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Tag: I’m Only F**king Myself

  • On Lola Young and Amy Winehouse’s Generational Divide When It Comes to Dealing With Addiction

    While Amy Winehouse might have “glamorized” addiction (in a far less deliberate way than Lana Del Rey “glamorizing abuse”), her proverbial predecessor/the person who is now oft compared to her, Lola Young, has sought to do the opposite in her approach to songwriting about the struggle. Accordingly, her third and most recent album, I’m Only F**king Myself, is the most candid yet in terms of Young exploring her various battles with addiction. Particularly cocaine. A drug of choice that already differentiates her from Winehouse, who famously said in her signature track, “Rehab,” “I love you much/It’s not enough/You love blow and I love puff.” In effect, Winehouse says what Lana Del Rey later would with the “Born to Die” lyrics, “Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough/I don’t know why.”

    Young has slightly less “romantic” thoughts on the matter of l’amour (and drugs) throughout I’m Only F**king Myself, taking a more Lily Allen approach when speaking about her ex-boyfriend(s). For example, “SAD SOB STORY! :),” on which she sings, “But I don’t stalk your Instagram ‘cause I don’t care to know, mate/Who you’ve been sleeping with is no longer my business/And, damn, it feels good, it feels great/I moved on, but I just wanted to say/Best of luck to ya, and I hope you’re happy someday/But keep your sad sob story, ‘cause I won’t read it anyway.” Winehouse, too, had plenty of her own severe “over it” thoughts on exes. Indeed, she could be far more savage than Young—even to a bloke she was still dating. As is the case on 2003’s “Stronger Than Me,” the lead single from Winehouse’s debut, Frank, during which she ribs her then boyfriend, Chris Taylor, “Don’t you know you supposed to be the man?/Not pale in comparison to who you think I am/You always wanna talk it through, I don’t care/I always have to comfort you when I’m there/But that’s what I need you to do, stroke my hair/‘Cause I’ve forgotten all of young love’s joy/Feel like a lady and you my ladyboy.”

    Her dissatisfaction with most men only added to the proverbial void inside of her—the very one that prompted her to turn to drugs/have such an “addict’s personality.” Even becoming addicted to people. Most notably, Blake Fielder-Civil. The one who led her even further down a path of drug-addled darkness. This being yet another thing that separates Young from Winehouse: she’s not having her biggest moment yet in the spotlight while still dating someone toxic. A clinger/leech who only becomes more so at the slightest whiff of fame and fortune. Furthermore, in direct contrast to Young, Winehouse patently refused to go to rehab as her fame level soared. Even though going through some kind of “program” at that time might very well have caused her life trajectory to go in a totally different direction. That is to say, she might still be alive today if some early preventative measures had been taken. The same way that Young took them just as “Messy” was blowing her up on the charts in late 2024. While some “pop stars” might have jumped into high-gear promotion mode, this was the precise moment that Young checked in at a facility for her cocaine addiction. One that had been plaguing her for what she deemed “a long time.”

    On the plus side, as she noted to The Guardian, “…it teaches you a lot, being addicted to substances. It makes you more empathetic about other people that have gone through that. It’s just a constant journey.” Alas, Winehouse’s own constant journey came to an abrupt end on July 23, 2011, when she once again turned to alcohol as a substitute for the Class A and B drugs she had been dependent on in the mid-2000s. By 2008, however, when she truly was forced into rehab, Winehouse began to “turn a corner.” At least, in a sense. But just because she kicked the “harder stuff” didn’t mean she wouldn’t still turn to alcohol more than merely “now and again.” Even though she mentioned in a 2010 interview with Glamour UK, “I literally woke up one day and was like, ‘I don’t want to do this anymore’” (and yes, that is very much a Rihanna lyric).

