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Tag: Hitler

  • Hitler Confidant Leni Riefenstahl Always Said She Was Just a Filmmaker. A New Doc Reveals the Truth

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    That’s where access to Riefenstahl’s collection of memories came in. Veiel could use them to cut through her denials like a scalpel. Riefenstahl’s own photos, typed notes, and audio tapes rebut the arguments she made from talk show couches after the war, a seamless and calm dissection that should put to rest the vague defenses—maybe she really wasn’t aware of the horrors of the Holocaust—many of us heard in high school or college classes before we were shown Triumph of the Will.

    Those defenses were seemingly accepted by the Telluride Film Festival, which honored her in 1974. Riefenstahl’s contributions to the art of nonfiction filmmaking had not received the recognition they deserved, a spokesperson for Telluride said at the time, because “Leni has been maligned and called a Nazi swine.” In the years since, techniques Riefenstahl brought to the forefront—such as the use of long-focus lenses and sweeping, aerial photography—have been adopted by filmmakers like George Lucas and Francis Ford Coppola (among many others), both of whom she influenced.

    “She created masterpieces,” Maischberger admits. “She was a fantastic editor, and had a sense of how to put a picture together in a way that it would be a fantastic experience, very emotional. But she was so close to evil. It was a pact with the devil.”

    Riefenstahl’s estate has a lot to teach us about the contemporary political climate. The parallels between her era and ours are striking: Even today, we see the world’s richest men prostrating themselves before an aspiring autocrat, creatives and news organizations seemingly seeking to normalize a self-proclaimed king, and various organized displays of military force. As Veiel considered Riefenstahl’s work for Hitler, he was thinking about all that too.

    “There’s something between the lines which is telling us something not only about the present, but about the future,” he says. “The longing for this strongness and the contempt of weakness, the contempt of the foreigners.”

    This is demonstrated most chillingly in Riefenstahl’s recordings of phone calls she received after media appearances in the 1960s, ’70s, and ’80s. Many of them express support for Riefenstahl—not as the unfairly maligned victim she presented herself as, but as a Nazi propagandist. Some of her fans specifically praised her work for the Nazis and the viewpoints reflected therein.

    Veiel points to one call in particular as proof that in many corners, Riefenstahl wasn’t just forgiven—she was embraced. “The guy says, ‘Well, it will take one or two generations, and then Germany will find its way back to dignity, morality, order, virtue,’” says Veiel. Instead of arguing, Riefenstahl agrees with the caller, saying that the German people are predestined to return to the values and glory they had when she was making her films.

    With Riefenstahl’s leanings more clear, Maischberger is hopeful that students of film who have excused Riefenstahl in the past will reconsider. “You should not be intrigued by someone’s talent if the soul is as rotten as this soul was,” she says. “And there is no way to separate politics and art here, because this art wouldn’t exist without the politics.”

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    Eve Batey

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  • Cheney Offers to Waterboard Trump – Ralph Lombard, Humor Times

    Cheney Offers to Waterboard Trump – Ralph Lombard, Humor Times

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    Ex-Congresswoman wants to waterboard Trump to ‘get at the truth’ about January 6th.

    In a less-publicized section of Liz Cheney’s tell-all expose “Oath and Honor,” the former US Congresswoman explains how she’d personally deal with Donald Trump.

    waterboard Trump
    Like father, like daughter: Liz Cheney wants to waterboard Trump.

    “I’d waterboard him,” she writes. “Donald Trump is, without a doubt, the gravest threat this country has ever faced. And I mean ever! Far greater than Bin Laden ever was, far greater than Lee Harvey Oswald, or Fidel Castro, or Jefferson Davis, or John Wilkes Booth, or Benedict Arnold, or even Hitler himself. And if that doesn’t justify enhanced interrogation techniques, I don’t know what does!

    “I think that if I was allowed just five minutes alone with him at an undisclosed location in Guantanamo Bay for a heart-to-heart chat — well, I just think that would go a long way towards helping bring out the real truth about Trump’s involvement in the January 6th insurrection. As a matter of fact, if I’m any judge of character, it might only take ten or fifteen seconds.”

