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Tag: relationship

  • Tom Holland and Zendaya Ball Out

    Tom Holland and Zendaya Ball Out

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    You may have heard that Spider-man can do whatever a spider can, so by the transitive property, that means that a spider can do whatever Tom Holland can do, right? It’s just science. 

    So a spider can be very bad at keeping Marvel plot points a secret. A spider can adopt and gently cradle a chicken named Predator. A spider can change the world with a dance to “Umbrella.” (Still wondering why a spider didn’t make a cameo in Rihanna’s Super Bowl halftime performance, but apparently a spider cannot be all things to all people.) 

    And now we know that a spider can take his girlfriend Zendaya to an NBA game. This feels right. 

    Holland and Zendaya hit game two of the series between the Los Angeles Lakers and the Golden State Warriors in San Francisco Thursday night, where they watched the Warriors take a w in a 127-100 game. Zendaya grew up in Oakland, so the Warriors are something of a hometown team for her. Another hint: she wore a Warriors ball cap in some of the photos from last night. If the clothes make the man, the merch makes the fan. 

    The Spider-Man co-stars have reportedly been an item since 2016, but made it Instagram-official in 2021 with a birthday post on Holland’s account where he called Zendaya “my MJ.” Say it with me: Awwwww. 

    While Holland has been busy slinging one web or another, Zendaya also stars in the highly anticipated Dune 2, and has scooped up accolades (youngest double acting Emmy winner in history, who?) and praise for her body glitter-drenched work in TV’s Euphoria. 

    Last week, the duo was spotted in Vegas to see Usher perform during his residency there. (These are a spider’s confessions.) At the basketball game, they snacked on popcorn. What will a spider do next?

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    Kase Wickman

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  • 8 Phrases Couples Therapists Never (Or Rarely) Say To Their Partners

    8 Phrases Couples Therapists Never (Or Rarely) Say To Their Partners

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    Therapists have seen and heard it all: the good, the bad and the ugly of relationships. Through their years of professional experience, they’re able to pinpoint the language that brings couples together and the language that pushes them apart.

    We asked couples therapists which phrases they personally never or rarely (hey, even the pros aren’t perfect!) use in their own relationships. Here’s what they told us:

    1. ‘You always … ’ or ‘You never … ’

    Several of our experts said they steer clear of hyperbolic blanket statements that begin “you always” or “you never.”

    “While it’s true that I’ll never smoke a cigar and I always fasten my seat belt, when it comes to interpersonal behaviors — listening, arguing, being defensive, being kind, taking things personally — ‘always’ and ‘never’ tend to make us shut down,” Winifred M. Reilly — a marriage and family therapist in Berkeley, California and author of “It Takes One to Tango” — told HuffPost.

    “You’re pretty much guaranteed to be told, ‘That’s not true. There was that one time … ’” she said. “Then you’re in more of a debate than a conversation.”

    To get your point across in a gentler and more impactful way, try subbing in the word “sometimes” in place of “always” or “never.”

    “As in, ‘sometimes, you don’t listen to me in a way that shows that you’re interested,’” Reilly said. “The goal is, after all, to talk about how to have a better life together, not just point out each other’s faults.”

    2. ‘You make me feel X.’

    Carol Yepes via Getty Images

    Making some changes to the way you speak to your partner can do wonders for the relationship.

    No matter what emotion you insert here — sad, angry or guilty, just to name a few — this kind of language is something that sex therapist Jesse Kahn tries to avoid.

    “You can say, ‘I feel guilty when’ or ‘I feel ashamed when,’ but no one else is making you feel anything, and it’s unfair to put that on anyone,” Kahn, director of the Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center in New York City, told HuffPost.

    Plus, he said, it can be “healing and empowering” to take responsibility for your own emotional responses.

    Similarly, Los Angeles marriage and family therapist Gayane Aramyan said she avoids using blame-y “you” statements (e.g. “You’re so inconsiderate”) in her relationship. She’s found that they make the other person defensive, which stymies any productive conversation.

    “I express how I feel and what my experience was of the situation,” she told HuffPost.

    3. ‘Well, then maybe we shouldn’t be together.’

    When we’re feeling overwhelmed with hurt or anger toward our partner, it’s easy to lash out and say things we don’t mean. In more extreme cases, you might even threaten to break things off with this person — a move Los Angeles marriage and family therapist Abigail Makepeace strongly discourages.

    “Unless you are truly contemplating ending the relationship, this tactic should never be used,” Makepeace told HuffPost. “These types of threats erode your partner’s sense of safety and build resentment.”

    And if you make these kinds of declarations again and again, your partner will become desensitized to them, Makepeace said. This can affect your communication and connection moving forward.

    4. ‘You should do this.’

    Sean Davis, a marriage and family therapist in Roseville, California, told HuffPost he “rarely, if ever, makes absolute statements” about his wife’s choices. Other variations might include: “You shouldn’t do that” or “That’s a bad idea.”

    “Statements like this imply that I know what is best for her and therefore have the right to dictate her behavior. It is disempowering and undermines her autonomy,” said Davis, founder of The Davis Group Counseling and Wellness Services. “It also sets the discussion up for a fight if she disagrees, as her only possible response is to say I’m wrong.”

    “’Always’ and ‘never’ tend to make us shut down.”

    – Winifred M. Reilly, marriage and family therapist

    Instead, he first checks in with his wife to see if she wants his opinion on the matter or just wants him to listen.

    “If she wants my opinion, I will preface it with a qualifier such as, ‘I think … ,’ ‘It seems to me like … ’ or ‘If I were in your shoes … .’” Davis said. “Proposing my thoughts as tentative allows me to state my opinion while reassuring her that she can disagree without the disagreement threatening our relationship.”

    5. ‘If you loved me, you would …’

    When you use this setup with a partner, you’re behaving in a manipulative way — whether you mean to or not. For that reason, Kahn is not a fan of these kinds of statements.

    “You are essentially weaponizing your love, relationship and connection,” he said. “You may not be intentionally trying to manipulate someone, but it will have that impact and outcome.”

    Instead, he recommends “getting curious about why the person doesn’t want to do the thing you want.” Then consider whether it’s reasonable for them to decline and use it as an opportunity to practice taking “no” for an answer.

    On a similar note, Aramyan said she avoids language like, “If you don’t do this, then … ” with her husband.

    “I don’t threaten or put ultimatums in my relationship,” she said. “I think that ultimatums are very serious, and unless you mean what you say, there is no point in saying it.”

    6. ‘No one will ever love you as much as I do.’

    At first glance, this may sound kind of romantic to some. But dig a little deeper and you’ll see this statement has toxic undertones. Makepeace called it “a clear attempt to destabilize and create fear in your partner.”

    “The implicit message is, ‘Don’t ever leave me or mess up because you will never find better or be loved more,’” she explained. “At its core, this is simply not true. If you can see how wonderful your partner is, then why wouldn’t someone else?”

    “You may not be intentionally trying to manipulate someone, but it will have that impact and outcome.”

    – Jesse Kahn, sex therapist

    Plus, if your partner is only sticking around out of fear, “you will never feel the safety you are seeking to achieve with this comment,” Makepeace said. “True feelings of trust and safety are only built through secure and honest connection.”

    7. ‘You need to calm down.’

    Davis said he tries to avoid telling his wife how to feel about a given situation. That means not saying things like, “Just stop worrying about that” or “You’re being too dramatic.”

    “Any of those things just lead to a fight,” he said. “Instead, I just try to listen, validate and let the emotions run their course, trying to remember that I’ll probably need the same from her soon enough.”

    8. ‘My ex never would have done that.’

    It’s natural to compare your current partner to a former one in a moment of frustration or disappointment, Makepeace said. But verbalizing this to your partner can be damaging. And keep in mind: When you’re emotional, you may not have the clarity to see you’re romanticizing your ex.

