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Tag: Relationships

  • Is “Children, Obey Your Parents” Meant for Adult Children?

    Is “Children, Obey Your Parents” Meant for Adult Children?

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    Ephesians 6:1 tells us, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” This passage connects with Deuteronomy 5:16, “Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” As we can tell from these passages of Scripture, children are told to obey their parents in the Lord, but what does this mean for adult children?

    Obedience “in the Lord”

    When God tells us to obey our parents, He tells us to obey our parents in the Lord. This means we only obey our parents in the realm that is in accordance with His teachings in the Bible. If our parents tell us to do something that is not in accordance with the Bible, we don’t have to obey them. As an example, if our parents tell us to hurt ourselves, hurt someone else, or lie for them, this isn’t right. We are not bound to follow these rules. If a parent ever tells you to do something that goes against Scripture, you are not bound to follow what they tell you.

    We know we are to obey our parents in the Lord as we are children, but what about when we are adults? Are we still bound to obey our parents? The answer is the same—even as adult children, we are to obey our parents in the Lord. No matter how old we get, we are still supposed to obey our parents in the Lord. The key words here, yet again, are “in the Lord.” We are not called to obey our parents in everything they ask us to do. If their requests and wants don’t align with the Bible and the purpose God has for our lives, we don’t have to obey them. Even though our parents are our parents, their say-so and decisions aren’t more powerful than what God tells us in His Word.

    God’s Word is our perfect guidebook to help us make the right decisions. If we follow God’s teachings in His Word, we can better serve God and stay fully devoted to Him. We all have earthly fathers, though many of our earthly fathers fail us. Either we never knew them, they left, or they are emotionally detached. While this is all too common with earthly fathers, God is our Heavenly Father, and He is always there for us and never leaves. He loves us far more than any earthly father could. God’s love for us cannot be measured, nor can it be contained. 

    Since God’s love for us is so great, we can know we can obey His teaching in the Bible. God is love, which means He loves us unconditionally and eternally. He is the exact embodiment of love. We know we can trust in the Lord and obey Him because He loves us. The teachings in the Bible are there to help us, not hinder us. While our parents might give us bad teachings or immoral rules to follow, we can always trust in God’s teachings as outlined in the Bible. He doesn’t ever do anything to hurt or harm us. The Lord is always there for us, and He desires our growth in Him.

    Complicated Situations

    Some of our parents can be quite tricky when it comes to the matter of obedience, so we need to always weigh what they say against Scripture. Even as adults, we are to obey our parents in the Lord, but we don’t have to obey them if they tell us to do something that isn’t right. Many parents have a hard time letting their adult children make their own decisions and can be controlling, even suffocating at times. Some teachings, rules, and restraints your parents have placed upon you might be unreasonable, but know that you don’t have to obey them unless they are in accordance with God’s Word. 

    As an example, while my mom was still alive, her rule for my sisters and me was that we couldn’t move out until we got married. While this was a common practice for people in my family, I never could fathom the idea of waiting until I was married to move out. In fact, marriage was never on my mind, so the idea of waiting to be married to move out felt like hanging doom over my head. From this rule set forth by my mother, I couldn’t move out unless I was no longer single. I remember being a teen when my mother said this, and while I was walking back to the living room with my sisters, I told them “I guess I’m never leaving home.” While it has continued to be a joke between my sisters and me, it was a scary idea to me at the time.

    To have the rule brought forth that you couldn’t leave your parents’ house unless you were married was unreasonable. Nowhere in the Bible are we told that we must be married before moving out. Therefore, since this rule is not biblically sound, there is no reason why my sisters and I have to follow it. Rather, a more appropriate rule should have been, “once you are financially stable, you can move out.” Having marriage as a precondition to moving out should not be enforced upon anyone’s head. If anything, it makes you feel as if you’re not capable of living on your own unless you have a spouse.

    Maybe you have had a similar rule in your household growing up, or maybe you still have those same rules pressed on you even though you are an adult. While being an adult does mean you make many more of your own decisions, you are still to obey your parents in the Lord. We should always respect our parents and be courteous to them even if they don’t act the same way back. Most of the time, if we defy a parent’s unbiblical rule or teaching, they become upset, even angry, with us. This is when we need to tell our parents that their rule or teaching is not in accordance with the Bible, which means we, as their children are not under obligation to obey it.

    Need for Respect

    When you address your parent(s) on these issues, you need to be respectful. Don’t be rude or sassy to your parents. Instead, show them proper respect and point them to what God says about the matter in the Bible. Parents like to think they know best, and to an extent, they can help us in many ways, but they are not God. Even if they give us great advice, only God knows best. It is always the best course of action to follow what God says rather than what other people say. If a parent makes a rule, such as not lying, this is in accordance with the Bible, and thus, we still need to maintain this rule even as an adult. However, we are never obligated to follow a parent’s teaching if it goes against God’s Word.

    Thus, we are to obey our parents in the Lord, even as adult children. When the Bible tells us to obey our parents in the Lord, it means we are only obligated to do the things they ask that align with the Bible. If what they tell us to do is not biblically based, then we are not obligated to obey them. Even as adults, we must obey our parents in the Lord. This is right, and it pleases God when we obey Him. 

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/imtmphoto

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

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    Vivian Bricker

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  • Godly Ways to Recover from a Big Mistake

    Godly Ways to Recover from a Big Mistake

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    Sin can be so costly that the tragedy is unrecoverable, making us feel like we’ve crashed and can’t get back to where we were. We can do more harm to ourselves by dwelling on why we messed up. Our mind, particularly Satan, fools us into believing it’s irrevocable, that we can’t move on.

    Why Do Christians Make Big Mistakes?

    One of the main reasons Christians make blunders of varying magnitude is that God has given man the freedom to do anything he wants. In other words, God has given man the ability to make choices. 

    People frequently pray to God but are not patient enough to wait for His response and choose to blaze their own trail. God does not stand in the way of someone who has decided to do something, even if that person has asked for God’s direction but then continues to do whatever they wish. 

    Our bad choices cause us anguish and grief. However, when a Christian acknowledges that he has made a mistake, that individual seeks God’s assistance. 

    Sincere repentance deepens a Christian’s relationship with God and cultivates a stronger relationship. Even if making mistakes is undesirable, when they occur, the Christian has the grace to exercise his confidence in God’s promises. 

    Sometimes, afflictions or temptations may arise as a test of the graces or virtues of men. It doesn’t necessarily mean every trial comes because of sins or mistakes. However, if sin is not acknowledged, a believer is typically put under pressure and made to bear the consequences of his actions by undergoing trials. A “trial” is a hardship that puts the strength and faith of a Christian to the test. 

    1 Peter 1:7 “That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it is tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honor and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:”

    God does not want Christians to be victims of their own faults, but when they are, He is dedicated to seeing them through. 

    James 1:13 “Let no man say when he is tempted, “I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man:” God never tempts anyone. But people’s lusts and passions lead to mistakes and temptations that overwhelm us.

    Christians must study the Bible diligently and patiently listen to the direction of the Holy Spirit to grasp God’s plan before making decisions, and our approach to studying the Word of God matters if we are to hear from the Holy Spirit. The Scriptures should be read in prayer to prepare our hearts to hear from God. Prayer is required both before and after reading God’s Word because the devil is ready to misinterpret or steal the message a Christian can receive from the Bible.

    It is reassuring to know that God does not abandon us after we have committed sins that may cause anguish and discomfort. Hebrews 10:23 says, “Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; for he is faithful that promised….” 

    God is faithful to keep His promises to which we turn with all our effort when we make costly mistakes. 

    Here are a few practical pointers on how to effectively recover–and grow stronger–after making a wrong decision:

    1. Accept Responsibility 

    It’s unfortunate if events don’t turn out how you intended, someone you relied on lets you down, or you have a bad day.

    When you stumble, you must make it clear to those affected by your error that you understand the magnitude of your mistake and accept responsibility. 

    If this mistake happened at your workplace, it is most appropriate for you to request a meeting to discuss the problem. Also, ensure that you maintain a professional tone focusing on the way forward rather than being sorry without a clear goal. Before talking about the mistake, prepare extensively by exploring the cause of the problem and writing down some key takeaways before the meeting. 

    If this mistake occurred in other aspects of your life, it is important that you boldly and penitently admit your faults. Take time to sit with those you’ve hurt (intentionally or not) and have the courage to look them in the eye and apologize. Take responsibility and accept the consequences of your errors. Understand the feelings of the people affected by your misdeeds while also accepting the process of improvement.

    2. Forgive Yourself

    After owning up to your faults and asking forgiveness from the people you wronged or were affected by your mistake, you also need to forgive yourself. Although it may sound cliche, thinking through your mistake, admitting it, and moving on will have an effect on how you press forward. 

    We are all humans, and we are all capable of making mistakes under different circumstances. It may sometimes appear that your lapse of judgment has harmed your confidence. This can hurt your career or relationships with others around you, but you should strive to focus on the positive aspects of yourself rather than the negative ones. Allow yourself to consciously forgive yourself for the error.

    3. Fix It (If Possible)

    Mistakes, even blatant sins, frequently have unintended consequences, and pretending they did not occur is not only risky for human relationships but destructive in your relationship with God. Don’t just walk away from your errors like they never mattered. As a matter of fact, you can’t recover until you make amends—at least as much as possible.

    Making amends entails going to the person harmed by your error and accepting responsibility. It also implies publicly owning the mistake where appropriate, doing your best to right the wrong, and fixing the problem your mistake has caused. 

    4. Resolve the Root Cause 

    Consider what caused the mistake and what you did to contribute to the problem. Understand that external circumstances cannot teach you anything; therefore, disregard them.

    The most crucial aspect of admitting responsibility and avoiding the long-term consequences of your blunder is devising a strategy to prevent a future recurrence. Search for sources of weakness in your process, approach, or actions while you are investigating and thoroughly understanding the situation.

    You could put checks and balances in place to warn you before a similar error is made. Come up with a backup plan to remedy any harm before the person leaves. 

    Also, devise a way to resolve such matters should they recur in the future.

    Improving your manners, attitude, and work methods will demonstrate to colleagues and people around you, both at work and in your personal life, that you are still a good and reliable person. And more importantly, this will assist you in regaining your confidence.

    If you take time to critically study your mistakes, you will notice trends in your behavior or approach that contributed to these errors. And once you know it, you’re well on your way to breaking the cycle. The worst life mistakes are the ones that you keep making.

    As a Christian, you should strive not to make the same blunders twice; not only should you learn from your sins, but you should also develop new processes to ensure they don’t happen again. And most importantly, don’t dwell on them; we’re all humans.

    5. Live Beyond Your Mistakes

    Your past might make you afraid to live in the future, but continue to boost your confidence by establishing more challenging goals or taking on new projects. Set your primary goals, but add another if you exceed your primary goal. Try to lead the work project once more. Extend a coffee invitation to the person you hurt. These tough, humbling actions will demonstrate initiative. 

    (However, be prayerful and patient for when the timing is right to make these bolder choices.)

    But achieving these objectives or completing a new project will make you feel competent again and restore your confidence and trust in your ability to be forgiven and move forward in Christ.

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/AndreyPopov

    Emmanuel Abimbola is a creative freelance writer, blogger, and web designer. He is a devout Christian with an uncompromising faith who hails from Ondo State in Nigeria, West Africa. As a lover of kids, Emmanuel runs a small elementary school in Arigidi, Nigeria.

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  • These 4 behaviors will raise ‘red flags’ on a first date, according to Tinder and Hinge users. Here’s how to avoid them

    These 4 behaviors will raise ‘red flags’ on a first date, according to Tinder and Hinge users. Here’s how to avoid them

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    If you’ve been swiping on the dating apps recently, you’ve probably noticed that the bios of your potential matches are littered with the red flag emoji – this year it was one of the most frequently used emoji in Tinder bios, according to the app’s data. 

    Some red flags are pretty specific to the person (think: “don’t love dogs!”) but others are commonly held.

    And all of them can thwart your attempt at a long-term partnership — something many singles expressed wanting this year — before it even begins.

    In 2022, 50% of singles said they would’ve been happier over the last year if they’d been in a relationship. In 2021, 35% had the same response. 

    Here are four red flags that might cost you a potential match, according to dating app data.

    Getting drunk on a first date

    Three-in-four singles don’t want to get drinks on a first date, according to Hinge’s data.

    Of those surveyed, 45% said they prefer sober dates because they are prioritizing their mental health and 55% said it helps them get to know the other person better.

    What should you do instead? 

    Well, 17% of daters on the app would rather meet for coffee. About 11% would rather see a show or go to a museum and 14% would rather go for a walk.

    Being ‘too into’ Instagram 

    Those who are “too into” Instagram or Snapchat come off as self absorbed, according to Hinge users.

    That’s why 74% of said don’t want to date someone who is constantly using social networking apps. 

    While on a date, it’s probably best to keep the phone face down. 

    Not knowing about politics or social issues 

    Being in the know about social and political issues is a huge plus for daters, according to Tinder data. 

    A whopping 75% of singles were looking for a match who respected or were invested in social issues. 

    And almost half, 47%, of singles said that finding out the person they are dating is a non-voter is a “deal breaker.” 

    This doesn’t mean your views have to totally align with those of a potential partner. Only 24% of users said they want to date someone who thinks exactly as they do and 46% said they would date someone who has different political views. 

    Bringing up trauma 

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  • What Are Fake Christians and How Do We Know When We See One?

    What Are Fake Christians and How Do We Know When We See One?

