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Tag: Relationships

  • A Letter from Your Anxious Friend

    A Letter from Your Anxious Friend

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    I am truly so happy for you. You get to live life with only the common fears and worries that come with reality being reality. You do not have to suffer through the irrational “what if’s” that loom constantly in the back of my mind. I know you still fight through worries and trials, but you seem to have a better grip on how to control your fear response than I do. And that genuinely makes me happy for you. 

    However, I ask that you stop viewing my anxiety as a flaw. I am not broken. I am not cracked. I am not fragile. I so appreciate your attempts to protect me and help me, but I am stronger than what you might think. You see, every day from dusk till dawn my brain is in fight-or-flight. At any moment I can offer you five different scenarios on how things could go drastically wrong. It takes a strong person to constantly inhabit this kind of space and thought. 

    There are days when I do ask that you be gentle and patient with me. I am not claiming to have perfect strength and resilience; I am only human. But I ask that you show the patience and understanding that you would a toddler learning about the world around her and how to take steps through it. With these precious humans, we are gentle and we are patient. However, we do not assume that they are weak only because they are learning. We do not comment to them about how we are already cushioning all of their life experiences because we don’t think that they can handle the hard times without us. We speak life into them. We encourage their steps, and we encourage their falls, and we never view their learning experiences as flaws. 

    Sometimes my fears and worries seem to overtake me. They seem this way because it is the truth. The thoughts seem to encompass all of the earth around me. But that does not mean I give in to them. Every day, I lean on Jesus a little more. And then, like a human, I stray away, thinking I have gained control over this “worry thing.” And then, the peaceful and loving arms of Jesus welcome me back when I find myself in tears on the bathroom floor. 

    I so appreciate your desire to help me and love me through hard times. I desire to be just as much of a rock and support system to you as well, friend. But sometimes all I need is for someone to listen to the fears and the worries and sit with me in the “what if’s.” I do not need you to try and tell me everything will be okay when it might not be. I just need you to gently support me through the battles of life, without looking at me in pity. 

    And yes, I take medicine in the morning to help me balance the chemicals in my brain that seem to run in fear. But no, the medicine is not a centrical part of who I am. It is simply an aid to who I know I am meant to be. Please do not assume that I am defined by a prescription. Taking a pill takes up 5 seconds of all 86,400 seconds in my day. While I have no problem sharing my story, especially to help others, I do not like to use my dear friend Sertraline as a crutch or an excuse. Therefore, I ask that you do not treat it as such as well. 

    I know this can seem both confusing and redundant. You are probably asking why I am saying that I can find myself overcome with fears, yet I am okay. I am telling you to be gentle, but no too gentle. But think of Jesus and His disciple, Thomas. When Jesus rose from the grave, Thomas was in disbelief. He claimed that he needed to see the scars of Jesus and even touch them in order to believe the Savior had truly risen again. 

    “A week later, the disciples were gathered in a house when Jesus appeared to them. He first offered them peace, and then told Thomas to put his hands on His side. Then, Jesus spoke, ‘Stop doubting and believe’” (John 21:24-29). 

    Jesus never told Thomas he was less of a disciple because he doubted. So please, do not tell me I am less of a faithful follower of Christ because of my doubts. As Jesus offered Thomas peace and comfort without looking at him in disdain, I ask you to do the same.

    I am not my anxiety. I am my own person with my own thoughts, feelings, and opinions. I do not revolve around my anxiety, though sometimes it seems to revolve around me. But please recognize the difference. I orbit around Jesus; my fears orbit around me. The neat thing about this solar pattern is that as I circle the Christ, I force my fears, doubts, and worries to do the same. When I bow at the feet of Jesus, my anxious thoughts have no choice but to bow with me. I look to you for comfort, yes, but not for wholeness or fixing. I know the Ultimate Healer already, and He is not intimidated or fearful of my thoughts. 

    I also ask that you never feel as though you cannot talk to me. Yes, I struggle with battles that I have said you might not understand. But I know that you struggle with wars I will never fight. I can offer you a unique perspective. Honestly, I have learned to harvest my anxious thoughts and turn them into a type of trouble-shooting defense tactic. So, if you need someone to walk through possibilities and scenarios, I’m your girl. 

    I write all of this in hopes that I do not seem ungrateful. Your support in any form means the world to me. And you are so brave for attempting to understand and navigate the complications of my thoughts. You are so kind for sitting in them with me while I try and figure them out. Because of all of this, I never want you to think that I do not love and appreciate both you and your efforts. 

    I write this instead to say that you do not have to tip-toe around me. You will not break me if you lean on me. In all actuality, you help me grow when you force me to walk through my fears and “what if’s” instead of shielding me from them. 

    My battle is anxiety. And you help me fight. Whatever your battle may be, I plan to stand in battle next to you as well. 

    So, this is both a thank you letter and a release form. Thank you for your friendship and for simply being you. And please release yourself from the responsibility of shielding me. Again, I won’t break, and I am not sick. You do not have to stand guard. Give me the space to be strong. 

    I love you, dear friend, and I thank God every day for you in this life. 

    Love, 

    Your Anxious Friend 

    Photo Credit: ©swn

    Olivia Lauren is a graduate student passionate about Scripture, particularly the Book of Romans showcasing God’s grace. Outside her studies, she enjoys teaching her dog new tricks and finding quicker ways to silence the smoke alarm after trying a new recipe. 

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    Olivia Lauren

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  • How to Effectively Network as an Entrepreneur in 8 Easy Steps | Entrepreneur

    How to Effectively Network as an Entrepreneur in 8 Easy Steps | Entrepreneur

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    Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.

    Networking is an essential part of building a successful business. It’s about establishing meaningful connections with people who can help you achieve your goals, whether finding new clients, collaborating on projects or gaining valuable advice and insights from other entrepreneurs.

    At its core, networking is about building relationships, which can provide a wealth of opportunities for entrepreneurs looking to grow their businesses. But how can you build these connections in an authentic and lasting way? Here are some tips to help you harness the power of networking as an entrepreneur.

    1. Be intentional about your networking efforts

    Networking can take many forms, from attending industry events to joining online communities. The key is to be intentional about how you approach these opportunities. Rather than simply showing up and hoping to make some connections, think about what you want to achieve from your networking efforts. Do you want to meet potential clients? Are you looking for mentors or advisors? Do you want to collaborate with other entrepreneurs on a project?

    Once you’ve identified your goals, you can focus your networking efforts on the people and events that are most likely to help you achieve them. This approach will not only save you time and energy but will also ensure that you’re building connections that are relevant and meaningful for your business.

    This means taking a genuine interest in others, listening actively to their stories and perspectives, and being open and honest about your own experiences and challenges. Authenticity builds trust, and trust is the foundation of strong, lasting relationships.

    Related: Effective Networking: The Difference Between Access, Opportunity and Being a Part of the Noise

    2. Follow up and stay in touch

    Building relationships takes time and effort, and networking is just the first step. To make these connections last, you need to be proactive about following up and staying in touch with the people you meet.

    Related: 4 Free Ways to Grow Your Social Networks

    3. Be authentic and genuine

    Networking can sometimes feel like a transactional process, where people are only interested in what you can do for them. However, building lasting relationships requires a deeper level of authenticity and genuineness. Don’t approach networking with a “what’s in it for me” attitude; instead, focus on building real connections with the people you meet.

    This can take many forms, from sending a quick email to say thank you after a meeting to regularly checking in with your contacts to see how they’re doing. Social media can also be a valuable tool for staying connected, whether liking and commenting on their posts or sending them a direct message to catch up. The key is to be consistent and genuine in your efforts to stay in touch.

    4. Look for ways to add value

    Networking is not just about what you can get from others; it’s also about what you can give. Look for ways to add value to the people you meet, whether that’s by introducing them to someone in your network, sharing valuable resources or insights, or offering to help them with a specific challenge.

    By being generous and supportive, you’ll not only build stronger relationships with the people you meet, but you’ll also position yourself as a valuable resource and connector within your industry.

    Related: Effective Networking Requires Mastering These 5 Skills

    5. Be proactive about building your network

    Building relationships requires effort and intentionality. Don’t wait for opportunities to come to you; instead, be proactive about seeking out new connections and building your network. This might mean attending industry events, joining online communities, or reaching out to people you admire and respect.

    The more proactive you are about building your network, the more opportunities you’ll have to connect with the right people and build lasting relationships that can help you achieve your business goals.

    6. Focus on quality over quantity

    It’s easy to get caught up in the numbers game when it comes to networking – how many business cards can you collect, how many LinkedIn connections can you make, etc. However, it’s important to remember that quality is more important than quantity when it comes to building lasting relationships.

    Rather than trying to meet as many people as possible, focus on building deep, meaningful connections with a smaller group of people who are aligned with your goals and values. These connections will be more valuable and impactful over the long term than a large network of superficial relationships.

    7. Be patient

    Building strong, lasting relationships takes time and effort. Don’t expect to make meaningful connections overnight; instead, be patient and persistent in your networking efforts. Remember that relationships take time to develop, and it may take several interactions or meetings before you establish a meaningful connection with someone.

    Be patient and stay committed to building relationships, even if you don’t see immediate results. Over time, your efforts will pay off in the form of a strong network of connections that can provide valuable support and opportunities for your business.

    8. Embrace diversity and inclusivity

    Finally, it’s important to recognize that business relationships are not just about meeting people like you. In fact, some of the most valuable connections you can make are with people with different backgrounds, perspectives and experiences.

    Embracing diversity and inclusivity in your networking efforts can help you broaden your horizons, learn new things, and gain valuable insights into different markets and industries. It can also help you build a more inclusive and diverse network of connections, providing valuable support and opportunities for your business over the long term.

    With a positive attitude and a willingness to learn, you’re sure to make great connections and achieve your dreams.

    Entrepreneurship is an exciting journey, and networking can be your secret weapon to reach your business goals. It’s like having a magic wand that helps you make lasting connections, and we at SnapBlooms want to cheer you on. We wish you all the best in your networking endeavors!

