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Tag: high school musical

  • Ashley Tisdale French, Hilary Duff, Mandy Moore, and the Disney Channel Mama Drama That Ate the Internet

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    The cherry on top is a sarcastic call to action on his fake article: “Read my new interview with @thecut.” It doesn’t exactly scream “this essay isn’t about my wife and her custom ‘mother’ sweatpants.”

    Tisdale French explained in her essay that she began feeling left out and uncool, echoes of her high school (not the musical kind, the learning kind) insecurities coming back to haunt her. “But I’m not in high school anymore,” she wrote. “I’m a mom.” She rationalized that she was setting an example for her kids by standing up for herself and letting her not-friends know that there would be no more mommy-n-me hangs for her, thank you very much. “Surely, it would have been easier to disappear without explanation—and that would have allowed all of us to convince ourselves that we simply ‘drifted apart’,” she wrote.

    Easier, yes, and arguably better.

    If you can afford to shell out for a $10.99 monthly HBO Max basic plan subscription—maybe even less if you take the time to track down a promo code, and even more affordable if you share a login—the indelible lessons of Big Little Lies are priceless. Not all friend groups share what Reese Witherspoon, Nicole Kidman, Shailene Woodley, Zoe Kravitz, and Laura Dern do (murder secrets, very nice views of Monterey Bay). Every friendship looks different, and has a unique ingredient list for its glue. People come and go. In her original post, Tisdale French called the group “exactly what I needed at the time.” Now, not so much. And that’s fine. Seasons pass, needs change.

    Psych studies have found that having friends helps us live—friendships literally decrease risk of death—and live better, happier lives. Young women in particular tend to rely on their friends for intimacy and support, more than men of the same age, according to one survey. Friends are important, there’s no doubt about that, but so is self-awareness.

    High school sucks. Mean girl stuff sucks. Unfortunately, neither high school stuff nor mean girl stuff is exclusive to the adolescent stage of life. But here’s the beautiful lesson that comes with age and experience: You can’t control what anyone else does, but you can control how you react to it. This is something that’s as true for Disney Channel alumnus Hollywood moms as it is for us regular degular ones: Not all friendships last forever, no matter how fire the group chat once was.

    Duff, so far, appears to be holding true to the ol’ “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all” rule, not commenting publicly as of publication.

    Tisdale French doesn’t seem to be in possession of that particular throw pillow either. “It didn’t exactly go over well,” she shared of the chat’s reaction to her departure announcement to the group via text: “This is too high school for me and I don’t want to take part in it anymore.” Shocking. No wonder we haven’t seen any of the alleged subjects sharing celebratory retweets of her essay, dredging up old drama.

    If it was childish behavior Tisdale French was hoping to cut out of her life, we have some bad news: This is all high school, and there isn’t even a musical to hum along to this time.

    Representatives for Ashley Tisdale French and Hilary Duff did not immediately respond to Vanity Fair’s request for comment.

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    Kase Wickman

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  • MOVIE LIST: Movie Anniversaries to Make You Feel Old

    MOVIE LIST: Movie Anniversaries to Make You Feel Old

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    In an era where everything old is new again, millennial nostalgia has reached fever pitch. Everything is a reboot or a remake or a rehash these days — from films like

    Beetlejuice Beetlejuice and Mean Girls:The Musical to shows like High School Musical The Musical The Series (which catapulted Olivia Rodrigo to fame).

    Yes, IP is king, and Hollywood runs on sure bets. But also, we can’t overlook the power of a heartthrob to shape culture. And the particular brand of nostalgia I’m feeling is totally fueled by the unexpected comebacks of two early 2000s heartthrobs: Zac Efron and Chad Michael Murray.

    Efron had a surprising summer Netflix hit in his turn as a reformed celebrity playboy in
    A Family Affair. Yes, the film stars Nicole Kidman — who’s in another age-gap romance this year Babygirl, alongside Efron’s former costar Harris Dickinson. But the most headline-worthy thing about the film was the press tour. Fueled by costar Joey King’s own memories of being a High School Musical and Hairspray fan, Efron took fans through a highlight reel of his finest moments.