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    When I was in middle school, it was considered one of the biggest offenses to be told that you were a “poser.” This would imply that you’re trying to be someone you weren’t in an effort to impress others. For example—if a guy claimed he was a jock and even dressed one, but he had zero athletic skills, then he was a poser. Perhaps he wanted the attention from girls that being a jock could attract. Sadly, “posers” aren’t just found in middle school; there are some who have crept into today’s church, pretending to be a Christian. So what exactly are fake Christians, and how do we know when we see one?

    What Are Fake Christians?

    The term “fake Christian” may bring to your mind an image of someone who is a hypocrite. Although there are plenty of hypocritical Christians, we need to break this term down in order to accurately define what it means.

    We know that the word fake suggests inauthenticity. Counterfeits.

    A Christian is someone who has accepted Jesus Christ as his or her Lord and Savior. This person is considered saved, or “born again,” because they have applied the principle found in Romans 10:9: “If you openly declare that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” The underlying factor that differentiates believers from nonbelievers is the Holy Spirit that abides within us, according to Ephesians 1:13: “And when you believed in Christ, he identified you as his own by giving you the Holy Spirit, whom he promised long ago.”

    With these two definitions in mind, we can define a fake Christian as being one who has not genuinely been born again, and yet they put on the persona as though they have.

    Perhaps this person chose to wear the Christian title so they could profit off that reputation (similar to those jock posers back in middle school). All of us have likely, at one time or another, attempted to fit in with a certain crowd. If an unbeliever discovered they could gain a certain kind of acceptance through “fitting in” with a church crowd or Christian industry, they may have preferred to wear a church mask rather than actually accepting Christ into their heart.

    But if someone wanted the acceptance, or the benefits, that come from being a Christian, why wouldn’t they—you know, actually become a Christian? One reason is that they may not believe in the message of the cross. 1 Corinthians 1:18 reminds us that “The message of the cross is foolish to those who are headed for destruction! But we who are being saved know it is the very power of God.”

    Another reason is that, while they may relish in their false Christian appearance, they are ultimately not willing to dedicate their hearts and lives to God. Being a true Christian would involve sacrificing their ungodly lifestyle—or else they’d continue that lifestyle and live with the guilt. The enemy is a deceiver, and he attempts to make Christianity look like bondage to unbelievers so they will choose to remain “free” to live for him instead.

    To summarize, fake Christians are those who have chosen a saved appearance rather than a saved heart. They care more about their status through the eyes of the church, their family, or a Christian industry rather than their status through the eyes of God.

    What Is an Authentic Christian?

    An authentic Christian, on the other hand, is one who has accepted Christ as his or her Savior. The light of the Holy Spirit abides within this person. Matthew 7:20 provides an indication of how we can identify an authentic Christian: “Yes, just as you can identify a tree by its fruit, so you can identify people by their actions.”

    The speech and actions of these authentic Christians overflow with fruit of the Spirit, because Galatians 5:22-23 tells us, “But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!”

    In addition, those whose hearts are abandoned to God have a concern for matters that concern Him and a hatred toward evil. James 1:27 tells us that “Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.”

    This doesn’t mean that these authentic Christians do not commit sin; after all, Jesus is the only sinless human who walked the earth (1 Peter 2:22, 2 Corinthians 5:21, 1 John 3:5, Hebrews 4:15). Rather, when true believers commit sin, they are convicted by the Holy Spirit (see John 16:8) and live a life of repentance. They are set free from living in bondage to sin and have been purified by the blood of the Lamb. 

    Because believers know that we will someday give an account for the way we lived our lives (2 Corinthians 5:10), authentic Christians strive to serve God and obey His Word. They understand that God’s opinion carries more weight than man’s because Galatians 1:10 reminds us, “If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.”

    What Is the Difference between Fake Christians and Wayward Christians?

    Thankfully, our salvation is not determined by works but by faith (Galatians 2:21). Otherwise, no one would be worthy enough to stand before God in eternity! 

    With this in mind, let’s be careful not to assume someone is a “fake Christian” because of their struggle with sin. As humans, we tend to “look on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart” (see 1 Samuel 16:7). God is the One who will ultimately determine a person’s eternal fate. James 4:12 reminds us, “There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the One who is able to save and to destroy; but who are you who judge your neighbor?”

    There are those within the church who have genuinely accepted Christ as their Savior and once committed their lives to Him but have since strayed from following His Word. Perhaps this Christian goes to church weekly, prays occasionally, and even loves God—but their love for Him is not reflected in the way they live, speak, or make daily decisions.

    When we spot these Christians, let’s refrain from passing judgment and instead extend godly love toward them, praying that the Holy Spirit will convict them. We can also pray about how we can play a role in leading that person back to the truth. James 5:19 says, “My dear brothers and sisters, if someone among you wanders away from the truth and is brought back, you can be sure that whoever brings the sinner back from wandering will save that person from death and bring about the forgiveness of many sins.”

    Does Scripture Address the Idea of Fake Christians?

    Scripture makes it clear that there are those who will call themselves Christians on earth, but when they reach eternity, their hearts and true intentions will be revealed.

    Matthew 7:21-23 says, “Not everyone who calls out to me, ‘Lord! Lord!’ will enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Only those who actually do the will of my Father in heaven will enter.  On judgment day many will say to me, ‘Lord! Lord! We prophesied in your name and cast out demons in your name and performed many miracles in your name.’ But I will reply, ‘I never knew you. Get away from me, you who break God’s laws.’”

    We also know that God despises a kind of Christianity in which a person is not committed to a godly lifestyle. “Straddling the fence” should never be an option for the true believer. Revelation 3:15-16 says, “I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold. I wish that you were one or the other! But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth!” 

    Remember Judas Iscariot? He was once considered an apostle of Jesus, but his true motives were soon revealed. When he betrayed Jesus, it was proven that he was more interested in what he could gain from Jesus rather than how he could serve him. It is believed that Judas had a financial intention behind betraying Jesus (see Matthew 26:14-15).

    Sadly, there are still many Judas Iscariots within the church today—people who perform like a Christ-follower and may even be well-versed in “Christianese,” and yet their motives are purely for fleshly gain rather than spiritual gain. 

    How to Spot Fake Christians

    Let’s ask the following scriptural questions:

    Does this person love this world and the things it offers them? 

    1 John 2:25 says, “Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you.”

    Does this person love other believers?

    1 John 3:14 says, “If we love our brothers and sisters who are believers, it proves that we have passed from death to life. But a person who has no love is still dead.”

    Does this person bear fruits of the spirit, as addressed in Galatians 5:22-23?

    Healthy fruits are an indication that a person is attached to the vine (John 15:5).

    Does this person live according to the flesh or the spirit (Romans 8:13)?

    Do they express works of the flesh as addressed in Galatians 5:19-21 (such as drunkenness, sexual immorality, divisions, etc.)? We are told, in this passage, that “those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.” In addition, Jesus says in Mark 7:20-23, “’What comes out of a person is what defiles him. For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.’”

    Does this person possess a genuine fear of God? 

    Proverbs 14:2 says, “He who walks in his uprightness fears the Lord, but he who is devious in his ways despises Him.”

    Does this person teach a false gospel?

    By false gospel I mean one that is “a different doctrine and does not agree with the sound words of our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Timothy 6:3-5)?

    Does this person’s faith rest “in the wisdom of men” or in “the power of God”? (1 Corinthians 2:5)

    Lastly, does this person overflow with the love of God as addressed in 1 Corinthians 13:2? And is this a worldly kind of love that tolerates sin, or is it the godly type of love that extends compassion on everyone but holds righteous anger toward sin?

    Again, let’s be slow to judge and refrain from tossing accusations toward someone who claims to be a believer. After all, godly love is the kind that “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:6-7).

    We can, however, use wisdom and discernment to take heed of red flags when we see them. But this does not give us the right to gossip about someone within a congregation. Instead, we can find reassurance in the truth laid out in, Ecclesiastes 12:14, which says, “For God will bring every deed into judgment, with every secret thing, whether good or evil.” 

    This isn’t to say we are not held accountable to speak up about obvious sin within the church (see 1 Corinthians 5:12). Let’s do this from a place of godly love rather than a “holier-than-thou” attitude like the Pharisee did in the parable found in Luke 18:9-13:

    “The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed this prayer: ‘I thank you, God, that I am not like other people—cheaters, sinners, adulterers. I’m certainly not like that tax collector!”

    After all, the one whom you may deem as fake could be someone whose struggle with sin is merely more obvious than yours. So rather than pointing fingers, let’s invest most of our energy into our own faith journey, determined that we will be known as a passionate follower of Christ.

    The godly love we extend toward believers and non-believers alike speaks volumes louder than our Christian title. In fact, the loyalty and devotion we express toward God and others could be the very thing that leads those “fake Christians” to Christ.

    Tessa Emily Hall is an award-winning author who wrote her debut novel when she was sixteen. She is now a multi-published author of both fiction and non-fiction inspirational yet authentic books for teens, including her latest release, LOVE YOUR SELFIE (October 2020, Ellie Claire). Tessa’s passion for shedding light on clean entertainment and media for teens led her to a career as a Literary Agent at Cyle Young Literary Elite, YA Acquisitions Editor for Illuminate YA (LPC Imprint), and Founder/Editor of PursueMagazine.net. She is guilty of making way too many lattes and never finishing her to-read list. When her fingers aren’t flying 128 WPM across the keyboard, she can be found speaking to teens, teaching at writing conferences, and acting in Christian films. Her favorite way to procrastinate is to connect with readers is on her mailing list, social media (@tessaemilyhall), and website: www.tessaemilyhall.com.

    This article is part of our larger resource library of Christian practices and disciplines important to the Christian faith. From speaking in tongues to tithing & baptism, we want to provide easy to read and understand articles that answer your questions about Christian living.

    10 Things to Know about Speaking in Tongues
    The Fruit of the Spirit – What Are They?
    What Is the Tithe?
    What Is the Sabbath and Is it Still Important?
    Baptism – What Does it Mean and Why Is it Important?

    Communion – 10 Important Things to Remember
    Armor of God – What Is it and How to Use It
    What Does it Mean to Be Righteous?
    What Is Christening?
    What Is Submission?

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    Tessa Emily Hall

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  • 5 Things Adult Children Wish Their Parents Understood

    5 Things Adult Children Wish Their Parents Understood

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    Growing up can be hard. While we are children, we don’t fully understand how our parents’ actions, words, and behavior can affect us. As adults, the way our parents treat us can also deeply affect us. In retrospect, as adults, we can often think of many things we wish our parents would understand. While some of our parents may never try to understand, here are five things adult children wish their parents understood:

    1. Your Standards Are Too High

    One thing that adult children wish their parents understood is that their standards are too high. Growing up, my mother’s standards placed upon my sisters and me were unattainable. Maybe you experienced something similar as you were growing up. My mother’s standard was perfection and anything short of perfection was treated as a failure. As a child and a teen, I didn’t think her standards were unreasonable because it’s all I ever knew. Now, as an adult, I recognize that the standards my mother placed on my sisters and me were too high. Instead of being told that what we did wasn’t “good enough,” we needed to be supported and encouraged.

    What our parents say to us does affect us deeply in many ways. If our parents constantly tell us we are not “good enough” or that we are a “failure,” how are we expected to grow? Sadly, some adult children can continue this behavior when their children become adults. Adult children need to be reminded that they are enough and that they are loved. If you are a parent and have recognized that you have set the standards for your children too high, take a step back and analyze how your words and actions have affected your child. Once you have noticed how your standards have impacted your child, refrain from setting impossible standards. 

    Nobody is perfect, and it is unreasonable to think anyone can be perfect. Adult children can notice their parents’ standards are too high when their parents make comments such as “You should be finished with college by now,” “You should be married by now,” and “You should have children by now.” All of these standards and remarks only do damage. They do nothing to help. If you want to be supportive of your adult child, tell them how proud you are of their accomplishments, even if they don’t necessarily meet the standards you had placed on them. 

    2. I Wish You Were Proud of Me

    A second thing adult children wish their parents would understand is that they wish their parents were proud of them. Similar to the previous point, many adult children see or feel their parents have never been proud of them. From personal experience, I have never felt my parents were proud of me. I have always wanted them to be, yet they have never been. Since I wasn’t good at the things they wanted me to be, such as playing the piano, artwork, or conforming to others’ social standards, they weren’t proud of me. As children and even as adult children, it is important to tell your children you are proud of them.

    My mom passed away a long time ago, and I will never know if she was ever proud of me. She never told me she was proud of me, nor did I ever feel she was proud of me. Instead, I felt she was disappointed and ashamed of me. If you have felt the same way, you know how painful it can be and how much it can affect you as a person. Even as an adult now, I have never heard my surviving parent tell me he is proud of me. Does it affect me? Of course. I would be lying to say it doesn’t affect me. If you are a parent reading this, make sure you tell your adult children how proud you are of them. 

    3. You Have Hurt Me

    A third thing adult children wish their parents understood is that their parents have hurt them. As children and even as adults, it can be extremely difficult to tell a parent that they have hurt you. Some parents will dismiss your pain and hurt, which will only add more pain and hurt to your heart. Many things that my mom and dad said to me have hurt me. Being called an “extra” child or “Judas Iscariot” by my mother when I was going through an intense time of anorexia has paralyzed me in many ways. I have had many people try to dismiss the pain I’ve experienced from what my mom has said, but I encourage everyone to never invalidate someone else’s feelings. It doesn’t help them but rather forces them to just “get over it.”