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    Murali Nethi

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  • What Does the Bible Say about Remarriage?

    What Does the Bible Say about Remarriage?

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    Adultery is a biblical ground for divorce and as such the person who has remained faithful in the marriage is free to remarry. I will point out that even though adultery is grounds for divorce, that does not automatically mean if there is adultery in the marriage that this is the step you should take. Remember God’s desire is for marriages to stay together. However, if the adultery is something you cannot work through, if you choose to divorce on those grounds, then you are free to remarry.

    3. Abuse

    If you are in an abusive relationship, you have every right to leave that marriage because those are legitimate grounds for divorce. Abuse is an abdication of marital responsibility, and you are not required to stay in that type of relationship. Should you divorce on these grounds it is absolutely okay to seek remarriage.

    4. Other Reasons

    There are a host of other reasons people get divorced, but we must be careful because divorce should only take place when there is a legitimate, Biblical reason. If there are no Biblical grounds for divorce, then remarriage should be off the table. Let me repeat what Paul said in 1 Corinthians.

    “To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife” (1 Corinthians 7:10-11).

    For these other situations, remarriage is not an option, but reconciliation is. This command is why we need to treat marriage seriously and not enter into it lightly.

    Is Remarriage after Divorce Adultery?

    Is it possible that if you remarry after divorce, you could be committing adultery? The answer is it depends on the reason why you got divorced. If your divorce is for Biblical reasons, then remarrying is not committing adultery.

    If it is not for Biblical reasons, then it is adultery because in God’s eyes that remarriage is illegitimate. It may be legal according to the laws of the land, but it is not sanctioned in God’s eyes. Because each situation is different, I want to be careful about making a blanket statement about an individual marriage. True wisdom would require you to consider each situation on a case-by-case basis so that an effective determination can be made.

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/dragana991

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    Clarence L. Haynes Jr.

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  • 5 Common Questions Asked in ‘Co-Founder Couples Therapy’ | Entrepreneur

    5 Common Questions Asked in ‘Co-Founder Couples Therapy’ | Entrepreneur

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    Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.

    No one but your person knows exactly what you’re going through. You take the same risks and want the same things. You’re legally bound by a contract, ideally (more on this later). I’m talking about your co-founder.

    Like real marriage, co-founder “marriage” is an intense partnership, a big investment at the mercy of human connection, communication and flaws. Many entrepreneurs consider the mechanics of this dynamic before the emotions, though both aspects are equally important.

    Your psychological health, and that of your co-founder, are paramount to the success of your company.

    As a clinical psychologist, by the time I see co-founders in my office, where I advise entrepreneurs, some personal grievance has already occurred. Inevitably, the business also suffers. Co-founder couples therapy, or thinking actively about the health of your relationship, can prevent a bad breakup — or worse, a bad exit.

    Here are the five most common questions asked by my co-founder clients, from whether friendship is a requirement to the ideal cadence of communication.

    Related: 4 Sane Strategies for Maintaining Healthy Co-Founder Relationships

    1. Do we need a prenup?

    The short answer is yes. Ideally, your lawyers draft a contract outlining roles, stakes, and, importantly, exit plans. Things tend to implode when one co-founder wants to move on but there is no clear structure in place to do so.

    I always advise not to split operations 50-50, and instead, designate one person as a final ruler on key decisions. Many people find this tricky, but in my experience, it’s the best arrangement for the long-term health of the business and the working relationship. Making one person an authority also prevents stalemates.

    2. Do we have to be friends?

    It would be great if you liked each other. It’s far more important to gain the mutual trust and respect that comes with combined effort, integrity and professionalism. It is possible to run a business alongside someone you wouldn’t choose to spend time with outside of work. The reverse does not apply: It’s not a great idea to just be friends, to launch a company with your college roommate because you get along so well.

    Complementary skills and designated roles are more important than friendship. One of you is technical, and the other is an expert in sales, for instance. If you work well together, chances are, you’re going to like each other. Stress and shared goals will naturally create a bonding experience.

    Related: How To Know When It’s Time to Break Up With Your Co-founder

    3. How do we know if we’re compatible?

    I get many questions about compatibility and how to crack it. Personality tests, including the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, can be helpful frameworks. These tools facilitate a better understanding of a partner’s personality and judgment. You can also learn a lot about yourself that will inform your own relationships. I recommend Sally Hogshead’s book, How the World Sees You and the CliftonStrengths Assessment (formerly StrengthsFinder).

    You could look to the zodiac if that helps you, but when it comes to compatibility, three things matter most:

    • What is my co-founder’s working style?

    • What is my co-founder’s communication style?

    • How does my co-founder react to stress?

    At a roadblock, will your partner disappear and try to solve the problem solo? Talk endlessly about solutions and distract others in the process? Become agitated and reactive? It’s helpful to anticipate your individual and shared reactions to plan accordingly.

    4. What if we’ve had a bad falling out, but still work together?

    Once you determine that the relationship is not worth saving (there are many steps before this), it’s often best not to work together too closely. In this case, you might sell the business using a broker. This is, of course, easier with an online operation.

    You might hire a CEO to run daily operations so that you and your co-founder only need to meet when the CEO transitions. Finally, one of you could buy the other one out. That would involve lots of interaction up front, though it does ensure a clean break. If you had a plan to dissolve the business when you launched, the terms of a sale should be easier to negotiate.

    Related: How Entrepreneurs Should Manage Personal Dynamics As Co-founders Of a Venture

    5. How often should we talk?

    Successful co-founders I work with have regular functional communication, frequently on platforms like email and Slack. I would also suggest a designated meeting in real time, even 30 minutes per week or 60 minutes every other week via phone or Zoom. Daily communication can become white noise, especially while working remotely and asynchronously.

    In-person (or e-person) check-ins make for more seamless decision-making and allow space for both vision planning and small personal updates. In a face or voice, you can better see or hear the excitement or stress in your co-founder’s demeanor and catch potential problems before they spiral out of control.

    Co-founder relationships are complex unions that are often fraught. How you navigate this dynamic can have permanent consequences for your business. It’s best to be proactive about the emotional aspects of this relationship, not just the logistics.

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    Sherry Walling, PhD

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  • How the Resurrection Power We Celebrate at Easter Impacts Our Marriage

    How the Resurrection Power We Celebrate at Easter Impacts Our Marriage

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    He is risen. He is risen indeed!

    Easter celebrates the pinnacle of our Christian faith, the risen Christ. We owe a debt to God because of sin that we cannot pay. Jesus is sinless and perfect. Only He could take on the sin of the world and die in our place so that we could have access to God through His blood. But His death is not the end. It is the beginning. His resurrection concurred death! He is both Savior and Lord! He now reigns at the righthand of God. He sent His Holy Spirit to empower us to live victoriously, no longer as slaves to sin! If we believe in Jesus, our position changes, and our daily submission to Him and His Word transforms us into His likeness. That is why we celebrate Easter!

    Our conversion changes everything in our lives! The Holy Spirit changes what we value, our purpose for living, and our motives, which affects our actions, choices, and, ultimately, our relationships. Our faith permeates every facet of our lives. And one of the areas where the transformation in us will be visible is in the way we see and interact with our spouse.

    Soulmates

    I was on a plane seated next to a man in his mid-fifties. We began talking. He told me he was divorced and on his way to meet his girlfriend. They lived in different cities but met regularly at romantic destinations for the weekend. He said his marriage was dull, but his new relationship was exciting. I asked him if he planned to marry her, and he replied, “Probably not because that would squelch what we have.” Then he asked me if I was married. Honestly, I was not sure what to say after his story! But I briefly shared about the relationship my husband and I have, our commitment to Christ, and each other.

    He was quiet and then said, “You are lucky. You found your soul mate.”

    I kindly stated that I do not believe in soul mates. Based on Plato’s The Symposium, the myth says, “according to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs, and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves.” 1 So somewhere out there is the person, your other half, and if you find them, you will have an effortless, fulfilling relationship. He was essentially saying, your relationship is easy; mine was hard. If only I had met my soul mate, my life would be different.

    So, I found my courage and gently explained the foundation of a biblical worldview of marriage. That my husband and I were not just naturally compatible, floating souls who, now that we have found each other, are blissfully experiencing transcendent love and romance! On the contrary, we put tremendous effort into submitting ourselves to God through the Holy Spirit and loving each other as Christ first loved us.

    He, like many, believes this false idea that marriage should be easy and exciting or you’ve married the wrong person.

    We All Marry the Wrong Person

    If our goal is to marry someone who will make our life easy and fulfill all our needs, then we all marry the wrong person. No person can do that for another person. Many people caught up in our culture’s unrealistic romantic promise end up deeply disappointed by the limitations of their spouse. Ernest Becker calls it “apocalyptic romance.” It is when we make our spouse the source of what only God can give.

    In his excellent book, The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God, Timothy Keller expounds on author Ernest Becker’s claim.

    “At one time we expected marriage and family to provide love, support, and security. But for the meaning in life, hope for the future, moral compass, and self-identity we looked to God and the afterlife. Today, however, our culture has taught us to believe that no one can be sure of those things, not even whether they exist. Therefore, Becker argued, something has to fill the gap, and often that something is romantic love. We look to sex and romance to give us what we used to get from faith in God.” 2

    Romance has its place, but if it is the focus, our marriage will fall short of what God intended. Only God can fulfill our needs because only He is perfect. When our lives are properly aligned as God directed, we find hope and meaning in our relationship with Him. Then from that place of receiving from God, we are empowered to love and serve each other in our marriage.

    How does God empower us?

    He gives up His Spirit so we can live as Scripture outlines. And Jesus’s life is our example.

    Lessons From Easter

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/andreswd

    Choosing to Serve

    Luke 22:27 “For who is greater, the one who reclines at the table or the one who serves? Is it not the one who reclines at the table? But I am among you as the one who serves.”

