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  • What Is the Meaning of 1 Corinthians 13 and Why Is it Popular?

    What Is the Meaning of 1 Corinthians 13 and Why Is it Popular?

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    Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).

    Love is mentioned somewhere between 360-550 times in the Bible, depending on which translation you dig into. Friend, that is a lot of love!

    Maybe it is mentioned so often because we have a God that is the pure image of love. All throughout His Word, we see His love poured out and lavished upon us. 

    From the beginning of His creation to His countless promises, unfailing grace and mercy, and even His righteous discipline. God’s love is proven by the attention He gives to every single detail of our lives.

    God’s love comes with no strings attached. It is completely unconditional. It’s perfect in every sense. God’s love is the core and heart of the gospel. 1 Corinthians gives us a glimpse into the kind of love God has for us and asks us to share this kind of love with others.

    Paul’s first letter to the church of Corinth was to challenge believers to examine their lives against the image of Christ. He especially placed a lot of focus on love — Christ’s love. His mission was to unify the church and bring them together in fellowship.

    At the time, the church gatherings were a little chaotic and disorganized. While their mission was to share the good news, they were focused more on being heard and becoming prideful rather than delivering and dispensing their knowledge in love.

    So, it is not by accident that this chapter on love is perfectly sandwiched between two passages on spiritual gifts.

    Paul was encouraging the church to use their knowledge of Christ and spiritual gifts to spread the love of Christ, but to do so — in love. Basically, saying you can do all the right things, but if you don’t have love, you have nothing (1 Corinthians 13:2-3).

    The underlying meaning of 1 Corinthians 13 is that as followers, we are to imitate the love of Jesus by using our gifts while serving and loving others just as He did!

    So, how do we do that? That is where the well-known and beloved verse of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 comes in. If we are called to share the love of Christ, we must first understand how He loved.

    Characteristics of Love

    While many of the characteristics listed below are self-explanatory, we must view them through the lens of Christ. Also note that these characteristics of love may be easy to say, much harder to actually live out. Let’s discover them together.

    1. Love is patient and kind. Patience is not an easy virtue to maintain in our everyday lives. Whether it is an eye roll from my teen or a snarky remark from a neighbor, impatience can quickly set in, leaving a reaction that is short of being kind.

    Yet, we are called to be just that. Patient and kind. If we want to share the love of Christ with others, we must do so in a gentle way, with a patient approach.

    Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage — with great patience and careful instruction (2 Timothy 4:2).

    2. It does not boast. We see a contrast at this point in the verse. While love is patient and kind, now we hear what it is not. Love is not boastful or self-seeking. Yet, how often do we like to pride ourselves in the good we are doing with selfish intentions?

    Unfortunately, selfishness is part of our human nature. We want to be heard, to be liked, and recognized for our good deeds.

    However, this verse completely flips that train of thought around. As believers, we are to place ourselves aside and magnify the needs of others.

    Not only that, but we are to boast only in our Lord, recognizing that He is the One that is using every circumstance for good.

    This is why our testimonies are vital, as we get to share how God is so good and faithful.

    Not only so, but wealso glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us(Romans 5:3-5).

    3. It keeps no record of wrongs. The infamous scoreboard between two passionate people is nothing new. We see how the disciples doubted, denied, and betrayed Jesus, comparing their love for Him against one another.

    Yet while Jesus may have been hurt by these actions, he forgave them and never spoke of it again. He never kept score.

    We are called to do the same. Freely forgive and then…let it go. As followers of Christ, we should heed Jesus’ example. When the scoreboard wants to come out, we must take our hurt to our Father and let Him cleanse our hearts first while seeking His wisdom and guidance.

    But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked (Luke 6:35).

    4. It is a truth seeker. Love seeks out the truth. The real Truth. As we are bombarded with countless views, logic, and data by our culture and society today, we can ingest multiple mixed messages and grow confused about what is actually true. It’s quite possible that we need Truth now more than ever!

    The Truth we find in His Word is solid and stands firm. We can find the evidence that God’s Holy Word is based on Truth, and the heart of it is love by holding on to these facts:

    • With all the various writers of the 66 books in the Bible, they all share one message: there is one true God, and He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to redeem this lost and fallen world.
    • We see can see the handiwork of a Creator all around us.
    • Prophecies that were foretold came to be.
    • Those that earnestly seek God through prayer and praise live with unexplainable peace.
    • We are offered hope of a life after this one.

    But he continued, ‘You are from below; I am from above. You are of this world; I am not of this world (John 8:23).

    Why Is it so Popular?

    And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love (1 Corinthians 13:13).

    The entirety of 1 Corinthians 13 is widely popular because the whole book revolves around love. The greatest gift we can ever give and receive. The gift that God gave us through His Son, declaring His indescribable love for us.

    We were created with love and in the image of love. We are called to use our spiritual gifts to love and share God’s love with others.

    This is the central theme of 1 Corinthians 13 — Love!

    Love is the intriguing word that never fails (1 Corinthians 13:8). Love is the powerful word that defeats all odds and gives us hope. Love is to be fully known and fully loved (1 Corinthians 13:12). Love is the heart of God’s Word.

    For further reading:

    Why Does Love Not Keep Any Records of Wrong?

    How Does the Lord Love with an Everlasting Love?

    What Is Authentic Love?

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Marinela Malcheva

    Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy.  Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.

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    Alicia Searl

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  • 6 Reasons a Couple Should Share Household Responsibilities

    6 Reasons a Couple Should Share Household Responsibilities

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    When two people marry, they take vows to love, honor, and cherish each other. When they buy a house, those same vows apply. Although they don’t re-recite those vows in front of friends and family, they still commit to honor themselves and their relationship by being good stewards of what God has given them. We often think of worshipping God in large, generous acts. But sometimes, it’s the small acts of service to our partner that also demonstrate our love for God. Colossians 3:23 says, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.”

    However, when stressful situations arise, it is easy to drop the ball on simple household tasks. If one partner tends to take the lead on completing household chores, it’s easy for the other partner to sit back and watch them do it. However, this is an act of laziness and not maintaining the possessions God has given them. Most people dislike doing household chores, but they are a necessary part of life. They aren’t only one person’s responsibility, but the other spouse’s as well. 

    Here are six reasons a couple should share household responsibilities: 

    1. There Are Not Gender-specific Chores

    Gone are the days when women stayed in the kitchen and cared for the kids while the husband did outside chores and brought home the main paycheck. In today’s society, both men and women work to bring home a paycheck as well as raise their children. Therefore, if both are working and equally distribute every other aspect of their lives, it’s only fair that they equally distribute their chores. This not only helps both parties complete their tasks with ease but also promotes equality; each party has an equal share in labor. There’s no reason a woman can’t take out the trash and a man can’t do a load of dishes. If everyone works together in an equal distribution of labor, the chores get done, and there’s more time to spend with the people you love.

    2. It’s a Way to Honor the Relationship

    In the marriage vows, you committed yourselves to love, honor, and cherish each other within the relationship. One way to honor each other is to do the household chores. When one partner has a stressful week, it is comforting to know that the other partner has taken care of cooking the meals, doing the dishes, and cleaning the bathrooms. Although these may seem insignificant, the small acts may add up to significant acts of honor within your relationship. When you go the extra mile and do chores, especially without being asked or doing the other person’s chores, it demonstrates you put your relationship above your pride. 

    Doing more than what is expected shows you honor your spouse and put them first above anything else. Matthew 5:38-42 says, “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well.  If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles.  Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.” 

    3. It’s an Act of Service

    Dr. Gary Chapman, in the book The Five Love Languages, explains that each person gives and receives love differently. There are five ways people give and receive love: quality time, acts of service, physical touch, gifts, and words of affirmation. By doing what is expected, you demonstrate to your partner that you value your relationship. When you go above and beyond, it demonstrates an act of service that communicates great love to them. Even if they don’t reciprocate by telling them how much they appreciated you, continuous little acts like this will demonstrate how much you love them. 

    4. No One Person Is Responsible for All the Mess

    When one partner leaves the other to do all the chores, it communicates that it’s their job. Even if the partner states they’re helping out around the house, it implies that it’s the other person’s job and that you are lowering yourself to help them in a time of need. But no one person is responsible for all the mess. While it sounds nice to have each person clean up after themselves, it is best to simply humble yourself and clean up on behalf of yourself and the other partner. This is a way to give 100 percent of yourself to your relationship. 

    5. It’s an Act of Worship

    As Christians, we demonstrate our worship for God through regular church attendance, reading the Word, and prayer. But have you ever considered that doing chores is an act of worship? When you complete household tasks, you are being a good steward of what God has given you. Whether you rent an apartment or own a home, it demonstrates that you appreciate what God has given you. Everything is the Lord’s, yet he is kind enough to provide the essentials and meet our every need. By keeping things clean, we demonstrate that we honor God and our possessions. When we do our best to maintain them and keep them in optimal shape, we actively thank God for his gifts. This not only means maintaining regular weekly chores but also keeping up with household repairs and completing home improvements as necessary. When we keep our home clean, we not only honor our relationship, but we also honor God in the process. 

    6. It Sets an Example

    By doing household chores, it demonstrates to the other partner that you love and care for them. If the couple has children, this is even more important. Children live what they learn. If they see parents equally doing chores, it teaches them that there are not certain roles for each partner. Kids should be taught from a young age the concept of stewardship by completing household tasks as well. Brainstorm age-appropriate chores for your child to practice each week with the family. This helps them understand they need to care for the gifts God has given them. It also teaches them not to take things for granted and to develop healthy habits for cleanliness, hygiene, and self-respect. We need to be examples in every area of our lives, and this includes household chores. It may seem small or insignificant, but when the children become adults, they understand that to be a part of a household, the house needs to be maintained. This understanding will be an incredible benefit to their future spouse and children.

    Household chores are not fun to complete but are a necessary part of life. They may be daunting to maintain, but each partner can sit back and enjoy the beauty of their home when they are done. When you view completing household chores as an act of worship, it also sets the example for the next generation to be hard workers and take responsibility for the things they must maintain to have a healthy, well-rounded life. 

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Nattakorn Maneerat

    Michelle S. Lazurek is a multi-genre award-winning author, speaker, pastor’s wife, and mother. She is a literary agent for Wordwise Media Services and a certified writing coach. Her new children’s book Who God Wants Me to Be encourages girls to discover God’s plan for their careers. When not working, she enjoys sipping a Starbucks latte, collecting 80s memorabilia, and spending time with her family and her crazy dog. For more info, please visit her website www.michellelazurek.com.

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  • Real Love Rescues: Jesus Intends to Save the Sexually Exploited

    Real Love Rescues: Jesus Intends to Save the Sexually Exploited

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    As we celebrate Valentine’s Day this month, love—or the idea of love—seems to reside at the forefront of our hearts in a prominent way. But what is real love? What is ‘convenient love’ (selfish lust)? And what is blended ‘love’ (abuse)?  

    This is what we know to be true about love: 

    “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 

    What Love Isn’t

    Despite what culture tells us today, real love isn’t lust; it isn’t shallow feelings or selfish desires. In fact, real love isn’t selfish at all. It certainly isn’t abusive, thieving, or defiling in any way. 

    Currently, there are millions of oppressed, trafficked individuals (adults and children) being sexually exploited—many of them by their own family members—under the guise of ‘love.’ Not only is their innocence stolen from them, leaving them sullied and broken—but they are also left confused, believing they are put in this position because of ‘loyalty’ and ‘love.’ 

    Others are groomed by “lover boy” personas who prey on young people looking for love. They’ll flatter and shower gifts on their prey, making commitments to care for them in a way no one else ever can. The naïve fall victim to these lies and soon find themselves trapped with no escape, the lover turned abuser and trafficker. 

    This isn’t love. This is utterly evil and disgusting, destroying their very identities.  

    Evil disguised as ‘love’ is rampant. 

    To put this all into perspective, here are some staggering sex trafficking statistics: 

    -Sex Trafficking is a $99 billion dollar industry.  

    –Anywhere from 24 million-40 million people around the world are victimized by human trafficking at any given time.  

    –2 million children are taken and introduced into sex trafficking each year.  

    –91% of childhood sexual abuse victims report knowing their abuser.  

    –65% of traffickers are the mothers of victims; 32% are the fathers of victims. 

    –Many survivors report sexual abuse beginning between 3-4 years old.  

    –50% of human trafficking victims have been involved with child welfare systems or juvenile justice systems.  

    –80% of girls involved in human trafficking had been in the child welfare system in the past. 

    –The average age of children running away from home and entering into sex trafficking is 12-14 years old. 

    –Within 48 hours of running away, 1 out of 3 children are solicited for sex. 

    –Victims can be sold anywhere from 15-40 times every 24 hours. 

    But Jesus. 

    Though these numbers are overwhelmingly heartbreaking, we are left with hope. There is only One way and One power to save all people and redeem all situations.  

    “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” Genesis 50:20 

    Real Love

    “Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; uphold the rights of the afflicted and oppressed.” Psalm 82:3 

    Real love is loving others God’s way. It is fighting for those who cannot fight for themselves. We must stand up for these souls, taking the time to pray for those who are trafficked, defiled by their own family members, used for their bodies, or groomed down a pathway to settle for so much less. Real love is empowering others, valuing them higher than ourselves, advocating for the abused and oppressed, and sharing the Truth with everyone—offering true life, freedom, and joy. 

