Tag: Relationships

We’re not just called to gather on a large scale like a conference. We’re also called to gather in our daily lives.

I have three amazing children, and there are eleven years between the youngest and oldest. I had an elementary school kid, a middle schooler, and a high schooler all at one time. Because of their age range, I’ve had the opportunity to come alongside so many moms to be a mentor and big sister. No matter the season you’re in, gathering with other women on similar journeys, women who have gone before you, or even women who are younger than you is a game changer. It keeps the fire burning in you, prevents you from being isolated, and helps you maintain perspective no matter how challenging the season is. In gathering, we get to find out what is considered a normal experience and ask for advice about specific situations. In gathering, we’re strengthened and we grow.

We as women are often under siege. Different arrows are shot at us every single day. The world is fighting to make us forget our value, our worth, and our voice. We’re under attack from the moment we’re born. Girls form cliques in elementary school, already exhibiting exclusionary behavior and assigning worth based on social status. Do you ever wonder why the Enemy starts attacking women so early with comparison and jealousy? It’s because of the power of gathering.

Even though women are under siege, the power of sisterhood is saying, “I’m in this with you.” We’re not going to conform to the world’s standard of womanhood. We’re not going to be like many women portrayed on reality TV shows. God bless them—they’re amazing. But we’re not going to be yelling at one another, pulling one another’s hair, backbiting, stealing one another’s husbands, and talking about one another’s kids. That’s not our message.

The world is also pushing us to isolate ourselves, especially when we’re going through a tough time. A spirit of isolation seems to exist in our society. But it’s a lying spirit. Honestly, we would never have to leave the house if we didn’t want to. I’m not mad about some conveniences like Amazon Prime. I’m not mad that I can just get on my computer and Band-Aids are delivered to my door in two hours. I’m not mad that I can order groceries online, tip the driver four dollars, and avoid the commotion in a grocery store with three kids. I’m not mad about that.

But with all this convenience, the structure of our world makes us think that we don’t need one another.

You can do everything from your phone. You can do everything by yourself. You can practically exist in a virtual reality. The Enemy wants the spirit of isolation to permeate our society because destructive habits form when you’re alone too much. When you’re alone, you feel like nobody else is hurting like you’re hurting. When you’re alone, you feel like your pain is the heaviest you could possibly imagine. When you’re alone, you feel like you’re the only one whose marriage is struggling. When you’re alone, you feel like the only one who feels overweight. When you’re alone, you feel like the only one who’s not going to get a promotion. That’s why so much power exists in the gathering of women.

Gather to Belong

We all are fighting isolation now, some more than others. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says, “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.” We’re not called to be in isolation. We need physical touch, we need to lock eyes, and we need to be around one another. Community gives life. If you watch National Geographic or study animals, you know they roll deep in herds because when an animal is alone, it’s vulnerable to attack. You’ve seen those animal documentaries where, out of the blue, a cheetah snatches a lone creature and disappears. But when herds stay tight, the predators can’t attack them. So we roll deep as a sisterhood. Our gathering pushes away the Enemy.

Getting out of a dark place is much harder when you’re alone. We’re all going to fall. We’re human, and we don’t have to be perfect. You’re going to fall. But the key is having someone grab your hand and say, “Girl, get back up. I know who you are. I know that you’re not called to make those choices, and I’m going to pray with you until we watch that breakthrough come. We’re going to go to church, we’re listening to podcasts, we’re going to therapy and counseling, and we’re going to worship together until we cross over to victory together.”

Ecclesiastes 4 has more wisdom for us: “A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken” (verse 12). We are women who are not easily broken because we are women who can say, “I’m a part of a sisterhood. I’m a part of a triple-braided cord.”

Your finances aren’t going to break you. Your relationships aren’t going to break you. Your fears aren’t going to break you. Your insecurities aren’t going to break you. Because you will be supported and encouraged in the sisterhood. We all find belonging when we allow ourselves to live in community with the beautiful and messy people God’s placed around us. We’re called to gather.

The world is getting dark. But a companion can help you bear the darkness and carry the weight of the world. We come together to give one another hope and to speak life. We don’t have to have it all together. I sure don’t. As I write this chapter, my toes aren’t even polished! I don’t remember the last time I had a pedicure. I haven’t had time. Don’t get me one. Really, I don’t need you to get me one. But if you were to look closely at my toes, you would think, Bless her.

Jesus shows up when we gather.

But here’s the deal: we don’t have to have it all together.

One of my weeks a few years ago was really crazy. Earl had knee surgery so that he can dunk more because he loves basketball and also so that he can run around with our kids. In the previous chapter, I talked about being crowned to serve. Well, I earned a couple of crowns that week as I ran around to make sure Earl had everything he needed. I even asked him, “Do you feel I’m doing a good job?” Because you know how you sometimes can feel like you’ve taken care of someone well, but they still need more? Part of you might think, Wow, okay. I guess I don’t have anything to do but serve you. I’m just being honest. So I said, “Earl, do you feel taken care of? Do you feel like I’m leaning into you? Do you feel good?” And he said, “Yes, you’ve been amazing.” I was so relieved! That was a crazy week. But I knew that if I could just get to church and be surrounded by the sisterhood of all my girls and if I could just sit in God’s presence, God would meet me there, and He absolutely did. I know that He’s meeting you right now too.

