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Although we may feel guilty, weak, and stuck, God tells us that we really are free and able to engage in a battle in which he’s already inflicted the decisive blow against the enemies of our souls.
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Uche Anizor
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Tag: motherhood
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9 Ways to Keep the Romance Alive in Your Marriage
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I know. The idea of keeping romance alive in marriage seems like a lot of hard work to many of us. We are trying to make it through the day – and trying to be romantic seems like one job too many. We are just plain tired! Romance is not about the big things. It’s about the small things we do to express our love for each other. Dan and I have been married for almost 46 years. It is tempting to think Dan knows how I feel about him after all these years. But God has convicted me that keeping romance alive in a marriage is a huge investment in my husband and our relationship. And that investment honors God.
Let me share how I am learning to keep the romance alive in our marriage. I have to confess that I don’t always succeed in doing all of these things well. But I am more romantic now than I was when we got married. And that is a big statement! So you can make that same investment and reap the same rewards of a happy and healthy marriage.
1. Make Christ your highest priority.
Every relationship in our lives mirrors our relationship with Christ. If we want our relationships to be healthy, we must have a healthy relationship with God. The earth is not the friend of marriage – but God is. God wants to use marriage, family, and home to display His very nature. If we want a healthy marriage, we must put Christ first in our lives.
2. After Christ, give each other top priority.
After Christ comes our marriage. When I have neglected my relationship with Dan, I have not only hurt my relationship with Dan, but I have also sinned against God.
I thought Dan would understand that I had a busy speaking schedule and an exciting ministry to women. Oh, he understood. He understood that his wife made time for total strangers, but she did not have time to talk with him. There is nothing less romantic than being made to feel you are unimportant. Talk about a romance killer! Marriage takes hard work. So does romance. Marriage must be constantly and consistently nurtured to keep the romance alive.
3. Go back to the beginning.
Do you remember the qualities you so admired in your mate when you first met? The things that made them so attractive. Sift through the memories you and your mate have made together. Those attributes that first made you notice and admire your mate will rise to the surface. Make a list of those qualities and begin to voice them aloud to your spouse, children, and friends. Doing so will rekindle the romance you once experienced in your marriage.
4. Discover your mate’s love language and learn to speak it well.
Learning your mate’s love language and how to speak it will fan the flame of romance in your marriage. Gary Chapman’s book, Five Love Languages, has had a significant impact on every relationship in my life, but especially in my marriage. We tend to think that everyone has the same love language. Not true. I have two love languages – time and gifts. My husband’s love language is touch. It can be something as simple as holding hands or scratching his back, but Dan feels loved as long as I touch him.
I recently had Covid and was pretty sick. So Dan shifted into high gear. He knows how much I love soup, so he made three different kinds. He made sure I always had something to drink. The words “Do you need anything, honey?” became his mantra. Dan willingly became my servant.
Sidebar: My whole family knows how much I love chocolate-covered cherries. A box of those scrumptious treats is always in my Christmas stocking. One afternoon during my battle with Covid, I was struggling with depression. Dan said he had to run a couple of errands. I heard the rustle of shopping bags when he returned home. My sweet husband walked into the bedroom with the biggest smile on his face and a box of chocolate-covered cherries in his hands. My husband didn’t have to say a word, but he was speaking my love language through time and gifts.
5. Set aside an hour each day to talk.
Photo credit: ©Unsplash/David Nunez
I remember the day I realized that our family schedule was completely out of control. I was racing through each day like a madwoman between school, church, football, soccer, cheerleading, and birthday parties. Dan was the lead teaching pastor of a large church exploding in growth. The phone was constantly ringing. An important meeting, hospital visit, or counseling session of some kind seemed to claim every night of the week.
Something had to give! Our marriage was on the back burner, and I could feel our relationship beginning to splinter. A trip to the furniture store became a turning point in our marriage.
I bought a love seat for our bedroom. We didn’t have room for that little sofa, but I made room for it. And every night, Dan and I would sit on that love seat for at least an hour and talk through our days. Problems, fears, hopes, and dreams all came to light as we sat and talked. It was amazing! Laughter replaced tears. Problems were solved. Fear gave way to peace. When one dream died, we dreamed another one as we sat face to face.
Time together each day did not come easily. So many voices clamored for our attention, but as we talked and shared our hearts, we learned to hear God’s voice above all the rest. To keep the romance in your marriage, commit to spending time with each other every day.
6. Have fun together. Don’t forget how to laugh.
I don’t know about you, but it seems like a helicopter is always landing in our lives. It is easy to get so serious and overwhelmed by daily battles that we forget to have fun together. Remember fun? Laughter?
Date nights have seemingly become a requirement for having fun with your mate. Of course, it is nice to have a night away from home, but it is also fun to curl up together with popcorn and ice cream, watching a movie in your living room.
We often have the wrong idea when it comes to romance. Romance does not have to be complicated. The conversation does not have to be scripted. Just share whatever pops into your mind and heart. I love the truth that if you laugh more days, you will have more days to laugh with your mate.
7. Keep a long-term perspective.
The tyranny of little things can be toxic in a marriage. Extra charges on a credit card, a cluttered house, sharp and angry words – will any of those things matter when your mate is gone? Think about the day you will stand beside your mate as they die. Will the things that irritate you today be important in the grand scheme of things? If we let them, the minor irritations can snowball into significant roadblocks.
Learning to discern what is important in a marriage is crucial to the success of that marriage. Romance has died on the altar of what seems to be significant and urgent in many marriages. Don’t get so caught up in the here and now that you lose sight of the big picture – a lifetime of commitment and love.
We can cultivate the habit of dismissing the small things and concentrating on the big things like love, patience, kindness, goodness, and self-control. Romance will thrive when we choose to look beyond the faults of our mates and see their needs.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/XiXinXing
8. Maintain your appearance.
Oh boy! I know I hit a nerve on this one. But I also know that I am guilty of just letting my appearance go because, after all, Dan is the only one who will see me. Right? Since Covid first began, I have battled a lazy attitude regarding my appearance. Baggy pants, a t-shirt, and a sweatshirt are sometimes my wardrobe for the day. I may or may not brush my teeth and fix my hair. Makeup? That is only for days when I go out. I’m just keeping it real.
I remember when Dan and I were dating. I had very little money, but I could always find a way to dress in a way that he found attractive. Dan was important to me. He didn’t love me because of how I dressed, but I loved him and wanted him to be proud of how I looked.
Women often hide behind 1 Peter 3:3-4 when it comes to their outer appearance. But read these verses carefully. Peter is cautioning us not to allow our outward appearance to be our only source of beauty.
1 Peter 3:3-4 “Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.”
Yes, God is much more interested in who we are inside than he is with our outward appearance. A gentle, quiet spirit is so much more important than our clothes, how we style our hair, the makeup we wear – our outward adornment. I know that. But having an inner source of beauty does not mean we have to neglect our outward appearance to be godly. After all, I am a child of the King. I want to dress like a child of the King. Does that mean I have to wear designer clothes? No! I have a shopping rule – never buy anything at full price. I have learned that when I shower, do my hair, put on a little makeup, wear a nice outfit, and tell Dan I did all of that just for him, I can see the spark of romance in his eyes.
9. Keep your love life interesting.
It is easy for your love life to become, well, a little boring and routine. I know this is a complex subject for many married couples. But a thriving love life refers to a healthy sex life and a life of intimacy. Intimacy is a crucial part of marriage and may very well be the most vital part of your love life. Sex and intimacy are not the same things.
We have a friend who has diabetes. He is on several powerful medications that make having sex an impossibility. However, he would tell you that he has an amazingly intimate love life with his wife. He can share absolutely anything with her. They talk about everything in their lives – their problems, dreams, hopes, desires, and concerns.
When it comes to the sexual part of marriage, let me say that it is never too late to mix things up. Be creative! Have fun! Dan had a meeting running late one night, so I put the kids to bed and shifted into high gear. I had a plan that began with rose petals strung from the front door that led to our bedroom, where Dan found several burning candles, chocolate-covered strawberries, and me.
On Valentine’s Day, I covered our bathroom and bedroom with red and pink hearts strategically placed. For example, on the sink drain, the heart said, “I’d go down the drain without you.” On the light switch, the heart read, “You turn me on.” Dan would not let me take them down. Those hearts stayed put for a couple of weeks.
You really can rekindle the romance in your marriage. God is for you and the success of your marriage. So, take a deep breath, and go for it!
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/jacoblund
Mary Southerland is also the Co-founder of Girlfriends in God, a conference and devotion ministry for women. Mary’s books include, Hope in the Midst of Depression, Sandpaper People, Escaping the Stress Trap, Experiencing God’s Power in Your Ministry, 10-Day Trust Adventure, You Make Me So Angry, How to Study the Bible, Fit for Life, Joy for the Journey, and Life Is So Daily. Mary relishes her ministry as a wife, a mother to their two children, Jered and Danna, and Mimi to her six grandchildren – Jaydan, Lelia, Justus, Hudson, Mo, and Nori.
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Mary Southerland
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How to Stay in Love in Your Marriage for a Lifetime
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I have two sets of parents. Both couples were wed during the Jurassic period (not really). Both were married almost 60 years. I watched each twosome grow old together.
One pair barely tolerated each other at the bitter end. My folks were sweethearts until death parted them. Mom and Dad had a caregiver in their final years, and they confided that they wanted her to arrive later in the morning so they had time to snuggle and kiss!
My Mom had mid-stage Alzheimer’s, but Daddy didn’t care. He patiently reminded her where to find her shoes and never scolded her for asking the same questions over and over again.
Such long-lasting love!
Yet long-lasting marriages can also become challenging.
My in-laws struggled greatly in their latter years. Although they loved each other deeply, their days were filled with snapping, nagging, impatience, and frustration. Mom-in-law yelled. Pops pouted. At the end, they clung fast to each other and grieved that so many years were wasted in frustration.
“Precious and Papaw” were excellent parents, phenomenal grandparents, and wonderful Christians. They just rubbed each other the wrong way. Their golden years were a bit rusty.
Ancient Sarum wedding vows encourage:“For better or worse. For richer or poorer. In sickness and health. For as long as you both shall live.”
My husband and I have taught a bazillion marriage conferences around the world. We explained the “marital satisfaction” scale as fantastic during the honeymoon stage, good during the childhood years, terrible during the teenage years, better as the kids left home and best during retirement-the “golden years.”
We were wrong!
Retirement is not always easy. Marriage can be challenging after partners stop working and spend long hours puttering around the house together. Some couples are healthy, wealthy, and happy. Others are strapped for cash, suffering with debilitating illness, grieving the loss of family and friends, and fearful of the future.
So how do we finish the race with grace?
God promises strength to persevere, but we have to submit to His plan and learn acceptance with joy. Here are three “Scripture nuggets” to revive the romance and survive the challenges:
1. Accept one another just as Christ has accepted you. (Romans 15:7)
The whirlwind of family life may mask flaws that exist between couples. Toothpaste tubes, chewing loudly and leaving laundry on the floor become battlegrounds. Let’s face it. I have mentioned trivial irritations. However, there are more devastating differences.
