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Tag: Lynette Kittle

  • What Do We Do When Marriage Is Hard?

    What Do We Do When Marriage Is Hard?

    Some couples speak of blissful-filled marriages, where spending time together is wonderful and the constant conversations never end. It’s wonderful, too, to hear of these ideal, trouble-free unions. Who wouldn’t want to reside in such a carefree, easy sort of relationship where husband and wife are each other’s best friends?

    For other couples though, it’s a very different story. Staying married is filled with challenges, and for many, just trying to get along, communicate, and co-reside in a home is an ongoing battle.

    There’s also lots of chatter in our culture concerning marriage, relationships, and red flags, including opinions and advice from a secular, unbiblical viewpoint that doesn’t align with God’s truth. It’s important when going through marital challenges that we don’t turn to worldly views because they’re tickling our ears with what we want to hear, feel, and do rather than the truth of God’s Word.

    Likewise, we often look around and see couples we think have it all together, but even in marriages that appear to be solid with the perfect couple, it can be hard. Evangelist Billy Graham’s wife, Ruth, is credited with saying, when asked if she ever considered divorce, “No, but murder, yes.”

    Why Fight for a Marriage That’s Hard?

    Tragically, marriage is under severe attack. Society is working to have people devalue, avoid, mock, and redesign it. However, God designed marriage to be a sacred union, respected, revered, and held holy before Him.

    Our culture has been whittling marriage down to a legal contract for whoever wants to marry. But marriage is a sacred covenant designed by God. Men’s and women’s laws do not have the power to reinvent it.

    Marriage is so vital to God and His plan for His followers because it represents the relationship between His Church and Jesus Christ. It’s why the devil is out in full force, attacking and ripping marriages apart, set on destroying and stopping God’s will on earth.

    Revelation 19:7 describes Christ and His Church to come: “Let us rejoice and be glad and give Him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and His bride has made herself ready.”

    More than most Christians realize, marriage is more than worth the fight, just like the Church of Jesus Christ is worth fighting the battle. Believers unwilling to fight for their marriages may find it too hard to stand up and fight for the Church.

    Why Bother to Save a Difficult Marriage?

    It is vital for believers in Jesus Christ to take their earthly marriage vows with reverence and commitment, understanding that it is a covenant with God and with each other, not a contract. Ephesians 5:25-33 explains how, through the mystery of earthly marriage designed to form an unbreakable bond between husband, wife, and God, He reveals the mystery of His Bride, the Church.

    “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through word and to present her to Himself as a radiant Church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” Ephesians 5:25-27

    God designed marriage as the model for what the Church is to be—the Body of Christ on Earth. Ephesians 5:28-30 goes on to explain, “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the Church—for we are members of His body.”

    As Ephesians 5:31 explains, God created marriage as a profound mystery that reveals His eternal plan for Christ and His Church: “’For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the Church.”

    Where Do Couples Turn for Help?

    For those who struggle in their marriages but want to do whatever they can to stay married, what can they do to keep going?

    What does a wife do if her spouse is distant, unresponsive, uninterested, or uninvolved? Does she sit him down and cross-examine him in hopes of finding out what’s going on? Perhaps for some couples, this course of action works, but especially for most men, they seem to clam up when being put on the spot and questioned. But what does God’s Word lead a wife to do? 

    At times when our marriage is in distress, we can turn to Scripture and trust what it tells us to do in difficult situations, especially when it comes to marriage. God gives us His Word to encourage, strengthen, and comfort us when marriage is hard. 

    Where Do a Husband and Wife Begin?

    The following are five ways we can practice scriptural truths in our marriages in a way that helps us stay married:

    1. Pray. First and most importantly, wives can pray for their husbands. 1 Timothy 2:1 encourages, “I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people.”

    If at all possible, pray with them. By doing so, we’re letting God work through the words the Holy Spirit is leading us to say to soften his heart. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 urges us to “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” 

    2. Follow God’s Word. Jeremiah 17:9 reminds us that “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?”

    So what do we say to ourselves when our hearts are leading us to leave our marriages and go with our fun-loving neighbor down the street? Or our co-worker in the office who gets us or the outgoing man at the coffee shop who notices us, pays extra attention, listens to our stories, and makes us feel attractive and wanted?

    The world’s advice to “follow our heart” can lead us straight off a steep cliff. We can’t trust our hearts to take us in the right direction. Mark 7:21-22 explains, “For it is from within, out of a person’s heart, that evil thoughts come—sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance, and folly.”