    Adult children can still be hurt by many things of the past and parents can still hurt their adult children in the present. We need to only say things that will build each other up. We never need to tear down others with our words. Parents need to know better and use their words wisely. Everybody’s tongue has the power of life and death, yet it is up to us to choose what we will use our words for. If you are a parent, acknowledge that you have hurt your child and be supportive. While you may have never physically hurt your child, emotional and mental hurt can be just as traumatizing and damaging. 

    4. You Pushed Me Away When I Needed Help

    A fourth thing adult children wish their parents understood is that parents can push children away when they need help. There again, drawing from my own experience, my mother mostly tended to push me away when I needed help. I have had depression since I was thirteen years old, and when I tried to go to my mother for help, she dismissed me. She told me I needed to get over my “pity party” and start being happy. I was labeled ungrateful and unthankful. If you suffer from depression, you have probably had the same remarks made to you. As you know, they are not helpful. Children and adult children need their parents not to push them away but rather to be there by their side in their struggle—even if the parent doesn’t fully understand what their child is enduring.

    Many parents continue to push their children away even in adulthood. It is vital that you don’t do this because you can permanently hurt your child and damage the relationship you have with them. Instead of pushing them away, draw them near and offer them help. Even as adults, we still need our parents’ support, particularly through difficult times, such as mental illnesses, terminal illnesses, or the ending of relationships. We all need help at times and our parents must encourage and support us rather than push us away. 

    5. I Can Make My Own Decisions Now 

    A fifth thing adult children wish their parents understood is that we can make our own decisions now. Many parents try to control their adult children’s decisions, which can negatively affect their children. Instead of trying to make decisions for your adult child, let them make their own. Give them the freedom to make their own decisions and make their own path. While children appreciate their parents’ advice, they also need the freedom to make their own decisions. When we become adults, we have more serious decisions to make, such as buying a home, choosing a career, and how we will serve the Lord. 

    Even though parents might think they know best, parents need to allow their children the freedom to make their own decisions. Some decisions might not be the best, yet some decisions can be learning experiences. As much as parents would like to always make sure their adult children make the right decision, it cannot be promised. Every person has free will and with that free will, they can make their own decision. If you are a parent, allow your adult children to make their own decisions and refrain from saying anything negative unless their decision is something that goes against the Word of God. 

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/fizkes

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

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  • 10 Ways to Recapture Your Husband’s Heart

    10 Ways to Recapture Your Husband’s Heart

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    In Song of Songs 4:16, the new bride says: “Let my beloved come into his garden and taste its choice fruits.” This young, obviously confident bride invited her husband to find pleasure in her. There is nothing more appealing to a husband than for his own wife to initiate lovemaking and that happens when you and I are confident in who we are, confident we are loved, and confident we won’t be rejected.

    In Song of Songs 7:1-9, Solomon gives a detailed description of his bride from the sandals on her feet to the hair on top of her head. Some commentators believe she might have been dancing before him as he compiled this description.

    Now you might be thinking If I were a young bride with a lean flat stomach and looked like her, yeah, I’d dance before my husband. But perhaps you aren’t comfortable with your husband inspecting you from head to toe. Or maybe he’s made a remark in the past that has you feeling self-conscious. I realize it is ingrained in us by our culture (and perhaps by some past wounds, too) to not be an “object” before any man and to be offended at any reference to your body being a point of visual pleasure for your husband. Yet, please remember something: You are his for life – the only woman your husband can gaze upon and enjoy with a right heart before God.

    Think about it. If your husband looks at anyone else the way he is allowed by God to look at you, he will be committing adultery in his heart. So, let him feast his eyes on you. Allow him to enjoy what he sees by taking the best care of yourself that you can, by dressing nicely, smelling pleasantly, and looking at him with eyes that you once had for him. Perhaps as you begin to look at him the way you once did, he will return that look the way he once did. 

    Photo Credit: ©Unsplash

    Cindi McMenamin is a national speaker and author of 17 books who has been married 30 years to a pastor and introvert. Her newest book, 12 Ways to Experience More with Your Husband, released Feb. 1 from Harvest House Publishers, and will help you diffuse the tension and heat up the passion in your marriage. Grab it at a special introductory sale price today or find more resources to strengthen your walk with God, your marriage, or your parenting, at her website: www.StrengthForTheSoul.com.

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  • 4 ‘red flags’ that might mean your relationship is in trouble

    4 ‘red flags’ that might mean your relationship is in trouble

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    Most people have a rolodex of red flags that can turn them off on a first date. When you’re well into a serious partnership, though, red flags can be harder to identify.

    After a certain level of commitment is involved and you’ve been with your partner through many ups and downs, it can be challenging to know what is a rough patch and what is a sign that your relationship is in trouble.

    But there are some behaviors that might signal your partner is unhappy or that you two should have a serious talk about the state of your relationship.

    These 4 red flags might signal trouble in your relationship

    1. You feel like you’re raising your partner 

    Raising your partner refers to when you feel like someone hasn’t fully matured and you are the person to help them get to where they “need” to be, regardless of what they want.

    It can be about small things, like when to get to the airport, or big ones like how to budget for a house.

    It’s not a good dynamic, says Lisa Bobby, psychologist and clinical director of Growing Self Counseling & Coaching in Denver, Colorado.

    “I think that in itself can be a bit of a red flag in a relationship,” she says. “Not because a partner needs to be raised, but because they are with someone who thinks that they do.”

    Some signs you might be raising your partner include: 

    • You think their way of being is “not good enough,” Bobby says. You might get frustrated with how they make decisions or have opinions on how they could be more effective. 
    • You think they can’t accomplish anything without you. This goes a step further than getting frustrated and means you actually believe they couldn’t function without you. 
    • You don’t feel safe unless they do things your way. “If you need your partner to be doing certain things in certain ways in order for you to feel safe and happy, that is a sign of overdependence,” Bobby says. 

    2. You use these two terms

    John and Julie Gottman are renowned clinical psychologists and researchers. The two have interviewed more than 3,000 couples and followed some of them for as long as 20 years.

    They have also studied more than 40,000 couples who are about to begin couples therapy.

    One reason romantic unions slip into dismay, they write, is because people aren’t asking for what they need. 

    Instead, we drop hints about what we need in hopes that our partners will pick up on the clues and satisfy desires we’ve never actually vocalized.  When they fail to pass this already-doomed test, we criticize them and say: “You never” or “You always.” 

    “These red flag phrases alert us that a couple is in shaky territory,” they write. “The negative perspective might be starting to set in.” 

    Asking for what we require to be happy can feel tougher than it sounds. If you have trouble vocalizing, try these three things: 

    • Reflect: Think about what you want
    • Reframe: Instead of accusing your partner of not doing something, present an opportunity for them to do something.
    • Describe yourself: Ask for what you need by saying how you feel 

    Let’s say you reflect and decide more date nights would make you happy. You can reframe this as an opportunity and ask your partner for more dates by describing how you feel. 

    Instead of saying “You never take me on dates anymore,” say “I miss you. Can we plan to have more one-on-one date nights this month?”

    If you need your partner to be doing certain things in certain ways in order for you to feel safe and happy, that is a sign of overdependence.

    3. Your partner has stopped advocating for their needs

    For some partnerships red flags look like indifference. 

    Lia Love Avellino, a psychotherapist and the CEO of Spoke, an emotional wellness space in Brooklyn, says many of her clients who have a hard time initiating a break up don’t know how. 

    “A lot of the people bringing in concern about breaking up are people pleasers,” she says.

    “They are going along to get along and they are telling themselves they don’t want to hurt their partner, but really they don’t want to deal with the discomfort of being the person who calls it quits.” 

    Telling your partner what you need either emotionally or physically can create conflict, but it also means you care, Avellino says.

    If your significant other seems to have no interest in communicating what they are feeling to you, they might be disengaging from the relationship. 

    4. Your partner is unwilling to own their anger

    Instead of having direct conversations, your partner might start acting out of character.

    For example, if they enjoyed cooking for you every night, they might stop.

    “Their action is meant to dismiss the other person, but really they are feeling bad about their own needs not being met,” Avellino says. 

    If you notice your partner doing this, you might need to be forward for them.

    For example, you can say, “Hey, I noticed you’re not cooking anymore I want to check in with you.” 

    This might cause friction, but that’s not a bad thing.

    “Sometimes we think if we avoid the conversation and that by not naming it we are keeping the peace,” Avellino says. But “If you are naming it and there is a fight, you didn’t create the problem, you revealed the crack.”

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  • How to Maintain Balance in Your Marriage

    How to Maintain Balance in Your Marriage

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    A healthy marriage is based on genuine love, honesty, trust, and respect. If you want to establish a fun-filled, stress-free relationship, it is critical to have a balance in marriage. Early in a marriage, the couple is typically madly in love and investing everything into the union. But as you interact with the same individual every day, in both good and bad times, things may get much more challenging. As a matter of fact, it doesn’t take long for one spouse to grow overburdened and bored. 

    To be honest, a romantic marriage goes beyond the customary mushiness, dinner dates, and movie dates. If you’ve been married long enough, you probably already know that a genuine relationship starts when the honeymoon is over.

    What Causes an Imbalance in Your Marriage?

    When you’ve been married for a while, your connection with your spouse may begin to feel stale and boring. You may even experience circumstances that give you the impression that your relationship is deteriorating and that you are gradually drifting apart.

    This is a warning sign that you must take prompt action and restore harmony to your union. Constant conflicts are the most common cause of marital imbalance, so it’s crucial to recognize where marriage conflicts stem from: 

    1. Minor or major conflicts

    Different factors could stir conflicts in your marriage. But whatever happens, you both must understand you sometimes might not be able to change your partner. 

    And to let peace reign in the relationship, you must put more effort into improving yourself than your partner. Ephesians 5:33 says, “Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself, and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”

    You should respect the fact that you and your spouse are different from each other. Also, learn to accept that your partner might have certain qualities and personality features that cannot be changed. Disagreements are normal in marriage, and you must learn how to deal with them in constructive ways. 

    (Keep in mind that building a bridge by saying cruel things to your spouse that you can’t take back is not a good idea.) 

    2. Ineffective communication

    Improved problem-solving abilities result from healthy communication, and this positively impacts marriages. 

    Work-related pressures can also have a significant impact on marital communication, as stressed-out partners tend to be more reclusive, angry, or hostile toward one another during the workday and less hostile at home on the weekends.

    As Christians, we must develop healthy communication skills with our spouses because if we do not develop effective communication skills or adopt healthy coping mechanisms, marital stress can negatively impact our children’s lives.

    3. Other factors

    Marriages are also significantly harmed by other stressors, including denial, avoidance, sadness, self-blame, negative self-verbalization, withdrawal, and more severe stressors, including drug misuse and violence. Other stressors common to daily life, such as illness, job loss, children, and other factors, also negatively impact marriages and can significantly change the quality of your marriage.

    How to Restore or Bring Balance to Your Marriage

    The secret to having a successful relationship where both partners feel at ease, supported, and respected is understanding how to maintain balance in the marriage. So, how do you restore balance to a failing relationship or bring balance to your marriage? You should take into account the following crucial concepts to keep your marriage in balance:

    1. Make your relationship more trustworthy

    You must be trustworthy and have faith in your spouse if you want to keep a relationship in balance. 

    If you have experienced betrayal in the past, it can be challenging to trust. But if you want balance in your marriage, you can’t take it out on your spouse who had no part in the betrayal. Try to be dependable by sticking to your word to establish trust in your marriage. One of the essential elements in developing trust in a relationship is honesty. When the situation calls for it, make an effort to be honest with your partner. 

    Nothing kills trust like a little white lie. Avoid it! It is difficult for your spouse to trust you again after you are exposed as a liar.

    2. Consider the privacy of your relationship

    Remember that your spouse had a life before you met them, and it will continue after you go. Recognize and respect your partner’s boundaries. Be careful not to invade their personal space. Also, acknowledge that your partner has personal needs and is a human being just like you.

    You don’t have to want to spend every minute of every day with your spouse. Sometimes they need to set their focus on other significant areas of their lives. Giving your partner a personal space is not disrespectful; they will value you more if you respect their privacy.

    3. Acknowledge conflicts

    A healthy marriage has both enjoyable and contentious times. It’s not a picture-perfect world where everything is ideal. Instead, it involves two different people, each with their own personality and actions. Recognize that your partner is different from you. As a result, you will occasionally have misunderstandings. But that doesn’t mean you two can’t get along. You need to communicate your pain points or displeasure with one another in a healthy way. Accept your differences. Understand one another’s viewpoints and respectfully disagree while never criticizing your partner’s flaws.

    Let love lead in your marriage. 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil.”

    Conflicts are a natural part of a healthy relationship, and they can even help it grow. But you must approach them wisely and exercise tolerance and patience.

    4. Healthy Communication

    Healthy and constant communication is crucial in building a healthy relationship. It enables deeper connections between individuals. No matter what, the couple must be able to communicate their sentiments to one another and attend to both their individual demands and their relationship needs. A marriage that is out of balance has inadequate communication, and the integrity of the relationship will be jeopardized if one party feels ignored. 

    It’s best to establish a strong connection with your partner and openly express yourself to them (1 Peter 3:1-9).

    Be honest and upfront about your emotions, and they must also pay complete attention to you. Having someone to share your life with is the main goal of a healthy marriage, so don’t be hesitant to show your partner your vulnerability. 

    5. Commit, compromise but don’t make many concessions

    Giving your all for the benefit of your relationship and your partner is admirable. It strengthens your bond and facilitates emotional reconnection with your spouse. But making too many concessions can destroy you, as your attention is eventually diverted from your personal needs and wants. Spending too much time with your spouse can make it difficult for you to take care of other essential things in your marriage or at home. When this happens, it is no longer a commitment but an unhealthy compromise. 