We reject each other when one spouse is anxious and the other is carefree. We fight when one partner is disciplined and the other procrastinates. Jesus accepted everyone, even tax collectors and prostitutes.
Acceptance means loving someone, affirming them and appreciating them whether they change or not.
2. Bear one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:2)
Burdens come in all shapes and sizes. They can be mental, physical, emotional, or spiritual. Some are little backpacks. Some are boulders. A farmer yokes his oxen together to get the job done. That’s why Solomon observed,
Two are better than one…if either of them falls down, one can help the other up…though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. – Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
“Two are better than one…” is Solomon’s way of describing the power of support and protection that marriage provides. The threefold cord is a picture of the amazing bond between God and two marriage partners.
Prayer is the most important way we can bear our partner’s burdens.
Christ is the ultimate “burden bearer.” He took our sins and suffering to the cross. Burden-bearing for an aging spouse may include dressing, driving, or helping with housework.
Don’t try to do life without help. God provides family, friends and church homes to come alongside the elderly. I have observed that those couples actively develop a support system will find it much easier to survive.
3. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another just as God in Christ has forgiven you. (Ephesians 4:32)
Be gracious, polite and courteous, not rough, rude or blunt. My husband always opens my doors, walks on the outside of the sidewalk, and pulls out my chair. He is as chivalrous as Sir Walter Raleigh.
Be thoughtful and helpful, not insensitive and selfish. Be understanding and compassionate, not callous or unconcerned.
Be patient and tolerant, not edgy or easily annoyed. Be big-hearted, not begrudging. Be forgiving, not vengeful.
Be gentle, not rough or harsh. It takes energy and effort to be kind.
Only Christ can accomplish such sweetness in us. Many husbands and wives don’t want to go the extra mile. It’s exhausting. But when your loved one is gone, you miss the inconveniences. The extra time is filled with loss and regret. Love while you can. Each moment is precious!
Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Joe Hepburn
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Dr. Julie Barrier
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3 Ways to Keep Your Love Alive through the Years
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I’m sure you’ve heard it said that marriage grows richer through the years as your love for one another grows deeper.
But, maybe you’re not feeling the love. Or experiencing the depth.
Maybe you’re only seeing how your spouse has changed through the years.
After 32 years of marriage, I’ve learned that love is not something we always feel. It isn’t an emotion, it’s an action. And it’s something God expects us to continue to extend toward one another whether we feel like it or not.
(I’ve also learned that when we start complaining that our spouses have changed, they often believe we have changed just as much).
While writing my books, When Couples Walk Together, When a Woman Inspires Her Husband and 12 Ways to Experience More with Your Husband, I interviewed nearly 100 couples married anywhere from 10-50 years to find out how they continue to keep love alive. From those interviews, along with personal experience in my own marriage, I came up with a list of three ingredients to keep loving one another through the years even when our spouse has changed and the feelings don’t show up.
And the amazing thing about this list is, when we do our part to love regardless of our feelings, God shows up and many times, in His grace, brings those feelings back.
The Kind of Love God Wants in Our Marriages
God designed marriage to work perfectly. And I imagine, before sin came into the picture, Adam and Eve had no problem loving each other. After all, they were each sinless and perfect.
Yet, their sin created a whole new dynamic for every marriage (Genesis 3). As a result of sin’s presence in our lives, the only kind of “love” that comes naturally is that feeling of infatuation we had when we first met our spouse.
Back when you and I first married we saw in our spouses what we wanted to see. “Love is blind,” they say. And then through the years, our eyes are opened to reality and we see many things we may not have wanted to see at first.
We saw that our spouse was a sinner. We saw they were capable of letting us down and causing us pain. And they saw the same sin and capabilities in us.
But agape love–God’s kind of love–sees all and still loves. God knows everything about us, including our imperfections, and He still loves us.
He knows what lurks in our minds and hearts, and He knows not only our past sins but our future ones as well–and He still extends love. God loves us unconditionally and in spite of who we really are. And that’s how He calls us to love one another–including our spouses.
Jesus said in John 13:34, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, you must love one another.” Jesus loved us by giving His life for us. He showed sacrificial, persevering and enduring love for us. And by doing so, He showed us how to love our spouses.
Based on how Jesus loves us, here are three ways to love your spouse through the years:
Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Lina Trochez
1. Show Sacrificial Love
As humans, and therefore sinners, it’s easy to put ourselves first.
I am ashamed when I think of my Lord’s example of washing His disciples’ feet and dying for the sins of mankind. I’m sure my selfishness is displayed in my marriage more than I realize and that my husband sees it. And of course, that is not Calvary love.
Calvary love–or sacrificial love–dies to self. Calvary love puts another first. Calvary love says “Not my will, but yours,” “Not my happiness, but yours,” “Not my preferences, but yours” and “Not my fulfillment, but yours.”
How can our spouses not be encouraged, inspired, and motivated to love us back when we demonstrate to them that kind of sacrificial love? And as we do, our love for our spouse grows deeper.
Yes, God created marriage to be equally fulfilling for both partners. But we are sinners, and therefore at least one of us must bend and become unlike the other. At least one of us must choose to be more like Christ. To show sacrificial love to our spouse is to ask yourself “What is it costing me?”
During the early years of our marriage it is a joy to love our spouses. But as the years go by and the pressures of life set in, it becomes more of a challenge to show that love consistently. And if that love does not cost you something in some way, it is not sacrificial as Christ’s love is for us.
Such love will sometimes cost us an inconvenience, a delay, or a setback. Other times, sacrificial love will cost us our own desires. But such love is worth it. It shows our spouses–and God–that we do know something of Calvary love.
2. Practice Persevering Love
Scripture speaks frequently of God’s great lovingkindness, or steadfast love which endures forever (1 Chronicles 16, 2 Chronicles 7, Psalm 136). Some translations call it His unfailing love. Regardless of the terms, it is a love that perseveres.
The most thorough description of love that we can find in Scripture is in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. Quoted at many weddings, this passage describes persevering or enduring love–the kind of love that just won’t quit.
Here we see a beautiful description of God’s love and we are instructed to practice this love toward others, especially our spouse:
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (ESV, emphasis added).
Did you catch that? The New International Version says love “always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” If that last line didn’t convict your heart, enough, look the opening words of the next verse, where we are told more about this love we are to practice: “Love never fails” (verse 8).
Fewer marriages would struggle today if just one partner in every marriage practiced that definition of love. Yet, can you imagine what marriages would be like if both partners practiced enduring love? There would be no strife, no stress, no bitterness, no built-up baggage. There would be no devastation, nor divorce.
There would be two people who daily give up their rights to themselves so they can serve one another. There would be a perfect picture, in our love toward each other, of God’s love toward us.
If your spouse does not seem like the same person you married, yet you are still together, that is persevering love. That is love that says “I made a promise; now I’m keeping it.”
God did the same with you and me. Take a look at His unending, persevering love for you:
- He has promised He will never leave you (Hebrews 13:5)
- He is gentle toward you when you’re broken (Psalm 147:3)
- He promises nothing will ever come between the two of you (Romans 8:39)
- He loved you in spite of yourself, and still does (Romans 5:8)
- He is constantly thinking about you (Psalm 139:17-18)
How can you practice persevering love toward your spouse the way God practices it toward you?
Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Heng Films
3. Extend Renewing Love
Because we are not like God, who never grows weary or wounded, we must know how to renew our love for our spouses. We can’t simply wait around for our feelings to be there.
I’m so glad God’s love for us isn’t based on His feelings! Rather, He has determined to love us, regardless. He calls us to love one another (and our spouses) that way, too.
Because the world will take it out of us. Pain will take it out of us. The everyday stuff of life will take it out of us. But thanks be to God, He can replenish it in us.
In Isaiah 40:28-31, we have this encouragement from God, who can fill you up with love for spouse:
“Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.”If your love for your spouse has waned, how do you renew it? How do you get back that delight in each other when something in your spouse or in this life has taken it out of you?
By waiting on the Lord for His strength, which will enable you to love your spouse, and by going back to what first drew the two of you together. Was it your spouse’s smile, sense of humor, integrity, charm and wit, or love for God?
Ask God to help you focus on what you once saw and trust Him to open your eyes to see it once again.
Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Toa Heftiba
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Cindi McMenamin
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6 Beautiful Psalms That Teach Us about Forgiveness
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God created us to be in full relationship with Him. But time and again, we build walls between us and our Heavenly Father. We disobey the rules God gave us, conveniently forgetting that when we sin, we’re not only hurting someone else—we’re hurting God. A sin against another is a sin against God.
No sacrifice or good work on our part can possibly compensate for this transgression. But there is hope, for the Bible tells us God loves us from a well so deep its bounds are infinite. And when we sin, and we not only acknowledge that sin but genuinely repent and seek to do right, God forgives us. He washes us clean, and we get to start again. In return, God tells us, we are to do the same with others when they wrong us: forgive them in honor of the great gift our Father bestows upon us.
The concept of forgiveness is infused throughout the Bible, and particularly in the psalms, where David and the other psalmists cry out for forgiveness—and teach us important lessons in the process.
Here, then, are six psalms that teach us about forgiveness.
Key verse: Psalm 32:5, “Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the Lord.’ And you forgave the guilt of my sin.”
Sin is defined as disobeying God’s commands. When we lie to another human, or covet what they have, we’re breaking God’s command to not lie or covet or whatever other command we are breaking. Not only is that wronging another human, but more importantly, it is wronging God.
When we sin, the first step is understanding that our wrongdoing doesn’t only impact ourselves or the other person involved—it hurts God.
And by hurting God, it creates a boundary between us and our Creator. Understanding this helps us acknowledge the wrong of our sin and opens our eyes to the larger impact of disobedience.
That’s why the first step in forgiveness is admitting we have sinned. Acknowledging this freely is important because it forces us to own our misbehavior.
Psalm 32 addresses this. It begins by noting how blessed someone is who has been forgiven—and how miserable the psalmist was when he “kept silent” (v. 3) and didn’t acknowledge his sin. But then, as he notes in our key verse, “I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the Lord.’ And you forgave the guilt of my sin” (v. 5).
In essence, the psalmist confessed his wrongdoing to the Lord, and suddenly his burden was lifted. By owning his sin—genuinely acknowledging and repenting—he received forgiveness. God restored his joy and again became his refuge, his “hiding place” (v. 7).
That is what this psalm teaches us. When we confess our sin to the Lord and don’t try to pretend it didn’t happen or run from Him, and when we turn our lives back toward God’s path, then God gives us a tremendous gift in return: the freedom of forgiveness.
And when someone else wrongs us, we need to remember that gift we receive from God and strive to forgive them in return.
Key verses: Psalm 40:2-3, “He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him.”
Just as we have been forgiven for our sins, we are told to forgive others. After Jesus taught the disciples the Lord’s Prayer, He emphasized the importance of forgiveness, noting, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:14-15). And later, before sharing the Parable of the Unmerciful Servant, Jesus was asked His disciple, Peter, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times” (Matthew 18:21-22).
When God forgives us, we get a fresh start—a new beginning. That is what the psalmist, David, seems to be addressing in Psalm 40, which is both a psalm of praise and lament. Here, David remembers a time before when he was in the depths of anguish and crushed by sin, waiting for God to deliver Him. But then God raised him from “the slimy pit,” set his feet on solid ground, and put a new song in his mouth (v. 2-3).