    During The Last Supper, the disciples argue over who is most important. It is so easy to read about them and shake our heads at their self-centeredness. Yet, in our marriages, do we not do this as well? Do we not compare our responsibilities and contributions with our spouses? Do we not plead our case for why we should be honored and/or served? “I make the most money.” “I took this job so you could advance your career.” “I do all the work around the house.”

    Jesus contrasts how the world uses their positions of power and authority at the expense of others with how we are to use them in the kingdom of God. In Jesus’ example, he is reclining at the table, so he is greater. But he has chosen the position of servant. He lays down his life. He doesn’t rely on His deity and equality with God but takes on the form of a servant. (Phil 2:1-8)

    Like Christ, we must not look out for our self-interest or be consumed with our self-importance, but choose to serve.

    Persevering in Our Marriage

    Luke 22: 42, “[Jesus] saying, Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from Me; yet not My will but Yours be done.”

    Jesus knows what death on the cross will cost Him. He asks God if there is another way. Haven’t we all felt that? In any trial or struggle, haven’t we prayed for God to just miraculously remove the circumstance or fix the problem painlessly?

    When facing a difficulty, we need to run to God first. We, too, can ask for Him to intervene. But notice when the circumstance is not changed according to His prayer, Jesus aligns himself with God’s will and walks through the trial.

    This is an intense situation with Jesus asking God to remove His cup. He is sweating blood because of what God’s will would mean for him. I am not in any way saying stay in an abusive, unsafe relationship or one with a pattern of sexual immorality, drug addiction, etc. In those cases, get help, and if it is unsafe, leave. Instead, I am pointing to the principle of submitting to God during a trial, laying down our selfishness, and doing the hard work of growing where submitting to the Holy Spirit can change us and our situation.

    In 2002 a marriage study of 10,000 couples rated the couple’s happiness twice, five years apart. The results showed that two-thirds of the unhappy couples staying together were happy five years later. In, Does Divorce Make People Happy? Findings From a Study of Unhappy Marriage, Sociologist Linda Waite studied what changed these unhappy marriages to happier ones. She quoted comments such as,

    ‘Mostly, we just kept putting one foot in front of the other, and things began to get better.”

    “I mellowed…I adjusted more than he changed.”

    Some couples reported getting input and advice from friends, family, or counselors. Others noted that the circumstances that were making them unhappy were resolved.

    Sometimes we are focused on one or two pain points, and it blinds us from the bigger picture and the other many good things that are happening. The study reminds us that through persevering, God can use trials to temper us (James 1:2-4) and produce good. (Romans 8:28)

    Vision for Your Marriage

    Hebrews 12:2 “Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross….”

    God’s perspective expands to an eternal focus. Jesus knew what was ahead. He knew his suffering, death, and resurrection were for a purpose far beyond the momentary pain and loss. He knew that everything he experienced helped to further God’s ultimate plan and would deeply affect humanity.

    Likewise, our marriages benefit society. Why Marriage Matters, Second Edition: Twenty-Six Conclusions From Social Science, points out that marriage deeply affects children by reducing social risks in that they are 3x less likely to drop out of school, 12x less likely to be incarcerated, and it protects them against living in poverty. The poverty rate for single parents with children at the time of the survey was 36.5%, whereas it was 6.4% for married parents with children, regardless of racial or ethnic background. Marriage is associated with better physical and mental health for men, women, and children. Many other studies also demonstrate the tremendous value to the broader culture strong marriages and families bring.

    We need the Lord’s help daily to see our lives, including our marriages, from His eternal perspective.

    The Blood of Jesus

    Romans 4:7 “Blessed are those whose lawless deeds are forgiven, and whose sins are covered.”

    1 Peter 4:8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins.

    The blood of Jesus covers us. It cleanses us from sin. (1 John 1:7) It justifies believers (Romans 5:8) and reconciles us to God. (Col 1:20)

    If you are married, I am sure you have had to forgive your spouse 70 x7 and be forgiven that many times as well! (Matt 18:22) God’s resurrection power at work in us empowers us to do that. It enables us to be patient, kind, not rude or self-seeking, and to keep no record of wrong. (1 Corinthians 13) “Love covering sin does not mean we disregard our own emotions or ignore personal boundaries. We cannot ‘cover’ sin by denying that it hurt us. We cover sin by acknowledging it and then extending the forgiveness God has given us to others.” 3

    This year as you celebrate Easter, thank God for His incredible gift of salvation. Ask for the hope of the resurrection to fill your heart and commit to extending that grace in your marriage and beyond. Resurrection power released the Holy Spirit, who now makes it possible for us to live the way we were created to live.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Studio4

    Cited Works

    • Keller, Timothy, and Kathy Keller. The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God. Penguin Books, 2016.
    • GotQuestions.org. “Home.” GotQuestions.org, 24 Feb. 2016, https://www.gotquestions.org/love-covers-multitude-sins.html.
    • Exarchopoulos, Socrates. “The Greek Myth of Soulmates, When Human Became Humans.” GHD, GHD, 23 Nov. 2020, https://www.greecehighdefinition.com/blog/the-greek-myth-of-soulmates.

    Erin A. Barry is an author, speaker, counselor, and educational consultant. With a bachelor’s degree in education and an NCCA master’s of arts in clinical Christian counseling, Erin has an advanced certification in sexual therapy and is working on her doctorate in Christian counseling. She is the author of, Yes, You Can Homeschool! The Terrified Parent’s Companion To Homeschool Success. She and her husband, Brett, are founders of The Home Educated Mind, a Christ-centered community dedicated to providing materials and support for Christian parents.

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    Erin A. Barry

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  • Do You Know Your Money Language? It Can Have a Real Impact. | Entrepreneur

    Do You Know Your Money Language? It Can Have a Real Impact. | Entrepreneur

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    Chances are, you’ve heard of the five love languages: words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time and physical touch. First outlined by Gary Chapman in his 1992 book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, the concept has since become a cultural phenomenon, surprising even the writer himself, per The New York Times.

    But there’s another language you should know if you want healthy relationships and finances. According to wealth manager and “fiscal feminist” Kimberlee Davis, four money languages influence the way we think and talk about our financial situations — and can have a real impact on our romantic partnerships.

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    Amanda Breen

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  • Why Do I Need Close Friends?

    Why Do I Need Close Friends?

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    Jesus said to His disciples, “No longer said do I call you servants, but I have called you friends” (John 15:15).

    Before Jesus went to Jerusalem to die, he stopped along the way to see his good friends, Mary, Martha, and Lazarus.

    Jesus had the Twelve disciples (well, eleven anyway), and three of these were His intimate friends.

    Jesus shared His glory with Peter, James, and John on the Mount of Transfiguration. He wanted his three best friends to experience the joyous shining of His glory with Him. He didn’t want to experience His transfiguration alone.

    Jesus was struggling in the Garden the night before the crucifixion. He pleaded with His disciples to watch and pray for Him. He needed his close friends to provide encouragement and comfort.

    Unfortunately, in that case, they did not measure up to the task. That happens sometimes.

    Every Christian needs close friends to walk with through life.

    2. We live in a lonely culture. Everyone could use some friends.

    I was sitting in the Tulsa airport when the man next to me began talking about friends.

    He shared that he didn’t have any. In fact, he told me that recently his wife said to him, “You need some friends.”

    “So, I went out and bought a dog. You know, dogs are a man’s best friend!”

    Is that sad or what?

    Don’t get me wrong; dogs can be wonderful companions. My daughter, Brianna, says that God must have created dogs right before Eve, because they love well, respond to emotion, and show loyalty.

    But don’t miss this. Even in the Garden of Eden, even with the Creator as his companion, God looked at Adam’s loneliness and said, “It is not good for man to be alone; I will make a helper fit for him.” So, he created Eve.

    God created us to live in relationship with one another.

    3. Our world is filled with people who outwardly look content but inwardly are crying out for someone to love them.

    Many are confused, lonely, frustrated, frightened, guilty, and unable to communicate, even with their own families.

    Other people look so happy and contented that we seldom have the courage to admit our own deep needs.

    Don’t be fooled. If only these people who seem so happy and contented would just take off their masks, we would often see that they are in as much pain as we are—perhaps even more.

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    Dr. Roger Barrier

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  • How I Learned to Communicate with My Husband

    How I Learned to Communicate with My Husband

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    One day, when a conversation about completing chores quickly turned into a fight resulting in criticism and blame, I realized something:

    Although I had no problem expressing myself or my feelings about a situation, I didn’t know how to communicate in a way that created a positive solution as a result. Often, our fights would leave in hurt feelings and awkward silences, but rarely did anything change after they occurred. After many years of feeling stuck, I decided to figure out how he gave and received information. I decided to look at myself rather than my husband to figure out how best to deal with the situations where we felt stuck. 

    Here are some of the things I discovered about how to communicate with my husband:

    Dealing with Unmet Expectations

    First, I had to get rid of unmet expectations. In marriage, each of us comes with expectations and assumptions about how the other person will or should act. But when that person doesn’t live up to our standards, it makes it more challenging to have the marriage that we desire. I had to get rid of my unmet expectations for him. It wasn’t fair I was expecting him to act and behave in a way that was contrary to who he truly was. When I could get rid of what I expected from my marriage and instead focus on what I had, it made it easier for me to communicate. As I analyzed my expectations, I realized my expectations were rooted in some idealized version of what a husband should be. Instead, I needed to figure out who he was and communicate in a way where we both left the conversation satisfied. 

    Stopping the Blame Game

    Second, I stopped placing blame. Although in every situation, both parties have played a role in the breakdown of the marriage, I had to stop blaming him. When I can express my feelings about how I feel about a situation, rather than attacking or accusing, we both communicate more effectively. No one wants to feel as if they are responsible for every bad situation in the marriage. But both parties have contributed in some way to having an unhealthy marriage. When I come to grips with the fact that I am partly to blame, I can resolve my own issues and change my communication to achieve the result I desire. 