    “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” Philippians 2:3  

    If you want to see the story of Real love, read about the sacrifice Jesus made. He laid it all down and gave up His life so that we could have ours. He went low so that we could go high. That’s real love.  

    “But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8 

    We must advocate for those who, in seeking love, ended up in abuse. We must help them hold onto the hope that one day they might know their true worth. Jesus is the only One who can truly set everyone free in the way they are designed. It is our job to fight for them, advocating on their behalf, seeing their value, and praying that deception is lifted and everyone sees their true value. And that all will walk in the freedom, the power, and the destiny in which they were knitted together in their mother’s womb.   Jesus does hear the cries of these people, cares for them deeply and desires for them to know His heart. He is love—real love—and he will show the way.

    “The Lord says, ‘I have seen violence done to the helpless. I have heard the groans of the oppressed. I will rise up to rescue them.’” Psalm 12:5 

     Not only must we advocate, but where possible, we must educate, so our young people won’t fall victim to the lies of the enemy.  Our organization, The Foundation United, provides Speak UP curriculum for schools, REAL TALK for churches, and “The Cool Aunt Series” with Rachel Thomas for families to use at home. It will take all of us working together to protect our children’s future and help them understand what real love is.

    And if you find yourself alone this Valentine’s Day, be at peace. It is far better to be alone and wait for true love than to settle for something less than, and even worse, something masquerading as love. Hold out for someone who will value you as worthy beyond price – this is the ultimate model, and God has shown us the way.

    “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.” 1 John 3:16

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/scyther5

    Elizabeth Melendez Fisher Good is the founder and CEO of The Foundation United, a catalytic platform to end sexual exploitation and trafficking through systemic change. Fisher Good is a passionate pioneer and inspirational thought leader with a desire to expose the root issue behind sex trafficking — childhood sexual abuse. Her book “Groomed” (HarperCollins, 2020) recounts her own story of loss, abuse, and triumph. Statistics and resources quoted above can be accessed at https://www.thefoundationunited.com/statsandresources.

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  • 5 Ways to Respond to Abrasive, Controlling Friends

    5 Ways to Respond to Abrasive, Controlling Friends

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    In life, we are born into a certain family. Our relatives are people we cannot choose; they are chosen for us. But as we grow from babies into adults, we can choose our friends. These are the people with whom we choose to spend our time. As with any relationship, opposites attract. We may find we choose people who have the opposite personalities to us. This might be great initially, but when conflict arises, we may have friends who choose an abrasive or harsh approach to their communication. They may choose to control how we view certain situations, how we view them, or how we view the world around us. If this happens too often, we may become resentful because this relationship does not allow us to be who we truly are but rather who our friends want us to be. This can cause us to be placed in a sticky situation. What can we do to set firm boundaries but remain in a relationship with our controlling friends? 

    Here are five ways to respond to abrasive or controlling friends:

    1. Love Them

    Jesus’s first response in every situation is love (whether that be gentle or tough love). He wants us to love others as much as we love ourselves. Just as we want to be accepted for who we are, we must accept that our friends choose to approach life in a very different way than we do. Acceptance is one of the keys to the success of a long-term relationship. Having said this, Jesus loves us enough not to let us remain stuck in our sinful patterns of behavior but rather transform us into Christ-like characters. 

    We won’t be good friends if we don’t point out if a friend is constantly losing relationships or in constant conflict due to their abrasive approach. Scripture says, “speak the truth and love so that they may grow…” (Ephesians 4:15). Speaking the truth to others is so important to a person’s spiritual growth. In this verse, truth and love are inextricably linked. When we speak the truth to others, we are loving them. It is not loving merely to sit in silence or sweep the issue under the rug. God will point out to us when the right time is for us to confront our friends in love and talk to them about the way they treat others. If they choose to change because of our confrontation, we have helped further the Kingdom. If, however, they choose not to be in a relationship with us anymore, we must grieve the loss but ultimately know that we did the right thing by helping point out their weaknesses and flaws so they become better people.

    2. Be the Example

    For us to be light to the world around us, we must be the example of Christ. This means we must exude the traits of the Holy Spirit in every relationship we have, including our friends. When our friends choose to be harsh or abrasive, we can choose to respond in gentleness and with goodness. We can go the extra mile and demonstrate Christlike love by not retaliating or arguing with them. We are called to be examples of Christ to the world. This starts with the people with whom we are the closest. If, after a prolonged period of time, you find your friends are not changing their approach because of who you are, it may be time to sit down and have a hard (yet necessary) conversation. 

    3. Change Your Communication

    If a friend is constantly controlling your other relationships or your worldview, try changing the way you communicate. Your friends might be abrasive and controlling because you are, and they’re merely reacting to what they’re hearing. Avoid using the word “you” in your conversations with them. Replace the word “you” with the word “I’ and use “I” statements rather than “you” statements. In conflict, choose to express your emotions by using the phrase “I feel…” rather than attacking or blaming. Sometimes people have unprocessed pain, wounds, or issues that they have not addressed completely, and they are taking it out on you because they are in close proximity to you. Because they choose to treat you in this manner does not mean you have to take responsibility. Respond by telling them how you feel when they treat you this way. Give suggestions on how you’d rather be treated instead. Don’t leave the situation open-ended, where the friend is confused as to how to change his or her behavior. With some coaxing, you may find they may change their communication simply by watching you change yours. 

    4. Call Them Out

    If your friend lacks emotional maturity, it may be best to simply call them out. Sometimes people are unaware of their sins and need someone to point them out. Nathan, the prophet, took a great risk in pointing out David’s sin. David was so unaware of what he was doing (committing adultery with Bathsheba and murdering her husband), that it wasn’t until Nathan pointed it out that he could repent and turn from his ways. “David burned with anger against the man and said to Nathan, “As surely as the Lord lives, the man who did this must die! He must pay for that lamb four times over, because he did such a thing and had no pity.” Then Nathan said to David, “You are the man!” (2 Samuel 12:5-6). If no one in their lives is telling them they are too controlling or harsh, it may be your job to do so. By loving yourself and not allowing that behavior to affect you, you may be doing your friends and, ultimately, yourself a great benefit. 

    5. Set Firm Boundaries

    The book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend is a great resource for people in toxic relationships. By setting firm boundaries, you are still allowing growth in your relationship while sustaining it. To set boundaries does not mean you must terminate the relationship, although you may have to in some circumstances. If setting boundaries is your next course of action, you may need to use “you” statements by telling them you will no longer tolerate their behavior. You can also let them know what will happen in the future if they continue to cross this boundary. You must be willing to separate yourself from this individual or sometimes terminate the relationship if it’s what’s best for you. Although it is important to love others more than yourself, Jesus never told us to endure abuse or control. Sometimes letting go of a bad relationship so you can experience emotional and mental wellness is the best example of Jesus you can demonstrate.

    Like any relationship, a friendship can be a difficult one to navigate. Even if you have been friends with someone for a long time, it does not give them the right to treat you any way they choose. By setting firm boundaries, using “I’ statements, and being an example of Jesus, you may have to have hard conversations with your friends. But in doing so, you may end up with an enriching and rewarding friendship in the end.

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Prostock-Studio

    Michelle S. Lazurek is a multi-genre award-winning author, speaker, pastor’s wife, and mother. She is a literary agent for Wordwise Media Services and a certified writing coach. Her new children’s book Who God Wants Me to Be encourages girls to discover God’s plan for their careers. When not working, she enjoys sipping a Starbucks latte, collecting 80s memorabilia, and spending time with her family and her crazy dog. For more info, please visit her website www.michellelazurek.com.

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  • The Wisdom of Elders

    The Wisdom of Elders

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    During my college years, I was one of the most involved students on campus. From working in the Writing Center to being a reporter for the school, and local city, my work life was busy. However, so was my personal life. I led the Dance Team, helped with two to three worship teams at a time, invested in running and working out, had field experience for teaching, and was eventually student-teaching. I somehow managed to snatch my first boyfriend, too! 

    On the outside, I was thriving. Everyone saw me as happy-go-lucky. Joy exuded from my presence, and I loved life. I was happy, carefree, and passionate. But over time, I grew weary. And my Grandma was someone who saw this first.

    “You need to take a break, Amber.” Her soft lips spoke what I didn’t want to hear. 

    “I think you are over-extending yourself, and [you’re] too busy. You need some time for yourself. I’m afraid you’re going to eventually burn yourself out.” Her words muffled over my ignorance to listen. 

    I was set in my ways. 

    I was also in denial. 

    The Error in Ignorance

    At the time, I truly did not believe her. I was busy and stressed, but I loved it. That’s just who I was. But looking back now, I am ashamed to admit that she was right, and I wish I would have listened to her sooner. 

    Today, I am a twenty-seven-year-old girl who feels like she’s surviving rather than thriving. I have been diagnosed with nearly half a dozen mental and physical health conditions, and I can’t help but think if I would’ve listened to the wisdom of my Grandma when I had the chance, my life would look much different. 

    In Exodus 18, I believe that Moses’ interactions with his father-in-law, Jethro, teach us a similar lesson:

    The Fruit in Obedience

    After leading the Israelites through the Red Sea and freeing them from Pharaoh’s wrath, Moses is called to be the leader of these people. And Jethro, his Father-In-Law, saw this:

    “Now Jethro, the priest of Midian and father-in-law of Moses, heard of everything God had done for Moses and for his people Israel, and how the Lord had brought Israel out of Egypt. After Moses had sent away his wife Zipporah, his father-in-law Jethro received her and her two sons. One son was named Gershom, for Moses said, “I have become a foreigner in a foreign land”; and the other was named Eliezer, for he said, “My father’s God was my helper; he saved me from the sword of Pharaoh.” Jethro, Moses’ father-in-law, together with Moses’ sons and wife, came to him in the wilderness, where he was camped near the mountain of God. Jethro had sent word to him, “I, your father-in-law Jethro, am coming to you with your wife and her two sons” (Exodus 18:1-6, New International Version). 

    But upon his arrival, Jethro becomes concerned. 

    Moses is certainly leading the people. But he’s also the only one handling their additional affairs. And to me, that sounds a bit exhausting, and a bit like teaching or running on empty 365 days a year.

    “The next day Moses took his seat to serve as judge for the people, and they stood around him from morning till evening. When his father-in-law saw all that Moses was doing for the people, he said, “What is this you are doing for the people? Why do you alone sit as judge, while all these people stand around you from morning till evening?” Moses answered him, “Because the people come to me to seek God’s will. Whenever they have a dispute, it is brought to me, and I decide between the parties and inform them of God’s decrees and instructions” (Exodus 18:13-16, New International Version). 

    In my mind, I picture many of the conversations:

    The Weight in Responsibility

    “Moses, Bob’s cow stepped on my sheep, and now both have injuries. What do we do?”

    “Moses, Sara ate my extra portion of food. How is that fair?”

    “Moses, my family sinned today. How many offerings and sacrifices do we need to bring?”

    “Moses..” the list grows on as his mind grows fuzzy. And in an odd sense, I can relate to this moment.

    “Amber, did you write that article?” my boss would question.

    “Amber, we need you to work another shift.” the Writing Center would request.

    “Amber, our dances need some extra practice.” the dance team would note.

    “Amber, we need you at three additional teacher meetings after school.” the state would require.

    And just as Moses began to push on, so did I. But like my Grandma, Moses’ Father-In-Law grew concerned.

    “Moses’ father-in-law replied, “What you are doing is not good. 18 You and these people who come to you will only wear yourselves out. The work is too heavy for you; you cannot handle it alone. 19 Listen now to me and I will give you some advice, and may God be with you. You must be the people’s representative before God and bring their disputes to him. Teach them his decrees and instructions, and show them the way they are to live and how they are to behave. But select capable men from all the people—men who fear God, trustworthy men who hate dishonest gain—and appoint them as officials over thousands, hundreds, fifties and tens. Have them serve as judges for the people at all times, but have them bring every difficult case to you; the simple cases they can decide themselves. That will make your load lighter, because they will share it with you. If you do this and God so commands, you will be able to stand the strain, and all these people will go home satisfied” (Exodus 18:17-23, New International Version).

    The Gift of Wisdom

    At that moment, Moses had a choice: to listen to Jethro or to ignore his advice. And I believe there is a reason the Scriptures talk about learning wisdom from our elders. That there is victory in gray hair and learning from our experiences. 

    Perhaps that is why verse 24 reads as follows:

    “Moses listened to his father-in-law and did everything he said” (Exodus 18:24, New International Version). 

    Not only did Moses learn from Jethro and take his advice, but he was better off in doing so.

    “He chose capable men from all Israel and made them leaders of the people, officials over thousands, hundreds, fifties and tens. They served as judges for the people at all times. The difficult cases they brought to Moses, but the simple ones they decided themselves. Then Moses sent his father-in-law on his way, and Jethro returned to his own country” (Exodus 18:25-27, New International Version). 

    The intent of many elders’ advice is not to offend or provoke; it is to bring peace and help from years of wisdom. While many may grow opinionated at times, or give outlandish and outdated advice, most seek out our best interests at heart. Moses knew this with Jethro, and I knew this with my Grandma. But unlike Moses, I chose to be stubborn and go my own way. I would give anything to go back and listen to her advice.

    Be Open to the Gift

    In life, God may call us to great and magnificent things. Things far greater, wider, and bigger than we could ever ask, plan, or imagine for ourselves. However, He never asks us to do so for the expense or sake of ourselves–our health, and sanity.

