on the dreamy, 60s-inspired “Don’t Smile.” And it’s a one-eighty of a finale in terms of how Carpenter kicked off the record with the overly confident “Taste,” during which she promises her ex’s new “piece” that she’ll always be on his mind (and body)—the benchmark/gold standard for every girl that follows. On “Don’t Smile,” however, Carpenter doesn’t sound quite so self-assured as she chooses to challenge the cliché, “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” Carpenter instead posits, “Don’t smile because it happened, baby/Cry because it’s over.” The former version of it is in keeping with that other false consolation, “It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.” Something Ariana Grande repurposed for “thank u, next” by singing, “Say I’ve loved and I’ve lost/But that’s not what I see/So, look what I got/Look what you taught me.”

    Carpenter is much less “kumbaya” about the demise of love, admitting, “I want you to miss me, I want you to miss me/Oh, you’re supposed to think about me/Every time you hold her.” This, too, is another Olivia Rodrigo-esque moment, particularly when she tells her ex on “happier,” “I hope you’re happy/But not like how you were with me/I’m selfish, I know, I can’t let you go/So find someone great, but don’t find no one better.”

    The chill vibes of the song (both musically and tonally) belie the urgency of Carpenter’s need for her ex to continue pining away for her long after “the end.” Because, lest anyone forget, Carpenter already admitted on “Please Please Please” that ego plays a big part in the reason why women get so upset over breakups. So it is that she elucidates some of her coping mechanisms via the verse, “Pour my feelings in the microphone [more hyper-specific references to being a singer]/I stay in, and when the girls come home/I want one of them to take my phone/Take my phone and lose your number/I don’t wanna be tempted/Pick up when you wanna fall back in.” This, too, being a sexual double entendre for falling back in…to her vag.

    But Carpenter appears to have the last laugh if one goes by the bonus track edition of the album, which concludes with “Needless To Say,” a shade-throwing ditty that finds Carpenter coming on strong with her “subtle” takedowns. For example, “How’s the weather in your mother’s basement?” Always ready with a barbing quip, Carpenter wields some of her biggest n’ bitterest moments on Short n’ Sweet, for an effect that proves her pop prowess is hardly a flash in the pan. And perhaps that stems mostly from refusing to let others tell her what to do in the studio, with Carpenter informing The Guardian, “I’m very lucky that I don’t have people around me telling me what to do—I’m also a Taurus, so if they did, I’d probably get a little stubborn.”

    When then asked, “Is she a tyrant in the studio?,” Carpenter ripostes, “I’m a tyrant in life.” Indeed, many a dictator/political mastermind has been a Taurus. Luckily for music enthusiasts, Carpenter is nothing but a love dictator…who loves dick (to conclude in the spirit of a Carpenter outro).

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    Genna Rivieccio

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  • Mondo Appropriato #7: Sabrina Carpenter Promoting the Idea That Americans Are Too Flaccid For Espresso to the Point Where Knocking Back a Few Would Cause Them to Hallucinate

    Mondo Appropriato #7: Sabrina Carpenter Promoting the Idea That Americans Are Too Flaccid For Espresso to the Point Where Knocking Back a Few Would Cause Them to Hallucinate

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    In a series called Mondo Appropriato, Culled Culture examines how “on the nose” something is in the pop cultural and/or political landscape.

    As the Olympics kicks of this weekend, it bears noting that, thus far, the most “iconic” thing about it has been Sabrina Carpenter’s somewhat random promotion for the event (sorry, Paris Hilton). While, sure, positioning her in a Parisian café (which is probably just a backlot in Burbank) drinking espresso makes sense because of her hit single of the same name, it really doesn’t have much pertinence apart from that. Nonetheless, the setup is that Carpenter is reading a newspaper (because, apparently, that’s how “quaint” Americans think Paris is) at an outdoor table when an animated blue bird (one that looks not unlike the former Twitter logo) flies to Carpenter’s table and starts chirping at her.