    When temptation comes, we can turn to God to help us, and He will. In our weakness, we can turn to Him, follow His Word, and He will lead us to safety. “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it” (1 Corinthians 10:13).

    3. Choose Love. Unlike what songs, films, and poems often profess, love is not a feeling. It’s a decision. Although we may not like to admit it, feelings are often tied to how our spouse makes us feel, so when feelings diminish or change, which they usually do, we often believe we no longer love them. 

    But what some call love, the feeling that comes and goes with a whim and changes with the breeze, is not a love that comes from God because His love lasts; it never fails (1 Corinthians 13:8).

    True love is not a fleeting kind of love but rather a choice to love when it’s hard, with the love of God that is strong enough to cover sin. To endure a hard marriage is to let the love of God flow through us to our spouse. 1 Peter 4:8 urges us to “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”

    4. Forgive Each Other. Colossians 3:13 encourages us to “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

    Although many see this as forgiving everyone but their spouse, marriage is probably where this godly principle is needed the most and is given the greatest opportunity to be practiced. Ruth Bell Graham stated, “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.”

    5. Submit to One Another. Although some consider it demeaning in practice, even now in some Christian circles, submission is a beautiful act of sacrifice and worship to God. True submission is not about the other person but has everything to do with our reverence and obedience to Christ. Ephesians 5:21 urges, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

    We’re called to submit to each other, including our husbands, which stirs up strong reactions from many women, who find it easier to do with almost anyone else rather than to their husbands.

    1 Peter 3:1-2 urges, “Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.”

    Wives, although a hard pill to swallow, we want to ask ourselves and God if our unwillingness to submit to our own husbands reveals rebellion in our hearts towards God. The enemy of our souls doesn’t want us to submit to God and convinces us it is a weakness to do so, which is a lie because it’s quite the opposite. 

    Submission causes the devil to flee from us. James 4:7 explains, “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”

    Marriage to Be Honored by All

    Hebrews 13:4 calls for marriage to be honored by all, and this is why the devil and his cohorts are ruthlessly at work to destroy and deconstruct God’s sacred design.

    So how are couples able to withstand the vicious assaults against holy matrimony? God’s Word gives us the answer: by praying, following God’s Word, choosing to love one another, forgiving each other, and submitting one to another in obedience to Christ. 

    These are key to transforming a hard marriage into one that reflects Christ and His Church on Earth.

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/fizkes

    Lynette Kittle is married with four daughters. She enjoys writing about faith, marriage, parenting, relationships, and life. Her writing has been published by Focus on the Family, Decision, Today’s Christian Woman, kirkcameron.com, Ungrind.org, StartMarriageRight.com, and more. She has a M.A. in Communication from Regent University and serves as associate producer for Soul Check TV.





    Lynette Kittle

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  • Cultivating Faithfulness in an Unfaithful World

    Cultivating Faithfulness in an Unfaithful World

    In today’s world, faithfulness is rare a commodity, with individuals finding it increasingly difficult to trust another person to be faithful to their word and commitments.

    Unfaithfulness is displayed in politicians who fail to follow through on campaign promises, as well as employers who let staff go after decades of loyal service, and even more devastating, spouses betray marital trust.  

    Heartbreakingly, a relative’s best friend ran off with her husband. She didn’t see it coming, and it was devastating when the two people she wholeheartedly trusted the most in her life to be faithful to her dished out the ultimate betrayal.

    Holding Ourselves Accountable in Marriage

    It’s easy to overlook signs that others may be unfaithful in keeping their promises, forgetting what Luke 16:10 warns of: “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.”

    Still, when it comes to our own relationships, it’s vital we examine ourselves, especially in our marriages, to see where we can strengthen our faithfulness to our spouses in little things so that when it comes to the bigger things, we will be found faithful.

    2 Corinthians 13:5 encourages us to “Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you—unless, of course, you fail the test?”

    6 Ways to Help Cultivate Faithfulness in Marriage

    Following are six ways to help us cultivate faithfulness in our marriages:

    1. Choose our friends wisely. 

    It’s wise to spend time with women who have worked out or are in the process of working out issues in their own marriages. Find like-minded wives who are committed to staying in their marriages, with an unwillingness to throw in the towel.

    Like-mindedness in the friends we choose to hang out with can make all the difference in how we view our own marriage and affect our thoughts and actions. Choosing women willing to pray along with us and cheer us on will help us keep on course when trying times in marriage are at work to take us out.

    Surrounding ourselves with women committed to fighting the good fight of faith for their own marriages is vital to our preserving our own marriages. 1 Timothy 6:12 urges, “Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.” 

