Tag: Jen Jabbour

What If My Marriage Interferes with My Calling?

There may come a day in your marriage when you and your spouse disagree on something you feel passionate about. In fact, you may even believe God has called you to do something, yet your spouse doesn’t readily agree.

I often find myself asking God to reveal the same vision to my husband if it is truly the direction He wants me to go. I don’t know how many times I have flat-out told God that if He’s calling me to step forward in faith, I’ll need my husband to take the trip with me.

I’d love to be a fly on the wall when Noah told his wife that he was building a giant boat in the middle of the wilderness where there wasn’t any water. The Bible doesn’t give us insight into how that conversation went. Or what about when God told Abraham to take his son to the top of the mountain to be sacrificed? If I were Abraham, I might have kept that one to myself. I certainly would’ve begged and pleaded with my husband and, in fact, I probably would have called the cops to report that he’d gone crazy.

If you consider all the power couples of the Bible, you will see that they all have this one thing in common: both spouses, husband and wife, trusted and obeyed God (Mary and Joseph, Ruth and Boaz, Priscilla and Aquilla, etc.).

In the stories where we aren’t given the details of the other spouse’s thoughts and feelings, like Noah’s and Abraham’s, I assume it’s because each couple was united in their relationship with God, and each trusted the other within that triune relationship.

I trust my husband to make important decisions through the filter of his faith. He has a deep reverence and respect for God and, as head of our home, feels God will hold him accountable for the decisions he makes for our family. Because I know my husband desires to trust and obey God, I submit to his authority, knowing that he answers to God.

I will say that it’s exhilarating when you think you’ve heard from God. Yet, as excited as I get in these moments, I also feel uncertain. My internal voices reason, “What if my husband doesn’t see the vision? What if he doesn’t see the point, the value, and shuts it down before it even starts? What if he interferes with my calling?”

Friend, let me tell you this: These types of conversations didn’t go well in our early years. Neither one of us had the maturity or insight to prevent any conflict from turning into a fight. We weren’t perfect humans and we brought our brokenness into our marriage. Thankfully, as we continued to center our relationship around God, we found a perfect rhythm of grace and discovered the space to seek God’s will in our lives not just as a couple but also as individuals.

Getting on the same page is so much easier if we are equally yoked. It starts by marrying someone who, like you, trusts and obeys God and keeps Him at the center of their life. However, if you’re reading this, chances are, you’re beyond those days. If you married someone with different beliefs than you, or you found God after marriage but your spouse has not, take heart. The encouragement and Bible-based recommendations that have worked for me still apply to you. In fact, even in our singleness, the same principles apply.

If you feel God is calling you to something but your spouse isn’t as eager about it, rather than seeing them as a hindrance, I urge you to choose to look beyond the vision. Consider that it may be more about the journey than the destination. Remember, God works all things together according to His purpose, for the good of others and the glory of God (Romans 8:28).

When you believe God has placed a calling on your heart but you require further confirmation from God and the person you do life with, here are four principles to follow:

1. Always Pray About It

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7 (ESV)

As I share each principle, you’ll see that prayer weaves throughout each of them. Prayer is the most important thing and the very first thing we should do anytime we are looking for guidance, direction, and support. Before I go to my husband with anything important, like a difficult decision, I pray about it.

I start by praying for myself—I ask God to give me the wisdom, the right words to speak, the understanding, the patience, a listening heart, and the confidence I need when I approach my spouse.

Then I pray for my husband—I ask God to prepare his heart for what I’m going to tell him. I ask God that if it be his will, my husband be receptive and open. I tell God that if this is something I am to do, I need my husband to be part of it, not just aware of it. God knows my heart and knows that to honor Him, I must also honor my husband.

I don’t believe that God will actually have us do something that could harm our marriage, and that is why I’m so adamant about praying in this way. Absolute refusal on my husband’s part either means it’s not a direction we should go, or my husband hasn’t heard from the Lord just yet.

