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Tag: Relationship Building

  • Why It’s Essential to Wait to Date After Divorce | Entrepreneur

    Why It’s Essential to Wait to Date After Divorce | Entrepreneur

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    Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.

    Many newly divorced people receive advice from loved ones and friends to “get back out there” and date right away, advice that is rarely beneficial. Since the fear of not finding a person with whom to spend one’s life is real, dating advice makes sense to many people. It also may seem to be a good way to alleviate the myriad of emotions floating around in the mind and heart, like loneliness and uncertainty.

    But entering the dating scene immediately is not the right decision when it comes to healing post-divorce. There is a reason why second marriages have a higher divorce rate than first, so do yourself a favor and don’t rush into dating before working on yourself. Let’s look at some ways to get ready for dating post-divorce.

    Related: How to Free Yourself After Divorce by Letting Go

    Finding the new you

    Getting ready to date after divorce starts with tuning deeply into the heart to recognize and feel all of the feelings. It is ok to get mad, cry, scream and feel sorry for oneself for a time… but then those feelings need to be replaced with positive action — planning a new life and envisioning what it will look like.

    Our brains are programmed to present more of what we focus upon, so if we fall into a victim state (a negative state where we believe things happen TO us and don’t recognize we have control over our own lives), our brains will continue to bring more negativity. To attract the “right” person — the one who best compliments the new version of us — we must first work on ourselves and create a plan for moving forward from divorce. In other words, we need to discover the new “me” before we can again become “we.” This is the only way to give any new relationship a chance to succeed.

    Stop blaming and accept what IS

    Divorce can lead to a build-up of negative energy, which can easily push one into a victim state. From here, it is common to blame both the ex-spouse and oneself for the marriage’s demise and any ramifications. Still, both have some level of responsibility as marriage involves two people. Accept that there is no blame — it just IS.

    As the past cannot be changed, focusing on the present will help tweak the mindset to get out of the victim state, and these big weights, once lifted, will pave the way toward a new love relationship when the timing is right. Try to catch yourself every time you blame or judge your former spouse or yourself, then come back to the present moment and focus on moving forward.

    Related: Being an Entrepreneur Almost Broke My Marriage. Here are 4 Ways Your Relationship Can Succeed Through Entrepreneurship

    Shifting energy

    Truly knowing ourselves and what we want is how energy is shifted. A positive mindset is key to changing energy levels and creating a new existence after divorce; it leads to self-love, which is necessary before one can truly love another. When the mind is positive, happiness prevails, and it is easier to get through temporary bouts of frustration, sadness or stagnation — which do happen along the journey (since we are human).

    A few fun ways to start feeling more positive are to journal feelings and experiences throughout the healing process, get outside in nature and move the body daily, eat healthily, listen to inspirational music, cut out television, laugh as much as possible and find the right support network.

    Knowing when it’s time to date

    As you do the healing work (keeping in mind that healing oneself is never truly “done”), there will come a time when you will feel infinitely better, stronger, more focused and excited about life and the future. Most importantly, you will own your self-worth, know how the new life will look, and feel energized to take steps toward it. A lightness from within will be felt, which comes from shedding negative beliefs, people and situations that do not serve your new life goals. It will be easy to notice the change in energy, and others may even comment on it. It is around this time that it will be clear one is ready to date.

    At this point, it’s smart to list qualities one desires in a mate. The list can be short or long and divided into “must” and “would be nice” qualities if desired. Really listen to intuition and your heart in creating this list. Use visualization to see the person you envision — picture yourself doing things you enjoy together and having conversations where you and your partner-to-be can communicate and share feelings openly.

    If you are not a fan of online dating, that is ok, but you need to get out and do things with friends so you are exposed to potential people to date. You also can sign up for classes — but not online! It is imperative to physically go to the classes. There you will meet like-minded people. If you can find something active to do, that is usually a great place to meet people you may decide to date.

    This can range from participation in sports or lessons to Meet-Up groups, classes and local community events like beach/nature cleanups or charity events — the list is endless. The only rule is to choose something you enjoy or want to try.

    Related: Being Married Makes You a Better Entrepreneur — Here’s Why

    New love relationships post-divorce

    Whether one decides to use dating sites or meet people organically, the changes made within oneself will attract people who are different from that one may have attracted before healing, so the new relationships will have a higher chance of lasting and bringing joy. Love with a partner after divorce can be magical when patience is exercised at the beginning of the journey. Taking time to heal and establish self-love and a plan for moving forward from healing can lead to a beautiful love connection with another person, one filled with mutual respect, support, vulnerability and truth.