This new song is one of joy and relief—he got to leave his sin behind when he was forgiven by God and enter once more into a restored relationship with the Lord. We, too, get a new song when God forgives us, and likewise, we are also to forgive those who sin against us, granting them this new song, too.
Key verse: Psalm 103:12, “As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.”
At its core, this psalm is a love psalm, expressing deep love, gratitude, and appreciation for God, who is like a compassionate father ruling over the earth (v. 13), good and merciful, always taking care of us from His fathomless well of love. God is so great and loves us so much, the psalmist says, that His love is “as high as the heavens are above the earth” (v. 11). And because of that love, our Father God forgives our offenses completely, indeed removing them from us “as far as the east is from the west,” a vast and perhaps impossible distance to measure.
When God forgives us, it’s done—finished. His forgiveness is certain. Our transgressions have been removed far, far away. And, as Jesus tells us, we are to do the same for others in return (Mark 11:25).
Key verse: Psalm 25:11, “For the sake of your name, Lord, forgive my iniquity, though it is great.”
Sometimes, the wrongs we do seem too big or too bad for God to ever forgive. This psalm, thought to be written by David, first praises God for His great faithfulness, mercy, and love and expresses David’s intentions to walk in God’s path and obey His commands. Then, he implores the Lord to grant him forgiveness for his iniquity, or wickedness, “though it is great.”
David knows God doesn’t have to do this, but he also knows that apart from God, he is nothing. He has no chance against the evils or the world or the enemies that stand in his way. His hope is in God and God alone (v. 21). And he knows there is nothing too big or too bad for God, who is always good (v. 7) and who is his only source of refuge and rescue (v. 20).
It’s the same with us. Anything we do that is against God’s command is a sin—and it’s not just a sin against others or ourselves. It’s a sin against God. Our only option when forced to face our sin is to confess it to the Father, acknowledge that we sinned against Him, and strive to get back in obedience and right relationship with Him. Though our sins might be great, God is a good, loving Father. In that, this psalm teaches, we can take comfort.
Key verses: Psalm 51:6-7, “You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.”
This psalm is thought to have written by King David after his affair with the beautiful Bathsheba, when he not only slept with the wife of his friend Uriah but impregnated her, then arranged to have Uriah killed in battle to cover up David’s wrongdoing. But soon, Nathan the prophet confronted David about his grave sin.
Immediately, David acknowledged his guilt and began the process of repentance. In Psalm 51, David takes ownership of his sinful choices and begs God for forgiveness and mercy. “Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin,” he implores God in verse 2, noting he is fully aware of his wrongdoing and cannot escape the bitter consequences.
In verse 4, he acknowledges that his sin is bigger than harming Bathsheba or Uriah. Indeed, any disobedience is a direct violation of God’s commands and is, therefore, a sin against God. He begs God for a pure heart, begs God not to cast him away, and then, in our key verse, acknowledges there is nothing he can do to make up for the wrong he has done. No sacrifice will compensate. He must genuinely repent and rely upon the mercy of God—and God alone—to achieve forgiveness.
This psalm teaches us that when we sin, we hurt God. But when we call upon Him for forgiveness and genuinely seek to turn our lives around in obedience to Him, God grants us mercy out of the depths of His great love for us. Likewise, when someone else wrongs us, we would do well to remember the sin was more than against us—it was against God. If they repent and have the security that God forgives them, we need to do the same. All sins are against God, and God forgives all when we come to Him, as David writes, with a “broken and contrite heart” (v. 7).
Key verses: Psalm 130:3-4, “If you, Lord, kept a record of sins, Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness, so that we can, with reverence, serve you.”
When we do wrong and seek forgiveness from God, we’re ultimately making our way back into alignment with Him. But then we must stand before God with respect and reverence, worshipping Him and praising Him. To do that, knowing our sin has left an ugly stain of shame upon us, can be difficult and upsetting. We want to stand before God blameless and pure, not stained with sin.
This psalm reminds us that when God forgives us, He offers love in return. We have a place with Him still. Instead of fleeing from Him, frightened and ashamed, we can stand before God humbly knowing His great mercy enables a new start.
These psalms can be a great source for understanding how to open our hearts to what we have done wrong and navigate our way back to the Lord. For thankfully, we serve a good Father who wants us back in His arms, in right relationship with Him, forever.
Sources:
- NIV Biblical Theology Study Bible. Copyright © 2019 by Zondervan.
- Essential Bible Companion to the Psalms. Copyright © 2010 by Brian Webster and David Beach.
- Halley’s Bible Handbook with the New International Version, Copyright © 2000 by Halley’s Bible Handbook, Inc.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Kieferpix
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Jessica Brodie
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4 Reasons Christian Singles Are Tired of the Dating Scene
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Throughout the past decades, there has been a significant emphasis on the Christian dating scene. As a result, many Christian singles have become tired of the entire dating conversation altogether. If you are a Christian single who is over the stereotypes, questions, and nosy culture of Christian dating, this article is for you.
Let’s check out four reasons Christian singles are tired of the dating scene:
1. Frustrated
One reason Christian singles are tired of the dating scene is that they are frustrated. They are frustrated because they cannot find “the one.” These individuals have been on numerous dates with numerous people, yet they still haven’t found their forever partner. For this reason alone, many Christian singles are exhausted by investing in the dating scene. Maybe all of their friends have found their person, and they feel alone or as though something is wrong with them.
Through feeling these feelings and thinking these thoughts, the individual can be frustrated. They want the same happiness and joy, yet it always seems unattainable for them. If you are a Christian single and you are tired of the dating scene because you’re frustrated, turn to the Lord in prayer. Ask Him to help you find the person who is a good fit for you, who also loves God more than anyone or anything else.
While everybody desires to find their spouse, we also have to accept the fact that not everyone will end up being married. Even though Christian culture places a huge emphasis on marriage and starting a family, some Christian singles may never get married. This can be heartbreaking to some, and it is completely valid to express your feelings. If you are feeling as though God doesn’t have the one for you, embrace it and know that you still have unlimited worth and love because of Christ.
2. Pressure
A second reason why Christian singles are tired of the dating scene is because of the pressure being forced upon them. As stated in the former point, many Christian singles are pressured by Christian culture to get married and start a family as soon as possible. As someone who went to a Bible college, I can vouch for the extreme pressure being forced upon young Christian singles from family and peers to get married young and start a family. While none of this pressure was ever done by professors at the school, fellow peers and their families were passionate about getting all Christian singles married.
Marriage is a beautiful, sacred covenant God created, but sadly, many people pressure it onto others. This is not helpful and can cause a great amount of pain. With the dating scene being so popular in the modern day, Christian singles have felt the pressure to resort to online dating or even blind dating just to rid themselves of this pressure. While I have known many individuals to meet their future spouse through the internet or through online dating, one still needs to exercise extreme caution when it comes to online dating. In fact, Christian singles need to free themselves of the pressure of dating in order to give themselves peace.
If you want to go on the dating scene, that’s fine; however, if you are tired of it, that is okay too. There’s nothing wrong with being tired of the dating scene because it has caused you a great amount of anguish and pain. No matter how old you are, you shouldn’t be pressured into dating if you don’t want to. Live life at your own pace and if the right person comes along, ask God for guidance in the relationship. Relationships and marriages should never be rushed. Instead, you need to cultivate your relationship by spending time with one another and seeing if this person is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
3. Content with Being Single
A third reason why Christian singles are tired of the dating scene is that they are content with being single. Paul tells us, “An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world–how she can please her husband” (1 Corinthians 7:34). As Paul tells us in this passage, the unmarried woman is concerned with the Lord. She is fully devoted to the Lord in ways the married woman cannot be. It is the same for unmarried men. Those who are not married are able to give their full time, attention, and devotion to the Lord.
As we can see, there are Christian singles who are tired of the dating scene because they are content with being single. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to stay single. Singleness is a gift from the Lord, and it can spare a person from many troubles that come with marriage (1 Corinthians 7:28). Christian singles don’t need to be looked down upon because they are not inferior to those who choose to get married. Whether you are married or not, choose to live your life to the glory of God. Honor God through your singleness or your marriage.
4. Past Dates Have Been Awful
A fourth reason why Christian singles are tired of the dating scene is that their past dates have been awful. Most people are familiar with what it’s like to go on a terrible date. One terrible date alone can leave a bad impression on dating in general. Maybe you have been on multiple dates, and each time the person is rude, only talks about themselves, or makes you pay the bill. This alone can cause a person to become tired of the dating scene.
Dating needs to be done with the idea of marriage. If you aren’t considering the person for marriage, don’t date them. Christians are not just to date around as the secular culture teaches. Instead, Christians are to date with the mind frame of seeing if they want to marry this individual. However, if all of your past dates are awful, it can cause you to be hesitant to date anyone else. If you want to get a break from the dating scene, that is perfectly understandable. Take time to wait and grow in your singleness until the time is right.
It is also important to remember that not all dates will be terrible. Even if most of your dates have not been the best in the past, you might still find the right one in the future. Yet again, you can still choose to refrain from the dating scene for a while and wait for the right person to come in your direction. Pray to God and ask Him to send the right person into your life. The answer to your prayer might not be the answer you want, or it might not happen within the timeframe you desire, yet you can know God’s way, and His timing is best.
Whether you choose to remain in the dating scene or not is up to you. There are many other reasons why Christian singles have grown tired of the dating scene. However, these are but four reasons in addition to many more. Maybe you have your own additions to add to this list, and that is great. Acknowledge these reasons and seek out how to make them better. Often, it means disconnecting from the entire dating scene.
The world and Christian culture try to make us feel as though we need to be married by our twenties or we will be seen as an “old maid.” This could not be further from the truth because your twenties aren’t reserved exclusively for dating. Use this time of singleness to grow in your relationship with Christ and know Him better. Know that you already have worth and are loved by the Lord Himself. With or without a spouse, you are dearly loved, cherished, and cared for.
Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Gift Habeshaw
Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.
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Vivian Bricker
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5 Ways Couples Can Forgive and Move Past Disagreements in Their Marriage
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Because of Jesus’s death on the cross, God forgives our transgressions and chooses to remember them no more. It is the same in our marriage. It is crucial to choose your battles. If you are getting into a battle over every minor annoyance, it may be time to analyze why you’re getting so easily agitated. If previous issues have not been dealt with and forgiven properly, they can become relevant in your current squabbles. Ask the Lord to reveal any previous fights or issues you have not forgiven. As Christians, we are called to forgive others seventy times seven. We need to do so in our marriages as well. Forgive past issues and then analyze if the current argument you are embroiled in is worth the fight. More than likely, it’s not.
Conflict in any marriage is difficult. But the conflict that has gone unresolved and hearts that have gone unchecked can result in emotional separation, or worse, divorce. Choose your battles and fight the battles that will make you better people in the end. Choose not to make divorce an option. Forgive when necessary, give each other the benefit of the doubt, and best of all give the situation over to the Lord. God wants nothing but the best for your marriage, as it’s a reflection of the relationship Christ has with his church. The best way to help our churches regain their voices in society is to be a better example in our marriages.
