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Women do this in bed all the time, but in relationships, it’s actually a huge red flag.
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Royal Bank of Canada said it has proof that its former chief financial officer engaged in an intimate relationship with a colleague that she failed to disclose, citing exchanges between the two over text messages and emails.
Canada’s biggest lender filed a statement of defense and counterclaim on Friday in the wrongful dismissal lawsuit filed earlier this month by Nadine Ahn, the executive it fired in April after 25 years at the bank.
The legal filing said Ahn began a close personal relationship with a colleague, Ken Mason — an executive in the bank’s corporate treasury group — as early as 2013 and that it continued until the time of her departure.
The document offers a remarkably detailed look at how the bank alleges the relationship played out over more than a decade. It includes descriptions of how the two bankers frequently met outside work for cocktails, celebrated anniversaries, swapped romantic poetry, and called each other by pet names — “Prickly Pear” for Ahn and “KD” for Mason.
Their text messages “fantasized about a life together, such as reading in bed together,” RBC’s court filing states.
“Ms. Ahn forwarded romantic poetry to Mr. Mason, expressing that she had fallen in love with Mr. Mason when she first saw him,” according to the filing. “Ms. Ahn and Mr. Mason continued to regularly see each other outside of the office during this time period, arranging a lunch on August 18, 2017 to celebrate their ‘fourth anniversary.’”
The close relationship continued after she was promoted to CFO in 2021, according to the documents. RBC alleges that Ahn used her position within the company to orchestrate promotions and pay raises for Mason, an endeavor it says Mason referred to as “Project Ken” in a document he drew up. She also shared confidential information with Mason, the bank claims, such as a draft of a speech to be given by Chief Executive Officer Dave McKay.
Read More: RBC’s Ex-CFO Says She Had Shot at CEO Job Before Bank Fired Her
The filing states that RBC doesn’t have access to their messages, “except to the extent that Ms. Ahn and Mr. Mason copied personal communications to RBC systems.”
Lawyers for Mason and Ahn didn’t reply to messages seeking comment. Ahn said in her lawsuit that she and Mason were friends but denied that they were romantic partners. Mason, who filed a separate wrongful dismissal lawsuit against RBC, also denied a romantic relationship and said the bank would have treated them differently if they had both been men.
The bank cites “intimate communications” exchanged between the two via text message. As one example, it states, “On March 11, 2019, Ms. Ahn messaged Mr. Mason to say, ‘I love you.’ Mr. Mason responded 15 seconds later, ‘I love you too.’”
The two allegedly used calendar invites to schedule “liquidity meetings,” which the bank said was code for going for cocktails. At one such meeting, the two scribbled notes about their drink orders and other topics such as “concert, night out, winery” on a coaster from Canoe, an upscale restaurant in Toronto’s financial district. Mason had the coaster encased in plexiglass and kept it in his office, RBC claims.
The bank said it began investigating in March after an anonymous whistleblower alleged that Ahn and Mason had been seen “hugging and kissing and exiting the elevators” at the Fairmont Royal York, a hotel that’s right beside RBC’s head office.
Bank officials “immediately commenced a thorough investigation conducted by external legal counsel,” RBC spokesperson Gillian McArdle said in an emailed statement on Friday. “We were disappointed to learn the allegations were true.”
The Globe and Mail newspaper earlier reported on RBC’s court filing.
Ahn’s lawsuit complained about the way Royal Bank handled the investigation, the speed with which she was fired after being confronted with the allegations on April 5, and the damage to her reputation when the bank put out a press release that same day.
“Contrary to the statements of claim from Ms. Ahn and Mr. Mason, the investigation showed there was an undisclosed close personal relationship, and that Ms. Ahn misused her authority as CFO to directly benefit Mr. Mason,” McArdle said. “As she was a Named Executive Officer, we had an obligation to disclose.”
Ahn’s lawsuit is seeking almost C$50 million ($37 million) in pay and damages while Mason is suing Royal Bank for more than C$20 million in pay and damages.
In its counterclaim against Ahn, RBC is seeking about C$4.5 million for “excess compensation” paid to Mason and to claw back bonuses paid to Ahn, plus other damages and costs.
RBC’s filing states that when another employee raised concerns about Mason’s pay, Ahn terminated that person’s employment without cause. The bank said that former employee “has demanded compensation from RBC for bad faith termination of his employment, because of Ms. Ahn’s conduct.”
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Christine Dobby, Bloomberg
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In back-to-back interviews on CNN’s “State of the Union,” Republican vice presidential nominee J.D. Vance and Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg contradicted each other when asked about Vance’s views of gay marriage.
During the Aug. 11 broadcast, host Dana Bash asked Vance his thoughts on Buttigieg’s family, which includes Buttigieg’s husband and adopted twins: “Do you recognize them as parents and, more broadly, as being part of families?”
“Well, of course I do, Dana,” Vance said.
Bash then invited Buttigieg on-air and asked him to respond to Vance’s statements.
“When you asked him and pressed him on whether my family was legitimate, he said yes because I think he kind of felt shamed into it,” Buttigieg said. “Last time I checked, he doesn’t even think I should legally be able to have a family.”
Buttigieg then said Vance holds “anti-marriage equality views.”
It’s been nearly a decade since the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the Constitution guarantees the right to same-sex marriage. But LGBTQ+ advocates fear gay marriage’s future is not assured.
However, saying Vance is “anti-marriage equality” doesn’t give a full picture. Vance opposed a 2022 federal law that recognized same-sex marriages. He has also voiced acceptance of gay marriage being legal, calling it “the law of the land” and saying he wasn’t doing anything to try to change that.
Harris campaign points to Vance’s 2022 statements on Respect for Marriage Act
The Transportation Department did not respond to our request for comment from Buttigieg, but, when asked for Buttigieg’s evidence, a spokesperson for Vice President Kamala Harris’ presidential campaign pointed us to 2022 campaign trail comments Vance made against the Respect for Marriage Act.
The act, signed into law in December 2022, requires all states recognize the legality of same-sex marriages — legislative protections that could hold should the 2015 Supreme Court precedent that legalized gay marriage be overturned. Congress took up the issue after Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas called the 2015 ruling on gay marriage “demonstrably erroneous” and advocated it be revoked using the same rationale that the court used in revoking federally protected abortion access.
During an Oct. 10, 2022, televised Senate race debate between Vance and Rep. Tim Ryan, D-Ohio, Vance said he opposed the Respect for Marriage Act, then pending before Congress.