    “It is important to remember that there is a clear reason, or set of reasons, you are no longer in this past relationship,” Makepeace said.

    “More importantly, there are hopefully a myriad of reasons you are with your current partner. The act of comparison between your current partner and past partner can be especially hurtful, as it can feel like a negation of the good, care and safety in your current relationship.”

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  • How to Handle the Narcissist in Your Life

    How to Handle the Narcissist in Your Life

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    You may wonder if your partner, co-worker, or family member is a narcissist. While many people have what doctors call narcissistic traits, like self-importance and entitlement (thinking they’re owed something), people diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder can be a bigger challenge.

    “Living with a narcissist requires a different or more advanced emotional skill set,” says Kimberly Perlin, a licensed clinical social worker Towson, MD. She specializes in helping women in relationships with narcissists and also treats narcissists.

    Having a narcissist in your life can be frustrating and emotionally challenging. Your relationship may revolve around them. You may feel judged and exhausted by their demands.

    When she was a child, Carla Marie Manly, PhD, a clinical psychologist in Santa Rosa, CA, didn’t realize her older sibling was a narcissist. “Growing up with this highly controlling person was extremely challenging,” she says. “It was only in my adult years that I came to realize this sibling was a deeply troubled narcissist.”

    How to Spot a Narcissist

    Narcissists have a strong sense of grandiosity. That means they think they’re more important than others and often seek out admiration.

    One of Perlin’s clients is a perfect example. “A client I worked with for years terminated therapy with me when he saw my new website and was insulted that the website didn’t talk about him,” she says.

    Narcissists often:

    • Have a strong sense of grandiosity (they have high levels of self-esteem, self-importance, self-confidence, and often feel like they’re superior to others)
    • Are arrogant
    • Take advantage of others to get what they want
    • Believe they’re unique or special
    • Exaggerate achievements and talents
    • Need constant admiration
    • Feel envy toward others
    • Believe others envy them
    • Lack empathy
    • Are obsessed with fantasies of brilliance, power, or success
    • Have a sense of entitlement

    Narcissists and Relationships

    Manly learned a lot about narcissists from her older sibling and her experiences working with them. “I’ve learned that narcissists are the focus of their own lives. They often believe they’re perfect and blame others for issues that arise at work, home, or social situations.” she says.

    Narcissists may do whatever it takes to get what they want. They generally don’t feel compassion and can’t connect intimately with others, even the people who are closest to them.

    At work, a narcissist may seek admiration, even if it hurts others. They may take credit for other people’s work, undermine co-workers, or change their behavior to get approval from higher-level people. They may seem friendly and hard-working, but there’s often more to it than meets the eye.

    At home, a narcissist can impact the whole family. If you’re in an intimate relationship with a narcissist, they may be highly critical of you, distant, and dismissive. You could feel invisible, disrespected, and lonely. If you’re a child of a narcissist, you may have been neglected or abused.

    Sometimes it’s best to cut ties with a narcissist, especially if they’re abusive.

    “For my own mental health, I’ve chosen to step back from investing in a personal relationship with my sibling,” Manly says. She accepts that her sibling doesn’t see their behavior as a problem and since her sibling has no desire for self-growth, an ongoing relationship will only lead to more frustration.

    If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, expect it to be challenging. “Buckle up, it will be a very bumpy ride,” says Forrest Talley, PhD, a clinical psychologist in Folsom, CA. “It will be an extraordinarily taxing relationship.”

    What to Do With a Narcissist

    Take these steps to handle a narcissist:

    Educateyourself. Find out more about the disorder. It can help you understand the narcissist’s strengths and weaknesses and learn how to handle them better. Knowing who they are may also allow you to accept the situation for what it is and have realistic expectations.

    Create boundaries. Be clear about your boundaries. It may upset or disappoint the narcissist, but that’s OK. Remember, it’s not your job to control that person’s emotions, Perlin says.

    Speak up for yourself. When you need something, be clear and concise. “Make sure they understand your request, Perlin says.

    Watch your wording. Narcissists don’t take constructive criticism well, Manly says. Try to make comments in careful, positive ways.

    Stay calm. Try not to react if they try to pick a fight or gaslight you (making you doubt your own reality). If they lash out, think of them as a 3-year-old who feels rejected because their parent sets a bedtime, Talley says.

    Create a support system. Living with a narcissist can lead to feelings of insecurity, confusion, and self-doubt. “Make sure you have a core group of people in your life that can support you,” Talley says.

    Bring in a counselor. Therapy won’t cure your partner’s narcissism, but it may help you work certain things out. A counselor can show you ways to approach problem-solving with the narcissist.

    What Not to Do With a Narcissist

    Certain things may trigger problems with a narcissist, so it’s best to avoid them.

    Don’t argue or confront. Manly finds it’s best not to confront a narcissist directly. As difficult as it may be to constantly tiptoe around them, it can be better to manage their need to feel in charge.

    Don’t try to direct them. Narcissists like to have control and often fear losing it. “Efforts to lead or instruct a narcissist will often fail,” Manly says.

    Don’t expect them to see your point of view. Narcissists don’t like to admit when they’re wrong or that they’re unlovable, so trying to make them see things your way could backfire.

    Don’t expect deep, meaningful communication. “Narcissists have very little empathy, so honest, heartfelt communication often doesn’t get through and can even create an angry outburst or shutdown response,” Manly says.

    Don’t go over past issues. Don’t try to make them see a long line of behavior dating back years — or how they’re just like their father, for example, Perlin says. Instead, stay in the present when you express requests or hurt feelings.

    People with narcissistic personality disorder usually don’t change, so keep that in mind. Even if you learn to manage your relationship better, it probably won’t ever be a healthy relationship.

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  • Justin Long and Kate Bosworth Confirm Their Engagement

    Justin Long and Kate Bosworth Confirm Their Engagement

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    Justin Long and Kate Bosworth are planning on spending the rest of their lives together.

    On the latest episode of the actor’s podcast, Life is Short with Justin Long, he interviewed his new fiancée about their relationship and shared the romantic story behind his proposal. Bosworth explained that they decided to address this happy news together, “because we’re probably gonna be asked about it and we thought, ‘Well, how can we talk about this in a way that makes us feel the best,’ and we thought, ‘Oh, I’d really like to just talk about it with you.’” Long then went on to reveal that his proposal didn’t go exactly as he originally intended. “I did have a special thing planned around [Kate’s] birthday and about a month before that, we were talking about, things change, and sometimes they change pretty drastically without any warnings.” He continued, “It was a moment where it just felt so organic and it felt connected to something very, very deeply, profoundly personal that we were going through, like, a real life change, and so it came out in a very organic way.”

    Bosworth then shared her version of the event, recalling, “We had just gone through this really hard thing and we had spoken to a therapist and we were trying to move through things at the time and she gave us a really great piece of advice which was: Make sure that you’re pretty consistently asking the other what you need, or asking the other what they need.” She added, “I remember waking up not so many mornings after that therapy session and I looked at Justin and I said…I remember, I smiled at you, and I said, ‘What do you need?’ And he, like, really looked at me and he said, ‘To spend my life with you.’ And I smiled and I said, ‘Well, yeah, you have that. Oh my gosh, you have that,’ and he said, ‘No, I mean I really want to spend my life with you.’” Long revealed that that moment, “was the easiest…the words just came out, like, so naturally.” His new fiancée noted, “I thought it was the most romantic and honest and loving proposal.”

