Tag: Keren Kanyago

7 Prayers for a Bride on Her Wedding Day

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As a bride, your wedding day is one of the most memorable days of your life. This is the day you get hitched to the most amazing guy on God’s green earth. It’s also the day you give singlehood the boot, trudging a path of no return. Understandably, you may be swirling in a mix of emotions that day. You may be ecstatic on the one hand yet jittery on the other. Not forgetting that all eyes will be on you. Lots of friends and family will be shifting in their seats just to catch a glimpse of you.

As the bride takes in the fanfare, glitz, excitement, and anxiety on her big day, what can those close to her do to help her sail through the day and, better still, to fortify her marriage? We are glad you asked – you can pray for her. Praying for a bride on her wedding day helps calm her down, perks up her confidence, and lets her put things into perspective. Even though she may be too rattled to listen intently to the prayers made that day, we are willing to bet that she will watch her wedding video not too long after the wedding. Here are seven prayers for a bride on her wedding day.

1. Pray That She Will Build Her Marriage on the Rock

“Therefore whoever hears these sayings of mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock.” (Mathew 7:24)

Dear Lord, we pray that you will enable (the bride’s name) to build her marriage on the rock and not on sand. We pray that she will be not only a hearer of your Word but also a doer. Your Word asks her to love, respect, forgive, submit to and honor her husband. We pray that you may enable her to heed all the instructions in your Word where her marriage is concerned.

We pray that she will be a wise woman who builds her house with her own hands and does not tear it down. We pray that she will be able to weather all the challenges that she may face in her marriage. We pray that her marriage will withstand all challenges to the glory of your name.

2. Pray That She Will Experience Great Joy in Her Marriage

“The blessing of the Lord makes one rich, and He adds no sorrow with it.” (Proverbs 10:22)

“The voice of rejoicing and salvation is in the tents of the righteous, the right hand of the Lord does valiantly.” (Psalm 118:15)

Dear Lord, we thank you for blessing (the bride’s name) with a spouse. We pray that her marriage will be a fountain of joy and not sorrow. Your Word tells us that two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor. We pray that you will usher her into a new level of joy and happiness as she savors life with her husband. We pray that you may give her wisdom to ward off the things/people that may try to sabotage her joy in marriage.

We pray that her home will be filled with laughter and rejoicing to the glory of your name.

3. Pray That She Will be Clothed With Strength and Honor

“Strength and honor are her clothing, she shall rejoice in time to come” (Proverbs 31:25).

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13)

Dear Lord, we pray that you may endow (the bride’s name) with the strength to tackle all the responsibilities that lie ahead of her in this new phase of life. We pray that your strength will be made perfect in her weaknesses. We pray that she will be diligent in her work. We also pray that you will enable her to honor you in everything she does. We pray that whatever her hand finds to do, she will do it with all her might. Help her to do her work heartily, not unto men but unto you. May her work bring glory and honor to your name.

4. Pray That She Will Keep Her First Love

“Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love.” (Revelation 2:4)

“Now these are the ones sown among thorns; they are the ones who hear the word, and the cares of this world, the deceitfulness of riches, and the desires for other things entering in choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful.” (Mark 4:18-19)

Dear Lord, we pray that as (the bride’s name) steps into this new phase of her life, she will not forsake her love for you. We pray that she will seek your kingdom first and its righteousness so that all the other aspects of her life can be aligned. We pray that she will not forsake prayer, studying your Word, and fellowship with other believers. We pray that she will not allow the busyness of marriage to sabotage her fellowship with you.

We also pray that she will not forsake her first love towards her husband. We pray that she will not allow familiarity and sluggishness to creep into her marriage. May she continually tend to her marriage and seek to serve and honor her husband to the glory of your name.

5. Pray That She Will be a Blessing to Her Husband

“She does him good and not evil, all the days of her life.” (Proverbs 31:12)

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.” (Proverbs 18:22)

Dear Lord, we pray that (the bride’s name) will seek to be a blessing to her husband all the days of her life. Grant her strength to extend kindness to him even when she feels he doesn’t deserve it. Help her find delight in loving, serving, encouraging, and praying for him. May she seek to fulfill his needs and support his dreams. Your Word tells us that we were created for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. May (the bride’s name) identify all the good works that you have ordained for her in her marriage, and may she execute them to the glory of your name.

6. Pray That She Will Willingly Forgive Her Husband

“And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.” (Mark 11:25-26)

Dear Lord, we acknowledge that marriage is the most intimate relationship, and that’s where offense easily takes root. We know that sometimes (the bride’s name) will feel aggrieved by her husband’s words or actions. We pray that you may give her the strength and grace to forgive her husband in such times. We pray that you may remind her of the need to extend mercy to him just as she has received mercy from you. Your Word asks us not to allow any root of bitterness to spring up among us, causing trouble and defiling many. We pray that she will be quick to forgive, to the glory of your name.

7. Pray That She Will Submit to Her Husband

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.” (Ephesians 5:22-23).

Dear Lord, we pray that you will grant (the bride’s name) the grace to submit to her husband. We pray that you will enable her husband to love her sacrificially as Christ loved the church so that submission for her will not be a burden but a delight. Help her respect, serve, love, and honor her husband for the glory of your name.

Photo credit: ©Unsplash/David Thomaz

Keren Kanyago is a freelance writer and blogger at Parenting Spring. As a wife and mom, she uses her blog to weigh in on pertinent issues around parenting, marriage, and the Christian Faith. She holds a degree in mass communication with a specialty in print media. Follow her on Facebook and Instagram and/or shoot her an email at kerenkanyago@gmail.com.

