There’s a voice in your head that knows exactly what to do:
Drink enough water. Stop doomscrolling. Go to bed early.
Then, there’s another that ignores it completely.
Like most people, you likely live inside that mental tug-of-war every day. And chances are, you think more discipline and more good habits are your way out.
But when doing more still doesn’t work, shame creeps in, and you don’t know what to do about it. “Something must be wrong,” you’d think to yourself.
Here’s where licensed psychotherapist Britt Frank would hug you out of your misery. As her book, Align the Mind, reveals, you’re not suffering from a lack of motivation, but rather, a hidden conflict between different parts of yourself.
“This book,” she says, “is for anyone who has ever thought,‘Why is it that I know what I’m supposed to do, but I can’t seem to do it?’”
Watch her full interview with the Mindvalley Book Club:
How to make peace with your inner critic and align your mind with Britt Frank
Who is Britt Frank?
Britt is a licensed psychotherapist and trauma specialist whose life’s purpose is to help people move out of analysis paralysis and into action.
Flip through Align The Mind, and you’ll immediately register her signature way of imparting wisdom. She translates complex psychology into practical tools that others find easy to use when motivation wanes.
Because the truth is, it’s all too easy to self-sabotage instead of self-help. According to a 2023 study published in Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, the brain works harder to process negative statements instead of positive ones. So when yours hears “don’t mess this up” or “try not to fail,” it often focuses on the core idea of the thought instead of the negation attached to it.
Now, why pray tell, is Britt passionate about helping you unpack your self-talk? Well, simple: she’s lived with a crazy inner critic herself for a long, long time.
“I hated myself for so many years,” she reveals to Mindvalley co-founder and Mindvalley Book Club host Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani.
This early experience shaped both Britt’s career path and, eventually, writing journey. Before Align The Mind, for instance, she explored at great length how insight alone fails to create change in her earlier book, The Science of Stuck.
Across all her work, her main message is clear: our mind isn’t “one voice.” It’s a system of “parts.” You can think of them as different (though related) selves.
As she says, “Everybody has multiple personalities. We all have [different] voices in our heads.”
What “parts work” is, according to Britt Frank
If you’ve Googled “Align Your Mind Britt Frank,” you’ll likely encounter the term “parts work.” At its core, it’s a discipline Britt established to help us hear—and harmonize—all the different inner voices that coexist in our heads.
“Parts work,” she says, “is a very broad term that talks about how to work essentially with all of the voices in our heads.”
Most of us already know this reality. Just look at how we talk about ourselves every day.
Say you’re curious about skydiving. In mulling it over, you might tell your best friend, “I really want to go skydiving, but a part of me is scared of heights.”
Britt’s own favorite example—brain rot—even hits closer to home. As she tells Kristina, “Part of me knows I should log off and sleep, but another part keeps doomscrolling.”
See, parts work takes that everyday language seriously. Each “voice” in your head, Britt says, represents a different interest, concern, instinct, fear, or priority, all belonging to the same person. All of them, you.
So ultimately, this approach helps you understand yourself as a whole rather than through a single isolated part, personality, voice… whatever you want to call it. Each part has a job. Each one is trying, in its own way, to keep you safe.
And parts work helps you see that the inner conflict between different parts of you is merely a signal. Instead of shaming yourself into action, it gently shines the light on what’s actually slowing you down from building that dream business or finally going to the gym.
“Imagine if they could all get along with each other,” Britt points out on the importance of building self-worth through positive self-talk. “Parts work shows you how.”
The science of inner talk
Peer closer, and you’ll see that Britt’s work firmly stands on a deep foundation of established psychological science. For more than a century, many psychology experts have sussed that the mind is, in fact, multi-layered. And its layers don’t always “agree” with each other.
Like Sigmund Freud, who described the psyche as a shared space between:
The id, or the baseline drives and impulses that push for pleasure and relief,
Your ego, the conscious inner mediator that weighs reality and consequences, and
The superego, which is the internal voice of moral rules and social expectations.
Then there’s Carl Jung, who argued that the self is made up of different aspects that show up depending on context, like:
The ego, the center of conscious awareness and identity,
The persona, the social mask you wear to function in society,
The shadow: orall traits, impulses, and qualities you’ve learned to reject or keep out of awareness, and
The anima or animus, that is,yourinner feminine or masculine aspects shaped by personal experiences and cultural expectations.
Britt’s work draws heavily from this lineage, especially modern parts-based psychology and research on inner speech. She’s quick to point out that you’re not broken if you procrastinate on the things you care about. Turns out, your mind is simply pulled in different directions, which is where parts work comes in.
Now, here’s a catch: it isn’t for everyone. “There are some people who don’t actually think in words,” she says, “they have no internal monologue.”
Britt Frank’s tips on harmonizing your inner world
When different parts of you pull in different directions, Britt wants you to remember that it’s all good. “There’s nothing inherently wrong with you,” she shares. “There’s a reason that we have these conflicts in our thinking life.”
The point is to ease the tension, which you can do with the steps:
Stop treating inner conflict as a personal flaw. Here, Britt suggests replacing woe-is-me statements like “Why am I like this?” Ask yourself this instead: “Which part of me is speaking right now?”
Name those different parts instead of demonizing them. Saying “a part of me is scared” creates space. Fighting the thought tightens it. Working through the tug-of-war starts by recognizing a part when it shows up.
Validate the loud “part” without indulging its behavior. Understanding a part doesn’t mean letting it run the show. Britt compares it to good parenting: you acknowledge the feeling while maintaining the boundary. When you want to avoid the workout, skip the call, or abandon the project, recognize how tired or afraid you actually feel. Then do it anyway, to keep you moving forward.
Assign your inner critic the role of a coach. “Our job is to train the inner critic,” she says, so it doesn’t shame you. This means changing how you respond when it appears. Swap “you’re going to mess this up” for “slow down and prepare for the best.”
Identify what you’re protecting yourself from. Self-sabotage often occurs when you fear embarrassment, rejection, or failure. But when you see the truth for what it is, it’s easier to stop panicking… and do what you have to do anyway.
And whenever in doubt? Turn to Britt’s book to guide you through the fog. As she would always tell you, “Thoughts don’t necessarily mean truth.”
(Disclosure: This is an affiliate link. If you make a purchase through it, Mindvalley Book Club may earn a commission at no extra cost to you.)
Fuel your mind
Progress, Britt Frank shows, comes from learning how to work with your mind. And it’s done by listening closely, understanding what lies beneath resistance, and moving forward with clarity rather than self-blame.
This radical self-acceptance? It’s what the Mindvalley Book Club stands for.
It’s a space for ideas that help you make sense of yourself and the world you’re living in. Yes, ideas that don’t just sound good on paper but can actually change how you think, decide, and act in real life.
Each week, Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani sits down with authors like Britt to explore books chosen for their depth, relevance, and ability to shift perspectives. You’ll hear directly from the thinkers shaping how we understand the mind, behavior, personal growth, and more… through the might of their words.
Given she’s one of a handful of women in history who can fly an F-16, you’d expect Michelle Curran to eat fear for breakfast.
After all, with a call sign like “MACE” (short for “Mach at Circle Entry,” earned after entering a maneuver too fast, breaking the sound barrier, and pulling nine times the force of gravity long enough to nearly lose consciousness), fear ≠ her.
Yet, here she is, in her book, The Flipside: How to Invert Your Perspective and Turn Fear into Your Superpower, openly admitting to things she’s afraid of: spiders, public failure, being judged by others, and all the things that so many of us are petrified of, too.
“It may seem odd that someone who has forged a career performing aerobatic maneuvers inches from another jet would doubt her own abilities,” she points out, “but it’s true.”
So if you’re thinking, “If she feels this way, what does that say about me?”, then her story is for you.
Michelle “MACE” Curran wasn’t born brave
“Yes, definitely not born brave. That is for sure,” Michelle tells Kristina Mӓnd-Lakhiani in her interview on the Mindvalley Book Club.
Brave, growing up in the way she describes, seemed to be something foreign, like Superman falling into Smallville, Kansas (of all places). Though she isn’t from “The Sunflower State,” her hometown wasn’t much different from the one Clark Kent was raised in.
“I grew up in a really small town, like a farming area, rural Wisconsin,” she shares. “I was a very shy, introverted, awkward kid.”
But being so didn’t stop her from being driven and high-achieving. Her plan was to study criminal justice, complete four years in the Air Force to repay her scholarship, then leave to become an FBI agent.
Then, halfway through college, she visited a base and watched two fighter jets take off in full afterburner. That moment shifted her whole life trajectory.
“I was just awestruck,” she recollects. “Goosebumps. Like, I cannot overstate how excited I was about seeing those jets, and I was like, forget the FBI, I have to try to go figure out how to do that.”
But just because she was amped on flying doesn’t automatically flip on the bravery switch for everything else in her life. She says, “I still regularly felt fear and self-doubt.”
Not so much from the physical danger that comes with flying at extreme speeds and forces, but “around judgment of others, letting people down, failing publicly, shame, embarrassment…”
Now, you don’t need to fly at nine Gs like her to know that feeling. Fear can show up forcefully, anytime, anywhere.
Why fear feels so real (even when it isn’t)
Fear can be irrational. Your heart races, your head spins, your palms are sweaty, your vision blurs, you’re at the tipping point of either projectile vomiting or forcing the bile back down… Even in situations that pose no actual danger, like speaking up in a meeting or meeting someone for a first date.
By the time you try to talk yourself down, the reaction is already underway. That’s why fear can feel undeniable even when you know, logically, that you’re safe.
Michelle, included. As she tells Kristina, the struggle stayed with her for years, showing up early in her career and resurfacing again whenever high-stakes opportunities appeared.
She’s talking about elite selections, leadership roles where mistakes carried weight beyond herself, and high-profile missions under intense scrutiny. That pressure only intensified as she stepped into public-facing roles, speaking on global stages and representing the Air Force as one of the very few female Thunderbird pilots.
“It took me a lot of time and reflection and intentional work to gain perspective on those moments and learn how to leverage them instead of be afraid of them,” she adds.
The thing that she learned, though, is that if fear isn’t something you can outthink, then the only leverage left is how you act when it hits.
Who better to learn how to work with fear than a combat-trained Air Force female fighter pilot? Here are a few tools Michelle shares in her Mindvalley Book Club interview that can help you, too, move forward under pressure.
Watch her sit down with Kristina for more insights:
How to flip fear into power and build unshakable confidence with Michelle “MACE” Curran
1. Disrupt the physical fear response
Fear has a way of hijacking the moment, like the intrusive relative who grabs the mic at your wedding and starts bellowing, “Don’t wanna be all by myself…”
“I hit a vulture with my F-16, a large bird, six-foot wingspan, put two holes through the side of the airplane,” she recalls. “I saw it. I felt it. I heard it. And that is the moment the amygdala is like, ‘uh-oh.’ Like sirens are going off. This is bad.”
She could feel that stress. Her shoulders and arms tensed up, and she felt like every muscle in her body was straining to force the jet to respond. That kind of hostile takeover, mid-air and at tactical airspeed, wasn’t an option.
The advice she got from her instructor? Wiggle her toes.
There are other methods that can help you ground yourself. Nature walks, mindful breathing, and meditation, just to name a few.
Obviously, when you’re strapped into a cockpit, many of those options aren’t available. That’s why something as simple as wiggling the toes can be, in Michelle’s words, “magical.”
“It was like flipping a switch of like a giant exhale,” she says. “And I suddenly felt back in control.”
2. Shrink the time horizon
When fear hits, everything can feel urgent and endless at the same time. Move too fast, and your decisions turn reactive. Wait too long, and you freeze.
So Michelle’s advice? One minute, one hour, one month.
One minute: Give yourself permission to, as she says, “feel all the feelings.” Swear, cry, pace, get it out.
One hour: Look at what actually happened, what you can work with, and who can help you move forward.
One month: Make a decision and act on it. Focus on the changes you can own so the same situation doesn’t repeat.
So let’s say you get tough feedback at work. It might feel like a gut punch, sure. But take the first minute to shut the door, swear under your breath, feel the embarrassment, and let it pass. Then, the next hour, reread the feedback, identify what’s actually being asked of you, and decide who you can talk to for perspective. Then, the next month is action—you adjust how you show up and change the behavior that caused the issue.
This framework helps build your emotional agility. Not shutting down emotion, just staying in motion.
3. Make “Small Bold Choices” (SBCs)
You know the saying “one step at a time”? Michelle’s version adds a twist: make it small, but make it bold.
“That means,” she explains, “taking the smallest step that you can towards the thing you want that feels slightly bold.”
You see, fear doesn’t always stop action outright. More often than not, it convinces you to aim too big, too fast, until the risk feels overwhelming and you do nothing at all.
“I don’t want you to go out and like do something wild where the chance of failure is higher, the repercussions of failure are higher,” she warns. “If you do fail, you’ll probably scare yourself back into inaction.”
Here’s the thing about SBCs: they lower the bar without lowering the intent.
So, for instance, you want to get into weightlifting, but you find that it’s really intimidating. Instead, do one thing, like maybe three sets of bench presses. Not a 60-minute full-body workout on 10 different machines. That’s just a recipe for overwhelm.
“So, small bold choices,” says Michelle. “They’re like an entry level to doing bigger and bigger things.”
(Disclosure: This is an affiliate link. If you make a purchase through it, Mindvalley Book Club may earn a commission at no extra cost to you.)
Fuel your mind
“The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.” Dr. Seuss may’ve had a point.
Books have more use than to fill up shelf space. They can entertain you, pull at your heartstrings, and challenge how you think. And that’s the very reason the Mindvalley Book Club exists: to make reading sexy again.
