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Tag: Life Lessons

  • Marijuana Can Help You Feel Refreshed

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    How marijuana can help feel refreshed and energetic at the end of the holidays, easing stress and helping recovery from seasonal burnout.

    By the time the holidays wind down, many Americans are running on empty. The nonstop socializing, travel, shopping, and disrupted routines can leave people mentally foggy and physically worn out. While the exhaustion is nearly universal, it often shows up differently by age group. Gen Z frequently reports elevated stress, anxiety, and burnout from financial pressure and social expectations, while older adults tend to feel physically drained after weeks of hosting, traveling, and juggling family obligations. But with a week + left of activities, marijuana can help you feel refreshed.

    RELATED: 5 Ways Microdosing Cannabis Can Boost Work Performance

    Contrary to outdated stereotypes, cannabis is not only about sedation or couch-locking effects. When used intentionally, certain strains and products are associated with clarity, motivation, and a lighter mental state—qualities many crave after the holidays.

    For Gen Z, stress is often the dominant issue. Surveys consistently show younger adults reporting high levels of anxiety tied to finances, work uncertainty, and social pressure amplified by constant online comparison. For this group, cannabis is often used as a tool to decompress and quiet racing thoughts. Lower-THC products, balanced THC-CBD options, and terpene-forward strains are frequently chosen for their ability to ease tension without overwhelming the mind. When stress levels drop, energy often returns naturally.

    Older adults, on the other hand, tend to describe the post-holiday slump as physical fatigue rather than mental overload. Late nights, rich foods, long drives, and packed schedules can leave the body feeling stiff and depleted. Many older consumers gravitate toward cannabis varieties associated with gentle stimulation and body comfort. By easing aches, supporting relaxation, and improving sleep quality, marijuana can help the body recover—making mornings feel lighter and days more manageable.

    Terpenes play an important role in this experience. Compounds such as limonene and pinene are often linked to uplifting, clear-headed effects, while others like caryophyllene may help take the edge off physical discomfort. When people feel less tense and better rested, energy follows.

    RELATED: Consuming Cannabis Before Workouts Can Help

    Importantly, moderation matters. The goal is not escape, but restoration. Microdosing—using small, controlled amounts—has become especially popular among professionals and older consumers who want subtle benefits without impairment. This approach aligns well with New Year intentions focused on balance, wellness, and productivity.

    As the holiday season fades, marijuana is increasingly viewed not as a party indulgence, but as part of a thoughtful reset. For stressed Gen Zers seeking calm and clarity, and for worn-down older adults looking to recharge their bodies, cannabis may offer a way to step into the new year feeling refreshed, focused, and energized—rather than exhausted.

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    Sarah Johns

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  • Festivus Grew From A Quirky Holiday To A Meaningful Celebration

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    Festivus grew from a quirky holiday to a meaningful celebration for people who want humor honesty and less holiday pressure.

    Every December, amid the glitter of Christmas trees and the glow of menorahs, a quieter—but far more opinionated—holiday makes its annual return. Festivus, often dubbed “a holiday for the rest of us,” has evolved from a sitcom joke into a genuine cultural tradition celebrated by millions who crave humor, honesty, and a break from seasonal perfection.  Who would guess how Festivus grew from a quirky holiday to a meaningful celebration.

    RELATED: 5 Ways Microdosing Cannabis Can Boost Work Performance

    Festivus first entered the public consciousness in 1997 through the iconic TV series Seinfeld. In the episode “The Strike,”viewers learned Festivus was created decades earlier by the father of George Costanza as an alternative to the commercial pressures and emotional expectations of traditional holidays. Its symbols were refreshingly minimal: a plain aluminum pole instead of a tree, a Festivus dinner, the “Airing of Grievances,” and the climactic “Feats of Strength.”

    What began as satire struck a nerve. Audiences instantly recognized the underlying truth: the holidays can be stressful, expensive, and emotionally loaded. Festivus offered something radical—permission to opt out.

    In the years since the episode aired, Festivus has grown steadily in popularity. Office parties, family dinners, bars, and even corporate Slack channels now mark December 23 as a day for candor and comedy. Social media has amplified its reach, with aluminum poles proudly displayed and grievances humorously aired in posts and memes.

    Part of Festivus’ appeal lies in its flexibility. There are no religious requirements, no gifts required (or even encouraged), and no pressure to perform cheer. It’s anti-commercial, anti-pretentious, and proudly self-aware—qualities resonating deeply in a hyper-curated world.

    Festivus has strong multigenerational appeal. Gen Xers and older Millennials who grew up watching Seinfeld enjoy the nostalgia and irony. Younger Millennials and Gen Z, meanwhile, embrace Festivus as a countercultural statement—a holiday which values authenticity over aesthetics and humor over obligation.

    It also resonates with people who feel excluded or overwhelmed by traditional celebrations. Singles, blended families, introverts, skeptics, and anyone burned out on forced merriment often find Festivus refreshingly inclusive. You don’t have to believe in anything—except maybe telling the truth with a smile.

    RELATED: Marijuana Use And Guy’s Member

    Beneath the jokes and grievances, Festivus carries a few surprisingly timeless lessons. First, it reminds us the celebration doesn’t have to be expensive or elaborate to be meaningful. A simple meal and honest conversation can be enough.

    Second, Festivus encourages emotional transparency. The “Airing of Grievances,” while exaggerated for comedy, reflects a real human need to be heard. When practiced with kindness and humor, it can foster connection rather than conflict.

    Finally, Festivus teaches us traditions are allowed to evolve. You can honor the season in ways which suit your values, your energy level, and your sense of humor. Celebrating doesn’t have to mean conforming—it can mean choosing joy on your own terms.

    In a season often defined by excess and expectation, the magic behind Festivus lies in its simplicity. It’s a reminder sometimes the best holiday gift is permission to be real—and maybe to wrestle a loved one before dessert.

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    Anthony Washington

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  • Heartache Prevention via Valuable Relationship Lessons (22 GIFs)

    Heartache Prevention via Valuable Relationship Lessons (22 GIFs)

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    We all want to find our person, but it ain’t easy.

    In fact, sometimes it feels damn near impossible.

    How do you know you’re with the right partner? If things don’t seem to be working, should you walk away or try harder? What can you live with, and what are your dealbreakers?

    One Redditor asked, “What’s the most valuable lesson you’ve learned from a relationship?” and the responses might be just what you need to hear to save yourself some heartache.

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    Laura Lee

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  • 72-Year-Old Shares 32 Life Tips on Birthday

    72-Year-Old Shares 32 Life Tips on Birthday

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    72-Year-Old Shares 32 Life Tips on Birthday

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  • Story 12 – My Stepfather’s Mistake

    Story 12 – My Stepfather’s Mistake

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    My stepfather as at the time I grew up to know him is a man of God who serves God day and night. He is a very gentle and well-behaved man. Until one day, my mother told me he had a woeful past that he is still suffering from the consequences. He was nurtured and raised up by his aunt in the paternal side.

    His biological parents involved in a fatal accident that led to their death. He was just at a tender age with his older sister who was only two years older. His aunt, Mrs. Olunloyo Grace, had no children but she was married. So, she took her cousins as her own children. His aunt was a rich woman and she spoilt the children with her wealth. Then, he was just a ready homemade spoilt child growing up in one of the old streets in Ibadan. He related to bad friends who are nothing but goons and he was influenced by their bad attitudes. He started leaving the house without informing anyone about his whereabouts. He took alcoholic drinks every minute of his life. Of course, cigarettes became his favorite diet; he arrives home very late in the night. He had no respect for anyone and nobody could talk to him to change his ways. His youth life was very awful but to him he was living his life to the fullest.

    During his early twenties, he got back home drunk one day. It was very late at night. Moving unconsciously, he went straight to the housemaid’s room and raped her. She refused to tell her boss with the fear of probably being chased out. Aftermath, what was kept as secret became known to everyone when the housemaid began to show the symptoms of pregnancy.

    By then she confessed and Niyi did not deny. Later, his aunt concluded that she would accept the baby but would not allow him to marry her. Why had she said this? She knew the kind of lady the housemaid was. If two wrongs cannot make a right, definitely, two bad companions cannot bring forth a good result. On the other hand, Niyi refused and insisted on marrying the housemaid. He married the lady and both of them were being taken good care of by his aunt.

    He had no specific job, he was asked to further his education but he refused. All of a sudden, he turned a new leaf but his wife made him know peace. It was by this time he married my mother who had to keep a distance from him because his first wife had started acting like a witch. She even trained her children to hate their father.. life became more difficult for him when the aunt died. Now, he is seriously ill with diabetes. He cannot walk and hardly eat. The first wife doesn’t allow anyone to take good care of him and she herself is not taking good care of him. He had made a mistake which he is now regretting.

    Lesson Learned

    I have learned that the kind of wife I have determines how I will live the rest of my life. Behind every successful man is a woman and behind every unsuccessful man is also a woman.

    About The Writer

    Adebisi Babatunde Ademola is an actor and a math amateur. He is also an aspiring Mathematics Educationist in the Premier University of Ibadan.

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  • The Lesson of Hardship

    The Lesson of Hardship

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    ’’Hardships and difficult situations in our life serve us and are meant for us to find happiness through them.’’ – my fraternal grandfather used to tell me in my childhood.

    I love my body. I truly consider it perfect, as it is. Its “imperfection” makes my body perfect. It is such a good feeling to move the way I want- freely. My body has taught me so much. It has taught me willpower, persistence, and belief in myself. I have experienced the world, its invisible, and visible aspects in a unique way.

    New year – new life. On the 2nd of January, 1979, I made a decision in my mother’s womb that it was time to leave my mother’s safe nest and experience the real world so the birthing process started. My mother was taken to the hospital, where it turned out that her doctor was not on duty. Therefore, another doctor on duty was asked to help my mother give birth, however that doctor resisted. He gave tranquilizers to my mum, despite the fact that I was already in the birth tunnel, where I was stuck, due to the tranquilizers. As we were in the middle of the process, the doctor saw that he could not intervene and he could not make this process slow so, after a while, he gave another injection to my mum which would accelerate the birthing process. After I could get out of the birth tunnel, the doctors sensed that there was something wrong with me, since the color of my face was blue. I was immediately taken to another hospital, which was equipped with incubators and it turned out that I had swallowed water in the womb and had gotten pneumonia. I stayed in an incubator for one month.

