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  • Las Mujeres Ya No Lloran (​​Para Argentina o Cualquier Hombre)

    Las Mujeres Ya No Lloran (​​Para Argentina o Cualquier Hombre)

    Shakira’s first album of this decade, Las Mujeres Ya No Lloran, is something of a yin to the yang of El Dorado (the record she released seven years ago, and her last one of the 2010s). Where the latter commences with the upbeat, jubilant “Me Enamoré,” Las Mujeres Ya No Lloran, begins with “Puntería”—which, yes, is also upbeat and jubilant, but not in the “I’m so in love” way. More like in the “I’m more resistant to love than ever” way (when the video is also factored in, it becomes the “I’m going to shoot any [half-]man who trifles with me via an arrow” way). Indeed, when comparing the opening lines of “Me Enamoré” in English (which, true, never sound as good as they do in Spanish), the contrast is stark: “Life began to change me/The night I met you I had little to lose/And things continued like this/Me with my striped bra/And my hair half-done I thought: ‘This is still a child/But what am I going to do?’/It’s what I was looking for/The doctor recommending/I thought he was dreaming, oh-oh, oh-oh/I fell in love, I fell in love.” 

    Clearly, this was still a period when Shakira had romantic feelings for Gerard Piqué, who she would end up separating from after eleven years together (though the two never married). Not long after their separation in June of 2022, Piqué was seen at a concert with Clara Martí, a woman ten years his junior (where once he favored a woman ten years his senior in Shakira). At the time, it seemed unclear just how long the two were really together, with suspicions swirling over whether Piqué had her waiting in the wings before breaking it off with Shakira or if he was already cheating on her before the breakup. If it was the former, his effrontery remained regardless for, as Olivia Rodrigo put it on “traitor,” “You’d talk to her/When we were together/Loved you at your worst/But that didn’t matter/It took you two weeks /To go off and date her/Guess you didn’t cheat/But you’re still a traitor.” 

    Shakira appears to be done with such “creatures.” And yes, it’s no coincidence that she renders the men in the video for “Puntería” as just that: creatures. Specifically, centaurs. Such a conceit for the video premise seems to mirror the fact that Shakira views men, at this moment in time, as little beasts. Albeit ones she can still control—though the lyrics to the song belie the presentation of that in the video. For Shakira still can’t help but expressing some semblance of vulnerability, despite all she’s been through, with the lyrics, “You have good aim/You know where to give me, so that I am surrendered/It attacks me where it hurts the most, you don’t suit me/But in your bed or mine, I forget all that.” Except that, in the video, she’s the one acting in the role of “aimer,” aggressor. Flipping the script on the traditional expectation that a man is the pursuer in a romantic dynamic. Perhaps what Shakira is trying to tell us is that, from now on, she’ll never play the vulnerable role again. Or, as she phrased it to Jimmy Fallon while promoting the album on The Tonight Show, “Women no longer cry… Because it’s men’s turn now.”

    So it is that she gives insight into why she named her record Las Mujeres Ya No Lloran (that’s right, Women No Longer Cry—for Argentina or any man). She also commented on the long wait fans endured for a new album, finding a chance to shade Piqué again with the dig, “I’ve been putting out music here and there, but it was really hard for me to put together a body of work—I didn’t have time. It was the husband factor. Now I’m husbandless…yeah, the husband was dragging me down. Now I’m free. Now I can actually work.” Even though Piqué was never really her husband (so much as her “domestic partner”), there’s no denying the sting of her words. The idea she wants to get across that to have a boyfriend or husband is a major time suck for women. Time she patently wishes she hadn’t sacrificed in exchange for compromising her musical output. Another pop star of late (one whose musical output, granted, hasn’t been sacrificed at all) that’s enraged about doling out too much of her time to a man who wasn’t worth it is Taylor Swift. Namely on “So Long, London” from The Tortured Poets Department. It is during this song that she laments, “And I’m pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free.” 

    There’s no denying some part of Shakira must feel that way about Piqué, and she’s not even as young as Swift (even though she certainly looks as young…and sometimes younger). But that’s not going to stop her from alchemizing her pain…the same way Swift and so many female musicians do in the emotional aftermath of a breakup (shit, Swift even has a song called “The Alchemy” on TTPD). 

