The mother of “Today” host Savannah Guthrie has been reported missing from her home in Arizona and local authorities say they suspect foul play.
Nancy Guthrie, 84, was last seen Saturday night at her residence in a community northeast of Tucson, according to the Pima County Sheriff’s Department.
On Monday morning, Sheriff Chris Nanos confirmed that detectives have transitioned their investigation from a missing person’s case to a criminal case.
“We do in fact have a crime scene, we do in fact have a crime,” Nanos said at a news conference.
“She did not leave on her own, we know that,” he said. “She’s very limited in her mobility.”
Nanos declined to comment further on what led detectives to that conclusion, but said they found suspicious circumstances at her home.
“It’s very concerning what we’re learning from the house,” Nanos said at a news conference late Sunday. Though he declined to comment on details, he pointed out that Guthrie was of “good, sound mind” with no cognitive issues. She lived alone.
“This isn’t somebody that just wandered off,” Nanos reiterated Monday morning. “She couldn’t walk 50 yards by herself.”
On Monday morning, “Today” hosts shared a statement from Savannah Guthrie that thanked viewers for their “thoughts, prayers and messages of support.”
“Right now our focus remains on the safe return of our dear mom,” the longtime “Today” personality and journalist wrote on behalf of her family. She encouraged anyone with information on her mother’s location to contact the Pima County Sheriff’s Department.
That plea was echoed Monday morning by Nanos, who called on the public to report anything out of the ordinary or any possible sightings of Nancy Guthrie.
“We’re asking the community’s help,” Nanos said. “We don’t need another bad, tragic ending — we need some help.”
Still, he said their department remains focused on this case and is coordinating with any other agencies that may be able to help, including the security team for Savannah Guthrie. Nanos said they were not aware of any specific threats to the journalist that might be related to her mother’s disappearance.
“We’re doing all we can to try to locate her,” Nanos said. “Every tool we have, we will use.”
Particularly urgent in this case is that Nancy Guthrie needs to take a specific medication every day.
“Medication that if she doesn’t have in 24 hours, it can be fatal,” he said.
It’s not clear when she would have last taken her medication.
Family members left Nancy Guthrie’s home around 9:45 p.m. Saturday evening, Nanos said. Someone at her church reached out to them when she didn’t show up to services Sunday morning.
In a world obsessed with public image and attention-seeking, learn about the cultural forces propelling society to become more narcissistic – and how this influences us to be in a constant state of self-scrutiny.
The idea that our culture is becoming more narcissistic and self-centered is not new.
Historian and social critic Christopher Lasch’s book The Culture of Narcissism was first published in 1979. By that time, the 1970s were already dubbed the “Me-generation.” Americans were increasingly shifting focus to concepts like “self-liberation,” “self-expression,” and “self-actualization,” while untethering themselves from past traditions and social responsibilities.
Interestingly, Lasch traces the narcissistic roots in America back way further, starting with the early days of the Protestant work ethic and its singular focus on labor, money, and wealth-building, including the old “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” mantra.
This early thread of American hyper-individualism continues into the New Age movement at the turn of the 20th century with its focus on personal happiness and spiritual fulfillment, as well as the popularity of Ayn Rand’s “virtue of selfishness,” and the rise of celebrity-worship and fame-seeking that still characterizes much of American life today whether it be in politics, sports, art, or entertainment.
Things appear to be getting worse. The book was written over 40 years ago, but a lot of the observations in it seem strangely prophetic when looking at the world today. Lasch accurately describes how narcissistic trends have evolved on a societal and cultural level, and you can perfectly extend his theories to explain our modern culture.
Before you continue reading, remember this is a cultural analysis of narcissistic tendencies and it isn’t focused on clinical or psychological definitions of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
Many people act more narcissistic because that’s what our society rewards and that’s how people think they need to act to get ahead in today’s world.
One can even look at certain narcissistic tendencies as a survival strategy in an otherwise competitive, atomized, isolated – “every man for himself” – world.
Now let’s dive into how our modern culture amplifies and rewards narcissism.
The narcissist craves an audience
First, the most defining characteristic of a narcissist is that they depend on the attention and validation of others to feel good about themselves.
Contrary to the popular myth that the narcissist suffers from excessive self-love, the truth is they are deeply insecure and lack true confidence and self-esteem. The main reason they brag, show off, or puff-up-their-chests is only to appear strong when deep down they feel weak.
As a result the narcissist is obsessed with their image and appearance. They feel they need to “win people over” to be accepted and liked by others, and this requires a carefully manufactured persona they create for the public.
This deeply rooted “need for attention” plays a central theme in Lasch’s analysis:
“Narcissism represents a psychological dimension of dependence. Notwithstanding his occasional illusions of omnipotence, the narcissist depends on others to validate his self-esteem. He cannot live without an admiring audience. His apparent freedom from family ties and institutional constraints does not free him to stand alone or to glory in his individuality. On the contrary, it contributes to his insecurity, which he can overcome only by seeing his ‘grandiose self’ reflected in the attention of others, or by attaching himself to those who radiate celebrity, power, and charisma.”
Without an audience to appreciate them, the narcissist struggles to find their self-worth. They don’t believe in themselves – they need “proof” they are a good or important person through the eyes of others.
To the narcissist, any attention is better than none at all; even negative attention like gossip, drama, and criticism feeds into their egos by letting them know they are still front and center.
In a society that rewards attention for the sake of attention (including fame and notoriety), the narcissist grows and thrives. Who knows, that next scandal with a famous celebrity may be their big breakthrough – whatever gets them into the limelight!
Image-centrism: The society of the spectacle
One major contributor to the rise of narcissistic tendencies is that our culture is becoming more image-centric.
Popular ideas on what true “happiness,” “success,” “fame,” “beauty,” and “achievement” look like are based on outward images and appearances increasingly fed into our culture through photographs, movies, television, and advertising:
“[One] influence is the mechanical reproduction of culture, the proliferation of visual and audial images in the ‘society of the spectacle.’ We live in a swirl of images and echoes that arrest experience and play it back in slow motion. Cameras and recording machines not only transcribe experience but alter its quality, giving to much of modern life the character of an enormous echo chamber, a hall of mirrors. Life presents itself as a succession of images or electronic signals, of impressions recorded and reproduced by means of photography, motion pictures, television, and sophisticated recording devices.”
This book was written before the internet and social media which have only increased our “image-centrism” tenfold. Selfies, avatars, memes, filters, photoshop, and AI have all continued to add more layers to this hyper-reality between manipulated images and how we choose to present ourselves.
This constant barrage of cultural images shapes our beliefs and map of reality. It subconsciously puts ideas in our heads about what “happiness,” “success,” and “beauty” are supposed to look like.
Once these social images are set in our minds, we naturally feel the desire to live up to them.
Narcissists can often be the most sensitive to these social images because they fear their true self isn’t good enough, so they take society’s picture of “success” and try to mirror that image back to others.
On the surface, the narcissist is a crowd-pleaser. They don’t trust their own judgement, so if society says this is what “happiness” or “success” looks like, then they will try to mimic it the best they can.
Everyone has an audience now
Technology, internet, social media, cameras, and recording devices have created a world where everyone feels like they have an audience all-the-time.
Family photo albums and home videos were early stages in turning “private moments” into “public consumption,” but now we have people over-sharing every meal, date, and shopping spree on their social media feeds.
Lasch correctly identifies this trend back in the 1960s-70s, including a mention of the popular show Candid Camera, which was one of the first “hidden camera” TV shows:
“Modern life is so thoroughly mediated by electronic images that we cannot help responding to others as if their actions – and our own – were being recorded and simultaneously transmitted to an unseen audience or stored up for close scrutiny at some later time. ‘Smile you’re on candid camera!’ The intrusion into everyday life of this all-seeing eye no longer takes us by surprise or catches us with our defenses down. We need no reminder to smile, a smile is permanently graven on our features, and we already know from which of several angles it photographs to best advantage.”
Life is recorded and shared now more than ever before. Today everyone has an audience and many people can’t help but see themselves as the “main character” of their own carefully edited movie.
Unfortunately, we have this audience whether we like it or not. Every time we are out in public, someone may whip out their phones, capture an embarrassing moment, and upload it to the internet for millions to watch. You never know when you may go “viral” for the wrong reasons. The rise of online shaming, doxing, and harassment puts people in a perpetual state of high alert.
That’s a stressful thought, but it perfectly represents this state of hyper-surveillance we are all in, where there’s always a potential audience and you feel constant pressure to showcase the “best version of yourself” in every waking moment, because you never know who is watching.
Self-image and excessive self-monitoring
In a world that rewards people solely based on the “image” they present, we naturally become more self-conscious of the image we are projecting to others.
This leads to a state of endless self-monitoring and self-surveillance. We see ourselves through the eyes of others and try to fit their image of what we are supposed to be. No matter what we choose to do with our lives, the most pressing questions become, “How will this make me look?” or “What will people think of me?”
While people naturally want to present themselves in the best way possible and form strong first impressions, an excessive degree of self-filtering and self-management can cause us to lose our sense of identity for the sake of superficial acceptance, internet fame, or corporate climbing.
At worst, we increasingly depend on this these manufactured images to understand ourselves and reality:
“The proliferation of recorded images undermines our sense of reality. As Susan Sontag observes in her study of photography, ‘Reality has come to seem more and more like what we are shown by cameras.’ We distrust our perceptions until the camera verifies them. Photographic images provide us with the proof of our existence, without which we would find it difficult even to reconstruct a personal history…
Among the ‘many narcissistic uses’ that Sontag attributes to the camera, ‘’self-surveillance’ ranks among the most important, not only because it provides the technical means of ceaseless self-scrutiny but because it renders the sense of selfhood dependent on the consumption of images of the self, at the same time calling into question the reality of the external world.”
If you didn’t share your meal on social media, did you really eat it? If you didn’t update your relationship status online, are you really dating someone?
