LOS ANGELES — Lisa Bonet has filed for divorce from Jason Momoa 18 years after the two actors became a couple.
The 56-year-old Bonet, whose legal name is Lilakoi Moon, filed documents to end her marriage to the 44-year-old Momoa in Los Angeles County court on Monday. The filing comes nearly two years after they announced their separation.
The petition cites irreconcilable differences as the reason for the split. The filing says neither person should get financial support and that the two have agreed on how to split their assets. The documents say they should have joint custody of their 16-year-old daughter and 15-year-old son.
Momoa is best known for his roles in the “Aquaman” movies and on “Game of Thrones.” Bonet was a star of “The Cosby Show,” its spinoff “A Different World,” and the films “High Fidelity” and “Enemy of the State.”
The two met and started dating in 2005, but did not legally marry until 2017. Their divorce documents gives their separation date as October 2020, more than a year before their announcement. It will be at least six months before a judge declares them divorced.
It was the first marriage for Momoa and the second for Bonet, who was previously married to musician Lenny Kravitz and has another daughter, actor Zoë Kravitz, with him.
If you’ve ever felt like your partner’s health impacted yours, you probably weren’t imagining things. Especially if you live together, couples share many of the same foods, lifestyles, and habits that can all impact health outcomes—including blood pressure.
All in all, the twins say, this year brings a “sea of change” to how you approach love and relationships. Your love life may be more balanced, experimental, spontaneous, or all of the above! As they add, “Commitments could grow more serious in the first half of 2024 [and] taking the leap won’t feel so scary this year; in fact, it could yield the very excitement your soul is craving.”
LOS ANGELES — The bloom is off the final rose for “Bachelorette” star Rachel Lindsay and husband Bryan Abasolo, who found love on the reality dating show. Court records show that Abasolo filed to end their marriage Tuesday.
He cited irreconcilable differences for the breakup and his filing in Los Angeles Superior Court says the pair separated on Dec. 31.
“After more than 4 years of marriage, Rachel and I have made the difficult decision to part ways and start anew,” Abasolo said in a statement posted to his Instagram account. “Sometimes loving yourself and your partner means you must let go.”
After competing on Season 21 of “The Bachelor,” Lindsay gained fame as the first Black lead on any iteration of “The Bachelor” franchise when she was picked as “The Bachelorette” in 2017. She chose Abasolo as her winning suitor and they married in August 2019. Lindsay, an attorney and author, recently left her correspondent position at entertainment news show “Extra.” Abasolo is a chiropractor who has adopted the moniker “Dr. Abs.”
In his statement, he asked for respect for their family and friends as they navigate their next steps.
Lindsay has yet to comment on the matter directly on her social media, and her publicists did not immediately return a request for comment. In an Instagram post from New Year’s Eve, she called 2023 “one of the hardest years of my life.”
The pair have no children together. Abasolo is seeking spousal support from Lindsay and wants her to pay his attorneys’ fees. The filing does not indicate the couple has a prenuptial agreement on how their assets should be divided.
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Whether you are in the early stages of dating… engaged… newlyweds… or been married for 25 years… you are likely thinking about the future.
A future alongside someone you love.
Someone who shares similar interests, dreams, beliefs, desires, hopes and fears.
But a relationship is only as good the communication it is based on.
External beauty will fade. Situations change. But relationship goals for couples should not.
It will end badly. 95% of the time, it will end badly…
I promise.
There are few things worse than waking up one morning, only to find out that the person you’ve committed your time and love to has been harboring animosity.
Animosity over something you thought you were on the same page about.
How could this happen? Could it have been prevented?
Yes. The answer is yes.
By establishing relationships goals for couples, early on, you can prevent unpleasant surprises and heartache later in life. In this article, we will talk about 31 simple relationship goals you can use to enhance the quality of the partnership that you share with your significant other.
Let’s get to it…
What are Relationship Goals?
A quick definition: A relationship goal is a mutual value, outcome or viewpoint that you share with your partner.
Instead of individual goals, you can use a relationship goal to inspire relationship and create something that you BOTH look forward to experiencing. Not only does it enhance your relationship, it also gives you something to talk and dream about.
If you’re interested in developing a few of these goals with your partner, then here is a list of 21 ideas with examples you can use…
RELATED: 21 Examples of SMART Goals
Want to set goals you can actually achieve? Then watch this video that provides a quick overview of SMART goals with 21 examples.
Relationship Goals for Couples #1: Understand Each Other’s Belief System
No two people are raised the same way.
Consider all these various viewpoints and values that different people have:
Blue-collar family in a middle-class neighborhood.
Harvard educated CEO of a Fortune 500 Company, with the big house and fancy car.
Vote in every election.
Never vote.
Pro-life.
Pro-choice.
Accepting.
Relationships are all about finding that special someone who “gets you”… understands your unique perspective on the world and wants to build a life with you.
For instance, if you are a bleeding heart liberal and your potential mate is a staunch republican, how do you think this will play out?
Especially when and if the time comes for you to have children.
Maybe one of those children turns out to be gay?
Maybe one of them wishes to serve their country in the armed forces?
Maybe one of them falls in love with someone of another race or religion?
Your beliefs will play a crucial role in how you raise children.
And the best thing you can do as a parent, besides love your children unconditionally, is to be on the same page with your spouse when it comes to guiding and supporting them through life. It’s all about understanding your why, your core values (specifically, your relationship core values), and how your partner relates to these viewpoints.
After all, we grown-ups don’t like mixed signals… do you think a child does?
When I think about setting relationship goals for couples, discussing your beliefs is right at the top.
In some cases, couples with different beliefs can live in harmony.
But in most cases, it gets old fast. Especially when the day comes to put those beliefs to the test.
Trust me.
It’s often better to respectfully agree to disagree… and walk away.
Before someone gets hurt.
Take care of the people you love. But take even better care of the people who love you!
The best thing you can do as a parent, besides love your children unconditionally, is to be on the same page with your spouse when it comes to guiding and supporting them through life.
The inability or refusal to give another person the children they want rarely ends well.
If you want children and your potential mate does not… cut your losses and move on.
Relationship Goals for Couples #3: To Wed or Not to Wed… That is the Question
Many people live happy, fulfilling, committed lives with another person… without ever being married.
There’s even a term for it… common law marriage, which is recognized in a number of states in the US.
That’s how common it is.
People living together for a certain number of years are entitled to tax breaks, shared health benefits and other perks… same as a traditional married couple would be.
In states where the law is not recognized, it is not uncommon for people to get married in order to take advantage of those same benefits.
For some couples, this is after dating for many years.
Bottom line…
Marriage is not always about the storybook romance.
It’s a practical decision, rather than an emotional one, for some people.
Sometimes.
Conversely, there are people who choose to never marry because they simply enjoy the essence of maintaining their freedom… even while in the throes of a loving, committed relationship.
You don’t want to live so far above your means, that you find yourself getting into trouble later on… which can be a big stressor on a relationship.
Putting money aside is always a good idea. And a “rainy day” fund should be factored into your monthly budget.
Whether you are disciplined enough for a debit/credit card lifestyle, or you prefer a tangible cash method, you need to prioritize your finances with your significant other.
Not to say this has to be all work and no play… budgeting in some fun (trips, sporting events, date night, etc…) is perfectly acceptable.
And healthy!
A joint checking account cements your financial commitment to one another… and is a good idea.
Transparency is all the rage… in case you haven’t heard.
Especially if you decide that one partner is to stay home with the kids, while the other works outside the home.
I have witnessed many arguments among my parents friends about this.
Ones in which the husband (typically) makes his wife feel as if she needs to ask permission to buy a new pair of shoes because it’s technically “his” money.
Well, I have news for you… it’s not.
Sadly, the cost of living today has made staying at home with children more about saving money than about wanting to raise them.
Of course, that is a bonus!
And I by no means am implicating that most parents wouldn’t want to be home with their kids.
But nothing comes free, or cheap.
Daycare is a fortune.
My friends tell me.
I’ve looked into it.
I stay at home.
My husband and I ran the numbers for 3 children in daycare at one time, versus the income I would generate outside the home.
For us, my staying home made sense.
And I love it.
But it is work.
And your partner needs to view it as such… like when you feel you need to “ask” for those shoes.
I guarantee that after just one day in your stay-at-home parents shoes… he (or she) will be trying to give you a raise!