    Note that a healthy compromise does not negatively impact other significant aspects of your life or relationship.

    Saving money to see your significant other when you could spend it drinking at the bar is a healthy compromise. Being attentive to your partner is also essential, but it doesn’t have to be a hassle. 

    You develop an unbalanced connection the instant your mental well-being is stressed by your sacrifices.

    6. Honor your spouse’s preferences

    A powerful method to establish a balanced marriage is to respect your spouse’s decisions and preferences. 

    There will be times when your partner will make choices that you do not agree with. The wisest course of action is to accept it without fuss.

    Sometimes you can’t stop them from making bad choices. Although it can be hard to stand back and watch when you have the power to prevent your partner from making bad choices. The truth is, if they don’t want your assistance, you won’t be able to accomplish much. So, all you can do is give them some advice and let them decide for themselves. Be your partner’s refuge when everything around them turns against them. It is best to work together to come up with solutions rather than judge them.

    7. Avoid relying too much on your spouse

    Limiting your reliance on your spouse is another way to maintain balance in your marriage. It’s okay to solicit assistance from one another, and it is absolutely fine to discuss your problems with your partner and seek their advice on any matter. However, it is best not to rely solely on your spouse because they can become overburdened and believe you are incapable of supporting yourself. And this can be detrimental to your relationship because it gives them a chance to take advantage of you. 

    8. Stay true to who you are

    It is common for individuals in unbalanced marriages to keep their true selves hidden from one another. You should express your true self honestly and be genuine about it. Don’t fake it because you obviously won’t be able to keep it up for so long. And in the end, you will hurt your partner and the marriage when they eventually realize your true nature. 

    Keeping balance in your marriage requires that you respect, love, and be fully committed to your spouse. Ephesians 5:22-25 “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.”

    Prioritize honesty, trust, and healthy communication with your spouse.

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Ridofranz

    Emmanuel Abimbola is a creative freelance writer, blogger, and web designer. He is a devout Christian with an uncompromising faith who hails from Ondo State in Nigeria, West Africa. As a lover of kids, Emmanuel runs a small elementary school in Arigidi, Nigeria.

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  • 5 Bits of Encouragement for the Overlooked

    5 Bits of Encouragement for the Overlooked

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    We were born to live in a community, riding the ups and downs together. No one likes to be overlooked; even the most introverted person residing off the grid, one sitting in sweats and reading a book, needs human connection. When others fail to notice us, it can emotionally deplete us. It can cause us to withdraw and retreat, especially when we feel the offense is intentional.

    When I mentioned that I was writing this article to my husband, he looked at me wide-eyed and asked if I felt overlooked. “Do you feel overlooked by me?” he asked. My response, combined with a typical southern woman’s mean mug, was, “No. It is not always about you.” We’ve been married seventeen years, y’all. What can I say? I went on to explain that several times in my life, I’ve felt unseen, overlooked, or passed over in different relational areas. Some instances have seemed intentional, while others are just part of life.

    The beautiful thing about life’s trials is that they drive compassion deep into your blood. And although you can never step in the shoes of someone else’s challenging experiences, your heart can bleed with them. You can embrace them warmly, sit with them, and listen. It gives you a different perspective, a more down-on-your-knees, humble level.

    Whether you have been overlooked in friendships, relationships, sports, careers, or especially by the church, rest in the fact that you are never ignored by Jesus. Friend, I know we aren’t sitting on the same couch, but consider this my giant teddy bear hug for you. I may not be able to see you, but I know the One who does, and I pray these bits of encouragement give you restored hope.

    1. God Sees You When No One Else Does

    Among the many names of God that describe His perfect character, I find El Roi to be one of the most comforting. It means “The God who sees me” (Genesis 16:13). While you may feel invisible, know that God sees you. Hagar was the woman in the Bible who attributed this name to God, and she is the only character in the Bible to name God. She was pregnant and alone in the wilderness, running from Sarah’s cruelty and jealousy when the angel of the Lord visited her (Genesis 16). Friend, there is no place on earth you can ever run from God’s compassionate presence.

    2. God Hears You When No One Else Does

    I love how the Bible uses different names to explain the perfect harmony of God’s character and gives meaning to most biblical characters’ names. An article on Faith Gateway explains the significance of biblical characters’ names. “Many biblical accounts explain the meaning of a person’s name, and those names were significant to who those individuals were or who they were to become. In Jewish tradition, a child’s name was revealed in the same ceremony in which they were circumcised, a sign of the covenant.”

    Continuing with the story of Hagar, the angel of the Lord says in Genesis 16:10 that the Lord will increase her descendants so much they will be too numerous to count. “The angel of the Lord also said to her: ‘You are now pregnant, and you will give birth to a son. You shall name him Ishmael, for the Lord has heard of your misery’” (Genesis 16:11).

    When we put the story together with the meaning of the characters’ names, it paints the most beautiful picture for those of us who have felt neglected or abused. God takes this enslaved Egyptian, whose name means “forsaken,” and gives her a massive lineage through her son, Ishmael, whose name means “God hears.” Sister, God sees you, hears you, and knows the number of hairs on your head (Luke 12:7).

    3. God Loves You Always

    My prayer journal contains a box that says, “Lord teach me to….” I often ask the Lord to teach me to love unconditionally. Some days it is hard to love without conditions or judgments, especially when hurt, but I try my best. I inevitably fail at times, but I pray again and start over the next day. We are all a work in progress, but God is always the same (Hebrews 13:8). His love for us and our love for him is termed agape in Greek and is the highest form of love.  

    Knowing that God never changes and God is love (1 John 4:7-8), we can concur that God will always love His children even though we don’t deserve it. After all, God sent His only Son to pay the price for our sins because He loves us so much that He wants to spend eternity with us.

    “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16, NIV)  

    4. God Always Has a Perfect Purpose for You

    The most notable story in the Bible of someone who is overlooked is King David. As kids, we hear the highlight reels of David’s life—like when David defeated Goliath with only a rock and a sling. But before becoming king, David started as a young shepherd boy. His dad, Jesse, didn’t remember to call him to the line-up when Samuel came to anoint David as king. Talk about overlooked! Yet, God set apart this lowly shepherd boy for a great purpose. While we may not be destined for earthly royalty or fame, God hand-picked us to fulfill a unique role in His kingdom.

    5. God Wants to Hear from You

    I’ve been passed over for jobs and writing opportunities throughout my life. I’ve been overlooked by peers, boys, and the church. When I was younger, these occurrences would rip my heart out. As I’ve matured, I’ve realized God often opens and closes doors because He has something better in store or is protecting me from harm. Not to say it doesn’t bring about distress and discouragement anymore, but I’ve grown to trust in His plan even when I don’t understand (Proverbs 3:5-6).

    On some of those loneliest days and nights, God was the only One I knew could hear and wanted to hear from me. And we would talk. Sometimes, He would answer with an overwhelming feeling of peace to get me through the next day. Some prayers have gone unanswered still, and some were responded to many years later. But there is a prayer He answered with a phone call right after the “Amen” rolled off my tongue:

    It was New Year’s Eve, and I was a sixteen-year-old who felt invisible to boys. Alone in my room, crying and depressed, I asked God to send me my soul mate. Two seconds later, the phone rang, and a boy I had been crushing on said, “Hello,” and invited me to a party. At that party, I met a new boy who made me forget about my crush who called me. We’ve been together twenty-three years this New Year’s Eve, and I never felt overlooked by him.

    Friend, prayer is not always answered instantaneously or as we wish, but His plans are only in place to prosper you. So keep talking to the One who sees and hears you.

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/fizkes

    Darcie Fuqua is a Business Analyst, Auburn Grad (War Eagle!), Christian blogger & podcast host, and mental health advocate. She is from the deep south of Alabama, where she currently resides with her husband, two energetic fun-loving boys, and a dog named Charlie. She loves sinking her toes in the sand, cuddling with her boys, and having great conversations over a table of good food. You can read more of her writing on her website www.leightonlane.com and connect with her on Facebook and Instagram. Check out Darcie’s latest project as cohost of Therapy in 10.

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  • 7 Prayers That Changed My Heart for My Husband

    7 Prayers That Changed My Heart for My Husband

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    I’ve known my husband thirty-three years. We dated on and off four of those years, starting my sophomore year of high school and going into college. We were engaged less than a year. We’ve been married for over twenty-eight. Add in three kids, a zoo of pets, a few major moves, and a son who’s battled cancer twice, we’ve been navigating life together for what feels like a very long time. And most of it’s been rough.  

    During those early sporadic dating years, we always at least remained close friends. When we got back together the final time, my husband told me he’d compared everyone he’d ever dated to me, but none of them came close. It was me he’d been looking for the whole time. Me he loved. Me he wanted forever with.

    I can hear your collective “awww’s.” Because it sounds sweet and perfect and romantic, right?

    Not if you saw the other side of the picture. That would be my side. During the time we were building a relationship, my parent’s relationship was crumbling, half a brick by half a brick. A slow, ugly death that involved countless lies and another woman.

    When I met my husband, I had a father. When I married my husband, I did not. Not only did my dad check out on a quarter of a century with my mom, he completely abandoned me after nineteen years of what I thought had been a wonderful childhood.  

    To say I was a mess doesn’t begin to describe the aftermath of their divorce. How could someone who says they love you . . . leave you?

    On my wedding day, my husband walked down the aisle because he loved me. I walked down the aisle because I was desperate for love.

    I’m sure you can see the problem. I couldn’t. And it showed in the same fights we had over and over. Thirteen years and three kids in, I had a choice. Stay with this guy I’d “gotten stuck with” or abandon my family the way my dad did. No, I’d never leave my kids, but without their dad, they wouldn’t be the same. They’d lose the security I’d been so desperate to find.

    I stayed because it was the right thing to do. But I wanted more than the mess of a marriage I’d helped make. Something had to change. I needed glue to keep my husband and I together. That glue turned out to be God. He is truly a redeemer.

    I began praying for my husband fourteen years ago. I wish I would’ve prayed the other fourteen. The road would’ve looked so different. I would’ve been grateful instead of resentful of the man God gave me.

    It took me half my marriage to realize what I’d had all along. I couldn’t get past me. I couldn’t let past frustrations go. I couldn’t “see” my husband for who he really was. My dad kept getting in the way.

    Today, my husband is my favorite dinner date. My first-choice movie buddy. My preferred travel companion. My best friend. My refuge. My person. Sitting next to him calms me. Sharing life with him strengthens me.

    God did that. From the moment I stopped taking my frustrations out on my husband and started carrying them to God, He began to grow a love between us I never thought I’d have.

    Have you found the one whom your soul loves? Do you need to fall in love with your husband all over again? Or for the first time? Have you been married a day? A year? A quarter century? Now is the time to pray. Not sure where to start? Here’s what helps me.

    Download your own personal PDF copy of these beautiful prayers for your husband HERE. Print these to keep by your bedside, in the car, or at work to remind yourself of the power of praying over your loved one!

    1. Gratitude

    Lord, this first prayer isn’t really for my husband, it’s for me. I just want to thank You for giving him to me and me to him. You knew what You were doing all along. His traits that used to drive me crazy are now the strengths that fill in where I struggle. His traits that used to seem like weakness are now the places You’ve allowed me to shine. We complement each other. When I let You be the glue, we’re stronger together than we ever were apart. Thank you for putting my husband in my life.  

    2. Protect Our Bond

    You gave my husband and I to each other. You blessed our union. I know You want it to work even more than we do. Protect our bond. Keep my husband’s heart and eyes focused on me. Take away temptation. Stop anything thoughts that would lead him away. Put a wall around our relationship that keeps it just the three of us. With You in the middle, we can stand against anything. Thank you for the man You’re molding him to be.

    3. Be His Strength

    When my husband gets tired and beaten down, will You be his strength? Will you renew his spirit with your own? From the time he wakes up to the time he goes to sleep, give him what he needs to be the husband, father, employee, and friend You want him to be. If he feels like giving up, show him a reason to keep going. Bless Him every day and remind him he’s never alone.

    4. Be His First Love

    Jesus, I know that for my husband to love me, he first has to love You. Speak to his heart. Whisper to him in the moments that most matter. Show him he can trust You. Love on him so strongly he never has the need to look for another. Be his everything.

    5. Let Him See Me through Your Eyes

    Living with me isn’t always fun. Even in the best circumstances, nerves can get rubbed raw. I know I’m not the easiest person to be with. Give my husband Your heart when it comes to me. Let him see me the way you do. When he gets frustrated, saturate him in patience. Show him why I do or say the things I do. And then turn around and do the same for me.  

    6. Keep Him Safe

    Lord, I finally love this man you’ve given me the way I’m supposed to—with all my heart and soul. I want to do life with him, grow old with him, rock grandchildren with him. Bring him home to me every time he leaves. Walk ahead of him. Keep him safe—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Take care of him.

    7. Bless His Job

    My husband works hard. The obligations must feel overwhelming. Protect his role as our provider. Our family needs his income and his benefits. And he needs to feel validated at work. Bless both those things. Give him a love for his job that only You can. Or find him a new job exactly where You want him to be. Lord, work is such a huge part of his life. Bless him while he’s there. The good he does carries farther than he’ll ever know. Help him see that he’s making a difference in so many lives.

    A final note: This article doesn’t address emotional or physical abuse in a marriage. It’s not meant to. Yes, prayer can change so much. But if you’re in a dangerous situation, please get help to put yourself in a safe place and find professional counseling that deals with these issues. God loves you so much even if it doesn’t feel like it right now, and I’m praying for you.