2. Be Patient

Typically, we don’t come to a final answer in just one conversation. Usually, we make a list of questions to research, weigh the pros and cons, and continue to pray. One of the best answers I can receive from my husband is that he is seeking God’s will through prayer and reading the Bible. I find great comfort in knowing he has taken it to God.

I’m often reminded of how the angel first went to Mary to tell her she was carrying the Son of God. The calling and the vision were revealed to Mary, then to Joseph, and, at first, Joseph was not on board. It took prayer and patience on Mary’s part. God intervened by sending His angel to reassure Joseph that everything would be okay. God had a plan and purpose, and He had chosen them to be a part of it!

Let’s remember to be patient with our spouses if they don’t jump up and down in excitement right away. If it is God’s plan, He will enlighten them in His timing.

3. Look to the Scripture for Answers

In addition to prayer, I turn to the Bible, asking God to lead me in the way I should go, whether it’s in deciding what to do or how to approach the situation.

Just because I get the urge to take up a new course in life doesn’t necessarily mean it’s from God. We make a lot of plans that aren’t ordered by God in any way, shape, or form. I’ve learned to say, “I think this is what God wants me to do.” Even if I truly believe that God is leading me in a certain direction, I am reluctant to say with absolute conviction that God told me to do it. My human heart is weak, easily swayed, and oh, so naive.

To be sure it was God’s voice that I heard, I fervently pray for God to give me the discernment to know what I’m supposed to do, to determine if the desires of my heart are from Him, or if they are from my worldly passions or the desire to please others. It is often in the scriptures that God speaks to me.

“All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness.” 2 Timothy 3:16

4. Do Not Sin

This is not the time to allow the enemy to creep in and tempt you to sin in your marriage. 1 Peter 5:8-9 warns us, “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world.”

If your desires are truly from God, then sin has no place. Be aware that the enemy will use anything to cause us to stumble—even something good—if he thinks he can get away with it.

As you seek God’s will in your marriage and your callings, stand guard against the devil’s evil schemes (Ephesians 4:27). Always seek God first, and don’t allow your human heart to be led astray. Be careful to not allow something good to be defiled by the “root of bitterness” (Hebrews 12:15 ESV).

And as with any conversation, especially in our marriages, the following passage should be kept at the forefront of our minds:

“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” James 1:19-20 (ESV)

Related Podcast: As couples, sometimes, it’s easy for us to assume our way is the right way and seek to change each other. In this episode, we discuss 2 practical ways to honor God with your responses.

Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Ridofranz

Jennifer Jabbour resides in the scenic San Diego countryside with her husband, adult son, and teen daughter, and their hilarious English Bulldog. Jennifer has a B.A. in Integrated Business Communications, and is a Go + Tell Gals licensed life coach. Jennifer hopes to use her calling of writing, coaching, and speaking to equip and empower women to clarify their vision and to boldly step forward in response to God’s calling on their life, as well as educate and encourage others to experience the abundance of God’s goodness when they seek Him first in all that they do. Jennifer is also a brown belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, a photographer, and an avid outdoors-woman. She loves camping, hiking, running, and playing the piano in her free time.

You can keep up with Jennifer on her website https://www.jenniferjabbour.com.

Jen Jabbour

Source link

June 24, 2024
Even Introverts Need Community

As an adult, I crave alone time. The funny thing is, I didn’t really think that alone time was something I would struggle to find, until one day, I woke up, a married woman with two kids and three dogs, and realized that I am never ever alone. While some people are afraid to be alone, I’m actually more afraid of the thought of never getting to be alone again.

Months often go by when I don’t hang out with friends. It’s not really a planned or intentional thing; I just really enjoy my alone time and protect it a lot.

If you’re an introvert, I probably don’t even need to explain myself. You get it. There’s definitely a tug between spending quality time with the people you love and finding enough solitude that you are fully present when you are with them.

Over the years, I’ve learned to carefully navigate the boundaries of the soul care I need by making sure I get adequate alone time, giving just enough of myself so my family and friends don’t feel neglected. The one area that I’ve struggled to progress in is that of community. I’ve always had a take-it-or-leave-it mentality when it comes to anything that appears like community; that is until recently, when I had my first real, life-giving community experience.

