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  • Activist detained in Hong Kong begins final appeal for recognition of his overseas same-sex marriage

    Activist detained in Hong Kong begins final appeal for recognition of his overseas same-sex marriage

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    HONG KONG — An activist detained in Hong Kong began his final appeal Wednesday seeking recognition for his same-sex marriage registered overseas, in a landmark case for the city’s LGBTQ+ community.

    Jimmy Sham, a prominent pro-democracy activist during the 2019 protests that roiled Hong Kong, first asked for a judicial review five years ago seeking a declaration that the city’s laws, which don’t recognize foreign same-sex marriages, violate his constitutional right to equality. But the lower courts dismissed his legal challenge and a subsequent appeal over the case.

    Sham is now in custody after being charged with subversion over an unofficial primary election under a tough national security law enacted following the protests. Many other leading Hong Kong activists were also arrested or silenced by the law imposed by Beijing on the former U.K. colony.

    The upcoming judgment by the city’s top court in his marriage case will have strong implications for the lives of the LGBTQ+ community and the financial hub’s reputation as an inclusive place to live and work.

    Currently, the city only recognizes same-sex marriages for certain purposes such as taxation, civil service benefits and dependent visas. Many of the government’s concessions were won through legal challenges over the last few years.

    The court will have to address whether the exclusion of same-sex couples from the institution of marriage and a failure to provide alternative means of legal recognition for same-sex partnerships violate the right to equality. The judges will also have to decide if the city’s laws violate that right enshrined in Hong Kong’s constitution, as they don’t recognize foreign same-sex marriages.

    On Wednesday, Sham appeared spirited inside the courtroom. His supporters wished him a happy birthday as he was turning 36 years old this week.

    His lawyer, Karon Monaghan, argued that the absence of same-sex marriages in Hong Kong sent a message that it is less worthy of recognition than heterosexual marriages.

    But Steward Wong, who represents the secretary for justice, insisted another law under the constitution meant to provide access to the institution of marriage to heterosexual couples only. The court will continue to hear the case on Thursday.

    Sham and his husband married in New York in 2013. They wished to marry in Hong Kong, but it wasn’t allowed under the law, according to previous judgments.

    The ruling in 2020 said his marriage lacks essential validity, because the city’s law doesn’t permit marriage between same-sex people. It added that Sham’s attempt to achieve complete parity of recognition between foreign same-sex marriages and foreign heterosexual marriages is “too ambitious.”

    Sham’s appeal over the case was also dismissed last August.

    Sham is the former convenor of Civil Human Rights Front, which was best known for organizing the annual march on the anniversary of Hong Kong’s handover to Chinese rule on July 1, 1997, for years. The group also organized some of the bigger political protests that roiled the city in 2019.

    The front was disbanded in 2021 as it reportedly faces a police investigation for possible violation of the security law.

    In February, the top court ruled that full sex reassignment surgery should not be a prerequisite for transgender people to have their gender changed on their official identity cards. Supporters said it was an important milestone for the transgender community in Hong Kong.

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  • Young crown prince is meant to embody Jordan’s future, but his generation faces bleak prospects

    Young crown prince is meant to embody Jordan’s future, but his generation faces bleak prospects

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    AMMAN, Jordan — Visitors to Jordan this month noticed a new addition to the royal portraits over highways and hospitals. The 28-year-old Crown Prince Hussein and his glamorous Saudi bride, Rajwa Alseif, now beam down at motorists stuck in Amman traffic.

    Their royal wedding represented the pinnacle of the monarchy’s efforts to establish Hussein as the face of Jordan’s next generation — a future king who can modernize the country, slash the red tape and set loose the talents of its bulging young population. Of nearly 10 million people in Jordan, almost two-thirds are under 30.

    But in the dilapidated streets of the poorer districts in the capital, Amman, and in the dusty villages of the countryside, there is little hope for change. Almost half of all young Jordanians are jobless. Those with means dream of lives abroad. Many grumble but few speak out — the government is quick to quash hints of dissent.

    The story of economic pressure and political repression is common across the Middle East. Like in Egypt, Iraq and Tunisia, Jordan’s once-bloated public sector has left the state with little to spend on health and education. Efforts to slow public hiring and cut subsidies have eroded the social contract that kept citizens compliant. Many blame corrupt officials — and, increasingly, the palace — for their misery.

    “The base of support is fraying,” said Tariq Tell, a Jordanian professor of political science at the American University of Beirut. “Hussein has a difficult task on his hands.”

    While June’s royal wedding generated momentary excitement in Jordan, its luxurious setting and VIP guests also highlighted the vast gulf between the prince’s life of privilege and the daily struggles of most Jordanians of his age.

    Here are some of the young faces of Jordan, a country central to the future of the Middle East.

    THE ENTREPRENEUR

    For 28-year-old Jaser Alharasis, public school was a disappointment. There weren’t enough teachers. Students were aimless. Alharasis would have been, too, he said, if not for a scholarship that trained him in artificial intelligence.

    It struck him as absurd that Jordanian schools were teaching by rote, turning curious kids into disciplined subjects at a time of dizzying technological change. He and some friends began developing a program to teach robotics in Jordan’s failing public schools.

    Their company, called “Robotna,” now trains thousands of students nationwide. To fund the free high-tech classes in impoverished areas, Robtona delivers the same courses to elite private schools for a fee — earning it the nickname, “Robothood.”

    “Jordan is already behind, and if we don’t catch up, we’ll lose more and more jobs,” Alharasis said from the Robotna office in working-class east Amman. Over a dozen staffers tapped away at computers, developing a high-tech curriculum they’ll soon pitch to the Ministry of Education. “I want things to be different for people like me, for the next generation,” he added.

    But obstacles stand in the way. In a country with no bankruptcy law, failure can mean a prison sentence if debts are not paid. Jordanian tax authorities treat social enterprises as major corporations — Robotna loses 36% of its revenue to taxes each year, Alharasis said.

    Old-fashioned officials routinely block Alharasis and his colleagues from entering schools. They can’t comprehend “why robotics is important, why technology is the future,” he said.

    Faced with the challenges of innovating in Jordan, his peers are studying German and applying to universities there or moving to Dubai in the United Arab Emirates. But Alharasis promises to stay and keep finding workarounds.

    “If you can start a company in Jordan, you can start one anywhere,” he said.

    THE UNEMPLOYED

    With his coffee habit and thrifted jeans, 20-year-old Saif al-Bazaiah could be a university student anywhere. But after watching his cousins spend years and fortunes in university only to end up jobless, he got straight to work after high school. His father’s steel factory salary barely covered the family’s costs.

    “You look at all these people studying to become engineers and doctors but at the end of the day, they have nothing,” al-Bazaiah said from his hometown of Al Qatraneh, some 95 kilometers (59 miles) south of Amman.

    When work dried up in his desert village, he tried his luck in Amman, where 40% of all Jordanians live. It was grueling. Twelve-hour shifts in gas stations, restaurants and supermarkets bought him a few packs of cigarettes.

    His former classmates fared no better. Instead of reckoning with the country’s problems and pushing for a brighter future, he said, they sought safety in religion and social conformity.

    “The greatest dream for the average Jordanian is just to buy a car, settle down, get married,” al-Bazaiah said. ”It’s the only way people can live under pressure.”

    This month’s royal wedding fever offered the country a brief diversion from that pressure. But a week later, al-Bazaiah and others in Al Qatraneh described feeling left behind — a world away from the pomp of palace life. “It’s clear that Jordan has two classes — the tippity top with money and very very low without,” he said.

    In a tribal leader’s sitting room on the outskirts of town, a photograph of the controversial Prince Hamzah, King Abdullah II’s half-brother, hung from the wall beside the requisite royals. Hamzah, an unseated crown prince placed under house arrest in 2021 after alleging high-level corruption, still enjoys strong support from Jordan’s disaffected tribes. Since the palace crisis, the monarchy has ramped up efforts to burnish Hussein’s public image and cement his role as the rightful heir.

    “More than anything, the challenge to the future of the crown prince as king comes from within the family and the Jordan tribes,” said Labib Kamhawi, a political analyst.

    THE TEACHER

    From his front porch in northern Jordan, the gangly 27-year-old Arabic teacher gazed across the valley toward a forbidding citadel of concrete and steel. The view is a dark reminder of the threats against him and his colleagues — some of whom have landed there, in the local prison, in recent months.

    “Teaching used to be a respectable position,” the teacher said, speaking on condition of anonymity for fear of reprisals. “Now it’s terrifying. The pressures are getting tighter and tighter,” he said, grabbing his throat as if choking himself.

    Jordan’s autocratic government has cracked down on teachers’ spirited protests for better pay — a trend increasingly at odds with the monarchy’s image of having embraced liberal, Western values.