Photo credit: ©Unsplash/Gus Moretta
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Michelle S. Lazurek
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6 Prayers for Weathering a Relational Storm
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Our closest and most important relationships can be a source of great joy and fulfillment, but they can also cause extensive anxiety and sorrow. As much as we’d prefer otherwise, experience teaches that we cannot form deep connections without experiencing some degree of conflict. Hopefully, with God’s leading and grace, most of our disagreements will be short-lived and will lead to increased spiritual and emotional maturity for all involved. But what about when the rift separating us from someone feels too wide to repair?How can we navigate these tumultuous seasons without allowing our pain to overshadow everything else? We seek God’s help because apart from Him, our perspectives are skewed, our strength insufficient, and our hearts prone to sin. Here are six prayers to help you weather the most challenging relational storm:Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Antonio Diaz
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Jennifer Slattery
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Does God Want Me to Stay in an Unhappy Marriage?
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God wants us to be happy, right?
I hear it often in my work with couples. Two people on the brink of divorce, not because of abuse or infidelity, but because the relationship no longer makes them happy. As they describe, the excitement, curiosity, and fun they experienced at the beginning of their relationship are no longer there. Wedding vows may say, ‘till death us do part,’ but for many those words have lost their meaning.
The reality is that culture has changed and the beliefs we carry about marriage often mirror those changes. Truth today is seen as relative, feelings fuel our experience, and a consumer-driven mindset fosters more transactional attitudes toward relationships.
Instead of understanding God’s true purpose for marriage, we routinely view marriage based on what another person can do for us, what they can give us, and ultimately, how they make us feel about ourselves.
Bottom line: If happiness is your primary expectation of marriage, you will most likely find yourself disillusioned and disappointed.
Why Did God Design Marriage?
We must understand God’s design for us as individuals if we are to understand His design for marriage. While many Believers have a superficial notion of God as a ‘genie-in-the-bottle’ whose primary function is to make us happy, the Bible is clear that His design for His children is to make us holy (ie: sanctified, conformed to His image,) not happy. 1 Pet 1:15-16
A.W. Tozer describes, “No man should desire to be happy who is not at the same time holy. He should spend his efforts in seeking to know and do the will of God, leaving to Christ the matter of how happy he should be.”
Tim Keller, pastor, author, and theologian, defines marriage as, “…a lifelong, monogamous relationship between and man and a woman. According to the Bible, God devised marriage to reflect the saving love for us in Christ, to refine our character, to create stable human community for the birth and nurture of children, and to accomplish all this by bringing the complementary sexes into an enduring whole life union.”
Henri Nouwen states, “… marriage is foremost a vocation. Two people are called together to fulfill a mission that God has given them. Marriage is a spiritual reality. That is to say, a man and a woman come together for life, not just because they experience deep love for each other, but because they believe that God loves each of them with an infinite love and has called them to each other to be living witnesses of that love. To love is to embody God’s infinite love in a faithful communion with another human being.
Marriage is one of our greatest teachers because at its heart marriage surfaces the reality of who we are, what we expect, and how we engage others. No other relationship is as revealing and potentially transformative as the relationship with the one we have committed to permanently and intimately share our lives.
In a HuffPost article, author and speaker, Tyler Ward, concludes that marriage is about personal reformation. He describes, Although happiness is often a very real byproduct of a healthy relationship, marriage is designed to pull dysfunction to the surface of our lives, set it on fire and help us grow. The job of marriage is to refine our dysfunction and spur us into progressive wholeness.
Bottom line: The less you view your spouse as your savior and more as your companion on this journey of life, the more likely you are to pursue your own healing and growth. This will lead to cultivating more realistic expectations for your marriage, ultimately yielding greater stability, peace, and yes, happiness.
Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Desiree Fawn
What Does the Bible Say about an Unhappy Marriage?
It is important to distinguish between an unhappy marriage and a toxic/destructive marriage. For those who have experienced any kind of unrepentant adultery, abandonment, or repeated physical/emotional/verbal/sexual abuse, this article is NOT for you. In most unhappy marriages the issues are miscommunication, finances, unmet expectations, etc. Abuse of any kind is not acceptable in God’s design for mutual submission as couples grow together in Him.
Regarding marriage, Malachi 2: 15-16 (NIV) says, Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth. ‘The man who hates and divorces his wife,’ says the Lord, the God of Israel, ‘does violence to the one he should protect,’ says the Lord Almighty. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful.
Biblically speaking, spouses don’t have the right to simply dissolve an unhappy marriage. God intended that marriage be for a lifetime.
Ephesians 5 describes marriage as a metaphor for our relationship with God. He is not capricious in His affections toward us, nor does His love depend on favorable circumstances. His relationship with us is solely based on His covenant with us. God wants us to remain faithful to our vows because He knows broken hearts, broken marriages, and broken homes can be redeemed for His ultimate glory.
Does this mean that God wants us to remain in an unhappy marriage? No. What He wants is for each of us to use our pain, our sorrow and disappointment, our loneliness and anger, as an invitation to pursue His healing. He wants us to understand what health looks like in our marriage—healthy expectations, communication, boundaries, and conflict resolution— so that we can experience transformation right where we are, rather than waiting to discover it in a new relationship.
Bottom line: An unhappy marriage should be an indicator that there are things God wants to address in our lives and in our marriages, so that we can pursue healing and wholeness in every area of our lives. God wants us to recognize issues within our marriage as they arise, be willing to address them, and work together towards personal and relational growth. If we do, we will continue growing together allowing us to develop greater connection, strength, and intimacy in our marriage.
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8 Signs That Your Marriage Is Unhappy
1. Are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling increasingly present in your marriage?
2. Do you often feel you have little to say to each other?
3. Do you fantasize about a future without your partner?
4. Do you and your spouse live separate lives?
5. Is there a lack of sex or physical affection in your marriage?
6. Do you often feel disconnected from your mate?
7. Is it easier to focus on everything else but the relationship?
8. Do you talk to your friends more than your spouse?
If you answered yes to one or more of these, chances are high that you are living in an unhappy marriage.
Does God Want You to Stay in an Unhappy Marriage?
Let me be clear, God does not want anyone to stay in an environment where they are not safe —physically or emotionally. Period. Yet too many couples who feel dissatisfied or unhappy in their marriages often miss the blessing God has for them and their children by leaving too quickly or not getting the help they need to adequately resolve their issues.
6 Ways You Can Begin to Reclaim Your Marriage
1. Stop blaming your spouse for your unhappiness. No one is responsible for your happiness but you. If you find yourself experiencing a lack of joy, personal fulfillment, or satisfaction in your marriage, do a personal inventory to assess the greatest areas of dissatisfaction as well as the causes for the dissatisfaction.
2. Pray. Ask God to reveal the areas of your heart that need His healing. Ask Him to show you the things for which you own responsibility. Ask Him to make clear the ways in which He wants you to grow, the things He desires you to learn to become more like Him.
3. Find specific ways you can pursue the healing to which God is calling you. Reach out to a trusted Christian therapist in your area that can help you heal areas of brokenness, cultivate new patterns, new skills, new ways of being that can transform both you and your marriage.
4. Stop looking at your mate as the villain in your life. Begin to see them as your friend. View them as honest, yet broken. Offer compassion to them on their healing journey. Pray for them. Make a list of qualities or behaviors you admire in them.Focus on these. Remind yourself of these attributes throughout the day.
5. Find ways to affirm your spouse. Instead of verbalizing criticism or contempt for what they don’t do, let them know what they do get right. Speak to them your appreciation. Find ways you can bless them —freely, without expectation.
6. Pray over your spouse and your marriage daily. Pray for protection from the enemy. Pray for each of you on your respective journeys. Pray for safety, vulnerability, and skills to work through the issues that are sure to arise in your marriage. Pray for wisdom and humility to reach out for counseling to help you heal and grow together.
Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Matheus-Ferrero
Verses about the Joy of Marriage
Love and faithfulness meet together; righteousness and peace kiss each other.
As a young man marries a young woman, so shall your Builder marry you, and as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Blessed are all who fear the Lord, who walk in obedience to him.You will eat the fruit of your labor; blessings and prosperity will be yours.Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table.Yes, this will be the blessing for the man who fears the Lord.
Prayer for a Happy Marriage
Dear Abba Father,
I long to know your healing in every area of my heart and in my marriage. Father, let my unhappiness point me to You, Your healing, Your purpose for my life. Show me areas of brokenness from my past that need to be healed so that I can walk in wholeness and freedom. Show me the expectations that You want me to have for my spouse and my marriage. Help me to learn better ways of communicating and of resolving conflict with my spouse. Reveal to me the ways I have failed my marriage and teach me how to both ask for forgiveness and offer it freely so that I can learn to love my partner well. Rekindle respect, trust, admiration, and love for my spouse and draw us together into a deeper connection and intimacy with You. Help me always keep my expectation on You so that I can glorify you in my heart and in marriage. Amen.Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/fizkes
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Lisa Murray
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3 Ways White Lies Spin Out of Control
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A third way white lies can spin out of control is by the fact that you are constantly sinning against God when you are telling white lies. Every sin we commit goes against God. We may think a small sin is not aimed at God, yet all sin is aimed at God, and it hurts Him. As white lies begin to spin out of control, we know it can be due to the fact of the individual constantly sinning against God. Lying is not good, and it goes against everything we know in the Bible. We need to be truthful and honest in our dealing with others.
Rationalism has caused us to think our sin is “no big deal,” when in truth, it is the worst thing we can do. Instead of following God’s teaching by repenting and sinning no more, as believers, we continue to sin against God, and we hurt Him in the process. Our white lies can start spinning out of control in this way, and sadly, we can become calloused to the Holy Spirit’s conviction if we continue to sin despite His efforts to stop us. We need to acknowledge this if we are in a state of being untouched by the conviction of the Holy Spirit due to our persistent sin. If we have found we are insensitive to His gentle guidance, then we need to go to God in prayer, ask for forgiveness, and ask for the conviction of the Holy Spirit to return.
Make an effort today to clear up any white lies and to come clean about them. While it might be difficult and hurt others to know the truth, it is better to tell the truth than to let the lie keep going. White lies are not harmless, and the longer you let them remain and add onto them, the worse they will become. Choose to be truthful and honest. Follow God and ask Him to help you obey Him faithfully.
God is faithful and full of grace. If you ask Him for forgiveness, He will forgive you. However, don’t expect others to forgive you when you come clean about any white lies in your life because your lies may have severely hurt that person. Instead, choose to respect their decision and do your best to make it right. Sometimes the only thing you can do to make it right is to confess, apologize, and remain out of their lives. While this can be hurtful, we need to know that we do have to deal with the consequences of our sins.
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Vivian Bricker
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4 Marriages in the Bible that Show Us What NOT to Do
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These two are the epitome of what not to do in a marriage. King Ahab followed his father’s footsteps in doing “evil in the sight of the Lord.” (1 Kings 16:30)
Ahab marries Jezebel, the daughter of Ethbaal, king of the Sidonians.
Ahab and Jezebel worship Baal and build an altar for him. “Ahab did more to provoke the Lord, the God of Israel, to anger than all the kings of Israel who were before him.” (1 Kings 16:33)
Their worshiping of idols confused the people of Israel on who to worship, God or the idols.
