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  • Halo Season 2’s First Episode Hits Harder Than A Gravity Hammer

    Halo Season 2’s First Episode Hits Harder Than A Gravity Hammer


    The team behind the polarizing Halo TV series on Paramount+ really wants to change your mind in season two. In the lead up to the latest season’s debut, everyone from producer Kiki Wolfkill to new showrunner David Wiener and even Master Chief himself (Pablo Schreiber) have told us this is a new angle, not necessarily a “reset” but certainly a reevaluation. The team’s attempts to rejig the series based on the iconic first-person shooter franchise are obvious just moments into “Sanctuary,” the first episode in season two.

    Is it a good episode? I’d say yes. It’s even a good Halo adaptation, though a few of the first season’s problems linger. But overall, “Sanctuary” is exactly what it needs to be—a reintroduction to Master Chief and his team of Spartans, a reminder of the stakes, and a readjustment that looks to set the series on a stronger course. Let’s get into it.

    Sangheili in the mist

    The episode begins where it should: with the core four that is the Spartan Silver Team—consisting of Schreiber’s John-117, Kai-125 (Kate Kennedy), Riz-028 (Natasha Culzac), and Vannak-134—embedded in a “babysitting” mission on the planet Sanctuary, which is mid-evacuation. They’re pissy, because this is a mission for a team of lesser caliber than them, but they’re clearly being sidelined for a reason.

    From the outset, it’s obvious that season two got a visual upgrade—an early shot of the Spartans camped on top of a mountain looks beautiful, from the striations in the sedimentary rock to the subtle sheen of their Mjolnir armor. It’s like the rework Halo Infinite’s visuals got after the first look at the campaign was met with middling reactions and the memeification of one especially Playdoh-looking brute fans nicknamed Craig.

    As John and Riz run off to help the Marines diplomatically remove the planet’s citizens, we get a chance to see more of Vannak’s personality—he’s removed the emotional inhibitor chip implanted in the Spartans, which Kai and John did last season. Though he remains stoic, and acts affronted when Kai asks him how he feels, he admits that lately, he’s been enjoying watching nature documentaries in his spare time. Just a few moments later, as the team gets word of a missing Marine unit and John rushes off to investigate, Vannak compares Chief’s hesitancy to scale the rock face to the ease with which an ibex could pull off the same thing. If this season just featured Silver Team bantering while coming to terms with their personalities as full-grown adult supersoldiers, I’d give it five stars.

    John wields his gun in a foggy landscape.

    Image: Paramount+ / 343 Industries

    Unlike the video-gamey action we saw in the first episode of season one (which featured first-person views and a HUD almost identical to the one in the Halo games), “Sanctuary” gives us straight-up, no chaser action from the jump—and it’s good. Chief, after scaling the cliff face with his grappling hook (he’s not an ibex), finds himself surrounded by soupy, dense fog. It’s blocking his comms, too, and the team is eager to extract everyone because some Covenant ships have been spotted in orbit.

    John finds the Marines, and what follows is a horror-tinged, action-packed scene that hits all the right notes for live-action Halo. Some of the Marines are yanked into the dense fog by invisible attackers, who are revealed to be cloaked Elites. Kinetic, hand-to-hand combat between John and several of the big baddies ends with him victorious (of course), until we see several energy swords ignite on the horizon, followed by several more. It’s scary, and serves as a reminder that Halo is about humanity fighting against a previously unknown and terrifying alien force. It helps that the scene is set in fog, as the CGI reads much better than in the first season.

    Chief gets back to the evac ship just in time for the team to leave before the Covenant glasses the planet, but he’s clearly shaken up by the ordeal. Not just because the Covenant attack was massive in scope, but because he maybe probably definitely saw Makee (the human-turned-Covenant-sympathizer and his former lover) in the mist before the alien soldiers retreated into it.

    Master Chief unmasked, but not unbothered

    Back on Reach, Silver Team is decompressing from the mission, which resulted in the deaths of all the Marines, save for the one John helped to the evac ship. During their debriefing, Captain Jacob Keyes (Danny Sapani) tells them that these kinds of attacks have been happening across the outer colonies, but he doesn’t seem interested in John’s questions and concerns. As his frustration grows, we get a mid-scene introduction to this season’s new bureaucratic bastard, James Ackerson (Joseph Morgan), who saunters in and takes a seat with the kind of dickish swagger Morgan has perfected (have you seen The Vampire Diaries, c’mon now). He’s here to replace Dr. Catherine Halsey (Natascha McElhone), who faked her own death last season to disappear after causing a bit of a coup.