    In 2020, authorities dissolved their union and sentenced leading activists to prison. Now, no one dares complain. They know a wayward word in a classroom or on Facebook can ruin their lives.

    The newly established government-aligned teachers’ union polices its members, they say, denying promotions to outspoken teachers and pushing the politically minded into early retirement.

    Meanwhile, the faltering economy has taken a toll, the Arabic instructor said, looking exhausted and unkempt after his café shift. His salary of just 400 dinars ($564) a month can’t keep pace with soaring prices, he said, forcing him to work odd jobs just to make ends meet.

    “How can leaders use these slogans about progress and prosperity when the country’s teachers cannot speak their minds?” he said, his voice quiet and angry. “Everything is upside down.”

    THE HUMANITARIAN

    In the coffee shops of Amman’s affluent Abdoun district, 29-year-old Mariam Hudaib leans over her laptop, compiling data on Syrian refugees.

    She got “lucky,” she said, recalling how she scored her dream job at an international aid organization. Her fellow English literature graduates jockey for poorly paid teaching positions, call in favors at state-run firms or compete for scarce openings in Jordan’s private sector.

    But the job didn’t land in her lap. Foreign organizations demand fluency in English and sharp research skills. Most Jordanians don’t make the cut.

    A straight-A student from a well-to-do neighborhood and close-knit family, Hudaib looks like a Jordanian success story. But she can’t see a future here. The public schools and hospitals she went to as a child have deteriorated. There’s no relief from the grinding frustrations of daily life — the high prices and taxes, the low salaries and standard of living.

    Hudaib is not alone. According to Arab Barometer, a pollster, nearly half of all young Jordanians now want to leave, raising concerns that the kingdom could be pushing away the people it needs most.

    “I love Jordan,” Hudaib said. “But I’ve seen enough.”

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  • Michael Cera Recalls Almost Marrying Aubrey Plaza

    Michael Cera Recalls Almost Marrying Aubrey Plaza

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    It could have been Michael Cera and Aubrey Plaza versus the world.

    The “Arrested Development” actor spoke about his former romantic relationship with his “Scott Pilgrim vs. the World” co-star in a Rolling Stone interview published Friday.

    Plaza had previously revealed that she and Cera dated for about a year and a half after meeting on the set of the 2010 movie — meaning they were a lot closer than the public had realized.

    “We drove across the country after we shot that movie and almost got married in [Las] Vegas,” the “White Lotus” star told RuPaul and Michelle Visage on their “What’s the Tee?” podcast in 2016.

    Rolling Stone asked Cera about the near nuptials, and he shared his recollection.

    “We were driving through Vegas, and we almost just spontaneously took a detour and got married,” he said.

    He also shared that the two of them had a characteristically hilarious reason for wanting to be wed.

    “I think the idea was to then get a divorce right away, so we could call each other ‘my ex-husband’ and ‘my ex-wife’ at like … 20,” he said.

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  • Scarlett Johansson Explains What Keeps Her Marriage To Colin Jost Going Strong

    Scarlett Johansson Explains What Keeps Her Marriage To Colin Jost Going Strong

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    “We laugh a lot and we always, you know, we communicate with one another and check in,” the actor explained during an appearance on “CBS Mornings” on Monday. “I’m married to a writer, he’s a comedy writer [and] he can get very in his head sometimes.”

    “He’s sort of introverted ― I’m extroverted, obviously ― and so I think the key for us is just always checking in,” Johansson said, adding that the two make time to ask about each other’s days.

    The “Black Widow” star and the “SNL” writer tied the knot in 2020. Before Jost, Johansson was married to fellow actor Ryan Reynolds and to French journalist Romain Dauriac.

    Johansson previously said that before marrying Jost, she “didn’t know not only what I wanted, but what I needed from somebody else.”

    “There are certain fundamental things in your own personality I needed to share with the other person,” the actor said during an interview with Gwyneth Paltrow for her Goop podcast earlier this year.

    “I never realized, oh, it’s really important for me — like, I need to be with a compassionate person,” the “Marriage Story” actor said at the time. “That’s like a fundamental characteristic that has to be there.”

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  • North Carolina GOP votes to censure Sen. Tillis for support of LGBTQ+ rights, immigration policies

    North Carolina GOP votes to censure Sen. Tillis for support of LGBTQ+ rights, immigration policies

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    GREENSBORO, N.C. — Republicans delegates in North Carolina voted Saturday at their annual convention to censure Thom Tillis, the state’s senior U.S. senator, for supporting policies they said violate key tenets of the GOP platform.

    As Sen. Tillis has gained influence in Congress for his willingness to work across the aisle, his record on LGBTQ+ rights, immigration and gun violence has raised concerns among some state Republicans that the senator has strayed from conservative values.

    Several delegates in Greensboro criticized Tillis, who has held his seat in the Senate since 2015, for his work last year on the Respect For Marriage Act, which enshrined protections for same-sex and interracial marriages in federal law.

    Both the state and national GOP platforms oppose same-sex marriage. But Tillis, who had opposed it earlier in his political career, was among the early supporters of the law who lobbied his GOP colleagues in Congress to vote in favor of it.

    Others criticized him for challenging former President Donald Trump‘s immigration policies and for supporting a measure that provided funds for red flag laws, which allow state courts to authorize the temporary removal of firearms from people who they believe might pose a danger to themselves or others.

    The North Carolina senator initially opposed Trump’s plan to use military construction dollars to build a wall along the nation’s southern border, but he eventually shifted his position.

    Tillis spokesperson Daniel Keylin defended the senator’s voting record, writing in an email to The Associated Press that he “keeps his promises and delivers results.”

    “He will never apologize for his work passing the largest tax cut in history, introducing legislation to secure the border and end sanctuary cities, delivering desperately-needed funding to strengthen school safety and protecting the rights of churches to worship freely based on their belief in traditional marriage,” Keylin said.

    While the vote Saturday, which took place behind closed doors, cannot remove Tillis from office, supporters said they hope it sends a firm message of dissatisfaction. A two-thirds majority of the state party’s 1,801 voting delegates was needed for the resolution to pass, party spokesperson Jeff Moore said.

    “We need people who are unwavering in their support for conservative ideals,” said Jim Forster, an 81-year-old delegate from Guilford. “His recent actions don’t reflect the party’s shift to the right — in fact, they’re moving in the exact wrong direction.”

    Several state legislators, including Sen. Bobby Hanig of Currituck County, criticized the decision, saying it’s a bad idea to create more divisions within the party ahead of an election year when party unity will be paramount.

    “I believe that a mob mentality doesn’t do us any good,” Hanig said. “Senator Tillis does a lot for North Carolina, he does a lot for the coastal communities, so why would I want to make him mad?”

    State Sen. Jim Burgin of Harnett County said the vote to censure Tillis sets a dangerous precedent and does not allow enough flexibility for individual interpretation of party values.

    Burgin questioned whether his own vote last month for North Carolina’s 12-week abortion ban would similarly put him at risk of being censured because it’s out of line with the Republican platform, which states that life begins at conception.

    “I don’t think we need to be attacking our own,” he said. ““You don’t shoot your own elephants.”

    ___

    Hannah Schoenbaum is a corps member for the Associated Press/Report for America Statehouse News Initiative. Report for America is a nonprofit national service program that places journalists in local newsrooms to report on undercovered issues.

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  • Venus In Aries: How They Approach Life, Love & More, From Experts

    Venus In Aries: How They Approach Life, Love & More, From Experts

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    When it comes to dating, Venus in Aries people have to “accept who they are, and not conform to others’ views of how courting should play out,” according to Pelinku. “In other words,” she says, “if they like someone and wait for the other to make the first move, it will lead to delays and repressed anger for this Venus sign.”

    The twins echo this point, noting that patience is not a virtue for those with Venus in Aries. “A lover who drags out the courtship process will likely get a taste of your extreme ghosting powers,” they explain, adding, “While your book of love may be filled with steamy and half-finished chapters, at least it won’t be boring.”

    This is a placement that fairs best when they’re the ones to pursue and take initiative, because it boosts their confidence, Pelinku explains. “In their established relationships, they desire movement and results. If they have a list of goals to fulfill with their love partner, they will want to see it completed. If not, that’s where the anger stirs,” she adds.

    And according to the twins, these fiery and passionate lovers won’t settle for less than an all-encompassing attraction. Love at first sight is a very real thing for these people—but the problem is that it can happen multiple times. “You’ve probably fallen head over heels in a nanosecond more than once. If the click is there, you’ll jump right in, [so] pacing yourself is an art form to learn,” they add.

