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Everyone is a leader. Sometimes formally: as a small business owner, or boss, or parent (even though you might not think of parenting as leadership, it is.) Other times, informally: by mentoring others, stepping in to help someone struggling, speaking up when others don’t…
While the roles vary, to a greater or lesser degree, everyone leads.
So how can you help your kids become better leaders, both now and as adults?
Start by giving them a lot more independence and autonomy.
In a study published in the Journal of Applied Psychology, researchers assessed the leadership skills of 1,500 middle-school students. They identified those who actively participated in leadership roles. They measured each individual’s level of self-esteem and confidence in taking on leadership roles. They surveyed peers, teachers, and parents to evaluate whether each individual was seen as a good leader.
Then they asked each individual to rate statements like, “My parents often stepped in to solve life problems for me,” and, “Growing up, my parents supervised my every move.”
As you can probably guess, the kids with overprotective parents were less likely to participate in leadership roles, to be less confident in taking on leadership roles… and were perceived by their peers, teachers, and parents to have less leadership potential. (Which results in a vicious cycle, since how people perceive us tends to influences how we behave.)
Why? A study published in the journal Progres Pendidikan shows nearly two-thirds of children raised in an overprotective environment have difficulty facing challenges, taking risks, and developing social skills, and are more susceptible to low self-esteem, all of which makes them less likely to seek leadership roles.
On the flip side, research shows teams tend to choose charismatic, extroverted, and confident people as their leaders (even though research shows those attributes are not useful proxies for leadership ability.) People who are perceived as less confident and outgoing are also less likely to be chosen for leadership roles, even if they might excel in those roles if given — or if they take — the chance.
Put it all together, and kids with overprotective parents are less likely to seek leadership roles, and their teachers and peers are less likely to select them for leadership roles. — which means, since great leaders are made, not born, they don’t get to learn how to be better leaders.
Children of parents who are overly attentive, overly protective, and who tend to do things for their kids rather than expecting their kids to tackle appropriate tasks and situations on their own are at a disadvantage later in life. Since they rarely get to try, they tend to develop fewer problem-solving skills. Their sense of independence, autonomy, and responsibility tends to be lower.
So do the odds they will step into formal or informal leadership roles. After all, if I don’t feel capable of “leading” myself, why would I think I can lead other people?
The same holds true for leading employees. Micromanage, and you stifle your employees’ sense of responsibility, authority, and autonomy. Step in whenever there’s a problem, and you limit your employees’ ability to apply their own skills and creativity.
If your employees agree with statements like “My boss often steps in to solve problems for me” and “My boss directs my every move,” then you’re an overprotective leader.
Sure, micromanaging may let you fix a few problems more quickly. Micromanaging may mean your employees are more likely to do things exactly the way you want.
But that means your employees miss out on opportunities to become better formal and informal leaders. They miss out on opportunities to make, and learn from making, important decisions. They miss out on opportunities to motivate and inspire other people. They miss out on opportunities to take swift, decisive action, and learn from the result.
In short, they miss out opportunities to become better employees.
And to become better leaders.
Give your kids a little more independence and autonomy. Give your employees a little more leeway and autonomy.
In time, you’ll be glad you did.
And so will they.
The opinions expressed here by Inc.com columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com.
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Jeff Haden
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