    As for being one of Billie Eilish’s worst nightmares by releasing different vinyl variants of the record, Shakira said of naming her various editions after gems (i.e., Diamond, Ruby, Emerald and Sapphire), “It felt like an alchemical [there’s that word] process where I was transforming pain and anger and frustration into creativity and productivity and strength and resilience… That’s why I picked the metaphor of the precious stones, because of the resilience that us women have today, um, when we have to face adversity.” And, as far as Shakira is concerned, just because a girl is facing some adversity doesn’t mean she can’t dance through la tortura (si, a nod to her 2005 single). Just as she does on the appropriately titled “La Fuerte” (“The Strong”) featuring Bizarrap (who also produces). Its late 90s/early 00s dance vibe betrays the sadness Shakira expresses when she bemoans, “De haber sabido que iba a ser la última vez/Te hubiera gozado más, pero no te aproveché/Y por creer que no tenías caducidad/Guardé besos pa’ despué’, con las ganas me quedé/Te mentiría si digo que ver mis fotos contigo no me hacen daño/Porque hacen daño.” Meaning: “If I had known it would be the last time/I would have enjoyed you more, but I didn’t take advantage of you/And for believing that you had no expiration date/I saved kisses for later, I was left with the desire/I would be lying to you if I said that seeing my photos with you doesn’t hurt me/Because they hurt.” 

    Shakira admitting Piqué was as much the inspiration for a woeful track like this as he is a vengeful one like “Shakira: Bzrp Music Sessions, Vol. 53” is unlikely. But who else could incite her to sing a line such as, “I deleted your number, and for what?/Yes I already know/I don’t forget you/No matter how apparent.” What’s apparent as well is her increasing affinity for wolves (as a woman who runs with them), making sure to make the usual comparison between herself and a “loba” (“Olvidarte yo trato, pero a esta loba le da el arrebato”). She even adds in another animal metaphor with, “Me siento como leona enjaula’.” Because, sometimes, a recently jilted woman feels the ferocity of several formerly caged animals. 

    And yet, for as angry as a “loba” can get, that doesn’t mean said anger isn’t rooted in a certain wistfulness and yearning, as a title like “Tiempo Sin Verte” (“Time Without Seeing You”) indicates. Another uptempo track that betrays the melancholic lyrics themselves, Shakira dives right into her lament with the pronouncement, “I haven’t seen you in a while and I’m still here/And not a day goes by that I don’t think of you/I haven’t seen you for a while and tell me if/You still love me and remember me/And what has become of you?/You left a while ago/Did you forget to call me or was it just a mistake?/Did you also forget those moments or miss them?/When we laughed together on the waves/I have always believed you my friend/Now I don’t know, I feel like you never were/With your absence you have left a void in me” (a.k.a.: “Llevo tiempo sin verte y sigo aquí/Y no pasa un día que no piense en ti/Llevo tiempo sin verte/Y dime si Aún me quieres y te acuerdas de mí/¿Y qué ha sido de ti?/Hace rato te fuiste/¿Olvidaste llamarme o fue solo un despiste?/Olvidaste también esos momentos o añoras/Cuando reíamos juntos sobre las olas/Yo que siempre te he creído mi amigo/Ahora no sé, siento que nunca lo has sido/Has dejado con tu ausencia un vacío en mí”).

    The upbeat whimsy of the music itself on Las Mujeres Ya No Lloran continues with “Cohete” featuring Rauw Alejandro (marking the first of two appearances he has on the record), but, this time, the lyrical content is just as buoyant, too. With a title like “Cohete” (“Rocket”), it’s only to be expected that Shakira and Alejandro should make some interplanetary (and sexual) references. This includes, “I don’t want the moon or go to Mars, no I just want to make you come for me/Take off and come, I want to see you/I’ll make you fly like a rocket.” Yes, it’s very sensual (especially in Spanish—and, again, such phrases are carried off with more efficacy in that language), but it’s also some pretty big talk. Hopefully, Alejandro and those like him can back it up. Otherwise, Shakira will have his head…and not in the sexual way so much as the decapitating one.

