Between Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the New Year, you’re crazy busy. And if you’re married, that might mean the holidays take priority over your spouse for two months of the year.
It’s easy to fall into that trap. But the last thing you want is for the holidays to sabotage your marriage. And since this time of year is notoriously stressful and hectic, keeping an open line of communication with your spouse from Thanksgiving to New Year’s is more important than ever.
You both want what is best for your family—and each other. But when you’re trying to schedule Christmas parties, order gifts for your kids, and get the house ready for your visiting in-laws, you might forget your spouse is actually your teammate.
But here’s the thing: You’re going to have a better, happier holiday if you make sure to prioritize your marriage during the holiday madness. Your family and your relationship with your spouse will be better if both of you are on the same page and working together—instead of running in opposite directions.
Here are three specific things you and your spouse can do right now to keep your marriage in perspective . . . and keep the seasonal stress at a minimum during this busy time of year.
1. Set realistic holiday expectations.
Sit down with your spouse and set realistic holiday expectations for your family this year. The keyword here is realistic. You don’t have to say yes to every party or attend every extended family gathering. Don’t feel like you have to try to cram everything in. If that means something has to give, so be it. Letting some things go this time of year will help you both keep your sanity . . . and actually enjoy the holidays.
Here are some questions to consider: How are we going to split our time between each of our families? What are our priorities this year? How many Christmas parties are we going to attend? Then, once you have a plan, stick to it!
2. Decide how much you’re going to spend on gifts.
Determine how much you want to spend on each other and the kids. A simple rule of thumb for holiday giving is to stick to four gifts: something you want, something you need, something to wear and something to read. This sets expectations and helps you (and your kids) focus on the real reason of the season instead of concentrating on how many presents are under the tree.
And because giving is the most fun you will ever have with money, discuss budgeting some extra money for random acts of kindness. Maybe you can spend $50 to fill up a stranger’s gas tank, leave a gift in the mailbox for your mailman, or give an offering to a specific ministry that is near and dear to your heart.
3. Schedule weekly date nights.
It’s easy to get caught up in holiday chaos and not make time for your spouse. But that’s a slippery slope. You need to prioritize quality time together. Going solo on a regular basis—and especially during the holidays—will leave you feeling like you’re running on empty. But quality couple time will remind you both you’re in this together and can depend on one another to pick up the slack. And that’ll fill up each of your tanks better than anything else.
So commit to a weekly date night throughout December. Sit down together and pick out four nights for the month. Write them all down and stick to it. This intentional time together is just as important, if not more important, as buying milk and cookies for Santa or getting the guest room ready for your out-of-town visitors. And no, the company Christmas party doesn’t count as date night.
Having these conversations with your spouse will keep you on the same page and remind you both you’re in this together. You’re going to be less stressed if you know you’re working with the same goals in mind. That frees you to enjoy the holidays rather than stress about how you’re going to get everything done.
And keep this in mind: You don’t have to do it all. You can make the holidays memorable without making them perfect . . . and that’s perfectly okay.
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This article originally appeared on Stewardship.com. Used with permission.
One of the most powerful ways we can fight for our marriages is by praying over them! Our husbands need our support not only as their warrior-helpers in our homes as we navigate our daily lives, but they also need us on their side when it comes to spiritual matters. The Bible tells us that our prayers are powerful and effective! God hears us and if we want to see our families thrive, we need to keep them lifted up in prayer to the Lord.
John 15:7 says, “If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.” What dreams do we have for our marriages? Write them down and then bring them to God in prayer. Do we wish to grow old with our husbands? Do we need God’s help to overcome constant conflict that easily bubbles to the surface in our relationships? Is a miracle necessary to help us overcome broken promises?
Nothing is impossible with God! God is able to heal our brokenness when we are willing to surrender our lives over to him. Even if we aren’t struggling, we need God’s help to stay the course for a lifetime! Let’s commit to lifting our husbands in prayer to God daily. One thing is certain, we need God’s help to love each other well.
Here are a few prayers to get you started, as you take time to lift your husband up in prayer:
1. A Prayer That Your Husband’s Relationship with God Would Grow
The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” (Romans 8:15)
Father, I pray that my husband will have an intimate relationship with you! Let him live secure in his identity as a child of God. Graciously remind him that his sins are forgiven and that you have adopted him as your own. Thank you for loving him. Amen.
2. A Prayer That God’s Agenda Would Come First in Your Husband’s Life
He will always give you all you need from day to day if you will make the Kingdom of God your primary concern. (Luke 12:31-33)
God, I ask that you direct the path and steps of my husband. I pray that he would be obedient to your will for his life and would allow your agenda to come first in his life! Remind him that when we follow you, we don’t have to worry! You will provide all that we need for our lives when we make Kingdom living our primary pursuit. Lead him with clarity and guide him as he makes decisions. Have your way in his life and help me to be a good partner to him. Amen.
3. A Prayer for God’s Blessings on Your Husband’s Life
Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, “Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.” And God granted his request. (1 Chronicles 4:10)
Father, I pray that You would bless my husband with more than he needs so he can bless others. I ask for more provision for his life. That you would equip him to give generously to others and meet their practical needs in Your Name. Give him greater spiritual gifting so that he can strengthen the church and can be more effective in the Kingdom of God. I ask that you would grant him an abundance of wisdom and discernment so he can point others to You. Help him to live with gratitude for all the many ways you have blessed his life. Allow him to stay focused on using what You’ve given him to serve others. Amen.
4. A Prayer of Protection for Your Husband
But the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one. (2 Thessalonians 3:3)
God, as my husband walks out the purpose that You have ordained for his life I pray that You would stop any and every evil attack of the enemy against him. Protect his body, mind, emotions. Don’t let the enemy get a foothold in his life. I trust that the One that lives in him is greater than the one who is in the world, so we do not have to live in fear. I thank you for your protection in his life and in our home. Amen.
5. A Prayer for Your Husband to Grow in Wisdom
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. (James 1:5)
God, I pray that my husband will grow in wisdom. Give him the strength to follow you first in a world that may not understand God’s way. Speak to his heart about what the wise next right step is for his life and for the future of our family. Help him to see past the distractions that are thrown at us and be able to follow your narrow way. Silence the voices of confusion, discouragement, distraction, or temptation that would want to entrap him in folly. Help him to trust you and follow you for all of his days. Amen.
6. A Prayer of Thanks for Your Husband
Giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. (Ephesians 5:20)
God, I thank you for the gift of marriage that you have given me! I am so thankful that you have given me a partner who is committed to walk alongside me in this life. I thank you for my husband’s many unique talents, the many ways he serves me and our family, and the love that he offers me as his wife. I pray that you would help me to remain joyful in our marriage, appreciating the union that God has placed me in. Stop me from allowing comparison, bitterness, busyness, or selfishness get in the way of me enjoying the man God has given me to love for all of my days. I thank you for our home, our love, and the life you have given us to share. Amen.
Lord, I ask that you would help my husband to find joy in this season of his life. I pray that even in the midst of trials, stress, uncertainty, chaos, pain, loss, and hurt that your joy would be present in his life. Would he have a full and unwavering understanding of the joy of salvation. Would the fruits of the spirit be visible in the way he lives his life. Equip him with your joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control so he would be a blessing to others. Strengthen him with your joy in the good seasons and the bad seasons. Amen.
Romans 8:31 says, “What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” When God is on our side, no challenge that life brings our way is too big for us to handle. Our marriages take three entities to thrive: a husband, wife, and the power of the Holy Spirit at work in us!
Truly, there is no way I would still be married without God’s grace at work in our life! If it was up to me I would be hopelessly overcome by my own failures and sin. God’s goodness has carried us through the past 14 years and it is the only hope we have to make it together for a lifetime. Seek God for your spouse in every season. When God is invited into our lives, we can have hope even in the bleaker seasons.
Amanda Idleman is a writer whose passion is to encourage others to live joyfully. She writes devotions for My Daily Bible Verse Devotional and Podcast, Crosswalk Couples Devotional, the Daily Devotional App, she has work published with Her View from Home, on the MOPS Blog, and is a regular contributor for Crosswalk.com. She has most recently published a devotional, Comfort: A 30 Day Devotional Exploring God’s Heart of Love for Mommas. You can find out more about Amanda on her Facebook Page or follow her on Instagram.
This article is part of our Prayer resource meant to inspire and encourage your prayer life when you face uncertain times. Visit our most popular prayers if you are wondering how to pray or what to pray. Remember, the Holy Spirit intercedes for us, and God knows your heart even if you can’t find the words to pray.
The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.
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Ready to take your life to the next level? If so, these level-up quotes will inspire you to succeed.
Like most people, you probably have goals that you want to achieve and dreams that you want to see become reality.
To succeed, there are some basic requirements that need to be met, such as being willing to improve yourself and being alert to opportunities that bring you closer to success.
One way of improving yourself isadopting continuous learning as a habit. By doing so, you make a commitment tolearn something new—whether it’s a skill or a piece of vital information—each day.
This way, when the opportunity arrives, you will be ready.
The following quotes are a powerful source of motivation for you to constantly and proactively improve yourself.
Many of these quotes also contain actual instructions on how to succeed, such as making the right choices, holding yourself to a high standard, and being prepared to endure difficulties.
The first section shows that you are full of potential, and how your choices heavily influence the course of your life.
Level Up in Life Quotes
“You have the capacity to leave a lasting impact and indelible impression upon this world…. Claim the sacred spaces of your minds, nurture and cultivate a vision of fulfillment, and move toward that destiny with patience, perseverance, and prayer.” – Mahershala Ali
“Legends never lose. They learn. They level up and they launch back.” – Hiral Nagda
“You have to get to the next level, or you’re gonna get stuck where you are for the rest of your life.” – Corey Taylor
“You were created to excel. There’s no limit to how high you can go in life. Keep stretching to the next level.” – Joel Osteen
“No matter who you are, no matter what you did, no matter where you’ve come from, you can always change, become a better version of yourself.” – Madonna
“We’ve all recognized the moment when the world has handed us a situation that is bigger than our youth can handle, and we have to grow up in a second. And when you do get to the other side, all it does is take us to this new level of existence that is more beautiful and more complex and, in some ways, more painful.” – Brie Larson
“Without continual growth and progress, such words as improvement, achievement, and success have no meaning.” – Benjamin Franklin
Without continual growth and progress, such words as improvement, achievement, and success have no meaning.” – Benjamin Franklin
“Sometimes life is like a video game. When things get harder, and the obstacles get tougher, it just means you leveled up.” – Lila Pace
“The important thing is that we must be constantly moving forward — yes, the progressive realization of a predetermined goal. And our growth should never end.” – Og Mandino
“People who make the choice to study, work hard or do whatever they endeavor is to give it the max on themselves to reach to the top level. And you have the people who get envy and jealous, yet are not willing to put that work in, and they want to get the same praise.” – Evander Holyfield
“The quality of a person’s life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor.” – Vince Lombardi
Get Ready to Level Up Quotes
At some point, we all become tired of living a mediocre life. We start to long for the life we’ve always dreamed of.
You may have already realized that your choices lay the foundation for your current situation. You likely also realize that it is up to you to make the changes necessary to improve your situation.
You’re ready for new possibilities. For this part of your awakening, we have the following quotes about getting ready to level up.
“Get comfortable being uncomfortable; that’s how you break the plateau and reach the next level.” – Charlene Johnson
“If you’re afraid of the intensity, you’re missing out on new levels. Levels are opportunities to grow and to tap into deeper and more soul-nourishing experiences than most people will ever have in their lifetime.” – Lebo Grand
“Always sit on ready so you don’t have to get ready.” – Germany Kent
“Growth requires facing where you’re at so you can go to the next level.” – Joyce Meyer
“Knowledge is power, and it can help you overcome any fear of the unexpected. When you learn, you gain more awareness through the process, and you know what pitfalls to look for as you get ready to transition to the next level.” – Jay Shetty
“There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.” – Colin Powell
There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.” – Colin Powell
“To uncover your true potential, you must first find your own limits, and then you have to have the courage to blow past them.” – Picabo Street
“If I’m going to be labeled a weirdo for wanting to improve my life and do really fun things, I’m okay with that.” – Steve Kamb
“Stay focused, believe that you can achieve at the highest level, surround yourself with others who believe in you, and do not stray from your goal.” –
“Leveling up takes isolation, separation, and extreme focus.” – Sean “Diddy” Combs
“Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
It’s Time to Level Up Quotes
This next section of quotes emphasizes the need for commitment if you are to truly improve and succeed.
Most importantly, it takesaccountability to see the results you want. Success comes when you realize that you can do more with the skills and knowledge you’ve been given.