    In a later chapter Cheney reveals what she thinks would be the proper punishment for Trump’s many crimes.

    “When Trump gets sent to prison — I mean if Trump gets sent to prison, ha-ha– he certainly should not be given a free ride. Hopefully by that time he’ll be financially ruined and completely penniless, and absolutely dependent on the good will of all the people he’s thrown under the bus over the years. Which is to say, he’ll be all alone.

    “This will force him to engage in demeaning outsourced manual labor to pay for his keep in prison. Fast-food employment might well be considered. Of course working at McDonald’s would be more of a reward than a punishment, but I think that working at Taco Bell as, say, the toilet cleaning boy, might be entirely appropriate. And we’d even give him three free meals a day of all the tacos he could eat, washed down with plenty of genuine imported Mexican water.

    “On the weekends Trump could be locked in a pillory in the prison exercise yard for gala celebrations. The festivities could begin with a “dangerous fruit” throwing contest for the children, followed by a thousand-dollar-a-plate fund-raiser, where participants get to break the plates over Trump’s head. Ten thousand dollar kicks in the ass would also be available. The grand finale could be an auction, with a minimum bid of one hundred thousand dollars, where one lucky lady gets to grab Trump by the bells (sic), and wring them for thirty seconds!”

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    Ralph Lombard

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  • Inside Kanye West’s troubled Adidas partnership: Tears. Rage. Thrown shoes. Even a scrawled swastika.

    Inside Kanye West’s troubled Adidas partnership: Tears. Rage. Thrown shoes. Even a scrawled swastika.

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    The ending of the partnership between the artist Kanye West, who now goes by Ye, in October 2022 appeared to come after weeks of his comments about Jewish people and Black Lives Matter, but the New York Times is reporting that the relationship was troubled from the very start.

    At a meeting on the collaborative creation of the very first shoe in 2013, Adidas
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    designers were stunned when West rejected all of the ideas that were presented using fabric swatches on a table and a mood board, the seven-month investigation found. Instead, West, the Times reports, grabbed a sketch and drew a swastika in marker.

    The move shocked the Germans in the room. Germany has a strict ban on displaying the symbol of the Nazi era apart from for artistic purposes. Adding to the sense of horror, the company’s founder — Adolf, or “Adi,” Dassler, who died in 1978 — was a Nazi Party member, and the meeting took place close to Nuremberg, where leaders of the Third Reich were famously tried for crimes against humanity.

    A year ago this week, Adidas threw in the towel.

    West’s fixation on the Nazi era continued, the Times reports, when he later told a Jewish manager at Adidas to kiss a portrait of Adolf Hitler every day. He also told Adidas workers that he admired Hitler’s use and command of propaganda.

    West also brought porn to the workplace and made crude, sexual comments at meetings, according to the Times report. Before the swastika episode, West, according to the Times, had made Adidas executives watch porn at a meeting in his Manhattan apartment.

    In 2022 he reportedly ambushed executives with a porn film. Other workers complained to top managers that he had made angry sexual comments to them.

    The artist, said to have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, also frequently cried or became angry during meetings, according to the Times investigation. In one instance in 2019, he reportedly moved the operation designing his shoes to Cody, Wyo., and ordered the Adidas team to relocate. In a meeting to discuss his demands with executives, he threw shoes around the room, the Times reports.

    Adidas sought to adapt to this behavior, given how valuable the West-established Yeezy brand was to the company, locked in a perennial battle for both revenue and buzz with its U.S.-based rival Nike Inc.
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    Yeezy sales would rapidly surpass $1 billion a year and help Adidas resonate with young American customers.

    Ratings Game (July 2020): Gap hopes it can burnish its image with a new Kanye West clothing line, repeating the rapper’s brand success with Adidas

    Managers launched a group text chain they called the “Yzy hotline” to discuss his behavior. To reduce stress on individuals, the company is said to have rotated managers in and out of dealing directly with West.