    2. Fill our hearts and minds with God’s truth. 

    Colossians 3:2 directs us to, “Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.”

    One way we can do this is by filling our hearts and minds with biblical wisdom and teachings that encourage longsuffering and endurance in marriage. 1 Corinthians 3:19 reminds us, “For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God’s sight. As it is written, ‘He catches the wise in their craftiness.’” 

    If we fill ourselves with worldly wisdom concerning marriage and relationships that contradicts God’s Word, it stirs up doubt, causing us to question whether or not it’s true or right and leads to decisions that don’t line up with His truth. As James 1:8 explains, “Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.” 

    3. Honor our husbands with our words. 

    Speaking well of our husbands to others is vital to our marriages. Even in jest, it’s not good to make fun of, joke, or criticize them to others, because it matters to God how we speak about our husbands. Ephesians 5:33 urges wives to respect their husbands, which includes what we say about them.

    Likewise, it matters to our husbands and reveals our true commitment to them and our marriage. Proverbs 31:11-12 describes how “The heart of her husband trust in her, and he lacks nothing of value. She brings him good and not harm all the days of her life.”

    Rather than calling out our husband’s weakness to others, God calls us to do everything within our ability to bring honor to him. 

    4. Give our husbands undeserved privilege. 

    Look for ways to care for our own husbands, as if we are doing it for Jesus. In Matthew 25:40, Jesus explains how if we do something for the least of our brothers and sisters, we’ve done it for Him.

    However, often, wives are more willing to do something for the least of these, like individuals they see as needing their help, but not so much their own husbands. Women may feel a husband can take care of himself or hasn’t earned or is deserving of their kind efforts towards him. 

    Truthfully though, all of us are undeserving, yet, God gives us a place of undeserved privilege, freely pouring out His love upon us in our unworthy state. Still often when it’s up to us, we want to determine if we consider our husbands deserving enough for us to do the same.

    Romans 5:2 explains, “Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s Glory.”

    5. Guard our husbands from loneliness. 

    It’s important to spend time with our husbands even if we might find it challenging at times to do. Although we may feel we need the support of Bible studies, friendships, and outside activities more than spending time with them, it’s wise to try and schedule these around our husbands’ schedules so that we can be available and present to spend time with them. 

    It’s too easy for a bored or lonely husband to be led astray, even one who isn’t looking for trouble. Genesis 2:18 says, “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” 

    Sometimes it’s easy for us to just skip over a truth God is telling us, not taking it seriously enough to live it out. However, if God points out how a man’s loneliness is not good for him, we want to sit up and take notice because He didn’t speak this in a passing moment, or merely in observance, but as a deep truth about a man’s heart, as a truth wives are wise to keep in serious consideration. 

    6. Keep eternity at our forefront.

    Relationships can be uncomfortable, unpleasant, and inconvenient at times, but earthly situations and circumstances don’t last forever. Rather than walking away from decades of marriage, we can ask God to help us look towards eternity. 

    This life is temporal with so much more to look forward to eternally. As 2 Corinthians 4:18 urges, “So fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 

    Looking forward to our everlasting life with Jesus, with the hope of being with Him forever, can help us live each day with the joy of knowing where our future lies. 2 Corinthians 4:17 reminds us, “For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.”

    Cultivating faithfulness in marriage in an unfaithful world is possible with God’s truth to lead us, understanding regardless of other’s actions, God remains faithful. As Romans 3:3 assures, “What if some were unfaithful? Will their unfaithfulness nullify God’s faithfulness?”

    Photo Credit: ©Sandy Millar/Unsplash

    Lynette Kittle is married with four daughters. She enjoys writing about faith, marriage, parenting, relationships, and life. Her writing has been published by Focus on the Family, Decision, Today’s Christian Woman, kirkcameron.com, Ungrind.org, StartMarriageRight.com, and more. She has a M.A. in Communication from Regent University and serves as associate producer for Soul Check TV.

    Lynette Kittle

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  • What’s a Wife to Do? Dealing with a Difficult Husband

    What’s a Wife to Do? Dealing with a Difficult Husband

    Growing up, a very difficult family member was married to a loving, kind person with a servant’s heart, an individual who seemed to do everything possible to keep the challenging spouse happy. 

    We wondered how the spouse was able to deal with such a difficult person, all the while, living out Ephesians 4:2 to, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”

    For many couples, modern-day marriage is about focusing on self, and what makes each individual happy. A difficult spouse isn’t someone most married people want to deal with long-term. Still, marriage offers us the opportunity to become more Christ-like, especially when dealing with a challenging spouse. 

