Contrary to what everyone says, time does not heal. It does not make things better. Sometimes, time makes things worse.
If you feed your body primarily junk food and sodas over time, for instance, the damage compounds. So, expose yourself to an abuser who is abusing you more and more frequently, and the pattern stands.
In a toxic relationship, the abuser plays three roles in what we call the drama triangle. They can be the “savior”to whom you should be grateful to for saving you or helping you become a better person; the “persecutor” who blames you and points out all the things you’re doing wrong; and the “victim” who’s going through a very hard time.
You may respond to what the victim is saying, like showing them empathy and kindness, only to suddenly be met by the callous persecutor who cuts you with their hurtful comments. It is a confusing time, making the eggshells you already tread feel even more precarious. And in this way, your trauma bond also deepens as you side with them to explain away why they act this way—at the expense of hurting yourself—whilst you blame yourself even more.
You spend a lot of time engaging in what I callCognitive Photoshop—applying all sorts of mental filters to the situation to make meaning out of it. Such as, “We weathered a new crisis together, we will come out even stronger,” or, “At least he doesn’t beat me,” or, “At least he apologizes sometimes.”
More sophisticated abusers also know the art of the con, hooking you in with accountability. They tell you they really want to get better but sometimes their old demons (an addiction, their past relationship histories) get the better of them. So could you please help keep them accountable even if they might find it hard to change? And even though every change is piecemeal, transient, and they will regress—and you will pay for it dearly—you think it’s your job to help them, or love them better so they heal.
The more we invest, the harder it is to walk away. As Annie Duke, champion poker player and author of the bookQuitwrites, both behavioral experiments and real-life situations show that human beings are terrible at knowing when to cut their losses.
At the end of the day, after multiple rounds of increased abuse and the subsequent intensification of your trauma bond, you are exhausted.
You may have run away because you felt unsafe, but it was unplanned, so you went back again. And every time you go back, it feels like you’re just doomed to be there. (The stats show that the average abused woman leaves seven times, during one of which times she may be killed).
You may have called the police and realized that the system is rigged against you. It’s dismissed as a domestic, a private situation, a hysterical woman.
Or you realize you have few resources left inside or around you. You’ve alienated your friends because he’s slowly primed you to isolate yourself, or they’re just so sick of listening to your latest ideas on how to help him. And you’re so afraid of all the other people who judge you.
And chances are, he’s had a smear campaign against you for a long time, so everyone thinks you are the loose cannon who’s indebted to him. You’re the lucky one to have him.
You don’t know where to start—and the trauma bond is quietly working in the background so you stay alive.
But “alive” simply means you’re functioning, your heart is beating, maybe you’re going to work or taking care of the kids. “Alive” doesn’t mean you have any quality of life left. You are an empty shell.
Jessica Alba may have met her husband, Cash Warren, on the set of 2004’s Fantastic Four (he was a director’s assistant, she played Sue Storm), but there have been times that their relationship has been something slightly less than fantastic, Warren admitted.
In an interview on Whine Down with Jana Kramer published Monday, Warren recalled a time “about four years into our relationship” (which, napkin math, must have been 2008, the same year they got married and also welcomed their first child) when they briefly broke up. The reason: Warren was jealous.
“When we first started dating I was really jealous of other guys and the attention she was getting from other guys. It just wasn’t making me feel good,” he said on the podcast. “I was always a pretty confident person in my own—kind of walking my own path and really happy there, and next thing you know I’m looking up and feeling jealous all the time.”
“I was like, ‘I hate feeling like this. It doesn’t make me feel good, and I know it doesn’t make you feel good,’” he recalled telling Alba before their breakup. “It was the jealousy. I was turning into an asshole, and so we broke up.”
He used the time apart to do some serious thinking, he said.
“During that time apart, I was just like, if we ever got back together, I’m promising, I like made a promise to myself to like channel that into in a different way, into a more productive way,” he said.
Spoiler: They did get back together, and Warren, who founded men’s basics brand Pair of Thieves, said that he considers himself to be Alba’s “biggest cheerleader” in her professional ambitions, including acting and her business, Honest Company. “I’ve tried to be a good teammate in that regard.”
“We find ways where she can support me and she can uplift me,” he said. “We do try to find that balance.”
The couple has three children, Honor, Haven, and Hayes. Remember that assholery Warren referred to earlier? Warren and Alba, according to a 2020 interview with Reveal, the magazine of Property BrothersJonathan and Drew Scott, the couple are committed to not repeating that pattern.
“One thing that Jessica and I are 100 percent aligned on is that we’re not raising a–holes,” Warren said of their kids. “If they get out of line, we’re not going to stand for it. We’ve tried to maintain the values our parents taught us.”
Astrologically, one clear indicator of a soulmate is someone whose personal planets (sun, moon, Mars, Venus, or Mercury) or ascendant form an aspect (AKA an angular connection) with your karmic line.
Conjunctions are the most compelling aspects for soulmates, but tight (0-3 degree) squares (challenging) or trines (easeful) can also convey karmic connection.
The karmic line is the north and south nodal axis, a 180 degree “line” in an astrology chart. The north node is related to goals and objectives your soul is reaching towards in this lifetime, while the south node shows where you are coming from in previous lives (specifically relevant to this one) and earlier in this life (family circumstances).
People you meet in this life but know from other lives will often have planets located within a few degrees of your south node (forming a conjunction). If your south node is at 23 degrees Aries, for example, and you keep connecting with people whose sun, moon, rising sign, Venus, Mercury or Mars is around 21-25 degrees Aries, you possibly knew each other in a past life.
The planet that connects to your north node also gives some indication of the nature of the previous relationship. If someone’s personal planet or ascendant connects with your north node, you probably have an assignment, karmically, to complete together in this lifetime. If your north nodes themselves form a tight trine, square, or opposition to each other, this, too, can suggest a karmic contract.
SAN JUAN SACATEPEQUEZ, Guatemala — Over the past decade, Guatemalan presidential candidate Sandra Torres has been drifting rightward on the political spectrum as she repeatedly has tried to win the presidency.
Now, in her third bid, the former first lady has drafted an evangelical pastor as her running mate and is leaning heavily on her firm commitments to keeping abortion and same-sex marriage illegal in Guatemala.
Her opponent in the Aug. 20 runoff, Bernardo Arévalo of the progressive Seed Movement, also has said Guatemala’s abortion ban should remain untouched. But he has declined to make any such declaration on same-sex marriage, saying only that his government would be against any sort of discrimination, without elaborating.
Torres made a recent campaign stop in jeans and a national soccer team jersey at a school in San Juan Sacatepequez, an impoverished suburban city of more than 250,000, where she told several hundred supporters that she wanted the government to respect life from conception. She promised she would never accept same-sex marriage, quickly adding that she wasn’t homophobic.
“I want to run this country with the fear of God,” she told the crowd.
Torres, 67, leads the National Unity of Hope party that once was considered the country’s social democratic party but has moved rightward with Torres, though she also promises many social programs to benefit the country’s “forgotten” poor. Her party is the second-largest in the unicameral legislature.
In the administration of her ex-husband, Álvaro Colom, Torres led the government’s social programs, giving her significant government experience. His campaign, plus three of her own, also give her a long history of trying to court voters across Guatemala.