“Every man who rises above the common level has received two educations: the first from his teachers; the second, more personal and important, from himself.” – Edward Gibbon
“When you up-level your idea of what’s possible, and decide to really go for it. You open yourself up to the means to accomplish it as well.” – Jen Sincero
“Once you get that addiction of realizing what you can do, you want to take that to the next level.” – Gina Carano
“Life will only change when you become more committed to your dreams than you are to your comfort zone.” – Billy Cox
“You’ll never change your life until you change something that you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily routine.” – John C. Maxwell
“You can be a big fish in a small pond, but you’re only going to be competing against people at that level.” – Finn Balor
You can be a big fish in a small pond, but you’re only going to be competing against people at that level.” – Finn Balor
“Don’t wait. The time will never be just right.” – Napoleon Hill
“And for all the people waiting for permission to level up enough before they start working on something big and scary — just go in. Don’t be like me.” – Mary H. K. Choi
“You can’t step up to the next level as long as you have your foot on the lower level.” – Larry Winget
“You can’t solve a problem on the same level that it was created. You have to rise above it to the next level.” – Albert Einstein
Level Up Mindset Quotes
As your commitment to self-improvement deepens, you’ll begin to develop a success mindset.
You’ll notice that your actions and choices are aligned with yourtrue purpose. Each action helps you reach a small goal, which contributes to achieving a higher, bigger goal.
This section’s quotes provide tips on how to keep growing as a person.
“To do anything to a high level, it has to be a total obsession.” – Connor McGregor
“Money is just a way to keep score. The best people in any field are motivated by passion. That becomes more true the higher the skill level gets.” – Eric S. Raymond
“You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play it better than anyone else.” – Albert Einstein
“There’s always another level up. There’s always another ascension. More grace, more light, more generosity, more compassion, more to shed, more to grow.” – Elizabeth Gilbert
“Don’t lower your expectations to meet your performance. Raise your level of performance to meet your expectations. Expect the best of yourself, and then do what is necessary to make it a reality.” – Ralph Marston
“To be successful, you have to be selfish, or else you never achieve. And once you get to your highest level, then you have to be unselfish. Stay reachable. Stay in touch. Don’t isolate.” – Michael Jordan
“If we want to get to the next level, let’s take a risk and try something different.” – Karol G
If we want to get to the next level, let’s take a risk and try something different.” – Karol G
“The inner work that must be done will not always be easy and the road will not always be smooth, but it is vital to do the work of shedding the stories that are the true source of suffering.” – Daniel Mangena
“Treat yourself as you are, and you will remain as you are. Treat yourself as you could be, and you will become what you should be.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“In order to take our lives to the next level, we must realize that the same pattern of thinking that has gotten us to where we are now will not get us to where we want to go.” – Tony Robbins
“If you’re ready to take your game to the next level, you gotta change that mindset.” – Eric Thomas
Final Thoughts on Level-Up Quotes
There you have it—quotes about leveling up to motivate and inspire you.
We hope you’ve enjoyed this collection. Perhaps you’ve found a favorite or two among the quotes featured here today.
As you work your way to success, we hope you find the time to appreciate the journey you’re taking. Get ready to receive everything that you’ve dreamed of.
If you are looking for more quotes related to success, here are some posts you might want to check out:
Being a genuine friend is very important. As Christians, we should be genuine friends to others, yet we have all been around those who do not seem sincere friends, or maybe we ourselves have not been genuine friends. The best way to have a friend is to be a friend to others.
Jesus wants us to be friends with all people, yet even Jesus had the inner three of Peter, James, and John (Mark 5:37). The importance of being a genuine friend cannot be stressed enough; therefore, we are going to be discussing the importance of being a genuine friend.
Being a Genuine Friend
In order to have a friend, you have to be a friend. We have to be willing to invest in our friendships and be genuine with them. Fake friends are not true friends, and they can be toxic to our own mental health.
I have personally had many fake friends, who were not genuine, and they made me question myself, my worth, and my identity in Christ. If a friend ever causes you to question your own worth or your identity in Christ, you are not under any obligation to remain in the friendship.
The Lord does not want you to be involved in unhealthy friendships that will inflict pain, sin, or brokenness in your relationship with Him. If you have personally experienced fake friends, know that not all people will be fake friends.
Sadly, even Christians can be fake friends. As much as I hate to say this, it is true. Many of the Christian friends I had were not genuine and would talk about me behind my back, make me feel bad about myself, and start rumors about me.
If you know this is going on in your life, you need to cut ties with these “friends.” They are not your true friends. Do not assume that just because a person is a Christian that it automatically means they are a great friend.
We normally can trust our gut feelings to help us decipher who our true friends are. Also, spending time with them and having deep conversations are great ways to be able to discover real, genuine friends.
Many Christians believe Christians cannot be friends with unbelievers, but that is not true. While it is true that Christians should not marry unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14), the Bible never tells us that we cannot make friends with unbelievers.
In fact, Christians should extend friendship to unbelievers to help them come to know Christ and simply to be genuine, caring friends. If an unbeliever can tell a Christian is not being genuine, it’s going to lead them away from Christ.
As Christians, we are Jesus’ lights of the world, and we are the visible manifestation of Jesus’ love for the world (Matthew 5:14-16). If unbelievers view Christ’s followers as being insincere in their friendships, what will they think about Christ?
They will view Him as being insincere and not genuine. As we can see, this does a great disservice to Christ because we should extend His genuine friendship, love, and kindness — not a fake smile.
Trust me, unbelievers and believers alike can see through those who are not genuine friends. This is why it is vital that we are genuine friends who care about those around us, believers and unbelievers alike.
Honesty and Trust
A crucial aspect of being a genuine friend is found in the foundation of honesty and trust. All relationships need to be founded on trust. If an individual is only a friend to someone simply just to appear “nice” or “friendly,” others will be able to see through the fake smile and fake attitude.
We have to be honest in our approach to others and truly care about others. In addition to honesty, we need to be able to show that we can be trusted. Genuine friendships cannot be formed apart from trust.
We are not going to willingly commit to a friendship if the friendship is not built on trust. Therefore, in our friendships, we need to extend honesty and show ourselves to be trustworthy.
Loving Others
Jesus tells us directly, “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:35).
The Lord also tells us, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these” (Mark 12:30-31).
From these passages of Scripture, Jesus tells us the importance of loving others. This is crucial for friendships — that we love one another as Jesus loves us. Love is not a feeling but rather a choice.
When we choose to love our friends, we look out for their own interests, encourage them, and help them in their walk with the Lord. As Paul tells us, we need to be consistently building up each other in the Lord (1 Thessalonians 5:11).
Loving others is the hallmark of the Christian walk, as this is how others will know that we are followers of Christ. In our genuine friendships, we need to extend love, support, and encouragement.
The world has polluted and overused the word “love” to the point that it has a distorted meaning. Loving others means putting another person’s needs above your own.
Jesus showed us the ultimate demonstration of His love for us by dying on the cross to redeem us from our sins (John 3:16-17).
Because of Jesus’ sacrifice, all people can receive salvation by placing faith in Jesus’ death, burial, and resurrection. What is a better way to be a true, genuine friend than to share the message of the gospel and live it out in your everyday life?
Loving others is crucial to being a genuine friend because you are caring about the needs of the other person over your own.
This is important to do in our own lives as the Bible tells us, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others” (Philippians 2:3-4).
New Beginnings
Being a genuine friend is extremely important in our modern-day society, where fake friends come in waves. It is easy to be trapped in the cycle of fake friends, but it takes courage to step out of the cycle and truly find genuine friends.
As stated, we have to be a friend in order to have friends. True, genuine friends care about others and extend Jesus’ love, kindness, and forgiveness. When we are genuine friends, others will migrate to us because they know we love Christ and truly love others.
If you have struggled with fake friends or feel like you have not been a genuine friend to others, there are steps you can take to improve your friendships. If you have struggled with fake friends, know that your past experience with fake friends does not mean that all people are like this.
There are true friends out there, though they are hard to find. On the other side of the spectrum, if you have found that you have not been a genuine friend in the past, rest in the knowledge that you can start new today.
Extend Jesus’ love, kindness, and forgiveness to others, and try to be a genuine friend to others. As Christians, we have the help of the Holy Spirit to help us, guide us, and direct us. There is a new start with Jesus, including starting over in our friendships.
Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.
LISTEN: Being Complete in Jesus (Understanding Matthew 5:21-48)
Hearing Jesus is a devotional journey through the gospels, where we explore the teachings of Jesus chapter by chapter. If you’re seeking to live a life that reflects God’s, this podcast is for you.
The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.
WATCH: 10 Sins Christians Downplay (and Why They’re So Destructive)
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This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit Christianity.com.
Many of us struggled to fit in at school, but not many of us as adults talk about not being able to fit in. Unfortunately for many of us, we never “fit in” with any sort of friend group.
Maybe we tried to fit in with certain friend groups, only to find out that we have nothing in common with them.
This can be disappointing, and it can also really hurt our feelings. It is at these times that we can ponder the question, “Why can’t I ever fit in?”
You Are Unique
“I don’t have the right name or the right looks, but I have twice the heart” (“Just One Yesterday,” Fall Out Boy).
I understand the pain of feeling as though you never belong or fit in with anyone. This can be hurtful and cause you to have feelings of low self-worth or low self-esteem.
If you have experienced any of these bad feelings due to not fitting in, know that there is nothing wrong with you. You are uniquely you. There is no one like you in the entire world. God created you with a specific purpose in mind that only you can fulfill.
The Bible tells us, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well” (Psalm 139:13-14).
As this Bible verse tells us, we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Other versions of the Bible translate “fearfully” to be “remarkably made” (Holman Christian Standard Bible).
The latter can be seen as a more accurate translation and one that helps us better understand how special we are to God.
Think of this truth when you are feeling bad about not fitting in. God created you remarkably and wonderfully. Maybe you were never meant to fit in, and that’s a good thing.
I remember being in elementary school, middle school, and college, hoping I would fit in with one of the groups. Maybe you also yearned to somehow fit in, yet it always was out of reach for you.
It wasn’t until these past few months, upon reflecting on the desire to fit in, that I discovered it was never a bad thing that I didn’t fit in. While we all aspire to be in a friend group or to fit in with the artsy, musical, or sports friend groups, maybe the best thing for us is to not fit in.
Through not fitting in, we can actually discover the things that truly matter to us and shape us into the people we become.
Experience with Bullying — A Different Perspective
As mentioned, I never really fit in with the different groups in schools or in college. A particularly difficult time for me was middle school.
During sixth grade, I was relentlessly bullied at a school, and it caused me to be homeschooled for the rest of middle school and high school. It wasn’t until college that I was once again exposed to friend groups, who I thought would truly be lasting friends.
I used to always associate bullying with something negative as it contributed to me developing an eating disorder and depression; however, recently, I have been able to see it in a more positive way.
Bullying is always negative, yet we can choose to look at the ways it hurt us, or we can look at how we grew from the experience.
If I had never been bullied in sixth grade, I would have never been homeschooled, and if I never went to homeschool, I would have never found myself at the Christian college I attended for undergrad.
If I never attended this Christian college, I wouldn’t have heard the gospel for the first time and accepted Jesus as my Savior and Lord. Therefore, bullying was a terrible thing, yet it ultimately led me to know Jesus and place faith in Him.
It can be challenging to see the positives in the negative, yet I encourage you to do this concerning something difficult in your own life. Try to see the good that was the result of the bad thing.
It won’t happen overnight, as it took me over a decade to see the positive result of the bullying I endured. This isn’t to invalidate any of your pain because all of your feelings are valid and important.
This is just challenging you to try to see the good that came out of a bad situation. To see what the negative thing took from you, but to also see what it gave you.
I also learned the important lesson that maybe it’s okay not to fit in with those around you. Maybe those of us who never fit in are beautiful, wonderful, and remarkably made just as we are, even though our peers never felt that way about us or even grown adults we are around now.
What if God never created you to fit in, but to stand out and to make a difference for His Kingdom? We should never want to blend in with the world to the point that others cannot see Christ in us.
Rather than seeing Christ, they would just see another person living according to the world, claiming to be a Christian.
Family of God
God hasn’t called us to be a part of the world, but to be set apart from the world (John 15:19). It is true that none of us can escape living in the world, yet we can do all we can to prevent ourselves from becoming just like the world.
God doesn’t want us to just become one other person in suburbia. He called us out of everyone to be His own child and to follow Him. God has divinely chosen you and has declared you as His child. There is nothing greater than knowing that you belong to the family of God.
You might have never fit in with anyone, but you do fit in with the family of God. In fact, the family of God loves you just as you are and welcomes you with open arms.
Fitting in with people in school, at work, or in social settings might be something you will always yearn for, but try to rest in the peace that you belong to God, and you are part of His family. You are always wanted, loved, and cared about in the family of God and by God Himself.
If you are feeling especially alone today or you are feeling as though you don’t fit in, don’t allow it to get you down. Turn back to the Lord and rest in the knowledge of knowing that you belong to His family.