    Unlike the world’s pursuit of happiness, God has deeper and more rewarding purposes in mind for marriage. Psalm 66:10 describes how, “For You, God, tested us; You refined us like silver.” 

    As hard as it might be, God can work good things out within us as we deal with a difficult spouse. Romans 8:28 reminds us, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” 

    Abigail’s Introduction

    1 Samuel 25:3 highlights the story of Abigail and Nabal in their relationship with David’s years of running for his life from King Saul: “His name was Nabal and his wife’s name was Abigail. She was an intelligent and beautiful woman, but her husband was surly and mean in his dealings—he was a Calebite.”

    Although Abigail’s husband is described as disagreeable and unpleasant to deal with, Scripture doesn’t describe their marriage relationship. However, we assume from the description that he was an extremely difficult husband.

    Abigail’s Predicament

    Camping near Nabal’s flocks, David noticed it was sheep-shearing time. Respectfully, he kept his distance, even protectively watching over Nabal’s men and sheep, eventually sending a messenger to ask him if he might share his harvest with David and his men (1 Samuel 25:15-16).

    Outraged at David’s request, Nabal hurls insults back at him, infuriating David to plan a slaughter of Nabal and all his men. On overhearing David’s plan, a servant of Nabal rushed to Abigail saying, “Now think it over and see what you can do, because disaster is hanging over our master and his whole household. He is such a wicked man that no one can talk to him’” (1 Samuel 25:17).

    Some wives can relate to dealing with an unapproachable husband whom they, or anyone else, can’t talk to about an important matter. In these situations, what is a wife to do?

    Abigail’s Choice

    In this life-and-death situation, Abigail was faced with making an immediate decision, knowing she wouldn’t be able to reason with her unreasonable husband. Acting quickly, she prepared an extravagant amount of supplies for David and his men. “Then she told her servants,’ Go on ahead; I’ll follow you.’ But she did not tell her husband Nabal” (1 Samuel 25:19).

    Abigail chose to fulfill her God-given call to be a helper to her husband, even though he had created the fateful situation and hadn’t asked for or wanted her help. Rather than abandon him to the looming, tragic consequences he was bringing on himself and his men, she stepped in to help him. She recognized her husband’s weaknesses and intervened to help him when it was in her power to do so. 

    Abigail’s Risks

    Abigail risked everything to do what was right before God, and He gave her wisdom in knowing how to approach David. “She fell at his feet and said: ‘Pardon your servant, my lord, and let me speak to you; hear what your servant has to say. Please pay no attention, my lord, to that wicked man Nabal. He is just like his name—his name means Fool, and folly goes with him” (1 Samuel 25:24-26).

    Some may question whether Abigail’s words to David concerning her husband were disrespectful. Was she defaming her husband’s name or merely speaking the truth of the situation? 

    In response, “David said to Abigail, ‘Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, who has sent you today to meet me. May you be blessed for your good judgment and for keeping me from bloodshed this day and from avenging myself with my own hands.’ Then David accepted from her hand what she had brought him and said, ‘Go home in peace. I have heard your words and granted your request’” (1 Samuel 25:32-35). 

    Abigail’s Longsuffering

    As challenging as it must have been for her, Abigail’s husband’s trying personality gave her the opportunity to submit to God and do what would please Him, along with growing in godliness. 1 Timothy 4:8 reminds us, “For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.”

    Scripture doesn’t tell us how a beautiful, bright woman like Abigail ended up married to an unruly man like Nabal, most likely an arranged marriage to benefit her family’s financial situation. Yet, Abigail yielded to doing what was right before God, over her husband’s wishes. It’s easy to underestimate the great risk she took by doing what she did, but she was not only risking her life but also her future with her husband. With both David and Nabal, she was making a life-and-death decision, with everything to lose. 

    5 Ways to Cope

    Like Abigail, there are wives today just trying to survive day after day with a difficult husband. 

    The following are five ways to help them cope:

    1. Look to God. No other person on earth, and especially a difficult husband, is created to fully meet a wife’s needs because it’s the place only God can fill. 

    Instead of looking to a husband, a wife can look to God, who calls all of us to look to Him to meet our every need. As Philippians 4:19 explains, “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus.” 

    2. Answer God’s call. God created and called women to be man’s helpers. Still, many women don’t want to help, especially a difficult man like Nabal. 