For many people, the internet world has become “more real” than the real world. People don’t go out and do adventurous things to live their lives, but to “create content” for their following.
Who looks like their living their best life? Who is experiencing the most FOMO on the internet? In a narcissistic world, we start seeing our “digital self” in competition with everyone else – and the only thing that matters is that it looks like we are having a good time.
More and more, we consume and understand ourselves through these technologies and images. We depend on photo galleries, reel clips, and social media posts to chronicle our life story and present the best version of ourselves to the world. If the internet didn’t exist, then neither would we.
In the sci-fi movie The Final Cut people have their entire lives recorded through their eyes; then after they die, their happy memories are spliced together to give a “final edit” of the person’s life. Many of us are perpetually scrutinizing and editing this “final cut” of our own lives.
The invention of new insecurities
Everything is being observed, recorded, and measured, so we have more tools than ever to compare ourselves against others.
This leads to the invention of all types of new insecurities. We are more aware of the ways we’re different from others, whether it’s our jobs, homes, relationships, health, appearances, or lifestyles. We can always find new ways we don’t “measure up” to the ideal.
New technologies create new ways to compare. Before you know it, you have people in heated competitions over who can do the most steps on their Fitbit, or consume the least amount of calories in a week, or receives the most likes on their gym posts. The internet becomes a never-ending competition.
Of course, measuring your progress can be a valuable tool for motivation and reaching goals. The problem is when we use these numbers to measure up against others vs. measure up against our past self. Always remember that everyone is on a completely different path.
It’s well-known that social comparison is one of the ultimate traps when it comes to happiness and well-being. You’ll always be able to find someone who has it better than you in some area of life, and with the internet that’s usually an easy search.
These endless comparisons touch on all aspects of life and heighten self-scrutiny and self-criticism. Finding and dwelling on even “minor differences” can spiral into a cycle of self-pity and self-hate. If we don’t remove ourselves from these comparisons, then we have no choice but to try to live up to them and beat ourselves up when we fail.
Conclusion
The goal of this article was to describe some of the key forces that are making society more narcissistic and self-centered.
Different cultural beliefs and attitudes incentive certain personality traits over others. Our current world seems to continue moving down a more narcissistic path, especially with the increased focus on “image” (or “personal brand”) that we build for ourselves through the internet and social media.
Most of the ideas in this article are based on the book The Culture of Narcissism which, despite being written over 40 years, is an insightful look into how these social forces continue to grow and evolve.
Do you feel like our current society is getting more narcissistic? How have these social forces influenced the way you live?
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It’s easy to simply tell people that they should overcome their fears, but without giving some kind of motivation or reasoning, it’s not very effective. People tend to learn lessons through some kind of anecdotal evidence, which can be offered through storytelling.
Stories can be a great way to teach lessons, and over time, they can start to shape people’s perspective.
Fear is a real part of life for many people. And while fears are oftentimes unrealistic, people still dwell on the worst-case scenario, even if it is about events that aren’t likely to ever happen.
By hearing an alternative narrative that shows how someone can be courageous when facing a fear, it can help people overcome their lack of bravery. Stories of bravery can help reshape people’s perspective.
Here are 7 short stories about showing courage and bravery that could help you and your loved ones.
Let’s get started.
7 Short Stories About Showing Courage and Bravery
1. Daily Habits
A cowardly man once approached a master of martial arts, asking him to teach him bravery. The martial arts master looked at him and said, “I will teach you under one condition: you will need to live in the city for one month and tell every person you come into contact with that you’re a coward.
This seemed like a scary task to the man. However, living with his cowardice was so unbearable that he decided to travel to the city to accomplish his goal.
When he saw the first passersby, he got nervous, lost his speech, and couldn’t talk to them. However, he had to complete the master’s task, so he started to overcome himself.
If you want to be brave, you must move forward into your fears.
When he approached the first person to tell about his cowardice, he felt he would die from fear. But he got more confident with every passing day, until there came a moment when he realized he wasn’t scared anymore. The more he completed the master’s task, the more he was convinced that he was over his fear.
After a month passed, he returned to the master and said, “Thank you, teacher. I finished your task. Now I’m not afraid anymore. But how did you know that this task would help me?”
The master replied by telling the man that cowardice is only a habit. And by doing the things that scare us the most, we can negate the stereotypes and overcome our fears.
He told the man that bravery is also a habit. So if you want to be brave, you must move forward into your fears. Then the fear will subside and bravery will take its place.
2. Manute the Brave
There was once a tribe in which all of the members regarded the best man as being ‘Manute the Brave’. Anyone could see how brave he was, as he would jump to the ground from tremendous heights, fight poisonous snakes, catch scorpions with his hands, and even cut his own palm without flinching.
In the same tribe, there was a man named Pontoma, who was known for his lack of bravery.
They met one day in the forest, and Manute was showing Pontoma a coral snake he had just caught. It started to rain harder than anyone had ever seen. They both ran to shelter under some thick bushes, and they stayed there until the rain stopped.
However, when they were leaving the shelter, they heard a tiger’s roar only a couple meters away. The bushes were very dense, and the tiger wouldn’t be able to get through it to attack them.
But the tiger was very close to the entrance hole. If it happened to come in and find the two tribesmen there, they certainly wouldn’t get out alive. Manute was getting restless. He wanted to get out of that tight hole and confront the tiger in the open where he could use his great hunting skills.
Pontoma was gesturing at him to keep still and be quiet, but Manute, tired of being stuck with a coward, leapt out of the thicket, surprising the tiger.
The tiger suffered a few deep wounds, but recovered quickly and hurt Manute with two swipes of its paw, throwing him to the ground. The tiger leapt upon Manute, but Manute’s spear, in Pontoma’s hands, interrupted the attack.
The tiger turned away, wounded, but the spear moved as fast as a beam of light, and with incredible precision, hurting the animal again and again, until it fell to the ground.
Manute, shocked and bleeding freely from his injuries, witnessed all this while lying flat on his back on the ground. Never before had he seen anyone take on a tiger with such calmness and strength as he had seen Pontoma do just now.
Neither of them spoke. Manute’s grateful expression didn’t need to be explained with words. From that day on, people gradually spoke less about Manute’s bravery. They thought maybe he was less courageous than before. What the people noticed was that Manute’s old spear was now among Pontoma’s things.
But Manute just smiled, and remembered the day he learned that true bravery lay not in seeking out danger, but in controlling one’s fear when danger crosses your path.
3. Leo and the Bullies
There was once a boy named Leo who lived in a small village. He was a small, slim child, and he lived forever in fear because some boys from a neighboring village would harass him and try to have fun at his expense.
One day, a young wizard was passing by the village and saw Leo being made fun of. When the other boys left, the wizard went over to Leo and gave him a beautiful lion’s tail, along with a small tie that allowed Leo to hang the lion’s tail from his belt.
“It’s a magic tail,” the wizard explained. “When the person wearing it acts bravely, he or she will turn into a ferocious lion.”
Because the boy had seen the young wizard’s powers before, Leo didn’t doubt his words. He wore the lion’s tail hanging from his belt, hoping that the mean kids would turn up so he could teach them a good lesson.
Bullies and other cowardly individuals seldom muster the courage to face a genuinely brave boy.
But when the boys came along, Leo was scared and he tried to run away. However, they soon caught up with him and surrounded him.
The usual jokes and pushing started, then Leo felt the lion’s tail hanging from his belt.
Then, summoning up all his courage, Leo tensed his body, made two fists, and looked up, fixedly into the eyes of each of the boys, and with all the calmness and ferocity in the world, he promised that if they didn’t leave him alone then they would regret it forever.
He kept looking them in the eye, with his hardest expression, ready to do what he had promised.
Leo felt goosebumps all over. This must be the sign that he was turning into a lion, because the looks on the boys’ faces were definitely changing. They all took a step back, looked at each other, and finally ran off.
Leo wanted to take off after them and give them a good beating with his new body, but when he tried to move, he felt his legs were short and not normal, so he had to abandon the idea.
Not far off, the wizard observed, smiling. He ran over to Leo. Leo was very happy, though a bit disappointed that his new lion body had lasted only a short time, and he hadn’t managed to fight them.
“You wouldn’t have been able to anyway,” the wizard told him. He went on to explain that no one fights with lions because lions are both brave and ferocious, so, everyone runs away.
It was true. Leo couldn’t remember ever having seen a lion fighting. Leo became filled with thought, looking at the lion’s tail. And then he understood everything.
There had been no magic, no transformation…nothing. What happened was that a good friend had shown him that bullies and other cowardly animals never dare to confront a truly brave boy.
4. Monster In the Closet
There was once a boy who was afraid of the dark because he thought that when it was dark his bedroom filled up with monsters. But there came a time when he was too old to be allowed to keep sleeping with the light on.
That first night he was paralyzed with fear. So much so, that he went over to his wardrobe to get a torch. But when he opened the wardrobe door he came face to face with a monster, and he let out the loudest scream in the world.
The monster took a step back, grabbing its multicolored hair with its tentacles and started crying. The monster cried for so long that the boy’s shock and fear subsided. He calmed the monster as much as he could and started talking to him, asking him why he was crying, and what he was doing there.
The monster told him he lived in the wardrobe, but almost never went out, because he was afraid of the boy. When the boy asked him why, the monster told him the boy’s face seemed to him the most horrible thing he’d ever seen with eyes, ears, and a nose. The boy felt exactly the same way about the monster, who had an enormous head full of mouths and hair.
The two of them talked so much that they became quite friendly, and they realized that both of them had been afraid of the same thing: the unknown. To lose their fear all they had to do was get to know each other.
Together they traveled the world, seeing lions, tigers, crocodiles, and dragons. It was the first time either of them had seen such creatures, but they made the effort to get to know them, and ended up dispelling their fear, and becoming friends.
