Being rejected for a job can be a brutal experience that really hits job applicants’ confidence, especially if they were among the favored candidates but didn’t get an offer. That can foster deeply negative feelings toward the organization that delivered that final “thanks, but no thanks.” But a new study shows that this really doesn’t have to happen, and how a hiring manager frames a rejection really can impact the chances that qualified candidates who are turned away — maybe because they were a close second choices — will apply again in the future. There are also other lessons here in how to say “no” in a business context.
The research, out of Philadelphia’s Temple University, found that people who are given a meaningful rejection notice that explains the reasoning that led to the rejection, even if it’s brief, were much more likely to engage with that company again in the future. In fact responses that better explained the rejection rationale increased retention by over 21 percentage points. That’s a sizable improvement, and, as science news site notes, it might be because if a hiring manager explains why they said “no” this time, it might empower someone to try again in the future because their uncertainty about the outcome is lowered.
The study’s lead author, Sunil Wattal, associate dean of research and doctoral programs at the Fox School of Business at Temple, told Phys.org that the results really show how “even simple things can make a difference in terms of how a rejection is received.” This can involve seemingly low-effort actions like “being more friendly or being more informative,” alongside “being more informative,” when you tell someone they were rejected. It’s clear that “no one likes being rejected,” Wattal noted.
The study used user data from social media-like coding platform Stack Overflow for the core “rejection” analysis, but Wattal told the science outlet that it’s definitely applicable in a broader context. It’s common for companies to “send simple, one- to two-sentence emails to let a candidate know that they will not be getting a job. How likely is that candidate going to be to apply for a job in the future?” he asked. Worse, if an “employer ghosts somebody or just rejects them with one line, then they’re never going to apply to the company again.”
An Inc.com Featured Presentation
The point here is that the recruitment process is costly both in time and money terms — paring an extensive applicant list, even with the help of AI tools — takes effort by HR workers and management. The interview process consumes more time, and it’s easy to see why companies may be tempted, once they’ve selected the top candidate, to brush off the other applicants with little additional thought. But the top few members of that list may be a good fit for future roles in your company, and you’ve already invested time and money getting to know them. If all it takes to tempt them to reapply in the future is a more friendly “no” than you may have planned for, then why not try it?
You may have gotten to this point in the story and considered this research as simple common sense.
But under the current fraught job market, the job application process has become much more difficult, not least because many HR managers are experiencing burnout, and because AI tools allow job applicants to try a scattergun effect and apply to many more jobs than they’d have been able to do manually. Anything you can do to simplify this process, such as encouraging near-miss candidates to reapply in the future, is a boon.
Separately Wattal notes the same line of reasoning about rejecting job applicants can be applied elsewhere. This includes talking to customers who have faced rejections for refunds, for example: when you handle these rejections in a motivational way, explaining your rationale in a polite way, Wattal said it can even “actually strengthen trust, loyalty and long-term engagement.”
Should you always call to let a candidate know that they won’t be getting a job offer?
Here’s the context: I’ve gotten calls and emails letting me know when I wasn’t accepted for a position. And my colleagues and I all agree that we hate getting phone calls. It’s awkward! If you don’t answer the phone, you’re not going to get a voicemail telling you you didn’t get the job, you’ll get a voicemail asking you to call back. Which means you’ll get excited thinking you’re getting a job offer! And then you’re live on the phone with a hiring manager trying to manage an awkward conversation.
An Inc.com Featured Presentation
I’ve taken to emailing rejected candidates rather than calling, for these reasons. I take it as a kindness, rather than getting their hopes up for nothing.
But recently, a week after I sent the rejection, a candidate sent me a long email expressing her disappointment having gone through a long hiring process only to receive an email and not a phone call. I haven’t responded yet, but I plan to share why I send emails and thank her again for her time. What’s your opinion on the matter?
Green responds:
Deliver rejections by email, not by phone.
If you call people, you’re making them respond gracefully on the spot to what might be really disappointing or even upsetting news (right after getting their hopes up when they see a call from you, too).
Some people prefer calls, of course. But more prefer emails. And delivering rejections by email is so common that even people who would have preferred a call won’t typically be outraged that they didn’t get one.
That said, there are situations where it’s especially important that your emailed rejection is particularly kind and thoughtful. If someone has invested an unusual amount of time in your hiring process (multiple rounds of interviews, exercises, etc.), ideally you’d send more than a perfunctory, generic-sounding rejection. In cases like that, the note should acknowledge the investment they’ve made, and ideally offer something personalized (such as with feedback on their candidacy, a mention of a particular area of strength, or some info on why you ultimately went in a different direction).
But ultimately, the thing about rejections is that there’s no way to reject people that everyone will be happy with. If you reject people by email, some will be annoyed that you didn’t call instead. If you reject people by phone, some people (way more of them) will wonder why you subjected them to an awkward phone call instead of just emailing. If you note they had a lot of strengths, some people will think you’re BS’ing them. But if you don’t do that, some people will feel the note is cold and impersonal. If you send rejections fairly quickly, some people will feel annoyed or even insulted you didn’t spend more time considering them. If you try to wait a respectable amount of time so people don’t feel that way, others will be annoyed that you didn’t tell them sooner.
You’re just not going to please everyone. By their nature, rejections sting, and everyone has a different take on what would most minimize that sting for them personally.
If you prioritized your candidates’ experience above every other consideration (which isn’t practical or realistic), I suspect the method that would please the greatest number of people would be to email a rejection that included an offer to set up a call if the person would like feedback. But there are loads of situations where it won’t make sense to offer feedback (and it would be a huge investment of time if you did), so I wouldn’t recommend that as an across-the-board practice, although you might choose to do it with a specific person on occasion.
So … keep on emailing your rejections. Be kind and respectful and personalize them where it makes sense, but emailing is just fine.
All of us can recall experiences of rejection, whether in our professional lives, social circles, or romantic relationships. For many, the initial disappointment fades quickly, managed through effective coping strategies. However, for some people, rejection can trigger an intense emotional reaction that feels disproportionate to the situation. This response can spiral into a cycle of hurt feelings, conflict, and negativity. In such cases, it might be more than just rejection sensitivity but Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) may be at play.
What does Rejection Sensitivity look like in relationships?
To better understand how RSD manifests in real-life situations, we can imagine a common scenario between a couple, Jamie and Taylor. One evening, after a long day, Taylor mentions that they’ve been feeling distant and suggests they set aside some time to reconnect and talk about their feelings.
Jamie, who experiences Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), might react very strongly to this suggestion. Instead of seeing it as a constructive opportunity, Jamie’s heart starts racing, and they feel an intense wave of shame wash over them. They are overwhelmed with thoughts like “I’m a terrible partner,” “I must be unlovable,” or “Taylor is going to leave me.” Rather than engaging with curiosity with Taylor’s suggestion, Jamie might withdraw emotionally or respond defensively, saying something like, “I can’t believe you think I’m not good enough!” This reaction could lead to a heated argument or prolonged silence between them, creating a cycle of hurt feelings and misunderstandings. This cycle might go on for days, with neither of them knowing how to stop it.
In contrast, if Jamie didn’t have RSD, they might hear Taylor’s suggestion and feel some initial sadness or worry, and they may want some time to process what Taylor said. But Jamie’s response to this suggestion would not cause enormous disruptions in their relationship. Before long, Jamie might respond with appreciation, saying something like, “Thank you for bringing this up. I’d love to talk about how we can reconnect. Let’s set aside some time for this conversation when we have more energy.” This interaction would foster connection and understanding between them.
Research on rejection sensitivity
It’s important to note that RSD is not an official diagnosis in the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). Rather, it’s a term used to describe a pattern of intense emotional experiences related to perceived rejection. The term was coined by Dr. William Dodson, a prominent figure in ADHD research and treatment, to describe the extreme emotional sensitivity and pain triggered by the perception of being rejected, criticized, or falling short of expectations.
Research indicates that adults with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) or Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) are more prone to experiencing Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. This may stem from differences in emotional regulation and brain structure. Moreover, adults with ADHD often report experiencing higher levels of criticism throughout their lives compared to neurotypical adults, potentially fostering an increased sensitivity to negative feedback or perceived rejection.
What Are the Differences Between Rejection Sensitivity and RSD?
To differentiate between “normal” rejection sensitivity and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), it’s important to understand some key distinctions in how rejection is experienced and understood.
Emotional Responses:
When people without RSD experience rejection, these reactions may feel proportionate to the situation, and don’t cause major upheaval in their lives. While upsetting, these experiences are usually short-lived, without a major impact on emotional well-being. On the other hand, those with RSD experience emotional pain that can lead to dramatic mood shifts and a feeling of overwhelm or being out of control. And the emotional response to rejection can sometimes last for days.
Perception of Rejection
People without RSD have occasional concerns about rejection, but don’t have an overwhelming experience of being rejected. People with RSD are constantly on the look-out for rejection, and find signs of it all around them. They may be more prone to perceive rejection even when it isn’t actually happening.
Impact on Daily Life
When people without RSD experience rejection, they can generally handle it without overwhelming distress and disruptions to their life. On the other hand, those with RSD find that rejection causes significant issues with various aspects of daily life, such as productivity and ability to focus. As a result, people with RSD may avoid social or work situations out of fear of the impact of rejection.
Self-Perception
People with RSD often have a chronic, negative self-perception, including feelings of a lack of self-worth and shame. In contrast, people without RSD may experience some sporadic and temporary self-doubt in the face of rejection.
How to Deal with RSD
There are several important strategies that couples can use in order to address the impacts of RSD on their relationship. Using the example of Jamie and Taylor, where Taylor’s request for a conversation about their relationship triggered Jamie’s RSD, the following strategies could help.
Utilize Honest and Respectful Communication
Using techniques such as softened start-up can help create a foundation of open communication. For example, “I feel worried when you approach me with relationship issues at the end of a busy day” instead of “you’re always complaining about something I did wrong.”