    It was not good for Moses to handle so many affairs on his own. Neither is it good for me and you to think we are super-humans who can go 75 miles a day, 7 days a week without a pause. There is a reason for the Sabbath. For Selah. For sharing our burdens with one another to lighten the load. 

    “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2, New International Version).  

    This is a lesson I’m still learning, but I encourage you the same: Listen to those who give you advice. Their advice may not be what you want to hear, and they may not always be right. But if they love you, it is worth a listen. They might just have your best interests at heart. 

    Agape, Amber

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/DisobeyArt

    Amber Ginter is a young adult writer that currently works as an English teacher in Chillicothe, Ohio, and has a passionate desire to impact the world for Jesus through her love for writing, aesthetics, health/fitness, and ministry. Amber seeks to proclaim her love for Christ and the Gospel through her writing, aesthetic worship arts, and volunteer roles. She is enrolled in the YWW Author Conservatory to become a full-time author and is a featured writer for Crosswalk, ibelieve, Salem Web Network, The Rebelution, Daughter of Delight, Kallos, Anchored Passion, No Small Life, and Darling Magazine. In the past, she’s also contributed to Called Christian Writers, Southern Ohio Today News, Ohio Christian University, and The Circleville Herald. Visit her website at amberginter.com.

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  • 5 Ways Small Groups Are Impactful

    5 Ways Small Groups Are Impactful

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    On Sunday mornings, we walk into our sanctuary, grab a cup of coffee, and chat with friends. Our friends may ask us how we are doing, how our children are, or how work is going. We raise our hands in unity and clap on beat to the worship music, and then, we scrawl furiously in our notebooks to take notes and remember the pastor’s Bible teaching. Then we leave for the week, only to put aside the corporate worship experience and go out into the world. We then reconvene the following Sunday, never allowing our Sunday experience and our daily lives to intertwine.

    Small groups are the most effective way to create community and allow people an intimate look into our lives. The current Sunday morning model is not set up for an intimate culture. At best, congregation members keep conversations at a superficial level, so we’ll never get into the deep spiritual support and wisdom community can provide. If you are looking for an intimate connection within the community of the Body of Christ who will champion for you in your triumphs and encourage you in your discouragements, the small group model is where it’s at. 

    Here are five ways small groups are impactful: 

    1. They Help Us Enjoy Community

    Throughout the Bible, no person does life alone. The disciples were sent out two-by-two to meet the needs of their communities. Jesus often took two or three people with him when he ministered. This is clear throughout both the Old and New Testaments. We were never meant to do life alone. We need each other to help us through difficult times and rejoice with us during the good times. As people meet regularly within the small group model, community is created. When a member of the small group has a prayer need, the first person they go to is usually in their small group. The entire congregation is not meant to know every little detail about every person in the church. It is impossible to keep up that standard. But with the creation of small groups, people in groups of 10-12 can get to know each other in an intimate way, and those people can be prophets and priests to each other. 

    2. We Study God’s Word

    Most small groups use a particular book of the Bible or the pastor’s sermon as a focus for the group. After groups begin in prayer, they often study a particular Bible passage. It is here that those who have the spiritual gift of teaching teach others more about God’s Word. Furthermore, it is here that each person can share what God has placed on their heart: 1 Corinthians 14:26 says, “What then shall we say, brothers and sisters? When you come together, each of you has a hymn, or a word of instruction, a revelation, a tongue or an interpretation. Everything must be done so that the church may be built up.” The small group model is the place and time for people to share a hymn or verse that God has been speaking to them to encourage the rest of the group.

    3. Spiritual Gifts Are Explored

    1 Corinthians 12:8-11 highlights the spiritual gifts given to each person in the Body of Christ: “Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. To one there is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom, to another a message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues. All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he distributes them to each one, just as he determines.”

    Yet, the current church model is not set up for everyone to be able to use their spiritual gifts. However, they can use their spiritual gifts within a small group model. Each person with the gift of teaching can take a turn facilitating the discussion. Those with encouragement can add a word of encouragement for each person. A person with the gift of prophecy can test a prophetic word that they have been chewing on for the week in front of this community. If a person is unsure what their spiritual gifts are, the group can take a week and conduct a spiritual gifts inventory. They can score the inventories together and discover their spiritual gifts. Each person can go around the room, stating what their spiritual gifts are as revealed in the test. Other members who know them well can then affirm or question the gifts. Once the spiritual gifts are discovered, the small group leader can brainstorm ways each person can use their spiritual gifts within this small group setting. This is a great way to involve each person so that they can make a difference within the Kingdom and make a direct impact for the local church and community. 

    4. Trust and Intimacy Develop

    When the small group first meets, the host should initiate a covenant that each person signs. Within the covenant, it will explain the expectations and requirements to attend this small group. If a small group is going to be successful, the expectations must be set high. People cannot flit in and out whenever it’s convenient. They must commit to the small group to attend most of its sessions. This will help develop trust and intimacy within the group. People who then quit the group will upset the dynamic and flow of the group setting. People cannot trust one another if their attendance is not regular. They cannot get to know someone intimately without meeting with them regularly. That’s why group attendance is so vital. Each person must commit to putting away their cell phone and being completely engaged in the discussion. Proverbs 27:17 says it best: “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Each person sharpens the other when they get into a small group setting regardless of the topic of conversation. One member can challenge the other in a particular area once trust is developed within the group. Each person greatly benefits when each person is sharpened to display more Christlike behavior.

    5. We Share Intimate Prayer Requests

    Most churches can send out a group text or e-mail when a member has a specific prayer need. Prayer can start with a small group member’s neighbor who has cancer or a friends in need. While these are important to God, the most intimate requests come out during a small group setting. This is where people share the intimate details about their struggling marriage, their repetitive sin, or other emotional issues hindering them from having an intimate relationship with Christ. These are not things that would go out to a whole congregation but rather shared only within a smaller setting. Small groups allow for intimacy and private prayer requests to be shared among members who have taken the time to get to know one another. 

    Although a small group within different churches might have a different look, when done successfully, they all can foster community, build trust and intimacy, allow people to explore their spiritual gifts, and ultimately replicate leaders. These leaders will then multiply these groups and make the small group model the primary way for people to connect and understand and demonstrate Jesus’ presence in their lives.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/fizkes

    Michelle S. Lazurek is a multi-genre award-winning author, speaker, pastor’s wife, and mother. She is a literary agent for Wordwise Media Services and a certified writing coach. Her new children’s book Who God Wants Me to Be encourages girls to discover God’s plan for their careers. When not working, she enjoys sipping a Starbucks latte, collecting 80s memorabilia, and spending time with her family and her crazy dog. For more info, please visit her website www.michellelazurek.com.

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    Michelle S. Lazurek

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  • Valentine’s Day is a perfect excuse to make fudgy brownies

    Valentine’s Day is a perfect excuse to make fudgy brownies

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    For many of us, it’s not really Valentine’s Day unless there is chocolate involved.

    What an excellent reason to mix up a pan of brownies. And these — these are the brownies you want to make.

    If I had to say which of my recipes were most popular, these One-Pot Fudgy Brownies would be in the top five. I’ve received wonderful little tributes to the recipe from people who make these brownies regularly. Some make it for their friend’s or kids’ birthdays every year because the kids requested them instead of cake. So cool.

    This whole recipe takes less than 15 minutes to get into the oven, which is a fact that you can keep to yourself. All anyone will know is that you made these fudgy brownies from scratch.

    The recipe shaves off two common brownie-making steps. Often, a recipe will tell you to chop the chocolate before melting it, or to use a double boiler. Not here. Just melt the squares of unsweetened chocolate with the butter over low heat, and the chocolate will dissolve gently into the butter, without scorching.

    And as the name suggests, the brownies are blended up in the very pot you use to melt the chocolate and butter in, so you don’t have to wash another bowl.

    What makes a brownie fudgy vs. cakey is a higher level of fat. More butter and more chocolate. Cakey brownies often have just cocoa powder in them, and also almost always have some sort of leavening, usually baking powder or soda. Here, we are firmly headed in the direction of fudgy. Valentine’s Day is not a day to be ascetic.

    Also, when you bake them, lean on the side of very slightly underbaked, which will give you that amazing moist and fudgy texture. And let them cool completely before cutting them.

    You can make 12, 18, or 24 squares, depending on how large you want the brownies to be. And if you want to make them feel special for Valentine’s Day, just add whipped cream and some berries.

    To make homemade whipped cream, simply beat 1 cup of heavy cream, 1 to 2 tablespoons confectioners’ sugar, and ½ teaspoon vanilla extract in a bowl with an electric beater until stiff peaks form. You can dollop some on each brownie, and then sprinkle some raspberries, blueberries, sliced strawberries or a mixture over them. If that doesn’t express true love, I don’t know what does.

    ONE-POT FUDGY BROWNIES

    1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, plus butter for greasing the baking pan (optional)

    Nonstick cooking spray (optional)

    3 ounces unsweetened chocolate

    ½ cup unsweetened Dutch-processed cocoa powder

    2 ½ cups granulated sugar

    ½ teaspoon kosher or coarse salt

    1 tablespoon pure vanilla extract

    3 large eggs

    1 ½ cups all-purpose flour

    Preheat the oven to 350°F. Generously butter a 13-by-9–inch baking pan or spray it with nonstick cooking spray.

    Place the butter and chocolate in a medium-size saucepan over low heat and let melt together, stirring until smooth. Remove the saucepan from the heat and stir in the cocoa powder, sugar and salt, then blend in the vanilla. Beat in the eggs one at a time, stirring to mix quickly so they don’t have a chance to cook at all before they are blended in. Blend in the flour.

    Scrape the thick batter into the prepared baking pan and smooth the top with a spatula. Bake until the edges just begin to pull away from the sides of the pan and a wooden skewer or toothpick inserted into the middle comes out clean, 25 to 30 minutes.

    Let the brownies cool in the pan on a wire rack. When completely cool, cut them into 12, 18 or 24 squares.

    —-

    Other brownie variation:

    One-Pot Mexican Hot Chocolate Brownies

    Chocolate Peanut Butter Squares

    Butterscotch Brownies aka Blondies

    —-

    Katie Workman writes regularly about food for The Associated Press. She has written two cookbooks focused on family-friendly cooking, “Dinner Solved!” and “The Mom 100 Cookbook.” She blogs at http://www.themom100.com/about-katie-workman and can be reached at Katie@themom100.com.

    ___

    For more AP food stories, go to https://apnews.com/hub/food.

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  • Eight-ingredient beef, bean chili hides Super Bowl surprise

    Eight-ingredient beef, bean chili hides Super Bowl surprise

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    A hearty and easy way to feed a crowd, chili is an ideal addition to a Super Bowl party. But to add interest to this savory winter staple, we reach for an ingredient from the baking world.

    This recipe from our book “Cook What You Have,” which draws on pantry staples to assemble easy, weeknight meals, has all the usual suspects: ground meat, beans, cumin, chili powder, tomato and onion. But it also has one unconventional ingredient — cocoa powder.

    At least, it’s unconventional in most of the country. In Cincinnati, cocoa and other warm spices, such as cinnamon and allspice, are common components of chili (as is spaghetti, but we skipped that this time). Just a tablespoon of unsweetened cocoa powder adds surprising depth and complexity —without making the dish taste like chocolate. Because cocoa is a fermented product, it adds a subtle richness that builds on the umami of a generous amount of tomato paste.

    To create a flavor-packed chili using just eight ingredients, we’re not shy about the seasonings. In addition to the cocoa, we add ¼ cup of chili powder and a full tablespoon of cumin. We also cook the tomato paste until deeply browned, a trick that develops rich, concentrated flavor. Another trick is mashing half the beans to thicken the sauce without needing extra time simmering on the stove to reduce it.

    Since chili loves garnishes, be sure to offer bowls of any combination of sour cream, cilantro, pickled jalapeños, shredded cheddar cheese, hot sauce and tortilla chips.

    Eight-Ingredient Beef and Bean Chili

    https://www.177milkstreet.com/recipes/eight-ingredient-beef-bean-chili

    Start to finish: 40 minutes

    Servings: 4 to 6

    ¼ cup chili powder

    2 tablespoons ground cumin

    Kosher salt and ground black pepper

    1 pound ground beef OR pork OR turkey

    Two 15½-ounce cans pinto beans OR red kidney beans, drained but not rinsed

    28-ounce can whole peeled tomatoes

    ¼ cup grapeseed or other neutral oil

    1 large yellow onion, chopped, plus more, finely chopped, to serve

    ¼ cup tomato paste

    1 tablespoon unsweetened cocoa powder

    In a small bowl, stir together the chili powder, cumin and ½ teaspoon each salt and pepper. In a medium bowl, combine the beef, 1 tablespoon of the spice mixture and ¼ cup plus 2 tablespoons water. Using your hands, mix well; set aside.

    In a large bowl, using a potato masher, mash half of the beans to a coarse paste. Add the tomatoes with juices and mash until they are broken down. Stir in the remaining whole beans; set aside.

    In a large Dutch oven over medium, heat the oil until shimmering. Add the onion and ½ teaspoon salt; cover and cook, stirring occasionally, until the onion begins to soften and brown, about 7 minutes. Add the tomato paste and cook, stirring often, until well browned, 2 to 3 minutes. Add the remaining spice mixture and cook, stirring, until fragrant, about 30 seconds.

