ReportWire

Tag: Pedestrian crossing

  • Historic Salem raises concerns over newly installed Ropes Mansion bollards

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    SALEM —The city’s local historic preservation organization is raising concerns regarding recently installed bollards in front of the Ropes Mansion at 318 Essex St.

    Historic Salem Inc. claims the bollards are visually jarring and out of character with the historic setting both in scale and placement.


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    By Michael McHugh Staff Writer

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  • Self-Driving Tesla Regurgitates Pedestrian To Feed Offspring

    Self-Driving Tesla Regurgitates Pedestrian To Feed Offspring

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    SAN JOSE, CA—As part of an effort to nurture and raise its young, a self-driving Tesla regurgitated a pedestrian carcass to feed its offspring, sources confirmed Wednesday. “Wow, there’s something so beautiful about watching a mother Tesla feed its children by vomiting up the half-digested remains of a pedestrian,” said onlooker Becca Heinrich, explaining that she could tell young Teslas were hungry by the way they scarfed down the partially dissolved bones and viscera of the pedestrian killed at a nearby intersection. “It’s obvious how much it loves them when you consider how many times it drives away to get more pedestrian for them to devour. I don’t want to get too close, though, because if it smells me on the young brood, it might reject and kill the developing electric vehicles.” At press time, the self-driving Tesla was reportedly pushing its offspring out into the middle of a busy school crosswalk so they could learn to drive.

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