Someone ghosting you when you genuinely think things are going well feels like a bit of a gut punch.
Most of the time, people sit with the hurt, replay the date in their head a few times, and eventually let it fade. The unanswered questions sting, but most of the time that’s where they remain.
But every once in a while, people want to know. That’s what one woman on TikTok did; she decided to check back in with a Hinge date months after he quietly disappeared.
TikTok creator Rachel (@rachel.r.irl) shared the storytime video that’s since racked up over 176,200 views, explaining why she reached out to her former Hinge match, and how his response ended up hitting much deeper than she expected.
What Was the Ghoster’s Response?
Rachel explains that the two matched on Hinge and talked for a while before meeting up. He lived about two hours away, which already added some friction, but when they finally saw each other in person, she felt like the date itself went well.
“We had a good day. We had a good date,” she says, adding that things seemed fine at the time.
Afterward, though, something shifted and communication slowed until it stopped altogether.
Rachel says she let it fizzle out, even though she admits she was genuinely interested. “This is some guy I was like, ‘Oh, he’s hot, he’s established,’” she says. “I liked this guy.”
Still, she didn’t push at the time. Months passed, and then one night, she decided to get some answers.
“I never got clarity,” she says. “So tonight… I just sent him a voice message.”
In that message, Rachel says she kept things respectful. She checked in, mentioned that she thought they’d had a fun time, and asked what the disconnect was. She made it clear there were no hard feelings and framed it as wanting feedback for her own growth.
What she got back wasn’t cruel, or even harsh. He told her the truth, as he saw it: The distance felt like too much. On paper, it was a reasonable explanation, but in practice, it still hurt.
“I think it triggered my inner child in a way that was like, somebody didn’t choose me,” Rachel says, tearing up on camera. “Like I wasn’t worthy enough for a long distance.”
She admits she appreciated the honesty. At the same time, hearing that she wasn’t worth the effort reopened wounds she didn’t realize were still there.
“It was very vulnerable,” she says. “The vulnerability of asking somebody like, ‘Hey, what happened?’ And then them answering, and it’s just like, it just wasn’t worth it.”
Why Ghosting Hits So Hard
Ghosting has become common enough that most people have either experienced it or done it themselves. Still, that doesn’t make it easier to deal with when it happens.
Part of what makes ghosting so painful isn’t just rejection, it’s the lack of context. When someone disappears without explanation, your brain fills in the gaps. And those guesses are rarely generous.
Rachel’s experience shows the double-edged sword of seeking clarity. Sometimes silence lets you preserve your dignity. Other times, an answer, no matter how polite, lands like confirmation of a fear you already had.
In her case, the explanation wasn’t cruel. But it still translated emotionally as, “You weren’t chosen.”
That reaction, she says, surprised her. “I feel better talking it out,” she admits. “But it triggered me.”
The comments on Rachel’s video quickly turned into a debate about whether asking for closure is ever worth it.
“Never ask a man why he didn’t want you… the fact he doesn’t want you is all you need to know,” one person wrote.
Another warned against reopening the wound: “As much as it would be nice to get date feedback, you shouldn’t ask. You’ll throw yourself into a neediness spiral for someone who didn’t respect you enough to say after the date, ‘I had a great time but I don’t think the distance will work.’ You dodged a bullet girl, be happy.”
@rachel.r.irl Oops crying on camera… this guy (kinda) ghosted me after our first date and I thought things went well but his response was so kind but also so hurtful to my inner child… she felt like so not enough in that moment but thanks for chatting it out with me tikytoky #dating #ghosted #onlinedating #innerchild #INFJ ♬ original sound – rachelirl
Others took a more romantic stance. “He just wasn’t interested. A man who’s truly interested will make distance work,” one commenter said. “My ex saved up money to travel 9 time zones to take me on a first date. We were together for almost 10 years.”
Some felt the explanation was softened. “He lied to you. The chemistry wasn’t there. He was trying to be nice,” another person wrote. “When it’s right you will know. It will feel seamless.”
The Mary Sue has reached out to Rachel via TikTok direct messages for comment.
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Ljeonida Mulabazi
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