Never will God turn you away and never will you not belong in His family. Once you are part of the family of God, you are eternally part of the family of God. You always fit in here, and God will always be by your side.
I understand how much it can hurt to not fit in, but know that there is nothing wrong with you. If people cannot appreciate you in all of your uniqueness, that is their problem.
Sadly, many people can be snobby or judgmental if you don’t fit the mold, they have cast. God didn’t create you with a mold — rather, He made you uniquely you and He never makes mistakes. You are always welcomed and always belong to the family of God.
Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.
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From helping your neighbor to volunteering at an animal shelter, real-life heroism comes in many forms. Teleportation and invisibility are no more than cool on-screen tricks. Yet, compassion, friendliness, and generosity are qualities that help us become the best version of ourselves and uplift others in everyday life.
We’ve compiled a list of the 31 best songs about heroes. Hopefully, they will remind you that you can singlehandedly change your life and the lives of those around you for the better.
Best Songs About Heroes
1. Hero, Mariah Carey
“And then a hero comes along with the strength to carry on. And you cast your fears aside, and you know you can survive.”
One of Carey’s most successful tracks, “Hero,” is about self-appreciation. The lyrics promote the message that when times get tough, you can tap into your inner strength and find the resilience to combat any inconvenience. We’re shaped by our qualities that are stronger than outside circumstances. It’s easy to lose sight of our innate courage, but it’s always there to push us to rise above seemingly impossible problems. When help doesn’t come your way, you can rely on your power and come out as an undefeated champion.
2. Heroes and Friends, Randy Travis
“Your heroes will help you find good in yourself. Your friends won’t forsake you for somebody else. They’ll both stand beside you thru thick and thru thin.”
This optimistic country tune expounds on the idea that heroes are idols who teach us valuable life lessons. They show us how to persevere and stay true to our vision, even when dark clouds are ahead. However, if you feel like you’re losing your way, the unsung heroes will step in and help you get back on track.
True friends do more for us than we sometimes realize. They laugh with us when the sun is shining, but they’re also ready to swoop in when we’re about to stumble and fall.
It’s good to look up to incredible people and strive to become just as amazing, but friends who have your back make the journey to greatness less difficult.
3. Superheroes, The Script
“When you’ve been fighting for it all your life, you’ve been struggling to make things right. That’s how a superhero learns to fly.”
Everyone’s going through struggles we may know nothing about. Whether they’re going to work or doing household chores to help their family, people are trying to improve their lives in many ways. These unassuming heroes often go underappreciated because we’re unaware of how much blood, sweat, and tears go into their efforts.
The chorus underscores the strength it takes to keep going when nothing seems right. Rather than knocking you down, your struggle pushes you to try harder and shows you how to face future problems head-on.
4. We Don’t Need Another Hero, Tina Turner
“Love and compassion, their day is coming. All else are castles built in the air.”
Turner’s song appeared in the 1985 movie “Mad Max: Beyond the Thunderdome” and captured the determination and hope of the main characters. Trapped in a barren post-apocalyptic desert, their chance of survival is slim. But they refuse to resign themselves to failure and are determined to help themselves and their friends.
This sentiment has touched the hearts of many people across the world.
Rather than waiting for the world to change, become the hero you want to see. Take positive action to better your position and inspire others. You might not think you’re capable of saving the day. But when others follow your lead, you’ll see that real heroes work together to turn their dreams into reality.
5. Wind Beneath My Wings, Bette Midler
“Did you ever know that you’re my hero and everything I would like to be? I can fly higher than an eagle, for you are the wind beneath my wings.”
There’s nothing more motivating than unconditional support from your loved ones. Whether you’re on the brink of success or cowering in defeat, someone cheering you on is a reminder that you’re a hero no matter the outcome.
We should be proud of our achievements, but they shouldn’t go to our heads. It’s important to acknowledge the kind-hearted people who always had faith in us and encouraged us to continue working towards our goals. Even heroes suffer from self-doubt and need a bit of support to reassure them of their capabilities.
6. Heroes, David Bowie
“We could steal time just for one day. We can be heroes for ever and ever. What d’you say?”
A catchy anthem that praises resilience, “Heroes” inspires our fighting spirit to stay strong in the face of hardship. Bowie’s idea for the song came from a young German couple who meet secretly near the Berlin Wall every day. The couple was determined to keep their love alive against all odds.
Their story carries a powerful message. We should trust ourselves and stay true to the values we find dear. In the end, no oppression is stronger than the heroism of fighting for who and what you love.
7. Heroes (We Could Be), Alesso ft. Tove Lo
“Every day people do everyday things, but I can’t be one of them. I know you hear me now; we are a different kind. We can do anything.”
Heroes don’t have to work miracles to unlock their full potential. Sometimes, falling in love is enough. Finding that special person doesn’t just make you happy and dizzy but also makes you feel powerful. No issue can overshadow your newfound motivation to make the good in your life even better.
With a kind-hearted person by your side, you’re ready to move mountains and turn obstacles into victories. Heroes never walk alone. They always have someone in their corner, glad to hold their hand and help them thrive.
8. I’ll Be There, Mariah Carey
“I’ll reach out my hand to you, I’ll have faith in all you do. Just call my name and I’ll be there.”
Another Mariah Carey entry, this soulful track pays homage to anyone ready to put another person’s needs first. Selflessness is a superpower that makes others happy and transforms you into a more tender and compassionate human. There’s nothing nobler than watching someone’s eyes smile after you’ve raised their spirits. It’s one of the most incredible things you can do for someone, stay by their side until they rediscover their inner hero.
9. Hero, Weezer
“When I was a kid, I thought I’d save the world. Running ’round and chasing all the criminals. Swinging on a web, flying in the sky, shooting lasers from my eyes. But now I know it never was my destiny.”
A subversive take on the superhero narrative, this song underscores that many heroes remain unknown. It was released in the spring of 2020, and it’s dedicated to the essential workers whose tireless work has protected millions of people from the pandemic.
Traditionally, we’re taught that heroes are well-known, idolized, and different from regular people. But the regularity of everyday people is exactly what the song appreciates. Being true to who you are and doing your best doesn’t always look heroic, but it’s an impressive feat we should respect and acknowledge more often.
10. Something Just Like This, The Chainsmokers ft. Coldplay
“I’m not looking for somebody with some superhuman gifts, some superhero, some fairytale bliss. Just something I can turn to, somebody I can miss.”
This upbeat collaboration reworks the concept of great mythical characters. Unlike the heroes from classical mythology, the narrator is struck that he has no qualities that make him stand out. He has no hidden powers that would compel others to admire him. But when he turns to his relationship, he finds a way to become a superhero.
Supporting our loved ones and listening to their needs is the ultimate act of care and affection. Fictional characters fight monsters and complete unbelievable tasks, but daily life requires a different hero, a loving, kind, and selfless person.
11. Superman (It’s Not Easy), Five for Fighting
“I’m more than a bird, I’m more than a plane. I’m more than some pretty face beside a train and it’s not easy to be me.”
The song’s narrator is Superman himself, and the lyrics express his innermost thoughts and doubts. He struggles under the weight of peoples’ expectations and feels that this superhero persona overshadows his true identity. It’s as if he’s had to sacrifice a part of his identity to achieve greatness.
But despite the difficulty he’s faced and the pressure he’s under, he continues to serve and protect others. The worry and anxiety are not as strong as his desire to do good.
The song reminds listeners that life’s not always smooth sailing. Heroes grapple with self-doubt, but they don’t allow it to crush their spirit.
12. When You Believe, Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston
“There can be miracles when you believe. Though hope is frail, it’s hard to kill. Who knows what miracles you can achieve?”
No matter how put-together they appear, even the most self-assured people don’t have all the answers. Finding your way through the murky uncertainty is challenging, but guidance comes from believing in yourself. The world is often unfair, so bleakness seems like the only outcome. However, looking deep within yourself and discovering hidden courage will reassure you that you’re capable of heroic acts.
13. Go the Distance, Michael Bolton
“I’ll be there someday, I can go the distance. I will find my way if I can be strong. I know every mile would be worth my while.”
This Disney classic was written for “Hercules,” an animated movie that follows the trials and tribulations of the young hero before he fulfills his destiny. Hercules is a demigod, so he possesses many abilities unattainable for the ordinary person. He still faces many hurdles, and what makes him fight harder isn’t some godlike superpower but his self-confidence.
When your plans go awry, it’s hard not to question your self-worth. You’re unsure whether your next steps will lead you to success or failure. However, keeping your course despite all your fears is a courageous deed. Arm yourself with determination and hope, and victory will come your way.
14. My Hero, The Foo Fighters
“There goes my hero. Watch him as he goes. There goes my hero. He’s ordinary.”
The Foo Fighter’s Dave Grohl claims that he didn’t look up to celebrities growing up. Instead, he admired the hard work and perseverance of ordinary people. This sentiment is deeply embedded in “My Hero.”
The lyrics are concerned with paying your respects to the people you pass on the street every day but fail to notice. Their accomplishments won’t be televised, and you won’t hear them interviewed on your local radio station. At first glance, they’re just regular people, but their lives are nothing short of extraordinary.
The accompanying music video builds on this idea, depicting an unidentified man saving items from a burning house. We can’t see his face, but that’s the whole point. We may never discover his identity, but his heroic actions are worthy of praise and respect.
15. We Are the Champions, Queen
“I’ve done my sentence but committed no crime. And bad mistakes, I’ve made a few. I’ve had my share of sand kicked in my face, but I’ve come through.”
No sporting event is complete without playing Queen’s anthemic tune. The lyrics celebrate victory and show that the path to triumph is full of challenges.
Setting goals is relatively quick but reaching them takes a lot of effort. True winners understand that hardship teaches them to be stronger and more resourceful. Each time they make a mistake, they’re ready to learn from it and strengthen their mindset. The journey to success isn’t always enjoyable, but it shows us how to turn mistakes into small victories.
16. Hero, Superchick
“You could be a hero — heroes do what’s right. You could be a hero — you might save a life. You could be a hero — you could join the fight.”
Many people fight an internal battle that eats away at their strength and confidence. The song’s lyrics introduce us to several people who are suffering silently, unable to ask for help. Their problems are different, but, ultimately, they all feel weak and alone.
Once the chorus kicks in, the message becomes clear. When heroes see others in pain, they’re quick to lend a hand and help them heal. Whether it’s a kind word, encouraging smile, or thoughtful pep-talk, what you have to offer can change someone’s day for the better.
17. Superman’s Song, Crash Test Dummies
“Superman never made any money. Savin’ the world from Solomon Grundy. And sometimes I despair. The world will never see another man like him.”
The music video of this song shows people attending the funeral of Superman. In the lyrics of the song, Crash Test Dummies highlight the differences between Tarzan and Superman. The message is that true heroes never ask for something in return when saving people. They, like Superman, do what needs to be done in the name of goodness, and not for personal gain.
18. Heroes, Paul Overstreet
“’Cause you know heroes come in every shape and size. Making special sacrifices for others in their lives. No one gives them medals. The world don’t know their names. But in someone’s eyes, they’re heroes just the same.”
This song introduces us to two individuals who don’t have powers like usual superheroes. However, they are heroes in their own right. The two are ordinary people—a hardworking father/husband and a loving mother/wife—who are committed to supporting their families, doing the best they can to provide and care for their loved ones.
19. She’s Somebody’s Hero, Jamie O’Neal
“She’s somebody’s hero. A hero to her baby with a skinned-up knee. A little kiss is all she needs. The keeper of the Cheerios. The voice that brings Snow White to life. Bedtime stories every night. And that smile lets her know she’s somebody’s hero.”
This song is about a woman who, like the individuals in the previous song, doesn’t possess any superpower and hasn’t done anything remarkable or heroic, such as pulling someone from a burning building or landing on the moon.
Nevertheless, the song tells us that she’s a hero in her daughter’s eyes. As her daughter grew, the devotion and love between them remained and they were both heroes in each other’s eyes.
20. Not All Heroes Wear Capes, Owl City
“He built me a house in the arms of a tree. He taught me to drive and to fight and to dream. When he looks in my eyes, I hope he can see that my dad’s a hero to me.”
This song is a tribute to fathers who are heroes in their children’s eyes. The singer recounts how his dad taught him valuable life lessons, and how they shared precious memories. This song is a reminder that, for many of us, real-life heroes don’t necessarily have to do extraordinary feats or have superpowers. They often become heroes because of their steady presence in our lives and the valuable lessons they give us.
21. Wonder Woman, Lion Babe
“I ain’t gonna break for that. I’m a Wonder Woman. I ain’t gonna take all that. I’m a Wonder Woman. That’ll get you nowhere. You don’t wanna see what happens when I get provoked. You don’t wanna go there. See me spin around, see me swing my golden rope.”
