This recipe for Fried Cabbage with Sausage is so easy and so good. Great for a busy night and reheats well too. Super versatile dish!
If you love cooking with cabbage you should try our Cajun Cabbage Jambalaya. No, it’s not a traditional jambalaya but it’s delicious and has great reviews.
❤️WHY WE LOVE THIS RECIPE
We love this recipe for a few reasons but one is it’s super easy to make and it’s also versatile. It comes together really quickly and it reheats well. You an make this in under 30 minutes and add any vegetables you like and switch up the sausage as well.
🍴KEY INGREDIENTS
Butter
Cabbage
Green pepper
Onion
Polish sausage (can use smoked sausage), I use Hillshire Farm.
Can of diced tomatoes
Salt
Pepper
Hot sauce, optional
SWAPS
You can swap out the smoked sausage in this recipe. You can use turkey smoked sausage for a lower fat and higher protein. You could also use chicken sausage. This dish is super versatile, if you are using summer vegetables from your garden, I think zucchini would be great in this too.
🍽️HOW TO MAKE
The most time consuming part of this dish is chopping up all the vegetables. Once you have that done this dish comes together really quickly!
COOKING STEPS
Step 1 Melt butter in large skillet. Add cabbage, onion, and green pepper and cook on medium high for about 5 minutes stirring to keep from sticking to pan.
Step 2 Add remaining ingredients, cover and simmer for 20 – 25 minutes.
⭐TIP
When buying cabbage select the ones with the greenest leaves on the outside. Dark green leaves mean more flavor. Once you cut a head of cabbage it starts losing its Vitamin C content. This is why it is better to shred cabbage yourself for your recipes instead of buying it already shredded. Uncut cabbage will keep up to 2 weeks in a perforated plastic bag, once cut, wrap in plastic wrap but use within a few days for best flavor and nutrients.
OTHER RECIPES WITH CABBAGE
Sausage and Cabbage Casserole – This dish is made with pork breakfast sausage and it’s one of our favorites. Great flavor!
Cabbage Roll Casserole – If you love cabbage rolls, this is one you must try! It has a little bit of a sweet taste and it also has great reviews.
Black-Eyed Pea Cabbage Soup – This recipe is a winner! Add this one to your recipe list and it’s great on New Years Day!
SERVE THIS DISH WITH
Southern Fried Cornbread – This is a must have with this dish, if you are a fan of cornbread this is the recipe to use! Always a hit!
Quickest Ever Yeast Rolls – These rolls are super easy and have great reviews. Delicious right out of the oven with butter!
Cornmeal Biscuits – These biscuits are a hybrid between cornbread and biscuits. We love them and they have a wonderful texture.
STORING, REHEATING & SERVING SIZE
This dish is stored in the refrigerator and you can reheat it in the microwave or toss it back in the skillet on lower heat. It makes 6-8 servings.
This easy skillet recipe for Fried Cabbage and Sausage is one you will make over and over. Great comfort food and can be made in under 30 minutes. Perfect for a busy night.
Prep Time 5 minutesmins
Cook Time 20 minutesmins
Total Time 25 minutesmins
Course Main Course
Cuisine American
1stick butter
1small head of cabbagechopped
1small green pepperchopped or cut into strips
1small onionchopped
1poundpolish sausagesliced into round pieces (can use smoked sausage)I use Hillshire Farm.
115 ounce can diced tomatoes
1/2teaspoonsalt
1/2teaspoonpepper
few drops of hot sauceoptional
Melt butter in large skillet. Add cabbage, onion, and green pepper and cook on medium high for about 5 minutes stirring to keep from sticking to pan. Add remaining ingredients, cover and simmer for 20 – 25 minutes.
Have you ever been in a class or meeting at church and it seemed like the same people were doing all the talking week after week? How did it feel to have something to say and not be able to share? Maybe you are too polite or reserved to push your way into the conversation to share what you think.
How about picking up your preschooler from childcare at church and having the teacher tell you, “She’s so shy.” The labels start at a young age and follow your precious child as they get older, leaving them with hurt feelings of being “defective”.
In a world that often rewards the loudest voices and the quickest responses, it’s important to recognize and appreciate the value of quiet thinkers among us. Christian communities, just like any other, consist of diverse personalities, including those who may not be quick to speak yet possess deep wisdom and insight. Understanding and valuing these quiet individuals, especially as children of God, can enrich our interactions, strengthen the Body of Christ, and grow us personally.
The Bible offers wonderful wisdom on the virtues of thinking, being quiet, and reflecting. These scriptures remind us of the importance of listening and valuing the contributions of those who may not be the first to speak:
–James 1:19: “You know this, my beloved brothers and sisters. Now everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.”
–Proverbs 17:27-28: “One who withholds his words has knowledge, And one who has a cool spirit is a person of understanding. Even a fool, when he keeps silent, is considered wise; When he closes his lips, he is considered prudent.”
–Ecclesiastes 3:7: “A time to tear apart and a time to sew together; A time to be silent and a time to speak.”
The virtues of being thoughtful and restrained in speech encourage us to slow down and be attentive listeners, creating space for those who may take a bit longer to express their thoughts.
The Value of Quiet Thinkers
Quiet thinkers bring unique strengths to our Christian communities. Their tendency to reflect deeply before speaking means that when they do share, their contributions are often thorough and insightful. Here are several reasons to appreciate and make space for quiet thinkers:
-Quiet individuals often spend significant time reflecting on issues, leading to profound insights and thoughtful solutions.
-They are generally good listeners, providing a calming presence and often noticing things that others might miss.
-When they do speak, their words are usually carefully chosen and meaningful, adding significant value to discussions.
-Their patience and restraint in conversation can serve as a model for others, fostering a more respectful and slower-paced, thoughtful environment.
Challenges Quiet Thinkers Face
Quiet thinkers often face several challenges in environments that prioritize quick thinking and outspoken contributions. Understanding these challenges can help us create more welcoming opportunities for them to share, regardless if they are children or adults.
-Intimidation by Dominant Voices: In settings where quick thinkers and speakers dominate, quiet thinkers might feel intimidated and be reluctant to share.
-Misinterpreted as Disinterested: Quietness can sometimes be misinterpreted as disinterest or a lack of engagement. In reality, quiet individuals are often deeply engaged and are simply processing their thoughts before speaking.
Consider the example of a quiet child in a noisy classroom. When asked why she doesn’t talk at school, she might respond, “There are a lot of kids, and the kids are loud.” This is often seen as a problem with the quiet child who gets labeled as quiet or shy, and the loud children are seen as “normal”. In adult circles, the same thing happens where those who dominate conversations and fail to realize that others may have something valuable to say are seen as active participants. Those who don’t share are labeled as quiet and non-contributors when they truly had no opportunity to contribute to the discussion.
Action Steps for Engaging Quiet Thinkers
If you are a quick thinker or someone who is eager to share your opinion in a group setting, there are practical steps you can take to ensure that quiet thinkers in the group have the opportunity to share their insights:
1. Ask Direct Questions
Engage quiet thinkers by asking them direct questions. This can provide them with the opportunity to share their thoughts in a space where they feel invited to speak. For example:
“What do you think about this, (insert name)?”
“(Insert name), how would you approach this situation?”
2. Allow for Pauses in Conversation
Silence can be uncomfortable, and most of us rush to fill it. Allowing pauses in the conversation gives quiet thinkers the space they need to gather their thoughts and contribute.
Practice waiting a few seconds after someone speaks before jumping in with your response.
3. Encourage Written Responses
Some people may feel more comfortable expressing their thoughts in writing. Encourage the use of written communication in group settings, such as emails, notes, or online discussions.
“If you have any thoughts later, feel free to share them in our group chat or through email.”
4. Create Smaller Discussion Groups
Large group settings can be intimidating for quiet thinkers. Organize smaller discussion groups or one-on-one conversations to make it easier for them to share their thoughts.
“Let’s break into smaller groups so everyone has a chance to share.”
5. Model Active Listening
Demonstrate active listening by summarizing what others have said and asking follow-up questions. This shows that you value their input and encourages participation.
“What I hear you saying is ________. Does that sound correct?”
6. Acknowledge and Appreciate Contributions
Publicly acknowledge the contributions of quiet thinkers to show that their input is valued and appreciated. This encourages them to continue sharing.
“That’s a great point, (insert name). Thank you for sharing your perspective.”
Growth Steps for Quiet Thinkers
Just because you are a quiet thinker doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t make an effort to participate in group settings. Here are a few tips for quiet thinkers to take steps to grow personally and become more comfortable with sharing their thoughts:
-Use Breath Prayers: When feeling anxious about sharing in a group, use a simple breath prayer where you breathe in and say to yourself, “Made in God’s image.” As you breathe out, say to yourself, “I can show up.” This can calm your nerves and remind you that you can do all things through Christ (Phillippians 4:13).
-Take Initiative: Challenge yourself to contribute at least one comment in every meeting or discussion. Even a brief comment can build your confidence over time.
-Prepare in Advance: If possible, review discussion topics beforehand and jot down your thoughts. This can make it easier to contribute when the time comes.
-Follow Up: If you need more time to process, offer to share your thoughts later. “I’ll email my thoughts after I’ve had a chance to sit with this,” is a perfectly acceptable response.
One type of thinker is not inherently better than the other. Quick thinkers and quiet thinkers both bring valuable perspectives to the table, and recognizing this range of personalities enriches our Christian community. The important thing to remember is to be aware of how you show up in group discussions and make adjustments as needed. In the 21st century, where constant noise often drowns out quieter voices, it’s crucial to cultivate environments, especially in church settings, where everyone has space and feels comfortable to contribute.
By taking practical steps to engage quiet thinkers and by quiet individuals stepping out of their comfort zones, we can work together to help everyone feel heard and valued. This approach not only honors the biblical admonition to be slow to speak and quick to listen but fosters a richer, more respectful Christian community where varied perspectives can be shared.
This dish will transport you to a leisurely chill dinner under the Tuscan sun…and you can control the dosage.
Italy is the second most popular destination for American and Canadian tourists. The food, the lifestyle, the dolce vita. Along with France, it is the subject of books about escape, falling in love, or just finding yourself. It is a magical place and who hasn’t dreamt of being in the countryside, outside under fairy lights and feasting on some amazing local dishes. Well now you can enjoy this Tuscan soup with marijuana olive oil…live the dream!
The good thing with this recipe is your can control the dosage. You can provide the marijuana oil on the table and let people add it to the taste and desire.
½ lb Hard cheese rinds (Pecorino, Parmigiano, Grana, Asiago, Piave, Manchego)
1 Medium red onion
1 Bulb garlic
Salt to taste
5 peppercorns
10 rosemary needles
4 c vegetable broth
6 c water
Notes on the cheese
Hard cheeses tend to be saltier than softer ones, and are aged to develop really unique savory flavors. Italian hard cheeses like Pecorino Romano, Parmigiano Reggiano, Grana Padano, and Piave are excellent for this recipe. Simply save rinds and until there is at least a full sandwich bag to make the tasty soup. If other hard cheeses like Manchego are on hand, they can be used to provide you the bulk of the rinds on the Italian side off the cheese wheel, you’ll get salty richness without too much ‘funk’ like with some types.
Soup Ingredients:
Kale
Veggie Sausage (or an Italian sausage of choice)
White beans
Cannabis olive oil*
Toasted Italian bread
Quarter onion, peel garlic, and place all ingredients into a large stockpot, bring to a boil and reduce to simmer for 45 minutes, strain with a fine sieve.
Add kale after 5 minutes. After 8 minutes, beans should be tender and kale well wilted and soft, even the stems. Serve hot in a large bowl, add some of the sausage, garnish with toast rubbed with garlic for dipping, drizzled in cannabis olive oil* and grate more fresh cheese and pepper generously on top. If you want more spice add red pepper flakes, but not too much, it’s a delicately flavored broth.