    Of course, that wasn’t entirely true. A classic binger, Winehouse’s method was to have periods of sobriety followed by getting soused. This being what eventually led to her fatal alcohol poisoning. And, in large part, her inability to seek out the level of help she needed can be chalked up not only to her upbringing, but to her generation. For while millennials might be among the first ilk to truly push back on the general harshness of various “baby boomer philosophies,” many—especially of Winehouse’s “elder millennial” status—were still indoctrinated with the narrow-minded views imparted to them about “how to deal with things.” Especially mental health-related issues. In Winehouse’s case, it wasn’t only a matter of being from a generation that was taught to shove feelings down and/or numb them with substances. She also grew up with parents that largely ignored some of her glaring neuroses early on. Particularly with regard to bulimia. And if they did ignore her issues, it was mostly a result of their own generation’s teachings, instructed never to look too deeply below the surface of things. To just “go along to get along.” Particularly as a woman.

    But Lola Young, as a quintessential Gen Zer (born in 2001 à la Billie Eilish), has an altogether different approach to not only acknowledging her issues in the first place, but also taking them on in a constructive manner. And the number one way that her generation has done so is by seeking the necessary form of medical assistance (yes, usually that means therapy) in order to tackle their demons head-on. Winehouse was never able to fully do that, treating her demons of drugs and alcohol not as something that needed to be tamed, but as the cure itself. Worse still, she did glamorize the rush, the thrill of getting wasted all the time. Of being, as Young would say, messy. Her defiance audible in the chorus of “Rehab” as she declares, “They tried to make me go to rehab/I said, ‘No, no, no.’” The final “no” being particularly emphasized in her vocals.

    In effect, Winehouse would never be the sort of woman to say something like, “I’m a dumb little addict so I’ve been tryna quit the snowflake,” as Young does on “Not Like That Anymore.” Instead, she would bill her drinking and drugging lifestyle as the chic explanation for why “you know I’m no good.” Shrugging it off as though it’s her doomed fate. In this regard, too, Young can at least address her awareness of wanting to responsibility-shift and “blame it on the gods,” as it were. This being the line she wields in the first verse of “Spiders,” the one that goes, “Can you take, take it off my hands?/To make me feel like I had something planned/And blame, blame it on the gods/So we don’t feel like we did something wrong.”

    Winehouse’s songwriting, in sharp contrast (though not in terms of how autobiographical it is), is all about the simultaneous acceptance and guilt of being “born bad” (or, as Del Rey says on “Kinda Outta Luck,” “I was born bad, but then I met you/You made me nice for a while/But my dark side’s true”). This shines through on songs like “What Is It About Men,” “You Know I’m No Good,” “Love Is A Losing Game” and “Addicted.” As far as she’s concerned, the die is cast vis-à-vis the outcome of her life. Whether related to matters of romance, family or otherwise. So why not just knock another bottle back and take things as they unavoidably come? There’s no stopping any of it anyway.

    And yet, Gen Z does have this same sort of fatalistic worldview as a result to the very “No Future” vibes that have been further compounded by the inevitability of environmental collapse and/or an AI takeover of the world—whichever comes first. The thing is, they just don’t drink and drug about it as casually and endlessly as millennials like Winehouse. And if they do, they’re sure to take a page from Young’s book (digital though it may be) and seek help before they go down the same (back to) black hole that Winehouse did.

    Genna Rivieccio

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  • Lola Young Faces Her Fears in “Spiders”

    With the upcoming release of Lola Young’s third album (within the short span of two years), I’m Only Fucking Myself (a.k.a. I’m Only F**king Myself), she seemingly can’t stop, won’t stop when it comes to releasing singles from the record. The latest one, following “One Thing,” “Not Like That Anymore” and “d£aler,” is “Spiders,” which is arguably her most vulnerable single from the album yet (hell, maybe even more vulnerable than “Messy”). Presenting herself, more than ever, as an unabashed “sack of need,” Young plays into the long-standing gender stereotypes regarding how a man completes a woman, and vice versa. Just ask Jerry Maguire. This conveyed in the unapologetic, unvarnished lyrics (that are part of the chorus no less), “I’m not a woman if I don’t have you/I’m not a woman if I don’t have you/And you’re not a man if you don’t have me.”