    The couple initially sparked rumors that they might be engaged last month after Bosworth was photographed wearing a large, new diamond ring at the Vanity Fair Oscars party. The Blue Crush star and Long first met while filming Barbarian together in Fayetteville, Arkansas in 2021 and, by December of that year, news broke that the pair were officially an item. In April 2022, Long hinted that a wedding could very much be in their future, going so far as to call Bosworth “the one” during a conversation with Bachelor star Nick Viall on his podcast The Viall Files. “I had gotten to a place where…I was comfortable with myself, I was ready to be—I didn’t know it at the time—but I was ready for the one,” he explained. “And the one I had met…I had found.” He added that keeping their relationship out of the public eye has been complicated as he does “want to scream it from the rooftops, but I also want to be protective. It’s sacred.”

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    Emily Kirkpatrick

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  • Elijah Wood Reveals He and Partner Mette-Marie Kongsved Welcomed Their Second Child Last Year

    Elijah Wood Reveals He and Partner Mette-Marie Kongsved Welcomed Their Second Child Last Year

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    Elijah Wood recently became a father for the second time.

    The actor revealed during a conversation with the Wall Street Journal for the publication’s “My Monday Morning” series that he and his longtime partner Mette-Marie Kongsved quietly welcomed a baby girl last year. He explained that with two small children at home, he has no choice but to start his day off very early, getting up “Some time between 5:30 and 6:30.” He went on to explain, “We’ve got a 3-year-old son and a 14-month-old daughter, and she wakes us up pretty early. I like getting up early, I like starting the day.” After waking up his kids, Wood then gets to work making them a breakfast of “oatmeal with various spices, peanut butter and fruit—banana, apples, blackberries. I also really like overnight oats or muesli with yogurt, and I sometimes eat that with them.”

    Wood and Kongsved have been together for almost six years, and previously welcomed their son Evan in 2019. The couple first met when they worked together on the 2017 film I Don’t Feel at Home in This World Anymore, but didn’t make their first official public appearance until February 2019 when they attended the Rodarte fashion show together. Kongsved, who is a movie producer, was previously married to director Evan Louis Katz, but they separated in 2016. The Lord of the Rings star also shared that he’s loving the new perspective that parenthood has brought to their relationship. “You’re constantly being challenged, in the best way,” he said. “It’s as much my own personal growth as it is about my child’s growth.” And he also explained why he prefers to keep his family out of the spotlight, which includes not disclosing his new daughter’s name and keeping his Instagram account set to private. “I wanted to be able to share photos that I didn’t necessarily want to share with the world,” he told the outlet. “An account that’s public-facing would really change what I share. It’s not like I’m sharing anything that I wouldn’t want to go out, but I’m a relatively private person.”

    Back in February 2020, Wood announced their son’s birth during an appearance on Late Night With Seth Meyers, explaining that he and his partner learned they were going to be parents on Christmas Eve 2018. “I haven’t had a cigarette since then,” he said. “And that night, I found out we were pregnant. On Christmas Eve.” Over the years, the actor and the Danish producer have sparked engagement rumors, especially after Kongsved was spotted in 2019 wearing a diamond ring on her left hand, however, it is unclear if they have gotten legally married.

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    Emily Kirkpatrick

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  • Avril Lavigne and Tyga Kiss at Paris Fashion Week

    Avril Lavigne and Tyga Kiss at Paris Fashion Week

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    A couple weeks after calling off her engagement, it appears that Avril Lavigne may have moved on with her longtime friend, Tyga.

    As part of Paris Fashion Week, the pair attended the Mugler x Hunter Schafer party on Monday night. At one point, Tyga threw his arm around the pop star’s neck, grabbing her chin with his other hand before sharing several kisses in front of the cameras and smiling broadly at one another. The pair then walked through the event hand-in-hand. Earlier that day, the two musicians also attended the Ottolinger show where they sat side-by-side whispering in each other’s ears. Rumors that Tyga and Lavigne had started dating first began in February when TMZ published photos of the two of them out to dinner with a group of friends at Nobu. The pair shared a hug in the parking lot, however, sources confirmed to the outlet at the time that they were just good friends, nothing more. Although, clearly, things have developed further since then.

    At the end of February, the “Complicated” singer called off her engagement to fellow musician Mod Sun, whose real name is Derek Smith, ten months after he proposed. The two musicians were last seen together publicly at a pre-Grammy event in Los Angeles at the beginning of February. The reason behind their breakup remains unknown, but those same insiders confirmed that there was no cheating on either side. The news obviously still came as a big surprise to Smith whose representative told People, “They were together and engaged as of three days ago when Mod left for tour so if anything has changed that’s news to him.” But a source from Lavigne’s camp confirmed to the publication, “Avril and Mod Sun have been on and off for the past two months, but are no longer together as a couple.”

    Lavigne and Smith first met in January 2021, releasing a collaborative single called “Flames” that same month. The following year, in March 2022, the pair got engaged during a trip to Paris. Just last month, things still seemed all good between the two singers as Smith even released a track off his new album titled “Avril’s Song.” He told E! News of the single, “I have found such a partner in this world to go through the chaos that life gives you. I have found that person. I’m with a real grown woman who has gone through it all 10 times over and she makes me a better person.” Mod Sun added that they weren’t rushing any wedding plans just “living in that moment,” and when it comes to his former bride-to-be, “She’s a princess, she really is. She’s a motherfucking princess. That’s real shit, so we’re going to have a very special wedding. I can’t wait for that time to come.”

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    Emily Kirkpatrick

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  • Nia Long Says Ex-Fiancé Ime Udoka’s Affair After 13 Years Together Felt Like “a Gut Punch”

    Nia Long Says Ex-Fiancé Ime Udoka’s Affair After 13 Years Together Felt Like “a Gut Punch”

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    Nia Long is speaking out for the first time about her breakup with her partner of 13 years, Boston Celtics head coach Ime Udoka, describing the recent, very public demise of their relationship as “a gut punch and then this red carpet of blessing.”

    In a new cover story for The Cut, the actor explained, “For the last 22 years, I’ve been pouring out. But at a certain point, you’re like, ‘Woo, I’m looking a little tired.’ Even if I can’t see it, I can feel it. So I try to pour into myself and let everyone know this is a ‘do not disturb’ period.” In September 2022, the Celtics suspended Udoka over reports that he “had an improper intimate and consensual relationship with a female member of the team staff,” per The Athletic. Long says she still doesn’t see why this very private matter had to be handled by the team so publicly. “The Celtics made a choice to make my family business public, and I don’t understand why. It could’ve all been handled internally,” she told the magazine. “I do understand why, but I can’t talk about it. Maybe one day I will. You know, fear drives stupidity, and I’ll leave that right there. I’ve learned that I’m stronger than I ever thought I was.”

    The Boyz n the Hood star went on to explain that she’s been getting through this difficult time in her life by prioritizing her youngest son, 11-year-old Kez, from her relationship with Udoka. She revealed, “My only focus right now is my youngest son ’cause he’s having a really tough time. I’m sure I have some things that I’m suppressing, but I have to do that to take care of him first. That’s the giving. It’s natural. I’m sure I’ll have to circle back with myself several times to reconcile things. But the one thing I’m trying not to harbor is anger.” She added that she’s still just trying to figure out what happened between her and her ex “Because, you know, you’re with someone for 12, 13 years, you think you know them.”

    Thankfully, following the cheating revelation, Long was met with a flood of support from the public which she says “saved my life.” The actor continued, “It saved my mental well-being because I felt uplifted by the community in a way that felt like my family was checking in and making sure I was okay. And that, I appreciated. I have that for people like Beyoncé. I look at her, and I’m so proud of her because I know how difficult it is to sustain and manage everything she has in her life. My life is probably a smaller version of that. Black women that are dynamic and famous and there to inspire are also required to be exceptional, and sometimes I just get tired of being strong. That’s my biggest thing: I don’t want to have to be strong. I would like to just have an experience that’s pleasant. But the difference comes down to race. Race matters and makes a difference in your experiences and the way people treat you, respect you, and regard you — and the way people protect you. Malcolm X said the least protected person in America is the Black woman. That quote resonates big time in my life right now.”