Every week, you’ll receive a curated selection of personal growth and business books chosen for depth, relevance, and impact, not hype.
You’ll get early access to standout new releases, a short list of books worth your time, and a deeper look at one featured title each week.
You’ll also hear directly from the authors themselves through live interviews and Q&As hosted by Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani.
Joining is free, of course. Just bring your curiosity, and the Mindvalley Book Club will take care of the rest.
Modern life runs on speed, scale, and convenience.
Groceries show up in minutes. Phones arrive in days. FaceTime can connect people across continents without so much as a blink. And it’s all because many things have become cheaper to produce and scale.
Yet with all this splendor, creating and owning buildings remains costly, according to modern engineering expert Brian Potter.
”I became frustrated that we were not making it any better and that buildings remain so expensive,” he shares in an exclusive sit-down with Mindvalley Book Club.
That frustration pushed him to investigate and write about how progress actually unfolds—or not—in the industry, culminating in his book, The Origins of Efficiency.
“I’m always trying to understand how these systems really work,” he adds. Because once you see a pattern, “you start noticing it everywhere.” And it’s here that solutions can emerge.
Watch his full interview on the Mindvalley Book Club:
How improving production efficiency drives progress with Brian Potter
Who is Brian Potter?
“I worked as what’s called a structural engineer… the person who designs buildings and makes sure they stand up,” Brian explains to Kristina Mänd-Lakhani, co-founder of Mindvalley and host of the Mindvalley Book Club. He’s also the founder of Construction Physics, a newsletter for fellow engineers, builders, and policymakers.
Leaf through his book, and his fascination with the matter is unmistakably clear. “Efficiency,” the senior infrastructure fellow at the Institute for Progress writes, “is the engine that powers human civilization.” This was likely the interest that led him to study civil engineering at Georgia Tech and later systems engineering at the University of Central Florida.
Humans, Brian elaborates, were always meant to thrive because they understood systems. You see it in the shift from hunting and gathering to farming and later to modern industry. Surplus, skills, and societal growth tend to follow whenever people figure out how to produce food, tools, and shelter with less time and effort than their predecessors.
“Almost everything that distinguishes modern life from the past,” he continues in the book, “flows from our ability to make things using less human effort.”
No wonder he spent years trying to apply it in practice (like when he led engineering teams at Katerra, the SoftBank-backed construction startup aiming to bring speed, scale, and repeatability to the industry).
But the same 15 years he spent in the domain? It also gave him a front-row seat to major industrial problems that keep happening, even as tools improved and ambitions grew.
Why inefficiency still exists in the modern world, according to Brian Potter
In practice, structural engineering is all about making sure designs on paper, from apartment complexes to your office buildings to big stadiums, can survive the real world. A structure has to literally hold its own weight, withstand unpredictable weather, and meet safety codes… all while remaining within budget.
Like walking a tightrope, it’s all a balancing act… except it isn’t, as Brian notes, so straightforward.An example he tells Kristina: “It’s still quite expensive to build houses and buildings.”
Sure, products on the likes of Amazon and Alibaba.com are super accessible now because they have become cheaper to produce and scale over the past few decades. But you can’t say the same about buildings.
After years of observing the industry from the inside, Brian sees the same pattern everywhere else, too. Whenever work stays custom, coordination-heavy, and overly dependent on human judgment in real time, efficiency can break down due to these factors:
1. Siloed information
Many apartment blocks, offices, and homes follow similar layouts and use similar materials. Still, each project is planned, approved, and built almost from scratch. Lessons from one project rarely carry over to the next.
“Without repeatability,” he reveals in The Origins of Efficiency, “it is very difficult for learning and improvement to accumulate.”
The thing is, doctors often lack access to the same patient records. Because there’s no single shared approach to treating common illnesses, care often has to start from scratch instead of building on existing patient data.
2. Long chains of handoffs
In construction, work moves step by step. Design finishes before engineering begins. Engineering finishes before permitting. Permitting finishes before building starts. Each phase depends on the one before it.
Even with better planning tools, progress slows as responsibility passes from one group to the next. Every handoff introduces waiting and clarification before work can continue.
“A lot of the cost and delay,” Brian explains, “comes from coordination.And it’s not that people aren’t good at their jobs. It’s that the work has to move between so many different groups.”
Similarly, in healthcare, a patient moves from a primary doctor to a specialist, then to a lab, then to imaging, and back again. Each step requires transferring not only the patient but also their information, context, and responsibility for care.
According to Brian, you see new software, from project management platforms to advanced modeling tools, come up from time to time in construction. Yet, as he notes, the way people spend time and effort behind them all remains largely unchanged.
And this is the one problem technological advancements alone can’t solve.
4. The (unavoidable) need for real-time collaboration
Some work simply doesn’t get cheaper with time. And Brian is clear about why.
Progress in construction, for instance, often depends on experts stepping in at the exact moment something goes wrong. That’s when the room for scale shrinks. The reliance on live human judgment, however important, creates a cost structure that technology can’t flatten.
“The things that remain expensive,” Brian explains, “are the things where you need a person there who can figure out what needs to be done.”
You see the same pattern outside construction, too, in:
Education. Learning still depends on teachers adjusting lessons in real time, responding to confusion, and guiding students—who all come with different educational needs and backgrounds—moment by moment. Even with online classrooms and microlearning apps scaling education, it all still requires human attention.
Healthcare. Diagnoses and treatments often require clinicians to interpret incomplete information on the spot. When records don’t transfer cleanly or cases vary widely, expertise has to be applied repeatedly. This drives up time, staffing needs, and ultimately, cost.
And herein lies the constraint Brian often sees. When so much of your industry’s progress depends on humans solving problems as they arise, efficiency improves only so much.
“The things that have gotten cheap,” Brian points out, “are the things that we can make in some sort of repetitive process, where you can make the same thing over and over again.”
5. Misplaced use of technology
Technology, Brian argues, accelerates whatever system it is placed into. So, when workflows remain fragmented, automation—brilliant as it is—only speeds up isolated tasks while reinforcing the same bottlenecks. “It’s much harder to do that sort of repetitive process,” he notes, “when you’re encountering lots of different and unique situations.”
Which leads to his bigger point: from here, it’s just all too easy for humans to risk getting better… at optimizing the wrong things, whether in construction or beyond.
Seeing that AI could replace up to 30% of hours worked across the U.S. economy by 2030, the real peril here isn’t the notion of speed itself. No, it’s what we choose to speed up, at the risk of slowly engineering our own blind spots and, eventually, societal detriment.
“Just because we have technology,” he adds, “doesn’t necessarily mean there will be improved productivity.”
Brian Potter’s proposal for revving up efficiency
Ultimately, it’s not about making everything move faster. What Brian ultimately argues for is that the right systems should upscale and do the heavy lifting, so humans don’t have to.
Pause for a second, and think of how commercial aviation came to be.
You see, planes don’t rely on pilots to manually fly every second of a long flight. The autopilot setting handles the repeatable, predictable phases, which gives pilots more wiggle room to monitor unpredictable conditions and make judgment calls in real time.
That’s how Brian approaches efficiency, too, both in construction and other areas of overall world-building. (You’ll see this right upon Googling “Brian Potter Construction Physics.”)
Across his newsletter and The Origins of Efficiency, the author often returns to a handful of principles that have peppered the history of human advancement, as shown below.
1. Prioritize repeatability before speed
According to Brian, efficiency only occurs when the things that do require automation are automated. Ergo, they are completed roughly the same way again and again.
In his book, he writes that if cost reduction is a priority and “you want things to get cheaper,” then you simply haveto “find ways to make the same thing again and again.”
Here’s what it can look like…
At the general workplace: Using the same onboarding flow for every new hire instead of reinventing it for each team.
In manufacturing: Relying on standardized components instead of custom parts for every product run.
In healthcare: Applying clear treatment protocols for common conditions instead of deciding from scratch each time.
For a construction project: Reusing proven layouts, parts, and methods that teams already know how to execute.
When you can automate the right workflows and tasks, there’s no need to relearn the basics. All of your human focus can go into improving creative details. That’s when your higher-level efforts compound for future reference.
2. Make all systems scalable by default
The biggest gains happen when improvement no longer depends on individual brilliance. Brian describes this shift as moving judgment upstream. Decisions get baked into processes, standards, and designs, so fewer problems need to be solved in real time.
Think standardized parts instead of custom components, proven methods reused across projects, or designs refined once and then copied many times.
In The Origins of Efficiency, he referred to some industries that made progress and encoded hard-won lessons into templates, rules, and routines:
Textile manufacturing. Once spinning and weaving were mechanized, knowledge moved out of workers’ hands and into machines, looms, and factory layouts.
Agriculture. So many farming tools, crop rotations, and methods were standardized and improved by leaps and bounds across generations.
Pharmaceutical production. Experts turned lab discoveries into repeatable manufacturing protocols that could scale safely and reliably.
That’s when progress stopped relying on “who’s in the room” alone.
3. Reduce overreliance on human intervention
…Where possible, of course. As Brian is careful to remind us all, not every domain should run on pure mechanistic efficiency. Fixing your car, for example, can’t get cheaper over time.
“You need somebody there,” he says, “who can figure out exactly what’s wrong with it.”
But say you’re in an industry that doesn’t. Scale hits a ceiling when progress depends solely on experts stepping in every time something goes wrong. As he tells the Mindvalley Book Club, systems “can only work at the speed that a person can work.”
In practice? This means identifying which decisions are often repeated and don’t require senior judgment each time. Those choices can be pre-decided, documented, or built into processes.
When fewer moments require a pause for expert input, a project can keep moving. Problems still get solved optimally, and not only in the heat of the moment.
4. Review how you work before embracing new tools
Brian’s rule here is simple: tools only magnify existing structure. If your systems are outdated, technology only speeds up their “tangle.”
“We’ve been very successful at making some tools better,” he says. “But the way the work actually flows hasn’t really changed.”
In the professional world, this can show up when:
Teams adopt new tools without changing how work is organized.
Software adoption is improving, but stakeholders still make important decisions a little too late in the pipeline.
Operational standards stay loose, and responsibilities remain fuzzy.
Sure, at first glance, the process looks modern on the surface with a shiny new tool, yet it behaves the same underneath.
So, before adopting new tech at work in any capacity, Brian suggests always looking upstream first. No matter your role in the project, don’t hesitate to ask:
“Where does my work tend to stall?”
“Why do some decisions arrive too late?”
“Where do teams wait unnecessarily on each other for information?”
Only after you’ve addressed those bottlenecks do tools start adding to your projects in very meaningful and expansive ways.
Fuel your mind
As Brian Potter has shown us, the pace of modern life asks for sharper thinking about how progress actually happens.
What truly moves the needle right now?
Which ancient paradigms still serve humans well?
What are the present and coming drivers of our evolution?
Questions like these sit at the heart of the Mindvalley Book Club. It’s a special “room” that exists to give space to ideas that deepen your understanding of the world around you, one book release at a time.
Follow Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani each week as she brings forward books specially handpicked for their depth and relevance. You’ll hear directly from both new and critically acclaimed minds who are shaping the future of how we think, live, work, and evolve.
News of thought-provoking books that update your worldview,
One-on-one conversations that go beyond surface insights,
Ideas that influence how you think, work, and make decisions,
A global community drawn to curiosity and meaning, and
A steady rhythm of learning that fits into your unique schedule.
This is where ideas stretch beyond the page and land as “eureka” moments in your mind. Consider this an invitation to challenge your thinking and step into your inherent greatness.
Have you ever read a story that you were so immersed in? You could imagine yourself as that character, living their life.
When they’re happy, you can feel that happiness. When they’re sad, you can feel that sadness. Or when they’re angry, frustrated, heartbroken, ecstatic, joyful, in love… you can feel those emotions.
That’s the whole point of bibliotherapy.
Emely Rumble, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker with a bibliotherapy certification, says that our mind is wired for story thinking. In an interview on the Mindvalley Book Club, she explains, “When we engage with stories where we’re emotionally connected, so much has the ability to rise into our conscious awareness.”
And when a story reaches you that deeply, it can steady you, clarify you, and sometimes start real change.
What is bibliotherapy?
The “bibliotherapy” definition is a combination of two roots: biblio, meaning books, and therapy, meaning care. So, together, the “bibliotherapy” meaning is essentially reading with intention as a way to support your mental and emotional health.
Books provide us with a language we struggle to access when we are in survival mode, making our suffering a thing of beauty and nuance.
— Emely Rumble, LCSW, bibliotherapist and author of Bibliotherapy in the Bronx
It’s often guided by a therapist or educator, who carefully chooses fiction, nonfiction, poetry, memoirs, or graphic novels that are specific to what you’re dealing with.
So let’s say you’re going through a breakup. You could reach for a children’s book like The Heart and the Bottle by Oliver Jeffers, which gently explores emotional shutdown and loss. Or you might choose a novel like High Fidelity by Nick Hornby that helps you examine yourself and make sense of what went wrong. Or one of the many self-help books, like Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed, which sits with heartbreak, confusion, and the slow work of rebuilding yourself.
But why reading? “Books,” Emely tells Kristina Mӓnd-Lakhiani, the host of Mindvalley Book Club, “provide us with a language we struggle to access when we are in survival mode, making our suffering a thing of beauty and nuance.”
In her own book, Bibliotherapy in the Bronx, Emely documents how books are used in real therapy settings, drawing from her work as a clinician and educator in the Bronx. And that process also has a biological side.
Mikael Roll, a professor of phonetics at Lund University, explains in a Neuroscience News article that reading is “likely to shape the structure of the left Heschl’s gyrus and temporal pole.” These areas support language processing and emotional meaning, which helps explain how reading can deepen cognitive empathy and self-reflection.
