When it comes to my wife, I have no shame in affirming the wisdom of Solomon who wrote:
“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22).
“An excellent wife is the crown of her husband” (Proverbs 12:4).
“An excellent wife, who can find her? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:10).
Unfortunately, not everyone holds marriage in such high regard or treasures their wife with such esteem. It’s no secret to say that our society has developed a serious marriage problem. An institution once considered sacred is now treated with scorn.
Marriages around the world are falling apart at record pace, and even the ones that have remained intact are often broken, loveless, or weak. Divorce is also seen as a normal quick-fix and easy-way-out of marriage when things get too difficult or the fire and passion of young love flickers. To be clear, I am not shaming or condemning anyone who’s been forced to flee or break away from an abusive or adulterous relationship.
But if anyone knows what it feels like to be cheated on and betrayed by an unfaithful bride, it’s God.
However, while Scripture conveys God’s disdain for divorce (Malachi 2:14-15), it also makes clear the love God has for those who’ve been betrayed, hurt, or abused by an unloving or unfaithful spouse.
God gave marriage to mankind as a blessing, and it is His purpose to see marriages thrive in love, in faith, and in unity. God hates divorce because it breaks His heart to see His children hurt and the covenant He brokered for their benefit dissolved.
That being said, as the divorce rate climbs, the marriage rate has been in decline for the last few decades. Young people are waiting longer and longer to get married and start a family these days, if at all. Some of this is for financial reasons. Other times, it is born out of fear. Furthermore, many young adults would rather focus on their careers or cohabitate and engage in sexual relationships outside of the covenant of marriage altogether.
Being single is not the problem. The tragedy, however, is that fewer people see marriage as a treasure even worth pursuing.
Needless to say, Satan has wreaked havoc on the institution of marriage, both in how it is viewed from the outside and how it is treated on the inside. And as marriages continue to fail, so also does the health of the family, the church, and society continue its steady decline.
However, what society views as frivolous and inconsequential, God treats as sacred, glorious, and worth fighting to preserve. Why? Because He created it.
Have you ever wondered about what the Bible says about grandparents? We hear a lot of Scripture verses that mention parenting and focus on the roles of fathers and mothers. However, there is also plenty in Scripture that can inform us about the unique calling of being a grandparent and what God says about it. Today we are going to see what we can learn from grandparents in the Bible.
The Value of Grandparents
Wayne Rice from Focus on the Family shares about his time as a youth ministry worker, where he studied who the most spiritually influential people were in young people’s lives. He shares, “Researchers found that parents and grandparents, not youth workers, were at the top of the list.”
In pondering this research from Wayne Rice, it causes us to think about the value that grandparents have in their grandchildren’s lives. Think about all of the wisdom collected by these individuals over time. Think about all of the treasures of Scripture that they have heard and learned throughout the years. Think about the mistakes and the sinful struggles that these people have wrestled with, and how that can be an asset as they encourage the next generation to avoid these mistakes. God is very clear that He believes there is a voice and a purpose for grandparents.
Also, stand-in grandparents hold great worth. Perhaps you are someone who doesn’t have biological grandchildren, but you are stepping into young people’s lives as a voice of wisdom and encouragement to them. These are valuable opportunities that the Lord would have this generation pass on to the next.
Deuteronomy 4:9 – “Only be on your guard and diligently watch yourselves, so that you don’t forget the things your eyes have seen and so that they don’t slip from your mind as long as you live. Teach them to your children and your grandchildren.”
This verse in Deuteronomy reminds us that the things we have seen and the memories that we carry hold great worth when God can use our personal stories and testimonies in the lives of young people. As directed by the power of His Holy Spirit, they can impact those who come after us.
Grandparents in the Bible
The Biblical Jewish culture valued family in a beautiful way that we can often miss in our cultures today.
Lois is a grandmother who is spoken very highly of in Scripture. She is the grandmother of Timothy. 1 Timothy 1:5 says, “I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well.” Lois helped shape young Timothy’s life and was influential in his ministry. We do not have many more details about Lois, however when we look at the life and character of Timothy, we know that his mom and grandmother had a profound influence and impact over who he became. Maybe you were one of those unsung heroes in the life of a grandchild. You may not see the fruit of what you are investing in them now, but the Lord sees you in all the behind-the-scenes moments and in the mundane, and He is working in that child’s life.
Think about the impact of Methuselah. He lived for 969 years, and during all of that time he was able to minister through his family line for many years. Thinking about this might just overwhelm and exhaust you, wondering what it would have been like for Methuselah to have that much time for his children and grandchildren. But this was a calling for him, and he was able to be there for those who came after him. In fact, it was through his family line that Noah, his grandson, would build the ark and be a part of a redemptive time in the history of humanity in the midst of a fallen world. Through Noah, God was able to fulfill His covenant and continue His promise to one day send a redeemer for his people. Methuselah’s investment not only impacted his direct family line, but the lives of believers like you and me today. Being a grandparent is a powerful gift that the Lord can use if we surrender to His call.
Ruth 4:21-22 says, “Salmon fathered Boaz, Boaz fathered Obed, Obed fathered Jesse, and Jesse fathered David.” Boaz is another unsung hero who was a grandfather. He was the father of Obed and grandfather of David who became the king of Israel. Boaz married Ruth; he was the kinsman redeemer. Think about the type of family line that David grew up in. This would have been a unique situation considering his race and family dynamics. David’s grandfather modeled such kindness, mercy, and faithful character to marry Ruth in the first place, even giving up his own family name.
The Bible says that David was a man after God’s own heart (Acts 13:22). In order for a young boy to have a heart for God, someone had to show him the love of God. It causes us to think about the impact Boaz must have had through parenting Obed and grandparenting David.
Helping to Break Generational Sins
The concept of generational sin is seen throughout the Bible, however through the power of Jesus these can be broken in any generation. Romans 5:19 says, “Many people were made sinners because one man did not obey. But one man did obey. That is why many people will be made right with God.”
With this in mind, we have the power to share our testimonies and encourage grandchildren to turn away from the things that they might be more genetically predisposed towards. There is definitely evidence of genuine struggles that are passed through generations which can be fixed, or at least lessened, by decisions that are made.
Grandparents can impart Biblical truths and experience from these situations to their grandchildren, helping them to either avoid or find freedom in these areas.
Grandparents matter. This is a mission. This is a calling. Glory to God in all generations.
Emma Danzey’s mission in life stems from Ephesians 3:20-21, inspiring young women to embrace the extraordinary. One of her greatest joys is to journey with the Lord in His Scriptures. She is wife to Drew for over two years and mom to baby Graham. Drew and Emma serve with Upstate CRU college ministry in South Carolina. Emma is an avid writer for Salem Web Network and provides articles on the Bible, life questions, and on the Christian lifestyle. Her article on Interracial Marriage was the number 1 viewed article on Crosswalk for the year 2021. All the glory to the Lord! She had the joy of hosting Her Many Hats podcast where she explored the many roles that women play while serving One God. Most recently, Emma has released her first Bible Study Book, Wildflower: Blooming Through Singleness.
Emma enjoys singing/songwriting, fitness classes, trying new recipes, home makeover shows, and drinking tea! During her ministry career, Emma recorded two worship EP albums, founded and led Polished Conference Ministries, ran the Refined Magazine, and served in music education for early childhood. Emma also had the privilege of having been a national spokesperson for Mukti Mission based out of India. Mukti has been working to restore shattered lives in India for over 120 years. You can view her articles through her blog at emmadanzey.wordpress.comand check out her Bible Study videos on Instagram @Emmadanzey.
Unhappiness is a common issue when it comes to marriage. The thing they don’t talk about when you buy that fabulous wedding dress, exchange those heartfelt vows, and drive off into the sunset together is that there will be many times that this relationship will feel a lot more like work than play. Where emotions will fly high, misunderstandings will create gaps, and forgiveness will be required. Unhappiness is not unique in marriage, and if we are honest, we should expect to weather some tough seasons when we consider remaining faithful to loving one extraordinarily flawed human for a lifetime.
Acknowledging this big elephant in the room is important because our culture tells us that happiness is the way to a good life. Reality teaches us that life comes with many challenges, and almost anything worthwhile in your life requires that you fight for it. Consider getting an education. Learning to read, write, add, spell, subtract, and more is challenging, yet, we parents can agree that even if our kids are not blissful as they struggle to learn these skills, they should still keep at it until they achieve some sort of mastery. What about parenting? Lord knows if we as parents quit this job when our kids made us unhappy, committed sins against us, and got on our nerves, none of us would make it past the terrible twos! We stay with our kids, loving and growing with them because we know they are worth the struggle.
Somehow though, we see marriage as separate from these other clear pictures of how struggle brings us beauty. The romantic comedies of the ’90s have brainwashed us all to believe that we all have a perfect soul mate waiting for us that we can’t live without. They will complete us, and with them, at our side, our lives will feel joyous and easy forevermore.
This is a lie. And it’s one from the enemy of our souls. Falling in love is sweet, but staying in love is work. Staying. Forgiving. Learning. Growing. Fighting for your family. These things are so incredibly hard, but when we refuse to let our happiness tell us what our future should be and instead surrender our lives to our Creator and ask him to show us the way forward towards his joy and healing, that’s when the beauty unfolds in our stories.
I know this firsthand because I’ve wanted to let my unhappiness with my spouse lead me away from my marriage. I hoped that he would leave me. I justified my deep bitterness and cast so much blame on the man I told that I would love forever. As I see the error of my ways, I still have to work daily to choose radical grace and forgiveness rather than holding onto the hurt that wants to drive me away from my spouse. Letting go is a constant choice because I can’t rewrite 15 years of miscommunication. I can’t undo it, but I can move past it. I believe God is showing us a new way forward that will be filled with a joyous commitment to each other that goes beyond our momentary feelings.
So what do we do when we face those unhappy seasons?
After reading Genesis 30 this morning, my mind stopped in its tracks on the above phrase in verse 27: “I have learned by experience.” I am not sure about you, but I certainly have learned by experience “how not to” respond to my spouse when I am upset, and after nearly a decade, my spouse has learned “how not to” respond to me. Some things in life cement themselves in our minds forever simply because we have learned them by experience. For example, I have learned that my husband does not appreciate it when I don’t take the time to listen to what he has to say because I am formulating my own response that I hope will be better than what he just said. He prefers that I listen before spewing my myriad of thoughts and options at him.
On the other hand, he has learned that I do not like when he interrupts me when I am in the middle of expressing my myriad of thoughts and opinions. We both do not like being accused of things when we walk into a discussion with one another, and we both also do not like feeling attacked. We both shut down when responses from the other person make us feel hurt, unloved, or disrespected.