    But while she may still be reeling from that breakup, don’t expect Long to shed any tears over the end of her 13-year relationship. “I don’t cry as much as I used to,” she confessed. “I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing, but I do check in with myself and let people know how I feel, for better or worse. ’Cause I’m not holding on to nonsense, and I’m also not passive-aggressive. I say it and sometimes it’s received, sometimes it’s not, but in any case, it’s my truth.”

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    Emily Kirkpatrick

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  • Shailene Woodley Calls Aaron Rodgers Breakup the “Darkest, Hardest Time” of Her Life

    Shailene Woodley Calls Aaron Rodgers Breakup the “Darkest, Hardest Time” of Her Life

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    Shailene Woodley revealed that shooting her new Showtime series Three Women helped her get through one of the toughest times in her life by offering her a moral compass when she felt like her own was out of whack.

    The actress opened up about the role and her romantic life in a new interview with Net-a-Porter. “It was hard to film because I was going through the darkest, hardest time in my life; it was winter in New York, and my personal life was shit, so it felt like a big pain bubble for eight months,” she said. “I was so grateful that at least I could go to work and cry and process my emotions through my character.”

    The show, based on Lisa Taddeo‘s 2019 book by the same name in which the journalist spent years profiling three American women about their sexual and emotional lives, was filmed from October 2021 to May 2022. In February 2022, TMZ first reported that Woodley and her then-fiancé Aaron Rodgers had called off their engagement, a little over a year after the football player popped the question. In the months that followed, Woodley and Rodgers were spotted enjoying each other’s company multiple times, including attending a wedding together and visiting a vineyard after a night out at a casino. But by April 2022, People confirmed that the pair had decided to go their separate ways for good.

    Woodley went on the explain to the outlet, “Three Women feels like it matters a lot—mostly, I think, because it mattered so much to me. I feel honored to be a part of it, because it genuinely gave me a North Star in a time in my life when my compass…calibration did not exist. And I think it has the potential to provide a North Star for other people out there too.”

    She added that the public attention their relationship received also aided in souring the connection between her and the NFL quarterback. “It honestly never really hit me that millions of people around the world were actually watching these things and paid attention to them,” the actor said. “Then, I dated somebody in America who was very, very famous. It was the first time that I’d had a quote-unquote ‘famous’ relationship, and I watched scrutiny, opinions, the desire for people to know my life and his life and our life—it just felt violating in a way that, before, it was fun.” Woodley concluded, “I’m a very private person, and so I found that any time I posted anything, I instantly felt like I was sharing too much of who I am with people I didn’t necessarily trust.”

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    Emily Kirkpatrick

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  • Kanye West Reportedly Marries Yeezy Designer Bianca Censori

    Kanye West Reportedly Marries Yeezy Designer Bianca Censori

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    After spending much of his divorce fighting to win back his ex-wife Kim Kardashian— even as he was very publicly dating other high-profile women like Julia Fox and Irina Shayk— it seems Kanye West has not only moved on, but found himself a new bride.

    The rapper secretly got married to Yeezy designer Bianca Censori this week, according to TMZ. The outlet says that she and West recently held a private ceremony where they tied the knot, although they have yet to file a marriage certificate to make their union legally binding. Censori has worked for Yeezy as the head of architecture since November 2020, per her LinkedIn profile, going straight to the company after getting her masters degree. She also recently ditched her long, brown hair in favor of a short, platinum bob.

    The pair were spotted this week enjoying a meal together at the Waldorf Astoria in Beverly Hills where the musician, who spent much of the fall and winter espousing his anti-semitic views to various conservative news outlets, was also seen wearing a new band on his left-hand ring finger. The tabloid’s sources confirmed the new accessory is meant to symbolize his commitment to his second wife following the ceremony. A clue as to what led to this whirlwind walk down the aisle might lie in a song West released last month seemingly inspired by his bride, called “Censori Overload,” in which he raps, “And The Bible said, ‘I can’t have any more sex ’til marriage.’”

    This impromptu wedding ceremony also comes just two months after West and his ex-wife settled their divorce following seven years of marriage. The former couple determined that they will have joint custody with “equal access” to their four children—North, Saint, Chicago, and Psalm—and the rapper will pay $200,000 in child support in addition to 50% of his children’s educational and security expenses.

    In an interview on the Angie Martinez IRL podcast last month, Kardashian tearfully confessed that she and her ex-husband struggle to get along, but she still wants their kids to think the best of their dad regardless. “Co-parenting is hard. It’s really fucking hard,” she said. The reality star went on to explain, “I had the best dad, and I had the best memories and the greatest experience and that’s all I want for my kids as long as they can have that. That’s what I would want for them. If they don’t know the things that are being said or what’s happening in the world, why would I ever bring that energy to them? That’s really heavy grown-up shit that they’re not ready to deal with.” She added, “One day my kids will thank me for sitting here and not bashing their dad when I could. All the crazy shit. They’ll thank me and I’ll privately answer anything that they want to know. It’s not my place anymore to jump in.”

    Vanity Fair has reached out to a representative for West for comment, but did not hear back at the time of publication.

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    Emily Kirkpatrick

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  • Florence Pugh Explains Why “People Didn’t Like” Her Relationship with Zach Braff

    Florence Pugh Explains Why “People Didn’t Like” Her Relationship with Zach Braff

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    Despite keeping their three-year relationship completely out of the spotlight, Florence Pugh and Zach Braff frequently found themselves the subject of negative comments and tabloid headlines. And in her new cover interview for Vogue‘s Winter issue, the actor once again addressed the public’s problem with her private life.

    Pugh said of her previous relationship, “We weren’t in anyone’s faces. It was just that people didn’t like it.” She continued, “They imagined me with someone younger and someone in blockbusters. I think young relationships in Hollywood are so easily twisted because they add to the gossip sites. It’s exciting to watch. And I think I was in a relationship that didn’t do any of that.”

    Braff also spoke to the magazine for the story and had nothing but effusive compliments for his ex-girlfriend. “I quite simply think she’s one of the greatest actors of her generation,” he said. “She’s just magnetic. You cannot take your eyes off of her.” The director added, “And it’s not just her beauty and it’s not just her acting ability, it’s that thing, that magic thing that transcends the screen, where anyone and everyone goes: I want to see whatever this person does.”

    All of this comes after Pugh revealed in August that she and her boyfriend of three years had quietly broken up earlier that year. In the cover story for Harper’s Bazaar‘s September 2022 issue, the Don’t Worry Darling star told the magazine, “We’ve been trying to do this separation without the world knowing, because it’s been a relationship that everybody has an opinion on. We just felt something like this would really do us the benefit of not having millions of people telling us how happy they are that we’re not together. So we’ve done that.” She said, “I automatically get a lumpy throat when I talk about it.”

    Pugh also noted that just because her job is very public doesn’t mean her personal life is also up for discussion. “Whenever I feel like that line has been crossed in my life, whether it’s paparazzi taking private moments, or moments that aren’t even real, or gossip channels that encourage members of the public to share private moments of famous people walking down the street, I think it’s incredibly wrong,” she told Harper’s Bazaar at the time. “I don’t think that people, just because they have this job, that every aspect of their life should be watched and written about. We haven’t signed up for a reality TV show.”

    Read Pugh’s full interview with Vogue here.

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    Emily Kirkpatrick

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  • TLC’s Chilli Confirms She Is Dating Matthew Lawrence

    TLC’s Chilli Confirms She Is Dating Matthew Lawrence

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    It appears that TLC member Chilli has finally found a man who is “no scrub.”

