“Inside Out 2” introduces new emotions like Anxiety and Envy as Riley navigates the challenges of growing up and forming her sense of self. This heartfelt sequel naturally builds on the inner world of its predecessor, teaching important lessons in mental health for both children and adults.
The original “Inside Out” (2015) was a monumental Pixar film that humorously depicted the chaotic inner world of emotions that we all have to navigate.
In the first one, the young protagonist Riley had to learn that negative emotions like “Sadness” (a blue-colored character) aren’t something that have to be avoided at all costs, but are appropriate emotions to feel sometimes, and even a necessary function of a happy and healthy life. It was a powerful lesson in emotional intelligence that resonated with both children and adults alike.
The sequel “Inside Out 2” (2024) continues to build off of these themes in a fun, organic, and intuitive way. Riley is now thirteen and about to enter high school. She starts to experience a new range of emotions (especially “Anxiety” and “Envy”), which start to influence her newly forming “belief system” and a “sense of self.”
The creators of the Inside Out franchise have a team of psychologists that help them illustrate key concepts in an imaginative way, which makes this film both enjoyable and educational. This article will explore some of the new concepts in the film and how the mental world-building in the franchise continues to expand.
New Emotions
Inside Out 2 introduces a bunch of new emotions into Riley’s inner world. In addition to the original line-up (Joy, Sadness, Fear, Anger, Disgust), they also include:
Anxiety (orange): The focus of the film. Anxiety is always thinking ahead and wanting what is best for Riley, but also overworks and overworries her. The main narrative of the film shows Riley wanting to become the best hockey player she can possibly be; anxiety tries to help her achieve this by motivating Riley to constantly push herself forward, wake up early to train more, and work harder. However, too much anxiety distracts her from other core values in life, such as kindness and friendship, and also hurts her ability to just have fun and enjoy the game of hockey. At the climax of the film, Anxiety works itself up into such a frenzy that it freezes and has a panic attack (this scene has resonated with a lot of people who have experienced similar attacks, including myself). Riley must learn that while anxiety can be a powerful motivator it also needs to be balanced with feelings of acceptance, relaxation, and joy.
Envy (cyan): This emotion is always admiring others, looking up to them, and wanting what they have. When Riley first meets her hockey idols, she becomes envious of how “cool” and “successful” they are, so she strives to become just like them by mimicking them and copying their behaviors, including at one point dying her hair the same way to be more like them. Like all emotions, envy and jealousy can be insightful emotions with the right perspective: they can show us what we want or value in life. However when our lives are completely run by these feelings, we end up trying to be something we’re not.
Embarrassment (pink): A big goofy emotion that looks away and covers his head in a hoodie whenever something shameful or embarrassing happens to Riley. It’s interesting to note that many of the new emotions added have a social component to them. This makes sense as Riley comes of age and begins to balance her self-perception with how she is perceived by others.
All of the emotions in Inside Out 2 (both old and new). One cool thing about each emotion is that it is naturally paired with a specific color. Sadness is blue, Anger is red, Joy is yellow, Disgust is green, and Anxiety is orange.
Ennui/Boredom (purple): A humorous emotion with a stereotypically snobby French accent that constantly pretends to not be interested in anything. They will often deflect serious or uncomfortable situations with sarcasm, irony, or feigned disinterest. This character cleverly shows how many people use sarcasm as a defense mechanism when they are too afraid to be honest or sincere about their true thoughts and feelings. It reflects a common attitude among teenagers and young adults where it’s perceived as “lame” to care too much about anything.
Nostalgia (beige): This emotion is a side character that pops up a couple times throughout the film. Each time the other emotions humorously tell “Nostalgia” that she is arriving too soon, and that Riley has to at least wait for her first date, first kiss, or graduation before she starts reminiscing on the past. Perhaps Nostalgia will be the main character in Inside Out 10, when Riley is much older and has already lived the bulk of her life.
The original creator Pete Docter conceived of between 5-27 emotions that could be added to the Inside Out world, so it’s likely newer emotions will continue to be introduced if the series keeps going. Check out different classifications of emotions here, the original five in the movie are based on Paul Ekman’s model (excluding “surprise”).
Belief System and Sense of Self
One of the most interesting new features added to the Inside Out world is the idea of a “belief system.”
In the first movie, they introduced the concept of a “core memory” as a highly emotionally charged event that is then stored in Riley’s brain. Now these core memories can be brought to the “belief system” and turned into a belief (or recurring thought pattern). For example, when Riley fails an important exam at school, that core memory may be turned into the belief, “I’m not good enough” or “I’m not smart enough.”
Here’s how the belief system is visually represented, it looks similar to a bunch of neurons in a brain. Each ray of light represents one specific belief:
All of these beliefs come together to create Riley’s “sense of self.” This is depicted in the movie as a type of “electric tree,” with its roots representing each core belief.
At first the character Joy takes complete control over Riley’s “sense of self.” It only feeds positive memories and positive beliefs into her belief system, and tries to protect her from negative memories by throwing them into the “back of the mind” where they can be ignored forever.
When the emotion Anxiety takes over, only negative beliefs are fed into the sense of self, such as “I’m not good enough” or “I need to be better.” The “sense of self” changes color and shape to reflect these changes in how Riley sees herself.
After Riley suffers from a panic attack during a hockey game due to being completely controlled by Anxiety, the character Joy intervenes and gets Anxiety to “let go” of the controls.
In the outside world, Riley practices a grounding technique by making note of her five senses and taking deep breaths to bring herself back to the present moment. She then does the right thing by apologizing to her friends for being so mean and distant toward them.
Finally Riley “calls” Joy back to her and allows herself to have fun playing the rest of the hockey game with her friends.
By the end of the movie, Riley forms a completely new “sense of self” that accepts all of her thoughts and feelings, even when they can be conflicting or contradictory at times. Riley’s emotions come together and realize that she needs all of them.
No single emotion gets to determine who Riley is – they all contribute in helping Riley become the best version of herself.
Conclusion
Overall Inside Out 2 is a worthy sequel that builds off of its predecessor in an organic and intelligent way that is bound to resonate with both children and adults. Make sure to put it on your watchlist this year!
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Understanding the enigmatic mind of an Aquarius man often feels like decoding a complex puzzle. His elusive nature, controlling tendency, and occasional bouts of aloofness can leave you wondering: Is your Aquarius man testing you?
But there are more urgent queries that resonate with those who are navigating a relationship with this intriguing zodiac sign: Is there a guidebook on how to respond to an Aquarius man testing you? Are his cryptic actions a subtle challenge or merely his standard modus operandi? Does his need for independence translate into a trial for your loyalty? And what about those moments when he’s seemingly distant, lost in his thoughts — Does it signify a test of your patience?
Answering these questions becomes paramount to understanding Aquarius men in relationships. Let us explore the signs that might just help you decipher whether your Aquarius man is putting you through a series of tests before entering a relationship with you, or simply being his idiosyncratic self. In the process, you will also gain some insight into Aquarius man personality and behavior patterns.
How To Know An Aquarius Man Is Testing You?
Sarah, a reader from Alabama, wrote to us saying, “Ever since I started dating my Aquarius boyfriend Justin, it’s been like riding an emotional roller coaster. One minute, he’s all in, making me feel like the center of his universe. The next, it’s like he’s vanished into thin air, lost in his thoughts or suddenly needing space. When an Aquarius man calls you baby and opens up his romantic side and then disappears, it’s kinda unnerving. And then I feel like a clingy girlfriend, even though I’m not.
