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Tag: Q source

  • What To Know About ChatGPT

    What To Know About ChatGPT

    The artificially intelligent chatbot ChatGPT has recently taken the internet by storm, with both praise and concern for its capability to mimic human writing. The Onion tells you everything you need to know about ChatGPT.

    Q: What is machine learning?
    A: A process by which machines use data-driven models to undermine some previously functional aspect of human life.

    Q: Who made ChatGPT? 
    A: OpenAI, a research laboratory established by some of Silicon Valley’s most forward-thinking bots.

    Q: How does ChatGPT work? 
    A: It smokes a fat joint and just lets the words flow, man.

    Q: How realistic are ChatGPT’s responses?
    A: Very realistic. Just like most people, it doesn’t really care what you say and is focused on accomplishing its own thing.

    Q: Is ChatGPT going to take my job? 
    A: Even AI doesn’t want your job.

    Q: Can students use ChatGPT to write their essays?
    A: Yes, ChatGPT has no problem reproducing the error-ridden dreck typical of the American student.

    Q: How does it sound so convincingly human online?
    A: It helps that humans have been gradually sounding less human since the arrival of the internet.

    Q: Will this put writers out of work?
    A: Writers were out of work long before this.

    Q: How will it improve human life? 
    A: It will free up tedious hours spent building critical thinking skills and fostering human relationships for more rewarding activities like streaming shows and buying things.

    Q: Will The Onion ever use ChatGPT to produce its award-winning journalism?
    A: RUNTIME ERROR. REBOOT STACK.

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  • What To Know About The New Covid Variant XBB1.5

    What To Know About The New Covid Variant XBB1.5

    Image for article titled What To Know About The New Covid Variant XBB1.5

    Health experts have raised the alarm about the fast-spreading coronavirus variant XBB1.5, which could drive a new surge of cases. The Onion tells you everything you need to know about covid XBB1.5.

    Q: How does XBB1.5 differ from earlier variants?
    A: It has a mutation allowing it to make deeper, longer-lasting connections with human cells.

    Q: Where is XBB1.5 spreading?
    A: Through your body, currently.

    Q: Are scientists worried about it? 
    A: Yes, except for astronomers, who view life in a grander sense and don’t concern themselves with the mere trifles of man.

    Q: Why should I be concerned about the spread of XBB1.5?
    A: It might negatively impact the final box office of Avatar: The Way Of Water.

    Q: Is this variant more harmful than previous ones?
    A: It can be dangerous to vulnerable people, but thankfully many of them are already dead.

    Q: Which country should our patriots hold responsible?
    A: This one started in the United States, so probably China.

    Q: What effects will XBB1.5 have when combined with the flu and the surge of RSV?
    A: Experts are predicting a golden age of elderly deaths.

    Q: How can I protect myself?
    A: Whatever you’re already doing should work or not work just fine.

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