So here are three ways (we have learned by experience) to respond to our spouse with respect, even when upset.
1. Start by Saying “I Love You”
We went through a long haul in our marriage where when one of us was upset, we would withhold saying “I love you.” I can remember being so angry at my husband for something he said that when we went to bed that night, he said, “I love you,” and I refused to say it back. So he said it again. Again, I did not. I learned from that experience that he needed to know that, of course, I still loved him even though I was upset with him. Our children are no different; when they do something wrong, we always tell them we love them, we never want them to worry that a mistake could ever make us stop loving them. Adults need this affirmation too.
So next time your spouse says or does something that upsets you, respond with, “I love you, I just need some time to process my feelings.” This way, they know that your love for them has not changed based on their behavior. It also gives you the freedom to feel your feelings and step back into the conversation when you feel calmer.
2. Start by Saying “I Respect Your Opinion”
I can’t tell you how many times my spouse and I have discovered just how different we really are and praise God for our uniqueness. Did you know that it is possible to be married and have different opinions? I didn’t know when I was newly married; I naively thought that if we didn’t have the same opinion about a topic, perhaps something was wrong with our relationship.
Vocabulary.com defines an opinion as “…a belief or attitude about something that isn’t necessarily based on facts. It’s your opinion that dogs make better pets than cats, but your sister thinks that cats are superior. Too bad your parents’ opinion is that pets are too expensive.”
We can see in the above example that the individuals in this family truly have different opinions about cats (so do my husband and I!). Our children think a couple of cats would be a wonderful addition to our home. I like the idea of adopting some cats because my kids like them, but my husband jokingly says that the day we get cats is the day he moves into the garage! We have varying opinions about cats, and we all love each other very much.
So next time you are arguing with your spouse over the best way to discipline your child because you both have different opinions on the matter at hand, respond with, “I respect your opinion. I just need some time to pray about this.” This way, they know that their opinion matters to you. They also know that you are concerned more with God’s opinion than you are with your own, and you can step back into the conversation with a fresh heart (and perhaps a new perspective) after taking it to your Heavenly Father in prayer. Even though your opinions vary, you both want what’s best for your children, and that is something that you can keep at the forefront of your mind when you don’t necessarily see eye to eye.
3. Start by Saying, “I Understand”
I can think of so many times in our marriage where a tiny disagreement fanned into a forest fire, simply because one or both of us were feeling misunderstood. Leading with “I understand what you are saying” and even repeating back to your spouse what they just said to you is a great way to keep the argument from spiraling into places it doesn’t need to go. When I was newly married, I felt that if my spouse didn’t understand why I was upset, perhaps they didn’t love me. Just as much as we all desire to be loved, we also desire to be understood. When our spouse understands us we feel accepted by them, which in the end makes us feel loved and respected by them:
How many times have you been upset about something, and you only wished your spouse would have responded to you with the words “I understand.” I bet it would have kept you from going to bed angry. These two words are powerful for our marriage relationship and our relationships with our children as they grow up. Remember Jesus came to earth, and in doing so, He understands our sorrows and is acquainted with our grief (Isaiah 53:3). We can take comfort in knowing that even when our spouse doesn’t know how we are feeling, He does.
As two imperfect human beings, we will not always respond to our spouses with respect when we are upset. It truly is something we learn by experience. We learn through disagreements how our responses affect our spouse in the first place: there are things my husband can say to me that would have me knotted up in a ball of frustration while the same response to him would not bother him in the least. We need to work on our responses and pay attention to how they affect our spouses. One final tip: my husband and I refused to have stressful conversations when we are tired, hungry, or the kids are screaming. We have learned our responses to one another are not great when our basic needs of sleep, food, and a peaceful environment are not currently being met.
If there is one verse we can meditate on when it comes to how we should respond to our spouse when we are upset, I believe we need to look no further than Ephesians 4:31-32: “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
Kali Dawson graduated from St. Thomas University with a B.A. in English and a Minor in Journalism and Communications. She is a School Teacher, Pilates Instructor, and Mama of two young children and a beautiful 2020 baby. She is married to her real-life Superhero. When she’s not holding small hands or looking for raised hands you will find her writing fervently about faith and family. To read more, you can find her on Facebook at Faith, Family, Freelance.
Marriage is tremendously gratifying but obviously a tedious developmental journey. The road to developing a deep connection and mutual understanding is fraught with stumbling blocks, and achieving a careful balance between our unique needs and our partner’s objectives sometimes demands tremendous work. Throughout my personal journey in marriage, I’ve realized that accepting the concept of dependency is the key to growing together as a pair. While it is easy to concentrate simply on our individual wants, we must also acknowledge that our partner’s wants matter. Recognizing the presence of our spouse enriches our individual journeys as we lay the groundwork for a relationship based on shared development and collective resilience.
However, when we embark on this journey, we face several obstacles that threaten to impede our progress. Communication, or rather, its absence, is often a powerful enemy of relationship growth. We bridge the gap between our emotions and heads through open and honest communication rich with empathy and active listening. When we have healthy communication with our spouse, our words, delivered with purpose and compassion, have the potential to heal wounds, clear up misconceptions, and create deep understanding. We build bridges via good communication that allows us to navigate the tumultuous waves of life hand in hand, reinforced by a deep connection.
The quest for progress needs the fortitude to address our weaknesses and anxieties since genuine power is found in these times of vulnerability. Even though we are a couple, each carries a distinct trait of fear, past hurts, and firmly held beliefs. But we create an atmosphere for development in the relationship by building a safe place inside our union that is free of judgment and adorned with compassion. We establish a culture of acceptance, support, and development by accepting vulnerability in ourselves and our partners, which drives us forward on our shared path.
Prayer and Worship
Prayer and worship are pillars of strength in a Christian couple’s relationship. Prayer and worship are essential because they serve as holy channels for you and your spouse to speak with God, seek His counsel, and develop the spiritual link that connects your hearts and souls. Worship becomes the symphony that uplifts your spirits and connects your souls with God; prayer is how we communicate with Him. As a couple, you pour out your souls in prayer, exposing your joys, worries, hopes, and challenges to the One who listens with boundless compassion and understanding. Prayer becomes a hallowed area for you to seek direction, find consolation in times of adversity, and show thanks for the benefits that come your way. You align your wishes and intentions with God’s will via prayer, allowing Him to guide your choices and actions.
Worship, similarly, creates a harmonic beat that vibrates throughout the couple’s souls, linking them to something higher than themselves. They sing praise songs in worship, their emotions overflowing with thankfulness and devotion for the love and grace given to them. When accepted as fundamental components of a Christian couple’s relationship, prayer and worship will help to build unity and spiritual connection. The couple gives testimony to one another’s goals and dreams by praying together and interceding on their behalf before the throne of grace. They receive comfort and encouragement in knowing that their partner’s prayers support and elevate them and that their emotions and needs are in God’s loving hands. Similarly, worshiping together unites their souls, enabling them to feel the transformational power of God’s presence as their voices mingle in songs of respect and wonder.
Communication and Conflict Resolution
Effective communication and conflict resolution are critical foundations in a Christian couple’s relationship, allowing them to traverse the ebbs and flows of their journey with grace, compassion, and understanding. As couples, we experience the transforming power of open discussion, active listening, and the direction of their religion in resolving problems and promoting deeper connection through the lessons we learn and the progress we achieve. Though communication breakdowns, misunderstandings, and opposing viewpoints threatened to tear the fabric of our relationship, our unwavering faith in Christ teaches us to approach these challenges with humility, empathy, and a genuine desire to understand one another.
Active listening has been one of the most vital things my wife and I have learned. It’s easy to slip into the trap of merely hearing words these days rather than genuinely listening to our partner’s heart. We have chosen to open the channels of greater understanding and empathy by actively putting aside distractions, providing full attention, and attempting to absorb the emotions underlying the words said. We value each other’s points of view, validate each other’s feelings, and create an environment of trust and safety in which honest dialogue can develop.
Grace and Forgiveness
With its transforming power to heal hurts, bring about peace, and build the basis of love and devotion, forgiveness is crucial to the sacred tie of marriage. Colossians 3:13 urges us to
“Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others..”
Through this divine direction, we understand forgiveness is a mirror of God’s unfailing love and compassion for us rather than being based on our partner’s behavior. We follow in the footsteps of Christ, who offered His forgiveness to everyone who sought after His grace by embracing forgiveness.
Forgiveness relieves us of the weight of sorrow, anger, and resentment that may corrupt our hearts and weaken the foundation of our bond. When we forgive, we let go of the hurt and reach out in the spirit of reconciliation, restoring, and healing to our union. We are endowed with a spirit of harmony and compassion when we learn to forgive. It makes room for development, understanding, and commitment. The road to forgiveness isn’t always smooth. It calls for vulnerability, humility, and a readiness to face our own failings and show our partner compassion. We find encouragement in Ephesians 4:32, which says,
“Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”
This heavenly guidance gives us comfort and motivation to develop a gentle and tenderhearted attitude, creating a conducive atmosphere for forgiveness. A marriage based on forgiveness, resiliency, and enduring love is possible when we embrace forgiveness because it creates a place where our past errors do not determine our present. It also allows God’s grace to thrive and have the transforming power it deserves.
Growth and Purpose
Christian couples journey together beyond romantic love to a shared commitment that fosters and encourages mutual development. We begin a holy effort to raise and empower one another, realizing our unique callings and desires are connected with God’s bigger purpose for our lives. Ephesians 4:16 says,
“He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love..”
Support and encouragement for each other are essential for individual development and our joint pursuit of God’s purpose. Mutual love, support, and understanding are essential to progress, and it depends on them. Our relationship develops into a loving space where people may share their aspirations, appreciate their abilities, and find their purpose. We help one another pursue personal progress by appreciating the talents and interests that God has given each of us. We also provide a steady presence and support as we follow our particular callings. As we embark on this path of encouraging each other’s development and purpose, we are motivated by Proverbs 27:17, which says,
This helps us understand our union’s transformational power in developing and honing one another’s character, abilities, and spiritual journey. By pushing and supporting one another to achieve our individual potential while being led by God’s unwavering love and grace, we become each other’s growth-promoting catalyst. My wife and I encourage and support one another as Christian spouses, reminding one another of God’s promises and fostering spiritual practices and routines that feed our spirits. Together, we pray, asking for heavenly wisdom and direction. Through prayer, we are endowed with the power to overcome challenges, discernment during times of ambiguity, and a closer connection with the source of all knowledge and meaning.