    Morgan is excellent casting here, an absolute scene-stealer, and a son-of-a-bitch to boot—any scene with him in it is better than half the ones from last season, and I’m sure that’ll be the same going forward. He grounds Silver Team, refusing to deploy them into battle until he can sign off on John’s mental status.

    But then Halo starts to stumble again. Though I adore Bokeem Woodbine and love his portrayal of Spartan-turned-pirate Soren-066, his B-plot feels even more flimsy than last season. It’s hard to shift from the Spartans’ plight against the Covenant and Chief’s grappling with his emotions to really care about a man trying to maintain a hold on his pirate empire—even with all the beautiful things Woodbine does with Soren, from the brilliant way he plays guarded and hyper-aware, like a big cat on the open plains, to the softness clearly hiding behind that modded Mjolnir armor. I find my attention wandering whenever the episode swaps to Soren’s story, though it does seem that he is on a fast-track to getting wrapped up in the main plot—as he goes looking for Halsey to get the bounty on her head (and for a personal vendetta he won’t admit to) but is betrayed and kidnapped by unknown attackers.

    Soren stands in a cave.

    Image: Paramount+ / 343 Industries

    When Halo snaps back to John, I snap back to attention, whether it’s his back-and-forth with Ackerson about what happened on Sanctuary (Ackerson gaslights him) or the desperate moment in which he goes to, basically, a VR escort that he makes take the shape of Cortana (Jen Taylor). The nerds can continue arguing amongst themselves about whether or not John should take his mask off, because Schrieber is so good in this role, and a huge part of that is being able to see emotions play across his face.

    The episode ends with John envisioning Makee (who did appear to die in the last episode of season one) warning him that he “should have stayed with [her]” while a flashback shows Kwan-Ha (Yerin Ha) telling a scary story to Soren’s son, Kessler (Tylan Bailey) in a shadowy cave. “It’s very old, the monster. Older than the light. Older than this rock. Older than your God,” she says. “It knows us. Inside and out. Smells our fear. Sees our secrets. It’s been here. All that time. Waiting.”

    Covenant ships rise from the clouds of an unknown planet. Reach is coming.

    The second episode of Halo season two is available now on Paramount+, review to come soon.



    Alyssa Mercante

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  • Diana Is Saintly No More After Some Pronounced Charles Ass-Licking in The Crown Season 5

    Diana Is Saintly No More After Some Pronounced Charles Ass-Licking in The Crown Season 5

    The unspoken norm, especially when it involves the martyrdom that comes with being dead, is that no one should speak ill of Princess Diana. Who later became just “plain” Lady Diana in the wake of her very public and very tumultuous divorce with Prince Charles. The Crown’s fifth season explores the final breakdown of the doomed-from-the-start marriage, this time with Elizabeth Debicki in the role. Admittedly, her forebear, Emma Corrin, was slightly more likable—and, to be frank, Debicki looks better suited to play Paris Hilton than Diana Spencer. But that’s nothing compared to the physical upgrade Prince Charles gets in the form of Dominic West (whose real-life son, Senan West, plays Prince William). This being just one of many initial telltale signs that the series’ creator, Peter Morgan (who wrote every episode of this season), is determined to present Charles in a more favorable light than he’s ever been accustomed to.

    But before Morgan paints his pretty picture of a rather hideous man, the requisite “metaphor” is established for the season. Specifically, the four-thousand-ton yacht created for Queen Elizabeth (shown as Claire Foy in the flashback scenes). Appearing at the launch of the yacht, dubbed Britannia, in 1953, the queen declared to a public in Scotland that was still under the trance of worshipping her, “I hope that this brand-new vessel, like your brand-new queen, will prove to be dependable and constant.” If by that she meant “stoic and rigid,” she fulfilled her promise.  