    Add 2 cups water and bring to a simmer over medium-high, scraping up any browned bits. Add the meat mixture and cook, breaking it into small bits, until the meat is no longer pink, about 1 minute. Add the bean-tomato mixture and cocoa, then return to a simmer. Reduce to medium and simmer gently, uncovered and stirring occasionally, until the chili has thickened, about 30 minutes. Off heat, taste and season with salt and pepper. Serve with finely chopped onion for sprinkling.

    Optional garnish: Sour cream OR chopped fresh cilantro OR pickled jalapeños OR shredded cheddar cheese OR hot sauce OR tortilla chips OR a combination

    EDITOR’S NOTE: For more recipes, go to Christopher Kimball’s Milk Street at 177milkstreet.com/ap

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  • 5 Bits of Encouragement for the Woman Learning to Say No

    5 Bits of Encouragement for the Woman Learning to Say No

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    For some of us, it’s the most difficult word to utter aloud. This powerful word can bring much-needed relief—to our schedule, our daily lives, and even our attitudes. We know this from experience, but for some reason, we struggle to use it. So we keep practicing. We continue learning how to say no. The single most impactful lesson I’ve learned in my journey of faith is how to say no. To discern God’s best for me amidst all the things I want to do. It’s a nugget of wisdom more precious than rubies, like Solomon wrote about in Proverbs 8:11. (And one I secretly wish I’d found sooner.)It hasn’t been easy. Still isn’t. I’ve fought hard for each no, and I’m committed to the work, because learning to say no will not only draw us closer to God. It also causes a ripple effect of good things that can be felt by the people around us. For those of us who love to help and serve, learning to say no means making time to honor the Lord and follow him alone. So even though it takes intentional effort on our part, the fruits are totally worth it.If you’re a woman who’s learning to say no today, take heart. Turning down a request doesn’t mean giving up opportunities or letting others down. We can reframe the way we view our “no” in order to gain clarity on God’s divine assignments for us. Here are a few tidbits of encouragement for you as you learn the value of your no:Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Fizkes

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    Kristine Brown

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  • What Should I Never Say to Someone Who Is Grieving?

    What Should I Never Say to Someone Who Is Grieving?

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    He sat in the ashes, scraping oozing sores with a pottery shard. Once a wealthy man, Job mourned alone in the city’s trash heap.

    Following an encounter between God and Satan in the heavenly courts, the enemy set his sights on Job. Determined to prove that the man would only remain faithful to the Lord while under cover of blessing, Satan killed Job’s 10 adult children, enlisted men to destroy Job’s property and source of wealth, and attacked Job with festering boils from head to heel. Grief consumed Job. Scripture tells us that three friends “made an appointment together to come and mourn with him, and to comfort him” (Job 2:11 NKJV). If you’ve read the full story, you know that things did not go as anyone planned.

    This story of Job and his friends raises an important question: should Christians say anything to someone who is grieving? If so, what things can we say? When should we avoid saying anything to someone who is grieving?

    We will consider these questions and a few others in this article.

    What Can Be Harmful to Say to Someone Grieving?

    As part of my annual Bible reading plan, I am going through the book of Job. I am always a little surprised that Job’s friends so easily turned from their goal of supporting Job to words of accusation. The passage where they switch attitudes reminds me of Bible verses like Romans 12:15 (NKJV), “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep,” and Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV), “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted….”

    The word translated as “tenderhearted” comes from the original word eusplagchnos which means gut-level empathy and compassion. A gut-level compassion reaches into the core of our experience and personal pain. It invites understanding and helps us relate to another’s experience. That sort of tenderhearted empathy neither minimizes, disregards, or judges the grief with which someone is struggling.

    A few years ago, a friend lost her teenage son to suicide. A gentleman we both knew approached her and said with a bright smile, “He’s in a better place.” My friend blanched and tried to offer a response, but she was visibly uncomfortable. She longed for her child to experience life and grow into adulthood, but her grief and the manner of her son’s death were downplayed.

    Though well intended, many other platitudes may illicit anger or injure an already hurting person. They include the following:

    1. “God needed another angel.” Not only is this statement theologically unsound, but God does not need people. (Acts 17:25) Instead, we are his unique creation in need of Him.

    2. “The Lord never gives us more than we can handle.” If we could manage life, then why would we depend on God? And those of us who have lost loved ones know that death feels far from bearable.

    3. “I know how you feel.” Every individual walks through grief differently. Other people can empathize, but assuming another’s feelings might make the bereaved feel misunderstood.

    4. “You’re young. You can [get married again], [have another baby] [insert other “you can do it again” action here].” Youth does not diminish death’s impact on the spirit. People are not commodities to be replaced. Grief, though uncomfortable, must be allowed its place for those in mourning to process their loss.

    4. “Time heals all wounds.” While tender thoughts of remembrance eventually replace the raw ache left when death occurs, the absence felt when a dear one passes remains.

    5. “At least they are not in pain anymore.” If the individual who died was a believer, family and friends will eventually find comfort in knowing their loved one is in heaven with the Lord. But to say this immediately following a loved one’s death? They are in pain. Empathizing with their situation would make a far more positive difference.

    What Helpful Things Can We say to Someone Grieving?

    While rash, haughty words tear down, empathetic words often provide comfort—like salve to a bleeding wound. Consider the words below that can help someone who is grieving.

    1. “I’m here for you. Why don’t I (fill in the blank).” Examples include watching the kids on Wednesday, organizing a meal train this month, or stopping by to pick up laundry on Saturday. Immediately following a death or funeral, those left behind may struggle to concentrate, deal with depression or anxiety, and require assistance with household tasks as life falls into a new rhythm.

    2. “It must be so hard to have lost ___________.” A blog post by funeral and cremation service Tippecanoe Memory Gardens observes that an important key to expressing empathy is indicating to the grieving individual that you understand their emotion. This sort of sentence conveys a willingness to listen to the heart of a friend in suffering.

    3. “Do you want to talk about how you are feeling today?” This question invites conversation and the healthy voicing of difficult feelings that may otherwise leave a mourner experiencing inner isolation.

    4. “I remember when we all….” Sharing a special memory or trait with a grieving family member or friend will encourage them during a dark time.

    5. “I would love to know more about ____________. Tell me about them.” Do not avoid mentioning the name of the loved one who has passed away. Instead, invite your friend to talk about them. The invitation will be a welcome one.

    6. “I can imagine how painful this must be.” While not every situation is the same, we all have or will experience emotional pain—including the searing sorrow associated with death. If we have not already experienced such loss, we can at least put ourselves in a similar position.

    When Shouldn’t We Say Anything to Someone Who Is Grieving?

    Some situations require wisdom and careful evaluation. As Proverbs 15:2 (NKJV) reminds us, “The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly, But the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness.”

    In Job’s situation, his companions initially joined in his pain—weeping, mourning, and sitting in the dust with their bereaved friend for the traditional number of days. They empathized both through their actions and silent presence. But when each man opened his mouth? Stinging words pierced Job as much as the lesions Satan inflicted upon him.

    Job’s companions hoped to encourage and instead inflicted pain. To avoid adding to someone’s emotional distress, we should sometimes avoid saying anything. A few general guidelines to consider include the following:

    – Knowing ourselves

    – Knowing the bereaved

    – Knowing the situation’s needs

    Are we verbose or known to exaggerate? When a friend or family member experiences a difficult situation, do we tend to make comparisons? If so, it may be best to choose a different way to express care and concern.

    Is the grieving individual an unknown colleague in a remote part of the building? Many of the personal statements listed in the previous section would seem disingenuous. At the same time, avoiding a coworker out of discomfort appears uncaring, while a group sympathy card or flowers might effectively communicate caring.

    When heartache and loss are involved, we should err on the side of caution. As Aaron D’Anthony Brown wisely shares, “Less is often more, or in other words, the greater the grief, the less you say.”

    How Can We Say Something with Actions to Someone Who Is Grieving?

    When my friend lost her son, I hurt for her. One of my children had battled mental health issues, and my friend and I had been praying for each other. It was not difficult to imagine myself mourning at the graveside of my own child.

    A few months after my girlfriend’s son died, she asked if I would like to participate in a suicide awareness walk as part of her son’s “team.” Her fresh, new pain poured out like water—sometimes like a brook filled with laughter as she spoke of favorite moments with Tucker. Other times, the raw ache came down as fierce as a summer storm—sudden and cathartic.

    Even though I was invited to support a grieving companion through one specific action, other helpful actions include:

    – Babysitting

    – Petsitting

    – Cleaning

    – Yardwork

    – Laundry

    – Car maintenance

    – Grocery shopping

    – Meal preparation

    – Sitting together

    – Donating to a cause the deceased supported

    What Is the Most Important Thing We Can Do For The Grieving?

    In A Sacred Sorrow: Reaching Out to God in the Lost Language of Lament, Michael Card writes, “And as His loving wisdom does with all things… God would redeem… sorrow, transforming it by means of His hesed into a pathway back to the loving-kindness of His Presence.”

    We may provide some comfort to the bereaved through words of hope, acts of service, or listening. But praying regularly for—and, perhaps, with—the bereaved as we gently point them to the love of Christ is the pattern scripture provides.

    Through prayer, we seek God’s intervention which is far more powerful than our own.

    Further Reading:

    5 Prayers for a Child Who Is Grieving

    5 Beautiful Prayers for a Friend Who Is Grieving

    Grieving

    6 Loving Things You Should Say to Someone Who Is Grieving

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Drazen Zigic

    Tammy Kennington is a writer and speaker familiar with the impact of trauma, chronic illness, and parenting in the hard places. Her heart is to lead women from hardship to hope. You can meet with Tammy at her blog www.tammykennington.com where she’ll send you her e-book, Moving from Pain to Peace-A Journey Toward Hope When the Past Holds You Captive.

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    Tammy Kennington

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  • 10 Ways to Sabotage Your Marriage (Without Realizing It)

    10 Ways to Sabotage Your Marriage (Without Realizing It)

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    She looked smoking hot and she knew it. Blonde. Curvaceous. Suede stilettos with a way-too-short leather skirt. Beckoning green eyes and a killer smile to match. She wanted everyone’s attention in the room and boy, she got it (including mine).

    She floated through the crowd, giggling with one group and then another. Finally, she sauntered over toward a group of men—one of whom was my husband. Before she walked away, she patted his arm with her graceful, manicured hand—maybe a little too much.

    Really?

    She probably meant nothing by it, but after the party my husband and I talked about the situation, laughed a little and moved on. Although this happened years ago, I’m glad we chose to talk about it and reassure each other, rather than pretend like it didn’t happen. Recognizing and talking about things (or people) that might sabotage our marriage helps us protect it.

    I wish we’d done that even more.

    After 31 years of marriage, I’ve learned a lot of things not to do, both by observing others and by making a lot of mistakes, myself. And I’m still learning. With each anniversary, my appreciation grows for our beautiful, quirky and sometimes less-than-perfect relationship. I want to guard what we have and work to make it better.

    I’m sure you do, too.

    While nobody sets out to sabotage their marriage, it’s not that hard to do. And often, we may not realize that we’re doing any damage at all—until it’s too late. Here are ten ways to sabotage your marriage that I’ve learned to avoid.

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/dragana991

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    May Patterson

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  • Is it Pride That Keeps Us from Forgiving Ourselves?

    Is it Pride That Keeps Us from Forgiving Ourselves?

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    Forgiveness is not an option for Christians — the Bible teaches — it’s mandatory.

    As Jesus teaches in Matthew 6:14-15, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

    The Apostle Paul, in Ephesians 4:32, urges, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

    Scripture is clear that it doesn’t mean once but over and over. “Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them,” Jesus says in Luke 17:3-4.

    But what about when it comes to ourselves? It’s one thing to forgive another person, but what about when we have sinned? Sometimes, we have a difficult time extending forgiveness to ourselves, even as we are able to forgive others.

    In 1 John 1:9, we’re taught that if we confess our sins, God “will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”

    Yet perhaps we struggle, thinking we’re too “bad” or that our sin is somehow exceptional, that God shouldn’t forgive us, or that even if he does, we shouldn’t accept that forgiveness or forgive ourselves sin in turn.

    Is it pride that keeps us from forgiving ourselves?

    It is indeed usually pride that stands in our way, preventing us from accepting the gift of forgiveness God offers each one of us.

    What Is Forgiveness?

    In the Bible, forgiveness is a release or dismissal of something, such as when charges are dropped against a person in court.

    In Matthew 6:14, the original text is the word aphiēmi, from the root aphesis, meaning remittance or forgiveness. Another meaning is dismissal, a sending away.

    Basically, we are to get rid of, put off, dismiss, or send away any negative feelings or debt. In essence, the slate is wiped clean, and the person can start anew as if it never happened and no punishment awaits.

    Romans 8:1 tells us there is “no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

    Similarly, in Colossians 1:14, we’re told that in Jesus, we have “redemption, the forgiveness of sins.”

    Just before Jesus died, he said, “It is finished.” That the word translated as “finished” is actually teleō, which means to complete, fulfill, or pay off, as in a debt. Forgiveness is, then, letting a sin or penalty go completely, erasing it forever.

    We are to do this to others — and to ourselves.

    What Is Pride?

    Pride in the Bible is typically an over-absorption with ourselves, considering ourselves superior to or outside of the typical. It’s an exaggerated sense of our own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority.

    Pride’s opposite is humility. The Bible is clear that God hates pride, and pride is a sin.