In this song, a woman reclaims her personal power. She likens herself to Wonder Woman, a powerful woman superhero. She warns detractors to watch out, because she is not one to give up without a fight.
22. Unstoppable, The Score
“We can be heroes everywhere we go. We can have all that we ever want. Swinging like Ali, knocking out bodies. Standing on top like a champion. Keep your silver, give me that gold. You will remember when I say we can be heroes everywhere we go. Keeping us down is impossible. ‘Cause we’re unstoppable.”
Failure can be the springboard to your future success. However, many people stop trying when they experience setbacks. To become successful and achieve your dreams, you need to believe in yourself and your ability to keep moving forward. This way, you become not just a hero for others, but also for yourself.
23. Heroes, Zayde Wolf
“We are heroes, heroes in the darkest times. When there is no light, we are heroes. Heroes in the darkest times who will rise above. We are heroes.”
If you need a song that reflects a hero’s struggles to achieve victory, you might want to add this one to your playlist. Listening to the lyrics, you’ll feel empowered to stand up for yourself and go after your dreams.
In this song, Dustin Brian Burnett, aka Zayde Wolf, sings about those who are capable of bringing back the light amidst darkness, and calls them heroes.
24. Everyday Superhero, Smash Mouth
“I’m just your average ordinary everyday superhero trying to save the world, but never really sure. I’m just your average ordinary everyday superhero, nothing more than that. That’s all I really am.”
Here is a song from the point of view of a typical superhero. But this isn’t a song where the superhero brags about his abilities and achievements. Instead, the superhero downplays all of that and insists he’s just doing the right thing. Everything amazing that happens in his effort to save the world is only part of his job.
25. No Hero, Elisa
“I can’t jump over buildings, I’m no hero. But love can do miracles. I can’t outrun a bullet, I’m no hero. But I would take one for you. Be sure I would.”
In this song, the narrator acknowledges their limitations as an ordinary human being. They have no superpowers and therefore cannot do amazing feats. However, they promise to do the best they can to support the person they care for—even take a bullet for them. They’ll do it all in the name of love. Isn’t that something a heroic person would do?
26. A World Without Heroes, KISS
“A world without heroes is like a world without sun. You can’t look up to anyone without heroes. And a world without heroes is like a never-ending race. Is like a time without a place, a pointless thing, devoid of grace.”
What would the world be like if there weren’t people who are willing to sacrifice for others? This is the main theme of this song. The lyrics ask you to reflect on what life would be like if there were no heroes at all. It would be a very bleak world, without anyone to look up to and without a source of hope and grace.
27. In My Daughter’s Eyes, Martina McBride
“In my daughter’s eyes, I am a hero. I am strong and wise and I know no fear. But the truth is plain to see. She was sent to rescue me. I see who I want to be in my daughter’s eyes.”
Parents sacrifice so much for their children. And when the children grow up, they develop a deeper understanding of their parents’ selfless acts. They declare their parents to be the heroes in their lives and try to emulate them when they have their own families.
However, as this song tells us, people often don’t realize that, for many parents, their children are their inspiration to become better versions of themselves. So, while children view their parents as their heroes, the parents look up to their children in the same way.
28. Hero, Cash Cash ft. Christina Perri
“Now I don’t need your wings to fly. No, I don’t need a hand to hold in mine this time. You held me down, but I broke free. I found the love inside of me. Now I don’t need a hero to survive. ‘Cause I already saved my life. ‘Cause I already saved my life.”
Some people spend almost their whole lives looking for love and affirmation from others. Sadly, they don’t find what they’re looking for. This song is a reminder that true love stems from within. You need to learn to love yourself. When that happens, life changes and you begin to attract the right people and situations to make your life better.
29. Hero, Chad Kroeger ft. Josey Scott
“And they say that a hero could save us. I’m not gonna stand here and wait. I’ll hold onto the wings of the eagles. Watch as we all fly away.”
This song echoes the theme of self-love found in the previous track. You don’t need to wait for another person to affirm you, because you actually hold the power in your hands to create a better life for yourself.
30. Nobody’s Hero, Rush
“But she’s nobody’s hero. Is the voice of reason against the howling mob. Hero…is the pride of purpose in the unrewarding job. Hero…not the champion player who plays the perfect game. Hero…not the glamour boy who loves to sell his name. Everybody’s buying. Nobody’s hero.”
First released in 1993, this song is a reflection on the nature of heroes. Some of the lyrics are inspired by the personal stories of individuals some of the band members knew. The song concludes that a hero isn’t someone who is famous like an actor, but someone who saves lives in their own unassuming way.
31. Unsung Hero, for KING + COUNTRY
“To be strong like my father even when I am scared. And when someone’s in trouble, I’ll never leave them there. And I’ll love like my mother, like there’s nothing to lose. You’re my unsung hero, and I sing this song for you.”
This song is a tribute to parents who are good examples to their children. The memories of the love, care, and support they give etch a lasting legacy in the hearts of their children. In turn, they do their best to follow the good examples of their “heroes” when presented with situations where they need to do the right thing.
Final Thoughts on Songs About Heroes
Music can have a powerful impact on our perspective. It can make us realize that the hero we’ve been waiting for has been within us all along. Or it can help us appreciate our friends and family more for their unconditional love and support.
We hope that this collection of songs about heroes will add a dash of courage and selflessness to your life. Make sure to check out the accompanying song and video links to awaken your inner hero.
For more songs to listen to, check out these other lists:
My husband, Gene and I sat across the dinner table of friends whom we recently met. While we waited for dessert, the topic of anniversaries came up.
“And how long have you been married,” the wife asked me.
“Forty years,” I said proudly.
“Well, not quite, “Gene said, “more like 39.” He chuckled. “We don’t count that first year.”
I wanted to elbow him for being so uncomfortably honest. They were, after all, new friends. But he was so right. We wanted to erase that first year of our marriage from the memory book of life.
But we couldn’t. Those memories linger like the smell of burnt toast. That happily ever-after didn’t even last through the honeymoon. So what happened? How did that beautiful bride dressed in white, depicting purity, and that handsome man, looking like a prince waiting for me at the altar, change so drastically?
What was even more drastic was our disappointment. We walked down the aisle with dreams and hopes. But the problem was they were framed in unrealistic expectations. We smiled at the photographer’s prompting and cut the wedding cake, relishing in each moment… unaware of what awaited us once the wedding turned into marriage.
And sadly, we turned into a real-life illustration of the beauty and the beast. Both of us counted on the beauty of marriage. But instead, the beast of discord settled in our one-bedroom apartment with royal blue carpeting.
Blushing a bit, I admit these are the five mistakes I made even before I could use the Crockpot we received as a wedding gift.
1. Finances and its Control
I came from Bolivia, where poverty was a way of life. My parents were frugal, guarding every penny. Gene came from a relaxed approach to finances. In his home, items were bought even when they weren’t urgently needed. In my effort to guard our income, I asked Gene to account for each dollar he spent. He resisted, indignation flaring up by my questioning. And rather than appreciate my self-assigned task of paying the bills, he resented it instead.
2. Time Spent with Friends
We were a couple now. I expected our free time to be with each other or other couples. For me, girlfriend time was limited to small chunks of time. Therefore, when he took long hours to get home after a racquetball session with his fraternity brothers, I didn’t welcome him home with hugs. Instead, I made it known I was to come first before friends or other social commitments. My mistake was to make Gene my source of happy moments and pleasant feelings.
3. TV Watching
Silly, I know. While dating, we watched anything at all as long as we were together. But to my surprise, our tastes were different. I liked romantic programs that were light and fun. He preferred the action-packed flicks. But as we tried to accommodate each other, resentment had already been simmering inside. I anticipated him to love me enough to say, “Sure, honey, I know you don’t like detective movies; let’s watch a romance story instead.”
4. Cleaning the Apartment
Gene worked toward his college degree, and since I worked full-time, I assumed he should help keep the apartment clean. I requested to have shoes, empty soda cans, paper plates, etc. to be out of the living room and put away where they belonged. He saw nothing wrong with leaving the cleaning to weekends. Resentment grew in me. My mistake was to put a clean, tidy apartment above harmony and peace.
5. Time with Parents
Gene loved my mom’s cooking. And heading to my parents for Sunday dinners would be a logical thing to do. But when he decided that we would skip a Sunday or two, I was puzzled. Why would he pass up an enjoyable time with my family and delight in my mom’s cooking? He didn’t have an explanation. And my mistake was to challenge his reasoning rather than to try to compromise.
And so, during that first year, dissatisfaction, disappointment, and discouragement were served at every meal. It was clear to me we weren’t a match. The differences outnumbered intimate moments. And misunderstandings, arguments, and slammed doors screamed, “You made a big mistake.”
So why did I stay? One, because we had made a commitment before God. And two, because divorce this soon, with no concrete reason, would’ve been an embarrassing event for all.
But what was even more embarrassing was admitting what I brought with me to the marriage. On that wedding day, some commented that I looked radiant. But they didn’t know that underneath that flowing white dress, I wore a black slip of fear.
Fear was at the bottom of all. I was afraid happiness wouldn’t show up if we were in debt. I vowed not to have a messy house as I feared it would be a reflection of me as a wife. I was afraid if Gene didn’t spend quality moments with me instead of his friends, I wouldn’t be first in his life. And if he didn’t agree to stay connected with my family, I’d be unhappy.
In the midst of that fear, happiness showed up when God spoke to my heart through the Bible. I had no reason to fear, worry, or be insecure. God was first my spouse, my divine Father, who would meet my needs and make me whole.
Time has swept by since that truth settled in me. And like Gene took out the trash, I took fear out of me. There were lessons learned. Pride put aside. And insecurities corrected.
God corrected my perception of marriage. He transformed my thinking—I married Gene; I didn’t marry my expectations. And now, 40 years later, when we dine with friends, we learn they too struggled at various stages of their marriage. Good to know we’re not alone.
Our house still isn’t spotless; Gene and I choose certain TV shows we enjoy together. He spends time with our adult sons at basketball games, and I shop with girlfriends. We invite both extended families to our home. And we tithe to ensure financial freedom.
But the most beautiful freedom came when I chose to love Gene without fear, without conditions, and without unrealistic expectations.
Janet Perez Eckles is an inspirational speaker before English and Spanish-speaking audiences. She’s a radio host and the author of four books, including Simply Salsa: Dancing Without Fear at God’s Fiesta, where she helps thousands learn to celebrate life and find joy by conquering fear. www.janetperezeckles.com
The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.
Let’s face it: when you are married, it seems like a conflict is always lurking around, waiting to pounce on you and your spouse. When you are done with one, another one springs up unexpectedly around the corner, making you feel as if you are trapped in a vicious cycle. Conflict in marriage is normal and inevitable. Marriage is a union of two different people with varying personalities, perspectives, beliefs, and values.
Healthy conflict resolution can foster a deeper friendship between spouses, trigger growth, inspire creativity, and improve communication. On the other hand, unhealthy conflict resolution drives a wedge between spouses and is often a breeding ground for resentment. Do you and your spouse get embroiled in heated fights that leave both of you licking your wounds for weeks on end? Perhaps your fights involve name-calling, shaming, or even violence. They leave both of you reeking of bitterness, and you want nothing to do with each other for weeks.
Paul urged Timothy not to have anything to do with foolish arguments because they produce quarrels. He added that the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, and not resentful (2 Timothy 2:23-24). Conflict should be resolved amicably and respectfully to be constructive within marriage. Endless quarrels where spouses attack and put each other down only produce resentment, snuffing out the unity God ordained in marriage. Two cannot walk together unless they are agreed (Amos 3:3).
Did you know you can snuff out a fight with your spouse before it even rears its ugly head? Paul urged believers to walk circumspectly, not as unwise but as wise (Ephesians 5:15). You can apply godly wisdom and arrest destructive squabbles in their tracks before they spiral out of control. Here are four thoughts to consider.
For years, maybe even decades, the belief that dating isn’t biblical has been taught for many reasons. One reason being that dating is strongly associated with pre-marital sex, and fornication is a sin. Also, many believers are taught to engage in courtships. Courtships include different stages of getting to know someone with the intention of getting married. However, to reach the courtship stage, you must spend time with the person you are involved with. What other way do you get to know someone you’re romantically attracted to and interested in than to date them? The notion of dating being unbiblical is one that’s been taught and learned because dating is considered an activity of the world, and it is not found in the Bible. However, the idea of courtships isn’t found in the Bible either. So, with this news, what does a believer with a romantic interest in someone do? How do believers get to know someone they’re interested in without stepping outside of the realms of the Bible? The answer is simple, pray and ask God what steps to take to get to know someone you are interested in and follow His guidance. Interaction with believers, humans, is natural. In fact, believers need each other to survive. How we interact with each other determines what relationships are developed. Asking God for guidance with everyone we encounter will help believers remain on the right path while meeting and engaging with the right and wrong people.