Decarboxylate starting material for 20 minutes at 225 degrees, 10 for hash and wax, in a sealed container. Add ½ c olive oil to a mason jar with cannabis and seal. Heat in water bath for 1 hour, strain and funnel into a clean bottle.
You can sub in pasta or tortellini for any of the above ingredients, or even just use all four. Even with vegetarian sausage, this combination with kale and beans makes it a filling, hearty meal that is fuel for a long evening of whatever you do on cold winters nights, from Hygge to Hamilton tickets.
The idea of forgiving people who have deeply hurt us is difficult, yet forgiveness holds a particularly significant place within the Christian faith. The Bible frequently emphasizes the importance of forgiveness, urging believers to let go of grudges and find freedom through this transformative process. This article delves into the biblical perspective on forgiveness and its importance, providing practical strategies for forgiving others and oneself.
Forgiveness is a central theme in the Bible, with numerous passages underscoring its importance. According to Christian teachings, forgiveness is not just a moral obligation but a path to spiritual liberation and peace.
Jesus’ Teachings on Forgiveness
One of the most profound teachings on forgiveness comes from Jesus Christ. In Matthew 18:21-22, Peter asks Jesus, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus replies, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”
This response highlights the boundless nature of forgiveness that Jesus advocates for his followers. This unlimited approach to forgiveness reflects the endless mercy and grace that God offers to humanity, encouraging believers to mirror this in their interactions with others.
In the Lord’s Prayer, as recorded in Matthew 6:12, Jesus teaches, “And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” This line emphasizes the reciprocal nature of forgiveness, indicating that receiving God’s forgiveness is intertwined with our willingness to forgive others. This mutual dependency underscores the importance of a forgiving heart, suggesting that our own spiritual well-being is connected to how we treat others.
The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant
The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant (Matthew 18:23-35) further illustrates the necessity of forgiveness. In this parable, a servant who is forgiven a massive debt by his master refuses to forgive a much smaller debt owed to him by a fellow servant.
The master, upon learning of this, rebukes the unforgiving servant and reinstates his debt, signifying that those who do not forgive others cannot expect to receive forgiveness themselves. This parable serves as a stark reminder of the importance of extending the same mercy we have received from God to others, emphasizing the moral and spiritual imperative of forgiveness.
Spiritual Freedom
From a spiritual standpoint, forgiveness is essential for maintaining a healthy relationship with God. The Bible teaches that harboring unforgiveness can hinder our prayers and our ability to receive God’s grace.
Mark 11:25 states, “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” This verse highlights the spiritual blockage that unforgiveness can create, emphasizing the need for a clear heart to maintain a strong connection with God.
Forgiveness is also a testament to our faith and obedience to God’s commands. It reflects our understanding and acceptance of God’s mercy and our commitment to living a life that aligns with His teachings. By forgiving others, we demonstrate our trust in God’s justice and our willingness to leave judgment in His hands.
Psychological Benefits
Psychologically, forgiveness is linked to numerous health benefits. Studies have shown that forgiveness can reduce stress, anxiety, and depression and improve overall well-being. Holding onto grudges and resentment can lead to chronic emotional and physical health problems. Forgiveness, on the other hand, fosters emotional healing and promotes a sense of peace.
Research has found that people who forgive are more likely to experience lower blood pressure, a stronger immune system, and a longer life expectancy. Forgiveness can also improve relationships, leading to healthier social interactions and a more supportive community. By releasing negative emotions, individuals can focus on positive aspects of life, enhancing their mental and emotional health.
Strategies for Forgiving Others
Forgiveness can be challenging, especially when the hurt is deep. However, it is possible to cultivate a forgiving heart through intentional practices.
1. Reflect on God’s Forgiveness
One of the first steps in forgiving others is to reflect on the forgiveness you have received from God. Romans 5:8 reminds us, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Recognizing the magnitude of God’s forgiveness can inspire us to extend the same grace to others. Understanding that God’s love and mercy are freely given, despite our flaws and mistakes, can motivate us to forgive others.
2. Pray for a Forgiving Heart
Prayer is a powerful tool in the journey towards forgiveness. Ask God to soften your heart and help you let go of bitterness and resentment. Pray for the person who has wronged you, as this can shift your perspective and foster empathy. Prayer can also provide the strength and courage needed to confront and overcome the hurt, allowing God’s love to fill the spaces where pain once resided.
3. Understand the Benefits of Forgiveness
Educate yourself on the benefits of forgiveness, both spiritually and emotionally. Understanding that forgiveness is more about your own well-being than the other person’s actions can motivate you to let go of grudges. Realizing that forgiveness can lead to a more peaceful and fulfilling life can provide the incentive needed to pursue it, even when it feels difficult.
4. Practice Empathy
Empathy involves putting yourself in the other person’s shoes. Try to understand the reasons behind their actions and acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes. This doesn’t excuse the hurt, but it can make it easier to forgive. Empathy can also help in recognizing the humanity in others, reminding us that everyone is capable of change and growth.
5. Let Go of Expectations
Forgiveness should not be contingent upon another’s actions. Letting go of these expectations can free you to forgive more readily. Accepting that people may not always meet our expectations allows us to release the burden of resentment and move forward with our lives.
6. Seek Support
Forgiving someone can be a lonely process. Seek support from trusted friends, family, or a spiritual advisor. Sharing your feelings can provide comfort and perspective, making it easier to move forward. Having a support system can also offer encouragement and accountability, helping you stay committed to the process of forgiveness.
Strategies for Forgiving Yourself
Forgiving oneself is often more challenging than forgiving others. However, self-forgiveness is crucial for personal growth and mental health.
1. Acknowledge Your Mistakes
The first step in self-forgiveness is acknowledging your mistakes without making excuses. Accept responsibility for your actions and understand their impact. This honesty is essential for personal growth, as it allows you to learn from your experiences and avoid repeating the same mistakes.
2. Reflect on God’s Grace
Just as God’s forgiveness can inspire us to forgive others, it can also help us to forgive ourselves. Romans 8:1 reassures us, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” This verse highlights that God’s grace covers our sins, freeing us from self-condemnation. Understanding that we are forgiven by God helps us release the guilt and shame accompanying our mistakes.
3. Make Amends
If possible, take steps to make amends for your actions. Apologize to those you have hurt and seek to rectify the situation. This can alleviate guilt and pave the way for self-forgiveness. Making amends shows a commitment to change and a willingness to take responsibility for your actions, which can be an important part of the healing process.
4. Learn from Your Mistakes
View your mistakes as opportunities for growth. Reflect on what you have learned and how you can avoid similar mistakes in the future. This proactive approach can transform guilt into a catalyst for positive change. By learning from your experiences, you can develop a greater sense of self-awareness and resilience.
5. Practice Self-Compassion
Treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer a friend. Acknowledge your humanity and the fact that everyone makes mistakes. Self-compassion can reduce self-criticism and promote emotional healing. By being kind to yourself, you create a supportive environment that fosters growth and self-forgiveness.
6. Seek Professional Help
If you find it difficult to forgive yourself, consider seeking help. Professional guidance can provide tools and techniques to help you work through guilt. Therapy can also offer a safe space to explore your feelings and develop strategies for moving forward.
The Role of Community in Forgiveness
Community plays a significant role in the process of forgiveness. Being part of a supportive community can provide the encouragement and accountability needed to pursue forgiveness.
1. Church Community
In a church community, members can find support and guidance through sermons, Bible studies, and prayer groups. Engaging with others who share your faith can provide a sense of belonging and remind you of the biblical teachings on forgiveness. The church can also offer resources such as counseling and support groups to help individuals on their journey toward forgiveness.
2. Support Groups
Support groups, whether faith-based or secular, can provide a safe space to share your experiences and receive encouragement from others who are also working towards forgiveness. These groups can offer practical advice, emotional support, and a sense of solidarity.
3. Family and Friends
Family and friends can be a crucial support system in the process of forgiveness. They can offer a listening ear, provide perspective, and remind you of the importance of letting go of grudges. Having a strong support network can make the journey towards forgiveness less isolating and more manageable.
The Power of Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a powerful act that offers freedom and peace. Rooted in biblical teachings, it is a pathway to spiritual and psychological well-being. By embracing forgiveness, we let go of grudges and open our hearts to healing and growth.
Whether forgiving others or oneself, the journey requires intentional effort, empathy, and a deep understanding of God’s grace. As we strive to forgive, we reflect the love and mercy that are at the heart of the Christian faith, ultimately finding freedom and peace in the process.
The power of forgiveness extends beyond individual healing; it has the potential to transform relationships, communities, and even societies. By practicing forgiveness, we contribute to a culture of compassion and understanding, breaking the cycle of hurt and fostering a more harmonious world.
There have been times in my life when I discovered the reasons why people hurt me, and the truth was heartbreaking. A friend who had hurt me in my teens found out that she had undiagnosed bipolar disorder in her early 20s. I vividly remember a conversation with her during our teenage years that she later expressed confusion over, upset by the pain she caused me and others.
Years later, when she was diagnosed in her early twenties, that memory resurfaced. You never truly know what personal struggles someone may be facing, and when they hurt you, it may not always be personal.
Letting go of grudges and finding freedom through forgiveness is not only a personal victory but a testament to the enduring power of love and grace and what God ultimately wants us to do.
J. Lila Donovan is a content creator passionate about sharing faith-based insights and encouragement. When she’s not writing, you can find her being a bookworm, creating art, or spending quality time with her loved ones.
If you love sloppy joes you must try this recipe! It has wonderful reviews, super easy to make and can be made in the crock pot or on the stove top.
If you love simple dishes, you will want to check out our Lazy Lasagna! It’s only 4 ingredients, super simple and a delicious recipe.
❤️WHY WE LOVE THIS RECIPE
There are a few reasons why we love this recipe. It’s super easy to make which is always a plus, the flavor is incredible and it’s versatile. The meat really has a great taste and we also love it served over a sweet potato. Something about the sweetness of the potato with this recipe is really good. We love to serve this for family gatherings, we will make it up and put it in the crock pot and anyone can make a sandwich when the want. Just add some potato chips and you have a simple and delicious meal!
🍴KEY INGREDIENTS
Hamburger
Onion
Tomato sauce
Ketchup
Yellow mustard
Minced garlic
Worcestershire sauce
Brown sugar
🍽️HOW TO MAKE
This is recipe is very easy to make and comes together really quickly. It’s great for a busy night if you want to make it on the stove or put it in the crock pot and let it cook for a bit.
COOKING STEPS
Step 1 Crock Pot Method: Brown the ground beef and onions in a skillet on top of the stove and drain. Place hamburger and onions along with the tomato sauce, ketchup, mustard, garlic, Worcestershire and brown sugar in the crock pot on low for 3 to 4 hours or high for 2 hours.
Step 2 Skillet Method: Brown ground beef and onions, drain. Add remaining ingredients and cook for 15 to 20 minutes.
⭐TIP
You can easily double or triple this recipe for a larger group. We like to make this one in the crock pot because it gives the ingredients time to marry and adds to the flavor.
Also you can make any of our sloppy joe recipes with ground turkey or ground chicken. We have made it with both and love it.
OTHER SLOPPY JOE RECIPES
Smokey BBQ Sloppy Joes – This is a different version and really good. The smoke flavor with the bbq sauce is delicious. We added cheese too, which is totally versatile.
Steak Sauce Sloppy Joes – These are made with a delicious steak sauce and these are great! Really unique but oh so good.
Sloppy Joe Pasta Casserole – Love sloppy joes and pasta.. try this combination! The same flavor of our favorite sloppy joes but in a skillet with pasta. DELICIOUS!
Cheesesteak Sloppy Joe Sliders – This recipe is wonderful and one you should definitely try. It’s a twist on a classic and always a hit!
STORING, REHEATING & SERVING SIZE
This makes about 6 servings, we reheat in the microwave or in a skillet and store in the refrigerator. This meat will keep for a few days!
This recipe for homemade sloppy joes can be made on the stove top or in the crock pot. It has wonderful reviews! Add some chips and you have a simple yet delicious meal.