Develop Fondness and Admiration
Cultivating positive feelings towards each other can help buffer against RSD-related negativity. Both partners should regularly express gratitude to build a positive emotional bank account. Taylor could say “I really appreciate your willingness to work on our connection,” and Jamie could respond with “Thank you for being patient with me when I struggle with these feelings.”
Recognize Flooding and Develop a Time-Out System
When someone is overwhelmed and in a state of Diffuse Physiological Arousal, emotions can become overwhelming. In these moments, it’s critical to implement a time-out system, so that both partners can pause and re-engage when they feel calmer. Jamie could say something like “I need a moment to breathe and calm down. Can we pause for fifteen minutes?”
De-escalate Conflicts
Learn to recognize signs of escalating conflict and use techniques to calm the situation before it worsens. Jamie and Taylor could both implement a repair phrase to use If tension escalates, such as “can we take a step back? I want to understand you better.”
Practice Patience and Understanding
Managing RSD can be an ongoing process. If couples are able to acknowledge progress and appreciate each other’s efforts, they will be able to better deal with the challenges that they face.
Seek Professional Support
If you or your partner feel that rejection sensitivity is impacting your relationship, individual and/or couples therapy may be helpful. Individual psychotherapy can help people with RSD to gain insight into their emotions, and learn skills for managing their responses. In addition, couples therapy can help both partners understand each other better, and develop tools for handling the impact of RSD on their relationship.
Rejection is one of life’s unavoidable experiences, especially when it comes to romantic interests. Whether it’s the sting of a missed opportunity with someone special or the heartache that follows an unsuccessful confession, getting over rejection can be incredibly tough. But understanding how to deal with rejection from a crush can help you not only heal but also grow stronger from the experience. So, if you’re asking yourself, “Why does rejection hurt so much?”—you’re not alone. Let’s dive into the emotional roller coaster and explore actionable ways to handle the hurt.
Why Does Rejection Hurt So Much?
Rejection isn’t just a blow to your pride; it triggers an actual response in your brain similar to physical pain. Studies have shown that being rejected activates the same neural pathways associated with physical pain, which explains why it feels like your heart is genuinely aching. The feeling of romantic rejection is more than just sadness—it is a genuine, physical discomfort that lingers.
Rejection causes physical discomfort
Dr. Batra tells us, “This reaction is tied to our evolutionary need to belong. Humans are social creatures, and being accepted by our peers has always been critical for survival. So, it’s natural to feel the weight of rejection as more than just an emotional setback. The brain goes into overdrive, trying to figure out what went wrong, leading you to overanalyze every detail. But here’s the truth: no amount of self-blame can change someone else’s feelings, and rejection is simply part of life.”
Tiffany, a 24-year old baker, shared with us her experience. “I was in college when I got rejected by my crush. Since my love life hadn’t been very happening before that, I didn’t know how to handle rejection from a guy and spent many nights crying. Eventually, I told my friends and they helped me cope. Also, it was during this time that I started baking as a way to distract myself and realized that I loved it!”
Understanding how to handle rejection from a guy or how to handle rejection from a girl is essential, especially if it keeps you from spiraling into self-doubt. While your mind may convince you that you’ll never recover, that’s just your brain reacting to an emotional threat. The good news is that with the right mindset, you can cope with rejection in a healthier way and move on.
When you’ve been turned down by a crush, the road to healing can feel steep. But learning how to deal with rejection from a crush is a process, one that comes with actionable steps. These 11 strategies are designed to guide you through the tough feelings and help you bounce back stronger than before.
1. Accept the reality
Dr. Batra says, “The first step to healing is acceptance. It’s hard to hear, but the person you’re crushing on isn’t going to change their mind just because you want them to.” Whenever you think, “I got rejected by my crush”, there is an instinct to keep trying. Maybe if you keep double texting them or “accidentally” running into them, they will fall for you as well. This kind of thinking prolongs the pain. Recognize that rejection is final, and while it hurts, it’s a part of life’s unpredictable journey.
Rejection is not a reflection of your worth. Understanding how to handle rejection from a girl or how to handle rejection from a guy means realizing that it’s often about their preferences, not your value as a person. Just because they didn’t see you as a potential partner doesn’t mean you’re any less of a catch. Internalizing rejection only results in low self-esteem. Instead, remember that attraction is subjective, and not everyone is going to see your unique qualities.
3. Cry it out
Emotions need release, and sometimes, the best tip on how to deal with rejection from a crush is to let yourself feel it. Dr. Batra explains, “Crying isn’t a sign of weakness but a way to release pent-up emotions to prevent emotional flooding. Coping with rejection becomes more manageable when you allow yourself to mourn the loss of what could have been.” However, be mindful not to stay in that emotional space for too long. After a good cry, remind yourself that this is just one part of your journey and that brighter days are ahead.
Cry it out to release pent up emotions
4. Avoid overanalyzing
When your crush rejects you, you may spend hours dissecting every interaction:
Was it my outfit?
Did I say something wrong?
Am I unattractive?
While it’s natural to question the events leading to rejection, overanalyzing can lead to more harm than good. Research shows that ruminating on negative events amplifies emotional distress. Instead, practice mindfulness. Focus on the present and resist the urge to replay every detail. Remember, not everything is under your control.
One of the best ways to handle the pain of rejection is to keep yourself occupied. No stalking their social media—this will only keep you stuck. Instead, when you’re figuring out how to accept rejection, think of it as an opportunity to redirect your energy into personal growth. Dive into hobbies or activities that you enjoy. You can:
Pick up a new skill
Hit the gym
Take a personality development course
Work on your social skills
Distract yourself
6. Lean on friends
Your friends are your emotional safety net, especially when you’re down. Once, when I was in school, I started liking a guy, probably for the first time in my life. Unfortunately, my crush rejected me once and I was devastated — you know how it is when you are a teenager. But my friends were there for me and it made things way easier. They reminded me that I’m still valuable, even if things didn’t work out. Studies show that social support is crucial for emotional recovery after rejection. Vent to them, share your feelings, and let them help you find humor in the situation.
7. Boost your confidence
Rejection can temporarily deflate your self-worth. But instead of dwelling on the “no,” focus on what makes you feel confident. How to deal with rejection from a crush involves regaining that sense of self. It can look like:
Dressing up for yourself
Hitting the gym
Trying out a new hairstyle
The goal is to remind yourself of your strengths. When your self-esteem is intact, you’ll see that getting over rejection is just another stepping stone to a better you.
How to get over rejection from a crush
8. Distance yourself
Constant reminders of the person who rejected you will only delay healing. Whether you’ve been rejected by a guy or a girl, distance is necessary for recovery. This might mean:
In this stage, space is your friend. It’s difficult, but necessary to truly move on. By distancing yourself, you give your emotions time to reset and avoid the temptation of trying to rekindle the flame.
When figuring out how to accept rejection, it’s natural to want to sulk, but redirecting your focus can accelerate healing. Acknowledge it once, “My crush rejected me but I still like him,” and then shift your focus on new goals unrelated to romance. This could mean:
Pursuing personal development
Career milestones
Focusing on friendships
By shifting your attention, you remind yourself that your life’s value doesn’t hinge on one person’s approval and helps you to stop wanting a relationship with them.
10. Laugh it off
Dr. Batra says, “With time, rejection becomes less painful and more of a funny story. When you reflect on this memory later, you might even laugh at the awkwardness of it all.” Humor helps reframe the situation in a lighter, less intense way, allowing you to detach emotionally. Whether it’s an awkward text or a cringe-worthy first move, embracing the humor in rejection can turn a painful memory into something far less daunting.
11. Move on
Finally, the most crucial step is to let go. Rejection isn’t the end of your love life—it’s just one chapter. Someone new will come along, and when they do, this experience will feel like a distant memory. Rejections, especially those from a crush, are simply life lessons in disguise. Learning how to deal with rejection ultimately makes you more resilient and prepares you for a future where you’ll look back on these moments with fondness.
Key Pointers
Accept and don’t resist: Rejection is a reality, not a reflection of your worth
Don’t internalize it: It’s about preferences, not your personal value
Find healthy distractions: Shift your focus to hobbies and self-improvement
Lean on your support system: Friends are crucial for emotional recovery
Let go and grow: Use rejection as a stepping stone to a better, more confident you
Final Thoughts
In the end, coping with rejection is a learning process that comes with emotional highs and lows. Whether you’re learning how to handle rejection from a guy or how to handle rejection from a girl, remember that rejection isn’t a permanent setback. It’s a natural part of life, one that offers growth and self-discovery. Each step toward recovery is a step toward a stronger, more resilient version of yourself.
Your contribution does not constitute a charitable donation. It will allow Bonobology to continue bringing you new and up-to-date information in our pursuit of helping anyone in the world to learn how to do anything.
In the intricate maze of human emotions, the pervasive question of one’s lovability can cast a profound shadow on personal well-being. The contemplation “Am I unlovable?” echoes through the hearts of many, reflecting a complex interplay of internal struggles and external influences.
This article delves into the depths of this emotional labyrinth, exploring nine common reasons behind the haunting sensation of being unlovable. From the intricacies of self-esteem and past traumas to the impact of societal expectations and mental health, each facet contributes to the intricate mosaic of our self-perception. By unraveling these threads, we aim to illuminate the pathways toward self-discovery and healing, fostering a compassionate understanding of the factors that may cloud our sense of worthiness in the realm of love and connection.
According to Harley Therapy, feeling unlovable might ‘sound’ like it’s not a big deal. But it is a very serious matter. It can be a contributing cause for many other psychological conditions and is sadly a leading cause of suicide.
We asked our expert counselor Nandita Rambhia (M.Sc. in Psychology) to help us understand why some people have the fear of being unlovable and how to cope with being unloved. Read on to find out what she has to say about the matter and join us on a journey of introspection, as we navigate the nuanced landscape of human emotions and unravel the mystery behind the question, “Why am I unlovable?”