    In terms of compatibility, it’s always a good idea to check out a full astrological compatibility chart (aka synastry chart) to get the big picture, but Aries Venuses would likely do well with other fire Venuses (Leo, Sagittarius, or another Aries), as well as air sign Venuses (Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius).

    Overall, if you’re dating someone with an Aries Venus, you’re in for an adventure that’s filled with spontaneous trips, passion-filled nights, and constant movement, Pelinku says. And if you’re the one with the Aries Venus, “Just try not to write people off so quickly that they don’t have a fair shake,” the twins suggest.

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    Sarah Regan

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  • Who are the bride and groom in Jordan’s royal wedding?

    Who are the bride and groom in Jordan’s royal wedding?

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    He’s heir to the throne in one of the oldest monarchies in the Middle East and a descendant of the Prophet Muhammad. She’s a Saudi architect with an aristocratic pedigree of her own.

    Crown Prince Al Hussein bin Abdullah II, 28, and Rajwa Alseif, 29, are to be married on Thursday at a palace wedding in Jordan, a Western-allied monarchy that has been a bastion of stability for decades as Middle East turmoil has lapped at its borders.

    The families have not said how the couple met or provided any details about their courtship. They were formally engaged at a traditional Muslim ceremony in the Saudi capital, Riyadh, in August 2022 that was attended by senior members of Jordan’s royal family.

    The bride and groom are destined to become a power couple in the Middle East, forging a new bond between Jordan and Saudi Arabia as the latter seeks to transform itself into a regional power broker.

    Here’s a look at the bride and groom.

    A US-EDUCATED ARCHITECT WITH ARABIAN TRIBAL ROOTS

    Rajwa Alseif was born in Riyadh on April 28, 1994, the youngest of four children.

    Her mother, Azza bint Nayef Abdulaziz Ahmad Al Sudairi, is related to Hussa bint Ahmed Al Sudairi, who is said to have been the favorite wife of Saudi Arabia’s founder, King Abdul-Aziz Al Saud, and gave birth to seven of his sons, including the country’s current ruler, King Salman.

    For decades, the so-called Sudairi Seven, most of whom are now deceased, were seen as a major locus of power within the Saudi royal family.

    Alseif’s father, Khalid, is a member of the Subai, a prominent tribe in the Arabian Peninsula with ancient roots. He’s also the founder of El Seif Engineering Contracting, which built Riyadh’s iconic Kingdom Tower and other high-rises across the Middle East.

    Rajwa studied architecture at Syracuse University in New York, where she graduated with a bachelor’s degree in 2017. A graduation video shows her receiving her degree in sparkling silver sneakers.

    The year before, she led a Spring Break architecture symposium in Dubai, in the United Arab Emirates, that was funded by her father’s company.

    “What made this trip so memorable for me… was seeing the students in the studio experience Arabic culture and architecture for the first time,” she was quoted as saying by a university newspaper.

    She went on to earn a degree in visual communications from the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising in Los Angeles.

    An official biography shared by the Jordanian royal palace says her hobbies include horseback riding and handmade arts, and that she is fluent in English, French and her native Arabic.

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    A CROWN PRINCE LONG GROOMED TO LEAD

    Crown Prince Hussein was born June 28, 1994. His path to succession became clear when his father, King Abdullah II, stripped his own half-brother, Prince Hamzah, of the title of crown prince in 2004. Hussein was formally named heir to the throne five years later, at the age of 15.

    He is the oldest son of Abdullah, 61, who has ruled Jordan as a reliable Western ally and voice of moderation through more than two decades of turmoil in Israel, the Palestinian territories, Syria and Iraq, all of which border the small, resource-poor kingdom.

    The Hashemites, as Jordan’s ruling family is known, trace their lineage back to the Prophet Muhammad. They dwelled in the Hejaz region of what is now Saudi Arabia for centuries before King Abdul-Aziz Al Saud’s forces drove them out in 1925.

    The Hashemites had led the Arab revolt against the Ottoman Empire during World War I, a rebellion dramatized by the 1962 film “Lawrence of Arabia.” They had hoped to rule over an Arab state encompassing much of the Middle East, but Western imperial powers betrayed them. The French drove them out of Syria and a nationalist uprising toppled them in Iraq, leaving them with only Jordan.

    The crown prince is named for his grandfather, King Hussein, who ruled Jordan for 46 years until his death in 1999 and remains a beloved figure for many Jordanians.

    It could be years before the crown prince becomes king, but his training has already begun.

    He graduated from Georgetown University with a degree in international history in 2016 and from the British Royal Military Academy in Sandhurst the following year. He holds the rank of captain in the Jordanian military and routinely takes part in drills and ceremonies.

    He has joined his father on overseas trips, including a recent meeting at the White House with President Joe Biden. The prince shared pictures from the visit on his Instagram feed, which has over 4 million followers and also features more casual photos.

    In 2015, Hussein was the youngest person to ever chair a meeting at the U.N. Security Council, leading a discussion about how to help young people confront violent extremism and promote peace. Two years later, and just out of college, he addressed the U.N. General Assembly.

    His experiences to date may have prepared him to rule Jordan, but he also exists in a world apart from most of his fellow citizens, who have suffered in recent years from diminishing economic prospects. Elected governments in Jordan have long served as a seawall for public anger, even as the king has always held the real power.

    It’s a reality the young crown prince may have to confront someday, long after his palace wedding.

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  • Jill Biden to promote women, youth on trip to Mideast, North Africa, Europe

    Jill Biden to promote women, youth on trip to Mideast, North Africa, Europe

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    Jill Biden will promote women and youth empowerment — and attend a Jordanian royal wedding — during an upcoming trip to the Middle East, North Africa and Europe

    ByDARLENE SUPERVILLE Associated Press

    FILE – First lady Jill Biden waits with President Joe Biden to greet South Korea’s first lady Kim Keon Hee and South Korea’s President Yoon Suk Yeol on the North Portico of the White House in Washington ahead of a State Dinner, April 26, 2023. Jill Biden will promote women and youth empowerment, and attend a Jordanian royal wedding, during an upcoming trip to the Middle East, North Africa and Europe. The first lady’s office says she’ll depart on a six-day trip that will take her to Jordan, Egypt, Morocco and Portugal. (AP Photo/Manuel Balce Ceneta, File)

    The Associated Press

    WASHINGTON — Jill Biden will promote empowerment for women and young people — and attend a Jordanian royal wedding — during an upcoming trip to the Middle East, North Africa and Europe.

    The first lady was scheduled to depart Wednesday on a six-day trip that will take her to Jordan, Egypt, Morocco and Portugal. Her office shared some details first with The Associated Press.

    It will be Biden’s first Middle East visit as first lady. She traveled to Namibia and Kenya in February.

    “The first lady believes that supporting youth across the world is critical to our common future, with education, health, and empowerment at the heart of it,” said Vanessa Valdivia, her spokesperson.

    “With her visit to the Middle East and North Africa, the first lady will continue to build on her work to empower young people, and reaffirm our commitment to strengthen our partnerships and advance our shared priorities in the region,” Valdivia said in an email.

    In Amman, the capital of Jordan, Biden will attend the June 1 wedding of Crown Prince Hussein bin Abdullah II, heir to the throne, and Rajwa Khaled Al-Saif, an architect.

    President Joe Biden and the first lady have a deep and longstanding friendship with the prince’s parents, King Abdullah II and Queen Rania.

    When Joe Biden was vice president, he and King Abdullah often met over breakfast when the king traveled to Washington to visit his son, then a student at Georgetown University. Abdullah also visited Biden at his home in Delaware after Biden returned to private life.

    The two have met at least three times since Biden became president, twice at the White House and once in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia.

    In Egypt and Morocco, Jill Biden will connect with women and young people while focusing on U.S. investments that help support education programs and efforts to increase economic opportunity.

    In Portugal, the first lady will help the U.S. State Department celebrate the 60th anniversary of its Art in Embassies program, highlighting the role the arts can play in diplomacy.

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  • Should couples combine finances or keep separate accounts? One option leads to a happier marriage, study says.

    Should couples combine finances or keep separate accounts? One option leads to a happier marriage, study says.

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    Hello and welcome to Financial Face-off, a MarketWatch column where we help you weigh a financial decision. Our columnist will give her verdict. Tell us whether you think she’s right in the comments. And please share your suggestions for future Financial Face-off columns by emailing our columnist at lalbrecht@marketwatch.com. 

    Wedding season is upon us. Couples across the land are probably obsessing right now over wedding-day details like the seating chart and first-dance song. Unfortunately, many couples don’t pay nearly as much attention to their finances prior to marriage: Almost half (49%) don’t discuss how they’ll handle their money before they tie the knot, according to one survey. Only 41% tell their salaries to each other and just 36% say how much debt they have. 