    Discovering a Solution

    Third, I communicated the resolution in a way where both of us could take a role in resolving the problem. For example, if I found too much money was being spent out of our bank account or we weren’t sticking to our budget, I would communicate a solution in such a way that both of us could compromise and make the necessary changes to have a healthier financial situation. For example, I would agree to buy only what we needed if he would agree to pay attention to how much money was being withdrawn from the bank account. This way, both of us could take responsibility for being a part of the finances and come up with a solution without resulting in character assassination. 

    Reflecting on the Core Issue

    Fourth, I asked myself what the underlying issue was behind our fights. When I discovered we were often fighting about the lack of love and acceptance we felt from each other, we were able to resolve what was really going on. For example, we might get into a fight about one of us doing more chores than the other. But what was underneath was the resentment I felt when it seemed like one person didn’t care for the other. When I understood the actual issues underneath the fight, I was able to discover a compromise that both parties could be okay with. This helped us not feel like we were spinning our wheels, never getting anywhere in our conflict, but rather we were able to communicate in such a way as to communicate each other’s need for love and acceptance instead of just a better distribution of the household responsibilities. 

    Meeting in the Middle

    Fifth, I embrace compromise. In every situation where we come to a communication impasse, I can think of a compromise where both of us can be happy with the results. Although sometimes a situation calls for one of us to sacrifice for the other, we are able to give a little. When we are able to do that, we find we have more in common than we have differences. Marriage is a two-way relationship. Both parties must give themselves for the relationship to function at optimal capacity. It can’t be one party doing something and the other following blindly along. Both parties must feel valued and appreciated in their relationship. That means one spouse must give to the other even when they want to be selfish and focus on their personal needs or desires.

    Releasing Control

    Sixth, I gave up control. I stopped trying to control things that were out of my control, and I started to work on myself because it was the one thing I could truly change. During my daily quiet time, I worked on the issues that might be hindering me from a vibrant relationship with God. I asked him to recall old hurts, wounds, disappointments, fears, or unforgiveness that might be standing in the way of a good relationship with my husband. God, in his faithfulness, brought to mind each and every situation I needed to deal with. It was a long process, but once I was done, I felt lighter, like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. 

    Once I was able to let go of everything in my life holding me back from the freedom Christ wanted for me, I was able to change my communication style to communicate both what I needed but also what I wanted. Sometimes we think our communication is clear; however, what we say and what others hear can be two completely different things. I made sure I was clearly communicating both my needs and wants to my husband. I also give him ideas for how to meet those needs. When I could do these things, my relationship got much better. And I ultimately realized that the only Person who can fill my needs and wants is Christ. Instead of controlling relationships in my life, I had to learn to let them go and care more about my reaction to the situation rather than how they were behaving in this situation. 

    Marriage is one of the most difficult relationships you’ll ever have. But it can also be the most rewarding experience because that person knows you the best. The other person sees you both at your best and your worst. When both husband and wife can learn how to communicate in a way that communicates both their concerns with the situation and their underlying needs, wants, and desires, it can be a stilling relationship for both parties. Above all, when we function properly in a marriage, we give Christ glory because it is the mirror of Christ and his Church. 

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Ivanko_Brnjakovic

    Michelle S. Lazurek is a multi-genre award-winning author, speaker, pastor’s wife, and mother. She is a literary agent for Wordwise Media Services and a certified writing coach. Her new children’s book Who God Wants Me to Be encourages girls to discover God’s plan for their careers. When not working, she enjoys sipping a Starbucks latte, collecting 80s memorabilia, and spending time with her family and her crazy dog. For more info, please visit her website www.michellelazurek.com.

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    Michelle S. Lazurek

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  • 4 Biblical Purposes of Premarital Counseling

    4 Biblical Purposes of Premarital Counseling

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    When God created marriage, He had one thing in mind. To create a human union that reflected how He loves the church (His people). He designed the beautiful relationship to reflect His perfect love. We want to step into marriage with a biblical and God-honoring foundation.

    He desires that the relationship be fueled by each spouse putting the other first and encouraging them in their purposes for the Lord.

    We, as humans, can’t love perfectly; we need all the help we can get. That is why participation in premarital counseling can be so life-giving for your future marriage. Before we get married, there are many things to consider.

    Related: 6 Things to discuss before saying I DO!

    We need to dig deep into the lives of our betrothed and get to the bottom of important issues. We want all things brought to light to avoid trouble in the future. As we prepare to walk down the aisle, one of the most beneficial things we can do is get premarital counseling.

    So what is premarital counseling, you ask?

    Premarital counseling is a type of counseling or therapy that helps couples get to a healthy place before they say I do. They have an opportunity to discuss important topics and to get their expectations aligned. You can hire a professional counselor specializing in premarital, or your pastor will most likely offer his services before officiating your wedding. Christian counseling or meeting with your pastor would be most beneficial as you can incorporate your faith and relationships with God in the process, learning how to put Him in the center of marriage. This can help sustain the relationship when issues do arise.

    God empowers us with truths from His Word that give us guidance and direction when it comes to marriage. He equipped us with basic and solid truths that we can stand firm on when we enter marriage. Christian premarital counseling can help us pull out these truths and give us practical ways to apply them to our lives.

    4 Biblical Purposes for Premarital Counseling 

    1. Understanding Marriage Commitment

    If a man vows a vow to the Lord or swears an oath to bind himself by a pledge, he shall not break his word. He shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth. Numbers 30:2

    In our modern world, too often, people enter into marriage not fully understanding their lifelong commitment. When the engagement ring has been placed on the girl’s finger, the focus is often on planning the wedding and all that it entails. The wedding preparation can be all-consuming, leaving little room for preparing for what life will look like after the celebration ends. God has a lot to say about what he desires for marriage. When we spend time with a counselor truly understanding the commitment, it can put our heads in the right space so that we are not bombarded when the honeymoon ends. We want to truly understand what we are getting into as much as possible, so that when conflict and issues arise, we have the commitment needed to withstand marriage’s difficulties.

    2. Improve Communication and Conflict Resolution Skills

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/fizkes

    A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel. Proverbs 15:18

    Everyone is brought up in a different home, with different families and different ways of communicating with each other. It is often the case that each person has been modeled in different ways of navigating their communication skills growing up. Understanding these aspects of childhood can be extremely beneficial before the walk down the aisle. It is impossible to know everything, but talking about how you desire to communicate and learning how your future spouse expresses his feelings and thoughts will only serve you well in your marriage. A counselor can help you understand yourself and your future spouse.

    Conflict is inevitable in marriage. You will disagree, and you will fight. This is normal and healthy. You want to be in a marriage that provides a safe space to express emotion and issues openly. Talking about your conflict resolution skills with premarital counseling can smooth out issues before they arise. This doesn’t mean you will always sail in and out of the conflict in your marriage. However, entering the marriage with a rich understanding of how you each resolve or avoid conflict can give you a head start in your marriage relationship.

    3. Setting Realistic Expectations

    For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. Psalm 62:5

    The world tells us that marriage was created to make us happy and bring us all the fulfillment we need. This could not be further from the truth. Although God longs for us to find joy in our marriage and our spouse, this can not be why we get married. Too many marriages fail, and the reason is often “he/she didn’t make me happy.” That is quite a lofty expectation to put on another person. One person should not have to carry that responsibility, especially a spouse. Even on our best days, it is impossible to be perfect, and we will most likely disappoint our spouse at some point in the marriage. This happens often. When we seek out premarital counseling and discuss the expectations of the marriage, it can even the playing field so that we are not left shell-shocked when we realize that our person is not perfect. They make mistakes and can even make us unhappy. When we gain a good perspective on navigating disappointment, we won’t be tempted to take the world’s advice and walk away when things get hard. You will learn how to stick it out and have grace and forgiveness for your spouse.

    4. Opportunity to Get Things Out in the Light

    Couple submission in marriage

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Sam Edwards

    Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. Ephesians 5:11-12

    No one likes to talk about their past relationships with their future spouse. It can be uncomfortable and awkward. However, disclosing your past in the safe space of premarital counseling can relieve any mystery regarding your person’s past. There do not need to be details or even names, but revealing each person that you have had a serious or sexual relationship with will help you get to know each other better and give you opportunities to clear the air. Praying for a release from any soul ties with other people can give you a clean slate as you start your marriage. You can enter the marriage knowing that you know everything and won’t have any questions later. If, in the future, people from the past get brought up, or you have a chance encounter, you will not be taken off guard or left feeling like there were any secrets. You can have complete confidence that there are no hidden things regarding your past.

    Use this time to expose any addictions or hidden sin you need to work on. This can be a vulnerable place to be in, but it is better to get it out in the open before you are married and allow your spouse to work through any issues they have.

    Secret sin will kill a marriage. It will give the enemy a foothold in your marriage and create distance, resentment, and unhealthy conflict. Bring all things into the light, as awkward and uncomfortable as it may be. Working with premarital counseling to talk about these awkward issues can expose past sin and bring it to light so that it does not have a hold on your marriage before it even starts.

    Do your future marriage a favor and get started on premarital counseling. It is possible to have a healthy, life-giving, and God-honoring marriage, even amongst life’s biggest issues. When you get started on the right foot with everything out in the open, you will have the best chance of a beautiful and fulfilling marriage.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/jacoblund

    Heidi Vegh is a writer, speaker, and ministry leader living in Gig Harbor, WA. She is a remarried mother of four, navigating the blended family life after the loss of her first husband to cancer in 2013. She longs to use her writing as a way to encourage others who have experienced loss and guide them on the road to healing. She contributes to her blog found at thebreathingmama.com, sharing stories and devotionals of faith stemming from her loss and healing, mothering, and her blended and complex family. She graduated from Southern New Hampshire University with a degree in Creative Writing and English and is working on her first book. Heidi is the Women’s Ministry Director at Gig Harbor Foursquare and has a deep heart for sharing Jesus with women and encouraging them in their faith walk. When she is not writing she loves to travel, read, craft, and experiment in the kitchen. Visit her Facebook and Instagram (@mrsheidivegh) to learn more.