“I remember this one evening; we were having a great time, laughing and enjoying each other’s company. Then, out of nowhere, he became distant, almost lost in a world of his own. I couldn’t help but wonder if I’d said something wrong or if he was trying to see how I’d react.” She adds, “He is driving me crazy, is he testing me?”
Sarah’s story resonates with many trying to comprehend the actions of their Aquarian partners and understand what an Aquarius man needs in a woman. If you’ve ever felt similarly lost, fret not. In this section, we’ll decode the subtle signs that might just answer those burning questions. But we’ll first address the recurring question that we often receive: “Will an Aquarius man test you before showing his vulnerable side? Is this how he decides if he wants to get into a committed relationship with you or not?” The straight answer to that is “YES.”
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1. He’s testing you for sure if he keeps engaging you in abstract intellectual conversations
By presenting strange, hypothetical questions or initiating discussions on diverse and thought-provoking subjects, an Aquarius man is testing your ability to engage in these intellectual exchanges. He is taking mental notes on how you react to situations. The need to do this aligns perfectly with Aquarius man traits and personality. It’s not merely about showcasing knowledge but about sharing insights, opinions, and the capacity to contemplate life’s complexities.
For him, these dialogues — where he plays mind games — serve as a way to gauge signs of relationship compatibility on a mental level. Aquarius, being one of the air signs, places a lot of importance on intellect and ideation. If you respond with enthusiasm, offer unique perspectives, and engage meaningfully in these discussions, it demonstrates your compatibility and potential to stimulate his intellect — A quality highly prized by an Aquarius man in a partner.
2. He would try to challenge your beliefs
Once you understand what an Aquarius man needs in a woman, these tests he is putting you through start making a lot of sense. Aquarius men seek a partner who can challenge them. Being genuine and standing up for yourself, even if it means calling him out, earns his respect. They look for qualities like:
Authenticity: He appreciates a partner who remains true to themselves. Authenticity in expressing feelings and thoughts is extremely important in earning his admiration
Defiance: Being agreeable won’t captivate him; he prefers someone who challenges his thoughts
Assertiveness: An Aquarius man seeks a partner who can stand up for themselves. He values genuineness over conformity
3. He’ll talk about his interests to gauge your take on them
Aquarius men in relationships are all about building a genuine partnership. For them, shared interests hold significance in a relationship. Here’s what an Aquarius man really needs to be able to connect with a potential romantic partner:
It’s not about pretending to like everything he does; rather, it’s about being the real you and staying honest in your opinions
When he asks for your thoughts on a movie, author, or musician, he’s curious about your perspective and wants to know if you’re genuinely interested in the stuff you talk about
It is not a sign of an Aquarius man testing you but it’s his way of gauging if you share common interests and if your tastes align, creating a basis for a deeper compatibility in early stages
He’ll welcome it if your thoughts differ from his. This authenticity can foster more meaningful discussions and connections
4. An Aquarian male will put you in stressful situations to test you
Dating an Aquarius man means being prepared to step into unchartered territory. To assess whether or not that’s up your alley, he might deliberately create uncomfortable situations to witness your reaction. This is done through unexpected challenges or putting you on the spot with tough questions like showing up at your door for an impromptu road trip or deliberately messing with your friends in a group setting. But why does he do this?
This test isn’t about causing distress but understanding your ability to maintain composure and rationale in high-pressure environments
His intention is not to upset you but to seek a partner capable of handling difficult situations with grace
What he values in his partner is the ability to navigate stress without letting emotions override logic
Remember, it’s about your capacity for resilience that interests him, rather than being flawless in handling stress
But he does have a controlling tendency that will keep testing you. Feel free to call him out on it.
5. You’d find yourself constantly sharing opinions on social matters
An Aquarius man’s test on your political and moral viewpoints serves as a crucial gauge for compatibility. Consider it a ‘civic litmus test’. Before committing, he delves into your convictions and societal concerns, seeking a partner aligned with his core values. This inquiry is not just about his own opinions but it’s an exploration of your civic-mindedness. An Aquarian man wants to see:
If you’re informed on current issues
If you exhibit an open mind
If you showcase a genuine desire to contribute positively to society
An Aquarius guy desires a companion who shares his passion for social betterment and thoughtful engagement with the world’s challenges. This need for testing a potential partner stems from the inherent element of curiosity in Aquarius man personality.
6. Aquarius men try to shake up or at least question your core values
If you find him curiously digging deeper into your belief systems and core values, it is a major sign he’s interested in you — And that’s why he’s playing his mind games to test compatibility. Here are a few reasons that, in the initial stages, he might be mildly interrogating you every chance he gets:
Aquarius men value partners who possess well-founded beliefs and viewpoints
They seek someone capable of defending their convictions with depth and authenticity
Testing your beliefs isn’t about disagreement but understanding the rationale behind your core values
Being able to articulate and stand firm on your beliefs intrigues an Aquarius man
They prefer partners who don’t conform blindly to societal norms but challenge them. If you are too reliant on these norms, it might reduce their genuine interest in pursuing a deeper connection
An Aquarius man places immense value on independence, and this trait becomes a crucial aspect of his relationship evaluation. It is right at the top of the list of what an Aquarius man needs in a woman. In the quest for a compatible partner, he unconsciously conducts an Independence Assessment. This goes beyond the conventional boundaries of personal space.
He will not only try to see if you’re a submissive woman/man; it’s about gauging your level of self-reliance in various aspects of life. They want to see if you possess:
Minimal clinginess: Aquarius men appreciate companionship but in measured doses. Constant updates and a need for perpetual connection might raise concerns during this assessment. He would always like to create healthy boundaries in the relationship
Financial independence: Financial stability is pivotal. If you lean heavily on others, especially your parents, he might perceive it as a lack of self-sufficiency. He’d prefer independent women or men
Emotional autonomy: While emotional support is vital, an Aquarius man prefers a partner who doesn’t rely entirely on him for their emotional well-being. He will test you by staying away. If you haven’t heard from Aquarius man after a stimulating texting session, he’s probably testing your emotional autonomy
8. He resorts to unconventional modes of communication
Aquarians are known for their innovative thinking and often communicate in unique or unconventional ways that might differ from traditional verbal expressions. Here’s a breakdown of how an Aquarius might use unconventional communication:
Non-Verbal cues: Aquarius individuals might rely on non-verbal cues like gestures, facial expressions, or body language to convey their thoughts or feelings. They could use subtle movements or expressions that might not be immediately clear to others
Indirect communication: Rather than expressing things directly, they might use symbolism, metaphors, or analogies to communicate their ideas. They enjoy engaging in intellectual puzzles or using creative ways to convey their messages
Technology and innovation: Aquarians are often tech-savvy and might use technology, such as creating digital art, sending coded messages, or using innovative communication tools, to interact with their partner
Unconventional topics: They might bring up unusual or unconventional topics in conversations to gauge their partner’s receptiveness to diverse or eccentric ideas
Of course, Aquarius men in relationships rely on this trait to communicate with their partners. Therefore, it’s vital for him to observe how his partner responds to these unconventional methods of communication. It provides insight into their adaptability, open-mindedness, and ability to understand his unique way of expressing himself. It’s a subtle way for an Aquarius to test compatibility and compatibility in communication styles within a relationship.