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June 12, 2024
When Spouses Can’t Agree on a Church

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As a teenager in my local church, my stomach would churn every time I spotted a certain lady coming to church without her husband. She was wedded in our church in a beautiful, enviable ceremony. She and her groom were visibly in love, barely able to shift their gazes from each other the entire day. My friends and I were completely enthralled by the couple’s display of love.

A few years later, the lady was still attending our church but the husband had shifted to another. I felt crushed by the turn of events in their marriage. Like most teenagers, I was greatly intrigued by the subject of marriage. Among the things I envisioned in marriage was unity, and it broke my heart to see the couple divided on which church to attend.

It’s not uncommon to find couples split down the middle on which church they should attend. One of them may, for instance, prefer a congregation inclined to liturgical worship while their partner may be sold out to charismatic worship. Couples may also differ along doctrinal lines where one partner may feel that the church preferred by the other is not doctrinally sound. How should couples proceed when pulled in opposite directions where church is concerned?

Here are six things to put to mind as you both ferret for a solution:

1. Marriage Should Exude Unity

The scriptures teach that after marriage, a man and his wife are no longer two individuals but one flesh. God then issues a warning—no one should separate those He has joined together. Unity is one of the distinctive marks of marriage. In fact, it can be said to be the foundation of marriage since the essence of marriage is leaving and cleaving.

And whilst two cannot walk together unless they are agreed, those in marriage have already decided to walk together. Seeing them walk separate ways when it comes to church attendance therefore goes against the grain. It’s like hearing a bird buzzing like a bee instead of chirping away. It’s simply not expected.

Paul referred to the Corinthian church as letters of recommendation written in his heart, to be known and read by all (2 Corinthians 3:2, ESV). Whether we realize it or not, people are scrutinizing our marriages. They yearn to see love, unity, respect, trust, godliness, fidelity, etc. They are rooting for our marriages, hoping and praying that we will weather every storm and come out triumphantly.

Besides that, God wants the light in our marriages to shine before men so that they will see our good works and glorify him in heaven (Mathew 5:16). Our marriages should be a pattern of good works. Failing to agree on a church does not bring glory to God and we should refrain from getting comfortable with such an arrangement. Furthermore, attending different churches gets very confusing for children as they get pulled in different directions. Do they attend mommy’s or daddy’s church?

2. Pray for Wisdom

There is no confusion that godly wisdom cannot quell. God does not want His children to wobble around, drenched in confusion, unsure of which path to tread. He is the Good Shepherd who leads us in green pastures (Psalm 23). He sent His Son Jesus so that we could have life in abundance. He wants the best for us and our families and loves to see us thrive! James taught that if anyone lacks wisdom, they should ask God who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to them (James 1:5-6).

Wisdom is the ability to discern what is right and acceptable. The good news? God is generous with wisdom. If you and your spouse are finding it hard to agree on a church, seek God’s wisdom. Ask Him to lead you to the right church for your family. Remember that by wisdom a house is built, and through understanding, it is established (Proverbs 24:3).

3. Settle on a Healthy Compromise

For any marriage to succeed, spouses have to ditch selfishness and uphold their spouse’s needs above theirs. Philippians 2:3 implores us to do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit but in humility, to value others above ourselves. God designed marriage as a place where Christ’s relationship with the Church would be demonstrated. That’s why Paul instructed wives to submit to their husbands as to the Lord and husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the Church and died for her (Ephesians 5:22-28).

When both of you have different opinions regarding the church to join, it’s time for both of you to cede ground for the good of the marriage. In fact, don’t wait for your spouse to be the first to relinquish their control. Believers are called to outdo each other in showing honor. Be the first to baffle him/her with your humility.

This could mean that the wife decides to settle for the church her husband is interested in, as an act of submission. This could also mean that the husband goes along with the wife’s church preference as a demonstration of his sacrificial love for her. Remember, yielding to another person’s will is not a sign of weakness but of strength and power. Jesus taught that whoever desires to become great shall first be a servant (Matthew 20:16). The way up is down.

4. Be Creative

A little creativity will go a long way in helping you and your spouse settle on a church with neither of you feeling too aggrieved. Pastor Jay of the Gospel Obsessed suggests that since almost all churches record their services, you can always listen to your favorite preacher later on in the week. So you can agree to attend the church your spouse favors and still tune in to your church of choice online. That sounds like a double blessing!

Both of you can also look for a church that caters to both of your preferences. For example, you can get a church that combines both traditional and contemporary worship styles.

5. Honor God First

What do you do if your spouse wants you to join a cult? Should you tag along for unity’s sake? As believers, our first allegiance is to God. We should not disobey God to please our spouses. In Acts 5, Peter and the other apostles were prohibited by the high priest and the Sadducees from teaching in the name of Jesus and spreading His doctrine. They didn’t mince their words on this matter. “We ought to obey God rather than men” (Acts 5:29).

We too ought to obey God rather than our spouses. We have a right to differ when they implore us to be part of churches that dishonor God. We are first accountable to God before any human being.

6. Seek Godly Counsel

A Christian counselor can help you and your spouse navigate this challenge. Christian counselors combine clinical practice approaches with religious or spiritual principles to help believers maneuver various life issues. You can also seek counsel from an older Christian couple that you trust. King Solomon observed that where there is no counsel, the people fall, but in the multitude of counselors, there is safety (Proverbs 11:14).

Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/People Images

Keren Kanyago is a freelance writer and blogger at Parenting Spring. As a wife and mom, she uses her blog to weigh in on pertinent issues around parenting, marriage, and the Christian Faith. She holds a degree in mass communication with a specialty in print media. Follow her on Facebook and Instagram and/or shoot her an email at kerenkanyago@gmail.com.

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March 6, 2024
6 Ways to Deal with Unmet Expectations in Marriage

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I had a set of idyllic dreams of what our marriage would look like before I got hitched. For instance, I envisioned that my husband and I would always wind down our days together. Perhaps we would savor the sunset, have dinner together and then cozy up on the couch. However, my husband often works late, and by the time he gets home, the sunset is long gone, and the day has been swallowed up by night. He is also often exhausted and hungry. All he needs at that moment is a hot bath and a meal.

Over time, I have learned to take this and several other unmet expectations in my stride. But this wasn’t always the case. Earlier on in my marriage, I would blow a gasket whenever I felt my spouse was falling short of my expectations. I would huff and puff, demanding that he acts or behaves in a certain way. Sometimes he would indulge me, giving in to pressure, but other times he would not. Eventually, we would both get entangled in a web of resentment.

Because we all get married to fellow human beings with their fair share of flaws and weaknesses, it goes without saying that we have to contend with unmet expectations. Our spouses are far from perfect. They may try their best, but they are still incapable of meeting all our needs and attending to all our whims. It may feel like you are getting the short end of the stick as you come face to face with this reality.

Unmet expectations can spark resentment and frustration. This article will help you put things in perspective as you deal with unmet expectations in your marriage.

1. Be Realistic

Let’s be honest; sometimes, we expect too much from our spouses. For instance, a husband may expect his wife to always be in the mood for intimacy, maintain her body size even after becoming a mother, and keep a clean home at all times. A wife, on the other hand, may expect that her knight in shining armor will always be at hand to listen to her rumblings, organize weekly date nights without fail, and spend all his free time with her.

And while both of you need to do all it takes to love each other and meet each other’s needs, don’t forget that you are limited. You are bound to fall short of each other’s expectations. Additionally, men and women often have very different needs. What you may consider a priority in your marriage may seem like a non-issue to your spouse. They have to learn your needs and master your love language over time. As they do that, they may stumble and falter. You need to be patient with them and give them the benefit of the doubt.

2. Separate the Wheat From the Chaff

It’s important to exercise sobriety where unmet expectations are concerned. Not all unmet expectations should be shrugged off. Some are indeed “deal breakers” and should not be swept under the rug. For example, we expect our spouses to be faithful to us. When that expectation is not met, and one spouse is involved in adultery, the offended spouse should not chalk it up to “unmet expectations.”

Adultery is a harmful vice in a marriage that often requires therapy for the couple to find healing. But some other unfulfilled expectations are not deal breakers. For instance, if your spouse irritates you because they don’t pick up after themselves, that is something you can easily shrug off because it does not significantly threaten the health of your marriage.

As such, couples should separate the chaff from the wheat while dealing with unmet expectations. If the issue at hand majorly concerns personality differences and does not threaten the heart of the marriage, then the offended spouse can choose to overlook it.

3. Accept Your Spouse’s Weaknesses

“With all lowliness and gentleness, with long-suffering, bearing with one another in love.” (Ephesians 4:2)

Part of the reason your spouse will not meet all your expectations is that, just like you, they have various weaknesses. Scripture tells us that we all stumble in many ways (James 3:2). None of us are perfect. Perhaps your spouse’s weakness is forgetting important dates or procrastinating. However, that doesn’t mean that they are an awful person or that they don’t mean well. It just shows that they are human.

It helps to study your partner and note their weaknesses so that you are not too gutted when they fall short. As their companion, you could also help them work on their weaknesses instead of judging them and taking offense. Remember that forgiveness is a daily component of a healthy marriage—rise above obsessing over your spouse’s weaknesses and learn to bear with them in love.

4. Uphold Clear Communication

I know the importance of clear communication firsthand because it has revolutionized my marriage. Earlier on, I used to hold on to grudges, expecting my husband to read my mind and figure out what was making me grumpy. Your guess is as good as mine – never once did he have an idea of the issue at hand. I quickly realized this tactic didn’t work and tossed it out the window. I learned to instead clearly communicate my grievances.

Clear communication will help you cope with unmet expectations. Perhaps your spouse has a good reason why they acted the way they did, but you will never know until you get talking. Clear communication helps weed out misunderstanding, increases marital satisfaction, and spells out expectations. It also fosters respect and trust, which leads to greater emotional intimacy. Every time you choose to communicate with your spouse instead of sweeping issues under the rug, you give your marriage a new lease on life.

5. Connect with Other Couples

“A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire, he rages against all wise judgment.” (Proverbs 18:1).

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” (Hebrews 10:24-25).

Connecting regularly with other couples helps you appreciate your spouse. As you interact with other couples, you are likely to notice that they, too, have their disputes and weaknesses. This helps you put your relationship into perspective and makes you feel better about your marriage. It helps you realize that you are not the only one facing some bumps in the road in your pursuit of a great marriage. Many other couples are walking the same path.

Besides that, connecting with other couples gives you new ideas and perspectives, rekindles your passion, injects fun into your marriage, keeps you accountable, and fosters a stronger marriage. Remember that as iron sharpens iron, so does a man sharpen the countenance of his friend (Proverbs 27:17).

6. Do Not Compare Your Spouse

Yes, you are feeling awfully discontent in your marriage as you deal with a flurry of unmet expectations. But. Do not go down the rabbit hole of comparing your spouse to others because it may be the last straw that breaks the camel’s back. Comparing your spouse will usher you into a path of no return as you elevate other people above your spouse. Even the good attributes that your spouse possesses will soon fizzle out in your eyes.

