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Tag: Pros

  • The Pros And Cons Of Banning Porn

    The Pros And Cons Of Banning Porn

    With Project 2025 calling for the criminalization of porn and age-verification laws already on the books in multiple states, The Onion examines the pros and cons of banning pornographic material.

    This Week’s Most Viral News: September 08, 2023

    • PRO: Could switch to cheaper Wi-Fi plan.
    • CON: Might find partner attractive again.
    • PRO: Really plays into denial kink.
    • CON: Could set back the MILF’s rights movement more than 50 years.
    • PRO: ’Tis a sin to possess a lustful heart.
    • CON: Will have to find other diversion to get through car wash.
    • PRO: Plenty of fetishes obscure enough to fly under radar.
    • CON: Our cam girls will surely be bereft without our charming commentary.
    • PRO: Hard to be the ‘pro porn’ guy in Congress.
    • CON: Our parents are coming home soon. We really shouldn’t be doing this.

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  • Pros And Cons Of Granting Trump Presidential Immunity

    Pros And Cons Of Granting Trump Presidential Immunity

    The Supreme Court recently made it more difficult to prosecute Donald Trump in his election interference case, ruling 6-3 along ideological lines to grant him partial immunity from criminal charges. The Onion explores the pros and cons of bolstering Trump’s presidential power by making any “core” constitutional act while in office legal.

    NYPD Arrests Trump After Routine Stop-And-Frisk Turns Up Unlicensed Handgun, 400 Mg Of Ketamine

    • PRO: Can finally stop pretending we live in a democracy.
    • CON: Nothing we can print out of fear of retribution.
    • PRO: Saves a ton on prosecution costs.
    • CON: One more jaywalker.
    • PRO: Nice to finally have it in writing.
    • CON: Encourages him to put personal crimes on company card.
    • PRO: Country won’t last long enough for him to use it very often.
    • CON: Being president will probably get boring after the fourth or fifth time.

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  • Pros And Cons Of Displaying The 10 Commandments In Every Classroom

    Pros And Cons Of Displaying The 10 Commandments In Every Classroom

    The Republican Governor of Louisiana Jeff Landry recently signed a law requiring state’s classrooms to display a copy of the Ten Commandments. The Onion explores the pros and cons of requiring religious doctrine in public schools.

    Nation’s Men In Bathroom Stalls Announce Plan To Breathe Really Loudly

    • PRO: A good way to cover up the bullet holes.
    • CON: Use of woke “Thou/Thy” pronouns.
    • PRO: Great example of counting to 10 in the real world.
    • CON: Just finished building golden calf.
    • PRO: Least out-of-date thing in classroom.
    • CON: True believers would display the entirety of the King James Bible.
    • PRO: Distracts from how weird the Pledge of Allegiance is.
    • CON: Not enough funding to print it out.

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  • Jake Paul, Jack Daniel’s, And More: This Week In Breaking News March 23, 2024

    Jake Paul, Jack Daniel’s, And More: This Week In Breaking News March 23, 2024

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  • Pros And Cons Of Voting ‘Uncommitted’ In The Democratic Primary

    Pros And Cons Of Voting ‘Uncommitted’ In The Democratic Primary

    In last week’s Michigan’s Democratic primary, more than 100,000 voters cast their ballots as “uncommitted” in protest of President Joe Biden’s support for Israel in its war in Gaza. The Onion explores the pros and cons of participating in a protest vote against the 2024 Democratic ticket.

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  • Tucker Carlson, Hairy Men, And Impending Erections: This Week In Breaking News February 17, 2024

    Tucker Carlson, Hairy Men, And Impending Erections: This Week In Breaking News February 17, 2024

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  • Pros And Cons Of Salary Transparency

    Pros And Cons Of Salary Transparency


    An increasing number of people advocate being open about salaries as a way to fix pay iniquities and encourage employees to ask for more compensation, but there are many cultural and professional taboos around the practice. The Onion looks at the pros and cons of salary transparency.

    Artificial Intelligence Explains Why Humans Have Nothing To Worry About As Their Extermination Will Be Swift And Relatively Painless

    PRO

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    Sharing logic behind compensation makes it easier for employees to understand why they’re worth less

    CON

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    Employees might not respect CEO if they knew he only makes $20 million a year

    PRO

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    Dicking around all day now a form of wage protest

    CON

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    Jack still going to eat more than his fair share of donuts every Friday

    PRO

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    Always nice to have another thing to be cripplingly insecure about

    CON

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    One less sexy little secret

    PRO

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    Interns will find out who’s gaining the most experience

    CON

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    Rude to discuss how much you make in mixed company

    PRO

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    Helps employees determine which side of angry mob to be on

    CON

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    If handled incorrectly pay transparency could result in workers getting fairly compensated



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