Or at least a matching clutch for those shoes.
Relationship goals that will make your love stronger.
Deciding where you want to live is a big deal, especially if you’re in a relationship. You need to be ready to take the plunge.
(Sidebar: If you’d like to learn more about how to improve your financial situation and build habits that help you save money, then I recommend checking out this book.)
Relationship Goals for Couples #5: Deciding Where to Put Down Roots
Deciding where you want to live is a big deal! Especially when someone else is coming along for the ride. (This is especially important for couples who are in a long-distance relationship.)
It’s no longer just about you.
If you’re in a relationship, it’s about proximity to work, access to restaurants or nightlife, ease of transportation, good schools, land, and square footage.
It all comes into play.
And it has to work for both of you.
Many factors will come into play here, like:
Your age
Your current job situation
Your social circle
Whether or not you plan to raise kids
Your finances
Resale Value or Rental Income Potential
To name a few.
You need to hash these things out, do your research… and then be ready to take the plunge.
Relationship Goals for Couples #6: Set Fitness & Health Goals
When you’re in a relationship, you’re often thinking… acting… exercising… even eating, for two.
You now have another person who depends on you.
Depends on you to be there.
Depends on you to support them.
Depends on you to dream with them.
From now on, every decision you make will affect that person. And he, or she, has to be okay with it.
That is why being the healthiest version of yourself is so important.
In some ways, it’s everything.
Because if you aren’t well, you run the risk of losing everything.
I’ve seen people lose their livelihood, their jobs, their loved ones… all because of poor health decisions.
Sure, we can’t always control the things that happen to us.
Healthy people have been known to get cancer.
Cancer sucks!
But you can do your part by leading a clean lifestyle… give yourself a fighting chance.
Whether that means committing to an exercise routine you can stick with (walking and biking are excellent starts).
Or eating better.
Well, none other than you had a craving for Thai one night.
It’s ok. Your secret is safe with me.
Or you can make a date night of sitting down to create an exercise and meal plan for the week.
Or you can print recipes and shopping lists right from your inbox… and make simple meals from scratch.
At the end of the day… whether you need to lose weight or your partner has high cholesterol, if you support each other on the road to fitness… you’ll be prepared for whatever lies on the road ahead.
If you don’t make time to talk to one another, you’ll never know what’s going on… good or bad.
Your loved one wants you to feel happy for them, take pride, when something positive happens in their life. Even small victories deserve a celebration (or high five, at least).
As for the bad things… well, if you don’t nip them in the bud early on… they can spiral into something worse.
Relationship Goals for Couples #10: Schedule Regular Date Nights
There is a common theme among all of the suggested relationship goals for couples… and that is communication.
Communication.
Communication.
Communication.
And sometimes the best way to communicate in on a date.
Yes, a date.
Make it happen.
Regularly.
Whether it is once a week, or once per month, date nights are a fantastic way to escape the day-to-day muckety muck that can build up in your relationship.
Yes, I said muckety muck.
It is important to have “dates” in your relationship. Even if you are married with kids.
It’s a chance to take a breath and remember who you are… and that you are stronger together.
Relationship Goals for Couples #11: Join a Couples Activity, Group, Class, etc.
So besides setting aside a date night, why not consider spicing things up by signing up for a yoga class… volunteer group… acting workshop… co-ed softball league?
Whatever floats your boat.
Engaging in an activity together brings something to the relationship that you can both relate to.
Sit in the man (or woman) cave and binge watch the game.
It’s okay.
It doesn’t mean your partner is growing tired of you.
It simply means they want to recharge… so that they can return to their regularly scheduled program a little bit more relaxed and appreciative of what they have.
And what they have is you!
Relationship Goals for Couples #13: Don’t Make Excuses
To the first point, if you’re mad and your partner has no idea why… that’s just unfair. Every person deserves the chance to explain their side, defend themselves if necessary.
Next, if you’re refusing to talk with your partner after he or she voiced some discontent… you’re closing the lines of communication.
Which, say it with me now, is the cornerstone of a good relationship!
Do not walk away. Hear them out. State your case.
Finally, if you’re afraid that the discussion will escalate into a marathon argument… deal with it. You can sleep when you’re dead.
Yes, I went there.
After all, we’ve all stayed up late having drinks with friends or binge-watching Netflix… I’m pretty sure it’s only fair to do the same for the person you love.
Who is trying to get something off their chest.
Let them.
You may need an extra cup of coffee in the morning… but you won’t have this looming over your head unnecessarily all day long.
And your mood will thank you for it.
If you want to create a long term relationship, it is important to never go to bed angry.
There will likely come a time (or two, or three) in your relationship where the bond between family and partner is put to the test.
Relationship Goals for Couples #15: Partner vs. Family… Choose Wisely
Your parents want you and your significant other to spend Thanksgiving at their house.
Your future in-laws want the same.
More often than not, the male partner will succumb to his fiance’s wishes.
And when that does happen, in some cases, his parents may become resentful of the fiance.
Maybe they even say something catty about her that upsets you, like “she’s controlling”.
Enter tension.
Unnecessary tension.
This example is fairly minor as far as incidents go… yet as we all know, there will likely come a time (or two, or three) in our relationship where the bond between family and partner is put to the test.
Maybe it is about where you spend holidays.
Maybe it’s the job you choose.
Maybe it’s where you choose to live.
Maybe it’s how you want to raise your children.
Maybe it’s who gets to babysit more.
But as stressful as it is, you can’t possibly choose.
You shouldn’t choose (unless of course you’re in a self-destructive or dangerous relationship).
If you are happy and confident in your relationship with your lover… nothing should make you question that. Or the decisions you make together.
As long as the two of you have each other’s best interest at heart, you’ll land on your feet. And that is all the support you need.
Family is family.
Guilt trip or not, they will always love you.
Relationship Goals for Couples #16: Steer Clear of Words like “Always” and “Never”
So when you fight with your partner… and you will… be very careful to stay away from the relationship drainers.
For instance, if you’re fighting about the late hours your spouse puts in at the office… be sure to include the fact that you love their work ethic.
And how much you appreciate that he or she wants to contribute financially to the family.
Then also tell them that you feel overwhelmed running the kids around to all of their different activities… and could use a break now and again.
Constructive.
It’s not that hard.
Relationship Goals for Couples #18: Always Be Thinking for Two
Before you say yes to your buddies about that ski trip…
Or yes to the girls about a wine tasting weekend…
Remember that it’s not just about you getting away for some R&R… but it’s also about your partner having to take on the household duties solo.
Many times, it’s the married people with children that quarrel the most about this.
Like when a wife is running the kids around all week long… but her husband wants the weekend off to go golfing.
Or a husband has put in an 80-hour workweek… and his wife decides to treat herself to the local spa with her sister overnight so he’s on soccer duty in the morning.
Everyone deserves a break.
A quick escape.
But what your partner doesn’t deserve is to not be consulted with first.
That’s how relationship works.
I mean, you wouldn’t buy a new car without running it by your husband.
You can’t just skip town either.
Common sense, people.
Common sense.
If you’re running around in circles some days, it’s crucial to hit the pause button and let each other know that they are still a point of focus and interest in your life.
Relationship Goals for Couples #19: Compliment Each Other Daily
One of the easiest relationship goals for couples to execute is to compliment each other. (Here is a list of 201 compliments that can use for any occasion)
I mean, you like each other… so this should not be too hard.
What can be hard, however, is making sure you stop whatever it is that you are doing in order to pay the love of your life a heartfelt compliment.
When life gets busy, the two of you may find yourselves like passing ships in the night.
Work stuff.
Kid stuff.
Volunteer stuff.
If you’re running around in circles some days, with barely a chance to speak two words to each other, it’s crucial to hit the pause button. It can be as simple as:
Grabbing your spouse’s hand in the kitchen and saying, “You look nice today”
Leaving a note in their Bento box
Sending a text
Whispering in their ear before bed
Giving them a quick call at work, or leaving a voicemail
It doesn’t take much to make each other happy.
And letting each other know that they are still a point of focus and interest in your life will help to keep the spark alive… not matter how busy you get.
Relationship Goals for Couples #20: Try Something New Together (or Alone)
Relationships, like anything else, can grow stale after a while.
We all hit our walls.
It doesn’t mean you want out, or that you don’t love each other, it simply means you need to mix things up a bit.