And, although his parents weren’t too happy, because they thought he was too old to still believe in monsters, the truth of it was that all kinds of creatures visited the boy’s bedroom each night. And, instead of fearing them he had learned to get to know them and befriend them.
5. Beast In the Attic
Once a boy who lived in a home went up to the attic to find a book. There, he noticed two eyes watching him intently with a horrific expression on its face. They were big eyes, about a meter apart, giving some idea of the size of that terrible being’s head.
The boy yelled loudly and ran out, locking the door and leaving the monster in the attic. For the next two days the people in the village lived in terror. The growls and the beating on the attic door continued, and news of the beast’s cruel nature spread across the land.
The behavior got worse, but no one was brave enough to go up to that attic and confront the beast.
Before long, a fisherman passed by whose ship had sunk. The man seemed like a formidable old character who didn’t fear anything, so some men in the village asked him to help them confront the awful creature.
Irrational fear can lead people into foolish actions, often leaving them vulnerable to being exploited by others.
The fisherman did not hesitate to help in return for a little money. But when he approached the attic and heard the growls of the monster, his expression changed and he went downstairs to ask for a lot more money.
He also asked for some tools, a big net, and a cart. If he was to triumph against the beast, he wanted to take it away as a trophy.
All the village folk gathered around and watched as the fisherman opened the attic door, and went inside to be met by deep, shuddering growls. After the fisherman had been inside for a short while, the noises stopped.
Never again would the villagers see the fisherman or hear the sounds of the beast. Neither did anyone ever dare to go up to the attic again.
So what happened behind that door?
Well, when the fisherman opened the door, he could see the eye of Olaf, his enormous and fierce helmsman. But the eye was reflected in a mirror, giving the impression of both belonging to the same head–but Olaf’s other eye had been covered by a patch for years.
The whaler told his imprisoned friend that the nervous villagers had given him so much money that they would be able to buy a new ship and carry on fishing.
Together they managed to find a way to escape the attic, get to the cart, and disappear forever.
And so it was that fear alone impoverished the whole village and enabled the fishermen to recover.
And this is what happens to this day. Senseless fear drives people to foolishness, and often allows others to take advantage of us.
6. The Cave of Fear
There was once a town that had a “cave of fear” where everyone feared getting lost at night. No one had ever returned from there, and whenever anyone got lost and ended up there, the last that the villagers heard was a great cry of terror, followed by a few enormous guffaws.
The townsfolk lived in terror that one day a monster would come out from the cave, so they regularly left gifts and food at the mouth of the cave, which always soon disappeared.
One day, a young man came to town and decided to enter the cave and confront the monster. He asked for some help, but everyone was so afraid that no one would approach the mouth of the cave with him. He went inside alone, finding his way with a torch, and calling out to the monster.
At first, the monster had a good long laugh, and the young man followed the sound of the monster’s voice. But then the monster went quiet, and the young man had to carry on, not knowing his way.
He eventually arrived at a large cavern, and he thought he could see the monster at the bottom. As he approached it, he felt something hit him hard on his back, pushing him forward towards a hole in the rock. He fell through it and let out a loud cry. Then he heard the guffaws.
“The monster has swallowed me,” he said, while falling.
However, as he fell, he heard music and voices. They got clearer, and when he made a soft landing at the bottom, he found himself among a group of people having a big party. The partygoers were all those people who had never returned to the town.
They explained to him that this place had been the idea of an old mayor of the town who had tried to accomplish great things, but was always held back by the fears of the people around him. So the mayor invented the story of the monster to demonstrate to people how such an attitude was so limiting.
So the young man stayed there, enjoying the party and the company of all those who had dared to approach the cave while the people in the town still believe that entering the Cave of Fear is the worst of all punishments.
7. The Carpathia
There were three ships around one sinking ship when a distress signal was being sent. The first one, Sampson, was only 7 miles away from the sinking ship, but they turned their backs because the crew aboard the ship had been involved in illegal hunting of seals and they didn’t want to get caught.
There was another ship about 14 miles away from the sinking ship. The Californian saw the distress signals, but they were surrounded by ice and it was night time, so it didn’t feel safe to move. They decided to wait until the morning for the conditions to improve.
The third ship, Carpathia, was about 60 miles away and moving in the other direction when they heard the cries over the radio. The captain, Arthur Rostron, decided to try to help. He just prayed to God for direction and turned his boat. The ship drudged through ice fields in the dark and kept going.
The shipwreck it sailed to was none other than the Titanic. They saved 705 lives that night because one man had the courage to look beyond his own comfort and choose the right over the easy.
Courage is not about intense bravery. It’s just about having the guts to let go of what’s important to you because someone else is in need.
Final Thoughts on Short Stories About Showing Courage and Bravery
Hopefully these stories about showing courage and bravery have helped give you another perspective on some intimidating situations. Think back to these stories next time you’re in a situation where you could show more courage.
If your are looking for more short stories, check out these blog posts:
Connie Mathers is a professional editor and freelance writer. She holds a Bachelor’s Degree in Marketing and a Master’s Degree in Social Work. When she is not writing, Connie is either spending time with her daughter and two dogs, running, or working at her full-time job as a social worker in Richmond, VA.
There might be affiliate links on this page, which means we get a small commission of anything you buy. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Please do your own research before making any online purchase.
Why do we say yes to things that we really don’t want to do?
A new coworker asked me to go out for some drinks after work one day a few weeks ago. I like her, I enjoy being with her, and I’ve come to consider her a friend. However, my first thought was, “What? No way! No.”
But what’s the harm in hanging out with a work friend outside of the office?
The truth is, all I want to do after work is go home and put my pajamas on and see my daughter. I really don’t want to talk about work anymore and I definitely don’t want to be in another noisy environment.
But I agreed to go because she wanted to. I didn’t want to go through the back and forth of her asking again or her asking why I couldn’t go and then having to admit it was literally just because I didn’t want to.
The truth is, I was people pleasing.
Now, this isn’t something I always do. I wouldn’t even say this is something I usually do. But I am definitely familiar with that feeling of giving in to either spare someone’s feelings or to avoid a harder conversation.
People pleasers worry about how other people may perceive them if they say no. And while people pleasers don’t want to be seen in a negative light, they often don’t realize that this tendency can come along with both physical and mental health risks.
In this article, we are going to look at how aiming to please people can go a step further and become destructive behavior. We will explore the downside of being too much of a people pleaser and why you should avoid doing this.
Then, we will look at 5 actionable habits you can employ to stop being a people pleaser.
Let’s get started.
What Is a People Pleaser?
A people pleaser is someone who goes to extreme lengths and puts their own desires aside to make other people happy. They do this because deep down, they fear abandonment or rejection from the ones they love.
But by going to great lengths to avoid conflict, they often end up putting up with poor treatment from others, and even get taken advantage of because people know they will agree to go along with whatever is asked of them.
Alter themselves to fit in with people around them
Avoid conflict at any cost
Never admit to having hurt feelings
For many people pleasers, the need to please others derives from a need for acceptance due to a lack of self-worth. People pleasers hope that by agreeing to help other people, they will be appreciated and liked.
This becomes an issue when people confuse pleasing people with generally being kind, and start to lose out on their own life because of it.
And this is a key point: kindness only occurs if you have no personal agenda behind your actions. You’re only acting out of kindness when you’re being completely selfless by putting someone else’s needs before your own…and you don’t have a second thought about it.
For example, if a coworker asks you to pick up some of their slack, you may agree in hopes that they will give you a hand in the future.
Or, you may not expect them to help you in return, but you want to avoid looking like you’re not a team player. If you agreed to help your coworker, this act would not be done out of kindness.
Now consider if your child needs some help with a school project because he values your opinion and is not confident in his work so far. In this situation, you’re likely to jump at the opportunity to help without expecting him to do anything for you in return. This is a kind act.
The Downside of Being a People Pleaser
People-pleasing may seem nice and harmless, but it can have serious consequences. Often, people pleasers are so preoccupied with keeping everyone else happy that they forget about their own needs and values.
“Don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm.”
This puts pressure and stress on you as you commit yourself to doing all of these things for other people and are then left to do everything that you need to do for yourself alone.
This can be overwhelming and you can run yourself down by doing too much–both mentally and physically. When you overcommit yourself, you lose sleep and have a greater chance of experiencing anxiety. Having this burden build up can lead you to feel resentment toward the people you’re trying to please.
People pleasers also use up all of their mental energy while helping other people work toward their goals, leaving very little time and energy to spend on their own goals. In fact, people pleasers may even begin to believe other people’s goals are more important than their own.
Take an objective look at your potentially people pleasing behavior and ask yourself the following questions:
Who do you take into consideration when making decisions?
Who do you turn to when seeking approval?
Do you find yourself apologizing often?
Do you have a hard time saying no?
Have you changed your focus in life because of someone else?
Do your short-term favors benefit people in the long-run?
When you consider your answers to these questions, you’re giving yourself an opportunity to learn from them. This can give you more control over your impulse to keep other people happy.
Take a few minutes to watch the video below and learn about the 5 proven strategies you can use to understand yourself better.
2. Wait Before Responding
If you’re a people pleaser, you already know that it can be hard to say no. But instead of agreeing to everything right away, buy yourself some time to think it over and make an informed decision.
Say something like, “Let me get back to you tomorrow after I look at my calendar.” You’ll also want to ask the person for more details about exactly what they’re asking you to do.
Then think about whether or not agreeing to the request is the best decision for you.
Is this commitment worth your time and energy?
Why are you considering saying yes?
If it is to avoid having a conflict or just so the person will like you, really consider declining.
It’s easy for people pleasers to recognize other people’s needs and wants, but more challenging to identify their own. But if you give yourself some time to sit with the decision instead of answer impulsively, you’re less likely to agree to do something that you’re doing for the wrong reasons.
By refraining from saying yes right away, you’re not committing yourself to meeting someone else’s needs before having a chance to think about yourself and how you want to spend your time.