Aquarius men tend to see if you can think for yourself. They are especially attracted to people who can break down their thoughts rationally. They seek a partner who can question, analyze, interpret, evaluate, and then make a judgment. However, while they find thinkers hot, it needs to be complemented with a good sense of humor. They love this balance in their partner. This aspect of the Aquarius man personality pushes him to test a potential partner’s critical thinking abilities.
An Aquarius man will put you in situations where your critical thinking is tested
10. An Aquarius man keenly observes you in social settings
For an Aquarius man, social compatibility and communication skills are significant in a potential partner. So he’ll introduce you to his friends and family. While you spend time in this social setting, he’ll test if you’re the right person. Here’s what it means for him:
It’s a step toward commitment
It’s an opportunity for him to assess your adaptability, conversational style, and long-term compatibility with his social spheres
He keenly observes how you engage with others, seeking indications of genuine connection, mutual respect, and your ability to navigate various social dynamics
He’s paying attention to how you nurture harmonious relationships and shared connections. Ultimately, he’s looking for someone who aligns not just with him but also fits seamlessly into his broader social world.
If an Aquarius man ignores you, does that mean he is testing you? The answer is yes. He will surely test your limits. He’ll observe how you react to delayed responses or sudden changes in plans or him staying away for a bit. If you haven’t heard from an Aquarius man and you’re thinking, “He is driving me crazy”, you need to relax because it could be a test. Unpredictability is one of the characteristic Aquarius man traits, and he might intentionally create situations that challenge your patience.
It’s a way for them to understand if you remain composed, adaptable, and understanding when faced with unpredictability — traits they value in a partner. However, it’s crucial to note that while occasional checks are normal, consistent and excessive testing might indicate a deeper issue that warrants a conversation about trust and mutual respect in the relationship.
12. There are subtle signs of loyalty tests too
The ‘loyalty check’ is a significant aspect of how an Aquarius man might evaluate a potential partner. Due to potential trust issues from past relationships or personal insecurities, an Aquarius man might test you in various ways, such as:
Sudden probing into your past relationships
Inquiring about your friendships and your best friend
Or even potentially setting up scenarios to test your fidelity
While occasional curiosity about your past romantic relationships isn’t necessarily a red flag, continuous loyalty tests might signify deeper trust issues. Your Aquarius man testing you is his way of finding love, so it’s crucial to maintain open communication and address any concerns regarding faith and fidelity to ensure a healthy and balanced relationship. These tendencies can make you feel as if dating an Aquarius man is more trouble than it’s worth. To a large extent, it is true. That’s why it’s important to call out unhealthy behaviors right from the beginning and nip them in the bud.
13. He seems to be very interested in your rebellious side
Aquarius men rebel against labels and restrictions, preferring the freedom to explore life’s vastness. They resist authority and dislike conformity so they admire partners who challenge the status quo. Here are other reasons he might be interested in your rebellious side:
Boldness and courage are traits that intrigue an Aquarius man
An Aquarius male, known for fluidity, finds it appealing to have a partner who embraces change
The rebellious Aquarius men’s nature looks for someone who is willing to grow beyond limitations
And here’s how they will test your limits to see how you react:
They might ask you to participate in a quirky challenge like wearing mismatched shoes in public
They might instigate an out-of-the-blue adventure, such as hitchhiking for a day
They might initiate discussions on human rights, like gender identity politics
14. An Aquarian man tests you by randomly bringing up conversations about sex
For an Aquarius, this isn’t merely about physical intimacy; it’s about compatibility and shared desires in a relationship. These men often possess a high sex drive and a penchant for exploration in this realm. They seek a partner who mirrors their adventurousness, someone who embraces their wilder side by breaking conventional boundaries.
A man of this zodiac sign values a loved one who is open-minded and willing to explore. It’s not about superficial preferences but about finding someone who matches their level of enthusiasm for diverse experiences in the realm of intimacy. Compatibility in this area matters to an Aquarius man as it symbolizes a deeper connection beyond the physical.
15. It’s probably a test when an Aquarius man tries to make you jealous
He’s out with an ex who’s now a friend. A whole day has gone by and no text from him. If an Aquarius man ignores you, does that mean he is testing you and your sense of security? Probably. When an Aquarius man tries to make you jealous, it is a particular test, often encountered in the initial stages, that may involve subtle actions or conversations designed to gauge your level of possessiveness or insecurity.
He does this by strategically mentioning past relationships or engaging in conversations that could provoke jealousy. He will throw a few jokes or poke fun to test your limits. For an Aquarius man, observing how you handle these feelings helps him determine the following:
He wants to know how secure you are with yourself, and the bond you share
It’s less about intentionally causing distress and more about evaluating your trust and confidence in the relationship
His aim isn’t to instigate conflict but to understand how you navigate emotions, address insecurities, and communicate your feelings
16. An Aquarius man asks you about your future plans in great detail
Understanding a partner’s future aspirations serves as a crucial factor in assessing compatibility and shared values within the relationship. These men are visionaries, often driven by a deep-rooted desire to contribute to the betterment of society. They prioritize intellectual pursuits, innovative thinking, and social causes.
Knowing a partner’s dreams allows them to gauge alignment in long-term goals and collective values. As they dedicate their lives to improving humanity and elevating awareness, they seek a partner who shares similar values and possesses a genuine desire to create a positive impact on society. He wants to know if you are an independent soul who strives for societal change and innovation through their career and passions.
17. He has started becoming controlling — But this is a test too!
Typically, an Aquarius man is mildly inclined toward controlling or dominating behavior in a relationship. However, if such controlling tendencies or insecure behavior start going overboard, it’s less about asserting dominance and more about the following reasons:
Need for independence in a relationship: They might test a potential partner’s reactions to them being controlling. It’s a convoluted way to ensure that their need for personal space and freedom aligns with the partner’s understanding and willingness to grant autonomy
Assessing your understanding of boundaries: Testing for control might be a way for an Aquarius man to evaluate how well a partner comprehends and respects healthy boundaries before he decides to enter a serious relationship
Checking for trust: In some cases, an Aquarius man might test a partner’s reactions to situations to evaluate trust levels. By observing how a partner responds to their controlling attempts, he gauges if there’s a foundation of trust and understanding within the relationship
Clarifying expectations: Testing for control can also serve as a means to communicate his preferences and expectations early in the relationship
All of this might be his way of establishing boundaries and ensuring mutual respect for personal space right in the beginning. This means he wants to be in a relationship with you and you’ve cleared his initial checkpoints.
18. Will an Aquarius man test you by showing up randomly? He might
An Aquarius man showing up unexpectedly at a potential partner’s place often stems from his desire to observe their reaction and see if they will assert their boundaries. This unexpected visit is a way for him to gauge the partner’s response to spontaneity and their comfort level with surprise situations. If an Aquarius man comes and goes randomly from your home and workplace, then it’s a test.
Not to create discomfort or to be clingy, but to assess how adaptable the partner is to unforeseen scenarios or how they put their foot down. Aquarians value freedom and independence but also seek a genuine connection, and test you in this manner to see how you both align. As long as he doesn’t pull this behavior after you’ve said no, it’s all good. After all, if your wavelengths really match and you’re on the same page about the things that matter to you both, dating an Aquarius man can be a breeze.
