Premieres Wednesday, March 13:
Bandidos — A bunch of deep-diving opportunists try to retrieve a centuries-old treasure from the waters of the Gulf of Mexico — before a competing party can get to it first. Damn, that Jason Momoa is really hard up these days. (Netflix)
Little Wing — A New Yorker article by Susan Orlean becomes a dramatic feature about a 13-year-old who hopes to bring her family back to solvency by rising to the top of the lucrative sport of … pigeon racing. If the kid is smart, she’ll keep her money on the DL when Orlean is around. Because nobody’s forgotten that shit she and Chris Cooper tried to pull with the orchids. (Paramount+)
Premieres Thursday, March 14:
24 Hours With Gaspar — A private detective decides to spend his last day of life taking part in a jewelry heist in this crime drama, which netted nine nominations at the 2023 Indonesian Film Festival. It won Best Adapted Screenplay, a category it got shunted into when somebody realized “Gaspar” is Indonesian for “Ken.” (Netflix)
Apples Never Fall — In an adaptation of Liane Moriarty’s 2021 novel, the children of two retired tennis coaches have to consider some disquieting possibilities after the mom (Annette Bening) goes missing. At least nobody has to trawl the rivers, since we’ve all seen how that bish can swim. (Peacock)
Art of Love — A Turkish Interpol officer develops an even deeper distaste for the art thief she’s been pursuing when she learns he’s a guy she used to bang. And thus begins a desperate game of cat and mouse — if that’s what you call it when the cat gave the mouse herpes. (Netflix)
From Dreams to Tragedy: The Fire That Shook Brazilian Football — A three-episode docuseries takes stock of the catastrophic 2019 blaze that claimed 10 lives at the Flamengo football club’s training center in Rio de Janeiro. Wait a minute: Somebody finally found a way to make soccer interesting, and we’re supposed to cry about it? (Netflix)
Girls5Eva — The series moves to Netflix for Season 3, in which the ladies hit the concert trail to promote their comeback album — despite having no itinerary, tour manager or booked venues. What I’m hearing here is that they’re on a major label. (Netflix)
The Girls on the Bus — The writings of New York Times reporter Amy Chozick are adapted into a scripted series that follows female journalists on the presidential campaign trail. Your heart will swell with pride as they prove they can draw false equivalencies and normalize fascism as well as any man. (Max)
Invincible — As the second half of Season 2 commences, Mark and Oliver are searching for a way to get back to Earth so they can stop the Viltrum Empire from subjugating the entire planet. Given that the distance is millions of miles and time is of the essence, I’m gonna say SunRail is out. (Prime Video)
Justice, USA — Male, female and juvenile inmates are featured in a two-part exposé of the Nashville prison system. You can tell which ones have been locked up the longest, because they can be heard asking the guards why they don’t get Johnny Cash concerts anymore. (Max)
Red Ollero: Mabuhay Is a Lie — Captured in concert during an August 2023 three-night stand at the Teatrino Promenade in San Juan, the Filipino comic sets out to dispel some of the biggest misconceptions about Pinoy culture. Well, for one thing, Imelda Marcos did not invent Crocs. (Netflix)
Premieres Friday, March 15:
The Bloody Hundredth — A documentary profile of the brave men of the 100th Bomb Group arrives just in time to promote the final episode of the like-themed drama series Masters of the Air. Gosh, it’s so inspiring when corporate synergy gives us a window to honor the fallen. (Apple TV+)
Chicken Nugget — K-drama takes a turn for the surreal as a woman gets turned into a chicken nugget, sending her father scrambling to find a way to restore her. But is this really a big deal? I know people who are essentially 87 percent cheese fries. (Netflix)
Irish Wish — After trying her darndest to suppress a crush on her best friend’s fiancé, Lindsay Lohan wakes up one morning to find they’ve traded places. (I mean she’s traded places with her friend, not with the fiancé. But now that I’ve said it out loud, isn’t that the movie you’d rather be watching?) (Netflix)
Iron Reign — The life of a Barcelona drug lord gets significantly more complicated after his family business receives a problematic product shipment. It’s amazing the hot water you can get into when you order a kilo of blow off Amazon and they send you six cases of Gold Bond instead. (Netflix)
Manhunt — A seven-part limited series dramatizes the nearly two-week search for John Wilkes Booth that played out while the nation was still reeling from the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. Given that Booth was an actor, did anybody think of looking in the break room at Applebee’s? (Apple TV+)
Murder Mubarak — A firmament of Bollywood stars plays the suspects in a twisty Hindi-language mystery that shows an “unconventional cop” trying to find the killer amid a group of outwardly normal folk. It’s a tough case to crack, mostly because he doesn’t speak Hindi. (Netflix)
The Outreau Case: A French Nightmare — A Gallic version of The Crucible played out 20 years ago, when the accusations of four French children got their parents and other adult authority figures convicted of sexual abuse. As this docuseries shows, the public erupted in outrage when the charges proved to be as bogus as gas-station escargot. On the bright side, we finally canceled Pepé Le Pew. (Netflix)
The Reluctant Traveler With Eugene Levy — Eugene schleps all over Europe in Season 2, on a quest to explore some of the continent’s most intriguing locales. First up: The credit union where the Romanians hide all that money they’ve been withholding from NATO. (Apple TV+)
Premieres Monday, March 18:
Stormy — The notorious Stormy Daniels goes before the documentary cameras to reveal the real woman behind the sex scandal that failed to bring down a president but sent two lawyers to prison. Or as Ken Jennings would call it, “a solid consolation prize.” (Peacock)
Premieres Tuesday, March 19:
Brian Simpson: Live From the Mothership — Not only is this the first stand-up special for Austin-based comic Simpson, it’s the first by anybody to be recorded at Joe Rogan’s Comedy Mothership. You really want to be funny in that environment, you stop your set right before the first punchline and demand that everybody produce their vax card. (Netflix)
Dinner Party Diaries With José Andrés — The internationally renowned chef opens up his kitchen to swap stories and recipes with guests Jamie Lee Curtis, O’Shea Jackson Jr. and Bryan Cranston. “Hey Bryan, why is that béarnaise sauce so blue?” (Prime Video)
Forever Queens Season 2 — With their comeback single a hit, the titular quartet of middle-aged Mexican performers suddenly find themselves down two members and scrambling to hire replacements. In a shocking turn of events, the first right of refusal goes to anybody from BTS who isn’t currently in the army. (Netflix)
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