    Rather than being annoyed or frightened, Carpenter is apparently so keyed up on espresso that she now has the ability to speak “Bird,” responding, “Well hello there, handsome.” The bird chirps again. “Why yes, I am Sabrina Carpenter.” Chirp chirp. “Oh thank you, so nice to meet a fan.” Chirp chirp. “Okay, settle down. We just met.” Chirp chirp. “What am I doing in Paris? Isn’t it obvious? The Olympics.” Chirp chirp. “The amazing opening ceremony on the Seine, Simone’s epic comeback, the USA-Australia rivalry in the pool and the world’s fastest man and woman, Noah [Lyles] and Sha’Carri (Richardson), racing for Team USA—I’ve never been more excited for anything in my life.” She’s obviously not counting every time Barry Keoghan drops trou.

    The bird, now standing in between six cups of espresso after listening to her one-woman rant, starts chirping more frenetically than ever, prompting Carpenter to smilingly say, “You need to behave yourself,” laughingly adding, “You’re crazy!” But, of course, the only crazy one in this scenario is her, as she’s having both visual and auditory hallucinations (the latter tends to be more common when it comes to imbibing too much espresso). Thanks to what, a few paltry cups of espresso? Of course, that notion doesn’t help to debunk the stereotype that most Europeans already have about Americans when it comes to coffee: that they’re little bitches who can’t handle their caffeine and wouldn’t know what good café tasted like if Alfonso Bialetti himself poured it down their throats. Their “precious” constitutions apparently limited only to being able to withstand high amounts of processed foods (including, of course, burgers, fries and hot dogs). And beer. But not even the hearty German shit—just the watered-down Millers and Buds they knock back without a second thought (the same goes for American coffee portions, which, although offering more in quantity, are never as effective as the small, undiluted cups that Europeans drink—hence, the American inability to “withstand” them, as they insist they’re getting “high”).

    Watching Carpenter “hallucinate” on this drug—and yes, it is arguably the world’s most socially acceptable one apart from the internet—it’s not as though the premise is totally unbelievable. Especially since people who suffer from stress already are more prone to being affected by some of the more profound side effects of caffeine. And what could be more stressful than being a famous singer?—particularly a famous female singer who has to worry about what she looks like all the time, lest an unflattering image makes the cut for internet immortality. Plus, she also has to work late (therefore, needs the caffeine to stay up, n’est-ce pas?). So, bottom line: stress. And for once, the pay grade actually matches the stress level. Which is why Carpenter taking un petit coffee break is simultaneously healing and hurting. Indeed, a better concept for her would have been to spoof the cardboard beds in the Olympic Village with “Please Please Please,” performing the same kind of “acrobatic” (that’s code for: kama sutra-related) moves that many of the athletes have been testing out for themselves on social media to see if the beds can withstand certain, let’s say, “rigorous” nighttime activities.

    Unfortunately, she went for the less tailored, more random option (if this were an Olympics in Italy, then, sure, playing up the “Espresso” angle would make more sense, but Paris doesn’t exactly have a renowned reputation for the beverage in such a way). And so, as she giggles to herself thinking that she’s giggling with a bird, the camera then pans out to show two waiters, one of whom tells the other in French, “I think she’s had enough espresso.” Additional translation: “Stop giving the dainty American the ‘hard’ stuff she can’t handle.” Unless you want a lawsuit on your hands because they find you responsible for giving too much of what they specifically asked for. After all, that’s that them Americans.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKJwmx7amBI

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    Genna Rivieccio

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  • Imagining A Sabrina Carpenter-Inspired ‘Espresso’ Café

    Imagining A Sabrina Carpenter-Inspired ‘Espresso’ Café

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    Sabrina Carpenter already took over our hearts, but now, she’s taking over the charts with ‘Espresso!’ It became her first-ever top 5 hit on the Billboard Hot 100 earlier this month and shows no sign of stopping its viral reign. We think it’s fair to declare it as 2024’s Song Of The Summer already…

    ‘Espresso’ has been living in our minds rent-free over the past few weeks, to the point where we’ve even come up with a new business venture for Sabrina: her very own café! And we can’t lie. It’s one of the best ideas we’ve ever had. Step into Sabrina’s Espresso & Sweets with us as we daydream a bit!

    Of course, this would all center around a gourmet ‘Espresso’ Coffee Bar, because duh. But we think Sabrina’s café would have quite a few cute drinks that are all ready to post on your IG story! Some popular options would be the ‘Mona Lisa’ Matcha, ‘Bad Time’ Bubble Tea, and ‘First Love’ Latte. Each drink would come in the most adorable cup!