    Despite the fact, that my parents took me to regular check-ups, during which several, different doctors kept telling them that everything was fine with my motoric skills, when I was 6 months old, my parents revealed that there was some motor deficiencies with developmental coordination disorder on my right side. At that time doctors working in Hungary were not familiar with disabilities and they did not know how to deal with this condition, as they were not trained on the different types of disabilities. Therefore, my parents took me to a Children Hospital specialized in children with motoric skills disorder where the doctors diagnosed my hemiparesis on my right side. My parents took me to special physiotherapies, and I was 2 and a half years old when I gained outpatient admission to the International Pető András Institute headquartered in Budapest dedicated for special education for the physically-impaired people where I attended the special education sessions (physiotherapy) three times a week for 16 years. Besides the International Pető András Institute, my parents took me to swim, to another type of special physical education, to acupuncture, special physiotherapies, massage and from the age of 4, also speech therapy, as I had a lisp.

    At that time, in the ‘80s and ‘90s, the majority of disabled people were segregated in the Hungarian society, they had their special institutions where they studied, they could be hardly seen onboard the buses, trams or metrocars. Wheelchair users were not able to use buses, at all, as no dedicated space was designated for their wheelchairs on public transport vehicles. Disabled people were invisible in the society. Despite the situation, my parents decided that I should attend the integrated nursery school, kintergarden, primary school and high school, however at that time it was extremely rare. Only a tiny percent of disabled persons attended integrated schools.

    In the ‘80s and ‘90s, neither children, nor teachers were prepared for how to treat these “special” children. At that time in Hungary, this topic was even not on the table, as most of the physically- visually-hearing-impaired children were taught in segregated schools. My very first memory I remember about in my childhood is that I was sitting in the integrated nursery school, watching howmy mates were playing. I was out of that circle. Except for some of my supporting teachers, most of the teachers did not believe in my accomplishments and results since they thought that I was also mentally-challenged, despite the fact that I was not; they kept telling me and my parents that I would achieve nothing in life. They kept telling my parents that I would not be able to walk, talk, read, would not be able to learn and have a degree. Several of my mates in kintergarden and school made fun of me and bullied me and they kept staring at me. Only some of my kintergarden and primary-high school mates had disabled relatives so they knew this condition, hence they accepted me. It is interesting to mention that after one of my teachers told my parents that I would not be able to read, my parents decided to have a special tutor for me who would teach me how to read at age 7. After two months, I did read and won the First Prize on a reading contest held at my primary school. Since I was a diligent pupil, I enjoyed participating in different school contests. I was a pretty good student and my willpower led me on the way. I had pretty good grades in school and even won an IQ test.

    In my high school, in the ‘90s, my headmistress kept telling my parents and me that I would not be able to finish high school, let alone have the school leaving exam or attend a university. She created this opinion based on my physical, and definitely not based on my mental, condition and she did not want to believe her eyes that I had good grades even in high school.

    Attitudes in schools and at home were very controversial. I was raised in a very warm, accepting, helping family. Both my parents and grandparents and my brother encouraged and helped me. They have always said that I have more capabilities and competencies compared to what the teachers kept telling us.

    As I already mentioned, I had a lisp and speech disorder due to my disability on my right side. I was seven years old when the American cable channels entered the Hungarian media market. I was surprised to learn that the Americans pronounced words the same way, as I pronounced the Hungarian words (which was considered a speech disorder in the Hungarian language) and I thought that the reason why I pronounced the Hungarian letters the way the Americans pronounce their words is that I am truly American so I asked my father to teach me my “real mother tongue”. I fell in love with English immediately. I started to dedicate my time, my energy more and more to English, besides physiotherapies, swimming, acupuncture and speech therapy. I even attended an English language course and learning English contributed to the improvement of my pronunciation a lot.

    I was 20 years old, in 1999, when I went to London to immerse myself into British English and culture. That was the first time when I experienced in the British society that people outside of my family circle could treat disability in a positive, accepting, tolerant way. That was the time when the British people showed it to me that we can see the physical-impairment in a positive way and even tolerance and positive attitudes can be practised towards this condition and towards physically-impaired persons. They taught me that I am not less than the others; I am only different. It was a milestone and had so much impact on my life. By that time, I had a crush on the English language and identified myself with English. At that time my British experience just grew my attachment to English that much that I decided that I would dedicate my life to it. Since then I have gained two degrees in English: I acquired my first diploma on Teaching English as a second language and my second diploma on English translation in the field of social sciences and started to work in the fields of translation and international relations. I translate mainly technical documents and also texts that deal with success and psychology.

    Since then, I have been to the US (in 2006) where I dealt with American-Hungarian relations, I have been granted a scholarship to the European Commission- Directorate-General for Translation (in 2011) where I was translating internal documents, made interviews for the Ministry of Internal Affairs with US expats about their assimilation in Hungary, have translated EU tenders, written psychology-related articles and have participated in equal opportunities campaigns (between 2000 and 2010). Besides English, I study Spanish for which speech disorder is extremely beneficial. I can already be part of a community very easily, people accept me completely and they like the fact that I am very optimistic and cheerful.

    Since then my pronunciation has improved and is perfect and only my right hand is strained. Apart from my right hand, the movement of my whole right side is the same as that of my left side. I have attended Irish and Greek dance clubs, rock’n’roll courses, danced African dance and zumba, which improved my motoric coordination to a great extent. I enjoyed the African dance a lot, which developed my feminine side, as well. When I was dancing the African dance, I felt some deep attachment to my feminine power and body, some spiritual energy that helped me overcome the hardships.

    I had to learn how I can gain self-confidence and self-esteem in a society where disabled persons were either invisible or had to fight against many facets of discrimination. I had to learn how persistent I am, that my love for English, my ambitions, my willpower and my faith in myself are much stronger than people’s superficial opinions (judgements) about me. It was a long road that I had to take, which I had to go the extra mile. I had to find my inner power source.

    It was after Hungary’s entrance to the EU (2004) when situations and circumstances of people with special needs started to be discussed in Hungary, since also an EU regulation prescribes that equal opportunities must be ensured in every single field of life and also at organisations in every Member State, thus Member States must participate in equal opportunities this way or the other, buildings and stops must be accessible for disabled people and this topic must be discussed in social terms. Since then, disabled people or people with special needs are treated equally and supported in Hungary. During my university years (after the year 2000), I could sense that there was already some progress in the Hungarian society in this field and people have become open towards “special” people: I was given a mini tape recorder, with which I could take notes on the class more easily, while my visually-impaired classmate received a special laptop from the university. At that time there was a lady working at the university’s Human Resources department who dealt with students with special needs and we could turn to her in every way if we had some obstacle.

    My paralysis has been my biggest teacher: it has taught me that we can always develop, physically, mentally and spiritually. We must find all the potentials in our life, no matter what, believe in ourselves, and ignore what other people tell us about our capabilities. People can sense only snapshots from our life, they cannot see how persistent we can be, they cannot sense our willpower or potentials in the greater picture. My paralysis taught me that we should not judge people because we cannot know what is behind the surface.

    As far as I think, people with special needs are not disabled people because they can be worse at some field of life but they can be much better at another field. I am not good at math but I have special capabilities for languages, communication, human relations and I am very social sensitive. I am more sensitive to social issues and to different subcultures.

    Every person is different this way or the other. While one person is good at one field, the other person is good at some other field. People motivate and teach each other both consciously and unconsciously. As far as I think, it is extremely important to reveal what those potentials are that a disabled person is good at.

    In my case, my experience in London at age 20, the British people’s tolerant, accepting attitudes and my commitment to my “other mother tongue” led to my real profession and calling. To achieve this, I needed to experience the exclusion, my willpower, the British people’s tolerant attitudes, my inner potentials, love, the attitude-related, behavioural controversy between my family and the Hungarian society in this regard and my hard work done physically and spiritually because these are the reasons why I have become the person I am now.

    We must never ever give up. Every hardship and difficult situation in our life teaches us and develops new skills. Without my paralysis and the discrimination I experienced in Hungary and the positive attitudes towards the physically-impaired persons, I may have not chosen English and English translation. I love my profession, as I can truly dedicate my time, endeavour and energy to my part of self, which was found at the age of seven when the American cable channels entered the Hungarian media market.

    ’’Hardships and difficult situations in our life serve us and are meant for us to find happiness through them.’’ – my fraternal grandfather used to tell me in my childhood.

    Lesson learned

    My paralysis has been my biggest teacher: it has taught me that we can always develop, physically, mentally, and spiritually. We must find all the potentials in our life, no matter what, believe in ourselves, and ignore what other people tell us about our capabilities.

    People can sense only snapshots from our life, they cannot see how persistent we can be, they cannot sense our willpower or potentials in the greater picture. My paralysis taught me that we should not judge people because we cannot know what is behind the surface.

    About the Writer

    I am Ms. Melinda Mondovics, and I am an optimistic people person who is passionate about life. As far as I think, challenges in life are meant to develop through them and happy moments are to enjoy them. I love cooking, getting to know different cultures, reading, talking to friends, dancing, and traveling. Life is a present and we must get to know it to the fullest.

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  • Story 9 – His Father’s Namesake(Oyiri nna ya)

    Story 9 – His Father’s Namesake(Oyiri nna ya)

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    I know a man, whose name I wish not to mention. But whose story I have heard countless times and have wondered, “how did he make it?” To say that there is a man whose countenance roars from within him like a lion is but an understatement. His beginning was that of a bit of misfortune for his family. He was named after his father, an Igbo man would say “Oyiri nna ya”. It is said that on the day he was born, his father’s shop where he made solid income, burned to the ground. His goods and fame went along into the ashes, never to be heard of again. Oyiri nna ya began life with little food to his stomach as his mother did all she could to sustain herself and the newborn. He wasn’t the first, he wasn’t the second.