Even Introverts Need Community

Even introverts need community, and let me tell you why. God made us for community. He tells us to gather with other believers to help and serve each other and to encourage each other. God created Eve so that Adam wouldn’t be alone. Jesus had His disciples. All throughout the Bible, we read story upon story of people with other people.

Think about it—if God didn’t intend for us to be in community with others, there would be no need to bring us together as one body (the Church), and all the passages in the New Testament that tell us how to treat others would be pointless. However, community is important to God, and, as an introvert, I must continually remind myself of all the reasons why I need community.

Find a Community That’s Life-Giving

If you’re an introvert, you might disagree that community is necessary. So let me rephrase it—introverts need the right community, one that is life-giving, not life-sucking. Just one year ago, I didn’t feel such a strong need for community, but last December, I traveled across the country to attend a retreat with over 100 other like-minded women. Not only am I an introvert, but I have always struggled to fit in with other women. So you can imagine the anxiety I felt as I walked into the room on the first day. I even woke up early that morning to mentally prepare myself.

However, during this two-day retreat, I felt a bond and comfort that I had never felt before with such a large group of women. For the first time in my life, I was able to just be myself and felt comfortable talking to strangers. Ever since then, I have craved more of this kind of experience. Until you have experienced the kind of community that feeds your soul, you can’t understand what it’s like to be part of a community where even the most introverted person can thrive.

If You Can’t Find Your Community, Cultivate One

After this experience, I found myself looking for a community that could replicate what I felt in those two days. In the days after the retreat, I realized that a community like that is rare and might be nearly impossible to find. I came to the conclusion that I would need to cultivate a community on my own. I would need to find like-minded people to do life with, who are rooted and grounded in love, who will sharpen each other, and who are committed to seeing each other thrive and grow in their faith and spiritual gifts.

Based on my experience in a life-giving community, I determined the qualities that my perfectly cultivated community should possess:

God’s Presence Should Be Felt

The best example of the feeling of God’s presence is a Sunday morning worship service. The feeling in a room full of people whose hearts are tuned into God is electric.

When you are fully engaged in a community of like-minded people, God’s presence is fully known, even when the worship music isn’t playing. A room full of Kingdom-minded people is a force to be reckoned with. There is absolutely nothing that can keep us from achieving our goals together in unity when we have God by our side.

“For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.” Matthew 18:20 (ESV)

Each Person Can Fulfill Their Calling

The great thing about a community is that each member possesses unique skills and talents that benefit everyone else. Just like in a town where many people have different but necessary occupations (doctor, plumber, carpenter, teacher, etc.), a church has many different but necessary parts as well.

A life-giving community equips and empowers each individual to utilize their spiritual gifts. Each person should have the opportunity to contribute according to what God has called them to do. No one should ever feel left out or useless.

“For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another.” Romans 12:4-5 (ESV)

Service Should Be Vital

Recently, my church put on a huge community service event where we took on multiple projects in the city. I was on the high school campus cleanup crew. It’s amazing how quickly 20 people can repaint the exterior walls of a classroom building when each one of us jumps in and takes on a specific task.

The desire for our church to serve our hometown community allowed us to be the hands and feet of Jesus and to show the students and teachers of that school what the love of Jesus is.

A life-giving community not only encourages and promotes service but actively engages in it as a whole. When we serve together, we get to experience the overflowing abundance of God’s love and see its full effect on those around us.

“For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Mark 10:45 (ESV)

Solitude Has Its Time and Place

While community is necessary to grow in our faith and to keep God’s commandments, take heart, my introverted friends! There is still a time and place to feed our solitude-loving souls.

Even though Jesus is known for His way with people—how He loved them, showed them compassion, and ministered to them—the Bible also emphasizes His need to be alone.

He spent most of His waking hours healing the sick, preaching, baptizing, and dining with sinners. The thought of this exhausts me. No wonder, after a long day, He could be found up in the mountains alone.