“I don’t think it’s actually about gay marriage, it is not about same-sex marriage or same-sex equality,” Vance said. “Look, gay marriage is the law of the land in this country. And I’m not trying to do anything to change that.” He said he opposed the bill because he thought it would make it easier for the government and others to sue religious organizations that “don’t comply with the dictates of the federal government.”
Vance’s team declined PolitiFact’s request for comment on Vance’s current same-sex marriage equality position. A 2022 Cleveland Plain Dealer story said that when asked about gay marriage, Vance, who is Catholic, had “pointed to the position of the Catholic church, which officially opposes it.”
In his memoir, “Hillbilly Elegy,” Vance wrote about his exposure to antigay religious sentiment and described being friends with gay people. But he did not specifically weigh in on gay marriage.
PolitiFact could not independently find any specific statements that Vance has made about the church’s position.
Vance’s other comments on the Respect for Marriage Act
Vance’s stance on the Respect for Marriage Act came up frequently during his Senate run.
In July 2022, the Christian nonprofit Mission: America reported that Vance had said he would vote “no” on the bill, citing concerns about religious liberty.
In August 2022, in comments to reporters who asked him about the bill, Vance called it a “distraction.”
“You have a sky-high inflation crisis, you have a huge recessionary problem, and we’re arguing about rights that have already been granted by the Supreme Court,” he said. “It seems like a bizarre distraction for a country that actually has much, much deeper and more serious crises.”
The Respect for Marriage Act passed the House on Aug. 19, 2022, and was sent to the Senate, where religious liberty protections were added, earning the bill bipartisan support. Some conservative legal organizations, such as the Alliance Defending Freedom, still opposed the legislation finding the protections insufficient.
In his October debate with Ryan, Vance again said he continued to oppose the act.
President Joe Biden signed the law Dec. 13, 2022, before Vance took office.
Vance’s recent comments on gay families
As senator, Vance introduced proposals to restrict gender-affirming health care for youth and prohibit the use of the “X” gender designation, as opposed to “M” or “F,” on passports. Nonbinary people often use the “X.” Neither bill has made it out of committee.
Since becoming the Republican vice presidential candidate, Vance’s political opponents have scrutinized Vance’s views on American families, and resurfaced statements he made in 2021, including to the Intercollegiate Studies Institute and then-Fox News host Tucker Carlson. In these interviews, Vance said people with children have more of a political stake in the nation’s future than those who do not and lamented that the U.S. was being run by “a bunch of childless cat ladies.”
“The entire future of the Democrats is controlled by people without children,” Vance said on Carlson’s July 29, 2021, show, citing Buttigieg and Harris as examples. “How does it make any sense that we have turned our country over to people who don’t really have a direct stake in it. … Maybe if we want a healthy ruling class in this country, we should invest more, we should vote more, we should support more people who actually have kids, because those are the people who ultimately have a more direct stake in our future.”
Vance has responded to the criticism by saying his comments were taken out of context.
On Aug. 11, following the CNN segment, CBS News’ “Face the Nation” host Margaret Brennan asked Vance whether his proposal for a new childcare policy would include gay families. Vance said, “All families would be included, of course all families would be included.”
Trump and the Republican Party more broadly have quieted their opposition to gay marriage.
Before his presidency, Trump said in interviews that he supported “traditional marriage.” But, following the Supreme Court’s legalization, he described the issue as “settled.” The recently released 2024 Republican party platform also removed a 2016 condemnation of same-sex marriage legalization, but states an aim to “promote a Culture that values the Sanctity of Marriage, the blessings of childhood, the foundational role of families, and supports working parents.”
Our ruling
Buttigieg claimed that Vance holds “anti-marriage equality views.”
As he campaigned for his Ohio Senate seat in 2022, Vance said he would not support a bill that would federally legalize same-sex marriage. He cited concerns about religious liberty and described the bill as a “distraction,” given that the Supreme Court has already granted same-sex marriage rights.
But Vance did say during a debate that “gay marriage is the law of the land in this country. And I’m not trying to do anything to change that.”
Vance’s campaign did not clarify his current views on marriage equality. But comments in recent interviews signal that Vance recognizes families with gay parents. The Republican Party has removed from its 2024 platform its 2016 condemnation of same-sex marriage.
The statement is partially accurate but omits important details or takes things out of context. We rate it Half True.
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One North Carolina couple didn’t say ‘I do’ to each other just once, but twice within the last few months.After a medical emergency this past May, Megan and Aiden Nault ended up unconventionally tying the knot in the hospital.That’s when our sister station WXII 12 first met the couple.Last month, the two finally got the wedding they dreamt of and deserved.”It feels surreal kind of,” Megan said. “Obviously, you don’t expect to marry the same man twice in a row like that.”Their adventure to the altar began in May. On the eve of their wedding, Megan had been experiencing excruciating abdominal pain that required emergency surgery.”We definitely got the sickness and health part down,” Aiden said. “Yeah,” Megan added. “The first was our sickness wedding, this was our health wedding.” Originally, the two got married on the night of their rehearsal dinner during Megan’s hospital stay. While the wedding was lovely, Megan knew she still wanted that fairytale ending.So, on July 20, they both got the wedding they had always dreamt of. “Everyone asks if it was as special as the first time,” Megan said. “And I’d say yes, 100 percent. Knowing everything we went through and getting to the venue. in the moment, in the dress. It was the perfect moment. I got emotional just being outside getting to do this– it was just great.”A true testament to ‘in sickness and in health,’ that this couple will remember forever.”It was beautiful,” Aiden said. “That we finally got the perfect ending we wanted.”The couple plans to go on an official honeymoon sometime next year to somewhere tropical.
One North Carolina couple didn’t say ‘I do’ to each other just once, but twice within the last few months.
After a medical emergency this past May, Megan and Aiden Nault ended up unconventionally tying the knot in the hospital.
That’s when our sister station WXII 12 first met the couple.
Last month, the two finally got the wedding they dreamt of and deserved.
“It feels surreal kind of,” Megan said. “Obviously, you don’t expect to marry the same man twice in a row like that.”
Their adventure to the altar began in May. On the eve of their wedding, Megan had been experiencing excruciating abdominal pain that required emergency surgery.
“We definitely got the sickness and health part down,” Aiden said.
“Yeah,” Megan added. “The first was our sickness wedding, this was our health wedding.”
Originally, the two got married on the night of their rehearsal dinner during Megan’s hospital stay.
While the wedding was lovely, Megan knew she still wanted that fairytale ending.
So, on July 20, they both got the wedding they had always dreamt of.