For more expert-backed insights, subscribe to our YouTube channel
Why Do You Feel Unloved? 9 Reasons
You might ask yourself, “What makes a person unlovable?” Well, absolutely nothing. Everyone is lovable, and feeling like you aren’t can be a result of some deeper issue. Is it possible to be unlovable? Nandita says, “I don’t think it is possible for any person to be unlovable. It is about your own perspective.” And yet, you can’t shake off the thought, “I feel unloved and unwanted by everyone.” It’s time to delve deeper and investigate where this “I feel unloved” feeling is stemming from.
Feeling unlovable can stem from various factors, and it’s important to recognize that these feelings are complex and subjective. But why is feeling loved even important? Feeling loved is an essential element of the human experience, influencing our mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Embracing love provides a deep sense of emotional safety and support, acting as a powerful antidote to the stresses and challenges of life.
A study demonstrated that a sense of love and security “calms jittery neurons.” In the study, female subjects were scanned through an MRI scanner while being administered a slight shock to their ankles. The females left alone in the scanner felt the shock and the pain. On the other hand, the females holding the hand of the lab technician felt the shock but much less pain. Likewise, the females holding the hands of their loving husbands felt the shock but no pain.
Due to a number of reasons, some people might develop certain mental schemas (patterns of thought) that lead them to believe that they are unlovable and that no one will ever want them, or that they aren’t enough, resulting in the “I feel unloved and unwanted by everyone” feeling. We are here to tell you why this happens and how to cope with this feeling. Below are some causes a person might be feeling unlovable in a relationship or in their day-to-day lives.
1. Low self-esteem
“Low self-esteem can be a potent catalyst for feeling unlovable, and one of the most common causes for someone feeling unlovable, creating pervasive personal beliefs that one is inherently unworthy of affection,” says Nandita. When individuals harbor a negative perception of themselves, it distorts their perception of how others perceive them and they begin to see signs of feeling unwanted in a relationship.
Morris Rosenberg and Timothy Owens, in their book Low Self-Esteem People: A Collective Portrait, say that people with low self-esteem tend to be hypersensitive. They have a fragile sense of self that can easily be wounded by others. Furthermore, people with low self-esteem are “hypervigilant and hyper-alert to signs of rejection, inadequacy, and rebuff.” Here’s how people with low self-esteem tend to feel unlovable:
They may struggle to accept love or convince themselves that they don’t deserve love
Their self-doubt can lead to a pattern of self-sabotage in relationships, as they may find it challenging to believe in their own worthiness of love and acceptance
They have trouble loving themselves and tend to discount the positives. This means that they only focus on the negatives in their lives and disregard the positive experiences
Breaking this cycle often involves addressing and rebuilding self-esteem through self-reflection, positive affirmations, and supportive connections
Unrealistic expectations create unattainable standards for oneself and others. When people set excessively high expectations in relationships or for themselves, they set themselves up for failure. Any perceived failure to meet these unrealistic standards can lead to self-criticism and a belief that one is fundamentally flawed or unlovable. As a result, a person may start questioning, “Am I loved?”, which further dents their sense of self-esteem.
The gap between reality and such lofty expectations becomes a breeding ground for feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness, undermining one’s confidence. This makes it difficult for people to feel accepted or believe that others could genuinely value them. They perceive even the slightest departure from their expectations as signs of feeling unwanted in a relationship. Addressing this often involves reevaluating expectations and adjusting them to be more realistic and of achievable levels, fostering self-compassion, and embracing the imperfections that make each person uniquely lovable.
3. Past experiences
Negative past experiences, such as rejection, abandonment, or traumatic events, can contribute to feelings of being unlovable. These experiences can create emotional scars that affect one’s perception of themselves and their ability to be loved, leading a person to believe that the “I feel unloved and unwanted by everyone” feeling they are struggling with is a fact. Here are some examples that might help you understand this better.
After numerous job rejections, my neighbor Mark began questioning his competence, feeling unlovable as he struggled to separate professional setbacks from his personal worth
A friend of mine, Emily, has a similar situation. Her parents divorced when she was young. This left her with a lingering sense of abandonment that fueled insecurities and made forming deep connections challenging for her. This fostered feelings of being unlovable
My friend, Sarah, who experienced a painful breakup marked by betrayal, developed trust issues, and found it difficult to open up in subsequent relationships, attributing the trauma to her sense of being fundamentally unlovable
Linda Graham, a licensed marriage and family therapist, explains in her blog how past experiences can make us feel unlovable. She says that repeated experiences of reaching out and encountering pain can lead the amygdala, our fear and emotional center, to encode a memory linking yearning with anticipation of hurt, time and again, creating an unconscious loop, reinforcing a neural pattern. The brain, accustomed to this repetition, establishes a rigid neural connection, akin to a self-reinforcing loop or neural cement.
Constantly comparing oneself to others, especially in terms of physical appearance, achievements, or relationships, can lead to feelings of inadequacy and unlovability. The habit of comparing yourself to others often stems from societal standards and unrealistic ideals.
Comparing your life with the lives you see online can cause an intense feeling of internalized unlovability.
As individuals internalize these comparisons, they may start to believe that their unique qualities are insufficient, breeding a deep-seated conviction of being unlovable. Breaking free from this cycle involves practicing self-compassion, recognizing individual strengths, and embracing a more authentic and self-affirming perspective, independent of external comparisons.
5. Lack of positive reinforcement
A lack of positive reinforcement can profoundly impact an individual’s sense of self-worth and contribute to feelings of being unlovable. Here’s how positive reinforcement works:
Positive reinforcement, which includes affirmations, encouragement, and expressions of love, plays a crucial role in shaping a person’s self-perception
Without these affirming experiences, individuals may struggle to internalize a positive self-image
The absence of positive reinforcement, especially during the formative years, can lead to childhood trauma and persistent core beliefs that one is unworthy of love and acceptance
Distant parents who constantly criticize and rarely praise can lead the child to develop deeply ingrained belief that they are unworthy of love. Such people can go through their entire adult life wondering, “Am I loved?”
Nandita says, “If an authority figure (parent, teacher, guardian, relative) has constantly been critical of a person, especially during their early childhood, or gaslit them into feeling inferior to others, it would most definitely lead to low morale.” Over time, this deficiency in positive external validation and emotional abuse may contribute to low self-esteem, making it challenging for individuals to believe in their lovability. They may start believing that they don’t deserve positive relationships.
Addressing these feelings often involves building self-esteem through positive affirmations, seeking supportive connections, and opting for professional counseling. Growing up in an environment where love and positive reinforcement have been scarce can impact a person’s self-worth and their belief in their own lovability.
Mental health issues contribute to feelings of unlovability by distorting self-perception, fostering negative thoughts, and influencing social interactions. Here’s how:
Someone who is mentally unwell or suffers from conditions such as depression and anxiety can start believing in inherent flaws or unworthiness
Social withdrawal, fear of rejection, and difficulties in emotional regulation or emotional abuse further add to the struggle, limiting positive interpersonal experiences
The impact of mental illness on relationships, coupled with low energy and motivation, can reinforce a sense of isolation (loneliness) and unlovability
The interplay between mental health and feelings of unlovability often involves a cyclical pattern. Breaking this cycle requires a holistic approach, including therapy, medication, and self-care practices, aimed at cultivating self-compassion, building a support network, and fostering healthier connections. Recognizing that mental health struggles do not define one’s capacity for love and connection is a crucial step in the journey toward healing and a more positive self-perception.
7. Fear of vulnerability
Sometimes the fear of being unlovable or feeling unloved in a relationship stems from the fear of being vulnerable and opening up to the possibility of rejection. This fear can lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy where people isolate themselves emotionally. Fear of vulnerability in a relationship can lead a person towards loneliness, because of self-isolation. A study shows:
Loneliness can lead to personality disorders (such as borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, etc.) and psychoses, suicide, impaired cognitive performance and cognitive decline over time, increased risk of Alzheimer’s Disease, diminished executive control, and depressive symptoms
Loneliness also increases perceived stress, fear of negative evaluation, anxiety, and anger, while it diminishes optimism and self-esteem
The study thus suggests that a perceived sense of social connectedness serves as a scaffold for the self. Damage the scaffold and the rest of the self begins to crumble.
8. Unhealthy attachment styles
Unhealthy attachment styles can contribute to a profound sense of unlovability through various mechanisms. Here’s how:
Those with anxious attachment may fear abandonment, seeking constant reassurance and forming emotional dependencies that reinforce the personal belief that they are unlovable without continual external validation
Conversely, individuals with avoidant attachment styles may struggle with intimacy, fostering emotional distance and a perception of being incapable of sustaining meaningful connections
Disorganized attachment patterns, marked by inconsistent behavior, can create confusion and emotional turmoil, making a person feel unworthy. But what causes these unhealthy patterns? “When a person’s first attachment experience is being unloved, this can create difficulty in closeness and intimacy, creating continuous feelings of anxiety and avoidance of creating deep meaningful relationships as an adult,” says Nancy Paloma Collins, LMFT.
Unhealthy attachments often lead to self-fulfilling prophecies and heighten attachment issues, which a person may interpret as signs of feeling unwanted in a relationship. Behaviors driven by insecurities can strain relationships, reinforcing the belief of being unlovable. Therapy plays a crucial role in addressing and transforming these patterns, fostering self-awareness, establishing secure attachments, and cultivating a more positive self-perception.
9. Cultural and societal influences
Cultural and societal influences can significantly contribute to feelings of unlovability by imposing unrealistic standards and expectations. Dominant cultural narratives often dictate norms related to beauty, success, and interpersonal relationships, creating a framework that may be unattainable for some individuals.
Those who deviate from these prescribed ideals may internalize a sense of inadequacy, believing that they fall short of societal benchmarks for love and acceptance. Discrimination, stereotyping, or exclusion based on cultural differences or gender can worsen these feelings, fostering a belief that one is unlovable due to societal biases.