When married couples assist and encourage one another, they connect their lives with the bigger purpose and plan God has for them as they travel down this shared path together, enjoying the divine symphony of development, meaning, and love.
Emmanuel Abimbola is a creative freelance writer, blogger, and web designer. He is a devout Christian with an uncompromising faith who hails from Ondo State in Nigeria, West Africa. As a lover of kids, Emmanuel runs a small elementary school in Arigidi, Nigeria.
May those that love us, love us, and for those that don’t love us, may God turn their hearts, and if he can’t turn their hearts, may he turn their ankles so we know them by their limping.
I’m not sure if that’s exactly what Jesus had in mind when he talked about praying for our enemies and blessing those who persecute us. In Matthew 5:43-45, he said it this way:
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven.”
Do we go the cynical way of praying for those who persecute us by turning to imprecatory prayers? Can we simply say that we “love our enemies,” “bless their hearts,” and then move on?
Or is Jesus calling us to something different here? What are real-world ways that we can love our enemies?
Here are seven ways we can love our enemies.
1. Pray for Them
This might not seem like a “real world” way to love your enemy, but this is the first step to truly loving those we might deem an enemy. Jesus explicitly tells us to pray for those who persecute us.
When he says this, he doesn’t mean to pray for their destruction or find your favorite imprecatory prayer to recite. Instead, we see Jesus modeling this for us when he prays that God would forgive those who are crucifying Him.
It’s hard to pray for someone and loathe them at the same time. It’s difficult to harbor ill feelings and wish ill will against someone as you are taking them before the throne room of God. Yes, they might have hurt you.
Yes, we might be entirely the victim. And yes, praying for them might mean praying for their repentance, and it might mean praying for the exposure of their sin. But even in these, we are not praying vindictively, and we are praying that the Lord will bless them.
2. Be Genuinely Respectful and Represent Them Accurately
One of my favorite television shows is the classic The Dick Van Dyke Show. In one particular episode, both Rob (Dick Van Dyke) and Laura (Mary Tyler Moore) tell their friend about a fight they had last night.
In each instance, the one telling the story is the hero, and the other is a scoundrel. It’s humorous because we know our own temptation to present our “enemy” in the worst light possible and to then present ourselves as charming and innocent as a dove.
One way to truly love our opponents is to represent them accurately. It is the respectful thing to do. I think of this when engaging in online discussions.
Am I representing them in a way in which they might be proud to own? If I tell others of their position, would they be willing to say, “Yes, that is exactly my position?” Am I finding the best arguments for their position or for their cause?
We love our enemies by doing this — and it’s hard to do this. It’s much easier to make them monsters. Or maybe they truly are monstrous. In such cases, it can feel as if we’re defending evil by casting them in the best light possible.
But in reality, we want to see the truth stand. Being people of truth by portraying our opponent in the best light possible may actually be the means God uses to expose the darker side of things (and this, too, would be for their greater good).
3. Look for Common Ground
If you’re into politics, think of your political “enemy” for a moment. Do they desire happiness? Do they want to see their family healthy, happy, and secure? Do they want to make friends, have good relationships, live in peace, and have hope for a brighter future?
Probably. At the end of the day, your “enemy” on the other side has the same basic desires that you have. The difference is that you have opposing strategies for acquiring those. And sometimes you have even dissimilar definitions of those desires.
This little exercise, though, shows that we often have much in common. One of the ways to love our enemy is to find common ground. That’s part of what you see in Matthew 5.
God causes the rain and the sun to shine on both believers and unbelievers. There is common grace, and because of this, there is common ground. We can build from common ground.
4. Keep from Bitterness
I am a little hesitant to include this one because this statement is often used by abusers to DARVO their victims and community. DARVO is an abusive strategy to deny, attack, and reverse the victim and offender.
This would look like someone sinning against another person, deeply wounding them, and then making the narrative about that person’s awful response (bitterness) towards the perpetrator.
Telling people to stop being bitter has been an effective tactic that abusers use to move the conversation away from their sin.
While this is true, Scripture is also true. Bitterness really does poison us. We really should sever the root of bitterness (Hebrews 12:14-15). One of the most damaging things about spiritual abuse is that truths are hijacked for sordid ends.
Abusive people can use good tools to accomplish wrong ends. It’s true that we should try to keep our hearts from bitterness — and doing this is a way of practicing love towards our enemies.
Bitterness is a way of cutting off hope from the one who has sinned against us. It’s giving up hope that the other person might change. It is forever confining them in the prison of their guilt.
Yes, they need to repent. And yes, that repentance ought to happen before we start talking about reconciliation. But I should be aware of the danger of bitterness creeping into my own heart.
5. Proclaim the Gospel to Them
The best way to love someone is to share Christ with them. But doing this also impacts our own hearts towards our enemy.
When we think of them through the grid of creation-fall-redemption-glory or God-man-Christ-response it changes the way we view them.
We begin to see them as God sees them. This will absolutely wreck my own definitions of “enemy.”
Oddly enough, there is a passive-aggressive way we could proclaim the gospel to someone. We could distance ourselves and take a cold posture. Kind of like saying, “Help them, Jesus, because I can’t stand them.”
This is far from how the New Testament paints our task of being ministers of reconciliation. Our hearts should be broken, and we should long to see their redemption, pleading with them to grab hold of Christ.
6. Listen to Their Story
Another way to love our enemies is to simply listen to them. Take an interest in their life. Hear their story. Let them speak. Why are they passionate about the things they are passionate about? What unique brokenness do they have in their life?
For one, this can help us gain a new perspective. But simply listening to someone else’s story can be incredibly diffusing. Doing this also will help me see them in a new light.
And as I do this, I can better love and serve them because I will know their unique strengths and challenges. What if “be quick to listen and slow to speak” is not only counsel for our loved ones but also for our enemies?
7. Highlight the Imago Dei
Every person is created in the image of God. This means that there are things that we can encourage in the life of anyone — even our greatest enemies. What if we view others through the lens of hope instead of hatred?
What if rather than making a list of all the things, which I disapprove about another person, I made a list of all the ways in which I can see the fingerprint of God on their life? What would happen if I was intentionally encouraging in those areas?
Understanding that every person is made in the image of God helps me to see people as they actually are. Our battle is not against flesh and blood. My “enemy” probably isn’t actually my enemy.
And even if they have made themselves my enemy, or they have made themselves the enemy of Christ, it is a store of a broken and marred image. God’s glory is being shattered in their life. When I think of it this way it changes the way I interact with them.
Find where you see the image of God in their life and highlight it.
Mike Leake is husband to Nikki and father to Isaiah and Hannah. He is also the lead pastor at Calvary of Neosho, MO. Mike is the author of Torn to Heal and Jesus Is All You Need. His writing home is http://mikeleake.net and you can connect with him on Twitter @mikeleake.
This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit Christianity.com.
When Jesus encountered the woman who was found committing adultery – she had been judged and sentenced to death by stoning – it was Jesus who stood to free her from the wrong judgment (see John 8:7). In this account, many scholars believe that Jesus began writing in the sand all the sins of the woman’s accusers. Perhaps Jesus was prompting them to consider and deal with their own sin first before they were to stone the woman for her sins.
“Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye” (Matthew 7:2-5).
Part of judging correctly is that we must first deal with our own sin, then we can see clearly to help others who are caught in sin.Judging others becomes sinful behavior when we judge with pride, comparison, or to belittle another. Judgment like this can harden our hearts, increase arrogance, and can hurt those that we judge.
“Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?” (James 4:11-12).
We should not judge others out of anger or deal with them harshly. The apostle Paul warned against contempt toward another and judging other believers over minor differences that causes internal strife (see Romans 14:1-13). Wrong judgment can divide the body of Christ. It can draw us away from God and the work He is doing in our own lives, and from bearing the fruit of the Spirit and furthering God’s kingdom. When we judge correctly in love and humility, we honor both God and the other person by helping them pursue righteousness.
Have Christians blurred the line between condoning sin and showing compassion? While many people see this as a thin line, it really isn’t. Condoning sin and showing compassion are two radically different things. Sadly, many Christians and churches as an entire unit have blurred these and made them synonymous. Even though many individuals and church organizations have done this, it is not right.
Condoning sin means you are accepting the sin. However, showing compassion is showing genuine concern, care, and love for someone else. As we can see, these are two polar opposite things. Nowhere within the realm of compassion are we supposed to accept or encourage sin. Compassion and condoning sin are not synonymous with each other. Rather than blurring the lines between condoning sin and showing compassion, we need to take a biblical approach to all issues.
As in the case of many unethical sins, such as homosexuality and abortion, we can show compassion to those who have struggled and engaged in these sins, yet we should never condone their sin. Regardless of the type of sin, we should never approve of it. We should show compassion, love, and support to all people despite their sin, yet never are we to gloss over the sinful behavior. In our interactions with each other, we need to follow the example of Jesus Christ. Jesus loves people, yet He does not approve of their sins.
In the same way, the Lord is compassionate to us while never condoning our sins. Since this is what the Lord does, we should follow His example and likewise extend compassion, but not condone sin. Whether in the lives of others or our own lives, we shouldn’t accept sin. It can be easy to rationalize our own sin and the sin of others—but this is wrong and does not bring glory to God. We need to recognize our sin for what it is and make the choice to turn away from it. Through repentance, we are led back to God and do our best to cease engaging in the sin.
Instead of living a life of sin, we want to live a life in service to God. When we live for God, we bring Him the most glory and praise. If we choose to blur the lines between condoning sin and showing compassion, we are blurring the lines of what is right and what is wrong. Are we to show compassion? Absolutely. Are we supposed to condone sin? Absolutely not. Rather than blurring the lines between these two things, we need to follow Jesus’ example. We should show compassion to all people regardless of their sin, yet we don’t need to act as though their sin is not a big deal or doesn’t have eternal consequences.
If we condone sin, especially sin of those who don’t know Jesus, we are giving the false notion that what they are doing is okay. While we shouldn’t be aggressive or hostile when we are addressing sin, we should make sure the person knows it is wrong. It is possible to show compassion while simultaneously addressing the person’s sin. In fact, it might help the person be more prone to turn away from the sin if you talk with them in gentle words and extend compassion. If you choose to be angry and upset, it could cause them to respond in the same way.
Breaking the Line
To help others best, we need to distinguish the solid line between condoning sin and showing compassion. It is easier to do both of these things combined instead of doing what God wants us to do. Sadly, it is more common for us to show compassion but fail to show and tell the person their sin is wrong. Especially regarding homosexuality. Many Christians have accepted various sins because they are socially acceptable, such as homosexuality.