    Not being open and honest about money can be a sign that you don’t trust your partner, a relationship killer if there ever was one. It can also mean unpleasant shocks — surprise, your soulmate has a 530 credit score — that stand in the way of those dreams you cooked up together when you were just two crazy kids in love. 

    One big decision couples face when they form a household: Should they merge their money into joint accounts, or keep separate accounts?

    Why it matters

    How couples manage their money isn’t just about making sure the water bill gets paid on time. Discussions about money can get fraught fast and sometimes become proxy battles for bigger issues in the relationship, like who wields more power, whose career is more important, and who does more domestic labor. Money and how we spend it is also an expression of our values. And if you’re not on the same page about your values, then why are you in this relationship?

    The verdict

    Share the wealth. Use a joint account.

    My reasons

    The No. 1 reason to share your money is that joint accounts appear to lead to a happier marriage. That lessens your chances of divorce, which can be financially devastating

    There’s been research suggesting that couples who share their accounts are happier than those who don’t, but the link was only correlational, so it wasn’t clear whether “joint accounts make you happy or if happiness makes you open a joint account,” said Scott Rick, a University of Michigan associate professor of marketing. He co-authored a new study that is the first to find a causal relationship between joint accounts and happier marriages. 

    Rick and his co-authors tracked 230 newlywed couples for two years. One group of couples had to open a joint account, one had to keep their accounts separate, and a third could do whatever they wanted. Researchers checked in with the couples every few months to ask them how their relationships were going. The couples who kept separate accounts or did whatever they wanted (most of whom kept separate accounts) saw the “typical decline” in relationship satisfaction, where they were happiest at the start of their marriage and satisfaction dropped after that honeymoon phase, Rick said. 

    But the joint couples stayed at the initial level of happiness, and if anything, their relationship satisfaction “seemed to increase a tiny, tiny bit over time,” he told MarketWatch. “By the end of two years, the joint couples looked a lot better than the ‘separate’ couples and the ‘do what you want’ couples,” Rick said. “Part of that is because the joint couples got on the same page in terms of money matters, it prompted some discussions. They started to see things more eye to eye.”

    “You want to get away from score-keeping, which couples can fall into: ‘I did this yesterday, so it’s your turn today,’” he added. “With separate accounts, you really get into score-keeping: ‘Well I paid this, and you paid that.’ You want to get away from ‘his’ money and ‘her’ money and you want to get into ‘our money.’”

    The couples with merged accounts “reported higher levels of communality within their marriage compared to people with separate accounts, or even those who partially merged their finances,” said study co-author Jenny Olson, an assistant professor of marketing at Indiana University’s Kelley School of Business. “They frequently told us they felt more like they were ‘in this together.’”

    If that’s not enough to convince you, consider the fact that there can be financial benefits to having joint accounts. Keeping all of your money at one bank could help you avoid minimum-account-balance fees, or make you eligible for a higher tier of customer rewards. “Combining assets provides greater ease of management for bills, for planning for the future, and for emergencies,” said Woody Derricks, a certified financial planner with Partnership Wealth Management in Towson, Md., who specializes in same-sex couples. If one person suddenly lands in the hospital, it’s harder for the other to act on their behalf financially if money is in separate accounts, Derricks said.

    There’s also the estate-planning aspect, said Kelley Long, a certified financial planner with Financial Bliss in Oro Valley, Ariz. “When you have joint accounts, if something happens to your spouse, your life is so much easier financially. Everything automatically is yours. You don’t have to walk around with a death certificate and go everywhere to claim everything. They always say joint accounts are the poor man’s estate plan.” 

    Another point in favor of joint accounts is that sharing money can help control spending. “You might restrain yourself a bit if you know you’re being watched, so it might tamp down some more extravagant spending,” Rick said.

    Is my verdict best for you?

    On the other hand, keeping separate accounts just works better for some couples. Long’s parents have been married 51 years and have never shared money, she said. They’re both financially responsible, but they have opposing money personalities. One loves to spend and the other hates it, and they also have a disparity in their incomes. Keeping separate accounts was “a loving decision” that let them “maintain maximum happiness in their marriage without having to change their personalities,” Long said. 

    It can also be helpful to keep separate accounts if you meet later in life and have long-established financial habits, or have children from a previous marriage, financial planners said. 

    Another reason for later-in-life couples to keep finances separate is to preserve a step-up in basis for highly appreciated assets, Derricks said. “If someone owns an investment for decades that has appreciated nicely, they may want to keep that in their own name so that if they’re first to pass away, their spouse or partner receives it with a full step-up in basis and can liquidate it after death and not have to pay capital-gains taxes,” he said.

    Couples can also try a happy medium between joint and separate, with one shared account for household expenses, and separate accounts for individual spending on things like expensive hobbies, Rick said. “Everyone needs a room of their own, so to speak, and space,” he said. “Joint is definitely better than pure separates, but if you have the time and energy, I would say attach some separates to the joint.”

    Tell us in the comments which option should win in this Financial Face-off. If you have ideas for future Financial Face-off columns, send me an email at lalbrecht@marketwatch.com.

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  • Royal Drama: King’s fractious family on stage at coronation

    Royal Drama: King’s fractious family on stage at coronation

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    LONDON — LONDON (AP) — King Charles III lives in a palace, travels in a chauffeur-driven Bentley and is one of Britain’s richest men, but he’s similar to many of his subjects in one very basic way: His family life is complicated — very complicated.

    There’s a second wife, an embarrassing brother, and an angry son and daughter-in-law, all with allies who aren’t shy about whispering family secrets in the ears of friendly reporters.

    The new king will hope to keep a lid on those tensions when his royally blended family joins as many as 2,800 guests for Charles’ coronation on May 6 at Westminster Abbey. All except Meghan, the Duchess of Sussex, are attending.

    How Charles manages his family drama over the coming weeks and years is crucial to the king’s efforts to preserve and protect the 1,000-year-old hereditary monarchy he now embodies. Without the respect of the public, the House of Windsor risks being lumped together with pop stars, social media influencers and reality TV contestants as fodder for the British tabloids, undermining the cachet that underpins its role in public life.

    Royal historian Hugo Vickers says people should look past the sensational headlines and focus on what Charles accomplishes now that he is king.

    “In a sense, he sort of becomes a new man when he becomes king,” said Vickers, author of “Coronation: The Crowning of Elizabeth II.”

    “Look at him as he is now, look at him the way he is approaching everything, look at his positivity and look at how right he’s been on so many issues,” he added. “Unfortunately, he had those difficult times with his marriages and some of the other issues, but we live in a very tricky era.”

    The horror show came back to haunt Charles last week, when the king’s estranged younger son, Prince Harry, dropped a new round of allegations Tuesday about the royal family into the middle of the coronation buildup.

    In written evidence for his invasion of privacy claim against a British newspaper, Harry claimed his father prevented him from filing the lawsuit a decade ago. The prince said Charles didn’t want to dredge up graphic testimony about his extramarital affair with the former Camilla Parker-Bowles when he was married to the late Princess Diana.

    Diana was the mother of Harry and his elder brother and heir to the throne, William, the Prince of Wales. Camilla, now the queen consort, went on to marry Charles in 2005 and will be crowned alongside her husband at Westminster Abbey.

    If the past is any indication, attention will now shift to body language, seating plans and even wardrobe choices during the coronation, as royal watchers look for any signs of a thaw in the family tensions.

    But Joe Little, managing editor of Majesty magazine, doesn’t expect Harry to have a lot of contact with the rest of his family. In any case, Harry won’t be in the U.K. for long, so there’s not much time for fence mending.

    “The stuff that we discovered (Tuesday) is really not going to help his cause,” Little said. “But, you know, will there be time to go over all that with the king and the Prince of Wales? Unlikely.”

    The royal soap opera didn’t begin with the current generation of royals. After all, Edward VIII sparked a constitutional crisis in 1936 when he abdicated the throne to marry the twice-divorced American Wallis Simpson.

    Charles’ grandfather, George VI, is credited with saving the monarchy with a life of low-key public service after he replaced his flamboyant elder brother. The late Queen Elizabeth II burnished the family’s reputation during a 70-year reign, in which she became a symbol of stability who cheered the nation’s victories and comforted it during darker times.

    But Charles grew up in a different era, under the glare of media attention as deference to the monarchy faded.

    He has been a controversial figure ever since the very public breakdown of his marriage to Diana, who was revered by many people for her looks and her compassion.

    Diana alleged that there had been “three people” in the marriage, pointing the finger at Charles’ longtime love Camilla Parker-Bowles.

    Camilla, initially reviled by Diana’s fans, has worked hard to rehabilitate her image. Her ex-husband and their children are expected to attend the coronation, with her grandsons serving as pages of honor.