    Alas, Shakira can’t help but return to her more baleful motif on “Entre (Parentésis)” featuring Grupo Frontera. Although “El Jefe” was the first single from the album to establish Shakira’s talent for dabbling in the regional Mexican genre, this is the song that comes before it. Its mid-tempo pace complements lead singer Adelaido “Payo” Solís III’s rueful opening, “Tell me what happened to you, why do I feel cold?/Your kisses no longer taste like they used to/You still sleep in my bed/But I feel empty.” Shakira then dives in with her own grievances, adding, “Tell me what happened to you, you are no longer the same as before/It seems that this is not important to you/There are things in life so obvious that it is not even necessary to say.” And the two keep going back and forth like that for the duration of the song. Thus, it has the feel of a “he said, she said” track in the vein of The Postal Service’s “Nothing Better” and Gotye featuring Kimbra’s “Somebody That I Used To Know.”

    And yet, it seems, more often than not (based on the consistently nostalgic lyrics of the record), that Shakira wouldn’t trade any of the good times she had with her erstwhile lover for the inevitable ultimate “bad” one: the relationship rupture. So it is that the fundamental “thesis” of “Cómo Dónde y Cuándo” (“How, Where and When”) is its chorus: “No matter how, where and when/What matters is with whom/Time flies/When things are going well, eh, eh.” And when they’re not, it soon becomes as though it’s all over before it could begin. Shakira could have easily felt that way, even after eleven years with Piqué that suddenly seemed rather short once the love was ripped away from her. 

    At another point in the song, Shakira gets unexpectedly “political” in terms of her critique of humanity, declaring, “There are so many lies in the cities/How is there so much garbage in the seas?/There is no one honest left/Only drunks in bars.” That last part being a non sequitur backhanded compliment toward people who still like to drink in that antiquated milieu called a bar, but, hey, at least she’s taking an environmental stand (even while antithetically releasing many vinyl variants of her album). The alt-rockish feel of the track is also something of a callback to her Dónde Están los Ladrones? days, which perhaps means she’s interested in getting reacquainted with that version of herself, as it’s from a time long before Piqué came along to further taint her faith in (male) humanity. 

    The softer sound and more dulcet tones of “Nassau” find Shakira returning to a state of emotional openness to a potential “new person” (read: new dick) in her life. To Long Islanders’ dismay, the Nassau Shakira refers to here isn’t the county in New York, but, obviously, the picturesque capital of the Bahamas. A place that fits the bill for Shakira’s request, “Take me to a place with no signal/And I get lost with you.” Even though, sure, Shakira has the money to find wi-fi wherever she goes, it’s “romantic” for her to think she can go “off the grid” somehow. Plus, without the internet as a distraction, it leaves more time for vacation sex. Thus her description, “After doing it without stopping/We repeat it.” Nonetheless, “la loba” can’t avoid admitting she’s still afraid to open her heart (though not her vag) to someone ever again after what happened. As she puts it, “I who had promised that I would never love again/You showed up, heal the wounds left by that one.” And we all know “that one” is Piqué. A man who did such a number on her trust abilities that she also warns her potential new “steady,” “I’m afraid of another disappointment/I don’t want to get hurt.” Alas, if Swift can keep dating, so can Shakira. If for no other reason than the creative inspiration. 

    Surprisingly not positioned as the final song on Las Mujeres Ya No Lloran, “Última” certainly has the dramatic ballad vibe of an album coda. Overtly calling out Piqué for breaking her heart, Shakira insists that, somewhere down the line, he’ll rue the day he decided to abandon her. Per her crestfallen assurances, “Surely in time you will regret it/And someday you’ll want to knock on my door again/But now I have decided to be alone/I lost my love halfway/How come you got tired of something so genuine?” Perhaps because most cliche men get tired of the women they’re with, no matter how “hot” or “fit” or rich or famous. And, more often than not, it is precisely because of those two latter qualities that most insecure men are driven away (regardless of whether they themselves are rich and famous, too). 