    From reaction videos of his most iconic scenes to brand-new revelations about decade-old performances, it was refreshing to hear Efron’s perspective. After distancing himself from the Disney bubble, Efron barely talks about his days as a teen dreamboat. But we haven’t forgotten. So this influx of information was a welcome change — and oh my god, the lore was better than I could have imagined.

    @much #ZacEfron rewatching and reacting to ‘High School Musical’ is so wholesome 😭 Via: @Vanity Fair ♬ original sound – MuchMusic

    Efron spent a lot of time reminiscing on his breakout role in the Disney Channel Original Movie
    High School Musical. From revealing that the “Getcha Head In The Game” dance number (basketball shots and all) was filmed in one take to shouting out his castmates and saying he’s up for a reunion, it was everything I never knew I needed. The most rousing revelation was when he casually dropped the fact that his most memorable — and most memed — performance of “Bet On It” in High School Musical 2 was entirely improvised.

    @netflix joey king loves high school musical-era zac efron? bet on it #AFamilyAffair ♬ original sound – Netflix

    Fans reeled at the tsunami of tea. What do you mean that every perfectly executed moment of angst in that video was improvised? Pure genius. Virtuosic commitment to the bit. “Give Zac Efron a Retroactive Oscar,” exclaimed
    The Cut. And I agree. I’ve been saying that Zac Efron needs his flowers for years. He’s our generation’s McConaughey. And he’s finally getting his due — especially since his role in The Iron Claw last year, alongside Jeremy Allen White and Harris Dickinson. With upcoming projects on the way, he’s in a verifiable career resurgence.

    But he’s not the only one of my teenage crushes experiencing a second act to their career.

    Chad Michael Murray, the brooding heartthrob who filled every millennial girl’s dreams during his time on
    One Tree Hill, has been staging a comeback of his own. While promoting his latest projects — Mother of the Bride, along with the new steamy CW series Sullivan’s Crossing — he’s been doing interviews, appearing on podcasts, and making TikToks to fuel our nostalgia — and it’s working.

    For the past few years, Murray’s been popping up in the most random media. He did a stint on
    Riverdale as a hot cult leader (I would have fallen for it too). He did a couple of Hallmark movies. But now he’s back in the mainstream and digging into this nostalgia hole alongside us.

    As he prepares to film
    Freaky Friday 2 — a sequel to the 21-year-old Lindsay Lohan flick, which is in turn a remake of the original-original 1976 Freaky Friday that starred Jodi Foster! — we’re eating it up. It’s 20+ years since the original, so Murray’s celebrating by spilling the tea on some of his best roles. He’s also been reciting some of his most memorable lines to melt fans’ hearts.

    But along with the lore, there’s gossip galore. In hindsight, some facts about backstage beef and our faves feuding have emerged. But they don’t cloud our visions of those iconic millennial dramas — honestly, the smell of drama just makes me more intrigued.

    The headline? Chad Michael Murray found himself in the middle of a love triangle between Lindsay Lohan, Hillary Duff, and Aaron Carter. Carter dumped Duff for Lohan in a move that’s reminiscent of the
    Olivia Rodrigo and Sabrina Carpenter drama.

    Here’s where it gets interesting. Murray worked with Lohan on
    Freaky Friday the year before A Cinderella Story. As a co-star to both starlets, he became a conduit for chaos. Long story short, they both gossiped about each other in the press — a 2000s version of subtweets or Twitter beef — and Duff barred Lohan from the A Cinderella Story premiere. Here’s hoping Duff will make it to the Freaky Friday 2 premiere.

    But it’s not just the stars who are feeling this nostalgia wave. The reunions and comebacks have created a strange new reality where millennials are simultaneously reliving their youth
    and facing their mortality. This nostalgia boom has led to some unexpected trends in the world of fashion and pop culture. Low-rise jeans are fully back and other millennial memories are being resurrected in front of them by Gen Z — raising questions about whether we’re moving forward or simply stuck in a Y2K time loop.