So your mind responds to stories as if they were lived experiences. And so, as Emely points out, “when you’re reading, you are healing.”
Types of bibliotherapy
Bibliotherapy shows up in a few distinct forms, depending on who’s guiding the reading and what it’s meant to support.
Clinical bibliotherapy
Clinical bibliotherapy happens inside therapy. Your therapist assigns a specific book as part of your treatment and works with it during sessions.
This approach works when the reading comes with structure and guidance. Psychologist Pim Cuijpers found in a large meta-analysis that, in fact, guided bibliotherapy helped reduce symptoms of depression because of how the reading was supported, discussed, and reflected on, not because of the book alone.
So, let’s say, if you’re learning how to grieve, your therapist might assign The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion. Together, you could read and talk through passages that touch on denial, memory, and loss, using the book as a way to understand what you’re experiencing.
Developmental bibliotherapy
You’ll more commonly see developmental bibliotherapy in schools, libraries, and community programs. Facilitators use books to help people talk about emotions, relationships, and life changes.
The key is choosing bibliotherapy books for children that fit their age, reading ability, and emotional needs. For instance, if your child is dealing with bullying, then the school counselor could recommend reading Wonder by R.J. Palacio to open conversations about compassion, difference, and belonging.
Self-guided bibliotherapy
This is the most familiar form, and the one with the least formal guidance. The reading still serves a psychological purpose, even when it happens instinctively rather than by design.
For instance, you’re looking to recover from burnout. You might pick up Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer. The point is, it’s personal—it’s whatever you’re drawn to and what you need at that moment.
Research shows that this type of bibliotherapy can help you understand yourself better, notice your emotions more clearly, and feel less alone. In Such Stuff as Dreams: The Psychology of Fiction, novelist and psychologist Keith Oatley found that fiction works like a mental rehearsal, giving you space to think through motives, choices, and inner states.
Not only that, but a study published in Psychological Medicine shows that reading on your own can ease anxiety and low mood, especially when emotional struggles aren’t severe. And it works better than doing nothing at all.
Why reading isn’t just escapism, according to a bibliotherapist
Reading, for some, can open new worlds. For others, help make sense of emotions. And yet, there are some who find solace in others who’ve been there too, even in fiction.
That’s the power of it. Emely, in her Mindvalley Book Club interview, mentions Dr. Rudine Sims Bishop, who’s known as “the godmother of children’s multicultural literature.” This professor emerita at Ohio State University describes books as windows, mirrors, and sliding glass doors:
“Books are sometimes windows, offering views of worlds that may be real or imagined, familiar or strange. These windows are also sliding glass doors, and readers have only to walk through in imagination to become part of whatever world has been created or recreated by the author. When lighting conditions are just right, however, a window can also be a mirror.”
Emely explains that the mirror effect “allows our defenses to come down.” And it makes it easier to notice anger, fear, resentment, or whatever emotions are usually pushed aside.
And it has helped her own clients work through experiences they’ve struggled to talk about or put into words. Bibliotherapy gives those experiences a shape and language, and, as Emely says, “it’s really, really healing.”
Watch a snippet of Emely’s interview on the Mindvalley Book Club with Kristina:
How to use bibliotherapy yourself
So, you’re feeling out of sorts and want to try bibliotherapy for yourself. The steps aren’t overcomplicated, but there are a few things you need to keep in mind.
A gentle note: Bibliotherapy can support you, but it isn’t a replacement for professional care. If things start to feel heavy or unmanageable, reach out to a mental health professional.
Notice what you’re drawn to. Before opening the book, notice what made you pick it up. A title, a tone, a character, a feeling. That intuitive pull usually points to something worth noticing.
Read without pressure. There’s no need to read faster or hit a daily goal. Read until something catches your attention.
Pay attention to reactions. Strong responses are useful. Liking a character, feeling annoyed, comforted, or uneasy shows you what’s active inside.
Let repetition happen. Rereading is part of the process. The lines that stay with you usually point to something you haven’t sorted through yet.
Give it language afterward. This might be a note, a sentence, or a quiet thought. Naming what came up helps it settle.
Know when to stop. If a book feels like too much, set it aside. Choosing a different book still counts.
If you’re playing it out in real life, let’s take the example of a situationship. You’re neither in a relationship nor quite “just friends” either. You feel loved, yet not fulfilled.
Scanning the shelves of your local library, you notice a title. Hector and the Search for Happiness. And a few pages in, you come across a line: “Knowing and feeling are two different things, and feeling is what counts.”
You feel that Hector gets it. He gets you. And for the first time in a long time, you recognize the gap between what you accept and what you want.
Recommended bibliotherapy books to match your feelings
When you’re in a certain mood, you don’t just watch anything, right? It’s likely you reach for what fits how you feel.
Books work the same way. So here are a few you can turn to during specific emotional moments, including some on Emely’s list of recommendations. (Obviously, this isn’t an exhaustive list, but it can be your starting point into bibliotherapy.)
When you’re questioning identity or wanting to feel seen
Tell Her Story by LaShawn Harris. This book centers voice, memory, and self-definition. It’s a strong choice when you’re trying to understand who you are and where your story fits.
When you feel pressured to be productive or “on track”
In Defense of Dabbling by Karen Walrond. A personal development book for moments when focus feels forced and creativity feels constrained. It offers permission to explore without rushing toward outcomes.
When you’re overwhelmed and running on empty
Burnout by Emily and Amelia Nagoski. A practical, compassionate look at stress, exhaustion, and why rest doesn’t always fix it. It helps you notice where your energy gets drained and what your body actually needs to recover.
When you’re searching for meaning or direction
Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. A short, reflective book about purpose, choice, and how people make sense of suffering. It offers a way to think about meaning that doesn’t rely on having answers right away.
When you feel stuck in the same patterns
The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. A simple, reflective story that invites you to look at desire, fear, and the cost of ignoring what matters to you. It encourages paying attention to the quiet nudges that often get dismissed.
Fuel your mind
Reading can be healing. It can be grounding. And, as Kristina is making it her mission, it can be sexy. Not performative sexy, but linger-with-a-thought-instead-of-scrolling-past-it sexy.
Have you ever read a story that you were so immersed in? You could imagine yourself as that character, living their life.
When they’re happy, you can feel that happiness. When they’re sad, you can feel that sadness. Or when they’re angry, frustrated, heartbroken, ecstatic, joyful, in love… you can feel those emotions.
That’s the whole point of bibliotherapy.
Emely Rumble, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker with a bibliotherapy certification, says that our mind is wired for story thinking. In an interview on the Mindvalley Book Club, she explains, “When we engage with stories where we’re emotionally connected, so much has the ability to rise into our conscious awareness.”
And when a story reaches you that deeply, it can steady you, clarify you, and sometimes start real change.
What is bibliotherapy?
The “bibliotherapy” definition is a combination of two roots: biblio, meaning books, and therapy, meaning care. So, together, the “bibliotherapy” meaning is essentially reading with intention as a way to support your mental and emotional health.
Books provide us with a language we struggle to access when we are in survival mode, making our suffering a thing of beauty and nuance.
— Emely Rumble, LCSW, bibliotherapist and author of Bibliotherapy in the Bronx
It’s often guided by a therapist or educator, who carefully chooses fiction, nonfiction, poetry, memoirs, or graphic novels that are specific to what you’re dealing with.
So let’s say you’re going through a breakup. You could reach for a children’s book like The Heart and the Bottle by Oliver Jeffers, which gently explores emotional shutdown and loss. Or you might choose a novel like High Fidelity by Nick Hornby that helps you examine yourself and make sense of what went wrong. Or one of the many self-help books, like Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed, which sits with heartbreak, confusion, and the slow work of rebuilding yourself.
But why reading? “Books,” Emely tells Kristina Mӓnd-Lakhiani, the host of Mindvalley Book Club, “provide us with a language we struggle to access when we are in survival mode, making our suffering a thing of beauty and nuance.”
In her own book, Bibliotherapy in the Bronx, Emely documents how books are used in real therapy settings, drawing from her work as a clinician and educator in the Bronx. And that process also has a biological side.
Mikael Roll, a professor of phonetics at Lund University, explains in a Neuroscience News article that reading is “likely to shape the structure of the left Heschl’s gyrus and temporal pole.” These areas support language processing and emotional meaning, which helps explain how reading can deepen cognitive empathy and self-reflection.
So your mind responds to stories as if they were lived experiences. And so, as Emely points out, “when you’re reading, you are healing.”
Types of bibliotherapy
Bibliotherapy shows up in a few distinct forms, depending on who’s guiding the reading and what it’s meant to support.
Clinical bibliotherapy
Clinical bibliotherapy happens inside therapy. Your therapist assigns a specific book as part of your treatment and works with it during sessions.
This approach works when the reading comes with structure and guidance. Psychologist Pim Cuijpers found in a large meta-analysis that, in fact, guided bibliotherapy helped reduce symptoms of depression because of how the reading was supported, discussed, and reflected on, not because of the book alone.
So, let’s say, if you’re learning how to grieve, your therapist might assign The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion. Together, you could read and talk through passages that touch on denial, memory, and loss, using the book as a way to understand what you’re experiencing.
Developmental bibliotherapy
You’ll more commonly see developmental bibliotherapy in schools, libraries, and community programs. Facilitators use books to help people talk about emotions, relationships, and life changes.
The key is choosing bibliotherapy books for children that fit their age, reading ability, and emotional needs. For instance, if your child is dealing with bullying, then the school counselor could recommend reading Wonder by R.J. Palacio to open conversations about compassion, difference, and belonging.
Self-guided bibliotherapy
This is the most familiar form, and the one with the least formal guidance. The reading still serves a psychological purpose, even when it happens instinctively rather than by design.
For instance, you’re looking to recover from burnout. You might pick up Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer. The point is, it’s personal—it’s whatever you’re drawn to and what you need at that moment.
Research shows that this type of bibliotherapy can help you understand yourself better, notice your emotions more clearly, and feel less alone. In Such Stuff as Dreams: The Psychology of Fiction, novelist and psychologist Keith Oatley found that fiction works like a mental rehearsal, giving you space to think through motives, choices, and inner states.
Not only that, but a study published in Psychological Medicine shows that reading on your own can ease anxiety and low mood, especially when emotional struggles aren’t severe. And it works better than doing nothing at all.
Why reading isn’t just escapism, according to a bibliotherapist
Reading, for some, can open new worlds. For others, help make sense of emotions. And yet, there are some who find solace in others who’ve been there too, even in fiction.
That’s the power of it. Emely, in her Mindvalley Book Club interview, mentions Dr. Rudine Sims Bishop, who’s known as “the godmother of children’s multicultural literature.” This professor emerita at Ohio State University describes books as windows, mirrors, and sliding glass doors:
“Books are sometimes windows, offering views of worlds that may be real or imagined, familiar or strange. These windows are also sliding glass doors, and readers have only to walk through in imagination to become part of whatever world has been created or recreated by the author. When lighting conditions are just right, however, a window can also be a mirror.”
Emely explains that the mirror effect “allows our defenses to come down.” And it makes it easier to notice anger, fear, resentment, or whatever emotions are usually pushed aside.
And it has helped her own clients work through experiences they’ve struggled to talk about or put into words. Bibliotherapy gives those experiences a shape and language, and, as Emely says, “it’s really, really healing.”
Watch a snippet of Emely’s interview on the Mindvalley Book Club with Kristina:
How to use bibliotherapy yourself
So, you’re feeling out of sorts and want to try bibliotherapy for yourself. The steps aren’t overcomplicated, but there are a few things you need to keep in mind.
A gentle note: Bibliotherapy can support you, but it isn’t a replacement for professional care. If things start to feel heavy or unmanageable, reach out to a mental health professional.
Notice what you’re drawn to. Before opening the book, notice what made you pick it up. A title, a tone, a character, a feeling. That intuitive pull usually points to something worth noticing.
Read without pressure. There’s no need to read faster or hit a daily goal. Read until something catches your attention.
Pay attention to reactions. Strong responses are useful. Liking a character, feeling annoyed, comforted, or uneasy shows you what’s active inside.
Let repetition happen. Rereading is part of the process. The lines that stay with you usually point to something you haven’t sorted through yet.
Give it language afterward. This might be a note, a sentence, or a quiet thought. Naming what came up helps it settle.
Know when to stop. If a book feels like too much, set it aside. Choosing a different book still counts.
If you’re playing it out in real life, let’s take the example of a situationship. You’re neither in a relationship nor quite “just friends” either. You feel loved, yet not fulfilled.
Scanning the shelves of your local library, you notice a title. Hector and the Search for Happiness. And a few pages in, you come across a line: “Knowing and feeling are two different things, and feeling is what counts.”
You feel that Hector gets it. He gets you. And for the first time in a long time, you recognize the gap between what you accept and what you want.
Recommended bibliotherapy books to match your feelings
When you’re in a certain mood, you don’t just watch anything, right? It’s likely you reach for what fits how you feel.
Books work the same way. So here are a few you can turn to during specific emotional moments, including some on Emely’s list of recommendations. (Obviously, this isn’t an exhaustive list, but it can be your starting point into bibliotherapy.)
When you’re questioning identity or wanting to feel seen
Tell Her Story by LaShawn Harris. This book centers voice, memory, and self-definition. It’s a strong choice when you’re trying to understand who you are and where your story fits.
When you feel pressured to be productive or “on track”
In Defense of Dabbling by Karen Walrond. A personal development book for moments when focus feels forced and creativity feels constrained. It offers permission to explore without rushing toward outcomes.