    A pan over from the young queen of yore to the queen of the present-day (set in 1991)—played by Imelda Staunton—as she gets a check-up from her doctor finds her being asked a “personal” question. That being: is Balmoral her favorite home? The queen coyly answers, “There is another that’s even more special to me.” Obviously, it’s the royal yacht, the only “dwelling” ever created expressly for her tastes, whereas everyplace else she inhabits is haunted by the tastes of other rulers. Just another case of the laughable amount of sympathy we’re supposed to feel for her when this is expressed. “Oh you poor thing, the various castles you live in don’t suit your personality? How badly we should feel for you!” But anyway, Morgan does his best to evoke “empathy” not only for the monarchy as an institution, but for Charles in particular. Not just because he’s so “full of potential” and such an educated man (as anyone given his education could be) who can never make his mark in any real way while he waits for the role he was “destined” for. But also because he’s been “saddled with” Diana. She with her “middle-class” interests like shopping and pop culture. This divide is drilled further into the viewer’s mind as the episode, called “Queen Victoria Syndrome,” shows Charles and Diana on their “second honeymoon” in Italy. Namely, off the coast near Naples, where Charles’ own yacht, the Alexandra is enlisted.

    As Charles’ sole motive for agreeing to the so-called second honeymoon is to benefit from the goodwill of a new poll that posits most would be in favor of the queen abdicating early to give up her crown to someone younger and more “modern,” Diana is once again led down the primrose path of believing her marriage might have a chance. Moreover, when she expresses an interest in beaches and water sports and shopping as Charles goes over a historical value-oriented itinerary, Morgan makes his message clear: neither he nor Charles saw Diana as an intellectual equal. Coming to her defense on the shopping desire is William (Timothée Sambor) and Harry (Teddy Hawley), the latter barely seen in this season (perhaps some kind of undercutting shade at his current overall absence). And yet, he being the first to raise his hand to defend Diana in her desire to shop feels like a poignant moment for showing their deeper affinity.

    The continued displays of their lack of similar interests are further made manifest by Diana riding away on a boat with William and Harry to the mainland as she blasts “Emotions” by Mariah Carey and calls out, “Bye Charles! We’ll miss you while we’re having all the fun!” Unable to handle his “petulant” wife any longer, Charles exits the friend-filled “honeymoon” early under a pretense, then angles for favor with Prime Minister John Major (Johnny Lee Miller) by using the poll as a launching point to poison him against his mother—the first of many instances in this season. Which, no, doesn’t make Charles come across as noble, so much as a backstabbing little twat who can’t handle a woman in power. Even a superfluous one who does repeatedly show herself to be out of touch. And, after telling Major she welcomes any comparison to the long-reigning Queen Victoria intended to be an insult, she then requests the funds necessary to refit her royal yacht—again, the “grand metaphor” of the season meant to hit us over the head with the analogy that she, like it, has become a liability that few people have use for. Least of all “common” people. “We’re in the middle of a global recession,” Major has to remind her before suggesting the royal family bears the cost of repairing the yacht themselves. Needless to say, the queen is scandalized by such a response.

    The next episode, “The System,” veers away from the queen and Charles to give us a requisite glimpse into the goings-on of Prince Philip’s (Jonathan Pryce) life at the time. It was comprised mainly of carriage driving and forming a close bond with Penny Knatchbull (Natascha McElhone), the wife of Lord Romsey a.k.a. Philip’s godson, Norton Knatchbull (Elliot Cowan). When Penny is brought closer to Philip in the wake of her daughter Leonora’s death at the age of five, it gives him more clout in terms of suggesting she take up his same invigorating hobby of carriage driving.

    But while the senior royals are having their fun and frivolity, Diana’s resentment is gathering—prompting her to take up an offer presented by her close friend, Dr. James Colthurst (Oliver Chris), in being interviewed secretly by journalist Andrew Morton (Andrew Steele). The eventual biography that results, Diana: Her True Story, is released in 1992—the queen’s self-declared “annus horribilis” (also the title of episode four, in which Princess Margaret [Lesley Manville] is given her biggest storyline of the season with the reemergence of her one true love, Peter Townsend [Timothy Dalton]). Notably, the illustriously terrible (mainly for Diana) Christmas of ’91 is only glossed over (even in the finale of season four), with primary emphasis on Penny being seen publicly with the queen (per Philip’s request, lest the media “get the wrong idea” about his increasingly close relationship with her) in episode six, “Ipatiev House.” Perhaps because Kristen Stewart in Spencer already got to cover that ground from Diana’s perspective so thoroughly.