And as far as relationship goals for couples go… this is a pretty easy one.
The best way to mix it up is to try something new.
Together, or apart… it doesn’t really matter.
But find something that interests you.
That scares you a little.
Go outside of your comfort zone to find something that incites passion in you… other than your partner.
Rock climbing.
Martial arts.
Art class.
Whatever you decide, I promise you this: you will come home feeling a renewed sense of purpose and that will cause your significant other to see you in a new light.
Take a few minutes before you get out of bed in the morning (or before falling asleep at night) to focus on all that you have… rather than all that you want or wish you had.
Trust me, you’ll start to see the world, and your relationship, differently.
Brighter.
Hopeful.
Full of possibility.
And what a beautiful thing that can be!
Relationship Goals for Couples #22: Take A Spontaneous
Vacation
Sometimes you just need a break… and while
vacations can prove to be an amazing escape, they can also be super stressful
to plan and pack for.
Researching location ratings, airfare,
lodging, etc… can be downright exhausting.
And if you have kids… well, that’s an entirely
different ballgame.
So instead of adding to your existing anxiety,
why not open yourself up to the possibility of a spontaneous or last minute
getaway.
Many of the leading travel sites, like Exedpia
and Travelocity, offer daily and last minute
deals. There is even a site called Last Minute Travel that specializes in this
type of thing.
Obviously, every couple’s family and financial
situation is different… but if you have the flexibility and the days off from
work to allow for a last minute adventure, I highly recommend taking it!
Want to spice things up a bit? Add an element of surprise and don’t tell your
partner where you are headed. Maybe even pack a bag for them… and let the
relaxation begin!
Relationship Goals for Couples
#23: Throw Yourselves An Anniversary Party
Most couples go big when it comes to
celebrating those milestone anniversaries… 25 years, 50, 75.
That is not to say couples don’t celebrate
every year by going out to dinner or taking a trip someplace… but the big ones
typically get all of the attention.
Why not change that?
Show your partner how much they mean to you on
any given anniversary by hosting a party in honor of your love.
Make it as intimate or grand as you’d like…
send out invites to family and friends, rent a space or have a party
catered.
Hire entertainment.
Organize a slideshow of your wedding photos.
Think about renewing or recreating your vows.
Maybe even come up with a theme, such as
Murder Mystery or Hawaiian Luau?
Whichever anniversary you choose to celebrate, make it fun! It’s not the number of years that counts… but how you spend them that matters.
A party is a great way to reinforce your love
for one another, saying “I would do it all again”.
Relationship Goals for Couples
#24: Play Hooky From Life Once In A While
Yes, we need to work in order to pay for the
things we need… like a roof over our heads, food, clothing,
transportation.
We also need to work to pay for the things we
want… like an inground pool, vacation, home improvements, toys (big or small).
So while work is vital to a couple’s survival,
it can also be detrimental if it becomes all-consuming.
Long hours, workplace politics, deadlines, a
daily commute. All of these things are par for the course when you work from someone else… and doing so can take
its toll on your mindset, as well as your romantic
relationship.
Try as we might, many of us are incapable of
leaving work behind every day. Especially when that work is a source of stress
in your life.
If you see it starting to creep into your home
life, then you need to shut the door… play hookey.
That’s right, pull a Ferris
Bueller and take the day off!
Relax and take the day off. Just let your minds be quiet and enjoy the moment together.
Let your spouse know that you’re planning to
take a personal day… and that they should plan to join you.
Get your errands out of the way, hire a
babysitter, plan on takeout for dinner.
Whatever it takes.
Turn off your phones for a while, leave
yourself nothing to worry about and just relax for a day.
Go for a hike and picnic.
Plant a garden.
Visit the beach.
Have a fancy lunch and see a matinee.
Do nothing.
Just let your minds be quiet and enjoy the
moment together.
Relationship Goals for Couples
#25: Consider Counseling Before It’s Too
Late
A couple is lying if they say they never
argue.
All couples will fight from time to time… it’s how you fight that counts.
Is it productive and constructive? Honest?
Or is it mean, one-sided and close minded?
If your arguments seem to be rooted in a
bigger problem, talking about it with each other may not be good enough.
Having an unbiased third party can help you
see things more clearly… as well as allow you to gain some perspective into
each other’s mindset.
Friends and family are often a person’s first
choice; however, they can rarely be objective and will always side a bit more
with one of you… not because they like one of you more, but perhaps they can
simply relate to what one of you is feeling more than the other.
So who does that leave?
A priest or rabbi?
Co-worker?
Sure, perhaps they can shed some light on
things… and there is no harm in starting with them if you have faith.
Therapists are an excellent choice when it
comes to finding someone to referee your relationship battles.
You can choose to see one in person or schedule sessions online. Websites such as
Talkspace will match you with a counselor, based on your specific criteria, and
work around your schedule via text message and video chat sessions… typically
for a fraction of what traditional therapy costs.
If you have to ask yourself if you need
couples therapy, then you likely do… and it’s better to get a jump on it before
things spiral out of control.
Trust me.
Relationship Goals for Couples
#26: Put the Blame Where it Belongs
One of the classic mistakes couples make is to
displace blame in their relationship… typically by way of throwing someone or
something else under the bus when things aren’t going the way you envisioned
them.
When a person finds himself displeased,
saddened, insecure or frustrated… they will often find a reason to be angry,
and a person to be angry with.
Sadly, more times than not, the person they
direct that anger towards is not even the one they are truly upset with.
Maybe this anger manifests by way of a fight
with each other? Or with your child? Employer? Friend? Waitress serving your
breakfast that morning?
Whatever the reason for your anger… it’s
important to identify the true source before blowing up on an unsuspecting
target.
For instance, if your favorite pants are
suddenly a bit tight after weeks of eating three home-cooked meals a day while trying to stay home more… you shouldn’t try and blame your partner for
shrinking your pants in the dryer. Likely, you’ve just put on a few pounds.
Instead of yelling at the wrong person, place
the blame back onto yourself and make a point of being more active moving forward.
If work is getting
you down, don’t yell at your kids for playing too loudly while you’re trying to
finish a report in your home office. Instead, why not take a break and play
with them? Get your spirits up and then get back to what you were doing. This
will prevent an ugly situation from disfiguring a beautiful moment.
Relationship Goals for Couples
#27: Make a List of Positive and Negative Qualities About Yourself… Then
Compare
As I mentioned earlier, being objective isn’t
an easy thing… especially if you are personally invested in an issue or
situation.
But you need to try anyway.
Because if you are the type of person who believes that you are perfect and can do no wrong… it is highly unlikely that you will ever be able to sustain a happy and healthy relationship.
In fact, it will likely just send you down a
detour that no couple ever wants to take. One where fights are one-sided and
drag on.
Make a list of what you view to be your positive qualities and then do your negatives.
One where you are consumed by placing blame on
one another, rather than taking the time to look inside yourself.
When you have a moment, sit down and make a
list of what you view to be your positive qualities.
And then do your negatives. You
have to have at least one, or two, negatives.
Be honest with yourself. Be real. Be vulnerable.
Then, exchange lists with your partner.
Letting them see the person you see will speak
volumes when it comes to understanding one another… and where you are coming
from.
For example, your husband’s idea of romance may completely differ from yours. (To give you some idea, ask romantic questions for couples.)
Whereas you associate chocolates and flowers
with the notion, he may think that small gestures are the way to go… like
folding a basket of laundry for you after a long day.
Just some food for thought.
Relationship Goals for Couples
#28: Do Something Selfless for Each Other
Every couple’s dreams differ.
For some, the notion of taking an exotic
vacation together sounds divine. For others, simply going on a date to their
favorite restaurant once in a while is enough.
Perhaps your dreams focus on retirement… and
whether you’ll spend your golden years at the beach, a city, the mountains or
desert.
Or maybe, just maybe, you dream of just a
little bit of time to yourself. To reconnect with the inner you.
Itch that scratch, if you will.
There is no guilt in this.
Similarly, you shouldn’t blame your spouse for
needing a little space.
That being said, why not consider doing
something selfless for them from time to time? Something you know you’d enjoy
as well… but it may just not be in the cards to pull it off as a duo.
For instance, my husband and I both enjoy
golfing. For both of us to get out during the week when it’s less crowded;
however, requires a babysitter and juggling work. So, on occasion, I will take one for the team
and book him a tee time solo or with a friend… while I tend to the kids and
work stuff.