    He came as the third born, and he looked just like his mother’s father. What a surprise! Growing up wasn’t easy as other siblings came along and the need to select who would go to school began. “Oyiri nna ya, you have to wait for some time for your older ones to go to school.” Years went by and the story changed “Oyiri nna ya, your younger ones are already progressing and you need to take care of them”. Ha! When would he start schooling himself? He decided he was going to take a step and leave the comfort of his home, in search of education and some sense to have as a grown man.

    By that time it was obvious that he was one of the eldest in class. He had begun to stay with an uncle, whose wife did not extend the kind of motherly affection to him. Yet he endured. The soup she would cook would be the soup of several days which he and some other young chaps would eat – it was never the fresh soup. He became used to her pattern and was blessed with a younger relative who loved him as her own child. To him, this was comfort and a way to learn all he could about life. When he started to go to Secondary school, this special aunty was there to encourage him to save up money for his WAEC.

    Even while in school, he struggled to read and understand as his Primary school days were nothing to write home about. He saw he was deteriorating, and wouldn’t be able to amount to anything in life. So he had to change his thinking pattern. Before, while in class, he would sit at the very back with all the other bench warmers who couldn’t care less about learning. Then one-day Oyiri nna ya said to himself, that he too could become like one of those girls who took the First position in the class. He made a bold step one fateful day to sit at the very front of the class so he could pay attention.

    The entire strata of students were so disorganized by this new arrangement that another guy took the bold step of moving to the front seat! And so, friendship like no other began. Seriousness began. He was even liked and admired by most teachers, trusted even to handle financial contributions by his peers. Oyiri nna ya became a pacesetter. Something, he never thought he could do had he not had encouragement at home and within himself.

    Fast forward to the end of his Secondary school days and he needed money to register for his WAEC. Of course, senior aunty and uncle refused to help him even after seven years of living with them. It was at this point that he left the home he had known for years with nothing to call his own but the savings he managed to raise with his aunty. Rather than him going home feeling dejected, he bought gifts for the children around his uncle’s home and shared with them. They were overjoyed and prayed for him, even going the extra mile to escort him as far as they could. His hopes grew and he completed his Jamb.

    He made a single prayer and said something like this “Oh Lord, Abia State University is my first choice. If I do not get it, then I am done with school”. He applied and when admission lists began to roll out, lo and behold he made it! What a surprise to his family! He had finally made it! He would shuffle from his hometown to school after performing some menial jobs with the help of his mother who gave foodstuff for school. Never did he miss his exams.

    And in the year 20…yeah! He bagged his certificate! Looking back at his journey he would tell me, Ngee I really suffered in life. And I would tell him congratulations, you are indeed a victor. You just cannot give up in life when God has not thrown in the towel. Where there is life, there is hope. Only but begin, take a step even if it is one done with trembling. Believe and the universe will respond to your actions. Oyiri nna ya is an example of a victor.

    Lessons Learned

    Don’t let what others have determined about your future be the final say. Play that ball! And make sure you score in life’s net of “no’s and you can’t”. It only takes determination and a brave heart to soar.

    About The Writer

    Ngozichi Atasie is a Mass Communication major at the Abia State University, Uturu.

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  • Story 7 – Positive Mindset

    Story 7 – Positive Mindset

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    I was just a child when I was told that nobody could ever make it in my family, that we are born poor. I was also told that in the history of my family poverty is in our linage but as a young girl with a vision, I decided to take a step forward.

    My classmates mock and make fun of me even to the extent of clapping for me. My mom will say to me, Blessing I have told you that we are poor, don’t hang with the rich. With tears running down I said to my mom, I was born poor but I refuse to be poor forever.

    That was how our destiny was changed. The situation you are in is not the end of your life. People may be telling you today that nothing good comes, from your family, that’s poverty is in your blood you are born with it so live with it is an error, overcoming the challenge is one of the elements of positive thinking and a positive mindset. Don’t allow the condition of your family to affect your life and purpose in life, you overcoming the challenges is basically the key thing. You must be focused to reach your destination.

    My mom made me feel limited, but I remained focused. Do you know why? Because I had a dream that was the change in the condition of my family member. In school, my teacher loved me because I was very smart and funny too but I had no friends.

    My classmates don’t like me, the reason being that I was poor and nothing good could come out from my family… But I think keeps me going that I will make it in life the fact that my mom and dad were poor does not make me poor except I decided to remain poor. I must break the limit, I must be strong, put God first in all I do.

    You are the master of your own destiny, don’t allow others to be the judge of your life, me being hopeful that one day I will make it in life is a positive mindset on getting your goal you must be smart and also have self-confident believe in yourself and don’t be a disconnect with your vision a master of your own destiny don’t allow people take advantage of your stay focus listing to people who are older than you in age because they know more than you.

    Your ability to take action in the fulfillment of your destiny. You are smart, don’t look down on yourself. You are beautiful just the way you are. Have a positive response to things happening around you, see it’s as a step forward to your destination and mind the way you think. Always say positive things to yourself, always believe that you can do it. Don’t limit yourself… You are the master of your own destiny always have that at the back of your mind. Believe in yourself.

    Lessons Learned

    Being focus is very important regardless of the situation…or condition life gives.

    About The Writer

    Iberike blessing is a student from Nigeria.

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  • Story 5: Love Yourself

    Story 5: Love Yourself

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    I was born on the 25th of the eight-month, I’m the only child of my parents. Writing this would be the first time of me expressing my self to the extreme. I grew up all alone with my parents. My parents were the busy type, my dad was never at home, same with my mum, but she still made out time for me.

    In school, I wasn’t a fast learner l, my teachers would beat me for not learning fast. During weekends and holidays, my mum would keep me at her friend’s place and I would impose my self on and throw myself at other kids. At age seven, this is always a means for me to have company. At times my parents would allow me to stay over at my childhood friend’s place, during the holidays she would take me to my uncle’s place.

    At age 12 I got singled out as the weird one for the first time. It’s not like people didn’t talk to me, it’s just that they didn’t let me in, and some times I feel I didn’t fit in. I wasn’t friends with anyone, even if someone did come close, it was always one-sided. They were able to share and I wasn’t and that was about it. I often felt like I was alone like I didn’t matter like I wasn’t important… I was very lonely because I felt left out all the time and I have no one to talk to about my feelings.

    When I got to senior secondary school, I had friends which I include in most things but they never include me in anything, this made me feel so left out. Same as when I finished secondary school, I had loads of friends but none was my close friend. I got through a large portion of my life like that. Unsurprisingly. I also went through depression for the first time during these years.

    After secondary school, I attended a jamb lesson, I became exposed to a whole lot of things and I understand that what I had been going through were depression and social isolation. I didn’t like the crowd, then I would leave the crowd to a quiet place just to stay alone. My phone became my best friend, music, and earpiece, my companion.

    My friends would always ask why I’m always alone. I got tired of the questions, so I had to put my self out there, I didn’t really know how to do it. The only thing I could do was to type of goggle to see if I can get an answer. I would type things like this…( how to make friends, how to be happy and other kinds of stuff).

    A woman on Instagram with the name @officialebonylips, most people might know her. She acts all weird but I must say she really changed my mindset. I told her how it has been for me for the past years. We video call, it was like a four to five hours conversation, after telling her all, I felt incredibly light after. That day she told me something that is most relevant here, she said, “ you are there for people, you listen to them. You smile and joke around, why then do you think anyone will turn away if you opened up?”.

    To be honest, I don’t know the answer even now, but I can speculate. It’s not like the people around me, my family and friends are not there for me, but for some reason, I assume they are not, for some reasons, I think I feel like my burden is too personal to let anyone help.

    The truth of the matter is that all these are B.S. There is actually nothing wrong with reaching out to someone and taking their help when you need it. Sometimes I had bad times, I stay alone, I know there are a lot of people in my life who care about me, but I feel like there isn’t anyone sometimes. Those moments I just close my eyes and take a deep breath and tell that annoying voice to shut up.

    Lesson Learned

    You are not alone, you are amazing and lovable, so give yourself the consent to be loved by those around you, loving your self is hard but important and when you do, you’ll realize how much that loneliness was you and not your surrounding.

    About the writer:

    Ekekwe Blessing is a History and International Relations student at the University of Abia State, Nigeria.

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  • Story 2: Obsessed With Skinny

    Story 2: Obsessed With Skinny

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    “It’s easier said than done” didn’t occur to her when she had listed a couple of things she’d like to achieve before the year would end. Racheal would wake up in the morning each day of her life-switching characters. It was only because she let herself drown in her imagination. A session’s break, Racheal felt it in her she had to be a lot. I would know five languages, I’d be a programmer too and create a spell bee game and oh! oh! I’ll be a gymnast, oh no it’s too late I’m 16, then I’ll just be a flexible dancer. All these she had swimming in her head.

    Another day came, she had written all these things to note and made plans on how she’ll achieve them. She started immediately, waking every morning to exercises that would make her flexible enough to be a contemporary dancer. The first training was fun, the renaissance of when she was younger and aspirer to be a gymnast. She felt fulfilled The day kept riding, she went to her study was she sat and thought. It would be easier for her to start with French since she had a background.

    The urge to learn fast French and move on to Russian, Hindi, Swahili, and Japanese was at its peak. So she cluttered her plans with French studies so she could start a journey with another. The holiday seemed to be getting shorter for Rachel each day, days will pass by and she would be as exhausted as someone who had an assembly line job. She knew she was getting somewhere. All the tasks that Rachel was facing were invisible to her father. Rachel did want it that way, her father would ask her what she wanted to occupy her the holiday. She was glad to the heart whenever he asked, so she always said programming, computer programming. Her father agreed. A week before she had herself to program, she was touched and felt the need to include reading novels into her daily routine. So she did. The week came to start her programming lessons, ever since she’d wake up in the morning sober because of the days to come.