    Likewise, many men don’t think they need a woman’s help. Yet, Genesis 2:18 explains, “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’”

    Men don’t do well alone, so God created women, not as an afterthought, but exquisitely to be a helper extraordinaire. He gives women godly insight and influence, which is extremely beneficial and helpful to their husbands. 

    Like Abigail, even when a husband has created a devastating situation, a wife can choose to follow God’s lead to help him. Romans 15:1 encourages, “We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not please ourselves.” 

    3. Offer companionship. Although a difficult husband’s demeanor pushes a wife away, she can seek ways to be a companion. Even if he seems unappreciative, she can do it to please God, looking to Him for her reward. As Colossians 3:17 urges: “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

    Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 reminds us how, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity the one who falls and has no one to help them up.” 

    4. Pray. Most of all, wives can pray for their husbands. Like 1 Timothy 2:1 encourages, “I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession, and thanksgiving be made for all people.”

    As well, if possible, pray with him and let God work through the words spoken to soften his heart. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 urges us to “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” 

    5. Trust God. Trying to change a difficult husband doesn’t ever work but usually has the opposite effect, causing a husband to resist his wife’s efforts and grow more challenging. Real transformation takes place from the inside out when God moves upon his heart, making him a new man. 

    Still, God gives a wife tremendous influence in nurturing faith within her husband’s life. 1 Peter 3:1-2 reveals how God can work through a wife’s trust and faith in Him: “Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.” 

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/fizkes

    Lynette Kittle is married with four daughters. She enjoys writing about faith, marriage, parenting, relationships, and life. Her writing has been published by Focus on the Family, Decision, Today’s Christian Woman, kirkcameron.com, Ungrind.org, StartMarriageRight.com, and more. She has a M.A. in Communication from Regent University and serves as associate producer for Soul Check TV.

    Lynette Kittle

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  • 4 Things My Parents’ Marital Struggle Taught Me

    4 Things My Parents’ Marital Struggle Taught Me

    My parents were married for over 50 years. Although the length of their marriage may cause some to think it must have been easy for them, it couldn’t be further from the truth. It was a struggle, and even though my Dad was a pastor, it didn’t keep him and my Mom from experiencing conflict throughout their married lives, even looking once like their marriage was ending. Thankfully, Mom and Dad stuck it out for the long run, and we, their family, are deeply grateful to God for helping them. 1 Timothy 6:12 describes what my parents accomplished and, as a pastor and wife, the many witnesses they had outside our family:

    My purpose in discussing their struggles is not to expose their weaknesses or failures but to encourage struggling couples to hang in there. I also hope it encourages children to be compassionate and understanding concerning their parents’ failures rather than despising them for their shortcomings and faults. Ephesians 4:2 urges us to “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”

    Although my parents struggled in their relationship with each other, it didn’t keep them from being wonderful parents. Mom and Dad were faithful in teaching me to love God, loving and caring for me, and generously providing for my needs.

    No finger-pointing, please.

    There are different ways to view my Mom and Dad’s marriage issues. One perspective is to be critical of them because they struggled in their relationship, making life extremely difficult for their family and easy to point fingers at their failures. Still, too many adult children are unforgiving towards their parents for several reasons, including marital conflict. Still, Colossians 3:13 urges, 

    “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

    Another way to look at my parents’ marital struggles is that they were fighters, not only literally in conflict with each other but also in fighting the temptation to give up on their marriage. So, rather than focus on ways they disappointed and let us down, we can look at their strengths, such as enduring their marriage amid personal suffering. Whereas many couples succumb to the pressures, distress, and weariness of a trying marriage, my parents stuck with it, an accomplishment worthy of their family’s respect for hanging in there. 

    God works all things together for good.

    Although it seems like life would have been much better for us all if there had not been conflict between my parents, perhaps seeing them work out strife in their marriage has, in the long run, helped us in ways to face our own marital challenges, ones we might not otherwise have had the fortitude to face. Gratefully, like my parents, we can trust God to work through our difficulties in a way that brings benefits and blessings into our lives. Romans 8:28 assures us, 

    “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”

    4 things we learned through their struggles:

    Below are four things God taught us through my parents’ struggles about not giving up and fighting the good fight of faith in marriage.

    1. Difficulty isn’t a reason to quit. 

    Amid my parents’ marital struggles, they taught their children how to stay the course in marriage even when it’s hard. Seeing their struggles and how they worked through differences helped prepare and strengthen our family to commit to our own marriages, especially during tough times. Although most individuals want to point fingers at the wrong actions in their spouses as reasons to divorce, Matthew 19:8 pinpoints the heart of the matter, explaining, “Jesus replied, ‘Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.” In life and especially in marriage, God urges us to, 

    “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (Proverbs 4:23).