“Everyone asks if it was as special as the first time,” Megan said. “And I’d say yes, 100 percent. Knowing everything we went through and getting to the venue. in the moment, in the dress. It was the perfect moment. I got emotional just being outside getting to do this– it was just great.”
A true testament to ‘in sickness and in health,’ that this couple will remember forever.
“It was beautiful,” Aiden said. “That we finally got the perfect ending we wanted.”
The couple plans to go on an official honeymoon sometime next year to somewhere tropical.
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For manipulative people and dark-triad types, things like withholding, exaggerating the truth to get their way, and inflating their own ego are mere past times. We’ve all told a lie here and there, but fibbing that you’re sick when you really just need an extra day to get things done, for example, is far from the kinds of lies master deceivers use.
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It’s relatively normal to experience “mixed feelings,” aka ambivalence, toward your romantic partner—but when do those mixed feelings spell trouble for your relationship? According to research published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science1, here’s what to know if you’re experiencing ambivalence.
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Body language expert Blanca Cobb, M.S., previously explained that when someone’s body tenses up, that’s a common “negative” expression, which may be related to stress, discomfort, or anger. “Positive” body language—like relaxing the body or resting comfortably—can indicate happiness and trust.
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Just as cars don’t run without gas, relationships don’t thrive without dedicated attention. Quality time together doing something fun and relaxing can put some needed pizzazz back into pandemic-weary relationships. Yet another movie isn’t the answer. Instead, it’s time to bring back the date night.
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From “Beaches” to “First Wives Club” and “Hocus Pocus,” Bette Midler has starred in a number of projects where women aren’t just at the center of the story — but also female friendship is a major theme.
“The most fun ones are the women ones, I have to say,” said Midler in a recent interview.
Her latest project is working alongside Susan Sarandon, Sheryl Lee Ralph and Megan Mullally in “The Fabulous Four.” Midler plays Marilyn, a widow getting married who wants her besties from her 20s to be bridesmaids. The production was granted a waiver to film last year during the Hollywood strikes which meant they had to be nimble and open to last-minute changes to get the job done quickly.
“It was like someone blew the whistle and we all got on a plane,” recalled Sarandon. “It really was lucky that we had four women who were such pros and who were game to go under those circumstances.”
While she and her co-stars were focused because they were working under a special circumstance, Sarandon says they made a point to cheer each other on for a big on-camera moment or scene.
“When it was somebody’s time to be celebrated, we celebrated that person. And when somebody else had their scene, we were all standing around while they got their moment,” Sarandon said, adding that on some sets, actors choose to “not be really involved when it’s not about them.”
As for friendships, Midler says “there’s nothing like having an old friend because they knew you when.” Two particular people come to mind when she thinks about her own friendships. One is the sister of a close friend who died. “The other is the girl that I came to New York with when we were both 19.”
“They don’t take any bs from you, and you really can be yourself,” said Midler.
Sarandon relies on “six women” and “scores of gay guys that have been in my life for 30, 40 years.”
“We’ve been through kids and divorces and whatever, and I definitely count on them and sometimes disagree with them, but they are definitely in my tribe,” she said.
Ralph, an Emmy winner for her role on ABC’s “Abbott Elementary,” still keeps in touch with her childhood best friend, Elizabeth. “I’ll hear from her on social media every now and again,” she said.
“My friend Carol — we met at the Miss Black Teenage America pageant. We’re still friends to this day. All the ladies from ‘Dreamgirls,’ — Loretta Devine, Jenifer Lewis, Jennifer Holliday — we still talk. There are just so many of those relationships, and you don’t have to start from the beginning. You can just pick up right where you were.”
It’s her appreciation for her own longtime friendships that made Ralph want to be in “The Fabulous Four.”
“I loved the fact that they weren’t 19, 20 or 30 or 40. These were seasoned women, or, as we say in the vernacular, grown (expletive) women living their lives.”
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57 years on, Matt LeBlanc remains a Hollywood hunk thanks to his decade spent playing lovable womanizer Joey on Friends. However, when it comes to his off-screen life, the actor has maintained a more private presence.
Compared to the rest of his co-stars, Matt is one of the more quiet when it comes to his personal life, and unlike Joey Tribbiani’s storied romantic past, the actor has been more steady when it comes to his romances.
Away from the cameras, Matt is also a doting dad of one, and a former stepdad-of-two, and in honor of his big day, here’s a look at his family life, from his relationships to fatherhood…
Outside of his long term relationships, Matt’s first most notable romance came way back in the ’90s, just as Friends began picking up steam after its 1994 debut.
It was reported at the time that the actor was dating none other than Kate Hudson, who was only 17 at the time while he was 28. However, it was never confirmed whether that was actually true.
Flash forward to 2004, when Friends came to an end, Matt was tapped to star in the short-lived spin-off Joey, with actress Andrea Anders playing his love interest Alex.
They began a romance in 2006, shortly after the series concluded. However, in 2014, they called it quits on the relationship, with his spokesperson confirming to Us Weekly that they “decided to end things some time ago.”
MORE: Matt LeBlanc on the Friends reunion has Twitter in a frenzy — here’s why!
In 2017, he was first spotted with Top Gear producer Aurora Mulligan. It wasn’t until 2018 when he subtly confirmed that they were dating when he told Graham Norton on his show about living in London: “I have a flat here with my girlfriend but my home is in LA.”
© Getty ImagesThe couple quietly continued to date for a few years before ultimately calling it quits around early 2022. The Irish TV producer has since become a mom.
In 1997, Matt was introduced by Kelly Phillips (the wife of actor Lou Diamond Phillips) to Melissa McKnight, now 59, a British-born American model.
© Getty ImagesThe two quickly struck up a romance and just a year later, while at the height of Friends mania, Matt popped the question. After a long engagement, they finally tied the knot in 2003.
However, in 2006, Matt and Melissa decided to call time on their marriage and got a divorce. They remained in each other’s lives, however, as co-parents to their three kids.
SEE: Man’s best Friends! Meet Jennifer Aniston, Matthew Perry & co’s pet dogs
© Getty ImagesIn 2003, Matt and Melissa welcomed their daughter Marina Pearl LeBlanc. The early months were difficult, however, as Marina began experiencing seizures when she was just eight months old. At 11 months, she was diagnosed with cortical dysplasia, a common cause of epilepsy.
After wrapping up Joey in 2006, he took an extended break from the screen to focus on his daughter, whose condition fortunately began to improve as she grew older. By two years old, the seizures had subsided.
MORE: Matt LeBlanc talks Jennifer Aniston’s split from Justin Theroux
He told The Sunday Times in 2005: “My [favorite] thing is not to work. I like to be with my family or my friends, to ride my bike.”