    The “you’ll be sorry” motifs present on “Última” are ramped up tenfold on the sassier, far more uptempo “Te Felicito” featuring Rauw Alejandro. This was the first taste of Las Mujeres Ya No Lloran that listeners got back in April of 2022, and one might have believed it would set the tone for the entire record. But, by and large, this sort of “fuck you” defiance is present only in brief bursts throughout the record, namely on here, on “Shakira: Bzrp Music Sessions, Vol. 53” and “TQG” featuring Karol G

    Shakira quickly goes back to being reflectively doleful on “Monotonía” featuring Ozuna. As the song title suggests, it’s an exploration of monotony…of the kind unique to, well, monogamy (there’s a reason Richard Wright [James Remar] says, “We’re not the monotonous—I mean monogamous type” to Samantha Jones [Kim Cattrall]). As such, Shakira tells her now ex-lover, “It wasn’t your fault, nor was it mine/It was the monotony’s fault/I never said anything, but it hurt me/I knew this would happen.” As though to drive home the point of monotony, Shakira sets the music video for this second single in a grocery store, looking “disheveled” (for Shakira) and absent-mindedly wandering through an aisle while “Te Felicito” plays faintly (and diegetically) in the background before Shakira delves into her “Monotonía” lyrics, which, at first, insist, “It wasn’t your fault, nor was it mine/It was the monotony’s fault/I never said anything, but it hurt me/I knew this would happen.” Shakira changes tack quickly, however, soon enough not blaming “monotony” as much as her ex’s narcissism. In other words, “Suddenly you were no longer the same/You left me because of your narcissism/You forgot what we were one day.” 

    Even though, per this poetic depiction of what happened to Shakira amid the emotional wreckage of her heartache, her ex didn’t forget what they were long enough to avoid literally blowing her heart out with a bazooka. As she crawls through the aisle to collect her now-disembodied heart, she manages to pick it up and eventually transport it (though not without some other obstacles along the way) safely to a deposit box in one of those fancy, high-security banks. Her intent? To lock it away “forever” so that no one else can ever try to harm it again. The pain Shakira feels from this relationship’s (to her) unexpected demise turns from sadness to vindictiveness (the natural progression) on “Shakira: Bzrp Music Sessions, Vol. 53.” As the song from which the album’s title is taken from (“Women no longer cry, women bill” [ask Mariah Carey]), “Shakira: Bzrp Music Sessions, Vol. 53” a.k.a. “Pa’ Tipos Como Tu” is especially significant not only because of this, but because it is the song that most represents what Shakira wanted this record to say overall. 

    As is “TQG,” a well-placed track to follow up the braggadocio of the previous one. The TQG acronym stands for Te Quedó Grande.” Which more or less translates to: “Too much for you to handle.” To be sure, a lot of women have become “too much” for men, which is why the snarky “then go find less” meme has flourished in recent years. Shakira and Karol G are essentially saying the same thing on this Ovy on the Drums-produced ditty. Opening with a quiet, “unimposing” musical background, the rhythm crescendos after the thirty-second mark, favoring the bass-heavy reggaeton Karol G is known for. And filled with the cheekily raging lyrics Shakira perfected on “Pa’ Tipos Como Tu.” Case in point, a chorus that goes: “Baby, what happened?/Thought you were very in love?/What are you doing looking for me, honey/If you know that I don’t repeat mistakes/Tell your new bae that I don’t compete for men.”

    Of the two full-on ballads that appear on Las Mujeres Ya No Lloran, “Acróstico,” which gives listeners whiplash after a banger like “TQG,” is the least “affecting”—even though it’s supposed to be “endlessly moving” because her two sons, Milan and Sasha, contribute vocals to it. In fact, they’re already starting to demand of Mama Shakira when they’ll get their cut of the royalties. This because, as Shakira claims, she already told them she’s not going to buy them whatever they want (e.g., a car) just because she’s rich. They’ll have to “work” for what they want. Even though relishing the job opportunities provided by nepo baby status isn’t exactly doing that. But anyway, during this song, Shakira essentially places all of her faith in “true love” existing despite the heartache caused by Piqué because her sons have “taught [her] that love is not a scam and that when it’s real it doesn’t end.” Or, as Britney once told K-Fed amid their divorce (and one is paraphrasing here), “You’re the worst thing that ever happened to me, but you gave me my babies.” So at least Piqué did that.

    As Shakira mentioned to Fallon, her release of songs “here and there” in the time since El Dorado has ultimately led to many of them being nothing new on Las Mujeres Ya No Lloran. Yet another already released song being “Copa Vacía” featuring Manuel Turizo. Another mid-tempo song that strikes a balance between being something you can either dance to or cry to (or both), Shakira grieves over the “empty cup” that is, well, her concha. For this song is about lack of sexual fulfillment as much as it is a lack of the emotional kind. And the image of Shakira as a mermaid in a dry, trash-filled landscape only serves to further emphasize the meaning behind the metaphor of her “empty cup.” Captured from her natural watery environment by Turizo, he keeps her caged in a sad little tank with his back turned to her—all sense of love and pleasure drained from Shakira’s life. 