    The resurgence of these millennial icons, combined with the run of reunion tours sweeping the nation, has created a perfect storm of nostalgia that’s hitting millennials harder than the realization that “10 years ago” is no longer the 90s. Take the reunion of the Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus being crowned a Disney legend, and even
    Justin Bieber having a baby. Everything’s a reminder that our favorite childhood stars are old now — and we are too.

    The resurrection of these cultural touchstones has sparked a new phenomenon: nostalgia whiplash. One minute, you’re belting out “Breaking Free” in your car, feeling like you’re 16 again. The next, you’re googling “Zac Efron age” and having an existential crisis when you realize he’s old enough to play the dad in movies. It’s like emotional time travel if time travel leaves you with a slight hangover and the realization that you can’t stay out as late as you used to.

    And with time, secrets often emerge. Like how when Britpop icons Oasis announced their reunion, fans took a trip down memory lane to revisit the best and worst of the Britpop/hard rock band. With time, the good seems better, and the bad just gives it layers.

    There’s no show that epitomizes this more than
    Glee. For better or for worse, Ryan Murphy changed the television landscape with this one. By making a show entirely about outsiders — namely putting queer people front and center for the first time — he was a pioneer of representation. But Glee didn’t birth a legion of gleeks for no reason — that chaotic, cursed show had a profound impact on us. Can you believe the first episode premiered 15 years ago?

    It’s been 15 years since “Don’t Stop Believing” got an update, since a whole new generation of these kids were indoctrinated into loving the musical
    Funny Girl (guilty), and the world met Lea Michele. But the past 15 years haven’t been easy. The Glee curse is just about as tragic as the Kennedy family curse.

    Stars of the show — Corey Monteith, Naya Rivera, and Mark Salling — have died. Members of the crew have also been victims of the
    Glee curse, including assistant director Jim Fuller, who died of a heart attack; production assistant Nancy Motes, who died by suicide; and Matthew Morrison’s stand-in Mark Watson, who died from a “car fire.”

    Plus, shows like
    The Price of Glee and Quiet on Set have revealed the dark truths behind some of our cherished childhood shows. That’s the price of getting older: seeing the hard truths beneath the rosy veneer.

    Yet, for all the existential crises and surreal moments, there’s something undeniably comforting about this latest wave of nostalgia. In a world that often feels chaotic and unpredictable, there’s solace to be found in the familiar chords of a Jonas Brothers song or still saying, “they did this on
    Glee” whenever you’re at a bar and a classic rock song plays.

    I often wish it could just be 2008 again, the year
    High School Musical 3 and Twilight both came out in theaters. Or better yet, Summer of 2007, when High School Musical 2 premiered on the same night as the first episode of Phineas and Ferb and the Hannah Montana Episode “Me and Mr. Jonas and Mr. Jonas and Mr. Jonas” — the epic Disney Channel crossover that inspired the best Jonas Brother song, “Lovebug.” That just might have been the best night of my life.

    But now I’m here: slathering on anti-aging treatments, considering “preventative” Botox, and checking my 401K balance. If you want to feel even older, here are some of our other teen media favorites that are having
    Significant Anniversaries this year:

    1. A Cinderella Story (20th Anniversary)

    Remember when we thought AOL Instant Messenger was the height of romance? Oh, to text Austin Ames “LOL” over AIM. Now we’re getting ghosted on the apps and no amount of fairy godmother magic can fix our dating lives.

    This flick sold us the lie that the hot quarterback was secretly a sensitive poet who’d fall for the quirky outsider. A classic tale for rom-coms but this is arguably one of the best that’s ever been executed. No Cinderella adaptation has come close to this one. Especially not
    Another Cinderella Story with Selena Gomez — though “Tell Me Something I Don’t Know” was a banger. With a new Freaky Friday in the works, I’m hoping this Chad Michael Murray flick will also get its remake.

    https://www.tiktok.com/@entertainmenttonight/video/7367064189417917726

    2. Glee (15th Anniversary of Premiere)

    I’ll never forgive Ryan Murphy for giving theater kids a platform 
yet they can never make me hate
    Glee. Cast feuds, diva drama, and rumors of on-set fights just add to the allure of the drama. Glee is the reason TV went from High School Musical to an even more musical high school and then further onto musical college, like Pitch Perfect. But I can still sing every Mercedes harmony in the Glee soundtrack.