Consider what you will be sacrificing if you agree to do whatever this person is asking you and if it’s possible you may hold a grudge against the person in the future because of it.
And, if the person needs an immediate answer, your new default answer is no. This leaves you the option to change your mind later. If you say yes, you’re stuck with it.
3. Practice Self-Care
In order to stop being a people pleaser, you have to shift your focus from other people to yourself.
One effective way of doing this is to make practicing self-care part of your normal routine, because it’s easy to neglect yourself when your concern is about everyone else. But as you probably know, you can’t take care of other people if you don’t take care of yourself first.
Practicing self-care is a critical component to putting a halt to your people pleasing behaviors. This means you need to make your physical and mental needs a priority so you can learn to develop respect for yourself, your goals, and your time.
Creating boundaries with yourself and other people will help you feel more confident in your decisions and less resentful toward the ones you love.
When your relationships have clear and healthy boundaries, you have a much smaller chance of feeling used by the people in your life. Creating boundaries with yourself and other people will help you feel more confident in your decisions and less resentful toward the ones you love.
Alternatively, when you allow people to cross your boundaries over and over, you will bottle up frustration until you lash out.
For example, if your friend always calls you while you’re at work just to chit chat about her day, you may start to get behind on your work and begin to resent her for not recognizing and respecting the fact that you’re busy.
To fix this, you could set a boundary by saying you will only answer the phone after 5:30 (or whenever).
You can phrase it in a way that shows her you would rather be able to give her your full attention instead of being distracted at work if you don’t want to be brutally honest.
Another way to create a boundary is to set a timeframe when someone asks you to do something.
Let’s say a friend wants you to help them move over the weekend, and because you’re close with this person, you don’t want to say no–but you also have some things you want to get done for yourself.
Set a boundary by saying you’re only free on Sunday from 11:00-2:00 (or whatever you’re willing to do). Be clear when you’re communicating this and stick to it.
Boundaries are a recognition of whatever truth is happening inside your mind, so don’t be afraid to set them and stick to them. It may take a while to adjust, but you’ll feel better once people learn and accept the boundaries you set.
5. Be Assertive… Empathically
If you’re a people pleaser, you probably feel like you have to justify it every time you say no. After all, you want the other person to understand you have a good reason to decline their request!
But doing this can end up backfiring because as soon as you start to list off your excuses, the other person could respond with potential solutions to this “predicament” in your schedule.
And if they try to argue that your current commitment isn’t as important as what they’re asking, then you’re really in a bind.
If you can learn to be assertive in a nice way, you won’t feel like you owe anyone an explanation. When you’re assertive, you’re able to calmly stick up for your needs.
And when you’re empathic, you can understand how other people may be feeling. So when you’re empathically assertive, you can acknowledge someone else’s feelings before making a statement that allows you to stand up for yourself and your own needs.
The video below shows you five strategies you can use to say no often and effectively.
Let’s go back to the example of the friend who is moving. You can respond to this request with empathic assertion by saying something like, “I know how stressful moving is, but I have another obligation this weekend.”
This sounds a lot more caring than a simple, “no”. In a way, you’re suggesting that you wish you could help, but something else has to take priority for you.
When you demonstrate this level of assertion, you’re not being rude. You’re making a connection with the person by acknowledging the stress of their situation so they know that you understand their feelings, but unfortunately, you aren’t able to do everything they’re asking.
Ultimately, people just want to feel heard, so if you show them you understand, they will recognize you’re being respectful of their feelings, which they will appreciate.
Final Thoughts on How to Stop Being a People Pleaser
Try to build these habits to stop spending your energy trying to please other people and start focusing on yourself. As soon as you can stop trying to please everyone else, you will gain the necessary time and energy to work on your own goals and do the things that make you happy.
And honestly, the very first time you say no to someone will be the hardest. However, as soon as you’re past this little hump and you see how this newfound freedom can benefit you, you will probably have no trouble moving forward with this new behavior.
Just keep in mind that there is a reason you’re saying no to some requests– you want that time back for yourself and you want the energy to be able to help those whom you truly want to help.
And if you’re looking for more resources to help increase your self-awareness, be sure to read these articles:
Connie Mathers is a professional editor and freelance writer. She holds a Bachelor’s Degree in Marketing and a Master’s Degree in Social Work. When she is not writing, Connie is either spending time with her daughter and two dogs, running, or working at her full-time job as a social worker in Richmond, VA.
According to “common factors theory,” the essence of successful therapy lies in shared core elements, and the differences between therapeutic approaches are often less important than fulfilling these fundamental criteria.
One frequent question people ask themselves when they first decide to seek therapy is, “What type of therapy should I get?”
There are many different types of talk therapy to choose from. Often specific types of therapy are geared toward specific mental disorders. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy is common for depression and anxiety disorders, Dialectic Behavioral Therapy is common for bipolar and mood disorders, and EMDR is common among those with PTSD.
How much do these therapies differ? How much does it matter?
One interesting idea in psychology is “common factors theory.” The basic premise is that effective therapy isn’t necessarily based on any specific type of therapeutic tool or technique, but rather there are underlying factors behind all therapies that make them successful.
Many therapeutic systems have been invented over the past century. Today, every popular therapist or coach has their own trademarked brand that’s sold as the absolute best approach to mental health.
The less glamorous truth is that most successful therapies aren’t special. There’s significant overlap between different approaches, with a couple extra bells and whistles. However, at the end of the day the biggest reason they are successful is because they all meet fundamental criteria.
Below you’ll learn more about these “common factors” behind successful therapy, including: collaboration, empathy, alliance, positive regard, genuineness, and individual differences.
6 Common Factors Behind All Successful Therapy
One interesting study identified 6 common factors behind all “evidence-based” therapy. They also calculated estimates on how much each factor contributed to the overall variability of therapeutic outcomes.
Here are the 6 common factors behind all successful therapy:
Goal consensus / collaboration (11.5%) – The most important factor is that both the therapist and client share the same goal and they’re willing to work together to achieve it. A goal can be anything from managing negative emotions, to stopping bad habits, to improving communication skills. If their goals mismatch (such as the client not wanting to change or the therapist wanting to go in a different direction), then it’ll be difficult if not impossible to make any progress. Both people need to be on the same page.
Empathy (9%) – The therapist must have a clear understanding of who their patient is and where they are coming from. This means being aware of their current thoughts and feelings, but also learning a comprehensive history of that patient’s past experiences and background. We build empathy by seeking knowledge and understanding about another person. Don’t try to guess, label, or project where someone is coming from. Ask questions and learn. A therapist must treat each person as their own individual case. A scientific study of n=1. Every person has a unique story and a therapist’s job is to learn each person’s story.
Alliance (7.5%) – Both therapist and client must see their relationship as a partnership where each puts in equal effort to realize their shared goal. For the therapist, this means providing advice, encouragement, compliments, and constructive feedback. For the client, this means putting in work outside of the therapy session (in everyday life) so they actually see changes and results. A healthy alliance requires three main components: 1) A shared bond between therapist and client, 2) Agreement about the goals of therapy, and 3) Agreement about the tasks to achieve it (practical advice, tips, suggestions, exercises, homework). Therapy has to be viewed as more than just talking once per week, but rather an impetus to work together, create a plan, and achieve real progress.
Positive regard / affirmation (7.3%) – It’s important that the therapist treats the patient with optimism, positivity, compliments, and encouragement. While a therapist sometimes needs to provide critical and constructive feedback, they should generally promote the patient’s self-esteem and core values. If a therapist tries to fundamentally change something about a person that they don’t want to, there’s naturally going to be conflict and difficulties. One idea known as unconditional positive regard was popularized by the humanistic psychologist Carl Rogers. He highlighted the importance of being agreeable and respectful toward the patient’s core beliefs, values, and goals (even if you disagree with them). Rogers saw therapy as a tool to encourage self-discovery and self-awareness, not tell a patient exactly how they should live their life.
Congruence / genuineness (5.7%) – Both the therapist and patient need to be open, genuine, and authentic. If the patient feels the therapist is just “putting on an act” or “pretending to be nice,” they are going to want to pullback and disengage from the process. A good therapist needs to be just as vulnerable as the patient. This means sharing relevant thoughts and feelings, being honest and matter-of-fact, and being willing to express emotions when appropriate. One telltale sign of incongruence is when there is a mismatch in body language (including posture, facial expressions, or tone of voice). If a therapist’s words don’t match their body language, the patient likely won’t develop any trust or rapport.
Therapist differences (5%) – The last important factor, which may be beyond our control, is personality differences between the therapist and client. Not everyone is designed to get along with everyone, and sometimes the therapist and patient are just too different when it comes to attitude, temperament, background, or lifestyle. Many therapy sessions don’t work out simply because the therapist/patient relationship doesn’t seem to mesh right. This is why it’s recommended that a person tries out multiple therapists when first starting out. Then they can find someone that fits with their personality and a therapist to commit to long-term.
These are the 6 most common factors behind successful therapy. They account for ~50% of the total variability in therapeutic outcomes, so there are still many other factors at play.
In truth, different types of therapies have their advantages and disadvantages, and certain approaches may work better for some and not at all for others.
Regardless of the system, successful therapy often needs to meet the basic requirements listed above. Without these common factors being met, no technique or approach is going to work.
A Warning on Overspecialized Therapy
A therapist needs to be flexible in their approach and try not to force fit everyone into their preferred model.
The more a person is trained and/or educated on a specific field in psychology, the more they seem to be “locked in” to only one way of observing the human condition. They don’t talk to people as human beings at face value, but instead think, “How does this person fit into my cognitive/behavioral/psychodynamic/evolutionary model?”
Expertise (and overspecialization) can narrow vision. A certain element of beginner’s mind is the best approach to therapy. Start with the basic questions, “Who is this person? What do they care about? What makes them tick? What do they want to change?”