You don’t have to do life alone.

From Earl’s knee surgery to sending my oldest child to college, I wouldn’t have survived without community. Meals, encouraging texts, advice from other moms who have launched their kids—all of this has buffered this season with grace and strength. I’m passionate about this: You don’t have to go it alone.

Sadly, many of us have been hurt in community and are afraid to trust again. I first want to say I’m so sorry for the pain you’ve experienced—it makes sense why you want to skip this chapter. But can I tell you I’ve been hurt too? I’ve been misunderstood. I’ve been betrayed by friends who I thought would never turn their back on me. I prayed and allowed God to heal my broken heart. Was it awful? Yes. Was it hard? Yes. But I will tell you God has healed my heart. Though it did take time. I decided I’m going to love big and trust again and allow new friends and healed friends to surround me. I say all this to say that when we’re surrounded by the right healthy people, we’re strengthened, encouraged, and able to make it through almost anything.

Gather in the Good and Bad Times

We’re called to gather when we’re burning in the furnace of trouble. When the heat is turned up, we’re still called to come together.

When fire’s coming from everywhere, and we think, Could this situation possibly get any worse? Could the fire possibly get any hotter? Could life possibly get any more difficult?—guess what? We’re still called to gather. In the good times and in the bad.

In the book of Exodus, we get a fascinating look at the power of women working shoulder to shoulder during the time when Israel was enslaved to Egypt:

Pharaoh, the king of Egypt, gave this order to the Hebrew midwives, Shiphrah and Puah: “When you help the Hebrew women as they give birth, watch as they deliver. If the baby is a boy, kill him; if it is a girl, let her live.” But because the midwives feared God, they refused to obey the king’s orders. They allowed the boys to live, too.

So the king of Egypt called for the midwives. “Why have you done this?” he demanded. “Why have you allowed the boys to live?”

“The Hebrew women are not like the Egyptian women,” the mid-wives replied. “They are more vigorous and have their babies so quickly that we cannot get there in time.”

So God was good to the midwives, and the Israelites continued to multiply, growing more and more powerful. And because the midwives feared God, he gave them families of their own. (1:15–21)

I love how these two midwives used their position to protect the next generation. They didn’t let the king stop them from being used by God. That is so powerful. Who are you supposed to gather with at your job, at your school, in your neighborhood? Don’t underestimate the power of gathering.

There’s a plan and a purpose for every woman created. We’re reminding the women of the world that God hasn’t forgotten about them and that He will never leave them or forsake them. That is the power of sisterhood. That is the power of gathering. Together, we push against the current.

When others judge, we love.
When others gossip, we speak life.
When others ignore, we lean in.
We are that sisterhood. We are those girls. Speak this over yourself: “I’m that girl.”
When you understand the power of a gathering of women,

you’ll be expectant about what God can do in your life, what miracles He can do on your behalf, and what battles He can fight. An old African proverb says, “If you want to go fast, go alone. But if you want to go far, go together.” We as a sisterhood go together. We’re going to go farther. We’re not alone. We’re for one another. We believe in one another. We speak life into one another. We’re one another’s cheerleaders. You can cheer in a skirt or combat boots as long as you’re cheering for somebody. We believe that we’re called to do exceedingly abundantly more than we could ever ask, think, or imagine. But we can’t let one another make the journey alone; we need to say, “You know what? I’m going with you.” If you’re reading this, we’re in this life together. You’re not alone.

Gather with the Presence

Finally, Matthew 18:20 says, “Where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them” (NIV). God is here right now with you, He is here in your storm, and He is here to bring break-through. Whatever fire you’re facing, whatever storm, I’m believing that heaven is going to invade Earth on your behalf.

We come from a long line of women who gathered with purpose and power. Deborah and Jael double-teamed the enemy and took him down. And as we saw in the last chapter, Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Susanna, and many other women helped fund Jesus’s ministry. I think about the women who gathered around the tomb to prepare Jesus’s body for burial. All throughout Scripture, we see how when women gather together, God shows up. Hebrews 12 tells us that we’re surrounded by a cloud of witnesses and urges us to throw off everything that hinders and entangles us. When we gather together, we help one another throw down weights that would try to hold us back.

If you’ve had trouble finding an amazing church or healthy community, I encourage you to start a neighborhood or online Bible study. Maybe consider starting an office Bible study or workout group. If you’re in school, consider asking a few girls to work out with you or do a book study together. You can form the community you’re craving. Another great way to meet people is to volunteer in your community. You will be surprised by the women you meet outside your comfort zone.

Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/bernardbodo

Oneka McClellan, author of Born Royal, is a writer, speaker, and lead pastor with her husband, Earl, of Shoreline City Church in Dallas, Texas. The McClellans are also co-hosts of the podcast With So Much Love, E+O. Passionate about sisterhood, Oneka challenges the way women think about themselves and encourages them to unite to bring goodness to the world. She has appeared on TBN and speaks frequently at churches and events. She and Earl are the parents of three children.