Jezebel adds murder to her list of sins by persecuting followers of the Lord and murdering His prophets. Thankfully, Obadiah saved one hundred prophets.
Elijah confronts Ahab, challenging him to abandon the commandments of the Lord, and tells him to meet on Mount Carmel to see whose God is real. The Baal followers build a fire, cut up a bull, and wait for Baal to bring the flames. Of course, no fire comes.
Elijah mocks them, builds an altar with twelve stones, puts a bull on top, adds water, and calls upon the Lord. The Lord responds by sending fire and consuming the burnt offering, the wood, stones, dust, and water. Elijah has the prophets of Baal killed, which doesn’t bode well with Jezebel when she finds out. She threatens to kill Elijah.
Next, you have Naboth’s vineyard situation. Ahab covets (never a good habit) Naboth’s vineyard and tries to buy the land, but Naboth will not sell his father’s land. Ahab comes home sulking because he did not get his way. Jezebel doesn’t like seeing her husband pouting and forges letters on Ahab’s behalf, arranging for Naboth to be murdered.
Ahab and Jezebel break most of the ten commandments. They spend most of their life not worshiping the Lord. Ahab is spared when he humbles himself before the Lord, but disaster still comes upon his house.
In addition to their obvious larger sins, the learning for us today is to support our spouses and attempt to keep them from sinning. We want to encourage them in the Lord’s ways. Jezebel has sneaky, manipulative ways to her actions. We want to be honest and work together with our spouses, preventing each other from sinning.
Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Peter Dennis
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Katie T. Kennedy
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10 Simple (but Powerful) Prayers to Pray for Your Marriage
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Do you forget to pray for your marriage? For your spouse? Sometimes we are so caught up in the prayers for our children and family, for church family and friends, for missions and ministries, and even for world conditions, that we take the construct of our closest covenant for granted.
Knowing what to pray can sometimes be a challenge. If communication is good between you and your spouse, you likely have a good idea of what areas they are struggling in, need encouragement in, and so forth. But there’s more to marital prayers than just praying for our spouse. It’s also praying for the marriage itself.
The very essence of marriage at its core is being attacked regularly from various directions. We don’t need to spell out the statistics, but it shouldn’t be surprising that over half of marriages end in divorce. Whether finances, infidelity, differences, or what-have-you play a part, moving apart from each other is a condition no marriage is secure from.
Consider the various areas your marriage can take a hit, and keep in mind that just because it may not have been attacked in that region recently doesn’t mean one isn’t coming. Marriage is meant to be a picture—a reflection—of our relationship with the Lord. So it is logical to conclude that its sanctity will not go unscathed by challenges, temptations, and warfare.
This being said, it’s wise to spend time in prayer for your marriage. Protection over the vows that were spoken. A securing of fortress around the home you have created together.
Here are ten simple but powerful prayers that you can use to bring your marriage before the Lord in offense for battles to come and in defense for battles currently being fought.
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Jaime Jo Wright
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5 Things You Do That Can Spiral into Divorce
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“Happy Anniversary!” the family chorused around the dinner table in the elegant dining room of the cruise ship. Gene and I celebrated 40 years of being married. But unlike the calm waters on the cruise, many years in our marriage were rough because of the storms that buffeted our relationship. In fact, many times we came close to the shipwreck of divorce.
But to grant us a little grace, I’ll relate only five of them. We faced them in various seasons of our marriage, in different forms and even when we least expected.
1. We expect our spouse to meet all of our needs.
The first one happened at the very beginning. Dressed in pure white, I took slow steps down the church aisle. A rhythmic melody played on the piano while all eyes were on me. I reached my husband-to-be at the altar and we pronounced our vows. I said, “I do” to the familiar wedding commitment. But in my 23-year-old heart what I really said was “I do… I do expect this man to make me happy, to nurture me, to make me whole, to fill the void in my heart. I do anticipate being the center of his life. And I do expect my life to be happier than when I was single.”
What I didn’t expect was that he too, at 23, had his own expectations. His own needs, desires and hopes. And to my shock, he expected me to fulfill them.
As a result, in our small apartment furnished with a red, brown and orange couch and shag carpeting, conflict visited often. Blame and episodes of animosity marked with harsh words moved in with us.
Only months after that day where folks lifted their champagne glasses toasting to our happiness, we realized neither one of us could provide even a slight resemblance to the storybook “happily ever after.”
Going our separate ways seemed a liberating solution.
2. We fail to prioritize sexual intimacy.
The second temptation to give up came around our seventh anniversary. By then we had three little boys under the age of five. Life had changed. It became more hectic and sleepless nights multiplied with each child. Although they brought deep joy, their care zapped all my energy.
Nights were long with little sleep. Days were short because of my endless tasks. And my heart was empty of fulfillment.
As a result, sexual intimacy was at the bottom of priorities. Gene didn’t seem to understand.
Why couldn’t he see my sacrifice to the family? How could he demand more of me? He should be happy that I manage to care for all the family’s needs. But he wasn’t grateful. He became resentful instead.
3. We forget to communicate.
The third step that could have triggered divorce came when those long, heart-to-heart talks we enjoyed while dating were forgotten. Our hectic days were filled with so many activities that we had no time or energy to connect. We talked but didn’t communicate. We exchanged necessary comments. “When is Joe’s soccer game? Did you remember to pay the car insurance?”
One evening when Gene came home from work and announced there was someone else in his life, I was numb with disbelief. Anger, bitterness and desperation filled my nights. Meanwhile, confusion and frustration filled his.
4. We are poisoned by resentment.
The fourth step that could have taken us to the doorstep of divorce came when financial devastation barged in. After six months of employment in a small company, it went bankrupt. As one of the executives, Gene was personally responsible for the huge debt to the IRS. The amount was so large that we couldn’t pay it in a lifetime. The IRS took our savings and our bank accounts became theirs. The debt and interest kept increasing. And so did my fear. That fear triggered irrational blame. Why couldn’t Gene have seen this coming? How could he have allowed this to happen to us? That blend of fear and resentment became the poison that was killing our marriage.
5. We become separated in tragedy.
The fifth episode that could have taken us closer to divorce came ten years later when our youngest son, 19 at the time, was killed. We both crumbled with grief. The heartache was about to consume us. And the desire to nurture our relationship was drowning in the lake of sorrow. We were told that often tragedies sever a marriage. They often create a wedge that is nearly impossible to mend. And we could see that very outcome drawing closer.
Those are only five episodes that could have taken Gene and me to divorce court.
Still in love…
Then why, after 40 years, are we still in love more than ever? How did we overcome those trials, setbacks and pain?
The answer came when I stopped. I stopped seeking a way out of our mess. And instead, began seeking God first as He says to do in Matthew 6:33. With my face buried in my hands, I cried out my surrender to Him. Then I made God the center of all. I made Him the rock in our marriage. And I made Him the Lord of every aspect of our relationship.
Then the change came. But the first one to change had to be me. Prayer and Scripture rose to the top of my priorities. I invited Gene to do the same. Our transformation came in stages.
First, I admitted my mistake and recognized that no human being, no spouse, or family member can be the one to bring me joy, security or fulfillment. I embraced God’s truth that He and only He could be the one to fill my deepest needs. He said: “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10).
When life became overwhelming and days brought more burdens than I could carry. Jesus whispered to come to Him. To receive what He offered. And when exhaustion lay beside me in bed, Jesus said: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).
God smiled at us when we obeyed in our tithing. Even when facing that huge debt, we remained faithful in our trust in Him. And even when funds nearly ran out, we still tithed as God instructed. That’s when His promise to fill our baskets till they overflowed proved true (see Malachi 3:10).
When infidelity stained our marriage, forgiveness became the choice that washed resentment, anger and bitterness away. Gene learned that love “is not self-seeking” (>1 Corinthians 13:5a). And I learned that “love does not keep record of wrongs” (>1 Corinthians 13:5b).
And when the devastation of our son’s death threatened to end our peace and joy, God’s promise in Psalm 34:18 sustained us: “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
The mistakes we made, the unrealistic expectations, the trials, and the “me-first” attitudes all served a purpose. All proved our desperate need for Jesus. Each episode showed that when He is invited into the marriage, hope is born. His presence brings security, clearer perception, and wisdom. He and only He grants the grace to forgive. And when He is the center, He turns dark moments to light. He mends bleeding wounds. He eases the heartache, and in a sweet, glorious way, He brings joy back.
Janet Perez Eckles is an inspirational speaker and author of four books, including Simply Salsa: Dancing Without Fear at God’s Fiesta, where she helps thousands walk from the darkest valleys into triumphant, joy-filled lives.
Publication date: June 3. 2016
Photo credit: ©Getty Images/gorodenkoff
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Janet Perez Eckles
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18 Simple Prayers to Offer Up for Your Marriage
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In five years of marriage, my husband and I, combined, have moved six times, changed careers five times, brushed off Valentine’s Day four times, recovered from three surgeries, adopted two terrible dogs, and created one child (a boy on the way!).
We’ve gone through more than most couples in our short time. Josh lost his grandfather to liver cancer, and I lost one of my dearest college friends to suicide. I have been diagnosed with Obessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and Secondary Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Josh fights early signs of arthritis from his collegiate baseball career. We’ve both lost jobs, lost arguments, and occasionally lost the reason we fell in love. Yet, despite the loss, we have gained so much.
While I’m new to the art of tolerating the opposite sex’s quirks and gross hygiene habits, I’d like to offer 18 short, powerful prayers that became a survival guide for my marriage—and, eventually, a list of reasons to thank God for the blessing of waking up next to the world’s loudest snorer:
Prayers of Protection
1. “Lord, help me not kill this man.”
When I mutter this huffy prayer, I don’t want to mean it because I’d much rather thump him over the head after he has promised, again, that he “did the laundry”… his definition meaning he threw the clothes in the washer, threw them in the dryer, and then threw them in a wrinkled pile on the couch for the dogs to lay on.
But, when I pause and vent to the Lord, letting him know where my emotions are in the moment, it establishes a connection with God that humans rarely tap into. We negate this sanctifying space when we sidestep God’s friendship and choose to allow our present anger to unleash on our husband or become a nasty gossip session with a friend.
Vent to God—first. You won’t regret those five seconds that establish a comical yet peaceful connection with heaven (and grant you the wisdom to reexplain what “doing the laundry” means).
A few less huffy-puffy prayers of protection for your hubs:
2. “God, put Your mighty hands of protection around my husband as he works today.”
Perhaps your husband is a police officer, fireman, lineman, soldier, school teacher, or doctor—you name it—and there’s a reason to fear for their safety. My husband is a pilot, so I must focus on letting God protect him when he’s 36,000 feet in the sky. After all, we can try to be Super Woman all day long, but we can’t be in two places at once, and we can’t save the day.
Let the Savior do the Savior’s things. You give yourself the grace to pray, step back, and allow God to protect your husband.
3. “God, protect my husband from the enemy’s temptations today. Remind him of Your faithfulness and the strength You have supplied for him.”
Culture has caved as a result of broken family units. Sin creeps into cracks and crannies and crumbles the foundation of God’s design for mankind’s unity with Him and one another. Don’t let Satan get away with that. Instead, pray for the protection of your husband’s soul.