    Yes, age has taught me that Mr. Schue was kind of a creepy man-child with a vest fetish who lived vicariously through his students — why were his students the only people at his wedding??? And though
    Rachel Berry was supposed to be the protagonist, we realized that being a diva doesn’t get you ahead in life. It only makes everyone hate you at the office Christmas party.

    Yet, there’ll never be anything like belting the
    Glee version of “Don’t Stop Believing” — or better yet, Jonathan Groff’s rendition of “Bohemian Rhapsody.”

    3. Mean Girls (20 years)

    20 years ago,
    fetch happened. The movie is a hallmark of millennial nostalgia, with quotes so insidious they worked their way into memes and lexicons alike. Tina Fey’s magnum opus about teenage cruelty gave us unforgettable quips and unrealistic expectations of high school hotness. Two decades later, the remake they made for Gen Z starring Renee Rapp, frankly, doesn’t come close to the original. I cherish the Lohan version even more now that I’ve seen what a trainwreck the second version is. The limits of our obsession does not exist, apparently.

    4. Napoleon Dynamite (20 years)

    Remember when random equaled funny? This indie darling made awkward cool in peak millennial humor. Nothing about this movie would fly anymore. Gen Zs probably cringe at our love for it. But when it was good, it was very-very good.. We quoted it ad nauseam, wore “Vote for Pedro” shirts unironically, and thought “ligers” were a laugh riot. Every year, more than one person donned a Napolean wig, glasses, and a “Vote For Pedro” shirt and did that dance sequence in my high school talent show. That experience can never be replicated by TikTok dances or Netflix films.

    5. Saw (20 years)

    Nothing says millennial childhood quite like a sadistic puppet forcing people into elaborate death traps. This torture porn franchise kickstarted our generation’s fascination with escape rooms and moral dilemmas. Now we’re too anxious to watch anything more intense than “Great British Bake Off.” How the mighty have fallen.

    6. The Notebook (20 years)

    The fact that
    The Notebook was 20 years ago is a testament to Ryan Gosling. He’s still managed to be relevant to the zeitgeist and one of the least awful men in Hollywood. From playing our dear Noah in this Nicholas Sparks masterpiece to playing Ken in Barbie, he is always in our hearts. In the words of Glenn Powell, “Gosling is a legend.” Cut to 2024, and we’re swiping through dating apps, wondering why our Hinge matches don’t build our houses or write us 365 letters. But we can still dream.

    7. Anchorman (20 years)

    Is
    Anchorman the boy equivalent of Mean Girls? Every non-funny man I’ve ever met thinks “Stay Classy” is a hilarious quote and witty reference. And who can blame them? At the time, Anchorman was the peak of comedy. We laughed our asses off at Ron Burgundy’s chauvinistic antics. But still liking this movie is a red flag — it’s a sign that a person’s sense of humor might not have matured beyond age 15.

    8. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (20 years)

    The way stills of this movie haunted Tumblr should be examined. Pink and blue-haired Kate Winslet is admittedly still on my winter mood boards. This film was an episode of
    Black Mirror before Black Mirror. For a film about erasing our exes from our brains, it sure felt romantic at the time. Two decades later, we’re still trying to Marie Kondo our emotional baggage while stalking our high school crushes on Facebook. Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet’s mind-bending romance feels more like an indie fever dream with each passing year.

    9. Spider-Man 2 (20 years)

    Have you heard about the
    Spiderman to tennis movie pipeline? Kirsten Dunst doing Wimbledon, Emma Stone doing Battle of the Sexes and Zendaya doing Challengers — I might venture to say these are the finest things to come out of the Spiderman franchise. But I have to admit, the Tobey Maguire version is a classic. The fact that we’ve been through Andrew Garfield and Tom Holland as Spiderman, plus the Spiderverse series — in the past twenty years! — is mind-boggling to me.