    She supports a raft of causes, ranging from adult literacy to protecting the victims of sexual assault and domestic violence. But even that effort has sparked tensions.

    Harry claimed in his memoir “Spare” that the senior royals leaked unflattering stories about him to the news media in return for more favorable coverage, particularly to improve Camilla’s image.

    At the time of their marriage in 2018, Harry and Meghan were celebrated as the new face of the monarchy. Meghan, a biracial American actress, brought a touch of Hollywood glamour to the royal family and many observers hoped she would help the Windsors connect with younger people in an increasingly multicultural nation.

    Those hopes quickly crumbled amid allegations that palace officials were insensitive to Meghan’s mental health struggles as she adjusted to royal life.

    Harry and Meghan walked away from frontline royal duties three years ago and moved to California, from which they have lobbed repeated critiques at the House of Windsor.

    In a 2021 interview with Oprah Winfrey they hinted at racism in the palace, alleging that one unidentified member of the royal family had inquired about the color of their unborn son’s skin before his birth.

    Harry, i n a Netflix series broadcast last year, said the episode was an example of unconscious bias and that the royal family needed to “learn and grow” so it could be “part of the solution rather than part of the problem.”

    The repeated attacks led to months of speculation about whether the couple would be invited to the coronation. The palace finally answered that question two weeks ago when it announced that Harry would attend but Meghan would remain in California with their two children.

    And then there is Charles’ brother Prince Andrew, who became a toxic time bomb inside the royal family when the world learned about his friendship with convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein and the financier’s long-time girlfriend, Ghislaine Maxwell.

    Epstein, who was convicted of sex crimes in 2008, died in a New York jail cell in 2019 while awaiting trial on a second set of charges. Maxwell was convicted last year of helping procure young girls for Epstein and is serving a 20-year sentence at a federal prison in Florida.

    Andrew gave up his royal duties in 2019 after a disastrous interview with the BBC in which he tried to explain away his links to Epstein and Maxwell. He was stripped of his honorary military titles and patronages as he prepared to defend a civil lawsuit filed by a woman who said she was forced to have sex with the prince when she was a teenager.

    Andrew denied the allegations but settled the suit last year before it came to trial. While terms of the agreement weren’t released, The Sun newspaper reported that Charles and the late queen paid the bulk of the estimated 7 million pound ($8.7 million) settlement.

    “I think it was inevitable that when Charles became king, a lot of the personal stuff would come back to haunt him,″ Little said. “I think as far as the king is concerned, he just has to shrug his shoulders and get on with the job in hand.”

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  • Royal Drama: King’s fractious family on stage at coronation

    Royal Drama: King’s fractious family on stage at coronation

    [ad_1]

    LONDON — LONDON (AP) — King Charles III lives in a palace, travels in a chauffeur-driven Bentley and is one of Britain’s richest men, but he’s similar to many of his subjects in one very basic way: His family life is complicated — very complicated.

    There’s a second wife, an embarrassing brother, and an angry son and daughter-in-law, all with allies who aren’t shy about whispering family secrets in the ears of friendly reporters.

    The new king will hope to keep a lid on those tensions when his royally blended family joins as many as 2,800 guests for Charles’ coronation on May 6 at Westminster Abbey. All except Meghan, the Duchess of Sussex, are attending.

    How Charles manages his family drama over the coming weeks and years is crucial to the king’s efforts to preserve and protect the 1,000-year-old hereditary monarchy he now embodies. Without the respect of the public, the House of Windsor risks being lumped together with pop stars, social media influencers and reality TV contestants as fodder for the British tabloids, undermining the cachet that underpins its role in public life.

    Royal historian Hugo Vickers says people should look past the sensational headlines and focus on what Charles accomplishes now that he is king.

    “In a sense, he sort of becomes a new man when he becomes king,” said Vickers, author of “Coronation: The Crowning of Elizabeth II.”

    “Look at him as he is now, look at him the way he is approaching everything, look at his positivity and look at how right he’s been on so many issues,” he added. “Unfortunately, he had those difficult times with his marriages and some of the other issues, but we live in a very tricky era.”

    The horror show came back to haunt Charles last week, when the king’s estranged younger son, Prince Harry, dropped a new round of allegations Tuesday about the royal family into the middle of the coronation buildup.

    In written evidence for his invasion of privacy claim against a British newspaper, Harry claimed his father prevented him from filing the lawsuit a decade ago. The prince said Charles didn’t want to dredge up graphic testimony about his extramarital affair with the former Camilla Parker-Bowles when he was married to the late Princess Diana.

    Diana was the mother of Harry and his elder brother and heir to the throne, William, the Prince of Wales. Camilla, now the queen consort, went on to marry Charles in 2005 and will be crowned alongside her husband at Westminster Abbey.

    If the past is any indication, attention will now shift to body language, seating plans and even wardrobe choices during the coronation, as royal watchers look for any signs of a thaw in the family tensions.

    But Joe Little, managing editor of Majesty magazine, doesn’t expect Harry to have a lot of contact with the rest of his family. In any case, Harry won’t be in the U.K. for long, so there’s not much time for fence mending.

    “The stuff that we discovered (Tuesday) is really not going to help his cause,” Little said. “But, you know, will there be time to go over all that with the king and the Prince of Wales? Unlikely.”

    The royal soap opera didn’t begin with the current generation of royals. After all, Edward VIII sparked a constitutional crisis in 1936 when he abdicated the throne to marry the twice-divorced American Wallis Simpson.

    Charles’ grandfather, George VI, is credited with saving the monarchy with a life of low-key public service after he replaced his flamboyant elder brother. The late Queen Elizabeth II burnished the family’s reputation during a 70-year reign, in which she became a symbol of stability who cheered the nation’s victories and comforted it during darker times.

    But Charles grew up in a different era, under the glare of media attention as deference to the monarchy faded.

    He has been a controversial figure ever since the very public breakdown of his marriage to Diana, who was revered by many people for her looks and her compassion.

    Diana alleged that there had been “three people” in the marriage, pointing the finger at Charles’ longtime love Camilla Parker-Bowles.

    Camilla, initially reviled by Diana’s fans, has worked hard to rehabilitate her image. Her ex-husband and their children are expected to attend the coronation, with her grandsons serving as pages of honor.

    She supports a raft of causes, ranging from adult literacy to protecting the victims of sexual assault and domestic violence. But even that effort has sparked tensions.

    Harry claimed in his memoir “Spare” that the senior royals leaked unflattering stories about him to the news media in return for more favorable coverage, particularly to improve Camilla’s image.

    At the time of their marriage in 2018, Harry and Meghan were celebrated as the new face of the monarchy. Meghan, a biracial American actress, brought a touch of Hollywood glamour to the royal family and many observers hoped she would help the Windsors connect with younger people in an increasingly multicultural nation.

    Those hopes quickly crumbled amid allegations that palace officials were insensitive to Meghan’s mental health struggles as she adjusted to royal life.

    Harry and Meghan walked away from frontline royal duties three years ago and moved to California, from which they have lobbed repeated critiques at the House of Windsor.

    In a 2021 interview with Oprah Winfrey they hinted at racism in the palace, alleging that one unidentified member of the royal family had inquired about the color of their unborn son’s skin before his birth.

    Harry, i n a Netflix series broadcast last year, said the episode was an example of unconscious bias and that the royal family needed to “learn and grow” so it could be “part of the solution rather than part of the problem.”

    The repeated attacks led to months of speculation about whether the couple would be invited to the coronation. The palace finally answered that question two weeks ago when it announced that Harry would attend but Meghan would remain in California with their two children.

    And then there is Charles’ brother Prince Andrew, who became a toxic time bomb inside the royal family when the world learned about his friendship with convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein and the financier’s long-time girlfriend, Ghislaine Maxwell.

    Epstein, who was convicted of sex crimes in 2008, died in a New York jail cell in 2019 while awaiting trial on a second set of charges. Maxwell was convicted last year of helping procure young girls for Epstein and is serving a 20-year sentence at a federal prison in Florida.

    Andrew gave up his royal duties in 2019 after a disastrous interview with the BBC in which he tried to explain away his links to Epstein and Maxwell. He was stripped of his honorary military titles and patronages as he prepared to defend a civil lawsuit filed by a woman who said she was forced to have sex with the prince when she was a teenager.

    Andrew denied the allegations but settled the suit last year before it came to trial. While terms of the agreement weren’t released, The Sun newspaper reported that Charles and the late queen paid the bulk of the estimated 7 million pound ($8.7 million) settlement.

    “I think it was inevitable that when Charles became king, a lot of the personal stuff would come back to haunt him,″ Little said. “I think as far as the king is concerned, he just has to shrug his shoulders and get on with the job in hand.”