4. “Jesus, be with my husband as he travels. Help him navigate today’s itinerary on time and safely.”
I underestimated this prayer until my husband called one snowy Colorado day to tell me a semi-truck had caused a terrible wreck—totaling our car but leaving him unscathed. Let God work through your husband as he drives, flies, and travels anywhere.
5. “God, shield my husband as he does what he loves today.”
We ladies tend to enjoy hobbies that center on the home and/or arts. Outside the occasional staple-gun accident, our side projects usually aren’t as dangerous as the men’s—hunting big, wild animals, luring large, ferocious fish, playing golf with buddies who don’t know how to hold onto the golf club once they’ve swung it, etc.
Ask God to keep your husband safe as he participates in hobbies God designed him to enjoy.
6. “Jesus, please protect my husband from damaging stereotypes.”
One day, Josh and I were running an errand, and a lady our age could’ve used Josh’s manpower. He noticed her need but walked away without batting an eye. A southern belle, I chastised his rudeness. His reply: “What if she takes my attempt to help as being aggressively flirty? Then I’m in trouble when I did nothing but try to help.”
Today’s culture has men at the center of tug-of-war. Some women demand that men drop everything to rescue them, while others create posters explaining why women never needed “misogynistic,” “overly sexualized animals” in the first place.
Pray that God grants your husband the wisdom to be led by Him, not by today’s destructive definition of manhood.
Prayers of Growth
7. “God, please let my husband grow spiritually despite his past.”
We are all sinners who come with baggage, and as we develop our relationship with Christ, we repent of our past sins but often find it difficult to forgive ourselves. This stunts our spiritual growth, allowing Satan’s deceptive weapons of guilt and shame to keep us prisoner.
Pray that God allows your husband to walk free in His forgiveness, creating space for God to instill joy, hope, and a story of renewal that he can share with others.
8. “Jesus, please teach my husband how to grow despite childhood trauma.”
While some of us never experienced heinous physical or sexual abuse, many of us experienced emotional neglect or manipulation. Meanwhile, some of us never received practical resources, questioning why the lights were shut off again or whispering to the teacher that we didn’t have money for school supplies.
Men are taught never to discuss feelings. So whether your husband has opened up about his childhood, pray that God allows him to grow despite what he experienced as a kid. Pray in Jesus’ Name that bitterness and shame have no room in his soul.
9. “Lord, allow my husband to grow and thrive in his career.”
It’s no secret that men are expected to be the breadwinners, the ones who balance a successful career with care. Yet, they, too, struggle with petty bosses, competitive, undercutting coworkers, and work environments that simply aren’t healthy. Pray that your husband grows in wisdom and leadership no matter what career field he’s in.
10. “God, grant my husband the opportunities to grow as a dad.”
Mom guilt is real. I’m only five months pregnant and already feel the weight of overanalyzing every food I consume, hair product I use, or environment I step into for fear I will harm my baby. Meanwhile, dads feel the same pressure, just in a different way.
Pray that God will grant your husband the peace and freedom to open up to you and the kids about areas where he might feel inadequate, and ask God to bless his vulnerability with opportunities to enhance his communication skills or rework his schedule to spend more quality time with the kiddos.
11. “Jesus, let my husband embrace humility and seek to grow by asking questions and finding mentors.”
Hindsight is a blessing—but only if we are willing to share our past experiences to improve the present for someone else walking a similar path. Pray that God gives your husband the humility to know it’s okay to ask questions and ask that God plants the right mentors in the right places for your husband to connect with them and develop under their godly wing.
12. “God, challenge my husband to step outside his comfort zone and grow as a leader and/or mentor.”
Men feel their own pressures, including the pressure to lead and protect their families. But what about leading and guiding other young men? Pray that God grows your husband’s confidence and creates space for him to help others as he has been helped.
Prayers of Love
13. “God, help me remember that love is patient.”
Patience isn’t my spiritual gift, not because the Holy Spirit hasn’t allowed it but because I refuse to cultivate it. Stubborn (and stupid), I know. My patience thins quickly with my husband because he’s always the person who’s there, even if he wasn’t the person or situation that has left me short-fused.
Pray that God will help you remember love is patient, particularly between husband and wife. No party is perfect, so no party should demand impossible expectations. Allow God’s mercy and grace to flow from you to your husband… even when he does the laundry his way.
14. “Jesus, remind my husband that it’s not weak to show love.”
Just as men are hardwired not to show feelings, they are trained never to let love become mushy and gushy. Dressing up for a surprise dinner date or writing poetry for a spouse is now called “being whipped” or “owned” by a woman. But what if we are “owned” by Love Himself? And what if people weren’t afraid to demonstrate love as boldly as Jesus did on the cross?
Pray that God grants your husband the wisdom to embrace bold, sacrificial love, no matter what society thinks.
15. “Lord, allow our family to show my husband how much we love him.”
How often do we demand recognition for doing the dishes and folding the laundry but forget to thank our husband for taking out the trash, cutting the grass, or roughhousing with the children so we have a few moments of peace and quiet? I’m guilty of this. Far too often.
Pray that God grants you and your children the grace to enact gratitude for your husband. He deserves love and recognition too.
16. “God, fill my husband’s gaps of love with Your great Love.”
Whether it was a parent, best friend, or an ex who hurt your spouse, odds are, someone left a gaping hole in your husband’s heart that was meant to be filled with love. These gray areas are hard to navigate, as the man might not know how to express what’s missing.
Pray that God fills the holes of loss, betrayal, or abuse with His Son’s great Love.
17. “Jesus, let my husband fall in love with service.”
If your husband already balances a demanding job and family responsibilities at home, he might not enjoy serving in the community or church. But that’s where some of our greatest blessings live! Pray that God grants him the rest, encouragement, and inspiration to fall in love with serving others.
18. “God, help me love my spouse when I don’t want to love him.”
“I love you, but I don’t like you right now.” That’s the phrase I tell my husband when he’s made me livid, and nothing in me wants to nurture mushy, gushy love. It’s a phrase I spit through gritted teeth, yet it forces me to audibly admit that I not only love my husband, but I vowed to put him above myself. And once you admit that in front of your husband, there’s no turning back. Unless you like to eat crow.
Pray that God allows you the space to love your husband when it’s hard.
My love for Joshua Allen Garland is far deeper than when it began, but I believe it’s only through hardships, gritty prayers, and a determination to “[endure] all things” that we can celebrate five years of a love that has stayed (1 Corinthians 13:7).
Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Carolyn Horlings
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Peyton Garland
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6 Ways You’re Unknowingly Hurting Your Husband
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Let’s face it, men and women are as different as chalk and cheese. What makes you tick as a woman may be the very thing that makes your husband’s skin crawl. It’s likely that your emotional needs may sound bizarre to your spouse and vice versa. Your job then is to seek to understand what floats your spouse’s boat – to learn their love language and speak it fluently.
In his book His Needs, Her Needs Willard F. Harley, Jr. opines that the inability to meet each other’s emotional needs stems from ignorance of the said needs and not a selfish unwillingness to be considerate. This means that unless you have intentionally studied and interrogated your spouse, you are bound to act in a way that irks them without realizing it. As a wife, here are six ways you may be unknowingly hurting your husband.
1. Criticizing and Mothering Him
As a wife, perhaps you relish your role as mother hen down to a T. You bask in the privilege of ruling the roost. But. Do you bundle up your husband alongside your kids as you issue directives? Do you often redirect, criticize, correct, disapprove, and even oppose your husband? Many wives fall into the trap of mothering their husbands. They are always poking holes into their husbands’ opinions and actions and seeking to steer them in a different direction.
This makes their husbands feel belittled, disrespected, and controlled. This may also chip away at their self-esteem, injure trust and make them bitter and angry. Mothering your husband also causes him to get defensive and retract into his shell. This, however, does not mean that you cannot hold a different opinion from your husband. In marriage, conflict and personality differences are guaranteed. But as you air your opinion, do it respectfully and avoid attacking your husband’s character. Avoid sounding like his mother or as if you caught him with his hand in the cookie jar.
2. Giving Him the Silent Treatment
Joe barged into the living room, knackered to the bone, and felt awful that he had run late. His wife was nowhere in sight, so he ran upstairs to their bedroom and found her snuggled up in bed, reading a book. His attempt to greet and strike up a conversation with her hit the skids. She wouldn’t talk to him, leave alone look in his direction. He walked away feeling dejected, wondering what he had done wrong (besides getting home late).
It is not uncommon for wives to give their husbands the silent treatment when they are upset about something. This however is toxic, abusive, and unhealthy for any relationship. It takes two to tango, and it’s unfair to leave your husband groping in the dark, oblivious of their mistakes. Remember your husband is not a mind reader, and unless you communicate effectively, he cannot decode your frustration.
Psychologists say that people who use the silent treatment aim at exerting control over the other party in order to manipulate them. When you give your husband the silent treatment, they feel confused, frustrated, rejected, and hurt. You give them the impression that you don’t care about the health of your marriage, and it is entirely up to them to patch things up (albeit blindly). Giving the silent treatment also means that you are rejecting proper communication without which a marriage cannot thrive.
The scriptures brim over with the admonition for proper communication in relationships. In Amos 3:3, we read that two people cannot walk together unless they are agreed. This means that communication is the backbone of fruitful relationships. Additionally, Paul urged the Ephesian church not to let the sun go down on their anger (Ephesians 4:26). This means that they were to resolve any tiffs and scuffles among themselves swiftly.
Paul also asked believers to pursue peace with all people (Hebrews 12:14). Quite honestly, we are often keen on making amends with everyone else but our spouses. We want to hang on to grudges against our spouses, yet they are the most important people in our lives. If, as a wife, you are fond of giving your husband the silent treatment, choose to heed God’s instructions and embrace communication.
3. Showing Disinterest in Sexual Intimacy
Let’s face it; sex is a big deal to most men. It ranks high among their needs. On the flip side, most women need to feel emotionally connected to their husbands before they can think about intimacy. They need to sense affection and love first. Sex then becomes their way of expressing the deep connection they feel.
If a couple has not learned to cater to each other’s prime needs, there is usually an imbalance where sex is concerned. The wife may often be uninterested in intimacy, whereas the husband may seem desperate for the same. When a husband feels like he is begging his wife for sex, it injures his confidence and self-esteem. Men want to know that they are needed and that their wives view them as good lovers. With the wife showing disinterest, they feel small and incompetent, and this causes them untold pain.
If you feel disinterested in sexual intimacy as a wife, aim to get to the root of the problem. Let your husband know how he can help you rekindle your interest.
4. Comparing Him
“Jane’s husband never misses his kids’ school meetings. I wish you were like him!” Sally blurted out at her husband in a moment of fury. In return, Steve was gutted. He felt worthless and unappreciated. He toiled hard at work daily to ensure his family was sufficiently provided for. “Doesn’t she appreciate my efforts?” he wondered to himself.
Stacking your husband against other people is another sure way of hurting him. Your husband feels rejected and frustrated. Besides, comparing your husband lures you into forgetting their good attributes as you zoom into their weaknesses. This is outrightly unfair as you, too, have weaknesses, and we bet you would not like it if your husband compared you to other ladies.