“And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone.” Matthew 14:23 (ESV)

Not only did He find solitude at the end of a long day, but He would also wake up early for quiet time. This is another great practice that I can rarely function without. If I miss my early morning quiet time, I feel ill-equipped for the day.

“And rising very early in the morning, while it was still dark, he departed and went out to a desolate place, and there he prayed.” Mark 1:35 (ESV)

Starting and ending each day in quiet, away from others, and in prayer provides us with the energy and refreshment needed to continue to engage in community.

Pro Tip for When You Can’t Get Away

If you feel overwhelmed and need to be alone but cannot get away, learn how to retreat inside of yourself by way of the Holy Spirit. If you can learn this one simple “trick,” you can find solitude in the loudest and most crowded places. Seek solace in God and He will give you the inner peace that you need.

“You are a hiding place for me; you preserve me from trouble; you surround me with shouts of deliverance. Selah.” Psalm 32:7 (ESV)

Sometimes, if the tension is high, and I really need to be alone, I can become irritable and easily agitated. The last thing that I want to do is act in a manner that is less than pleasant. Learning how to retreat into a safe, quiet place within my soul keeps me out of trouble. I have learned to take deep breaths, pray silently to God to help me be patient, and be silent so I don’t say something that I’ll later regret.

Be encouraged, my friend. Being introverted isn’t a curse. If anything, I see it as a blessing. I find just as much joy in being alone as I do in being part of a life-giving, Kingdom-minded community. I encourage you to give it a try and see how even introverts can thrive in the right kind of community.

Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/LeoPatrizi

Jennifer Jabbour resides in the scenic San Diego countryside with her husband, adult son, and teen daughter, and their hilarious English Bulldog. Jennifer has a B.A. in Integrated Business Communications, and is a Go + Tell Gals licensed life coach. Jennifer hopes to use her calling of writing, coaching, and speaking to equip and empower women to clarify their vision and to boldly step forward in response to God’s calling on their life, as well as educate and encourage others to experience the abundance of God’s goodness when they seek Him first in all that they do. Jennifer is also a brown belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, a photographer, and an avid outdoors-woman. She loves camping, hiking, running, and playing the piano in her free time.

You can keep up with Jennifer on her website https://www.jenniferjabbour.com.

Jen Jabbour

Source link

April 26, 2024
Even Introverts Need Community

As an adult, I crave alone time. The funny thing is, I didn’t really think that alone time was something I would struggle to find, until one day, I woke up, a married woman with two kids and three dogs, and realized that I am never ever alone. While some people are afraid to be alone, I’m actually more afraid of the thought of never getting to be alone again.

Months often go by when I don’t hang out with friends. It’s not really a planned or intentional thing; I just really enjoy my alone time and protect it a lot.

If you’re an introvert, I probably don’t even need to explain myself. You get it. There’s definitely a tug between spending quality time with the people you love and finding enough solitude that you are fully present when you are with them.

Over the years, I’ve learned to carefully navigate the boundaries of the soul care I need by making sure I get adequate alone time, giving just enough of myself so my family and friends don’t feel neglected. The one area that I’ve struggled to progress in is that of community. I’ve always had a take-it-or-leave-it mentality when it comes to anything that appears like community; that is until recently, when I had my first real, life-giving community experience.

Even Introverts Need Community

Even introverts need community, and let me tell you why. God made us for community. He tells us to gather with other believers to help and serve each other and to encourage each other. God created Eve so that Adam wouldn’t be alone. Jesus had His disciples. All throughout the Bible, we read story upon story of people with other people.

Think about it—if God didn’t intend for us to be in community with others, there would be no need to bring us together as one body (the Church), and all the passages in the New Testament that tell us how to treat others would be pointless. However, community is important to God, and, as an introvert, I must continually remind myself of all the reasons why I need community.