My friend felt a nervous excitement when she signed up for the church women’s retreat — alone. It wasn’t easy to do, but she reasoned that spending a weekend with other Christian women would allow her to meet badly needed friends and integrate more quickly into the life of her new church.
Her confidence was short-lived. After Friday night dinner, she walked alone to the auditorium as other women strolled with friends, their happy chatter a reminder that she was an outsider. Oh well, at least I’ll get a good seat, she thought, trying to stay positive in an uncomfortable situation. She walked toward the front and was shocked to see every seat taken, saved by the Bibles that women had placed there before dinner. She moved further back, only to find the same thing. The only seat open was a corner one on the very last row.
Every Bible on every chair seemed to scream, “You aren’t welcome here. We already have friends, and you aren’t one of them”.
Of course, this was not the intent. Still, it was a memory she never forgot.
“Marriage is work”! Does that statement strike a chord with you? Do you feel as if you breezed through dating and courtship only to hit a bump in the road in marriage? If you do, you are not alone. Many couples opine that there’s a stark difference between marriage and dating. In marriage, they realize that they need to exert mental and physical effort to keep the wheels of their marriage turning. What came so easily and naturally during dating seems to have morphed into work. Hard work. What exactly changed? Did God design marriage as hard work?
My best friend in high school and I had vowed to be best friends forever. We both could not envision life without each other. We vowed to keep in touch and climb mountains if necessary just to keep our friendship ablaze. Needless to say, we lost touch when we joined different colleges and only reconnected through Facebook eons later. Left unattended, our friendship wilted faster than we could say “best friend.” There’s not a single relationship on the face of the earth that can thrive without the input of the parties involved. Constant communication, physical meetings, and support during tough times are some of the demands of friendships.
Couples feel as if they glided through courtship and dating because the relationship was mainly fueled by romantic love. This made relating with your partner feel effortless. But let’s be honest: romantic love grinds to a halt at some point. Your heart eventually stops racing, and you cease getting breathless when your macho man or damsel walks into the room. As such, your spouse won’t automatically feel loved and appreciated until they see your loving gestures. Your relationship is no longer driven by romantic love but by intentional love, aka work.
So yes, as a husband, you will need to listen to your wife’s winding tales, show her affection, and date her regularly. As a wife, you will need to prioritize sexual intimacy, respect his decisions, and compliment him. You will need to do things that don’t come naturally to you just to enthuse your partner. You will need to put in some work because marriage is indeed work.
We do not merely glide through our walk with Christ. Although salvation is a free gift of God, we must do our part to maintain our fellowship with God. Paul urged the Phillipian church to work out their salvation with fear and trembling (Philippians 2: 12). Peter also asked the church to be diligent to make their call and election sure (2 Peter 1:10). Although Christ finished His redemptive work at the cross, we have to stay connected to Him through prayer, reading His word and fellowship with other believers. He asks us to draw near to Him so He can draw near us. In other words, He asks us to put in the work.
Part of this work for married couples will include tending your relationship with your spouse. Your life as a married person is not compartmentalized. Everything you do, whether you eat or drink, should bring glory to God (1 Corinthians 10:31). Jesus taught that the greatest commandment is to love God with all your heart, soul, and with all your mind, and the second is to love your neighbor as yourself. Your spouse is your “nearest” neighbor, and God commands that you love them as yourself. To accomplish that, you will definitely need to put in a lot of work.
3. God Has Set a High Standard for Marriage
God has a template for how couples should conduct their marriages. He uses the relationship between Christ and the church as the template. Wives are to submit to their husbands as unto the Lord, and husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:22-28). Quite frankly, living out this template in marriage is no mean feat. As a wife, you may wonder why you need to submit to a flawed human being. As a husband, you may not feel like your wife deserves the kind of sacrificial love Paul talks about. Living in step with this template requires you to deny yourself and die to your flesh. And that’s work. Hard work.
Paul wished that all men were like himself – single. He, however, acknowledged that each person had his gift. He had the gift of singlehood, while others had the gift of marriage. He advised those who could not exercise self-control to go ahead and marry(1 Corinthians 7:7-9).
“But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord -how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world-how he may please his wife.” (1 Corinthians 7:32-33).
In the passage above, Paul doesn’t mince his words. He wishes everyone was without care like him. Here, he is referring to the responsibility that comes with being either a wife or husband. Paul, being unmarried, cared only about pleasing the Lord. But for his married counterparts? They did not have the luxury of being “carefree.” They had to think about how to please their spouses.
Paul’s message here is that choosing to get married is consciously taking on more responsibilities into your life. And to whom much is given, from him much will be required (Luke 12:48). If you are married, roll up your sleeves and do the work that comes with the blessing you enjoy.
“Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it; unless the Lord guards the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.” (Psalm 127:1).
As we have rightfully observed, marriage takes work from both spouses. However, all your labor in marriage will be in vain without God. You and your spouse cannot have a thriving marriage without God at the center. Millions of people across the globe have tried to build great marriages on their own, but their efforts have gone belly-up. We are to trust in the Lord with all our hearts and lean not on our own understanding. We are to acknowledge Him in all our ways, and He promises to make our paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6). Your marriage can only be made straight when you acknowledge God in all your dealings. Without Him, all your labor in marriage will be in vain.
King Solomon observed that only by God’s wisdom can a house be built and understanding be established (Proverbs 24:3). God wants couples to build their marriages only through the wisdom He provides through His Word. He wants couples to be like the wise man who built his house on the rock. When the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on the house; it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock (Mathew 7:24-25).
So yes, marriage takes work, but when we follow the wisdom in God’s Word, we build formidable marriages that glorify God.
Keren Kanyago is a freelance writer and blogger at Parenting Spring. As a wife and mom, she uses her blog to weigh in on pertinent issues around parenting, marriage, and the Christian Faith. She holds a degree in mass communication with a specialty in print media. Follow her on Facebook and Instagram and/or shoot her an email at kerenkanyago@gmail.com.
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The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.
When should we care, and when should we not? As a Christian, this question can feel delicate and confusing at times. The Bible tells us over and over again to express care for those around us. We see commandments to love, to share the Gospel, and even to admonish other believers. But what exactly does the Bible say about people who don’t want to be cared for or people who want to continue making the same mistakes no matter how much you want to help?
There’s a certain older lady I know who’s Christian and has a transgender coworker. The coworker leans on her perceived identity and demands that others affirm her. Entitlement has led her to be ignored and ostracized at work. No one wants conflict or to offend. Despite the behaviors, the older lady wanted to show love to this coworker, realizing by just the transgender status alone that the woman was hurting deep within her soul. Despite having a desire to help, the coworker ended up getting the older woman in trouble with HR – an issue of misgendering, I was told.
While the lady told me she didn’t care what the coworker did, the fact that she shared with me unsolicited told me that she was hurt. I would be, too. You show love to someone who obviously lacks in that department, and then they turn around and stab you in the back. They put you and your job in jeopardy. Do you continue to show how much you care, or do you stop altogether?
We all encounter this question in one way or another. That could come in the form of helping someone overcome addiction whilst seeing and doubting their desire to be clean or trying to encourage someone who is bent on being cynical no matter what positive things occur.
When should we care, and when should we not?
Among other passages, the Bible has a couple of verses that can help us find clarity on the topic.
“Don’t answer a fool according to his foolishness or you’ll be like him yourself. Answer a fool according to his foolishness or he’ll become wise in his own eyes.” (Proverbs 26:4-5)
Based on these two verses and a general understanding of the Bible and how Jesus operated, we can conclude two things. First, we should always care about other people. At least in the general sense, imitating God’s love for them. We should have some concern about their health, their salvation, and general well-being. Secondly, we should not always care about such issues as offending someone, not when our motivations are in the right place.
Finding the balance requires some tact. There is always a time to care, but there are also times when we should not care. Let’s explore that balance and figure out what caring and not caring should look like in our lives.
Understand Why You Care
In order to properly serve the people in your life, you will benefit them and yourself by understanding your motivations. Ask yourself why you care (or don’t). Scripture says that we love because God first loved us (1 John 4:19). God made us all in His image and planned our lives before a single one began (Psalm 139:16). When we see God as being the author of other people’s lives, not just our own, we tend to see them in a different light. We don’t want to leave them to our sins because, like God, we care.
If you’re the sort of person who doesn’t care about anyone who doesn’t affect your life, then you’re not seeing them as God does. That’s wrong.
God is not asking us to get emotionally invested in everyone we come across. That’s impossible. But we can show everyone we come across God’s love by acknowledging their humanity and wanting what’s best for them, even if we are not involved in that process.
Do You Care More Than They Do?
One justifiable reason to not care, or to care less, is when you want what’s best for a person more than they want it for themselves. Whatever the circumstances, do you care more about the situation or the relationship than they do? That’s a valuable question when deciding whether or not to take a step back.
There’s a guy I’ve tried supporting on a number of occasions. He’s an elderly man who has not been able to find (or hold) a job in five years. Aside from listening to his anecdotes, I’ve bought him groceries, assisted him with applying for jobs, and especially tried to encourage him to change his perspective. His heart remains hardened, and his cynicism is as strong as ever. He insists that life is against him. Yet, he spends hours during the day not applying to jobs, but reading the newspaper.
How can someone so destitute waste so much time?
Caring more than the other person doesn’t necessarily mean we should not care at all, but we should draw a line somewhere so that we don’t overexert ourselves.
Set Boundaries
Caring requires boundaries. While we are called to love as God loves, we are not called to love them in a way that ruins us. Nor are we called to love everyone deeply. This is where you have to seek God for discernment. He wants us to carry one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2). A difficult relationship or circumstance is no excuse to give up and stop caring. However, we need to know what is a healthy and realistic amount of difficulty. We should not default to our own understanding or the supposed wisdom of others either. God and His infinite wisdom. Caring too much can, at worst, jeopardize our faith and health. Care too little, and we are not representing Christ for that person. The bottom line is that you should care about the other person; the question is how much and how will that care be shown.
To Offend or Not Offend
Offending people does not make you un-Christian. Read Scripture enough, and you will see that Jesus offended plenty of people. That’s why they wanted Him dead. Being Christian in modern America is enough reason to offend someone nowadays. That being said, there are plenty of occasions where offending is not only justified but good. If someone is being rude and they are unaware, tell them. That may hurt their feelings, but we benefit from being corrected. The same applies to how we discipline children or how we call out anyone for behavior that is problematic. Offending people is good, so long as your motivations are coming from a good place. Do you offend because you are trying to help the other person grow or for some other reason?
Pray for the Person
We can’t always take a hands-on approach to caring for people. There’s only so much bandwidth any of us possesses and only so many places we can throw our energy in a day. However, when we are hands-off with a person, we can always show our care through prayer. We aren’t always able to help people change, especially when we don’t know them well. On the contrary, God does know them well, and He is acutely aware of where they can grow and how they should go about doing so. Take your cares to Him.
Conclusion
We should care about people. Jesus did. Scripture tells us to. But we shouldn’t care too much to the point of idolization, nor too little to the point of not adhering to our faith. There’s definitely a balance to strike, but all in all, certain things we care about or not, but we should always care about people.
Aaron D’Anthony Brown is a freelance writer, hip-hop dance teacher, and visual artist, living in Virginia. He currently contributes work to iBelieve, Crosswalk, and supports various clients through the platform Upwork. He’s an outside-the-box thinker with a penchant for challenging the status quo. Check out his short story “Serenity.”
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Hearing Jesus is a devotional journey through the gospels, where we explore the teachings of Jesus chapter by chapter. If you’re seeking to live a life that reflects God’s, this podcast is for you.
The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.
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“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” Romans 12:10
Next month will be twenty-one years since I said, “I do” to my tall, spiky-haired blonde, blue-eyed heartthrob. Twenty-one years! That just seems so crazy to me. It still feels like yesterday, standing in a flower-draped gazebo on a windy day before family and friends pledging our love.
How did we get here? How quickly the time went by!
As I reflect on years of the past and the sweet and special ways we have celebrated our love, from the monumental anniversaries to the mini celebrations, I must admit that God has richly blessed us. We have been fortunate enough to take some nice little getaways or head out to a romantic dinner. Thanks to the help of my parents, we took a trip to Hawaii for our ten-year wedding anniversary and renewed our vows on the beach. It was truly amazing and marked memories that will last a lifetime!
This past year for our twentieth year we had high hopes of venturing outside of the States to experience the romance of Paris. A place I had dreamed about since I was a little girl. We had been saving up for this trip for quite some time and made a promise that for our twentieth we would do whatever we could to celebrate such a monumental wedding anniversary. But, then life happened, and due to unforeseen challenges and tragedy that literally brought us to our knees with grief, those plans were put on stand-by. It’s still a dream and God willing it may happen, one day.