    A day was spent from bed to painful stretching, to house chores, learning French for at least an hour, reading a novel, sorting homework from lessons, going out to lessons, and coming back to sort problems she couldn’t handle during lessons. A month and a half had gone, she still wasn’t close to being picturesquely flexible. As per her dancing, she knew she just couldn’t. Why? She failed in a dance routine she felt was Margarita Mamun worthy. She had told her brother a few weeks back to cover the dance routine, when she watched it she felt irritated and saddened about the fact that her moves were cheap, too poor to match dancers who failed on TV. She imagined herself performing so beautifully but it dawned on her that however she tried, she couldn’t. She wasn’t willing to give up so easily, so she sought for a photoshoot of some moves instead of a video.

    This time she thought it will be Sofie Dossie worthy. The ones her brother shot demured, she didn’t like them. She saw how ugly she looked, and how taut she was in the photo as compared to many others who made flawlessly effortless moves and shot them. She cried. Her daily routine still went on the same, she was tired of the lessons. She couldn’t create her own code to solve a problem, all she did was memorize already created codes to solve them. A month was left for the holiday she realized she couldn’t. She felt it was inane, she wasted her father’s money and her time all because of her greediness for dreams. She gave up on the programming. It was time for French in her routine, she felt progress though one can call her learning progressively slow. After an hour she leaned on the couch to break, she hadn’t watched TV in some time. She scrolled through channels, then she saw one which all they displayed were models on runways with flashy weird looking clothes.

    The clothes didn’t intrigue her all that did was their bony eminences. She envied their frames immediately, that’s were her obsession submerged. She developed an anorexic habit. Three weeks before school, she decided to shoot by herself some moves. She edited them and felt pleased though it was bland. She thought so because they weren’t as rare. Everyone has seen someone split, it’s almost like all slim people can do it. But she was proud because in the future she could tell someone what she was able to do. After the shoot she removed the exercises from her routine, she felt relieved. Rachel sat in the study as it was another frustrating lesson, she had been sitting for hours trying to get a code. Brief suggestions of how to start making money caressed her thoughts.

    So she stopped her work for a while and thought of award money from excellent academic work. Money from there wasn’t certain, so she thought of being a writer. Days later she discovered screenwriting and started with a script ‘Do as I Died’. Her progress with the novels was evident, she was reading her third novel. Though she knew she didn’t read them anymore for fun but all to achieve reading three novels during the holiday. She was happy but it wasn’t fun for her anymore.

    Her goals weren’t fun anymore only stressful. Her love for a model’s body grew as well as for screenwriting though she had a blurry vision of how her first script would turn out. The screenwriting was moving on as she loved, she was glad and grateful to have a new passion. The discovery of a screenwriting competition made her jitter. She was optimistic about it, she wanted to meet deadlines too.

    She thought the entry was free. The holiday was over, back to school she was. Two months passed and she was almost done with the script, she finished two days before due time. She was happy and eager to submit. She went to the site to do so, only to discover the entry was not free. She had the money, but she would starve if she used it. It saddened her that if her script was worthy enough she would have starved herself, but she knew it wasn’t, it was her first. The editing wasn’t even to standard, she rushed to conclude the story. What pained her most was she knew the bragability of being a screenwriter so she flaunted what she hadn’t been.

    She decided to start all over, learn more. She wasn’t willing to let it go that’s when she realized how passionate she was about it. She was regaining herself, but she had not the idea of how she was losing her skinniness. When she left school for home, she knew. It didn’t mind her, body frames didn’t mind her. All she wanted to achieve at home now was to read because she hadn’t written her exams yet. Social media came to play in her life, minute influences from school too.

    On Instagram, she would see pretty skinned ladies with curvy bodies. All that came to her mind then was curves, curves, and curves. She desired a curvy body, every woman’s dream, she tried. A week of no progress discouraged her, she went back to skinny desires. When she resumed for school the following year, she made herself manage her body. She really loved to eat, she was watchful enough to maintain her weight but she couldn’t lose it. The outbreak of a virus made her return home before due time. Rachel became more obsessed with skinny. She promised herself the holiday to be skinny, not only that but to learn French, read as much as she could. It was no doubt her obsession with skinny was more. Her weight goal was forty-four kg, she reduced her meals.

    Exercises were added to her daily routine, her envy for skinny girls grew more. Whenever she ate she felt guilty, she avoided something she loved most, food. Rachel stalked models on Instagram and would envy their skinny bodies. She was so determined to be skinny but it was killing her. Sometimes she overate and her weight would be back to original. Whenever she starved she would feel so proud. All she now desired was skinny. One day she stepped on her scale, disappointment was all over her atmosphere. So she made her self a challenge, she gave herself seven days to be on forty four kg.

    She was ready to starve. On the first day of the challenge she fasted, when it was time to eat, she overate. Then it came to her that she wouldn’t lose weight. Everything was vanity piled with futility. Days came and went, days when she cried her self to sleep, days when she starved and her stomach would grumble in pain. Tears that streaked her face as she cried weren’t because she didn’t see change, but she hadn’t herself one achievement. So many dreams but not one came by to visit in reality.

    The seven-day challenge she tasked herself was over. She was too sad to realize she’d been starving. Every time she ate the food she congruently ate guilt. Guilt that she would gain weight. Her obsession was prime. She gave up. The challenge was over and she didn’t feel different. The body she saw in the mirror was a mirage, what she thought was what she saw. Rachel had got lean over the seven days, the bone skinny she was obsessed with was her but she had not known.

    Rachel’s body was now a sequitur of how she felt. One morning she mounted her scale, she was forty-three kg, at first she felt her eyes weren’t frank with her. She called her brother, he confirmed what she saw. She became idyllic, for once she felt she owned the world. Ever since then, she watched models without envy but it’s typical Rachel to develop obsessions. Only time would tell. One can say that a tiny bit of urges created for Rachel an unconscienced success story.

    Lesson learned:

    To have a success story means to have dreams, dreams are abstract. It’s up to one to realise them.

    About the Writer:

    Sola M.W. is a young Nigerian and an aspiring screenwriter.

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  • Story 4 – Could I Be To Blame?

    Story 4 – Could I Be To Blame?

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    I’ve been following up with a guy on social media for months without him noticing me. It was on a Wednesday, 20th April 2017 when he buzzed me. I was so surprised and eager to reply, so we got to talk and know each other better. We hooked up, not once, not twice. I liked this guy a lot, maybe because I never get the kind of attention he gave me.

    We often met at his friend’s house and most times I just can’t hold back my admiration for him. Most times I went home dripping in my pants, I’m not a fan of touching myself so I just sleep it off and wait to see him again. On the 6th of July 2017. He invited me over to his house. I got funny advice from my friend to learn to be seductive with my dressings, so I went with a short gown. I got to his apartment, he offered me a soft drink and meat pie. Then he sat close to me, touched my thigh, I turned and looked at him, he smiled at me and drew close to kiss me. It was deep and sensitive. I wanted more of that and as he pleased my envy, he became more touchy, and gave me a look ‘if it was cool with me’.

    I wanted more added to his touch. I left that day fulfilled, I had gotten what I wanted to. It always played back, he was so good. I turned it to an almost everyday thing. I meet him every time I had a chance to. I don’t know who thinks sex keeps a man, but it was what I thought, so I saw someone I like, I went for it. A couple of months went and I’d found out I’ve missed my period, I didn’t want to tell him so I kept it for a little longer.

    Three months went, I saw signs of pregnancy, it then dawned on me that I was pregnant. I had to tell him. I met him at the mall, even in this situation I was dripping once again in my panties. I told him after we talked about his business trips and all that. He looked me straight in the eyes and said: “Rose, I’m not ready for a child yet”. I know he’s not ready but what would do you have me do, I am four months gone. I couldn’t yell but I need us to talk. I’m just a student, soon enough my parents will find out. I expected more from him, but he said he’d see me the next day, and that was how we ended the conversation.

    Immediately he left, I called my friend, she agreed to meet up so I waited. It wasn’t long when Jessica got to the mall, I was in tears, she was someone I told everything. I wanted to get the burden of having a child. I knew someone who’d do it cheaply, so I had Jessica join me at the clinic. The doctor there told me it was difficult for a four-month-old, he added: “ If you want me to continue it will hurt a lot”.

    I signed up for an abortion for the first time in my life, Jessica was there with the comforting words so I was okay to do this. It wasn’t long, we were done. I was hurting a lot more than he explained it would. The pains were not just from the termination, my heart spoke in volumes. My body couldn’t carry a much greater burden. Nonetheless, I had Jessica see me home and tell my mum that I was suffering from menstrual cramps. I know you wonder how she believed. She trusts me a lot to not let her down. But I did the opposite.

    He called, the next day, I told him what I had done already, he was very angry. He went on to say he wanted to let his family know first and come back to meet mine, I screwed it all up. I should have just waited, but I didn’t, I moved too fast. I was foolish enough to continue seeing him, after all, that happened, this was a fresh year so I was thinking he’d ask me to be his girlfriend because we got a lot serious. One day, I visited unannounced, I don’t usually do this but I did because I thought we are in a relationship already. I knocked and waited for his response but he didn’t respond so I knocked a little harder before I heard keys jiggle from the other end, he opened the door and I noticed something.

    He was not happy to see me, he unlocked the door and I came in, I could hear a lady’s voice coming from his sitting room, could be his sister so I calmed myself. This lady sat on the other couch chewing gum, in my favorite polo of him. I said hi and sat down. He came in to introduce me as his friend to his girlfriend. I was dumbfounded, speechless. It was hard for me, it felt like I’ve wasted my life with him, only to find out he loves someone that is not me, you are allowed to feel my pain and anger. I left grieving, this was a lot more to bare, here I was thinking he was mine, with all the things we’ve done and gone through. I just vowed not to ever cross path with him again. He called a couple of times to apologize, he kept saying he wanted to tell me about her and all that, but I was thought she was better at it than me, that was why he didn’t choose me. Love is the true key to anyone. With all that had happened, I moved on this time trying to find a partner.