Torres was the leading vote-getter in the first round of this year’s presidential election on June 25. Both of her previous defeats came in the second-round runoff. So while it was no surprise to find Torres in a runoff, her opponent surely has come as a shock.
In the days before the first round vote, Arévalo, who largely campaigned on rooting out corruption, was barely in the country’s political conversation. He was polling below 3%, behind seven other candidates. But the results gave him 11% of the vote — enough to give him the second slot in the runoff.
In the first round, Torres’ competition came mostly from other conservative populists. Now, voters face a real choice between conservative and progressive proposals, and Torres is appealing to Guatemalans’ conservative social values at every opportunity.
Luis Mack, a political scientist with San Carlos University, said that Torres’ current campaign is part of a trend across the region of bringing religion into elections. “It is an open manipulation of politics and faith,” he said.
Torres did not previously have the support of the country’s evangelical churches, which had been more closely associated with the administration of outgoing President Alejandro Giammattei, said David Pineda, president of the Guatemalan Secular Humanist Association.
But if Arévalo should win, the churches would be afraid of losing the close relationship they had with the government, and might face unwelcome scrutiny of their finances, Pineda said.
Until he registered as Torres’ running mate, 47-year-old Romeo Guerra was pastor of the Christian Sion Mission church founded by his father in Guatemala City. An opposing party tried to block Guerra’s candidacy on the grounds that Guatemala’s constitution bars clergy from running for office. But the nation’s top court allowed it.
Guerra has not been a fixture in Torres’ campaign stops and seems uncomfortable speaking outside the pulpit. But he recently met with dozens of evangelical pastors alongside Torres, who has proposed creating a ministry of religious affairs.
Evangelical pastors in Guatemala have a history of siding against leftists, with some of them disseminating government propaganda against leftist guerrillas in late 1970s and early ’80s during the country’s civil war.
Shortly after Arévalo won his place in the runoff, evangelical pastor Sergio Enríquez of Ebenezer Ministries told his congregation “we have to pray a lot to not allow this communist from (the Seed Movement) to make it.” Other pastors in mega churches across Guatemala haven’t been as explicit but have emphasized issues such as abortion and same-sex marriage, as Torres has done.
In San Juan Sacatepequez on a recent Sunday, hundreds of Indigenous women lined up for a free reusable shopping bag before Torres was scheduled to speak. Four hours later the candidate arrived in a helicopter.
Torres’ campaign is unabashedly populist, filled with promises for poor communities. She has said that as president she would distribute 1 million computers to schoolchildren, scholarships to cover school costs and big bags of basic foodstuffs delivered monthly to families’ doorsteps.
She reminds families that they received similar bags of products when she was first lady, and heads nod.
“I remember her very well,” said Azucena Sarpec, holding her 6-month-old in her arms. “When she was in government, years ago, because of her they brought us the solidarity bag” of food, Sarpec said, adding that the promise of more such bags was enough to earn her vote.
She said that since Torres’ ex-husband left power nearly a decade ago, the streets which are mostly dirt haven’t been maintained, and there’s more malnutrition, poverty and crime.
Now, her family has to pay protection money to gangs to guarantee their safety, she said. “They ask for $65 to start and then $45 every month. You can’t do it,” said Sarpec, whose husband works for minimum wage in an assembly plant.
Lázaro Borror, 38, said he came to hear Torres so that he can decide which candidate to support. He said he believes Torres would distribute bags of food if elected, “but I don’t think she’s going to stop corruption.”
Borror said he’s accustomed to candidates making promises at election time, but then forgetting those who put them in office.
“They only do something the first few months, then they forget us,” he said.
TORONTO — Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and his wife, Sophie, are separating after 18 years of marriage.
The two said in statements posted on Instagram that they made the decision after “many meaningful and difficult conversations.” A statement from the prime minister’s office said they both have signed a legal separation agreement.
Trudeau, the 51-year-old scion of one of Canada’s most famous politicians, was sworn into office in 2015. Sophie Trudeau is a former model and TV host. The couple were married in 2005. Together, they brought star power to the prime minister’s office and appeared in the pages of Vogue magazine.
They have three children, 15-year-old Xavier, 14-year-old Ella-Grace and 9-year-old Hadrien.
“As always, we remain a close family with deep love and respect for each other and for everything we have built and will continue to build,” the two said on Instagram.
An official familiar with the matter said Trudeau will continue to live at Rideau Cottage in Ottawa, where he has lived since 2015, and the children will primarily live there to maintain stability.
The official said she has moved to a separate Ottawa home, but will spend time at Rideau Cottage at times including when he is travelling. The official spoke on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to speak publicly.
She has played a less visible role in recent years, rarely traveling with the prime minister on official trips. The two were seen together publicly at Canada Day events in Ottawa last month.
“They remain a close family, and Sophie and the prime minister are focused on raising their kids in a safe, loving and collaborative environment,” the statement from Trudeau’s office said. “The family will be together on vacation, beginning next week.”
His office requested respect for their privacy.
Justin Trudeau and Sophie Gregoire met as children when she was a classmate of his youngest brother, Michel, and they reconnected as adults when they co-hosted a 2003 charity gala.
Trudeau is the second prime minister to announce a separation while in office.
His father, Pierre Trudeau, and mother, Margaret Trudeau, separated in 1977 and divorced in 1984 during the elder Trudeau’s final year in the prime minister’s office.
Margaret Trudeau wrote in her memoir that she had a romance with Senator Ted Kennedy. During a 1977 visit to Washington, D.C. with Pierre, she sat listening to her husband’s speech before Congress while feeling “torn between an intense need for him and a longing for Ted Kennedy.” Margaret wrote she became infatuated with Kennedy after meeting him a few years earlier. She told Kennedy that he “had not destroyed my marriage but that I had used him to help me destroy a marriage that was already over.”
Just weeks later Margaret, who had then-undiagnosed mental illness, left her husband to party with the Rolling Stones in Toronto. The marriage ended soon after that.
Justin, who was a child when his parents separated, wrote in his 2014 book “Common Ground” that public life took its toll. “I knew, even then, that the demands imposed by the life my parents were leading affected them far more than the ordinary stress of parenthood,” he wrote.
Justin Trudeau channeled the star power of his Liberal icon father when he first won office in 2015. Scandals, voter fatigue and economic inflation have taken a toll on his popularity after eight years in power.
Just a few months ago Trudeau posted a picture of himself holding hands with his wife on their anniversary and wrote, “Every mile of this journey together is an adventure. I love you, Soph. Happy anniversary!”
Nelson Wiseman, a political science professor at the University of Toronto, had thought that Trudeau would seriously consider stepping down sometime next year or early in 2025.
“I now think he is more likely to stick in the political arena,” Wiseman said.
TORONTO — Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and his wife, Sophie, are separating after 18 years of marriage.
The two said in statements posted on Instagram that they made the decision after “many meaningful and difficult conversations.” A statement from the prime minister’s office said they both have signed a legal separation agreement.
Trudeau, the 51-year-old scion of one of Canada’s most famous politicians, was sworn into office in 2015. Sophie Trudeau is a former model and TV host. The couple were married in 2005. Together, they brought star power to the prime minister’s office and appeared in the pages of Vogue magazine.
They have three children, 15-year-old Xavier, 14-year-old Ella-Grace and 9-year-old Hadrien.