When you’re overwhelmed and running on empty
Burnout by Emily and Amelia Nagoski. A practical, compassionate look at stress, exhaustion, and why rest doesn’t always fix it. It helps you notice where your energy gets drained and what your body actually needs to recover.
When you’re searching for meaning or direction
Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. A short, reflective book about purpose, choice, and how people make sense of suffering. It offers a way to think about meaning that doesn’t rely on having answers right away.
When you feel stuck in the same patterns
The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. A simple, reflective story that invites you to look at desire, fear, and the cost of ignoring what matters to you. It encourages paying attention to the quiet nudges that often get dismissed.
Fuel your mind
Reading can be healing. It can be grounding. And, as Kristina is making it her mission, it can be sexy. Not performative sexy, but linger-with-a-thought-instead-of-scrolling-past-it sexy.
It’s 2026, and the question of the year is, has that reading pile on your nightstand gotten any smaller? Meanwhile, the hours to read them keep shrinking.
Another year hums with the pressure to choose wisely about what deserves your attention. And reading isn’t exempt.
New book releases arrive faster than ever nowadays, and knowing how to find the ones that are actually worth your time has become the real challenge. Miss that window, and the next thing you know, it’s 2027.
Mindvalley Book Club steps in right there, answering the question of how to find new book releases that are chosen for depth, relevance, and real impact.
And this list of 10? It favors reads that earn your time rather than demand it.
Disclaimer: Some links below are affiliate links, so Mindvalley may earn a commission if you buy a book, at no extra cost to you.
1. Start Making Sense by Steven J. Heine
Have you ever felt like your life looks great on paper, but something feels…empty?
Or you’re doing all the “right” things, but none of it feels like it really matters?
Or perhaps you sometimes wonder how replaceable you’ve become?
“We’re living in an existential vacuum,” he tells Kristina Mӓnd-Lakhiani in a Mindvalley Book Club interview. Simply, it’s the sense that your life is full, yet strangely devoid of meaning.
“Meaningful lives are getting harder to come by,” Steven adds. And it boils down to the slow loss of connection to other people, to our work, to our communities, and to something bigger than ourselves.
Pulling from decades of research, he explains meaning in a way that’s practical, not philosophical. He also shows that it comes from three things: your life making sense, having a reason for what you do, and feeling like you matter. Each of those can be strengthened again.
There are no inspiration or shortcuts here. But what you’ll find is a framework for understanding why life can feel empty and what actually restores a sense that what you do, and who you are, genuinely counts.
Key takeaways
Meaning isn’t vague or mystical. It grows out of real connections you can build and repair.
Modern life undermines meaning quietly. Social isolation, weakened communities, and fragmented work erode meaning without announcing themselves.
Meaning isn’t lost forever. When coherence, purpose, and mattering return, life starts to add up again.
What people are saying
“Start Making Sense is essential reading for anyone seeking to understand the science behind our psychological need for purpose and meaning—and how these needs can be met through connectedness and cultural narratives.” ― Michael Muthukrishna, London School of Economics
About the author
Steven’s a social and cultural psychologist at the University of British Columbia who studies how people make sense of themselves and their lives. His research explores how culture, identity, and meaning shape the way people understand who they are and what matters to them.
“We have been socialized to understand how to manage our physical body,” he says on the Mindvalley Book Club. “We have not when it comes to our emotional health.”
So rather than asking you to suppress emotions or “think positive,” he explains in his book how emotions actually work in the brain and why many common coping strategies fall apart under pressure.
“I study the science that explains how you can align your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors with your goals,” he points out. That’s why you can find practical tools to use in the moment, especially when your thoughts start looping, and you feel stuck in your own head.
Key takeaways
Emotions aren’t the problem. They become disruptive only when you don’t have a way to respond once they surge.
Most people don’t lack willpower. They were never taught emotional regulation skills for moments when stress takes over.
Small shifts matter in big moments. A change in focus, language, or environment can redirect how an emotional moment unfolds.
What people are saying
“For anyone who has wondered whether they’ll ever be in charge of their emotions, this book has the answer: yes. Easy to read and winningly personal, this gem of a book is a complete toolkit of science-based strategies for managing how you feel.” — Angela Duckworth, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Grit
About the author
Ethan’s a psychologist and neuroscientist who studies how people manage emotions and regain control when their thoughts spiral. He leads the Emotion & Self Control Laboratory at the University of Michigan and works at the intersection of science, everyday life, and decision-making under stress.
Purchase the book:
3. Tiny Experiments by Anne-Laure Le Cunff
So many of us keep rewriting the same five-year plan and are questioning why we made it in the first place.
And there are some of us who are why-in-the-world-ing the path we’ve chosen to be on.
Then, there are also some of us who adopt a new method altogether, follow it perfectly for a few weeks, then burn out and blame ourselves.
Well, it’s true that strict planning can create more pressure than progress. According to 2021 research published in Frontiers in Psychology, high, rigid, and specific goals can backfire when they’re missed. When that happens, motivation drops and people are more likely to disengage.
She gets into the neuroscience of it, the psychology of it, and her own experience—all to show how small, curiosity-driven trials can help you:
Reduce pressure,
Learn faster, and
Make progress without the cycle of burnout.
The focus here is to help you build a way of working and living that stays flexible, responsive, and aligned with how you, as a human, actually change.
Key takeaways
Linear goals don’t reflect real life. They break down the moment circumstances shift or new information appears.
Small experiments reduce pressure. They let you act, observe results, and adjust without locking yourself into one outcome.
Curiosity beats certainty. Noticing what holds your interest over time reveals patterns that plans can’t predict.
What people are saying
“I loved this profound, practical, and generous book. Through the ingenious lens of the tiny experiment, Anne-Laure Le Cunff shows how we can jettison arduous and dispiriting attempts at self-improvement in favor of achievable and energizing adventures on the path to a more vibrant, accomplished, and wholehearted life.” — Oliver Burkeman, New York Times bestselling author of Four Thousand Weeks
About the author
Anne-Laure’s a Googler-turned-neuroscientist who studies how people learn, think, and adapt to uncertainty. She’s also the founder of Ness Labs and writes about practical, evidence-based ways to work with your mind and keep learning across your life.
But we, as Jayne Mattingly explains in her Mindvalley Book Club interview, have “a grief-illiterate society.” The disability advocate and eating disorder recovery coach would know. She herself is disabled, living with multiple chronic and neurological conditions that changed her body and daily life.
Body grief, as she defines it, is the mourning that shows up when a body changes through…
If you’re trying to fix your body or forcing body love… don’t. Instead, try Jayne’s method: seven phases that move from dismissal and shock to body trust, with exercises that feel like a counseling session on the page.
What you’ll learn is how to build a relationship with your body that can hold loss, change, and reality without turning life into a constant fight.
Key takeaways
Body grief has a name for a reason. Naming it gives you permission to recognize loss instead of blaming yourself for struggling.
The “body betrayal” story usually comes from culture, not truth. Ideas about productivity, beauty, and control teach you to see natural change as failure.
Body trust isn’t a finish line. It’s something you move in and out of as you respond to what your body needs now.
What people are saying
“I laughed, I cried, and I related all while reading This Is Body Grief. Jayne beautifully articulates the universal feeling of Body Grief and explores it on both macro and micro levels. It is the perfect blend of informative and vulnerable.” — Jacqueline Child, co-founder of Dateability
About the author
Jayne’s a disability advocate and eating disorder recovery coach. She’s the CEO of Recovery Love and Care and the founder of The AND Initiative, where she works to support people living with chronic illness and physical disabilities.
Purchase the book:
5. The Care Economy by Tim Jackson
6. Autism Out Loud by Kate Swinson, Carrie Cariello & Adrian Wood
Out of all these Mindvalley-recommended books, this one is written by three mothers raising autistic children. It’s also a book Kristina connects with personally, as a parent of a child on the spectrum, which makes the conversation around it feel honest and grounded.
Look at Raymond Babbit from Rain Man, Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory, or Julia from Sesame Street. Or look no further than the book itself. All three authors are raising children who fall on different points of the spectrum, each with their own needs, strengths, and challenges.
The thing is, autism doesn’t follow a single pattern, progression, or outcome. It changes with age, environment, support, and personality. That’s one of the core truths the book makes clear.
And the three authors tell the truth about diagnosis day, anxiety, school battles, medication decisions, public meltdowns, siblings, marriage stress, and the question nobody wants to say out loud: what happens when the kid needs lifelong care?
Key takeaways
Autism doesn’t show up one way, and parenting doesn’t either. The book places radically different family realities side by side, without ranking which one is harder or more valid.
Caregiving reshapes the entire household. Siblings, marriages, energy, and emotional bandwidth all shift, and the book refuses to treat those effects as side notes.
Support has to work in real life. Instead of comfort slogans, the book focuses on what actually helps when families are navigating schools, anxiety, systems, and public scrutiny.
What people are saying
“This book is not just for people with autism in their families. I have personally been places, and experienced children and adults displaying behaviors that I simply did not understand. After reading this book, I have a much better perception of how people on the spectrum may behave differently than what is considered ‘normal.’” — Anne Goshert
About the authors
Kate, along with Carrie Cariello and Adrian Wood, are mothers, writers, and advocates who’ve spent years speaking openly about life with autistic children. Through books, blogs, national media, and Autism Out Loud, they focus on caregiving, family dynamics, and the parts of this experience most people never see.
Purchase the book:
7. Hello, Cruel World! by Melinda Wenner Moyer
“I don’t worry about my kids at all,” said no parent ever. But that’s the quiet reality of being a caregiver. You and anxiety become your frenemies: sometimes useful, sometimes exhausting, never fully gone.
You watch your child scroll, withdraw, or worry about things you never had to think about at their age. Mom guilt kicks in as you wonder if you should step in or step back.
So, it’s no wonder every choice feels loaded. You’re trying to figure out how to help your child navigate in a world where screens shape identity before kids fully know who they are.
Melinda Wenner Moyer felt the same. As a mother of two, she wrote Hello, Cruel World!: Science-Based Strategies for Raising Terrific Kids in Terrifying Times because she wanted “to give parents, including myself, a toolkit” that lowers fear and gives real steps. She leans on research because science is “really the best tool we have for whittling away at the truth in any situation,” especially when parenting advice feels loud and conflicting.
You get help turning today’s biggest stressors into skills your child can actually practice, with a focus on what works for “most kids in most situations.” It reads like someone sitting next to you, helping hard topics feel manageable and reminding you that you’re not doing this alone.
Key takeaways
You don’t need perfect parenting to raise a confident kid. When you model repair, calm, and honesty after a hard moment, you’re teaching skills your child can reuse in real life.
Big feelings aren’t the enemy; avoidance is. When you help a child name what they feel and sit with it safely, you’re building coping skills that can protect them when life hits harder.
Listening changes the whole relationship dynamic. When a child feels respected and heard, you’ll get more trust, more openness, and fewer power struggles that spiral.
What people are saying
“If you’re confounded by our culture and want to raise children who can not only navigate our world but evolve it for the better, Hello, Cruel World! is an essential guide. It’s science-based, profound, and intuitive, and full of techniques to apply not only to our parenting, but to ourselves.” —Elise Loehnen, New York Times bestselling author of On Our Best Behavior
About the author
Melinda’s an award-winning science journalist, a contributing editor at Scientific American, and a regular contributor to The New York Times. She’s also the author of How to Raise Kids Who Aren’t Assholes and writes the popular Substack newsletter Now What, where she translates research into practical guidance for everyday parenting decisions.
Purchase the book:
8. Reverse the Search by Madeline Mann
You can do everything you’re told: tailor the resume, write the cover letter, apply again and again… And still hear nothing back.
That version of job hunting is dead.
“There’s no such thing as job security,” says career coach Madeline Mann on a Mindvalley Book Club interview. “You can lose your job at any time.”
So, trust her when she says, “You could be the top performer, everything can go right for you, and you can still get laid off.” She, too, was once let go from her dream job.
She explains why the traditional job search drains your confidence and rarely works. And then, she shows you how to replace it with a strategy that attracts opportunities to you instead of you chasing them.
And if job searching has started to feel like rejection on repeat, this book is a reset.
Key takeaways
The job search is broken, not you. Most hiring doesn’t happen through mass applications, so pouring energy into them often leads to burnout rather than results.
Clarity creates leverage. When you know exactly what role you want and why, companies respond differently because commitment signals value.
Career security comes from strategy, not loyalty. Building visibility and relationships before you need them makes future job searches faster and less stressful.
What people are saying
“Job shopping is a brilliant concept, and Madeline Mann delivers it with the perfect mix of strategy and encouragement in Reverse the Search. Prepare to get hired on your terms.” — Sarah Johnston, global executive resume writer and founder of Briefcase Coach
About the author
Madeline’s a former head of HR turned career strategist who has helped thousands of professionals land roles without relying on mass applications. She’s best known for teaching how hiring decisions actually work and for giving job seekers tools to regain control in a system designed to exhaust them.
Purchase the book:
9. Time Anxiety by Chris Guillebeau
There are days when sending emails, doing tasks, and “staying on top of it” lead to a sense of being behind. When that feeling becomes constant, it’s no longer about poor planning.
Entrepreneur Chris Guillebeau explains why most advice about how to be more productive actually makes people more anxious, not more fulfilled. Take it from the guy who’s “read every productivity book” and still felt stuck.
To explain what’s really going on, he breaks time anxiety into two forms:
It’s practical, funny, and grounding, especially for anyone who’s done everything “right” and still feels behind.
Key takeaways
Time anxiety usually comes from “too late” or “too much.” Once you name which one you’re dealing with, decisions get clearer because you can see what actually needs to change.
