“Off the top of my head? I’d probably concentrate billions of dollars into the hands of a few international defense contractors and I suppose I’d call them Raytheon, Boeing, and Lockheed Martin, and then—gosh, I don’t know—I’d let them dictate U.S. foreign policy through gratuitous lobbying, and—just spitballing here—destabilize and antagonize nearby nations to protect our oil interests while providing unconditional aid to Israel, and then I guess I’d enable those defense companies to indiscriminately bomb the shit out of Gaza, and on top of all that, I guess I’d write a $14.5 billion check to Netanyahu for good measure.”
WASHINGTON—Explaining why the United States would not call on Israel to end its continuous airstrikes on Palestinian civilians, the White House warned Wednesday that a ceasefire in Gaza would only serve to benefit humanity. “We know there are voices across the world calling for a ceasefire, but what everyone needs to understand is that the only people who stand to gain from halting the bombing campaign are people who deeply value human life,” President Biden said in an Oval Office address, adding that if Israel was not given time to collectively punish all 2.3 million people who live in Gaza, it would be a great victory for anyone who believes civilians are entitled to basic dignity and security for themselves and their families. “We cannot allow that happen. These humanitarian concerns may be valid, but right now, a pause in hostilities would advance the interests of no one but innocent Palestinians, the many U.S. citizens living in Gaza, and the more than 200 Israelis who were violently abducted by Hamas and are currently being held in unknown locations. That’s not what America stands for.” Biden later extended the argument to explain why the United States spent billions on military aid for Israel while it spent mere millions on humanitarian aid for Gaza.
Holocaust Deniers Explain Why They Deny The Holocaust
GAZA CITY, GAZA—The complicity of each and every Palestinian in the violent actions of their militant ruling authority was reportedly on full display Friday morning when dying Gazans received justified criticism for not using their last words to condemn Hamas. For example, instead of issuing a full-throated denunciation of the violent attacks by Hamas that have left over 1,300 Israelis dead, one dying woman holding her 6-year-old son who had just been killed in a bombing is said to have doubled down by telling her child she loved him. According to reports, such barbarism on the part of Palestinians was on full display across the Gaza Strip, where many men of fighting age could not muster a single world of reproof for Hamas’ actions while they coughed up blood. In war-ravaged Gaza City, a dying reporter was heard blatantly begging for help instead of labeling Hamas a terrorist organization. At press time, the Israeli Defense Forces Twitter account underscored the massive surge of contempt they were contending with by posting a video that featured the shocking savagery of a Palestinian corpse that refused to condemn Hamas even when kicked.
Holocaust Deniers Explain Why They Deny The Holocaust
RIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA—Insisting that they wished to demonstrate they were negotiating in good faith, Saudi officials announced Friday they had attempted to normalize ties with Israel by conducting an air strike in Gaza that killed eight Palestinians and left dozens more wounded. “As an olive branch to Israeli leaders, we’ve recently carried out a major strike on a Gazan apartment complex that may or may not have been housing Hamas militants—but the important thing here is we showed we’re serious about tearing apart the lives of Palestinians,” said a Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman, adding that the significant casualties among unarmed women and children alone might be enough to push the historic deal to the finish line. “Obviously, obstacles remain, but we have the broad contours of a deal here that could absolutely decimate the Palestinian people. And this is just the beginning. Israel knows that if they normalize ties with the Saudis, that raises the likelihood of other Gulf States joining them in killing and maiming Palestinians.” At press time, Israel had reportedly attempted to show its seriousness by beheading a journalist reporting on the deal for an American newspaper.