    Proverbs 16:18 tells us, “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.”

    In Luke 14:11, Jesus says, “For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

    Isaiah elaborates, “The Lord Almighty planned it, to bring down her pride in all her splendor and to humble all who are renowned on the earth” (Isaiah 23:9).

    Pride isn’t just thinking we are great or even on par with God. It’s also thinking we are an exception to the norm or we are somehow different or special outside of the graces and gifts God gave to us.

    Adam and Eve exhibited pride in the Garden of Eden when they were tempted to believe they could be like God and ate the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil (Genesis 3).

    We exhibit pride when we think we are above the law (whether God’s or human law) or better or more deserving than others in some way.

    As 1 Corinthians 4:7 puts it, “For who makes you different from anyone else? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not?”

    Why Does Pride Keep Us from Forgiving Ourselves?

    At its core, pride rejects the gift of grace that God extends to us, and that is why it is such a sin. It is a self-imposed wall between the Lord and us.

    While we might know intellectually that God forgives people for doing wrong things, we perhaps think something along the lines of, “But I knew better. I shouldn’t have done this. I wouldn’t forgive me if I were God.”

    That’s the crux, that notion of “if I were God.” For we must understand that none of us is God, nor can we ever come close. If God, the Alpha and Omega, beginning and end, and creator of the universe, chooses to bestow the gift of forgiveness on anyone who repents and believes, why do we believe we have the power to do anything but accept that gift?

    When we punish ourselves by denying us self-compassion, we’re, in essence, “playing God.”

    Or perhaps we think punishing ourselves prevents us from doing the same thing over and over. By beating ourselves up and not forgiving ourselves, we hold on to the sin, and in a sense, it’s a way of avoiding genuine repentance.

    Repentance is recognizing we did wrong and then striving to walk in a new way. It’s taking that new and better path, living for the “new self,” that new creation in Christ, that Paul talks about in 2 Corinthians 5:17 and Ephesians 4:24.

    Not forgiving ourselves is an attempt to cling to the old self, even as we publish ourselves for what that old self did.

    Why Should We Forgive Ourselves?

    God calls us to embrace humility and acceptance. The humble heart not only acknowledges that God is Lord but also accepts with grace and gratitude all that God bestows.

    Fighting against what God wants — forgiveness — is actually not true punishment of ourselves but rather disrespect toward the Lord Almighty.

    Forgiveness translates to acceptance. When we forgive others, we accept that God wants us to set aside anger, wrath, judgment, or any other consequence or negative emotion toward another person.

    When we forgive ourselves, it’s much the same. We accept God’s gracious actions and intentions toward us. We enter into a right and righteous relationship with God because we honor and heed his wishes.

    We accept his love.

    It’s not about fixing poor self-image or struggles with self-worth, but rather about accepting that God has chosen to forgive us.

    Who, then, are we to challenge God’s plan and God’s will?

    Does Forgiveness Tie in with Love?

    Forgiveness is part of love. When asked about the greatest commandment in the law, Jesus pointed to love, telling us,

    “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments” (Matthew 22:37-40).

    Part of loving our neighbor is forgiving our neighbor. Part of loving ourselves is forgiving ourselves.

    God commands us to love him, love our neighbor, and love ourselves. We are an important part of that. When we deny ourselves forgiveness, we are not effectively loving ourselves and hence, not following God’s commands.

    One might wonder whether the Apostle Paul, who had much to say about forgiveness, struggled with accepting God’s grace and mercy for his own sins.

    After all, though he was instrumental in the development and spread of the early church, at one point, he was an enemy of the church, arresting and imprisoning followers of Jesus before his own conversion to Christianity.

    However, Paul is clear in his letter to Timothy that he, too, is forgiven, as are we all. There is no sin too big or too bad for God’s perfect, cleansing liberation.

    If you are having trouble forgiving yourself for something you did wrong, consider reflecting on these words from Psalm 103:10-14:

    He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.

    Amen. Thanks be to God.

    For further reading:

    Why Is it So Hard to Forgive Ourselves?

    What Does it Mean for Christians to Forgive?

    Does God Really Forgive Our Sins?

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Koldunov

    Jessica Brodie is an award-winning Christian novelist, journalist, editor, blogger, and writing coach and the recipient of the 2018 American Christian Fiction Writers Genesis Award for her novel, The Memory Garden. She is also the editor of the South Carolina United Methodist Advocate, the oldest newspaper in Methodism. Learn more about her fiction and read her faith blog at jessicabrodie.com. She has a weekly YouTube devotional, too. You can also connect with her on Facebook, Twitter, and more. She’s also produced a free eBook, A God-Centered Life: 10 Faith-Based Practices When You’re Feeling Anxious, Grumpy, or Stressed.

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    Jessica Brodie

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  • 5 Reasons to Forgive When You Can’t Forget

    5 Reasons to Forgive When You Can’t Forget

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    As Christians, we know the benchmark of our faith is the ability to forgive others when they’ve wronged us. But this is easier said than done. Due to the nature of the offense, it could take months or even years to forgive someone. Forgiveness is a process. However, it is necessary for us to go through the process of forgiveness even when we can’t forget what someone has done to us, or they’re not sorry. Why should we forgive someone when we’re afraid they may do it again? 

    Here are five reasons to forgive when you can’t forget: 

    1. God Calls Us to Forgive

    Throughout Scripture, God calls us to forgive others. We are called to forgive someone repeatedly, even if they commit the same offense. Matthew 6:14-15 says, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your father will not forgive your sins. God will not forgive us if we don’t forgive others. This is one of the only commands that comes with this promise.” 

    God chooses to forgive us no matter how grievous our offense is and chooses to remember it no more. He gives us the chance to come to him and experience the freedom that Christ’s death on the cross afforded us. Because we have been forgiven, it is our duty to forgive others, even if our offense isn’t as severe as someone else’s. Going through the process of forgiveness means we believe in God. When we forgive others, we fulfill God’s calling to forgive others.

    2. It Sets Us Free

    People often believe forgiveness is about the other person. They believe if we forgive them, we’re letting them off the hook for their offense. On the contrary, however, forgiveness is more about us than it is about the other person. Forgiving others sets us free from the emotional bondage unforgiveness has on our hearts. When we forgive, we feel lighter and freer. We can better demonstrate love to others when we have forgiven them.

    If you are having difficulty forgiving someone, start with prayer. Declare to God you choose to forgive a person and specifically name the offense. Tell God you are choosing to forgive, even if you don’t feel like it. God knows our hearts. He knows when we were doing something willfully and when we were doing it simply out of calling. But God honors us when we choose to forgive, even if it’s just that of God’s calling to forgive. Forgiveness starts us on the pathway toward healthy relationships. If the relationship is strained due to unforgiveness, our ability to forgive may help in the process of reconciliation. Although the relationship may never be the same as it was before, we can do our part to live in peace with everyone. Mental health issues are on the rise. This is in part due to the unforgiveness we carry in our hearts because we won’t confess the sin that weighs it down. By making ourselves clean before God and then choosing to make others clean before him, we experience emotional freedom like never before.

    3. It Demonstrates God’s Love

    John 15:13 says, “Love has no greater love than this: when we were still sinners Christ died for us.” Christ, who had no sin, chose to take on the sins of the world so we could all experience freedom. When we don’t forgive others, it is like saying Christ’s death was for nothing and that there are some offenses that are not worth forgiveness. When we imply this, we imply that Christ’s death was meaningless and that Christ didn’t know what he was doing when he died on the cross. Although forgiving someone may bring up past pain, it is best to deal with it effectively. It’s not good to stuff our feelings or deny that the problem exists. Rather, we demonstrate God’s unconditional love to others when we forgive the people in our lives. When we do this, we demonstrate that God loves us, too, and we believe in him and the power of Christ’s sacrifice. 

    4. We Demonstrate the Fruits of the Spirit

    Galatians 5:22 gives us an understanding of what the Fruits of the Spirit are: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” Forgiveness helps us acknowledge that we have the Holy Spirit living within us. When we forgive, we cultivate these fruits in our lives. Forgiveness demonstrates these fruits because we demonstrate love, peace, gentleness, and kindness in a way that unforgiveness cannot. When we forgive, we pave the way for the Holy Spirit to work more effectively in our lives. When gone unchecked, unforgiveness can hinder our relationship with the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit will not work in a heart that’s hardened. Forgiveness softens the heart and allows the Holy Spirit to move freely within our lives. 

    5. It Becomes a Natural Practice

    Once we’ve done the hard act of forgiving once, it makes it easier to forgive more than once. Even if the offense is severe, we will have the tools and spiritual skills necessary to go through the process of true forgiveness. Forgiveness can be tough to detect if we have truly forgiven someone because we often may still feel anger, hurt, or other emotions associated with the offense. If I repeatedly bring up the offense, continue to vent to friends about it, or bubble over with anger or resentment every time I see that person, chances are I have not forgiven them. Every time you feel this emotion, get a journal and write out your feelings. Deal with the hurt that’s hidden deep within. A hurt not processed effectively can lead to a host of other physical, emotional, and mental issues. 

    Take a blank sheet of paper and ask the Lord to reveal any people with whom you still have an offense. Write down their name and the nature of the offense. In your quiet time, speak their names and declare you are choosing to forgive them for the offense today. Ask God to help you not recall or bring it up anymore so you can practice the peace and freedom of forgiveness. Declare that Satan has no foothold in your life and that you will not allow unforgiveness to hinder your relationship with God. When you are finished, you may find you’ve gone deeper in your intimacy with God. 

    Forgiveness may be one of the most difficult things to live out as a Christian. Yet, when we do so, we show an unbelieving world who God is and his presence in our lives. God chose to use his Son to carry the weight of all the sins of the world. God chose to demonstrate great love to us when he forgave us, and he calls us to do the same. There is nothing we can do that will negate the salvation Christ’s death allows us. We best demonstrate that when we forgive others. Forgiveness not only sets the other person free but releases us from physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental anguish that hinders us from a vibrant relationship with the Lord. 

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/PeopleImages

    Michelle S. Lazurek is a multi-genre award-winning author, speaker, pastor’s wife, and mother. She is a literary agent for Wordwise Media Services and a certified writing coach. Her new children’s book Who God Wants Me to Be encourages girls to discover God’s plan for their careers. When not working, she enjoys sipping a Starbucks latte, collecting 80s memorabilia, and spending time with her family and her crazy dog. For more info, please visit her website www.michellelazurek.com.

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    Michelle S. Lazurek

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  • How to Pray When Your Husband Feels Like Your Enemy

    How to Pray When Your Husband Feels Like Your Enemy

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    Of all the human relationships we experience, marriage holds the unique power to do and be so much in life. It fills our aspirations before we’ve entered into them. It forms the backbone of families and communities, rendering them strong or weak. It is a monument of mundane moments that all form together to create something that can if tended rightly, reflect the very heart of God. Because marriage holds so much potential, it is also a great battleground.

    All places of influence and importance in our lives have bright red targets on them for the enemy of our souls to pursue his ultimate goal. In John 10:10, Jesus said, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.”

    Our marriage will come face to face with the thief Jesus warned us about. And there will be times he tempts us so fiercely to see the battle as if it were against our spouse instead of against the thief himself.

    The moments you feel like your husband has become the enemy, take heart and slow down your thoughts and feelings to get a better hold of your emotional responses.

    Here are five practical steps to center your perspective in truth when your husband feels like the enemy:

    1. Guard your heart by removing non-Scriptural, perspective-influencing inputs. 

    Social media, TV, movies, music, friends, and family that speak unbiblical discontent into your heart about your marriage shouldn’t be given heart/mind space while you fight for your marriage. One could argue that they ought not to have a place in a Christ-following woman’s life at all. But especially in moments where the temptation to see your marriage in such hostile terms is on the line, cut off those negative emotional influences.

    2. Remember that your spouse could be facing the exact same spiritual bait to feel that you are their enemy! 

    So often, the enemy of our souls turns us on each other at the very moments we need to team up to defeat the real enemy!

    3. Speak truth to your heart about your husband and your marriage. 

    Instead of replaying the hurt, remember the blessings God has worked into your marriage and the good He has brought you through your husband.

    4. Pray for yourself and your husband! 

    At one particularly low point in our journey, I poured out my complaints to the Lord, and I felt deep conviction over the fact that I had allowed disappointments to move my heart away from my once dedicated and fervent prayer for my role as a wife, for my husband, and our marriage in general. No wonder this challenging time was even harder! We often talk about keeping intimate passion alive, but what about the passion of our prayers for our marriage? Are they diligent? Are they passionate? Are they expectant?

    Here are some Scripture prayers I regularly use to lead me into my own prayers for my husband and my marriage:

    Lord, thank You that You have begun a good work in ________________________ (husband’s name) and that You will be faithful to complete it! Please allow me to see Your hand at work in _________________ area. Give me grace and faith that You are working even when I can’t see it. Help me rest in Your faithfulness to work in both of us. Accomplish all that is in Your heart according to Your good pleasure in ______________________ (husband’s name). (Based on Philippians 1:6 and 2:13.)