A study shows that self-esteem can be best gained from identities that fulfill the values of the surrounding culture. For example:
Participants in cultural contexts where people emphasized values such as self-direction and having a stimulating life (e.g., the UK, Western Europe, and some parts of South America) were more likely to derive self-esteem from controlling their own lives
Those in cultures where there was relatively more emphasis on values such as conformity, tradition, and security (e.g., parts of the Middle East, Africa, and Asia) were relatively more likely to derive self-esteem from doing their duty
Overcoming these challenges involves challenging societal norms, embracing diversity, and fostering a sense of self-worth independent of external cultural expectations. Seeking support from communities that promote inclusivity and understanding can also be crucial in combating the impact of cultural or societal influences on feelings of unlovability.
It is important to note that these reasons are interconnected, and an individual may experience a combination of these factors. Nandita suggests that a person should choose to love themselves. “It is about your perception of yourself, rather than society’s outlook on you,” she says.
The causes of feeling unlovable — or feeling unloved in a relationship — are multifaceted, intertwining psychological, emotional, and societal elements. Exploring these factors in therapy, practicing self-compassion, and challenging negative perceptions are essential steps toward breaking the cycle and fostering a healthier, more positive perception of oneself in the context of love and acceptance. In the next section, we will look at a few ways to cope with feeling unlovable.
How To Cope With Feeling Unloved?
If you find yourself asking questions like “Why do I not feel worthy of love?” or “What makes a person unlovable?” or Why do I keep feeling unloved in a relationship?”, it could be due to some of the reasons listed above. But what about dealing with such a situation? Now, there are a lot of ways to cope with feeling unloved or unlovable. Navigating the intricate landscape of feeling unlovable requires a compassionate and intentional approach to self-discovery and healing. Acknowledging these emotions is the first step in a journey toward self-acceptance and resilience.
There are various ways you can learn to cope with feeling unlovable.
A Quora user said, “The way you cope with being unlovable is the way Hellen Keller coped with being born deaf, dumb and blind. You find your purpose.” Another user suggested, “Start with thinking ‘you matter’. When you love, respect, and care for yourself, you can love and care for others too. Whenever you want to give something to someone, first start with yourself. You want to love, first love yourself, make yourself happy. It will flow from you like blood flows in your vein then.” Here are some ways you can cope with feeling unloved.
Practice self-compassion by treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend facing similar struggles. Give yourself unconditional love, be patient with yourself, and acknowledge that everyone has insecurities. Tara Brach, in her best-selling book Radical Acceptance: Living Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha says, “Acceptance and love are what heal the ‘trance of unworthiness’. And they are the only things that heal feeling unlovable.”
2. Challenge your negative thoughts
Nandita suggests, “Figure out why you’re feeling unlovable. Is it a self-inflicted feeling? Is it due to a partner who is being distant, or gaslighting you in the relationship, or ill-treating you emotionally? Is it because of some past experience? Once we find out the ‘why’, it becomes easier to go further into treating it.” Here’s how you can do that:
Identify and challenge negative thought patterns contributing to feelings of unlovability
Replace these thoughts and negative self-talk with more balanced and positive affirmations to reshape your self-perception
3. Seek professional help
Consider therapy or counseling to explore the root causes of these feelings. Therapists can provide valuable insights and tools to navigate and overcome feeling unlovable and other challenges that come with it. But in the end, the only person who can help you is you.
According to Nandita, one should seek professional help from a licensed clinical psychologist to rule out any mental disorders that are associated with feeling unworthy and unlovable. And if a mental disorder is diagnosed, the professional will be able to help you find the best treatment plan. Should you need it, skilled and experienced counselors on Bonobology’s panel are here for you. A licensed clinical psychologist will be able to offer treatments such as cognitive-behavioral therapy, dynamic interpersonal therapy, and commitment therapy.
4. Build healthy relationships
Nandita says that having a strong support system and a good social connect is important. But even more important is trust. So confide in the people you trust, and keep your friends and family members close. If you’re feeling unlovable in a relationship, it might be time to assess if it would be better to leave that relationship. Here’s how healthy relationships help:
Building healthy relationships serves as a powerful antidote to feelings of unlovability by providing positive social reinforcement and support
Engaging with individuals who understand, accept, and appreciate you contributes to a sense of belonging and worthiness
These relationships foster an environment where you can challenge negative self-perceptions, receive genuine affection, and gradually rebuild a positive sense of self in the context of love and connection
Setting realistic expectations is a crucial coping strategy for combating feelings of unlovability, as it involves acknowledging that perfection is unattainable. By reassessing and adjusting expectations, you allow room for self-acceptance and embrace the reality of being human, with strengths and imperfections.
This shift in mindset fosters a more compassionate view of yourself, contributing to a positive sense of self-worth and an increase in self-confidence. “You should remember that it is all majorly psychological, so it is imperative to retrain your mind and thoughts to be kind to you and look at the positive qualities more,” says Nandita.
6. Engage in self-care and focus on personal growth
Prioritize self-care and wellbeing activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Taking care of your physical and emotional wellbeing can positively impact your self-esteem and overall outlook. Identify areas for personal growth and set realistic goals. Accomplishments, no matter how small, can boost self-esteem and contribute to a more positive self-image. Let go of your self-sabotaging behaviors.
7. Try affirmations, journaling, mindfulness, and meditation
Focus on positive activities to know yourself better, stay aware of your feelings, and learn to sieve out positivity through a mess of maladaptive thoughts. Here’s what’s required:
Create and repeat positive affirmations that reinforce feelings of self-worth and lovability. Affirmations can be a powerful tool to counteract negative self-talk and promote a more positive mindset
Finding ways to express your feelings and thoughts through journaling can be a therapeutic way to gain clarity and insight into the root causes of feeling unlovable. It also provides a record of your progress over time
Practice mindfulness and meditation to cultivate self-awareness and reduce anxiety. These practices can help you stay grounded in the present moment and develop a more balanced perspective
Embracing personal strengths, understanding the root causes, and gradually rebuilding a positive self-perception are crucial aspects of this transformative process. Through self-reflection and intentional steps, individuals can cultivate a more authentic and loving relationship with themselves, ultimately breaking free from the grip of unlovability and fostering a sense of worthiness in love and connection. So remove questions like ‘Is it possible to be unlovable?’ and ‘Why do I not feel worthy of love?’ from your mind and try a few things mentioned above to help you cope with feeling unlovable.
Key Pointers
Feelings of unlovability can be very dangerous for a person, sometimes even leading to suicide. So, it is very important to find out what is causing these feelings and how to cope with them
Some common causes of feeling unlovable are low self-esteem, past trauma or experiences, mental health issues, unrealistic expectations, and societal influences
Coping strategies involve fostering self-compassion, challenging negative thought patterns, and seeking support from trusted individuals or professionals
In the intricate exploration of the haunting questions “Am I unlovable?” and “Why am I unlovable?,” it becomes evident that the journey to self-discovery and the healing process are both personal and transformative. Acknowledging and challenging negative thought patterns, fostering self-compassion, and seeking support are foundational steps toward dismantling the roots of unlovability.
It is within the deliberate steps of self-reflection, intentional growth, and cultivating meaningful connections that individuals can transcend the shadows of unlovability, ultimately discovering a profound and enduring love and acceptance within themselves. The journey toward self-love is not linear, but through patience, self-compassion, and commitment, one can emerge from the depths of doubt into a brighter and more affirming understanding of one’s inherent lovability.
Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.
When I was 22, I had a boss who taught me to crave rejection. At that time, I was in a sales role and had shared with her that I felt all I ever heard was the word “no.”
The following month, she ran a competition to see who could hear “no” the most. And yes indeed, I was the victor. So much good came from that experience. I realized that rejection is a part of sales, and it’s also a part of life. I learned that highly successful people know this and aren’t miffed when they’re told no. In fact, they embrace rejection and even learn from it.
Successful people use rejection to get stronger. However, many people don’t feel this way about rejection. If you’re struggling to feel good about being rejected, here are four steps you can take to completely rewire your brain.
When rejected, it’s easy to wonder what the rejection says about us. But often, rejection doesn’t say anything about us. Instead, it says something about the other person. Frequently, we ignore or discount the reasons we’re given for the rejection. Instead, we look for another reason (the real reason). Usually, another reason doesn’t exist.
If someone says they don’t want the product or service we’re selling because they can’t afford it at that time, they usually mean it. If someone says they can’t attend the event we invited them to because they’re too busy, they usually mean it. Spending time beating ourselves up and wondering what the rejection really says about us and how likable we are is often a tremendous waste of time. When we trust the reasons we’re given for the rejection, we can move on and strike out again much faster.
2. Get excited about being rejected
Rejection usually doesn’t feel good. For many, that’s why it’s hard to imagine what (if any) good can (and will) come from it.
Remember: Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. Recognize that you have a choice in how you feel about rejection. Whatever story you tell yourself about rejection comes from you. It’s up to you to interpret the information that exists in your world. You have the power to flip the script, change the narrative and tell yourself a different story.
You can choose to view rejection as a good thing — it means you put yourself out there, asked a tough question and exuded courage. It means you got out of your comfort zone, which always helps us grow and evolve. It means you got to practice a skill (the skill of asking, influencing or selling). That practice will help you grow thicker skin and hone your craft, making you stronger and tougher. With that in mind, you can choose to view rejection as a good thing.
Most people feel pain when rejected. When we experience any kind of pain, our first reaction is often flight or fight. We either walk away, as quickly as we can, or we double down and argue. When it comes to rejection, neither approach works well.
Here’s what does: Engaging the person who rejected you from a place of true curiosity. Questions such as: “What was the biggest factor in your decision?” or “What, if anything, would’ve made you say yes?” or “What could I offer or do next time that would excite or interest you more?”
These questions are great tools to help you learn from rejection. Perhaps you can give feedback to your boss that your product’s price point isn’t appealing or the benefits aren’t meeting market demand. You might learn that a slightly altered product or service would’ve garnered a yes, and perhaps you can negotiate an exception from your company that allows you to go back and offer the client what they really want.