Assume nothing and ask questions. Learn about the person from scratch. Connect to them human-to-human and see where it goes.
More concerning, certain therapies have become popularized and over-hyped in recent years. They’ve turned into commercial brands. “Cognitive-behavioral therapy” has become a buzzword in many circles because the average person associates it with the only “evidence-based” therapy.
Of course I’m not against specific therapies. I’ve learned a lot of helpful tools and techniques from various systems (including CBT) that I still practice today.
At the end of the day, I’m a pragmatist, so there’s almost no therapy, treatment, medication, or technique I’m 100% for or against. If it helps just one person, then it’s that much effective.
However, in general, a good therapist needs to have a comprehensive understanding of how humans work. Tools and techniques can be in your back-pocket, but first and foremost you need to approach people as individual human beings seeking growth.
Successful therapy can’t be reduced to a checklist.
The Gloria Tapes: 3 Therapeutic Approaches
This topic reminds me of an old series of videos known as the Gloria Tapes.
It was an educational film made in the 1960s to teach psychology students the differences between therapeutic approaches.
The series follows a single patient, Gloria, who receives therapy from three distinguished psychologists of the time: Carl Rogers, Fritz Perls, and Albert Ellis.
The therapy is limited since it’s only one session each, but you can get a good understanding of the radically different approaches by each therapist.
You can watch each of the sessions here:
Each of these videos reveals a different approach to therapy.
Albert Ellis is most aligned with modern cognitive and rational-based approaches. Carl Rogers has a more gentle and humanistic approach. Fritz Perls has a direct and provocative approach (almost to the point of bullying).
If I remember correctly, the patient Gloria felt the most comfortable with Rogers, but she actually went for a second session with Perls. I don’t know how to interpret that – it’s possible she felt “unfinished business” with Perls or she simply enjoyed arguing with him.
None of this says anything about “successful therapy.” Just one session isn’t adequate to measure “success” vs. “failure” when it comes to a long-term process like self-growth. However, these examples will give you a taste for the different types of therapies out there.
Ultimately, successful therapy depends on both therapist and patient. The most important factor is to have a healthy, working relationship and a “build together” attitude. Once you have that foundation, anything is possible.
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What is your personality like?
Are you someone who is more of a realist? Or, are you someone who is more of a visionary?
Are you someone who tends to focus on the practical? Or, do you want to dream big even if you might fall short?
These questions describe the fundamental differences between what are known as realist and visionary personalities.
In this article, we will talk about the differences between realist and visionary personalities with eight examples that everyone should keep in mind.
Let’s get to it.
What Are Realists and Visionaries?
First, it is important to define what is meant by a realist vs. a visionary.
A realist is someone who prefers to live in the here and now. That is someone who is always focused on what is happening in the present moment.
They tend not to think too far ahead of themselves. They would rather be realistic and occasionally be surprised in a positive way. When they set goals for themselves, they tend to set goals in the near future, focusing on what is realistically achievable.
In contrast, a visionary is someone who tends to dream big. This personality is someone who prefers to set major goals for themselves occasionally gets disappointed.
A visionary is also someone who would like to change the world. Even though a visionary understand that all of their goals may not come true, they still want to try. Therefore, they tend to set grand goals that are far in the distance.
8 Differences Between a Realist and a Visionary
There are a few significant differences between realist and visionary personalities. Some of the most important differences include:
1. How They Respond Differently to Volatility
One of the first differences between a realist and a visionary is how they respond to volatility. Volatility refers to rapid changes in the order of things.
If the balance is fluctuating back and forth quickly, this refers to a volatile situation. A realist and a visionary are going to respond to this situation differently.
A realist is going to get concerned when they take a look at volatility. Volatility makes it more difficult to predict the future.
Because a realist likes to understand what is coming next, and volatility makes it hard to predict this situation, they are not going to look at this situation favorably. They would probably like to restore the balance as quickly as possible.
In contrast, a visionary is someone who is going to see an opportunity when looking at volatility. A visionary probably has a specific goal in mind that they would like to achieve.
A visionary may try to bring a volatile situation back into balance; however, they may like to create a new “normal” that is more aligned with their goals. Ultimately, a realist and a visionary will react to volatility differently.
2. They Set Their Goals Differently
As alluded to above, these two personalities are going to differ in terms of how they set their goals.
For example, a visionary is going to be someone who sets large, lofty goals far in the future. To some people, these goals may seem unrealistic.
On the other hand, to the visionary, these goals refer to a vision of the future. If the visionary is unable to achieve these goals for the future, that is okay! It is better to reach for the stars, try, and fail occasionally rather than to live with regrets. That is the mindset of the visionary.
In contrast, a realist is someone who’s going to set shorter, more incremental goals. Furthermore, a realist is probably going to be someone who has a specific template that he or she will use to set those goals.
For example, a lot of realists like to use a template for SMART goals. These goals are measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-based. With clear guard rails in place, a realist sets himself or herself up to achieve those goals.
Then, when those goals are met, a realist will set new goals for the future. Even though these goals may not be as grand as those of a visionary, a realist believes that he or she is going to achieve those goals.
Whether you’re a realist or visionary, knowing how to set the right goals help. The video below provides a quick overview of SMART goals and then show three examples for each of the seven areas of your life.
3. How They Differ in Terms of Innovation
Both the visionary and the realist are going to focus on innovation; however, they are going to approach the process of innovation very differently.
For example, someone who is a realist is going to stick within the guardrails when it comes to the process of innovation.
They may understand that there is a research and development team in place. They will work closely with that team in order to build incrementally on some of the existing products and services. Then, they will produce an innovative product that represents a natural progression from an existing state.
In contrast, a visionary is someone who was going to try to innovate through disruption. For example, they may try to come up with an entirely new product or service that is going to change the way people look at the world.
Even though it may take longer to get something completed in this manner, a visionary understands that if his or her product is successful, it may have the potential to change the way people live their everyday lives.
A visionary has a large, overarching goal for the future, and they are not afraid to disrupt the status quo through this innovative process.
4. How They Differ in Terms of Leadership
It is entirely possible for someone to be a leader both as a realist and as a visionary; however, they do tend to lead very differently from one another.
In a lot of situations, people look at a visionary as an impractical leader. They may have a leadership style that people have never seen before.
Those who work in a company probably have specific expectations of their managers or supervisors. A visionary is someone who is going to lead in a new way. They may provide more autonomy to the people who work under them.
They may solicit the feedback of their employees more often than other leaders. Even though this is an impractical leadership style, a visionary is going to play to his or her strengths, no matter how unique they might be.
In contrast, a real list of someone who is going to be a much more practical leader. Even though they may not step outside the box is often, they are going to use a leadership style that has been proven to work.
Even if this leadership style is not the most comfortable option for them, a realist knows that that specific leadership style has been proven effective. Therefore, they are going to put this leadership style to work for them as they lead members of their team.
Another way in which people who are visionaries and people who are realists differ has to do with their emotions.
Everyone has emotions. Nobody has a robot. At the same time, these emotions are employed very differently when it comes to a realist versus a visionary.
A realist is someone who is going to try to put all of those emotions to the side. Even though they certainly feel emotions every second of every day, they are not necessarily going to act on them all the time.
Because a realist is someone who favors logic and reason above all else, they believe emotions are going to cloud the decision-making process. Therefore, they are going to do their absolute best not to act on those emotions, regardless of the situation.
In contrast, a visionary is someone who is going to embrace those emotions. They believe they are feeling those emotions for a reason. Therefore, they believe it would be a mistake to ignore them.
They will use these emotions during their decision-making process because they value them. Even though they understand these emotions may not always lead to the correct answer, they believe it would be a mistake to bottle them up completely.
6. How They Go Through the Planning Process
There are also several differences regarding how visionaries versus realists go through the planning process.
A realist is someone who likes to be in control of as much as possible. Therefore, they are going to meticulously plan every single part of whatever comes next before they act.
A realist will not be comfortable moving forward until that plan has been measured out completely. Otherwise, they are afraid they will not be able to control what happens.
Furthermore, a realist is not going to delegate this to somebody else unless they are forced to do so. That is because they will be forced to surrender some level of control.
One of the biggest differences between people who are realists and people who are visionaries are their planning process.
In contrast, a visionary of someone who’s comfortable delegating the planning process to other people. Furthermore, they do not believe that every single part of the plan has to be defined to the very last detail before moving forward. A visionary of someone who is much more comfortable playing something by ear.
Even though there’s nothing wrong with sticking to the plan if that is the way it turns out, a visionary is much more agile, flexible, and versatile. They are okay switching up the plan if the situation dictates it.
This is another one of the biggest differences between people who are realists and people who are visionaries.
7. How They Treat New Ideas
There are also some significant differences and how these two personalities treat ideas.
Someone who is a realist is someone who favors concrete ideas. They like to see something laid out specifically on paper before they move forward. A realist of someone who prefers numbers and things that can be objectively measured.
If an idea can be presented in this way, they are likely to embrace it. They want to know exactly what will happen if they decide to implement that new idea.
On the other hand, a realist is not someone who is able to handle abstract ideas easily. Even though they can certainly think in the abstract, this is not something they are going to favor if given the choice.
In contrast, a visionary is someone who thinks in the abstract very easily. A visionary is okay not having everything objectively defined.
Even though they understand this means that certain elements of the plan may not be in place when they decide to move forward, they are okay moving forward with some vague, abstract idea.
They believe that everything is going to work itself out if they simply move forward. A visionary also understands that Innovation does require some degree of abstract thinking. That is why they embrace abstract ideas from time to time. They believe this can make a significant difference in the world.
It is important to understand that the way a realist vs a visionary embraces ideas is not necessarily good or bad. They are simply different.
8. How They Look at the Possibility of New Experiments
Finally, there are also significant differences and how these two personalities look at new experiments.