This is a sad reality, yet it could be because these individuals are not aware of the line between condoning sin and showing compassion. If you are having a difficult time seeing the line between these two things, ask God to help you. Ask Him to help you not blur these lines and to see things as He sees them. Engage in the Bible and devote yourself to reading the Bible each day. Through prayer and Bible reading time, God will help you see the line between condoning sin and showing compassion. There is a thick line between these two things, and God wants you to be aware of the difference.
As Christians, we don’t need to compromise to be seen as socially or politically correct. At the end of all things, what matters is what God says. We have to choose whether we will stand with Him or with the world. Each time we condone sin or encourage others to participate in sin, we are hurting God. Never should we accept, condone, or encourage sinful behavior. In everything we do, we need to treat those engaging in a sinful lifestyle the way we want to be treated. This means if we were struggling with a sin and it was very apparent in our lives, we would want someone to call us out on it so we could take steps away from the sin.
Part of loving people and showing compassion is to condemn sin. While we shouldn’t be mean or hateful to others, we do need to tell them when something is going wrong. As Christians, it is our responsibility to help our fellow brothers and sisters in their walk with God, just as it is their responsibility to help us in our own walk. If we see a brother or a sister commit a sin and it is ongoing, we need to talk with them about it. We don’t need to condone it, nor do we need to ignore it. If we ignore it, it will only become worse with time.
Unfortunately, many Christians have blurred the line between condoning sin and showing compassion. Despite this being true for the modern day, we don’t have to allow it to persist. We must distinguish the line between condoning sin and showing compassion because these are two different things. We are not truly being compassionate and caring if we condone sin because sin causes a person to be further away from God. If we are being compassionate, caring, and loving, we are pointing out their sin, praying for them, and taking any tangible steps to help them in their struggle.
Therefore, it is time for the church to see the difference and make the proper changes to bring true glory to God. The Lord doesn’t want us to coddle sin, nor does He want us to encourage it. Jesus died on the cross for our sins. We shouldn’t want to continue in our destructive habits and behaviors. Since the Lord died for our sins, we should do our best to not sin and follow Jesus as best as we can. While no one is perfect, we can take steps each day to follow Jesus and help others do the same.
Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.
Even though it is the most common chromosomal condition diagnosed yearly, parents are still shocked when they hear their child will be born with Down Syndrome. No wonder, as it can cause great fear and concern that their child won’t be exactly as they expected. What will their level of cognition be? What will they be able to accomplish? Will we have the endurance and strength to raise a child with Down Syndrome? Though everyone’s situation is different, just as each person is unique, I wanted to share our experience with my sister in hopes of encouraging you that God’s plan is more amazing than we can imagine.
My parents were not fortunate to have ultrasound and other testing to tell them my sister Patricia, my mom’s fourth child, would be born with the chromosomal condition. In fact, physicians didn’t realize that she had Down Syndrome until she was five years old and still hadn’t spoken a word. As the seventh child, I was dragged to many doctor appointments for her, but it didn’t strike me as odd–I just thought she had hearing problems.
When she was young, all of us siblings played together. We never thought she was different; just frustrating at times when she wouldn’t follow directions. We were all mischievous knuckleheads who hung around with the 40 or so kids who lived on our suburban block. No one ever criticized my sister growing up, though she went to a different school than the rest of us, and no one ever thought to hold her back from pursuing things she wanted to do.
She was able to attend our high school because we were fortunate to have a class that worked just with the developmentally disabled for four years. Patricia couldn’t wait to graduate from her special high school class after a visit from some local firefighters. They told her she could probably get a job at the local hospital (instead of Steak and Shake, where she was wiping tables), and she went for it! My parents doted on her at this point because doctors told them not to expect her to live past age 21. So off to the hospital she went to work in food service.
Over our adult years, we had good times and bad. Patricia was always so helpful around the house in addition to her work at the hospital. But my parents would often get a call from her boss that she was talking to people instead of getting her job done on time. Like everyone else I’ve met with Down Syndrome, she has always loved people and doing things for them. For Patricia, that meant designing and mailing greeting cards to hundreds of firefighters a year. My parents were a bit embarrassed that she was taking work time to ask them for their address to send them a card, but the firefighters were almost always incredibly kind to her.
There were other big and little frustrations/embarrassments, like her habit of immediately handing back a gift you gave her if it wasn’t quite right (why pretend she liked it?). She has always loved candy, and even as an adult, she would run into the street at the Fourth of July parade to collect treats being thrown (but then would share with some of the kids). She hasn’t missed dressing up for Trick or Treating since she was little, and we’ve never had anyone question it. She has never been shy about asking anyone for something she needed–like going to the neighbors to borrow their lawn mower when my Dad’s was broken (without his knowledge).
But then there were the hundreds of times she would do things for all of us that we didn’t expect. She would create huge collages to celebrate birthdays and anniversaries. She has offered regularly to help with anything we are doing around our houses. She would look for ways to bless strangers wherever we went. When I got very sick years ago, she would call so I could drive her somewhere, and I would tell her I couldn’t. She’d say, “Yes, ya can!” I can’t tell you how many times in my life I’ve thought about that phrase. She believes in people more than they believe in themselves and is a fount of encouragement.
My parents worried about her their entire lives. They didn’t know if they should arrange for a group home for her and didn’t want to face saying goodbye–so they never did anything. They trusted in their Heavenly Father to provide for her since He sent her to them as a gift. The older and more frail they became, Patricia started doing even more for them without complaint. The other siblings in the area helped, but her daily assistance doing cleaning (which she loved to do) was such a blessing to my parents. An even bigger blessing was when they got to see her retire from her hospital job after 37 years of employment!
Now at age 62, she is more active than ever. Patricia, me, and three other sisters live within a mile of each other. She participates in a group for developmentally disabled adults that is more active than the rest of us put together. They go to plays, restaurants, athletic events, botanical gardens, concerts, do schoolwork to keep growing – and celebrate one another regularly. She volunteers with a dog and cat rescue and is in charge of growing her garden, choosing the kind of flowers that Mom loved.
I’m ashamed that I’ve worried more about her than prayed for her. I never gave God enough credit for His sovereignty— I just couldn’t imagine how He would get this woman through this evil world. But part of the blessing of Down Syndrome is watching what He does in the lives of His special people. They are a trophy of His grace; we get to be part of the overflow.
I want to leave you with a story that I hope will make you smile. It’s a great example of Patricia’s belief in herself.
Most people are familiar with the Wahlberg family because sons Mark and Donnie are movie and television stars, and Donnie led a 1990s boy band called New Kids on the Block. Patricia is a huge fan of Donnie, so when she heard that they were opening a Wahlburgers restaurant in our town, she was beyond excited, thinking she might see him someday. Though she was in her late 50s, her goal was to get a job once they opened.
She called me to take her to the groundbreaking ceremony, and I reluctantly took her. I didn’t want to get her hopes up that she could get a job there or think Donnie would be on-site. She was undeterred, so I took her.
The ceremony took place under a tent, and a few hundred fans were behind a police line on three sides of the enclosure. When the ceremony was over, we called out to Brother Paul Wahlberg, who was 20 feet away, and asked if Trish could get a photo with him. He was kind to oblige, and she proceeded to surprise him and me by asking for a job. She listed all of her qualifications to him. He was incredibly gracious. He called over his General Manager, and Patricia talked his ear off. The people in the crowd were starting to overhear all of this and were getting excited. The GM then announced to the crowd that Patricia was officially hired as their first employee at that location. The fans began cheering for her now.
We didn’t realize it, but Donnie also came around for photos with fans. I warned Patricia that she couldn’t get near him because he had a police escort. But as he walked by, I told him that Patricia had just been hired as their first employee. She asked a police officer to go around the barricade; Donnie congratulated her and gave her a big hug.
[I shared this story on Facebook; when asked to share it publicly, it got 7,000 shares and 25,000 hits in 24 hours. Of the hundreds of comments, most responded to Patricia’s “can-do” attitude.]
On the way home in the car, she looked up and said, “See Mom! I did it!”
I looked up and said, “Thank You, God!”
And I still thank God for bringing this beautiful, generous, tenacious, creative, and selfless person into the world. Our family would have been at a great loss without her.
Please be encouraged by what God can do through the life of your wonderful child!
Mary Oelerich-Meyer is a Chicago-area freelance writer and copy editor who prayed for years for a way to write about and for the Lord. She spent 20 years writing for area healthcare organizations, interviewing doctors and clinical professionals and writing more than 1,500 articles in addition to marketing collateral materials. Important work, but not what she felt called to do. She is grateful for any opportunity to share the Lord in her writing and editing, believing that life is too short to write about anything else. Previously she served as Marketing Communications Director for a large healthcare system. She holds a B.A. in International Business and Marketing from Cornell College (the original Cornell!) When not researching or writing, she loves to spend time with her writer daughter, granddaughter, rescue doggie and husband (not always in that order).
My friend and I were discussing the joys of grandkids when the conversation took a hairpin turn.
“I really haven’t said much of anything about God to my daughter’s kids because she doesn’t approve. I don’t know why I struggle so much with this. I guess I’m afraid she’ll get mad at me.”
Sadly, many grandparents face this dilemma. Their children don’t value faith in God, so grandchildren are growing up starved for spiritual nourishment. For some, the situation is even worse. Their children vehemently oppose God, teaching their children to despise His ways.
Yet God exhorts grandparents to influence their grandchildren to know and love Him.
Good people leave an inheritance to their grandchildren, but the sinner’s wealth passes to the godly (Proverbs 13:22 NLT).
Leaving a monetary inheritance would be nice, but what better legacy can you leave to grandchildren than love and respect for God?
Even in old age they will still produce fruit; they will remain vital and green. They will declare, “The Lord is just! He is my rock! There is no evil in him!” (Psalm 92:14-15 NLT)
Grandparents must deliver the good news about Jesus first and foremost to their families.
While there is no doubt grandparents have a spiritual mission to their grandchildren, a question remains. How do you share the gospel with your grandkids if their parents are non-believers?
First, we’ll consider four biblical principles about sharing the gospel under adverse circumstances. Then I will offer some practical ideas for implementing a plan.
1. You will suffer opposition to the gospel, but God equips you.
“Look, I am sending you out as sheep among wolves. So be as shrewd as snakes and harmless as doves” Matthew 10:16 NLT).
Jesus spoke these words to His disciples before sending them out to announce that the Kingdom of Heaven is near. He also sends us with the same message into the same broken world filled with “wolves” who oppose us. Perhaps those wolves will be your own children or grandchildren.
But we are not to fear! Jesus continued with this encouragement:
For it is not you who will be speaking—it will be the Spirit of your Father speaking through you (Matthew 10:20 NLT).