Every so often, there is something you could’ve done or said differently that would’ve been persuasive. Getting information about how to proceed more effectively next time is a win. With that mindset in mind, rejection is actually a good thing — it helps you improve.
4. Know that things can change
Remember that most things in life aren’t permanent and people’s situations can change dramatically from one year to the next (or even one month to the next). Just because someone turned you down once doesn’t mean they’ll turn you down every time.
Ask permission to reconnect or touch base again later. Maybe your friend can’t make time to see you this month, but they’ll be able to next month. Perhaps the client you’ve been trying to sign all year will be in a different financial situation next year. Recognize now simply might not be the right time for whatever you’re proposing, and while that’s okay, it may not always be the case.
After you get enough information to learn following a rejection, you get to employ what I call PDCA — plan, do, check and adjust.
Once you’ve been rejected and know why, you can adjust your strategy. You might learn that making calls at lunch time isn’t effective because no one answers the phone. You might learn you’ve been targeting the wrong demographic and need to pick different prospects. You might learn prospecting on the weekdays isn’t as effective as prospecting on weekends.
Rejection, if used correctly, can be an excellent teacher because it can guide us to make changes to what we do and how we do it. You might decide to start frequenting community events or join a networking group to be more successful. In the end, if being rejected causes you to do something new and different, that’s another win.
Having a healthy, strong relationship with rejection is a true game changer. If you adopt these five philosophies on rejection, you’ll find rejection isn’t nearly as painful as it once was. You might even begin to look forward to rejection.
Have you ever wanted to break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend and felt guilty about it? Do you wish to end your relationship with your SO but make sure you can still be on talking terms later? Do you respect your beau but feel you should end things as partners? This is a tricky situation that needs to be handled with extreme care. In fact, many people who are fine with dealing with rejection may still be clueless about how to let someone down easy. Well, we too believe rejecting someone’s advances is tougher than dealing with being rejected.
But how to let someone know you don’t like them, without coming across as a heartless monster? In this article, we’ll help you with some proven tips on the dos and don’ts of letting someone down easy. And trust us, you can do it with grace. So, let’s begin without beating around the bush.
5 Things NOT To Do When Rejecting Someone
Yes, we’ve all been there – rejecting someone’s advances or telling someone we’re not interested in their love-bombing. But how many of us have handled such situations with grace? Rejecting someone directly isn’t easy. And it turns into a more difficult conversation when we attach emotions such as anger or fear to it.
What if you hurt the other person? What if they don’t take the rejection well and harm themselves? What if they harm you? Well, there’s no rulebook that can address all such issues, simply because all relationships and equations are unique. But what we can tell you for sure is what NOT to do when rejecting someone. After all, it’s easy to reject someone you don’t fancy, right away, that to let someone down easy after leading them on. So, here are 5 things that you definitely should NOT do when you turn someone down:
So, what should you not be doing when you turn down a guy friend you’ve just met or a girl you’ve been seeing for a few months? Never ever avoid or completely dissociate when you’re letting someone know you don’t fancy them. Yes, the person may be annoying or maybe getting on your nerves with their constant game of persuasion. But at the end of the day, avoiding their concerns or shutting them out will either hurt them irreparably or cause them to start pursuing you with renewed vigor. So, don’t:
Block all their social media channels
Say things such as “I don’t wish to talk about it any longer”
The other end of the spectrum, when you’re trying to end things with someone, is to over-explain and come up with a whole list of reasons to justify that your relationship may not work out. Don’t. This doesn’t help but only makes things more complicated. Likewise, it only gives the other person as many ways to counter-argue and prove their point. For instance, if you tell them you don’t feel a romantic connection, they may ask you to wait and watch.
Stand your ground – you don’t need to overexplain yourself out of guilt or sympathy
3. Lie
One of my friends, Chris, was sort of a womanizer. And whenever he had to break things off with someone, he would tell her he already had someone else in his life. And this went on, till one fine day, two of his exes met. It turned out, he had told each of them that he was in a relationship with the other. Funny, right? That’s what happens when lies eventually catch up with us.
So, remember, don’t lie just to offer a concrete excuse when letting someone down easy. No more “I am not ready for commitment” or “I am seeing someone else,” please. A direct “I don’t think things will work out between us” is a lot better.
4. Play the blame game
You may be tempted to end a relationship by putting all the blame on the other person. But playing games of blaming and shaming while letting someone down isn’t fair. Nobody is flawless, and whether you wish to accept someone’s flaws or not is totally your choice. But that doesn’t mean you can end connections with “It’s all because of you” or “If only you had been a little supportive.” It serves no purpose but only:
Remember, it’s better to end things as soon as you find out things won’t work, than to let someone down easy after leading them on. The worst thing you can do when rejecting someone is delay the process, either because you don’t wish to hurt the other person right away or are waiting for things to get better at their end (for them to get a job or get a scholarship) to drop the bomb. This can have various ramifications. For instance:
The other person might be encouraged to pursue you forever
You may be putting off other potential partners
You may be developing an unhealthy bond with the other person, making rejection difficult later
How To Let Someone Down Easy With Kindness and Grace
Picture this: You had an amazing date with that pretty girl you matched with on Tinder a week back, but you realize she doesn’t share your passion for traveling the world and that your life goals don’t match. And though you want to tell her you don’t wish to take things forward, you are clueless as to how to go about it politely.
What can you possibly have to deal with if you reject a girl after the first date? How will a romantic rejection affect her life? What if you make her feel bad? Should you be dating her for a couple of more weeks , instead of letting her know how you feel right after the first date? Can you let someone down easy and still be friends? Too many questions like these may cloud your mind, but at the end of the day, you know you have to follow your heart. In this section, we’ll help you with 13 tips to reject someone without making a mess of it. So, here it goes:
1. Plan in advance
If you’re still wondering how to let someone down easy or politely decline a date, the simplest answer is that you should plan the whole rejection scenario in advance. Whether you’re planning to reject a girl after the first date or turn down a guy friend you’ve met a few weeks back, remember, planning helps you avoid or mellow down negative outcomes. So, in such cases, you can:
Plan an appropriate setting: Decide on a place where the two of you will be comfortable discussing this issue
Make sure there aren’t any distractions: Avoid noisy places or workplaces, classrooms, canteens, malls, or cafes, where distractions might take away the seriousness of the issue
Make sure they aren’t preoccupied with something: Be sure that they don’t have an important meeting, exam, or a family emergency on that day
Prepare for negative emotions: Plan how you would deal with their emotions, be it anger or sadness
The moment you decide you’re going to reject someone, make sure you start distancing yourself from them. There’s no point in meeting frequently at lunch hours or going out for more dates. In most cases, the other person will automatically lose interest if you distance yourself.
Follow these to turn someone down with kindness
3. Drop subtle hints
You can always reject someone nicely via text and end things for good. But if you are still wondering how to let someone down easy without looking bad? Look for ways to prepare them for the eventual rejection. There’s no need to be obvious, but let them know they aren’t your priority. In this case, you can:
Stop answering their texts or calls all the time
Post photos of you going on other dates on social media
Avoid asking them for favors, such as dropping you home
4. Do it in private
If you have the option, always opt for a private setting to break the news. It will save you and the other person some embarrassment. If you feel uncomfortable being alone with them, find a semi-private area of a café. Nobody likes being rejected in the middle of a crowd or even among known people.
5. Avoid involving friends
Yes, friends can be of great help when you seek support to deal with a breakup or need advice on your relationship. But don’t reach out to mutual friends, coworkers, or family members to reject someone, especially if you have to let someone down easy after a long relationship. This helps in:
As always, honesty is the best policy. So, there’s no point in making excuses or lying randomly to avoid them. In such cases, you need to:
Be direct and firm
Tell them about your intentions, without any kind of future faking or leading them on
Don’t keep beating about the bush
7. Say ‘no’ without guilt
Learn to say ‘no’ without feeling guilty. This is the most important step in rejecting someone. Trust us, you will be doing them a favor and saving their time and yours by doing this.
8. Be serious
Are you curious about how to let someone down easy when you’ve become good friends? Yes, you may want to end things on good terms and be pally with your date, but when it comes to breaking up, do maintain some seriousness. Remember, if you joke around or say ‘No’ casually, it might encourage the other person to take your rejection lightly. Maintain a serious tone. Your facial expressions too should match your tone.
9. Set boundaries
Another very important part of rejecting someone is to set clear boundaries about how you wish to go about things afterward. Even if you are not ready to cut ties entirely, there should be some boundaries for being friends with an ex. Your boundaries can look like:
I won’t be able to take calls after 10 at night
I will not be comfortable going for vacations with you anymore
We can remain friends but I might have to unfriend you on Facebook
Someone once said, “What matters is not what you say but how you say things.” And this is true in this case too. When you reject someone’s proposal or interest in you, be sure to avoid:
Sarcasm
Sugar-coated words, as you may sound fake
Comments about their appearance
Phrases such as “You aren’t the right one for me,” to prevent yourself from sounding accusatory. Use “We aren’t right for each other” instead.
11. Listen
The hallmark of good communication is the ability to listen. And you can give the other person a chance to say what they want to for one last time. This is what you should focus on, especially when you let someone down easy after a long relationship, when they are already emotionally invested. But remember:
Don’t fall into the trap of emotional blackmail
Avoid arguments
Avoid further explanations
12. Compliment them
After you’ve made your stand clear, make sure you end on a positive note. Your rejection doesn’t need to be so harsh that the other person wallows in self-pity or sinks into depression after the breakup. So, say a word or two, complimenting them on their positive traits. Tell them you value them and wish them best of luck.
13. Don’t overdo the ‘friend’ game
Lastly, though you may want to end things formally and not continue the connection, you can choose to keep some channels open for future communication. This will help you keep track of their mental health and also offer help in the future. This works especially when you’ve been in a serious relationship with the other person.