    I pray that the eyes of ________________ (husband’s name) heart would be enlightened so that he will know what the hope of Your calling is, what the riches of the glory of Your inheritance in the saints are, and what the surpassing greatness of Your power toward him when he believes You is. (Based on Ephesians 1:18-19)

    Lord, please remind my husband that he can do all things through Christ who strengthens him. Send your Spirit to encourage him today! And make me part of your plan of encouragement for him. (Based on Philippians 4:13)

    Father, please grow my man to be the spiritual leader You want him to be. Give him a desire to lead our home, but also give him the heart to search out Your word so that he will have Your perspective, wisdom, and guidance. Grow his understanding in Your Word and Your ways so that his walk with You would bring leadership and blessing to our marriage and family. (Based on 1 Timothy 2:11, 1 Corinthians 14:35).

    Lord, please surround my husband with Your favor as a shield. (Based on Psalm 5:12)

    Lord, please make me a wife that is easy to rejoice in and a delight to my husband. Make our marriage and love a source of joy and fulfillment for him. (Based on Proverbs 5).

    Father, please lead _______________ (husband’s name) to be on the alert, to stand firm in his faith, to act like man, and be strong in Christ. Pour a spirit of sensitivity and responsiveness on him so that he would follow Your leading with his alertness to spiritual battles, and give him ample grace and strength for those battles so that he might stand firm for Your glory. (Based on 1 Corinthians 16:13.)

    5. Rightly identify the true source of the battle for your marriage. 

    This comes with prayer and remaining anchored to some hard-to-swallow truths about ourselves. Not only could our husband struggle with the sense that we are against him, just as much as we might struggle to feel that our husband is against us, but the enemy can use us against our spouse! We must be aware of this and guard our lives against this potential. It is interesting to note that when Satan was attacking Job, after the initial wave of loss and when God allowed Satan to touch Job’s body, Job’s wife (who was spiritually one with Job before God) spoke against him (Job 2:9). To my utter dismay I have seen moments of intense internal battle surrounding my heart toward my husband correspond to moments when God was using him in an important way or moments when the enemy was hot on his trail. How very sad it is that we can all be used by the enemy if we are not careful to guard our hearts and ensure we are fully surrendered instruments to God and His purposes.

    Do you not know that when you present yourselves to someone as slaves for obedience, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin resulting in death or of obedience resulting in righteousness? But thanks be to God that though you were slaves of sin, you became obedient from the heart to that form of teaching to which you were committed, and having been freed from sin, you became slaves of righteousness. Romans 6:16-18

    It is wise to check our hearts with the question, am I presenting my thoughts, feelings, words, and actions as instruments to serve Christ?

    In general, if we are following hard after Christ, we won’t see other people as our enemies.

    Paul says it this way:

    Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:10-12

    If we perceive that a person, especially our other half, is the enemy, we may face a spiritual problem. The winning battle perspective won’t be to draw lines between our spouse and us; it will be to identify who the battle is really against – the enemy of our souls, not our spouse.

    Over the years, I have sought hard to understand and find great marriage tools. I’ve read a ton, listened a lot, and studied God’s Word for them. And although I have not found the one-size-fits-all, satisfaction-guaranteed techniques I originally set out to discover, patience has, time and time again, been the key to unlocking victories for me. It’s not a sexy solution, but it is nonetheless Biblical and, in my experience, practical. After all, the very first describing characteristic of love in the famous “love chapter” from 1 Corinthians is “love is patient.” It won’t be patient once or twice. The expression of love will always require patience.

    Some of the most hopeful marriage wisdom I’ve received was an off-the-cuff comment from my grandmother-in-love. We were enjoying an afternoon on their patio when both our hubbies stepped into the house for iced tea or something. She mused, “You know this is the happiest time in our whole marriage. It’s a total surprise to me that in our 80s, we would find so much joy in our relationship. After years of struggling with finances, struggling to raise the kids right, struggling with each other, all the struggles are done. And we are just enjoying each other.”

    I pray you and your spouse will soon find an oasis where the struggles rest. And you are restored together in God’s love and care. And that in the meantime, passionate prayer, committed love, and anchored truth would carry you through the battle into victory.

    If you’d like a free list of Scripture prayers for your marriage, please email info (at) motlministries.com.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/PeopleImages

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    April Motl

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  • A Letter to Single Women Who Wish Eligible Men Were More Mature

    A Letter to Single Women Who Wish Eligible Men Were More Mature

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    I married a Redwood.

    No, this isn’t a piece on horticulture. I’ll get to your annoyance with immature men later, but may I start by sharing my solo journey prior to John?

    Before my husband, my single status felt like a parasite I couldn’t exterminate. That freeloader stuck with me throughout college, grad school, after earning my license, and even after starting my private practice. 

    My peers were busy getting married and assembling IKEA furniture and skipping sleep to tend to their newborns. Some even went so far as to divorce their first spouse and marry another.

    Guess who dragged her sister to birthday parties and get-togethers through it all?

    Yep. Your new friend over here has definitely traipsed through the singleness wilderness. 

    It wasn’t like I didn’t meet anyone during those years. Elsewhere I wrote about “Matt” the evangelist and how I learned he wasn’t the one. 

    None of the men I encountered felt right.

    Oh, how I wish we could swap stories about Mr. Wrongs over coffee and cake. I’m sure you can regale me with your own false starts. 

    During those alone years, I flung a bunch of questions at the Lord. Why am I still single? Is there something wrong with me? Will I ever get married? 

    I imagine you have your own versions of these questions, too.

    Perhaps you’ve gone a step further and compiled a list of probable answers for why you’re still single—at your age, to boot:

    1. There are no decent candidates.

    2. There is, indeed, something wrong with you.

    3. Eligible ones are immature.

    Let’s take them up one by one.

    No Decent Candidates

    Many have dismissed online dating as depressing. Meeting a potential partner in person, meanwhile, feels like a fairy tale reserved only for novels and rom-coms.

    It doesn’t help that more women than men attend church. How can you hope to meet a potential date at church when the pool is so tiny there’s hardly room for both feet to splish-splash?

    I get why you’d think there are no good candidates. 

    Or rather, my sister did.

    Back when I used to doubt my prospect of landing a decent guy, she reminded me, “it only takes one.”

    The thought cheered me up. I didn’t need to date half of LA or lower my standards and date non-Christians. All I needed was to trust the Lord to introduce me to the right man.

    May her wise words encourage you too.

    Something Wrong with You?

    If this question has assailed you before, relax. All it proves is that you have an inner critic that’s vocal about its low appraisal of you. 

    The good news is most of planet earth shares your plight. That is, most—if not all—of us hear a critical voice inside, ready to pounce on our chipped tooth, grotesque birthmark, or a million other reasons why it thinks we fall short. 

    Just because you’re still single—at your age—doesn’t mean you have a deficiency. 

    Still, it’s wise to glance at the mirror. Introspect. Go inward. 

    Because I’m a certified IFS therapist, I recommend an IFS therapist to walk you through this process. This model has helped many transform their lives. 

    Of course, you can soul search on your own. But if you do, watch out. Don’t slide into a shame spiral.

    Eligible Ones Are Immature

    Let me detour back to the Redwoods for this point.

    These trees are resistant to an impressive array of intruders: Fire. Bugs. Freezing cold weather. 

    Well, okay, not exactly freezing. I just called it that because I grew up on the Equator, where the average temperature hovers around a pleasant 80 degrees. Year-round. 

    But back to Redwoods, who just stand there and resist hazardous environments.

    And grow—albeit slowly.

    Take a particular Redwood as an example. As of this writing, the tree is 308 feet tall and 1,400 years old. Let me spare you the math to give you the bottom line: someone planted this tree in AD 622, and to date, it has been growing by 2.2 inches every year. 

    Which means that the tree only grew by about the width of your credit card every 12 months.

    If you visited it by, say, its 35th year, you might have dismissed the sapling as unimpressive. There wouldn’t have been any discernible change height-wise even if you scrutinized it for a whole week.

    But if I were to tell you that by the 21st century, this stubby thing would have towered over humans and even hotels, you might have grimaced my way on your way out.  

    Which brings me back to the topic at hand.

    God drew my attention to their slow growth rate at an opportune time. 

    I had lent my expertise to help my husband overcome a familiar—but unwanted—issue the day before we visited the Redwoods. Right before we arrived, however, another episode had reared its ugly head. 

    My interpretation of this incident? John failed to change fast enough. 

    Which, in turn, prompted my emotional outburst. Why isn’t John changing faster? 

    Let me translate this sentiment to better suit your predicament. Why aren’t eligible men more mature?

    Onward with Patience 

    There could indeed be various answers to your inquiry. 

    It could be you’re right, and these men need to do some maturing before they qualify as marriage material. 

    Or perhaps the Lord might ask you, as He did me, to take the New Testament seriously—specifically, to let patience have its perfect work (James 1:4, NKJV). 

    For me, it means appreciating the 2.2 inches’ worth of growing that John has faithfully done in this past year. 

    So what if he’s still grappling with his issues? Don’t we all have our challenges? Besides, I need to give credit to whom credit is due (Romans 13:7). John’s bouts with his personal thorn in the flesh have lessened compared to the first years of our marriage.

    How patience applies to you might be different. First off, you still have to decide on who to marry. Whether you’re still early in the dating stage or whether you’re now engaged, it’s okay to keep asking the Lord for verification that you’ve got the right guy.

    When your guy misbehaves or does anything to stir up your dissatisfaction, remember the lesson of the Redwoods. He may not be growing fast enough, but it doesn’t mean he hasn’t attained more maturity today compared to some moons ago.

    I wonder if this is how God sees all His children in general. Perhaps He makes it a personal policy to focus on the inch we’ve managed to add to our spiritual stature rather than the failures we’ve committed. 

    Perhaps that’s why He is ever ready to forgive and grant us new mercies every morning (Lamentations 3:22-24). 

    But I digress. 

    When your guy disappoints you again, no need to throw a tantrum or threaten to leave (unless God has made it clear that you’re supposed to exit). 

    Instead, pray that he can withstand the pressures in his inner world—not to mention the world at large—and keep growing. Pray that his faith won’t fail (Luke 22:32). Pray for you and your own growth too. Pray so you can see all the growing he has done.

    Your future self will thank you when years from now, he morphs into a 300-foot-tall spiritual giant. 

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Prostock-Studio

    Audrey Davidheiser, PhD is a California licensed psychologist, certified Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapist and IFSI approved clinical consultant, as well as author of Surviving Difficult People: When Your Faith and Feelings Clash. After founding and directing a counseling center for the Los Angeles Dream Center, she now devotes her practice to survivors of trauma—including spiritual abuse. Visit her on www.aimforbreakthrough.com and Instagram @DrAudreyD.

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  • How to Pray for the Toxic People in Your Life

    How to Pray for the Toxic People in Your Life

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    There are many phrases used in our culture that we may not completely understand or that might be used as a broad brush label for people who either have certain character traits or behave in a particular way. We need to be very careful with how we use these phrases so that they aren’t overused and we don’t mislabel someone.

    One of these phrases refers to someone as being a toxic person.

    What Are the Qualities of a Toxic Person?

    I researched the behaviors that might be found in the daily life of a person who would be considered to be toxic, and although this is not exhaustive, I have compiled a short list to read and keep in mind:

    -The person might have a victim mentality and feel as though they are always the one being treated poorly or that they are the one who is always being wronged.

    -They might thrive on gossip and slander, talking negatively about others and often spreading lies and ruining the reputation of others.

    -They might be a person who does not know how to treat others in a loving fashion and might even be abusive in some way – emotionally or physically.

    -There will be a level of control over the people in their lives, and you might feel like you cannot make your own decisions, think the way you want to think, or do what you want to do.

    -They are very manipulative people and will do what it takes to get you to do what they want you to do.

    -They will be critical and negative of others, unable to see anything positive in others or circumstances.

    -They like to get their way and will often belittle those around them in order to get what they want.

    -They might relate with a lot of sarcasm and are not sensitive or caring about the feelings of others. If you bring it to their attention, they will make you feel like you are too sensitive.

    -They might have an addictive personality, using a substance or bad habit to fill an unmet need. They might try to pull you into their addictions to make themselves feel better about what they are doing.

    When you are around a person with all or some of these traits, you will probably walk away feeling stressed, anxious, and generally negative. There are many reasons why a person might have these personality traits or behaviors, and those reasons are probably too many for us to delve into in this article. Still, I would venture to say that they are people who are dealing with their own hurts, past traumas, or stresses and have not been able to process them correctly. They probably don’t even realize how they are behaving toward others, as they might even be in survival mode!

    How to Pray for the Toxic Person:

    The first (and best) thing we can do for people exhibiting toxic behavior is to pray for them.

    God is in the business of opening people’s eyes and changing them. Only God can turn a heart of stone into a heart of flesh. Pray that He will make them aware of their sinful behavior and change them.

    “And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.” (Ezekiel 36)

    Pray that God will show them what is behind their behavior. There must be a reason why they act the way that they do. Ask God to expose the motives, trauma, or hurt that might be causing them to act in a way that could be labeled toxic. Ask Him to let them see what is going on in their hearts.

    “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? “I the Lord search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds.” (Jeremiah 17:9-10)

    “Don’t you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart…” (Matthew 15)

    Pray that they would be open to loving confrontation from you or another godly believer. If he is not ready, it will be unprofitable.

    “Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning.” (Proverbs 9)

    “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.” (Matthew 18)

    “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6)

    You Must Relate to the Toxic Person in a Biblical Manner:

    After confronting them and bringing to their attention how they behave, be prepared to bring other godly believers with you if the person will not listen to you.