Productivity can become a trap. Getting better at doing the wrong things only builds a faster life that still feels off.
Trying to control time creates more stress. Letting go of that fight gives you space to choose what matters and tune out the nonsense.
What people are saying
“A wealth of insanely useful advice, from the practical to the psychological, for breaking free from time anxiety, slowing down, and living on purpose.” — Cal Newport, New York Times bestselling author of Slow Productivity and Deep Work
About the author
Chris is a New York Times bestselling author known for writing about work, purpose, and building a life on your own terms. After years of self-employment and a four-year volunteer role in West Africa, he became one of the youngest people to visit every country in the world, an experience that shaped how he thinks about time, choice, and meaning.
Purchase the book:
10. Team Intelligence by Jon Levy
It may seem logical to put the smartest, most talented people onto one team to maximize performance and results, but… Did you know that these all-star teams often underperform?
Behavioral scientist Jon Levy explains, “The person with the highest IQ on the team doesn’t predict if the team does well.” And that’s because, as research published in Psychological Science shows, competition and ego undermine coordination and cooperation.
Jon has spent years studying why this happens and what high-performing teams do differently. In his book, Team Intelligence: How Brilliant Leaders Unlock Collective Genius, he shows that results don’t come from heroic leaders or superstar talent, but from how people interact, share information, and create trust.
Drawing on his experience in behavioral science and real-world examples, the book explains why emotional intelligence, psychological safety, and so-called “glue players” matter more than raw brilliance.
So if your team looks impressive on paper but feels slow, political, or fragile in practice, this book explains what’s missing and how to fix it.
Key takeaways
Leadership works when people want to move with you toward a better future. When others believe in where you’re headed, following feels natural, not forced.
Your team performs best when cooperation is designed in. Instead of stacking stars, you create shared goals and systems that help people support each other.
Emotional intelligence is a real advantage you can use. It helps ideas move faster, gives the right voices room, and lets the team work together instead of competing for attention.
What people are saying
“I’ve spent my career in labs full of smart people. The teams that succeeded weren’t always the smartest—they were the best at working together. This book explains why that matters.” — Michael Brown, winner of the 1986 Nobel Prize in Medicine or Physiology
About the author
Jon’s a behavioral scientist and New York Times bestselling author known for his work on trust, leadership, teams, and influence, advising both Fortune 500 companies and startups. He’s also the founder of The Influencers, a private dinner community where guests cook together before discovering they’re dining with Nobel laureates, Olympians, executives, astronauts, and other global leaders.
Mindvalley authors know this well. And many of them continue to choose that format to explore ideas that need more space, nuance, and context.
The good old-fashioned reading of books is still good for you no matter what happens in the world.
— Kristina Mӓnd-Lakhiani, co-founder of Mindvalley and host of Mindvalley Book Club
Here are a few recent personal growth book releases worth spending real time with.
1. Your Home Is a Vision Board by Marie Diamond
If you’ve ever cleaned, redecorated, or moved things around during a life reset, then you’ve already dabbled in feng shui basics. A 2021 study in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health shows that interior design choices influence mood, stress, and cognitive responses. And that can shape how you experience your everyday spaces.
This is something Marie Diamond has spent decades teaching people. And in Your Home Is a Vision Board: Harness the Secret Manifesting Power of Your Home, she shows how your home is constantly sending signals about what you’re available for. The images on your walls, the colors you live with, the objects you keep, and even how your furniture is placed all communicate intention.
That shift can feel surprisingly tangible. Kim Bradley, a Mindvalley student who took Marie’s Feng Shui for Life program, shares that after applying the practices, her home “feels more at peace now,” as does she.
The book pairs naturally with the program, where the same principles come alive through guided, visual practice. Together, they help turn your space into quiet support for the life you’re building.
2. Heavily Meditated by Dave Asprey
Dave Asprey went Head Strong. He helped you get Smarter, Not Harder. Now, he’s Heavily Meditated and helping you see what real clarity looks like when your nervous system is no longer stuck in overdrive.
Drawing from his 40 Years of Zen program, Dave’s newest book combines neuroscience with ancient practices like meditation, breathwork, and sleep optimization. What that does is help you remove the triggers quietly draining your mental bandwidth.
That shift shows up in real ways. For instance, a Mindvalley student, Andrey Logunov, tried this with Dave’s Smarter Not Harder program. The psychotherapist and naturopathy doctor from Russia shares, “During the quest, I became very interested in neurofeedback, now my personal meditations take place with brain monitoring right at home.”
The aim here isn’t extreme optimization or constant self-improvement. It’s learning to recover deeply, calm your brain, and access focus and creativity without burning out.
Intense? Maybe. Necessary? Very. One of the next impactful reads to dive into? Absolutely. It’s a strong companion to Dave’s Mindvalley program, especially if you want the “why” behind the practices.
Like Erik Nordstrom, a musician from the U.S., who took Lee’s Mindvalley program, Modern Qi Gong. He shares, “I had a visceral feeling of the energy flowing in my body and felt great after the first lesson.”
If Lee’s methods can have that kind of impact so quickly, it’s easier to see why his book goes deeper. Drawing from Qi Gong, Eastern philosophy, and Western science, it shows you how to work with your nervous system through breath, gentle movement, and attention.
Doing so allows energy to return naturally instead of being forced. And that gives you back clarity, steadiness, and a feeling of being fully present in your own life.
Fuel your mind
Meaningful reading can start to feel like another thing you’re failing at, especially with so many new titles and recommendations. And now, figuring out how to keep up with new book releases turns into its own kind of overwhelm.
When you join (for free, of course), you’ll get access to:
Expert picks selected based on substance, relevance, and real-world impact.
New book recommendations weekly, thoughtfully chosen titles in personal growth and business.
Live interviews and Q&As with the people shaping how we think about growth, work, and well-being.
It’s a simple way to stay connected to ideas that matter, without letting reading become another obligation. As Kristina says, “The good old-fashioned reading of books is still good for you no matter what happens in the world.”
When you hear the words, what comes to mind? More income? More status? More stuff?
It’s what we’ve been taught to believe, isn’t it? That progress means expansion, and that growth is the measure of success.
It may have made sense in the early days of industrial progress, when we thought the planet could absorb our ambition without consequence.
Now our world is sending the bill, and the cost is everything that sustains us. It’s a truth economist Tim Jackson believes we can no longer afford to ignore.
“As the economy gets bigger and bigger, we have a bigger impact on the planet,” he says in a Mindvalley Book Club interview. “And that’s undermining the prosperity of future generations.”
So if the conventional idea that prosperity equals money is no longer sustainable, what, pray tell, should it stand for, then?
Perhaps it’s time to build an economy that learns to care.
Watch Tim’s full interview on the Mindvalley Book Club:
Why care is the foundation of a thriving society with Tim Jackson
The logic of modern economies is simple: to keep profits climbing, companies must keep people consuming. In food, for example, that means engineering ultra-processed products designed to hook the brain with sugar and flavor. In technology, it means apps built to monetize attention by keeping users scrolling.
“There is a health crisis,” Tim shares with Kristina Mӓnd-Lakhiani, the co-founder of Mindvalley and the host of the Mindvalley Book Club. “Profits from that food system are contributing to growth but doing so at the expense of people’s health.”
The same model that floods supermarket shelves with empty calories also floods the atmosphere with carbon. Yet power, profit, and public noise continue to drown out science and reason.
“These kinds of dynamics,” Tim says,“are now overwhelming what was actually an almost essential consensus around quite an important issue like climate change, like the loss of other species on the planet.”
What comes next is a chain reaction: the loss of biodiversity weakens the soil → poor soil reduces food yields → collapsing food systems push us closer to a planet too damaged to sustain prosperity.
This is the real cost of growth without balance. But Tim believes the way forward is not more acceleration but a new definition of prosperity.
How Tim Jackson’s care economy redefines prosperity
If growth is the story we’ve been told, care is the story Tim wants us to remember.
But why care, exactly? As he explains, it’s the “restorative force that brings us back into balance, brings us back towards health.”
That’s the whole premise of his latest book, The Care Economy. This approach focuses on the parts of life and work that maintain well-being rather than produce goods.
It includes healthcare, education, social work, parenting, elder care, and community support. And it’s the quiet infrastructure that keeps societies alive.
You cannot expect population health to improve while you rely on the good resources of a few individuals who may just about be able to turn around their diagnosis.
— Tim Jackson, economist and author of The Care Economy
What’s more, by redefining prosperity around care, Tim challenges the idea that wealth equals progress. A strong economy, in his view, is one that invests in the health of its people and its planet.
It’s an idea that people like Robin Sharma and Amartya Sen also talk about: real wealth comes from health, purpose, and connection. Tim expands it through an economic lens, showing how societies can create and protect those same conditions together.
Proof that care pays off
The reality is, countries that treat care as economic infrastructure see long-term returns that outpace traditional growth investments. “Prosperity is more about health than it is about wealth,” Tim says.
Here are a few examples:
Early childhood education gives the highest return on investment. Every dollar spent brings back 7–13% each year through better health, education, and jobs.
Even food policy proves the point. When Mexico introduced a national tax on sugary drinks, soda sales fell by 7.6% in the first year, with the biggest drop among low-income families.
Each of these examples shows how care can help reduce long-term costs, strengthen resilience, and build the foundation for real prosperity. In economic terms, care outperforms consumption.
What choosing care looks like, individually and systemically, according to Tim Jackson
So the story we’ve known is that as long as the economy keeps expanding, prosperity will follow.
But where is it taking us exactly? That’s the question Tim raises.
“For quite a long time,” he tells Kristina, “my academic work has been asking one very simple question, which is what can prosperity possibly mean on a finite planet?”
Tim, too, experienced this firsthand while writing The Care Economy. Diagnosed with pre-diabetes, he realized how even an informed, privileged person struggles to stay healthy in an environment that profits from illness.
“It is almost impossible for me to change,” he says. It required time, effort, new habits, and guidance. His diagnosis became a metaphor for a society addicted to its own growth.
How care begins with personal change
The unfortunate truth is, even the most mindful person can’t thrive in a culture that profits from depletion. The food you eat, the apps you use, and the hours you work all operate within an economy that depends on overconsumption.
Choosing care starts with noticing where that economy lives inside your own habits. The skipped meals, the endless scrolling, and the pressure to stay busy all keep you producing under the illusion of progress. The first act of care is to slow that cycle.
Research from the American Psychological Association’s Stress in America 2023 report shows that high stress remains widespread, driven by long work hours, financial pressure, and digital overstimulation that contribute to anxiety, depression, and physical illness. Yet, recovery time, such as sleep, rest, and time with others, is often treated as optional.
For you, this might be reclaiming those as non-negotiable parts of life. This can be as simple as cooking instead of ordering out, taking a walk instead of checking your phone again, or saying no when your schedule is already full.
Each small action restores the attention and energy that constant productivity drains away. And it creates the self-awareness needed for collective change.
How care scales to society
“You cannot expect population health to improve,” says Tim, “while you rely on the good resources of a few individuals who may just about be able to turn around their diagnosis.”
That’s why care must also become collective. The thing is, when the cheapest food is the least nutritious, or when burnout is built into workplace culture, personal willpower is not always enough. Real care requires public structures that make health possible.
This begins with how societies measure success. Rather than reward speed and extraction, Tim suggests that economies reward stability and restoration. And some countries have already tried to do this:
Finland’s work–life balance policies rank among the world’s best, producing higher productivity and stronger mental health outcomes.
Japan’s Society 5.0 framework links innovation to social inclusion, aiming to make technology serve human needs rather than replace them.
These examples show what becomes possible when a society puts well-being at the center. But going beyond policy, Tim emphasizes a cultural shift as well.
For you, that could be through work such as mentoring, parenting, teaching, or volunteering. After all, when society values care, it teaches people to look after one another. Plus, a stronger sense of belonging and a clearer understanding that their well-being is linked to the well-being of others.
And for Tim, the measure of progress is simple: prosperity depends on how well we sustain what sustains us.
Fuel your mind
The world moves fast. Sometimes, too fast for most of us to pause, think, or feel something real.
But reading can slow it all down. It reconnects you to ideas that challenge you, inspire you, and stay with you. And that’s what the Mindvalley Book Club was built for.
Each week, Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani handpicks powerful books on purpose, growth, and the art of living well. You’ll hear directly from the authors shaping the future of how we think, work, and evolve.
When you’re part of the Book Club, you’ll get:
Books that move you to see the world differently.
Weekly recommendations that go deeper than quick tips and trends.
Conversations with authors who change how you see yourself.
Insights that spark clarity in your work, relationships, and life.
A global circle of readers who crave meaning, not just motivation.
The joining is free. But the reconnection it brings? That’s priceless.
Hate to burst your bubble, but according to Madeline Mann, there’s “no such thing as job security.”
This might not be what you want to hear, especially when the job market is as soft as it is. But as the career coach and host of Self Made Millennial points out in her interview on the Mindvalley Book Club, “You can lose your job at any time.”
That’s no big secret, really. Everybody knows about the recent layoffs. And when you get on LinkedIn, there are profile after profile with that elusive green #OpentoWork banner or “raising the white flag” posts.
While it may feel like the time to panic, don’t…is what Madeline’s out here to say. She’s figured out a way to reverse the search and have recruiters come knocking instead of ghosting.
Watch her full interview on Mindvalley Book Club’s YouTube:
Why your job search isn’t working—and how to stand out in the AI era with Madeline Mann
Why Madeline Mann says job security is no longer enough
Most of us were told that the path was simple: study hard, get hired, stay loyal, and retire secure. But that, as Madeline points out, is likely no longer the case.