19. He makes you wait for him to see how you react
An Aquarius man making a potential partner wait for him could be a subtle way of testing the partner’s patience and level of attachment. By making a partner wait, he aims to assess their reaction and whether they exhibit insecurity or undue frustration. Additionally, playing hard to get could serve as an indicator of how invested the partner is in the relationship, and if they are willing to wait for him for a reasonable duration.
Understanding an Aquarius man’s tests and responding wisely is crucial to nurturing a healthy relationship. His subtle assessments often stem from a desire to gauge long-term compatibility and shared values. I vividly recall a friend telling me about their Aquarius partner.
They said, “The moment my boyfriend, curious and analytical as ever, initiated discussions on topics, I felt like I was an intellectual maze runner. It was as if he was unraveling my thoughts to see how we sync in certain fundamentals. However, learning to respond to these tests thoughtfully helped us solidify trust and I could build a deeper connection with him.”
Here are a few ways you can respond smartly to this famous (or infamous) Aquarian testing:
Stay authentic: Be true to yourself and your beliefs; an Aquarius man values honesty and genuine expressions. Even when he tries to make you jealous, be honest about how you feel about it
Engage in intellectual conversations: Embrace his love for deep discussions; show interest and contribute meaningfully to conversations on various subjects. Your intellectual intelligence can impact your romantic relationship with him
Assert boundaries: Respectfully communicate your boundaries; an Aquarius man appreciates partners who understand and respect personal space
Be open-minded: Show curiosity and an open attitude toward new experiences and unconventional ideas; this fosters a connection based on shared intellectual curiosity
Communicate calmly: When faced with unexpected situations or tests, maintain composure and communicate openly. Clear, rational dialogue helps bridge understanding and builds trust
An Aquarius man will test you before committing to you. Hence, decoding an Aquarius man’s behavior involves understanding the subtle signs of testing in a relationship
These tests are a way for him to gauge compatibility, shared values and interests, and loyalty
An Aquarius man tests you by engaging in intellectual conversations, assessing independence, and creating situations to gauge patience
You can respond smartly by staying authentic, embracing deep discussions, asserting boundaries, being open-minded, and communicating calmly
These insights aim to unravel the enigmatic nature of an Aquarius man, offering guidance for those navigating the complexities of a relationship with this intriguing zodiac sign
Understanding an Aquarius guy’s tricky tests is like cracking a special code. Those 19 signs give a peek into how he figures out if you two click. It’s not about playing games but finding a true bond. He’s looking for a real connection and for him, it’s simply about seeing if you both match well. If you were wondering how to know an Aquarius man is testing you, we hope this article helped you find the answer.
If you’re in this situation, be real and honest. Only go along if you truly want a connection. And if it doesn’t feel right, it’s okay to say so. Being open and true helps both of you figure out where things stand. It’s all about understanding each other and being honest, even if it means going your separate ways.
I’ve often yelled at a friend fondly, “HOW are you unable to read the signs a woman is attracted to you? Look at her, she’s clearly throwing hints your way!” My friend’s dating life is filled with attempts at gauging interest from women. Watching him do that is a fascinating and irritating endeavor. But science shows some support to my friend, even though I want to shake him hard.
The above research on gender differences in emotion recognition has shown that women tend to be more perceptive to subtle, i.e. low intense or ambiguous, emotion cues. So, if you’re a guy, you do stand at a disadvantage and may not be able to easily spot the physical signs a woman is interested in you. I know how confusing it is; I’ve seen my friend spend hours on this romantic investigation. But today, you’re not alone. I’m here to help you all out.
How To Tell If A Woman Is Attracted To You
A user on Quora said, “It’s no surprise that girls are harder to read than guys. Especially when it comes to figuring out if they are interested in you. From body language cues, to what she does during conversations. Girls might be trying to drop hints about their feelings!”
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A woman’s attraction might manifest through an inclination to spend quality time with you or an eagerness to laugh at your jokes. Additionally, genuine interest in your life, opinions, and emotions can reveal a deeper level of attraction. It’s essential to approach these signs with sensitivity and context, as individual personalities and cultural differences can shape how attraction is expressed.
In a broader context, while verbal cues play a role, nonverbal communication often holds significant weight, like eye contact attraction, frequent smiling, or open body language, or touch. Though everyone expresses romantic or sexual interest differently, here’s an extensive list of 23 signs a woman is attracted to you:
1. Prolonged eye contact is a great indicator of a woman’s attraction to you
Most women make frequent eye contact to suggest interest and a desire for intimacy. The eyes are windows to one’s emotions, and lingering gazes convey a sense of vulnerability and openness.
In the realm of attraction, prolonged or repeated eye contact goes beyond casual glances, communicating a silent invitation for emotional exploration. It’s a powerful yet subtle sign that can set the stage for a meaningful and potentially romantic relationship. This is why prolonged eye contact serves as one of the most obvious signs she wants you.
2. You seem to make her smile and laugh easily
A study states, “Laughter, particularly shared laughter, is an important indicator of romantic attraction between potential mates and is associated with relational quality, closeness, and support in established relationships.” Her frequent smiles and genuine laughter in your presence can be compelling indicators that a woman likes you.
Smiling is a universal expression of happiness, and when directed toward someone specific, it signifies a positive emotional response
Laughter, especially at your jokes, not only demonstrates a shared sense of humor but also reveals a desire to connect on a deeper, more personal level
The joy expressed through these nonverbal cues suggests comfort and enjoyment in your company
A woman’s laughter can be a genuine and involuntary response to feeling attracted, creating a bridge to camaraderie and an atmosphere of warmth and mutual understanding
3. There are plenty of body language signs of attraction
When a woman stands close to you, when a woman flips her hair to expose her neck, she might be trying to create sexual tension. The female body language speaks volumes about her attraction. Leaning in during conversation shows a desire to be closer, while maintained eye contact unveils a connection beyond words.
Mirroring your movements signals subconscious alignment, a yearning for rapport. Open and engaged body language reveals comfort, affirming potential romantic interest.
If she suddenly starts to wear heels, or wear the color you casually told her you liked, she is trying to impress you. When a woman makes a conscious effort to enhance her appearance before meeting you, it signifies a heightened level of interest. This deliberate gesture goes beyond routine grooming; it’s a subtle hint of attraction.
Whether it’s styling her hair, choosing a special outfit, or adding a touch of makeup, these adjustments convey an attempt to heighten her sex appeal and a desire to be noticed and appreciated by you. She is using her feminine attributes and she’s sending you signals that she’s sexually attracted to you.
5. She’s been making future plans with you in mind
How to know if a woman is attracted to you? See if she actively discusses future plans with you. This forward-looking stance transcends casual interactions, implying a shared vision for ongoing experiences. Her inclination to make joint plans communicates an earnest interest in a lasting connection.
Does she suggest weekend plans with you or to hang out after office hours? It could be an indicator that she likes you at work and envisions you as a meaningful part of her life.
6. If she’s flirting with you, it’s the clearest sign she wants to be with you
Flirting serves as one of the most obvious physical signs a woman is interested in you. The nuances of flirting become a vibrant language, signaling her openness to a romantic involvement or to tell you that she’s sexually interested.
The playful banter, suggestive remarks, and subtle actions go beyond friendly exchanges, expressing a desire for a more profound connection
Through these flirtatious behaviors, she subtly communicates her sexual attraction or her pursuit of a romantic connection
It’s a dynamic interplay that elevates the relationship from mere friendship to a realm charged with the anticipation of something more intimate
Flirting is one of the strongest and most obvious signs she wants you.