Instead, choose to bear with their weaknesses, communicate clearly and empathize with them. This will go a long way in helping you handle unmet expectations.

Related Resource: Listen to The Real Relationship Talk Podcast!

Dana Che is the founder of Thrive Relationships, where she serves as a marriage and relationship coach and host of the Real Relationship Talk podcast. Dana’s mission is singular: to help people thrive in their relationships with the Lord and with each other. Listen to her episode on Overcoming Unrealistic Expectations in Marriage by clicking the play button below:

Photo credit: ©Getty Images/People Images

Keren Kanyago is a freelance writer and blogger at Parenting Spring. As a wife and mom, she uses her blog to weigh in on pertinent issues around parenting, marriage, and the Christian Faith. She holds a degree in mass communication with a specialty in print media. Follow her on Facebook and Instagram and/or shoot her an email at kerenkanyago@gmail.com.

LISTEN: Overcoming Fear in Marriage

The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

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December 4, 2023
5 Ways to Stop a Fight in Marriage Before it Starts

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Let’s face it: when you are married, it seems like a conflict is always lurking around, waiting to pounce on you and your spouse. When you are done with one, another one springs up unexpectedly around the corner, making you feel as if you are trapped in a vicious cycle. Conflict in marriage is normal and inevitable. Marriage is a union of two different people with varying personalities, perspectives, beliefs, and values.

Healthy conflict resolution can foster a deeper friendship between spouses, trigger growth, inspire creativity, and improve communication. On the other hand, unhealthy conflict resolution drives a wedge between spouses and is often a breeding ground for resentment. Do you and your spouse get embroiled in heated fights that leave both of you licking your wounds for weeks on end? Perhaps your fights involve name-calling, shaming, or even violence. They leave both of you reeking of bitterness, and you want nothing to do with each other for weeks.

Paul urged Timothy not to have anything to do with foolish arguments because they produce quarrels. He added that the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, and not resentful (2 Timothy 2:23-24). Conflict should be resolved amicably and respectfully to be constructive within marriage. Endless quarrels where spouses attack and put each other down only produce resentment, snuffing out the unity God ordained in marriage. Two cannot walk together unless they are agreed (Amos 3:3).

Did you know you can snuff out a fight with your spouse before it even rears its ugly head? Paul urged believers to walk circumspectly, not as unwise but as wise (Ephesians 5:15). You can apply godly wisdom and arrest destructive squabbles in their tracks before they spiral out of control. Here are four thoughts to consider.

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October 19, 2023
Is Marriage Meant to Be Hard Work?

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“Marriage is work”! Does that statement strike a chord with you? Do you feel as if you breezed through dating and courtship only to hit a bump in the road in marriage? If you do, you are not alone. Many couples opine that there’s a stark difference between marriage and dating. In marriage, they realize that they need to exert mental and physical effort to keep the wheels of their marriage turning. What came so easily and naturally during dating seems to have morphed into work. Hard work. What exactly changed? Did God design marriage as hard work?

My best friend in high school and I had vowed to be best friends forever. We both could not envision life without each other. We vowed to keep in touch and climb mountains if necessary just to keep our friendship ablaze. Needless to say, we lost touch when we joined different colleges and only reconnected through Facebook eons later. Left unattended, our friendship wilted faster than we could say “best friend.” There’s not a single relationship on the face of the earth that can thrive without the input of the parties involved. Constant communication, physical meetings, and support during tough times are some of the demands of friendships.

Couples feel as if they glided through courtship and dating because the relationship was mainly fueled by romantic love. This made relating with your partner feel effortless. But let’s be honest: romantic love grinds to a halt at some point. Your heart eventually stops racing, and you cease getting breathless when your macho man or damsel walks into the room. As such, your spouse won’t automatically feel loved and appreciated until they see your loving gestures. Your relationship is no longer driven by romantic love but by intentional love, aka work.

So yes, as a husband, you will need to listen to your wife’s winding tales, show her affection, and date her regularly. As a wife, you will need to prioritize sexual intimacy, respect his decisions, and compliment him. You will need to do things that don’t come naturally to you just to enthuse your partner. You will need to put in some work because marriage is indeed work.

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2. It’s Part of Your Christian Walk

We do not merely glide through our walk with Christ. Although salvation is a free gift of God, we must do our part to maintain our fellowship with God. Paul urged the Phillipian church to work out their salvation with fear and trembling (Philippians 2: 12). Peter also asked the church to be diligent to make their call and election sure (2 Peter 1:10). Although Christ finished His redemptive work at the cross, we have to stay connected to Him through prayer, reading His word and fellowship with other believers. He asks us to draw near to Him so He can draw near us. In other words, He asks us to put in the work.

Part of this work for married couples will include tending your relationship with your spouse. Your life as a married person is not compartmentalized. Everything you do, whether you eat or drink, should bring glory to God (1 Corinthians 10:31). Jesus taught that the greatest commandment is to love God with all your heart, soul, and with all your mind, and the second is to love your neighbor as yourself. Your spouse is your “nearest” neighbor, and God commands that you love them as yourself. To accomplish that, you will definitely need to put in a lot of work.

3. God Has Set a High Standard for Marriage

God has a template for how couples should conduct their marriages. He uses the relationship between Christ and the church as the template. Wives are to submit to their husbands as unto the Lord, and husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:22-28). Quite frankly, living out this template in marriage is no mean feat. As a wife, you may wonder why you need to submit to a flawed human being. As a husband, you may not feel like your wife deserves the kind of sacrificial love Paul talks about. Living in step with this template requires you to deny yourself and die to your flesh. And that’s work. Hard work.