Throughout the years, we’ve had many highs and lows when it comes to celebrating our union, and we just try to make the best of it. There have been times that we have celebrated holding hands at a softball field watching our daughter, to times we have cuddled up to watch a movie, popping in a pizza at 10 o’clock at night. In other words, our anniversary celebrations haven’t always been so grand. But, we do our best to acknowledge the season that we are in and honor the vows we took to one another, aiming to recognize the blessing of another year together.
How Will You Celebrate Your Wedding Anniversary?
Well, if you and your sweetie have that special day coming up, let’s discover some fun and simply sweet ways to honor your love and celebrate. It doesn’t always have to be a lavish trip or dining at an elegant restaurant. While those are nice and lovely gestures, there are so many creative ways that can fit within your budget and your family’s needs, while still fanning the flame of your marriage.
Below is a list of twenty-one ways (yes twenty-one) to celebrate your special day. Some ideas are fairly lavish, while others are a little lower-key, but, it’s just a starting point to get your wheels turning. It’s also fun to plan these things together, as it builds anticipation. So, open your heart to your spouse and see what strikes their fancy, then go! Go and celebrate!
Rejuvenate with a Stay-cation. When you can’t venture too far, a staycation may be the perfect option. Reconnect and enjoy a romantic getaway close to home that won’t break the bank yet gives you time to let the stress of life go.
Take a Cooking Class. Spice up your love by taking a cooking class. There is something simply romantic about preparing a meal together that forces closeness and brings excitement to try new flavorful recipes.
Book a Couple’s Spa. Ahhhh. Melt your cares away with a side-by-side couples massage. Let the aromas and release of everyday stress welcome in peace and tranquility.
Take a Road Trip. Family trips are fun, but when you travel with just your spouse, it opens up a segway to just enjoy each other’s company, and really focus on your marriage.
Go on a Romantic Picnic. What’s sweeter than taking a picnic basket and blanket to a local park and enjoying a beautiful day – together? Yeah, I can’t think of too many things better than that either.
Renew Your Vows. This is usually saved for those milestone anniversaries but can be done any time really. Reclaiming your love is always important, and there are so many ways this can be done. You can share the special moment with family or friends or simply say your vows just the two of you. But do what speaks to your heart and what will capture the essence of your love story.
This verse is one you may want to share: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Take a Dancing Class. Dancing is a great way to draw in and get close to one another. It also provides ample space for fun and laughter.
Go to a Comedy Show. Laughter really is the best medicine, right? Some great Christian comedians to check out are Tim Hawkins, Jeff Allen, Leanne Morgan, Taylor Mason, or John Crist.
Remember that “a cheerful heart is good medicine.” Proverbs 17:22
Check out a Local Museum. Whether you are a history buff or into the arts, explore new things and find something that speaks to you both, then go check it out!
Recreate Your First Date. I simply love this one! We have tried this a few times, and now the place where we met is no longer there, but it is still fun to take a trip back in time and go down memory lane. It opens up great dialogue and brings back those tender feelings.
Write Each Other Love Letters. This simply sweet way to honor your marriage allows you to be both romantic and vulnerable. Two things that are needed in a marriage. Share your whole heart with your spouse and watch the sparks fly.
Sip up at a Wine or Coffee Tasting. Visit a winery or coffee shop and take a class to find what you enjoy and what meets your preferences. Toasting to your marriage while savoring your palate and tastebuds may rekindle the romance in your marriage.
As Ecclesiastes 8:15 says, “Enjoy life, because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad.”
Play a Round of Putt-putt. Looking for more adventure and fun? Try your hand at a round of putt-putt. Let this bring out your playful side and maybe even add a little competition too.
Check out a Quaint B&B. A bed and breakfast are a great alternative to your average hotel. Not only do they usually have more of a personal flair while providing a delicious breakfast in the morning, but they tend to be pretty cost-effective as well. Bonus!
Replay Your Wedding Day. Bring out the scrapbooks, photo albums, and videos, and then… just reminisce. Share and talk about all those special memories that were created on your very special day.
Get Out on the Water. Get a kayak, go on a boat ride, or take a dinner cruise, but get out on the water and explore its one-of-a-kind beauty.
Visit an Arcade. Tap into your inner child and hit up a local arcade and see who the real “gamer” is! This is always a fun way to see who is truly more competitive.
Go to a Drive-in Movie. There are several drive-ins across the country, but if you can’t locate one nearby, check out a theater that does dinner and a movie. They always seem to offer a fun and different experience.
Get Artsy. Take a fun painting class. Many places offer painting classes just for couples, so go on a double date or get to meet some new friends! Then bring home a personalized pretty picture to hang on your wall.
Get Out in Nature. Get off the beaten path and go explore a hiking trail or nature park that is nearby. Let it draw you closer together while seeing all the beauty and goodness of God’s creation.
Rent a Cool Car and Drive. Take that cool convertible out for a spin with “your date” and let the good times roll! Literally!
Well, there you have it, my friends! Twenty-one creative ways to celebrate your marriage. May these merely be a springboard to go off of as you find ways to celebrate your love in a unique way that reigns in your love story. May God richly bless you both as you grow more deeply in love and have many, many more years celebrating together. Happy Anniversary!
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8
Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy. Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.
“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” Ephesians 5:22-24
This popular, and often misunderstood, verse found in Ephesians unveils the beautiful image of a bride serving and deeply loving her groom. There are two key takeaways to this message that Paul so eloquently shares with the church in Ephesus. The first being that a godly marriage is all about submitting to Christ and seeking His way. The second being that we are called to recognize our husband as leader by taking on a Christ-like servant’s heart.
So, what does a godly marriage look like? Love and service! God designed marriage so we would serve one another in order to grow closer to Him (Ephesians 5:21)! The truth is a husband needs certain things that only his wife can supply, and vice versa. That’s because God created us to complement one another. And, when we do serve our spouse, we essentially share God’s love and exemplify Christ.
1 Corinthians 13 so beautifully states, “love is patient, love is kind…It protects, trusts, hopes, and always preserves. Love never fails!” Serving others pretty much follows suit. Service comes from a heart of longing to love your husband with patience, kindness, striving to protect him, trust him, and find hope in your marriage. When spouses serve one another, maybe even going to such lengths as to outdo each other in service, marriages thrive!
On that note, let’s unpack some ways to do just that and find some sweet and meaningful ways to serve your hubby:
Tap into His Love Language
More than likely, you have heard about the five love languages, developed by Gary Chapman. It’s basically the five different ways we give and like to receive love, which include: words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, receiving gifts, and physical touch. If we want to serve our hubby’s well, it’s important to get in tune with his love language (while also understanding our own). While we all need a little of all of these types of love, there are generally a few that stand out for each of us.
My husband is big on quality time, and I am a physical touch kind of girl, so many nights we just talk on the coach after our daughters go to bed and touch base about our day. He’ll often rub my feet, and it’s a great way we actively serve one another.
Think about your dear hubby and what love language he receives well. Then try a few of these ways to minister to his heart.
If he is a words of affirmation guy, try saying a few of these “terms of endearment”:
-“I trust you.”
-“Thank you for providing for us.”
-“You are a good man.”
-“You make me a better woman.”
-“I appreciate all that you do” (and name those things).
If he craves quality time, try being more intentional about your time together.
-Go on routine date nights.
-Play and laugh together.
-Actively listen.
-Try a hobby together.
-Cook together.
If he likes you to perform acts of service, then be mindful of your everyday tasks.
-Do his laundry.
-Clean his workspace.
-Make him coffee in the morning.
-Wash his car.
-Make his favorite meal.
If he enjoys receiving gifts, remember it is the thought that truly counts.
-Create things from the heart such as a photobook, scrapbook, or collage.
-Remember special dates and give a card or sweet sentiment.
-Have lunch delivered to him at work.
-Get his favorite snacks at the store.
-Have a special place for mementos from your travels or special events.
If he likes physical touch, be sure to express your love in physical ways.
-Hug him tight when he comes home from work.
-Rub his back after a long day.
-Snuggle up close during a movie.
-Be playful by nuzzling his neck or combing your fingers through his hair.
-Hold his hand.
Get in His Head
There is a beautiful and wonderful way that God created a man and a woman, especially when it comes to living in harmony with one another. However, we can so easily take things for granted and quickly gloss over the fact that a man is more physically inclined, while a woman tends to lean more into her emotions. And, yes that may be more or less true, but without a clearer understanding of how God views a man and woman, we are missing the mark.
It’s obvious that men and women are different. But, if we really want to be the wives God is calling us to be, we must learn to understand the way God created our man! God’s design for manhood is simple, and it is called out in 1 Corinthians 16:13, when Paul says to be watchful, stand firm in your faith, “act like men,” and be strong!
It’s not hard to see that our culture today is afraid of God-fearing men, and rightfully so. That’s because they have a God that goes before them, stands beside them, and urges them to walk with faithful steps filled with passion and courage! Their mission is to lead and protect their family! They were initially created that way by a purposeful God!
What does this mean for us? We can serve our husbands by tapping into our emotions and getting into his head. In a good way, might I add. Start by praying for him and asking God to help your husband be the man he was designed to be. Then, with love, speak kindness, goodness, and respectfully proclaim strength over his mind to resist the schemes of this world and to stand firm in his faith. Because friend, faith-filled men are in a battle like we’ve never seen before. They need us to be on their side and gently (and tenderly) remind them that God made them to be strong and we truly appreciate that side of them!
Feed His Soul
My husband was raised by his grandmother, and so growing up, he didn’t miss a meal. Food was his love language – ha! When we met, I wasn’t the greatest cook, and let’s just say we had a few mishaps even well into our first few years of marriage. There were quite a few take-out menus stuck to our fridge, and the pizza deliver guy knew us by name. But, over time, I realized that food really spoke to my guy, and I needed to feed his soul. So, I called his grandmother, got some of her “famous” recipes, and found new ways to cook.
All that to say, we must find what feeds our hubby’s soul, and do so with a happy heart and positive attitude. Tap into his needs, and then do your best to meet them. If you are unsure what his needs are, then ask. It’s really that simple. If he doesn’t know or is unsure how to communicate them to you, start with a simple act of kindness or a thoughtful gesture. Cook his favorite meal or grab his hand and ask him about his day.
I know the scoreboard may want to come out here, as your inner needs declare, “What has he done for me lately?” And, I get it, trust me. However, if we shift our mindset and realize that when we serve (and give), it often grows into something beautiful. Remember that marriage is an act of obedience to God. We serve our husbands because we are called to and in doing so we are being chiseled to be more like Christ.
Touch His Heart
It is said that most men aren’t mushy-gushy, meaning they don’t really know how to tap into their emotional side. However, I would beg to differ. While it may not be every man’s strong suit, when they are around those they feel genuinely comfortable with and deeply love, they tend to let their guard down.
That means as our relationships grow, our men become a little more transparent and vulnerable with us. However, that in mind, as wives, we must honor and respect this place and handle it with care. What I mean by that is, when we damage this part of his heart, it can cause so much pain for his manhood. Let me provide you with a personal example. When my husband and I were first married, he threw out his back running on a men’s football team for his work. I tried to be there (at first) by rubbing icy hot on his back and talking sweetly to him. That allowed him to open up and share a few insecurities with me. I should have respected him and just kept nursing him to health. Instead…I laughed. His silence told me everything. I still feel bad about that!
Ladies, we must realize that “tapping into his heart” is not going to come quite as naturally for him as it does for us. So, take it as a distinct privilege and honor when he does share and decides to open up about his feelings. Then take it as an opportunity to serve him by listening attentively, respecting him, and extending love.
My Prayer for Your Marriage
Lord, I lift up the marriages that have said those solemn vows and made a covenant with You. I ask that You bless their union and keep them safe from the schemes of the evil one. Please help them seek You on how to live as a faithful husband and wife, truly embracing the nature of Your beautiful design for a man and woman. Grant each of them sweet and special ways to serve one another so they can grow in their marriage and, more importantly, grow closer to You. I ask this in Your Holy Name. Amen.
Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy. Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.
I was just a child when I was told that nobody could ever make it in my family, that we are born poor. I was also told that in the history of my family poverty is in our linage but as a young girl with a vision, I decided to take a step forward.
My classmates mock and make fun of me even to the extent of clapping for me. My mom will say to me, Blessing I have told you that we are poor, don’t hang with the rich. With tears running down I said to my mom, I was born poor but I refuse to be poor forever.
That was how our destiny was changed. The situation you are in is not the end of your life. People may be telling you today that nothing good comes, from your family, that’s poverty is in your blood you are born with it so live with it is an error, overcoming the challenge is one of the elements of positive thinking and a positive mindset. Don’t allow the condition of your family to affect your life and purpose in life, you overcoming the challenges is basically the key thing. You must be focused to reach your destination.