7. She’s comfortable being vulnerable with you
Brené Brown says in her book, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead, “I define vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. With that definition in mind, let’s think about love. Waking up every day and loving someone who may or may not love us back, whose safety we can’t ensure, who may stay in our lives or may leave without a moment’s notice – that’s vulnerability. Love is uncertain. It’s incredibly risky. And loving someone leaves us emotionally exposed”.
What we can deduce from this is:
A woman’s willingness to express vulnerability signals a profound connection and potential attraction, because in most cases, being vulnerable with a man can be quite difficult for a woman
Opening up emotionally indicates trust and comfort with you
It’s a courageous act that hints at her growing feelings and the possibility of a meaningful romantic connection
If she tells you personal stuff, lets you into her personal zone, doesn’t make you feel awkward about sharing your vulnerabilities with her either, she’s into you
8. She compliments you in the most meaningful ways
When a woman who’s been flirting with you genuinely compliments you too, it serves as a pretty clear sign of her attraction. Compliments extend beyond mere courtesy; they are a deliberate admiration for your attributes, whether they be physical, intellectual, or personal.
This authentic acknowledgment becomes her way of conveying positive emotions and genuine appreciation. After all, compliments act as a bridge between friendship and romantic interest, demonstrating her desire to make you feel noticed and valued.
9. When a girl is curious about you, she loves listening to you actively
Most women’s attentive and engaged listening skills reveal more than interest; it hints at attraction. Here’s what showcases her desire for a profound understanding:
Genuine focus
Thoughtful replies
Openness to your words
This heightened attentiveness speaks to a growing emotional connection, underscoring the importance she places on your exchanges. How to know if a girl likes you over text? Even if you connected through dating apps, her active listening, initiating conversation, and long replies are some of the signs a woman likes you through texts.
10. Playful teasing and touching? Yeah, she’s interested
These are potent signs she finds you attractive; these acts could even be a form of sexual conversation for many. Many women engage in light-hearted banter or teasing, signaling comfort and a shared sense of humor, often serving as a playful way to express affection.
Playful teasing and subtle touches might indicate that she’s feeling frisky… *wink wink*
Physical touches, even subtle ones like a gentle brush of the hand or a lingering hug, transcend mere friendliness, suggesting an unspoken desire for closeness. Playful interactions and tactile gestures establish a unique language of attraction, and sometimes make up for words that she might lack.
A woman introducing you to her friends and family signifies a desire to integrate you into her personal space and share the people she values most. It reflects a great level of commitment, indicating that she sees a potential future with you. By bringing you into her inner circle, she’s emphasizing the importance of your presence in her life.
12. Has she been jealous yet? If yes, she likes you
A woman expressing jealousy might be one of the many subconscious signs of attraction. If she shows signs of unease or envy when you engage with others, it could stem from a fear of romantic competition and a yearning for your attention.
While handling jealousy or dealing with a jealous partner delicately is crucial, acknowledging it as a sign suggests that she places significance on your relationship and may harbor deeper, unspoken feelings for you. Her emotional response hints at a desire for exclusivity between you two.
13. Things girls do when they like you: They ask personal questions and notice details about you
Women love to ask personal questions about your life when they’re attracted to you. They are curious about you, so it goes beyond casual conversation, indicating a desire to understand you on a more profound level. In a study, it was found that question-asking increased liking in a 15-minute conversation between two people, especially if these questions allow the recipient to talk about themselves.
By seeking information about your life, she invests emotionally and also shows concern for your well-being
Noticing and remembering intricate details, whether it’s a favorite book or a significant date, reflects attentiveness and an eagerness to make a connection meaningful
Thus, in the dance of attraction, the art of asking personal questions and paying attention to details become subtle signs of genuine interest and a potential romance.
14. Her consistent availability is a good sign that she’s into you
A woman’s consistent availability, whether in person or just emotionally, speaks volumes about her attraction. Making time for you and remaining easily reachable are a couple of signs of female attraction. Thus, by being consistently available, she is reflecting her desire for connection, highlighting the significance she attributes to your relationship and the depth of her feelings for you. She wants you to be able to trust her.
15. She’s there to give you support and encouragement
A woman consistently providing support and encouragement is a telling sign she’s attracted to you.
She believes in your abilities and tells you about them when you lose faith in self
She tries to enable a morally and verbally supportive environment where you can achieve growth in terms of career, individuality, family, finances, etc.
She helps out in concrete ways too, and offers solutions
Her genuine interest in your aspirations and overall well-being reflects a deep emotional investment. She desires your fulfillment and success, underscoring a meaningful connection and romantic feelings.
A woman who wants you will try her best to encourage you and be supportive.
16. If she’s mirroring you, she’s interested in you
According to Science of People, mirroring is a nonverbal technique where a person copies the body language, vocal qualities, or attitude of another person. In the context of a woman’s attraction, mirroring is a nonverbal synchronization that indicates a subconscious desire to establish rapport.
If she unconsciously mimics your movements, it signifies:
A deepening bond and romantic interest
A silent language of affinity and an unspoken connection
An attempt to bridge emotional distances for a more unified experience
17. Her communication with you is deep, layered, and personal
Her enthusiasm and openness in communication are important signs she finds you attractive. She actively engages in conversations, shares her thoughts, and respects your opinions.
She chooses to engage in long, meaningful conversations beyond casual chit-chat
She shares personal stories and opinions so you get to know her as she is
She not only actively listens but remembers and references details from your conversations
18. She’s nervous around you
Her nervous demeanor is a revealing dance of emotions. These are silent admissions of a heightened state of awareness when you’re near. It’s not discomfort, but the manifestation of a desire to leave a good impression. This vulnerability adds authenticity to her language of attraction.
Other signs that she’s drawn to you:
Fidgeting, blushing, or lip biting
She might suddenly start talking more with you even though she’s shy around you
She makes some kind of physical contact
However nervously, she might want to sit close to you
19. When it comes to you, initiating contact comes naturally to her
A woman’s initiation of contact is an active pursuit, a clear sign of her attraction. Each message or call becomes a deliberate step toward establishing an emotional connection. This proactive engagement transcends mere communication; it’s an expression of her desire to be close, and to know more about your routine and life.
20. She respects your opinions openly as a mark of her affections
When a woman genuinely respects your opinions, it’s a significant sign of attraction. Her respect for your opinions transcends mere courtesy; it’s a genuine acknowledgment of your individuality. The attentive consideration she gives to your thoughts creates an atmosphere of mutual understanding, shared respect, and compatibility.
21. You can count on her to remember all the special dates
One of the things women do when they like you is remembering dates that are important to you (and to her). It’s not just about remembering; it’s a deliberate effort to acknowledge and celebrate significant milestones in your life. This thoughtful attention to detail validates you and reflects a desire for shared joy. Some examples of such behavior are:
Remembering your birthday and giving you a heartfelt wish or maybe even a small gift
Remembering you have an important meeting or exam and wishing you luck
Recalling the day you guys spent together doing something, even if it was something seemingly mundane
22. Genuine signs of female attraction: She creates shared rituals and inside jokes
Creating shared rituals and inside jokes is a subtle but powerful sign of attraction. Dr. John Gottman suggests couples commit to six hours a week together, which includes rituals for saying goodbye in the morning and reuniting at the end of the day. These rituals help couples reconnect when life gets in the way.