    Want a little snack to go with your coffee or tea and satisfy your Sweet Tooth? Head over to the dessert counter, which has fruitcake, ‘Nonsense’ Nutella Cookies, and their specialty, Tirami-‘Sue Me!’ If you want something healthier, you can pick up some ‘Blueberries’ at the fruit bar. And for a proper breakfast or lunch, get a ‘Paris’ Croissant! 

    The Decor

    Every photoshoot that Sabrina shares with us is aesthetic heaven, so you know this café would be beautiful! We’re imagining some playful luxury like her Sweet Tooth branding, with gold and pink tones along with the signature red color from the emails i can’t send era. Some wall-mounted shelves around the café would show off pictures of Sabrina and maybe even some music video props and costume pieces.

    Do you wanna document your visit? Don’t miss your photo opp at the ‘Looking at Me’ mirror (perfect for OOTD selfies!) or sitting on a pink couch in front of the heart backdrop from the emails i can’t send Tour

    Image Source: Brittaney Penney for THP

    The Merch

    It’d simply be ‘Bad for Business’ if the café didn’t have some fun merch for Sabrina’s visitors to take home! They’d have traditional merch items like t-shirts and tote bags with the café logo, along with mugs and tea cups, so you can bring some of Sabrina’s Espresso & Sweets into your morning routine. Maybe even some pink reusable straws and tumblers?

    Image Source: Madison Murray for THP

    What would you order during your visit to Sabrina’s Espresso & Sweets? Do you think a café would be an exciting next step for Sabrina? Let us know in the comments below or hit us up on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter

    Check out more sweet Sabrina Carpenter content! 

    TO LEARN MORE ABOUT SABRINA CARPENTER:
    FACEBOOK | INSTAGRAM | TIKTOK | TWITTER | WEBSITE | YOUTUBE

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    Madison Murray

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  • Sabrina Carpenter’s “Espresso” Mimics the Frothiness of Selena Gomez’s “Love On”

    Sabrina Carpenter’s “Espresso” Mimics the Frothiness of Selena Gomez’s “Love On”

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    While Sabrina Carpenter might not have written a song about cappuccino, “Espresso” has plenty of (sonic) froth to offer. And it’s of the variety that very much mimics Selena Gomez’s stylings for her own summer anthem, “Love On.” Although the latter was released in February, months before summer was a thought on anyone’s mind, Gomez seemed to be aware of the fact that seasons, at this juncture, are merely a state of mind (what with so much environmental/meteorological inconsistency at present). Carpenter, too, got a bit of a jump on the season by releasing “Espresso” in mid-April, just before her weekend performance at Coachella, where her new(ish) boyfriend, Barry Keoghan, was the recipient of many a lascivious glance. 

    To complement the froth of a song that touts, “Say you can’t sleep, baby, I know/That’s that me espresso/Move it up, down, left, right, oh/Switch it up like Nintendo” (lyrics that very much smack of Ariana Grande on “34+35” or “positions”—or even her gaming-oriented line, “Yet you played me like Atari” on “eternal sunshine”), Carpenter brings her listeners a sumptuous, beachy visual to go with it. As Carpenter herself said, “Since the day I heard the song, I saw a beach atmosphere—and more specifically this kind of old school [meets] modern environment.” She also added, “I also just wanted a pool car, to be frank.” Change the phrase to “girls just wanna have pool cars,” because Carpenter is sure to make this specific type of vehicle more appealing than when Lourdes Leon, Grimes, Amandla Stenberg and Kenya Kinski-Jones rode around in one for a Stella McCartney perfume ad. 

    Proving she’s hit the big time by getting Dave Meyers to direct, the video opens on people getting a tan, with part of their skin becoming redder than others to spell out “Sabrina Carpenter,” “Espresso” and “Directed by Dave Meyers.” The dreamy, faraway sound of the intro (that sounds vaguely like the one in Katy Perry’s “Chained to the Rhythm”) continues to play as Carpenter, shows off sunglasses (akin to Zendaya’s in the Challengers poster) that reflect what she’s seeing (hot boys). The tune endures as the cinematography shifts from color to black and white. It’s then that the shot shifts its focus to a speedboat cutting through the water. One that, obviously, Carpenter is driving as she puts her hand above her forehead as though in search of something (maybe hard dick). The man riding in the back appears to relish that Carpenter is in control, a vibe that reflects the message Carpenter wanted to get across with the single: “[It’s] kind of about seeing femininity as your superpower, and embracing the confidence of being that bitch.”