You could be the top performer, everything can go right for you, and you can still get laid off.
— Madeline Mann, career coach and author of Reverse the Search
The pandemic shattered the illusion of “safe” jobs. At the height of COVID-19, millions of Americans lost their jobs in a matter of weeks, pushing unemployment to 14.7%, the highest since the Great Depression. Even after recovery, the tremors didn’t stop.
The thing is, layoffs don’t just hit those shown the door. Research shows they ripple through entire teams, hurting morale, productivity, and long-term company performance.
That’s why Madeline says there’s no job security. “The company owns your job,” she tells Kristina Mӓnd-Lakhiani, the host of Mindvalley Book Club. “You could be the top performer, everything can go right for you, and you can still get laid off.”
What makes it worse, she adds, is that most people don’t prepare until it’s too late. Too many professionals grow comfortable, convinced their title or tenure will protect them. “I have to shout very loudly to people who are very comfortable right now and think that nothing bad is going to happen,” she says.
These days, the ground moves fast, companies restructure overnight, and artificial intelligence (AI) reshapes entire departments. The rise of contract and fractional work means the traditional career ladder is now more like a revolving door.
The old promise of stability? It’s gone. What remains is adaptability.
3 valid reasons you’re stuck in your job search, according to Madeline Mann
If job security is out the window, the next logical question is, why can’t most people seem to move forward?
You can blame the economy (granted, it’s not in the most stable place right now). However, based on what Madeline says, it really boils down to how you approach the job search.
Most job seekers don’t realize it, but the rules have changed. In her sit-down with Kristina, Madeline shares some of the most common blind spots she sees that keep even seasoned professionals from moving forward. (If you’d like to get the full scope of her insights, you can check out her book, Reverse the Search: How to Turn Job Seeking Into Job Shopping.)
1. You’re selling your past instead of your future
Take a look at your résumé. What does it look like?
If it reads like a tidy list of titles, dates, and bullet points, it becomes a record of where you’ve been instead of a preview of where you’re going.
Madeline sees this mistake constantly. Most people focus on their achievements instead of their potential, speaking the language of their past rather than the needs of the present.
Hiring managers aren’t trying to relive your career highlights. When they see your résumé, they’re imagining what you’d bring to the table next quarter.
“Everything you show to them shows how you are going to be highly effective for them going forward in the future,” she adds. That’s the blind spot: your story ends where your personal branding should begin.
2. You’re invisible in the places that matter
You might be great at what you do. But if no one can see it, the right people can’t act on it.
Madeline points out that the people landing the best offers aren’t always the most qualified. They’re simply the most visible.
The problem? Most professionals disappear the moment they get comfortable. They stop showing their work, and they stop staying visible.
And over time, even strong careers fade quietly out of sight.
3. You’re approaching the job search like it’s 2010
You hit “Apply.” You wait… And then, crickets.
The thing is, automated filters, AI screenings, and ghost job listings have changed the game entirely. So the old-school way of applying everywhere, bracing for the same “Where do you see yourself in five years?” question, and hoping something sticks is no longer viable.
“Companies are making a lot of pivots right now,” Madeline explains. “They’re like, ‘Oh, should we replace that role with AI? Do we actually need someone who’s more senior? Do we need someone more junior?’”
The job market now rewards precision, not effort. Which is why there’s more work, less return, and a growing sense that you’re doing everything right while somehow going nowhere.
Madeline Mann’s pro tips to reverse the search and get job offers coming to you
“Job searching,” says Madeline, “is a skill.” Take it from the highly experienced career strategist whose LinkedIn course, Job Interview Nano Tips with Madeline Mann, has amassed over 600,000 learners.
But with the old rules of job hunting out the window, what can you do about it?
Her answer is career security. It’s what she helps her clients build, so much so that “even after they land a job, they keep getting inbound requests for interviews.”
Here’s how you can do the same:
1. Build visibility before you need it
When was the last time you touched your LinkedIn profile? Or turned to networking without needing a favor?
Most people only think about visibility after they’ve lost it. They update their profiles in a panic, fire off a few messages, and wonder why the response feels cold.
“It’s like, don’t grocery shop when you’re hungry,” says Madeline. What she means by that is “try not to job shop when you’ve lost your job.”
Granted, visibility is a slow build. But when you continually share insights, engage with others, or publish something that reflects your expertise, you’re making it easy for recruiters, collaborators, and decision-makers to find you.
Case in point: an analysis by Buffer looked at over 100,000 users across platforms. They found that those who posted regularly got more than five times the engagement per post compared to users who posted inconsistently.
Another case in point: Sprout Social (which tracks social media metrics for brands) reported that consistent posting was a key factor in visibility and reach. They found that smaller brands posting “4-5 times per week” on TikTok, for example, saw material growth because their content pipelines allowed for more experimentation and volume.
“Always thinking about how you need to be building,” she adds. “You know, having intentional steps every month towards building your career so that your next career step is sure-footed.”
That way, when the next door opens, you’re already prepared to walk through it.
2. Treat every connection like an open door
You never really know which conversation will change your career. Every recruiter, colleague, or hiring manager you meet is a potential ally in disguise.
Madeline knows this firsthand. When she was laid off from her “dream job,” she already had a lineup of opportunities waiting.
“I had been posting on LinkedIn,” she said. “I had been keeping my network warm.”So every time a head of HR role opened up, she was one of the first people they called.
Even interviews, she points out, can be networking moments to move you closer to your career goals. You may not get the job, but you might leave an impression strong enough that they recommend you or call you later with a role you never imagined.
3. Keep your message consistent
Madeline says that career security is built on clarity and consistency.
Sometimes, the confusion starts inside. Many people feel torn between what they do for a living and what they’d rather be doing.
Madeline gets that. But as she puts it, “A job is to make money, and you need to go into professions where there is market demand.”
Still, if you’re thinking about a career change, she suggests doing it strategically. Understand how your current skills translate, where the demand is, and what the next step looks like before you make the leap.
4. Stay curious, not comfortable
You can always tell when someone’s stopped learning. Their ideas sound the same, their stories haven’t changed in years, and they start to believe experience alone will protect them.
From her years in human resources, she’s seen the pattern repeat. “We don’t care if you have 25 years of experience,” she says. “If you’ve lived the same year of your career 25 times, you need to be growing.”
One way Madeline suggests doing it is to “constantly consume other people’s content.” Find out where people in your industry hang out and stay curious.
Not only does that help you build a brand for yourself, but it also shows companies that you’re a quick learner, still evolving, still interested, and still open.
5. Make AI your skill, not your competition
If you’ve been pretending AI won’t touch your job, that has wishful thinking written all over it. But instead of freaking out about this evolution, it’s a great, if not the best, time to start exploring how to learn AI.
For instance, longtime accountant Wei Khjan Chan could sense that his job might be taken over by machines. So he took the opportunity to learn vibe coding to stay ahead.
“It’ll be great if I get to know AI earlier,” he says in an article in Business Insider. “At least I replace myself rather than let other people replace me.”
Madeline, herself, suggests to “be the candidate who is so knowledgeable of AI in your profession.”
One marketer she interviewed brought up the fact that he had been using AI automations for LinkedIn content creation. At first, she expected him to say he recycled viral posts. “That’s so tired and lazy,” she recalls thinking.
Much to her surprise, he shared that he takes all of the data from every post, measures which one got the most engagement, connects that to sales numbers, and uses AI to build a posting schedule for peak times.
“That is the level you should understand AI for your profession,” Madeline emphasizes. Not fear, not gimmicks, but imagination backed by skill.
Fuel your mind
You can tell a lot about where your life is headed by the books on your nightstand. The right ones, like Madeline Mann’s Reverse the Search, inform you and move you.
At the Mindvalley Book Club, Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani and her team handpick books that stay with you long after you’ve closed the cover. Each month, she sits with authors shaping the way we live and think, drawing out the lessons that change how you see your world.
You’ll hear the stories behind the ideas, the moments that shaped them, and the insights you can use in your own life.
Here’s what to expect:
One transformative book each month, chosen for its power to shift your perspective,
Honest, unfiltered conversations with the authors,
But according to psychologist Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, it’s not the kind that leads us down the runway of awareness. It’s the kind where we wear our wounds like couture.
“Now, we have vulnerability on steroids,” he says in a Mindvalley Book Club interview. “The only way to connect to another person now is through your vulnerability.”
There’s nothing wrong with that. But when pain becomes fashion instead of fuel for transformation, that’s when society has a problem.
And that problem, as Dr. Kaufman points out, hides a deeper truth: most people aren’t ready to heal.
Who is Scott Barry Kaufman exactly?
There’s a lot to say about the Scott Barry Kaufman. His credentials, they are aplenty:
Psychologist,
Professor at Columbia University,
Director of the Center for Human Potential,
Host of The Psychology Podcast, and
Best-selling author.
And if that wasn’t enough, there’s also this fun fact:
“I was rejected from American Idol,” he shares. “Twice.”
Impressive lineup, to say the least. So it’s no wonder the Mindvalley Book Club host, Kristina Mӓnd-Lakhiani, introduces him as “really remarkable, amazing.”
But behind all the accolades is someone who knows what it feels like to be underestimated. As a child, Dr. Kaufman struggled with an auditory disability that made teachers label him “slow.”
He wasn’t. He was simply wired differently: imaginative, curious, and quietly determined to prove that human potential can’t be measured by a report card.
“I think that there’s so much more humans could become,” Dr. Kaufman adds. And yet, few truly rise above.
Why we struggle to “rise above,” according to Scott Barry Kaufman
Most people want to rise above their pain. The problem, Dr. Kaufman points out, is that we’re wired and conditioned not to.
“Helplessness is the default state in humans,” he says. And, as research shows, that’s why we cling to what hurts us. It feels safer than venturing into the unknown.
It doesn’t help that the current culture we live in rewards even the tiniest of traumas. Likes and algorithm-driven sympathies have become social currency.
And when someone begins to heal, there’s the so-called survivor’s guilt. Dr. Kaufman explains that there’s “something in human nature where you can feel almost guilty saying that you’re doing good when other people aren’t doing good.”
As if that weren’t enough, he points out that our evolutionary design prioritizes survival over joy. “Our genes don’t care about our happiness. They just care about our survival and reproduction.”
So it’s no wonder so many of us are feeling stuck in life. We’re rewarded for feeling broken, wired to fear change, and distracted by pain that feels familiar.
5 powerful practices from Scott Barry Kaufman to rise above pain and grow stronger
The reality is, there’s no such thing as a quick fix. Any healing from trauma, PTSD, or deep emotional pain requires some serious work. But it’s work that’s worth it.
There’s so much more humans could become.
— Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, psychologist and author of Rise Above
On the other side of that effort is clarity, confidence, and a version of yourself that finally feels free. And in his conversation with Kristina, Dr. Kaufman shares five methods to help you take that first step.
However, they only scratch the surface of his insights on growth and healing. For more, watch the full interview on Mindvalley Book Club:
Why victim mindset keeps you stuck — and how to rise above it with Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman
1. Name emotions without becoming them
Emotions. Whew, what a topic. There’s one end of the spectrum where it’s rainbows and sunshine. Then, there’s the other side where darkness reigns.
But as Dr. Kaufman points out, “They don’t have to limit us as much as we think that they do.” What many of us don’t realize is that emotions are signals rather than the shackles we’ve mistaken them for.
Think of when you get upset. Do you say, “I am angry”? Or do you say, “I feel anger”? (After all, you aren’t your emotion, but you feel them.)
“Being able to notice without judgment and without identifying it as who you are,” Dr. Kaufman says, “creates that space between the automatic reaction and your thoughts.”
And in that space, healing begins.
2. Handshake your monsters
Once you’re able to observe your emotion, you can start befriending the source of it. That’s the whole idea behind Dr. Kaufman’s “handshake” practice:
Welcome in your monsters (a.k.a., your uncomfortable emotions),
Acknowledge them,
Greet them,
Ask, “What is it you want? Why are you bringing so much attention to my life right now?” and
Listen.
“A lot of times our dark side just wants to be heard,” says Dr. Kaufman. He recalls getting frustrated at his students for being on their laptops while the great Sharon Salzberg was speaking to the class.
But instead of staying angry, he caught himself and thought, Maybe something’s going on in their lives right now. That moment of empathy replaced irritation with compassion.
This is what shadow work looks like in real life. And once they’re seen, those monsters in the dark lose their power.
3. Practice radical self-honesty
Self-honesty is acknowledging the truth about your feelings, habits, or motivations. It’s introspection.
Now, radical self-honesty goes deeper. It’s the kind that strips away rationalizations, ego, and self-image. And it means admitting not just what’s true, but also what’s uncomfortable.
In Dr. Kaufman’s context, the “radical” part matters because he’s talking about breaking free from the victim mindset. That requires confronting the subtle ways you deceive yourself, like blaming circumstances or pretending you’re powerless. And in doing so, take full responsibility for your internal patterns.
In psychology, this kind of self-awareness links to self-concept clarity, which is the ability to understand your beliefs, emotions, and behaviors without distortion. And when you’re able to do so, the tendency to experience emotional stability, self-trust, and life satisfaction is much greater.
The fact of the matter is, being honest with yourself, radically, takes courage. And, Dr. Kaufman says, “If my reader can make that insight and be that vulnerable and honest with themselves, to recognize that, I think they can achieve so much more of what they want in their life.”
4. Learn hope like a skill
As Dr. Kaufman mentions, helplessness comes naturally to humans. Psychologists first discovered the concept of learned helplessness in the 1960s, showing that both animals and humans can be conditioned to believe they have no control over their circumstances.