These personal experiences and exclusive moments, whether a personalized tradition or the same dumb jokes she likes to crack with you, cultivate a unique bond. This way, you also find common interests. They serve as a language that transcends words, signaling romantic feelings that bind two individuals in a shared world of fond affection.
23. Creating opportunities for alone time means that she wants you
A woman creating opportunities for alone time is an intentional journey into deeper connection. It’s a subtle invitation to explore the intimacy that blossoms when two people are together. Also, during this alone time with her, you might notice a few good signs of magnetic attraction between you:
When a girl moves closer to you, she’s into you
She is blushing when you flirt or touch her
She’s shy when you’re together
Key Pointers
Deciphering a woman’s attraction can be a challenging feat. While verbal cues play a role, nonverbal signals often hold significant weight when you’re just starting to discover her feelings
Her prolonged eye contact, genuine laughter, and intentional touches are some of the signs a woman is attracted to you
The powerful yet subtle signs of her paying attention to details, initiating contact, and creating opportunities for alone time underscore a deep romantic or sexual attraction toward you
According to a user on Reddit, “If a girl is interested in you, it’ll be obvious and she’ll make things very easy.” You just have to keep paying attention as prolonged eye contact, genuine smiles, and playful touches become the brushstrokes of a burgeoning connection. From an open body language to the creation of shared rituals, all these collective gestures listed above paint a portrait of attraction, where emotional depth and potential romance intertwine in the hues of shared experiences.
Love is a bewildering emotion, often celebrated as one of life’s greatest joys, yet it’s equally notorious for causing profound pain and heartache. But how can love hurt if it is such a beautiful feeling? The enigma of ‘why does love hurt so much’ has perplexed poets, philosophers, psychologists, and ordinary individuals alike for centuries.
We asked our expert counselor Nandita Rambhia (M.Sc. in Psychology) to help us understand why some circumstances can make even true love hurt so much. Read on to find out what she has to say about the matter.
One of the prime reasons why love hurts so much in a relationship is its vulnerability. When we open ourselves to love, we are exposed to the risk of rejection, betrayal, and loss. Additionally, the biochemical underpinnings of love, including the release of neurotransmitters such as dopamine, create a euphoric rush that can be addictive. When this wanes or is disrupted, it can lead to withdrawal symptoms akin to physical injury or physical pain.
Dr. Helen Fisher’s study on why love hurts used fMRI to examine brain activity in individuals who had recently experienced romantic rejection. The results revealed that the same parts of the brain associated with physical pain were activated when participants viewed images of their former partners. This research helps us gain insight of the complex relationship between love, rejection, and the neural pathways and processes involved.
13 Reasons Why Love Hurts So Much
Love is painful and can be so excruciating sometimes. At its core, love is a deeply complex and multifaceted emotion, capable of evoking an array of intense feelings, from euphoria and contentment to despair and suffering. The profound connection that love fosters can intensify the anguish when that connection is severed or damaged, making us feel pain. Moreover, the expectations we attach to love, influenced by societal ideals, romantic narratives, and personal perspectives of romance and desires, can set us up for disappointment and emotional turmoil when reality falls short of these lofty ideals.
Delving into the numerous reasons behind love’s capacity to cause pain unveils the intricacy of human emotions and relationships. Here are 13 factors that can answer the question “Why does love hurt so much?”:
1. Vulnerability and uncertainty
Love requires opening up emotionally, which makes us susceptible to rejection and hurt. Not knowing where a relationship is headed can be distressing. Here’s how it can hurt us:
Vulnerability can hurt because it involves exposing our true selves, making us susceptible to rejection or betrayal. This emotional openness can be challenging and painful when it’s met with disappointment or hurtful actions
Miscommunication, or sometimes simply distance, can create uncertainty, which is antagonizing because it creates anxiety about the future of the relationship and can bring up difficult emotions
It can also become difficult to get your partner to open up to you if they are scared of vulnerability and cause harm to the relationship
Still wondering “Why does it hurt to be away from the person you love?” The answer is simple. Not knowing where you stand or whether the person you love reciprocates those feelings can lead to emotional distress, doubt, and insecurity, causing a sense of unease and discomfort in the relationship, especially when you’re aching for love.
You know what it’s like when you love someone so much it hurts? Sometimes, it is because we fear that they won’t feel the same way about us. Nandita says, “If you, or your thoughts, or your ideas, are rejected, that hurt can be very painful and difficult to overcome.” Here’s how:
The fear of not being loved in return can lead to anxiety and pain
Being afraid of rejection really stings, making you worry that you’re not good enough for someone, and it can leave you feeling pretty down
Unrequited love is a tough pill to swallow. It’s like having a one-sided crush that leaves you feeling sad, longing for something that’s just not there
The fear of rejection and unrequited love can make you want to run away from love
3. Betrayal
Trust can be shattered when a partner betrays your confidence or is unfaithful. Betrayal in love cuts deep because it shatters the trust and emotional connection you’ve built with someone you care about deeply. It leaves wounds that are not easily healed, causing profound emotional pain, anger, and a sense of betrayal. Coping with the knowledge that someone you loved and trusted has let you down can be emotionally devastating and can have long-lasting effects on your ability to trust in future relationships. This breaks a person emotionally, developing trust issues, so much so that they’re unable to trust a new partner as well.
4. Loss
Love can end through breakups, causing profound grief. Sometimes, the grief and loss of loved one can affect you so much that the pain can seep through into your other relationships as well. The loss of love hurts so much in a relationship that it breaks you from within, especially if your partner used to be in love with you but later fell out of it for some reason. Their absence feels like an ache deep in your soul, a constant reminder of their significance in your life. The void left by their absence is accompanied by a profound sense of grief, sadness, and longing. It’s a painful reminder of the moments and memories you once cherished together, making it one of the most emotionally challenging experiences one can endure.
High expectations in relationships can lead to disappointment when reality falls short, making it a recipe for heartache, instilling a lot of negative emotions in you. Here’s how:
When we set the bar too high, it’s easy to feel hurt when the reality that we face doesn’t match our fantasies
The gap between what we hoped for and what we experience can lead to disappointment, frustration, and distress, as we grapple with the discrepancy between our idealized notions of love and the complexities of real-life relationships
6. Incompatibility
When love encounters incompatibility, it can be a real heartache. It’s like trying to fit puzzle pieces that just don’t match, leading to constant conflicts and misunderstandings. Even when you love someone so much it hurts, it is possible that your values, goals, or personalities clash, creating a persistent sense of frustration and sorrow, making it challenging to sustain a fulfilling relationship.
7. Communication issues
When there’s a lack of clear and honest communication, misunderstandings and misinterpretations can flourish, causing unnecessary conflicts and emotional distress. It’s like trying to navigate a relationship in the dark, with both partners feeling unheard or frustrated, which can erode the trust and connection that love thrives on, turning your life upside down.
Jealousy is like a pesky little gremlin. It’s that nagging sensation that someone’s trying to rain on your parade, making you all jittery and unsure. When it takes center stage, it can wreak havoc on your relationship, hampering your self-esteem and your bond with your partner. When jealousy takes hold, it can strain relationships, erode trust, and cause agony as you wrestle with feelings of inadequacy or fear of losing the person you care about.
9. Fear of abandonment
Abandonment issues can make love feel precarious and anxiety-inducing. The fear of abandonment in love is like a persistent shadow. It’s this nagging concern that your special someone might one day walk away, stirring up anxiety and self-doubt. This fear can cast a shadow over your relationship, causing emotional turmoil as you wrestle with the prospect of being left behind. It affects your trust and closeness with your partner, leaving you aching for love.