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    LKC

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  • ‘High School Musical: The Musical: The Series’ Takes a Final Bow

    ‘High School Musical: The Musical: The Series’ Takes a Final Bow

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    Series creator Tim Federle peels back the curtain on original-cast cameos, Olivia Rodrigo’s career trajectory, and why this was “the season to go crazy.”

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    Savannah Walsh

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  • What’s With Our Need For Nostalgia?

    What’s With Our Need For Nostalgia?

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    I grew up during Disney Channel’s golden era — you know exactly what I’m talking about. It was the when Disney Channel Original Movies (DCOMs) were at their prime and peak Disney TV starring the Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus, Demi Lovato, the Sprouse twins, and more. In hindsight, it was wild. There has never been such a hotbed for stardom since Ryan Gosling, Justin Timberlake, Britney Spears, and Christina Aguilera were all on the Mickey Mouse Club.

    And, yes, as I continue growing up I miss having these lighthearted shows and movies to watch. Every so often, my roommates and I will binge Disney movies like
    High School Musical or classics like The Princess Diaries. But lately, there’s been a shift.

    Has anyone noticed that we as a society are lacking a little
creativity? I mean, sure, it’s completely normal to crave a little dose of your childhood here and there — who isn’t comforted by memories of your life before you had an overwhelming sense of anxiety. But I almost feel as though we’ve gotten
    too comfortable with bringing back the old.

    Some of the nostalgia-inducing events are
    exciting. Think: the fervor for Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour or The Jonas Brothers’ The Tour, where they play all of their old songs spanning their entire career. It’s exciting and it’s a good way to get fans of old and new in the room.

    We’re also in an era of reboots galore. Take a short glance at any of your streaming platforms and you’ll see a lot of familiar titles. Former early 2000s favorites like
    Zoey 101, iCarly, and That’s So Raven are finding themselves back on our television screens. And if you think that’s all
oh, boy.

    Some reboots are reimaginations of the show
like
    Gossip Girl with a new cast and fresh, young faces. While others are continuations of the show just in the future – think iCarly and Zoey 101 (the reboot being Zoey 102).

    And then, there’s Disney.

    Disney is constantly trying to get the older generations into theaters, not only with Marvel, but with live action remakes of our favorite films. Over the past decade, we’ve seen versions of
    Aladdin, The Lion King, Beauty and the Beast, and most recently, The Little Mermaid. And while I surely will watch out of curiosity and lack of alternatives, I’m always left feeling a little underwhelmed.

    Nostalgia-core is literally
    everywhere. It’s in the way we dress, with Y2K trends consistently leading the pack. People are preferring jelly shoes and mini skirts over any other decades-inspired trend. But when do we border the line between nostalgia and overdoing something?

    Maybe it’s because we went through a global pandemic for so many years, we are craving stability and childhood
going back to our roots and finding comfort in what we know after a lot of uncertainty.
    Watching reboots of your fave show or movie can feel like the adult version of a pacifier.

    Or maybe it’s because we have completely lost identity in today’s society
where we can’t thrive on anything but the past. Unoriginal ideas cycling back into the trendscape just because we can’t think of anything new.

    Or maybe, just maybe, it’s the “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” mentality. If something is getting those viewers in and bringing in the money, why wouldn’t they keep rebooting shows? Why wouldn’t Disney just make live action versions of their entire filmography? That way, they can release one original and make it really amazing in the interim.

    One thing I know for sure is that trends recycle all the time. There was a time not so long ago where anything low-rise was considered a fashion crime and you wouldn’t dare wear Crocs out of your house unironically. But in the early 2000s, and subsequently in 2023, you would be considered right on trend.

    And while the Disney films will always be successful in some capacity, I don’t know if every show needs a reboot. Some shows ended where they ended, and that’s how it should stay. Honestly, I feel like I’m getting bored too easily, I already know the plotline of everything coming out!