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  • Shannen Doherty files for divorce after 11-year marriage

    Shannen Doherty files for divorce after 11-year marriage

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    Actor Shannen Doherty has filed for divorce from her husband, Kurt Iswarienko, after 11 years of marriage

    LOS ANGELES — Actor Shannen Doherty of hit shows “Charmed” and “Beverly Hills, 90210” has filed for divorce from her husband, Kurt Iswarienko, after 11 years of marriage, her representative says.

    “Divorce is the last thing Shannen wanted,” publicist Leslie Sloane said in an emailed statement Saturday. “Unfortunately, she felt she was left with no other option.”

    In early 2020, Doherty, now 52, announced that she was battling a recurrence of breast cancer that had progressed to stage four, calling it “a bitter pill to swallow.”

    “I definitely have days where I say, ‘Why me?’ And then I go, ‘Well, why not me? Who else? Who else besides me deserves this?’ None of us do,” Doherty told “Good Morning America.”

    The actor first revealed she had breast cancer in 2015 and has charted her battle with the disease on social media.

    Doherty did not refer to the divorce development on Instagram, but in a post Friday wrote: “The only people who deserve to be in your life are the ones who treat you with love, kindness and total respect.”

    In October 2021, a federal jury in Los Angeles awarded Doherty $6.3 million in a lawsuit alleging that State Farm, her insurance carrier, failed to pay sufficiently for damage to her house in a 2018 California wildfire. The jury found the failure to pay policy benefits for Doherty’s Malibu home “unreasonable and without proper cause.”

    In her statement, Sloane, Doherty’s publicist, suggested contacting Iswarienko’s agent for elaboration, whom she identified as Collier Grimm. Grimm did not immediately reply to a message for comment.

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  • I Was Overjoyed To Get Engaged At 19. Then, Like With Millie Bobby Brown, The Comments Began.

    I Was Overjoyed To Get Engaged At 19. Then, Like With Millie Bobby Brown, The Comments Began.

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    When Millie Bobby Brown posted what appeared to be an engagement announcement to Jake Bongiovi on Instagram, it nearly broke the internet. While some commenters offered congratulations, many people couldn’t get over the fact that she is 19. In fact, “She’s 19” trended on Twitter soon after she posted the news.

    I was 19 when my boyfriend of two years dropped to his knees on the beach at sunset and asked me in his nervously awkward but oh-so-endearing way if I would marry him.

    I didn’t hesitate to say yes. He swept me into his arms and kissed me, relief surging through every muscle of his body. We watched what should have been the sunset over the water but the horizon had filled with stunning lightning strikes that punctuated the dark sky in the distance.

    Then we headed into town to celebrate. I was too young to toast our engagement with Champagne, so we got ice cream cones at Dairy Queen. The heat and humidity of that July evening melted them and, as we strolled through the quaint seaside town, the chocolate dripped down my arms and onto my pink dress, which still hangs in my closet all these years later.

    When we excitedly broke the news to our families, most of our relatives thought we were too young, too naive, and didn’t have enough of a practical life plan to get married.

    They weren’t completely wrong about that last part. My recently-graduated-from-college fiancé was having trouble finding a job, and I had only just finished my sophomore year of college and was bouncing from one creative major to the next, leaving most people to question my less-than-traditional career ambitions.

    The author and Nate in 2002.

    Courtesy of Jenna Fletcher

    My late 30s self now recognizes how absurd this must have seemed to everyone around us. We had nothing figured out except that we each had found our person. There was no plan. All we knew is we wanted to start our life together by having the world legally recognize that we were on the same team.

    Unlike Brown and Bongiovi, we didn’t have to face backlash from the Twitterverse or the rest of the hellscape known as social media because (1) we aren’t famous but also (2) none of that existed at the time of our engagement. Yet, we still faced so much criticism, especially from the people closest to us.

    At least three different older adults sat me down and tried to talk me out of getting married ― or at the very least waiting.

    People pelted us with questions like “Are you going to quit school?” and “How are you going to pay for things?” and “You’re too young to know what you want.”

    The last one was my favorite because I heard it from the same people who had always told me how stubborn and single-minded I am when I do know what I want.

    And I knew what I wanted.

    I wanted to marry the awkward ― but awesome ― young man that I was certain loved me with his whole self.

    Despite our insistence that this was right for us and that we’d figure things out as we went, most people refused to get on board with our plans, and our wedding approached with little fanfare from them. No one offered to plan a big splashy bridal shower or bachelor and bachelorette parties for us, as they’d done for other, older family members who had gotten engaged.

    A cousin of mine who had gotten married a few years earlier felt bad that I was missing out on all the traditional celebratory things that she had just experienced and put together a lovely bridal luncheon for me. I hadn’t gone to her wedding and we didn’t know each other particularly well at the time since we lived several states apart and have an age gap between us, but even now I’m still touched by her kind gesture.

    My then-fiancé put together a very small surprise shower in someone’s apartment. It was simple, unfussy, and totally unlike the big affairs that are so common for engaged couples. But he made me feel loved by making sure I had this experience and now I wouldn’t want it any other way.

    The author and Nate in 2019.
    The author and Nate in 2019.

    Courtesy of Jenna Fletcher

    Our wedding planning chugged forward despite all the naysaying. Since I had the good fortune to win a large sum of cash on a game show, we paid for our dream wedding with my prize money and held a casual oceanside event with 40 guests that took place just steps from where we got engaged.

    One family member strode up to my soon-to-be mother-in-law on the morning of the wedding and told her that the marriage was a bad idea because I would grow tired of her son. Other than that, most of the friends and family who had warned us against getting married did end up attending. Their approach to us formalizing our relationship was less celebratory and more “if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.” We didn’t care ― we were just thrilled we were getting married and about to officially start our lives together.

    The early days of our marriage were definitely a financial struggle, but they were fairly happy days despite that. We very rarely argued and we supported each other.

    We spent our first few years sleeping on an air mattress as we each tried to find a career path that suited our goals both individually and as a couple. I chased my dreams of acting and photography. My husband was a grad student getting a degree in a field he later figured out he hated.

    We worked long hours and were both frustrated when we reached professional milestones only to discover that they didn’t make us any happier then we’d been or kept us from spending time together. We both changed careers.

    We finally started making a little money and bought a real mattress and then, eventually, a fixer-upper on a quiet country road. The Great Recession hit us a couple of years in and we were poor again, struggling to pay our mortgage and stay afloat. We each switched careers again, trying to find something that would allow us to prioritize our vision for what we wanted our family life to be like.

    After a lot of trial and error, we’ve found freelancing suits us and allows both of us to work at home and be with each other and our kids. We’ve fallen into a happy rhythm, starting the day drinking our coffee together and ending the day by putting the kids to bed together, each of us singing one bedtime song ― with lots of adventures and outings and fun in the hours in between.

    The author, Nate and two of their children on vacation in 2002 in the town where the couple was married.
    The author, Nate and two of their children on vacation in 2002 in the town where the couple was married.

    Courtesy of Jenna Fletcher

    Despite how happy we are ― and have been since we said “I do” all those years ago — I understand why there’s so much worry about people making a huge life decision like marriage at a young age. It’s a big risk and it doesn’t always work out. But I still believe when you know, you know ― and if any of our children choose that path, we will support them (with the caveat that the person they choose to marry treats them with the love and respect they deserve).

    Even though we had no idea how our lives would work in the future, we figured it out ― together. We survived the naiveté of youth, career changes, and the devastating loss of one of our twin sons because we’ve always had each other’s backs. All of the things that have tested our relationship and could have broken us apart have only made us more sure of the strength of our marriage. I know no matter what happens in the future, as long as we have each other, we’ll be OK.

    I think even though I certainly didn’t know much at 19, I did know that.

    My husband was my person then, and now, almost 20 years later, he still is ― even after all the growing up and changing we’ve both done.

    We’ve been happily married for 17 years and I can say without a doubt we proved the critics wrong. I know our choices aren’t for everyone, but I wouldn’t change a thing. If I could do it all over again, I would, and I wish Millie and Jake all the best.

    Jenna Fletcher writes about loss, parenting, health and wellness, and food. She runs a food blog at seasonedsprinkles.com. When she’s not writing or thinking about food, Jenna likes creating things, trying to be a yogi, riding horses with her daughter and chasing her sons.

    Do you have a compelling personal story you’d like to see published on HuffPost? Find out what we’re looking for here and send us a pitch.

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  • Even when women make as much as their husbands, they still do more at home | CNN Business

    Even when women make as much as their husbands, they still do more at home | CNN Business

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    New York
    CNN
     — 

    Few women will be surprised to learn that even when wives earn about the same as their husbands or more, a new Pew Research Center study finds that they still spend more time on housework and child care, while their husbands spend more time on paid work and leisure.