Why Does Love Hurt So Much?
10. Past trauma and unresolved issues
Previous heartbreak or emotional wounds can affect current relationships, festering and causing pain. Past trauma and unresolved issues can inflict deep emotional wounds. It’s like carrying a heavy backpack full of old hurts and scars into a new relationship. These lingering issues can resurface, triggering emotional pain, mistrust, and conflict, preventing you from opening up fully and experiencing the love and connection you desire.
Likewise, unresolved issues are like the persistent storm clouds that refuse to clear. They hang over the relationship, causing tension, frustration, grief, and regret. These issues can lead to recurring conflicts, making it difficult to move forward and find happiness together.
Opening up emotionally can trigger fear and psychological torment. You can think to yourself, “I love you so much it hurts,” but it won’t matter until you let your partner in to see all the good and the bad. Fear of intimacy is like having walls around your heart that keep you from fully connecting with your partner. You build invisible barriers to protect yourself from painful emotions and hurt. This fear can leave you feeling isolated and disappointed, as you struggle to let your guard down and share your true self, which can hinder the depth and fulfillment of your relationship.
12. Insecurity
Relationship insecurity can be a wrecking ball, causing emotional turbulence and eroding the foundation of love. It’s like a persistent cloud of doubt that casts shadows over trust and intimacy. Here’s how it affects relationships:
Low self-esteem can lead to doubts about being worthy of love. You’re constantly second-guessing yourself and fearing that you’re not good enough for your partner
Insecurity can lead you to an emotional rollercoaster of jealousy, constant reassurance-seeking behavior, and fear of abandonment, ultimately driving a wedge between you and your partner and harming the connection that sustains love.
Over time, insecurity can destroy the fabric of the relationship, leaving both individuals hurt and the love diminished.
13. Attachment styles
Having different attachment styles in love can be a bit like dancing out of sync. It’s like speaking different emotional languages, where one partner might want more closeness, while the other might value independence. These contrasting needs can spark conflicts and insecurities, causing emotional turbulence and potentially harming the relationship by making it tough to meet each other’s emotional expectations. This is why it becomes important to understand attachment styles psychology and how you can use it to make your relationship better. Negative attachment styles learned from former partners can make you question, “Is love supposed to hurt this much all the time?”
These could be some of the answers to your question: “How can true love hurt so much?” There could be many other reasons for you to feel pain in love and get hurt in relationships, but we must try to find a silver lining, move forward, and find a way to cope with the pain.
How To Cope With The Pain Of Love
Love is one of the few very complicated emotions, and coping with the pain of love, whether it’s due to rejection, betrayal, or the natural ups and downs of relationships, can be a challenging journey. You’ll want to scream, “Why does love hurt so much?,” because, let’s admit it, love is painful. It is a deeply emotional experience, and when it hurts, it can feel overwhelming, just like facing a storm.
Nandita explains, “When in a relationship, it is important to not lose yourself entirely in that person, or in that relationship. It is important to keep your identity intact, because at some point, it will act as a coping mechanism to help protect you and overcome the pain.”
Here are several strategies to help you navigate and cope with the pain of love:
Allow yourself to grieve: It’s important to acknowledge and allow yourself to feel the pain. Grieving the loss or disappointment is a natural part of healing. Suppressing emotions can prolong the healing process
Practice self-care: Prioritize self-care activities that nurture your physical and emotional well-being and your mental health. This might include exercise, meditation, hobbies, or simply taking time for yourself to relax and heal
Set boundaries: If the pain is caused by an unhealthy relationship, set boundaries or consider distancing yourself from the source of the pain. Protect your emotional health by prioritizing your well-being
Reflect and learn: Use this time to reflect on the relationship and the emotions you’re experiencing. What can you learn from the experience? How can you grow and become stronger from it?
Focus on growth: Channel your energy into personal growth and self-improvement. Pursue goals, passions, or hobbies that fulfill you and enhance your self-esteem. Nandita points out, “It is important to accept yourself, be non-judgmental, and keep yourself going. Give yourself time to heal, stay active, and practice a lot of self-care”
Positive affirmations: Practice positive self-talk and affirmations to boost your self-confidence and self-worth. Remind yourself of your strengths and value as an individual
Limit social media: Avoid excessive exposure to your ex-partner’s social media or romanticized portrayals of love. These can exacerbate feelings of pain and inadequacy
Disconnecting from social media and your phone for some time can be very helpful
Talk to someone: Share your feelings with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist. Talking about your emotions can provide relief and perspective. It can also help you process and make sense of what you’re going through. You may also consider joining support groups or online communities where you can connect with others who have experienced pain similar to yours. Sharing stories and advice can be comforting
Time and patience: Healing takes time. Be patient with yourself and understand that the intensity of the pain will gradually diminish as you move forward
Seek professional help: If the pain becomes overwhelming or persists for an extended period, consider seeking professional therapy or counseling. A therapist can provide guidance and tools to help you cope effectively. This is why experienced counselors from Bonobology’s panel are here to offer you support. Don’t shy away from seeking help from them.
Coping with the pain of love is a deeply personal journey, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. It’s essential to find strategies that resonate with you and align with your unique circumstances. Remember that healing is possible, and with time and self-compassion, you can emerge from the pain of love stronger and wiser.
Key Pointers
The intricate interplay between pleasure and pain in the realm of love stems from a combination of psychological, biological, and societal factors
Among other reasons, when your expectations in a relationship are not met with, it is likely to cause pain and make you feel hurt
The fear of rejection, betrayal, uncertainty, or being vulnerable, can cause you pain and lead you to distance yourself from the person you love
Incompatibility, communication issues, past trauma, and insecurity can make love hurt
Setting boundaries, self-care, talking to someone, or seeking professional help are some of the ways you can cope with the hurt or pain of love
In the labyrinthine tapestry of human emotions, love stands as a paradoxical masterpiece, capable of illuminating our lives with unmatched joy and yet plunging us into the depths of despair. Love hurts because it is a testament to our unguarded naked truth, demanding that we open our hearts and risk uncertainty and catastrophe. But in this enigmatic blend of pleasure and pain, love remains a powerful force that shapes our existence, teaching us profound lessons about empathy and the resilience of the human spirit.
FAQs
1. Is it normal for love to hurt?
Any relationship will go through its cycles of love and hurt. So, it is normal to be hurt in relationships. Nandita says, “When we are romantically involved with someone, or in love, we experience a lot of extreme highs and lows. It’s like you’re floating on cloud nine, and when something negative happens, even if it is small, you come crashing down, making you feel hurt.”
2. What is the most painful thing in love?
According to Nandita, there are quite a few things that can be painful in love. “Something as small as disagreements, a negative comment, negativity toward each other, or something as big as a breakup can be painful. All these lead to marked lows in the relationship, making you feel hurt”, she says.
3. Does true love always hurt?
Love and hurt are two sides of the same coin. So, as mentioned above, a myriad of reasons can make even true love hurt, but not always. “In the end, true love will prove to be stronger and will be able to withstand any hurdles and overcome the hurt,” says Nandita.
Danielle Fishel is spilling all the hot tea… which has cooled considerably 24 years later!