    Over time, meanwhile, Adidas sweetened the terms of West’s deal. Under a 2016 contract, he was entitled to a 15% royalty on sales with a $15 million upfront payment as well as millions of dollars in Adidas stock. In 2019, a further $100 million a year was earmarked for marketing, but, in reality, West could spend those funds at will.

    A year ago this week, though, as public awareness of West’s problematic attitudes are remarks spiked, Adidas threw in the towel, and as sales of Yeezy shoes fell away, it warned it would record its first annual loss in decades. As West’s net worth plummeted, the company wrestled with the decision of how to dispense with its final $1.3 billion in Yeezy products, mulling options including disassembly and repurposing, donation to charity, and outright disposal.

    When a decision was reached to sell the product — in release batches — with some of the proceeds directed to charity and most of the rest flowing to Adidas, West, even then, was entitled to royalties.

    From the archives (October 2022): Kanye West is no longer a billionaire after Adidas shelves Yeezy partnership

    Also see (November 2022): Nike parts ways with Kyrie Irving as controversy swirls over Brooklyn Nets star’s apparent endorsement of antisemitic film

    After bottoming in October 2022, Adidas shares have mounted a 67% comeback, with relief over the company’s not having had to book a damaging loss on the Yeezy line one factor in the restoration of investor confidence.

    Adidas is quoted as having told the Times that it “has no tolerance for hate speech and offensive behavior, which is why the company terminated the Adidas Yeezy partnership,” while West reportedly declined requests for interviews and comment.

    The Times investigation is said to have been based on access to hundreds of previously undisclosed internal records.

    Read on: Michael Jordan is now worth $3 billion. Here’s what billionaire athletes have in common.

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  • Nintendo Switch Update Appears To Block Words Like ‘TERF’ and ‘Titler’

    Nintendo Switch Update Appears To Block Words Like ‘TERF’ and ‘Titler’

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    While the Nintendo Switch receives big, proper updates on a fairly regular basis, it also sometimes gets more quieter downloads, ones that take place without the user knowing or needing to do anything. Those updates tend to focus on the console’s ‘banned word list’.

    As we reported earlier in the year:

    Nintendo maintains a “bad word” list to prohibit Switch users from making accounts that reference certain phrases that might be considered controversial or offensive. In 2020 the list was updated to add “Nazi,” “Slave,” “KKK,” “ACAB,” and “Covid,” among others. Throughout 2022 it grew to encompass more slurs, rude language, and various misspellings of Hitler.

    In February, words like “ISIS”, the conservative catch-all “groomer” and the names of the Sandy Hook shooter were added as part of changes discovered and published by longtime Switch dataminer OatmealDome, who earlier today tweeted that the list had been updated yet again.

    “A rebootless update for 16.0.3 is out”, they wrote. “The sole changes are to the bad words lists. It appears Nintendo focused on blocking corruptions of the name Hitler (for example: “titler”, “hizzler”)“.

    It appears the word ‘TERF’ (trans-exclusionary radical feminist) has also been included, perhaps suggesting the delayed Switch version of Hogwarts Legacy is getting closer to release.

    Remember, this isn’t just a general list of words Nintendo don’t like, it’s specifically aimed at user account names, and so goes beyond just some rude, bad words. As OatmealDome points out in a follow-up:

    The bad words lists shouldn’t be seen as just a list of slurs. It contains everything from “stoner” to “covid” to actual slurs. I would interpret it as “lists containing words related to controversial topics that aren’t appropriate for games that minors might play”.