Easier said than done, sure. But start small. Make one decision that moves your life an inch forward, like sending that job application, reaching out to someone you trust, or taking a walk after days of staying in.
Each small act of hope strengthens the very muscle that leads to self-actualization. And it’s from there that you begin to step into the fullest version of yourself.
And what studies from Harvard found is that when people’s minds wander, they report feeling less happy than when they’re focused on what they’re doing. So, rumination pulls you into the past, where regret and resentment live. But presence brings you back to the only place you can actually change something—the here and now.
Spend a few minutes away from screens or social media.
Do one thing at a time and give it your full attention.
“Almost nothing else is as important as the moment that you’re in right now,” says Dr. Kaufman. Because, let’s be honest, it’s really all we have.
Fuel your mind
If there’s ever been a book that completely pulled you in, you know how words can turn into an experience. That’s the essence of why the Mindvalley Book Club exists and why Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani is on a mission to make reading exciting again.
Each month, she brings you inside the books that shape today’s most important conversations, including Scott Barry Kaufman’s books. You’ll hear the lessons, the doubts, and the personal stories that never make it to print.
Here’s what you can expect:
One standout book a month, chosen for its power to spark growth
Walk down the aisle of your local grocer, and you’ll find choices upon choices of coffee beans, chocolate bars, and bananas stacked high.
But where is your money really going to? The conglomerates? Or to the very people who planted and harvested the products?
That’s the wake-up call Paul Rice, the founder and CEO of Fair Trade USA, has been sounding for decades: your choices travel farther than you think.
I think many of us feel like we don’t have power to impact these big global problems. And yet we do.
— Paul Rice, founder and CEO of Fair Trade USA and author of Every Purchase Matters
And it’s a reality that Paul drives home in his Mindvalley Book Club interview. He reveals how every dollar you spend leaves a trail of either exploitation or empowerment, and what you can do about it.
Watch his interview on the Mindvalley Book Club:
How your shopping habits can change the world (and why every purchase matters)
Who is Paul Rice?
You may not hear the name “Paul Rice” in everyday conversations, but chances are, his work has already touched your life. Since 1998, he’s led Fair Trade USA, pushing companies to treat farmers fairly and raising the bar for what ethical trade should look like.
He grew up hearing stories of hardship from his grandfather’s farm in Oklahoma during the Great Depression. This gave him a lifelong empathy for the people who grow our food and make it possible for us to eat sufficiently.
“That connection and that empathy for farmers,” he shares with Kristina Mӓnd-Lakhiani, the host of the Mindvalley Book Club, “led me out of the university when I was 22 to go to Nicaragua.”
What was supposed to be a short adventure turned into 11 years living in remote mountain villages, working side by side with coffee growers.
From skeptic to pioneer
That’s where Paul saw the harsh reality of global trade. Farmers poured their sweat into growing coffee (60% of the world’s beans, mind you) and yet, they remain highly vulnerable to volatile prices and exploitation by middlemen.
“Okay, today’s price for coffee is three cents a pound. Take it or leave it,” Paul recalls of the middlemen rolling in and calling the shots. No matter how much they produced, the farmers were trapped, selling at rock-bottom prices.
Watching this play out, Paul became convinced the system itself was broken. To him, capitalism was the problem, trapping farmers in a cycle of poverty no matter how hard they worked.
It took time for him to realize that the issue wasn’t markets themselves but how they were being used. Because if markets could be reshaped to serve farmers instead of middlemen, they could become a force for good. That idea came into focus when Paul discovered the Fair Trade movement and its rallying cry of “trade, not aid.”
“Farmers don’t need our charity,” Paul points out. They just need a fair price for their harvest, fair access to markets, and a way of building a community that connects their work to conscious consumers around the world.
That realization was the beginning of a shift that would define the rest of his life.
Why every purchase matters, according to Paul Rice
Most of us want to feel good about what we buy. No one wants our chocolate linked to child labor or our morning coffee tied to deforestation. But standing in the grocery aisle, the problems of the world feel too big for one person to fix.
“I think many of us feel like we don’t have power to impact these big global problems,” Paul explains. “And yet we do.”
“Every time we go to the store, we have a chance to vote for a better world through the products that we buy,” adds Paul.“Our our purchasing decisions are a way to vote for a better world to advance social and environmental progress.”
Companies are listening. Giants like…
That’s only a handful of examples. The fact is, when these companies move, billions move with them… And it’s all because of the choices made in grocery aisles like yours.
3 simple ways to make your purchases count
It’s easy to nod along with the idea that every purchase matters. But what does that actually look like when you’re standing in the store?
Paul offers a few practical shifts anyone can make without turning shopping into a full-time job.
Every time we go to the store, we have a chance to vote for a better world through the products that we buy.
— Paul Rice, founder and CEO of Fair Trade USA and author of Every Purchase Matters
Here’s why it matters: when people know the label, they start looking for it, and when they look for it, stores stock more of it. It’s a feedback loop driven entirely by what ends up in your basket.
So while it’s easy to grab what you’ve always bought, Paul suggests to “slow down for a second and do one thing, look for the label.”
Coffee, chocolate, bananas (basically the products most of us buy every week) often carry Fair Trade, organic, or non-GMO marks. And when you buy that product, as Paul points out, “just take a second to think about the family that grew that product.”
So it’s clear that we’re wired to trust the choices of people we know. Seeing someone shop differently, therefore, makes it easier for us to do the same. It normalizes better habits.
Maybe you’ve noticed this trap: You want to make the right choice with every purchase, so you check labels, wonder about certifications, and worry over hidden costs until shopping feels overwhelming.
Paul’s advice? Don’t.
“Don’t try and be perfect,” he says. “It’s impossible right now to lead a completely 100% sustainable lifestyle. So, we do what we can and celebrate the fact that we are on the right side of history.”
The good news is, though, that conscious consumerism is getting easier. When Fair Trade first launched in the U.S., products were limited and often more expensive. Today, you can find thousands of Fair Trade Certified items in mainstream stores, often at the same price as conventional options.
So overcome that need for perfectionsim. Give yourself permission to start small, like swapping your coffee for Fair Trade beans or picking the chocolate bar with the sustainable logo you recognize.
The point isn’t to be perfect. It’s to keep moving in the right direction, one purchase at a time.
(Disclosure: This includes an affiliate link. If you make a purchase through it, the Mindvalley Book Club may earn a commission at no extra cost to you.)
Fuel your mind
Books are more than something you read. They’re also something you experience, especially when you get to hear directly from the people who wrote them.
That’s what makes the Mindvalley Book Club different. With host Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani, you’ll get into conversations that reveal what the authors don’t usually put in print: the doubts, the turning points, and the personal lessons that shaped their work.
Here’s what you can expect:
One standout book a month, chosen for its impact on real-world change,
Live, unfiltered conversations with the authors themselves, and
Practical takeaways you can use right away, even if you never finish the book.
It’s free to join. And it’s your space to learn, question, and grow.
But here’s the catch: money, as we’ve heard time and again, isn’t everything. We’ve seen it in the stories of the rich of the richest—from King Midas to Beast (Beauty and the Beast), Ebenezer Scrooge, Howard Hughes, and even Princess Diana.
The thing is, financial resources are important, according to Robin Sharma, a litigation lawyer-turned-leadership expert, in an interview on the Mindvalley Book Club with Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani. (Mindvalley Members can catch it on the app.)
However, Robin explains that it alone isn’t the key to true wealth. In fact, there are seven other forms of wealth that matter just as much—if not more—for a fulfilling life.
Who is Robin Sharma?
It’s likely you’ve heard the name “Robin Sharma.” But if you haven’t (or can’t quite put your finger on it), then it’s likely you’ve heard of his mega-hit book, The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari. Or The 5 A.M. Club.
Both books have topped the best-seller lists and have been translated into multiple languages. Now, it’s looking like his latest, The Wealth Money Can’t Buy, is heading in the same direction.
“I only write books when I’m inspired and when I feel inspired, excited to write a new book,” he tells Kristina. “I think the energy that you bring to anything, whether it’s an app or a book or a screenplay or a meal, whoever is consuming it, they feel that energy.”
What makes Robin’s journey even more remarkable is that he started out as a lawyer. But despite his achievements, he found himself feeling unfulfilled.
This sparked his quest to explore life’s bigger questions—about success, happiness, and what truly matters.
Why Robin Sharma believes financial wealth isn’t enough
Robin isn’t the only one who’s faced an existential crisis. Plenty of billionaires, celebrities, CEOs, and sports stars—the very people who seem to have it all—have gone through the same thing. Even after reaching society’s version of success, many of them still felt something was missing.
“Our society really has programmed us to hustle and grind our way to the mountaintop of success, which in many ways is defined as having a lot of money and a lot of likes and a lot of things,” says Robin. “The only challenge with that is, I’ve seen many people—they get to that mountaintop and they say, ‘Is that it?’”
Turns out, studies show that while money can definitely make life easier, it only boosts happiness up to a certain point—about $100,000 a year. After that, earning more doesn’t really move the needle on how happy you feel. Sure, money solves a lot of problems, but beyond that, it won’t magically make you feel fulfilled or content.
So, what does bring that feeling? “Money is one of the eight forms of wealth,” Robin explains. These seven other forms of wealth are essential for true wealth, helping you create a balanced life filled with personal growth, wellness, and meaningful relationships.
“Without these other seven forms of wealth,” he adds,“we can’t really say we have a rich life.”
The eight forms of wealth Robin Sharma says lead to a rich life
Wondering what these eight forms of wealth actually are? Here’s the breakdown of them that Robin says can create “an upward spiral of success”:
Growth. According to Robin, it’s the bedrock of everything. “If we don’t think we can grow into our greatest selves,” says Robin, “then we’re not going to do the work required to get there.”
Wellness. If you’re not physically well, it’s hard to enjoy the rest of your life, no matter how much money you have.
Family. Strong relationships with loved ones give you support and a sense of belonging. It’s important to nurture these meaningful connections for joy and stability.
Craft. Developing self-mastery, whether it’s work or a passion, helps bring a sense of purpose and pride.
Money helps you handle your responsibilities, put food on the table, do things for people you love, and so on. But adopting a strong money mindset is the bigger pot of gold here because it ensures you make wise financial decisions that support long-term security.
Community. The people around you have a big impact on your life. So building a community of positive, supportive people helps you grow and thrive.
Adventure. Whether it’s through travel, trying new things, or learning something new, stepping out of your comfort zone adds excitement and perspective.
Service to others. When you live for something bigger than yourself, it helps create a sense of purpose and fulfillment that money just can’t buy.
“I deeply believe—and I’ve experienced it with my clients and myself—that you can achieve harmony in all of the eight forms of wealth,” says Robin. His approach? It comes down to setting up the right systems, removing distractions, and being intentional about where you focus your time and energy.
How to apply the eight forms of wealth in your daily life
Of course, it’s easy to say something like, “All you need to do is balance the eight areas and you’ll be happy.” But chances are, you know that’s not reality; finding that harmony in life can feel impossible, especially when one area demands all your attention.
So what can you do to prevent slipping into a one-sided approach? “It comes down to your habits,” says Robin. In fact, studies show that when you focus on small, sustainable habits, you’re way more likely to stick with them and see real, lasting results in your life.
I deeply believe—and I’ve experienced it with my clients and myself—that you can achieve harmony in all of the eight forms of wealth.
One powerful tool (of many) that Robin recommends is his “Five-Question Morning Maximizer.” It’s simple and helps you focus on what really matters every single day.
Using the Five-Question Morning Maximizer
Here’s what it looks like:
What am I grateful for today? Focusing on gratitude shifts your mindset to appreciate growth and the relationships that bring you support. It also nurtures your emotional well-being and strengthens your connections.
Where am I winning? Whether it’s progress at work or positive experiences with your community, celebrating the little wins keeps you motivated.
What will I let go of today? Letting go of stress, grudges, or negative emotions allows you to move forward without being weighed down by the past.
What does my ideal day ahead look like? Visualize your day and set your intention. This will help you focus on what really matters, like taking care of yourself, spending time with the people you love, or tackling your to-do list with ease.
What needs to be said at the end? It’s about “what you want to be said about you on the day after you pass away.” This powerful question is meant to help you find meaning and remind you of your larger purpose in this life.
This is something Robin and his clients do every morning. Give it a try—because who wouldn’t want to start their day feeling like they’ve already won?
Fuel your mind
Ever hold a book that makes you rethink everything? That’s the kind of impact you can expect from the reads Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani picks out for the Mindvalley Book Club.
From self-mastery to social impact and beyond, each one is carefully chosen to shake things up in the best way possible. Whether it’s a Robin Sharma book or another transformational read, you’ll also get to dive into exclusive discussions with authors and gain insights that stick with you long after the final page.
Ready for your next breakthrough? Join the club and see where it takes you.
Disordered eating is no easy topic to talk about. Countless numbers of people have had a run-in with it sometime in their lives.
It’s an uncomfortable topic. Not only that, it’s personal. And, more often than not, it’s misunderstood.
“Most women I know have struggled with some form of disordered eating,” says Emmeline Clein, the author of Dead Weight: Essays on Hunger and Harm, on the Mindvalley Book Club with Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani.
She knows this well because she, too, has walked the walk. She’s lugged around the same “dead weight”—the burden of impossible expectations that society dumps on us, especially us women, without a second thought.
Her book, thank goodness, is a bold and absolutely necessary wake-up call. And it pushes us to reevaluate beauty, health, and the price we have to pay to meet such unrealistic standards.
It’s time to lighten our load, ladies. And Emmeline is showing us how to do just that.