    Gomez’s “Love On” radiates a similar confidence, with such faux ominous warnings as, “Wait ‘til I turn my love on…/I’m a rollercoaster ride, baby, jump on/Come on, come on/‘Cause, baby, if you can’t tell (baby, if you can’t tell)/You’re what I wanna love on, oh.” In her accompanying video, directed by Gregory “Greg” Ohrel, the aura is also saturated in a summery mood, with Gomez specifically wanting to channel the South of France (even though the video was shot inside the Villa de Leon in Malibu—L.A. is so good at doubling for various locations, after all). This includes her sitting on a balcony with a picturesque oceanside view while she’s given a dubious manicure from a grudging butler (side note: Carpenter favors a pedicure in her video instead, with pampering being a running motif in both women’s alternate worlds). Gomez’s variety of costume changes (“got you covered like garments”) amid a sea of kissing couples is what stands out the most—along with her passionate consumption of a croissant and coffee. Which brings us back to caffeine as the metaphor Carpenter chooses to wield for the kind of lovelorn feeling she invokes in people (men or otherwise). Except that, much like Britney Spears on “Oops!…I Did It Again,” she can’t help but shrug off anyone who gets too attached. 

    This is exactly why, when the guy on the boat starts trying to “love on” her, she veers sharply so that he falls right off. For an added bonus, she manages to latch onto his wallet before he literally dips out. Because, in addition to pool cars, girls still just wanna have funds. At this moment, the gold credit card is the only object in color before the palette switches out of black and white and again into color. Carpenter subsequently approaches the shore with a lifesaver around her as she clutches the credit card and croons, “I can’t relate to desperation/My ‘give a fucks’ are on vacation.” So, too, is Carpenter herself now that she has a subsidized one via this guy’s plastic. 

    We soon see her on the beach bedecked with a headscarf that’s styled in the Old Hollywood (or babushka) manner as she prances around with an umbrella—these accoutrements (along with a dash of Wes Anderson-inspired cinematography thrown in) lending the old school flavor she wanted for the video. The same old school one that Gomez imbued “Love On” with sonically and visually as well (complete with an array of 60s-inspired ensembles Gomez dons in the video to complement the throwback sound). 

    While both singers favor a chirpy, high-pitched intonation to help carry off lyrics that would otherwise be difficult to “accept” (e.g., Gomez saying, “Why are we conversin’ over this steak tartare when we could be/Somewhere other than here/Makin’ out in the back of a car” and “Or we could make a memoir, yeah/On the back wall of the last stall/In the bathroom at The Bazaar”). And while it might be difficult for some to stomach the more cornball lyrics in “Love On,” Carpenter has a way of making them easier to, er, swallow by painting herself as an aloof femme fatale. Indeed, many of the lyrics feel like pointed shade at Keoghan’s ex/baby mama, Alyson Kierans. For example, “Too bad your ex don’t do it for ya/Walked in and dream came trued it for ya/Soft skin and I perfumed it for ya/I know I Mountain Dew it for ya [this being a line very much in Lana Del Rey’s wheelhouse]/That morning coffee, brewed it for ya/One touch and I brand newed it for ya.” The playful songwriting style, courtesy of Carpenter and co-writers Amy Allen, Steph Jones and Julian Bunetta, renders nouns and adjectives into verbs and turns brands into wordplay. Maybe Carpenter is more Shakespearean than one might think. 

    Granted, Shakespeare never could have fathomed a woman so beach and boy crazy (with female characters like Juliet Capulet only crazy for one boy). Traits Carpenter is happy to showcase as the video continues while she laps up the surfer dudes and an ice cream cone before finally getting her “just deserts” for stealing an overly-into-her man’s credit card and ditching him in the water back at the beginning of this little romp. Of course, that’s the most unrealistic thing about the narrative: a pretty blonde white girl would never get such a comeuppance. Which is probably why Gomez and Carpenter should have swapped concepts. 

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    Genna Rivieccio

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