    I took ill on the 30th of January, 2020. I had pneumonia, but before that, I went for check-up and was advised by my doctor to go through a series of tests to know about my blood type. I came back to him with all results and the first question he asked me was if I’ve heard of the rhesus factor, it was something new to me. He went on to explain the Rhesus factor is an inherited protein found on the surface of red blood cells. If your blood has the protein, you’re Rh-positive. If your blood lacks the protein, you’re Rh-negative. Now he said I’m O negative and if at any point I get pregnant and give birth I’d have to take an injection called Anti-D administration to aid me to take in for the next child.

    This was too much for me to take in as he went on to explain if the baby turns negative then there is a chance but if the baby is positive it is advised to use the injections. I left his office with hate in my heart because I remembered my actions a few years back. I took twins out, who was I going to tell, I needed to talk to someone, I called him and told him everything, he was only apologetic, it was his fault. I had just ruined my future by my own hands, who do I start that family I’ve always dreamed about?

    He called once in a while to check on me. How do you do that when you clearly choose someone over me and still put me in a big mess. I stopped replying his messages, I was done with everything I had for him, I’ll just pick myself up and look forward, he was never for me, I just let myself ruin me and I have me to be blamed.

    This is a lesson I learned the hard way that I am to be blamed for the decisions I make. And to be responsible for my actions. As young adults, we should also know everything concerning our health including blood type. Don’t make drastic decisions that will hurt others.

    About the Writer:

    Onyekaba Chidimma Amarachi is a young Igbo girl, residing in Abia state, Nigeria. Also a student of Abia state university from the discipline of History and International Relations. She enjoys writing, going out, and making new friends.

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  • Story 3: The Journey To My Goal

    Story 3: The Journey To My Goal

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    Growing up we all had that big dream that we hope to achieve, feeling like nothing can go wrong. We all had ambitions and choices of occupation we wanted in the future. Some of us even had the schools we wanted to attend charted out, the age we would begin our dream job, the age we would love the get married, all of it well planned out. But sometimes life just has a different plan waiting for us.

    Story 3: The Journey To My Goal

    My name is Ejiogu Stella Mmesoma, I am a Nigerian of the Igbo origin. I had big plans and dream of becoming a great lawyer, I didn’t exactly have a reason except for the part that I love the profession and admired those who were successful in it. I was always told that to become a successful lawyer I had to be diligent in my studies. Luckily I was quite intelligent so I did my best to put in hard work in order to be the best.

    This rule worked smoothly from my kindergarten to my senior secondary. I was known as one of the best students in my grade. I graduated from high school in 2017 at the age of 15 although I was going to turn 16 by December. I wrote my WAEC and Jamb and came out with good results. All that was left .was to write and pass my Post UTME in the school I wished to attend, the University of Lagos, Nigeria.

    I registered for the Post UTME and prepared so hard for the exam, but after a while, I was informed that to qualify for the examination I should be at 16 years old by October. Unfortunately, my birthday was December and they refused to make any exceptions. I was disappointed and sad but I had no other choice but to apply for another school where I wrote my Post Utme and passed. But as life would have it, the cutoff marks for the courses were released and I didn’t qualify to study Law. I had hoped for another course but I wasn’t given any. This resulted in me waiting for another year.

    When it was time for the next Jamb and Post UTME, after seeking advice from friends and family I applied for law again but this time the school was located in the East, Abia state university, somewhere I never thought I would school. I passed my jamb and Post UTME and this time I reached the cutoff mark to study law. But when the list of students who were admitted came out, my name wasn’t there. At this point, I was in shock and pain and I wondered if this was where my dream would crash.

    Either way, I made a decision to buy the supplementary form and changed my course to history and international relations. This was a tough decision because I completely despised history, I had no idea if I would do well in this field but it was closer to achieve my goal of becoming an international lawyer, or so I thought. After I applied for the course, I was offered admission a week after.

    Surprisingly, I found the course intriguing despite the fact I didn’t like history. I told myself I would do well in this course in order to reach my goal. After my first year of studying the course, my results were excellent but I lost morale to be an International lawyer when I was told that I could not specialize in international law using the international relations degree but only a law degree. The new information completely broke me, so much that I almost gave up on the course in order to study law. But I was encouraged by my family to complete the course and then study law, so I would be privileged to have two degrees.

    The advice given to me was wonderful but I would never have thought I would spend nine years in school. Nevertheless, I knew that both courses had their benefits, so I took their advice and I’m currently working hard to complete my current course with a high CGP and then study law.

    Lesson learned

    My lesson from this experience is in line with the saying that “when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.” I learnt to make the best out of life and out of every experience . Life comes with challenges and once we take control of those challenges, it won’t be so scary anymore.

    Make the best out of life, it may have its challenges but we should learn to see the good in it.

    About the writer:

    Ejiogu Stella is an International Relations Bachelor’s Degree student at Abia State University, Nigeria.

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  • Story 1: Better Late Than Never (My Education Journey)

    Story 1: Better Late Than Never (My Education Journey)

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    2009 was a year filled with excitement and great expectation. I was about to write JAMB Entrance Examination (The Joint Admissions and Matriculations Board) so I could qualify and gain admission into the University. I was very prepared for the JAMB test, so when the time came, I scored 225. I was very excited because the cut off mark for the University I was interested in was 180/200.

    I traveled to the East for my Post UTME (Post Unified Tertiary Matriculation Examination). I wrote the examination and got admission into the University, to study Public Administration. With great enthusiasm, I started going for lectures and when the time came for our first-semester examination, I prepared myself and wrote the exams with confidence. The results came out the next semester and I couldn’t find mine, so after making inquiries I found out that my result didn’t come out because my registration number was the same with someone in my department. I went to the School Administration to verify and rectify the issue. After rectifying it, I thought it was over and moved on with my academics.

    How time flies, before I knew it, I had written my final exams and project in 2013, I was so excited. However, my excitement was short-lived, when I was invited to the School Examination Malpractice Board. To my greatest surprise, they told me I was involved in examination malpractice and was caught by the exam supervisor. So, while my mates were doing their clearance and registering for National Youth Service Corps (NYSC), I was busy going to the Examination Malpractice Board to face the panel, which took about 5 months.

    At the end of the interrogation and investigation conducted by the Examination Malpractice Panel, it was discovered that the culprit for the allegation was a student in the mature student program, however, the student was in the same department as me. So I was told to proceed with my clearance and NYSC registration, where I found out that I couldn’t go for the NYSC program because my registration number was the same with some in a different faculty. I was devastated and very frustrated, at that moment my whole world came crashing down.

    Questions like “have I wasted all these years for nothing”, “God why me”, “What do I do next”. So I called my Mum and told her everything, She instantly broke down in tears, I could tell she was in so much pain. I was not from a very rich family were going to school again was an easy feat, so imagine my pain and confusion. I shared my problem with some people, they told me that the problem is not a big deal and can be solved if I can pay three hundred thousand Naira. I told my Mum and She was willing to raise up the money to pay, but I refused because there was no guarantee that such an illegal act won’t fail or come back to hurt me.

    I traveled home to meet my parents, my Dad asked me what I wanted to do next. I told him that I want to go back to school, He then told me, He has other kids to train in school. I was not discouraged for my mind was made up. I called my Aunt and pleaded with her to give me a lifetime loan by paying for my school fees, then I made a deal with my Dad to take care of my house rent, while I take care of everything else. Just like that, I traveled to the Benin Republic to apply for admission to study International Relations at a private University. I didn’t want to undergo JAMB again or ASUU Strike, because I didn’t want any unnecessary delays. I started my lectures soon after my application process. The lecture hall was very uncomfortable for me, because I was one of the oldest in my class, there were many students as young as 16 years in my class. However, I was not discouraged, I made this choice, so I must see it through.

    Around 2016, I received an invitation from my former school in Nigeria that I should come and collect my statement of result. So, I traveled back to the east to get the result, then traveled back to the Benin Republic to complete my program. In the year 2017, I was done with my final exams and project. I came out with a 2.1 Upper-Class Division in International Relations and completed my NYSC program in November 2018. I now hold 2 Bachelor’s Degree.

    I am presently working as an Administrator in Federal Capital Territory Administration. The lesson to be learnt here is “Never give up”, “It is better late than never”.

    Lesson Learned

    “Never Give Up”, “Better Late Than Never”.

    About the writer:

    My name is Ejiogu Emmanuel Mario, I am from Imo State, Nigeria. I am a graduate of International Relations at ECOTES University. My goal in life is to be a diplomat, an ambassador, a philanthropist, and an entrepreneur. I am a sketch artist, I love art and music.

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  • 6 Key Lessons Fishing Has Taught Me in Business and in Life | Entrepreneur

    6 Key Lessons Fishing Has Taught Me in Business and in Life | Entrepreneur

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    Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.

    I’ve been fishing for as long as I can remember, and to this day, when I have some free time to myself or need to clear my head, I go out on the boat and settle in with my line. Growing up, I spent days out on the water with my father, making up some of my ultimate bonding experiences. Not only did it create a special memory for me and those who I shared the experience with, but it also helped shape me into the business leader I am today. You might ask, “How so?” Well, for starters, fishing requires patience, timing, skill, understanding and persistence; all of these are qualities you need as a business leader.

    Just like fishing, business is a numbers game. You have to cast and continue to cast if you hope to get lucky enough to catch a fish eventually. Ultimately, even the worst polecasters will catch a fish if they wait long enough. The same goes for business. To achieve success, you need to build up your resilience and ability to stay put because the overwhelming majority of the time, you won’t catch anything — but you must not let that defeat you.

    The secret to catching fish is having a constant eye out for change and being adaptable to that change. A return trip out to a favorite spot that once produced success is still no guarantee of another win. Nothing remains constant in nature, and you must continue taking risks and finding new strategies. Currents, temperature, tides and seasons are just some variables a fisherman must deal with. Only after these uncontrollable variables are accounted for do considerations of skill, equipment, patience and tenacity come into play.