    Lori Freeland is an author, editor, writing coach, wife, mom, and creator of imaginary people—not necessarily in that order. An acquisitions editor for Armonia Publishing, former editor for The Christian Pulse, and regular contributor to Crosswalk.com, she writes fiction and non-fiction in several genres and has presented numerous writing workshops nationwide. When she’s not curled up with her husband drinking too much coffee and worrying about her kids, you can find her blogging at lafreeland.com.

    Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Gus-Moretta

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  • How Is Your Connection with Jesus?

    How Is Your Connection with Jesus?

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    My husband was in an automobile accident on August 25th this past year. He was coming to a stop at a red light when an intoxicated 18-year-old plowed into Dan and two other vehicles. My poor husband has had a migraine every day since that night. He recently had a facet procedure that would hopefully stop the migraines or lessen the pain. The doctors thought the procedure would provide significant relief in a day or two. It hasn’t. As a result, Dan is exhausted from a lack of sleep. I am unsure if I have seen him so worn out and tired.

    Have you ever felt that way? Powerless? Like you are unplugged from the source of your power? Jesus calls us to be connected with Him and with others. But that will only happen if we are plugged into the right source. We cannot obey the words of Jesus without a connection with Jesus.

    Think with me about all the complicated, almost impossible-to-do teachings of Jesus.

    -Love your neighbor – easy with some, hard with others.

    -Pray for those who hurt you.

    -Love your enemy.

    -Forgive those who hurt you.

    -Be at peace with everyone.

    -Turn the other cheek.

    And so many more. The words of Jesus sometimes seem undoable. But check this out. Jesus also said:

    Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But not with God. Everything is possible with God (Mark 10:27).

    The impossible becomes possible when we stay connected with Jesus. Those “impossible to keep” commandments of Jesus become possible when we stay connected to him. This connectedness is crucial to the life of a Christ follower. The Bible uses metaphors to help us see the reality of our relationship with Jesus. The primary metaphor of the Old Testament is the one with which the Jewish people of Jesus’ day would have been most familiar.

    I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener (John 15:1).

    Photo credit: ©Unsplash/Amos Bar-Zeev

    When Jesus said I am the true vine, his followers, who were well-versed in the Old Testament, would have perked up because that line, “I am the true vine,” is a quote lifted directly from Psalm 80, a psalm many of Jesus’ followers would have known by heart. This Psalm would have come to their minds because it is built around this vine metaphor.

    The Psalmist retells the story from the book of Exodus. He is talking about the nation of Israel and comparing them to a vine clipping taken from Egypt and planted in a new land.

    You transplanted a vine from Egypt; you drove out the nations and planted it. You cleared the ground for it, and it took root and filled the land (Psalm 80:8-9).

    God snipped Israel, the vine from Egypt, and planted them in a new fertile land so they could grow ripe fruit that all the world may taste. But the Psalmist later says that this vine died. Israel failed to give themselves to the one true God who saved them. They failed to be a people of justice and mercy, caring for strangers, foreigners, and the poor. As a result, they were unable to bear fruit for the world.

    Despite God’s generosity, patience, and care for his people, they did not yield the fruit he desired. And so, the Psalm says God decides to send one singular and obedient vine to them who would do what Israel, and what all humanity, could never do and, in doing so, restore and save us all.

    Here is what Psalm 80 goes on to say:

    Return to us, God Almighty!

    Look down from heaven and see!

    Watch over this vine,

    the root your right hand has planted,

    the son you have raised up for yourself.

    Your vine is cut down, it is burned with fire.

    At your rebuke, your people perish.

    Let your hand rest on the man at your right hand,

    the son of man you have raised up for yourself.

    Then we will not turn away from you.

    Revive us, and we will call on your name (Psalm 80:14-18).

    The hope, says the Psalmist, rests upon the son of man – on Jesus. Once he comes, the people will be made strong and faithful, and they will be saved through him and in him. They can call upon God’s name, meaning they can live in connection with him. So, when Jesus says, “I am the true vine,” he announces to his followers and all of us that he is the one God has sent. He is the true vine the Psalm is alluding to, the one who will come to save the whole world from evil, sin, and death. The one who will bring God’s Kingdom nearby. The one who will provide us with the opportunity to live in an ongoing loving connection to him is our creator forever.

    Jesus is the one who has come to give us freedom and peace, belonging and forgiveness, and love and kindness. He is the one who has come to rescue us from exhaustion, to lift the heavy burdens laid upon our shoulders and replace them instead with easy and light responsibilities that come from being in connection with God and living within his kingdom. Are you tired of being tired? Then put your trust in the true vine, Jesus, and receive the rest he has to give you and your soul. How does that work? Jesus describes it for us in John 15.

    I am the true grapevine, and my Father is the gardener. Abide in me, and I will abide in you. A branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me. Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches.” Those who abide in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me, you can do nothing. But if you abide in me and my words abide in you, you may ask for anything you want, and it will be granted! When you produce much fruit, you are my true disciples. This brings great glory to my Father. I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love.” When you obey my commandments, you remain in my love, just as I obey my Father’s commandments and remain in his love. I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow!” (From John 15:1-11).

    Dan and I visited Napa Valley a few years ago. While there, I learned a lot about vineyards. The grapevine is actually the trunk of the vine that connects it to the ground. When the branches stay connected to the grapevine – the trunk – they produce fruit.

    Now back to the words of Jesus.

    Jesus says, “I am the vine – the trunk. You are the branches. If you stay connected to me, my life flows through you and produces fruit. If you do not stay connected to me, you wither and die and produce no fruit.”

    So how do we abide in Christ? How do we stay connected with Jesus? How do we remain in Him? 

    Check your connection.

    There is a big difference between trying to produce fruit – trying to do good – trying to follow the words of Jesus – and being connected with him. When we are connected to Him, his life flows through us, and his life in us produces fruit. Jesus calls this connection “abiding.”

    “Those who abide in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me, you can do nothing. But if you abide in me and my words abide in you, you may ask for anything you want, and it will be granted!” (From John 15:4-5).

    To abide is to reside, to stay and remain, which shows us that another aspect of abiding in Jesus is remaining in Jesus. This commitment to staying connected to Jesus means we trust, depend on, and never stop believing in him. To abide in Jesus is to persevere in Jesus and his teaching.

    The Shawnee campus of our church plant, Restore, is in the western portion of Shawnee, Kansas, located in the Mill Valley. Mill creek flows through this valley and eventually into the Kansas river. A mill operated for years on this creek in the days before electricity. When the water flow was high, the mill could operate. When it was low, the mill was useless. When I am abiding in Christ – getting my life through Him – constantly connected to Him – I can operate as a Christ follower and obey Jesus. But, when the connection is non-existent or sporadic, my obedience is also non-existent or sporadic.

    We must be plugged into Christ for His power to flow through us. Check your connection.

    Check your company.

    Abiding in Christ is absolutely a personal reality. Abiding in Christ is also a team sport. We must do life with other Christ followers who also abide in Christ. We must live with other Christ followers who are also connected to Jesus.

    Check out this picture of a healthy set of branches that are producing fruit. The healthiest branches grow in clusters. Unfortunately, these clusters are so dense that you cannot hack through them in the wild.

    We need other people who follow Christ, connected to Him. We are better together. Here is what Jesus says immediately following his words about abiding in Jesus Christ.

    This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:12-13).

    You cannot “love each other” if you are a solo branch. There are no other branches to love or serve.

    Following Christ is a team sport. It is an individual choice to join and stay on the team, but it is a group effort to play the game, and it definitely takes a team effort to win the game.

    Think of the time in your life when you felt the most connected to Christ. When did you feel the closest to Him? I am confident that more than the vast majority of us, it was a time when we were part of a group of people pursuing Christ together.

    Check your connection.

    Check your company.

    Check your condition.

    It is easy to tell if you are connected to Christ. Jesus tells us how to check our level of connection.

    “Those who abide in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit … When you obey my commandments, you remain in my love, just as I obey my Father’s commandments and remain in his love. I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow!” John 15:5, 10-11.

    Two specific fruits result from staying connected to Jesus,

    1. Connection produces obedience.

    When we are connected to Jesus, we will obey Him. We will do what He tells us to do. Sometimes obedience is simply choosing to do the right thing, even when it is hard. But obedience shifts as we walk with Christ and stay connected to Him. Obedience moves from something we should do to something we want to do.

    2. Connection produces joy.

    When branches produce fruit, they do what God designed them to do. When we stay connected to Jesus, we do what God created us to do, which brings us joy – the joy of the spirit of Jesus within us. Joy is the result of being fully connected with Jesus and others and having a deeply rooted confidence that God is in control.

    Check your fruit.

    Check your obedience.

    Check your joy.

    Final thoughts:

    Jesus is the true vine. Life flows from our connection with Him. Life flows from being connected to others connected to Him. Life flows into the fruit of obedience and joy when we are connected to Him.

    How is your connection with Jesus?

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/pcess609

    Mary Southerland is also the Co-founder of Girlfriends in God, a conference and devotion ministry for women. Mary’s books include, Hope in the Midst of Depression, Sandpaper People, Escaping the Stress Trap, Experiencing God’s Power in Your Ministry, 10-Day Trust Adventure, You Make Me So Angry, How to Study the Bible, Fit for Life, Joy for the Journey, and Life Is So Daily. Mary relishes her ministry as a wife, a mother to their two children, Jered and Danna, and Mimi to her six grandchildren – Jaydan, Lelia, Justus, Hudson, Mo, and Nori.

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  • What Does the Bible Say about Fake Friends?

    What Does the Bible Say about Fake Friends?

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    We all need friends since God has created us to be connected to others in caring relationships. But we also need to be careful about our friendships. The Bible warns that some people claim to be true friends but are really false friends who can do us more harm than good. What does the Bible say about fake friends? Discovering that is vital to enjoying healthy friendships.

    What Are Fake Friends/How to Identify Them

    Fake friends are people who seem at first to be friends, but then reveal that they’re too selfish and untrustworthy to be true friends. They may speak and act in caring ways at times, when doing so benefits them. However, when we ask them for something we need, we often find them running away from the friendship because they’re only concerned with their own needs. Fake friends are takers, not givers. They’re self-absorbed and lack the compassion to truly care about others. Fake friends also may deceive us intentionally in order to get something they want. They can manipulate us. They may flatter us not because they truly appreciate us, but because they want to convince us to do something for them, such as lending them money they don’t intend to pay back. They may betray us. When we tell them personal information, they may listen as if they care, then turn around and gossip about us to others because that brings them attention they crave. Finally, fake friends have a negative rather than a positive impact on our relationships with God. While true friends encourage us in our faith, fake friends are critical and discouraging. True friends lead us closer to God, while fake friends pull us farther away from God.

    What Does the Bible Say about Fake Friends?

    The Bible features many verses about fake friends, including these key verses:

    Proverbs 12:26: “The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.”

    Psalm 41:9: “Even my close friend, someone I trusted, has failed me. I even shared my bread with him.”

    Proverbs 13:20: “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.”

    1 Corinthians 15:33: “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’”

    Proverbs 3:32: “For the Lord detests the perverse but takes the upright into his confidence.”

    Jeremiah 9:4: “Be on guard against your friends. Do not trust the members of your own family. Every one of them cheats. Every friend tells lies.”

    Psalm 55:12-14: “If an enemy were making fun of me, I could stand it. If he were getting ready to oppose me, I could hide. But it’s you, someone like myself. It’s my companion, my close friend.

    We used to enjoy good friendship at the house of God. We used to walk together among those who came to worship.”

    1 John 4:7-8: “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.”

    John 13:35: “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

    Ecclesiastes 4:9-10: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.”

    Proverbs 17:17: “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.”

    Romans 12:15: “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.”

    Proverbs 27:9: “Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.”

    Proverbs 22:24-26: “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.”

    Proverbs 20:19: “A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much.”

    Proverbs 16:28: “A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.”

    Proverbs 26:23-25: “Enemies disguise themselves with their lips, but in their hearts they harbor deceit. Though their speech is charming, do not believe them, for seven abominations fill their hearts.”

    Proverbs 19:4: “Wealth brings many friends. But even the closest friend of a poor person abandons them.”

    Proverbs 19:6-7: “Many try to win the favor of rulers. And everyone is the friend of a person who gives gifts. Poor people are avoided by their whole family. Their friends avoid them even more. The poor person runs after his friends to beg for help. But they can’t be found.”

    Psalm 38:11: “My friends and companions avoid me because of my wounds. My neighbors stay far away from me.”

    Proverbs 4:14-16: “Don’t take the path of evil people. Don’t live the way sinners do. Stay away from their path and don’t travel on it. Turn away from it and go on your way. Sinners can’t rest until they do what is evil. They can’t sleep until they make someone sin.”

    Psalm 28:3: “Do not drag me away with the wicked, with those who do evil, who speak cordially with their neighbors but harbor malice in their hearts.”

    Proverbs 27:6: “Wounds from a friend can be trusted. But an enemy kisses you many times.”

    Luke 22:47-48: “While Jesus was still speaking, a crowd came up. The man named Judas was leading them. He was one of the 12 disciples. Judas approached Jesus to kiss him. But Jesus asked him, ‘Judas, are you handing over the Son of Man with a kiss?’”