“As always, we remain a close family with deep love and respect for each other and for everything we have built and will continue to build,” the two said on Instagram.
An official familiar with the matter said Trudeau will continue to live at Rideau Cottage in Ottawa, where he has lived since 2015, and the children will primarily live there to maintain stability.
The official said she has moved to a separate Ottawa home, but will spend time at Rideau Cottage at times including when he is travelling. The official spoke on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to speak publicly.
She has played a less visible role in recent years, rarely traveling with the prime minister on official trips. The two were seen together publicly at Canada Day events in Ottawa last month.
“They remain a close family, and Sophie and the prime minister are focused on raising their kids in a safe, loving and collaborative environment,” the statement from Trudeau’s office said. “The family will be together on vacation, beginning next week.”
His office requested respect for their privacy.
Justin Trudeau and Sophie Gregoire met as children when she was a classmate of his youngest brother, Michel, and they reconnected as adults when they co-hosted a 2003 charity gala.
Trudeau is the second prime minister to announce a separation while in office.
His father, Pierre Trudeau, and mother, Margaret Trudeau, separated in 1977 and divorced in 1984 during the elder Trudeau’s final year in the prime minister’s office.
Margaret Trudeau wrote in her memoir that she had a romance with Senator Ted Kennedy. During a 1977 visit to Washington, D.C. with Pierre, she sat listening to her husband’s speech before Congress while feeling “torn between an intense need for him and a longing for Ted Kennedy.” Margaret wrote she became infatuated with Kennedy after meeting him a few years earlier. She told Kennedy that he “had not destroyed my marriage but that I had used him to help me destroy a marriage that was already over.”
Just weeks later Margaret, who had then-undiagnosed mental illness, left her husband to party with the Rolling Stones in Toronto. The marriage ended soon after that.
Justin, who was a child when his parents separated, wrote in his 2014 book “Common Ground” that public life took its toll. “I knew, even then, that the demands imposed by the life my parents were leading affected them far more than the ordinary stress of parenthood,” he wrote.
Justin Trudeau channeled the star power of his Liberal icon father when he first won office in 2015. Scandals, voter fatigue and economic inflation have taken a toll on his popularity after eight years in power.
Just a few months ago Trudeau posted a picture of himself holding hands with his wife on their anniversary and wrote, “Every mile of this journey together is an adventure. I love you, Soph. Happy anniversary!”
Nelson Wiseman, a political science professor at the University of Toronto, had thought that Trudeau would seriously consider stepping down sometime next year or early in 2025.
“I now think he is more likely to stick in the political arena,” Wiseman said.
TORONTO — Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and his wife, Sophie Gregoire Trudeau, announced Wednesday that they are separating after 18 years of marriage.
The two said in statements posted on Instagram that they made the decision after “many meaningful and difficult conversations.” A statement from the prime minister’s office said they both have signed a legal separation agreement.
Trudeau, the 51-year-old scion of one of Canada’s most famous politicians, was sworn into office in 2015. Sophie Trudeau is a former model and TV host. The couple were married in 2005. Together, they brought star power to the prime minister’s office and appeared in the pages of Vogue magazine.
They have three children, 15-year-old Xavier, 14-year-old Ella-Grace and 9-year-old Hadrien.
“As always, we remain a close family with deep love and respect for each other and for everything we have built and will continue to build,” the two said on Instagram.
An official familiar with the matter said the children he will continue to live at Rideau Cottage in Ottawa, where he has lived since 2015, and the children will primarily live there to maintain stability.
The official said she has moved to a separate Ottawa home, but will spend time at Rideau Cottage at times including when he is travelling. The official spoke on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to speak publicly.
She has played a less visible role in recent years, rarely traveling with the prime minister on official trips. The two were seen together publicly at Canada Day events in Ottawa last month.
“They remain a close family, and Sophie and the prime minister are focused on raising their kids in a safe, loving and collaborative environment,” the statement from Trudeau’s office said. “The family will be together on vacation, beginning next week.”
His office requested respect for their privacy.
Justin Trudeau and Sophie Gregoire met as children when she was a classmate of his youngest brother, Michel, and they reconnected as adults when they co-hosted a 2003 charity gala.
Trudeau is the second prime minister to announce a separation while in office.
His father, Pierre Trudeau, and mother, Margaret Trudeau, separated in 1979 and divorced in 1984 during the elder Trudeau’s final year in the prime minister’s office.
Margaret Trudeau wrote in her memoir that she had a romance with Senator Ted Kennedy. During a 1977 visit to Washington, D.C. with Pierre, she sat listening to her husband’s speech before Congress while feeling “torn between an intense need for him and a longing for Ted Kennedy.” Margaret wrote she became infatuated with Kennedy after meeting him a few years earlier. She told Kennedy that he “had not destroyed my marriage but that I had used him to help me destroy a marriage that was already over.”
Just weeks later Margaret, who had then-undiagnosed mental illness, left her husband to party with the Rolling Stones in Toronto. The marriage ended soon after that.
Justin, who was a child when his parents separated, wrote in his 2014 book “Common Ground” that public life took its toll. “I knew, even then, that the demands imposed by the life my parents were leading affected them far more than the ordinary stress of parenthood,” he wrote.
Justin Trudeau channeled the star power of his Liberal icon father when he first won office in 2015. Scandals, voter fatigue and economic inflation have taken a toll on his popularity after eight years in power.
Just a few months ago Trudeau posted a picture of himself holding hands with his wife on their anniversary and wrote, “Every mile of this journey together is an adventure. I love you, Soph. Happy anniversary!”
NEW YORK — More and more couples are throwing out the playbook for a traditional wedding — and posing new challenges for the people they hire to create the perfect images of their big day.
Getting married has traditionally involved a large reception, and rituals like cake cutting, multiple toasts and time for dancing. A wedding photographer would capture it all — and the newly hitched couple would then wait weeks or months for the pictures.
The pandemic and social media have upended those traditions. During the pandemic, many weddings turned into elopements. Social media images and videos took center stage when people couldn’t gather for a big ceremony.
Wedding photographers say some of the pandemic trends are sticking around. They’re being asked to shoot more elopements and micro weddings – weddings with 50 or fewer guests — and to provide faster photos and behind-the-scenes videos that can easily be shared on social media. That’s on top of the regular wedding photos.
Many photographers also find themselves much more involved in planning the wedding. Nina Reed of Larsen Photo Co. in Boulder, Colorado, says couples increasingly rely on her local knowledge when planning their big day.
“Now I’m much more involved in everything from suggesting locations, building out timelines to recommending vendors and activities and really helping my couples plan for the whole day instead of just showing up to take photos of whatever they have planned on their own,” she said.
All of this means more work, leaving photographers to ponder whether they can do it all alone.
Kari Bjorn, owner of Kari Born Photography in Fayetteville, Arkansas, said that to keep up with what clients are asking for, he’s added some new services to his wedding packages, like wedding-day GIFs. He’s also considering hiring a “day-of content creator,” a job he’s noticed being advertised frequently this year.
“Essentially it’s a contractor whose job it is to shoot and publish phone content for the bride and groom on their wedding day so they don’t have to,” he said. “I feel like people really want to post things instantly as their event is happening.”
Jonica Moore, owner of Jonica Moore Photography in Brooklyn, New York, said adding more social content to packages will likely require her to hire another person to help with weddings.