Prep Time 10 minutesmins
Cook Time 15 minutesmins
Total Time 25 minutesmins
Course Dinner
Cuisine American
1poundhamburger
3/4cupfinely chopped onion
18 ouncecan tomato sauce
1/2cuptomato ketchup
1tablespoonyellow mustard
1teaspoonminced garlic
1teaspoonWorcestershire sauce
2tablespoonsbrown sugar
Crock Pot Method: Brown the ground beef and onions in a skillet on top of the stove and drain. Place hamburger and onions along with the tomato sauce, ketchup, mustard, garlic, Worcestershire and brown sugar in the crock pot on low for 3 to 4 hours or high for 2 hours.
Skillet Method: Brown ground beef and onions, drain. Add remaining ingredients and cook for 15 to 20 minutes.
Keyword crock pot sloppy joes,, Homemade Sloppy Joes
When I first learned of “Confessional Communities,” I wasn’t sure what to think. I resonate with the words recorded in Psalm 32:1-2, which state, “Blessed is the one whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the one whose sin the LORD does not count against them and in whose spirit is no deceit.” I like the idea of living with complete absolution—inside the privacy of my prayer closet. But exposing the ugliest parts of myself to others? The thought stirred anxiety within me, largely because of times when my weaknesses and faults were met with judgment and rejection rather than grace.
I wonder if you would say the same. Perhaps you joined a Bible study hoping for connection, for healing, and left with increased shame.
The communities Dr.Thompson and his team create, train, and multiply have the opposite effect. These groups form spaces designed to help people feel known, seen, and soothed. Using his psychotherapy experience, love for Scripture, and understanding of neural biology, he is working to create environments where, through the empathetic responses of others, individuals can heal and become the beautiful expressions of the Triune God for which they were created.
Curiosity sparked after discussing Thompson’s latest release, The Deepest Place, for an upcoming Faith Over Fear podcast episode. I engaged him in conversation to learn more about the transformative movement that emerged through his practice and discovered that his organization, The Center for Being Known, is making lay-led communities available.
More Than Group Therapy
“What we call Confessional Communities came from a number of different threads and streams that came to converge in our practice,” he said. “It all began probably 15 or 20 years ago but has really crystalized in the last 8-10 years.”
The ultimate purpose of Confessional Communities goes deeper than what some might refer to as “group therapy.”
“Now, people come with all kinds of initial complaints,” Thompson said. “They’re coming for their marriage, or anxiety, or depression, or substance abuse. There’s a range of different doorways by which people enter. … But we are quick to remind and point out to people that those things are all true, but much bigger than that is this question of spiritual formation.”
In discussing the importance of this, Dr. Thompson explained various ways we humans are being formed each day—from the news we watch, books we read, social media content we consume, and more. “The question is,” he said, “who is the community in which you embed that is forming you, and what is the story that you believe you’re living in, that is forming that community?”
Confessional Communities exist within a biblical understanding of the nature of what it means for us to be human. Within that context, these groups operate based on “interpersonal neurobiology principles regarding what the mind is,” Thompson said, “how the mind operates, and the mechanics of what it looks like to flourish as human beings.” All of this is applied through group psychotherapy dynamics.
Thompson clarified: “What we’re really talking about is, what does it mean to pay attention to the nature of how interpersonal systems work. So, it’s not just how does the mind work within me? But what happens in a group when the group starts to talk with each other?”
These communities meet weekly for 90 minutes. “There’s nothing about our lives that we do not talk about,” he said. People have found these interactions so profound; some have asked, “Why can’t this be church?” Others have said the experience was the most transformative they’d engaged in, and still others expressed sorrow that their parents hadn’t connected with something similar. In response to these powerful statements, Thompson reminds us that the role of church, Confessional Communities, and all of Christian living is that we’d be conformed to the image of Jesus.
How People Change
When asked what it was about these communities in particular that led to such healing, he pointed to the mechanics of how people change. Often, it’s not through book reading alone that we most heal, learn and grow, at least in terms of what it means to become more like Christ, as helpful as those practices can be. Rather, it is through our interactions with others. For example, he shared how, many times as he meets with patients, things they do and say have taught him a great deal about himself, and he often experiences personal transformation due to the work they’ve done.
He explained that, while he would never use a client’s therapy time to discuss himself in this manner, his professional interaction in session does have a drawback. “A patient doesn’t really get the opportunity to recognize how their telling their story vulnerably is actually a way for others to know healing.” For example, what one person shares often evokes things in others that they’ve kept locked away for years, and perhaps over which they’ve held a grudge.
This, in turn, benefits the storyteller. “One of the major ways in which we know healing in our own lives is allowing our vulnerability to be the agency of healing for others,” Thompson said. “My experience of healing includes the work I do to advance the healing of others.”
Another challenge with individual therapy is ways in which patients often try to avoid, subconsciously, talking about the very things that drive their problems. While he might catch some of these self-protective tendencies, he recognized that he won’t catch them all. “There will be places where we have common blindspots,” he said. “Because it’s not that tough to fool one person. But put you in a room with seven other brains, and it is really difficult for you to outflank anybody because all of the angles intended to circumvent the questions I ask are covered in a circle. And so, what the therapist doesn’t pick up, perhaps somebody else in the room does.”
When speaking with potential members, he emphasizes that they will both give and receive help, adding, “But the way you’re going to be helpful is not with your wit and your wisdom. You’re going to be helpful by giving [community members] your vulnerability.” This isn’t about coming and receiving information to then take home and apply. Instead, it’s about a person engaging their shame by allowing others to see it.” To those who say they’d rather not do that, Thompson replied, with a note of sadness in his voice, “Right. Evil’s counting on that. Evil wants you to remain silent and alone with [your shame] so that it can continue to use it to strengthen the abscess. It will try to use it to devour you.”
The Physics of Relational Mass Effect
He concluded our discussion with the third way these groups create such healing and transformation. “I don’t have data on this, so I’m saying this lightly,” he said. “We don’t have enough scientific information about it. But I’ll say it this way—what I call the physics of relational mass effect. If I tell you a vulnerable story, that’s one thing. But if I tell my story to you and two other or three other people in the room at the same time, my brain is not experiencing empathy from just one other brain. It’s experiencing empathy from multiple people.”
After comparing a wheelbarrow to a train, both moving at three miles per hour, he said, “Shame is like a locomotive. Alone, we can’t stop it.” Tearing up, he added, “What a community does—it builds a bigger train. When I have the weight of six or seven or eight people who are saying, ‘We aren’t leaving the room. You can bring as much shame into this room as you want to. It cannot compete with us.’ That is a mind changer. That is a heart renewer. That is renewal of the brain, that is all a reflection of the first two pages of the Bible.”
I’ve witnessed faith groups that did not handle shame well. I’ve heard numerous stories over the years of already wounded men and women who have been further hurt by the church. Therefore, I’m deeply encouraged by the work God is doing through Dr. Thompson and his team.
Can you imagine what might happen, the healing that might occur, if everyone had the opportunity to feel completely known and deeply loved, even in their most shameful places? To have someone listen, without judgment or offering advice, and say, “I see your pain, and I’m not going anywhere”?
Visit the Center for Being Known to learn more, and watch for my discussion with Dr. Thompson on the Faith Over Fear podcast as he discusses suffering and the formation of hope. The episode is scheduled to drop on July 30th, 2024.
Jennifer Slattery is a writer and speaker who hosts the Faith Over Fear podcast. She’s addressed women’s groups, Bible studies, and writers across the nation. She’s the author of Building a Family and numerous other titles and maintains a devotional blog at JenniferSlatteryLivesOutLoud.com.
Delicious and enjoyable all year round this classic sweet will be a hit summer gatherings or a night in!
Fudge has been been popular for over 100 years popping up at family gatherings, outdoor cookouts and college care packages. Its inexpensive, unrefined qualities made it popular and easy to make. Specialized fudge shops began opening in tourist places such as Mackinac Island, Michigan, in 1887. It has maintained popularity and then new trend is boozy fudge. But a healthier alternative could be something fun like a classic marijuana infused fudge.
This classic peanut butter fudge is easy to make. You can share with friends after making or freeze and have a treat from time to time. Wondering about the largest fudge made? It was 5760-pound slab crafted at the Northwest Fudge Factory in Ontario, Canada in 2010. It reportedly took a full week to make, and contained over 705 pounds of butter, 2800 pounds of chocolate, and 305 gallons of condensed milk.
In a microwave safe container, heat up peanut butter until softened. Mix in herb, the crunchy peanut butter will cover up not only the taste of the bud but the texture of the leaves. This gives you a treat that ends up being A LOT stronger than anticipated.
Add the powdered sugar in three portions until it makes a thick batter. Scoop into a silicone brownie mold for optimal portioning, or in a pinch, a parchment lined cake pan.
Refrigerate overnight, melt chocolate and put in a sandwich bag. Cut a small hole and drizzle chocolate over fudge pieces. If you used a cake pan, just slice before covering in chocolate.
If you don’t want to use leftover butter, oil or tincture pressing, you can add 1oz of your favorite extraction, whether oil, butter, or even glycerin tincture. These will make it significantly softer, so keep in the freezer if you don’t plan on sharing with a large crew of people right after making.
Co-parenting is like a tag-team match where you and your co-parent are both in the ring, fighting for the well-being and upbringing of your kids. It’s crucial, especially when you’re aiming to raise children who are not only responsible but also rooted in faith.
In Proverbs 22:6, it says, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” That’s the essence of co-parenting in a Christian context. You’re not just teaching them math and manners; you’re instilling values and faith that will guide them throughout their lives.
Think about it this way: if you’re trying to build a sturdy house, you need a solid foundation. Similarly, if you want your children to grow up with strong morals and a deep faith, you need a solid co-parenting relationship.
Challenges of Co-parenting
Co-parenting isn’t always a walk in the park, especially if you’re navigating the waters of divorce or separation. It’s like trying to paddle a canoe in choppy waters; there are bound to be some bumps along the way.
Communication is key, but it can be tough when there are hurt feelings or unresolved issues lingering between you and your ex. And let’s not forget about scheduling conflicts—juggling soccer practice, piano lessons, and dentist appointments can feel like trying to solve a Rubik’s cube in the dark!
Then there’s the emotional toll. Seeing your children split their time between two homes can tug at your heartstrings like a sad country song. And explaining the situation to your kids? That’s a whole other ballgame. It’s like trying to explain quantum physics to a toddler—challenging, to say the least.
But hey, it’s not all doom and gloom. With patience, understanding, and a whole lot of prayer, you can overcome these challenges and build a healthy co-parenting relationship that sets a positive example for your children. It’s like planting seeds in a garden; with the right care and attention, they’ll grow into something beautiful.
Putting God at the Center
Putting God at the center of your co-parenting journey is like adding the strongest adhesive to a fragile bond; it holds everything together. In Matthew 22:37-40, Jesus emphasizes the greatest commandments—to love God with all your heart, soul, and mind, and to love your neighbor as yourself. When it comes to co-parenting, your ex is still your neighbor, and loving them as yourself means prioritizing your relationship with God.
Imagine your relationship with God as the North Star, guiding your co-parenting ship through stormy seas. When you seek His guidance and wisdom, it’s like having a seasoned navigator on board, helping you steer clear of rocky shores and treacherous waters.
Practically speaking, this means turning to God in prayer and meditation when faced with co-parenting decisions. Instead of relying solely on your understanding, you’re tapping into a divine wisdom that surpasses human understanding.
For example, let’s say you and your ex are at odds about your child’s education. Instead of resorting to arguments and ultimatums, you take a step back and pray for clarity and understanding. In doing so, you open your heart to God’s guidance, allowing Him to soften your stance and help you see things from a different perspective. Before you know it, you’re sitting down with your ex, calmly discussing your options and finding common ground.