    It’s too easy to let our hearts grow cold and hard, but as painful as it can be to suffer in our marriages, God tells us, “I can do all this through Him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13). Mom and Dad taught us that with God’s strength, we could resist hardening of the heart as a couple.

    2. Longsuffering for the faith of our family is worth it. 

    Although it may seem like my parents weren’t thinking of us on the surface, they ultimately put their family’s well-being and future ahead of their own happiness. By being longsuffering in their marriage, they were able to reap the reward of seeing a family intact, of gathering to celebrate their 50+ years together. We witnessed “for better or worse, in sickness and in health, and till death do us part” triumphantly played out in life. When I think of my parent’s marriage, I don’t think of their failures but of their success in running the race, even if, at times, they stumbled and tripped up a bit. 2 Timothy 4:7 explains, 

    “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” 

    3. This life is just the beginning. 

    As much as my Mom and Dad struggled with living together on earth, they believed in the life to come with Jesus. Instead of thinking they had to chase after earthly happiness before it was too late, they realized that their actions lead to eternal results. 1 John 2:25 explains what we as believers in Jesus Christ have to look forward to, “And this is what He promised us—eternal life.” Likewise, following God’s will ultimately brings lasting joy in this life and the life to come. To chase after temporal happiness on earth is to throw away the eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:18 encourages us, 

    “So fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 

    4. Reconciliation brings long-term rewards. 

    Sadly, my parents went through a time of separation. Although I was grown, married, and with children of my own during it, it felt devastating. Adulthood does not shield children from the suffering of their parents’ broken relationship. The breakdown of a marriage shakes a family to the core. Family members begin questioning their parents’ foundational teachings growing up, wondering if they are true. During the separation, my parents experienced the hurt it brought to our family, the loss of togetherness, and the absence of joy and peace. As much as they struggled with their relationship, Mom and Dad believed God’s words about marriage. They wanted to honor Him and not take His word on divorce lightly. 

    “’ The man who hates and divorces his wife,’ says the Lord, the God of Israel, ‘does violence to the one he should protect,’ says the Lord Almighty. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful” (Malachi 2:16).

    It was important for them to fulfill their covenant with God and to keep their vows to Him. Even though it was difficult, they put His will for their marriage over their own, staying with each other and being faithful to one another and God. With their decision to reconcile came relationship restoration and a renewed commitment to love one another regardless, no matter what, to stick together through thick and thin. 2 Corinthians 5:18 describes, 

    “All this is from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation.” 

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/eggeeggjiew

    Lynette Kittle is married with four daughters. She enjoys writing about faith, marriage, parenting, relationships, and life. Her writing has been published by Focus on the Family, Decision, Today’s Christian Woman, kirkcameron.com, Ungrind.org, StartMarriageRight.com, and more. She has a M.A. in Communication from Regent University and serves as associate producer for Soul Check TV.

    Lynette Kittle

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  • 7 Lessons My Dad Taught Me about Living Generously

    7 Lessons My Dad Taught Me about Living Generously

    After my Dad passed away, I learned more about his generous heart. Although I experienced his generosity towards me growing up, it wasn’t until later in life I discovered more about his giving heart toward others. Dad followed Matthew 6:3-4: 

    He practiced his openhanded acts of kindness quietly. So when I say discovered, it was because he didn’t tell me or do it openly in a way for all to see or know, not even his immediate family. Instead, quietly and respectfully, behind the scenes, he gave in a way that uplifted, encouraged, and guarded the hearts of those he assisted. My Dad’s giving heart taught me about my heavenly Father’s generous heart. Growing up, I knew I could ask him for anything, and it taught me to understand I could ask God for anything, too. As John 14:14 explains, “You may ask Me for anything in My name, and I will do it.”

    Likewise, I didn’t ever have to be concerned my earthly Dad would give me anything but something wonderful, which taught me the same about my heavenly Father. “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead?”  (Luke 11:11) The following are seven lessons my Dad’s tender-hearted giving taught me about living generously.

    1. Be respectfully generous.

    On the way to my future sister-in-law’s bridal shower, my parents and I found ourselves lost on the seedy side of Chicago on a dark, cold wintry evening. Yet, even in that situation, I witnessed my Dad treat a drunken man on the street with the utmost respect as he called him over to the car to ask for directions. 