“If you’re a photographer, you don’t really have time to do that,” she said.
Adding help would mean more costs for photographers at a time when many have already raised their rates due to inflation.
After a plunge in 2020 and modest increase in 2021, the number of weddings jumped to 2.5 million in 2022 due to pent up demand, according to the trade group Wedding Report. This year they’re expected to total 2.2 million as the U.S. returns to a more normal wedding cadence.
The cost of a wedding has gone up, according to data from wedding web site The Knot, but not dramatically. The national average cost of a wedding in 2022 was $30,000, up $2,000 from 2021. In 2019, before the pandemic, that figure stood at $28,000.
Meanwhile, the average cost of a wedding photographer in 2022 was $2,600, up only $100 from 2021, although rates vary by location, time of year and the level of service. For instance, the mid-range cost in New York City is $5,000 to $7,500, Moore said.
Bjorn raised his rates after the boom year of 2022 but had to scale back a bit when he received fewer inquires than he was expecting.
“It’s been a rollercoaster,” Bjorn said. “(Rates) are a little bit lower now than they were at the start of the year, but still higher than last year.”
Sarah and Peter Olson, a husband-and-wife team who run CityLux Studios in Boston, are spending much more time creating social media content than they did in years past, and are hiring an assistant to “specifically grab content we can use for social media and behind-the-scenes type content,” they said. They recently started to take videos vertically in short clips so their clients can use them for social media Reels on Instagram.
““We try to deliver teasers on social media in 24 to 48 hours,” Peter Olson said.
Another pandemic trend that’s sticking around is smaller weddings and elopements.
That’s a trend Reed, the Boulder, Colorado, photographer is banking on. When the pandemic shutdown hit Boulder, big weddings evaporated and elopements surged. She switched to shooting only elopements and micro-weddings and decided to do that permanently.
“From talking to dozens of couples who chose to elope during the pandemic, many of them used the restrictions as an excuse to not plan a big, expensive wedding that they were never particularly excited about in the first place,” she said.
Reed expects the number of elopements to remain above pre-pandemic levels going forward as couples realize they can put the money saved on the wedding toward a honeymoon or a down payment on a home.
Naomi Cataldo of Urban Row Photography in Baltimore, Maryland, said she hasn’t changed her offerings much due to demand for social media but now turns around photos in shorter time. She tweaked her editing process and brought it completely in-house to more fully control the timing. The process used to take eight to 10 weeks, but now she shares previews with the couple within the first week and the full gallery of edited photos within four to six weeks.
Meanwhile, Cataldo has noticed couples axing traditional wedding events like a bouquet toss or cutting the cake, and stretching out their wedding into a weekend celebration with all guests invited to a welcome party, wedding ceremony and brunch.
“Couples are asking for more personalized details and non-traditional, unique elements and events for their wedding day or weekend, and a lot less of just doing things for tradition’s sake,” she said.
The journey for Prince Harry and Meghan Markle has been filled with ups and downs as they navigate the complexities of their new lives in California. Since stepping down from their senior royal duties, Harry and Meghan have faced a whirlwind of challenges in their pursuit of a more independent life. Negative press and conflicts with the royal family have added to the strain they’ve encountered. However, the couple decided to share their family drama in Harry’s explosive memoir, Spare, and even ventured into the realm of entertainment with a top-10 Netflix series. Despite the hurdles, Harry and Meghan managed to reach a ceasefire, but the road ahead remains uncertain. Amidst trials and challenges, the couple seeks to find peace while pursuing individual paths.
Are Prince Harry and Meghan Markle ‘taking time apart’?
According to a report in Radar Online, seeking solace and a sense of belonging, Harry is planning a solo trip to Africa, a continent he considers his “second home.” As per the report, a source revealed that this journey will be an opportunity for Harry to reconnect with himself and find clarity amid the chaos. On the other hand, the report mentioned that Meghan has embarked on a path to establish her own brand and professional ventures. With a determined super-agent by her side, the Duchess of Sussex aims to create her own legacy and thrive in the world of business. This newfound ambition marks a significant turning point in Meghan’s career.
Harry and Meghan balancing lavish lifestyle and security costs
For the unversed, the Sussexes’ shift to California has come with its fair share of financial pressures. Their luxurious $14 million mansion and substantial security costs have added to the strain on their resources. The recent Spotify deal failure, coupled with other challenges, has intensified the need to manage their financial responsibilities. Meanwhile, amidst the whirlwind of emotions and financial obligations, the couple is exploring a period of separation. The anticipated time apart on different continents may provide the necessary space for both Harry and Meghan to reflect, grow, and find the clarity they seek. While the road ahead may be uncertain, there’s hope that Harry and Meghan will emerge stronger and more self-aware after this time of self-discovery. As the renegade royal couple continues to chart their unique path, the world watches with anticipation, wishing them both peace and success on their respective journeys.
The researchers studied over a thousand couples and individuals over the course of a year using questionnaires, daily diaries, and follow-ups, to assess things like ambivalence, relationship satisfaction, and relationship outcomes.
And based on their findings, objective and subjective ambivalence were significantly (and negatively) associated with both personal and relational wellbeing. The same findings were not seen with implicit-explicit and implicit ambivalence, which didn’t show strong associations to wellbeing.
“Indeed,” the study authors write, “the present findings suggest that it is primarily the awareness of conflicting feelings (i.e., subjective ambivalence) that is especially associated with people reporting negative outcomes, at least for relational well-being.” They add that in romantic relationships, “people may be most threatened by the awareness of their ambivalence given the strong desire to see their partner positively and the potentially relationship- and life-altering implications that acting upon one’s evaluations may have” (i.e. breaking up).
But when the ambivalence is more subconscious (AKA implicit), the study authors explain that the impact on relationship and individual wellbeing isn’t significant.
For this study, researchers analyzed existing research on sexual responsiveness as it relates to relationship quality and satisfaction. They define sexual responsiveness as “understanding, accommodating, and being willing or motivated to meet a partner’s sexual desires.”
And based on the existing research, as you might imagine, when two people offer each other mutual sexual responsiveness, which they call “high sexual communal strength,” it’s associated with everything from sexual desire maintenance, to higher sexual desire, to sexual satisfaction, and even better relationship quality overall.
These benefits are even stronger when partners have different sexual needs, interests, or are dealing with any sexual issues or traumas.
However, this analysis also found that the benefits of sexual responsiveness are not present if one partner feels they have to neglect themselves in the process of being responsive.
As the study authors write, “Being a sexually responsive partner does not mean meeting a partner’s sexual needs unequivocally, but instead involves aiming to understand and be open to a partner’s sexual interests, while still asserting your own needs and boundaries.”
They add that when sexual responsiveness involves self-neglect (such as having sex when you don’t want to in order to meet your partner’s needs) it’s associated with lower desire and satisfaction, and further, more sexual distress.
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Rodarte
After years of creating custom wedding gowns for celebrity brides like Mandy Moore, Rodarte is finally translating its ethereal look for a formal bridal collection with Luxury Stores at Amazon. “So many people see bridal opportunities within our pieces that we wanted to expand into the category in a more deliberate manner with a wider offering of textures and materials,” designers Kate and Laura Mulleavy said in a statement. The line favors rosettes, lace, and narrow silhouettes and maintains the feminine grace loved by Rodarte devotees.