Find a Community That’s Life-Giving

If you’re an introvert, you might disagree that community is necessary. So let me rephrase it—introverts need the right community, one that is life-giving, not life-sucking. Just one year ago, I didn’t feel such a strong need for community, but last December, I traveled across the country to attend a retreat with over 100 other like-minded women. Not only am I an introvert, but I have always struggled to fit in with other women. So you can imagine the anxiety I felt as I walked into the room on the first day. I even woke up early that morning to mentally prepare myself.

However, during this two-day retreat, I felt a bond and comfort that I had never felt before with such a large group of women. For the first time in my life, I was able to just be myself and felt comfortable talking to strangers. Ever since then, I have craved more of this kind of experience. Until you have experienced the kind of community that feeds your soul, you can’t understand what it’s like to be part of a community where even the most introverted person can thrive.

If You Can’t Find Your Community, Cultivate One

After this experience, I found myself looking for a community that could replicate what I felt in those two days. In the days after the retreat, I realized that a community like that is rare and might be nearly impossible to find. I came to the conclusion that I would need to cultivate a community on my own. I would need to find like-minded people to do life with, who are rooted and grounded in love, who will sharpen each other, and who are committed to seeing each other thrive and grow in their faith and spiritual gifts.

Based on my experience in a life-giving community, I determined the qualities that my perfectly cultivated community should possess:

God’s Presence Should Be Felt

The best example of the feeling of God’s presence is a Sunday morning worship service. The feeling in a room full of people whose hearts are tuned into God is electric.

When you are fully engaged in a community of like-minded people, God’s presence is fully known, even when the worship music isn’t playing. A room full of Kingdom-minded people is a force to be reckoned with. There is absolutely nothing that can keep us from achieving our goals together in unity when we have God by our side.

“For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.” Matthew 18:20 (ESV)

Each Person Can Fulfill Their Calling

The great thing about a community is that each member possesses unique skills and talents that benefit everyone else. Just like in a town where many people have different but necessary occupations (doctor, plumber, carpenter, teacher, etc.), a church has many different but necessary parts as well.

A life-giving community equips and empowers each individual to utilize their spiritual gifts. Each person should have the opportunity to contribute according to what God has called them to do. No one should ever feel left out or useless.

“For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another.” Romans 12:4-5 (ESV)

Service Should Be Vital

Recently, my church put on a huge community service event where we took on multiple projects in the city. I was on the high school campus cleanup crew. It’s amazing how quickly 20 people can repaint the exterior walls of a classroom building when each one of us jumps in and takes on a specific task.

The desire for our church to serve our hometown community allowed us to be the hands and feet of Jesus and to show the students and teachers of that school what the love of Jesus is.

A life-giving community not only encourages and promotes service but actively engages in it as a whole. When we serve together, we get to experience the overflowing abundance of God’s love and see its full effect on those around us.

“For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Mark 10:45 (ESV)

Solitude Has Its Time and Place

While community is necessary to grow in our faith and to keep God’s commandments, take heart, my introverted friends! There is still a time and place to feed our solitude-loving souls.

Even though Jesus is known for His way with people—how He loved them, showed them compassion, and ministered to them—the Bible also emphasizes His need to be alone.

He spent most of His waking hours healing the sick, preaching, baptizing, and dining with sinners. The thought of this exhausts me. No wonder, after a long day, He could be found up in the mountains alone.

“And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone.” Matthew 14:23 (ESV)

Not only did He find solitude at the end of a long day, but He would also wake up early for quiet time. This is another great practice that I can rarely function without. If I miss my early morning quiet time, I feel ill-equipped for the day.

“And rising very early in the morning, while it was still dark, he departed and went out to a desolate place, and there he prayed.” Mark 1:35 (ESV)

Starting and ending each day in quiet, away from others, and in prayer provides us with the energy and refreshment needed to continue to engage in community.

Pro Tip for When You Can’t Get Away

If you feel overwhelmed and need to be alone but cannot get away, learn how to retreat inside of yourself by way of the Holy Spirit. If you can learn this one simple “trick,” you can find solitude in the loudest and most crowded places. Seek solace in God and He will give you the inner peace that you need.