Furthermore, praying together as co-parents can be a game-changer. It’s like joining forces in a battle, knowing that you have each other’s backs. By lifting your children and your co-parenting relationship up in prayer, you’re inviting God into the midst of your struggles and triumphs, trusting Him to work miracles in your lives.
Communication Is Key
Effective communication in co-parenting is like oil in the gears of a well-oiled machine; it keeps everything running smoothly. In Proverbs 15:1, it says, “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” This verse highlights the power of gentle, respectful communication in diffusing conflict—a valuable lesson for co-parents navigating the ups and downs of raising children together.
Think of communication as the bridge that connects you and your ex, allowing you to share important information, make joint decisions, and coordinate schedules. Without it, you’re like ships passing in the night, missing crucial opportunities to collaborate and support each other in the shared goal of raising your children.
So, how can you develop healthy communication in your co-parenting relationship?
First and foremost, practice active listening. Instead of formulating your response while they’re talking, truly listen to what they’re saying, validating their feelings and concerns.
Another tip is to use “I” statements instead of “you” statements. It’s like taking ownership of your feelings and experiences, rather than placing blame on your ex. For example, instead of saying, “You always forget to pick up the kids on time,” try saying, “I feel frustrated when the kids aren’t picked up on time.”
And speaking of blame, it’s important to avoid playing the blame game altogether. Instead of focusing on past mistakes or grievances, focus on finding solutions and moving forward together. It’s like turning the page to a new chapter in your co-parenting journey, where forgiveness and grace abound.
Lastly, communicate regularly and respectfully, even in difficult situations. Whether you’re discussing a change in visitation schedules or addressing a behavioral issue with your child, approach the conversation with kindness and understanding.
Respecting Each Other’s Roles
Respecting each other’s roles as parents in co-parenting is like acknowledging that each brick in a building has its unique purpose; without one, the structure wouldn’t stand. Ephesians 4:32, says, “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” This verse emphasizes the importance of kindness, tenderness, and forgiveness—qualities that are essential in co-parenting, whether you’re still together or not.
When you respect each other’s roles as parents, you’re not competing for the finish line; you’re running alongside each other, cheering each other on every step of the way.
So, how can you support and encourage each other as co-parents?
First and foremost, acknowledge and appreciate the unique strengths and qualities that each of you brings to the table. It’s like recognizing that you’re both valuable members of the parenting team, each contributing something special to your children’s lives.
For example, let’s say your ex is great at helping with homework, while you excel at planning fun weekend activities. Instead of feeling threatened or inadequate, celebrate each other’s strengths and work together to create a balanced approach to parenting. It’s like weaving a tapestry of love and support, with each thread adding to the beauty of the whole.
Furthermore, avoid criticizing or undermining each other’s parenting decisions. Instead of nitpicking or second-guessing each other’s choices, focus on finding common ground and working together for the greater good of your children.
Co-Parenting Through Conflict
Conflict in co-parenting is like a storm brewing on the horizon; it’s bound to happen, but how you weather it makes all the difference. In Matthew 18:15-17, Jesus provides a blueprint for resolving conflicts within the church community, emphasizing the importance of addressing issues directly and with love.
Similarly, in co-parenting, facing conflicts head-on and with a spirit of compassion is key to maintaining a healthy relationship for the sake of your children.
Acknowledge that conflicts are inevitable in co-parenting.
Instead of sweeping issues under the rug or letting resentment simmer, address them openly and honestly, keeping the well-being of your children at the forefront of your mind.
So, how can you navigate conflicts in a Godly manner?
Start by practicing humility and patience, approaching the situation with a willingness to listen and learn. It’s like laying down your pride and ego at the foot of the cross, allowing God’s grace to guide your words and actions.
Furthermore, prioritize the well-being of your children above all else. Whether you’re negotiating visitation schedules or discussing discipline strategies, keep their needs and emotions at the forefront of your decision-making process.
Additionally, seek common ground and compromise whenever possible. It’s important to find a middle ground where both parties feel heard and respected, rather than digging in heels and refusing to budge. Remember, it’s not about winning or losing—it’s about finding solutions that work for everyone involved.
And finally, don’t hesitate to seek outside help if conflicts become too difficult to navigate on your own. Just as you wouldn’t hesitate to call a mechanic when your car breaks down, seeking mediation or counseling can provide valuable support and guidance when navigating the complexities of co-parenting.
So, let us embrace conflicts as opportunities for growth and learning in the co-parenting journey. By approaching them with humility, patience, and a godly perspective, you can navigate even the stormiest of seas and emerge stronger, wiser, and more united for the sake of your children.
Dear parents embarking on the journey of co-parenting, let me leave you with this heartfelt encouragement: trust in God’s guidance and wisdom as you navigate the twists and turns of your co-parenting relationships.
Building a healthy co-parenting relationship isn’t always easy. It takes time, effort, and prayer. But know that every step you take, every word you speak, and every decision you make is worth it—for the sake of your children and your relationship with God.
So, lean on Him in times of uncertainty, seek His wisdom in moments of doubt, and trust in His love to sustain you through it all. With God as your anchor, you can weather any storm and emerge stronger, more united, and more deeply rooted in faith.
May His grace and peace be with you on this journey, guiding you ever closer to His perfect will for your lives and the lives of your precious children. Amen.
Emmanuel Abimbola is a creative freelance writer, blogger, and web designer. He is a devout Christian with an uncompromising faith who hails from Ondo State in Nigeria, West Africa. As a lover of kids, Emmanuel runs a small elementary school in Arigidi, Nigeria.
This Cauliflower Salad is only a few ingredients and absolutely delicious. It’s even better the next day so you can easily make it in advance!
If you love simple salad recipes, check out this Easy Shrimp Salad! It’s delicious and wonderful with Ritz crackers.
❤️WHY WE LOVE THIS RECIPE
We love how simple it is—only a handful of ingredients. You can make it in advance, and it’s always better the next day. Plus, it’s so good! I have never made this salad, and people don’t love it. Every gathering I have ever taken this to, I always come home with an empty bowl!
🍴KEY INGREDIENTS
Raw Cauliflower
Iceberg Lettuce
Parmesan Cheese
Onion
Bacon (real or bacon bits)
Mayonnaise
SWAPS
We have made this with real bacon or real bacon bits and it’s delicious either way. I have never tried it with any other lettuce and honestly feel the iceberg lettuce makes this salad.
🍽️HOW TO MAKE
This salad is so easy to make and all you have to do is chop up the vegetables and add everything to a bowl and mix. Of course if you use real bacon you must make that first, but it really doesn’t get much easier than that.
⭐TIP
You can grate your own parmesan if you like or buy it grated, we have done both and it’s delicious both ways. This salad is much better cold, so make it a few hours before any gathering so it has time to chill in the refrigerator.
OTHER SALAD RECIPES
Cheddar Ranch Pasta Salad – This salad is perfect for any occasion and goes great with just about any meal.
Amish Pasta Salad – This our MOST popular salad and it has had millions and millions of views. It has wonderful reviews and is always a hit!
Southern Cornbread Salad – This is a classic to a reason! Such a delicious salad and super versatile.
Broccoli Raisin Salad – This one has been around a long time and one you will love. If you are not a raisin fan you can use craisins.
This refreshing cauliflower salad is one your family will love. It’s only 6 ingredients and super easy to make. This creamy and delicious salad is even better the second day.
Prep Time 14 minutesmins
3 hourshrs
Total Time 3 hourshrs14 minutesmins
Course Salad
Cuisine American, southern
1head raw cauliflower
1head iceberg lettuce
1onion
1/4cupgrated Parmesan cheese
1/2cupbacon bits or could use real bacon
1pintmayonnaisemore or less to your liking
Cut lettuce, cauliflower and onion into small pieces. Add Parmesan cheese, bacon bits and mayonnaise. Mix all ingredients in a large bowl. (Has a better flavor if mixed a few hours before served and kept refrigerated.)
As a bride, your wedding day is one of the most memorable days of your life. This is the day you get hitched to the most amazing guy on God’s green earth. It’s also the day you give singlehood the boot, trudging a path of no return. Understandably, you may be swirling in a mix of emotions that day. You may be ecstatic on the one hand yet jittery on the other. Not forgetting that all eyes will be on you. Lots of friends and family will be shifting in their seats just to catch a glimpse of you.
As the bride takes in the fanfare, glitz, excitement, and anxiety on her big day, what can those close to her do to help her sail through the day and, better still, to fortify her marriage? We are glad you asked – you can pray for her. Praying for a bride on her wedding day helps calm her down, perks up her confidence, and lets her put things into perspective. Even though she may be too rattled to listen intently to the prayers made that day, we are willing to bet that she will watch her wedding video not too long after the wedding. Here are seven prayers for a bride on her wedding day.
1. Pray That She Will Build Her Marriage on the Rock
“Therefore whoever hears these sayings of mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock.” (Mathew 7:24)
Dear Lord, we pray that you will enable (the bride’s name) to build her marriage on the rock and not on sand. We pray that she will be not only a hearer of your Word but also a doer. Your Word asks her to love, respect, forgive, submit to and honor her husband. We pray that you may enable her to heed all the instructions in your Word where her marriage is concerned.
We pray that she will be a wise woman who builds her house with her own hands and does not tear it down. We pray that she will be able to weather all the challenges that she may face in her marriage. We pray that her marriage will withstand all challenges to the glory of your name.
2. Pray That She Will Experience Great Joy in Her Marriage
“The blessing of the Lord makes one rich, and He adds no sorrow with it.” (Proverbs 10:22)
“The voice of rejoicing and salvation is in the tents of the righteous, the right hand of the Lord does valiantly.” (Psalm 118:15)
Dear Lord, we thank you for blessing (the bride’s name) with a spouse. We pray that her marriage will be a fountain of joy and not sorrow. Your Word tells us that two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor. We pray that you will usher her into a new level of joy and happiness as she savors life with her husband. We pray that you may give her wisdom to ward off the things/people that may try to sabotage her joy in marriage.
We pray that her home will be filled with laughter and rejoicing to the glory of your name.
3. Pray That She Will be Clothed With Strength and Honor
“Strength and honor are her clothing, she shall rejoice in time to come” (Proverbs 31:25).
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13)
Dear Lord, we pray that you may endow (the bride’s name) with the strength to tackle all the responsibilities that lie ahead of her in this new phase of life. We pray that your strength will be made perfect in her weaknesses. We pray that she will be diligent in her work. We also pray that you will enable her to honor you in everything she does. We pray that whatever her hand finds to do, she will do it with all her might. Help her to do her work heartily, not unto men but unto you. May her work bring glory and honor to your name.
4. Pray That She Will Keep Her First Love
“Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love.” (Revelation 2:4)
“Now these are the ones sown among thorns; they are the ones who hear the word, and the cares of this world, the deceitfulness of riches, and the desires for other things entering in choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful.” (Mark 4:18-19)
Dear Lord, we pray that as (the bride’s name) steps into this new phase of her life, she will not forsake her love for you. We pray that she will seek your kingdom first and its righteousness so that all the other aspects of her life can be aligned. We pray that she will not forsake prayer, studying your Word, and fellowship with other believers. We pray that she will not allow the busyness of marriage to sabotage her fellowship with you.
We also pray that she will not forsake her first love towards her husband. We pray that she will not allow familiarity and sluggishness to creep into her marriage. May she continually tend to her marriage and seek to serve and honor her husband to the glory of your name.
5. Pray That She Will be a Blessing to Her Husband
“She does him good and not evil, all the days of her life.” (Proverbs 31:12)
“He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.” (Proverbs 18:22)
Dear Lord, we pray that (the bride’s name) will seek to be a blessing to her husband all the days of her life. Grant her strength to extend kindness to him even when she feels he doesn’t deserve it. Help her find delight in loving, serving, encouraging, and praying for him. May she seek to fulfill his needs and support his dreams. Your Word tells us that we were created for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. May (the bride’s name) identify all the good works that you have ordained for her in her marriage, and may she execute them to the glory of your name.