He is super appreciative of these gestures
and, in return, will often book me a massage… or let me sleep in one morning
while he makes breakfast for the kids.
Quid pro quo.
If you want to go even bigger, why not book
him a weekend away with his buds? In exchange, ask him to do the same for you.
Have a conversation. Check your calendars. And
get it done.
A little gesture can go a long way in the long
run. It is a sign of respect and trust, which is one of the pillars of a
lasting relationship.
Relationship Goals for Couples
#29: Share Your Fears and Insecurities
So many times in a relationship, we catch
ourselves putting on airs.
We pretend to be cool with something that we
really aren’t okay with deep down.
Or we dress or act a certain way because we
think that is what our partner wants or expects from us.
Maybe we lash out in jealousy or anger at our
partner, when we are secretly just disappointed with ourselves.
If we clue our partner in to what bothers us,
show some vulnerability, it won’t be taken as a sign of weakness… but rather
strength.
If you don’t like a certain aspect of your
body, let your partner know.
If you aren’t comfortable with him going out with a certain friend, tell him why.
If you are scared of him only seeing you as a
mother, and not a wife, let him know.
If you’d like to be intimate more, tell her.
Your spouse may know you, but she is not a
mindreader. And if you don’t trust her enough to let her in, the problem may
run deeper than you think.
Relationship Goals for Couples
#30: Imagine You Are Meeting Your Partner for the First Time Today
Today, more than ever, online dating is where
most people turn in the hopes of meeting that special someone. Chatting for hours and exchanging pics is a
great start when trying to figure out whether or not you’re compatible.
Obviously, a physical connection is key in
seeing if sparks will fly… but slow and steady wins the race.
Still, I sometimes wonder if my husband and I
would have clicked the same way had we just met yesterday? Clearly, we are both different people than we
were 12 years ago… and not just physically.
A physical connection is key in seeing if sparks will fly.
While the circumstances surrounding our life
together has played a role in who we are now… that is not to say it was the
sole factor.
Try this fun little exercise with your
partner.
Sit down and write a faux online dating
profile for yourself. Then read each other’s. Do you like what you’re reading? Would you “date” him again if you just
met?
If the answer is yes, great!
If the answer is no, don’t panic. All it means
is that your viewpoint on relationships has changed over time… it’s matured
along with you. The important thing to
remember is that you grew together and made a life that works for you in the
here and now.
Relationship Goals for Couples
#31: Pretend “It’s A Wonderful Life”
I’m sure you’ve seen the movie, “It’s a
Wonderful Life”, about a down on his luck businessman who is contemplating a
world without him in it any longer. So,
his guardian angel gives him a glimpse into a life where he had never been
born.
After bearing witness to the pain and longing
imposed by his absence, he comes to appreciate what he has… and wants it
back.
Imagine a scenario where you had never met
your partner.
What do you think your life would be like?
What choices might you have made differently?
Would you have married someone else? Or not
gotten married at all?
Chosen a different career path?
Had more kids? No kids?
What about your spouse’s choices?
Picture an alternative to your reality and ask
yourself, “Would I miss my life? Would my
life miss me?”.
It’s a great way of learning to appreciate what is right in front of you.
Final Thoughts on Relationship Goals for Couples
Every relationship, like every person, is not the same.
They are unique.
They require care and attention.
They have good days… and bad.
Some days they are easy.
Some days they are hard.
But if you set goals for the relationship early on… and make it a point to stick by those goals… you are never alone.
Remember that you are stronger together.
Think of relationship goals for couples as a road map.
A road map for navigating through life with someone amazing and supportive by your side.
Relationships are a fundamental aspect of our wellbeing and lives in general—and yes, they require maintenance and effort! No relationship will be without its ups and downs, and whether you’re single, committed, or in a situationship, there are a few universal truths we all ought to know when it comes to partnering up.
“Being vulnerable means we make a conscious decision not to hide ourselves. This is risky because we can’t control how others will respond to us. It means others see who we truly are, and if they aren’t able to take us in, or appreciate our complexity, and they judge or reject us, it hurts deeply. The irony is, when we [struggle with vulnerability], we end up robbing ourselves of the intimacy, connection, community, and love of the people who have the bandwidth and capacity to take us in as we are. Allow yourself to notice how you feel in different situations, tune in to your body, and practice saying how you genuinely feel about things out loud. It can be surprisingly powerful to say, ‘I feel angry toward my sister,’ or, ‘I feel scared of being alone,’ because often, we doesn’t even allow ourselves to be vulnerable with ourselves.”
Sarah Regan is a Spirituality & Relationships Editor, and a registered yoga instructor. She received her bachelor’s in broadcasting and mass communication from SUNY Oswego, and lives in Buffalo, New York.
Image by Priscilla Du Preez / Unsplash
December 30, 2023
Whether you’re dating someone new or you’ve been together for years, date nights keep your connection intimate and relationship thriving. And once in a while, it’s good to switch up your usual date night routine for something a little more romantic.
After all, spending intentional time doing something you both enjoy together can help the two of you bond and make memories—plus quality time might even be one of your love languages.
So, without further ado, here are 101 romantic date night ideas to keep handy whenever you need an extra special date night.
1.
Go out to dinner
Starting off simple, going out to dinner is a date night staple for a reason. You can converse over good food, wear your best outfit, and gaze at each other over candlelight. To make things interesting, go to a restaurant you’ve never been to—or at least try something you’ve never had.
2.
See a movie
Another classic, hitting the movies is the perfect opportunity to snuggle up in front of the big screen and indulge in some movie theatre popcorn. Bonus points if you have some discussion points on the drive home!
3.
Go to the drive-in
Switch up your usual movie date by finding your closest drive-in and enjoying an outdoor movie. You’ll have a bit more privacy than you would in a theatre, plus drive-ins often show throwback movies if you want to enjoy an old classic together.
4.
Have a pajama day
Take the day off work together, send the kids to grandma and grandpa, set your phones on silent, and put on your coziest PJs. Spend the day completely free of obligations together whilst you order takeout, eat it in bed, and binge-watch something mindless and fun.
5.
Do a coffee tasting
For a creative spin on the classic coffee date, consider attending a coffee tasting or even a coffee-making course instead. You can discover new things about each other while learning a cool hobby.
6.
Go for a hike
Any nature lovers out there? Going for a hike on a nearby trail is a great way to take in some nature and give you time to connect outside of the hustle and bustle of everyday life. (Easy walking trails are an option too!)
7.
Go for a bike ride
Want to take in more of your city in less time? Map your ideal route around town and go for a bike ride together. Even if you don’t have bikes, you could borrow or friend’s or see if your city has a local bike-share program.
8.
Play mini golf
It’s cute, it’s fun, and it’s classic: Putt-putt courses are everywhere, and many also feature arcade games and snacks, so you can make a whole evening out of letting your inner-child out for some fun.
9.
Visit the driving range
If one of you is more of a golf-aficionado than a putt-putter, you might consider hitting up your local driving range to work on your swing. Whoever is the pro can sweetly put their arms around the other to demonstrate—oh so romantically—how to get a hole-in-one.
10.
Go for a drive
Going for a country drive can feel like a welcome escape, especially if you live in a city. Make a roadtrip playlist together, pack some snacks, and hit the road for a scenic date that doesn’t even involve getting out of the car.
11.
Have a beach day
Pack the cooler, refine your beach playlist, and don’t forget your sunscreen! There’s nothing like laying on the beach on a nice summer’s day, and having your partner by your side makes it that much sweeter.
12.
Visit an animal sanctuary
If one or both of you are animal lovers, visiting and/or volunteering at an animal shelter is a nice way to give back to the animals, and spend quality time with your partner doing something that makes you feel good.
13.
Rent kayaks and go out on the water
Getting out on the water is an instant recipe for serenity—and an arm workout! Grab kayaks or a canoe (or rent them if you don’t have any) and take a leisurely row down your nearest creek or river.
14.
Get tickets to a dinner cruise
If you like the sound of getting out on the water—but without the arm workout—consider finding a local dinner cruise to attend. You and your date can enjoy a night of dressing to the nines, having a nice dinner, and dancing the night away.=
15.
Visit an amusement park
Any adrenaline junkies out there? Nothing will bring you and your date together quite like being at the top of a 150-foot rollercoaster—or unanimously chickening out and hitting the merry-go-round instead.