    If you’re wondering what other words the list contains, I’m glad you asked (especially if you’re a 10-year-old kid), because a selection of highlights include:

    • ballsack
    • bong
    • chatroulette
    • cocaine
    • jackass
    • semen
    • testes

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    Luke Plunkett

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  • Man Confident That If He Lived In Nazi Germany He Would Turn Jews In Out Of Fear

    Man Confident That If He Lived In Nazi Germany He Would Turn Jews In Out Of Fear

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    WASHINGTON—During a tour of the Holocaust Memorial Museum that gave him occasion to consider how he might have acted in the face of grave injustice, D.C. tourist Tyler Henley told reporters Thursday he was confident that if he had lived in Nazi Germany he would turn Jews in out of fear. “If it really came down to it, and the Gestapo was pounding on my door, I would not have hesitated to give them the names of all the Jews I knew and all the people in my neighborhood I suspected of hiding Jews,” said Henley, adding that he liked to think he would have risen to the occasion and seized the opportunity to save innocent lives, but knew that in reality he would have been “scared shitless” by Hitler’s secret police and done whatever they told him to do. “What happened in Germany under the Third Reich was unforgivable, and had I lived through that horrific time, the courage to act upon my convictions is something I would have lacked completely. If I didn’t know where any actual Jews were, I would have turned in my non-Jewish neighbors for being Jews. Whatever it took to make the jackbooted men at the door go away, that’s what I’d do.” As he continued through the museum’s exhibits, Henley clarified that he would also have possessed the cowardice to turn in Black people, Roma, gay people, and the disabled, among many other groups.

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  • George Santos, Who Falsely Claimed His Grandparents Fled Hitler, Reportedly Joked About Killing “Jews and Blacks”

    George Santos, Who Falsely Claimed His Grandparents Fled Hitler, Reportedly Joked About Killing “Jews and Blacks”

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    One of George Santos’s biggest and most offensive lies was the one he told, on multiple occasions, about having grandparents who’d had to run for their lives during the Holocaust. In 2021, the then candidate claimed in a campaign video that his “grandparents survived the Holocaust.” Several months later, he told the Jewish News Syndicate: “I’m very proud of my grandparents’ story,” which he said included “fleeing Hitler.” Perhaps laying the groundwork for his explanation in the event he got caught in this specific fabrication, he told Fox News Digital in February: “For a lot of people who are descendants of World War II refugees or survivors of the Holocaust, a lot of names and paperwork were changed in name of survival.”

    Like so many things that have come out of Santos’s mouth, the one about his grandparents and the Holocaust does not, in fact, appear to be true, as multiple genealogy records indicate his grandparents were born in Brazil and, according to one genealogist who spoke to CNN, “There’s no sign of Jewish and/or Ukrainian heritage and no indication of name changes along the way.” Perhaps another sign that Santos does not have family members who were hunted by Adolf Hitler? His alleged willingness to joke about Hitler killing Jews, and Black people too.

    Patch reports that in March 2011, Santos commented on a Facebook photo shared by a friend showing “someone making what appears to be a military salute with the caption ‘something like Hitler’.” Commenting below, Santos allegedly wrote: “hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh hiiiiiiiiiiiitlerrrrrrrrrrr (hight hitler) lolololololololololololol sombody kill her!! the jews and black mostly lolllolol!!! Dum.” A former friend told the outlet they recalled seeing the offensive comment, took a screenshot and sent it along. Patch says it also “verified through another former friend, Gregory Morey-Parker, that the original Facebook post under which Santos wrote the Hitler comment existed.” Presumably that will not be the case for very long. Morey-Parker, who was also once roommates with Santos, also told Patch that the newly sworn-in congressman would regularly make offensive jokes, typically about paying the bill for meals, “but he brushed it off saying he was Jewish. He’d always say that it was okay for him to make those jokes because he was Jewish,” Morey-Parker recalled. (Santos has copped to the fact that he is not actually Jewish, by insisting he never said he was. “I never claimed to be Jewish,” he said in an interview with the New York Post shortly after many of his lies initially came to light. “I am Catholic. Because I learned my maternal family had a Jewish background I said I was ‘Jew-ish.’”)

    In an email, Santos’s attorney claimed to Patch that the comment was somehow fake, writing: “the Facebook comment that you reference…is completely false, absolutely disgusting — There is absolutely nothing to talk about.”