    The singer, whose real name is Rozonda Thomas, confirmed on Tuesday that she is dating Boy Meets World actor Matthew Lawrence following his divorce from Dancing With the Stars pro Cheryl Burke earlier this year. Christal Jordan, a representative for Chilli confirmed the news to TMZ, revealing that the two stars’ longtime friendship turned romantic around Thanksgiving. The pair spent both Thanksgiving and Christmas together in Atlanta where Lawrence also met Chilli’s family. In another statement to People, Jordan added, “I’ve been with Chilli since 2005 and I’ve never seen her this in love. She is glowing. They are really cute together.”

    Chilli and Lawrence also went Instagram official with their relationship over the weekend, posting a video on both of their social media accounts of them dancing together in matching holiday onesies to a-ha’s “Take on Me.” Chilli wrote in the caption, “#newyearsshenanigans #onesiegang #wecute.” The new couple first sparked rumors they were an item back in August when they were photographed together deep in conversation on a beach in Hawaii. But the musician’s representative said at the time that there was nothing romantic going on between them, explaining that TLC had a performance on the island so she and Lawrence had decided to meet up with a few other friends for a beach day.

    Burke initially filed for divorce from Lawrence after three years of marriage in February 2022, citing “irreconcilable differences.” The former couple finalized their split in September and the document also stated that their prenuptial agreement is in “full force and effect and is fully binding upon the parties.” Chilli was previously in a longterm high-profile relationship with Usher whom she went through a very public breakup with in 2003 that served as inspiration for a number of the songs on the “Yeah!” singer’s Confessions album. The pop star also has a 25-year-old son named Tron from her previous relationship with music producer Dallas Austin.

    Both Chilli and Lawrence’s careers got their big start in the ’90s and both have also experienced professional resurgences this past year. At the first-ever ’90s Con in March 2022, Chilli and her bandmate T-Boz revealed that they are “going to Broadway” with their group, which also originally included Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes who died in a car crash in 2002. And Lawrence, who starred in the hit NBC sitcom Brotherly Love with his real-life brothers Joey and Andrew Lawrence, confirmed to People in November that they are all “in talks with Fox” about doing “a brand-new show together for the first time in 15 years.”

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    Emily Kirkpatrick

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  • Austin Pets Alive! | Future of APA!: History of No Kill Austin and…

    Austin Pets Alive! | Future of APA!: History of No Kill Austin and…

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    Aug 27, 2021

    As the second installment in a short series of letters meant to inform you of APA!’s relationship with the City of Austin, we wanted to bring you up to speed on the Town Lake Animal Center (TLAC) property and how it impacts the renegotiation of our license agreement to operate APA!.

    Built in the 1950s, the TLAC facility was a huge improvement over what existed before, which was a structure somewhere in Austin that held all the animals in a massive concrete pen without adequate food and water until they were all shot, in front of an audience, when their time was up. The beginning of sheltering in Austin, as in the entire United States, was rooted in the fear of a nationwide pandemic of Rabies.

    Austin American Statesman, 1951
    Austin American Statesman, 1956, laying the pad for the original Ringworm facility and the original Building C

    As such, from 1950 all the way until 2008, the intention of housing the animals was never to save them all or any percent close to that. The original purpose of this facility, in fact, was to continue ridding Austin of dogs and cats who didn’t have owners with the means to reclaim them. TLAC and the structures that still stand today serve as an important reminder for all of us of a past that we never want to go back to.

    Austin American Statesman, 1977, when TLAC was occupied by the Humane Society

    In 2007, the city made the decision to vacate TLAC and embarked on hiring an architect to build a new shelter in East Austin. There was a lot of controversy over the planned move because it would involve removing lost and homeless animals from downtown Austin. The concerns were threefold:

    • A lack of visibility would lead to more deaths (now substantiated by the commercial market). Then mayor, Lee Leffingwell, compromised, promising the citizens of Austin there would always be an adoption center at TLAC, even after the move.
    • The new shelter had fewer kennels than TLAC. Staff asserted that more animals could be co-housed at the new shelter so it actually served the same number of pets. Unfortunately, at the time, almost all big dogs were being killed so co-housing was only intended for little dogs.
    • The addition at the new site of a huge incinerator so the pets who were killed would no longer have to be sent to the city dump in large truck fulls. Luckily, this was struck from the final plans because it was a big expense for a practice that was going to stop.

    In the end, the new shelter was approved and slated to open in mid 2011 with the understanding that the old TLAC facility, already in disrepair, would be demolished.

    By 2008, APA! started rescue work and began pulling animals from the TLAC euthanasia list so that we could make a measurable impact on the live release rate in the City of Austin. Our goal was to make Austin a No Kill City as fast as humanly possible. At this time, the city was at only a 45% live release rate with 10,000 to 14,000 animals dying every year. APA! volunteers showed up every day to see the animals listed to be killed by 11:30am the following morning, and pull as many as we could into foster homes.

    By 2010, when Austin had a 72% live release rate (largely up because of APA!), the city council, championed by Mike Martinez and Laura Morrison and at the recommendation of the Animal Advisory Commission, voted to formally make Austin a No Kill City with a goal of a 90% live release. In the No Kill Implementation Plan that was passed with this vote, a section included keeping open an adoption center at TLAC, specifically by using the Davenport Building (TLAC’s main admin building), after the city shelter moved to its new location. Of course, we already had our eye on using TLAC as our future facility though we heard from Council offices we had a 0% chance of getting it.

    By 2011, the year of the city shelter move, APA! helped the city achieve an 89% live release rate. And now we were openly advocating for taking over the old shelter (TLAC) so that we could continue to help Austin and have a building for our organization.

    Surprisingly, APA! had to overcome massive obstacles to be able to occupy TLAC, even though it was empty and even though we were the driver of No Kill. The city had plans to tear it down, due to the dilapidated conditions that existed well before we started rescue. The city couldn’t sell it or use it to build anything other than a park or animal shelter since it is dedicated park land with a grandfather clause for animals. At the time, we had a rocky relationship with the city shelter staff due to the nature of how we supported them, by pulling animals off the euthanasia list rather than taking animals they wanted us to take who may or may not ever have been in danger of euthanasia. Although we were awarded the temporary use of TLAC, that relationship made it very hard to keep Lamar Beach for animals, even after we moved in.

    In 2017, city council voted, this time championed by council members Kathie Tovo, Leslie Pool, Alison Alter, Steve Adler, Greg Casar to allow APA! to rebuild at TLAC and stay for 75 years, basing future plans on a document called the Lamar Beach Master Plan, that showed the general space we would occupy and what our buildings might look like.

    Essentially, in Phase II of the master plan, with an unknown timeline, Cesar Chavez would be moved away from the lake and cross right through our current footprint. To accommodate that, APA! needed to move back towards the YMCA and the railroad track. In that vote, the council directed city staff to “negotiate and execute” the 75 year agreement over the next four years.

    You might be thinking, who would want to build when we are sandwiched between Cesar Chavez and the railroad tracks? We would! We had looked for other property throughout Austin but faced neighborhood overlays that have a blanket clause requiring kennels to be voted on by the neighborhood. That was a painful and exhausting process and it was clear the only neighborhood in Austin that wanted us was the one right around TLAC. With the neighborhood restrictions throughout the City of Austin, we faced finding a property outside the city limits which would eliminate visibility of our important work. At the time, we abandoned the idea of an alternate location.