The Spirit of God living in us imparts wisdom and words to speak. We don’t have to figure it out by ourselves.
2. When words are prohibited, your godly life speaks.
Even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives (1 Peter 3:1b-2 NLT).
Peter gives this principle in the context of wives living with non-believer husbands, but I believe grandparents may also rely on it. It agrees with Matthew 5:16, in which Jesus explains how His light will shine from believers as behaviors that glorify God.
3. Spiritual opportunities occur more often within the context of relationships and time spent together.
One of the things I always pray for is the opportunity, God willing, to come at last to see you. For I long to visit you so I can bring you some spiritual gift that will help you grow strong in the Lord (Romans 1:10-11 NLT).
Emmanuel, God with us, demonstrates the power of an in-person relationship. Knowing this, Paul also deeply desired to visit the people in Rome to share a spiritual gift that would increase their faith. The act of traveling to them to spend time together communicated gospel truths better than other, more distant forms of communication.
4. God listens to your prayers for the lost.
Just before His death on the cross, Jesus prayed to His Father for his disciples. But His prayer didn’t stop there.
I am praying not only for these disciples but also for all who will ever believe in me through their message (John 17:20 NLT).
Jesus’ prayer passed resurrection power from generation to generation all the way into our lives here in the twenty-first century. If Jesus, who is God, prayed for those who would believe in the future, don’t you think we should continue to pray for them?
13 Practical Ideas
1. Project God’s character through your winsome attitude and lifestyle.
Make your actions and message hopeful and appealing rather than gloomy and critical.
2. Respect your non-believing children by promoting family unity.
God commands children to honor their parents (Exodus 20:12). Grandparents’ efforts to share the gospel with grandkids should never undermine parental authority or communicate disdain.
3. Spend time with your grandkids.
Display an interest in them, showing up for holidays, special events, sports, and everyday life. Discover what they enjoy doing and join in. The love you communicate through time spent together may result in respect for your values and a desire to know more about God over time.
4. Invite the grandkids to go to church with you.
If non-believing parents are more apathetic to God than hostile, offer to take the grandkids to Sunday school and church. Better yet, invite them to sleep over the night before to spend more time together.
5. Concretely demonstrate your spiritual life and relationship with God.
If the grandkids spend the night, allow them to see you study your Bible and pray every morning. At mealtimes, pause to pray, even if no one else joins you.
6. Talk about God’s work in your life.
If your non-believing children will not permit you to directly tell your grandkids about God, avoid statements that dictate what they should believe. Instead, simply and naturally explain how you view the world using “Here’s what I believe” statements such as these:
Sunday is the best day of the week because I get to go to church.
Reading the Bible every morning helps me start the day on the right foot.
When I talk to God, He gives me peace in my heart.
When I have a problem, I read my Bible to find answers.
7. Communicate everyday biblical principles without preaching.
For example, when talking with your preteen grandchild about money earned from shoveling snow, you can reinforce the biblical concept that when you’re faithful with a little, more will be entrusted to you. Without mentioning the Bible, you will have planted God’s truth in your grandchild’s mind.
8. Reinforce the importance of righteousness in every area of life.
For example, when playing games together, say, “We want to do the right thing by following the rules.” Always emphasize the importance of the truth. Help a teen needing friendship advice to see the wisdom of putting others first. This develops a thirst for moral values in your grandkids.
9. Watch for signs of spiritual readiness.
God created each person with a desire to know Him (Ecclesiastes 3:11). Sooner or later, your grandkids will display a need to know more about God. Ask God to help you perceive their heart needs and be ready with thoughtful questions to lead to opportunities to share truth.
10. Demonstrate the love of God through carefully chosen gifts.
Gifts for your grandkids should reveal the beauty of Christ. For example, while their non-believing parents may allow the ugliness of vampires, you don’t need to reinforce such interests. While you may not be allowed to give an overtly Christian gift, many “non-Christian” gifts stir up interest in spiritual matters. If the gift involves time with you, it adds an even better purpose for relationship building. For example, give your grandkids a game that promotes open-ended conversation (e.g., Ungame) in which you can insert spiritual truths. Then play it with them. Or take them to a classic play or movie with Christian themes (e.g., Les Miserables).
11. Offer interesting books that pique spiritual interest.
Perhaps even read them aloud together. As a preteen, I had a teacher who gave me The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis. At the time, I had no idea it contained a Christian theme. But its message softened my heart to create understanding and connections for subsequent encounters with the gospel.
12. Endure scoffing with grace.
Your non-believing children, or even your grandkids, may tease you or mock your faith. Take on the humility of Christ (Philippians 2:5) rather than taking offense. Forgive and love rather than defending and arguing. God may use your meekness to prick their conscience.
13. Love and encourage your non-believing children.
Build them up by praising their strengths and avoiding criticism. They will not only experience the love of God through you, but you will also be maintaining open communication and access to your grandkids.
Adjust Your Approach as God Gives Insight
These practical ideas provide a starting point for sharing the gospel with your grandkids if the parents are non-believers. You will need to tweak them, though, depending on the attitude of your unbelieving children. If they are simply uninterested in matters of faith, they may not disapprove if you openly share the gospel with your grandchildren. Don’t hesitate to take advantage of this wonderful open door to influence their hearts for Christ. But if your unbelieving kids are hostile to God, you must become more creative in your interactions. Your relationship with the grandchildren will be the bedrock of opportunities, so prioritize spending time with them. You may be the only Christian influence in their lives.
My friend Michelle allowed fear to deter her efforts to share the gospel with her grandkids. Perhaps fear has caused you to hesitate too. You may worry about anger directed toward you. Or you may fret about destroying your relationship with your non-believing children and being cut off from your grandkids. But God addresses these common fears.
Fearing people is a dangerous trap, but trusting the Lord means safety (Proverbs 29:25 NLT).
Ask God to conquer your fears and lead you to step out in faith that passes on a rich spiritual inheritance to your grandchildren. Our faithful God may even surprise you by bringing your unbelieving children into His family along with your grandkids.
Annie Yorty writes and speaks to encourage others to perceive God’s person, presence, provision, and purpose in the unexpected twists and turns of life. Married to her high school sweetheart and living in Pennsylvania, she mothers a teen, two adult children (one with intellectual disabilities), and a furry beast labradoodle. She has written From Ignorance to Bliss: God’s Heart Revealed through Down Syndrome. Please connect with her at http://annieyorty.com/, Facebook, and Instagram.
June is officially the start of Pride Month. For many Christians, this can be a time of uneasiness. While Christians should not accept homosexuality, we should not be mean or hateful towards them. Jesus wants us to love all people as He does, and this includes homosexuals. Since this is true, we as Christians need to know how to respond to Pride month in a biblical manner.
As mentioned, Christians should not hate homosexuals; however, we should not encourage them in their sinful behaviors. The Bible tells us, “Do not have sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman; that is detestable” (Leviticus 18:22). As God tells us, men should not have sexual relations with other men, nor should women have sexual relations with other women. God created marriage to be between one man and one woman (Mark 10:6-9).
By accepting same-sex marriage and same-sex relations, you are accepting and condoning sin. Homosexuality is a sin, and as believers, we need to see it as such. This means that we need to help our fellow friends and family members who struggle with this sin understand what the Bible says. We cannot make anyone believe anything, yet we can give them the proof found in the Bible. If they are a believer, the Holy Spirit will convict them of their sin and lead them to repentance.
It’s important to note that just as a recovering alcoholic must actively war against alcoholism throughout their life, there are true Christians who struggle with homosexuality, even if it is a problem they must war against throughout their life. Famous author, poet, and rapper, Jackie Hill Perry, struggled with the sin of homosexuality, and despite being married with children, she still reports struggling with homosexuality. Jackie Hill Perry recognizes the goal of Christianity is salvation and growing closer to God—not necessarily being healed from your sin in the present life.
God desires for us to come to know Him more. His main desire is for us to grow deeper in our relationship with Him and to continue the process of sanctification in our lives. Many Christians believe someone who struggles with homosexuality would be “cured” or “healed” if they marry someone of the opposite gender, but this doesn’t usually work. This can lead to broken homes, lies, and hurts. If you struggle with homosexuality or you know someone who does, simply dating someone of the opposite gender won’t “fix” your homosexuality. This is a spiritual problem that needs to be addressed with God, not a manmade problem that we can force into a solution.
God desires for you to lean more on Him. It doesn’t mean you will automatically be interested in heterosexual relationships, nor does it mean these urges will go away. Rather, God will help you with these urges and give you the support you need. The important part is turning away from the sin, repenting, and choosing to live for God each day. It can be difficult at times, but God will be with you every step of the way, and He will be with your loved one who is struggling as well.
Responding to Pride
As Christians, we need to respond to Pride Month in a way that is biblically accurate. This means we should love and care about those involved, yet we must also point them to Christ. We don’t need to be rude, hateful, or mean to those who are involved with Pride Month. Instead, we need to demonstrate Christ in our actions. The Apostle John tells us, “Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth” (1 John 3:18). As John tells us, we need to show our love for them through our actions.
This can pose the question, “How can I show love to my brother or sister who is struggling with homosexuality?” This answer is twofold. For one, we can show love to our brothers and sisters struggling with homosexuality by being kind, caring, and wanting the best for them. We shouldn’t use derogatory language toward them, nor should we make fun of them. This is all hurtful and won’t turn someone to the Lord. If the person already knows the Lord, your hurtful words and comments might turn them further away from repentance.
Secondly, we can show love to our brothers and sisters struggling with homosexuality by pointing them to the Bible. We need to do this in a way that is not seen as accusing them or trying to say something negative about them. Rather, we should point to what the Bible says and allow the Scriptures to convict the individual. It is worth mentioning that there will be many people who struggle with homosexuality that won’t be responsive to the teachings of the Bible. They might see you as trying to push your faith on them, which will only cause them to run further away from the Lord. Nonetheless, it is vital to use Scripture, in a God-honoring way, to show others the truth.
Choose to build friendships with those struggling with homosexuality and allow your growing friendship to foster the bond of trust. Once they trust you and see that you want the best for them, they might be more open to hearing what the Bible says. However, there might be some people who genuinely don’t care what the Bible says and choose to continue to live their life of sin. If this happens, don’t see yourself as a failure. Instead, do your best to share what the Bible says and allow the Holy Spirit and the Scriptures to convict them. If you are sharing the truth of the Bible and the gospel message, then you are doing what is right.