On Thursday’s episode of Pod Meets World, which she hosts alongside Will Friedle and Rider Strong, the 43-year-old revisited her crush on one of her Boy Meets World co-stars! No, not Ben Savage, her onscreen hubby — it was Rider, AKA Shawn Hunter! (We mean, just like all of us in America in the ’90s, right?)
The once and future Topange has actually mentioned her crush on Rider in passing before. But she really got into the details of her adoration of the actor in this week’s episode — when she read from an old journal of hers from 1996! She begins:
“‘I had the s**ttest day. First of all, school was boring, rehearsal sucks and Rider was antisocial.’”
Danielle explained in this particular moment she was “bummed out” because Rider hadn’t given her any attention that day. But she did go on to confirm that despite her super intense feelings for him, they never overlapped in her relationship with Home Improvement star Jonathan Taylor Thomas, whom she famously dated in the ’90s. Good to know!
At the end of her diary entry, she confesses her love for three different guys — “Landon and Rider and David” — although the Girl Meets World star admitts she doesn’t even remember who David was. Ouch! Sorry if you heard that, David! LOLz! But hey, good on you catching Danielle’s eye!
The most shocking detail of Danielle’s trip through her journal was her catty confession that she HATED Rachael Leigh Cook! Why? The She’s All That star was Rider’s girlfriend at the time! She read:
“‘Then [after rehearsals] we went to acting class but we had to wait for Rachael. Then Rider and Rachael got all lovey-dovey, and it made me want to puke.’”
Ha! The high school drama! So funny! She continued:
“‘Then they kissed, and it looked so cute. She’s actually really sweet and cool, but I really like Rider. I don’t think she’s right for him. Then again, maybe I’m not either.’”
Talk about some jealousy! This particularly surprised Rider because he said he had “no idea” she was crushing on him so hard — but he did admit her love for him was “reasonable” due to their close relationship back then:
“I do remember we were hanging out in ’96 because I could drive, so you actually spent time with me alone. I do remember during this period, like, you would come to my apartment. So, yeah, I guess we were spending a lot of time together.”
So hilarious how oblivious dudes can be! Even with their close friendship, though, they both confirmed it was only ever that: a friendship. We guess it just wasn’t meant to be! Hopefully Danielle has changed her opinions about Rachael now. Ha!
In these la-di-da times, it’s increasingly less “kosher” to “come for” “the other woman” in a cheating scenario. Or a scenario in which one is left for another woman before the infidelity occurs (as if). But Doja Cat seems determined to remind women, including SZA, that it takes two to tango, and, regardless of feminism (“or whatever”), the puta involved can very much be held accountable…in addition to being a source of piled-on contempt. While this mode of behavior has been out of fashion for a while as a result of something like “obligatory female solidarity” (i.e., “There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women”), Doja Cat bringing it back may very well be a sign of society’s overall regressive attitude toward women at this moment in history. At the same time, who amongst “the women” hasn’t fallen prey to the incensed flames of jealousy that burn eternal whenever thinking of “that bitch” who took “their” man? As though anyone can truly be owned like so much property. But that’s a story (/anti-capitalist rant) for another assessment.
The latest example of such a case of “the catfight” making a comeback was the flare-up between Hailey “Bieber” (but really Baldwin) and Selena Gomez. One that was initiated by Kylie Jenner and Bieber as a result of the former posting a screenshot of her and Bieber’s eyebrows from a FaceTime call three hours after Gomez announced to TikTok that she felt her own eyebrows looked too laminated. In terms of “gauntlets thrown,” it’s utterly innocuous, and also passive-aggressive child’s play compared to the shit that Joan and Bette used to get into. But such is the way of our repressed present, where feigning politeness is firmly billed under the category and as an offshoot of wokeness. But it is not woke at all anymore to exhibit hostile behavior toward “the little bitch” whose pussy redirected your man’s attention away from you. Except in the instance of “Kill Bill,” during which SZA casually mentions by the end, “I just killed my ex/Not the best idea/Killed his girlfriend next, how’d I get here?”
Doja Cat, re-teaming with SZA after 2021’s runaway hit, “Kiss Me More,” chooses to elaborate in more detail on the murder of that new girlfriend via the remix. Which explores the idea of killing said woman in front of her ex for optimal sadism cachet (even though Doja claims it was unintentional to do it in such a manner). Markedly different from the start for wielding Doja Cat’s new verses instead of doling them out in the middle, as is usually the norm for remixes, what truly sets the song apart is Doja’s chipper rehashing of how she ended up killing her ex’s new girl prior to the ex himself. Told over the course of about fifty-five seconds before SZA enters the song to sing her usual chorus, Doja begins, “I know it’s not a really good occasion to be bargin’ in/I couldn’t help but watch you kiss her by the kitchen sink/I swung the door farther open, tippy-toed farther in…” From there, things escalate rather quickly as, per Doja, the other woman turns out to be an uppity bitch about the whole thing, instantly freaking out instead of trying to talk to Doja rationally. And, evidently, the ex stepped out of the room for a moment to add to the other woman’s fear quotient. So it is that Doja continues to describe, “She saw me standin’ by the TV and she wouldn’t stop screamin’/So I tried to be discreet and told her, ‘Calm your tits.’”
Of course, that’s the last thing the emotionally dainty other woman feels like doing, with Doja elaborating, “She grabbed the kitchen knife so I pulled out the blick/Ain’t got it all the time, so thank god I did for this/‘Cause she was seein’ red, and all I saw was you/It happened in a flash when she charged at me/Y’all crisscrossed, saw her fall to the floor/Then you paused there in horror/But that shot wasn’t for her (was it?).” That parenthetical “was it?” arrives as SZA starts to sing, “I might…” This “subtle” question serving to intimate that yes, maybe all along, the shot was as much meant for the new bia as it was her ex. Because, in her mind, it is this other woman who drove the wedge between them. She’s the one who is really keeping them apart. After all, by naively believing this, a girl like Doja or SZA can go on insisting that there’s still hope for her and her ex to be together again.
By blame-shifting most of the responsibility onto the other woman, the Doja or SZA of the equation can therefore conserve some semblance of their “loving feeling” for the philandering cad in question. Even if those feelings of murderous rage tend to linger when an “armistice” is reached after he “acts up” (a.k.a. egregiously betrays her). And yes, we all know Beyoncé still has them despite “forgiving” Jay-Z. Unfortunately for her freedom of expression, such a “beacon of feminism” can’t take it out too overtly on “the other woman,” save for thinly-veiled digs like, “He better call Becky with the good hair.”
Even when fellow “feminist light” Taylor Swift was ultimately denigrating the other woman in 2008’s “You Belong With Me,” it was cloaked behind self-deprecation—talking shit about herself by seeing an apparent lack in what she had (physically) compared to the other girl. Hence, lyrics like, “She wears high heels I wear sneakers/She’s cheer captain, and I’m on the bleachers.” So it was that Taylor played up the vacuous mean girl trope (*cough cough* Hailey Bieber) for her own benefit as well, but through an obfuscated lens.
On “Kill Bill,” both the original and remix editions, SZA and Doja Cat refuse to play that game. Openly maligning the other woman and unleashing a torrent of rage upon her (“casually delivered” though it may be). Some might call that regressive, while others might be relieved that the floodgate has been reopened to hate on the proverbial other woman. Even if both Selena Gomez and Hailey Bieber were too chicken shit to fully capitalize on that “sanction” when the opportunity presented itself.