A visionary is someone who is much more likely to embrace change. In contrast, a realist of someone who is more likely to stick to the status quo. It is certainly possible to convince a realist to try something new.
On the other hand, a realist has to have some sort of prediction regarding how that new idea is going to play out. Because a realistic someone who likes the status quo, this is someone who does not like uncertainty.
If they are experimenting with something new, there’s going to be some level of uncertainty. A realist wants to know that everything has been done to minimize the potential of this uncertainty before moving forward.
In contrast, a visionary is someone who looks forward to something there. A visionary knows that if we try something new, there is a chance that it could be better than the old way.
Of course, it could also be worse than the old way; however, a visionary is more willing to take this chance. A visionary may also play a role in actively experimenting, trying to find different ways of doing things.
It is possible for both of these leadership methods to be effective. Even though visionary and realist personalities are different, they also do a great job of balancing each other out.
Particularly when it comes to experimenting with new ideas, it may be possible to strike a middle ground between someone who is a realist and someone who is a visionary.
Final Thoughts on Realists vs Visionaries
Ultimately, these are a few of the many ways that personalities differ when comparing a realist to a visionary. It is important to understand that one personality is not necessarily better than the other.
They are simply different from each other. If you are aware of the type of personality you have, you will better understand yourself as you are planning for the future.
Do not be afraid to step outside of your comfort zone from time to time. There is nothing wrong with setting goals and dreaming big.
Now, whether you’re a relist or visionary, if you’re looking for resources to help you achieve your goals, be sure to read these articles:
The defendant, now 20 and with continuing interim name suppression, appeared before Judge Kathryn Maxwell in Auckland District Court this morning as she mused over his unusually substantive criminal history for someone so young.
He has spent some of his time since the March 5, 2022, shooting remanded in a maximum security jail cell, where he has at times spent 23 hours per day in lockdown.
“You have to take some responsibility, though, of course, for that difficulty on remand,” the judge said, blaming the difficult conditions on “how you are acting in prison”.
The defendant was ordered to serve a sentence of five years and seven months for three counts of wounding with intent to cause grievous bodily harm with a firearm and a concurrent six-month sentence for receiving $1700 worth of stolen goods as the result of an unrelated road rage incident.
He was 18 when arrested last year for the shooting, which took place around 2am on a Saturday on central Auckland’s Fort St, where some businesses catering to the nightclub scene remained open.
All of us, at some point in our lives, have believed some aspect of our personalities could be improved upon. Maybe you got the message that you were too loud, or brash, or talkative. Maybe you were told you were overly reserved, or sensitive, or dreamy. Maybe your ideas are too impractical, or too regimented. Maybe you’re too loose with money, or too tight-fisted. Whatever the critique was, it probably made you feel crappy and self-conscious. But that’s okay, because a little self-reflection is good for everyone, and it’s important to be mindful how you’re coming across to others. And it also doesn’t mean you should try to eradicate that part of yourself. In fact, if it’s getting other people’s attention, it’s probably core to who you are. Here, we spoke with six entrepreneurs who made the mindset shift from feeling ashamed of their “bad” personality traits, to unlocking their potential.
Who do you look up to in life? We are a product of our influences. Complete this “Role Models” worksheet to create an endless resource of people you can be motivated and inspired by.
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From helping your neighbor to volunteering at an animal shelter, real-life heroism comes in many forms. Teleportation and invisibility are no more than cool on-screen tricks. Yet, compassion, friendliness, and generosity are qualities that help us become the best version of ourselves and uplift others in everyday life.
We’ve compiled a list of the 31 best songs about heroes. Hopefully, they will remind you that you can singlehandedly change your life and the lives of those around you for the better.
Best Songs About Heroes
1. Hero, Mariah Carey
“And then a hero comes along with the strength to carry on. And you cast your fears aside, and you know you can survive.”
One of Carey’s most successful tracks, “Hero,” is about self-appreciation. The lyrics promote the message that when times get tough, you can tap into your inner strength and find the resilience to combat any inconvenience. We’re shaped by our qualities that are stronger than outside circumstances. It’s easy to lose sight of our innate courage, but it’s always there to push us to rise above seemingly impossible problems. When help doesn’t come your way, you can rely on your power and come out as an undefeated champion.
2. Heroes and Friends, Randy Travis
“Your heroes will help you find good in yourself. Your friends won’t forsake you for somebody else. They’ll both stand beside you thru thick and thru thin.”
This optimistic country tune expounds on the idea that heroes are idols who teach us valuable life lessons. They show us how to persevere and stay true to our vision, even when dark clouds are ahead. However, if you feel like you’re losing your way, the unsung heroes will step in and help you get back on track.
True friends do more for us than we sometimes realize. They laugh with us when the sun is shining, but they’re also ready to swoop in when we’re about to stumble and fall.
It’s good to look up to incredible people and strive to become just as amazing, but friends who have your back make the journey to greatness less difficult.
3. Superheroes, The Script
“When you’ve been fighting for it all your life, you’ve been struggling to make things right. That’s how a superhero learns to fly.”
Everyone’s going through struggles we may know nothing about. Whether they’re going to work or doing household chores to help their family, people are trying to improve their lives in many ways. These unassuming heroes often go underappreciated because we’re unaware of how much blood, sweat, and tears go into their efforts.
The chorus underscores the strength it takes to keep going when nothing seems right. Rather than knocking you down, your struggle pushes you to try harder and shows you how to face future problems head-on.
4. We Don’t Need Another Hero, Tina Turner
“Love and compassion, their day is coming. All else are castles built in the air.”
Turner’s song appeared in the 1985 movie “Mad Max: Beyond the Thunderdome” and captured the determination and hope of the main characters. Trapped in a barren post-apocalyptic desert, their chance of survival is slim. But they refuse to resign themselves to failure and are determined to help themselves and their friends.
This sentiment has touched the hearts of many people across the world.
Rather than waiting for the world to change, become the hero you want to see. Take positive action to better your position and inspire others. You might not think you’re capable of saving the day. But when others follow your lead, you’ll see that real heroes work together to turn their dreams into reality.
5. Wind Beneath My Wings, Bette Midler
“Did you ever know that you’re my hero and everything I would like to be? I can fly higher than an eagle, for you are the wind beneath my wings.”
There’s nothing more motivating than unconditional support from your loved ones. Whether you’re on the brink of success or cowering in defeat, someone cheering you on is a reminder that you’re a hero no matter the outcome.
We should be proud of our achievements, but they shouldn’t go to our heads. It’s important to acknowledge the kind-hearted people who always had faith in us and encouraged us to continue working towards our goals. Even heroes suffer from self-doubt and need a bit of support to reassure them of their capabilities.
6. Heroes, David Bowie
“We could steal time just for one day. We can be heroes for ever and ever. What d’you say?”
A catchy anthem that praises resilience, “Heroes” inspires our fighting spirit to stay strong in the face of hardship. Bowie’s idea for the song came from a young German couple who meet secretly near the Berlin Wall every day. The couple was determined to keep their love alive against all odds.
Their story carries a powerful message. We should trust ourselves and stay true to the values we find dear. In the end, no oppression is stronger than the heroism of fighting for who and what you love.
7. Heroes (We Could Be), Alesso ft. Tove Lo
“Every day people do everyday things, but I can’t be one of them. I know you hear me now; we are a different kind. We can do anything.”
Heroes don’t have to work miracles to unlock their full potential. Sometimes, falling in love is enough. Finding that special person doesn’t just make you happy and dizzy but also makes you feel powerful. No issue can overshadow your newfound motivation to make the good in your life even better.
With a kind-hearted person by your side, you’re ready to move mountains and turn obstacles into victories. Heroes never walk alone. They always have someone in their corner, glad to hold their hand and help them thrive.
8. I’ll Be There, Mariah Carey
“I’ll reach out my hand to you, I’ll have faith in all you do. Just call my name and I’ll be there.”
Another Mariah Carey entry, this soulful track pays homage to anyone ready to put another person’s needs first. Selflessness is a superpower that makes others happy and transforms you into a more tender and compassionate human. There’s nothing nobler than watching someone’s eyes smile after you’ve raised their spirits. It’s one of the most incredible things you can do for someone, stay by their side until they rediscover their inner hero.
9. Hero, Weezer
“When I was a kid, I thought I’d save the world. Running ’round and chasing all the criminals. Swinging on a web, flying in the sky, shooting lasers from my eyes. But now I know it never was my destiny.”
A subversive take on the superhero narrative, this song underscores that many heroes remain unknown. It was released in the spring of 2020, and it’s dedicated to the essential workers whose tireless work has protected millions of people from the pandemic.
Traditionally, we’re taught that heroes are well-known, idolized, and different from regular people. But the regularity of everyday people is exactly what the song appreciates. Being true to who you are and doing your best doesn’t always look heroic, but it’s an impressive feat we should respect and acknowledge more often.
10. Something Just Like This, The Chainsmokers ft. Coldplay
“I’m not looking for somebody with some superhuman gifts, some superhero, some fairytale bliss. Just something I can turn to, somebody I can miss.”
This upbeat collaboration reworks the concept of great mythical characters. Unlike the heroes from classical mythology, the narrator is struck that he has no qualities that make him stand out. He has no hidden powers that would compel others to admire him. But when he turns to his relationship, he finds a way to become a superhero.
Supporting our loved ones and listening to their needs is the ultimate act of care and affection. Fictional characters fight monsters and complete unbelievable tasks, but daily life requires a different hero, a loving, kind, and selfless person.
11. Superman (It’s Not Easy), Five for Fighting
“I’m more than a bird, I’m more than a plane. I’m more than some pretty face beside a train and it’s not easy to be me.”
The song’s narrator is Superman himself, and the lyrics express his innermost thoughts and doubts. He struggles under the weight of peoples’ expectations and feels that this superhero persona overshadows his true identity. It’s as if he’s had to sacrifice a part of his identity to achieve greatness.