    Such a “retro” admission might seem scandalous coming from a Gen Zer like Young, but then, that’s part of the point. To highlight that, in her darkest moments, these are the types of thoughts that run through her head—even in these “modern times.” Along with another gender-pandering one: “Please kill, kill all the spiders/‘Cause thеy’re in our room, and with them I can’t sleep besidе ya.” Although this is the only mention of spiders in the entire song, the purpose of choosing to make that creepy-to-most-people arachnid the central focus (in terms of both the song’s title and accompanying video) is to heighten the notion of being terrified of something. Something that many other people are also terrified of. In this case, a relationship. More to the point, being vulnerable in one. And also being vulnerable enough to admit, in effect, that she still can’t help but be a victim of centuries-long programming, with women conditioned from the outset of their lives to believe that a man is the “end game” (something that the likes of Taylor Swift and Sabrina Carpenter also obviously agree with, even in spite of their nonstop barrage of “man-hating” songs). Try as many will to insist that things have changed since the proverbial dark ages of gender inequality that essentially brainwashed women into thinking a man was truly the be-all and end-all.

    With such unbridled lyrics at play, it was only right that Young should caption her music video, directed by Conor Cunningham, as follows: “Sometimes, very occasionally, I write a song and feel very proud to have written it. This is one of them. I gave a part of myself away writing it, but it was a part of me that I needed to let go. I hope you can listen and let go too.” In some sense, she’s referring to the part of herself (and the part of others—regardless of gender) that continues to suffer from the idea that you’re never “whole” without a “better half.” Or, put in that other quintessential (a.k.a. Dean Martin) way, “You’re nobody ‘til somebody loves you/You’re nobody ‘til somebody cares.”

    Another reason still for Young to call the song “Spiders” was so that she could have an opportunity to create the video’s simple concept around actually holding a spider (while wearing a t-shirt with a spider’s image on it, to boot) and letting it crawl on her with mostly free rein—an ultimate way to face her fear of something that she’s always found to be terrifying. But by confronting the literal fear, it applies to confronting her fear on a metaphorical level as well. For once she conquers the tangible, the intangible can’t be far behind. And, to be sure, this sort of thinking is part of what makes the video have such a “Billie Eilish flair.” For she, too, is known for taking a “no-frills” concept and having zero trouble drawing it out long enough for the purposes of a video that will make many viewers feel squeamish, often both physically and emotionally. Case in point, “xanny,” during which Eilish surrenders to having her face act as a one-woman ashtray. Or the “your power” video, during which she lets an anaconda wrap itself around her body. Or the similar act of “simplicity made complicated” that occurs when she walks down a dark highway as passing cars nearly run over her in the video for “NDA” or when she’s being chased relentlessly by Nat Wolff in the video for “Chihiro.”

    Young keeps it slightly less stunt-y with “Spiders” (more in line with the “chill sitting” “narrative” of “xanny” and “your power” than the riskier perils of “NDA” and “Chihiro”), holding a spider in her hands far less frequently than she can be seen smoking a cigarette and belting out her difficult feelings. Including, “Make me feel like I’m not incomplete for once” and “And then, then empty me right to the core/And suck me dry, suck me dry like you did before” (this, too, having certain vampiric “spider energy” to it). The brutal honesty of these sentiments is perhaps why the sound of the track is decidedly “90s alt rock” (ergo, so, too, is the look of the video, in addition to the sartorial style that Young sports in it). Produced, once again, by Solomonophonic and Manuka, the moody guitars on the single are just as important to conveying certain emotions as Young’s lyrics (like, say, “And blame, blame it on the gods/So we don’t feel like we did something wrong” or “Don’t say, don’t say a lie/’Cause I’ll see the truth behind your dark brown eyes”).

    What’s more, the video being shot in black and white (a conceit that seems to be having a moment in pop culture lately, if Lady Gaga’s “The Dead Dance” video and Sabrina Carpenter’s Man’s Best Friend interview with Zane Lowe are anything to go by) lends an added layer to the sense of seriousness about this song. The weight of the feelings and emotions that Young needs to unburden herself of. And, as she said, that hopefully unburden the listener of their own feelings and emotions, too.

    Genna Rivieccio

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