But can you let someone down easy and still be friends? You sure can, but make sure you stick to your boundaries. It’s important not to overdo the ‘friend’ game, as your involvement in their life can make moving on harder. So, be sure you’re not always available to meet or talk, but don’t ghost them either.
Now that we’ve given you a few ideas on how to reject someone you don’t wish to continue a conversation or connection with, let’s look at what you can do when you aren’t comfortable rejecting them in person.
So, you’ve decided you don’t wish to go on another date with the guy you met on Tinder last week, or you want to end things with that pretty new intern you met at work a couple of months back. But then, you probably can’t do it in person because of a variety of reasons such as the ones listed below:
“Hey, the date was perfect. But I somehow feel we don’t share any chemistry. So, let’s be friends for now.”
You don’t have the mental capacity to deal with their emotions face-to-face
You don’t wish to spend on a ‘last date’
You don’t have a private space to reject them
You are moving to another place soon and don’t have the time to end things in person
In such cases, the best bet is to break up over text. So, how to let a girl down gently by text or make a guy you’re no longer interested in stop texting you aggressively? Here are some tried and tested text messages that are sure to help you end things with grace without hurting the other person’s feelings:
“Hey, the date was perfect. But I somehow feel we don’t share any chemistry. So, let’s be friends for now.”
“Hi, you’re an amazing person. But I’m afraid our life goals are very different. So, it’s better we don’t go ahead with this.”
“You’re a good human being, but I’m afraid our personalities are too starkly different for us to be anything more than friends.”
“You’re an interesting person and I’d love to know you better. But I’m afraid I need to move to a new city for work soon and won’t be able to give you enough time. So, it’s better we end it here.”
“I feel honored to be approached by someone so intelligent. But trust me, I feel I may not match up to your standards and expectations in life. I believe it’s best to end it here.”
Key Pointers
When you reject someone, you shouldn’t do a few things such as ghost them, lie, or blame them
Some tips to reject people gracefully involve distancing yourself, being serious, setting boundaries, and saying ‘no’ without guilt, and keeping the door open just to be friends
You may choose to reject someone over text if you have valid reasons for not doing so in person
We hope we’ve been able to give you a comprehensive guide to rejecting unwanted proposals or ending things with someone you don’t fancy anymore. We also hope you now know how to let someone know you don’t like them politely. Remember, attraction has no logic. And people aren’t to be blamed if they pursue you in spite of the fact that you don’t see a future with them.
But the problem begins when we avoid facing them and breaking the truth to them. After all, honesty is the best policy. To make them aware of what you think of them is the best way to avoid misunderstandings and untoward incidents in future. And as romance author Nicholas Sparks said in his novel At First Sight, “The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it…” So, you might be doing the other person a favor by letting them go and making them open up to other prospective matches. We can all end things by ghosting people, but at the end of the day, a little bit of kindness never harmed anyone. It just goes to show that you’re a good person.
FAQs
1. Can I reject someone without hurting them?
Of course, you can. Yes, as human beings, nobody feels good after being rejected. But that does not mean it has to end in a toxic manner. You can be kind and end things in a mature manner. Ghosting will only hurt them and make things worse.
2. How do you tell a guy you’re not interested?
There are many ways to tell a guy you’re not interested. Yes, it can turn into a difficult conversation. But you can begin by dropping subtle hints, such as ignoring their calls and messages and not being available to meet. Don’t feel bad to say ‘No’ but do it with care. Don’t blame or argue when you reject them. Be kind and thoughtful. Explain why you can’t be together and end things peacefully.
Love is a bewildering emotion, often celebrated as one of life’s greatest joys, yet it’s equally notorious for causing profound pain and heartache. But how can love hurt if it is such a beautiful feeling? The enigma of ‘why does love hurt so much’ has perplexed poets, philosophers, psychologists, and ordinary individuals alike for centuries.
We asked our expert counselor Nandita Rambhia (M.Sc. in Psychology) to help us understand why some circumstances can make even true love hurt so much. Read on to find out what she has to say about the matter.
One of the prime reasons why love hurts so much in a relationship is its vulnerability. When we open ourselves to love, we are exposed to the risk of rejection, betrayal, and loss. Additionally, the biochemical underpinnings of love, including the release of neurotransmitters such as dopamine, create a euphoric rush that can be addictive. When this wanes or is disrupted, it can lead to withdrawal symptoms akin to physical injury or physical pain.
Dr. Helen Fisher’s study on why love hurts used fMRI to examine brain activity in individuals who had recently experienced romantic rejection. The results revealed that the same parts of the brain associated with physical pain were activated when participants viewed images of their former partners. This research helps us gain insight of the complex relationship between love, rejection, and the neural pathways and processes involved.
13 Reasons Why Love Hurts So Much
Love is painful and can be so excruciating sometimes. At its core, love is a deeply complex and multifaceted emotion, capable of evoking an array of intense feelings, from euphoria and contentment to despair and suffering. The profound connection that love fosters can intensify the anguish when that connection is severed or damaged, making us feel pain. Moreover, the expectations we attach to love, influenced by societal ideals, romantic narratives, and personal perspectives of romance and desires, can set us up for disappointment and emotional turmoil when reality falls short of these lofty ideals.
Delving into the numerous reasons behind love’s capacity to cause pain unveils the intricacy of human emotions and relationships. Here are 13 factors that can answer the question “Why does love hurt so much?”:
1. Vulnerability and uncertainty
Love requires opening up emotionally, which makes us susceptible to rejection and hurt. Not knowing where a relationship is headed can be distressing. Here’s how it can hurt us:
Vulnerability can hurt because it involves exposing our true selves, making us susceptible to rejection or betrayal. This emotional openness can be challenging and painful when it’s met with disappointment or hurtful actions
Miscommunication, or sometimes simply distance, can create uncertainty, which is antagonizing because it creates anxiety about the future of the relationship and can bring up difficult emotions
It can also become difficult to get your partner to open up to you if they are scared of vulnerability and cause harm to the relationship
Still wondering “Why does it hurt to be away from the person you love?” The answer is simple. Not knowing where you stand or whether the person you love reciprocates those feelings can lead to emotional distress, doubt, and insecurity, causing a sense of unease and discomfort in the relationship, especially when you’re aching for love.
You know what it’s like when you love someone so much it hurts? Sometimes, it is because we fear that they won’t feel the same way about us. Nandita says, “If you, or your thoughts, or your ideas, are rejected, that hurt can be very painful and difficult to overcome.” Here’s how:
The fear of not being loved in return can lead to anxiety and pain
Being afraid of rejection really stings, making you worry that you’re not good enough for someone, and it can leave you feeling pretty down
Unrequited love is a tough pill to swallow. It’s like having a one-sided crush that leaves you feeling sad, longing for something that’s just not there
The fear of rejection and unrequited love can make you want to run away from love
3. Betrayal
Trust can be shattered when a partner betrays your confidence or is unfaithful. Betrayal in love cuts deep because it shatters the trust and emotional connection you’ve built with someone you care about deeply. It leaves wounds that are not easily healed, causing profound emotional pain, anger, and a sense of betrayal. Coping with the knowledge that someone you loved and trusted has let you down can be emotionally devastating and can have long-lasting effects on your ability to trust in future relationships. This breaks a person emotionally, developing trust issues, so much so that they’re unable to trust a new partner as well.
4. Loss
Love can end through breakups, causing profound grief. Sometimes, the grief and loss of loved one can affect you so much that the pain can seep through into your other relationships as well. The loss of love hurts so much in a relationship that it breaks you from within, especially if your partner used to be in love with you but later fell out of it for some reason. Their absence feels like an ache deep in your soul, a constant reminder of their significance in your life. The void left by their absence is accompanied by a profound sense of grief, sadness, and longing. It’s a painful reminder of the moments and memories you once cherished together, making it one of the most emotionally challenging experiences one can endure.
High expectations in relationships can lead to disappointment when reality falls short, making it a recipe for heartache, instilling a lot of negative emotions in you. Here’s how:
When we set the bar too high, it’s easy to feel hurt when the reality that we face doesn’t match our fantasies
The gap between what we hoped for and what we experience can lead to disappointment, frustration, and distress, as we grapple with the discrepancy between our idealized notions of love and the complexities of real-life relationships
6. Incompatibility
When love encounters incompatibility, it can be a real heartache. It’s like trying to fit puzzle pieces that just don’t match, leading to constant conflicts and misunderstandings. Even when you love someone so much it hurts, it is possible that your values, goals, or personalities clash, creating a persistent sense of frustration and sorrow, making it challenging to sustain a fulfilling relationship.
7. Communication issues
When there’s a lack of clear and honest communication, misunderstandings and misinterpretations can flourish, causing unnecessary conflicts and emotional distress. It’s like trying to navigate a relationship in the dark, with both partners feeling unheard or frustrated, which can erode the trust and connection that love thrives on, turning your life upside down.
Jealousy is like a pesky little gremlin. It’s that nagging sensation that someone’s trying to rain on your parade, making you all jittery and unsure. When it takes center stage, it can wreak havoc on your relationship, hampering your self-esteem and your bond with your partner. When jealousy takes hold, it can strain relationships, erode trust, and cause agony as you wrestle with feelings of inadequacy or fear of losing the person you care about.
9. Fear of abandonment
Abandonment issues can make love feel precarious and anxiety-inducing. The fear of abandonment in love is like a persistent shadow. It’s this nagging concern that your special someone might one day walk away, stirring up anxiety and self-doubt. This fear can cast a shadow over your relationship, causing emotional turmoil as you wrestle with the prospect of being left behind. It affects your trust and closeness with your partner, leaving you aching for love.
Why Does Love Hurt So Much?
10. Past trauma and unresolved issues
Previous heartbreak or emotional wounds can affect current relationships, festering and causing pain. Past trauma and unresolved issues can inflict deep emotional wounds. It’s like carrying a heavy backpack full of old hurts and scars into a new relationship. These lingering issues can resurface, triggering emotional pain, mistrust, and conflict, preventing you from opening up fully and experiencing the love and connection you desire.