    We began these negotiations, sure about our ability to rebuild based on the Master Plan, and expected to get to the 75 year contract signing quickly. However, as soon as the surveyors and architects got busy, it was made clear to us that land issues would halt immediate plans to fundraise and improve the shelter facilities at TLAC. These issues are detailed below:

    1. The power lines over us are the heaviest duty type of transmission power line there is, meaning they cannot be buried. We worked hard with Austin Energy and there is no way around them. Nothing can be built on 30 feet of either side of them. We have TWO sets that run from one side to the other, eliminating over 120 feet of buildable space in a longitudinal section.
      1. We have broached the subject of heavy renovations under the power lines since the power lines were raised after our buildings were built, but Austin Energy has assured us that any site plan request that comes through for renovation will be denied because they believe it is in our best interest to get out from under the lines.
    2. There is a 72” water main that runs from the railroad tracks down to Cesar Chavez that cannot be built over and cannot be moved.
    3. The railroad hill is partially owned by the railroad company and would cost $1M to purchase each of two small chunks that would be technically on our property.
    4. The floodplain is outside the land we would be building on but it prevents us from moving our footprint anywhere else on the land and going through the process of demanding that the master plan be reviewed again.
    5. The property known to us as the “Y Field” in the northeast corner behind us, is where we would be pushed to and it is currently owned by YMCA. In order for us to gain formal access to it, the Y and the city have to finish the agreement that requires the city to build a parking garage on Y property, closer to Cesar Chavez. The status of this is unclear, holding up our ability to formally attain the Y field that would be needed for us to build on.
    6. There are many heritage trees on the property that we do not want to harm and that would be quite expensive to move.

    After years of discussion with many city departments that control the entities above, it is clear that whatever space we have left at TLAC will likely be a fourth to a third of the size of the footprint we use today.

    As a result, we believe we have no choice but to purchase another property, hopefully for use in addition to TLAC, in order to serve our full mission. This will prove difficult because of the neighborhood restrictions that exist in seemingly every neighborhood within the city limits. We are currently pursuing all leads on land within 30 minutes of downtown Austin for what we hope is ultimately a satellite facility.

    So what does that have to do with the negotiation of our license agreement? It means that after years of discussion with many city departments, we have come to learn whatever space we have left at TLAC will likely be just a quarter to third of the footprint we use today. We are bitterly disappointed with this outcome and believe we have no choice but to add a second site because the city cannot fulfill all of our land needs as we once thought. The bottom line is the millions of dollars our non-profit organization provides in lifesaving services to the City of Austin annually, and will spend building at the site, far exceeds the value of having free land to build upon.

    I want to be clear, we still want to rebuild whatever we can at TLAC because we believe the extra cost to us is worth it for our mission and for Austin. We know it is necessary for pets to be front and center in our city and if we leave, TLAC will never be used to help animals again. We know our city believes in No Kill as one of its core community principles. Our vision for the future of this land is to use it to show the world that No Kill is a crown jewel of Austin. It should serve as a Phoenix, rising from the ashes of the 500,000 pets that needlessly lost their lives at this site over the last 70 years, and be a sign that history will never repeat itself on Austin’s watch again.

    We will continue to keep you updated on these matters and hope you, as one of our valued supporters, will help advocate for keeping the TLAC property for the animals after this short letter series ends. We will continue to look for new property regardless of what happens at TLAC and appreciate the leads our supporters send us. If you think you might have a land lead to send our way, you can find details of what we are looking for here.

    As always, we are grateful for the support you have shown to APA! staff and to the pets that are counting on us. If our history has taught us anything, it’s that Austin believes in the value that animals bring to all of our lives and expects us to do everything we can to save them. Thank you for joining us and committing so much to this mission.

    Thank you,

    Ellen Jefferson, DVM
    President and CEO
    Austin Pets Alive!/American Pets Alive!

    Read the previous post in this series here.

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  • Kismia – a New Player on a Dating Market of Canada

    Kismia – a New Player on a Dating Market of Canada

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    Kismia was one of the first dating services in Europe to rethink online dating for serious relationships. When dating online was considered something frivolous, the team behind Kismia has positioned its product as a place to find a significant other. For eight years in service, the platform has grown to the international dating brand with a considerable user base in France, Spain, Portugal, Poland and Latin America. Now Kismia expands to Canada and shares what it has to offer.

    Press Release
    –


    updated: Jul 2, 2020


    TORONTO, July 2, 2020 (Newswire.com)
    –
    ​Kismia initially started its service in 2012 as a dating website for mature people in Western Europe. The platform has quickly gained traction in France and Spain. A few years later, Kismia entered the English and Portuguese-speaking dating markets worldwide and presented a more efficient matching logic. Now, the matching algorithm of Kismia considers a dozen different parameters, such as goals, values, interests, ethnicity, desire to have children, attitude to alcohol and smoking, etc. Another feature of an improved matching algorithm is that it calculates the compatibility between two users and shows a compatibility percentage. In that way, the user can see right away whether the other person is matching with them or not, even without reading their profile.

    Monetization model

    Kismia uses the subscription business model with basic functionality, provided to users free of charge and additional Premium features, that help to break the ice and build a connection with new people faster. Another interesting feature of Kismia is that they decided to avoid monetization through advertising. “We strive to make the experience on our platform as smooth as possible for any user, whether he or she pays for the service or not,” says Kismia’s CMO, “So we don’t interrupt the online dating experience with ads. The only difference between Basic and Premium accounts – number of available features.” Probably, the main reason that persuades users to opt for a Premium account is that the holders of Basic accounts can chat only with Premium users. So, to chat with any person on the platform, the user definitely needs a Premium account, in other cases – Basic account is enough to go.

    Positioning

    “As we stated in 2012, Kismia is a dating site for serious relationships. And this is our main focus: to help people cross their paths not just for a second, but for the days, months and years to come. The only difference in our positioning in comparison to the initial one is that now we are giving an option to find a person, based on your goals. So if you’re looking for a suitable person just to chat or date with –– Kismia will be your place too,” says Kismia’s CMO.

    Currently, Kismia has more than 100 million users worldwide and is available in seven languages: English, French, Spanish, Portuguese, Russian, Polish, and Ukrainian.

    Kismia contact details:

    support@corp.kismia.com

    Source: Kismia

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  • Key Things to Know About STIs and Getting Tested

    Key Things to Know About STIs and Getting Tested

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    Everything You Need to Know About Getting Tested for STIs

    We treat sexually transmitted infections differently from other infections. If your friend has a cold, you say, “Oh, that sucks,” not, “Gross, you should have been more careful!” 

    If there’s a virus going around, you get a pamphlet explaining what it is and how not to catch it — not shamed for being unclean. Rather than waiting until they’re teenagers and telling them not to hang out with certain people, we vaccinate children to keep them safe from certain diseases. 

    But in many people’s minds, sexually transmitted infections — STIs for short, and formerly known as STDs — are different. Unfortunately, because of their association with sex, they’re often seen as much scarier and more shameful. 

    RELATED: Here’s How Not to Get an STI

    As a result, people tend to approach their sexual health in backwards or unproductive ways by being blissfully ignorant until it’s too late. That said, protecting yourself from STIs isn’t super complex, and unlike other infections, there are cheap and easy ways to find out if you’re affected. 

    AskMen spoke with a handful of sexual health experts to get the info on what you need to know about STI tests, from how they work to why they’re important to why guys often tend to avoid taking them.

    What Is an STI Test?

    “A STI test is done to check if you have a sexually transmitted infection, such as chlamydia, trichomoniasis, gonorrhea, HPV, HIV, herpes, or syphilis,” says Dr. Janet Brito, a sex therapist based in Hawaii. 

    However, not all tests are the same. Depending on what you’re getting tested for, with many tests checking for multiple infections at once, the test may take a different form. Common ways to check for STIs are “via a blood sample, a swab, or a urine analysis,” adds Brito.

    Why Getting Tested Is Important

    If you’ve never been tested before, you might not be entirely clear on why getting tested fairly regularly is important. 