    So no wonder she’s ready to be in charge again on the following song. Indeed, it’s only right that Shakira should conclude the record with “El Jefe” featuring Fuerza Regida (because we’re not counting a Tiësto remix of “Shakira: Bzrp Music Sessions, Vol. 53” and a “vinyl version” of “Puntería” as “real tracks”). Serving as something akin to her version of Beyoncé’s anti-work anthem, “Break My Soul” (meets Dolly Parton’s “9 to 5”), Shakira does a good impression of someone who has been working for little more than pesos her entire life as she rails against the Oppressor that is every employer. Granted, she’s trying to be a non-oppressive employer herself, hence mentioning her nanny, Lili Melgar, in the song, dedicating it to her in the end (probably because she tipped her off to Clara’s presence in her and Piqué’s home before a jam jar confirmed it for her—though Shakira later stated that rumor was “not true”). 

    Thus, Shakira concludes her album on an empowered note…even if a large bulk of it reeks of the kind of pain and vulnerability that doesn’t make one feel powerful at all. In this regard, what Shakira is leaving out as a disclaimer to her declaration that “women no longer cry” is that they don’t once they’ve run out of tears for a man who did them dirty.

    Genna Rivieccio

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  • Shakira Settles Tax Fraud Case On First Day Of Trial By Paying MASSIVE Fine To Avoid Possible Prison Time! – Perez Hilton

    Shakira Settles Tax Fraud Case On First Day Of Trial By Paying MASSIVE Fine To Avoid Possible Prison Time! – Perez Hilton

    Shakira is avoiding the possibility of prison time in her tax fraud dispute involving the nation of Spain!

    On Monday, the first day of the Colombian-born singer’s tax fraud trial began in Barcelona. But before things could really get going on the allegations that she supposedly skipped out on paying taxes to Spain while living there in the 2010s, everything came to a screeching halt! Because Shakira settled things up ASAP!

    Related: Shakira Fans Roast Gerard Piqué For Falling Into Stage Hole! Oops!!

    Per the BBC, the New York Times, and others, the 46-year-old singer cut a deal with Spanish prosecutors to end the mess and avoid any possible prison time if she were to have been found guilty. According to those outlets, the deal is pretty steep in terms of a payday for Spain: Shakira gets a three-year suspended sentence and a fine equivalent to $7.5 million USD. That’s a LOT of coin!!

    Still, for Shakira, it was clearly worth it. The prosecution against her is over now, with no chance of being found guilty or going to prison for supposedly failing to pay those income taxes between 2012 and 2014. She had been facing up to eight years in prison on the charge — and as much as a $26 million fine — if found guilty. So, when compared to what might have happened in court, she definitely got off a little easier, we suppose.

    The Hips Don’t Lie singer released a statement about the settlement on Monday, too. Obtained by People and others, the singer claimed in the statement that she chose to settle in the best interests of her children — sons Milan, 9, and Sasha, 7 — who she shares with soccer star ex Gerard Piqué. The sexy singer stated:

    “While I was determined to defend my innocence in a trial that my lawyers were confident would have ruled in my favor, I have made the decision to finally resolve this matter with the best interest of my kids at heart who do not want to see their mom sacrifice her personal well-being in this fight.”

    She went on:

    “I need to move past the stress and emotional toll of the last several years and focus on the things I love — my kids and all the opportunities to come in my career, including my upcoming world tour and my new album, both of which I am extremely excited about. I admire tremendously those who have fought these injustices to the end, but for me, today, winning is getting my time back for my kids and my career.”

    And she also strongly maintained her innocence on the tax fraud allegations:

    “Throughout my career, I have always strived to do what’s right and set a positive example for others. … [Authorities in Spain] pursued a case against me as they have against many professional athletes and other high-profile individuals, draining those people’s energy, time, and tranquility for years at a time.”

    Wow! Those are some strong words about what was supposedly going on behind the scenes! But regardless of whatever really happened a decade ago, it’s all over now. Shakira has settled up, and she’s ready to move on! Thoughts, Perezcious readers??