    In any case, the Andrew Morton biography of ’92 would be nothing compared to the bomb set off by her infamous Panorama interview for the BBC in 1995, which episodes seven through nine, “No Woman’s Land,” “Gunpowder” and “Couple 31” all address in a three-act format. “Couple 31” serving to show the “fallout” of what Diana “hath wrought,” even though many responded favorably to the interview (regardless of it being obtained via extremely nefarious methods). Especially with regard to her frank discussion of her eating disorder, exhibiting a candor that undoubtedly gave many others the courage to come forward about their own.

    Alas, that wouldn’t be in keeping with season five’s overall determination to portray Diana as a very insecure and unstable woman. And Charles as an intelligent man dealt an unfortunate hand for wanting to actually use that intelligence. Enter a flashback to 1989 in the most pandering-to-Charles episode, “The Way Ahead.” Opening on a scene during Christmas as Charles sits at a table of close friends, he complains, “Previous princes of Wales have been happy to spend their life in idle dissipation, but my problem is, I can’t bear idleness… In any other professional sphere, I’d be at the peak of my powers. Instead, what am I? I’m just a useless ornament stuck in a waiting room, gathering dust.” Here, too, the amount of “empathy” we’re supposed to feel for this person is perhaps overshot by Morgan.

    Morgan’s subsequent attempt at making Charles seem “with it”—of the people and among the people—isn’t very successful either. This occurring in the final scene of “The Way Ahead” that features him attempting to breakdance with non-white youths to the tune of Eric B. & Rakin’s “Don’t Sweat the Technique.” A moment meant to spotlight his triumph in overcoming the scandal of his Tampongate conversation with Camilla being released to the public (thankfully, for there was a moment there when one was led to believe The Crown might never bring it up).

    Almost as though fearing Charles in his new current role as King of England, this midpoint episode is also the only one to offer the kowtowing written-out epilogue, “Prince Charles founded the Prince’s Trust in 1976 to improve the lives of disadvantaged young people. Since then, the Prince’s Trust has assisted one million young people to fulfill their potential.” That last phrase sounding vague enough to make the prince seem very charitable indeed. The last title card concludes, “And returned nearly £1.4 billion in value to society.” If Morgan says so…

    With the finale, “Decommissioned,” we’re brought back to the most unique episode of the season, “Mou Mou,” in which it is gradually revealed how Diana came to be in Dodi Fayed’s (Khalid Abdalla) orbit. The answer being, according to Morgan, a result of Dodi’s father, Mohamed “Mou Mou” Al-Fayed (Salim Daw), being some sort of sycophantic Anglophile. This prompting him to do everything in his financial power to get the queen to notice him—even buying Harrods. Unfortunately, the queen’s inherent racism and elitism appears to have made her averse to sitting next to Mou Mou at the Harrods Cup Polo Match. Per The Crown, this led the queen to send Diana in her place while she sat with Margaret.

    In “Decommissioned,” it is Mou Mou who suggests that Diana bring William and Harry to St. Tropez for the summer on his new yacht, the Jonikal. This being yet another symbolic moment in which, as the queen’s own Britannia is put into retirement, Diana appears to be getting a shot of life via this new yacht. As we all know, that life would be cut tragically short after her vacation, the one that featured the iconic telephoto lens-procured image of Diana in a blue bathing suit perched at the edge of a diving board—so much about that being a type of foreshadowing and a summation of her entire life. Something Morgan wants to stretch out into a final season that will focus on her death and its aftermath.

    Hence, the anticlimactic ending of the season… even if meant to be a cliffhanger, of sorts, as it offers scenes of Diana as she gets ready for her summer in the South of France with the boys and Dodi as he proposes to model Kelly Fisher (Erin Richards). The last scene then shows Diana and the queen looking in a mirror, as the latter says goodbye to her precious royal yacht (invoking nothing except the reaction of “oh boo-hoo, you don’t get a massive boat paid for by the British people anymore”).

    Charles, meanwhile, is given another moment of “grace” and “sagacity” when he forewarns his mother, “If we continue to hold on to these Victorian notions of how the monarchy should look, how it should feel, then the world will move on. And those who come after you will be…left with nothing.” A.k.a. he will be left with nothing. And it remains to be seen if Charles truly will practice what he once preached when it comes to “rallying” for a more “progressive” monarchy.

    Incidentally, “A house divided” is the tagline for the season. And yet, it applies not only (even now) to the House of Windsor, but to those who can see the monarchy for what it is—parasitic and long outmoded—and those who would cling to it as the crux of British identity.

    Genna Rivieccio

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