Likewise, unresolved issues are like the persistent storm clouds that refuse to clear. They hang over the relationship, causing tension, frustration, grief, and regret. These issues can lead to recurring conflicts, making it difficult to move forward and find happiness together.
Opening up emotionally can trigger fear and psychological torment. You can think to yourself, “I love you so much it hurts,” but it won’t matter until you let your partner in to see all the good and the bad. Fear of intimacy is like having walls around your heart that keep you from fully connecting with your partner. You build invisible barriers to protect yourself from painful emotions and hurt. This fear can leave you feeling isolated and disappointed, as you struggle to let your guard down and share your true self, which can hinder the depth and fulfillment of your relationship.
12. Insecurity
Relationship insecurity can be a wrecking ball, causing emotional turbulence and eroding the foundation of love. It’s like a persistent cloud of doubt that casts shadows over trust and intimacy. Here’s how it affects relationships:
Low self-esteem can lead to doubts about being worthy of love. You’re constantly second-guessing yourself and fearing that you’re not good enough for your partner
Insecurity can lead you to an emotional rollercoaster of jealousy, constant reassurance-seeking behavior, and fear of abandonment, ultimately driving a wedge between you and your partner and harming the connection that sustains love.
Over time, insecurity can destroy the fabric of the relationship, leaving both individuals hurt and the love diminished.
13. Attachment styles
Having different attachment styles in love can be a bit like dancing out of sync. It’s like speaking different emotional languages, where one partner might want more closeness, while the other might value independence. These contrasting needs can spark conflicts and insecurities, causing emotional turbulence and potentially harming the relationship by making it tough to meet each other’s emotional expectations. This is why it becomes important to understand attachment styles psychology and how you can use it to make your relationship better. Negative attachment styles learned from former partners can make you question, “Is love supposed to hurt this much all the time?”
These could be some of the answers to your question: “How can true love hurt so much?” There could be many other reasons for you to feel pain in love and get hurt in relationships, but we must try to find a silver lining, move forward, and find a way to cope with the pain.
How To Cope With The Pain Of Love
Love is one of the few very complicated emotions, and coping with the pain of love, whether it’s due to rejection, betrayal, or the natural ups and downs of relationships, can be a challenging journey. You’ll want to scream, “Why does love hurt so much?,” because, let’s admit it, love is painful. It is a deeply emotional experience, and when it hurts, it can feel overwhelming, just like facing a storm.
Nandita explains, “When in a relationship, it is important to not lose yourself entirely in that person, or in that relationship. It is important to keep your identity intact, because at some point, it will act as a coping mechanism to help protect you and overcome the pain.”
Here are several strategies to help you navigate and cope with the pain of love:
Allow yourself to grieve: It’s important to acknowledge and allow yourself to feel the pain. Grieving the loss or disappointment is a natural part of healing. Suppressing emotions can prolong the healing process
Practice self-care: Prioritize self-care activities that nurture your physical and emotional well-being and your mental health. This might include exercise, meditation, hobbies, or simply taking time for yourself to relax and heal
Set boundaries: If the pain is caused by an unhealthy relationship, set boundaries or consider distancing yourself from the source of the pain. Protect your emotional health by prioritizing your well-being
Reflect and learn: Use this time to reflect on the relationship and the emotions you’re experiencing. What can you learn from the experience? How can you grow and become stronger from it?
Focus on growth: Channel your energy into personal growth and self-improvement. Pursue goals, passions, or hobbies that fulfill you and enhance your self-esteem. Nandita points out, “It is important to accept yourself, be non-judgmental, and keep yourself going. Give yourself time to heal, stay active, and practice a lot of self-care”
Positive affirmations: Practice positive self-talk and affirmations to boost your self-confidence and self-worth. Remind yourself of your strengths and value as an individual
Limit social media: Avoid excessive exposure to your ex-partner’s social media or romanticized portrayals of love. These can exacerbate feelings of pain and inadequacy
Disconnecting from social media and your phone for some time can be very helpful
Talk to someone: Share your feelings with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist. Talking about your emotions can provide relief and perspective. It can also help you process and make sense of what you’re going through. You may also consider joining support groups or online communities where you can connect with others who have experienced pain similar to yours. Sharing stories and advice can be comforting
Time and patience: Healing takes time. Be patient with yourself and understand that the intensity of the pain will gradually diminish as you move forward
Seek professional help: If the pain becomes overwhelming or persists for an extended period, consider seeking professional therapy or counseling. A therapist can provide guidance and tools to help you cope effectively. This is why experienced counselors from Bonobology’s panel are here to offer you support. Don’t shy away from seeking help from them.
Coping with the pain of love is a deeply personal journey, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. It’s essential to find strategies that resonate with you and align with your unique circumstances. Remember that healing is possible, and with time and self-compassion, you can emerge from the pain of love stronger and wiser.
Key Pointers
The intricate interplay between pleasure and pain in the realm of love stems from a combination of psychological, biological, and societal factors
Among other reasons, when your expectations in a relationship are not met with, it is likely to cause pain and make you feel hurt
The fear of rejection, betrayal, uncertainty, or being vulnerable, can cause you pain and lead you to distance yourself from the person you love
Incompatibility, communication issues, past trauma, and insecurity can make love hurt
Setting boundaries, self-care, talking to someone, or seeking professional help are some of the ways you can cope with the hurt or pain of love
In the labyrinthine tapestry of human emotions, love stands as a paradoxical masterpiece, capable of illuminating our lives with unmatched joy and yet plunging us into the depths of despair. Love hurts because it is a testament to our unguarded naked truth, demanding that we open our hearts and risk uncertainty and catastrophe. But in this enigmatic blend of pleasure and pain, love remains a powerful force that shapes our existence, teaching us profound lessons about empathy and the resilience of the human spirit.
FAQs
1. Is it normal for love to hurt?
Any relationship will go through its cycles of love and hurt. So, it is normal to be hurt in relationships. Nandita says, “When we are romantically involved with someone, or in love, we experience a lot of extreme highs and lows. It’s like you’re floating on cloud nine, and when something negative happens, even if it is small, you come crashing down, making you feel hurt.”
2. What is the most painful thing in love?
According to Nandita, there are quite a few things that can be painful in love. “Something as small as disagreements, a negative comment, negativity toward each other, or something as big as a breakup can be painful. All these lead to marked lows in the relationship, making you feel hurt”, she says.
3. Does true love always hurt?
Love and hurt are two sides of the same coin. So, as mentioned above, a myriad of reasons can make even true love hurt, but not always. “In the end, true love will prove to be stronger and will be able to withstand any hurdles and overcome the hurt,” says Nandita.
Difficult to become a Twitch Partner, for everyone…even the big boss!
The world of streaming on Twitch is more competitive than ever and even the CEO of the platform, Daniel Clancy, experienced it first hand. The CEO of Twitch, who streams on the platform in his spare time, revealed on Twitter/X that he had submitted a secret application to the Twitch Partner Program, but it was rejected. To be admitted to the Twitch Partner Program, streamers must meet several strict criteria, including an average of around 75 viewers per broadcast, excluding views from hosting, raids, first page or integrations. Clancy’s candidacy was rightly rejected because the attendance of his streams was too fluctuating.
A Partner Program too difficult to reach?
This rejection recalls the challenges many streamers face when aspiring to become Partners on Twitch. Streamers who are not CEO of a multinational, and often have more need of the income that could result from it. Even though we can regularly hear criticism on this subject, the Partner Program is still quite strict. And for good reason, it offers Streamer-exclusive benefits, such as monetization opportunities, channel customization, expanded VOD storage, and priority support. The requirement for a constant and high attendance makes accessing the Partner Program difficult, even for established streamers. This is, among other things, what pushes a very large number of them to stream every day of the year or almost.
It’s not humans who decide?
It’s neat that you tested out the process for yourself! Feels very “Undercover Boss”
The rejection of the CEO’s candidacy sparked amused reactions from many Internet users, because it is funny to say the least. We also saw some encouraging reactions to push Dan Clancy to persevere, because one day, he will have his partnership! Above all, for some, it may have proven one thing. One thing Twitch – like most social platforms – wouldn’t easily admit: that many things, and in particular the Partner Program, are not managed by humans, but robots. Indeed, a robot does not differentiate between Dan Clancy or another streamer, but judges them all the same way. A human on the other hand… One wonders if a Twitch employee had had to evaluate Dan Clancy’s Partner Program application, would he have validated it? even if it did not completely meet the required criteria?
Find our guide to choosing the best streaming hardware if you want to get started on Twitch or another platform.
Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.
Throughout the journey of starting, launching and growing a business, you’ll feel like you’re on a never-ending rollercoaster of highs and lows. One day you’re jumping for joy because a big customer says yes to launching your new product in thousands of stores, and then the next day, you’ll be slammed in the face with yet another disappointment or stress-inducing challenge. And so goes life as an entrepreneur… but the good news is, you have the power to decide how to respond to every curveball life throws at you.
So, to help you become a superhero in business, here are a few words of wisdom to live by.
As an entrepreneur and an executive with over 20 years of experience in business, like many people, I’ve faced more rejection than I can count. From being ghosted by retail chain buyers to hearing no from customers I’ve worked hard to earn, rejection is an inevitable part of this experience. However, in moments like these, we truly find out what we’re made of.
But, on the flip side of all these disappointments, I’ve been fortunate to experience great success and amazing opportunities in various facets of my businesses (including working with hundreds of the top brands and retailers on the globe). So I know both sides of the coin and am grateful for all the pivotal moments on my path to success.
I believe that we’re drawn to entrepreneurship because we have a vision of a better life — for ourselves, our families and the world around us. That said, my father was one of the men who inspired my entrepreneurship journey.
My father was a self-made serial entrepreneur and a true example of the “American Dream.”