16.
Go berry picking in the summer
When you go berry picking, you’re connecting with both nature and your date. Plus, you can go home and make something with your harvest, like blueberry pie or a strawberry tart.
17.
Go apple picking in the fall
Apple picking is a classic autumnal activity for good reason—you can chat as you collect your basket of apples, and make a pie together later on. Tack on a hayride or pumpkin carving and you’ve got the perfect recipe for a romantic fall day.
18.
Stop by your local farmers market
Farmers markets are a great date option that allow you to simultaneously support local farms and get to know your date’s shopping habits. Are they going for the broccoli or the fresh-cut flowers? When you’re done shopping, try to come up with a meal you can make together with all your fresh ingredients.
19.
Try an escape room
Solving puzzles together gets the conversation flowing minus the awkward lulls. This is also a good opportunity to observe how your date deals with pressure, as escape rooms usually have a time limit.
20.
Go to your local history museum
Museums are a great way to learn something new and foster good conversation. If one or both of you is into history, don’t miss out on your nearest history museum to learn more about the area you live in.
21.
Visit an art gallery
Speaking of museums, history is just one option—art museums are another. You can gaze at paintings and discuss how they make you feel—or perhaps chuckle at the ones you’re surprised made it into an exhibit.
22.
Check out the nearest botanical gardens
Many cities have botanical gardens with a variety of plant species, which is a fun way to learn about plant life up close—plus admission is typically pretty affordable too, which never hurts.
23.
Explore a new science museum exhibit
Speaking of learning something new, see if your local science museum has any cool exhibits opening up. From workshops to biology exhibits, there’s usually at least one offering that could pique both of your interests.
24.
Visit a planetarium
Speaking of science, nothing says “I love you” like gazing at the whole known universe. Sit back in the dark and wonder at the beauty of the night sky, without actually having to camp out in the cold. Win-win!
25.
Scope out your local library
Some libraries offer events and exhibitions that are great for sparking conversation. You can also swap book recommendations and read together, exchanging your thoughts on your picks.
26.
Take a pottery class
Not only is this a fun way for you both to get your hands dirty and make something together, but you get to take home your creation! Talk about a win-win date night.
27.
Take a cooking class
Another win-win date night? Taking a cooking class together. You’ll learn how to make some amazing recipes—and get to enjoy eating them, too.
28.
Go to a paint and sip
Paint and sips aren’t just for ladies nights, and going to one with your partner is a low-pressure way to tap into your more creative sides. Plus, if you like your paintings enough, you can hang them up at home later.
29.
See a play or musical
From big Broadway shows to local theatre company originals, consider having an evening with arts by seeing a play or musical. Put on your fanciest theatre attire, grab a cocktail beforehand, and enjoy the show.
30.
Catch some live music
Want to see a different kind of show? Check out the concerts coming up near you! Don’t be afraid to take a drive to see a bigger artist, or get into your local music scene at nearby bars and venues.
30.
Go ice skating
Ice skating might be tricky if either of you aren’t the most graceful, but if you’re confident in your skating skills, it’s a super romantic date night idea. Even if it’s warm where you live, check out if there are any indoor rinks near you.
31.
Go fishing
Fishing can be relaxing (and momentarily exciting when you actually catch one), plus you’ll have plenty of time to chat with your date on the water. Bonus points if you go home and make dinner with your catch.
32.
Start a couple’s book club
Settle on a book you’re both interested in reading and start your own “book club.” You can read out loud to each other, and then when you’re done, make a whole evening out of book discussion questions, wine, and charcuterie.
33.
Have a picnic
Pick a romantic and picturesque spot near you, pack up your favorite picnic dishes, and take a trip out for the day. Don’t forget a portable speaker, sunscreen, and some fizzy drinks!
34.
Do some stargazing
What’s more romantic than laying outside in the summer and gazing at the stars? If you live in a city, use this date as an excuse to get out into the country and reconnect with nature.
35.
Take a yoga class together
Yoga is an excellent activity for strengthening the body and mind—plus it can improve your sex life. Hit up your nearest studio and try a style of yoga you’ve both never done before!
36.
Visit your local zoo or aquarium
Get up close and personal with your favorite animals at your local zoo or aquarium. Some of them may even offer volunteer opportunities, workshops, or demonstrations, if that’s something that interests the two of you.
37.
Watch each other’s favorite movies
When you first got to know your partner, you probably asked what their favorite movie was—and then maybe they watched it. If it’s been a while, rewatch your respective favorites with each other! They probably will love sharing it with you—even if it’s not the first time.
38.
Try rock climbing
For the adventurous daters in the bunch, find your nearest rock climbing gym and give it a go. Belaying each other can even foster a sense of connection and trust.
39.
Go dancing
Going dancing is a tried-and-true date night activity that, quite honestly, needs a renaissance. Just have fun with it and dance like no one’s watching!
40.
Take a dance class
Speaking of dancing—need to brush up on your skills? That works too! Find a local dance group or studio that offers classes and workshops for adults, and learn a few tricks to dominate the dance floor together.
41.
Recreate the night your first met
Re-stage the night you first met with as many details as you can remember, like where you went, what you were wearing, and the timeline of the evening. Relive the memories and fondly recall why you two kept dating after that night.
42.
Pretend you’re meeting for the first time
Even if you can’t exactly replicate the night you first met, you can still role play meeting each other for the first time, pretending for the whole night that you’ve only just met. Who knows, maybe you’ll even kiss on the “first date.”
43.
Eat your way around your city
Who says you have to have a five-course meal in just one place? Stop for cocktails at your favorite cocktail bar, apps at a local tapas joint, entrées at a swanky five-star restaurant—you get the idea.
44.
Have a staycation
Take a look at the hotels or bed and breakfasts near you and have yourselves a staycation. You can go out for a fancy dinner, take a dip in the hotel pool, and enjoy a night in a cozy suite.
45.
Get a couples massage
Everyone deserves a good massage once in a while, especially if you or your date have been stressed lately. On the off chance that getting a couple’s massage is out of your price range, you can look up massage tutorials online and massage each other (which, come to think about it, is kinda sexier anyway).
46.
Play 20 questions
No matter how well you think you know someone, there’s virtually always something new to discover, and asking deep questions is a great way to connect with parts of your date you’ve never seen. Here’s our list of 114 conversation starters for couples if you need some inspiration!
47.
Go through old photos together
Seeing pictures from your date’s childhood is an almost certain recipe a warm heart, plus a bunch of “aww’s.” You’ll undoubtedly hear stories from each other’s childhoods, plus learn more about each other in the process.
48.
Make a scrapbook of your relationship
From the day you first met until now, compile all the photos, ticket stubs, and tangible mementos you can and put them in a scrapbook to make a beautiful record of your memories together.
49.
Go on photo walk
Grab your camera, polaroid—or let’s be honest, your phones—and take a photo tour around a picturesque area. You can exchange visual inspirations beforehand and try them on the streets, plus this is great for discovering new spots around your city.
50.
Have a karaoke night
Whether you rent a karaoke machine for the night if you’re too shy to do it in public, or go all-out at your nearest karaoke bar, you and your date can let your goofy sides out, serenade each other, or find your new go-to duet.
51.
Attend a sound bath or breathwork ceremony
For a little spiritual connectivity and relaxation, see if there are any sound baths or breathwork ceremonies happening near you. It’s a chance to try something different and tap into your spirituality together.
52.
Try to make each other’s favorite family dish
Does one of you have a famous family sauce recipe, or another dish that’s been passed down for generations? Get a recipe from both of your families, and try to make the other’s signature dish for each other! (i.e. you make their family’s meatloaf, and they make your family’s paella).
53.
Draw or paint each other
Doing portraits of each other not only gives you an excuse to stare lovingly at each other for a bit, but you can let your creative sides out and have fun with it.
54.
Write each other love letters
This is an especially great option if one or both of you appreciates words of affirmation. Writing love letters is a classic way to get your feelings out on paper, and you can even read them out loud to each other if you really want to get sappy. (Here’s our guide on how to write one, in case you need it.)
55.
Build a fort in your living room
A true childhood classic, building a fort together is the perfect way to take your usual movie night to the next level. Reconstruct your living room into the fort of your dreams, complete with pillows, twinkly lights, and your favorite childhood film.
56.