4. Every Gift Has Responsibilities

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Paul wished that all men were like himself – single. He, however, acknowledged that each person had his gift. He had the gift of singlehood, while others had the gift of marriage. He advised those who could not exercise self-control to go ahead and marry(1 Corinthians 7:7-9).

“But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord -how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world-how he may please his wife.” (1 Corinthians 7:32-33).

In the passage above, Paul doesn’t mince his words. He wishes everyone was without care like him. Here, he is referring to the responsibility that comes with being either a wife or husband. Paul, being unmarried, cared only about pleasing the Lord. But for his married counterparts? They did not have the luxury of being “carefree.” They had to think about how to please their spouses.

Paul’s message here is that choosing to get married is consciously taking on more responsibilities into your life. And to whom much is given, from him much will be required (Luke 12:48). If you are married, roll up your sleeves and do the work that comes with the blessing you enjoy.

Photo credit: ©GettyImages/kupicoo

5. God Wants to Build Your Marriage

“Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it; unless the Lord guards the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.” (Psalm 127:1).

As we have rightfully observed, marriage takes work from both spouses. However, all your labor in marriage will be in vain without God. You and your spouse cannot have a thriving marriage without God at the center. Millions of people across the globe have tried to build great marriages on their own, but their efforts have gone belly-up. We are to trust in the Lord with all our hearts and lean not on our own understanding. We are to acknowledge Him in all our ways, and He promises to make our paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6). Your marriage can only be made straight when you acknowledge God in all your dealings. Without Him, all your labor in marriage will be in vain.

King Solomon observed that only by God’s wisdom can a house be built and understanding be established (Proverbs 24:3). God wants couples to build their marriages only through the wisdom He provides through His Word. He wants couples to be like the wise man who built his house on the rock. When the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on the house; it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock (Mathew 7:24-25).

So yes, marriage takes work, but when we follow the wisdom in God’s Word, we build formidable marriages that glorify God.

Photo credit: ©GettyImages/bernardbodo

Keren Kanyago is a freelance writer and blogger at Parenting Spring. As a wife and mom, she uses her blog to weigh in on pertinent issues around parenting, marriage, and the Christian Faith. She holds a degree in mass communication with a specialty in print media. Follow her on Facebook and Instagram and/or shoot her an email at kerenkanyago@gmail.com.

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The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.

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October 18, 2023
Opposites Attract Until They Bump Heads

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When my husband and I were dating, I would get completely enthralled just watching and listening to him. He was witty, bold, daring, and very convincing. He had monstrous dreams and was such a hard worker. His sense of humor was the cherry on top for me. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man who so effortlessly made me cackle. He had a flurry of traits that got me hooked.

And although it was apparent to me that his personality was in many ways different from mine, this didn’t detract me one bit. As a matter of fact, it only made me feel more drawn to him- if only to savor and benefit from the traits that I lacked. The adage that opposites attract held true for me. Within the first two years of our marriage, the same traits that had lured me to him like a magnet seemed to have morphed into points of irritation.

It suddenly irked me that he was a social butterfly, thrusting me into public spaces, whereas the introvert in me preferred to be holed up at home. I started frowning at the fact that he was a risk taker, making bold decisions for our new family, whereas I would have preferred taking my time carefully looking out for any pitfalls. His spontaneity also started to tick me off. He would, for instance, phone our friends at the spur of the moment and invite them over for lunch or dinner. I, on the other hand, preferred organized planning where hosting guests was concerned.

Needless to say, we spent lots of time embroiled in conflict because of our differences. We were both simmering in frustration and wondered how to find harmony. Thankfully we somehow managed to wiggle out of the resentment rut and figured out how to live with our differences. Here are some useful tips if you are smack dab in a conflict-laced season in your marriage.

1. Stop trying to Change Your Spouse.

There’s a wacky joke that states love is blind, but marriage is an eye-opener. The differences you spotted and probably fancied in your partner during dating and courtship tend to get magnified in marriage. This is mostly because you are now with your partner around the clock. You no longer have to part ways after a coffee or lunch date. You now hurtle home together and wake up together the following day. You have a front-row seat in their lives and are well acquainted with both their strengths and weaknesses.

One of the injustices you can take out on your spouse is trying to change them. It’s downright unfair and selfish. Besides, it’s nearly impossible to change an adult. Only God can redirect the heart of a man or woman. Jeremiah observed the heart is deceitful above all things and exceedingly wicked, and no man can know it. It is the Lord who searches the heart and tests the mind (Jeremiah 17: 9-10).

Only God can yank out a heart of stone and replace it with a heart of flesh (Ezekiel 11:19). Nagging your partner and coercing them to change will only breed resentment in your marriage. Your partner will feel condemned and rejected. They signed up for acceptance and unconditional love and won’t take it lying down if you give them the opposite. However, this does not mean you cannot challenge your spouse to embrace healthier behaviors. By all means, respectfully let your partner know the areas where they could be and do better. But desist from pestering and manipulating them to change.

2. Bear With Each Other’s Weaknesses.

“We then who are strong ought to bear with the scruples of the weak and not to please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, leading to edification. For even Christ did not please Himself, but as it is written, ‘The reproaches of those who reproached You fell on Me.’” – Romans 15:1-2

What is your attitude towards what you consider to be your spouse’s weaknesses? Do they aggravate you and cause you to say or do things you later regret? Paul teaches us a more excellent way where other people’s weaknesses are concerned. We are to bear with each other’s weaknesses – and not to please ourselves. This means when one of your spouse’s weaknesses rears its (weak) head, it’s time to please them and not yourself.