As a high school dropout from New York who had to get a job shoveling snow to help his struggling family earn a living, he ultimately ran and launched multiple businesses. In his early years, he served in the military, bussed tables and became a door-to-door salesperson. Ultimately he became the Publisher of the first single-volume African-American history encyclopedia (during the Civil Rights movement) called “In Black America.” This encyclopedia helped thousands of men and women earn a living while empowering their communities and families. My father then went on to run a successful merchandising company. He most recently built Creative Balloons Manufacturing Inc., our family-operated global business celebrating its 50th Anniversary this year, helping millions of people and brands celebrate life’s special moments with fun-filled balloons.
Over the years, he taught me many valuable lessons in entrepreneurship, especially regarding overcoming challenges and rejection.
1. Drive, determination and mindset are paramount to what we know
Since my father never had a formal education, he realized at an early age that he’d have to be more resourceful and hard-working than most, so he became street-smart and ultimately learned what it takes to start and run a global business, one that has proudly been a national supplier to major chains like McDonald’s for over 45 years.
Don’t let your education or lack thereof prevent you from feeling worthy or deserving of pursuing your passions and becoming successful. Always remember — if all else fails, just Google it (or, for that matter, just read an article by Entrepreneur). Where there’s a will, there’s a way. And as Marie Forleo says, “Everything is figureoutable.”
2. Persistence and resilience are absolutely imperative if we want to make anything happen in life
As a kid, I vividly remember hearing my father on the phone calling one potential customer after the next, which ultimately helped him land many national accounts (including Burger King, Carl’s Jr., Mrs. Field’s Cookies and more). Whether we dream of developing a prototype for an innovative new product, landing a major client or changing the world with our revolutionary products or services, we have to believe in the purpose behind what we’re doing. Keep waking up each day to reach your goals and win. Even A-list athletes have bad days and losses, so keep striving, working hard and believing you’re a winner. You have to envision success first to achieve it.
3. Boldly pursue your dreams, no matter how big or wild they may seem
Want to land that big chain? Go pitch them! Looking to score a key investor? Send them a presentation deck. While you might not get a positive response from everyone you contact, all it takes is one “Yes” to open the door, leading you toward the next open door. And while you’re hearing no’s, do your best to find out why — was it the wrong timing, do you need to tweak something in your pitch, etc. Look at rejection as a form of redirection or recalibration.
Just remember that Bill Gates pitched to 1200 investors, out of which 11 said yes. Because of the few who aligned with his vision, he’s now one of the world’s most influential and successful people. So, even if you’re rejected, you can still skyrocket to success.
Bottom line: Never be afraid of rejection. Yes, you will hear a no, or worse, you’ll get ignored, but unless you try, you’ll always wonder, “What if?!”. And more importantly, you’ll never hear a yes unless you’re willing to ask for what you want.
Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.
Business and life are full of “nos.” And even though you may hear the word “no” a lot, that doesn’t mean you aren’t making progress or that you won’t reach your goals. You can hear hundreds, if not thousands, of “nos” ——and that one single “yes” can change your entire life. The key is being able to weather the storm of “no” — to become the person who receives the “yes.”
Hubspot says, 60% of customers say “no” four times before saying “yes,” but most 48% of salespeople don’t even make a single follow-up attempt, while another 44% give up after one call. That means 8% of salespeople are making the majority of sales because of their follow-up protocol. This is where grit and tenacity become two of the most important differentiating tools in your arsenal for getting results.
Grit and tenacity are just two pieces to the puzzle
Often you will hear people praise entrepreneurs, business owners and CEOs for their grit and tenacity. Their ability to make it through challenging times, maintain their vision and create organizations that stay aligned with their missions is often summarized as discipline, but there’s something much more important going on.
There is a particular mindset that you have to wrap your head around in order to get to the “yes.” Instead of viewing “no” as rejection, you need to start viewing “no” as information that’s moving you one step closer to “yes.”
“Nos” are intel. How you utilize that intel will dictate how you get the “yes.”
Reframing “no”
It’s one thing to tell yourself that every “no” is one step closer to “yes.” It’s another to believe it. The way you learn to believe this is by taking in the information the “no” gave you and implementing it into your communication process.
For example, if you were selling a yacht, and the person you made an offer to said “no” because they didn’t think they would use it enough, you just received pertinent information. You now know that some people will be thinking about how often they will use their yacht. This gives you the power to address that question in each sales conversation first, instead of waiting for that question to pop up as an objection. You can now weave that answer into the conversation, addressing the value of the yacht — regardless of how often it’s used.
As you take in the information the “no” gave you, you now have the direct data you need to shift your approach. You can now enhance your communication, you can be of greater support, and you now have more leverage because you’re working with more intel. This is vital in getting to the “yes.”
One way to use the data you get is by framing the mind of the person you’re talking to in regard to the things they’re concerned about, helping them to make the best decision possible. Sometimes that decision is “no.” But all you need is one right “yes.”
Another way to use the data you get is by showing your prospect what their lived experience could be if they said “yes” instead of talking about the features of the offer. According to a study conducted by Sales Lab Insights, top-performing salespeople talk about the features of what they’re selling 50% less than average and below-average salespeople. This means instead of focusing on the features of what’s being sold, top-performing salespeople are communicating how the person will benefit from saying “yes” based on the information the prospect is giving them directly.
For example, instead of talking about how many decks are on the yacht, how fast it goes, how far it goes and what materials were used to build it, you’d talk more about how they could use the yacht to celebrate meaningful moments, making memories that last a lifetime. Features tell, visions sell.
Don’t get lost in the quantity of “no.” Focus on the quality of “no.”
It can be easy to forget that quality and quantity are different things. Sometimes we can look at the outcome and forget to look at the variables that created the outcome. If you had 15 people considering your offer, but none of them had the money to invest nor the resources to create those funds, then there is no chance they can tell you “yes.” Likewise, if you are speaking to people who do not have the problem you solve or are not interested in what you have to offer, then getting a “yes” is highly unlikely. These variables have nothing to do with you as a person or the offer. Instead, these variables let us know that we’re talking to the wrong people, and we need to shift who we’re speaking to in order to get a “yes.”
If we didn’t have the data to make those decisions with, we could end up with infinite “nos;” but by utilizing the data we collect from our other conversations, it’s easier to reach the right people, with the right offer, to get the “yes.”
If you’ve ever been on a dating app, it can be a little disheartening to swipe through thousands of people and struggle to get a match or have a meaningful connection. It can leave you feeling vulnerable, rejected, hurt and frustrated — or so my single friends tell me. But the truth is you don’t need a lot of matches; you only need one. So, you’re not going through the app trying to get as many “yeses” as possible. You are trying to get the one right “yes.” It’s the same in business.
One right “yes” can change the entire trajectory of your life. For example, perhaps you inherited a large art collection worth $20 million dollars, but most of your net worth is not liquid. If you are able to sell that collection to the right person, that can change everything by making the value of that art collection liquid in whatever asset format you desire, whether fiat, digital currencies or another asset type entirely.
Let the “nos” elevate your identity
It’s not about the number of times that you hear “no.” It’s about the person you become and the mindset that you develop in the process of getting to the “yes.” The person who is able to move forward and not allow their worth to be dictated by the “no” they receive is the one who will move toward greater success in the quickest manner. This keeps you open to opportunities, maintains your confidence and gives you the power to pivot as you need to. Detaching from perceived projection takes your ego out of the equation and sets you up for smart decision-making and positive relationships.
By developing and utilizing this skill, you not only create more wins for yourself with greater value, but you can pass down this way of thinking to future generations. That way, not only are you creating multi-generational wealth via the assets you accumulate in your portfolio, but you also are giving an inheritance of mind that will allow others to think in the same way and continue expanding your legacy.
ROHNERT PARK, Calif., November 30, 2018 (Newswire.com)
– Getting rejected doesn’t feel good, and it is some people’s worst nightmare. Depending on what someone got rejected from, it may feel like there are long-term repercussions to deal with from getting rejected, and in a way there is. Student loan borrowers applying for Public Service Loan Forgiveness (PSLF) programs, may have recently felt that type of rejection recently. Ameritech Financial, a document preparation service company, says getting rejected from what is supposed to be a life-bettering program may be devastating for the many borrows who experienced it.
99% of applicants for the PSLF were denied. Only 96 borrowers out of 30,000 were accepted by the program to have their student loans forgiven after 10 years of qualified payments while working in a public service position. Many of those who applied had been working for their ten years, only to apply and find out for some reason their loans and payments weren’t the right kind needed to qualify for the loan forgiveness. Borrowers relying on things going as anticipated to plan out beyond those ten years now have to make crash course adjustments to their life. “Struggling with student loan repayment for years, then finding a way to make it better, all to find out you didn’t qualify while doing a public service, that’s a harsh idea, but for many, a harsh reality,” said Tom Knickerbocker, Executive Vice President of Ameritech Financial.
Struggling with student loan repayment for years, then finding a way to make it better, all to find out you didn’t qualify while doing a public service, that’s a harsh idea, but for many, a harsh reality.
Tom Knickerbocker, Executive Vice President of Ameritech Financial
Going to college to get an education requires loans for most people. If someone doesn’t have the money to pay for it themselves, it may feel like being punished for being born into the wrong family. Getting help from a professional, like Ameritech Financial, may help borrowers better understand their situation so as to avoid a painful notice saying someone has been denied PSLF. Other federal forgiveness programs may be an option as well for borrowers, ones that can potentially lower monthly payments and get a borrower on track for student loan forgiveness after 20-25 years of being in the program. “We believe student loan repayment shouldn’t have to be a struggle, and for too many borrowers it is. That’s why we’re so dedicated to helping our clients and being a student loan advocate,” said Knickerbocker.
About Ameritech Financial
Ameritech Financial is a private company located in Rohnert Park, California. Ameritech Financial has already helped thousands of consumers with financial analysis and student loan document preparation to apply for federal student loan repayment programs offered through the Department of Education.
Each Ameritech Financial telephone representative has received the Certified Student Loan Professional certification through the International Association of Professional Debt Arbitrators (IAPDA).
Ameritech Financial prides itself on its exceptional Customer Service.