5. Not Admiring and Appreciating Him
Did you know that most men thrive on admiration, and it means the world to them when it comes from their wives? Honest admiration for your husband will boost his confidence and motivate him to take on the world. Men are competitive and tend to derive their worth from what they do. They, therefore, need to know that their wives notice and admire how they exert themselves for their families. They constantly need a pat on the back.
When you don’t appreciate your husband and applaud his achievements, he feels frustrated and may gradually lose the zeal to put his best foot forward. As such, aim to be your husband’s number one fan and watch him spread his wings further.
6. Nagging Him
So you asked your husband to get the leaky faucet fixed last weekend, and he hasn’t gotten around to it. Do you make it your mission to badger him until he gets it done? Here’s the truth, men all over the globe detest being nagged. Nagging is persistently annoying or finding fault with someone. It happens when the person nagging doesn’t believe the other party has good intentions or is capable of doing a task effectively. It reflects poor communication and impatience by the person nagging.
Women are more likely to nag because they are primarily responsible for running the home. In their quest to rule the roost, they end up trying to control their children and husbands. This, however, is counterproductive as nagging is very repulsive to men. The wise king Solomon noted that it was better to dwell in a corner of a housetop than in a house shared with a contentious woman (Proverbs 21:9).
Nagging your husband makes him want to flee in search of peace. You should instead embrace proper communication and trust that your husband has good intentions. Ditch nagging and communicate with your husband respectfully.
Related:
6 Ways You’re Unknowingly Hurting Your Wife
Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Vadym Pastukh
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Keren Kanyago
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What I Wish Someone Would’ve Told Me About Falling in Love
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As a little girl, I grew up watching Disney princesses and Hallmark movies. From princes and princesses to kings and queens, I quickly built up the idea that when I reached maturity, I would fall in love by accident and live happily ever after. Little did I realize as a child, however, that love rarely happens like in the movies. And there were many things I wish someone would’ve told me about falling in love before I did.
At twenty-one, I remember crying on my floor because I was single. In fact, I cried so much that a water stain was actually visible on my wood flooring. But in that season, before I was ever in a relationship, I truly believe the Lord was preparing my heart and making room for real love to grow.
When I met my now fiance a mere year later, there were three things I learned about love. While it has now been almost five years since we met, each one is still applicable and worth sharing:
While this might seem like a given, one thing that surprised me about love when I first started dating is that love is an action. 1 Corinthians 13 explains to us that love is patient, kind, and forgiving. But it is easy to read that verse and subtract the application from it. Apart from the application, love seems easy. It is a feel-good feeling that we want more of, butterflies and warm fuzzies included. But as the Passion Translation writes, love requires much more serious work and action than we might want to let on:
“Love is large and incredibly patient. Love is gentle and consistently kind to all. It refuses to be jealous when blessing comes to someone else. Love does not brag about one’s achievements nor inflate its own importance. Love does not traffic in shame and disrespect, nor selfishly seek its own honor. Love is not easily irritated or quick to take offense. Love joyfully celebrates honesty and finds no delight in what is wrong. Love is a safe place of shelter, for it never stops believing the best for others. Love never takes failure as defeat, for it never gives up. Love never stops loving. It extends beyond the gift of prophecy, which eventually fades away. It is more enduring than tongues, which will one day fall silent. Love remains long after words of knowledge are forgotten. Our present knowledge and our prophecies are but partial, but when love’s perfection arrives, the partial will fade away” (1 Corinthians 13:4-10).
Despite common misconception, love, by God’s definition, is an action verb, not a passive noun. And if God is Love (noun) (1 John 4:7-21), Love is not only an ever-lasting person but an active pursuit of passion.
Perhaps the greatest demonstration of love was when Love Himself sent His Son to die on the cross for our sins, knowing that we might never love Him back. And we could certainly never repay Him. Real love isn’t concerned with him or herself but with others. And the moment love is isolated to feeling and subtracted from action, it simply isn’t love.
Jesus kept this simple when He said in 1 John 3:18 “Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth” (1 John 3:18, NIV). And He does so by leading by His example: “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person?” (1 John 3:16-17, NIV).
Jesus never asks us to do something that He Himself hasn’t already done or given us. Why would we expect anything less? Why, then, would we not selflessly give love and lavish it upon others?
2. Love Takes Work
Once the honeymoon phase of infatuation wore off, I quickly realized that love is not only an action but takes a lot of work. And especially once Ben and I started to open up and be real with each other, it was evident that our love was going to take patience, persistence, and lots of resilience.
Many of you may roll your eyes at this if you’ve been dating for any period of time, but you and your significant other are going to have disagreements. No matter how great the other person may be, they are not a carbon copy of you! And chances are, that means you will disagree on something eventually.
When this happens, it is important that we remember what Jesus said about disagreements. To be quick to listen and slow to speak, but to also never go to bed angry:
“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you” (James 1:19-21, NIV).
He also noted that if you were in the middle of giving an offering to God and remembered that you had an offense with someone, it was more important to seek restitution with that person first. The Message paraphrases it this way:
“This is how I want you to conduct yourself in these matters. If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God” (Matthew 5:23-24).
Clearly, Scripture reveals to us that love takes work from both parties. It is not always easy to love. But it is always worth it.
3. Love Is Not for Our Mere Satisfaction
Whether we’d like to admit it or not, the act of loving another human being is not for our mere satisfaction. And as harsh as it might sound, marriage, love, and relationships were not solely created to please our inherently selfish pre-dispositions. Romans 3:23 reminds us that all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. This means that when we love, our inherent nature is not always geared towards what we can give others but what we ourselves will receive.
One of the best Scriptures in the Bible that talks about this type of love is ultimately when Jesus died for us (Matthew 27:32-56). Nothing about the death of Jesus was pleasant. And while Jesus trusted God to live in eternity, I cannot fathom the pain He endured as the sins of the world were placed upon His frame. He truly loved not for a love He would receive back but a love He was willing to die to give.
In John 21, beginning in verse 15, Jesus illustrates this love with Simon Peter when he asks him, “Do you love me?” three times, changing agape (sacrificial love) to philio (friendship). Even when Jesus asked Peter for sacrificial love, and all he was willing to give was friendship love, Jesus went to Him. He changed His expectations of love. And He loved Him anyway.
“After they had breakfast, Jesus said to Peter, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you burn with love for me more than these?” Peter answered, “Yes, Lord! You know that I have great affection for you!” “Then take care of my lambs,” Jesus said. Jesus repeated his question the second time, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you burn with love for me?” Peter answered, “Yes, my Lord! You know that I have great affection for you!” “Then take care of my sheep,” Jesus said. Then Jesus asked him again, “Peter, son of Jonah, do you have great affection for me?” Peter was saddened by being asked the third time and said, “My Lord, you know everything. You know that I burn with love for you!” Jesus replied, “Then feed my lambs” (John 21:15-17, TPT)!
Today, it is my prayer that when you love, you will seek to embody all that Love Himself has already given us. It may be an action, take work, and require us to look beyond ourselves, but in doing so, it will exemplify the Love of Christ it was always meant to represent.
Agape, Amber
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/jacoblund
ibelieve, Salem Web Network, The Rebelution, Daughter of Delight, Kallos, Anchored Passion, No Small Life, and Darling Magazine. In the past, she’s also contributed to Called Christian Writers, Southern Ohio Today News, Ohio Christian University, and The Circleville Herald. Visit her website at amberginter.com. [ad_2]
Amber Ginter
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7 Unique Things Grandparents Offer Grandchildren
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Growing up, I had a very close relationship with my grandmother. She lived next door to me, and I often spent many weekends at her home. We would play board games, talk about different life situations or simply sit on the porch together. I often went to her first before I went to my parents with situations and problems in my life. My grandmother was always there with an understanding nod or a hug and helped me navigate through life in a safe environment. Most importantly, she had a deep faith, and she taught me about religion and about God. She took me to church and taught me how to pray. I would not be the person I am today without my grandmother’s influence in my life. Because of her spiritual influence, I am a pastor’s wife and a Christian author. I attribute my spiritual life to my grandmother.
Our grandparents’ relationship with their grandchildren is so essential when it comes to creating well-adjusted kids. I’m forever grateful for my grandmother’s relationship in my life. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without her. A grandparent and grandchild relationship is a very special relationship. Grandparents bond with their grandchildren in ways parents and siblings do not. A child’s life is incredibly enriched when they have a grandparent coming alongside them to help them embrace childhood and eventually become an adult. Grandparents offer grandchildren unique parts of their lives that they don’t get anywhere else.
Here are seven unique things grandparents offer grandchildren in their lives:
1. Traditions
Grandparents offer grandchildren a glimpse into their heritage. Grandparents can make special recipes and tell their grandparents about their ancestors, giving their grandchildren a new understanding of where they came from. They can even teach that child a new language or incorporate new ways of life into their current way of living. Being with a grandparent when they teach about heritage is like a time machine. They can go back hundreds of years and share with them ways they were enriched by their previous generations.
2. Wisdom
Grandparents can look back on their lives and discover the things they wish they had done better and the things they wouldn’t change at all. They can offer these perspectives to their grandchild. Although grandparents may not have been experiencing what a grandchild has experienced, they can navigate the issues and problems they may have as they transition from childhood into adolescence and then into adulthood. Grandparents may not understand the effect social media has on their grandchildren, for example, but they can help them develop a healthy self-concept so they don’t use social media in a negative way. A grandparent may not understand the unique challenges of the school system today, but they can understand what it’s like to get a bad grade and face angry parents. Grandparents offer wisdom to a grandchild in a way a grandchild can understand. They can also ask a grandparent for an extra opinion after they’ve asked their parents. Grandchildren become well-adjusted, well-rounded people and know they can always rely on their grandparents for a wise perspective on their situation.
3. Understanding
Grandparents can become a safe haven for grandchildren. When they are experiencing a rough patch with their parents, grandchildren can stay with their grandparents while the situation resolves itself. Grandparents are rarely the people who will react in a negative way when a grandchild reveals something to them. The best part about being a grandparent is they’re not in charge of the discipline! My grandchild can always look to a grandparent for a hug, a smile, and reassurance everything’s going to be okay.
4. Freedom
Because there’s not as much discipline with a grandparent, kids can feel free to explore their boundaries, test their limits, and become well-adjusted children that can make decisions for themselves. As children near adolescence or adulthood, they would benefit from an experience where they got a chance to spend time with their grandparents away from their parents for an extended time. This will help them learn how to come home on a curfew, consider other people’s feelings, and how to explore the world knowing there is an anchor in their grandparents they can go to in case they need them. The best part about having grandparents is they know they’ll be there for them if they fall. Knowing they have a safety net while they explore their world will be of great benefit to grandchildren.
5. Perspective
Grandparents that enjoy being vulnerable with their children as they age will especially benefit from a close bond that forms between them and their grandchildren. Grandparents who talk about their failures and what they would do differently in life will be so helpful to a grandchild as they grow up. Parents may feel this is not appropriate given the nature of their relationship, but a grandchild who receives this from a grandparent will be able to live their life in a new way because they will be able to explore making decisions but also living with the consequences of their decisions. They understand that their grandparent learned as they dealt with the same experience, and they can make the best choices for their life and learn lifelong lessons from the grandparent.