    As a teenager, I questioned my Dad’s wisdom, praying silently in the backseat for God’s protection over us. However, the respectful way he spoke to that man made a long-lasting impression on me. My Dad showed respect towards others based on God’s love for them rather than society’s view of what they deserve. 1 Peter 2:17 reminds us, “Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honor the emperor.”

    2. Be generous in helpfulness. 

    Even though I don’t know all the ways my Dad reached out to help others in very practical and impactful ways, I do know of a few. He once supplemented a young mother of eight’s income after her husband, who worked for my Dad, left her and their kids for another woman. He went the extra mile in his position as a hospital administrator, hiring a newly married young couple struggling to find jobs to work in housekeeping so that they could start their life together. Finally, he helped a young man having an awkward time moving into his place to live, providing him with an excellent job and benefits. My Dad didn’t just talk the talk; he walked the walk, helping others when it was in his ability to do so. He lived out what Hebrew 13:16 encourages, 

    “And to not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.” 

    3. Be quietly generous. 

    My Dad bought groceries for those who had little, took people out to eat, gave away cars, and more things I probably haven’t heard about yet. He was quietly generous, and my discoveries about his giving came from others who told me how he had helped them. Dad lived out 2 Corinthians 9:11-12: “You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us, your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God. This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of the Lord’s people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God.”

    4. Be mercifully generous. 

    Dad didn’t seem to give based on whether or not individuals seemed deserving of receiving it. Instead, he gave when he saw a need, realizing God offers salvation to the undeserving, which is all of us. Romans 5:2 discusses how, because of our faith, Christ has brought us into a place of undeserved privilege where we now stand and confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory. As James 2:13 reminds us, with God, mercy triumphs over judgment.

    5. Be generous in serving. 

    God goes out of His way to help the broken, the weary, and the downcast. He helps those who can’t help themselves because of physical or emotional limitations. Even though people may look down on those who are weak, God is compassionate toward them. Isaiah 40:26 explains, 

    “He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.”

    My Dad’s heart expressed this compassion towards others. He understood and modeled God this way to those who needed help, consciously assisting people who others might say could have helped themselves. People sometimes don’t know how to be on their own, but with the loving support of others, uplifting and encouraging them, they can learn how to walk through the process. Dad seemed to understand and follow God’s example, as in Jeremiah 31:25, “I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint.” 

    6. Be generous in loving others. 

    Most of all, my Dad loved people out of the love he received from his heavenly Father. Growing up under a harsh earthly father, he didn’t learn to love through him but through God’s love for him. 1 John 4:19 describes how this happens, “We love because He first loved us.” 

    Dad didn’t underestimate the influence God gives us. Through loving others, we can lead individuals to reconciliation with Him. 2 Corinthians 5:20 reminds us, “We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making His appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God.” My Dad chose to love others; it was a joy and privilege for him to do so, not a burden. He lovingly practiced Romans 13:8, “Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law.”

    7. Be generously compassionate. My Dad helped people who didn’t have anything to offer him in return. They were primarily individuals seeking to begin, start over, struggle through, or finish up in life. He taught me to make sure my heart is right when doing things for others, not expecting something in return but doing it unto the Lord. He lived out, “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him” (Colossians 3:17). Dad demonstrated God’s heart, as described in Luke 14:13, “But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.”

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/FredFroese

    Lynette Kittle is married with four daughters. She enjoys writing about faith, marriage, parenting, relationships, and life. Her writing has been published by Focus on the Family, Decision, Today’s Christian Woman, kirkcameron.com, Ungrind.org, StartMarriageRight.com, and more. She has a M.A. in Communication from Regent University and serves as associate producer for Soul Check TV.

    Lynette Kittle

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  • Family Tell-All Books: Justifiable or Dishonoring?

    Family Tell-All Books: Justifiable or Dishonoring?

    With the United Kingdom’s wayward Prince Harry’s new tell-all book, Spare, behind-the-scenes personal family interactions, relationships, and secrets are revealed. 

    As well, Jinger Duggar Vuolo, of a highly popular and beloved Conservative Christian reality TV show with her family, 19 Kids and Counting, has a soon-to-be-released book Becoming Free Indeed, promising readers an expose and critique of her life behind the cameras.

    So why are individuals writing tell-all books? What’s in it for them? Are they just trying to tell their stories? Are they hoping to set things straight? Are they looking to encourage their families to face issues, seek help, and be reconciled? 

    Tell-all books prove to be very lucrative, especially for high-profile people. So what is the true motivation behind writing books that expose one’s family to public ridicule? Why are individuals writing them? Are there financial gains to be made in revealing personal family details?