This means it’s not time to scold, berate or rebuke them. On the contrary, it’s time to extend the unconditional love of Christ. The love that is patient and kind. Love that does not envy, boast, and neither is it proud. Love that does not dishonor others is not self-seeking, is not easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Love that always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. (1 Corinthians 13: 4-7)

Paul remarks that as we please those weaker than us and not ourselves, it leads to their edification (Romans 15:2). This implies the way to stir up change in our spouses where their weaknesses are concerned is not by disparaging them but by bearing with them.

3. View Your Differences as Blessings.

So your wife is a health freak and loves to whip up low-calorie foods and snacks. You, on the other hand, have always loved calorie-dense greasy food. You can either pout about the revolution in your kitchen or view it as a blessing. With healthier eating habits, you are less prone to lifestyle diseases and may shed some weight. Couples should learn to celebrate their differences as opposed to getting irritated by them.

Besides, wouldn’t life be painstakingly vanilla if we were all the same? Paul taught that just as we have many members in one body, all the members do not have the same function. (Romans 12:4). It is absurd to wish your partner was just like you and even more absurd to try and change them to your liking. Couples should instead celebrate their differences and revel in the value, spice, and flavor their differences inject into their marriage.

4. Arm Yourself with Forgiveness.

“And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” – Ephesians 4: 32

It’s baffling how often we are quick to extend forgiveness to everyone else around us, save from our spouses. It’s much easier to dish out forgiveness to our co-workers, relatives, neighbors, shop attendants, children, etc. But when do our spouses need forgiveness? That becomes a different story altogether. We don’t take their offenses lying down. We turn the offense over and over in our heads, scrutinizing it from all possible angles. We allow the offense to simmer with us for a long time so that we can feel every ounce of irritation it bears.

The scriptures brim over with the admonition for believers to forgive each other. Nowhere does the word of God suggest our spouses are an exception. In fact, being the closest people around us, it goes without saying they are the ones we should be forgiving most. Peter asked Jesus how often one should forgive his brother who sins against him, and Jesus gave a baffling answer – seventy times seven (Mathew 18:22). Here, Jesus was indicating we should never run out of forgiveness for our brothers- the people closest to us. Your spouse is the person closest to you; therefore, you need to fill your tank of forgiveness for them to the brim. As your differences come to the forefront in marriage, be ready to dish out forgiveness.

Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/izusek

Keren Kanyago is a freelance writer and blogger at Parenting Spring. As a wife and mom, she uses her blog to weigh in on pertinent issues around parenting, marriage, and the Christian Faith. She holds a degree in mass communication with a specialty in print media. Follow her on Facebook and Instagram and/or shoot her an email at kerenkanyago@gmail.com.

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July 5, 2023
How Long Should the Love of a Marriage Suffer?

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Suffering long is probably the last thing on any couple’s minds as they exchange vows on their wedding day. At that moment, the new couple is completely immersed in the love they sense so strongly. They exude confidence that their formidable love will help them sail through the varying seasons of life. They are right on one hand because love conquers everything. On the other hand, they may be completely wrong if they peg their hope purely on the romantic love they share -sexual attraction, passion, fuzzy feelings, emotional attachment, care, and exclusivity.

And while romantic love is a critical phase in any relationship, it fades away with time. Your palms will eventually stop sweating, and your cheeks stop flushing at the sight of your spouse. Your heartbeat will eventually assume a steady rhythm, and the feel-good hormones will come to a grinding halt as your relationship evolves. Enter intentional love. This makes a couple stay true to their vows and trudge on despite the hurdles that sprout up unexpectedly on their path. Believers have an advantage where love is concerned because the Bible offers us the blueprint for loving each other.

Love Suffers Long

In 1 Corinthians Chapter 13, Paul points out the futility of the believer’s spiritual gifts if not motivated by love. Love is the epicenter of the believer’s life; without it, the believer lives in deception. The entire gospel is a relentless love story. It’s about a God who loved the world so much that He offered His only son to redeem it. God is love, and we cannot claim to know Him if we do not practice love (1 John 4:8).

The first attribute Paul uses to describe love is that it is long-suffering. The Collins Dictionary defines long-suffering as patiently putting up with a lot of trouble or unhappiness, especially when caused by someone else. Peter taught that God is long-suffering. He warned the early church against scoffers who would claim that the return of the Lord Jesus was taking a tad too long. Peter explained that what looked like a delay in Jesus’ return was actually God exercising long-suffering. God “delays” Christ’s return to offer the world more time to repent since He desires that none should perish (2 Peter 3:9).

Jesus, too exhibited long-suffering while on Earth. He had to leap over many hurdles to fulfill the father’s will. He endured the cross and despised its shame to redeem humankind. He humbled Himself unto death. As the author and finisher of our faith, Paul urges us to emulate Him by running our race with endurance (Hebrews 12:2). If Jesus needed to suffer long to do God’s will, we too must be ready to tread the same road since we are not greater than our master. We are not to back down from the race at the first sight of trouble. We are to stick it through and endure hardship like good soldiers (2 Timothy 2:3). We are to suffer long as we fight the good fight of faith.

Long Suffering in Marriage

Long-suffering is critical in all your relationships, but you will most likely need it more in marriage than in any other relationship. Seeing that marriage is the closest human relationship, disagreements and disappointments are part of the package. Like you, your spouse is not perfect, and their weaknesses become more apparent in marriage.