    [Image via MEGA/WENN]

    Perez Hilton

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  • Acrostic Poems Never Die: Shakira Revives the Elementary School-Favored Poetry Method on “Acróstico,” Takes a Risk on the “Song For My Children” Genre

    Acrostic Poems Never Die: Shakira Revives the Elementary School-Favored Poetry Method on “Acróstico,” Takes a Risk on the “Song For My Children” Genre

    For those who thought Shakira was all embitterment and revenge with her song subjects of late (hear: “Te Felicito” and “Shakira: BZRP Music Sessions #53”), Gerard Piqué isn’t the only topic occupying her mind (therefore, songwriting tendencies) lately. With “Acróstico,” the newest single that will likely appear on her twelfth album, Shakira focuses her mind instead on maternal sentiment—which was just in time for Mother’s Day weekend, as the song was released on May 11th. Accordingly, Shakira has no shame in getting Oedipal (just as John Lennon didn’t have any), talking about a mother’s transcendent, inimitable love for her children; in this case, two sons named Sasha and Milan (yes, they sound as though they were plucked right out of a season of RuPaul’s Drag Race).

    It is these two names that are spelled out via the first letters of the verses in the song (though Shakira cheats more than a little bit by not having them spelled in a direct row—perhaps proving that acrostic poems are not exactly “elementary school child’s play”). A slow piano ballad, the beat drops around the one-minute, twenty-second mark as Shakira sings, “Se nos rompió solo un plato no toda la vajilla/Y aunque no sé poner la otra mejilla/Aprender a perdonar es de sabios/Que solo te salga amor de esos labios.” This meaning, “We only broke one plate, not all the dishes/And although I don’t know how to turn the other cheek/Learning to forgive is wise/May only love come out of those lips” (instead of the bullshit that came out of Piqué’s). As usual, everything sounds better and more poetic in Spanish than it does in English. But these are hardly the most standout or “maternal” expressions conveyed in the song. Elsewhere, Shakira gets even mushier with lines like, “The only thing I want is your happiness and to be with you/A smile from you is my weakness/Loving you serves as an anesthesia for pain/It makes me feel better/For whatever you need, I am here/You came to complete what I am.” How Jerry Maguire.

    Of course, with Shakira’s sons only being ten and eight, it’s easy to feel such warm fuzziness toward them. But hopefully, they never take the route of Britney Spears’ spawns and veer more toward the path of Pamela Anderson’s. Depending on Piqué’s (and Clara Chía’s…if she lasts) influence, that feeling could change as they grow older (plus, if we’re drawing a comparative line, Piqué is technically Shakira’s K-Fed). Indeed, Britney is no stranger to the “write a song for my sons” genre only to have it backfire, having released both “Someday (I Will Understand)” and “My Baby” in years before the sting of Jayden and Sean’s betrayal. Years when they weren’t sentient enough to backstab (hence, lyrics such as, “Tiny hands/Yes, that’s you/And all you show/It’s simply true/I smell your breath/It makes me cry”—that last sentiment sounding more like an insult than a compliment).

    But, for now, and despite Britney as a cautionary tale about writing songs for your sons, Shakira is hedging all her emotional bets on them by claiming ownership (almost as though marking her territory more strongly than Piqué can because he ain’t a singer). So it is that she declares, “You taught me that love is not a scam and that when it’s real it doesn’t end.” No pressure or anything for these sons to be her love “catch-all,” even as they grow up and inevitably try to distance themselves from their madre. Or worse, if they decide not to…meaning whoever they end up with will be marrying Shakira as much as her sons (though that might be motivation enough for some people).

    This is when it becomes worth noting that “Acróstico” is just as overbearing as it is “sweet.” And while there have been plenty of other pop stars who have used their children as lyrical inspiration (e.g., David Bowie’s “Kooks,” John Lennon’s “Beautiful Boy,” Lauryn Hill’s “To Zion” and Madonna’s “Little Star”), this particular slow jam feels more like additional leverage against Piqué somehow. Forgive the jadedness, but it’s hard not to picture Shakira diabolically laying down this track as further proof of her beneficent superiority over her shady, two-timing ex.