Moving Further
Moving further throughout the month of June, you might come across many Pride parades and festivals. In my hometown, the Pride parade is a huge event that attracts thousands of people. While it can be heartbreaking at times to see so many people turn away from God and celebrate sin, going to Pride parades or festivals can be a great time to get to know people, build friendships with them, and help them know the truth of the Bible. Yes, this can be difficult and intimidating, yet God wants us to help those who do not know Him and those who are living a life of sin.
Therefore, we need to respond to Pride Month in a way that honors God. There are many extremes among Christians, including those who are hateful of those who struggle with homosexuality and those who accept the sinful behavior. As Christians, we need to approach the situation with prayer and care. We need to be loving, caring, and helpful, yet we must also share what the Bible says. Whenever you are feeling overwhelmed with the task at hand, turn to the Lord and ask for His help.
God wants all people to know Him, including those who struggle with homosexuality. He yearns to redeem their souls and their lives. Never does God want any of His children to remain in a life of sin. God wants all of His children to know Him, love Him, and obey Him as written in the Word. Those who struggle with homosexuality shouldn’t be seen as “worse” sinners because all sin is equal before the eyes of God. In this way, Christians need to stop trying to classify certain sins as being worse than others, including homosexuality. There is hope for those who struggle with homosexuality, and this hope is found in Christ.
Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.
God’s Word explores many characteristics that the Lord both displays and looks for in His People. One of the most profound of these is gentleness.
In our modern culture that places so much emphasis on personal achievement and success, gentleness is often dismissed. In fact, many see this other-focused trait as a weakness. But for believers, having a gentle spirit actually shows great strength of character.
The Apostle Paul wrote in his letter to the young church leader Timothy that gentleness was a qualification of anyone who wants to disciple others and help their fellow Christians to grow stronger in their faith.
“And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth…” (2 Timothy 2:24-25).
As believers today, we are still called to grow in this area.
What Is Gentleness?
The quality of gentleness is so much richer than most people think, partly because it can be expressed in so many ways.
According to Merriam-Webster gentle means, “free from harshness, sternness or violence; honorable, distinguished” or even, “chivalrous.” Interestingly, using it as a verb (to gentle) is to “tame, or to raise from commonality.” That implies giving others respect and consideration – helping them become better.
Synonyms include compassion, consideration, softness, tenderness, mercy, peace, sympathy, politeness, and gentility. All of these describe a heart that longs to minister to others. But for it to have the full effect, we need to remember that serving and pleasing God is our motivation.
In Baker’s Evangelical Dictionary, gentleness is “sensitivity of disposition and kindness of behavior, founded on strength and prompted by love.” This beautifully describes how God uses His power on behalf of those who obey Him. And Jesus modeled the same for us during His Earthly ministry.
Looking at how our Heavenly Father is described throughout both the Old and New Testaments starts to give us a sense that this attribute is active, passionate and impactful to those who receive it.
Jehovah Rapha (The Lord who Heals)
“Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits — who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases…” (Psalm 103:2-3).
Jehovah-Raah (The Lord my Shepherd)
“Hear the word of the Lord, you nations; proclaim it in distant coastlands: ‘He who scattered Israel will gather them and will watch over his flock like a shepherd’” (Jeremiah 31:10).
Jehovah Shammah (The Lord is There)
“The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing” (Zephaniah 3:17).
Good Father
“’I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters,’ says the Lord Almighty” (2 Corinthians 6:18).
Abba Father
“Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, ‘Abba, Father’” (Galatians 4:6).
Heavenly Father
“‘Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?’” (Matthew 6:26).
Each one of these names reminds us of how deep and wide God’s love is, and the power of His gentle spirit.
What the Scriptures Say about Gentleness
In the Old Testament books, there are many passages that talk about the gentleness of God.
“He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young” (Isaiah 40:11).
“Are God’s consolations not enough for you, words spoken gently to you?” (Job 15:11).
“After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper” (1 Kings 19:12).
God reached down to rescue, to comfort, to provide and to guide mankind to become part of His family. And in the New Testament Gospels, Jesus walked the Earth and showed us what this gentleness looked like.
“Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (Matthew 11:29).
“Say to Daughter Zion, ‘See, your king comes to you, gentle and riding on a donkey, and on a colt, the foal of a donkey’” (Matthew 21:5).
“But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked” (Luke 6:35).
Jesus was filled with compassion for people who needed all kinds of healing. And He reached out to those who were unbelievers with an invitation for them to walk with Him.
In their teachings and letters, the Apostles tried to express gentleness and to train the early Christians how to walk in it.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,gentleness and self-control” (Galatians 5:22-23).
“As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love” (Ephesians 4:1-2).
“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes.Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight” (1 Peter 3:3-4).
Paul, Peter, James and the other Apostles made an effort to instruct their readers about the power of grace to grow Christ’s church.
How to Grow in Gentleness
To appreciate the importance of gentleness, we must develop it in ourselves and then show it to others. Doing an honest personal inventory will help us see which aspects of gentleness we already think about, and where there is room for growth. God’s Word is our guide, and His touch will begin to change us:
– We can examine how the early church cared for others
– We can study the “one another” verses
– We can pray for God to soften our hearts toward others
– We can explore ways to actively reach out to others
Soon, showing gentleness in our daily lives will become a natural thing. And the most basic of interactions can have a big impact when motivated by Godly love.
– Offering a listening ear to someone who’s struggling.
– Giving a smile to someone we pass by when we’re out and about.
– Using words that show respect to someone we’re talking to.
– Being a calming presence when someone is angry or upset.
– Seeking the best for someone else first.
When we look at gentleness the way God does, we’ll see its value. His Son Jesus walked through the world with this wonderful trait, and we need to follow in His footsteps.
Heather Adams is an author, speaker, and singer living in Connecticut. Heather’s passion is to equip and encourage believers to seek more of God’s truth and to experience more of His joy each day. Her book, Bow Down: The Heart of a True Worshipper is a practical, 30-day devotional about worship based on the writings of King David. Heather’s blog, Worship Walk Ministries, offers weekly Scripture passages and insights to ponder. A native New Englander, Heather is settling into her home in the South, trying out local foods and watching for the alligators that live nearby!
No sooner had the words come out of my mouth did I regret them. I knew immediately that I had messed up. As I glanced over at my friend, her eyes darted away.
Everything was fine literally three seconds ago, and now I’m at risk of losing a cherished friend all because of one careless comment.
Caught up in the moment, I didn’t consider how it would make her feel. I was being self-centered, and I disrespected her boundaries.
Have you ever done or said something that you regret? You wish you could take it back, but what’s done is done. Whether intentional or not, how it is perceived is all that matters.
It always seems that when I’m not paying attention, someone I care about inevitably gets caught in the direct line of fire of my careless words or actions.
This is an area that I have personally struggled with for a long time. To be honest, I feel like no matter how hard I try to be a good wife, friend, mom, or person, I find that I still mess up—a lot.
I’m quick to see where I went wrong and am instantly filled with regret and remorse. Yet, what takes only seconds to destroy may take days, months, or even a lifetime to repair.
Even though I apologize and do my best to fix the problem, things still don’t feel quite right. That’s when fear, doubt, and questions flood my mind:
What if time doesn’t actually heal all wounds?
What if they never get over it?
What if they hold this against me forever?
What if they bring it up over and over again and never let me live it down?
And when I can’t seem to get the answers I want, I start to grow upset and anxious.
I’m embarrassed to admit that I have actually found myself getting angry at the person who is upset with me because they won’t get over how I hurt them. In my impatience, I just want to move past this moment and on to better days. Selfishly, I get frustrated that things aren’t moving as quickly as I’d like.
In my effort to understand how best to cope with others when a sincere apology just isn’t enough, I’ve come to the conclusion that there must be a solution besides just throwing my hands up in despair.
The truth is this: we live in a world full of imperfect people, full of selfishness, jealousy, rage, discontentment, and pride (Galatians 5:19-21). Because of this, when we feel like we’ve been wronged by another, it can be nearly impossible to get over it. Depending on the state of our heart, we may never (Proverbs 14:30).
Oftentimes, these hurt feelings are rooted in past trauma that can cause feelings of inadequacy or low self-esteem. Simply put, humans are highly sensitive individuals that get hurt easily yet heal ever so slowly.
It’s important that we make an effort to have empathy for others that struggle in these areas, and it’s part of what being a good friend is all about (Ephesians 4:32).
As Christians, we are called to a higher standard: to forgive seventy-seven times (Matthew 18:21-22), to take the log out of our eye before calling attention to the splinter in our friend’s eye (Luke 6:41), to only throw stones if we ourselves are without sin (John 8:7), to turn the other cheek (Matthew 5:39), to love with patience (1 Corinthians 13:4), and, as much as possible, to live peaceably with others (Romans 12:18).
If you have unintentionally hurt someone, it’s time to act and speak intentionally by letting them know:
The last thing I want is for my carelessness to destroy a meaningful relationship.
Once you have said your peace, you must wait; and even though we have absolutely no control over the response of the person we have hurt or the timeline in which they heal and recover, there are still three things I believe we can and should do:
1. Relinquish Control
For some of us, relinquishing control may be one of the hardest things to do, but is often the first step toward healing.
In 1 Corinthians 13:5 (ESV), Paul points out that love “does not insist on its own way;” instead, you must give up on the way you think it ought to go.
Trying to manipulate the situation in hopes of expediting the repair of the severed relationship may actually make things worse and delay the healing process.
It’s best to just let go and give them the space they need to process what happened, how they feel about it, and how they plan to proceed.
Don’t try to micromanage their recovery. Take a few steps back, and allow whatever time it takes.
Instead of trying to control the situation, try to focus on God and your own actions, surrendering the outcome to him (Psalm 37:5).
Act Normal
Don’t go on as if things have to now be different, especially if they’ve already said they accept your apology.
“Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8 ESV
When we act differently, it only makes things more awkward.
While you don’t want to be insensitive to the circumstances that you caused, you also don’t want to read into anything that may not be there. Trust me, try not to read between the lines. I tend to be a “face value” kind of person, which leads to a less stressful life.
Over time, the weirdness will fall away, and before long, things will start to feel like they used to before you inadvertently hurt your relationship.
2. Pray
Pray because it’s always the right thing to do in all situations (Philippians 4:6, 1 Thessalonians 5:17). Prayer changes things. Prayer has the power to heal hurts and make broken hearts whole again (1 John 5:14).
Pray because not only are we supposed to pray for our fellow believers (1 Thessalonians 5:25), but we are even commanded to pray for our enemies (Matthew 5:44), which, I believe, implies we are also to pray for everyone in between (1 Timothy 2:1-2).
“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” James 5:16 ESV
As you draw near to God in this circumstance, pray your friend will do the same (Hebrews 4:16).