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    Bess Levin

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  • The Kid Who Crashed The Game Awards Has A History Of Trolling

    The Kid Who Crashed The Game Awards Has A History Of Trolling

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    A kid at the 2022 Game Awards nominates Bill Clinton in the latest internet-pilled viral prank.

    Screenshot: The Game Awards / Kotaku

    Academy Award winner Al Pacino may have opened the 2022 Game Awards, a night of industry recognition and expensive marketing for the biggest games around, but it was a new type of internet celebrity who closed it out. “I want to nominate this award to my reformed Orthodox Rabbi Bill Clinton,” said a young kid with long hair who appeared onstage suddenly after Elden Ring was crowned Game of the Year. He was wearing an ill-fitting coat, sneaking up on stage behind the the Elden Ring development team.

    Security followed, and chaos ensued online as everyone tried to figure out what the hell had just happened during host Geoff Keighley’s otherwise heavily orchestrated three-hour event. But this was far from the first time the young man, whose name Kotaku believes to be Matan Even, had sprung to brief internet fame through internet-pilled trolling, even if it might have been his weirdest.

    After the ceremony finished, Keighley tweeted that the “individual who interrupted” the event had been arrested. Five hours later, however, Even was already tweeting. “Today there is a lot of talk, and speculation,” he wrote. “More information will be released on all fronts sooner than later.”

    When asked about what transpired after the incident, the LAPD media relations office contradicted Keighley’s account, saying a report had been taken but no arrest was made. When asked to square that, a spokesperson for The Game Awards provided a more detailed account.

    They said Even was taken to a “secure area” inside the Microsoft Theater by TGA security staff where he was then questioned by venue security as well as “TGA-hired onsite LAPD officers.” They said he was then taken into custody and transported to a local police station for booking by the TGA-hired LAPD officers in their patrol vehicle. When asked about that version of events, a representative from the LAPD would only confirm that the individual had been transported to a station. Since no arrest was made, it’s unclear how long he was held for questioning.

    While this may be the first time Even risked arrest, it was far from his first publicity stunt. Before stealthing his way on stage at one of the gaming industry’s biggest events of the year in front of an audience of over a million people, Even crashed a BlizzCon panel, went viral for pranking the L.A. Clippers fan cam, and appeared on right-wing conspiracy show Infowars at least twice.

    The Clippers stunt came in October 2019. Amid the Hong Kong protests, Even momentarily appeared on the fan cam at the team’s home stadium, only to immediately hold up a black t-shirt that read, “Fight for Freedom Stand with Hong Kong.” China had blacklisted the Houston Rockets after their general manager tweeted out a picture of the same t-shirt just a couple of weeks earlier.

    The next month, Even interrupted a BlizzCon 2019 panel with a similar message in support of the Hong Kong protests. Blizzard had suspended Overwatch pro Chung “Blitzchung” Ng Wai the prior month for doing the same, and along with the NBA and other companies, came under fire at the time for its failure to stand up for Hong Kong’s democratic protesters.

    As Motherboard points out, this made Even a ripe target to be co-opted by right-wing political actors who saw the opportunity to attack seeming liberal hypocrisy on the issue. But Even was also apparently already a big fan of at least one of Infowars’ hosts, Owen Shroyer. He said as much in a 2019 appearance, calling Shroyer his “favorite person on Infowars,” while in a second appearance in 2020 Shroyer called Even “one of the young stars of the conservative movement.”

    While Even’s own social media activity appears to be almost exclusively concerned with the Hong Kong protests and censorship by the Chinese government, his journey from protester to Infowars guest is also a perfect example of the ambiently reactionary online pipeline that can lead one from Googling political issues to ending up on right-wing content channels. (Even was seemingly 12 during his first Infowars appearance.) It’s also a reason why some were quick to interpret his nonsensical remarks about Bill Clinton and Orthodox Judaism as potentially antisimetic.