Markarian
Markarian bridal was put on the national stage in November, when first granddaughter Naomi Biden wore a custom after-party dress to her White House wedding. The ladylike looks have made the brand a favorite for classic gowns and chic bridesmaid ensembles. With the SS24 collection, founder Alexandra O’Neill utilized silk faille, floral organza, embroidered and pearl beaded laces, and silk-cottons with daisy embellishments. Markarian also collaborated with milliner Gigi Burris for a range of modern headpieces, like a blusher veil in blue and yellow and a blue crystal encrusted voilette veil. “We are loving classic 1960’s cuts in buttery ivories inspired by Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton’s wedding,” says O’Neill. “Our brides are gravitating towards more ready-to-wear style and fashion -forward pieces but still in classic silhouettes.” Keane names Markarian as one of the brands using bows in fun ways. “Bows add a charming and romantic touch, giving a timeless addition to the bridal look,” she says.
Hill House Home
The buzzy lifestyle brand tweaked its much-loved Nap Dress for bridal with new fabrics and embellishments. The Ribbon Ellie Nap Dress comes in white lace and tulle and features bow straps, while a sheer black tulle version elevates the Nap Dress for a more formal guest look. Other options include an eyelet skirt and top set ideal for a honeymoon look and a lace duster destined for getting-ready pics.
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SKIMS
Seeming to anticipated its devoted fanbase’s every need, SKIMS released a bridal collection that includes trousseau-perfect favorites like lingerie, shapewear, and sleepwear. It also offers new classics like a crystal-trimmed minidress, a blue cropped silk camisole and cargo pants combo for bridesmaids, and a lace-trimmed mesh cardigan.
Staud Bride
Designer Sarah Staudinger’s 2022 nuptials inspired her brand’s foray into all aspects of wedding wear. Launched in March, the collection features relatively affordable bride, bridesmaids, and guest options for any wedding related events. Gowns skew sleek and unadorned and include chic columns, two-piece sets, and low backed halter necks that evoke Staudinger’s own minimalist wedding dress. “Our customers have been wearing a lot of our dresses to wedding parties, so it was a natural evolution to develop a collection of dresses specifically for these occasions,” says Staudinger. “In designing this collection, I really saw an opportunity with our customers and their desire for something fresh and new with real value for both brides and their guests.” Keane appreciates Staud pairing oversized blazers with more feminine dress silhouettes. “This fusion creates a chic and contemporary bridal ensemble, offering a unique and sophisticated look for modern brides,” she says.
RIXO
The print-loving British brand always viewed bridal as part of its oeuvre, but waited to launch the actual collection, which includes looks for the registry office, reception, bridal party, and mother of the bride, until the timing was right. “We actually launched bridal during the pandemic, and I think you can see in our collections that our pieces are really catered to a variety of weddings and brides, from smaller scale registry office weddings to second looks for the dance floor,” says RIXO co-founder Henrietta Rix. Its just-released fourth collection focuses more on traditional ceremony looks, “but essentially, we wanted a collection that offered pieces for every bride.”
Features Editor
Adrienne Gaffney is the features editor at ELLE and previously worked at WSJ Magazine and Vanity Fair.
NEW YORK — There were fancy dresses and men in tuxes, but some came in attire that was decidedly more casual — not an unusual sight at New York’s Lincoln Center. But the scene Saturday evening was far from routine as faux flowers hung from the balconies and as brides — yes, brides — clutched bouquets of roses and wildflowers in the din of a hall teeming with hundreds of giddy couples.
In all, some 700 couples arrived at the iconic New York City venue to profess their love, no matter how new or how long. Some were exchanging vows for the first time, while others like Hazel Seivwright-Carney and her husband Rohan Carney came to renew their vows after eloping so many years ago, to the dismay of family.
“When we eloped 28 years ago, my mother did not have a chance to see us get married,” the bride said.
On Saturday, her mother, who declined to discuss that matter, waited patiently in the humidity for the nuptials to begin so she could finally witness her daughter exchange vows with the love of her life.
It was just the second year for what could become an annual event at Lincoln Center. With so many weddings delayed because of the coronavirus pandemic, center officials thought the event would help Covid-fatigued couples reengage after months of lockdowns and seclusion. None of the weddings were legally binding. More than 500 couples took part last year.
Last year’s overwhelming success convinced organizers that they needed to do it again.
“We started doing this last year, right after the pandemic and we felt it was a time for all of us to come together,” said Shanta Thake, the center’s chief artistic officer. “There was so much to be sad about and mourn. It’s also important for us to have these rituals together.”
Alexander Fischer and his soon-to-be fiancee, Nina Oishi, who met while attending law school at Yale, took the opportunity Saturday to express their commitment before they would have to temporarily part, after living together in New York for a year, because of clerkships in different cities.
“It felt like such a New York thing to do,” said Oishi, who wore green for the occasion. “We know we’re going to get married, so why not get a chance to celebrate it now before we’re apart?”
The couple didn’t tell their parents what they were doing.
“Our parents would obviously be very upset to miss the real one,” Oishi said.
Added Fischer: “We just wanted to be part of a celebration with a bunch of other people and doing the same thing.”
Mirian Masaquiza admitted she had to drag her husband, Oscar, and their two children to the festivities. Her family wore traditional wear reflecting their Ecuadorian heritage.
“I just saw that it was a very nice opportunity for us to strengthen … um … our team because we are a team now with our two kids,” Masaquiza said.
“I was more happy about it,” she added. “He was like, OK, I will do it.”
The clear majority were couples who were using the event as a recommitment ceremony.
Archley Prudent and his spouse of 12 years, Hugh, were married as soon as gay marriage became legal in New York.
“We just jumped at the chance,” he said, explaining they thought they would eventually have a proper wedding. “And then 12 years passed by. … So many other things happened in between so we never got around to it.”
Like their marriage 12 years ago, their decision to take part in Saturday’s nuptials was also a spur-of-the-moment decision.
“I got so excited when this came up and asked, ‘Why don’t we reaffirm our love?’” Archley Prudent said, as he looked around the lobby of the hall. “I’m thinking about everybody attending, and how we have something in common. We’re doing this because I think we all love each other. We all care for each other, and we want to celebrate that.”
One is the loneliest number, as we all know, but Danielle Jonas has some strong feelings about three, it seems. During a recent podcast interview, Danielle, wife of eldest Jonas BrotherKevin, revealed that she sometimes feels like the odd one out when compared to her sisters-in-law.
In an episode of the LadyGang podcast released June 27, Danielle and Kevin gave a frank interview in which Danielle revealed that she can feel like the last crayon in the box in comparison to Nick Jonas’s wife Priyanka Chopra-Jonas and Joe Jonas’s wife Sophie Turner. Chopra-Jonas and Turner are both big-name actors, while Danielle’s top IMDb credit is for the reality show Married to Jonas. She’s quite literally most famous for being married to a Jonas Brother. And, yeah, she feels weird about it!
“I’m also finding like my place in it,” she said, “because the two boys [Nick and Joe] married somebody who, they’re actresses, they’re out there, everyone knows them, and I feel like I’m Danielle, you know? It’s hard.”
She has an ally in Kevin, who also feels the sting of comparison.