6. Pray That She Will Willingly Forgive Her Husband
“And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.” (Mark 11:25-26)
Dear Lord, we acknowledge that marriage is the most intimate relationship, and that’s where offense easily takes root. We know that sometimes (the bride’s name) will feel aggrieved by her husband’s words or actions. We pray that you may give her the strength and grace to forgive her husband in such times. We pray that you may remind her of the need to extend mercy to him just as she has received mercy from you. Your Word asks us not to allow any root of bitterness to spring up among us, causing trouble and defiling many. We pray that she will be quick to forgive, to the glory of your name.
7. Pray That She Will Submit to Her Husband
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.” (Ephesians 5:22-23).
Dear Lord, we pray that you will grant (the bride’s name) the grace to submit to her husband. We pray that you will enable her husband to love her sacrificially as Christ loved the church so that submission for her will not be a burden but a delight. Help her respect, serve, love, and honor her husband for the glory of your name.
Keren Kanyago is a freelance writer and blogger at Parenting Spring. As a wife and mom, she uses her blog to weigh in on pertinent issues around parenting, marriage, and the Christian Faith. She holds a degree in mass communication with a specialty in print media. Follow her on Facebook and Instagram and/or shoot her an email at kerenkanyago@gmail.com.
Makes 12 muffin-sized pies; 12 3¾-inch hand pies; or 1 large 9-inch pie (baked in a springform pan)
Summer is picnic-friendly, and having a serviceberry pie all to yourself feels special. So I’ll bake these little pies in muffin trays, to pack and carry. You’ll need a muffin tray with 12 slots, and two cookie cutters: 3¾-inch for the bases, and 2½ -inch for the lids. The recipe doubles very well, if you are baking for a crowd.
If you choose to bake a single, large pie, increase the quantity of fruit to 6 cups, with 3 teaspoons of cornstarch. Sugar says the same: ½ cup.
For the filling: In a bowl combine the serviceberries or other berries, the sugar, and the cornstarch. Toss together well.
For the pastry: Lightly butter the slots in your muffin tray.
In a mixing bowl, beat together the butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Add the egg. Beat again with a dusting of flour. Gradually beat in the rest of the flour, the baking powder, and salt. When the pastry is cohesive, divide it into two discs: one that contains 2/3’s of the pastry, one that is 1/3.
Dust flour onto your work surface and roll out your larger pastry disc thinly. Press out 12 pie bases using the 3 ¾-inch cutter. Loosen and lift each base with a dinner knife or a long spatula, and gently press it into the buttered muffin tray. Patch any tears with a pinch of extra pastry. Transfer the tray to the fridge while you roll out the second disc. Press out your lids using the smaller disc.
To assemble: Remove the tray from the fridge and spoon the fruit filling into each pie base – about 2 tablespoonfuls each. Place the pie lids on top of the filling and press down lightly (no need to crimp) and return to the fridge for 10 minutes.
Preheat the oven to 350°F.
Remove the chilled pies from the fridge. Pierce a steam vent in the top of each with the tip of a sharp knife. Brush each pie with a little milk or cream. Bake for 20 minutes, until the pastry is turning golden and the pies are oozing red juices. Remove the tray to a cooling rack and allow to cool for 5 minutes (they become less fragile as they cool) before loosening each serviceberry pie in its slot by running a knife around the edges, gently. Carefully lift each pie from its slot, and transfer to a second cooling rack.
If we are honest, most people we come across in life are not very nice people. I first came to this conclusion when I was a young child. Being picked on and bullied, I quickly realized that many people are mean for no reason. While my parents came up with plenty of ideas as to why people were mean, none of them were true or relevant to my situation. Long story short, many people are mean just because they are mean.
There are mean people in the world because we live in a sinful, fallen world. Everyone sins and falls short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). By living in the fallen world, we encounter people who are driven by anger, frustration, hurt, and bitterness. Rather than being kind, they make us feel bad about ourselves. Mean people are never fun to be around because they only hurt us.
If you are someone who is known to be mean, it is time to step away from this identity. Never should a person say a Christian is mean. As Christians, we are Jesus’ lights to the world. How will we shine brightly for Him if we are being darkness ourselves? Instead of being mean, choose kindness. This is what God wants all people to do, especially those who claim to follow Him.
The Lasting Pain of Being Hurt
When someone is mean to us, it hurts. Depending on who the person is, it might hurt more so than a stranger. Many people I used to know were very mean to me, even though I considered them friends. I think I considered them friends because I really wanted to have friends. Now, in retrospect, as I am older, I know they were not my real friends.
Friends would never be mean to you. Never would they say hurtful comments, belittle you, or make fun of you. Friends are supposed to build you up, not tear you down. If you have been the victim of bullying, know that you are not alone. It can really hurt to know that your friends are not actually your friends and that you are better off without them. Fake friends don’t deserve your time or presence, though.
If you are hurt by someone who is just a stranger, know that your pain is valid too. Just the other day I was at a doctor’s appointment and a woman in the waiting room scowled at me as if I was the devil himself. This made me feel awful about myself, and I went out of my way to distance myself from this woman. Maybe you have encountered someone just like this. You did nothing to warrant the hateful glares, yet the person still shot them at you.
This was not nice of them, but as you already know, there are a lot of mean people in the world. The popular trend today that promotes the idea that all people are relatively good is not biblical. All people are evil from the moment they are conceived (Psalm 51:5). We are born into sin and only through the grace of Jesus can we be saved.
From the time we are children of God, we become more aware of the evil around us. We see people who are mean for no reason, yet it is still hard not to take it personally. Similarly, many Christians are the ones who are mean, even to their own brothers and sisters in Christ. This should not be; however, if you have even encountered this, know you are not alone. Some of the meanest people I’ve known are people who identify as Christians.
Whether they are true Christians or not, I do not know. What I do know is that as an individual Christian, I would never do anything purposely to be mean to someone else. I know how it feels when someone is mean to you, and I never want to inflict that same pain on anybody else. Are we always going to be perfect and treat everyone with flawless love? No. However, as believers, we shouldn’t want to be mean to anyone. Our motivations and intentions should be rooted in Christ’s love. We should want to extend Jesus in our actions. If we fail to do this, we are doing a disservice to the Lord.
Living in a Fallen World
As mentioned earlier, we are living in a fallen world, and this is why we encounter mean people. Sadly, within pop culture and schooling, mean people are deemed as “cool.” Think of who the popular people were at your schools. It’s often those who tear others down and build a fear-based popularity. This is a sad reality; however, it is not something we should ignore. Popularity should never be “earned” through anger, fear, and manipulation.
Everyone becomes so afraid of them that they just keep allowing them to run the school, the event, or even the workplace. Unfortunately, despite being adults, we see the same trends in adulthood. The bullies and the mean kids never grew up. Instead of allowing this behavior to continue, we must speak up for those who cannot speak up for themselves. We must speak up for ourselves too. Mean people only have power over us if we let them.
We do not have to give them the satisfaction of hurting us. Instead, we can address their mean behavior and call them out for it. As adults, we need to behave better, period. Nobody should be mean to someone just because they look different, talk differently, or do things differently than someone else. There needs to be kindness, compassion, and grace extended to all people. This is the only way that we can actually shine the light of Jesus in our lives.
While it is true that we are living in a fallen world, it does not mean we have to live as the world does. In fact, as believers, we should be living in opposition to the sinful world. The world says meanness is how you get what you want, but the Bible says the right thing to do is to be kind, caring, and loving (Matthew 22:39; Ephesians 4:32). Are we going to follow the practices of the world or are we going to follow our Savior? This vital question can help us move forward in curtailing the hate that continues in the world.
Choosing to Forgive
If you are someone who has been hurt by a mean person, it’s important to forgive them. It’s true that they probably don’t deserve your forgiveness, and they probably never apologized, but God still wants you to forgive them (Matthew 6:14). After all, we don’t deserve God’s forgiveness, but we are called to extend this same grace to others. This can be hard, yet it is something we must do. Holding onto unforgiveness, hate, and anger will only hurt us. If we truly want to move forward, we must forgive the people who hurt us.
Forgiving the person means you are giving the situation over to Jesus. It doesn’t mean that what they did is okay, nor does it mean that what they did is forgotten. Rather, it means you are turning the situation over to God. He can handle it best, and He can carry any of the emotions you are experiencing. He hates that there are mean people in the world, but He promises us a future where there will only be genuinely kind people, His followers rejoicing in heaven (Revelation 21).
This future promise will be fulfilled in the New Heaven and New Earth. Never will anyone be mean to one another ever again. There will only be happiness, love, and joy. When people are mean to you in this life, look forward to the day that all evil will be destroyed. It will happen in the future, and it is a sure promise. Reflect on this truth when mean people get you down.
Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.
One of the best things in life is having a day with your girls. Although you enjoy your loved ones, it’s nice to take a day off and do something fun. Not only does it feel good to be free of responsibilities for a day, but it’s also good for your emotional and mental health. You can just relax and have fun.
If you are looking for some ideas for your next girls’ day out, here are some ideas:
1. Spa Day
Either spend money and go to the spa or someone can host a spa day at their house. Everyone can bring their own grooming tools and products, as well as a snack or beverage to share.
2. Go to a Museum
Research different museums in your area and choose one to go to. You could even do this several times and rotate museums.
3. Eat Out
Go out for a nice brunch or lunch together. This is your time to splurge!
4. Volunteer for a Cause
Make a list of causes that you all care about and put names into a hat. Then have someone pick from the hat to decide where you will volunteer. You could do this several times and line up volunteering opportunities a few months in advance if you wish.
5. Go on a Day Trip
Take a quick trip to an attraction, town, or shopping center that you have been wanting to see a few towns away or somewhere in your state.
6. Go Shopping
There is nothing like going on a shopping trip, but it can get boring when you go to the same old places. Do some research and find the out-of-the-way shopping centers in your town or the next town over. You can also look for outlet malls and specialty malls that are a few hours away in your state. (And don’t underestimate how fun antique shopping can be!)
7. Movie Day Out
Going to the movies can get pricey, but it doesn’t have to. Look on the website for the movie theaters in your town and see if they have any specials going on. If you can find an independently owned movie theater in your town, you’ve found a gem. Chances are, ticket prices will be much lower than in the big chain theaters.
8. Take a Class Together
Talk over your interests with your girls and see if any resonate with all of you, and then take a class on that thing. If you all have different interests, over a few months, take a class together for each lady’s personal interest. For example, Cathy may enjoy cooking, Laura may enjoy knitting, and Christine may enjoy making jewelry. Take a cooking class in January, a knitting class in February, and a jewelry-making class in March. This way, everyone will get a turn taking a class on their specific interest.
9. Start a Book Club
If your friends are a bunch of bookworms, start a book club together. Invite coworkers, fellow church members, or neighbors and see how your friendship circle grows!
10. Go for Dessert
Go for dessert together and order the most decadent thing on the menu.
11. Go for Drinks
Go out for drinks and have some friendly conversation. (No, this doesn’t mean you have to consume alcohol. Mocktails, coffees, and other iced teas and fruity drinks make for great refreshers with friends.)
12. Visit an Amusement Park
Head to an amusement park and let your inner child out.
13. Visit a Farmer’s Market
Go to the local farmer’s market and pick up some farm fresh fruits and vegetables. Sometimes you can find other things too, like fresh meat, homemade baked goods, jellies, jams, and homemade candy.
14. Scrapbook Together
Spend some time scrapbooking together and talk about your favorite memories.
15. Have a Brainstorming Session
If you all are close, each person comes with a problem that needs solving, and you help each other find solutions. Sometimes we don’t even have a problem; it could be something like wanting to do “this thing” but not knowing how to get started.
16. Take a Fitness Class Together
If losing weight is a goal for you and your pals, take a fitness class together, and, if you can, keep it up to hold everyone accountable.
17. Take a Pottery Class
If you are looking for something unique to do, take a pottery class together.
18. Have a Tea Party
Host a tea party at one of your houses with tea, finger sandwiches, and little cakes. To make it more fun, everyone can dress up, and don’t forget to keep your pinky up!