    “Even as financial contributions have become more equal in marriages, the way couples divide their time between paid work and home life remains unbalanced,” Pew noted.

    So who’s earning what?

    Pew found that in 29% of heterosexual marriages today, women and men earn about the same (roughly $60,000 each). “Husbands in egalitarian marriages spend about 3.5 hours more per week on leisure activities than wives do. Wives in these marriages spend roughly 2 hours more per week on caregiving than husbands do and about 2.5 hours more on housework,” the study notes.

    In 55% of opposite-sex marriages, men are the primary or sole breadwinners, earning a median of $96,000 to their wives’ $30,000.

    Meanwhile, in 16% of marriages the wives outearn their husbands as the primary (10%) or sole breadwinner (6%). In these marriages women earn a median of $88,000 to their husbands’ $35,000.

    Of all of these categories, the only one in which men are reported to spend more time caregiving than their wives is when the woman is the sole breadwinner. And the time spent per week on household chores in those marriages is split evenly between husbands and wives.

    In all instances, it’s a big change from 50 years ago — when, for instance, husbands were the primary breadwinner in 85% of marriages.

    Today, which women are most likely to be the primary or sole breadwinners can vary by age, family status, education and race.

    For instance, Pew found Black women are “significantly more likely” than other women to earn more than their husbands. For instance, 26% of Black women bring home more than their husbands, while only 17% of White women and 13% of Hispanic women do.

    But Black women with a college degree or higher and few children at home are also among the most likely to earn about the same as their husbands.

    These numbers are reported against a backdrop of society’s attitudes about who should earn more and how caregiving should be divvied up between spouses.

    Nearly half of Americans (48%) in Pew’s survey said husbands prefer to earn more than their wives, while 13% said men would prefer their wives earn about the same as them.

    What do women want? Twenty-two percent of Americans said most women want a husband who earns more, while 26% said most would want a man who earns about the same.

    Meanwhile, when it comes to having a family, 77% said that children are better off when both parents focus equally on their job and on taking care of the kids. Only 19% said children are better off when their mother focuses more on home life and their father focuses more on his job.

    The Pew study is based on three data sources: earnings data from the US Census’ Current Population Survey; data from the American Time Use Survey and a nationally representative survey of public attitudes among 5,152 US adults conducted in January.

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  • San Diego County supervisor to resign after assault lawsuit

    San Diego County supervisor to resign after assault lawsuit

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    SAN DIEGO — The chair of San Diego County’s board of supervisors said he will resign amid accusations that he sexually assaulted a government employee, completing a swift and shocking fall for a decorated Marine combat veteran whose star rose with his Democratic Party’s ascendancy in the nation’s eighth-largest city. Nathan Fletcher, who defected from the Republican Party in 2012, was elected to a second term with 65% of the vote in November, two years after Democrats won a board majority that eluded their grasp for decades. Fletcher, 46, was the face of the San Diego region’s muscular response to COVID-19 at daily news conferences. He became half of San Diego’s most powerful political couple after his 2017 marriage to Lorena Gonzalez Fletcher, a well-known liberal Democratic state assemblywoman who became a top California labor leader last year. Fletcher’s progressive positions and telegenic presence made him a solid favorite to succeed another prominent California politician, Toni Atkins, in the state Senate. But he announced late Sunday that he was dropping his bid after less than two months to seek treatment for post-traumatic stress disorder and alcohol abuse. Days later, Fletcher resigned as chair of the San Diego Metropolitan Transit System after a former television reporter who worked in the agency’s public relations office alleged sexual harassment and assault in a lawsuit that included screenshots of lurid messages from Fletcher. Hours after that, Fletcher said he would resign from the county board of supervisors, calling the pressure on his family over the last week “immense and unbearable.” “A combination of my personal mistakes plus false accusations has created a burden that my family shouldn’t have to bear,” he said. He will leave office May 15. Fletcher’s fall jolted the city a week after officials made a critical turn in a saga that has captivated the city and threatened other top politicians.

    A 2017 lease-to-own deal for employees to occupy a 19-story downtown office building turned disastrous after asbestos and other deficiencies were discovered and rendered the space uninhabitable. Jason Hughes, an unpaid adviser to the city on the deal, pleaded guilty last week to a misdemeanor and agreed to repay $9.4 million that he collected in a dual role as adviser to the building’s seller, Cisterra LLC.

    The deal was bungled under Mayor Kevin Faulconer, one of California’s most promising Republican leaders until a resounding defeat in a failed 2020 recall effort against Gov. Gavin Newsom, a Democrat.

    Brian Adams, a political science professor at San Diego State University, likened Fletcher to other fallen leaders, including Andrew Cuomo and Eliot Spitzer, both former governors of New York, and former U.S. Sen. John Edwards.

    “They were all seen having promising futures collapse over sexual harassment claims,” said Adams.

    Fletcher’s name entered conversations about who San Diego might elect mayor or member of Congress, Adams said. His troubles may open the way for new faces if Todd Gloria, the Democratic mayor, faces questions over how he handled fallout from the real estate debacle.

    San Diego’s political drama doesn’t appear to have gripped residents like earlier scandal, including the resignation in 2013 of Bob Filner, the first Democratic mayor in 20 years, after weeks of near-daily allegations of harassing women, including city employees.

    A Republican mayor, Dick Murphy, resigned in 2004 after a pension crisis made San Diego a poster child for financial mismanagement.

    In a lawsuit filed Tuesday in San Diego Superior Court, Grecia Figueroa, 34, says she began exchanging messages with Fletcher in 2021 when he started visiting her social media accounts. He once wrote, “Home alone — no wife and kids.” He urged her to delete his texts and be discreet.

    Figueroa says Fletcher kissed her in the stairway of a hotel where he was staying in May 2022. Weeks later, he allegedly texted her during a meeting that he had five minutes and asked her to go to an adjacent conference room, where he kissed and grabbed her.

    Figueroa was fired Feb. 6 after she “attempted to engage in meaningful, pre-litigation discussions with Fletcher to resolve her claims quietly and amicably,” her lawsuit says. On Sunday — just before Fletcher ended his Senate run — Fletcher’s attorney threatened to sue Figueroa for extortion, she said.

    Fletcher acknowledged “consensual interactions” with someone outside his marriage. “I haven’t done the things that are alleged but I did violate the basic trust of my marriage and set a terrible example for our children,” he said in a statement. San Diego County Democratic Party Chair Becca Taylor said Thursday that Fletcher’s decision to resign was appropriate, echoing other political leaders. Gonzalez Fletcher, executive secretary-treasurer of the California Labor Federation, said she loves her husband and believes “his name will be cleared” but that she urged him to resign.

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  • West Virginia bans marriage for children age 15 or younger

    West Virginia bans marriage for children age 15 or younger

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    CHARLESTON, W.Va. (AP) — West Virginia will no longer allow children under 16 to marry, after the governor signed a compromise bill Wednesday.

    The law signed by Republican Gov. Jim Justice continues allowing children ages 16 and 17 to get married with restrictions. Under the new law, those minors must get parental consent and can’t marry someone more than four years older than them. Existing legal marriages, and those done in other states, are unaffected.

    Previously, anyone younger than 16 could have gotten married with a judge’s waiver.

    Similar bills to ban child marriage were proposed in recent years but didn’t get traction.

    Some Democrats, including the bill’s sponsor, Del. Kayla Young of Kanawha County, had hoped to eliminate child marriage altogether. Some Republicans in the GOP-dominated Legislature spoke about how they or their parents had married before adulthood and argued that state recognition of the relationships helps keep families together.

    Young said she had to compromise with her Republican colleagues to secure a minimum age for marriage, and celebrated the aspect of the bill that prohibited large age gaps.

    Seven states have set the minimum age for marriage at 18, all since 2018, according to the advocacy group Unchained at Last, which has lobbied for legislation in variousstates to end child marriage. The group calls the practice a human rights abuse.

    Supporters of such legislation say it reduces domestic violence, unwanted pregnancies and improves the lives of teens.

    West Virginia had the highest rate of child marriages among the states, according to the Pew Research Center. There were around seven marriages for every 1,000 children ages 15 to 17 in West Virginia in data collected from 2010 to 2014, compared to around 4.6 marriages per 1,000 for the same age group nationwide. More recent figures were unavailable.

    ___

    This story has been updated to correct the figures for teen marriages in West Virginia.

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  • Union Pacific 2nd railroad to drop push for one-person crews

    Union Pacific 2nd railroad to drop push for one-person crews

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    Union Pacific has become the second major freight railroad in the past week to back away from the industry’s longstanding push to cut train crews down to one person as lawmakers and regulators increasingly focus on rail safety following last month’s fi…

    ByJOSH FUNK AP Business Writer

    OMAHA, Neb. — Union Pacific has become the second major freight railroad in the past week to back away from the industry’s longstanding push to cut train crews down to one person as lawmakers and regulators increasingly focus on rail safety following last month’s fiery derailment in Ohio.