    Make a commitment to work on healing after divorce before dating. It will enable you to define the new you, design a beautiful new life and understand what you desire and need from a partner so you can attract the right person and a sustainable, mutually beneficial relationship.

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    Rachel S. Ruby

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  • 5 Tips for Building Meaningful Business Relationships | Entrepreneur

    5 Tips for Building Meaningful Business Relationships | Entrepreneur

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    Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.

    One of my most satisfying, long-lasting business relationships began at a trade show organized by a new promoter. Year after year, we saw each other at the show and built an excellent relationship through good times and challenging periods. Today, we refer new business opportunities to each other all the time.

    I can call that relationship a true friendship because it’s not all about business, and it’s not a transactional arrangement anymore; we don’t make referrals to get something in return, like taking turns picking up the check at lunch. We’ve come to know and trust each other over the years, so when someone needs help, we know whom to recommend. We know our most valued customers will be in good hands.

    That’s the first rule of relationships in business: Help the other person without expecting anything in return.

    Related: 4 Strategies for Building Deep Business Relationships

    The more you give, the more you gain

    Offer your support and resources from a sincere desire to help, not because your colleague will owe you something. I believe that the more you give and the more freely you give, the more you gain — a reputation for generosity and credibility as the “go-to” person for help and advice. In addition, customers you refer to other businesses may look at you more positively because you helped them in addition to helping the company you referred them to consider.

    Take a cue from LinkedIn, the online business connection platform. Read the posted content, and you’ll notice that while many ask other members to do business with them, a large proportion simply offer helpful insights and information. They hope it will lead to new business, of course, but no such strings are attached.

    Like LinkedIn connections, in-person business relationships begin by offering opportunities to help. Real, lasting business success comes from the relationships you nurture, person to person — and if you’re doing it right, it comes before your product or its price. Of course, you can’t dismiss product and price; your customers certainly won’t ignore them if they are significantly different from your competitors. But if you have established a solid relationship, it can get you through a lot. When there’s not much difference between your product or service and your competition’s, a good relationship can tip the customer’s decision in your favor.

    Related: 7 Amazing Ways to Build Long-Term Relationships With Your Customers

    5 tips for creating and nurturing relationships that matter

    1. Check your attitude: It’s almost like falling in love. You must genuinely enjoy being with sales prospects or the people you work with. Get excited about what you offer them. Put on your most positive attitude, wear a smile on your face, and be able to laugh with them. If you show them how much you enjoy your work, they’ll want to feel the same way.

    2. Find a connection: Finding a common interest with the other person helps. Learn what they need and want — but not what you can sell them (and you don’t have to be subtle about it. Just ask them; they’ll be flattered). Since I’ve traveled so much, I know interesting places to sightsee and good restaurants to try, so if a customer or colleague is visiting a place where I’ve been, I recommend the locations to them. It gives them a positive feeling about me, which they’ll remember.

    3. Make gift-giving meaningful: I like to send a gift at Thanksgiving, as I have found that Christmas and New Year gifts can pile up, so yours may get lost in the stack. But I don’t just give during holidays. During the year, I will give books I have read and found worthwhile or send one of my own authored books with a personal note written inside.

    4. Join a networking or lead-referral group: They’re excellent ways to connect with new businesses, especially if you find it hard to get out and meet prospects yourself. But remember, networking isn’t a contest you win by handing out the most business cards; it’s the starting point for new relationships (some people leave their cards behind, so they won’t be tempted to go on a card-dropping spree). Approach these events with the intent of finding contacts you can help, not people who can help you.

    5. Relax: I’ll go back to the analogy of falling in love. It’s often said that love happens when you least expect it, and the harder and more intentionally you look, the less success you have. Whether you’re prospecting at a networking event or just chatting with customers, don’t make everything about you and your needs. Relax and get to know the other person authentically. If they think you’re only interested in them because of what you’ll get out of it, they’ll break up with you before your first date.

    It all comes down to offering help with no expectations of payback. Just keep doing the right things, and eventually, a reciprocal relationship will grow. Many people have helped me in the past and never asked for anything in return. I remember each of them, and I will always look for opportunities to help them in the future. The key is knowing your customers better than you know your products or services.

    Related: Want Strong Business Relationships? Avoid These 3 Mistakes.

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    Ray Titus

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