    With popular shows like
    Succession and Ted Lasso in their final episodes forever, we are met with the realization that we will soon run out of original content if we keep rebooting everything. And yes, I get that a reboot is still somehow original if it’s a continuation of the series
you know that’s not my point here.

    So, I’m left with the question: when is it time to let the past be
.the past?

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    Jai Phillips

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  • The 16 Hottest Male Celebrities Categorized by Type

    The 16 Hottest Male Celebrities Categorized by Type

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    You may not be able to define in words what exactly makes a person attractive, but you know it when you see it.

    Of course, there is a huge difference between what makes Justin Beiber hot and what makes Bill Nye the Science Guy hot (don’t judge, we don’t kink-shame in this household). For those of us who find men attractive—god help us—the question of attractiveness is particularly complicated. Why Matt Bomer is hot is a simple enough question (he looks like a naughty Ken Doll who has more than plastic beneath his trunks), but things get more nuanced when you consider why leagues of real human beings with eyes find Benedict Cumberbatch attractive or why women regularly throw their panties at Post Malone.

    To help you through the haunted, endless maze of human sexuality, Popdust has broken down all the types of hot a man can be. Chances are, every man you’ve ever been attracted to falls into one of these categories.

    “Want to Build a Life With Him” Hot

    Example: Paul Mescal

    This is the kind of guy you want to take home to your mother. Sure, the sex is only okay, but what does that matter when you wake up every morning to homemade pancakes? This isn’t the type of guy you fantasize about f**king on the kitchen floor, this is the kind of guy whose eyes you picture filling with tears when you buy your first home together. He’s not exactly a daddy, but he would make a great literal daddy.

    “Church Boy” Hot

    Example: Tom Holland

    Something about this guy’s small-town haircut and innocent, sunny smile makes you want to corrupt the sh*t out of him. He always looks a little shocked when you make a dirty joke, but you just know that with some intervention from the devil (you) you’d have that perfectly gelled hair mussed in no time. But also…some small part of you wants to let him make you a better person??? A very small part. Mostly, you just want to ruin his life.

    “Rearrange My Guts” Hot

    Example: Jason Momoa

    You don’t want this guy to take you to a nice dinner at a trendy restaurant—you want him to eat take-out off your ass and throw you around like a rag doll. Sure, he probably has thoughts in his head and a personality and interests and blah blah blah LOOK AT THOSE ARMS. This is the kind of guy you want to spend 72 hours in bed with every 4-6 months but otherwise never see. This is the kind of guy you agree to go camping with despite hating the outdoors because you just love watching him pitch a tent (yes, that was a double entendre, you filthy minx).

    “Got Your Teenage Sister Pregnant, but You Kind of Get It” Hot

    Example: LaKeith Stanfield

    Okay, not literally!!! (maybe literally). But you know that kind of smarmy guy who works at the gas station and says borderline-inappropriate things to you every time you see him? But for some reason, you just can’t summon feminist rage about it and instead sorta giggle and blush and wonder what his tobacco-stained fingers would feel like pulling your hair? Yeah, that guy. He’s a good-for-nothing, uneducated, creepy, grungy, loser…and that kind of works for you.

    “You Knew He Would Be Weird in Bed” Hot

    Example: Evan Mock

    So he’s super hot in all the traditional ways, from facial structure to swagger, but there’s also something a little…extra. Something about him that’s…unhinged. Some kind of mad twinkle in his eye that speaks of unexplored multitudes. In most cases, those multitudes are just daddy issues and a preference for foot stuff, but the joy is in the journey of finding out.

    “Burnout” Hot

    Example: Jeremy Allen White

    He’s not a bad-looking guy. Just a little limp-looking, with features that start seeming weird if you stare too long. But there’s something about him. The tattoos? The nicotine addiction? The greasy hair? Somehow, it’s working.