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    Heidi Vegh

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  • 5 Hard Facts of Marriage and How to Face Them

    5 Hard Facts of Marriage and How to Face Them

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    “It wasn’t supposed to be this way.”

    In marriage, we struggle in the tension between hopeful ideals and the very real hurts we feel as husbands and wives. Blind optimism says our spouse is our perfect soulmate who can do no wrong—but this only sets us up for painful disappointment.

    That pain then feeds negativity that can only see the worst in our partner. Unrealistic expectations set us up for frustration, confusion, and distance in our marriage.

    Hope and help are found in confronting the hard facts of marriage together. You can discover what subtle, false messages you’re believing about each other. You can name the threats to your relationship and tackle them head-on.

    By facing these 5 hard facts of marriage together, you can grow closer and stronger together than ever before. 

    1. The Odds Are Against You

    At the moment you said, “I do,” you stepped onto a battlefield.

    Our culture’s high divorce rate is proof that many couples are losing the war. For those in the trenches, marriage and family therapists make up the fastest-growing segment of mental health professionals. Marriage is tough and we know it.

    The Bible describes exactly why it’s a struggle to love each other for life. The enemies of your soul—the world, the flesh, and the devil—are coming against your marriage every day.

    The world says a faithful, lifelong relationship is either a hopeless ideal or a miserable trap to steal your happiness. Your flesh, or your sinful desires and thoughts, is selfish and wants its own way.

    The devil is constantly denying God’s truth, tempting you to break your vows, and working to destroy your home. 

    Yet in the middle of all the bad news, God offers hope. We’re not in the battle alone. “His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness” (2 Peter 1:3).

    If we abide in Christ, we can walk in the truth of his Word(3 John 4). We can overcome evil with good (Romans 12:21). In him, we can experience love that never fails (1 Corinthians 13:8).

    No matter how beaten and battered your marriage might be, “with God all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26).

     2. Marriage Isn’t Math

    In our marriage, we might dream of a 50-50 equation. We’re confident if we bear an equal load of work and effort, we’ll strike a happy balance in our home.

    Yet a 50-50 marriage soon runs into trouble.

    It keeps score, measuring if each partner is doing their fair share. It refuses to go above and beyond. Frustration and resentment grow until giving to one another is a burden instead of a joy.

    We can also hold to the ideal that one plus one equals one. Surely if we each give our whole selves to the marriage at all times, our lives will be whole and complete.

    We find, though, that hardships and struggles hold us back. A husband battling depression won’t have a full measure of energy and motivation to offer. A wife who’s lost her job can’t bring her top-earning potential to the budget.

    Caring for infants, kids with special needs, or aging parents may limit your ability to meet the needs of your spouse. A one plus one equals one equation falls apart in the “for worse” seasons of life.

    For our marriage to thrive, we need to toss the math book. Our measuring stick is Jesus, whose love is so “wide and long and high and deep,” it’s beyond understanding. (Ephesians 3:18-19) God invites us to pray for that same love: “May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other” (1 Thessalonians 3:12).

    His Spirit will give us the compassion and humility we need to put each other first. He’ll multiply our patience, our generosity, and our love to be greater than ever before.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/fizkes

     3. Your Spouse’s Family Is Your Family, Too

    A husband and wife enter marriage with a lifetime of memories and family relationships attached to their heart. As you unite to one another, you become joined to the people who shaped your spouse’s habits and view of the world.

    Navigating a whole new set of parents, siblings, and relatives puts you in uncharted waters. The differences in your family traditions and personalities can put a strain on your marriage.

    Chances are, your families have shaped the way you celebrate holidays. Plan vacations. Spend or save your money. Discipline your kids.

    They influence how you deal with conflict and stress. Your background can impact the way you put down roots or crave variety and change. Every time your family differences collide, you have a choice: You can seek to understand and compromise, or you can fight for what’s familiar. 

    God wants to use your family relationships to grow you closer to him and each other. He places each person in your life to refine you to be more like Jesus. Take a fresh look at your in-laws to see the character strengths they instilled in your spouse.

    Practice empathy for the setbacks and hardships that wounded their spirits. Ask God how he’s using your in-law relationships to expose sin and grow your faith. He’ll help you to “get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger” so you can “be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:31-32).

    4. You Can’t Change Your Spouse

    Remember how excited you were to discover your spouse was “the one”? And, do you remember when those cute little quirks were not so endearing anymore? With the best of intentions, you started a mission to fix and change the weaknesses you see in your spouse.

    Perhaps your partner could stand to be more organized. She could be more punctual and pick up the pace when she’s driving. His table manners leave a bit to be desired. She needs a little backbone with her pushy boss. He should keep his cool when the neighbor’s dog makes a mess in your yard. Again.

    It’s easy to spot all the ways your spouse could shape up and wise up by taking your input to heart.

    Yet all that “help” won’t bring the results you’re hoping for. Your spouse is a unique creation of God with a personality, appearance, and character of their own. Sure, you can influence each other’s taste in meals and movies, but you can’t dictate anyone’s dreams and desires. Fears or motivations. Beliefs and emotions.

    You and your spouse are called to love each other just as you are.

    If your husband or wife is struggling with immaturity or you need more grace, take it to prayer. Put your trust in God, who “teaches us to say ‘No’ to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age” (Titus 2:11-12).

    Real change is possible through the loving work that only God can do.

     5. Your Spouse Can’t Make You Happy

    Marriage has the potential to flood your life with blessings. It offers companionship to ease your loneliness. It holds the joys of affection and sexual intimacy.

    Your spouse can be a teammate who lightens your load and tackles life’s challenges by your side. In marriage, you can find a shoulder to cry on, a cheerleader for your dreams and goals, and a friend who cares. 

    Yet even the best marriage has limitations. Your spouse can’t erase the pain of the past and heal your wounds. Marriage won’t set you free from stress, anxiety, and trouble. It won’t give you the sense of worth or identity you crave.

    No matter how devoted your spouse may be, they’re not perfect.

    At times they’ll let you down and lose your respect. They’ll fail to say the words you long to hear. Your spouse’s shoulders were never meant to carry the entire weight of your hopes, your needs, and the desires of your heart.

    While marriage is a good and wonderful gift, our best happiness comes from the Giver himself.

    In him, we find salvation and new life. He transforms our thinking, meets our needs, and gives purpose for our lives. His love is constant and greater than we can comprehend. If we look to God for joy, the Word becomes our own:

    Praise the Lord my soul, and forget not all his benefits—who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s (Psalm 103:2-5).

    Once you depend on God for your happiness, you’re free to love and bless your spouse more than ever. Jesus’ love can fill your home with the greatest joy you’ve ever known. 

    Joanna Teigen and her husband Rob have shared over 25 years of marriage and life with five kids, plus a beautiful daughter-in-law. They’re a neat-freak married to a mess, an explorer to a homebody, and an introvert to a ‘people person.’ But they agree their vows are for always and prayer is powerful. Joanna is the co-author of Mr. and Mrs., 366 Devotions for Couples, A Mom’s Prayers for Her Son, and a variety of other resources for couples and parents. She looks forward to meeting you at https://growinghometogether.com/

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Vadym Pastukh

    Joanna Teigen headshotJoanna Teigen and her husband Rob have shared over 28 years of marriage and life with five kids, plus a beautiful daughter-in-law. They’re a neat freak married to a mess, an explorer to a homebody, and an introvert to a ‘people person.’ But they agree their vows are for always and prayer is powerful. Joanna is the co-author of Mr. and Mrs., 366 Devotions for Couples, Powerful Prayers for Your Son, and a variety of resources for your family. She looks forward to meeting you to share a free devotional and the Growing Home Together Podcast at growinghometogether.com.

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  • How Can We Practice Biblical Hospitality?

    How Can We Practice Biblical Hospitality?

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    When you think of hospitality, what comes to mind? For me, I think of inviting people into my home and creating a space for them to feel loved and welcomed. I think of providing food and comfort for them—making the home feel warm, and visitors feel appreciated no matter what they carry in the door.

    Paul tells us in Romans 12:9-13, “Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.  When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality.”

    These verses remind me of God’s heart for His people. He desires for us to truly see His people and love them. Sometimes, people can tell when the love isn’t real so Paul tells us to really love and serve them. We are to advocate for His image bearers and set our eyes on helping them. Often, it means putting aside our own agendas to be of service to someone else. Being hospitable isn’t always convenient or favorable.

    When someone shares things that are concerning them, it is hard for me not to want to help. Sometimes, I have to pray and ask the Lord to show me what my role is in helping them because I acknowledge my limitations. I know I may not be able to meet all of the needs on my own. In some circumstances, what concerns them is beyond my skillsets or abilities, but I have noticed how God will allow my ears to hear about someone who may be in a field or better position to provide better assistance.

    Different Forms of Hospitality

    Hospitality comes in many forms. Sometimes, it is us directly by offering help, monetary resources, or a listening ear. Other times, it could be introducing the need to someone else in our sphere of influence who can best assist. God has given each of us ways to be hospitable. 

    Sometimes, I have trouble asking others for help. Whenever I feel this happening, I am reminded of someone telling me “not to rob someone else of an opportunity of being a blessing.” These words have rested on my heart as I never want someone who is led to be a blessing to not be able to do so because of me.

    When I think of hospitality, I can’t help but be reminded of the Scripture in Acts 2:44-46, which tells us, “And all the believers met together in one place and shared everything they had.  They sold their property and possessions and shared the money with those in need. They worshiped together at the Temple each day, met in homes for the Lord’s Supper, and shared their meals with great joy and generosity.” What a beautiful picture this would have been to witness! To have an opportunity to see people worshipping together and sharing everything they had. How kind would that be to witness in our world today?