    For publishers, bringing in big revenue is the driving force behind tell-alls, especially with high-profile families. It may also be the reason behind some authors’ willingness to write one.

    So before becoming one of the millions of readers rushing to read the newest tell-all books, the following are a few things to consider before picking one up and diving into it:

    Whose Story Is It Anyways?

    So is it okay for an individual to write a tell-all? After all, it is their story, right? Or are they really telling other people’s stories without their consent? Which way is it? 

    Understandably individuals have the freedom to share their own story, experiences, and journey in life, but where does one’s story cross a line to where it’s more about exposing someone else’s stories? 

    Do people have the freedom, right, or even the responsibility to expose their family’s frailties and faults to the world? What does Scripture say about uncovering family flaws? Is it justifiable, or is it dishonorable?

    Proverbs 17:9 describes how “Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.”

    Exposes usually reveal personal and hidden details about people, so it’s good to seriously consider Matthew 7:3‘s caution, “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” 

    Still, some justify exposing the sins of family members, noting how God writes and exposes many individuals’ sins in the Bible. But they’re not God.

    What Does It Mean to Honor Our Father and Our Mother?

    Many tell-all books aim at exposing the sins of the mothers and fathers, but the Bible clearly commands children to honor their fathers and mothers (Exodus 20:12).

    Ephesians 6:2-3 explains how it’s not just an encouragement from God to honor parents but much more. It’s a command that comes with a promise: “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

    It’s one repeated throughout Holy Scriptures, too, and a command God takes very seriously. In fact, ignoring it comes with a pretty harsh consequence. Matthew 15:4 explains, “For God said, ‘Honor your father and mother’ and ‘Anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death.’” 

    Sadly we see over and over again family members rising up and pitting themselves against each other. “For a son dishonors his father, a daughter rises up against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law—a man’s enemies are the members of his own household” (Micah 7:6).

    So is it okay to expose a parent’s weaknesses, sins, and secrets to the world? Does God call us to be respectful of how we speak and write about them?

    Tell-All or Family Feud?

    Often, tell-all books come across as payback or getting-even books, often bringing public disgrace, openly airing grievances, pitting family members against each other, and tearing families apart.  

    However, God clearly instructs us to refrain from settling scores in our lives. He urges us to trust Him to bring justice on our behalf. “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord” (Romans 12:19).

    Likewise, James 4:11-12 strongly cautions, “Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor?”

    Often, believers don’t think God’s directives apply when dealing with their immediate family, but His instructions apply to parents, siblings, and other family members, too.

    Does God Know and Care?

    Proverbs 15:3 assures us, “The eyes of the Lord are everywhere, keeping watch on the wicked and the good.”

    People don’t have to expose and reveal their family’s mistakes, errors, and sinful actions to the world because Jesus assured us, “For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open” (Luke 8:17).

    Even if it seems like it at times, no one on earth is getting away with anything. They can trust what God’s Word tells us. Everyone, including family members, will be held accountable for their words and actions. Jesus reminds us in Matthew 12:36, “But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken.” 

    As well, we are reminded that “We must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad” (2 Corinthians 5:10).

    Are there Tell-All Consequences?

    Ephesians 4:29 urges, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

    Do tell-alls benefit and build up others? Unfortunately, their pages are often full of gossip, which Proverbs 11:13 explains, “A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret.”

    Especially as Christians, we want to refer to Scripture in what we say and write about others, especially our parents and family members. As Leviticus 19:16 urges, “Do not go about spreading slander among your people. Do not do anything that endangers your neighbor’s life. I am the Lord.”

    As God points out, exposing the sins of others has the potential to endanger their lives. Exposing others’ failures to the world comes with consequences both for the ones who are exposed and the ones who expose.

    Likewise, Proverbs 13:3 clarifies the effect that speaking carelessly of others has on those who practice it: “Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin.”

    What individuals say about others has the potential to bring destruction to their own lives, too. When speaking of others, 1 Corinthians 16:14 urges a simple motivation, “Do everything in love.”

    Photo Credit: ©Pexels/Negative Space

    Lynette Kittle is married with four daughters. She enjoys writing about faith, marriage, parenting, relationships, and life. Her writing has been published by Focus on the Family, Decision, Today’s Christian Woman, kirkcameron.com, Ungrind.org, StartMarriageRight.com, and more. She has a M.A. in Communication from Regent University and serves as associate producer for Soul Check TV.

    Lynette Kittle

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