19. Make Special Drinks Together
Choose two or three special drinks that you would like and have a class together.
20. Go to a Food Festival or Cookoff
Look for festivals in your area and across your state. Festivals are fun to go to and often go on all year. Some ideas are strawberry festivals, pumpkin festivals, or chili cookoffs.
21. Rollerskate
If you have a roller rink in your area, dust off those skates and hit the rink for some nostalgia. 80’s tunes, anyone?
22. Play Games Together
Get together and play some board games, video games, or outdoor games together. This could be a competitive game of Scrabble, a favorite video game, or a game of basketball or tennis.
23. Arrange Flowers
Buy some flowers, either fake or real, and some vases and spend an afternoon arranging them. Choose a few different projects like bouquets, a corsage, or a vase and create something beautiful.
24. Try a Cat Cafe
As long as no one is allergic, spend some time at your local cat cafe. Not only are the cats cute to look at and available for adoption, but hanging out with cats has lots of health benefits like reducing stress. Who knows, you may find your new best friend. Not a cat person? Have your friends and their furry pups meet you at the local dog park.
25. Virtual Reality Lounge
Check out a local virtual reality lounge in your area for some new and exciting fun.
26. Escape Room
If you aren’t claustrophobic and like games and figuring things out, head to your local escape room for some fun.
27. Bowling
Go to the bowling alley and play a few games. You could even create your own bowling league for the day, with special names like Gutter Ball Gloria, Strikem’ Out Stacy, and Brenda Bowling Shoes. You could even come up with categories and have prizes for the winners. (Ex: Most pins knocked down, best gutter ball throw, and most balls in the gutter.)
28. Cook Together
Choose two or three easy meals you would like to make and get together at someone’s house to cook. This way, everyone can take home two to three meals to put in the freezer.
29. Bake Together
This is a little sweeter than cooking together, but pick two or three things you would like to bake together so everyone has something to take home. You could make a coffee cake or muffins for breakfast, cookies for a snack, and another kind of cake for a special dessert.
30. Go “Booking”
Another idea for the bookworms in your life is to spend the day going to used bookstores in your area and then going out for dinner. This is a great way to add to the to-be-read pile at a good price.
31. Go to the theater
See if your local community center is putting on a show you would like to see and get tickets. Then dress up fancy and have a great time.
32. Sports Night
Who says boys are the only ones who can love sports? If you and your gals have a favorite team, whether in football, baseball, or even curling, get together for a big game night with special dips, finger foods, and fun!
There are many great ways to spend the day with your girlfriends. Whatever you choose, let your hair down and have a great time. You deserve it.
This Blueberry Shortcake is made with a shortcake-style biscuit and a delicious blueberry sauce topped with whipped cream. It’s a delicious summer treat!
If you love blueberries, you will want to give this Blueberry Loaf Cake a try! It’s easy to make and wonderful for any gathering with coffee.
❤️WHY WE LOVE THIS RECIPE
This blueberry shortcake is an easy dessert and so good. The sweetness of the blueberries with the shortcake is absolutely delicious. it’s so good topped with whipped topping or ice cream! This dessert comes together quickly and the shortcake will keep so you can make it up in advance.
🍴KEY INGREDIENTS
All-purpose flour
Sugar
Baking powder
Salt
Butter
Egg
Milk
Blueberry Sauce Ingredients Needed:
Sugar
Cornstarch
Water
Blueberries
Lemon juice
Butter
SWAPS
You can try this with other fruits, such as blackberries or raspberries. The sauce will be delicious made with those too.
🍽️HOW TO MAKE
This dessert is easy to make and the shortcake is a great recipe that you can use with other recipes.
COOKING STEPS
Step 1 Whisk together flour, sugar, baking powder and salt. Cut in butter and add egg and milk. Make into a dough that you can pat or roll out on a dough board. Can add more flour if needed.
Step 2 Cut out with a biscuit cutter and bake on a sprayed baking sheet in preheated 400 degree oven for 25 to 30 minutes or until the tops are brown and done in the middle. Makes approximately 10 to 12 shortcakes depending on size. (Sometimes, I use a tin can to cut out and make them bigger.)
Step 3 Whisk together sugar, cornstarch, and water in a pot on top of the stove. Bring to a boil and add the 2 cups of blueberries. Cook about 5 minutes and remove from stove. Add lemon juice and butter.
Step 4 To serve: Split one of the shortcakes, add a few uncooked, fresh blueberries in the middle. Place the top back on the shortcake and drizzle blueberry sauce over the entire cake. Add whipped cream or ice cream on top.
⭐TIP
This sauce is great on many things! Wonderful on pancakes, waffles and ice cream. If you have some leftover you can definitely use it for other things.
OTHER BLUEBERRY RECIPES
Sour Cream Blueberry Pie – This is a pie you will make over and over! The topping is what makes this pie wonderful and you can’t taste the sour cream.
Best Blueberry Cobbler – This is a really easy cobbler and one your friends and family will love. It’s wonderful with ice cream.
Delicious Blueberry Biscuits – These biscuits are a wonderful way to start the day! You can add the glaze or leave it off.
Blueberry Cream Cheese Biscuits – These are made with canned biscuits and we all love them. They are a great addition to a weekend morning!
STORING, REHEATING & SERVING SIZE
We store the shortcake in an airtight container and the blueberry sauce in the refrigerator. You can heat up each in the microwave. This makes about 10-12 shortcakes.
Blueberry Shortcake is a wonderful summer dessert. This recipe is made with a biscuit style shortcake and a delicious blueberry sauce, topped with whipped cream. Your friends and family will love this delicious dessert.
Prep Time 15 minutesmins
Cook Time 35 minutesmins
Total Time 50 minutesmins
Course Dessert
Cuisine American, southern
2cupsall-purpose flour
2tablespoonssugar
1tablespoonbaking powder
1/4teaspoonsalt
1/4cupbutter or 4 tablespoonssoftened
1egg
3/4cupmilk
Blueberry Sauce Ingredients
1/2cupsugar
3 1/2teaspoonscornstarch
1cupwater
2cupsblueberries
1tablespoonlemon juice
4tablespoonsbutter
Shortcake Instructions
Whisk together flour, sugar, baking powder and salt. Cut in butter and add egg and milk. Make into a dough that you can pat or roll out on a dough board. Can add more flour if needed.
Cut out with a biscuit cutter and bake on a sprayed baking sheet in preheated 400 degree oven for 25 to 30 minutes or until the tops are brown and done in the middle. Makes approximately 10 to 12 shortcakes depending on size. (Sometimes, I use a tin can to cut out and make them bigger.)
Blueberry Sauce Instructions
Whisk together sugar, cornstarch, and water in a pot on top of the stove. Bring to a boil and add the 2 cups of blueberries. Cook about 5 minutes and remove from stove. Add lemon juice and butter.
To serve: Split one of the shortcakes, add a few uncooked, fresh blueberries in the middle. Place the top back on the shortcake and drizzle blueberry sauce over the entire cake. Add whipped cream or ice cream on top.
This sauce is great for ice cream or any kind of cake.
Most of us are uncomfortable with the idea of denying ourselves, especially from the things that give us momentary pleasure. Whether it be that second slice of cheesecake, or that weekly online shopping spree, the challenge to deny ourselves isn’t an easy challenge to accept.
But what if the concept of denying yourself became less about self and more about others? For marriage, in particular, what if practicing self-denial in certain areas would lead to a more fulfilled and happy marriage?
The truth is, there are certain habits we practice so frequently—without a single thought of denying ourselves—we start to assume those habits are our “rights.” But when couples are so focused on their individual rights, they often lose sight of the oneness God created for the marriage union.
Here are 7 ways denying yourself will not only help you become less self-centered, but also make your spouse happy in the process
1. Deny Avoiding Intimacy
Avoiding intimacy, or denying your spouse of lovemaking, can literally tear your marriage apart. Not only does it go against the Bible, according to 1 Corinthians 7:5, it goes against the blessing of oneness that God designed.
Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1Corinthians 7:5)
Deny yourself the excuses of avoiding intimacy, and you might find a renewed closeness that fosters both love and romance.
2. Deny Overspending
Countless marital struggles arise due to financial stress. And most of the time, consistent overspending is the culprit. If you struggle with overspending in your marriage, try to see your spouse’s point of view. How can self-denial in this area help your marriage thrive instead of merely survive?
For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs. (1 Timothy 6:10 ESV)
By denying yourself the “right” to overspend, you’ll be showing your spouse respect for their hard work, and respect for your household finances. Hopefully, this will lead to a more balanced and happy marriage.
3. Deny Scrolling Social Media
Our spouses can easily feel ignored and unimportant when we are constantly scrolling social media. I’ve seen couples sitting across from each other in restaurants, on their phones, totally ignoring one another for the entire duration of their meal.
This is a big issue in our marriages today. According to this article, “the deeper issue is the feeling of disconnect you or your partner experiences when you get lost in your phone. You don’t truly listen or make eye contact, thus making your spouse feel ignored.”
While it’s tempting to check your phone every few minutes, make the decision to turn it off when sharing a meal or quality moment with your spouse. This is one form of self-denial that will truly make a difference in how you connect.
Do to others as you would like them to do to you. (Luke 6:31 NLT)
4. Deny Talking Too Much
Everyone likes to feel heard. And when one spouse constantly manipulates the conversation, it doesn’t take long for the other to start tuning them out. This isn’t the kind of communication that fosters a healthy marriage.
Consider the ways in which you can be a better listener and deny yourself the habit of talking too much. Here are a few actionable tips that might help:
Pray and ask God to help you listen more than you speak.
Ask your spouse about their day before you tell them about yours.
Turn off your phone and look them in the eye as they talk.
Resist the urge to interrupt or make your opinion known, unless specifically asked for.
Repeat what your spouse is telling you, to let them know you heard them.
Ultimately, when you deny talking too much, you are opening the door of healthy communication in your marriage, which will only lead to a happier, more responsive spouse.
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. (James 1:19)
If you’re constantly procrastinating, by putting off important things such as paying the bills, cleaning the house, or making dinner, consider denying yourself the nonconstructive pattern of laziness.
Of course, there will be seasons when neither spouse has the energy to cook or clean, but make those seasons far and few between. Instead of giving into laziness or procrastination, come up with a system that works for both of you. This might mean you alternate cooking and cleaning. It might mean you run errands on designated days. Whatever you choose, deny yourself the continuous habit of letting things go. Both you and your spouse will benefit from a workable schedule that gets things done.
May the favor of the Lord our God rest on us; establish the work of our hands for us—yes, establish the work of our hands. (Psalm 90:17)
6. Deny Asking for More
Discontentment in marriage is a dangerous thing. Not only does it always want more, it doesn’t appreciate what it already has. If you find yourself discontent—more often than not—try to get to the root of your unhappiness and get the help needed to find contentment.
According to this post, “Our conflict with others increases when our own contentment decreases. This is particularly true for our marriages. The opposite is true too—When our contentment increases—our conflict with others decreases.”
Make your spouse happy by denying yourself persistent discontentment. When discontented feelings arise, turn those feelings into offerings of thanksgiving. Make it a practice to thank the Lord for three things that are good in your life, every time discontentment raises its ugly head. Before long, you’ll be in a new habit of gratefulness and contentment.
Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:11-13)
7. Deny Demanding Spiritual Maturity
For Christian couples who are walking with the Lord, there can be a tendency to judge one another’s spiritual maturity. The danger of this is that the spouse who feels judged will either become resentful or feel defeated in their faith.
It is important to deny yourself the practice of demanding spiritual maturity from your spouse. This doesn’t mean you can’t encourage them in their faith. However, it does mean you don’t have the right to condemn them.
The Holy Spirit is the One who grows us up. It’s not our place to discount our spouse’s personal journey with the Lord. It’s our duty to build them up in the faith and walk humbly with God as an example.