    Prior to last night, Even’s last tweets were from March 2021 and were about concerns over the rise in hate crimes toward Asian Americans. Infowars, meanwhile, has seen founder Alex Jones successfully sued for hundreds of millions by the parents of the Sandy Hook school shooting victims. Most recently, however, the site tried to hold court with Ye, the rapper formerly known as Kanye West, who used the appearance to praise Hitler, a heel turn that comes amid a larger wave of antisemitism in conservative circles.

    It was in front of that backdrop that some worried Even’s stunt was secretly some racist 4Chan deepcut. But that doesn’t seem to be the case. Bloomberg’s Jason Schreier, who interviewed Even earlier today, said he appeared to understand Hebrew, and called him “almost certainly a Jewish prankster.”

    He’s also disavowing his previous Infowars appearances, even while continuing his trolling in messages with other journalists.

    “I never was an avid viewer [of Infowars] nor am I now,” he told Motherboard. He reportedly went on to call Clinton “a true inspiration, especially in the gaming space.”

                     

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    Ethan Gach

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  • Kanye West, Donald Trump’s Dining Companion, Tells Alex Jones, “I’m a Nazi,” Lists Things He Loves About Hitler

    Kanye West, Donald Trump’s Dining Companion, Tells Alex Jones, “I’m a Nazi,” Lists Things He Loves About Hitler

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    With two years to go until the next presidential election, no one actually knows who is going to win the GOP nomination. But, if recent polls are anything to go by, there’s a good chance it could be Donald Trump. That’s deeply terrifying for a very long list of reasons, not the least of which is the 45th president’s open embrace of unabashed antisemites, one of whom declared in an interview on Thursday, “There are a lot of things I love about Hitler.”

    One week after having dinner with Trump (and white supremacist Nick Fuentes), the artist formerly known as Kanye West praised Hitler to conspiracy theorist Alex Jones, during a podcast in which he continued his virulent attacks on Jewish people. Apparently not understanding that Jones—who, it should be noted, is a bag of garbage in human form—was trying to give him an out when he said, “You’re not Hitler, you’re not a Nazi, you don’t deserve to be called that and demonized,” Ye responded: “Well, I see good things about Hitler also. I love everyone, and Jewish people are not going to tell me, ‘You can love us…but this guy that invented highways, invented the very microphone that I used as a musician, you can’t say out loud that this person ever did anything good.’ And I’m done with that…every human being has something of value that they brought to the table, especially Hitler.”

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    At another point, in response to Jones saying, “I don’t like Nazis,” Ye, who wore a black hood over his face and head throughout the interview, shot back, “I like Hitler.”

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    Elsewhere, he countered Jones’s stating that “the Nazis, in my view, were thugs…they did a lot of really bad things” with: “They did good things too, we’ve got to stop dissing the Nazis all the time.”

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    Bess Levin

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  • Things Never To Say To A Tom Brady Fan

    Things Never To Say To A Tom Brady Fan

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    If you ever have the misfortune of having to talk to a fan of “the GOAT,” here are things you should never, ever say.

    “I bet I’m better at football than him.”

    “I bet I’m better at football than him.”

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    Aside from this being patently false, you’re definitely just trying to upset them.

    “Why has he failed to win more Super Bowls?”

    “Why has he failed to win more Super Bowls?”

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    Seven’s fine, but it’s not exactly eight.

    “O.J. Simpson was a better Hertz spokesperson.”

    “O.J. Simpson was a better Hertz spokesperson.”

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    Don’t go too far in comparing the former running back’s incredible on- and off-field work with Tom Brady’s Hertz campaign.

    “Hitler also won seven Super Bowls.”

    “Hitler also won seven Super Bowls.”

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    Comparing their favorite player to Hitler is sure to bother anyone, even if Brady eventually comes out on top.

    “He really is the GOAT in terms of getting scammed by crypto.”

    “He really is the GOAT in terms of getting scammed by crypto.”

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    Keeping the conversation centered around Brady’s Super Bowl wins, and not his unwise promotion of cryptocurrency, is generally a good call.