God is faithful and just to forgive us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9). He takes bad circumstances and works them for good (Romans 8:28).
3. Then Wait Patiently
While you’re waiting for healing from your unintentionally induced trauma, find inner peace from the Holy Spirit that dwells in you (Philippians 4:7, John 14:27). If you’ve realized and acknowledged your mistake, offered a sincere apology, and made the necessary adjustments in your life to try to keep this from happening again, there’s not much more you can do, except patiently wait (Galatians 6:9).
“With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” Ephesians 4:2-3 ESV
Whatever you do, do not allow guilt and shame to take up residence in your heart. Remember, God looks at the intentions of the heart (1 Samuel 16:7), and if your intentions are pure, you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of (Isaiah 50:7). Continue to move forward in his love and grace, and pray for God to work and move in their heart.
Do your best to imitate Christ in your relationships (1 Corinthians 11:1). Thanks to this broken world we live in, it’s impossible to get along with everyone all the time. Continue to hold yourself to a Christlike standard, and extend grace and patience to everyone around you.
Jennifer Jabbour resides in the scenic San Diego countryside with her husband, teenage son and daughter, and their hilarious English Bulldog. Jennifer has a B.A. in Integrated Business Communications and a life-long desire to share her faith with others so they can also experience the joy of having a relationship with God. She has finally decided it’s time to go after her lifelong dream of writing and publishing her first book, and hopefully many, many more thereafter. Besides being a writer, Jennifer is also a brown belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, a photographer, and an avid outdoors-woman. She loves camping, hiking, running, and playing the piano in her free time.
In the Greek version of the Old Testament, the LXX, the word prautes appears 12 times, and 11 times in the New Testament. Here is a sample of their uses.
In the OT it’s often translated humble—as in Psalm 24:9, 33:3, 75:10, 146:6, and 149:4. In most of these instances it is used to indicate the one who will be “taught by the LORD,” is “lifted up by the LORD,” who will be “adorned with salvation” and “saved.” The word was also used to describe the meekness of Moses in Numbers 12:3, and in Psalm 36:11 it is the meek who will inherit the earth.
Prautes is also used to translate a different Hebrew word that is often translated “the poor.” This is the case in Job 24:4, Isaiah 26:6, Zechariah 9:9, and Zephaniah 3:12. Just as with “the humble” we see that God is working to defend and rescue “the poor.” The word can also be used to translate another Hebrew word that refers to things like enduring hardship (Psalm 132:1), toil and trouble (Psalm 89:10). And once again the Lord is working for their rescue.
In the New Testament, the word does not appear in the Gospels or Acts – though it does appear in root form in Matthew 5:5 to describe Jesus. The word is most frequently used by Paul, James, and Peter. 2 Corinthians 10:1 uses the meekness and gentleness (kindness) of Christ as an example for his own pattern. This is similar language to what Paul used in 1 Corinthians 4:21, when he contrasts gentleness with coming to them “with a rod.”
In Galatians, Ephesians, and Colossians the word is used in lists – combined with things like humility – as virtues and graces. In Galatians it is a mark of being led by the Spirit and it is shown as an example of walking in step with the Spirit in Galatians 6:1. When we attempt to restore someone caught in sin, we are to do it “in a spirit of gentleness.” In 2 Timothy and in Titus, gentleness is to mark the Christian leader. When correcting opponents, it should be done with gentleness. And as we engage others we should avoid quarreling with them but should instead have “perfect courtesy” toward all people. This is similar to how Peter uses the word (1 Peter 3:16).
James contrasts gentleness with “filthiness and rampant wickedness.” It is the mark of being one of wisdom. The one who is truly wise and who has received the “implanted word” will be marked by gentleness.
The less common word, epieikes, is used in Paul’s pastoral letters, as well as in James and 1 Peter. It is used similarly to prautes but is more of an opposite of violence. It seems to be synonymous with being a good person. When someone considers someone to have the quality of epiekes, they would say that this is a pleasurable person to be around.
In sum, the Scriptures show God as a kind and gentle leader. And God in Christ is exemplified by the gentleness with which he labored among others. Therefore, as followers of Jesus we are called to exhibit this character trait in our own lives. And it is to those who are gentle and meek who will inherit the earth—the gentle are the ones who receive God’s rescue.
When you think of the significance of fatherhood in the Bible, our greatest example is our heavenly Father. For some, relating to God as Father can be difficult because you may tie it to your relationship with your earthly father. Regardless of your relationship with your earthly father or the kind of father you have been, there is hope. You have a model which you can always refer to in God, our Father.
It is not by coincidence that Jesus tells us to pray by calling God Father. This establishes a relationship that forms the basis for the significance of fatherhood in the Bible. As you strive to be a better father (hopefully, that is your goal), then as you look at God as a father, four things underscore the significance of fatherhood. Four truths emphasize the importance of fatherhood in the Bible.
1. Fathers provide
“So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.” – Matthew 6:31-32
God is Jehovah Jireh, a name for Him which means God who supplies our needs. Because God is a provider, earthly fathers should also be providers. Today, men and women contribute to household income, and income is usually the primary source of provision. For the record, I have no objection to that at all. Yet even with this, I believe something ingrained in a man’s DNA (at least there should be) makes you want to provide.
As crucial as income is, let’s not make the mistake of thinking your provision stops there. When you consider God as our model, he doesn’t just provide physical needs. The provision we all need goes beyond food and shelter. We also have emotional and spiritual needs, which our Father provides for us. If you are going to embrace fatherhood in its complete form, then you must consider being a provider of all your children’s needs. This means you can’t just throw money at every need; you must show up and be present in your children’s lives, especially if you want to be a good father.
2. Fathers protect
“The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety. He is my refuge, my savior, the one who saves me from violence.” – 2 Samuel 22:2-3 NLT
Another aspect of God’s character is protection. My daughter is afraid of big dogs; honestly, I don’t blame her. If we are walking and she sees a big dog, she will hide behind me until we get past the dog. It becomes a safe place when she does that because she knows I will protect her. God does this for us, and this plays an important role in fatherhood. As a father, when you show up, the anxiety of the house should go down. The people in your home should feel a little safer because you are present. As a father, you can’t protect your children from everything, but you can comfort them to know you will do your best to protect them. That’s why when fathers vacate this duty or violate their children’s trust, it can have a devastating effect on their lives.
3. Fathers provide identity
“Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.” – John 1:12-13
One thing that highlights the significance of fatherhood in the Bible is identity. As a believer in Jesus Christ, you are identified as a child of God, and this identity defines who you are. As a father, you provide identity by giving a child their name. Along with the name, your identity gives you a sense of belonging and connection. Since God identifies those in Christ as his children, it means we belong to him. For example, I have two children; my son and daughter both carry the name, Haynes, meaning they belong to me.
For the last few years, my son has participated in unified sports, and when they gave him his jersey, the name Haynes was on the back. When he wears the jersey, the audience may not know my son personally, but they know who he belongs to and is connected to. As a father, when you give your child identity and connection, that also gives your child confidence. As fathers, your job is not just to provide them with a name. Focus on being such a tremendous father that your children would be proud to carry that name. I am happy to call myself a child of God because God is such a wonderful father. You should use that as your motivation to be the same in your children’s lives.
4. Fathers instill purpose
“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.” – 1 Peter 2:9
The fourth truth that highlights the significance of fatherhood is purpose. We just established that God gives identity. Here we understand why. You are a child of God, his special possession, called and chosen for a purpose. However, you could not fulfill the purpose in your life until he changed your identity. As a father, when your child is confident in who they are, it helps them pursue what they were created to do. When a child does not have to question who they are, where they come from, and who they belong to, it gives them a head start to fulfilling their purpose in life. As a father, you need to help your children discover their why in life. I am not saying you will have all the answers, but you should be able to help them ask the right questions.
Final thoughts
Fatherhood is significant. Your role as a father will have a lasting impact on your children. So, if you are a father reading this, there are two questions I want you to think about.
What type of father are you now?
What type of father do you want to be?
Regardless of the type of father you have been, there is always room for improvement. It begins with prayer and intently follows it up. I know some of you may have broken relationships with your children. If that is you, keep praying and intentionally trying to repair the relationship. Don’t give up because your role is significant. Remember, God, our Father, is not just a provider and protector. He is also a miracle worker. He specializes in fixing broken things. If your relationship with your children is broken, he
can help you fix that too.
For fathers with healthy relationships with their children, be thankful and continue to be intentional. Those relationships did not happen by accident but by work. Regardless of where your fatherhood journey is right now, keep striving to be the best father you can be. You are playing a significant role, and the job you do matters. If you don’t believe me, all you have to do is, ask your children.
Clarence L. Haynes Jr. is a speaker, Bible teacher, and co-founder of The Bible Study Club. He is the author of The Pursuit of Purposewhich will help you understand how God leads you into his will. He has also just released his new bookThe Pursuit of Victory: How To Conquer Your Greatest Challenges and Win In Your Christian Life.Do you want to go deeper in your walk with the Lord but can’t seem to overcome the stuff that keeps getting in the way? This book will teach you how to put the pieces together so you can live a victorious Christian life and finally become the man or woman of God that you truly desire to be. To learn more about his ministry please visit clarencehaynes.com.
This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit Christianity.com.
“Do not let your adornment be merely outward – arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel – rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.” (1 Peter 3:3-4).
Men fancy the idea of retreating to a peaceful, organized home after a grueling day at work. If it were possible, your husband would love to come to a clean house, play with the kids, and eat dinner together with his family. He would then lead his family in Bible reading and prayer before tucking the kids to bed. After that, he would want to wind down his day in the company of his loving wife before bed.
Depending on the stage of parenting you are in, most of these aspirations are a mirage. When the kids are young, it’s nearly impossible to maintain a squeaky clean house. Additionally, if both of you hold full-time jobs, expecting your wife to single-handedly provide a clean and organized household is impractical. House chores have to be shared between the husband and wife.
Having said that, wives can still go out of their way to provide a peaceful environment for their husbands. If possible, you can hire help to take care of some of the chores so your husband can enjoy the tranquility he yearns for. Above all else, wives should ensure they give their husbands peace of mind. Don’t nag him, avoid sweating the small stuff, and forgive him when he makes mistakes. Creating a peaceful home for him is another way of serving him.
There are a few missing pieces in the current “love all” movement we are seeing in our culture and churches. This new wave of social pressure to take down the walls of morality in order to make us all feel a little more comfortable sounds so attractive. What kind of awful person could argue with the idea that everyone is loved and welcome?