“You are a hiding place for me; you preserve me from trouble; you surround me with shouts of deliverance. Selah.” Psalm 32:7 (ESV)

Sometimes, if the tension is high, and I really need to be alone, I can become irritable and easily agitated. The last thing that I want to do is act in a manner that is less than pleasant. Learning how to retreat into a safe, quiet place within my soul keeps me out of trouble. I have learned to take deep breaths, pray silently to God to help me be patient, and be silent so I don’t say something that I’ll later regret.

Be encouraged, my friend. Being introverted isn’t a curse. If anything, I see it as a blessing. I find just as much joy in being alone as I do in being part of a life-giving, Kingdom-minded community. I encourage you to give it a try and see how even introverts can thrive in the right kind of community.

Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/LeoPatrizi

Jennifer Jabbour resides in the scenic San Diego countryside with her husband, adult son, and teen daughter, and their hilarious English Bulldog. Jennifer has a B.A. in Integrated Business Communications, and is a Go + Tell Gals licensed life coach. Jennifer hopes to use her calling of writing, coaching, and speaking to equip and empower women to clarify their vision and to boldly step forward in response to God’s calling on their life, as well as educate and encourage others to experience the abundance of God’s goodness when they seek Him first in all that they do. Jennifer is also a brown belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, a photographer, and an avid outdoors-woman. She loves camping, hiking, running, and playing the piano in her free time.

You can keep up with Jennifer on her website https://www.jenniferjabbour.com.

Jen Jabbour

Source link

April 26, 2024
What to Do When You Unintentionally Hurt Someone
No sooner had the words come out of my mouth did I regret them. I knew immediately that I had messed up. As I glanced over at my friend, her eyes darted away.

Everything was fine literally three seconds ago, and now I’m at risk of losing a cherished friend all because of one careless comment.
Caught up in the moment, I didn’t consider how it would make her feel. I was being self-centered, and I disrespected her boundaries.

Have you ever done or said something that you regret? You wish you could take it back, but what’s done is done. Whether intentional or not, how it is perceived is all that matters.

It always seems that when I’m not paying attention, someone I care about inevitably gets caught in the direct line of fire of my careless words or actions.

This is an area that I have personally struggled with for a long time. To be honest, I feel like no matter how hard I try to be a good wife, friend, mom, or person, I find that I still mess up—a lot.

I’m quick to see where I went wrong and am instantly filled with regret and remorse. Yet, what takes only seconds to destroy may take days, months, or even a lifetime to repair.

Even though I apologize and do my best to fix the problem, things still don’t feel quite right. That’s when fear, doubt, and questions flood my mind:
- What if time doesn’t actually heal all wounds?
- What if they never get over it?
- What if they hold this against me forever?
- What if they bring it up over and over again and never let me live it down?
And when I can’t seem to get the answers I want, I start to grow upset and anxious.

I’m embarrassed to admit that I have actually found myself getting angry at the person who is upset with me because they won’t get over how I hurt them. In my impatience, I just want to move past this moment and on to better days. Selfishly, I get frustrated that things aren’t moving as quickly as I’d like.

In my effort to understand how best to cope with others when a sincere apology just isn’t enough, I’ve come to the conclusion that there must be a solution besides just throwing my hands up in despair.

The truth is this: we live in a world full of imperfect people, full of selfishness, jealousy, rage, discontentment, and pride (Galatians 5:19-21). Because of this, when we feel like we’ve been wronged by another, it can be nearly impossible to get over it. Depending on the state of our heart, we may never (Proverbs 14:30).

Oftentimes, these hurt feelings are rooted in past trauma that can cause feelings of inadequacy or low self-esteem. Simply put, humans are highly sensitive individuals that get hurt easily yet heal ever so slowly.

It’s important that we make an effort to have empathy for others that struggle in these areas, and it’s part of what being a good friend is all about (Ephesians 4:32).