    “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. (Matthew 18)

    Although you might need to walk away from a relationship with a person with toxic qualities, as a believer, that should be the last resort. But you do need to be careful to relate to the toxic person biblically. There is room for protecting yourself and following biblical principles in how much time you spend with them and whether or not you make them your “companion.”

    “Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” (1 Corinthians 15)

    “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” (Proverbs 13)

    “Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.” (Proverbs 22)

    You must prayerfully and carefully consider how to handle all relationships, use the Word of God as your guide, and keep in mind that we are all sinful human beings. We are not going to be perfect. Toxic behavior is a heart problem, and we all are capable of exhibiting these behaviors if we are not in fellowship with God.

    None of us have grown up in perfect homes, experienced perfect relationships, or are immune from situations that can hurt us or cause emotional trauma. We need to remember to treat the “toxic people” in our lives in the way we would want to be treated if we were behaving in this way because of something we have gone through in our past.

    We need each other, and God uses us in each other’s lives to help us see our areas of need. That is how the body of Christ is meant to function.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Wavebreakmedia

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    Gina Smith

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  • 5 Tips for Communicating with an Introvert

    5 Tips for Communicating with an Introvert

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    The fourth tip for communicating with an introvert is to choose a quiet, calm setting. Quiet and calm settings help us out in many ways. Loud noises and fast-paced surroundings can quickly overwhelm us. It can be extremely difficult to hear what you are saying or pay attention if we are in a crowded mall or a busy restaurant. Instead of choosing a loud, fast-paced setting, choose a quiet coffee shop, a bookstore, or a park. These locations can help us feel more at ease and more relaxed. 

    Since we tend to stay away from loud, crowded, fast-paced places, we won’t meet in one of those places if you want to talk. These types of places are overwhelming, and it’s best to stick with a quiet, calm setting, preferably without a great number of people. It can be hard for us to focus at times when we are feeling overwhelmed, therefore, make sure to choose a quiet, calm setting. These settings let us feel more comfortable with communication. 

    5. Give Them Space

    A fifth tip for communicating with an introvert is to give them space. This might sound strange for a tip on communicating with an introvert; however, it is crucial. It is important to not place unrealistic expectations on introverts, such as expecting them to come to every event, reply to every phone call, or text back as soon as you send a message. Make sure to give us some space and time. If we don’t message you right back, it doesn’t mean we hate you. Rather, it means we need time to recharge. For each introvert, the recharging time could last for a few hours, a few days, or a few weeks. 

    It is important to give introverts space until they are ready to communicate. By respecting their time and space, it shows you truly care. This will go a long way in our hearts, and you may become one of the people who understands us better than others. If a person chooses to be pushy or doesn’t respect the introvert’s space, it will make the introvert more likely to shut down or feel guilty over being introverted. It is important that nobody makes someone else feel guilty if they are not up to going out to a party, having a video call, or automatically texting back. 

    Even though the world has transitioned to an instant communication platform, it doesn’t mean that introverts are ready for it. We need time to recharge and process everything. For each introvert, this can look different. It is important for you to respect this boundary and this need for the well-being of your friend. Choose to give them space, and respect their need to recharge. This will make the world of difference to your introverted friend and help you communicate better with them in the future. 

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    Vivian Bricker

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  • 5 Ways to Love Your Neighbor as Yourself

    5 Ways to Love Your Neighbor as Yourself

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    “Hidey Ho, Neighbor.” Who doesn’t remember hearing this friendly welcome from next-door neighbor Wilson of the clumsy but endearing Tim Taylor from the popular nineties television show Home Improvement? If you remember well (or need some television education), Tim was usually out in his backyard dealing with the latest, usually comical dilemma to befall him and his family, and Wilson would always acknowledge him with this rousing greeting. As their conversation went on, Wilson would quote some little-known philosopher to help solve Tim’s problem and when it was clear Tim wasn’t getting it, Wilson will give him the sound, sage advice that would always work out in the end.

    Nowadays, I think we would all love to have a Wilson next door to us so that we could go to him with our problems and, after spouting off some ancient jargon, would remind us of who we were and what advice was best for our situation. In a similar way, Jesus explained the two greatest commandments to a scribe. He told the scribe the two greatest commandments are to love God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength, followed by loving your neighbor as yourself (Mark 12:31, NKJV).

    What does it look like to love our neighbors as ourselves? As we dig more into Scripture, we will see that a neighbor is not just your friendly next-door neighbor but everyone around you.

    “One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, ‘Of all the commandments, which is the most important?’ ‘The most important one,’ answered Jesus, ‘is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’There is no commandment greater than these.’” –Mark 12:28-31

    Jesus spoke these endearing and profound words during a conversation He had with a scribe who wanted to know the first commandment to follow. Before this conversation, Jesus had already been accosted by some Pharisees, Herodians, and Sadducees intent on disproving the preaching of Jesus. At this point in the Book of Mark, Jesus had become known around town for not only claiming that He was the Son of God but for miraculously healing people and sharing that He would be resurrected from the dead.

    The spiritual leaders didn’t like how Jesus didn’t align with their teachings nor was He willing to submit to their authority, so they tried the tactics of spouting parables or questions meant to make Him second-guess Himself. With the question of the greatest commandment of all, this scribe had already been privy to all the interactions the leaders had with Jesus at that point and believed Jesus answered their questions or parables well (Mk. 12:28). When Jesus replied that it was to love God with everything you had and love your neighbors as you love yourself, the scribe was so pleased by the response that he told Jesus:

    “‘Well said, teacher,’ the man replied. ‘You are right in saying that God is one and there is no other but him. To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices.’ When Jesus saw that he had answered wisely, he said to him, “You are not far from the kingdom of God.’ And from then on no one dared ask him any more questions.” –Mark 12:32-34

    This revelation would be upsetting to the Pharisees and Sadducees especially because they made their fortune through people giving them their offerings and sacrifices. But what Jesus was sharing here is that our words and actions, whether public or private, to God and to those around us are more precious to God than what we can give in appointed offerings. If we love God with everything and share that love with those around us, it is the greatest offering God could ask for. This truth continues to remain true today. When we place God above all else and share His love with those around us, it pleases Him immensely.

    It is also important to remember to love your neighbor as yourself, which means you need to see the love God has for you first; that Jesus died for YOU in order for you to be freed from sin and become the person God intended. For if you don’t realize all the sacrifices God made for you, how can you love others in the same way He has loved you?

    Who Qualifies as Your Neighbor in the Phrase ‘Love Your Neighbor as Yourself’

    As anyone probably would be wondering at this point, who is included as my neighbor nowadays? Remember that when Jesus gave this intuitive statement, neighbors were usually considered people in your village or town; people you would usually see on a regular basis. Today, neighbor still carries some of the same sentiment, as we should share the love of Christ with those in our neighborhoods. But with the advantages of technology and travel now, our neighbors are now global and come from different races, cultures, and sometimes religious beliefs. But in Jesus’s eyes, a neighbor is every living, breathing human God created and Jesus died for. They are the people who are closely walking with Christ, as well as those whose hearts God may still tranform. 

    Even Merriam-Webster Dictionary quotes from the Bible in saying that neighbors are not just those who live locally but “our fellow man.” So, it is safe to say that anyone who has a pulse is your neighbor and needs to be loved as you love yourself. The real question is how do you love your neighbor? Are you supposed to shower them with gifts, as though you were courting them, or flatter them with compliments, or always agree with them to avoid any kind of conflict?

    5 Ways You Can Love Your Neighbor as Yourself

    Before we move forward in giving our list of ways, please be mindful that your neighbor is everyone around you, and that God will place you in situations where you will have to love your neighbor as yourself, whether you want to or not. These are sometimes situations where your neighbor might be the most unpleasant person or someone you don’t think you can relate to at all. But God never lets an opportunity to use you as a vessel of His love slip away.

    1. Say hello and smile to your neighbor, your co-worker, the mailman, the cashier, anyone.

    Something as simple as a smile and a hello can help someone feel he or she matters to someone else. If many are asked, and they are honest, they may say they have never spoken to their next-door neighbors they have lived near for years, or they never have been in a cheerful conversation with their mailman or co-workers. Just taking a moment to get out of your head and problems to say hello and smile to someone else could mean the world to that person who might be in the same dilemma, or worse, as you are. Plus, it also increases your mood as well, as whatever you might have been thinking is now gone, for the moment, from your head.

    2. Continue the conversation past hello by asking how they are, sharing common interests, or even asking about prayer requests.

    Okay, so the interaction has been initiated with the hello and smile, but you can move past the face-value pleasantries with an actual conversation with your neighbor, co-worker, member of your community. Let’s say, for example, you know your mailman is a huge football fan, and you happen to like the same team. If, one Saturday, your mailman is delivering the mail and you happen to see him, take a moment to go out to your mailbox to collect the mail and mention to him about the game last week. That opens the door for you two to have a conversation, which can continue the next time you see your mailman.

    Or, let’s say you always see this one cashier at the grocery store who never seems to smile or just looks like the weight of the world is on her shoulders. Take a moment to get in her check-out lane, say hello and smile, and then ask how her day is going. This could be the opportunity for her to take a moment out of her day to say how her day is going and give you the chance to talk, or even ask to pray for her, as she does her job. You never know until you ask.

    3. Offer to help your neighbor, co-worker, community member with chores.

    Of course, no one wants to add work to their plate, but it is the idea that sometimes if you aren’t comfortable talking to someone you don’t really know, actions can speak louder than words. Whether it is offering to cut the grass of the little, old lady down the street, taking a neighbor’s garbage down to the street when you take your own, or bringing a meal to a family with a new baby or death in the family, simple acts like this let a person know that you care and are showing them the love that Christ has for them as well.

    4. Ask your neighbor over for a meal or to go out to eat somewhere.

    Taking a break from the regular routine and interacting with food always helps people to feel more comfortable and talkative. If you are a whiz in the kitchen, invite a neighbor and his/her family over for a tasty meal and use the opportunity to get to know them on a personal level. If cooking isn’t your thing, suggest to your neighbor about going out to a restaurant and allow him or her to pick. Just as at home, a restaurant of a neighbor’s choosing may allow for the conversation to be more fluid and enjoyable. You could then have the opportunity to discuss jobs, families, thoughts on the world, and hopefully belief in God.

    5. Invite your neighbor over on holidays or bring treats to them for Christmas.

    The holidays can sometimes be the hardest time for some people, especially in light of recent events where people may not get together for safety, so remember your neighbor, co-worker, church member, whoever might be alone during a holiday. Invite your neighbor over for your yearly Fourth of July BBQ, which might give them the opportunity to meet other neighbors, or have them over for dinner with your family on Thanksgiving or Christmas. I’ve gotten in the habit, passed down from my family, of making treats during holidays for our neighbors and have done more of this as a way to check on neighbors during the pandemic. This will allow your neighbor to feel special on that day and erase feelings of sadness or loneliness that the day/the holidays always bring to them.

    These opening connections, facilitated hopefully through more conversations, might present the opportunity to share with them about Jesus or to ask if they have anything you can pray for them about.

    Love God and Love Others

    Jesus told us in Mark 12:31 that we are to love our neighbors as ourselves, to extend the love we have for ourselves and for God to all those around us, whether they are our best friends or people nearby we never talk to. The understanding is that our neighbors are not just the friendly Wilsons next door but God’s children all around us, who God has called us to reach out to when maybe others pass them by. Through the suggestions above, you can take a moment out of your day to greet people with a smile, a conversation, even a home-cooked meal to let them know that they are noticed and loved. It also gives us the chance to see and help someone else despite what is going on in our lives, trusting God more to take care of our problems as we minister to someone else.

    You may not be a philosophy quoting ‘Wilson,’ but you can be the caring neighbor who never lets anyone forget that you love God and love others.

    Further Reading

    What Does it Mean to Love Your Neighbor as Yourself?

    How to “Love Your Neighbor As Yourself” – Bible Meaning of Mark 12:31

    10 Ways to Love Your Neighbor As Yourself

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Shironosov

    Blair Parke is a freelance writer for BibleStudyTools.com and freelance book editor who wrote her first book, “Empty Hands Made Full,” in 2021 about her journey through infertility with her husband. She previously worked for eight years with Xulon Press as an editor. A graduate of Stetson University with a bachelor’s in communications, Blair previously worked as a writer/editor for several local magazines in the Central Florida area, including Celebration Independent and Lake Magazine and currently writes for the Southwest Orlando Bulletin. She’s usually found with a book in her hand or enjoying quality time with her husband Jeremy and dog Molly. You can order her book at Christian Author Bookstore – Xulon Press Publishing and visit her website at Parkeplaceediting.

    This article is part of our larger resource library of popular Bible verse phrases and quotes. We want to provide easy-to-read articles that answer your questions about the meaning, origin, and history of specific verses within Scripture’s context. We hope that these will help you better understand the meaning and purpose of God’s Word in your life today.

    Listen to our Daily Bible Verse Podcast Now!

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    Blair Parke

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  • What Does the Fellowship of Believers Entail?

    What Does the Fellowship of Believers Entail?

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    They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer (Acts 2:42).

    The Day of Pentecost is vitally significant to believers today as we devote ourselves to being people of the Word of God and enjoy the fellowship of believers as the body of Christ and with our Savior, Jesus.

    It reaches new believers through fellowship in the unity of faith, shared purpose, and powerful prayer. As in Acts 2:42, being dedicated to the apostles’ teaching, breaking of bread, and prayer opens the doors of heaven.