    God’s Ultimate Plan for Hospitality

    Years ago, I read the book The Gospel Comes with a House Key by Rosario Butterfield. In this book, she talks about seeing our home as a place where we exemplify the gospel message. When we can open our homes to our neighbors from all walks of life, we see how the gospel can bring different people together that the world would think could never get along. We don’t always have to recite the Scripture; sometimes, it is a matter of just living it out. 

    We may not know why the Lord will put us in specific neighborhoods or zip codes, but we can be certain that there is a strategic reason. God is intentional about all things. He can use our homes to ignite conversations that show people they are loved, seen, valued, and cared for. 

    For the single neighbor, maybe it is showing her that she doesn’t have to eat dinner alone, or for the neighbor who just moved to the city, showing that there is a friendly face willing to assist. We have an opportunity to walk out Scripture every day through our hospitality. We can’t underestimate how hospitality can open the door for someone to experience Jesus in a fresh way. If we allow God to use us, He will open doors for us to show love and kindness to and for His people.

    When God allows our eyes to see a need, it opens the door for us to search for ways to show hospitality to them.

    Practical, Biblical Hospitality

    Below are some practical ways we can practice biblical hospitality:

    1. Pray and ask the Lord for ways to be hospitable: We all have different passions and skill sets. Ask the Lord how you can use what you have in this season to practice hospitality. It can be as simple as inviting someone to go on a walk, offering a single mom a helping hand, or opening your home to college students in your church. God can reveal ways to be hospitable to meet the needs of your community. He delights in seeing us show love to His people. What a beautiful picture of the gospel when we can choose to help someone else and not keep it all for ourselves.

    2. Create an environment to foster community: One of the ways we can be hospitable is by making people feel seen, valued, and safe. This can be in your home and your daily conversations. We should authentically seek to provide comfort to those we are entrusted with. When we foster this type of community, it will open the door for them to soften their hearts to receive what the Lord could lead you to share. We were not created to do life alone, and we shouldn’t be ok seeing others living in that manner. 

    3. Always look for opportunities to serve: There will always be an opportunity to serve someone in big or small ways. We just have to keep a heart’s posture where there is a desire to see the ways we can serve. This can be done in different ways, but as you build community with those you are entrusted with, ask them for ways you can help lighten their load. Jesus came to earth and served others; we can follow His example by finding ways to serve those in our world. Be hospitable to those you see and look for ways to serve them.

    4. Steward our words honorably: Ephesians 4:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Our words have power. We can choose words to build someone up or to tear them down. As believers, we should seek encouraging ways to use our words to be helpful to someone else. This world is beating people down enough; they don’t need what leaves our lips to do the same.

    Being hospitable should seep from within us believers. We should be people who are always looking for ways to be a blessing to others. Let the gospel be displayed through us in how we practice biblical hospitality daily. Allow God to show us why He has placed us at our workplace, in our neighborhoods, and our churches. There is always a bigger reason why He has us in those places and around certain people. God is good and kind. He desires His goodness and kindness to be displayed through us and for His people. God can build His kingdom in many ways, yet He chooses to allow us to partner with Him in doing so. Let’s be partners who seek to display hospitality to His people however He leads us.

    Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Aaron Burden

    Shakia Clark is a writer, marketer, and servant leader who is passionate about encouraging women to experience God’s best for their lives. She has a heart for women to see themselves the way that God sees them. She finds joy in coming alongside them in their journey. When she isn’t writing, you can find her spending time with friends and family, traveling, reading, trying new recipes, or actively serving her community. She blogs at www.shakiaclark.com.

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  • This is the No. 1 thing to do to maintain financial independence in a long-term relationship, advisor says

    This is the No. 1 thing to do to maintain financial independence in a long-term relationship, advisor says

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    Four in five Americans believe that women stay in unhappy relationships due to lack of financial independence, according to data from Bumble’s State of the Nation 2023 survey.

    If independence is important to you, it would be wise to maintain some financial distance from your partner, whether or not you feel your relationship is on shaky ground. 

    “If your value system is to be able to be independent, then you’ve got to create that independence,” said Mark La Spisa, a certified financial planner and president of Vermilion Financial. 

    One money move you can make to guarantee your autonomy: Don’t combine bank accounts.

    Use the ‘three-account method’

    Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean all your money should be deposited in the same account. Instead, use the “three-account method,” La Spisa said.

    This means you and your partner each maintain a separate bank account and open a third one into which you both contribute an agreed-upon amount. 

    This, he said, is the No. 1 way to guarantee that you can “walk away at any time.” 

    If your value system is to be able to be independent, then you’ve got to create that independence.

    More tips for maintaining financial independence 

    Having your own credit cards is also important, La Spisa said. Any new housing you apply to will likely want to run a credit check, and you don’t want a neglected credit score to hold you back. 

    “You’ve got to keep your credit score up,” he said. 

    There are some mental adjustments you should take into account, too. 

    “People are willing to sacrifice their happiness, in a lot of cases, for security or for stuff,” La Spisa said. “They’ll put up with unhappiness in the name of holding on to a lifestyle they potentially couldn’t afford.” 

    Familiarize yourself with what your life would look like without your partner’s income by creating a “before-and-after budget,” La Spisa said. How much money would you have for rent? How many times a month would you be able to go out to eat? Would you be able to vacation as often?

    Asking yourself these questions can help you visualize how your life might change if you were to rely only on what you earn.

    DON’T MISS: Want to be smarter and more successful with your money, work & life? Sign up for our new newsletter!

    Get CNBC’s free Warren Buffett Guide to Investing, which distills the billionaire’s No. 1 best piece of advice for regular investors, do’s and don’ts, and three key investing principles into a clear and simple guidebook.

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  • 4 Ways to Overcome Insecurities about Being the Spiritual Leader of Your Home

    4 Ways to Overcome Insecurities about Being the Spiritual Leader of Your Home

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    We conquer leadership insecurities by preparing ourselves. Spiritual preparation involves a consciously, regularly, deliberately focused study of the Word of God. Paul, in 2 Timothy 2:15, wrote to “study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.” The household spiritual leader must do “spiritual pushups” to be equipped to lead and teach the family over which leadership was given.

    Great insecurities will abound if we attempt to lead a family Bible study in the manner we gave an oral report on a novel we did not read in the eighth grade. When not sufficiently prepared, we begin with self-doubts. A lack of preparation gives fertile land to the devil and all of his insecurities which deplete any confidence. Intellect and education have nothing to do with this preparedness. The Holy Spirit leads, guides, and instructs an individual who is doing the work of the Lord. In Hebrews 13:21 we are given the promise that God will “equip [us] with everything good that you may do his will, working in us that which is pleasing in his sight.” The Holy Spirit gives understanding and spiritual discernment which are outside the curriculum of any public school system or awarded degree.

    In James 1:5, we are taught, “if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” The ability to spiritually understand and convey scripture and doctrine is only given by the Holy Spirit by and through our faithful prayers asking for boldness and guidance. As Psalm 23 reminds us that God is our good shepherd, the family’s spiritual leader is its shepherd. This role requires that we pray for the ability to lead our families on paths of righteousness through the Spirit and Word of God. Further, we have confidence as Paul wrote in 1 Thessalonians 5:24, “faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it.” We can have confidence that we will be equipped for the position for which we were called.

    Prayers are necessary for our protection and our preparation. William Gurnal wrote that “the Christian’s armor will rest except it be furbished with the oil of prayer.” The prayerful reading and studying of the Word are buttressed by deliberate meditation. David wrote in Psalm 1:2 that the blessed man’s “delight is in the law of the Lord, and on His law he meditates day and night.” Thus, our preparation consists of reading, studying, and meditating on the Word of God as well as fervent prayers for the full realization of His promises.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/B-C-Designs 

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    Chad Napier

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  • 5 Things Christians Need to Stop Saying on Facebook

    5 Things Christians Need to Stop Saying on Facebook

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    Trust us. We get it. Someone talks about you behind your back or lies to your face. It makes you mad. You want to vent, but you don’t necessarily want to give all the details to everyone. So, up on Facebook goes a passive-aggressive post that you hope the person sees.

    Maybe they will, or maybe they won’t. Either way, this isn’t what Jesus meant about us approaching that person privately to discuss the problem (Matthew 18:15–18). More than likely, you’ve made your innocent friends feel like maybe they were the ones who hurt you in some way, but they don’t know how. Now they’re paranoid.

    If you need to vent, do it to someone you trust in person so that they can bear your burden (Galatians 6:2). Don’t post that vague status update.

    Photo credit: ©Unsplash/Joice Kelly

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    Inside BST

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  • 8 Reasons Ghosting Is Ungodly

    8 Reasons Ghosting Is Ungodly

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    By single-handedly severing the communication cord, ghosting prevents any attempts at reconciliation. This is unfortunate because many conflicts end up shattering hearts simply because the responsible parties never attempted to discuss what happened.

    I wonder if this is one reason Paul preferred singleness. “I want you to be without concern,” he explained in 1 Corinthians 7:32.

    Makes sense. A single person doesn’t need to continually touch base with her significant other about what went wrong and how things can be made better.

    But since ghosting happens to married couples and singles alike—some folks ghost former friends too, remember?—let’s return to this concept of reconciling. 

    Reviewing past pain with the person who caused it is, by definition, unpleasant. I’ve shared how in one case, it took years to pursue reconciliation myself. 

    Even though the pressures to avoid reconciling are real, our God is a God of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:18-19). The least we can do is to enable the possibility of talking things out rather than ghosting another person.

    8. Generates More Ghosting

    Strong emotions have fascinating characteristics. One of them is the unconscious tendency to transfer to an innocent bystander the strong feelings induced in us by someone else’s behavior. 

    Think about the famous joke concerning a string of violence: a man was humiliated by his manager. He felt so enraged that when he came home, he yelled at his wife, who then spanked the kid, who then kicked the dog, which then barked at the cat, which then—

    Beats me. How do upset cats behave?