    A Christian Approach to Dealing with Fake Friends and Setting Boundaries

    Your time and energy are limited, so don’t waste any of your valuable resources on fake friendships. By letting go of relationships with fake friends, you’ll be able to build more true friendships with people who are caring and trustworthy. By building boundaries (rules for how to interact in healthy ways) into your friendships, you’ll be helping yourself and your friends enjoy the kind of relationships God wants you to have. Here’s how to deal with fake friends and set boundaries:

    If you already know for sure that someone is a fake friend, end your friendship without guilt. You don’t need to feel guilty about withdrawing from someone who is mistreating you. Remember your incredible worth as one of God’s beloved children. You deserve to be treated well – and if you’re not, you should move on to protect your well-being and live with integrity, rather than compromising for a fake friend.

    Express your feelings and needs honestly. Be open with your friends and about how you feel and what you need, in all situations. Let them know exactly what you need to feel cared for and respected in your relationships with them, and ask them to tell you what they need from you to feel the same. Talk openly about how best to set boundaries for all aspects of your friendship, including how often you communicate, what is appropriate to say to each other, what is acceptable to ask each other to do, how you should agree on decisions that affect you both, and the freedom to share different opinions and agree to disagree respectfully.

    Don’t tolerate disrespect. Whenever a friend doesn’t respect one of your boundaries, call attention to that and refuse to tolerate mistreatment. Let your friends know that you care about them, but you need them to learn to follow healthy boundaries in order for your friendships with them to continue. Affirm your commitment to do the same for them. If arguments happen when you stand up to disrespect, ask God to send you both wisdom and peace to resolve the conflict and move forward with a stronger friendship.

    Focus on friends who want to grow closer to God with you. Fake friendships pull you away from God, while true friendships move you closer to him. Choose friendships with people who want to keep growing in faith along with you, prioritizing spiritual pursuits. In my book Wake Up to Wonder, I explain research that shows how pursuing God’s wonder together with others promotes good behavior in relationships. When people encounter God’s wonder and feel awe, their brains change in ways that lead to goodness. The brain area which establishes the sense of self in the world partially shuts down, while the area that controls emotions becomes more activated and releases dopamine (a chemical that causes people to feel good). As a result, people become more aware of their connection to others and more motivated to choose goodness. People who are focused on God together are naturally able to build good friendships with each other.

    Conclusion

    Learning and applying what the Bible says about fake friends is vital to keeping your friendships healthy. God wants the best for you – in all aspects of your life, including your friendships. When you and your friends center your lives around your relationships with God, God’s love will flow between you, empowering you to enjoy good friendships together.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/DMEPhotography

    Whitney Hopler is the author of the Wake Up to Wonder book and the Wake Up to Wonder blog, which help people thrive through experiencing awe. She leads the communications work at George Mason University’s Center for the Advancement of Well-Being. Whitney has served as a writer, editor, and website developer for leading media organizations, including Crosswalk.com, The Salvation Army USA’s national publications, and Dotdash.com (where she produced a popular channel on angels and miracles). She has also written the young adult novel Dream Factory. Connect with Whitney on Twitter and Facebook.

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  • 25+ Best Christmas Movies as per IMDb That You Must Watch

    25+ Best Christmas Movies as per IMDb That You Must Watch

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    Christmas is not only a one-day festival. Rather, Christmas is an emotion for a whole lot of people across the world. In this article, we have mentioned a range of genres and plots (from rom-coms, musicals, and animated tales to action and mysteries) for everyone to watch, enjoy, and get yourselves in the holiday cheer and festive mood!

     

    While most of the websites mention the most popular (yet repeated) Christmas movies to watch every year, we thought why not catch up on some holiday classic underdog movies! Not only will it serve as a breath of freshness this holiday season but also revive the Christmas spirit – you never know what ideas or inspirations you may get from them!

     

    Without further ado, let’s hop on the Santa Claus’ wagon of must-watch Christmas movies that are highly rated as per IMDb. Fala la la la la…let the holiday magic begin!

     

    Best Christmas Movies Of All Time as per IMDb

    You can stream these holiday movies on any streaming platform, including Netflix, Amazon Prime Video, Disney+, Hulu, Apple TV, or YouTube.

     

    1. Die Hard

    Released = 1988

    IMDb = 8.2




    Debatable, but it still is a Christmas holiday film. The movie starts out with John McClane and his wife being at an airport, and they are being hijacked. Now, John McClane, a police officer, has to keep his daughter safe while rescuing his estranged wife at a Christmas party in the Nakatomi Plaza.

     

    2. The Nightmare Before Christmas

    Released = 1993

    IMDb = 7.9




    The protagonist, Jack Skellington, is the king of Halloween Town, but he becomes bored with it. He breaks into Christmas Town to be entertained. He becomes so fixated on the joy of Christmas and how to make it last forever that he starts kidnapping children and stealing their souls. When Jack finally realizes his folly, he tries to return all the kidnapped souls to the children and manages to save Santa Claus.

     

    3. Home Alone + Home Alone 2: Lost in New York

    Released = 1990, 1992

    IMDb = 7.7




    An 8-year-old Kevin Mc Callister is left home alone to protect their house against burglars. The movie will show how the baby has to look after themselves in the home and how they must use the natural surroundings to help them defend the house. This holiday classic film will also show some of the challenges that come from being on your own at home, such as troubles with potty training and being tired or cranky because of a sleeping pattern being interrupted.

     

    4. Love Actually

    Released = 2003

    IMDb = 7.6




    Love Actually, a Christmas romantic comedy, is all about eight diverse couples dealing with love. Sometimes, the love that we think we want is not the love that will make us happy.

     

    5. Silent Night (TV movie)

    Released = 2002

    IMDb = 7.5

    The movie is set in the era of 1944. In a cabin on a WWII front, a German mom and her son together mediate for a truce to happen between three American and three German soldiers so they can all celebrate Christmas Eve together.

     

    6. Next Stop, Christmas (TV movie)

    Released = 2021

    IMDb = 7.1




    Angie is committed to spending Christmas alone. However, her usual commuter lift turns into a Hallmark Christmas train, dropping her off in her hometown.

     

    7. Arthur Christmas

    Released = 2011

    IMDb = 7.1




    Grandsanta and Arthur, Santa Claus’ clumsy son, set out on a task to hand out a present to a young girl that they misplaced. They only have less than two hours. Will they succeed?

     

    8. Bad Santa

    Released = 2003

    IMDb = 7.1




    A miserable and pathetic conman poses as Santa while his companion poses as Santa’s Little Helper to rob several department stores on Christmas Eve. However, they start running into hilarious problems when the conman befriends a disturbed kid.

     

    9. Lovely, Still

    Released = 2008

    IMDb = 7.1

    25+ Best Christmas Movies as per IMDb That You Must Watch

    Directed by Nik Fackler, this Christmas film shows a holiday fable that narrates a heartwarming story of an elderly man who discovers love for the first time.

     

    10. Elf

    Released = 2003

    IMDb = 7




    Elf is a movie that everyone should watch at least once during the Christmas season, if not every year. It is both entertaining and heartwarming, with great acting by Zooey Deschanel and Will Ferrell. The story of Buddy, an elf who was raised by humans but later finds out about his real identity, is one that will make you laugh and cry in equal measure. And it has some pretty catchy tunes too!

     

    11. A Christmas Carol

    Released = 2009

    IMDb = 6.8


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZ3lr3urgDU

    If you’re looking for a movie that will tug at your heartstrings and make you cry then A Christmas Carol is just what the doctor ordered. Based on Charles Dickens’ 1843 novel of the same name, this modern retelling follows a wealthy businessman who neglects his family during the holidays. On Christmas Eve, he is visited by four ghosts who try to change his ways – but will they succeed?

     

    12. Serendipity

    Released = 2001

    IMDb = 6.8




    A couple first met, fell in love, and separated. Convinced that one day they would end up together they keep searching for each other years after that fateful first night. Will the Christmas miracle bring them together? It is one of the perfect movies to watch with your boyfriend while cuddling up in a warm blanket!

     

    13. Miracle on 34th Street

    Released = 1994

    IMDb = 6.6




    Miracle on 34th Street is another Christmas movie that is sure to put you in the holiday spirit. It stars Richard Attenborough, who plays a man with an unusual obsession – he believes himself to be Santa Claus. His daughter, played by Elizabeth Perkins, and her husband, are not convinced though. When the daughter gets sent home from school for telling her classmates about her father’s beliefs, he sets out on a quest to prove his identity. This movie has all the elements of a good Christmas film – it is heartwarming, funny, and well-acted.

     

    14. Happiest Season

    Released = 2020

    IMDb = 6.6




    Happiest Season is a holiday rom-com Hollywood film that wholeheartedly captures a range of emotions linked to being true to yourself, wanting your family’s acceptance, and trying not to ruin Christmas by revealing a nasty secret. This Christmas movie is truly a roller coaster and a must-watch with your family!

     

    15. Better Watch Out

    Released = 2016

    IMDb = 6.5




    Better Watch Out is a film wherein a babysitter must defend a twelve-year-old boy from intruders on a quiet suburban street. However, the twist comes when they realize that it is not an ordinary home invasion. Watch this Christmas film to find out what happens next.

     

    16. A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas

    Released = 2011

    IMDb = 6.2




    This dark comedy Christmas movie revolves around two stoner buddies, Kumar Patel and Harold Lee. Six years after their Guantanamo Bay adventure, the two friends cause a holiday brawl by inadvertently igniting down Harold Lee’s father-in-law’s glory Christmas tree. The comic timing and acting make this movie a worthy Christmas watch with your family members!

     

    Best Christmas Movies of 2022 That You Must Watch

    On one hand, Freddie Prinze Jr. and Lindsay Lohan make a big comeback with their brand of romantic comedy Christmas plot. On the other hand, Ryan Reynolds and Will Ferrell team up to bring a musical comedy blast. Find below a list of this year’s Christmas releases that will make you roll with laughter leaving you high with festive spirit.

    Best Christmas Movies

    17. Scrooge: A Christmas Carol

    IMDb = 8.7

     

    18. A Christmas Story Christmas

    IMDb = 7

     

    19. Spirited

    IMDb = 6.6

     

    20. The Noel Diary

    IMDb = 6.5

     

    21. Christmas On Repeat

    IMDb = 5.7

     

    22. Christmas With You

    IMDb = 5.6

     

    23. Falling For Christmas

    IMDb = 5.3

     

    24. I Hate Christmas (TV series)

    Release December 2022

     

    25. Violent Night

    Release December 2022

     

    26. Your Christmas Or Mine?

    Release December 2022

     

    27. Christmas Full of Grace

    Expected Release November 2022

     

    28. The Claus Family 3

    Expected Release December 2022

     

    Wrapping Up

    Christmas, indeed, is a time for celebration, family, and movies. A perfect time to curl up with some hot cocoa and watch some of the best Christmas movies. While some people eagerly wait for this day to reunite with their loved ones, others chirp up the holiday season and brush off their creative skills, including decoration, culinary, shopping, and even preparing a curated Christmas movie list. So, we did the digging for you and brought to you an assorted collection of Christmas films to make the festival even more enjoyable!

     

    Which Christmas movie or series do you enjoy watching with your friends, family, or partner? Tell us your favorites in the comment section below!

     

    Also Read: Top 15+ Movies to Watch with Boyfriend On A Movie Date

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  • 2 brothers, 2 teams, 2 contrasting experiences at World Cup

    2 brothers, 2 teams, 2 contrasting experiences at World Cup

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    DOHA, Qatar — Joy for the Williams family of Spain on Wednesday at the World Cup. Then despair for the same Williams family, who are also of Ghana, on Thursday.

    Williams brothers Iñaki and Nico have managed to mark both sides of their family’s heritage in the most incredible way at this World Cup in Qatar by playing for two different countries. They were both born in Spain but their parents are from Ghana.

    Nico was part of the Spain team that beat Costa Rica 7-0 on Wednesday in the tournament’s most compelling performance so far. He came on as a second-half substitute to make his World Cup debut in Spain’s record win at the tournament.

    A day later, big brother Iñaki played his first World Cup game for Ghana, a 3-2 loss to Cristiano Ronaldo and Portugal.

    That meant a complicated 24 hours in the family home back in Spain with celebrations for 20-year-old Nico no doubt swiftly followed by commiserations for 28-year-old Iñaki. The same for the two brothers, who Ghana coach Otto Addo said both feel as Spanish as they do Ghanaian.

    “I know that they both have a good strong relationship with their mother and their fatherland,” was how Addo put it.

    Because of his love for his parents’ country, Iñaki’s integration into the Ghana team has been very easy, Addo added, even if he was born in Bilbao in raised in the Basque region.

    Iñaki, a forward just like Nico, played the whole game for Ghana against Portugal and stood in the center circle at the end of the game looking bitterly disappointed with the loss.

    “Maybe for some it’s difficult to understand but I think it’s really possible to have two countries in your heart,” Addo said of Iñaki. “And surely he has Ghana in his heart from day one. But also Spain.”

    The story behind the situation is inspiring, and it involves their parents’ decision to leave Ghana nearly 30 years ago to find a better life in Europe.

    Never could Felix and Maria Williams have thought they would end up with two sons playing at the World Cup when they trekked barefoot through parts of a desert and climbed a fence to get into Spain in the early 1990s. Maria was pregnant with Iñaki at the time.

    They settled in Bilbao and both boys grew up to be soccer players. They still play club soccer together for hometown team Athletic Bilbao.

    The brothers careers have always been connected, even after Iñaki decided this year to switch allegiance to Ghana and go back his roots. Them playing for two different countries in the space of 24 hours was, incredibly, not the first time it has happened.

    Iñaki made his debut for Ghana on Sept. 23 this year against Brazil, featuring first this time. Nico made his first appearance for Spain against Switzerland a day later.