    “If you are sexually active, especially if you are engaging in unprotected sexual activity, participating in high risk sexual behavior (i.e have multiple partners), starting a new relationship, noticing any symptoms (i.e. foul discharge, burning during urination, bumps, or sores around or on genital area, pain, itching, inflammation), it is best to get a STI test to rule out any possible infections and to avoid any health complications that may arise and that could be treated early on,” says Brito. 

    “It is also important to get tested even when you do not have symptoms,” she adds, “as some STIs may be asymptomatic” — meaning you might not see the signs until you’ve already passed it on to someone else — or worse, multiple people. 

    Beyond just treating symptoms as to also avoid infecting other people, knowing your STI status is important to ensure your STI doesn’t develop into something worse if untreated. 

    “It is important to discuss your sexual health practices with your doctor, especially if you are engaging in anal sex,” notes Brito. “An anal pap smear can help to screen for HPV as well. Not receiving proper care for STI symptoms may result in more complicated health challenges, like infertility or cancer.”

    How Often You Should Get Tested

    As for how often you should get tested, there’s no one single answer. 

    It becomes more important in certain specific circumstances, particularly if you notice potential symptoms, and/or when you’re about to start sleeping with a new partner. 

    “The CDC guidelines about how often to get tested are ambiguous because there’s no magic bullet,” explains Lauren Weiniger, cofounder of an app called SAFE, which allows users to privately show their verified STI status on their phone and get tested. “It depends on your lifestyle, and your risk tolerance. The guidelines vary from three to six months, but some people choose to get tested every two weeks.”

    Why Some Guys Avoid Getting Tested

    However, if you’re most guys — particularly straight guys, who often have fewer partners than their queer counterparts — you’re most likely not getting tested every two weeks. 

    You might not be getting tested every three to six months, either. In fact, some guys have never gotten tested, regardless of their sexual history. There are a few reasons why that might be the case. 

    “Some guys may not get tested because they do not know to get tested (i.e. do not have enough comprehensive sex education around the benefits of getting tested),” says Brito. They could also skip getting tested because they “don’t have any symptoms that they are aware of.”

    Perhaps the most pressing issue, however? Guys avoiding getting tested “due to stigma and shame around sexuality and the issue of STIs,” as Brito puts it. “This worry may prevent guys from getting tested and seeking help.”

    In order to help combat that, demystifying STI tests could be useful — so keep reading to find out what they’re like, how they work and how to get one done. 

    The Different Kinds of STI Tests, Explained

    While it might be convenient to take a test that checks for all the different STIs at once, no such test exists (not yet, at least). 

    In countries with universal healthcare like Canada, the United Kingdom, Australia and others, syphilis tests are typically covered in whole or in large part. 

    However, in the United States, you might need private insurance in order to pay for an STI test, and depending on which insurance you have and where you go to get tested, your STI test may or may not be covered. If you’re unsure, it’s best to look into it before showing up. 

    That being said, here’s a breakdown of some common STIs and what it’s like to get tested for them: 

    Chlamydia

    Chlamydia is a bacterial infection that typically presents no symptoms. However, when it does, the results are not pleasant. 

    RELATED: How to Diagnose and Treat Chlamydia

    Men who come down with chlamydia symptoms often experience burning sensations when they urinate, testicle pain, scrotum swelling and even discharge a secretion from the penis. 

    Luckily, once it’s diagnosed, it’s easily treatable with antibiotics. 

    How the Chlamydia Test Works

    The test for chlamydia is typically an analysis of either a urine sample or a swab of the genital area. 

    How Long It Takes to Get Results

    A standard amount of time to get results back for a chlamydia test is 7 to 10 days. Often, clinics will only contact you if you test positive — meaning if you don’t hear back, you’re in the clear. 

    Gonorrhea

    Like chlamydia, most people with gonorrhea won’t experience symptoms. However, when those symptoms do occur, they include burning sensations, sensitive or broken skin on the genitals and a milky-white discharge of pus. 

    RELATED: How to Diagnose and Treat Gonorrhea

    Yes, the infection is so named because gonorrhea means “flow of seed” in ancient Greek — doctors at the time mistook the discharge for semen. 

    Gonorrhea is also treated with antibiotics, but over time, some strains of the infection have become increasingly resistant to the drugs. It’s led to a version called “super gonorrhea,” which is more difficult, but not impossible, to cure. 

    How the Gonorrhea Test Works

    Like the chlamydia test, the test for gonorrhea is an analysis of either a urine sample or a swab of the genital area. 

    How Long It Takes to Get Results

    Like chlamydia, gonorrhea tests typically take 7 to 10 days to hear back, and again, if you test negative, you may not be contacted at all. 

    HIV

    HIV (human immunodeficiency virus) is the most serious disease that’s sexually transmitted, as it can morph into AIDS, a disease that has historically been quite deadly. 

    Although recent medical advances, such as the development of PReP treatments, have made HIV much less likely to have fatal consequences, knowing your HIV status is still of paramount importance. 

    How the HIV Test Works

    HIV tests are done on a blood sample, meaning either a syringe will be used to draw some blood from your arm, or a finger prick will be performed. 

    How Long It Takes to Get Results

    Some centers offer rapid HIV test results, where you can discover your result in a matter of minutes. However, taking a normal HIV test could mean it’ll take days to weeks to get results. 

    Herpes

    There are two different types of herpes: HSV-1 and HSV-2, which can both produce sores around the mouth and genitals — sores that themselves are infectious. 

    RELATED: How to Diagnose and Treat Genital Herpes

    Herpes can also leave you with a rash in the genital region, as well as an unpleasant fever. T at the moment, but it can be treated using antiviral medications. If left untreated, however, herpes can have serious effects on various other parts of the body, so taking it seriously is hugely important. 

    How the Herpes Test Works

    The test for herpes differs depending on whether you’re presenting symptoms or not. If no symptoms are present, a blood test is done. If there are symptoms, in addition to the blood test, you’ll get a swab of the affected area done. 

    How Long It Takes to Get Results

    Depending on the type of test, it can take between 1 and 14 days to get results from a herpes test. 

    Syphilis

    Syphilis is a bacterial infection that can have devastating health consequences if left untreated. 

    After the first stage — painless sores appear on or around the genitals but then recede — people with syphilis will begin experiencing an infectious skin rash, intense cold symptoms and even hair loss.

    RELATED: How to Diagnose and Treat Syphilis

    If it’s still left untreated, the third stage of syphilis involves the disease spreading to various other parts of the body, including the brain, where it can cause serious and wide-ranging damage. However, if syphilis is treated before it begins to progress to the second stage, it’s relatively easy to cure, often requiring just a single shot of penicillin. 

    How the Syphilis Test Works

    A syphilis test is done using either a blood sample or a sample of fluid from a syphilis sore, if symptoms are present. 

    How Long It Takes to Get Results

    Getting your syphilis test results back can take between three and five days.

    HPV

    HPV, which stands for human papillomavirus, is a very common virus; nearly 80 million people are currently infected in the United States. In fact, HPV is so common that nearly all men and women get it at some point in their lives. 

    Most of the time, the virus goes away on its own, but some strains of HPV can lead to cervical cancer if not found and treated.

    “You could possibly be carrying a cancer-causing strain without knowing it,” says Engle. “There isn’t much you can do other than use condoms and be aware and educated about sexual health and wellness.”

    How the HPV Test Works

    There’s currently no test for men who are HPV-positive and don’t show symptoms (which is the vast majority of men).

    How Long It Takes to Get Results

    With no current test for men, there’s no way of knowing. However, if a female partner you’ve had unprotected sex with gets tested for HPV — a fairly good marker of whether you have it — that would take one to three weeks.

    How to Find Out Your STI Status

    Finding a Nearby Testing Location

    Going into an urgent care without insurance can leave you with a bill of over $1,000. That’s why it’s necessary to find sexual health clinics that offer free care to individuals without insurance or accept insurance with a little to zero copay.