    The point is, if you could interview every victim of ghosting, I doubt there were any who relished the phenomenon.

    What’s more likely is those who have felt the pain of being ghosted turn around and then ghost another person. 

    Ghosting No More

    Jesus once left an adulterous woman with a simple—but significant—goodbye. “Go and sin no more” (John 8:11). Please recognize the gravity of his response. Here was the sinless Son of God, the Great I Am, standing next to a woman guilty of sexual sin. 

    In spite of her obvious role in breaking the seventh commandment, however, Jesus didn’t condemn her.

    But if Jesus didn’t condemn her for adultery, he wouldn’t condemn anyone for ghosting either.

    So how about if you adapt Jesus’ instruction? Go and stop ghosting. 

    This is the essence of repentance: to drop the old behavior and do the opposite. 

    But to faithfully fulfill this mandate, you’ll need to develop skills that would make ghosting unnecessary by, for instance, learning how to best manage conflict resolutions. 

    Consider spotting—and scrubbing—other unhealthy boundaries. The momentum gained from removing one unwholesome behavior from your life can spur you to purge even more.

    Who knows, maybe I’ll also address how to quit ghosting in the future.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/sticker2you

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    Dr. Audrey Davidheiser

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  • 7 Ways All Dating Apps Are Lying To You | Entrepreneur

    7 Ways All Dating Apps Are Lying To You | Entrepreneur

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    Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.

    Dating apps have undoubtedly revolutionized how people find love and connect with others. 3 in 10 US adults say they have used an online dating service (website or app). The convenience and accessibility of dating apps have made it easier for individuals to meet potential partners, but it has also contributed to some negative impacts on the dating scene. In this article, we will explore why dating apps can be detrimental to the dating experience.

    1. Superficiality

    Research from William Chopik, an associate professor in the Michigan State University Department of Psychology, and Dr. David Johnson from the University of Maryland, finds that people’s reason for swiping right is based primarily on attractiveness and the race of a potential partner and that decisions are often made in less than a second.

    One of the primary criticisms of dating apps is that they tend to focus on superficial qualities rather than deeper compatibility. Users are often swiping through potential matches based on their physical appearance rather than considering their personalities or values. This can lead to a culture of shallow and superficial dating, where people are judged solely on their looks and not their character.

    Related: 5 Secrets to Building a Successful Consumer App

    2. Inauthenticity

    Another issue with dating apps is that they can promote a culture of inauthenticity. Users often present an idealized version, i.e., a highlight reel of themselves online, carefully curating their profiles to showcase their best qualities. This can lead to a lack of transparency and honesty in the dating process, making it harder for people to form genuine connections.

    Related: Gen Z Falls In Love With Homegrown Dating Apps

    3. Dehumanization

    A 2020 study by Pew Research found that one-third of women using dating apps have been called an abusive name, and almost half of women had men continue to pursue them online after they said no. That’s double the rate that men experience. Dating apps can contribute to the dehumanization of potential partners.

    When people are reduced to a profile picture and a short bio, it can be easy to forget that they are real human beings with complex emotions and experiences. This can lead to a lack of empathy and understanding in the dating process, making it harder for people to form meaningful connections with others.

    4. Burnout

    The sheer volume of potential matches on dating apps can also lead to burnout. The 70 million adults in America that use dating apps have developed a rejection mindset that makes dating feel particularly unpromising and exhausting.

    Users are often overwhelmed by the sheer number of options available to them, which can lead to decision fatigue and a feeling of being emotionally drained. This can make it harder for people to put effort into any one relationship, as they are constantly wondering if there might be someone better out there.

    Related: From Machine Learning to Unfiltered Videos, These Online Dating Trends Are Set to Improve the Tricky World of Dating

    5. Catfishing and scams

    Dating apps are also notorious for catfishing and scams. Users can easily create fake profiles or misrepresent themselves online, leading to disappointment or even danger when users meet in person. This can lead to a lack of trust in the online dating process, making it harder for people to form genuine connections.

    In 2019, the Columbia School of Journalism in New York City and news site ProPublica found that the Match Group, which owns around 45 dating apps, only screens for sex offenders on its paid-for apps, not free platforms like Tinder, OKCupid and Hinge. While some work has been done to correct the lack of fraud prevention in online dating, there’s a loophole in American internet law, Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, which dictates sites can’t be held accountable for the harm that comes to third parties through their platforms.

    Related: Online Dating Scammer Steals $1.8 Million from His Victims. Women ‘Fed Lie After Lie.’

    6. Limited communication

    Dating apps can limit communication between potential partners. Users are often limited to texting or messaging, and without the benefit of face-to-face interaction, it can be harder to gauge a person’s true character or intentions, leading to misunderstandings or miscommunications.

    7. No in-app advertising transparency

    Finally, and perhaps the best (worst?) for last. Major dating apps like Tinder, Bumble and Hinge lack any sort of in-app advertising transparency. Users are constantly upsold on more premium features like boosting a profile for 1 hour to be seen by more members, but there’s never any reporting data on impressions made, engagement, clicks, etc. Ad performance data is available across all digital platforms, such as Google and Meta, but appears nonexistent within the dating apps space.

    In conclusion, while dating apps have undoubtedly made it easier for people to meet potential partners, they have also contributed to some negative impacts on the dating scene. Superficiality, inauthenticity, dehumanization, burnout, catfishing and scams, limited communication and lack of in-app advertising transparency are all potential downsides to using dating apps.

    While they can be useful for meeting people, it’s essential to approach them cautiously and be aware of their limitations. Ultimately, the best way to find a meaningful relationship is by getting to know someone in person through genuine interactions and communication.

    The number one contributing factor to finding a mate is proximity, i.e., if I want to find someone interested in nonfiction books, I need to go to book readings with nonfiction book authors, or salsa classes for salsa aficionados or dog parks for dog lovers. The point is to know your values and go to places with people who share the same values as you do.

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    Kevin Kaminyar

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  • What Can Men Do to Help Eliminate Toxic Purity Culture?

    What Can Men Do to Help Eliminate Toxic Purity Culture?

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    As a Christian teenager in the 1980s, I had an eyewitness account of the rise of the purity culture. From seventh to ninth grade, I attended a Baptist Christian school and well remember my frustration over the hypocrisy I saw there—namely, female students couldn’t wear slacks, our skirts had to cover our knees and touch the ground if we kneeled, and we had to wear culottes the same length for gym class. On the flip side, the male students had no such clothing restrictions and could even remove their shirts during sports practice (which nearly all of them did on a regular basis). When I asked a teacher why it wasn’t immodest for the boys to be shirtless, I was tagged as a troublemaker who clearly didn’t understand my place in the Christian home.

    This one example showcases how easily the purity culture can become toxic—and why there’s been a lot of backlash over the past few years about the purity culture and how poisonous it has become. While much of the purity culture itself is focused on women and what our role should be, men too have responsibility to eliminate the lethal nature related to sexual purity.

    First, let’s get on the same page as to what we mean by a purity culture. One writer defined it as “the notion that a woman’s place and worth in life is defined solely by how she chooses to express her sexuality, thus implying that her sexual ‘purity’ is her only value.” Toxic purity culture “is anything that adds to or avoids the whole content of God’s commands for sex and sexuality.”

    While women have been fighting to change the noxious nature of the purity culture, men should also work to reduce the toxicity residing within the purity culture. Here are six things men of all ages can do to redeem sexual purity.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/monkeybusinessimages 

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    Sarah Hamaker

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  • Why Should I Be Grateful in a Season of Grief? Grief Mini-series, Part 2

    Why Should I Be Grateful in a Season of Grief? Grief Mini-series, Part 2

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    Continuing on from how can I be grateful in a season of grief, we now reflect upon the question of why I should be grateful in a season of grief. Maybe you have often wondered the same question. Why should we be grateful when all we are experiencing is pain and grief? This is a question that needs to be answered in order to help us healthily navigate our heartache and pain. 

    To be honest, it is a difficult concept to know the why behind most things. Especially in the matter of grief, it can feel nearly impossible to see why we should be grateful while surrounded by so much hurt. If anything, we feel we should be crying and hiding from the world as we experience our grief. This is a valid response to grief and one that I still experience, but we can still be grateful. We should be grateful in a season of grief because God is teaching us something through the pain. 

    Similar to many people who have lost loved ones, I have never been the same since they died. I used to be more bubbly and extroverted, but now I battle depression and prefer to keep people at a distance. Maybe you have noticed the same to be true in your own life. Whether a loved one died or another reason for grief has come into your life, it may have changed you as a person. If this has happened, know that it is alright and there is nothing wrong with you. Tragic times have a way of changing people. 

    Through these seasons of grief, we can be grateful because God is teaching us about loss, pain, and the importance of turning to Him. How many times have you turned to God when your life was going smoothly, and everything was happy? Now think about how many times you turned to God when you were going through a season of grief. More likely than not, you turned to God more in times of distress than you did during times of happiness. Our seasons of grief can teach us this vital lesson and explain why we can be grateful. 

    We can be grateful because we know God is always there for us. Unlike human beings, God will never die. He will never leave, nor will we ever be away from His love. Since this is true we can know why we should be grateful in our grief. God is with us, and through Him, we have the promise of seeing our loved ones again in heaven. We can be grateful to God because even though death is ultimately mankind’s fault, our mistake has been fixed through the saving work of Jesus Christ. If it wasn’t for Jesus, we would all be lost and without hope. Grief reminds us of this hope. 

    The Journey of Grief

    It can be hard at the beginning to see anything to be grateful for, but there is much to be thankful for. It can be even harder to find a reason why to be grateful. Oftentimes, right after the cause of the grief, it’s too early to start seeing all the things you are grateful for. It is good to give yourself time to grieve, cry, and miss your loved one. Throughout the months and years, you will discover a state of peace and a new rhythm where you can begin to be grateful and see the reason why to be grateful even in the midst of your grief. 