But despite the difficulty he’s faced and the pressure he’s under, he continues to serve and protect others. The worry and anxiety are not as strong as his desire to do good.
The song reminds listeners that life’s not always smooth sailing. Heroes grapple with self-doubt, but they don’t allow it to crush their spirit.
12. When You Believe, Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston
“There can be miracles when you believe. Though hope is frail, it’s hard to kill. Who knows what miracles you can achieve?”
No matter how put-together they appear, even the most self-assured people don’t have all the answers. Finding your way through the murky uncertainty is challenging, but guidance comes from believing in yourself. The world is often unfair, so bleakness seems like the only outcome. However, looking deep within yourself and discovering hidden courage will reassure you that you’re capable of heroic acts.
13. Go the Distance, Michael Bolton
“I’ll be there someday, I can go the distance. I will find my way if I can be strong. I know every mile would be worth my while.”
This Disney classic was written for “Hercules,” an animated movie that follows the trials and tribulations of the young hero before he fulfills his destiny. Hercules is a demigod, so he possesses many abilities unattainable for the ordinary person. He still faces many hurdles, and what makes him fight harder isn’t some godlike superpower but his self-confidence.
When your plans go awry, it’s hard not to question your self-worth. You’re unsure whether your next steps will lead you to success or failure. However, keeping your course despite all your fears is a courageous deed. Arm yourself with determination and hope, and victory will come your way.
14. My Hero, The Foo Fighters
“There goes my hero. Watch him as he goes. There goes my hero. He’s ordinary.”
The Foo Fighter’s Dave Grohl claims that he didn’t look up to celebrities growing up. Instead, he admired the hard work and perseverance of ordinary people. This sentiment is deeply embedded in “My Hero.”
The lyrics are concerned with paying your respects to the people you pass on the street every day but fail to notice. Their accomplishments won’t be televised, and you won’t hear them interviewed on your local radio station. At first glance, they’re just regular people, but their lives are nothing short of extraordinary.
The accompanying music video builds on this idea, depicting an unidentified man saving items from a burning house. We can’t see his face, but that’s the whole point. We may never discover his identity, but his heroic actions are worthy of praise and respect.
15. We Are the Champions, Queen
“I’ve done my sentence but committed no crime. And bad mistakes, I’ve made a few. I’ve had my share of sand kicked in my face, but I’ve come through.”
No sporting event is complete without playing Queen’s anthemic tune. The lyrics celebrate victory and show that the path to triumph is full of challenges.
Setting goals is relatively quick but reaching them takes a lot of effort. True winners understand that hardship teaches them to be stronger and more resourceful. Each time they make a mistake, they’re ready to learn from it and strengthen their mindset. The journey to success isn’t always enjoyable, but it shows us how to turn mistakes into small victories.
16. Hero, Superchick
“You could be a hero — heroes do what’s right. You could be a hero — you might save a life. You could be a hero — you could join the fight.”
Many people fight an internal battle that eats away at their strength and confidence. The song’s lyrics introduce us to several people who are suffering silently, unable to ask for help. Their problems are different, but, ultimately, they all feel weak and alone.
Once the chorus kicks in, the message becomes clear. When heroes see others in pain, they’re quick to lend a hand and help them heal. Whether it’s a kind word, encouraging smile, or thoughtful pep-talk, what you have to offer can change someone’s day for the better.
17. Superman’s Song, Crash Test Dummies
“Superman never made any money. Savin’ the world from Solomon Grundy. And sometimes I despair. The world will never see another man like him.”
The music video of this song shows people attending the funeral of Superman. In the lyrics of the song, Crash Test Dummies highlight the differences between Tarzan and Superman. The message is that true heroes never ask for something in return when saving people. They, like Superman, do what needs to be done in the name of goodness, and not for personal gain.
18. Heroes, Paul Overstreet
“’Cause you know heroes come in every shape and size. Making special sacrifices for others in their lives. No one gives them medals. The world don’t know their names. But in someone’s eyes, they’re heroes just the same.”
This song introduces us to two individuals who don’t have powers like usual superheroes. However, they are heroes in their own right. The two are ordinary people—a hardworking father/husband and a loving mother/wife—who are committed to supporting their families, doing the best they can to provide and care for their loved ones.
19. She’s Somebody’s Hero, Jamie O’Neal
“She’s somebody’s hero. A hero to her baby with a skinned-up knee. A little kiss is all she needs. The keeper of the Cheerios. The voice that brings Snow White to life. Bedtime stories every night. And that smile lets her know she’s somebody’s hero.”
This song is about a woman who, like the individuals in the previous song, doesn’t possess any superpower and hasn’t done anything remarkable or heroic, such as pulling someone from a burning building or landing on the moon.
Nevertheless, the song tells us that she’s a hero in her daughter’s eyes. As her daughter grew, the devotion and love between them remained and they were both heroes in each other’s eyes.
20. Not All Heroes Wear Capes, Owl City
“He built me a house in the arms of a tree. He taught me to drive and to fight and to dream. When he looks in my eyes, I hope he can see that my dad’s a hero to me.”
This song is a tribute to fathers who are heroes in their children’s eyes. The singer recounts how his dad taught him valuable life lessons, and how they shared precious memories. This song is a reminder that, for many of us, real-life heroes don’t necessarily have to do extraordinary feats or have superpowers. They often become heroes because of their steady presence in our lives and the valuable lessons they give us.
21. Wonder Woman, Lion Babe
“I ain’t gonna break for that. I’m a Wonder Woman. I ain’t gonna take all that. I’m a Wonder Woman. That’ll get you nowhere. You don’t wanna see what happens when I get provoked. You don’t wanna go there. See me spin around, see me swing my golden rope.”
In this song, a woman reclaims her personal power. She likens herself to Wonder Woman, a powerful woman superhero. She warns detractors to watch out, because she is not one to give up without a fight.
22. Unstoppable, The Score
“We can be heroes everywhere we go. We can have all that we ever want. Swinging like Ali, knocking out bodies. Standing on top like a champion. Keep your silver, give me that gold. You will remember when I say we can be heroes everywhere we go. Keeping us down is impossible. ‘Cause we’re unstoppable.”
Failure can be the springboard to your future success. However, many people stop trying when they experience setbacks. To become successful and achieve your dreams, you need to believe in yourself and your ability to keep moving forward. This way, you become not just a hero for others, but also for yourself.
23. Heroes, Zayde Wolf
“We are heroes, heroes in the darkest times. When there is no light, we are heroes. Heroes in the darkest times who will rise above. We are heroes.”
If you need a song that reflects a hero’s struggles to achieve victory, you might want to add this one to your playlist. Listening to the lyrics, you’ll feel empowered to stand up for yourself and go after your dreams.
In this song, Dustin Brian Burnett, aka Zayde Wolf, sings about those who are capable of bringing back the light amidst darkness, and calls them heroes.
24. Everyday Superhero, Smash Mouth
“I’m just your average ordinary everyday superhero trying to save the world, but never really sure. I’m just your average ordinary everyday superhero, nothing more than that. That’s all I really am.”
Here is a song from the point of view of a typical superhero. But this isn’t a song where the superhero brags about his abilities and achievements. Instead, the superhero downplays all of that and insists he’s just doing the right thing. Everything amazing that happens in his effort to save the world is only part of his job.
25. No Hero, Elisa
“I can’t jump over buildings, I’m no hero. But love can do miracles. I can’t outrun a bullet, I’m no hero. But I would take one for you. Be sure I would.”
In this song, the narrator acknowledges their limitations as an ordinary human being. They have no superpowers and therefore cannot do amazing feats. However, they promise to do the best they can to support the person they care for—even take a bullet for them. They’ll do it all in the name of love. Isn’t that something a heroic person would do?
26. A World Without Heroes, KISS
“A world without heroes is like a world without sun. You can’t look up to anyone without heroes. And a world without heroes is like a never-ending race. Is like a time without a place, a pointless thing, devoid of grace.”
What would the world be like if there weren’t people who are willing to sacrifice for others? This is the main theme of this song. The lyrics ask you to reflect on what life would be like if there were no heroes at all. It would be a very bleak world, without anyone to look up to and without a source of hope and grace.
27. In My Daughter’s Eyes, Martina McBride
“In my daughter’s eyes, I am a hero. I am strong and wise and I know no fear. But the truth is plain to see. She was sent to rescue me. I see who I want to be in my daughter’s eyes.”
Parents sacrifice so much for their children. And when the children grow up, they develop a deeper understanding of their parents’ selfless acts. They declare their parents to be the heroes in their lives and try to emulate them when they have their own families.
However, as this song tells us, people often don’t realize that, for many parents, their children are their inspiration to become better versions of themselves. So, while children view their parents as their heroes, the parents look up to their children in the same way.
28. Hero, Cash Cash ft. Christina Perri
“Now I don’t need your wings to fly. No, I don’t need a hand to hold in mine this time. You held me down, but I broke free. I found the love inside of me. Now I don’t need a hero to survive. ‘Cause I already saved my life. ‘Cause I already saved my life.”
Some people spend almost their whole lives looking for love and affirmation from others. Sadly, they don’t find what they’re looking for. This song is a reminder that true love stems from within. You need to learn to love yourself. When that happens, life changes and you begin to attract the right people and situations to make your life better.
29. Hero, Chad Kroeger ft. Josey Scott
“And they say that a hero could save us. I’m not gonna stand here and wait. I’ll hold onto the wings of the eagles. Watch as we all fly away.”
This song echoes the theme of self-love found in the previous track. You don’t need to wait for another person to affirm you, because you actually hold the power in your hands to create a better life for yourself.
30. Nobody’s Hero, Rush
“But she’s nobody’s hero. Is the voice of reason against the howling mob. Hero…is the pride of purpose in the unrewarding job. Hero…not the champion player who plays the perfect game. Hero…not the glamour boy who loves to sell his name. Everybody’s buying. Nobody’s hero.”