    ———

    AP World Cup coverage: https://apnews.com/hub/world-cup and https://twitter.com/AP—Sports

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  • Remember These 9 Things When Another Christian Disappoints You

    Remember These 9 Things When Another Christian Disappoints You

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    Maybe it’s your pastor or mentor.

    Maybe it’s someone in your Bible study.

    Maybe it’s a famous Christian in the news.

    They’ve sinned. They’ve said they believe one thing and lived like they believed something else. Their life is messier than you could have imagined, and you feel disappointed, angry, confused, disillusioned, sad . . .

    How are we supposed to feel when other Christians miss God’s mark? How can we cope with the chaos other people’s sin creates? What should we say (if anything?)

    Here are nine things to keep in mind when another Christian disappoints you.

    Erin Davis is passionate about pointing young women toward God’s Truth. She is the author of several books and a frequent speaker and blogger to women of all ages. Erin lives on a small farm in the midwest with her husband and kids. When she’s not writing, you can find her herding goats, chickens, and children.

    Image courtesy: Pexels.com

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  • Advice and Safety Tips for Online Dating: An Interview with a Christian Online Dating Expert

    Advice and Safety Tips for Online Dating: An Interview with a Christian Online Dating Expert

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    In her late 40s, Margot Starbuck found herself in unfamiliar territory: the world of dating.

    Divorced after two decades of marriage, and having allowed herself several years to heal, the author of more than 30 books decided to dip her feet into online dating. Her most recent release, The Grown Woman’s Guide to Online Dating: Lessons Learned While Swiping Right, Taking Selfies and Analyzing Emojis, came out of her personal experience and in-depth research.

    Today, she shares pertinent information with women of all ages who find themselves in the unknown world of online dating, including how to get started, how to be authentic, and how to stay safe online.

    Can you start by telling the readers who are new to this how to get started? 

    First, you need to choose the site or sites you will use. There are free sites, sites that are free for an introductory period, sites where you pay from the start, and sites where you can pay for extra perks.

    The easiest rule of thumb when considering what site or sites to use is “you get what you pay for.” On the entirely free sites, you will run into many characters who may not share your values. There will be good eggs, but they may be few and far between. In my experience, people who use paid sites are more serious about finding a match because they are more invested.  

    Once you know whether you want to use a paid or free site, one of the best ways to narrow it down to one or two is to get input from someone in your geographical area who is similar in age, gender, and faith preferences. The best site for me in urban North Carolina may or may not be the best for someone in a rural area.

    What sites have been best for you and why?

    Match and Bumble have worked best for me. I really like the search features on Match. You can search by things like geography, age, and faith preferences. And when you use the desktop version, you can also search by specific keywords, like “artist,” “drummer,” or “Jesus.”

    Bumble was created by a woman. On it, you either swipe right if you like someone or left if you don’t. If you both swipe right, it is the woman’s responsibility to initiate a conversation. Because of this, I believe there are likely more secure men on Bumble. 

    Eharmony has a good reputation, but it’s also pricey. And ChristianMingle is comforting because the word Christian is in the name, but I have not found great matches there.

    Tell us the three most important things to consider when building a profile.

    1. Include what makes you uniquely you. Imagine how many women write “I love the beach. I love coffee. And I love my family.” Those things may be true, but you waste precious real estate by including them because they are not unique to you. So instead, I might say, “On Saturday mornings, I listen to Earth, Wind and Fire while roller-skating on a local trail.” 

    If you have trouble identifying things that are unique to you, ask your friends for help because your friends know what is special about you.

    2. Choose photos well. Include both headshots and full body. We can be tempted to only show headshots or post that picture from six years and 30 pounds ago, but we don’t do ourselves any favors by not having a current photo. And use a variety of photos. Post a picture of you playing baseball with your favorite nephew or one of yourself at painting class or holding your favorite book. When you get more specific, you give men something to take an interest in and respond to.

    3. Don’t be negative, and don’t overshare. It’s easy to complain—about dating apps, about men, about meeting men on dating apps—but you have so little real estate to make a good impression that negativity is a waste of space. Avoiding oversharing is also important. Your former depression or addiction may be a part of who you are, but your profile is not a place to share it. You don’t have to be deceptive, but definitely be selective.

    What are some red flags to be aware of when you are looking to make a connection?

    Some are really obvious. If he announces his favorite sexual position, you know to steer clear. But some things are less obvious. If a guy is overly eager to meet quickly or, on the flip side, is overly reluctant to meet in person, those can both be red flags. (My girlfriend, Char, insists that the man who stood me up for a date was likely in prison.)

    Another thing to pay attention to is whether the guy’s profile is overly disparaging of former partners or, conversely, if it’s too idealistic. If he says something like, “I’m a workaholic now, but once I meet you, I’ll be different,” or “I want someone who completes me,” he may have an unrealistic view of relationships.

    Pay attention and notice what your gut is telling you. 

    As a Christian woman on a dating site, how do you approach the topic of sex?

    We know in our culture that checking the Christian box doesn’t mean you share the same values when it comes to sex. Literally, anyone can check that box, and it may just mean, “My grandparents had me baptized as a baby.”

    If you are saving sex for marriage, make that plain. You can even drop a hint in your profile by saying something like, “I’m not here for a hook-up” or “I’m looking to build a friendship.”

    Here are some code words and phrases to notice when looking at men’s profiles: “open-minded,” “romantic,” “down for Netflix & chill,” and “I expect my partner to be passionate.” Those all can be code for “I want to sleep with you as soon as possible.”

    I have a friend in her 30s who is very up-front about her commitment to save sex for marriage, and she always brings it up within the first couple dates. Because sex and dating is often assumed in our culture (even among those who check the Christian box), I think this is so smart. It takes courage, but it’s so important.

    You mentioned trusting your gut earlier. Can you elaborate on that? Do you have an example of when this worked for you?

    Yes, I have been catfished—when someone is not who they say they are. He said he was a man of faith, but he used overly religious jargon that didn’t sound genuine. He said he was from Norway but living in Atlanta. I don’t really know what a Norwegian accent sounds like, but his voice just didn’t sound right to me. And I didn’t get the sense that he had any friends or community of support. I mentioned it to a friend who did some research. She found that though he claimed to be an architectural professional, he didn’t have a profile on LinkedIn. (That’s not a complete deal-breaker, but most professionals are on LinkedIn.) But he also only had three Facebook friends, and my friend was like, “Margot, he’s not real.” So I ended that one.

    Let’s talk specifically about safety. What are practical things women can do as they invest in the online dating world?

    For an overall posture of safety, you should be suspicious. I know that sounds awful, but don’t assume someone is who they say they are until you’ve seen evidence.

    Be smart and do your research. It’s really easy with Google and social media, and it may save you time and heartache. One guy I connected with said he thought it was stupid for people to Google their matches. So I googled him and found a kind of paparazzi shot of him walking out of a courthouse in a high-profile criminal trial.

    Also, don’t share your personal information, your address, or any photos that you don’t want shared with others. If you want to be particularly careful, get a Google phone number, so your match doesn’t see your real number until you are ready to share it. 

    Also, involve your girlfriends. If something doesn’t feel right, run it past them. Have them help you browse profiles, and when you are ready to meet a match in person, let a friend know where you will be, meet in a very public place and take your own transportation. If you do those three things, it can really protect you.

    Before I let you go, what is your advice for getting out of a relationship or even just out of a connection after meeting in person once or twice?

    My neighbor friend in her 30s has a wonderful template for this. Simply tell them, “I’ve enjoyed meeting you. I don’t think we’re a match, and I wish you well.” I think that language of “we’re not a match” is really helpful in saying goodbye.

    Does the thought of joining a dating site invoke feelings of fear and anxiety—or, worse, insecurity or unworthiness? If so, then The Grown Woman’s Guide to Online Dating is the book for you. With practical advice about how these sites work, what to expect, and when to join and quit, along with proven tips for making the most of them, The Grown Woman’s Guide equips readers with all they need to take the plunge.

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Tonktiti

    Kim Harms HeadshotKim Harms is an author, speaker, and part-time librarian with two decades of freelance writing experience. She has a degree in English from Iowa State University. She is married to an adventure-lover, and together they have three super-awesome sons, but only the youngest still lives at home. Her book, Life Reconstructed: Navigating the World of Mastectomies and Breast Reconstruction, is a guide for women walking the breast cancer road. She also offers breast cancer resources at her website, kimharms.net. She can be found on Instagram @kimharmslifereconstructed where it turns out that her dog is way more popular than she is, raking in the views when he is the star of her reels.

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  • 3 Blessings of Having a Sister

    3 Blessings of Having a Sister

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    Many of us are blessed to have a sister or sisters in our lives. God blessed me with a sister who has been with me through every dark time of our lives. Maybe you have a sister you’re really close to or a sister who has stood by your side even when it’s hard. While some sibling relationships can be extremely difficult, which I know all too well, other sibling relationships are beautiful blessings.

    I’m the youngest of three girls, yet my middle sister and myself were always closest to one another. If you have a sibling, maybe you know how close a bond can grow over the years.

    My sister and I have gone through many difficult times, and we are presently going through an ongoing problem that hasn’t been resolved in nearly two decades. During these times, I am especially grateful for my sister.

    Through the tough times of being bullied in public school to the death of our beloved dog and the death of our mother, my sister and I have always been close.

    Similar to many siblings, we have been through a lot together. My sister and I are Irish twins because we were born 10 months apart. The closeness in our age may have also contributed to how we became not only sisters but also best friends.

    Together my sister and I had to go through the pain of medical diagnoses of family members as well as seeing the deteriorating health of our mother. All of these things can weigh heavy on anyone’s heart and mind.

    It is not surprising for any of these things to cause us to collapse under the pressure of it all. I know, personally, I was only able to go through these hard times with the help of God and my sister. Without the support of God and my sister, the feelings of being overwhelmed, fear, and depression would have become too much.

    No matter what we have gone through, my sister has always remained by my side. God blessed me greatly when he gave me a sister as great as mine. After the death of our family dog in early 2016, my sister became severely depressed.

    Our family dog was her best friend, and our dog was there for my sister through everything. I knew how much my sister loved our family dog, but I never knew how much our lives would change without our sweet little dog.

    The death of our dog was only the beginning of tragedy after tragedy. After our dog passed away, my sister became more reserved and didn’t have the same free spirit she had before. Depression had crept into her heart, and it was something I couldn’t heal for her.

    Seeing my sister in this way broke my heart. While my sister has been working on healing, the absence of our furry little dog still creeps into all of our hearts and minds, and we all miss her dearly.

    What we didn’t know was that our dog’s death was the beginning of one of the most difficult and tragic years. In the spring of 2016, our oldest sister went through many mental health difficulties and has never fully recovered, even six years later.

    My Irish twin sister and I started to learn many things that we never wanted to know and went to floors of the hospital we never wanted to travel to. This traumatic event still stays with us, and we are often reminded of the difficulties of taking care of someone who has pronounced mental health illnesses.

    2. Leaning on Them During Difficult Times

    I started college in late August of 2016, while my sister had already completed a few semesters before me. Within the first semester of college, our mother was deathly sick in the hospital due to congestive heart failure. She was in the hospital for 10 days in the ICU before she passed away.

    My family and I visited mom multiple times each day in the ICU. In 2016, only two family members were allowed at a time to visit the patient, so naturally, my sister and I went back before my dad, and oldest sister saw our mom.

    If you have been in the ICU, you know how emotional it can be. At only 18 years old, it was traumatizing to see my mother in such a deathly state. She was hooked up to a machine to keep her heart beating, she was on oxygen, and she had a tube feed.

    My mother woke up while my sister and I were in the room, and it gave me deep sorrow to see the fear in my mother’s eyes. She gripped my hand, and she was so strong. All I wanted to do was to save her somehow — to make all the problems go away, but I couldn’t.

    My family and I continued to visit mom every day, multiple times a day in the hospital, and it was always my Irish twin sister and me who were together during these difficult times. Despite the efforts of the hospital, my mother passed exactly 10 days after being admitted.

    My mom was young — she was only 45 years old when she passed away. It pains me to think of all that she will never experience on this earth and all of the memories that I will never make with her now.

    Maybe you have been through something similar, and you had someone to lean on. For me, these individuals were God and my sister. 

    Life has never been the same since 2016, but I feel my sister, and I have grown closer through these difficult seasons of life. It would be erroneous to say that time has completely healed the pain since 2016 because it hasn’t.

    However, knowing my sister has been with me through it all has helped me not feel so alone. There is something comforting to know that you are not as alone as you once thought.

    Whenever we become crestfallen or upset over a memory or a thought, we can both understand each other better because we were there with each other during these tragedies.

    3. Always Supportive

    Through college, my sister and I remained close, and we are still close right up to this present day. I had to go through an anorexia recovery from 2020 up until the present year, and my sister has been by my side through every step of the journey.

    It has been extremely hard and filled with ups and downs, but my sister has always extended love to me even when I didn’t deserve it. In this way, my sister was showing me the love of Christ in her actions.

    If you’re knowledgeable about eating disorders, you know how difficult they can be and how much the person who is struggling with the eating disorder can push others away. Despite pushing others away, my sister still encouraged me and stuck by my side.

    For this, I am eternally grateful because everyone else left my side. It is through the hard times and the struggles that those who truly love us shine. My sister has been a true blessing in my life, and I couldn’t imagine not having her in my life.

    Today, make sure to help your sibling or siblings know how much you appreciate them. Even though some siblings may be difficult to be around, there is normally a sibling who is not only your sibling but also your best friend.

    For further reading:

    What Does it Mean to Be in the Family of God?

    What Is the Importance of Having a Spiritual Family?

    What Is the Significance of Siblings in the Bible?