    As I mentioned in part one, my loved ones have been gone for seven years at this point, and there is not a day that goes by that I don’t miss them. Even though I still grieve for them, I am able to see the why. Why should I be grateful in the season of grief? I should be grateful because of Jesus’ saving grace through the cross and how I will see my loved ones once again in heaven. I can also be grateful because, through these seasons of grief, I have become emphatic and more understanding of people. Maybe you have noticed some things to be thankful for in your own life too not despite this season of grief but because of this season of grief. 

    Be thankful for the lessons, the love, and the laughter that your loved one left with you. We often think of our loved ones being gone when they pass away, but nobody is ever actually gone. They are just somewhere else. If our loved ones placed faith in Jesus, they are in heaven with Him, and you will see them again. Our grief will never remain forever as there will be a time when every tear will be wiped from our eyes (Revelation 21:4). Choose to be thankful for all these little things, and don’t allow the grief to cause you to grow bitter.

    Looking to Eternity

    We can also be grateful that our earthly life isn’t forever. As was the case for my dog, Beauty, and my mom, they were both in terrible pain up to their death. I’m grateful they don’t have to be in pain anymore. They are with God, and never again will they have to experience any discomfort. 

    I remember about a week after Beauty passed, I asked my mom how long the pain in my heart was going to last—the deep aching in my heart. My mom told me that it might never go away, but it would lessen as days went on. My mom was right; the pain has lessened, but the grief still remains. If I keep myself busy, I don’t have much time to think about the sadness, but if I have a free day, I find myself drifting back to that dark place. Something else my mom told me that day changed my perspective greatly. I told my mom I just wanted Beauty back, and my mom told me that she knew how badly I was hurting, but the hard truth is that it’s often our own selfishness that causes us to want the person or furry friend with us. We want them with us even though they are far happier and without pain in heaven with God. 

    I’ve had many years to reflect on the death of my loved ones, so don’t get discouraged if you’re not at the stage to start feeling grateful or to know the why in why you should be grateful. Grief comes in waves, and everyone’s grief journey is different. Some might heal faster, while others might take longer. If you are grieving, extend yourself grace, and don’t beat yourself up or play the “what if?” game. I have done this millions of times, and it never does anything to help. 

    Seasons of grief are hard, but through these seasons, God helps us grow, and He always blesses us with the comfort of His love. As you are walking through this season of grief, know that God is walking right beside you. He isn’t going anywhere, and He will be with you through it all (Psalm 23). Whether your reason for grief is new or old, know that your feelings are valid and God cares about each one. Turn to God in your pain and tell Him everything you are experiencing. He will continue to be with you, and He will comfort you with the comfort only He can provide. 

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/kaipong

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

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    Vivian Bricker

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  • How Can I Be Grateful in a Season of Grief? Grief Mini-series, Part 1

    How Can I Be Grateful in a Season of Grief? Grief Mini-series, Part 1

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    Grief is difficult. The ever-gnawing pain at your heart, the deep emptiness, and the never-ending tears that fall from your eyes are present throughout grief. If you have gone through grief or are currently grieving, you know the pain associated with this season of life. Even if you have gone through grief on many occasions, it is impossible to get used to the feeling in our daily lives. It is always present, and it is always painful. However, despite this season of grief, you can still be grateful. 

    About 7 years ago, I went through the worst year of my life. Shortly after the year began, in the month of February, our family dog passed away from cancer. She was the sweetest dog and was always loyal to us. Even on the worst days, she was ready to greet you with eyes full of joy and a wagging tail. Our dog was a Scottish Terrier Beagle mix and she was with us throughout much of our childhood and our teen years. If you have a pet, you know how much they become like family to you. When they pass away, it is like a knife to the heart that is never taken away. 

    Our dog’s name was Beauty. Our mom named her Black Beauty after the classic book Black Beauty, but we always called her Beauty for short. All throughout elementary school, Beauty was the talk among our friends, and everyone wanted to meet our furry friend. She was always sweet and never tried to bite anyone. The only times she ever growled was if you tried to take her bone, so we learned from a young age not to mess with her while she was gnawing on her bone. Outside of that, Beauty was always ready to give you love and to play. 

    My older sister often got sick or would break a bone, which forced her to rest a lot. Beauty was her constant companion and kept her company throughout the sickness and healing. In fact, my sister and Beauty were best friends. After the death of Beauty, I believe it hurt my sister the worst. I was experiencing grief and pain after Beauty’s death, but it was nothing compared to my sister’s grief. She went into a deep depression and had trouble wanting to do anything. I completely understand her pain, and I understood it back then too. Does Beauty’s death still cause us to cry? Of course, because we loved her and she is no longer here, but I am grateful for all the time we had with her. 

    We can be grateful in a season of grief because we can be grateful to God for allowing the individual or the furry friend into our life even if for only a short time. Through our time with Beauty, we learned responsibility, and we learned the unconditional love that comes from a pet. A dog doesn’t care if you stayed in your pajamas all day, didn’t do your hair just right, or that you burnt the toast. A dog loves you just because you are you. This was true for Beauty, and I know it is true for many other dogs and other furry friends across the globe. 

    Gratefulness doesn’t mean that you are happy, but it does mean you are grateful for the time you were able to spend with your loved one. Through Beauty’s death, I experienced my first actual season of grief that I have never been able to shake. To be honest, I don’t know if I will ever be able to shake it because of the love Beauty had for us and the knowledge that I won’t ever see her again in this life. Even still, I can be grateful for the time I had with Beauty while grieving. In the same way, you can still be grateful despite this season of grief. 

    More Pain and Death

    In hindsight, Beauty’s death almost acted as a preparation for what was going to happen next. About eight months after Beauty passed, my mom passed away. She was young, but she had been having heart problems for several years. We had hoped her condition was improving, yet she was only getting worse. My mom had to be in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) for ten days before God called her home. Those ten days felt like an eternity. To see your mother in the hospital with a machine pumping to keep her heart beating is something I wish nobody has to ever experience. 

    It was traumatizing, to say the least, and death provoking to say the worse. The strongest woman I ever knew was on life support in ICU. My mom became alert at times, and we got to talk with her a few times, but what we didn’t know was that my mom was never going to be coming home. I remember the day my mom left for the hospital like it was yesterday. My dad went to pull the car down to take her to the hospital, and I was the only one awake. My mom told me everything was going to be okay and that I needed to go back to sleep. 

    Something told me that morning, as I saw my mom standing on the porch, that she wouldn’t be coming home. When I saw her standing on the porch, it would be the last time she would ever be home. Or at least at her earthly home. I never did go back to sleep that morning, but instead started praying for my mom to get better and that everything would be okay. Within those ten days, my mom passed on, and I have never stopped grieving since. 

    It’s more than simply grieving the loss of a loved one because it’s grieving your mom–the one person on earth who knows you better than you know yourself. It’s also grieving the pain of all the memories you will never make with her. Never would my mom see me drive a car, never would she see me graduate college, and never would I share the privilege of getting to know my mom better as I grew older. There’s much to grieve for in a season of heartache, but we can also be grateful for all of the time, all of the love, and all of the lessons our loved ones gave us. 

    Being grateful doesn’t mean that you aren’t in pain, just as someone who needs shelter from rain is wet and is in pain from the cold doesn’t mean the person isn’t grateful for an umbrella. In the same way, even though we are deep in grief that doesn’t mean we can’t be grateful. We can be grateful for all the memories and time we had with our loved ones. I once read somewhere, though I can’t remember where, that the greater our grief, the greater our love was for that person. Your grief is nothing to be ashamed of, nor is it anything that will heal overnight. 

    If you are going through grief today, know that you can still be grateful. Remember all of the good times you had with your loved one, and remember all the lessons they shared with you. Grief will happen to all of us at one point, but we don’t have to allow it to swallow us whole. We can turn to God in our grief and find support in His love. Death was never in God’s plan for us; however, after the fall, death came into being because of sin. But because of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross, we can have eternal life and share this good news with our loved ones. 

    Choose to be grateful and try to remember all of the things you are grateful for because of your loved one. 

    Click here for Part 2. 

    Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Riccardo Mion

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

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    Vivian Bricker

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  • 5 Signs a Couple Is Called into Missions Work

    5 Signs a Couple Is Called into Missions Work

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    In addition to having a plan and purpose for each of our lives, he is also wired each one of us with spiritual gifts. These spiritual gifts can be used both in a secular setting and in a church setting to strengthen both believers and nonbelievers. It is important to know how you and your mate are wired so that you can use those gifts in the best way possible. Scripture names different spiritual gifts in 1 Corinthians 12 and Romans 12. While these are not the only spiritual gifts God uses, this is a great place to start if you are not familiar with your gifts. Additionally, you can purchase spiritual gifts inventories online and in print. These are similar to exams schools administered years ago. These inventories consist of a set of multiple-choice questions. Fill in the bubble of the corresponding number with how you rate within that gift. For example, a question might be, “I hear from the Lord through visions and dreams and feel called to deliver that message to others.” This statement would correspond to the gift of prophecy. You must answer depending on how similar you relate to that statement. The answer could range from “most likely” to “never. “Then, add the numbers using the grid in the back. The gifts with the highest numbers are most closely aligned with how you are gifted. Although this is not an absolute authority on this subject, it will give you a good idea of what spiritual gifts you might have given your personality, passions, and tendencies.

    If you’ve never taken a spiritual gift inventory before, this might be a very refreshing process for you. It is exciting to discover God’s unique pattern in your life. Understand that no one is completely gifted the way you are. No one can do what you do. You were placed on this earth for a reason, and spiritual gifts are a part of that. As you take the test, you will determine if missions or evangelism are a part of those spiritual gifts. If you feel called, yet missions did not come up as a spiritual gift, don’t fret. Pray together as a couple. Ask God to confirm this calling in your life in a way that would be evident to both of you.

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/BrianAJackson

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    Michelle S. Lazurek

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