    I’m the founder of a public relations firm that I started during the pandemic, and I know that fishing was one of the experiences that shaped the skills that allowed me to be tenacious enough to create the business I have today. Here are the five lessons fishing has taught me in business and in life:

    Related: 5 Things Entrepreneurs Can Learn From Fishermen

    1. Patience

    Sitting on a boat or the edge of the water, waiting for a bite, sometimes for endless hours, is a great opportunity to learn about patience and the time it takes to succeed. There is no such thing as fast-forwarding to success.

    In fishing and business alike, patience is vital because success does not come overnight. It takes time to build a successful business, and setbacks and failures are part of the journey.

    Leaders who are patient can navigate the ups and downs of business more effectively. They understand that it takes time to build a great team, develop new products or services and establish a brand reputation. Patient leaders do not make rash decisions based on short-term results; rather, they take a long-term view and focus on sustainable growth and development.

    Moreover, patient leaders are more likely to cultivate positive relationships with their employees, customers and partners. They understand that building trust and rapport takes time and consistent effort. They are also more equipped to stop themselves from any impulsive reactions or responses. As a result, they are willing to invest time and resources in nurturing relationships and building a culture of mutual respect and appreciation. In turn, this creates a more loyal and dedicated team that is committed to achieving shared goals and objectives.

    Overall, patience is a critical quality for success in fishing and business leadership. By being patient, leaders can weather storms, build sustainable relationships and achieve long-term success.

    2. Learning to enjoy activities as we do them, as enjoyment should be found in the activity itself, not the end result

    We, as a society, tend to put a lot of emphasis on making it to the finish line. But in fishing and business alike, the point is not always about the productive result. Sometimes in fishing, you work hard to go out to sea with all the right equipment and bait, but the fish just won’t bite — and you end up coming home empty-handed.

    This also happens in business; you’ll put hours of work into a project or presentation to a client, but just because you put in the work doesn’t mean you’ll get success every time. This is part of business and a natural part of life. It’s important to learn to enjoy the process. Find the joy in doing the research and the work, and you’ll begin to take a more mindful and enjoyable approach as well as continue to hone in on your craft.

    3. Just because you have some nibbles, doesn’t mean you’re going to land the fish

    As I stated before, it takes time and patience to establish something worthwhile and so it is with fishing. Just because you feel a little nibble here and there doesn’t mean you’re going to land that big client right out of the gate. However, it does mean you are on the right track. If you never put your reel in, you will never catch anything. Like in business, the worst answer isn’t “no” — it’s never trying in the first place.

    Related: Why Patience And Perseverance Are Two Of the Greatest Virtues

    4. When you feel like you’re losing everything, the only mistake you can make is to not have your line in the water

    In the times between the low tides in both fishing and life, you must not wallow in self-pity or loss. Instead, you must get your line and your mind in the water. Many people believe that they’re least likely to catch a fish during the times when the tide is low, but in contrast, that is actually the time when it’s stirring up the possibility of a good catch. Much like the act of fishing, in life, you must try new things and be fully alive, waking up each day to live your life to the fullest potential.

    5. Many of us do things with expectations; fishing teaches you not to

    In fishing, as in life, having unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment and frustration. For example, if a fisherman expects to catch a large fish every time they cast their line, they will likely be disappointed when this doesn’t happen. Similarly, in business, having unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment and frustration, which can negatively impact morale and productivity.

    Having expectations can create a rigid mindset that can be limiting and prevent leaders from seeing opportunities or being flexible in their approach. When leaders have preconceived expectations of how things should be, they may miss out on innovative ideas or creative solutions that could drive their business forward.

    6. The ocean teaches us a deep lesson about life

    The ocean provides us with great nourishment and beauty, but it also can cause us to experience immense pain. Just think about what happens to the sea when a storm looms above.

    That’s kind of how it is in the business world, too; it can be great and provide the livelihood we need, but it can also turn our lives absolutely upside down by creating excess stress and chaos.

    Many of us are stressed out. Stress in the workplace is a global issue that affects workers around the world. According to the American Institute of Stress, work is one of the top sources of stress for American adults. In 2022, 83% of U.S. workers reported experiencing work-related stress.

    The ocean provides us with a source of tranquility once we understand its nature as a provider and as a destroyer — as with the business world — we can find the balance needed to achieve.

    Related: I Couldn’t Sleep. I Obsessed Over My Failures. Then I Found the Weirdest Cure — Flyfishing?

    As you can see, fishing can be so much more than just a pastime. It can be the very activity you need to hone in on to create your biggest business goals. Fishing or similar activities are critical for a leader to experience because there is also value in having time when you are not connected and not reachable. It’s similar to being a plane with no WiFi. That’s when you can do critical thinking and give your brain a moment to recalibrate — “woosah,” as we say. If you are always on and reachable, you miss out on important “you time” that makes you a better and more collected leader.

    True success takes time and trust in the process. So, grab some bait, line, and contemplate your next business venture!

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    Mary Elkordy

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  • A Billionaire Stiffed Me $30K — Here’s What I Learned from the Experience | Entrepreneur

    A Billionaire Stiffed Me $30K — Here’s What I Learned from the Experience | Entrepreneur

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    Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.

    A billionaire stiffed me out of $30,000.

    Yes, you read that correctly! He paid me initially for some of my work — but refused to pay the remaining $30,000. Now, $30,000 is potentially a significant amount of money and may even represent several months or even years of income for some. However, to a billionaire, $30,000 is a relatively small sum and may not even make a noticeable difference in their wealth. It is like comparing a small pebble to a large mountain.

    Now, you might be thinking, “How could this happen, AJ? Why would a billionaire care about $30,000?”

    Those are both great questions. However, you’ll soon see that we both learned major lessons in this process. And what many would see as potentially devastating — I’ve found to be invaluable. I mean, I lost $30,000 (my lawyer hates that I’m telling you this), so, it’s still a tough pill to swallow.

    In this article, I’m going to share the lessons I learned from this experience in hopes that it will help you in business, too.

    Related: I Was Ripped Off by Someone I Thought Was a Friend. Here’s What I Learned.

    Who wants to be a billionaire?

    Now, a billionaire is totally different from a millionaire. You may have seen those graphics that show you the difference. It’s major.

    There are only 3,331 billionaires on earth out of 7 billion people. I want to explain that just in case you don’t understand this concept. I don’t mean that in a negative way. It’s just that in reality, it’s extremely hard to comprehend that.

    That means — if you measure people accordingly by net worth — “billionaire status” means you represent 0.00003% of the world’s population. That is a very specific number for an important reason.

    Let’s be honest: Most people do not understand what it means to actually be a billionaire. Being a billionaire is exactly as amazing as it sounds.

    What do you think of first when you picture a billionaire? It’s probably things like sick houses that could fit entire neighborhoods inside, a giant yacht off the coast of Monaco, beautiful people everywhere like you’re in your own music video and a dreamy aesthetic that fills each moment of your day.

    And you would be right.

    We were flown out to the home of the billionaire who stiffed me. It was epic. His guest house alone is worth $10 million — which is more than what 95% of millionaires can afford. It looks like something out of Architectural Digest, including custom cabinets in a palatial bathroom, a beautiful covered veranda and spectacular water views.

    While he owed me $30,000, he spent more than that on soft goods. He spared no expense on things like towels, napkins and bed sheets — everything had to be of the highest quality. That, and it also had to be of a high thread count!

    I was told that what he purchased the main house for — in one of the most expensive areas in the United States — was the most ever paid for a home in that state! The price tag: $60 million.

    The 295-acre property wasn’t even on the market at the time. So, he did what any billionaire with money to burn would do: He paid over two times the property’s assessed value. Not to be outdone by the guest house, the main home features 5 baths and 3 bedrooms and comes in at 7,400 square feet!

    Clearly, this man had no shortage of money. Now that I’ve given you some insight into the person who stiffed me, let me share a little bit about myself, too.

    I’m a guru maker

    I run a pretty hot boutique social media content creation agency in Los Angeles called The Limitless Company. I study entrepreneurs, I am an entrepreneur, and I work with world-class entrepreneurs. Basically, I’m a guru maker — and I create content for thought leaders. I’ve worked with the top 1% of individuals to grow their digital brand business.

    How?

    I get them famous for the stuff they are really, really good at. Then, I use that fame (or attention) and turn that into money, book deals, sponsorships and more.

    I call it ROAC: Return On Attention Created.

    We create short-form vertical video content for our clients and help them get engagement on social media. But it’s not just video clips. We help our clients build really cool and culturally relevant digital brands — brands that have the power to influence consumers with the content to drive commercial activity.

    Over my 15-year career in digital marketing, I’ve helped my clients generate tens of millions of dollars through physical products, digital products, brand deals, joint ventures and more. Currently, with the handful of clients that we’re working with now, we’re reaching millions of people every month. And all that attention we help our clients create gets monetized.

    Bottom line: I film people who are masters of their domain. But, no, not in the Seinfeld sense. It’s more like someone who is creating their reality — someone who is already a force of nature.

    I come in to help them cement their personal brand as a “GURU” in their industry. I do this for television stars, business moguls, tech founders and high-profile individuals.

    They go from being a leader in their industry to being a leader for their industry.

    Related: 3 Business Lessons You Don’t Want to Learn the Hard Way

    I learned a valuable lesson in the process — and so did the billionaire (maybe)

    We were hired to help this person produce short-form vertical video content. I spent time educating his team on the value of short-form vertical video. I explained that it’s about connecting with modern culture.

    If you want to be a successful U.S. company, I told them, you need to be connected with U.S. culture (and pay your bills). Social media cultures represent real life in many ways. It’s the lens people see through first — when they perceive reality. I tried to convey to them how important it was to get this right in context.