© Getty Images“So I do my thing, go home and live my life. Maybe having my daughter, maybe that’s what it was, but life’s too short to be stressing out about your career. I don’t care as much as I used to.”
Matt also became a stepfather with his marriage to Melissa to her children Tyler and Jacquelyn. He became close with them while they were together, and made sure to remain as such after the split. Tyler is a sound engineer while Jacquelyn is a graduate of the Fashion Institute of Technology.
© Getty ImagesMarina, now 20, is living a more private life, but her dad revealed in an earlier People interview that she was indeed a talented performer as well — but as a singer. “She has a beautiful voice. She has an audition for the talent show at her school today. I helped her to prepare some new pop song I don’t know.”
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Ahad Sanwari
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You might find yourself feeling stuck, lonely, and helpless. When your husband yells at you, it can feel scary and alone. The fact you are reading this means you are looking for help and support to make things better, and that is a good sign. You say to yourself ‘Why is my husband yelling at me?’ And it can feel like the burden of understanding and resolving this inappropriate behavior falls on you and not your husband. From a clinical perspective, this can be problematic as it can inadvertently shift responsibility away from the individual exhibiting the harmful behavior. It’s important to recognize that while understanding the underlying reasons for yelling can be beneficial, addressing such issues often requires professional counseling to ensure both partners’ well-being and to foster healthier communication patterns within the relationship.
We know from the research that 80% of the time women are the ones to bring up problems in their relationship. Women carry the mental load of family, kids, career and the health of the relationship. In other words…you are not alone.
This is hard and frankly not fair. The reasons run deep….related to social constructs and a patriarchal society. But in this moment that probably doesn’t matter. You just want to be in a relationship of mutual respect, friendship, understanding and connection. So how can you get there?
While it is not “your” problem, if it negatively impacts you then it is a relationship problem. This means that while you might not be able to fix it, there are actions you can take to improve the situation.
When one of us gets flooded, it is important to take a break since interactions will likely escalate if one partner is experiencing flooding. Once you get back to a regulated state, you are more likely to be able to have a productive conversation.
During the break, you can use self soothing techniques. It is important to not keep thinking about and rehashing the disagreement in your head as that will keep your body in a flooded state.
It is important to tell your husband how you feel when you are yelled at. You can use Dr. John Gottman’s softened start up. This means starting with ‘I feel ______ about _______ and I need______.
When you start a discussion off with how you feel, it is much more likely to be a conversation that is productive and healthy.
Boundaries are an important tool to use to protect ourselves and tho change our own behavior versus trying to change our partner’s. They are a way of protecting ourselves and setting clear limits about what we will and will not tolerate from someone else.
After a regrettable incident occurs, it is important to process what has happened. There is a Gottman recipe for doing so which takes the guesswork and volatility out of the situation. During the process you both have an opportunity to talk about how you felt and how you perceived the situation.
While this behavior is not ok, it can be helpful to gain some understanding behind why it is happening. Here are some potential reasons:
For many couples working through these issues is too hard to do on their own. Seeking help is not a sign of weakness, and a trained therapist can help support you through the process to improve your relationship. They can also be helpful in identifying whether there are individual issues that need to be addressed. You can specifically look for a Gottman trained therapist or use this larger network to find a licensed clinician.
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MUMBAI, MAHARASHTRA, INDIA – 2024/07/05: Anant Ambani (son of Indian businessman Mukesh Ambani) and his fiancée Radhika Merchant seen on the red carpet during the sangeet ceremony at Jio World Centre in Mumbai. (Photo by Ashish Vaishnav/SOPA Images/LightRocket via Getty Images)
Sopa Images | Lightrocket | Getty Images
The lavish wedding of Anant Ambani and Radhika Merchant is the talk of the moment, taking place this weekend after months of spectacular celebrations preceding the event.
Ambani is the youngest son of billionaire Mukesh Ambani, chairman of Indian conglomerate Reliance Industries. The total cost of the wedding is estimated to be between 11 billion to 13 billion rupees ($132 million to $156 million), according to the BBC, although the families involved have not revealed any figures.
Extravagances include a three-day star-studded pre-wedding event in March in the family’s hometown of Jamnagar in the Indian state of Gujarat, with 1,200 guests in attendance including Meta’s Mark Zuckerberg and Bollywood star Shah Rukh Khan.
This was followed by a luxury cruise across the Mediterranean and yet more celebrations in July ahead of the big day.
Karishma Manwani, a luxury wedding planner in London who works with wealthy families, told CNBC Make It that her clients typically spend between £200,000 and £1 million ($258,620 and $1.29 million) on wedding celebrations.
Meanwhile, Priya Suglani, the founder of events and wedding planning company Pristine Events, said to CNBC Make It that her clientele tends to spend between £40,000 to £130,000.
But a beautiful wedding doesn’t need to be expensive and there are ways to put on a spectacular show with a much smaller budget, according to Manwani and Suglani.
They shared six tips on how to host a luxurious wedding without spending the earth.
Suglani suggests opting for “quality over quantity,” which means prioritizing what you want to spend the most money on if you’re on a restricted budget.
“I always say to couples, pick your five non-negotiables, so pick your five things that mean the most to you at weddings,” Suglani said.
This means thinking about the things you’ve most appreciated at weddings in the past, such as food, drinks, music, or entertainment.
“Spend most of your money on that, so you can still get a really good personalized wedding and the stuff that you have booked is really good quality,” she said.
“It’s better to do a wedding like that, rather than trying to fit everything in, and you’ve just gone for the cheapest option for all of them, and then it just feels a bit flat.”
It’s tempting to invite everyone you know to a wedding, but refining the guest list will trim costs and allow you to spend more on other areas.
“Try and have people that you really want there and people that you’re going to miss if you don’t see them on the dance floor that night,” Manwani said. “Every guest adds up.”
In fact, there’s a growing trend in the wedding industry of inviting fewer people, but splashing out on other areas, according to Suglani.
“[People] are now having a guest list of 200 people so they’re then able to go all out on other things that they wouldn’t have before if they were having 500 people,” she said.
Suglani suggests being savvy when it comes to cost-effectiveness — and this could involve making things yourself at home.
“These days you can do things like make your own stationery yourselves and get it printed,” she explained.
Couple Vanessa Acosta and Sam Roberts went even further, hosting their wedding in their own backyard on a budget of $3,000.
“We DIY’ed and thrifted everything,” Acosta previously told CNBC Make It. “We thrifted my husband’s shirt, he used his really nice dress shoes he already owned. I made my dress and I thrifted the fabrics; I made my veil.”
