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West Virginia Secretary of State candidate Doug Skaff was hospitalized last week after being bitten by a copperhead snake while taking down his election signs along Route 119. What do you think?
“Route 119? You mean Snake Street?”
Digby Wallace, Lint Sweeper
“Big deal. I’ve bitten plenty of candidates.”
Marwan Mullins, Fowl Exporter
“Doesn’t he know signs belong to the snakes once they’re in the ground?”
Haya Ramos, Salon Hygienist
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Columbia University canceled its commencement ceremony after weeks of pro-Palestinian protests that have shaken the campus, despite the fact that other universities have held their ceremonies with few disruptions. What do you think?
“Ah, man, how am I going to find out what to do with my dreams?”
Zakk England, Student
“Someone should remind them that Poppy Harlow’s speaking fee is non-refundable.”
Marwan Mullins, Palate Cleaner
“Where were these goddamn protesters at my niece’s piano recital?”
Nelson Guevara, Job Hunter
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