Your marriage will present you with countless opportunities to exercise long-suffering. But isn’t that what you promised to do at the altar as your eyes glistened with tears while saying your vows? You vowed to be with your partner for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health. You signed up for a life of long suffering as you ceased being two people and became one flesh. How can we then exercise long-suffering in our marriages, and are there limits to the same? Here are four thoughts to consider.

1. Do Everything as Unto the Lord.

“And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.” – Colossians 3:17

“Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” – 1 Corinthians 10:31

God asks us to do everything to His glory and in His name. Our lives are not to be compartmentalized. We should not glorify Him in some areas but live mindlessly in others. This means that your relationship with your spouse is no exception. Every deed and word uttered should be done in the name of the Lord to bring glory to Him.  Does how you communicate with your spouse bring glory to God? What about how you meet their needs? If we embrace this careful attitude, weighing our words and actions against God, we will inadvertently find that we are exercising long-suffering in our marriages. We will be more patient, forgive more and bear with each other’s weaknesses.

2. Observe How Christ Relates to the Church

“Wives, submit to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, let the wives be to their husbands in everything. Husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.” – Ephesians 5: 22-27

Paul urges the married folk to use the relationship between Christ and the church as the template for their marriages. He asks wives to submit to their husbands as unto the Lord and in everything. That is no easy task. Wives will often need to suffer long to fulfill this command. How do you submit to your husband when all you can see are his glaring shortcomings? Husbands, too, have the arduous task of loving their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. How can husbands possibly measure up to the towering standard Christ has set for them? They, too, must exercise lots of long-suffering to love their wives selflessly. Long-suffering is embedded in the marriage template Paul recommends, and there’s no way of escaping it.

3. Remember Your Own Failings

“And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’ and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First, remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” – Mathew 7: 3-5

When tempted to judge your spouse harshly, withholding mercy and forgiveness, take a moment and reflect on your own failings. Are you perfect? Far from it. Does your spouse also have to contend with your weaknesses? Most definitely. Realizing that you also have many failings that your partner has to put up with will help you put things into perspective. Jesus warned that if we don’t forgive others, our heavenly father will not forgive us (Mathew 6:15). If you expect your spouse to bear with your weaknesses, how about you start by doing the same?

4. Know the Boundaries

Love suffers long alright, but there are boundaries. Our long-suffering should not put our lives at risk and cause us harm. God does not ask us to languish in our marriages in the name of long suffering. Though the scriptures consistently urge spouses to bear with one another, there are exceptions. For instance, God outrightly says that He hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). However, Jesus taught that divorce was acceptable where sexual immorality had crept into the marriage (Mathew 5: 32). Additionally, if a spouse becomes abusive and risks the life and well-being of their partner, long-suffering should not be exercised. Couples need to operate within healthy boundaries in their marriages. Boundaries protect spouses from exploitation and manipulation by spelling out limits and assigning responsibility.

Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Hispanolistic

Keren Kanyago is a freelance writer and blogger at Parenting Spring. As a wife and mom, she uses her blog to weigh in on pertinent issues around parenting, marriage, and the Christian Faith. She holds a degree in mass communication with a specialty in print media. Follow her on Facebook and Instagram and/or shoot her an email at kerenkanyago@gmail.com.

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July 3, 2023
5 Great Ways Wives Can Serve Their Husbands

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“Do not let your adornment be merely outward – arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel – rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.” (1 Peter 3:3-4).

Men fancy the idea of retreating to a peaceful, organized home after a grueling day at work. If it were possible, your husband would love to come to a clean house, play with the kids, and eat dinner together with his family. He would then lead his family in Bible reading and prayer before tucking the kids to bed. After that, he would want to wind down his day in the company of his loving wife before bed.

Depending on the stage of parenting you are in, most of these aspirations are a mirage. When the kids are young, it’s nearly impossible to maintain a squeaky clean house. Additionally, if both of you hold full-time jobs, expecting your wife to single-handedly provide a clean and organized household is impractical. House chores have to be shared between the husband and wife.

Having said that, wives can still go out of their way to provide a peaceful environment for their husbands. If possible, you can hire help to take care of some of the chores so your husband can enjoy the tranquility he yearns for. Above all else, wives should ensure they give their husbands peace of mind. Don’t nag him, avoid sweating the small stuff, and forgive him when he makes mistakes. Creating a peaceful home for him is another way of serving him.

Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Maria Korneeva

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Keren Kanyago

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June 7, 2023
6 Ways You’re Unknowingly Hurting Your Husband

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Let’s face it, men and women are as different as chalk and cheese. What makes you tick as a woman may be the very thing that makes your husband’s skin crawl. It’s likely that your emotional needs may sound bizarre to your spouse and vice versa. Your job then is to seek to understand what floats your spouse’s boat – to learn their love language and speak it fluently.

In his book His Needs, Her Needs Willard F. Harley, Jr. opines that the inability to meet each other’s emotional needs stems from ignorance of the said needs and not a selfish unwillingness to be considerate. This means that unless you have intentionally studied and interrogated your spouse, you are bound to act in a way that irks them without realizing it. As a wife, here are six ways you may be unknowingly hurting your husband.

1. Criticizing and Mothering Him

As a wife, perhaps you relish your role as mother hen down to a T. You bask in the privilege of ruling the roost. But. Do you bundle up your husband alongside your kids as you issue directives? Do you often redirect, criticize, correct, disapprove, and even oppose your husband? Many wives fall into the trap of mothering their husbands. They are always poking holes into their husbands’ opinions and actions and seeking to steer them in a different direction.