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/DGLimages

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

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  • Our Relationship To Money Helps Us Understand Bitcoin

    Our Relationship To Money Helps Us Understand Bitcoin

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    This is an opinion editorial by Mark Maraia, an entrepreneur, author of “Rainmaking Made Simple” and a Bitcoiner.

    “What Is Your Relationship To Money?”

    I’d argue that’s a more intimate question for many than “Are you happily married?”

    I’m sure most readers have never thought deeply about their relationship to money. Those raised with a scarcity mindset will never have enough. This is usually learned from parents and family at a very young age. It is also reinforced by fiat. If you are losing 7.7% of your purchasing power every year, you are likely to foment a mindset of scarcity. Those raised with or those who cultivated an abundance mindset were programmed differently. Either way, your mindset around and about money is ultimately a choice; you can alter or rewrite the program. For some people, this is easy. For others, it’s nearly impossible. And there are people who have plenty of money, but still aren’t happy.

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  • 7 Relationship-Building Lessons I Learned By Partnering With Over 20 Franchises

    7 Relationship-Building Lessons I Learned By Partnering With Over 20 Franchises

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    Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.

    Franchising has become increasingly popular in recent years, and with good reason. There are two big reasons to do franchising: It allows you to partner with another business to share resources, customers and brand recognition. Secondly, the franchisor and franchisee rely on each other for growth — one can’t grow without the other. So this creates an incentive for both to strengthen their relationship and keep each other happy.

    Business is rough. It’s a battle full of discomfort, pain, haziness, unpredictability and uneasiness. When I consider all the pieces of this business puzzle, the biggest realization I have is that I need to build a team. By working with other entrepreneurs, we can go to “war” together and become stronger because we will have built a supportive network for each other.

    Related: 3 Tips on How to Empower Your Franchisees to Acquire Local Customers

    Having worked with over 20 franchises, I’ve learned so much about partnering with other business owners. I’ve found many similarities between building a business partnership and getting married. In both cases, you’re committing to working with someone else towards common goals, sharing resources and dealing with the good and bad times together.

    Related: Why People are Rethinking Retirement and Franchising Instead

    In business, we often discuss partnerships and franchising as if they are marriages. And in many ways, they are. Both require constant communication, trust, honesty and commitment from all parties involved.

    Just like in a marriage, these relationships can be incredibly rewarding and fraught with challenges. But if all parties are committed to making the relationship work, it can be a very successful venture.

    Here are some key lessons I’ve learned from franchising and partner relationships in business:

    1. With more franchises, you’ll have less time to give them

    When you have just a few franchises, you can dedicate more time and attention to every franchise, as you can keep up and meet their needs. However, it’s important to understand that as you grow in partners, the harder it gets to provide the necessary support and attention they need.

    When you’re starting out and only have to manage a few franchisees, you can get to know them personally and understand their business goals. But as your franchise network grows, providing that same support and attention becomes harder.

    2. You need self-sustaining partners

    As your franchise network grows, you need self-sufficient partners who can sustain themselves without your constant hand-holding. These partners clearly understand the franchisor-franchisee relationship and know how to operate their business independently.

    Communicating and meeting your business partner’s needs is important. However, having them be self-sufficient removes a lot of pressure from you and your team, allowing you to focus on other important matters.

    Related: 10 Ways the Pandemic Transformed Franchising

    3. Franchisees need to feel like they’re part of the family

    Like in a marriage, both partners need to feel like they are part of a family. For a franchise relationship to be successful, franchisees need to feel supported by the franchisor. They should feel like they are part of a team and that their success is the franchisor’s.

    As the franchisor, you must provide adequate training and support so franchisees can succeed. But more importantly, you need to create an environment where franchisees feel like they belong.

    4. Disagreements are inevitable — it’s how you handle them that’s key

    Just like in any relationship, there will be disagreements. It’s important to remember that how you handle these disagreements will determine the relationship’s success.

    In a franchising relationship, both parties must be willing to compromise and find a middle ground. They need to be able to see things from the other person’s perspective and be open to finding a solution that works for both parties.

    5. It’s difficult to keep everyone happy

    In any relationship, it’s impossible to keep everyone happy all the time. And in a franchising relationship, there will always be franchisees who are unhappy with something.

    The key is to listen to their concerns and try to find a way to address them. But at the end of the day, you need to make decisions that are in the best interest of the franchise as a whole.

    Related: How To Launch, Grow and Thrive in Franchising

    6. All relationships require work

    All relationships – whether they’re marriages or business partnerships require work. If you want your relationship to be successful, you must be willing to put in the time and effort. You need to communicate constantly and work together towards common goals.

    The relationship will suffer if you’re not willing to do the work. And in a business setting, that can mean big problems down the road.

    7. Focus on the opportunities

    Having a successful franchising relationship comes down to focus. You need to focus on the opportunities that the relationship provides. You must understand that this requires hard work, but it’s a very rewarding experience.

    You need to see the potential for growth and expansion. And you need to be willing to work together to make it happen. You’ll be well on your way to a successful franchising relationship if you can do that.

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  • Will I Recognize My Spouse in Heaven?

    Will I Recognize My Spouse in Heaven?

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    The Bible only tells us so much about Heaven. It’s a mystery that has yet to be revealed. And while so much about Heaven is left up to the imagination, I’m confident that even the most imaginative minds can’t touch the splendor that awaits us. We wonder about everything from how old we’ll appear to be to what language we’ll speak. Will the streets really be paved with gold? Can we really be rejoicing for eternity when people we love aren’t there? The questions and wonders about Heaven are endless.

    As we address the question, “Will I recognize my spouse in Heaven?” we need to remember that, while the Bible may give hints on this topic, Scripture does not provide an explicit answer. While it’s natural to have a fear or unsettledness about the unknown, we need to trust God with the details of eternity, just as we need to trust him with the details of our lives here on earth.

    Below are some popular accounts found in God’s Word that seem to support the notion that we will, indeed, know one another in Heaven. But because we are limited in our knowledge and understanding, you may find that some of these accounts create even more questions about Heaven. This is why we must hold loosely to our opinions and trust that whatever Heaven holds, we will be overcome with His goodness and be fully satisfied in Him.

    Let’s start with what we know to be true:

    God Is Relational

    Something we see throughout the entirety of the Bible is that God is relational. We see this as early as the book of Genesis when God established His kingdom on earth in the Garden of Eden. He didn’t just have a relationship with Adam and Eve; He allowed them to have a deep, intimate, meaningful relationship with each other. Genesis 2:25 tells us they were “naked and unashamed.”

    This gives us a glimpse into what Heaven will be like. We will once again be unencumbered by sin and able to have the purest of relationships with one another. We will have complete intimacy with nothing to hide. In other words, just as we are not meant to live in solitude on earth, we will not spend eternity in solitude.

    In 1 Corinthians 12:13, Paul reminds us that in this life, our knowledge is limited, but those limitations will be removed in the next life. This suggests we will have relationships with one another that are deeper and more meaningful than we can even imagine, in part because our lives will no longer be hindered by sin and because our collective focus will be on Christ.

    But the question still remains, will we recognize each other?

    Marriage and Heaven

    Photo credit: ©Pexels/Leah Kelley

    We know from Scripture that in Heaven, we will not be married or given in marriage (Matt 22:30). This refers to the concept of marriage we’re familiar with in this life. The exciting truth that awaits us in Heaven is that we, the church, are the bride of Christ (Ephesians 5:22-33).

    As the bride of Christ, we, along with those we love, will turn our collective focus on Him. We will see Him in all his splendor and glory, and we will be completely satisfied. Whether happily married or not, your eternal existence as the bride of Christ will be the richest and most satisfying relationship imaginable.

    The problem is we have no reference as to what it means to be fully satisfied. Even in our most joyful moments here on earth, we are still tainted by the effects of sin. For those who have had happy, healthy marriages, it’s difficult to imagine being fully satisfied by Christ without our spouse by our side.

    While I am fully convinced we will be fully satisfied by Christ regardless of who is or isn’t with us in Heaven, I believe we can reason from Scripture that we will indeed know one another.

    You Will Be You in Heaven

    There’s no reason to believe we will suddenly be someone else in Heaven or that we will lose our earthly memories, causing us to forget or not recognize one another. For one thing, we’re told we will give an account of our lives on earth (Rom 14:12). How can we give an account of how we lived our lives if we can’t remember how we lived or who we lived with?

    Again, this begs other questions. Will we all be the same age in Heaven? How will a baby lost in infancy look compared to someone who died in their 90s? We simply don’t have answers to these questions, but we know our bodies will be perfected and made new.

    1 Corinthians 15:52 tells us that “the dead will be raised incorruptible” and that those who are alive at the time of Christ’s return for His saints “shall be changed.” What exactly does this look like? The Bible doesn’t get more specific, but it’s still a glorious promise!

    Now let’s look at some popular references that seem to support the idea that we will recognize one another in Heaven.

    The Resurrection

    Our best example of knowing one another in Heaven is found in Jesus, who was recognized countless times by his disciples after his resurrection. They recognized him on the shore as he cooked for them in John 21:1-14. They recognized him when he appeared to Thomas in John 20:24-29. And in 1 Corinthians 15:6, the disciples recognize Jesus when he appears to five hundred people at once.

    Consider John 20:15-16 when Jesus approached Mary at the tomb. She likely did not immediately recognize Jesus because she was weeping and in distress. But once Jesus said her name, she knew exactly who was talking to her.

    The Transfiguration:

    Consider the transfiguration in Matthew 17. Jesus took Peter, James, and John up high on a mountain. Jesus was transfigured before them and shone like the sun; his clothes became white as light. Two men appeared and were talking with Jesus. These men were Moses and Elijah.

    Peter said to Jesus, “Lord, it is good that we are here. If you wish, I will make three tents here, one for you and one for Moses and one for Elijah.” If you’ll notice, Peter, James, and John were not only able to recognize Jesus in his glorified body, but they also knew the identity of Moses and Elijah.

    Did Jesus introduce Moses and Elijah? Did Jesus allow Peter, James, and John to supernaturally know who they were seeing? Again, while the Bible doesn’t give us those details, many use this account to support the idea that we will recognize one another in Heaven.

    Paul’s Anticipation of Heaven

    Stairway to Heaven

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Romonolo Tavani

    Consider 2 Corinthians 1:14 and 1 Thessalonians 2:19. In both of these verses, Paul anticipates the joy of Heaven being increased by the presence of those whom he had the great privilege of winning to Christ. These verses speak of mutual recognition. Paul will recognize and boast in Christ on behalf of those he won to faith, and they will recognize and boast in Christ on behalf of Paul.

    Another way that Paul speaks to this issue is in 1 Thessalonians 4:15-18. Paul addressed the Thessalonian Christians concerning their loved ones who had died. He comforted them with these words, “the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them…and so we will be with the Lord forever…Therefore encourage each other with these words.”

    The argument here is that there could be no encouragement in the promise of being caught up together with those who have gone before if we won’t know and recognize them.

    King David

    Another popular argument for us recognizing one another in Heaven is in the account of King David and the death of his son found in 2 Samuel 12:15-23. King David spent seven days fasting and weeping over his son, who was sick. On the seventh day, his child died.

    After being informed that his son had died, David washed, anointed himself, changed his clothes, and went into the house of the Lord and worshiped. Later, as David ate, one of his servants asked him why he wept and fasted while his son was still alive, but now that the child was dead, he arose and was eating.

    David responded to his servant by saying, “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept, for I said, ‘Who knows whether the Lord will be gracious to me, that the child may live?’ But now he is dead. Why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he will not return to me.”

    This account often comforts parents who have lost infants or children because David is convinced he will see his child again. This account also shows David’s confidence that he will recognize his son when he sees him again.

    For many, these and other accounts in the Bible bring comfort and give hope that we will recognize our spouses in Heaven. Yet recognizing our spouses in Heaven shouldn’t be our ultimate comfort or hope.

    Remember Where Your True Comfort and Hopes Lie

    In our flesh, our focus is usually on ourselves, on our own desires, comforts, and fears. It’s not surprising, then, that we look forward to Heaven because we want to see loved ones who have gone before us. Or that we look to eternity with uncertainty because of our lack of understanding and fear of the unknown.

    Before we try to settle discussions of whether or not our spouse will know us in Heaven, we should settle on what we already know to be true: We know that Jesus has prepared a place for us (John 14:2-3), we know we can trust him in all things (Psalm 33:4 ) and we know that he is working for our good (Rom 8:28). With this in mind, we need to take all things that we hold dear on earth (in this case, our spouse) and be able to say, “I will be fully satisfied in Christ even if my spouse doesn’t know me in Heaven.”

    My personal conviction is that we will, indeed, know one another in a deeper, more intimate way than we do now. But I am also convicted that our focus will not be on one another. Our focus will be on Christ, and our joy will be made complete in Him.

    Related Articles:

    Will I Still Be Married to My Spouse in Heaven?

    Will We Know Each Other in Heaven?

    5 Ways to See Your Marriage through the Lens of Heaven

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Jonh Orton Design

    Beth Ann Baus is a wife and mother of two adult sons. She is a freelance writer and author of Sister Sunday, My So Much More, and His Power, Our Weakness: Encouragement for the Biblical Counselor. In her writing, Beth often pulls from her own experiences of abuse, anxiety, depression and OCD. Beth has a heart for homeschooling, women’s ministry, and is an ACBC-certified Biblical Counselor. She loves serving alongside her husband and pointing couples to the Word for strengthening their marriages and home life. You can find more from her at www.bethannbaus.com.

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    Beth Ann Baus

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