    The Omaha, Nebraska-based railroad said in a statement Saturday that it had reached an agreement with the union that represents conductors to drop its proposal to take those workers out of the cabs of locomotives just months after it was pressing to test out the idea of stationing conductors in trucks in parts of its 23-state network. Norfolk Southern made a similar announcement several days earlier.

    The Feb. 3 derailment of a Norfolk Southern train that forced the evacuation of roughly half the town of East Palestine near the Ohio-Pennsylvania border after officials released and burned toxic chemicals is what sparked the renewed interest in railroad safety. A bipartisan bill that’s gaining support in Congress would require railroads to maintain two-person crews and make several other changes designed to reduce the chances of future derailments. And regulators, who are also pushing railroads to make reforms, were already considering a rule that would require two-person crews.

    The major freight railroads have long argued that technological advances — particularly the automatic braking system they were required to install in recent years — had made it unnecessary to have a second person in every locomotive. And railroad executives had said they believed that moving conductors off of trains would improve their quality of life by giving them more predictable schedules and keeping them from going on the road.

    But the Transportation Division of the International Association of Sheet Metal, Air, Rail and Transportation Workers union and the other rail unions have long refused to agree to reducing the size of train crews because they believe train conductors play a crucial safety role and they want to preserve jobs.

    The unions say conductors help monitor track conditions and radio communications while ensuring that engineers remain alert and respond to any emergencies or mechanical problems on the train. In the case of a derailment or collision, conductors are the first ones to respond before any additional help can arrive and they provide emergency responders key details about what a train is hauling.

    Union Pacific Executive Vice President Beth Whited said the railroad will now focus on other ways to address the concerns about demanding schedules that workers expressed during last fall’s difficult contract negotiations. The rail industry reached the brink of a strike that could have crippled the economy before Congress intervened in December and imposed a contract to prevent a walkout.

    “We are pleased that Union Pacific is focusing on quality of life for our conductor workforce,” said Jeremy Ferguson, president of SMART-TD.

    Railroads have also been under pressure over the past year to improve their service because they were struggling to handle all the shipments companies want them to deliver. And the industry has been defending its safety record after eliminating nearly one-third of all railroad jobs over the past six years as railroads overhauled their operations. Unions say all those cuts have left workers spread too thin and made it more difficult to keep up with all the inspections and maintenance that are needed.

    The railroads maintain that they remain the safest way to transport hazardous chemicals and all kinds of other cargo across land because nearly every shipment arrives intact, but the East Palestine derailment reinforced just how devastating even one derailment involving dangerous chemicals can be.

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  • Do Opposites Really Attract? What The Research & Experts Say

    Do Opposites Really Attract? What The Research & Experts Say

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    Although it’s a common belief that “opposites attract,” research shows that couples who share similarities are actually more likely to last long-term. A 2005 study of marital satisfaction found that similarity is an important predictor of long-term relationship success, with personality being a key factor in determining whether or not a couple will last.

    A 2017 study1 found that close friends and romantic partners tend to share similar core beliefs, values, and hobbies, and other research suggests2 that we’re even drawn to people with similar physical traits as ours because we tend to find them more trustworthy. A 2022 study3 about dating app behaviors found that more highly educated users were more likely to choose a profile that flagged a higher education degree as well, suggesting that even online, similarity matters. 

    But what about your aunt and uncle who have been married for 20 years and are polar opposites? “It might be easy for other people to look at their relationship as evidence for ‘opposites attracting,’” says therapist Daniel Matchar, LMSW. “However, when a large sample of couples is examined, this pattern does not hold. Everyone has an example of an ‘opposites attract’ couple, but if you took an inventory of all the couples you know, it would probably become clear that these are usually anomalies.”

    Some stats, however, show that opposites can indeed attract and make things work—with a caveat. A 2020 study4 published in Developmental Psychology found that sharing intimate thoughts and feeling appreciated by a partner in a relationship are equally as important as having autonomy and separate interests. So even if you’re total opposites, the relationship can be a rewarding one as long as there’s enough communication and common ground. 

    Modern dating also looks different than it did decades ago, and today, opposites may be more likely to attract than they used to. “The pandemic caused us to throw out our blueprint of who and how we date,” says Boodram, who, in her work with Bumble, witnesses many success stories where opposites attract. “A recent Bumble survey found that 1 in 3 (38%) of people around the world are now more open to who they consider dating beyond their ‘type,’” she tells mbg.

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    Tianna Soto, M.A.

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  • Who is Ann Lesley Smith? Meet Rupert Murdoch’s Bride to Be. | Entrepreneur

    Who is Ann Lesley Smith? Meet Rupert Murdoch’s Bride to Be. | Entrepreneur

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    Rupert Murdoch is hoping the fifth time’s a charm.

    The 92-year-old executive chairman of News Corp recently announced his engagement to Ann Lesley Smith. This is the fifth time Murdoch will stroll down the aisle.

    Murdoch first went public with the news in an interview with gossip columnist Cindy Adams in the New York Post, a tabloid he owns. He said he popped the question to his bride-to-be on St. Patricks Day in New York.

    “I was very nervous. I dreaded falling in love — but I knew this would be my last. It better be. I’m happy,” he said.

    Related: How Great Entrepreneurs Find Ways to Win During Economic Downturns

    Who is Ann Lesley Smith?

    Smith, 66, began her career as a dental hygienist and has also been a model and a singer.

    Her first marriage to wealthy attorney John B. Huntington made her a multimillionaire socialite overnight. But the emotionally abusive relationship ended badly, and she lost almost everything—thanks to a prenup, she told the Christian Broadcast Network.

    Her second marriage to country music star Chester Smith went much more harmoniously until he died in 2008 from a heart attack. The two recorded an album together.

    Like Murdoch, Smith was also a radio and TV executive. He founded Sainte Television Group, the largest privately-owned broadcast company with stations. He died in 2008.

    “I’m a widow 14 years,” said Smith. “My husband was a businessman… So I speak Rupert’s language. We share the same beliefs,” she said.

    After her husband’s death, Smith became a police chaplain for the San Francisco Police Department.

    “When I go on my calls, and I’m dealing with people who are in a lot of pain, I say, ‘I’ve been here. I’ve been here, and you can get out.’ It gives them hope,” she said.

    They met at a party

    Murdoch and Smith first connected at a bash Murdoch hosted at his vineyard Moraga in Bel Air, California, a few years ago. She and her husband were also in the wine business and knew the Murdochs.

    Last year, when there were 200 people at my vineyard, I met her, and we talked a bit. Two weeks later, I called her,” Murdoch explained.

    The couple went public with their romance a few months after Murdoch, and his former wife, Jerry Hall, finalized their divorce.

    According to Adams, they plan to tie the know at the end of the summer.

    “It’s not my first rodeo. Getting near 70 means being in the last half. I waited for the right time,” Smith said.

    Murdoch seems equally enthusiastic. “We’re both looking forward to spending the second half of our lives together,” he said.

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    Jonathan Small

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  • How To Know If You’re A Bad Listener, From A Therapist

    How To Know If You’re A Bad Listener, From A Therapist

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    A good listener is able to be totally present and focused while the other person is talking. “We can be present by listening and resisting the temptation to interpret, assume, predict, or come up with a reply while the person is still talking,” licensed therapist Steph Tuazon, LCSW, recently told mbg.

    To Tuazon’s point, you can tell you’re not actually listening to the other person if, while they’re talking, you’re also thinking about what you want to say in response. If you’re in your head analyzing their words as they’re still speaking—or worse, trying to interrupt them to insert your own comments—that’s a big sign that you’re not listening well.

    Why? Because your focus is actually on getting your own point across (or proving your point right, or proving your partner’s point wrong), rather than actually understanding what’s being said to you, and making sure the speaker feels understood—the biggest marks of a good listener.

    To know if you truly understand your partner’s point, Tuazon suggests trying repeating back what you heard right after they finished speaking. If you can’t repeat what they said accurately, then you weren’t actually listening. 

    Another great test for you: After a tense conversation or argument with your partner (or whoever), see if you can accurately explain their perspective to another person—importantly, without your judgment, interpretation, or opinions inserted into it. Why were they upset? What did they actually say in response to specific things you brought up?

    “Not being present in a conversation can look like missing a whole conversation,” she notes. If you can’t really give a play-by-play of their side of the conversation, that’s a clear sign that you didn’t really understand or internalize what they said—in other words, your listening skills could probably use some work.

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    Kelly Gonsalves

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