President Biden, two years into his term and facing a Republican-led House for the first time, delivered his State of the Union address to a joint session of Congress last night. What did you think of the speech?
“There wasn’t enough groveling to me specifically.”
Russ Melendez, Unemployed
“I hope I’m giving State of the Union speeches that good when I’m 80.”
Kelly DiToma, Confection Expert
“He puts on a good show, but everyone knows he’s lip-syncing.”
Griffith Feldman, Clock Resetter
WASHINGTON—Showing the Chinese president grow visibly enraged as he listened to his American counterpart bad-mouth him behind his back, a backstage camera revealed surprise guest Xi Jinping’s reactions to everything President Biden said during Tuesday night’s State of the Union address. “You have a problem with me you can’t say to my face, you fake bitch?” said Xi, appearing on a behind-the-scenes feed featuring the chyron “Called U.S. President ‘Lying Hussie’,” where he could be seen breaking down in tears, smashing a mirror in the green room as aides held him back, and then rushing out to confront Biden as Congress whooped in applause. “Oh, so you can say you don’t like my spy balloon on national TV, but you don’t mention the trillion bucks you owe me, you broke-ass ho? Hey, get back here so I can beat your ass. Or run away, like you run from all our problems!” At press time, Biden had reportedly managed to calm Xi down by offering the weeping leader a box of tissues and agreeing to joint custody of Taiwan.
Sen. Ted Cruz (TX-R) has proposed a resolution that would request vendors within the Capitol area to work with payments providers that accept bitcoin.
The proposal specifically mentions that restaurants, gift shops and vending machines within Capitol Buildings should work with persons accepting cryptocurrencies such as bitcoin, which would allow the lawmakers of the United States to purchase their on-the-go snacks with sound money as they please.
Sen. Ted Cruz has been an outspoken advocate for bitcoin before, saying that, “One of the reasons I’m bullish on Bitcoin is because it’s decentralized. The Left hates Bitcoin because they can’t control it.”
Sen. Cruz also sees the benefits of bitcoin mining as a potential boon for Texas, a state which has been at the forefront of the industry since China’s bitcoin mining ban and subsequent hash rate exodus in 2021.
While the move for acceptance at vendors may be perceived as inconsequential, if it passes, it could serve as the first primary exposure for Capitol politicians to using BTC as a daily payment method. Bitcoin can be an abstract concept for those who have not seen its usage in a payments setting, so small resolutions like this can possibly shift perspectives for an on-the-fence politician. The resolution will need to pass both the House and Senate in order to take effect.
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WASHINGTON—Stressing that there was a “zero-percent chance” she had mishandled sensitive information, Vice President Kamala Harris assured the American public Friday that no one had given her a single classified document. “Not to look at, not even to hold—frankly, I couldn’t even tell you where they’re kept,” said Harris, who held a press conference to announce that even if she had had access to classified government documents, she wouldn’t dream in a million years of taking her work home with her, and that most of the binders in her office were empty anyway. “Please take comfort when I say I have no security clearance, on any level. My key fob doesn’t even work most days, and I have to text someone on my staff to come let me in. Yesterday, I stood outside the White House in the cold for 15 minutes before anyone came to get me.” At press time, Harris admitted that she had once taken home a roll of paper towels.
WASHINGTON—Circling the words “dead soon” for emphasis, Rep. Katie Porter (D-CA) reportedly used a whiteboard Wednesday to explain to Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) why the public office held by Feinstein for 30 years belonged to Porter now. “So as you can see here, the average life expectancy for a woman in the United States is 79 years, and come 2024, you’ll be 91—if you’re lucky—and that’s just too old!” said Porter, who drew a stick figure that was hunched over and leaning on a cane, along with several arrows that appeared to indicate the figure was about to tumble into an open grave. “Me, I’ll only be 51. But you, well, pretty soon you’re going to be down there in the ground. So you can’t stay here. Are you still following me, Dianne? This office is mine.” At press time, sources confirmed Porter had been forced to wipe the board clean and start over by explaining that the Hart Senate Office Building was not Feinstein’s home and she did not live there.
The Senate has unanimously approved legislation that would ban the use of TikTok on government phones and devices as part of the push to combat security concerns related to the Chinese-owned social media company. What do you think?
“God help the staffer who has to explain to Biden what he’s signing.”
Samantha Graham, Textiles Coordinator
“Good. I prefer our congress people’s data to be stolen by an American company.”
James Gomez, Medical Librarian
“Now the only hurdle is teaching senile legislators how to delete an app from their phone.”
Shawn Ko, Debate Coach
President Biden has signed into law the Respect for Marriage Act, mandating federal protections to same-sex and interracial couples, amid fears that the conservative Supreme Court might revisit the right to same-sex marriage after it rescinded the right to an abortion. What do you think?
“Yet another law that reminds me of how alone I am.”
Connor Drysdale, Can Tab Collector
“How do I explain to my kids that this threatens the sanctity of marriage when it’s my turn with them next weekend?”
Juliana Paben, Transit Specialist
“This will only make the Supreme Court angrier.”
Milo Porter, Needlepoint Instructor
House Democrats chose caucus chair Hakeem Jeffries of New York to succeed Nancy Pelosi as leader of the Democrats in the chamber next year, a historic move that will make him the first Black person to lead one of the two major parties in either chamber of Congress. What do you think?
“Isn’t 52 a little young to be leading the Democrats?”