Have a DIY spa night
Want a couple’s spa treatment without the spa prices? Hit up your nearest drugstore for sheet masks, bubble bath, massage tools, and more, and bring the spa in for a night of relaxation and pampering each other.
57.
Host a game night
You can put together a couple’s game night for just the two of you, or invite some friends over and host a whole evening out of it. All you need are your favorite board or card games, some cocktails (or mocktails), and your favorite go-to munchies.
58.
Plant a garden
Sow the seeds of your love by literally sowing seeds in a garden together. If you don’t have a backyard, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with a cute little patio garden of small pots, or you could see if there’s a local community garden nearby.
59.
Go foraging in the wild
Speaking of plants, you can also forage in the wild if gardening isn’t an option where you live. From mushrooms to ramps to dandelions, there’s no shortage of dinner ingredients to use when the Earth is your grocery store.
60.
Hit the slopes
Whether you’re an avid skiier or more the bunny hill type, spending the day skiing or snowboarding is a great way to get outdoors together in the colder months, plus get a workout in, too.
61.
Build a campfire
From the warm glow of the fire to cozying up in a hammock together, sitting by a campfire is super romantic. You can swap memories, ask each other questions, tell ghost stories and make s’mores—whatever tickles your fancy.
62.
Volunteer for a cause you both care about
Are the two of you both big environmentalists? Or perhaps you’ve bonded over being vegan? Find a local charity you both get behind and commit the day to furthering the cause together.
63.
Attend a workshop
There are workshops for anything and everything, from poetry writing to acting improv. Find a local workshop that sounds interesting to the both of you and spend the night getting out of your comfort zone.
64.
See a speaker or attend a lecture
People go to concerts all the time, but when was the last time you went to see someone speak? Find out if there are any cool speakers giving talks near you—and check out local universities, too, which often have opportunities to attend events on campus.
65.
Watch the sunset
Whether you’re on a roof or a beach, watching the sunset together is a classic romantic move. Or, if you’re early risers, don’t let us stop you from venturing out early for the sunrise.
66.
Go to a burlesque show
Want to make your next date night a little bit spicier? See if there are any burlesque or drag shows coming up near you and get tickets for a night of sexy fun.
67.
Try a workout you’ve both never done
Going on a date that gets you both out of your comfort zones is a great way to bond, and trying a new workout is a great date option for the gym rats out there.
68.
Visit a winery from some wine tasting
Enjoying gorgeous wine trails and sampling wine? Talk about a simple but elegant date idea. Of course, if you’re not too into wine, you can also see if there’s a brewery nearby that you’d prefer.
69.
Cook together
Working as a team in the kitchen can be quite romantic—and remind you both why your work so well together! Browse online for a recipe that looks yummy to both of you, run to the store for the ingredients, and have fun cheffing it up with your favorite tunes playing.
70.
Get matching tattoos
If you really want to get adventurous, there’s nothing quite like bonding over shared pain. Plus, exchanging ideas over which design to get can be a great activity before the date.
71.
Go to a fair or festival
You can do several of the activities mentioned here at an outdoor festival. You can walk around, eat, get fresh air, enjoy carnival rides, and likely listen to music all while you’re there. This makes for a full day of fun, as well as plenty of in-between time for good conversation.
72.
Try your hand at axe throwing
Axe throwing venues have been popping up in cities all over the country, and you’d be amazed just how much fun and laughter can be had as you each attempt to perfect your throw.
73.
Book a hot air balloon
You read that right! If you really want to amp up the romance your next date night, consider seeing if there’s a hot air balloon service near you. Just an hour in the sky is enough for a lifetime of memories.
74.
Have a casino night
Whether you bet on who has to do tomorrow’s chores or who’s paying for your next dinner date, a fun game of poker (or blackjack, roulette—you name it) can bring on the laughter—and a little friendly competition.
75.
Learn a new skill together
Have you always wanted to master pasta making? Or maybe you keep eyeing the local tango classes around the corner from you. Whatever it is, grab your S.O. and tackle learning this new skill together. (Online how-to videos are great if you want to keep your date night cozy at home!)
76.
Go out for ice cream
Two spoons please! Nothing says sweet and romantic like literally getting a sweet treat together, and there’s something about ice cream dates that are particularly innocent and nostalgic.
77.
Go to a local sports game
Does your town or city have a sports team, big or small? From football to basketball to baseball, there’s no shortage of sporting events to attend, and you and your date can cheer on your favorite teams together.
78.
Make a playlist for each other
Long gone are the days of burning CDs for your lover, but playlists certainly haven’t gone anywhere. Making a playlist for each other is a cute way to show you care and express how you feel, and you can listen to the playlists together and talk about why you chose those songs.
79.
Pitch a tent for the night
For the nature lovers out there, there’s never a bad time to escape for the night with a quick camping trip. OK, well maybe if the weather is bad—but otherwise, camping for the night is a fun way to spend some quality time away from your usual routine.
80.
Go bowling
Who doesn’t love a classic trip to the bowling alley once in a while? It’s easy to make conversation between turns, you don’t have to take it too seriously, and you can invite some more friends to make it a group activity, too.
81.
Take them on a tour of your childhood
Even if you and your partner are from the same area, there’s a chance they don’t know about every single one of your favorite spots. Take each other on tours of your respective childhoods for a clue into how you each grew up. Think driving by your school, favorite park, childhood home, favorite place to eat, etc.
82.
Hit up a local trivia night
Trivia is certainly not everyone’s strong suit, but it’s all for fun and games, right? Find your closest trivia night and form a team, whether that’s just the two of you, or with the addition of some particularly brainy friends.
83.
Go horseback riding
Going for a trail ride on horseback with your date can be relaxing and allow you to connect with local nature, and it’s well worth it to find the best trail you can, even if it’s a little far away.
84.
Host a dinner party
Planning a dinner party will not only give you an opportunity to work together as a team, but you can bond over the experience of hosting a party together, and enjoy the company of your friends as a couple.
85.
Plan a murder mystery
If you want to host a dinner party but take it up a notch, why not plan a murder mystery? You can find scripts online, invite your more theatrical friends, and prepare for an evening of laughter—all coordinated by you and your date, of course.
86.
Redecorate a room in your home
Spruce up a room in your home that needs a little redecorating, whether you opt to rearrange the furniture, get some new decor, or completely transform the room. You’ll not only be getting creative together, but can help each other with deciding on what to do.
87.
Check out your local comedy scene
Want a night of drinks and laughter? Go to your local comedy club, or see if there are any open-mic comedy nights near you. Bonus points if you go to an open-mic and both perform a bit yourselves.
88.
Put a scavenger hunt together
Take turns making a scavenger hunt for the other that leads them through landmarks of your relationship—from the place you first met, to the location of your first date, etc., with the final destination being one of your favorite places to go together, for example.
89.
Work on a home improvement project
Have a desk that you’ve been meaning to refurbish or a cabinet to assemble? Test your teamwork abilities and see if you can tackle the project together—of course rewarding yourselves afterwards with whatever prize you see fit.
90.
Go cliff jumping
Get that adrenaline pumping at your nearest cliff jumping site. Please be safe, obviously—but if there’s a local spot that is known to be safe for jumping into water, it’s a great date activity to spark a sense of adventure and aliveness between the two of you.
91.
Go thrifting
Get thrifty with your date and hit up the nearest flea market, thrift store, or antique shop. You can spend literal hours in second-hand stores, looking at all the old treasures and making up stories about where everything came from.
92.
Plan a treasure hunt
This one takes a little bit of advance planning, but it’s super worth it for the look on your partner’s face. Hide little gifts all over your home along with clues related to your relationship. For example, if your first kiss was in a club toilet, you could have a clue that leads your honey to a present hidden in the bathroom. Make the treasure hunt culminate in a bigger present or a little card that explains what kind of date you’re going to take your boo on later that day.
93.
Go sky-diving
Certainly not everyone’s cup of tea, but if you’ve always wanted to go sky-diving, it can be a great activity for getting your adrenaline pumping and making one major memory with your date.
94.
Go to an open house
You don’t have to be shopping for a home to pretend you’re shopping for a home, and it can make for a pretty fun date. Check out a local open house and enjoy an afternoon of pretending to be homebuyers.
95.
Get a reading with a psychic
If you dare, find a reputable psychic near you and pop in for a couple’s reading. With any luck, they might just have a positive message for you.