My mom made me feel limited, but I remained focused. Do you know why? Because I had a dream that was the change in the condition of my family member. In school, my teacher loved me because I was very smart and funny too but I had no friends.
My classmates don’t like me, the reason being that I was poor and nothing good could come out from my family… But I think keeps me going that I will make it in life the fact that my mom and dad were poor does not make me poor except I decided to remain poor. I must break the limit, I must be strong, put God first in all I do.
You are the master of your own destiny, don’t allow others to be the judge of your life, me being hopeful that one day I will make it in life is a positive mindset on getting your goal you must be smart and also have self-confident believe in yourself and don’t be a disconnect with your vision a master of your own destiny don’t allow people take advantage of your stay focus listing to people who are older than you in age because they know more than you.
Your ability to take action in the fulfillment of your destiny. You are smart, don’t look down on yourself. You are beautiful just the way you are. Have a positive response to things happening around you, see it’s as a step forward to your destination and mind the way you think. Always say positive things to yourself, always believe that you can do it. Don’t limit yourself… You are the master of your own destiny always have that at the back of your mind. Believe in yourself.
Lessons Learned
Being focus is very important regardless of the situation…or condition life gives.
Yes. You read that correctly. In our day and age, it is sad I must call this to the carpet, but it is regretfully true that many people get married (and even stay married for that fact) for reasons that are not motivated by love. Of all the ingredients a marriage needs to be successful, one that cannot be left out is love.
We know 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV) teaches us all about love: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
Is this the kind of love reflected in your relationship with your potential future spouse?
Some people marry for comfort, convenience, or companionship. But none of those should be the primary motivating factor. If the fruit of love is not being demonstrated in your relationship as an unmarried couple, then perhaps your relationship’s foundation needs some work before marriage. More concerning, if you are in a relationship with someone who treats you oppositely to what is outlined in the above passage in 1 Corinthians 13, you may not be in an emotionally healthy relationship.
Abuse in any form is unacceptable treatment, and it does not honor the principles of God’s love.
If you are in a loveless relationship now, why would you set yourself up to experience that for a lifetime? John 3:16 reminds us God so loved the world that He gave us Jesus, the greatest gift and ultimate expression of love. If you do not know the love of God through your partner, then something is fundamentally wrong in the relationship.
Love gives; it does not take away from who God has created you to be. Love elevates; it does not oppress and stifle your growth. Love celebrates; it does not suffocate or demean another child of God. Your fiancé should love and support you first as a sister or brother in Christ Jesus. Although love is sacrificial, it cannot be sacrificed in your relationship while engaged. Otherwise, you set your future marriage up for failure before it ever begins.
We read in the Bible that “Keeping away from strife is an honor for man, but any fool will quarrel.” (Proverbs 20:3). Though challenging, it’s clear that resolving conflict is biblical. So, what can we learn from the Scriptures to help us?
Someone has said that the best definition of conflict is this: two people. When two people are involved, conflict is inevitable somewhere down the road. Married couples, families, teammates, workmates, neighbors, friends – we’re all going to encounter conflict in our relationships. Now, the goal of life is not to live conflict-free. The goal is to resolve conflict in a godly way. So, I want to share six important biblical keys to remember when facing conflict.
Seek Wise Counsel
In times of conflict, seeking wise counsel from trusted friends, family members, or a mentor is essential. Share your struggles with someone, a third party who can offer guidance and support. It’s often an outside perspective that can shed light on a situation and provide a calming influence. Proverbs 15:21 reminds us, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisors, they succeed.”
Take the High Road
Proverbs 26:4-5 says, “Do not answer a fool according to his folly, lest you also be like him. Answer a fool as his folly deserves, lest he be wise in his own eyes.” When you’re in conflict, refrain from attacking a person’s character. Don’t become disrespectful and condescending. Don’t threaten, and don’t interrupt. Honor the Lord in the manner in which you conduct yourself. Take the high road when you’re in a conflict.
Be Quick with Forgiveness
We learn in Proverbs 10:12 that “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all transgressions.” Be quick to grant forgiveness when you’re wronged and seek forgiveness when you are in the wrong. Don’t delay when it comes to forgiving.
Look for a Win-Win Scenario
The goal in conflict resolution is not win-lose, where I win and you lose. No, it is for both sides to win, unless the conflict revolves around a clear biblical principle that cannot be compromised. A win-win is certainly favorable, with both sides feeling respected, heard, and validated.
Don’t Get Discouraged
Life is filled with conflicts, and Jesus calls us to be peacemakers, not peacekeepers. What’s the difference? Peacekeepers avoid conflict at all costs, but peacemakers deal with difficult issues to enjoy real peace. As one man told me concerning his business partner, “Sometimes we have to go through the tunnel of turmoil to get to the tunnel of love.”
Proverbs 13:10 says, “Pride leads to conflict.” Now, when our pride is wounded, we can easily lash out at the other person. And when you feel that anger rising up within you, do a quick inventory to see if this is coming from wounded pride. If so, hold your tongue. Step away from the conflict until your emotions settle down. Remember, God is opposed to the proud but gives grace to the humble.
Anger is especially challenging, so I want to dive deeper into how we can manage this human emotion. We know from Proverbs 16:32 that “He who is slow to anger, is better than the mighty and he who rules his spirit than he who captures a city.” So, I want to share three important lessons on the subject of anger.
Understand the Subject of Anger
Proverbs 14:29 tells us, “He who is slow to anger, has great understanding, but he who is quick-tempered, exalts folly.” Most people don’t understand anger very well. Not all anger is wrong or sinful. If we watch the news and see horrible injustices taking place or wickedness displayed before our eyes involving children or the defenseless, we should get angry. This is called righteous indignation. It’s right to be angry about these things. God gets angry about these things. But righteous indignation is not the anger that gets us into trouble. Unrighteous indignation brings strife into our marriages, families, and relationships.
Understand the Root of Anger
The Lord asked Cain in Genesis, “Why are you so angry?” Unrighteous anger boils up when things don’t go our way when we have expectations that don’t get met. You’re running late and get stuck in traffic, or your computer dies, losing all your work. When those things happen, we tend to blow our tops. Cain was angry because God did not accept his sacrifice. Unrighteous anger also boils up when we get hurt emotionally. Every hurt always turns to anger. It’s the other side of the same coin. Every angry person you meet is a hurting person. And we’ve all heard that hurting people hurt people.
Understand How to Control Anger
First, we must give all our expectations to God when things don’t go our way. Just cast your cares upon him and consider it all joy, as James tells us in chapter one. Refuse to blow a fuse over whatever is happening that’s making you mad. Just say, “Okay, Lord, you’ve got this; I give it to you, and I will put it in the joy column.”
Then, give all your hurt feelings to the Lord. Psalm 62:8 says, “Trust in Him at all times.” Pour out your heart before him. God is a refuge for us. We all have hurts, so give those hurts to the Lord. Don’t keep those bottled up in your heart. Pour them out to him and let God bring healing.
Finally, we must truly forgive all those who have hurt us. I know that’s a tall order, but if God can forgive us of all our many sins, then he can enable us to forgive from the heart those people who have hurt us. Forgiving those who hurt you is letting the captive go free, only to find that the captive was you.
If you put these six keys into practice in your life and your interpersonal conflicts, you will be amazed at the change in outcome. We want to be doers of the Word, not just hearers who delude ourselves. Consider these things, put them into practice in our lives, and trust God amid conflict, knowing He’s at work. We need to be soft clay in the hands of the Master so He can mold us into the person He wants us to be.
Dr. Jeff Schreve is Pastor of First Baptist Church, Texarkana, Texas, and the founder of From His Heart Ministries. He is a passionate communicator of the Scriptures whose love for the Lord and love for people comes out in every sermon he preaches. He can be heard hosting American Family Radio’s “Real Truth for Today” and Pray.com’s “Weekly Wisdom with Jeff Schreve,” from which this piece is taken.
LISTEN: Being Complete in Jesus (Understanding Matthew 5:21-48)
Hearing Jesus is a devotional journey through the gospels, where we explore the teachings of Jesus chapter by chapter. If you’re seeking to live a life that reflects God’s, this podcast is for you.
The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.
WATCH: 10 Sins Christians Downplay (and Why They’re So Destructive)
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We all want deep, godly friendships like Jonathan and David had, who were so close that the Bible tells us their souls were knit together! (1 Sam 18:1). But two big obstacles stand in the way: awkwardness and time constraints.
You might find you have the time to invest in people around you, but bringing up God just doesn’t feel natural. If you do have people in your life that you feel comfortable sharing vulnerably with, it can be difficult to find the time. Or you might be running up against both obstacles in your life–and hard.
Friendships where you both are genuinely helping each other to find strength in God take time to form, and there’s no shame in not being there yet. But the fact we live in this day and age actually does afford us some upsides, and with the technology and vast resources available to us, there are many ways we can initiate getting deeper in our friendships.
I have been lucky enough to have put most of these tips into action just in the last few months, and the fruit of it in my friendships and walk with God has been so sweet. The majority of my close friendships happen to be long-distance, which has meant I’ve had to get creative with staying in touch with my friends in a meaningful way. I wanted to do more than just catch up with them every few months–I wanted to continue learning from each other as we walk with God.
At the same time, the small ministry I am a part of at my church has been growing in their intentionality too, so I am stealing a few of their ideas as well. Wonderful things happen when people are committed to growing in their relationships with God together!
These tips could apply to one-on-one relationships, small groups, or your whole ministry. Read over each one and pray for God to show you opportunities to put them into practice. You might be surprised who is interested in doing one or more of these with you, and God will surely move!
1. Listen to and Discuss a Podcast Series Together
I put my favorite tip up top because I have found this to be so effective in my life. What you do is this: Pick a specific podcast series or topic to find podcasts on, pitch it to a friend, small group, or ministry group, and agree to listen to an episode once a week or once every other week (virtually is just great).
Of course, you could meet more or less often than that–but I wouldn’t recommend going more than two weeks without meeting for the sake of momentum. And you don’t have to necessarily listen to the podcast at the same time as each other unless you want to.
I think the reason this tip works so well is because it is fairly low-lift for both parties and because there are so many options available. Podcasts are free; you can listen to them while you are working out, doing chores, or doing other life things, and they are absolutely rich with points of discussion.
All three of the above options have series dedicated to different themes, so you can agree to meet just for those 3-5 episodes, or what have you. This way, no one feels like they HAVE to commit to something long term, but can grow in a concentrated way for a short period of time.
It might be so mutually beneficial, though, that you’ll want to keep going!
Recently, one of my best friends and I went through the Bible Project’s series about generosity because we’ve both been struggling with feeling abundance in our life. It was so helpful to process what was both encouraging and challenging from what we were learning. And because we met every week, we could see how the material applied to our lives in fresh ways.
2. Read a Daily Devotional Together
There’s nothing more helpful to build a new habit than to have some accountability. Reading a daily devotional is a goal for many Christians, but it doesn’t have to be done alone. Whether it’s a physical book or a digital series you are going through, having someone to talk to about what you’re reading can not only help you to do it to begin with, but make your study so much richer and your friendship that much deeper.
I would recommend YouVersion’s Bible app. This isn’t just a Bible app, but a devotional app as well! They have so many plans to choose from, including options for shorter and longer reading plans.
You can pick a 3-day devotional to read with a friend, text about what you’re getting out of it each day, and if it’s helping you both, pick a longer one. You could study out a particular topic, like anxiety, or a particular Bible study, like a Gospel book.
This app even has a setting where you can invite friends to do the devotional with you and send reminders to read! Pick a topic, study it out, and either discuss your findings every day or at the end of the series.
Last Christmas, my women’s small group wasn’t feeling very merry and joyful like we felt we were supposed to be feeling, so we picked a series about the hope that baby Jesus brought with him. It was a special experience we all still talk about to this day!
This is similar to the devotional tip but more long-term. Books can take months to go through, especially if you’re just discussing one chapter a week–but that can be such a great thing. This longer time gives all of you a chance to see deep change happen and have more opportunities to walk together as friends.
Many Christian books have a workbook attached to them, like Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. They come up with discussion questions for you, so no one is burdened. It’s just up to you to decide how many pages to read, how often you want to meet, and how you want to do it.
My out-of-town friend and I are reading through a book about wholeness right now, and it could not have come at a better time. We read a chapter or two, Facetime each other every Sunday night, and process what we got out of it and what we want to keep focusing on. I can feel our friendship deepen already as we truly walk with each other as sisters in Christ.
4. Study Out a Difficult Topic Together
The Bible isn’t black and white, as much as we may want to pretend it is. That means there are big, huge gray areas that affect our daily spirituality without clear answers.