    “The best advice I can give is to Google local free clinics in the area and always check for the closest Planned Parenthood,” says Gigi Engle, a certified sex coach and clinical sexologist.

    (If you live in the United States, you can head on over to the Planned Parenthood locator to find the nearest location to you.)

    “At a free clinic you can expect to be seen by a nurse practitioner. They’ll take a blood sample and test for HIV, chlamydia, gonorrhea, and sometimes Hepatitis B. They don’t test for herpes unless they expect an infection, meaning that you’re having an outbreak.”

    RELATED: Conversations to Have With Your Doctor

    “You can also talk to your primary care physician, and don’t be afraid to tell them what’s going on. If you feel like you can’t comfortably discuss medical issues with your doctor, find a new one. You should always feel safe,” Engle added.

    The Safe app is yet another option. The app privately shows your verified STI status on your phone, and also links users to testing centers. “With the app, you can skip the doctor and book testing directly at over 30,000 labs across the U.S., usually the same day and in under 15 minutes. It’s only $99 out of pocket, or you can use your insurance to cover the cost,” says Weiniger.

    Using At-Home STI Test Kits

    If you’re in a situation where going to a nearby clinic isn’t a convenient, feasible or available option, you can also make use of the burgeoning at-home STI test kit industry. 

    As with so many industries today, STI tests are something you can have delivered to your front door — but are they as good as getting tested by a professional? At least for the time being, probably not, in part because the method at-home kits use (urine analysis) isn’t the most accurate when compared to getting your blood work done. 

    As well, if you’re already experiencing STI symptoms, you should speak with a doctor about them anyway, so taking an at-home test might not be the most useful approach. 

    That being said, if you’re symptom-free, not engaging in high-risk sexual behavior and just want a quick, relatively accurate checkup, an at-home STI test kit isn’t a terrible idea.

    To find out the best at-home STI test kit for you, you can check out AskMen’s list of them below: 

    RELATED: The Best Proven At-Home STI Test Kits

    When to Get an STI Test Done

    1. If You Don’t Plan on Using Condoms With Your Partner

    After a period of dating, it’s not that uncommon for those in a monogamous relationship to decide that condoms aren’t necessary anymore. Prior to having unprotected sex, it’s highly recommended to get tested to ensure that both you and your partner are negative for all STIs — even if you feel completely healthy.

    “Many STIs have a latency period,” warns Weiniger. Meaning, it can take as long as six weeks following intercourse to show up positive for a sexually transmitted infection such as syphilis. “An STI test is a snapshot in time, so while someone may have tested negative a few weeks ago, there’s no guarantee they haven’t been exposed or they weren’t already exposed since that test was valid.”

    That’s why it’s recommended to continue using protection for two months following the last time you had sex with another person. After eight weeks, the tests for all STIs will be the most accurate.

    2. If You or Your Partner Notice Any Physical Changes

    If you start to see some unsightly sores, experience pain urinating, or begin releasing discharge, it’s definitely time to get tested. 

    RELATED: What You Should Know About Penis Health Care

    Flu-like symptoms, including a high fever and swollen lymph nodes, could also indicate that you recently contracted a virus (possibly HIV or herpes). If you’re experiencing any of these symptoms, you should stop having sex and wait until your results return before having intercourse again.

    While men are significantly more likely than women to show symptoms after acquiring an STI, “STIs can be asymptotic and not just in women,” clarifies Ben Davis, MD, an attending physician at Massachusetts General Hospital’s Sexual Health Clinic. 

    He adds, “Men are commonly asymptotic in the throat and rectum,” which is why it’s necessary for men, especially men who have sex with other men, to have both oral and rectal swabs completed when tested.

    3. If One of You Has Cheated

    If either of you are having unprotected sex with someone outside of the relationship, getting tested is important — even if you didn’t go “all the way.” Gonorrhea, chlamydia, and HSV-2 (genital herpes) can still be passed if oral sex is performed.

    Even if you used a condom when you cheated, it still might be a good idea to go in a get tested, just in case.

    RELATED: Everything You Should Know About Cheating

    “Since condoms do prevent most STIs, I’m not sure I agree that routine STI testing is indicated after sex with condoms [after cheating],” Davis says. 

    “On the other hand, penetrative intercourse is not the only way to get STIs. You can get it from oral, including rimming. Also, STIs can be spread by skin to skin — HPV and HSV, to name two common ones. So I’d have to say I probably agree it’s a good idea to get tested after cheating with a condom, but I want to strongly make the point that condoms do protect against most STIs.”

    with additional reporting by Zachary Zane

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  • Relationship Expert Daphna Levy Claims Couples Can Reclaim Their Happily Ever After, Releases New Book Valentine’s Day

    Relationship Expert Daphna Levy Claims Couples Can Reclaim Their Happily Ever After, Releases New Book Valentine’s Day

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    Press Release
    –


    updated: Feb 6, 2019


    LOS ANGELES, February 6, 2019 (Newswire.com)
    –
    While high-profile divorces make headlines, relationship expert and bestselling author Daphna Levy launches her next book, The Secrets of Happily Ever After, out Valentine’s Day 2019. A bold move in today’s world where, in the United States alone, there is one divorce approximately every 36 seconds. That’s nearly 2,400 divorces per day, 16,800 divorces per week and 876,000 divorces a year.

    But Levy is undaunted. Having gone through a sudden and shocking marital breakup of her own in her twenties, she, at last, found her own “happily ever after” with her now-husband of thirty-two years. Furthermore, for the past three decades she has been consulting individuals, couples and families in her practice, now with offices in two Southern California cities, Pasadena and Bakersfield. “I have saved marriages and kept families together,” says Levy. “I give my clients practical tools to fix their relationship and build a strong, lasting bond. And I get results.”

    Levy’s client testimonials speak for themselves. Says Karina, mother of two, “We came to Daphna as our last resort. She gave us the tools we desperately needed to open our communication and save our relationship. We’ve learned to listen and understand each other. We no longer have explosive fights. We have discussions.”

    One couple, married for 40 years, had this to say following a series of consultations with Levy: “We were able to get back to where we were forty years ago (sweethearts).”

    The effects of Levy’s “tools” appear to spread to extended families, as in this testimonial by Liz: “These tools not only helped me with my marriage, but in my relationship with my children as well.”

    The Secrets of Happily Ever After promises to reveal the secrets of good communication and how to prevent arguments and fights; methods to help you return to “the way you were” when you first met; as well as ways to overcome personality differences and find harmony in spite of them. It promises to show couples how to defeat “the enemy within,” which Levy claims is the biggest threat to their bond, and give them tools to revive their relationship, rekindle their love and passion and create lasting happiness.

    Levy’s first book, Picking Right: The Single’s Guide to Finding the Right Match is an Amazon International Bestseller. It, too, boasts results, as reviews and testimonials pour in. The book’s second edition, published in 2016, features a testimonial and a wedding photo of a reader who attributes finding her “right match” to Picking Right. “The information [in the book] was vital for me because I would always choose wrong,” says Pamela Dicso-Caceres. “Your book made so much sense and gave me clarity on my love life.” And she adds, “Your book put me in control of my life. Thank you so much!”

    In a world where divorce is out of control and answers are few, Levy is swimming upstream striving to provide couples and families with real solutions. “The only way to find out if this works is read the book and follow my suggestions,” she says. “If it helps you the way I think it will, let me know. I am very interested!” she adds.

    The Secrets of Happily Ever After will be published in both paperback and e-book formats and will be available on Amazon starting Valentine’s Day.

    Media Contact:
    Daphna Levy
    daphnah@earthlink.net

    Source: Daphna Levy

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