Manwani advises couples to be as flexible as possible with their wedding dates in order to save some serious cash.
“Consider weekday weddings. Don’t go for that peak Saturday bank holiday weekend in the U.K., because venues are going to be a lot more expensive. Suppliers are going to be a lot more in demand. So nobody’s willing to negotiate. Nobody’s willing to give you a good deal,” she said.
“But if you go off-peak, weekdays … suppliers are free on that day. They would happily give you a good deal that works for you. So, then you’re going to get the best suppliers, you’re going to get the venue that you want at a reasonable price without paying the premiums.”
If you’re planning various pre-wedding events like the Ambani family, having them at home is a convenient and inexpensive way of doing so, according to Manwani.
“Do it in your back garden instead of doing a whole event, because each time you have a venue, there are minimum spends there and you have to provide so many things and you want to have more guests because the venue can accommodate 100 guests so you will end up inviting 100 guests,” she said.
“But if you do it in your home and you can only accommodate 25 guests, you will stick to that list.”
Floral arrangements can make a major statement at wedding events, but fresh flowers are not your only option.
“Nowadays we’ve got really amazing fake floral options that still give all the drama and statement, but are way cheaper,” Suglani said.
If fresh flowers are a must for your wedding, then consider what is in season, Manwani says.
“Some brides come to me, and they have a favorite flower, but it’s not in season. So, then we have to import them from Holland or from other countries. But if you were to play with what’s available at that time of the year, you’re going to get a beautiful look without paying that premium for logistics that nobody actually sees,” she added.
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MUMBAI, India — Global celebrities, business tycoons and politicians began arriving in India’s financial capital on Friday to attend the wedding of the youngest son of Mukesh Ambani, Asia’s richest man, highlighting the billionaire’s staggering wealth and rising clout.
Anant Ambani, 29, is marrying his longtime girlfriend, Radhika Merchant, in what many have dubbed the wedding of the year. The celebrations are taking place at the Ambani-owned Jio World Convention Centre in Mumbai and their family home and are the culmination of months of wedding events that featured performances by pop stars including Rihanna and Justin Bieber.
The four-day wedding celebrations begin with a traditional Hindu wedding ceremony on Friday, followed by a grand reception that will run through the weekend. The guest list includes former British Prime Ministers Tony Blair and Boris Johnson, Saudi Aramco CEO Amin H. Nasser, Adele, Lana Del Rey, Drake and David Beckham, according to local media. The Ambani family has not confirmed the guest list.
Television news channels showed celebrities like Kim Kardashian and professional wrestler and Hollywood actor John Cena arriving.
Police have imposed traffic diversions around the wedding venue from Friday to Monday to handle the influx of guests who will be flying into Mumbai, where heavy monsoon rains have caused flooding and flight disruptions for the past week.
The extravaganza and the display of opulence that comes with this wedding has, however, led many to raise questions about rising inequality in India, where the gap between the rich and poor is growing. The event has also sparked anger among some Mumbai residents who say they were struggling with snarled traffic.
“It affects our earnings. I don’t care much about the wedding,” said Vikram, a taxi driver who only uses his first name.
The father of the groom, Mukesh Ambani, 66, is the world’s ninth richest man with a net worth of $116 billion, according to Forbes. He is also the richest person in Asia. His Reliance Industries is a massive conglomerate, reporting over $100 billion in annual revenue, with interests ranging from petrochemicals, and oil and gas to telecoms and retail.
The Ambani family owns, among other assets, a 27-story family compound in Mumbai worth $1 billion. The building contains three helipads, a 160-car garage and a private movie theater.
Ambani’s son, Anant, oversees the conglomerate’s renewable and green energy expansion. He also runs a 3,000-acre (about 1,200-hectare) animal rescue center in Gujarat state’s Jamnagar, the family’s hometown.
The bride, Radhika Merchant, 29, is the daughter of pharmaceutical tycoon Viren Merchant and is the marketing director for his company, Encore Healthcare, according to Vogue.
Ambani’s critics say his company has relied on political connections during Congress party-led governments in the 1970s and ’80s and under Prime Minister Narendra Modi’s rule after 2014.
The Ambani family’s pre-wedding celebrations have been lavish and star-studded.
In March, they threw a three-day prenuptial bash for his son with 1,200 guests including former world leaders, tech tycoons and Bollywood megastars, and performances by Rihanna, Akon and Diljit Dosanjh, a Punjabi singer who shot to international fame when he performed at Coachella. The event was also attended by tech billionaires Mark Zuckerberg and Bill Gates.
It was the start of lavish monthslong pre-wedding celebrations that have grabbed headlines and set off a social media frenzy.
In May, the family took guests on a three-day cruise from Italy to France which included Katy Perry singing her hit song “Firework” and a performance by Pitbull, according to media reports.
The family also organized a mass wedding for more than 50 underprivileged couples on July 2 as part of the celebrations.
Last week, Justin Bieber performed for hundreds of guests at a pre-wedding concert which included performances by Bollywood stars Alia Bhatt, Ranveer Singh and Salman Khan.
Ambani also made headlines in 2018 when Beyoncé performed at pre-wedding festivities for his daughter. Former U.S. Secretaries of State Hillary Clinton and John Kerry were among those who rubbed shoulders with Indian celebrities and Bollywood stars in the western Indian city of Udaipur.
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NEW DELHI — In March, Asia’s richest man Mukesh Ambani threw a three-day prenuptial bash for his son that included a 1,200-person guest list, including former world leaders, tech tycoons and Bollywood’s megastars, and a performance by renowned singer Rihanna.
It was only the start of their months-long lavish pre-wedding celebrations which have grabbed headlines and set off a social media frenzy.
In May, the family took guests on a 3-day pre-wedding cruise from Italy to France, which included a DJ set from David Guetta, Katy Perry belting out her hit song “Firework” and a performance by Pitbull to cap it off, according to media reports.
Finally, the wedding is set for next week, with Anant Ambani, 29, marrying his longtime girlfriend, Radhika Merchant, in what many have dubbed the wedding of the year.
Here’s what we know:
The father of the groom is Mukesh Ambani, 66, currently the world’s 9th richest man with a net worth of $116 billion, according to Forbes. He is also the richest person in Asia.
His Reliance Industries is a massive conglomerate, reporting over $100 billion in annual revenue, with interests ranging from petrochemicals, and oil and gas to telecoms and retail.
The Ambani family owns, among other assets, a 27-story private apartment building, named Antila, worth $1 billion in Mumbai. It has three helipads, a 160-car garage, a private movie theater, a swimming pool, and a fitness center.