96.
Have your astrological compatibility mapped
Speaking of psychics, an astrologer might have a positive message for you too. Find one near you who specializes in relationship astrology, AKA synastry, for a full reading on how your stars match up.
97.
Get your auras read
That’s right: You can get your aura read professionally, and in some cases, photographed. You can each compare your auras, and even ask about how well your auras match with each other’s.
98.
Go to a book reading
Book readings can spark an interesting conversation between you that goes beyond the classic “Tell me about yourself.” You and your date might even find a new author to fan over together.
99.
Go on a wellness retreat
Making time together to do something good for your overall health can deepen your connection. Plus, going on a meaningful journey like this together is sure to make for great memories.
100.
Make a shared vision board
What’s more romantic than sharing a mutual vision of what you both want in the future? Take that vision and bring it to life with a vision board full of images, quotes, etc., that highlight the goals you two share.
101.
Go on a double date with your favorite couple friends
Last but not least, if you and your S.O. know another couple that you like spending time with, invite them in on your plans! Extra company never hurts from time to time, and they might have some good romantic date ideas, too.
The takeaway
No matter how busy our lives get, it’s still so important to carve out quality time with the person you love—and not only that, but keep the romance alive! So the next time you’re looking for date night inspiration, consider swapping in one (or more) of these romantic date ideas for your usual routine.
Whenever family gathers there is a visit to past good times and grievances, and if there has been some times…a realization or need to share life announcements. Whether it is a marriage, baby, divorce, move, coming out or an intervention, it is tricky and lots of moving parts.
The topic might be heavy, the mood might be heavy, but finding the right words is imperative. It is important to be clear, to have a message and to be ready to questions, feedback and maybe even pushback. All this means being on your A game. No expert would suggest having significant alcohol before a sharing something about a life change.
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Utilizing cannabis before a talk might be beneficial, but it can also be detrimental. It depends on many factors, not the least is the topic at hand. There are subjects we think long and hard about before bringing them up, however, they might be enhanced by either microdosing THC or imbibing in an amount you know you’re confident and have the ablity to share and the guide the information.. Changes in relationships can be some of the more difficult conversations, but elevating the discourse with a little cannabis can help you be more present, empathetic and delve deeper into what it is that you’re conveying and why.
Talking health issues is another place where cannabis may not only enhance the conversation, but may be a key part of what’s discussed. Everyone has at least one cannabis-resistant relative, but if said loved one is suffering, having a talk with them about introducing marijuana into their treatment may alleviate their suffering if you can get through. The key here is not to be stoned, but lifted, and to have talking points laid out before entering the room.
When it comes to having a talk with a close friend to whom you’re breaking news or bringing up concerning actions or habits that have cropped up, introducing cannabis to the discussion can take the edge off for both of you. Stand firm in your convictions, but listen and try to see things through their eyes, no matter who you’re talking with.
If you’re not a daily or even weekly pot smoker or user, microdosing is definitely the recommended route pre-talk. Sometimes staying sober is the easiest route. If you want to remain clear-headed but need a little something, microdose with sativa. Then get a good, heady indica for after. You’ll probably have a lot to think about afterwards as well and that’s when cannabis will really be relieving to end a long day. Just don’t overthink what can’t be unsaid and breathe it out with every fragrant exhale.
Just as sexuality and sexual attraction exist on a spectrum, so, too, does romantic attraction. At one end, you have people who are super into romance and falling in love with “the one,” and on the other, you have people who don’t experience much, if any, romantic attraction at all.
The holidays are always so stressful. Why is that? And what can be done to ease the great stresses generated by our holiday celebrations? I’m going to tell you.
The design of every holiday season is about the planned re-emergence of hope. They try to get you to reconsider hope and give it another chance.
Some hopes are actually purposely built into the holiday season. The hope of being able to coronate love above hate, crown tolerance above xenophobia, compassion above cynicism, giving above envy, altruism above greed.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. Blah, blah, blah.
But there are miracles
Every year the holidays are designed to purposely remind us that miracles do indeed happen, not often, but sometimes. To remind us that we can have hope and we can believe again, and most importantly that we ourselves can personally start over. We can hope that we can be forgiven for our mistakes. We can hope that the world will open its big arms to us at last.
Most of all, we can hope that hitting the Big Reset Button and starting over will make us feel new again. What makes this season so stressful is that we need that last hope about hitting the Big Reset Button so much.
We hope that the bad patterns in our own lives will smooth out, that our wrong turns will right themselves, and that past hurts will miraculously vanish.
We hope so much that nurturing our gratefulness at Thanksgiving can decenter us from brooding about our many disappointments of the year.
We hope so much that love at Christmas will spread abundantly for us, and without any strain. We hope so much that singing the familiar and beautiful music of the season will unite us as one people at last. We hope so much that the gifts we give and get will drown out despair.
We hope so much that our good food will fill more than our bellies, that it will fill us all with good cheer.
We hope so much that just being together will create in us real goodwill toward all.
But fear stops us from hoping
Just like our fear of not hooking the prize brass ring of the carousel, we are afraid that the season will turn around and that the Big Reset Button will itself turn out to be an illusion, that the miracle of hope was just a big story someone made up. Our fears shut down hope. And that Big Reset Button disappears in the fog.
We see horrific crimes of religious intolerance and so we feel justified in also being intolerant, justified in entering this season clenched with primal fears for our own safety. Fear makes us enter the holidays with our hearts clenched in ice. And so we know that hope isn’t real, and the gifts we receive will not melt our icy hearts, the gifts we give leave us hollow and empty.
We fear that we will be unloved and, worse, that we will be unable to love.
We fear that our lives actually have no real meaning, that there is no Big Reset Button, that our only resort, after cleaning up the detritus of false celebration, is to retreat to a cynical place, girded against disappointment, hardening our hearts to the suffering of others.
We fear becoming Scrooge.
What can be done?
I once heard the Dalai Lama say that our only moral obligation is to increase compassion around us. If you look closely, all major religious traditions carry the same message of love, compassion, and forgiveness. So here’s my advice. Take some time alone this holiday season. Do two things:
Make a list of all the people you care about in this world. Ask yourself, “What is one thing I can do to make each of these people feel more loved right now?” Then do all those things on your list.
Think about the new path you will now take. List how that new path will be different from the path you are currently on. And that really is hitting the Big Reset Button.
Do this so that next year you can look back and say, “That was the year my life changed forever because in that year I finally hit the Big Reset Button. That year I started really loving.”
If you had to name one thing that could help you live longer, what would you say? A cleaner diet, better sleep, or working out might come to mind—but according to new research published in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, we might want to start thinking more about our relationships. Here’s what they found.
BANGKOK — Ding Zhongfu was awakened by loud pounding on his door. Five policemen greeted Ding, an elder in a Chinese church.
The officers pinned him to the wall that Thursday morning in November and interrogated him while searching the apartment he shared with his wife, Ge Yunxia, and their 6-year old daughter.
Ding’s family now pleads for his release after he was taken from his home in China‘s central Anhui province on suspicion of fraud. In their first public comments on the case, the family denies that Ding committed any fraud.
Instead, they told The Associated Press in an interview, it is part of a wider crackdown on religious freedoms in China.
Four others were detained, all senior members of the Ganquan church, a name that means “Sweet Spring,” according to the family. All were taken on suspicion of fraud, according to a bulletin from the church.
“Under the fabricated charge of ‘fraud,’ many Christians faced harsh persecution,” said Bob Fu, the founder of a U.S.-based Christian rights group, ChinaAid, who is advocating for Ding’s release.
Police have started using fraud charges in recent years against leaders of what are known as house churches, or informal churches not registered with the government in China.
While China allows the practice of Christianity, it can only legally be done at churches registered with the state. Many who choose to worship in house churches say that joining a state church means worshiping the supremacy of the government and Communist Party over God, which they reject.
Beijing in the past several years has increased the pressure on house churches. In 2018, Chinese leader Xi Jinping issued a five year-plan to “Sinicize” all the nation’s officially allowed religions, from Islam to Christianity to Buddhism, by infusing them with “Chinese characteristics” such as loyalty to the Communist Party. Heeding the call, local governments started shutting down house churches through evictions, police interrogations and arrests.