As Christians, we are called to a higher standard: to forgive seventy-seven times (Matthew 18:21-22), to take the log out of our eye before calling attention to the splinter in our friend’s eye (Luke 6:41), to only throw stones if we ourselves are without sin (John 8:7), to turn the other cheek (Matthew 5:39), to love with patience (1 Corinthians 13:4), and, as much as possible, to live peaceably with others (Romans 12:18).

If you have unintentionally hurt someone, it’s time to act and speak intentionally by letting them know:

The last thing I want is for my carelessness to destroy a meaningful relationship.

Once you have said your peace, you must wait; and even though we have absolutely no control over the response of the person we have hurt or the timeline in which they heal and recover, there are still three things I believe we can and should do:

1. Relinquish Control

For some of us, relinquishing control may be one of the hardest things to do, but is often the first step toward healing.

In 1 Corinthians 13:5 (ESV), Paul points out that love “does not insist on its own way;” instead, you must give up on the way you think it ought to go.

Trying to manipulate the situation in hopes of expediting the repair of the severed relationship may actually make things worse and delay the healing process.

It’s best to just let go and give them the space they need to process what happened, how they feel about it, and how they plan to proceed.

Don’t try to micromanage their recovery. Take a few steps back, and allow whatever time it takes.

Instead of trying to control the situation, try to focus on God and your own actions, surrendering the outcome to him (Psalm 37:5).

Act Normal

Don’t go on as if things have to now be different, especially if they’ve already said they accept your apology.

“Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8 ESV

When we act differently, it only makes things more awkward.

While you don’t want to be insensitive to the circumstances that you caused, you also don’t want to read into anything that may not be there. Trust me, try not to read between the lines. I tend to be a “face value” kind of person, which leads to a less stressful life.

Over time, the weirdness will fall away, and before long, things will start to feel like they used to before you inadvertently hurt your relationship.

2. Pray

Pray because it’s always the right thing to do in all situations (Philippians 4:6, 1 Thessalonians 5:17). Prayer changes things. Prayer has the power to heal hurts and make broken hearts whole again (1 John 5:14).

Pray because not only are we supposed to pray for our fellow believers (1 Thessalonians 5:25), but we are even commanded to pray for our enemies (Matthew 5:44), which, I believe, implies we are also to pray for everyone in between (1 Timothy 2:1-2).

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” James 5:16 ESV

As you draw near to God in this circumstance, pray your friend will do the same (Hebrews 4:16).

God is faithful and just to forgive us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9). He takes bad circumstances and works them for good (Romans 8:28).

3. Then Wait Patiently

While you’re waiting for healing from your unintentionally induced trauma, find inner peace from the Holy Spirit that dwells in you (Philippians 4:7, John 14:27). If you’ve realized and acknowledged your mistake, offered a sincere apology, and made the necessary adjustments in your life to try to keep this from happening again, there’s not much more you can do, except patiently wait (Galatians 6:9).

“With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” Ephesians 4:2-3 ESV

Whatever you do, do not allow guilt and shame to take up residence in your heart. Remember, God looks at the intentions of the heart (1 Samuel 16:7), and if your intentions are pure, you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of (Isaiah 50:7). Continue to move forward in his love and grace, and pray for God to work and move in their heart.

Do your best to imitate Christ in your relationships (1 Corinthians 11:1). Thanks to this broken world we live in, it’s impossible to get along with everyone all the time. Continue to hold yourself to a Christlike standard, and extend grace and patience to everyone around you.

Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Rawpixel

Jennifer Jabbour resides in the scenic San Diego countryside with her husband, teenage son and daughter, and their hilarious English Bulldog. Jennifer has a B.A. in Integrated Business Communications and a life-long desire to share her faith with others so they can also experience the joy of having a relationship with God. She has finally decided it’s time to go after her lifelong dream of writing and publishing her first book, and hopefully many, many more thereafter. Besides being a writer, Jennifer is also a brown belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, a photographer, and an avid outdoors-woman. She loves camping, hiking, running, and playing the piano in her free time.

You can keep up with Jennifer on her website https://www.jenniferjabbour.com.
Jen Jabbour

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June 9, 2023