First released in 1993, this song is a reflection on the nature of heroes. Some of the lyrics are inspired by the personal stories of individuals some of the band members knew. The song concludes that a hero isn’t someone who is famous like an actor, but someone who saves lives in their own unassuming way.
31. Unsung Hero, for KING + COUNTRY
“To be strong like my father even when I am scared. And when someone’s in trouble, I’ll never leave them there. And I’ll love like my mother, like there’s nothing to lose. You’re my unsung hero, and I sing this song for you.”
This song is a tribute to parents who are good examples to their children. The memories of the love, care, and support they give etch a lasting legacy in the hearts of their children. In turn, they do their best to follow the good examples of their “heroes” when presented with situations where they need to do the right thing.
Final Thoughts on Songs About Heroes
Music can have a powerful impact on our perspective. It can make us realize that the hero we’ve been waiting for has been within us all along. Or it can help us appreciate our friends and family more for their unconditional love and support.
We hope that this collection of songs about heroes will add a dash of courage and selflessness to your life. Make sure to check out the accompanying song and video links to awaken your inner hero.
For more songs to listen to, check out these other lists:
The opportunity to build something great at Tauranga’s civic heart is a once-in-a-generation opportunity, writes Sonya Bateson. Photo / George Novak
OPINION
“It’s not all about economics.”
These were the words of investment advisor Edward Guy at a Tauranga City Council meeting about the future civic precinct project earlier this week.
The planned civic precinct, which has been given the name Te Manawataki o Te Papa, will house new civic buildings including a library, community hub, museum, exhibition gallery and civic whare, and will incorporate upgrades to Baycourt and the Tauranga Art Gallery.
Taxpayers are expected to pay up to $151.5 million for the build, as well as projected annual running costs of $26m.
“It’s not all about economics,’ he told the meeting.
As a ratepayer, I’m firmly on Guy’s side on this one. Nothing is ever all about economics. It plays a big role, sure, but there’s always more to it than that.
Look at Tauranga’s city centre. Have you been there recently? I was there at the weekend.
Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.
Years ago, I had a strong disagreement with a staff member. He was a long-time employee who sat several steps below me in the org chart. He was prone to strong opinions and passionate feelings, but he was also an extremely high performer in the organization and someone I was personally very fond of.
While he was usually correct in his opinions, he sometimes lacked a strategic view of the issues and did not always accept when he was wrong. This “spirited discussion” resulted from one of those “nonacceptances” which happened in a public place and was overheard by many other staff members. The conversation was confrontational, and it clearly made some of those around us a little uncomfortable.
Afterward, several staff members approached me and wondered if this moment of public insubordination meant I would fire him. When I told them that there would be no disciplinary action but that he and I would discuss it later to find common ground, they looked confused. Why would I, as the CEO, let a staff member argue with me and not immediately fire them? The answer is simple: It is easier to temper passion than to inspire it. If you want excellence, you need people with strong personalities!
Organizations are just a grouping of people and things. Organizational success is the collective sum of individual successes. As a leader, it is our job to harness 100% of every team member’s possible talent. We must focus on building each team member individually into the best they can be, which requires that they feel safe to express their views, are comfortable speaking truth to power, and are supported to exceed the limits of their skills from time to time. This does not happen when we stifle people’s opinions or break their spirits by forcing compliance. Instead, it comes from individual responsibility, commitment to the shared mission and taking risks.
Simply put, in a business context, passion is an essential ingredient for greatness. It may be the essential ingredient. Yet, passion is almost impossible to inspire; it needs to rise organically from deep inside people who are committed to their mission. Passionate people often obsess over little details; they are constantly looking for a better way; they are frequently frustrated by others and are usually a pain in their leaders’ butts. They are also the star performers of the business and the centers of creation and excellence for the organization.
Unfortunately, many leaders see these traits as signs of a difficult personality and become frustrated. They find these people difficult to control, argumentative and sometimes even disrespectful or insubordinate. Sadly, in many business environments, these people are marginalized, disciplined or even fired. Passion is quashed in favor of obedience. Leadership encourages conformity through words and deeds with an eye on producing an obedient, homogeneous “team” where everyone plays nice and does what they are told. This is a bit like throwing away all the sharp knives in your kitchen to avoid hurting yourself or others. While you will be safer, you will also end up with a drawer full of spoons!
Exceptional people are creative, inventive and bright. They are different from the norm. They are extraordinary. Often, they are exceptional because of their passion for what they do and their willingness to challenge authority. As a result, they usually stick out in a sea of mediocrity and are sometimes unwilling to follow the herd. This obviously can make them a bit of a handful. It is important to realize, however, that this reluctance to do what everyone else does makes them great. They have no allegiance to tradition or authority for their own sake. They will make you and your team better!
This does not mean it is okay to be rude, insubordinate or destructive to the organization’s morale. On the contrary, a good work environment and discipline matter greatly. It is great to argue your points and to challenge the thinking of others. But, that said, it is notokay to be mean, rude or disrespectful in the process.
This is a very fine line to walk and can be challenging to interpret. As a result, leaders must give their team the benefit of the doubt and adopt a “teach, don’t beat” mindset. We need to encourage our passionate people. But, at the same time, we need to help them express their ideas and make their challenges in a way that will provoke thought, not anger.
Exceptional organizations are the result of extraordinary people. It is essential as leaders, we spend time nurturing the passion people have for their work. We must encourage them to think outside the box, not to become discouraged by failure, and encourage them to take risks.
We need to pick them up and dust them off when they fall. Most of all, we need to understand that the fire that drives them will sometimes make them a challenge to lead, and they will occasionally cross the line and need to be corrected. But we need to make sure that we don’t break their spirit. Their strong personality will make them, and the organization, excellent!
Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.
Life is short, and our professional lives are even shorter. We don’t have time to waste. It’s essential to understand how your Enneagram type determines your wealth because it will enable you to identify better who and what to avoid.
Not only that, but it will offer you a blueprint to follow regarding how to create the levels of wealth you desire.
The Enneagram is a personality typing system that takes the form of a nine-pointed diagram or “map.” It represents the patterns in personality types that describe how we as individuals experience the world.
Each of the nine personality types stems from a core belief about how the world works. The Enneagram aims to identify which of those personality types best describes you, how much of each personality you have within you and how that unique combination dictates how you operate.
If you’ve never done one, I recommend taking ten minutes to try it.
What your Enneagram type says about your capacity for wealth is less of a direct determination and more of an indication of your current situation. If you’re finding yourself in a state of frustration or like you constantly have to force things, your Enneagram type could well be incompatible with your strategies.
To be clear, we’re talking about “wealth,” not “worth.”
What we’re talking about is how resourced your life is. Are you able to do the things that you want to do? Are your needs taken care of?
You can probably see how your resources (time, money, energy, health, etc.) can be limited by trying to force yourself down a path at odds with who you are.
I am sure that there are probably money-making practices and strategies that feel entirely alien to you. Futures trading, perhaps. FOREX. Real estate. Crypto.
A lot of people find the jargon alone completely impenetrable!
Now imagine the lengths you’d have to go to force yourself to become not merely competent at any of those, but world-class!
And when I say: “world-class,” I mean that you are so competent at strategizing and have demonstrated this competence so prevalently that people will pay for your knowledge to enrich themselves.
Yeah…tall order, isn’t it?
Let’s look at an example of an Enneagram test result, and explore how it would determine that person’s wealth.
Here are the results of a friend of mine. He took the test, and his results were: 8-4-3-1-5-6-7-9.
Let’s look at his top three personality types and what they say about how he creates wealth.
8 – The Challenger
This personality type is fiercely independent and fears being controlled by others. It is preoccupied with gaining influence and seeking truth. Their vice is lust, and their trap is justice.
4 – The Individualist
The individualist is sensitive and withdrawn but also expressive and dramatic. They can be self-absorbed and temperamental.
3 – The Achiever
This type is very success-oriented. They are pragmatic and adaptive. As you might imagine, they are driven to succeed. They can also be very image conscious.
Now, these are only the first three of my friend’s Enneagram personality types. They only form a partial picture; if we were to actually use this to build a plan of action for him, we’d need to examine it.
With his three strongest personality types, you can probably already get a sense of what would (and would not) work for him.
Being fiercely independent, fearful of being controlled, and success-oriented, climbing the corporate ladder just isn’t going to work for him. He would spend far too much time railing against the corporate structures to get anywhere.
The individualist personality type adds a layer to this; he probably won’t be very good at simply selling his time. He would be no good at bookkeeping or PA work, for example.
Such jobs wouldn’t value his creativity. Quite the opposite; he’d be required to conform to stringent rules, which would be seriously unfulfilling.
The Achiever type wants to rise above and be recognized as unusually competent or talented. So combined with being a challenger and individualist, my friend already has a clear path ahead.
What would work?
My friend would need to find ways to make money that value him and his uniqueness.
Because of his temperamental, dramatic and withdrawn nature, he would need something that allowed him to be flexible with his time. He would work in bursts of energy and inspiration, so he’d need flexibility in his personal life to afford him the space to create.
Whatever he did, however, he’d need to ensure that he was highly skilled and competent at it! He and his knowledge would have to become invaluable to his clients. It may seem like my friend is limited in how he could grow his wealth, but if he orients his talents and drives in a scaleable way, he could make infinite amounts of money.
His unique offering would need to be ‘downloaded’ from him and into something that others could possess (for a price).
With that out there, making him scaleable profits that don’t require him to work, he could turn his hand to being of value without the need to turn a profit.
That’s where a real life of wealth and abundance lies.
So…I hope this makes sense and gives you an idea of your Enneagram type’s value in determining your wealth. It’s not something that renders you powerless or that you must submit to.
Not at all!
It is the blueprint to reveal more aligned ways of creating wealth. A path of “least resistance,” if you will, that will free you from feelings of being trapped, frustrated and like you don’t belong.
