With the upcoming release of Lola Young’s third album (within the short span of two years), I’m Only Fucking Myself (a.k.a. I’m Only F**king Myself), she seemingly can’t stop, won’t stop when it comes to releasing singles from the record. The latest one, following “One Thing,” “Not Like That Anymore” and “d£aler,” is “Spiders,” which is arguably her most vulnerable single from the album yet (hell, maybe even more vulnerable than “Messy”). Presenting herself, more than ever, as an unabashed “sack of need,” Young plays into the long-standing gender stereotypes regarding how a man completes a woman, and vice versa. Just ask Jerry Maguire. This conveyed in the unapologetic, unvarnished lyrics (that are part of the chorus no less), “I’m not a woman if I don’t have you/I’m not a woman if I don’t have you/And you’re not a man if you don’t have me.”
Such a “retro” admission might seem scandalous coming from a Gen Zer like Young, but then, that’s part of the point. To highlight that, in her darkest moments, these are the types of thoughts that run through her head—even in these “modern times.” Along with another gender-pandering one: “Please kill, kill all the spiders/‘Cause thеy’re in our room, and with them I can’t sleep besidе ya.” Although this is the only mention of spiders in the entire song, the purpose of choosing to make that creepy-to-most-people arachnid the central focus (in terms of both the song’s title and accompanying video) is to heighten the notion of being terrified of something. Something that many other people are also terrified of. In this case, a relationship. More to the point, being vulnerable in one. And also being vulnerable enough to admit, in effect, that she still can’t help but be a victim of centuries-long programming, with women conditioned from the outset of their lives to believe that a man is the “end game” (something that the likes of Taylor Swift and Sabrina Carpenter also obviously agree with, even in spite of their nonstop barrage of “man-hating” songs). Try as many will to insist that things have changed since the proverbial dark ages of gender inequality that essentially brainwashed women into thinking a man was truly the be-all and end-all.
With such unbridled lyrics at play, it was only right that Young should caption her music video, directed by Conor Cunningham, as follows: “Sometimes, very occasionally, I write a song and feel very proud to have written it. This is one of them. I gave a part of myself away writing it, but it was a part of me that I needed to let go. I hope you can listen and let go too.” In some sense, she’s referring to the part of herself (and the part of others—regardless of gender) that continues to suffer from the idea that you’re never “whole” without a “better half.” Or, put in that other quintessential (a.k.a. Dean Martin) way, “You’re nobody ‘til somebody loves you/You’re nobody ‘til somebody cares.”
Another reason still for Young to call the song “Spiders” was so that she could have an opportunity to create the video’s simple concept around actually holding a spider (while wearing a t-shirt with a spider’s image on it, to boot) and letting it crawl on her with mostly free rein—an ultimate way to face her fear of something that she’s always found to be terrifying. But by confronting the literal fear, it applies to confronting her fear on a metaphorical level as well. For once she conquers the tangible, the intangible can’t be far behind. And, to be sure, this sort of thinking is part of what makes the video have such a “Billie Eilish flair.” For she, too, is known for taking a “no-frills” concept and having zero trouble drawing it out long enough for the purposes of a video that will make many viewers feel squeamish, often both physically and emotionally. Case in point, “xanny,” during which Eilish surrenders to having her face act as a one-woman ashtray. Or the “your power” video, during which she lets an anaconda wrap itself around her body. Or the similar act of “simplicity made complicated” that occurs when she walks down a dark highway as passing cars nearly run over her in the video for “NDA” or when she’s being chased relentlessly by Nat Wolff in the video for “Chihiro.”
Young keeps it slightly less stunt-y with “Spiders” (more in line with the “chill sitting” “narrative” of “xanny” and “your power” than the riskier perils of “NDA” and “Chihiro”), holding a spider in her hands far less frequently than she can be seen smoking a cigarette and belting out her difficult feelings. Including, “Make me feel like I’m not incomplete for once” and “And then, then empty me right to the core/And suck me dry, suck me dry like you did before” (this, too, having certain vampiric “spider energy” to it). The brutal honesty of these sentiments is perhaps why the sound of the track is decidedly “90s alt rock” (ergo, so, too, is the look of the video, in addition to the sartorial style that Young sports in it). Produced, once again, by Solomonophonic and Manuka, the moody guitars on the single are just as important to conveying certain emotions as Young’s lyrics (like, say, “And blame, blame it on the gods/So we don’t feel like we did something wrong” or “Don’t say, don’t say a lie/’Cause I’ll see the truth behind your dark brown eyes”).
What’s more, the video being shot in black and white (a conceit that seems to be having a moment in pop culture lately, if Lady Gaga’s “The Dead Dance” video and Sabrina Carpenter’s Man’s Best Friend interview with Zane Lowe are anything to go by) lends an added layer to the sense of seriousness about this song. The weight of the feelings and emotions that Young needs to unburden herself of. And, as she said, that hopefully unburden the listener of their own feelings and emotions, too.
Genna Rivieccio
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