Big topics like gender roles, homosexuality, and social injustice are topics that are so vast and so volatile that it can be overwhelming to study out on your own. Part of me wonders if God did this on purpose so that we would have to rely on each other to wrestle and come to conclusions!
If you or people you know are struggling with a hot-button topic like these, see if they would be willing to discuss it with you. It isn’t about changing anybody’s mind or pushing an agenda, but rather about engaging in scripture the way it was meant to be – together!
My ministry is currently studying out homosexuality together. We’ve been meeting once every other week or so, eating a meal together, and then going through scriptures where homosexuality is mentioned. We research the culture in which it was written and share our own personal beliefs and experiences. And it has been so wonderful!
Even if we all come to different conclusions or no conclusion at all, we can have confidence that the Spirit worked in us as a group to bring closeness and revelation of scripture. It has taken a lot of courage and vulnerability to go here as a ministry, but we’re all better for it.
5. Play Relational Bingo
As cheesy as this idea may sound, it was actually so encouraging for my ministry to do together this past month. The idea is this:
Everyone gets a “bingo” card with various challenges on it to foster spiritual depth. The challenges can be things like “Text someone an encouraging scripture,” “Host a meal,” “Open up about a current struggle,” or “Go for a prayer walk with someone.” Have the people in your ministry come up with the challenges together and mark them off as they go.
Whoever the first person is to get “Bingo!” by marking off challenges on their card, wins! The prize could be anything from bragging rights to a free meal.
If you want your small group or ministry to grow in relational depth, this is such a fun way to start it.
For my ministry, this game didn’t turn everyone into best friends in two weeks. But it did give us reasons to get together with new people, reminders to think of others when we read our Bibles, and ideas of how to build one another up. If nothing else, it was just encouraging to see everyone on board towards a common goal.
I hope these ideas spark something in you. Become a really good listener and open your ears to opportunities to intentionally grow in something with someone. Not everyone can make the time at every stage of life, but God will provide exactly who you need! And with all of the amazing resources out there, you will certainly find something to help you grow. The Holy Spirit is good that way.
Kelly-Jayne McGlynn is a former editor at Crosswalk.com. She sees the act of expression, whether through writing or art, as a way to co-create with God and experience him deeper. Check out her handmade earrings on Instagram and her website for more of her thoughts on connecting with God through creative endeavors.
LISTEN: Being Complete in Jesus (Understanding Matthew 5:21-48)
Hearing Jesus is a devotional journey through the gospels, where we explore the teachings of Jesus chapter by chapter. If you’re seeking to live a life that reflects God’s, this podcast is for you.
The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.
WATCH: 10 Sins Christians Downplay (and Why They’re So Destructive)
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Growing up, children and adults alike marveled at my household. Three children and two parents married for decades. What I didn’t realize until later in life was that having both parents in the house was once the norm. These days, such households are the exception.
Over 20 million children in America come from fatherless homes. Depending on where you live, that number can be as high as 60%. The older I become, the clearer I see the effect of fatherless homes, and not just fatherless homes, but broken homes.
Parents who don’t get along. Children who don’t get along with their parents. There are children who don’t keep in touch with their parents, out of choice. Others who don’t like, even hate their parents. Young kids with their faces stuck on screens and chasing false identities. The divorce rate is high, and so many children are born out of wedlock that many of them don’t see a purpose to marriage.
Certainly, there’s a lot of pain and suffering going on in the world today. How much of this pain traces back to the home, to our broken families?
Hurt people hurt people, as the adage goes. The full truth is that we’re all hurting in one way or another. Each of us carries some degree of brokenness (Romans 3:23).
We will never be perfect people on this side of life, but we can strive to be better. Our families will never be immaculate, but we can work to improve them. And when we can’t control a circumstance, or a person, or many people, we can and always should pray. Here are 5 prayers for a broken family.
Prayer for an End to Conflict
Lord,
My family and I have been caught up in conflict for far too long and for so many reasons. I don’t remember when our problems started.
We can’t get together anymore without someone saying or doing something that offends another, even on holidays. I’m saddened by all of this and afraid that there will never be an end to the conflict.
So, I come before you now, eagerly asking you to soften our hearts, to help us make amends with one another. I pray that we would strive to embody the grace and forgiveness that you have toward us. Give us kind words and gentle hearts. Show us a better way to interact. Help us end the conflict.
We’ve bickered for so long, but conflict doesn’t have to last forever. I pray that it won’t. Help us embrace a godly love much like the father did the prodigal son. With the hurtful past behind us, we can move forward in a healthier and united future.
Amen.
Prayer for Reconciliation
Heavenly Father,
With all that’s going on in the world, conflict within the family feels like an unnecessary problem added to all the things happening. We can, however, reconcile, but we don’t see a need. Everybody wants to be right, and at times, even me. Lord, I pray to you with a request to soften our hearts. Remind us of the importance of forgiveness. A grudge is a burden, one that we carry and remind ourselves of constantly. But when we choose forgiveness, we let go of the burden and choose to embrace your way of living instead. Please help us to see your way as the better way. Help us to trade words of cruelty for words of affirmation and trade resentment for reconciliation.
Your way is better.
Thank you, Lord. Amen.
Prayer for Forgiveness
Lord,
If we could tally all of our sins over the years, the number would exceed anything that we imagine. The number would cause us to grieve and feel shame. The number would damn us to Hell, and yet you chose to forgive us.
I thank you for the forgiveness afforded to us through Jesus, but I would be a liar if I claimed to forgive just as easily.
Lord, my family is embroiled in animosity and even in the moments when we aren’t, the tension is palpable. We don’t like each other, and the reason is that we have not chosen to forgive. Too often do we act like forgiving is the end of the world. We would much rather have revenge than let something go.
I’m sorry, God. I ask that you forgive me and my family. Help us to get right with you, and then get right with one another. Forgiveness is the way to living life without the need for retaliation, to living life joyfully with family.
Help us to forgive and become more like your Son.
In Jesus’ name. Amen.
God,
We can’t erase the past. I can’t. My family can’t. But we do have control over today and how we walk into our future. Lord, I ask that whatever hurt was done in the past, we would choose to forgive one another. We can’t erase the hurt, but you can heal us. Please any and all of our broken relationships. Take our family’s broken pieces and make us whole again. And as we come back together, I pray that our love will be stronger than ever before.
Thank you for hearing my prayer. Amen.
Prayer for Gratitude
Lord,
I thank you for the family that I have. Thank you for the good times and the bad, the times when I was able to serve them, and the times when I was served. I thank you for the best memory and the worst, the moments of laughter and the times when we couldn’t help but cry.
I may not always see eye to eye with my family, but I recognize the blessing in my life that is family. I recognize that not everyone has a father, a mother, a sister, a brother, a cousin, and so on. And so, I am grateful for those that I do have, the moments we do share.
Thank you for being a part of our lives even when we chose not to recognize you. Even when we still do.
I pray that as we move forward into our future, day by day, you would draw us not just closer to one another but to you. And as we draw near, help us to love one another more and more in a way that you have shown.
Aaron D’Anthony Brown is a freelance writer, hip-hop dance teacher, and visual artist, living in Virginia. He currently contributes work to iBelieve, Crosswalk, and supports various clients through the platform Upwork. He’s an outside-the-box thinker with a penchant for challenging the status quo. Check out his short story “Serenity.”
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We’ve all had difficult friendships in our lives we’ve had to break off. I’ve had a few friendships in my life where the relationship became so toxic that I had no choice but to terminate the relationship. As kids, we’re so eager to make friends. When we get to be adults, it becomes even more difficult because sometimes people do and say things that cause us to distrust them. When we don’t trust people, it’s difficult to build a friendship.
I have been in a situation where friends from church lied and betrayed us. We wanted to continue being friends with them, but the lies and the betrayal just hurt too much, and the wounds were way too deep to continue the friendship. Given the mistrust that formed in the relationship, we severed the friendship.
If you find you’re in a toxic friendship with someone and you’re in the process of breaking it off, here are some things I’ve learned about a broken friendship:
Trust Is Lost
First, once trust is lost the relationship is severed–You cannot have a friendship based on mistrust or betrayal. Although God calls us to forgive them, it doesn’t mean we can maintain or restart the friendship. Repentance would have to be at the heart of the friendship being restored. Although it’s true God can do anything in our lives, including reconcile friendships, the reality is both parties must accept responsibility and repent of behavior for a relationship to continue in a healthy way. Jesus calls us to forgive those who have hurt us, but he does not want us to enter into the same friendship again so those people will hurt us once more. We are to be good stewards of everything, including our hearts.
Based on Equal Effort
Second, friendships are based on equal effort–If you find that your friendship is one where you give way more than you receive, it may be time to break off that friendship. While it’s important to sacrificially give to everyone in your life, friendships are the catalyst for deep fellowship, intimacy, and connection. If any of those things are not present, the relationship cannot continue. If after your broken friendship, you feel you can no longer continue the relationship it is okay to grieve and move on. Take some time to heal before pursuing another friendship. A person who only takes and never gives is being reckless with your emotions. God does not want us to become entangled with another person’s sins. Protect yourself when you can and strive to move on so you can receive the benefit of the human connection you need.
However, people don’t always do grief well. When we experience any type of loss, it’s tempting to cover our deep wounds and say, “It’s okay, Jesus is my true Friend,” or “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Although the statements may be true, it’s not an excuse for not grieving your loss. Any friendship you lose is subject to sadness and grief. All those emotions are normal, but it’s important not to stuff them away but to express them openly. If necessary, consult the help of a professional to help you process the grief. A counselor may have some practical strategies for you to process and accept the situation before moving into another relationship. Allow him to help you brainstorm strategies so you can grieve your loss. This is not only important for your spiritual health to grieve that relationship but also not take that baggage with you into future friendships.
Ghosting Isn’t Friendship
Third, a friend that ghosts you is not your friend at all–I’ve had friends who, when asked to meet up again, aren’t truthful. Instead of telling me directly that they don’t want to meet anymore, they simply don’t respond at all. Too often in Christian churches, we mistake cowardice for grace. Instead of talking openly about our feelings, we cover them up even though we’ve never fully processed the wound. If someone avoids or ghosts you, they were never really your friend in the first place. You deserve friends who love you and are willing to go through the hard times–both good and bad. People who don’t have the maturity to talk to you directly are not being gracious; they’re being cowardly.
Look at Job
Fourth, look at the example of Job–Job believed he had friends who would love him unconditionally. Instead, they told him all the ways he must have been sinning to receive God’s wrath. This caused Job not only to be in physical pain but also emotional and mental pain. Sometimes breaking up from a friendship, although painful, maybe in your best interest. People who simply cover things over with platitudes are not mature enough for friendship.
It’s important to surround yourself with wise people who understand Scripture and know the grace of Jesus. It’s also important to treat everyone the same way you would want to be treated. Therefore, we should speak openly and directly to everyone and if there’s a conflict, do whatever we can to resolve it. Matthew 18 gives us a good guideline for what we should do in this conflict. If we have an issue with someone, go to them directly and point that out. This is a way not to resolve conflict but rather to point out their sin for the good of the church. If the person doesn’t want to hear it, bring someone along to mediate the issue so that both can speak honestly about their feelings. Sometimes a misunderstanding occurs, and a friendship is lost because of a misunderstanding. Verify the facts and make sure you know the whole story from both perspectives. If the person doesn’t want to continue the friendship, it’s best to simply cut it off.
It’s not easy to break up our friendship but there’s hope in knowing Christ will never leave us alone. In the dark days of feeling alone after a broken friendship, Jesus wants to meet our needs. Jesus knows what it is like to lose friendships, especially after Peter betrayed him by denying his involvement with Jesus. Allow him to heal you spiritually through the gift of the Holy Spirit, allowing him to transform you into a Christ-like character through these friendships. Consider what you’re gaining rather than what you’re losing. A friend who doesn’t treat you as a friend, takes more than they give, and is someone you cannot trust cannot be your friend anymore. In the end, you’ve lost your friendship, but you will gain spiritual renewal, restoration, and the ability to move forward in freedom. Freedom is a great gift from God, and he gives it despite loss and brokenness. Jesus wants us to have friends, but he also wants us to put Jesus first. Jesus would never allow someone to treat him in a poor way or undermine his authority.
Any friend who is selfish or untrustworthy is truly not a friend. It’s not easy to cut off the friendship, but in the end, it will afford you more freedom than you’ve ever felt before. Then you can move on and invest in other friendships that may be rich and rewarding experiences for your life.
Michelle S. Lazurek is a multi-genre award-winning author, speaker, pastor’s wife, and mother. She is a literary agent for Wordwise Media Services and a certified writing coach. Her new children’s book Who God Wants Me to Be encourages girls to discover God’s plan for their careers. When not working, she enjoys sipping a Starbucks latte, collecting 80s memorabilia, and spending time with her family and her crazy dog. For more info, please visit her website www.michellelazurek.com.