Ambani’s critics say his company has flourished mainly because of political connections during the Congress governments in the 1970s and 80s and subsequently under Prime Minister Narendra Modi’s rule after 2014. They say “crony capitalism” in India has helped certain corporations, such as Ambani’s, thrive.
The family patriarch has started passing the torch to his two sons and daughter. The oldest son, Akash Ambani, is now chairperson of Reliance Jio, their telecoms business; his daughter, Isha, oversees retail, while the groom Anant, the youngest, has been inducted into the new energy business.
Anant has a bachelor’s degree from Brown University, according to Reliance Industries’ website, and oversees the conglomerate’s renewable and green energy expansion.
He also runs a 3,000-acre (nearly 1,200-hectare) animal rescue center called Vantara in Gujarat state’s Jamnagar, the family’s hometown where guests in March spent days celebrating in the extravagant pre-wedding party.
The bride, Radhika Merchant, 29, is the daughter of pharmaceutical tycoon Viren Merchant and is the marketing director for his company, Encore Healthcare, according to Vogue.
She told the magazine that the two were introduced through mutual friends in 2017. “That first meeting just sparked something special between us, and it wasn’t long before we started dating,” she said.
The main wedding ceremony is set for July 12, followed by a grand reception on July 14, according to local media. Celebrations are expected to be split between the Ambani’s Jio World Convention Center in Mumbai city and their family home.
The dates were reportedly chosen based on the couple’s birth charts, as is typical in Hindu custom, and deemed auspicious. Also keeping with tradition, the wedding will be preceded by days of traditional wedding events and rituals.
On Friday, Indian social media was abuzz with videos from the couple’s sangeet, a ceremony where the bride and groom’s families perform dances for the guests. It also included performances by Bollywood stars like Alia Bhatt, Ranveer Singh and Salman Khan as well as Justin Bieber, who flew to Mumbai for the event, according to local media.
The family also organized a mass wedding for more than 50 underprivileged couples last week, as part of the pre-wedding celebrations.
Extravagant parties are the Ambanis’ specialty and next week’s events are expected to draw more celebrities, billionaires and world leaders.
In March for the pre-wedding bash, the guest list included Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, former leaders of Canada and Qatar as well as Bollywood’s A-list stars like Shah Rukh Khan and Deepika Padukone. In addition to Rihanna, Akon and Diljit Dosanjh, a Punjabi singer who shot to international fame when he performed at Coachella, also took the stage.
In 2018, when his daughter married, Ambani made the headlines because of the grand celebrations, with pop sensation Beyoncé performing at the pre-wedding festivities. At the time, former U.S. Secretaries of State Hillary Clinton and John Kerry were among those who rubbed shoulders with Indian celebrities and Bollywood stars in the western Indian city of Udaipur.
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SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Forced labor, same-sex marriage and shoplifting are among the 10 statewide ballot measures that California voters are set to consider in November.
The California secretary of state assigned proposition numbers to the measures on Wednesday after the Legislature added two more bond proposals to the ballot.
Here’s a look at what voters will decide in November:
This asks voters for permission to borrow $10 billion for public school construction and repairs. Most of the money, $8.5 billion, would go to elementary and secondary schools. The rest, or $1.5 billion, would go to community colleges. No money would be available for the California State University or University of California systems.
This would remove the ban on same-sex marriage from the California Constitution. Voters added that ban to the constitution in 2008. But the U.S. Supreme Court has prevented California from enforcing the ban since 2013. Still, the language banning same-sex marriage remains in the state constitution. The proposed amendment would remove the ban and replace it with language saying, “The right to marry is a fundamental right.”
This asks voters for permission to borrow $10 billion for various climate programs. The largest chunk of the money, $3.8 billion, would help pay to improve drinking water systems and prepare for droughts and floods. Programs preparing for wildfires would receive $1.5 billion while programs combating sea level rise would get $1.2 billion.
The rest would be divided up among parks and outdoor recreation programs, clean air initiatives and programs preparing for extreme heat, protecting biodiversity and helping make farms and ranches sustainable.
This would change the state constitution to make it easier for local governments to borrow money, provided they use the funds to build affordable housing or public infrastructure. Local governments, excluding school districts, currently can borrow money only if two-thirds of voters approve.
This would lower that threshold to 55% for affordable housing and public infrastructure projects. Public infrastructure includes water and sewer systems, public transportation, libraries, broadband internet and hospitals.
This would change the California Constitution to ban forced labor in any form. The constitution currently bans involuntary servitude, or forced labor, except as a punishment for crime. That exemption has become a target of criminal justice advocates concerned about prison labor conditions. It is not uncommon for people who are incarcerated to be put to work earning less than $1 an hour.
This eventually would increase California’s minimum wage to $18 per hour. It is currently $16 per hour for most people and $20 per hour for fast food workers. Health care workers will eventually see their minimum wage reach $25 per hour, according to a law that Democratic Gov. Gavin Newsom signed last year.
This would repeal a state law prohibiting cities and counties from capping rents on single-family homes, condominiums and apartments built after 1995. Supporters say the proposal would help prevent homelessness.
Similar measures failed in 2018 and 2020 amid fierce opposition led by landlord groups and the real-estate industry. Opponents argued the proposal would hurt mom-and-pop landlords and discourage the construction of affordable housing.
State lawmakers in 2019 approved a 10% statewide cap on annual rent increases. The law exempted new construction for 15 years and is set to expire in 2030. Several cities including Los Angeles, San Francisco and San Jose also have local rent control policies.
This would permanently allow California’s Medicaid program to pay pharmacies directly for prescription drugs. California started doing this in 2019 after Newsom signed an executive order allowing the payments. This measure would make it a law.
The measure also would require some health care providers to spend almost all of the money they get from a federal prescription drug program directly on patient care instead of other things.
This proposition appears to be directed at the AIDS Healthcare Foundation. The measure has the backing of the California Apartment Association, which helped pay for an ad criticizing the AIDS Healthcare Foundation. The foundation has said it is being targeted for its support for rent control.
This would make the state pay doctors more money for treating patients who are covered by Medicaid, the government-funded health insurance program for people with low incomes.
Managed care organizations contract with the state to provide these health benefits. The state taxes these organizations to help pay for the Medicaid program. This measure would require the state to use a portion of that tax money to increase how much Medicaid pays doctors.
This would make the crime of shoplifting a felony for repeat offenders and increase penalties for some drug charges, including those involving the synthetic opioid fentanyl. It also would give judges the authority to order those with multiple drug charges to get treatment.