In 2022, pastor Hao Zhiwei in central Hubei province was sentenced to eight years in prison after being charged with fraud, according to Fu. That same year, preachers Han Xiaodong and Li Jie and church worker Wang Qiang were also arrested on suspicion of committing fraud.
On Dec. 1 police called Ding Zhongfu’s wife into the station saying that her husband was being criminally detained on suspicion of fraud. They declined to give her a copy of any paperwork they had her sign which acknowledged they were investigating him.
A police officer at the Shushan branch’s criminal division who answered the phone Tuesday declined to answer questions, saying he could not verify the identity of The Associated Press journalist calling.
The family had been preparing to move to the United States in December to join Ding’s daughter from a previous marriage.
“I wasn’t necessarily a proponent of him moving to the U.S.,” said the daughter, Wanlin Ding, because it would be such a drastic uprooting. “It wasn’t until this event that I realized how serious it was.”
She had wanted him to be part of her wedding in the spring.
Ding’s Ganquan house church had been forced to move multiple times in the past decade, Ge said. The congregation pooled money to buy property so they could use it as a place of worship. Because the churches aren’t recognized by the government, the deeds were put in the names of Ding and two other church members.
Still, police forbid them from using the property to worship, showing up ahead of services to bar people from entering.
In recent years, Ding’s wife said, the church had been meeting at more random locations to avoid police. The church has about 400-500 worshipers from all levels of society.
Ding, in addition to managing the church’s finances, served as an elder in the community, someone people could come to with their problems.
One friend called Ding a “gentle” person in a handwritten testimony for the pastor’s case as part of the public plea for his release: “He was always proactively helping those in society who needed to be helped.”
ROME — The Vatican document explicitly saying Catholic priests can bless same-sex unions lays out the conditions for what such blessings can, and cannot, involve.
The overall goal is to make it abundantly clear to the couple and those around them that the blessing is not a liturgical or sacramental ritual, and that it in no way resembles a marriage. This is because the Catholic Church teaches that marriage is a lifelong sacramental union between a man and woman.
Nothing has changed about the church’s position on marriage, its firm opposition to gay marriage, or its belief that any extramarital sex — gay or straight — is sinful.
Here are some of the points in the document:
— To avoid any confusion that the church was performing a same-sex marriage, the blessing should not be offered in conjunction with a civil union ceremony, gay or straight.
— “Nor can it be performed with any clothing, gestures, or words that are proper to a wedding.”
— Such blessings can be offered during a visit to a Catholic shrine, during a meeting with a priest, a prayer recited in a group or during a pilgrimage.
— The blessing should not be codified or in any way established by set procedures or rituals by dioceses or bishops’ conferences. Rather, priests should be trained to “spontaneously” offer blessings outside the church’s set of approved blessings.
— To drive that point home, the document concludes that the Vatican has no plans to regulate details or practicalities about same-sex blessings, or respond to further questions about them, leaving it to individual priests to work out.
If the holidays manage to test your relationship, you’re not alone. From the dreaded “turkey drop” (breaking up with a significant other before going home for Thanksgiving), to January being one most popular months to file for divorce, there’s clearly something about holiday happenings that make people question their relationships.
So whether you’re looking for one more thing to give a loved one this year, or you’re working on a budget, we rounded up nine sweet gifts that can all be made at home. Put your own unique touches on them, like sweet notes, special wrapping, or personalizations like monograms, and if you have extra supplies, you can always make extra.
Since 1981, Section 393 of Quebec’s Civil Code has forbidden women from legally taking their husbands’ surnames post-marriage.
Quebec established the law to combat societal pressure on women and to promote gender equality. However, not all women agree with the law and some find it restricting.
With this law, a woman’s maiden name remains her legal name after marriage, and she cannot change it without the authorization of the court—which isn’t an easy task.
A married couple may hyphenate each other’s surnames, and women can call themselves whatever name they’d like in an unofficial capacity. But only their birth name is legally recognized by law.
Quebec’s Civil Code Intent and Reception
The law’s primary intent was to protect women from societal pressures and ensure their freedom. However, as Dubé notes, it’s a delicate balance between protecting and improving freedom. Exceptions to the law exist, but they are rare and only apply in extreme cases. This rigidity applies even to Canadian women who relocate to Quebec after marrying in other provinces.
Sophie Grégoire-Trudeau, Canada’s de facto first lady, recently used a hyphenated version of her name, igniting a discussion on this topic. Despite the legal stipulations, she chooses to use both her maiden name and her husband’s surname, symbolizing her personal identity and partnership.
For many Quebec women retaining their birth names may be a significant aspect of their cultural identity. This practice signifies autonomy and self-belonging.
Cultural Shifts and Modern Perspectives
Over the years, Quebec’s approach to married names has influenced cultural norms, including the trend of parents giving children two last names. While this was popular for a time after the 1981 law, its prevalence has decreased. The law’s existence remains a crucial part of Quebec’s identity, reflecting the province’s commitment to gender equality and individual autonomy.
In the broader context, Quebec’s approach to married names remains a unique case, raising important questions about personal freedom, cultural norms, and the evolving nature of marriage and identity in modern society.
As discussions around these issues continue, it becomes evident that the choice of a name, far from being a mere formality, is deeply rooted in notions of identity, tradition, and personal freedom. Perhaps Quebec’s Civil Code will be changed to allow more women freedom over their names in the future.
Not all relationships are created equal; Some are just mediocre, while others are ripe with spiritual connection. And odds are, if you’ve met someone you feel a spiritual connection with, you’ll know it. But for the sake of being sure, here are 11 signs you have a spiritual connection with someone, according to spirituality experts.
‘Small things often’ is Dr. John Gottman’s motto which refers to the impact of everyday small actions on the wellbeing and longevity of your relationship.
Certified Gottman Therapist Kimberly Panganiban, LMFT discussed this idea in a recent webinar for The Gottman Institute. She begins with the concept of ‘bids’ which are any gesture that signals a need for connection. It can be verbal or non-verbal, and Dr. John Gottman describes them as ‘the fundamental unit of emotional connection’.
Panganiban says that there are different ways to respond to a partner’s bid.
Turning toward which means that you notice the bid and respond positively to your partner.
Turning away which means that you miss the bid and are unresponsive to your partner.
Turning against which means that you notice the bid and respond negatively.
Happy, stable couples turn toward 86% of the time while couples that end up separating only turn toward about 33% of the time.
Feedback Cycle
There is a feedback cycle that starts to develop based on the responses to bids. Here is what they can look like:
Turn towards
Every time you turn toward your partner, you are creating security and connection.
This makes your partner feel safe in making more bids.
As you continue to turn toward, bids continue to increase.
Turn away/against
Anytime you turn away or against your partner, they feel rejected/unimportant.
When these pile up, they begin to question whether or not you will be responsive.
Bids decline, and you begin to feel disconnected.
How to increase small things often
Pay attention and tune into your partner’s needs for attention
See your partner’s bids as an opportunity to connect
Turn toward in meaningful ways
Prioritize the relationship and minimize distractions (especially technology and social media)
If you miss a bid, acknowledge it and apologize
The importance of rituals
Once you have started to notice bids in your relationship, you can start developing rituals with your partner. That way you don’t always have to wait for bids to happen spontaneously. When you build in moments of connection and ritualize them, you can count on connecting with your partner on a daily basis. Here are Panganiban’s suggested rituals that can easily be implemented and integrated into your daily routine.
Partings and 6 second kiss: Don’t leave the house without knowing one interesting thing that is going to happen in your partner’s day. Give each other a 6 second kiss…now that’s a kiss with possibilities!
Admiration and Appreciation: Build a positive habit of mind and say appreciations out loud.
Affection: Examples are hugging, snuggling on the couch, holding hands, giving each other a massage. Affection can trigger the release of oxytocin, the ‘cuddle’ hormone associated with feeling good.
Reunions and the stress reducing conversation: Create a ‘couple bubble’ where you have space to talk about a stressful situation. Let the speaker share their external (to the relationship) stressors, and the listener empathizes with their partner’s emotions. They reflect, ask questions, and take their partner’s side.
Date night: Use this time to build love maps. Do not talk about the kids, work or household responsibilities! It doesn’t have to be elaborate but take turns planning and be creative.
Next steps
Start slowly, it’s not a race. Do not expect perfection. Remember small actions make big impacts! If you are struggling, please seek the guidance of a Gottman trained therapist. Check out the Gottman Relationship Coach!