6. Love
Grandparents love their grandchildren in a different way than parents love their children. Because a parent has birthed them and raised them from infancy, they have a vested interest in making sure the child grows into an independent, well-adjusted individual. Grandparents, however, get to watch from the sidelines. They can love their grandchildren in a different way. They get to be friends with them. They can take them to their favorite store and buy their favorite outfit without little to no consequence while a parent who’s interested in teaching their child the importance of saving a dollar or working to earn what they want may not be able to do that.
7. Support
Grandparents support their grandchildren in a different way. If a grandchild is having difficulty convincing a parent that they want to do a certain thing or that they are grown enough to experience something new, the grandparent can go to bat for the grandchild, expressing all the ways they should let them try it. The parent will respect their own parent and be more apt to listen to them than they would with their child. Because they’ve been through life and are beginning to reflect on the good (and bad) choices they’ve made throughout their lives, they can point those things out as well as what they would do differently. When there’s mutual respect, every person in the relationship benefits. Grandparents love and support their kids in a way parents can’t. Because of that, their child is ever more rewarded and rich because of the relationship.
Having a grandparent’s presence is so important. They understand the world from a different perspective, and grandchildren can learn from someone who has gone through experiences and come out on the other side successful… and, sometimes, not as successful. Vulnerability and open communication create a unique bond for grandparents and their grandchildren, allowing the younger generation to navigate a life that is eternally blessed.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Sam Edwards
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Michelle S. Lazurek
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5 Prayers for Friends and Family Who Are Hard to Love
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The ultimate way that we love our friends and family who are hard to love, is to forgive.
Like Peter, we know that extending forgiveness is important for a follower of Jesus (Matthew 18:21). Perhaps, like Peter, we think there should be a limit to the number of times that we forgive a person. Yet, Jesus told Peter that our tolerance of others should be limitless.
Jesus explained that because God has forgiven us, we too must forgive other people. If we know God’s forgiveness, then we know that we are to extend forgiveness to those who offend us. “Love,” the Bible tells us, “keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:5).
Let’s pray as Jesus taught us: “Forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us” (Matthew 6:12).
Heavenly Father,
I must admit there are people in my life who I find hard to forgive. They have hurt me, treated me badly, and abused me. I don’t feel that they deserve forgiveness. But, Lord, I know you are a fair and gracious judge. Give me strength through You Holy Spirit to forgive so that I can be free from judgment myself and be pleasing to You.
Amen.
5. Pray to Express Love by Your Behavior
1 Corinthians lists the expressions of love: “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).
To love in these ways seems impossible. But, as these attributes seem to overlap with the fruits of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22, pray for the Holy Spirit to pour love into your heart.
As you say this prayer, replace he/she with the name of someone who comes to mind.
Heavenly Father,
Forgive me for my impatience towards him/her. Help me show patience.
Forgive me for being unkind towards him/her. Give me another opportunity to show kindness.
Forgive me for being jealous towards him/her. Help me to express admiration instead.
Forgive me for being arrogant towards him/her. Give me a spirit of humility.
Forgive me for being rude to him/her. Teach me to be respectful.
Where I have demanded my own way, give me the opportunity to put him/her first.
When I judged him/her, show me how I can give him/her a fresh start.
I ask all these things through the power of Your Holy Spirit and love shown to me through Your Son, Jesus.
Amen.
As we try to follow through on God’s command to love our friends and family members who are hard to love, remember that we do not do this on our own, but through the power of the Holy Spirit given to us through the work of Jesus Christ.
Source
Gerald L. Borchert, John 12–21, vol. 25B, The New American Commentary (Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 2002), 100.Photo credit: ©Getty Images/fizkes
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Rachel Britton
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Candace Cameron Bure: Marital Sex Shouldn’t Get ‘Such a Bad Rap,’ It’s a ‘Gift from God’
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Actress Candace Cameron Bure was recently on the Breakdown podcast with Celebrity Jeopardy host Mayim Bialik. While talking to Bialik, Bure shared that she and her husband still love each other “physically,” “spiritually,” and “mentally” after 26 years of marriage.
Bure, who married former hockey player Valeri Bure in 1996, shared that laughter is one of her “love languages,” and she loves when her husband makes her laugh.
“Laughter is one of my love languages,” she told Bialik, who starred as Amy Farrah Fowler on the CBS sitcom Big Bang Theory.
“I grew up with comedians on the show [Full House]. I’ve been around laughter my whole life. My dad’s a very funny man,” she said. “Like, I love it. So, I need to have laughter in my life, and that does come with a playfulness with my husband, so when he can make me laugh – like, it’s the best.”
According to Fox News, the Full House star also noted that “sex within marriage gets such a bad rap” and stressed that sex within marriage is “to be celebrated” because it is a “gift from God.”
Sex is a “blessing of being married and committed to someone,” Bure said, adding that jokes about longer marriages being sexless are inaccurate in her case.
“I’m not trying to talk about my sex life,” she explained. “But I do think it is important to share what a healthy sex life within marriage can be just in saying like that that’s important.”
“It’s an important part of the relationship that we make time for one another, that we still love each other both physically, you know, spiritually, mentally, all of the things,” Bure continued. “It all comes hand in hand.”
“I’m a happier person, and my husband’s a happier person when we’ve had sex,” she said.
The Bures have three children together: Natasha, 24, Lev, 22 and Maksim, 20.
Bure, who starred in the hit 90s sitcom Full House and its 2016 sequel Fuller House, recently ended a 14-year-stint with Hallmark Channel and has now joined Great American Family. She is slated to star in her first Christmas film under the new network, which will be released in November.
Related:
Candace Cameron Bure to Star in First Christmas Film with GAC Family
Photo courtesy: ©Getty Images/Ethan Miller/Staff
Video courtesy: Mayim Bialik
Milton Quintanilla is a freelance writer and content creator. He is a contributing writer for Christian Headlines and the host of the For Your Soul Podcast, a podcast devoted to sound doctrine and biblical truth. He holds a Masters of Divinity from Alliance Theological Seminary.
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Milton Quintanilla
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What Is the Meaning of 1 Corinthians 13 and Why Is it Popular?
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Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).
Love is mentioned somewhere between 360-550 times in the Bible, depending on which translation you dig into. Friend, that is a lot of love!
Maybe it is mentioned so often because we have a God that is the pure image of love. All throughout His Word, we see His love poured out and lavished upon us.
From the beginning of His creation to His countless promises, unfailing grace and mercy, and even His righteous discipline. God’s love is proven by the attention He gives to every single detail of our lives.
God’s love comes with no strings attached. It is completely unconditional. It’s perfect in every sense. God’s love is the core and heart of the gospel. 1 Corinthians gives us a glimpse into the kind of love God has for us and asks us to share this kind of love with others.
Paul’s first letter to the church of Corinth was to challenge believers to examine their lives against the image of Christ. He especially placed a lot of focus on love — Christ’s love. His mission was to unify the church and bring them together in fellowship.
At the time, the church gatherings were a little chaotic and disorganized. While their mission was to share the good news, they were focused more on being heard and becoming prideful rather than delivering and dispensing their knowledge in love.
So, it is not by accident that this chapter on love is perfectly sandwiched between two passages on spiritual gifts.
Paul was encouraging the church to use their knowledge of Christ and spiritual gifts to spread the love of Christ, but to do so — in love. Basically, saying you can do all the right things, but if you don’t have love, you have nothing (1 Corinthians 13:2-3).
The underlying meaning of 1 Corinthians 13 is that as followers, we are to imitate the love of Jesus by using our gifts while serving and loving others just as He did!
So, how do we do that? That is where the well-known and beloved verse of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 comes in. If we are called to share the love of Christ, we must first understand how He loved.
Characteristics of Love
While many of the characteristics listed below are self-explanatory, we must view them through the lens of Christ. Also note that these characteristics of love may be easy to say, much harder to actually live out. Let’s discover them together.
1. Love is patient and kind. Patience is not an easy virtue to maintain in our everyday lives. Whether it is an eye roll from my teen or a snarky remark from a neighbor, impatience can quickly set in, leaving a reaction that is short of being kind.
Yet, we are called to be just that. Patient and kind. If we want to share the love of Christ with others, we must do so in a gentle way, with a patient approach.
Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage — with great patience and careful instruction (2 Timothy 4:2).
2. It does not boast. We see a contrast at this point in the verse. While love is patient and kind, now we hear what it is not. Love is not boastful or self-seeking. Yet, how often do we like to pride ourselves in the good we are doing with selfish intentions?
Unfortunately, selfishness is part of our human nature. We want to be heard, to be liked, and recognized for our good deeds.
However, this verse completely flips that train of thought around. As believers, we are to place ourselves aside and magnify the needs of others.
Not only that, but we are to boast only in our Lord, recognizing that He is the One that is using every circumstance for good.
This is why our testimonies are vital, as we get to share how God is so good and faithful.
Not only so, but wealso glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us(Romans 5:3-5).
3. It keeps no record of wrongs. The infamous scoreboard between two passionate people is nothing new. We see how the disciples doubted, denied, and betrayed Jesus, comparing their love for Him against one another.
Yet while Jesus may have been hurt by these actions, he forgave them and never spoke of it again. He never kept score.
We are called to do the same. Freely forgive and then…let it go. As followers of Christ, we should heed Jesus’ example. When the scoreboard wants to come out, we must take our hurt to our Father and let Him cleanse our hearts first while seeking His wisdom and guidance.
But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked (Luke 6:35).
4. It is a truth seeker. Love seeks out the truth. The real Truth. As we are bombarded with countless views, logic, and data by our culture and society today, we can ingest multiple mixed messages and grow confused about what is actually true. It’s quite possible that we need Truth now more than ever!
The Truth we find in His Word is solid and stands firm. We can find the evidence that God’s Holy Word is based on Truth, and the heart of it is love by holding on to these facts:
- With all the various writers of the 66 books in the Bible, they all share one message: there is one true God, and He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to redeem this lost and fallen world.
- We see can see the handiwork of a Creator all around us.
- Prophecies that were foretold came to be.
- Those that earnestly seek God through prayer and praise live with unexplainable peace.
- We are offered hope of a life after this one.
But he continued, ‘You are from below; I am from above. You are of this world; I am not of this world (John 8:23).
Why Is it so Popular?
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love (1 Corinthians 13:13).
The entirety of 1 Corinthians 13 is widely popular because the whole book revolves around love. The greatest gift we can ever give and receive. The gift that God gave us through His Son, declaring His indescribable love for us.
We were created with love and in the image of love. We are called to use our spiritual gifts to love and share God’s love with others.
This is the central theme of 1 Corinthians 13 — Love!
Love is the intriguing word that never fails (1 Corinthians 13:8). Love is the powerful word that defeats all odds and gives us hope. Love is to be fully known and fully loved (1 Corinthians 13:12). Love is the heart of God’s Word.
For further reading:
Why Does Love Not Keep Any Records of Wrong?
How Does the Lord Love with an Everlasting Love?
Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Marinela Malcheva
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Alicia Searl
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