“I feel that way, too,” he said. “Like you said, Nick and Joe, right, like solo careers, movies, all the stuff. It’s like, everyone has to find their place, no matter the situation.”
He said that the key for both himself and Danielle is “communicating, talking through it.”
“We always get compared to the people around you most,” Kevin said, pointing out that the podcast had started with a discussion amongst the hosts over which brother they favored. (Kevin got points for “fingering the guitar,” it’s worth noting.)
While Danielle has her hands full with her jewelry company, not to mention her marriage and their two children, she admitted to struggling with her public image.
“I’m out there celebrity-wise because I married you,” she said. “And that’s where like, it’s like, I want to have something else to my name, too, so that it feels—I don’t know—more than, or like the other girls, because then when I’m with the other girls, I feel just less-than sometimes. It’s weird.”
One claim to fame that is entirely hers? Kevin’s glow-up.
“She worked on me every single minute of every single day,” Kevin said of his wife, pointing out that she “pushes me to work out,” and that she was a strong voice in getting him to stop straightening his hair and embrace his natural curls.
And, perhaps most importantly? “No more scarves,” she said.
In a variation on the gray divorce trend, de Blasio and McCray said they’re not currently planning on divorcing and intend to still live together, at least for the time being. More surprisingly, though, they’re both OK with each other seeing other people.
In an in-depth interview with The New York Times on Wednesday, de Blasio, 62, and McCray, 68, said they’ll both stay in the Park Slope townhouse where they raised their two children, now in their 20s, while they figure out their new normal.
They told reporter Matt Flegenheimer that they’re both happier now than they have been in some time ― and have established ground rules for “what’s cool, and what’s not cool, and whatever else.”
“I can look back now and say, ‘Here were these inflection points where we should have been saying something to each other,’” de Blasio said, reflecting on what led to the separation. “And I think one of the things I should have said more is: ‘Are you happy? What will make you happy? What’s missing in your life?’”
“I never anticipated ever doing anything with hair color,” he said of his newer darker-hued close-crop, admitting to the Times that the shade may be a little too dark than he intended. “But I like feeling what I feel.”
McCray told the New York Post that she hopes that the pair can serve as a “model for how couples can communicate honestly about what their needs are and to conduct themselves when they find it’s time to move in another direction.”
Is this do-able? Here’s what experts say.
Do arrangements like the one McCray and de Blasio are attemptingwork, and if so, for how long? Marriage therapists and divorce attorneys we spoke with said it’s challenging, even for the most amicable of exes.
“If they can make this work, more power to them,” said Karen Covy, a mediator and a “recovering lawyer,” she joked.
“What’s puzzling to me is why they’re doing this,” Covy told HuffPost, noting that the divorcing couples she sees to do this are usually under financial constraints or still raising young children.
“We don’t know enough about the details of their situation to speculate about what’s really going on with them, but I can say that if they have a strong enough reason to make this kind of arrangement work ― and money, career and politics can be very strong reasons ― I’m sure they can pull it off, at least in the short term,” she said.
“They’re putting the best spin on it, but no matter how you slice it, it is the end of a relationship, or the end of the marital relationship, and there is really no good way to make it easy.”
– Randall Kessler, a high-profile divorce attorney in Atlanta, Georgia
Kurt Smith, a therapist in Northern California whose counseling practice specializes in helping men, noted that it’s usually men who propose these arrangements rather than their wives.
Things tend to get thorny when one partner starts dating, he said.
“It’s just too hard not to be negatively impacted emotionally and mentally, despite the good intentions,” he said. “Sure, people can deal with it for a while, but eventually it becomes too much, and in the case of exes, unnecessary.”
Randall Kessler, a divorce attorney based in Atlanta, Georgia, who’s represented a few “Real Housewives” stars, and Cardi B, among others, said de Blasio and his wife’s efforts sync up with a cultural shift toward kinder, more gentle divorces.
Think: Conscious uncoupling, like Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin were proponents of, or “nesting,” where the parents alternate use of the marital home while the children are there full time.
Kessler said that sometimes pre-divorcing couples stay living together as an eleventh-hour attempt to see if the marriage can work, though that doesn’t seem to be the case here.
“I think their approach is unique to them,” he said. “Being public figures, the mayor and his ex are trying to deal with this head on.”
Yana Paskova via Getty Images
De Blasio and his wife pictured at a press conference in front of Gracie Mansion on Sep. 20, 2019. De Blasio was announcing his decision to drop out of the 2020 U.S. presidential race. In her interview with the Times, McCray said she thought the run was “a distraction” from thinking about their post-City Hall life.
“They’re putting the best spin on it, but no matter how you slice it, it’s the end of a relationship, or the end of the marital relationship,” he said. “There’s really no good way to make it easy for the children, although this is much better than most.”
This type of arrangement isn’t as uncommon as you’d think.
Divorced people we spoke to who’ve tried to split in similar fashion ― dismantle the marriage, keep the household ― had a more positive outlook on the mayor and his wife’s plans: Most felt that if there’s still residual love and respect, it’s worth giving it a shot. (And certainly if money is an issue, as it was with every one of them.)
Kate Warren, an actor in New York City, separated from her husband in January 2016 for all the expected reasons: “There was a loss of love and passion that turned to a ‘roomie’-type relationship,” she said.
That said, she didn’t end up moving out of their 1,000-square-foot rental apartment in Greenwich Village until 2022.
They chose to do so for their three kids’ well-being, but mostly because they couldn’t possibly afford two apartments in New York City. (The yearslong cohabitation ended up inspiring “Messy,” a dark comedy web series created by and starring Warren.)
In the beginning, Warren’s ex was relegated to the couch.
“Then when our eldest child went to college, he took our son’s room and went back to the couch on breaks when my son came back,” she said. “We managed living like this until 2022. He traveled a lot and on long trips so that eased the strain and stress, for sure.”
Navigating dating was full of hiccups, she said.
“The subject of dating again came up during our ‘breakup’ conversation, and it wasn’t me who brought it up,” Warren admits. “I was a bit stunned, to be honest. Furthest thing on my mind.”
After some time ― and some gentle nudging from friends who swore to her that online dating apps weren’t that bad ― Warren decided to get back out there, too. Naturally, there were some awkward experiences.
“My family, mainly the kids, definitely noticed how ‘fancy’ I looked when I was going out,” she said. “They were used to a lot more casual mom-wear.
“She also accidentally sent some texts meant for dates to her ex, which was pretty cringey: ‘The kind of texting was quite different than what I’d usually send him,’” Warren said.
The actor’s advice for the mayor and his wife or any other couples navigating a similar arrangement?
“Keep family dinners intact, and if dating, err on the side of caution,” she said, and don’t bring people home until you’re confident the relationship has legs.
“Also, some advice for the mayor: Don’t send explicit pics to your date,” she joked. “We don’t like that.”
For Jo, who asked to use her first name only to protect her privacy, it was less of an outright decision to stay under the same roof with her ex-husband and more of a “let’s wait and see what happens while not having sex” situation.
The couple separated in 2016 after 12 years of marriage, and finalized their divorce in 2021, but they’re both still living in the same family home in Minnesota.
“It’s just so much easier for us financially and as parents in one household,” Jo told HuffPost.