Beauty standards and diet culture: The fuel of disordered eating
Diet culture may grab attention with shocking headlines about eating disorders, and rightfully so. However, there’s another issue that Emmeline insists we focus on—disordered eating.
It shares the same ground as anorexia and bulimia. However, unlike the two nervosas, it often manifests as unhealthy habits that fly under the radar.
“It’s really just any type of kind of pathological relationship with food or your body and what consuming food has meant for the way your body is received by society,” Emmeline explains. That includes (but is not limited to):
These behaviors have become so normal, they’re practically the 11th commandment: Thou shalt constantly obsess over thy food and body.
Our mainstream media is still really reinforcing an incredibly dangerous beauty ideal, incredibly rigid ideas of discipline and exercise.
This twisted gospel is everywhere—from social media influencers promoting “wellness” trends and “thinspiration” content to doctors stubbornly sticking to the Body Mass Index (BMI) as if it’s the holy grail of health.
But the message they’re sending is clear: smaller bodies are better bodies.
Capitalism, misogyny, and racism are the culprits, according to Emmeline. “Our mainstream media is still really reinforcing an incredibly dangerous beauty ideal, incredibly rigid ideas of discipline and exercise.” And it ultimately creates a suffocating environment where disordered eating thrives.
Take orthorexia, for example—an unhealthy fixation on eating only “healthy” foods. While it might seem like a good thing on the surface, this obsession can spiral into a negative mind-body connection that can disrupt your life and harm your well-being.
The fact of the matter is, when the focus is solely on matching a certain body size, there’s a higher risk of falling into a cycle of extreme dieting, bingeing, and self-loathing. And more often than not, we fail to recognize that it takes a toll on our mental and physical health.
Why Emmeline Clein is exposing the dead weight of diet culture
Dead Weight is rooted in Emmeline’s own painful experiences. While it’s not centered around it, it’s clear that her own struggles, plus the suffering she witnessed in others like her, are what fueled her passion to tackle this issue.
As a society, we care more about women being beautiful than we care about their lives.
She touches on a lot of important points in her book, but these are the main ones she highlights in her sitdown with Kristina:
Women, not society, are blamed for internalizing these harmful ideals. Even worse, it pits women against each other—resenting skinny women for their size, yet striving to be like them because we’re told that’s what we should want.
Diet culture and the weight loss industry profit from disordered eating. In her research, she uncovered how diet culture and the weight loss industry—a sector projected to reach over $290 billion by 2027—profit from keeping people trapped in cycles of disordered eating.
The medical system fails to provide proper support. The tragic part is that those struggling with body image issues and unhealthy relationships with food are often left without proper support. The medical system doesn’t really recognize or treat disordered eating until it has crossed the line and become a full-blown eating disorder.
“People with eating disorders have been so, like, condescended to and mocked and maligned by the medical establishment,” Emmeline says. “So I wanted to level with people who have struggled with this and say, you know, ‘You’re not crazy. In fact, you’re really smart, and I understand why you’re doing what you’re doing, but I think it’s really hurting yourself and other women.’”
She’s sparking the conversation, for sure. And by doing so, she hopes to help women break free from harmful cycles and question the damaging stories so many of us have believed for so long.
Emmeline Clein’s 3 tips to take charge and reclaim your body
“As a society,” says Emmeline, “we care more about women being beautiful than we care about their lives.”
The question is, what can you do to dismantle these toxic beliefs and behaviors? No, you don’t have to write a book or rally or burn bras (although you could if you think it’d make headway).
There are more simple yet truly effective ways to make a difference. Here’s what Emmeline advises:
1. Start talking about it
“It sounds so simple,” she says, “but I think it’s really powerful.”
Have open conversations about your struggles and pressures. Whether it’s at the dinner table or among friends, sharing experiences helps build mutual support and reduces the stigma surrounding disordered eating.
“Once you start those conversations and everyone realizes they’ve felt such a similar type of deeply crushing pain, you can kind of build this solidarity.”
When women realize they’re not alone in their feelings, they can start to heal and push back against the unrealistic expectations imposed on them.
2. Be mindful of the content you consume
Emmeline suggests actively diversifying the media you consume. Seek out and follow content creators who promote body positivity and represent a wide range of body types.
“If you actively follow accounts of people with different sizes, the algorithm will learn that [you want] to see bodies of all sizes and not just one size body,” she explains. “Whereas if you don’t, you do have to actively seek it out because the algorithms are coded to uphold the beauty ideal.”
A more diverse and realistic portrayal of beauty on your social feed can help you unlearn the narrow ideals that have been ingrained in us for so long. And it can be the shift in how you view yourself and others.
3. Think beyond yourself
Striving for perfection is a trap. Especially when it’s framed as self-improvement.
For example, you might think that obsessively counting calories or working out to exhaustion is just part of becoming your “best self.” But in reality, these behaviors can lead to burnout, anxiety, and an unhealthy relationship with your body.
According to Emmeline, opting out of these types of harmful behaviors not only helps you; it helps others, too. “Once you realize how prevalent this thing is, you realize that we can all do it together, and you realize that you don’t want to be contributing to it.”
By rejecting these harmful ideals together, we create more room for empowering definitions of beauty and health.
Great change starts here
Dead Weight by Emmeline Clein isn’t just another book on the shelf. It’s one that can spark a revolution in how we think about beauty, health, and self-worth.
It’s the response I often get from my teenage stepdaughter. And it’s often followed by an “ugh,” an eye roll, or a curt turn and stomp off to her room.
Every mother figure knows this scene all too well. The dynamics with their teenage daughter can go every which way—loving to exasperating to affectionate, and then back to infuriating.
Chances are, the behavior is chalked up to being dramatic. Or mean. Or—my personal favorite—hormotional.
“A lot of people think of teenage girls as, you know, they have icy walls and boundaries up and, you know, they shut you out,” Chelsey Goodan, an academic tutor and mentor, tells Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani, co-founder of Mindvalley, in a sit-down on the Mindvalley Book Club.
The reality, as she points out in her book, Underestimated: The Wisdom and Power of Teenage Girls, is that teenage girls are so much more than what we, as a society, give them credit for. Their “drama,” “meanness,” and “crazy outbursts” are the culmination of being quieted for far too long.
So if you, too, have a daughter whom you wish you could better connect with, Chelsey might just have the solution.
There’s a reason teenage girls are so angsty…
Eye rolls, high-pitched squeals, “whatevs,” giggly, sassy, posting selfies—that’s what teenage girls are made up of.
Or so we all seem to think.
In writing the book, Chelsey found one common theme the gaggle of adolescent girls wished that adults understood about them. And that’s this: “We’re a lot smarter than you think we are.”
Parents feel like it’s their duty to keep girls grounded because NO ONE likes a bossy girl. They’re worried we’ll get an ego. We’re supposed to be humble, giving, and polite all the time.
— Juliette, 14, Underestimated: The Wisdom and Power of Teenage Girls
Look at any teen movie—Mean Girls, Easy A, Clueless, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, Never Have I Ever, and endless more—and they’re typically portrayed as the helpless, ditzy character with some sort of mother wound.
The moral of these stories is that they’re always underestimated by their parents, by their peers, by their community… And in the end, they always come out on top.
Things we’re doing that underestimate teenage girls
If this is the case, then why, oh, why are teenage girls mean? Why are they always so “Woe is me!”? Why do they have so much angst?
Chelsey has a simple explanation: The world fears teenage girls. And she draws from these examples:
Expectant parents who are relieved they have a boy so they don’t have to go through the “terror and emotional lawlessness of a teenage girl.”
Mothers who fought with their mothers and are now afraid of karma.
Fathers who worry about their little girl joining the dating pool.
Schools implementing modesty rules.
Adults judging social media posts and labeling them as “shallow,” “too sexy,” and “irresponsible.”
So much social pressure. On top of that, trying to find out who they are and experiencing changes to their bodies IRL.
“If you think about it,” says Chelsey, “when someone’s having a baby girl or a baby boy, the person who has the baby girl, everyone’s like, ‘Oh, just wait for it. You’re in for it. When she becomes a teenager…’ Like, as if it’s this horrible thing that’s going to happen.”
Let’s face it, that’s NOT positive. It’s definitely NOT empowering.
Before the baby girl is even out of the womb, her teenage years and beyond have been predestined as “Oh, just wait for it…”
It’s no wonder teenage girls feel frustrated, misunderstood, and angsty. So much so that a 2021 survey by the CDC found that 57% of the teenage girls who participated reported feeling “persistently sad or hopeless”—not a great state for their mental well-being.
And the reality is, anyone put in the same position would likely react the same.
…But how, according to Chelsey Goodan, do they have wisdom and power?
“Society has been so busy dismissing girls as ‘dramatic’ that we’ve missed the wisdom they can offer us,” Chelsey explains. But what does that entail?
As she highlights in her book, it’s a vast array of things, including:
The emotional insight and empathy to connect deeply with others.
A strong desire to be true to themselves.
The willingness to speak up about issues they care about—just look at Malala Yousafzai and Greta Thunberg.
The ability to adapt and learn from experiences.
The support they show one another to achieve common goals.
Teenage girls are incredibly deep thinking and deep feeling. But we’re socialized to be judged. Society beats out of us our strong sense of self-expression.
— Harper, 18, Underestimated: The Wisdom and Power of Teenage Girls
While we often view adolescent girls as capricious and featherbrained, science has found that they mature intellectually before they do socially or emotionally. According to Laurence Steinberg, Ph.D., an expert in adolescent developmental psychology, this helps “explain why teenagers who are so smart in some respects sometimes do surprisingly dumb things.” (Not that we’re calling them “dumb,” of course.)
Society’s struggle
It’s difficult to not be confounded by adolescent behaviors. Even getting through to my stepdaughter, where she listens and respects my authority, is a daily challenge.
That’s the problem, though, isn’t it? “Authority.” But it’s what I know. It’s how I was raised. It’s what society has taught me.
Chelsey points out that, generation in and generation out, we “squash the liberated, fierce, passionate spirit right out of that bright, smiling, limitless face, until she’s consumed by ‘perfection’ and pleasing others.” And it’s all under the guise of raising confident kids.
One teen featured in her book puts it frankly: “Parents feel like it’s their duty to keep girls grounded because NO ONE likes a bossy girl. They’re worried we’ll get an ego. We’re supposed to be humble, giving, and polite all the time.”
As an alumni of the Teenage Girls Club myself, this is all relatable. However, squashing the moxie of this group is so ingrained in our psyche, it’s no wonder we don’t know how to deal with teenage girls.
Fortunately, thanks to people like Chelsey, it’s time that changes.
Chelsey Goodan’s tips to empower teenage girls
“Teenage girls are incredibly deep thinking and deep feeling,” explains one teen in the book. “But we’re socialized to be judged. Society beats out of us our strong sense of self-expression.”
As a parent, this can be heartbreaking. Being a spectator to this nonsense and yet not being able to do anything about it. Also, being part of the problem.
So what can we do to empower instead of undermine them? Granted, her book goes more in-depth, but here are a few of the main tips Chelsey shares in her interview with Kristina.
1. Hold space for them
It seems like behind every teenage girl is a parent dealing with some kind of conflict management. And many a time, the response is eyes glazing over in darkness with a “never mind” or “whatever” at the decibel that only causes irritation for both parties.
Chelsey explains that, oftentimes, girls at this age just want to feel heard. But what they’re getting instead is unsolicited advice, invalidating emotions, and gaslighting.
So she advises to “allow some space”—or “holding space” as she calls it—“for a teenage girl [to] have big feelings and sometimes be mad and angry and frustrated.”
The key is attentive listening, which, as research shows, helps teens open up. Eye contact, nodding, and using key words to praise openness—all these listening techniques can do wonders.
2. Trust them
“I found the more trust you give girls and say it out loud, like, ‘I am choosing to trust you right now,’ girls rise to the occasion and want to deliver on that,” says Chelsey.
The reality is, a lot of mistrust and overprotectedness are rooted in trauma. And as a parent, you may project your own fear and past experiences onto your daughter.
What happens then? A cycle of control and resistance. It can also hinder her ability to make her own decisions and learn from her experiences.
Trust doesn’t only mean saying it verbally and meaning it. It also means reflecting on your own experiences and working through any fears that may interfere with your teen’s growth.
“When you tell your kid that you trust them, even if they make a mistake, that they can get through it, that they can,” Chelsey adds, “then they start trusting themselves.”
3. Help redefine “power”
The narrative of this trait has long been linked to domination, oppression, violence, self-interest, wealth, status, and so on. Never has it been associated with empathy, care, generosity, and love.
But what if, as Chelsey points out, the latter traits were considered “the most powerful force on the planet”? “What if we actually thought of that as powerful?”
Imagine it: “You gave so much care and empathy; how powerful of you!” Or, “I’m powerful because I’m empathic.”
These types of positive reinforcement can help lead to better self-esteem and feelings of self-worth, as found in a 10-year study by Birmingham Young University.
Adding on to that, Chelsey explains that redefining the perception of “power” can have a ripple effect. It’s one she hopes will shift to where there’s more empathy, care, generosity, and love, not only towards teenage girls but to the world as a whole.
Great change starts here
For sure, Underestimated by Chelsey Gooden is a voice for the adolescent female force so their liberated, fierce, passionate spirit can shine. But if you’re not part of that group, there are plenty of other books that may do the same for you.
You can find one you resonate with at the Mindvalley Book Club with Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani. Each month, she handpicks inspiring transformational books that may possibly be the key to your next big breakthrough.
What’s more, she sits down with the authors to discuss engaging topics like authenticity, self-awareness, self-love, and many more that are so incredibly important in making this world a better place to live.
If you want in on the next big hit, join the club. It’s as simple as clicking a button.