He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God? (Micah 6:8)
While denying yourself certain things does make your spouse happy, it would be wise to approach self-denial as a commitment to follow the ways of the Lord. In doing this, denying yourself becomes less about your efforts and more about walking in the Holy Spirit. Rely on the wisdom of God to lead you into a healthy place of willingness, and deny yourself for the sake of a happy and thriving marriage.
Related Resource: Listen to our new, FREE podcast on marriage: Team Us. The best marriages have a teamwork mentality. Find practical, realistic ideas for strengthening your marriage. Listen to an episode here, and then head over to LifeAudio.com to check out all of our episodes:
Jennifer Waddle is the author of several books, including Prayer WORRIER: Turning Every Worry into Powerful Prayer, and is a regular contributor for LifeWay, Crosswalk, Abide, and Christians Care International. Jennifer’s online ministry is EncouragementMama.com where you can find her books and sign up for her weekly post, Discouragement Doesn’t Win. She resides with her family near the foothills of the Rocky Mountains—her favorite place on earth.
Disclaimer: This isn’t therapy, and Dr. Audrey’s advice is for the general audience, meaning it may not always work for everyone.
Dr. Audrey, I read your article, Don’t Have Close Friends? Consider This. It’s a very good article, but I’m more introverted than extroverted. My question is, I have tried in [the] past volunteering to be a good friend, only to be taken advantage of and disrespected. It hasn’t worked for [me] thus far. Any suggestions? Maybe I didn’t set boundaries when volunteering to be a friend. Please advise. —W
Thank you for your kind words. Hearing readers’ feedback always spurs me on, but especially uplifting ones like yours.
The fact that you’re interested in making new friends despite our society’s friendless norm is worth applauding.
But this brings us to your question.
How?
More specifically, how can you make friends with people who are, emotionally speaking, healthy enough? In other words, how do you find friends who would be interested in you instead of what you can do for them?
It would be even better if these friends were mature enough to own their mistakes—whenever they do something that offends or hurts you—and try to repair the rupture.
But how do you build a friendship with this kind of individual?
Wrong Motivations for Friendship
I understand you’ve tried to be a good friend, only to be let down. I’m sorry about this crummy outcome. These things can—and do—happen, but there are ways to minimize the chances of you being taken advantage of. Let’s start by doing a little digging about why you do what you do—specifically, in the context of making friends.
Here’s what I mean:
Many have tried to form friendships based on emotionally unhealthy reasons, even if they weren’t necessarily aware of these factors. Some may be sacrificing copious amounts of time and energy because they’re driven by these needs:
-Guilt avoidance
The Bible instructs us to do good works and be helpful (Ephesians 2:10, Galatians 6:9-10). However, we can be doing good deeds out of fear—of making God angry if we disobey, or being frowned on by church leadership. Depending on your theology, you might even fear that unless you obey the Bible word for word, your salvation is at stake.
Please know, however, that doing things out of guilt will not pay off.
-Preventing loneliness
Some who are desperate to flee loneliness might squash their own objections and stick around anyway, even if the company they’re with spouts off political ideologies that oppose theirs, consume addictive substances, use foul language, and so on.
-To feel wanted or needed
Years ago, I used to know a guy who had to pay for everyone’s meal every time we dined out. Had to. He was polite about it, but he also insisted on paying, no matter what the total was.
Did he do it so we would crave his presence? I wonder.
-To fend off rejection or abandonment
One sign you’re operating out of this motivation is if you’re always ready to accommodate, regardless of what others ask of you or how much you’ll have to swallow your own needs to make it happen.
If the phrase conflicts with what you’ve heard at church—because aren’t we supposed to rely on God and not ourselves?—let me translate. See the capitalized “S” in Self? That’s not a typo. The first letter in Self is intentionally capitalized to distinguish the IFS concept of Self from the usual meaning of the word. So, think of Self as our spirit, which houses the Holy Spirit (John 3:6).
To be Self-led is to be led by the Holy Spirit.
How do we make friends by being Self-led? I’ll share three ways, but let me issue a fair warning first. These steps will involve talking to yourself and considering your soul as consisting of multiple parts, something that might feel funny at first.
Still, I encourage you to give this modality a try. As for me and my clients—as well as scores of people around the world who have obtained breakthroughs using IFS—working with parts is an effective way to move forward.
1. Learn to Say “No”
I hear you say that you might have been a bit lax with your boundaries when you volunteered to be a good friend. If this is your hunch, go with it. Spend time with your internal world and be curious. Why didn’t you set firm boundaries with that friend?
Let’s say the answer is because there’s a part of you that feels obligated to people-please, so you often find yourself responding to requests with a uniform answer—always an affirmative, no matter what.
However, if you have mixed feelings about the request to begin with, answering a request with “yes” can trigger resentment. It might also stir up feelings of being exploited.
All this to say, it pays to talk to any part of you that wouldn’t let you set or defend your boundaries. Get to know the part by asking it the following questions: (After you pose each question, don’t think up the answer. Just listen to what you hear on the inside. The answer from your part might come in the form of a memory, thought, or feeling.)
-How long have you been doing this job for me?
-What do you fear might happen if you stop urging me to please others?
-Are you aware that pleasing other people comes with a price, like having to sacrifice my needs?
-Would you be willing to stop people-pleasing if there’s a better way to live?
This part might have been pushing you to mutter a forced yes—instead of an honest no—so you won’t suffer rejection, which is why the next step is crucial:
2. Heal Emotional Pain
Is there unhealed emotional pain from yesteryear? Rejection, betrayal, being abandoned by your family or friends—all of these qualify for emotional healing.
According to Psalm 42:7, “deep calls unto deep” (NKJV). Within the context of our discussion, this verse means we attract friends with a similar level of emotional health we possess. The healthier you are, the more you’ll attract people who have, similarly, pursued healing for their psychological pain.
There are numerous routes you can take and still arrive at the healing of your internal world. Check out this guide to improving your mental health if you need a place to start.
3. Conflict Resolution
Conflict is inevitable. This is true among Christians, with the best of friends, and even when your friendship is Self-led.
So, consider confronting the friend who disrespected you. Or the one who took advantage of you. Speak from your heart and explain your hurt.
If the idea of conflict resolution makes you squirm, however, help is here. The bonus chapter for my small book, Surviving Difficult People, is available for free on my website. If you download it, you’ll find one way of doing conflict resolution, broken down into bite-sized chunks.
With that, I’ll bid you adieu.
May your future friendships be rich and fulfilling!
Audrey Davidheiser, PhD is a California licensed psychologist, certified Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapist, and IFSI-approved clinical consultant. After founding and directing a counseling center for the Los Angeles Dream Center, she now devotes her practice to survivors of trauma—including spiritual abuse. If you need her advice, visit her on www.aimforbreakthrough.comand Instagram @DrAudreyD.
If you live in a place blessed with an abundance of lilac (perhaps outside your front door, or in the fields and hedgerows of New England where it has naturalized rampantly), gather a basketful and take it home to submerge in honey. Steeping lilac flowers for two days yields an evocative lilac honey that carries the scent of late spring and early summer far beyond those seasons’ borders. Drizzle it over toast for breakfast, into hot black tea, or onto your favorite triple cream brie. A sparing trickle of lilac honey across a fresh carrot salad, or over the surface of a piping hot pizza littered with fresh, peppery green arugula and tenderly melted mozzarella, are three-second flourishes that will create story-worthy meals.
Above: Lilac honey with brie and fresh lilac flowers. Above: Naturalized lilac in Maine.
There are many species of lilac; the shrub referenced in this story is Syringa vulgaris, which is native to Eastern Europe. It is one of the earliest colonial horticultural introductions to the United States. While it is hard to hate such a beautiful and storied shrub, lilac is now invasive in several US states, including Maine and much of New England. Canada, too, classifies it as “highly invasive” and Germany has blacklisted the species, which has escaped into the wild in Central and Western Europe.
Above: Lilac in a clonal thicket in Maine (the low shrubs at my feet are mown offspring of the central shrubs). Photograph by Vincent Mounier.
Collect lilac flowers at any time of day except when the shrubs are wet. Rain and dew tend to strip the flowers temporarily of nectar and perfume, and perfume is what you are looking to capture in an infused honey. If in doubt, push your face into a cluster of flowers and inhale.
Above: Lilac stems that are cut seem to wilt faster than stems that are torn, or broken, when gathered.
While snipping politely with secateurs is usually best practice when harvesting flowers on woody stems, I find that lilac flowers last much longer in water when their stems are snapped from the main stems; this may be because the torn surface absorbs more water in a vase or bowl than a narrower, cut area. Also, if you re-cut those stems at home, the flowers are more likely to wilt quickly. It’s taken me many farmers’ market bunches, and many sad wilts, to work this out. So judge the stem-length well in the field, or in your garden, and collect accordingly.
Once home, submerge the stems up to their necks (just below where the flower panciles begin) in cool water.
Above: Clusters of heavily scented lilac up to their necks in water.
In water, lilacs should keep fresh for at least three days, so you have some wiggle room in terms of planning your honey infusion. (Remember not to re-cut the stems after collecting them.)
Thomas Wolfe once wrote, “The whole conviction of my life now rests upon the belief that loneliness, far from being a rare and curious phenomenon, peculiar to myself and to a few other solitary men, is the central and inevitable fact of human existence.”[1]
For Wolfe, loneliness is the spiritual condition of humanity. For most of us, however, loneliness amounts to little more than a problem of physical health. As is typical of a culture that sees spirituality as a purely private phenomenon, we’ve translated loneliness into a matter of public health, choosing to concentrate on its deleterious effects on a person’s physical well-being. Those physical effects, among them high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity, and anxiety, are indeed harmful, but they remain symptoms of an underlying spiritual condition.[2] Why is loneliness at “epidemic” levels in an age that’s more connected than ever? If email represented a drastic new infringement on our privacy, the advent of smartphones and social media has only exacerbated the issue, further blurring the line between public and private life. In short, it takes serious effort to get away from the constant clamor of voices. Not even an airplane offers the reprieve it once did. Yet we remain desperately lonely.
The spiritual character of loneliness becomes clear when we recognize that it’s possible to be lonely in a crowd and content in seclusion. Think of the experience of being on a busy commuter train and still feeling lonely and isolated. Conversely, the novelist Marilynne Robinson speaks of her childhood in Idaho, where the word lonesome describes a sacred state of solitude that enlivened the mind and quickened the senses.[3] If loneliness were merely a physical problem, surely proximity to other human beings would be sufficient to mitigate its most severe effects. In fact, social proximity has left the problem of loneliness in our society largely untouched. Why? In a word, because we’re treating spiritual symptoms in purely physical terms. If we want to confront the challenge of loneliness that’s wreaking such havoc in our culture, we must go to its spiritual roots—namely, our estrangement from Christ.
The Foundation of Relational Spirituality
In Conformed to His Image, I argue, “In the deepest sense, Christianity is not a religion but a relationship that is born out of the trinitarian love of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.”[4] In a time of great loneliness, fear, and isolation, we would all do well to dwell on the nature of God’s love for us: “God’s loyal love for us is causeless (Romans 5:6), measureless (5:7-8), and ceaseless (5:9-11).”[5] Such abundant love is a mystery in the deepest sense of that word—namely, it’s a reality that exceeds our full comprehension. To be sure, this doesn’t mean that understanding the matter permanently evades us. Rather, it means that we can never plumb the depths of God’s love for us. No time is ever wasted on contemplating the extravagance of our Lord’s love for us.
Because He first loved us, we must begin by dwelling on God’s love and then learn to see ourselves and others in the light of it. If we fail to acknowledge the initiating action of God’s love toward us, we cannot love properly. If it’s possible to be lonely on a crowded train, in a busy office, in a church, or in a marriage, it’s also possible for God to transform our loneliest moments into times of profound intimacy. This doesn’t mean that all sadness is immediately eradicated from our lives, but it does mean that a vital relationship with our Lord grants us the stability of resting in His love rather than constantly depending on others for affirmation and fulfillment. At its heart, loneliness is a spiritual problem, and as such, the only way to address it is to address the most important relationship in our lives. Treating physical symptoms alone will offer temporary relief at best and ongoing despair at worst.