The truth is, as Christ-followers, we are absolutely called to love our neighbors and extend kindness to everyone we encounter. It’s easy to equate acceptance of every set of potential behavior choices as synonymous with love. I personally wish loving everyone the way God calls us to love was that simple. Everyone does what they want, and we call it good!
God’s word teaches and models a much more complex view of love. It’s important that we take time to study what God says is love before we grab onto a love narrative that may lead us away from God’s heart. Not everything that looks good with our own eyes is good. Wisdom is so valuable and something we have to search out in a world filled with competing and cunning voices. The Bible is our anchor, and Jesus is our hope. Those are the places we can lean into when we feel unsure about what the next right step toward him should be.
Luke 21:36 states, “Watch therefore, praying at every season, that you may be accounted worthy to escape all these things which are about to come to pass, and to stand before the Son of man.” There is a responsibility that comes with becoming a person of faith. We have to seek out what is good, noble, worthy, true, hopeful, and pure. It’s not always easy to follow the narrow way to Jesus, but it is worthwhile.
What Is Biblical Love?
1 Corinthians 13 is known as the ‘love passage’ because it gives us an exhaustive account of what love is according to our Creator. The whole passage is worth reading, but let’s focus on 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. It says, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres…”
Love Always Protects
Why is protection necessary? We live in a fallen world. There are limits to what is possible and impossible here on Earth in our bodies. We cannot breathe underwater, and consequently, if we spend too much time under the water, we will drown. We are each born with a specific set of DNA that determines so much about us. While this can be frustrating, it is a limitation that we have to accept and do our best to steward well.
As Christ-followers, additional limitations are placed on us pertaining to how to best live our lives. We are called to love God, love others, and be a holy or set apart people. God gave us the ten commandments to ground our lives in a moral code that will keep us safe. He also gives us clear instructions about how to express ourselves when it comes to our desires and sexuality. Every person that follows Christ has to lay down their earthly identity and desires. We are told we become a new creation when we accept Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17). It is in Him we live, move, and have our being (Acts 17:28).
Love Without Boundaries Leads to Death
God warns us that there is a way that seems right to a man but leads to death (Proverbs 14:12). We cannot trust our eyes alone. It is vital that we immerse ourselves in the Bible so its timeless truths can keep us on God’s path.
The love the world is clinging to and much of the church has decided to embrace is a love without boundaries. Yet, boundaries are key to a God-centered life. Even at the start of Creation, before the Fall, our ability to have eternity in the Garden with God was contingent on surrendering to a boundary placed by God. God told Adam and Eve not to eat the fruit from the tree at the center of the garden (Genesis 3). The disobedience of Adam and Eve ushered into our world the struggles that we all now endure daily. The church and culture are beginning to bend His Word and believe that his design can be changed to better suit our will rather than surrendering even the hardest and scariest parts of us over to Him.
Freedom Happens When We Embrace God’s Love
Each of us struggles in some way. I struggle with anxiety, depression, anger, and more. We all come with thorns in our sides that make this life hard for us. Some of our struggles look like addiction, trauma, lust, pride, covetousness, same-sex attraction, discontent with the body or gender we have been given, medical diagnosis, and the list goes on. The Christian life is about surrendering our struggle to our Creator and asking him to help us to follow him and his word. Even when it feels impossible, God promises to give us the strength we need to overcome. This is how we find freedom!
Without boundaries, we are unable to see the places where we need to grow. If all is acceptable and the Bible has no bearing on the lives we are called to live, then we are doomed to destruction. When we take away sin, we remove the need for a Savior. When we begin to call what God has said is wrong, right, we become more and more blind to our great need for redemption and consequently are more lost in the dark than ever. This is not love. This is the blind leading the blind on a road that leads to death.
God’s love shows us a new way. It protects us from the evil one that is in this world. His Word is trustworthy and powerful. God’s love sets us free to live our best lives with Jesus at the center. We can surrender our struggles to him.
This is all a mysterious work. It’s so tough for us as humans to find the right balance between grace and truth. As a Christ-follower, it’s not our job to condemn but to point others to Jesus and let him do the transformative work in our lives that only he is able to do. We can show kindness and mercy to all, but we can’t change God’s word for the sake of our own comfort. We have to stand on the truth while sharing love through our actions.
Amanda Idleman is a writer whose passion is to encourage others to live joyfully. She writes devotions for My Daily Bible Verse Devotional and Podcast, Crosswalk Couples Devotional, the Daily Devotional App, she has work published with Her View from Home, on the MOPS Blog, and is a regular contributor for Crosswalk.com. She has most recently published a devotional, Comfort: A 30 Day Devotional Exploring God’s Heart of Love for Mommas. You can find out more about Amanda on her Facebook Page or follow her on Instagram.
One of my oldest friends called me the other day to ask her how to “get from Point A to Point B” in her dating relationship. When I asked her what she meant, she said, “Marriage just seems so impossible. So far away. I’ve tried so many times to go from dating to marriage, and it fails every time. So how did you get there?”
I could totally appreciate her question. It’s not uncommon in the world or the Church. In our culture that views marriage as the end-all-be-all, and relationships like performances, it makes perfect sense that she would wonder how to get to the “finish line.”
But that’s when it dawned on me that marriage isn’t the finish line, heaven is! I laughed a little and told her, “I’m nowhere near Point B. When my husband and I are on our deathbeds, and we’ve managed to help each other stay close to God, then maybe that’s when I’d be nearing Point B. So, ‘succeeding’ in dating isn’t really the point, anyway.”
If you’re single, and feeling much the same way as my friend, let me invite you to view marriage a bit differently. It will take the pressure off of you to “earn” marriage and help you see prospective spouses much more clearly.
Let’s break this down:
Why Marriage Isn’t the Finish Line
There are many beautiful reasons that God created the gift of marriage.
Support and partnership: “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’” Genesis 2:18
Companionship: “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor… Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?” Ecclesiastes 4:9
Enjoyment and intimacy: “Let your fountain be blessed, and take pleasure in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love.” Proverbs 5:18-19
There are, of course, many more. (Here is a great article on this topic where I got these ideas!)
Ultimately, God uses marriage to continually refine our characters to be more like Jesus to help get us to heaven. It is his will that all of his children will come to repentance in order to be with him (2 Peter 3:9). And if you’ve been a Christian for any period, you understand the fight to stay repentant!
So, one of the ways that God keeps us in his fold is through marriage. We see this in Ephesians 5:25-27: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.”
Marriage helps to make us holy. And that, fortunately, or unfortunately, does not happen the second we get married!
Every aspect of a thriving, healthy, godly marriage takes time. No matter how much you prepare for marriage in premarital counseling or otherwise, you don’t say “I do” as a perfect human being. Marriage is a long, refining process.
About this refinement, John Eldredge has this to say in his and his wife’s book, Love and War: Finding the Marriage You’ve Dreamed Of, “We are, all of us, utterly committed and deeply devoted to our ‘style,’ our ‘way,’ our ‘approach to life.’ We have absolutely no intention of giving it up. Not even for love. So God creates an environment where we have to. It’s called marriage.”
Marriage is a relationship where all your ugly character flaws are seen in full display. Where someone is finally around you long enough to notice that your ‘personality quirk’ is actually just selfishness, and it’s also where you have someone to share your daily victories with and who can point out how much you’ve grown, even when you can’t see it yourself!
The point is that marriage is a process with one end goal in mind: Partnering with each other to live godly lives here and eternal lives in heaven.
It would be such a shame if the wedding day was it, and all growth stopped after the cake was cut. If you had to look at your spouse and say, “Now what…?” But thankfully, God has the perfect plan.
I explained to my friend that marriage is like a boat you both are paddling on, trying to get to the other shore. Yes, talking, dating, and courting brought you to the shore where you start this journey–but there’s still a lot of water between where you are and your final destination, where you’re both in heaven. The question is, are they a good rowing partner? Do you want them in that boat with you? Are they going to make getting to the other shore easier or harder?
That, I think, is much more the purpose of dating. Not to succeed in your relationship so you can get married as the end goal–but that you feel confident enough with someone to start the journey towards heaven with them.
There are 1,000 different good things you could look for in a partner, but here is a good starting point and questions to ask yourself:
God is at the center: Do you bring out the best in each other spiritually? Do you point each other to rely on God and not just each other? Do they teach you things about God explicitly and/or through how lovingly they treat you?
You have lots of fun: Are you excited to see them? Do they make the mundane things in life feel more fun? Do you laugh or smile more when you are with them? Do they make the heavy things in life feel lighter?
You trust their character: Do they genuinely apologize when they hurt you? Have you seen consistent growth in their character? Are they committed to improving their spiritual lives? Do they respect your boundaries?
Communication is healthy: Do they listen to you without getting defensive, or apologize when they do get defensive? Do they consider you in what they do? Are you able to thoroughly work through conflict without resentment, even if you need outside help? Do they calm you when you discuss things, or do they make you feel more stressed?
You’re good at partnering: Do you work together well when you have a common project? Do you respect each other’s opinions? Do you complement each other’s strengths and weaknesses? Do you see a future together where you’re both building toward something meaningful and Spirit-led?
Each one of these aspects is crucial to not just getting to the other shore but enjoying life while you get there.
Marriage is a wonderful, wonderful gift. But it is by no means the end goal. If it were, what would we need God for?
Marriage shows us how much we need God to love us as unconditionally as he does. So before you hop into a boat with someone just because they make you feel good or will look good in your wedding pictures, consider how the rest of the journey will go.
And–likewise–if you’re standing at the shore with someone, but feel really confident in all of the above areas, pray to discern if God is looking at you, thinking, “What are they waiting for?” You don’t have to be perfect to get married or have to earn it.
But remember, no matter if you get married or remain single, God is with you every step of the way to heaven.
Kelly-Jayne McGlynn is a former editor at Crosswalk.com. She sees the act of expression, whether through writing or art, as a way to co-create with God and experience him deeper. Check out her handmade earring Instagram and Etsy for more of her thoughts on connecting with God through creative endeavors.
There have been disagreements, there has been name-calling. There have been times when things got broken, and even a time when someone got pushed into a wall. Tears and apologies followed, and things seemed better.
But then there was a time when a threat was made. One party cringed as they heard the words they never thought they would hear. Then, one night when the kids were asleep, he put a knife to her throat. And oh, do I wish I could tell you it wasn’t true, but it was. She told me this herself.
Please, I implore you. If you are in a relationship and you are seeing behaviors that are listed here, please get help. If you love someone, you want to help them. If you let destructive behaviors continue, you are not loving them. Don’t let fear stop you from doing what’s right.
The woman I referred to? She was my sister, and I no longer have her because she waited too long to share what was happening.