    The most significant event of all time was now history. The disciples witnessed their dear friend and teacher die. Still, in awe of the miracle of His resurrection, filled with joy and sorrow, they watched those nail-pierced feet lift from the ground and ascend to heaven.

    The words continued ringing in their ears, “wait for the gift my Father promised,” “you will be baptized in the Holy Spirit,” “you will receive power,” and “you will be my witnesses.” Returning to Jerusalem, they went to the upper room to wait (Acts 1:4-5).

    After 10 days of waiting, Acts 2 tells us a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the house where they were sitting.

    They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them. They spoke in other tongues as the Holy Spirit enabled them — another miracle.

    Miracles were familiar to the disciples. They saw blind eyes and deaf ears open, lame people walking, and the dead raised to life.

    People from many neighboring nations celebrating the annual required Jewish festival of Pentecost heard these disciples speak and magnify God in the languages of their nations (2:5-11). Perplexed, they asked, “What does this mean?” (2:12). Others made fun of them, thinking they had too much wine.

    Peter took the opportunity to preach the death and resurrection of Jesus with a call to repentance and forgiveness of sin. This “gift of promise” began bearing fruit.

    Three thousand people accepted the message growing in number from 120 believers in the upper room to 3,000 — an instant family.

    As new followers of Jesus, they “devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to breaking bread, and prayer” (Acts 2:42).

    They met daily in the temple courts and broke bread in their homes, and shared possessions with those in need. Many wonders and signs performed by the apostles fascinated everyone and displayed the power of God through the Holy Spirit. 

    Like-minded faith was essential for the followers of Jesus. Paul, the apostle, wrote, “But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let them be under God’s curse” (Galatians 1:8).

    Unity in what they believed about Jesus and His teachings was crucial to the fellowship and unity of the faith.

    1. Fellowship in Unity

    Jesus exampled the value of unity: “I and the Father are one” (John 10:30). Unity in the teachings of Jesus became the bedrock that connected them with each other and with Jesus.

    This fellowship, “one Lord, one faith, one baptism” (Ephesians 4:5), paved the way for transformation from the old self to a new self, being “created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness” (Ephesians 4:22-24).

    The Apostle John wrote, “We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ” (1 John 1:3, emphasis added).

    Unity in the teachings of Jesus shaped and empowered the purpose of evangelism, “you shall be witnesses,” as they took the gospel everywhere.

    2. Fellowship in Purpose

    To further the purpose, God enabled the apostles “to equip the saints for works of ministry and to build up the body of Christ” (Ephesians 4:12).

    With the Holy Spirit’s help and the apostles’ teaching, their purpose was clear: “Go and make disciples of all nations” (Matthew 28:19-20). And “the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved” (Acts 2:47).

    The work of the Holy Spirit within the lives of the believers gave them the power to live in faith and share the gospel. This fellowship of unity and purpose was strengthened through prayer.

    3. Fellowship Is Prayer

    The disciples knew the closeness and conversation with Jesus in the three years they walked with Him. The apostles’ discussion times with Jesus were precious encounters with the Divine, and the new converts were learning from them.

    Jesus taught the disciples, “When you pray, say, ‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven’” (Matthew 6:9-13).

    The apostles continued those cherished conversations with Jesus, devoted themselves to prayer, and taught the new converts how to talk and listen to God.

    The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective (James 5:16b). As the apostles, disciples, and new converts prayed and lived in the unity of Jesus’ teachings, the fruit of the Spirit helped them learn to control emotions, live for the eternal, forgive each other, love their enemies, boldly witness, and sharing in the sufferings of Christ through persecution.

    When Peter and John healed a lame man on the way to prayer (Acts 3:1), the authorities threw them in jail, asking, “By what power or what name did you do this?” (4:7).

    Peter, full of the Holy Spirit, proclaimed Jesus, “Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved” (4:12).

    When the authorities saw the courage of Peter and John, “they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus” (4:13).

    Reprimanded and warned to stop speaking and teaching in the name of Jesus, they let them go, unable to punish them because all the people were praising God for the miraculous healing.

    The believers were devoted to the apostles’ teaching and fellowship, breaking bread, and the Lord’s Supper.

    They followed the pattern Jesus and the disciples did on the night before the crucifixion: “And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me” (Luke 22:19).

    Through fellowship with God, prayer, sharing meals, communion, and caring for one another, the body of Christ continued to grow and thrive.

    Jesus’ prayer was being fulfilled, “that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you… I in them and you in me — so that they may be brought to complete unity” (John 17:21-23, emphasis added).

    The oneness in faith, purpose, and prayer was the expression of the fellowship of the believers: “They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer” (Acts 2:42).

    Today, we as believers are directed to live as they did in the Book of Acts, by the same unity of faith, purpose, and prayer. Through the Scripture, we “grow in the grace and knowledge of Jesus” (2 Peter 3:18) and are trained to live to please the Lord (2 Timothy 3:16).

    In Know the Scriptures, Dr. Arthur Pierson tells us: “Our Lord is found in the Word, in the letter: the Word is found in Him in the life” (p 29).

    We were made for fellowship with the Lord and with each other, becoming like-minded in faith’s unity, pursuing the purpose of sharing the gospel, “you shall be my witnesses,” through ongoing prayer while living in the power and presence of the Holy Spirit.

    For further reading:

    What Does the Bible Say about Fellowship?

    Can We Have Fellowship with God Through His Word?

    What Is the Meaning of the Body of Christ?

    Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/rosiesun

    Judy McEachran loves to worship the Author of life and love. She is an ordained pastor and gifted musician who writes and speaks to encourage believers. She pastored churches in the Midwest and after retirement moved to Arizona. She is humbled not only by the gracious love of God but by her devoted husband, two sons, and ten grandchildren. You can visit her website at God Secrets that Impart Life. Find her music on YouTube. Judy’s natural musical giftings invite worshippers into the presence of the Lord.

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    Judy McEachran

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  • How to Trust God Again after Your Divorce

    How to Trust God Again after Your Divorce

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    It is so easy to say we trust God in all things and situations.

    We know we’re supposed to “trust in the Lord with all your heart and not depend on your own understanding” as stated in Proverbs 3:5. But life doesn’t always go as planned. We face many trials and dark, uncertain times.

    Especially when a spouse leaves and refuses to come back. When you’re forced to be the sole provider and main caregiver for your children. And when your entire world falls apart; you don’t know what is going to happen next.

    This is when doubt moves. This is when the devil whispers, did God really say He was going to take care of you? Can you really trust Him with your future?

    Uncertainty about the future is a very real concern for many during and after their divorce. What will life look like when walking this path alone, without the spouse you expected to spend the rest of your life with?

    We often wonder, where is God when all of this is going on. And why is He allowing my partner to leave and/or sin against me?

    Many times in the Bible we read about the lives of others who were living with uncertainty. In my newest book, Your Restoration Journey, an 8-week Bible study for divorced women, I share the stories of many of my favorite Bible characters who also faced mistrust about their future but managed to push through as their restoration story unfolded.

    God wants to give you your restoration story as well!

    Where Is God When Your Marriage Falls Apart?

    The story of the Israelites in the desert was one example I shared for when we wonder where God is when faced with leaving an abusive marriage and walking the path during and after divorce.

    We want Him to come to the rescue and give us our old life back (to the happier times in our marriage) but that’s not always part of His plan.

    For the Israelites, He had something much better planned. They only needed to get through this difficult journey to inherit the divine promise. But they wanted to go back to the land and the life they had known in Egypt.

    The uncertainty and dependence on God for everything were just too much, that’s why they grumbled.

    “The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him.” – Nahum 1:7

    Even while the Israelites struggled, God sent a constant reminder of His presence, in the form of a cloud by day and a pillar of fire at night (Exodus 13:21).

    The Hebrew phrase ananei hakavod (pronounced: ah-nah-A-hak-a-vard) means divine cloud or Cloud of Glory. God was in the clouds guiding and protecting. He is close to His children both day and night; they find His refuge there in the clouds.

    So when you wonder where is God in my situation, just look up! He’s right there watching over you. And when things seem very dark, remember He keeps you secure under His wing (Psalm 91:4).

    Can I Trust God When I Feel So Much Doubt and Uncertainty?

    I wrote this Bible study to help people of faith understand that they can stop searching for how to obtain their faith and just learn to accept it as a free gift (Ephesians 2:8).

    What is faith? Faith is defined as “a complete trust or confidence in someone or something; a strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual apprehension rather than truth.” 

    In the seven years since my divorce, I talked to countless women who said they feel they have lost their faith during the divorce trial or after.

    They explained they could no longer open their Bible without their eyes being filled with tears and hearts filling with doubt and fear about all they were experiencing. They feel as though God’s Word no longer applies to them.

    That is a lie from the enemy to persuade you to walk away from God and your faith (trusting in God).

    The truth is faith can be present at the same time as doubt. You are free to struggle!

    God still loves the doubter.

    Job knew both pain and uncertainty. He even argued with God. He felt uncertain about the future and why he was experiencing this destruction in his life while remembering that God is in control. He even worshipped God in his grief (Job 1:20) showing God that he had hope and faith even in his anger and resentment.

    Instead of seeing faith as a byproduct of the life you always wanted, understand that it’s the practice of accepting hope when all you feel is despair about your circumstances. Jesus is the divine persuasion to believe in something better in this world.

    Something better is coming. It is the truth about His promises. You only have to believe. There is nothing you can do to work for it; only accept it.

    And when Jesus left this earth to ascend into heaven, He left you an Advocate who is walking with you now (John 14:16-17). The Holy Spirit helps remind you of essential truths about God’s character. He keeps His promises, even to divorced people.

    Through listening to your Internal Guide you understand that no matter what happens or where you go, God is always with you on the journey. He goes before you, is above you watching over you with a protective eye, and inside you directing your paths.

    Why Do You Have to Experience This Pain of Divorce?

    It can be very hard to see any benefit coming from the painful experience of divorce. Why would God allow this to happen, especially to you?

    There is no simple answer to this question, as Job found out when he asked God (Job 7:20). But we can look at the rest of God’s Word for the understanding of what kind of outcome God is guiding us towards.

    Joni Eareckson Tada, in her book The God I love, says, “God allows what he hates to accomplish what he loves.”

    He doesn’t love divorce. He actually hates what it does to innocent victims. It is violence against the one who should have been protected (Malachi 2:16). But He allows it for your protection and to strengthen your faith in Him.

    “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” – Isaiah 41:10

    “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” – Philippians 4:6

    “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” – 1 Peter 5:6-7

    “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” – Romans 8:28

    “For we live by faith, not by sight.” – 2 Corinthians 5:7

    “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

    Throughout the Scriptures, we read to not worry, be anxious, or have fear about the future.

    God will lift you up and strengthen you as you endure. He is your constant Helper. He just asks you to seek Him in prayer and petition; He wants to keep you close.

    He promises to work things out for good. And He will see you through everything and give you hope and a future.

    You Are Accepted, Not Rejected

    One of the main reasons divorced people struggle with their faith after divorce is because they feel unloved and no longer accepted by God. Rejection may be a human reaction to divorce (I too have been shunned), but it’s not God’s response.

    God accepts and loves divorced people.

    Jesus, being God’s character personified, showed us through His encounterings with hurting, oppressed, destitute, and even sinful people that He didn’t condemn them. He just showed them His great compassion and lovingkindness.

    When people cry out to Him, no matter the reason, He sees them and hears their cry.

    Not only does Jesus know the pain of being rejected here on earth but so have several women in the Bible, that I affectionately call “Women of Fearless Faith.” In my book, I talk about five prominent women who remind me that I too can step out in faith and trust God for everything from my basic needs to my heart’s desire, and even in times of trials.

    It’s so hard to pick a favorite, but Hagar, Abraham’s second wife and mother of his firstborn son is a notable mention.

    She was a slave with a name that meant “resident alien.” After being impregnated, and abused by her masters, she thought surviving alone in a desert would be easier than staying in that family. It was in the desert that she met God and gave Him the name, “the God who sees (or looks after) me.”

    This is such a great reminder that no matter what you’re facing now, or after divorce, God sees you, the abuse you have endured, the needs you have, and accepts you right where you are.

    You don’t need to clean yourself up for Him or be married again to gain His acceptance. He walks with you when you are at your lowest point. He hears your cry and comes to your rescue, just as He did the alien slave girl, Hagar.

    It is through this uncertain time, walking with God and getting your needs met, that your faith becomes stronger.

    With a deeply rooted, strong faith, you will be able to weather any storm that comes your way. Then, you’ll be free to share that same comfort and acceptance you felt from God, with other hurting and destitute people.

    You will thrive and shine! This is the restoration journey after divorce.

    Parts of this article was taken from Jen’s book, Your Restoration Journey: Rediscovering Your Faith & Yourself After Divorce, published by Surviving + Thriving Ministries, LLC, used with permission.

    Photo Credit: ©Pexels/Ismael Sanchez

    Jen Grice is a divorce coach and author of the books, You Can Survive Divorce and Your Restoration Journey about recovery and redemption after divorce. After her own unwanted divorce in 2013, Jen started a ministry to encourage and empower Christian women to not only survive but thrive after divorce caused by adultery, abuse, or abandonment. You can learn more about her ministry at JenGrice.com. Jen can also be found on YouTube talking about preparing for and divorcing a narcissist. And her books can be found at B&N or on Amazon.

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    Jen Grice

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