Catherine Falls Commercial via Getty Images
“Keep family dinners intact, and if dating, eron the side of caution,” said Kate Warren, an actor in New York City, who separated from her husband in January 2016 but didn’t end up moving out until 2022.
Th exes slept in the same bed, platonically, for about a year, though they eventually stopped doing that. Now, they’re back in the same bed.
“We’ve become a lot more comfortable with each other as the years have gone by, and at some point in the past year we started to sleep in the same room again,” the 41-year-old said. “There is still nothing physical between us, but I think we both feel comfort and security being together.”
When it comes to dating, they initially had a provisional “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, but that was almost impossible to maintain, Jo said.
“We both actually found out accidentally, and I would say it was very painful for both of us,” Jo said. “Once we were able to openly discuss it and be honest with each other, things were a lot easier and less awkward.”
Neither parties are publicly (or Instagram-officially) dating anyone. Jo said that wasn’t a discussed choice, but more of a logistical and emotional consideration, given their close proximity.
“I don’t want to cause the other person any heartache that wasn’t necessary,” she said.
“Really, the only thing missing from my life is sex and romance, and I have realized I’m OK being without that part for the time being ― and of course, plenty of people that are still married are also living without those things,” she said.
Jo likens her arrangement to ethical non-monogamy where they’re each still “deeply considering each other’s feelings.”
The couples we spoke to said they tried to keep dating on the down low, to various levels of success.
What do others think, especially their dates?
“The person I was seeing had complete knowledge of my situation, had been through a really difficult divorce himself and wasn’t looking for a ‘traditional’ relationship per se,” she said. “I never met his children even though we saw each other for several years, he didn’t meet my family, we didn’t go out much publicly in our town or spend holidays together.”
Their close friends know about the divorce, but many of their acquaintances just figure they’re another married couple in town.
“Honestly, we probably seem to get along better than many married couples, so in our community we’ve faced very little awkwardness,” she said.
Ultimately, Jo said, she couldn’t care less if anyone has the record straight: “Married or not, other people don’t really have to know what goes on at anyone’s home or bedroom.”
David, a divorced man in Northern California who also asked that his last name not be published to protect his privacy, is still living with his ex-wife as well. They separated in 2008, after about eight years together and raising his ex’s two kids from an earlier relationship together.
It wasn’t just finances that kept them under one roof initially; at the time, David’s ex was dealing with some undiagnosed mental health issues, and he wanted to be there to help. (“I was also incredibly self-centered and almost wholly disconnected from my emotions at the time,” he told HuffPost.)
David’s ex was the first to start dating, but only because she was more successful at it, he said. The exes even tried to take a stab at their relationship again at some point.
“When that didn’t work, I tried to date again, but I wasn’t clear in my ending things with my ex,” he said. “She was devastated when she found out I was trying to date while she was still hoping we could make it work.”
When she found out, the couple got into a shouting match that was so loud, the neighbors called the police on them.
“It was an ugly mess that I still regret to this day,” David said. “It reached the point that I went to live at a friend’s for six months instead.”
“I assumed [our living arrangement] would be a huge red flag for women, but as it turned out, the first couple of women I went on dates with were in the same situation.”
– David, a divorced man in Northern California who still lives with his ex after separating in 2008
Therapy ― and plenty of emotional growth on both their parts ― followed, and after those six months, the former couple moved back in together, now just to save money.
Fifteen years later, they’re still living together. They mulled going their separate ways, but then COVID happened. “It’s funny how clarifying the pandemic was in a lot of ways, because shortly before it hit, we were talking about selling the house and either getting a better place or going our own ways,” he said. “But then it turned out going through lockdowns, distancing, and all the rest was a lot easier with someone else in the house.”
His ex-wife is now in a relationship with a guy who David thinks is great. David dates here and there, too: “I assumed [our living arrangement] would be a huge red flag for women, but as it turned out, the first couple of women I went on dates with were in the same situation,” he said.
David’s advice to Mayor Bill and his wife is simple: Communicate, early and often.
“Not just talk, but communicate,” he said. “You have to be able to have the difficult talks, and you need to be able to not just set your own boundaries, but respect theirs, too.”
While arrangements like his may seem unconventional ― they certainly don’t get spoken about often ― David thinks such scenarios will be a growing trend.
“Until housing is stabilized in the U.S., I think a lot more people are going to end up in this situation, and society is going to have to adjust to it whether it wants to or not,” he said.
Exes will have to adjust, too, and the best way to do that is to try to excavate the friendship at the root of a marriage.
“My first therapist said that what happens in a lot of relationships is that people lack the self-awareness or self-honesty to own their own mistakes,” he recalled. “So when the relationship fails, they blame everything on their ex and end up hating them.”
You’re exes for a reason, David said. “But if you’re willing to own your own shit and show grace towards their mistakes, you can find a way to leave [the negativity] in the past.”
Not in a “just bury it and don’t think about it kind of way,” either, he said.
“You really have to acknowledge the hurt you both gave and received, while also recognizing how you’ve both grown, too,” he said.
Before we get into how to breakup with someone you love, let’s first focus on the why. All relationships need to be nurtured in order to sustain them, after all, so how can you recognize when it’s just not working anymore?
Firstly, you want to ask yourself if you’ve really given the relationship a fair shot. You might opt to take a break from the relationship and realize that you don’t want to breakup after all, or perhaps one of you is going through a temporary tough time that will pass. Maybe you’re actively working with a couple’s counselor, things are improving, and you both want to save the relationship.
To that end, according to licensed marriage therapist Weena Cullins, LCMFT, your overall wellbeing is the most important factor to consider when assessing whether to end the relationship.
“While all intimate relationships are subject to experiencing rough patches at different times, choosing to remain in a relationship that consistently causes you stress or compromises your physical, emotional, or mental health isn’t the best choice,” Cullins previously told mindbodygreen.
And as licensed psychotherapist Babita Spinelli, L.P. adds, it’s entirely possible to know that someone isn’t a healthy fit for you, even if you love who they are.
That said, if you can’t see a future with this person, they’re weighing you down more than lifting you up, or you’re holding out for them to change, it’s probably time to let the relationship go. (Here’s our full guide to knowing when it’s time to breakup for more information.)
Now, if you’re sure that it’s time to part ways, here’s how to do it.
Why did Billy Porter and Adam Smith decide to separate?
According to Billy Porter’s representative Simon Halls, the decision to separate was a mutual one and not made lightly. Halls told People that after much consideration and soul-searching, the couple made the difficult choice to go their separate ways. Despite the end of their romantic relationship, they have expressed their commitment to continue loving and supporting each other as they embark on this new chapter of their lives.
As of now, it remains uncertain whether legal separation or divorce proceedings have been initiated by either party. Regardless of the legal aspects, both Billy Porter and Adam Smith have expressed their commitment to supporting each other in this new phase of their lives. Although their romantic journey may have come to an end, their bond as friends and allies remains strong.
Meanwhile, for Billy Porter, the concept of marrying his partner as a gay man held immense significance. Growing up, the idea of same-sex marriage seemed like an unattainable dream. Therefore, when he and Adam exchanged vows, it was a moment that took his breath away. Getting married symbolized breaking barriers and defying societal norms, showcasing the progress and acceptance that the LGBTQ+ community has fought so hard for.