    But unfortunately, he got in his own way. We gave his team the videos. They had an overseas team review it and were confused as to why we didn’t incorporate logos, intros and outros all over the video. While these were previously known as “best practices,” these are not the kinds of features on a video that drive attention on social media. All these features take up valuable time, disrupt the flow, decrease engagement and make the video appear less authentic on the platform.

    I also want to mention that even before signing the contract, we allocated resources and time to the project. But that didn’t matter to him or his integrity. Because you see, when you reach that kind of level, you technically don’t have to care about anything.

    A major lesson for him and all billionaires: Just because they had that one unicorn grand slam, doesn’t mean it will repeat. This new company was different from what had made him a billionaire. Clearly, billionaires fail too — and this was very much that. Further, for me to see a billionaire try to navigate a company and industry they weren’t familiar with made me realize how much power I have. It made me see the true value of digital world skills.

    The story of the billionaire is a classic example of how things can go wrong even at the highest level. But like I said at the beginning, to a billionaire, $30,000 may not be a significant sum. It’s like a drop in the bucket to them. So, it takes a special person to be so stubborn.

    Afterward, I discovered that this particular billionaire had a reputation for not paying his bills. Even when I signed the contract with him at first, I thought to myself, “I won’t have an issue getting this money.”

    Normally, I collect upfront. However, this contract was written by his company, and for the sake of their convenience, I just moved forward with it. Big mistake. In the end, we both had valuable takeaways from the experience. I’m probably the only one who did anything about it though.

    Victim or creator? Which one are you?

    Now, this wasn’t the first time I was “screwed.” I am no longer the same person I used to be — a victim.

    I realized that there are two types of people in life. There are people who are “victims” — they idly sit back and watch life happening to them. And the other group is “creators.” These are people who see life happening for them. They are the cause. They believe that life happens for them — to create.

    The fundamental difference between the victim mindset and the creator mindset is where they place their attention. For victims, the focus is on what they don’t want. Problems constantly preoccupy their lives, and they fear the loss of control or loss of purpose.

    Creators place their focus on what they do want. Instead of focusing on problems, they find (or even create) solutions. So, when this billionaire guy stiffed me, instead of defaulting into a victim, I chose to use this as a lesson. And I carry this lesson into Limitless. I help people do a very specific thing: create a “guru” brand. This is a “vehicle” that fast-tracks their career.

    So, just like how any vehicle needs to go to a gas station and pay for gas up front, that’s how I set up my company’s services. I’m fueling their brand in the digital world the same way gas powers a vehicle in the physical world.

    Related: 8 Ways You Can Save Yourself and Others From Being Scammed

    Use this as a lesson for your own success

    There are three key things I want you to take away from my experience. First, you need to value your time as a creator. Get paid upfront for the work you do. Don’t be a victim of your — or someone else’s — circumstances.

    Secondly, never let your own success be your downfall. Get out of your own way. As a guru in any field, you have a great responsibility for yourself, your team and your audience. Take it seriously.

    Third, digital world skills have become so valuable that everyone, regardless of their socio-economic status, needs them. So, get really good at it.

    Remember: To be exceptional, you have to be an exception. As you create and build your brand, share that greatness with your customers.

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    AJ Kumar

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  • 8 Life Lessons I Wish I’d Known Sooner

    8 Life Lessons I Wish I’d Known Sooner

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    Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.

    Now that I’m in my 40s, I look back at my younger self and recognize how much unnecessary suffering I created for myself by not knowing these eight simple truths. I learned these life lessons the hard way. Discovering them transformed my entire existence. Today, I share them with you.

    1. Our power in life comes from focusing on what we can control, not what we can’t

    In life, unfortunate things happen. When they do, it can be easy or tempting to become reactive and focus on what isn’t going well. Many of us spend far too much time whining, complaining or venting about things we simply can’t control: weather, traffic, other people’s behavior, the past. Focusing on circumstances or things that are happening to us is far less effective than focusing on how we can respond to those things and what we can do about them. Avoid drama. Keep your focus on yourself and what more you can do, and you’ll almost always find a find to improve things.

    Related: Life Lessons: When You Hurt The Most, You Grow The Most

    2. Fear is only in our minds

    Fear is a product of our imagination. Usually, when we experience fear, we’re worried about something that may (or may not) happen in the future. Our power lies in focusing on our present reality. Fear tends to inhibit action, but action can overcome fear. So, one of the best ways to overcome fear (of anything) is to simply get into motion and take action. Don’t focus on the stories you tell yourself. Get out and do something about the things you’re nervous or anxious about.

    3. Failure is not the opposite of success — it’s part of it

    Most of us hate making mistakes or failing at anything. But making mistakes and failing is a huge part of our learning and growth process. When we err but take the time to find meaningful learning, our mistakes help us better ourselves and improve. They help us level up. Our mistakes are only failures if we choose to view them as failures. Winston Churchill said it best: “Success is going from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiasm or energy.” That couldn’t be more true. It’s not how we fall, but how we pick ourselves back up that really matters. Find the learning, apply it and move on with love and compassion for yourself.

    4. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable

    When we’re uncomfortable, it often means that we’re challenging ourselves, stretching ourselves and trying something new. That’s how we grow! So, feeling uncomfortable is usually a sign that you’re making progress and evolving. Getting used to that feeling can help us do it more often and with less resistance. The best way to get comfortable with being uncomfortable is to practice it. Instead of shying away from discomfort, make the choice to lean into it. Look for ways to make yourself uncomfortable; seek those out and know how helpful they will be for you and your development.

    Related: 6 Things I’d Tell My 20-Year-Old Entrepreneur Self

    5. Find ways to not take offense to things

    Many of us go through life almost looking for reasons to be offended. This comes from our ego’s desire to protect ourselves and our beliefs. Our minds can play tricks on us and convince us that we’re “right” when we’re not. When we don’t like what we’re hearing or experiencing, it’s important to slow down and take the time to listen. Most miscommunications can be solved by simply seeking to understand others and alternative viewpoints or perspectives. Instead of judging people or things dissimilar to yourself, put acceptance there instead. Value differences. Having the strength to never take anything personally is essentially a superpower.

    6. Growth requires change

    A lot of us want to grow as people, but many of us are not willing to go through change to make it happen. That’s not how growth works. If we want what we’ve never had before, we must be willing to do things we’ve never done before. Muscles grow by repeatedly putting stress and tension on them; then letting them recover before doing it again. It’s the same with mental and emotional growth. If you’re not ever feeling any kind of tension or stress, then you’re probably not growing. Don’t just embrace change or be open to it, but actively seek it out.

    7. Focusing on what you love and are passionate about will lead to great happiness

    Too many of us do things out of obligation (we feel we ought to) or fear (we feel we must). Real success happens when we do things out of love or desire (we want to). When we engage with jobs, activities or people we truly love, it rarely feels like work. Seeking out things we are passionate about helps us feel more intrinsic motivation and that keeps us going through tough or challenging times. This is when we are most aligned with ourselves, and it feels good to be congruent with ourselves. That leads to joy and fulfillment with whatever we’re doing. It’s hard not be successful when you feel joy and fulfillment.

    Related: The 10 Best Life and Business Lessons I’ve Learned So Far

    8. Yesterday is heavy — put it down

    All too many of us are focused on the past, or what happened last month or last year. The past is written; set in stone. It cannot be changed. Focusing on it too much can be dangerous because it’s not within our circle of control. A former boss of mine used to say, “The past is interesting but nothing more.” The past can guide and instruct us, but it doesn’t determine our future or define us. Focusing on it too much takes us out of the present moment or our ability to plan for the future.

    Until I learned these lessons, my life was filled with unnecessary disappointments or frustrations. Underneath all these lessons is a simple concept: Nearly everything in life is a choice we make. As I began to choose better, my days filled up with far more joy. Try it.

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    Amy M Chambers

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  • I’m 44 And Only Have Months To Live. Here’s What I Want My Kids To Know About Life.

    I’m 44 And Only Have Months To Live. Here’s What I Want My Kids To Know About Life.

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    I have months to live, perhaps two, perhaps some other number, the doctors won’t tell me. They can’t. They do not know. Instead, they talk about “response to treatment,” clinical trials, science with an aperture of hope.

    Some days hope feels puerile and unproductive, unmatched by the reality of this brain tumor, which formed in my left parietal lobe, expanded to my cerebellum, and is currently spreading down my spine. It is a base and primal thing, unaware, or unconcerned, that it is draining my capacity to remember names and places, follow recipes, descend an unrailed staircase, walk in a straight line ― that it will kill me.

    Forty-four feels horribly young for a terminal diagnosis in an otherwise healthy, active body, and for glioblastoma, in particular, the cancer of Ted Kennedy and John McCain, old men in the sunset of life. It has been a long time since I have been considered young in a medical capacity ― me of the “geriatric” pregnancies. But here I am, young and old, losing my life minute by minute and my memory even faster.

    In many ways, over many years, I have trained myself to forget the present as it occurs, or not let it register in the first place. This began in fifth grade ― the year my dad departed under the guise of temporary separation, taking the necessary steps to launch his academic career in California.

    My brothers, sister and I slowly woke to the fact that we would never again all live under the same roof. We stayed put in Ithaca, the place my dad had uprooted us to in pursuit of that critical, door-opening, life-altering Ph.D. With the pursuit over, the objective achieved, he was off and I was stranded in the same split-level house we had helped scrub the pet stench from three years earlier. “Don’t worry, this is temporary,” my dad had promised 7-year-old me. For him, yes, but I lived there until the summer before I left for college.

    I learned to live outside my body ― or perhaps deep within it ― willing myself inaccessible, unmoved. The summer before high school, I lived with my dad. Left to my own devices, I explored the woods and set off on runs along busy roads. Ordering my head steady, my eyes dry, I pretended not to wince at the catcalls or startle at the car horns from men who tried to get my attention.

    I cultivated detachment as a skill ― a shield against pain, discomfort, exposure ― muting even the sound of my own name yelled down a hallway. “I called to you after fifth period, but you didn’t even look up,” my sister exclaimed. I had no recollection of it. I was pulled too tightly into myself, closed off, shut down, unable to decipher what exactly the world thought I offered and to whom.