James Clark, Unemployed
“He probably had to kill twice as many progressive bills as his white colleagues to get to where he is today.”
Vivian Kirk, I.D. Designer
“Hopefully this paves the way for future corporate attorneys to seek leadership positions.”
Daryl Williams, Information Distributor
Nancy Pelosi, who has led Democrats in the U.S. House of Representatives for almost two decades, has announced she is standing down from the role, as Republicans are projected to take back control of the House following the midterm elections. What do you think?
“Time for some young blood to fail us.”
Chuck Duffy, Hurricane Chaser
“I sure hope she didn’t take that attempt on her life personally.”
Britney Yoder, Associate Plumber
“Doesn’t she know how hard it is for older women to change careers?”
Elliott Dwyer, Logging Swamper
This is an opinion editorial by Jacob Kozhipatt, a YouTuber and writer.
The phrase “October Surprise” is used in politics to describe a last minute, paradigm-shifting event that occurs a month before an American election. For example, in 2016, the FBI reopened their investigation into Hillary Clinton’s private email server, an event which many argue led to her loss in the 2020 election. In 2020, then-president Donald Trump contracted COVID-19, just weeks before the November election.
Bitcoin markets are in need of a shakeup. 2022 has been a tough year for the price of bitcoin. Right now, bitcoin sits ~65% below its price just one year ago, a far cry from the six-figure price prediction that models like “stock-to-flow” and long-time bulls, like Tim Draper, predicted.
Some hope that the appointment of England’s new cryptocurrency-friendly Prime Minister, Rishi Sunak, could be a major positive change. Sunak, considered by many to be an ally of innovation, declared a year ago that he wished that the United Kingdom would become a “global hub for crypto-asset technology.”
Can Rishi Sunak’s election be the necessary “October Surprise” to push bitcoin forward?
One of the most important questions going forward with bitcoin is: How should governments regulate it?
So far, the United States is a mixed bag. While some legislators — like Senator Cynthia Lummis — are pushing for bitcoin-friendly regulation, others like Senator Elizabeth Warren are pushing for far more critical legislation.
While the perspective of the American federal government on bitcoin is currently being debated, right now many states already have anti-bitcoin laws in place. For example, the financial capital of the United States, New York, has the most stringent rules against cryptocurrency due to its BitLicense. The existence of the BitLicense means that bitcoin enthusiasts are prevented from taking part in many innovations. Even mayor-elect Eric Adams had to resort to alternative, costlier means to get his first three months salary paid in bitcoin.
Many investors, like Shark Tanks’ Kevin O’Leary, argue that this uncertainty of regulation is causing many to avoid the space. This is where Sunak could be a game changer.
The United Kingdom’s new prime minister Rishi Sunak can be seen as an ally for bitcoin. Sunak’s youth and Stanford pedigree make many feel as though he is open to new technologies — especially one as lucrative as bitcoin. As Finance Minister, Sunak pushed for tangible pro-cryptocurrency legislation. He supported the “Financial Services And Markets Bill,” which, according to Coindesk, is widely seen as cryptocurrency-friendly, as it pushed for increased acceptance of stablecoins.
Moreover, there are competitive advantages for Sunak embracing cryptocurrency. The established laws in America in tandem with the uncertainty towards future laws, means many in the world’s largest English speaking country are looking for alternatives. This is where England could capitalize.
The bitcoin community is digitally nomadic in nature — as seen by the migration of enthusiasts to locations like Malta and Portugal. If Sunak were to create incentives for bitcoin companies to move to places like London it could siphon capital and talent away from America.
Finally, with the United Kingdom’s growing deficit problem, the nation desperately needs outside-the-box type solutions. Nothing would be more outside of the box than for Sunak to make London the bitcoin capital of the world.
While many Bitcoin fans are excited for Sunak’s leadership, some express concern about the authenticity of his support for cryptocurrency.
Many point out that Sunak’s wealth and pedigreed education makes him part of the “establishment,” and innately against the rebellious and alternative nature of bitcoin. A prominent YouTuber, Wendy O, compared him to SEC Chair Gary Gensler. Gensler, who taught courses on digital currencies at MIT, was originally seen as pro-cryptocurrency. However, since his appointment, Gensler has frequently criticized the space and urged for increased investor protections.
Sunak’s support of central bank digital currencies (CBDC) also troubles Bitcoiners. People like Matthew Kratter, of the popular show Trader University, argue that CBDCs symbolize everything that is wrong with government money. For Kratter, the CBDC’s are inherently centralized and encourage state surveillance of individuals’ finances — something many Bitcoiners see as going directly against the ideals of bitcoin. Kratter went so far as to call Sunak’s vision for a U.K. CBDC a “spycoin.”
Sunak entered office at a time of unprecedented financial hardship in the United Kingdom. With an ever increasing deficit, the weakening of the pound, a cost of living crisis and widening wealth gap, it might be safe to assume that bitcoin and cryptocurrency aren’t at the top of his agenda.
While we cannot predict his relationship with bitcoin, it should be noted that just the idea of a pro-bitcoin prime minister could be enough to spike the asset’s price.
At this early stage, it is impossible to predict how Sunak will directly impact the price of bitcoin, but as of now his background shows him to be an ally to the oft-maligned industry.
This is a guest post by Jacob Kozhipatt. Opinions expressed are entirely their own and do not necessarily reflect those of BTC Inc. or Bitcoin Magazine.
Jacob Kozhipatt
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