    “It wasn’t until 9/11 that he really started to take off.”

    “It wasn’t until 9/11 that he really started to take off.”

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    Fans of Brady acknowledge that this is technically true, but would prefer to downplay the connection.

    “Serena Williams is a more accomplished athlete.”

    “Serena Williams is a more accomplished athlete.”

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    Middle-aged white guys can’t process what you just said but it won’t stop them from saying something sexist and racist.

    “Had he stayed on with Merrill Lynch after interning with them in college, he’d be the greatest stock broker of all time.”

    “Had he stayed on with Merrill Lynch after interning with them in college, he’d be the greatest stock broker of all time.”

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    One of history’s big what-ifs. Brady fans can only dream.

    “He’ll probably only play for 30 more seasons, tops.”

    “He’ll probably only play for 30 more seasons, tops.”

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    Most Tom Brady fans are holding out hope that he’ll continue to play at least into his 90s.

    “Given his age and the amount of head trauma he’s already sustained, we don’t recommend Brady play another season.”

    “Given his age and the amount of head trauma he’s already sustained, we don’t recommend Brady play another season.”

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    Shut up, nerd!

    “His long and storied career demonstrates that you can be a whiny bitch at any age.”

    “His long and storied career demonstrates that you can be a whiny bitch at any age.”

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    Many fans are sensitive to the fact that he’s old and decrepit.

    “What’s your favorite time he kissed his son on the mouth?”

    “What’s your favorite time he kissed his son on the mouth?”

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    There’s simply too many to count.

    “Your father and I love you no matter who you love.”

    “Your father and I love you no matter who you love.”

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    Good sentiment but wrong conversation.

    “He’s on the Buccaneers, but he has none of the qualities of a real pirate.”

    “He’s on the Buccaneers, but he has none of the qualities of a real pirate.”

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    This point is a sore spot for Brady fans who lament the fact he’s never suffered from scurvy in his life.

    “He’ll probably blow his brains out two weeks after retiring.”

    “He’ll probably blow his brains out two weeks after retiring.”

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    What else is he gonna do?

    “I’m going to break into Tom Brady’s house and shoot him with a gun.”

    “I’m going to break into Tom Brady’s house and shoot him with a gun.”

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    Say this and you’ll have most Tom Brady fans singing the blues.

    “Yeah, I can do dinner next Thursday.”

    “Yeah, I can do dinner next Thursday.”

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    Before dating a Brady fan, seriously consider whether you want to always be second place to the Buccaneers quarterback.

    “Which of his boring plays stands out for you most?”

    “Which of his boring plays stands out for you most?”

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    Tom Brady fans just can’t choose between his most exciting eight-yard completions.

    “He’s been a terrible father to Rob Gronkowski.”

    “He’s been a terrible father to Rob Gronkowski.”

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    For the third straight year, he didn’t come to Gronk’s birthday and it just crushed him.

    “BLUE 42!”

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    Great, now they’re in motion.

    “No, it’s pronounced BRAH-dy.”

    “No, it’s pronounced BRAH-dy.”

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    Worth a try just to see if you can irritate one of these people for a while.

    “Historians now agree that Tom Brady isn’t one person, but actually a collection of people.”

    “Historians now agree that Tom Brady isn’t one person, but actually a collection of people.”

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    Cram it, historians!

    “Every time he throws a touchdown pass, a petal falls from his Life Blossom.”

    “Every time he throws a touchdown pass, a petal falls from his Life Blossom.”

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    Brady fans hate being reminded of the old crone’s curse.

    “Joe Montana has a way cooler name.”

    “Joe Montana has a way cooler name.”

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    His fans hate to admit this, but Tom Brady is a really stupid name compared to Joe “The Comeback Kid” Montana.

    “Your family obligations should come before work.”

    “Your family obligations should come before work.”

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    Shows you have no idea what you’re talking about.

    “Tom Brady.”

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    You didn’t mention his name, did you? Christ. Welp, hope you’re prepared to get talked at.

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