Proponents said the initiative is necessary to close loopholes in existing laws that have made it challenging for law enforcement to punish shoplifters and drug dealers.
Opponents, including Democratic state leaders and social justice groups, said the proposal would disproportionately imprison poor people and those with substance use issues rather than target ringleaders who hire large groups of people to steal goods for them to resell online.
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ST. LOUIS — A St. Louis man remained hospitalized in critical condition Monday after being shot in the head by a masked gunman during his Friday night wedding reception.
Police said two masked gunmen entered the St. Louis backyard of the bride, Dulce Gonzalez, early Saturday as guests continued celebrating the couple’s small home wedding, KSDK-TV reported Monday.
Her sister, Yaribeth Peña, told the station that two men wearing ski masks ordered guests not to move.
Police told the station that one gunman stood behind the groom, 32-year-old Manuel Gonzalez, as the other rifled through guests’ pockets.
Then one of the gunmen shot the groom in the head before they both fled.
Peña said her sister is “distraught,” “depressed” and “heartbroken” as her new husband struggles to recover.
“He’s fighting for his life,” Peña said. “We are hoping he pulls through.”
The couple share two children.
Police have not made any arrests in the case.
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Any extensions of the five love languages (quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, gift-giving, and/or acts of service) are a good sign that a man is in love. As Richmond explains, physical touch is a primary love language for roughly 60% to 70% of the men she works with, but everyone has different ways of showing love, so look out for things like taking care of chores, compliments, planning dates—anything that feels like a display of affection.
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You and your partner are in a tough place. You have a hard time feeling connected and don’t feel understood. You worry if this is the beginning of the end of the relationship. You fantasize about what life might be like starting over, being single, and what dating someone new might be like. Maybe you even started searching for divorce attorneys.
Many couples experience similar situations and come out stronger, more connected, and more in love than ever before. That statement probably sounds idealistic or even unimaginable if you are experiencing a rough patch in your relationship. It can happen, though, and it takes work. There is no sugar coating the situation. You will have to make the decision that the relationship is worth being in and working on. If so, you must commit to rolling up your sleeves and doing your part.
If that’s your intention, here’s how to do it.
Recognize your role in how the two of you got to this place in your relationship. There is the “we” stuff that impacts a relationship, but there is also the “me” stuff. Decide if you are willing to do some personal inventory on the internal work that you need to tackle. Do you need to change your attitude about your partner and allow yourself to notice the good things they do? Can you find something you appreciate about your partner and let them know? You may need to forgive or accept some things you cannot change about your partner to open up your mindset. There may be work that you do (possibly in your own personal therapy) that allows you to hold your partner in a positive perspective again.
When was the last time you two went on a date or had sex that wasn’t functional? Great relationships need tending. Shared positive experiences lead to shared positive emotions. If you don’t invest in quality time with each other, don’t be surprised when you start to view your spouse as a “business partner” that you are in the “business” of being in a relationship with.
Sexual connection and real intimacy are ways to create vulnerability with each other. If you want to add a charge of positivity to your view of the relationship, then you need to behave in ways that generate affection, physical connection, and shared vulnerability.
Relationships can be hard work. Rough patches usually represent the consequences from a time when the relationship wasn’t a priority for one or both of you. Reframe this time as a wake-up call that lets you both know that you need to do a reset.
Many couples experience periods when they haven’t prioritized the relationship, not because they didn’t care about it, but because they got busy with jobs or family responsibilities. Rough patches can be those “aha” moments that serve as reminders that there is work to do.
You can get the relationship back on track, but you need to see the consequences in the right light. This rough patch does not mean you are a failure as a couple and should throw in the towel. It signals that you got off course, and you can still do something to turn it around.
Your relationship has likely had some really amazing times when you felt loved, cherished, and seen. If you never experienced those times, it’s unlikely you would still be in the relationship. Instead, you likely fell into what is referred to as negative sentiment override. What that means is that you both are so hyper-focused on your problems that you have a hard time remembering the good parts.
This negative sentiment override can keep you stuck in a pattern of negative emotion influencing negative responses. Can you remind yourself of the things you like about your partner or of the times that things went well? What were you each contributing to the success of your relationship during those times? Can you find ways to recreate some of those positive emotions?
Getting in touch with some of those prior positive emotions may generate warm thoughts about your partner. Feeling positive about the person you are in a relationship with can help restore genuine positive energy that leads to positive interactions. These balanced perspectives about the good parts that are also happening can help even out your view about the value of the relationship.
Have you asked for your needs in the relationship or do you assume that if your partner really loved you that they would just KNOW? Have you asked in the right way? If the Four Horsemen (criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling) crept into your conversations, then it might be time to learn how to ask for your unmet needs in a positive way.
Learning how to use a gentle start-up or finding a way to accept some of the responsibility for how a difficult conversation got off course are both good places to start. Ask a Gottman Method-trained couples therapist if the tools you and your partner use to ask for your needs are sending mixed messages.
This time in your relationship might be temporary, and you and your partner need different tools to navigate. There is no guilt or shame involved with hitting a rough patch. It can be the jolt your relationship needs to come out stronger and more valued on the other side.
The NEW Gottman Relationship Adviser takes the guesswork out of improving your relationship. Measure your relationship health with a research-based self-assessment, then receive a tailored digital plan proven to heal and strengthen your connection.
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Dana McNeil
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Wayment! A British man wants Apple to see him in court after his iPhone allegedly failed to delete text messages he sent to sex workers.
At this time, reports have not revealed the businessman’s legal name.
According to the Telegraph, the British man’s wife discovered the inappropriate messages, which led to their divorce. The unfaithful man claims Apple isn’t clear that deleting messages on one device doesn’t remove them from others.
Complex reports that the middle-aged male is seeking $6 million from Apple, matching his losses from divorce and legal costs.
While speaking to the Times, the man stated that he believes he would still be married if the messages had been permanently deleted.
“If you are told a message is deleted, you are entitled to believe it’s deleted. My thoughts are if I had been able to talk to her rationally and she had not had such a brutal realization of it, I might still be married.”
The British man insisted that the tech company should have told him that deleting the messages only affected the device from which they were deleted, not all devices logged into his Apple ID.
“In my opinion it’s all because Apple told me my messages were deleted when they weren’t. If the message had said, ‘These messages are deleted on this device’, that would have been a clue, or ‘These messages are deleted on this device only’ that would have been even better,” he explained.
Additionally, the English man disclosed to the Times that he had engaged with sex workers during the final years of his marriage.