This makes their husbands feel belittled, disrespected, and controlled. This may also chip away at their self-esteem, injure trust and make them bitter and angry. Mothering your husband also causes him to get defensive and retract into his shell. This, however, does not mean that you cannot hold a different opinion from your husband. In marriage, conflict and personality differences are guaranteed. But as you air your opinion, do it respectfully and avoid attacking your husband’s character. Avoid sounding like his mother or as if you caught him with his hand in the cookie jar.

2. Giving Him the Silent Treatment

Joe barged into the living room, knackered to the bone, and felt awful that he had run late. His wife was nowhere in sight, so he ran upstairs to their bedroom and found her snuggled up in bed, reading a book. His attempt to greet and strike up a conversation with her hit the skids. She wouldn’t talk to him, leave alone look in his direction. He walked away feeling dejected, wondering what he had done wrong (besides getting home late).

It is not uncommon for wives to give their husbands the silent treatment when they are upset about something. This however is toxic, abusive, and unhealthy for any relationship. It takes two to tango, and it’s unfair to leave your husband groping in the dark, oblivious of their mistakes. Remember your husband is not a mind reader, and unless you communicate effectively, he cannot decode your frustration.

Psychologists say that people who use the silent treatment aim at exerting control over the other party in order to manipulate them. When you give your husband the silent treatment, they feel confused, frustrated, rejected, and hurt. You give them the impression that you don’t care about the health of your marriage, and it is entirely up to them to patch things up (albeit blindly). Giving the silent treatment also means that you are rejecting proper communication without which a marriage cannot thrive.

The scriptures brim over with the admonition for proper communication in relationships. In Amos 3:3, we read that two people cannot walk together unless they are agreed. This means that communication is the backbone of fruitful relationships. Additionally, Paul urged the Ephesian church not to let the sun go down on their anger (Ephesians 4:26). This means that they were to resolve any tiffs and scuffles among themselves swiftly.

Paul also asked believers to pursue peace with all people (Hebrews 12:14). Quite honestly, we are often keen on making amends with everyone else but our spouses. We want to hang on to grudges against our spouses, yet they are the most important people in our lives. If, as a wife, you are fond of giving your husband the silent treatment, choose to heed God’s instructions and embrace communication.

3. Showing Disinterest in Sexual Intimacy

Let’s face it; sex is a big deal to most men. It ranks high among their needs. On the flip side, most women need to feel emotionally connected to their husbands before they can think about intimacy. They need to sense affection and love first. Sex then becomes their way of expressing the deep connection they feel.

If a couple has not learned to cater to each other’s prime needs, there is usually an imbalance where sex is concerned. The wife may often be uninterested in intimacy, whereas the husband may seem desperate for the same. When a husband feels like he is begging his wife for sex, it injures his confidence and self-esteem. Men want to know that they are needed and that their wives view them as good lovers. With the wife showing disinterest, they feel small and incompetent, and this causes them untold pain.

If you feel disinterested in sexual intimacy as a wife, aim to get to the root of the problem. Let your husband know how he can help you rekindle your interest.

4. Comparing Him

“Jane’s husband never misses his kids’ school meetings. I wish you were like him!” Sally blurted out at her husband in a moment of fury. In return, Steve was gutted. He felt worthless and unappreciated. He toiled hard at work daily to ensure his family was sufficiently provided for. “Doesn’t she appreciate my efforts?” he wondered to himself.

Stacking your husband against other people is another sure way of hurting him. Your husband feels rejected and frustrated. Besides, comparing your husband lures you into forgetting their good attributes as you zoom into their weaknesses. This is outrightly unfair as you, too, have weaknesses, and we bet you would not like it if your husband compared you to other ladies.

5. Not Admiring and Appreciating Him

Did you know that most men thrive on admiration, and it means the world to them when it comes from their wives? Honest admiration for your husband will boost his confidence and motivate him to take on the world. Men are competitive and tend to derive their worth from what they do. They, therefore, need to know that their wives notice and admire how they exert themselves for their families. They constantly need a pat on the back.

When you don’t appreciate your husband and applaud his achievements, he feels frustrated and may gradually lose the zeal to put his best foot forward. As such, aim to be your husband’s number one fan and watch him spread his wings further.

6. Nagging Him

So you asked your husband to get the leaky faucet fixed last weekend, and he hasn’t gotten around to it. Do you make it your mission to badger him until he gets it done? Here’s the truth, men all over the globe detest being nagged. Nagging is persistently annoying or finding fault with someone. It happens when the person nagging doesn’t believe the other party has good intentions or is capable of doing a task effectively. It reflects poor communication and impatience by the person nagging.

Women are more likely to nag because they are primarily responsible for running the home. In their quest to rule the roost, they end up trying to control their children and husbands. This, however, is counterproductive as nagging is very repulsive to men. The wise king Solomon noted that it was better to dwell in a corner of a housetop than in a house shared with a contentious woman (Proverbs 21:9).

Nagging your husband makes him want to flee in search of peace. You should instead embrace proper communication and trust that your husband has good intentions. Ditch nagging and communicate with your husband respectfully.

Related:

6 Ways You’re Unknowingly Hurting Your Wife

Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Vadym Pastukh

Keren Kanyago is a freelance writer and blogger at Parenting Spring. As a wife and mom, she uses her blog to weigh in on pertinent issues around parenting, marriage, and the Christian Faith. She holds a degree in mass communication with a specialty in print media. Follow her on Facebook and Instagram and/or shoot her an email at kerenkanyago@gmail.com.

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February 19, 2023