Speaking about Billy and Adam’s love story, they have had its ups and downs. They initially met in 2009 and had a brief relationship before parting ways. However, fate intervened, and in 2015, they rekindled their love and decided to give their relationship another chance. The couple’s bond grew stronger, leading them to tie the knot in 2017, just 16 days after Billy’s heartfelt proposal during a double date dinner.
Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.
Many newly divorced people receive advice from loved ones and friends to “get back out there” and date right away, advice that is rarely beneficial. Since the fear of not finding a person with whom to spend one’s life is real, dating advice makes sense to many people. It also may seem to be a good way to alleviate the myriad of emotions floating around in the mind and heart, like loneliness and uncertainty.
But entering the dating scene immediately is not the right decision when it comes to healing post-divorce. There is a reason why second marriages have a higher divorce rate than first, so do yourself a favor and don’t rush into dating before working on yourself. Let’s look at some ways to get ready for dating post-divorce.
Getting ready to date after divorce starts with tuning deeply into the heart to recognize and feel all of the feelings. It is ok to get mad, cry, scream and feel sorry for oneself for a time… but then those feelings need to be replaced with positive action — planning a new life and envisioning what it will look like.
Our brains are programmed to present more of what we focus upon, so if we fall into a victim state (a negative state where we believe things happen TO us and don’t recognize we have control over our own lives), our brains will continue to bring more negativity. To attract the “right” person — the one who best compliments the new version of us — we must first work on ourselves and create a plan for moving forward from divorce. In other words, we need to discover the new “me” before we can again become “we.” This is the only way to give any new relationship a chance to succeed.
Stop blaming and accept what IS
Divorce can lead to a build-up of negative energy, which can easily push one into a victim state. From here, it is common to blame both the ex-spouse and oneself for the marriage’s demise and any ramifications. Still, both have some level of responsibility as marriage involves two people. Accept that there is no blame — it just IS.
As the past cannot be changed, focusing on the present will help tweak the mindset to get out of the victim state, and these big weights, once lifted, will pave the way toward a new love relationship when the timing is right. Try to catch yourself every time you blame or judge your former spouse or yourself, then come back to the present moment and focus on moving forward.
Truly knowing ourselves and what we want is how energy is shifted. A positive mindset is key to changing energy levels and creating a new existence after divorce; it leads to self-love, which is necessary before one can truly love another. When the mind is positive, happiness prevails, and it is easier to get through temporary bouts of frustration, sadness or stagnation — which do happen along the journey (since we are human).
A few fun ways to start feeling more positive are to journal feelings and experiences throughout the healing process, get outside in nature and move the body daily, eat healthily, listen to inspirational music, cut out television, laugh as much as possible and find the right support network.
Knowing when it’s time to date
As you do the healing work (keeping in mind that healing oneself is never truly “done”), there will come a time when you will feel infinitely better, stronger, more focused and excited about life and the future. Most importantly, you will own your self-worth, know how the new life will look, and feel energized to take steps toward it. A lightness from within will be felt, which comes from shedding negative beliefs, people and situations that do not serve your new life goals. It will be easy to notice the change in energy, and others may even comment on it. It is around this time that it will be clear one is ready to date.
At this point, it’s smart to list qualities one desires in a mate. The list can be short or long and divided into “must” and “would be nice” qualities if desired. Really listen to intuition and your heart in creating this list. Use visualization to see the person you envision — picture yourself doing things you enjoy together and having conversations where you and your partner-to-be can communicate and share feelings openly.
If you are not a fan of online dating, that is ok, but you need to get out and do things with friends so you are exposed to potential people to date. You also can sign up for classes — but not online! It is imperative to physically go to the classes. There you will meet like-minded people. If you can find something active to do, that is usually a great place to meet people you may decide to date.
This can range from participation in sports or lessons to Meet-Up groups, classes and local community events like beach/nature cleanups or charity events — the list is endless. The only rule is to choose something you enjoy or want to try.
Whether one decides to use dating sites or meet people organically, the changes made within oneself will attract people who are different from that one may have attracted before healing, so the new relationships will have a higher chance of lasting and bringing joy. Love with a partner after divorce can be magical when patience is exercised at the beginning of the journey. Taking time to heal and establish self-love and a plan for moving forward from healing can lead to a beautiful love connection with another person, one filled with mutual respect, support, vulnerability and truth.
Make a commitment to work on healing after divorce before dating. It will enable you to define the new you, design a beautiful new life and understand what you desire and need from a partner so you can attract the right person and a sustainable, mutually beneficial relationship.
WASHINGTON — In a defeat for gay rights, the Supreme Court’s conservative majority ruled Friday that a Christian graphic artist who wants to design wedding websites can refuse to work with same-sex couples.
The court ruled 6-3 for designer Lorie Smith despite a Colorado law that bars discrimination based on sexual orientation, race, gender and other characteristics. Smith had argued that the law violates her free speech rights.
Smith’s opponents warned that a win for her would allow a range of businesses to discriminate, refusing to serve Black, Jewish or Muslim customers, interracial or interfaith couples or immigrants. But Smith and her supporters had said that a ruling against her would force artists — from painters and photographers to writers and musicians — to do work that is against their beliefs.
“The First Amendment envisions the United States as a rich and complex place where all persons are free to think and speak as they wish, not as the government demands,” Justice Neil Gorsuch wrote for the court’s six conservative justices.
Justice Sonia Sotomayor wrote a dissent that was joined by the court’s other liberals. “Today, the Court, for the first time in its history, grants a business open to the public a constitutional right to refuse to serve members of a protected class,” Sotomayor wrote.
The decision is a win for religious rights and one in a series of cases in recent years in which the justices have sided with religious plaintiffs. Last year, for example, the court ruled along ideological lines for a football coach who prayed on the field at his public high school after games.
The decision is also a retreat on gay rights for the court. For two decades, the court has expanded the rights of LGBTQ people, most notably giving same-sex couples the right to marry in 2015 and announcing five years later that a landmark civil rights law also protects gay, lesbian and transgender people from employment discrimination. That civil rights law decision was also written by Gorsuch.
Even as it has expanded gay rights, however, the court has been careful to say those with differing religious views needed to be respected. The belief that marriage can only be between one man and one woman is an idea that “long has been held — and continues to be held — in good faith by reasonable and sincere people here and throughout the world,” Justice Anthony Kennedy wrote in the court’s gay marriage decision.
The court returned to that idea five years ago when it was confronted with the case of a Christian baker who objected to designing a cake for a same-sex wedding. The court issued a limited ruling in favor of the baker, Jack Phillips, saying there had been impermissible hostility toward his religious views in the consideration of his case. Phillips’ lawyer, Kristen Waggoner, of the Alliance Defending Freedom, also brought the most recent case to the court.
Smith, who owns a Colorado design business called 303 Creative, does not currently create wedding websites. She has said that she wants to but that her Christian faith would prevent her from creating websites celebrating same-sex marriages. And that’s where she runs into conflict with state law.
Colorado, like most other states, has a law forbidding businesses open to the public from discriminating against customers. Colorado said that under its so-called public accommodations law, if Smith offers wedding websites to the public, she must provide them to all customers, regardless of sexual orientation. Businesses that violate the law can be fined, among other things. Smith argued that applying the law to her violates her First Amendment rights. The state disagreed.
The case is 303 Creative LLC v. Elenis, 21-476.
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