    “I cultivated detachment as a skill ― a shield against pain, discomfort, exposure ― muting even the sound of my own name yelled down a hallway.”

    This separation continued, driven by habit, not desire. I remember stumbling upon a late-night study group on a Saturday night in college. Surprised by the interruption but unconcerned, their focus already extended deep and wide as they raised new questions, consulted additional texts, rubbed their temples, shrugged, laughed. I remember wishing I could stay there with them and just listen to what they said in the night. Instead, I lurched back outside, toward the noise, the sticky floors and plastic cups of fraternity basements, the sense that I was a walking shadow, putting one foot in front of the other without desire or destination.

    I spent another decade feeling divided and incomplete within myself without making any significant changes to remedy that. In my early 30s, I moved to Florida to run an office transition, despite wanting to stay in New York and change careers. Isolated and adrift, I played the part of competent manager during the day, while at night I lay awake wondering how I had gotten so off track. I drank to excess and was pulled over for erratic driving. I thought this would undo me; instead, it forced me to confront and rebuild.

    I joined women’s groups and built critical friendships. I learned to tell the truth about who I am and what I need. I switched jobs, then careers. I stopped believing there was something fundamentally broken inside me that could not be fixed.

    I settled in Brooklyn. I married the man I had fallen in love with years earlier when celebrating my 25th birthday at an Irish pub in Manhattan. I learned to give honest answers to essential questions, such as, “How are you?” “What are you thinking?” “How can I help?” I gave birth to two children who fill my life with joy and love I never let myself hope to have. We built a family.

    And then, last December, I lost the ability to write. I showed my husband my spelling errors and nonsensical scribble on our holiday cards. “I don’t know what’s happening to me,” I sobbed. The next day in the ER, we learned I had a mass in my brain. It took another two months to learn the diagnosis of glioblastoma; longer still to understand just how powerful and unrelenting these tumors are ― mine no exception. Suddenly, this body that once ran marathons and traveled the world could no longer be trusted to carry my daughter into school in the morning or up the stairs to bed.

    Now, we are told I may have just months to live. It is devastating in so many ways. There are so many things I still want to do ― hike Mount Kilimanjaro, speak fluent French; so many things I thought I would be ― a novelist, a grandmother. So many of life’s moments ― First Communions, sleepaway camps, travels abroad ― I thought I’d prepare my children for and help usher them through. But I can’t. Not with any certainty.

    Yet, I accept the terms because it means I get to be here with them ― my beautiful family ― a little bit longer. I get to be with them in the world. I get to be alive in the world.

    And that is what I have finally internalized ― the incredible gift of this life’s journey, and the ability to be fully present within it, living, loving, hurting, grieving, discovering. Being. Because even though life can be hard and cruel and painful, it is still incredible. And we get to experience it. We get to live it. We get to be in the middle of it. Yes, it often takes something profoundly difficult, something life-altering, to see this clearly, but what a thing to see and to know for sure.

    “Even though life can be hard and cruel and painful, it is still incredible. And we get to experience it. We get to live it. We get to be in the middle of it.”

    I will continue to wish for the nearly impossible ― a cure, a breakthrough, a decade ― but plan for and prepare my children for the increasingly inevitable ― the loss of me. I will live with an eye toward what is next ― for them, for all of us ― and ensure I embody the lessons I hope they will carry within them.

    What I hope for them ― what I wish to convey to them and want anyone reading this to consider ― is this: cultivate the courage and ability to be fully present in your life, the joy and the pain. Let the hurt and disappointment ― even rage ― of my decline and death and all of life’s heartbreaks and struggles strengthen you and open you up, rather than shut you down. Gravitate toward connection over isolation. Find those lit rooms of earnest conversation in the night. Explore your evolving truths about who you are and what you want and what you need. Don’t let decades pass only to realize you haven’t been fully present and you don’t remember who you have touched or loved. Look up when someone calls your name.

    Elizabeth King is a mom and former educator living with glioblastoma.

    Do you have a compelling personal story you’d like to see published on HuffPost? Find out what we’re looking for here and send us a pitch.

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  • Transforming Failure Into Success: 5 Lessons Learned From Rock Bottom

    Transforming Failure Into Success: 5 Lessons Learned From Rock Bottom

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    Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.

    A decade ago, I ran a business that spiraled out of control. The company’s investors were people close to me, and they got badly burned. Even though many people contributed to the company’s demise, as the company’s leader, I was found responsible (something I accepted). It was the lowest point in my professional life.

    Like many entrepreneurs, I now realize that failure is often a necessary predecessor to success. Of course, I wish things had gone differently, but I now see the mistakes I made and have embraced the gift of learning from my errors.

    At the time, I looked past the company’s visible shortcomings, believing I could fix them. But, there are certain truisms about running an organization that hold firm. Things that — no matter how talented or hard-working you are — cannot be fixed. These truisms seem simple, but they are difficult to adhere to, especially if you believe that most people are well-intentioned.

    I lost relationships, suffered bankruptcy and weathered a nasty lawsuit along my journey. I also gained humility, self-understanding and a reclamation of my values. Painfully discovered, here are five learnings that can help you avoid failure and achieve entrepreneurial success.

    Related: 5 Survival Tips for Entrepreneurs Hitting Rock Bottom

    Deal in reality

    Are your decisions guided by reality? Do you act on red flags (or ignore them)? How thick are your rose-colored glasses?

    Embracing reality is one of the most determinative skills of a business leader. The facts may not be ideal. Hope can be comforting. Dreaming can be exciting. However, reality exists in the present. And that’s where you are, like it or not.

    Reality is transformative. It enables the formulation of solutions. The ability to admit something or someone is not working out and deal with it decisively is true leadership.

    Dealing in reality also requires an honest assessment of one’s talents. Choosing the appropriate lane is not just about what one likes to do. Superior leaders know themselves and focus on what they do well. They choose a lane and stay in it. Similarly, they empower and guide others to stay focused on what they do well.

    Organizations suffer when the CFO wants to do branding, or the general counsel wants to do PR. Particularly in startups where people are praised for “wearing many hats,” this lack of awareness promotes mediocrity and often fails.

    Moreover, not everything broken can be fixed; it doesn’t matter how much effort is exerted. The same can be said for people; sometimes, individuals are uncoachable and must be let go.

    Being a fixer can be noble and impactful, but the best fixers recognize that some problems don’t have a happy ending. They know when they have reached a point of diminishing returns.

    Trust, like anything else of value, requires careful maintenance

    What makes someone trustworthy? Would you personally vouch for them? If not, why not?

    Because trust is earned, it can be lost in an instant. Once lost, it can be difficult (if not impossible) to recover. Trust is the basis for lasting relationships, and its ephemeral nature takes work to maintain.

    Trust does not flow from a great pitch, investment check or impressive pedigree. Trust arises from honest human discourse. It builds or erodes over time. No matter how you slice it, business is about people. If you want people to believe in your business, they need to trust you as an individual.

    Because people’s trust in you needs to transcend your professional abilities, you must stay true to yourself no matter the context. Your integrity depends on it.

    Related: How I Know Who to Trust in Business

    Listen to your inner voice

    Is something or someone rubbing you the wrong way? Does something you’re being told feel wrong?

    Not every decision can be made based on data or game theory. Some require intuition. Listen to your inner voice. What is it telling you about a particular decision? Don’t cram down those feelings; explore them. Build a trusting relationship with yourself. If an action concerns you, trust that your apprehension has some validity and examine it.

    Questioning your internal reactions and attuning to your internal warning system will make you a better leader.

    Transparency is key to effective leadership, so make a habit of over-communicating

    Do you share good and bad news? Is everyone being kept in the loop?

    It’s counterintuitive, but bad news can create good outcomes. Communicating with others about bumps and pitfalls, aspirations and accomplishments, opportunities and successes builds trust and rallies the team around a common purpose. Great leaders share bad news — the product failed, we missed our target, we hired poorly, or I made a mistake. They appreciate that knowledge is a power that’s best shared.

    Alignment requires transparency. To be on the same page, direction and purpose need to be shared with all. Moreover, quality leaders appreciate that some people are personally dedicated to an organization’s vision. In contrast, others may be narrowly focused on how a job benefits them, and that’s okay. But, assuming someone’s alignment can be a disaster. Instead, ask questions and communicate openly.

    Own your actions

    Did you do something wrong? Did you forget to do something important? Did you delegate something to the inappropriate person?

    If you’ve done any of these things (we all have) — take corrective steps immediately.

    Gravity, in the metaphorical sense, does not exist in companies. Responsibility actually rolls uphill. Consequently, strong leaders are accountable for their actions and the actions of those around them. Effective leaders are accountable when their team members fail to perform.

    That being said, only you can control you. No one else gets to tell you how to live your life. No one else gets to decide what has meaning to you. Investors and stakeholders may inform your decisions, but their opinions shouldn’t be a substitute for your own knowledge or values.

    Strong leaders know what and whom they value. They bring this knowledge to every decision they make.

    Related: 4 Steps to Reinventing Yourself After Hitting Rock Bottom

    Next steps

    I’m now on a journey without a final destination. What’s clear is that continuous learning is imperative for growth, healing and improvement. I am better today because of the difficult road I’ve traveled. I am now only focusing on what I’m especially good at–business development, strategy and relationship-building guided by empathy, humility and the personal values I’ve promised myself never again to betray.

    Walking your talk is important. That’s why I’ve chosen to start publicly speaking about my mistakes and owning them. On the journey to becoming a better leader, I’ve realized the importance of knowing your purpose and living it daily.

    Don’t repeat my mistakes. Know that you are your own north star; trust your instincts, live your values and stay firmly grounded in the present moment.

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    Seth Weiss

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  • Are You Happy? Or Distracted?

    Are You Happy? Or Distracted?

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    ‘The Four Pearls and the Four Squirrels’ Shows How to Find Happiness, Avoid Distractions

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