    “In Context” Hot (e.g. like a high school women’s lacrosse coach)

    Example: Nathan Fielder

    In most situations, this guy isn’t going to turn many heads. But put him on a public school field with 23 hormone-ridden 16-year-olds running laps, and you’ve got yourself an absolute sex magnet. Alternatively, put him in a political race populated by old, saggy, white people, and suddenly his ability to tuck in his shirt over his gut seems exceptional.

    “Ugly” Hot

    Example: Pete Davidson

    This is a broad but important category that this reputable publication has dwelled on seriously for quite some time. An ugly hot guy has an appearance that falls outside the boundaries of conventional attractiveness. Maybe he has a weird horse face or limbs that flail like a carwash’s inflatable man in heavy wind (think Pete Davidson). But if you take all of his objectively unattractive features and put them together, somehow, it just works.

    “Ascot/Take Me on a Yacht” Hot

    Example: Henry Golding

    This is better than just being rich—it’s looking rich. This is ascot hot. This guy’s actual God-given looks are largely irrelevant because money made him his own God. He has the money and time to ensure his hair, skin, and clothes are flawless in a “Who me? I just rolled out of bed like this
” kind of way. If this is your type, it’s fine, we get it.

    “Ready To Risk It All” Hot

    Example: Michael B Jordan

    This is the kind of hot you leave your husband for. This is the kind of hot you leave your wife for. This is the kind of hot you sell your house for. This is the kind of hot you pretend to like his DJ set for. Is the sex good? It literally doesn’t matter, just look at him.

    “Party Boy” Hot

    Example: Machine Gun Kelly

    Does he have a substance abuse problem? Probably. Is he reliable? Not at all. Do any of his values align with yours? Absolutely not. Is he a great f**king time? Oh yeah. This guy probably has one of those annoyingly hot side smiles, maybe a kind of hard-to-understand accent, and the sex is probably kind of like being mauled by a drunk bear but in a good way. He probably has an earring he doesn’t remember getting but kind of pulls it off. It goes without saying that your Dad hates him.

    “Baby” Hot

    Example: Timothée Chalamet

    This is a complicated category. He makes your uterus ache, but you can’t tell if that’s sexual arousal or your biological clock ticking. You can’t decide if you want to take a bath with him or give him a bath. Either way, you definitely wanna smooch that sweet lil face.

    “Retro” Hot

    Example: Aaron Taylor Johnson

    Something about him screams “traditional values.” Not in a scary, baby-Don’t Worry Darling way. More in a Ready For Marriage kind of way. And honestly … if he wanted a trad-wife, I’d be a trad-wife.

    “Artist/Vegan” Hot

    Example: Jaden Smith

    He is comfortable with his feminine side, and he wants you to know it. You wanna argue with him about the fallacy of placing the responsibility for climate change on the shoulders of individuals when a handful of corporations are ultimately responsible—but he has those puppy dog eyes, so you just give in and agree to give up plastic straws. His slam poetry competitions are cringe-worthy, but he just looks so good in ripped Levi’s and a beanie.

    “Wouldn’t Be Surprised if He Turned Out to Be a Serial Killer” Hot

    Example: Robert Pattinson

    He speaks, acts, and behaves like a robot who has heard about the behavior of human beings but never actually seen it. There’s something magnetic about his strangeness, and suddenly the legacy of Ted Bundy makes sense to you. Everything about him is subtly unsettling, but personality disorders aside….he could get it.

    “Prettier Than You” Hot

    Example: Josh Heuston

    He paints his nails, has a skincare routine, and posts thirst traps on Instagram. He doesn’t have a job, but he has thousands of followers on TikTok so he’s working on monetizing social media. Which makes all his hair products a business expense, I guess? Whatever, it’s worth it when he takes his shirt off.

    “Stoner” Hot

    Example: Donald Glover

    He only chuckles at your jokes but cries laughing when his gamer buddy says something about farts. He always needs a haircut, has stains on his shirt, and probably smells faintly of Doritos. Still, something about his anti-establishment, “being handsome is mainstream” attitude does it for you.

    “Garbage” Hot

    Example: Jack Harlow

    This one comes with a lot of justified self-loathing. Just do better.

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    LKC

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