How do we prioritize our relationship with Christ? Ours is an age obsessed with methodology and technique. For this reason, we’re more inclined to read books or listen to podcasts about the Bible, prayer, and church than we are to actually read God’s word, pray daily, and serve in our local congregations. Precisely because we’re at a moment of spiritual crisis in our culture. However, we must go back to basics. In short, if we want to cultivate a vibrant relationship with our Savior, we must recover the time-tested practices that have served God’s people down the ages. We must read our Bibles and commit generous portions to memory.
To those who object that memorization doesn’t come easily to them, call to mind the vast amounts of song lyrics, movie quotes, and other pop culture trivia that most of us carry around in our heads. We remember what we choose to dwell on. Sometimes, that’s a sobering thought. The problem is often that our imaginations have been nourished more by the wider culture than by Christ, His word, and His people. For those of us who follow Christ, prayer must be as routine as brushing one’s teeth. If that statement runs the risk of trivializing something as profound as prayer, let’s also guard against the tendency to elevate our spiritual lives into irrelevance. If prayer is difficult, pray God’s word, starting with the Psalms. In God’s word, we have all we need, whether it involves words of praise or lament. Finally, we must return to the pews and do more than be consumers of “spiritual goods and services”—Eugene Peterson’s pungent phrase. We must be active members in our local congregations, serving others, and helping to clean up the many messes, ours included. People are messy, but we serve a good God whose church prevails in spite of our shortcomings. In sum, start addressing your relationship with Christ by reading His word, praying, and attending church. Basic as all these practices may seem, they are in desperate need of recovery.
If all of these practices are integral to one’s life, loneliness will cease to be an all-consuming problem. Naturally, we live in a fallen world and will continue struggling with aspects of loneliness. But we will no longer be in bondage to it. The tragic attempt to treat a spiritual malady in purely physical terms is a recipe for frustration and, ultimately, despair. By prioritizing our relationship with Christ, we will be liberated to love ourselves and others well because He first loved us.
[1] Thomas Wolfe, The Complete Short Stories of Thomas Wolfe ed. Francis E. Skipp (New York: Scribner, 1989), 492. [2]Available online: https://www.ama-assn.org/delivering-care/public-health/what-doctors-wish-patients-knew-about-loneliness-and-health#:~:text=Loneliness%20%E2%80%9Ccan%20have%20serious%20mental,memory%20issues%20and%20even%20death.%E2%80%9D [3] Marilynne Robinson, When I Was a Child I Read Books (New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2012), 88. [4] Ken Boa, Conformed to His Image: Biblical, Practical Approaches to Spiritual Formation (Revised Edition) (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Academic, 2020), 16. [5] Ibid., 14. Photo Credit: Image created using DALL.E 2024 AI technology and subsequently edited and reviewed by our editorial team.
Publications by Dr. Boa include Conformed to His Image, Handbook to Prayer, Handbook to Leadership, Faith Has Its Reasons, Rewriting Your Broken Story, Life in the Presence of God, Leverage, and Recalibrate Your Life.
Dr. Boa holds a B.S. from Case Institute of Technology, a Th.M. from Dallas Theological Seminary, a Ph.D. from New York University, and a D.Phil. from the University of Oxford in England.
As someone who was bullied in middle school, I am well aware of the negative effects of bullying and how it can affect a person’s mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Bullying needs to end because it only causes harm to the person who is being bullied—no good comes from tearing someone else down, even if it builds a bully’s false sense of ego. Despite it being impossible to say bullying will be eradicated from society anytime soon, it’s vital that Christians stand up against this hurtful behavior. In everything we do, we need to glorify God in our actions and He would never stand for bullying.
The way Christians must respond to bullying is by taking a bold stand against it. It is terrible that bullying still exists in the modern day; however, it is something that is in existence because of sin (and has only been enhanced thanks to today’s technology). As long as sin is in the world, bullying will continue. I mentioned above that I encountered bullying in middle school. I was bullied in the sixth grade and this caused my mother to take me out of public school. My older sisters were also bullied in public school in previous years so my mother also took them out of public school and homeschooled them too.
I was bullied because of my appearance and my weight. The latter was one of the many factors that caused me to develop anorexia. My thought pattern consisted of thinking that if I lost weight, nobody could make fun of me anymore, nor could they bully me. Though this line of logic was obviously wrong, it’s hard to change the mind of a preteen teenager.
Thankfully, being homeschooled got rid of the bullying, but I’m not sure how much worse the bullying could have gotten if I had stayed in public school. If you were bullied at school, or any other point in life, know that what the bully did to you was wrong. They had no right to hurt you in that way, nor did they have any right to cause you pain. Oftentimes, we feel it is our fault for being bullied because we make ourselves an “easy target,” but this isn’t true because no one deserves to be ridiculed.
There is an excessive need for bullying to stop. Even though I’m not in school anymore, there is still bullying going on in public schools, private schools, colleges, and in the real world. Sadly, there is no timeline for bullying as even adults bully others in the workplace and relationships. As Christians, we need to do all we can to help cease bullying, or at the very least take a stance against it in our personal lives.
If you have been bullied or someone close to you has been bullied, you know how much you want justice to prevail and for the bully to be held accountable for their actions. This is why we shouldn’t sit on the sidelines any longer. We must stand against bullying in our words and actions. This means that we cannot sit idle or believe it is just a children’s game when it comes to bullying. As mentioned, full adults can be bullies (and are often the grown-up versions of the kids who bullied us in school).
What Would Jesus Do?
When discussing how we as Christians should respond, we need to look at the example of Jesus. While it is true that Jesus teaches us to turn the other cheek, it doesn’t mean He says it’s okay for people to walk all over us. Rather, Jesus wants us to stand up for our safety and the well-being of others. If we see someone being bullied, Jesus wants us to come to their side and help them. In the same way, if we are being bullied, we don’t need to turn a deaf ear. If someone is bullying you now, you need to notify a parent, a teacher, or a boss. Tell someone in an authority position what is going on so you have them as support.
If it is a legal matter, such as being harassed or bullied on the streets, notify the police. Over the past year, I have had to fill out more police reports than I can count. On my daily walk, I’ve been having teenage boys drive by in cars screaming at me and looping back several times to blow their horns and scream at me more. It’s very stressful and scary, to say the least. Despite being an adult, I still face bullying.
In these situations, we have to think of what Jesus would do. While Jesus would show mercy and forgiveness, He also wants justice to prevail. If someone is bullying a person and hurting them, justice requires that the wrongdoer pay for their actions. God is a God of justice and He wants to see justice given to those who have been hurt. If you are someone who has been bullied or is experiencing bullying right now, know that justice will prevail. Inform everyone of the bullying. Bullies want to make us feel alone or without hope, but this isn’t true. We have hope in God and in the people God has placed in our lives.
Don’t keep silent. Use your voice and speak up. Don’t be afraid to tell the police, the principal, or your boss about the bullying that is going on. If you are someone who knows their loved one is being bullied, speak up for them. Tell an authority figure what is going on because nothing will change if nothing is said.
Our voices are weapons, and we can use them for good. We have to tell authority figures about what is going on in order for the bullying to stop. As I have done with contacting the police and filling out police reports, you can do the same. Don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself or to speak up for others. If you don’t do anything, the bullying will only continue. If you speak up and say something to an authority figure, they will be able to make the bully stop or even remove them from the situation altogether.
What Can We Do As Christians
As Christians, there is much we can do. God wants the bullying to stop, and He can give you the strength to speak up for yourself and others. God has also protected you in many ways from bullies, both in the spiritual and physical world, you haven’t noticed yet. He is always watching over you, and He will keep you safe.
This is something we all need to remind ourselves when we are faced with bullies. Even though our bullies might look big and intimidating, they are only humans like us. God is more powerful and more strong than any bully. We can always count on God to have our backs, and He will give us the victory. Just as David defeated Goliath, the Lord will help us defeat the Goliaths in our lives (1 Samuel 17:50-53).
The first step to doing this is to speak up and talk to someone about it. It might be scary at first, but understand that talking to an authority figure will help the bullying stop. As Christians, we need to do all we can to stop bullying and make sure that we know what to do when it personally affects us. Through educating ourselves and others on bullying, we will be able to help more people who have been affected by bullying. Not to mention, we could also help prevent many people from ever being bullied in the first place. As Christians, we are to be the hands and feet of Jesus to the world, which often looks like doing everything we can to stop bullying.
Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.
Southern Tomato Gravy is a staple in our house! This tomato based gravy is wonderful over biscuits, rice, or mashed potatoes.
If you are a fan of biscuits and gravy, you may also want to try this delicious Chocolate Gravy. It’s a classic for a reason and wonderful to enjoy on Christmas morning.
❤️WHY WE LOVE THIS RECIPE
Southern Tomato Gravy is a staple in our house and it’s such a versatile recipe. It’s wonderful over biscuits, rice, noodles or mashed potatoes. You can also use tomato gravy in hamburger dishes and it’s a great way to use those delicious garden tomatoes.
🍴KEY INGREDIENTS
Fresh tomatoes, peeled and chopped (can use a 14.5 ounce can of tomatoes)
Bacon drippings
All-purpose flour
Water (some prefer to use milk instead of water)
Sugar
Salt
Pepper
Garlic powder
SWAPS
You can add different seasonings to this dish to give it a different flavor. You could add basil, oregano, Italian seasonings, etc. Or you can add some dillweed, it’s super versatile but we love it just this way.
🍽️HOW TO MAKE
This is a very simple dish to make and you can throw it together quickly for breakfast or dinner. We love simple recipe and feel they are the best for a reason!
COOKING STEPS
Step 1 Cut up tomatoes in bowl. Add the salt, pepper, sugar and garlic powder and mix with a spoon. Put bacon drippings in a hot skillet on stove top.
Step 2 Add flour and make a roux or cook until thick. Pour in tomatoes and water and cook until the consistency of gravy. Serve over biscuits, rice, noodles or mashed potatoes.
⭐TIP
We feel the bacon grease really takes this gravy to the next level. You can always use vegetable oil, but it won’t be nearly as good as it will be with the bacon grease. You can also sprinkle cooked bacon on top of the gravy…. so good! This is also really good over meatloaf!
OTHER TOMATO RECIPES
Southern Tomato Pie – This is a southern staple and a must-make each summer with fresh garden tomatoes. It’s so good and always a hit!
Red Tomato Preserves – This is a great recipe for tomato preserves and we love it on biscuits! This recipe has been in our family for many many years.
Fresh Canned Salsa – This is another great recipe for fresh garden tomatoes! We love making our own salsa and this is a great one.
GRAVY & OTHER RECIPES
STORING, REHEATING & SERVING SIZE
We store this in the refrigerator, it will keep for a few days, reheat in the microwave and its about 6 servings.
Tomato Gravy is such a Southern dish served over biscuits for breakfast, rice for supper or mashed potatoes. Wonderful way to use fresh tomatoes from the garden but can use canned tomatoes.
Prep Time 10 minutesmins
Cook Time 10 minutesmins
Total Time 20 minutesmins
Course Breakfast, Gravy, Sauce
Cuisine American, southern
2cupsfresh tomatoespeeled and chopped (can use a 14.5 ounce can of tomatoes)
5tablespoonsbacon drippings
5tablespoonsall-purpose flour
1 1/4cupswatersome prefer to use milk instead of water
1teaspoonsugar
1/2teaspoonsalt
1/4teaspoonpepper
1/4teaspoongarlic powder
Cut up tomatoes in bowl. Add the salt, pepper, sugar and garlic powder and mix with a spoon.
Put bacon drippings in a hot skillet on stove top. Add flour and make a roux or cook until thick. Pour in tomatoes and water and cook until the consistency of gravy. Serve over biscuits.