He reportedly used to contact the workers via iMessages on his iPhone before deleting the incriminating texts. However, when his wife accessed the family’s iMac, messages dating back several years popped up. All that time, hubby thought his texts no longer existed!
Metro reported that in addition to financial loss, the man also stated that the matter has dramatically affected his health. He mentioned that he was taking beta blockers to alleviate his panic attacks.
“I genuinely thought I was going to have a heart attack. Divorce is an extraordinarily stressful process and you have children and family dynamics. In my opinion it’s all because Apple told me my messages were deleted when they weren’t.”
The outlet also reported that the British man hired London law firm Rosenblatt for a no-win, no-fee class-action lawsuit.
Simon Walton of Rosenblatt stated that Apple has not been transparent about what happens to messages users send, receive, and delete.
“In many cases, the iPhone informs the user that messages have been deleted but, as we have seen, that isn’t true and is misleading because they are still found on other linked devices – something Apple doesn’t tell its users,” Walton said.
What Do You Think Roomies?
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Ashley Rushford
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One month after I ended my relationship, I went to see Esther Perel speak at the 92nd Street Y. She polled the audience, as she always does, asking, “How many of you are in a relationship or married?” For the first time in a long time, this wasn’t me. Then she asked, “How many of you are single?” As I raised my hand, a tear ran down my face. I felt vulnerable. It seemed so official.
This may seem overly dramatic, but if you’ve ever de-partnered from a long-term relationship, you will know that it is a trauma that requires a major dose of deprogramming. Breakups, even when self-inflicted, are like undergoing open heart surgery. Nothing prepares you for this type of loss. Culturally, we don’t hold space for the complexities of a relationship’s ending. Whether family, friend, or partner, we don’t acknowledge or honor the depth of such losses. After an ending, getting closure and moving on become the primary focus.
Let’s talk about rom-coms for a sec. Romantic comedies often depict a straight woman in the “getting back to me” phase, with men being portrayed as less emotionally complex. The narrative typically involves the woman’s taking time for herself, going on a trip, dating again, or experiencing some wacky misadventures before meeting her next partner. Alternatively, she may end up living happily ever after, but alone, in a state of self-acceptance, independence, and strength.
Welp. It’s a wonderful fantasy, but it isn’t reality.
I was not prepared. I too thought it would be a rom-com. I booked retreats. I searched for myself. I practiced yoga. I meditated. I “got back to me.” Well, sorta. Ending my relationship forced me to (again) confront a variety of past, present, and future challenges. It was an algebraic equation: Childhood + trauma + being gay + family estrangement / breakup = prolonged grief. What’s the equation for your context?
It’s usually childhood + trauma + personal identity + social community + career + financial safety + access to resources and healthcare. It is important to acknowledge all the factors present during any life transition, as neglecting one of them could result in leaving out a significant piece of your story.
This isn’t some “happily ever after” love story. I’ve been single since Alex and I broke up. I wanted him back on several occasions, but only when he didn’t want me back. I still think about him every day. I still dream about him at night.
I’ve been alone for a long time. And it’s hard.
I have had great success with work. I’ve made new friends. And my self-confidence? I finally know who I am, am confident, and have landed on a self-definition I can say I genuinely like. But I remain stuck romantically. Everyone I date frustrates me. No one communicates. It seems impossible to get someone interested to the point where they’ll stick around. Plus, it’s not just other people. It’s me. I haven’t felt something in a long time.
Birthdays and holidays have been absolutely awful. They are only reminders of my loss and loneliness. My first Christmas without Alex was terrible. I of course spent it with Alex; we cried. His family expressed their wish that we remain together. Alex and I had sex. It was a mess. Nevertheless, I am glad I spent that time with them. They still felt like my family. He still felt like my family.
Subsequent holidays were just as hard. I dreaded them. I missed his family (and still do). I missed our routines. I missed having someone to surprise, to go holiday shopping with for cute gifts. To buy beautiful wrapping paper and fancy bows. (I used to go all out.) The absence of such moments had left a void; I missed them dearly. Alex felt the same way, and during these times of the year, my yearning for these shared experiences was particularly acute.
OMG and don’t even get me started on Valentine’s Day! Alex and I had this tradition where we would make sushi and exchange presents. It was very sweet, and I used to look forward to it. So, I wasn’t prepared for what it would be like to be an observer and not a participant on this stupid holiday. It really sucked.
I still miss Alex often. It’s not just him that I miss. It’s the metaphor. It’s the life we had. It’s being able to say “we.” “We” are doing this, “we” are visiting friends, “we” are going to France this summer. Instead of, “I booked flights alone. I don’t know who I am going with yet.”
Whenever I talk to people about these feelings, they’re quick to say, “Do you think you’re over it?” When they do, I’ll scream inside while politely saying, “I think so.” But my relationship with Alex played such a huge role in my life that I’m not sure how one gets over something like that.
I know they’re thinking, Wow, he is still so not over it.
But we don’t get over loss; we move through it, but the loss stays with us. If you lose a family member, do you simply move on and get over it? No. Your life changes. You add to your life, and the loss evolves into something smaller and more manageable, something you may not even think about very much. But the loss remains. Alex was my family, and losing him was significant. Will I “move on”? Will meeting someone new alter my perspective on my relationship with him? Undoubtedly, time and new experiences will bring healing and change. Nonetheless, the memories of our time together will always remain with me.
It’s undeniably hard to be alone, yet culture, family, and friends rarely provide us with the space to navigate the emotional difficulties that accompany single life. Instead, there are all those reductive phrases that convey implicit judgment—comments like “You should enjoy being single” or “Maybe you need to love yourself more.” They are only reminders of society’s expectations regarding independence and grief rather than empathy.
Some people do in fact “move on,” no longer feeling preoccupied by thoughts of their ex. Others don’t. Neither response is inherently “healthier” than the other. You might think, Well, I would choose never to think about them again. But our feelings aren’t a matter of choice. We have to accept where we are, tolerate it, and resist the urge to judge ourselves against some imagined ideal. It’s a flawed assumption to think that if you stop thinking about your ex, your life will automatically improve. Life will remain complex and challenging regardless of who occupies your thoughts.
It’s often through (not around) pain and heartbreak that we learn the most about ourselves and what it means to be alive. While ending my relationship was difficult, discovering who I was as an independent person without any relationship to shape my identity was even more challenging. This is where I became myself.
Rodale Books
Excerpted from HOW TO LOVE SOMEONE WITHOUT LOSING YOUR MIND by Todd Baratz. Copyright © 2024 by Todd Baratz. Used by permission of Rodale Books, an imprint of Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC, New York. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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Todd Baratz
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