    The album artwork, fittingly enough, features a teddy bear popping out of an unpacked box…seeing as how Shakira has relocated from Barcelona to Miami with Sasha and Milan after the fallout with their father. The box above it also has a sticker stamped on with a broken heart icon and the words, “Fragile Handle With Care.” Shakira believes her sons will do just that, the antidote to every other ill and heartbreak that might come along. Seemingly not realizing that a mother’s son can be just as much of a bane as a boon to her emotional well-being. Perhaps fellow celebrity mom Madonna put it best when she wrote in part of her own Mother’s Day message, “I have experienced my highest highs and my lowest lows as a Mother. No one could have prepared me.” Maybe Shakira herself has yet to be prepared for the potential disappointment that can come with putting so much weight on a child’s love if it isn’t reciprocated in the “right” way somewhere down the line. To add to the “aggressive, sticky maternal love!” (as Marcello in La Dolce Vita would say) vibe, Shakira also offers an accompanying lyric video featuring animated scenes of a mama bird protecting and tending to her nest of two eggs. Heavy-handed, to be sure. But not as much as when she defends her nest through a violent storm before the eggs hatch.

    Upon “safely” bringing her two babies into the world (as though anyone is ever safe once they’re here), she proceeds to “activate” as a mother by foraging for food to bring back to them—the maternal instinct innate (or so the video would like to suggest). Jumping up and down in excitement as she watches them learn to fly, the trio soon soars off together into the sunset. And, in an alternate universe, one could even imagine a Spanish version of Princess Diana having her time with William and Harry soundtracked to this. However, for those who are maudlin-averse or perhaps have a more Mommie Dearest experience with their own mother, this song—brief though it may be—might not be easy to stomach.

    Genna Rivieccio

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  • Shakira Announces She’s Moving From Barcelona To Miami In Emotional Statement

    Shakira Announces She’s Moving From Barcelona To Miami In Emotional Statement

    By Sarah Curran.

    Shakira’s time living in Barcelona has come to an end.

    The Colombian songstress took to Instagram to share an emotional statement in which she confirmed that she’s leaving the Spanish city and moving to Miami, Florida with her two children.


    READ MORE:
    Gerard Piqué Says He’s Focusing On ‘Preserving Happiness’ Post Shakira Split

    “I settled in Barcelona to give my children a stability, the same we are now looking for in another corner of the world next to family, friends and the sea,” she said in a statement written in Spanish. 

    “Today we start a new chapter in the pursuit of their happiness,” the 46-year-old star continued. “Thank you to everyone who surfed alongside me so many waves there in Barcelona, the city where I learned that friendship is certainly longer than love.”

    Shakira and Gerard Piqué, who was born in Barcelona, split in June 2022 after 11 years together.


    READ MORE:
    Shakira Reportedly Dating Again After Gerard Piqué Split

    “Thank you to everyone who has been there to cheer me up, dried my tears, inspired me and made me grow,” Shakira added. “Thanks to my Spanish audience who have always covered me with their love and loyalty. For you, just a see you later, and as my father said so many times, see you around the curves!”

    Piqué has since confirmed his romance with Clara Chia Marti, with it being rumoured that he cheated on Shakira with her.

    Shakira has seemingly since taken swipes at Marti and her ex in diss tracks; the latest being the “TQG” collaboration with Karol G.

    Sarah Curran

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  • Shakira Reportedly Places Witch Doll On Balcony Facing Mother-In-Law As She ‘Blasts Gerard Pique’s Diss Track’

    Shakira Reportedly Places Witch Doll On Balcony Facing Mother-In-Law As She ‘Blasts Gerard Pique’s Diss Track’

    By Anita Tai.

    Shakira is redecorating her Spanish home.

    DailyMail reports the singer has placed a lifesize witch doll on her balcony which supposedly faces her former mother-in-law’s property.

    The move comes after her highly publicized breakup with soccer player Gerard Piqué in July 2022.

    Shakira released a song titled Shakira Bzrp Music Sessions 53 which is said to be a diss track aimed at her ex and his new girlfriend with its lyrics. One lyric in particular seems to be referring to the 23-year-old in specific with the line, “I’m worth two 22’s. You traded a Ferrari for a Twingo. You traded a Rolex for a Casio.”

    Residents reportedly heard the singer ‘blasting the song at full volume’ from her property.


    READ MORE:
    New Music Friday: Miley Cyrus, Sam Smith, Shakira, Sam Smith & More

    Another lyric seems to be aiming at her neighbour with the line, “You left my mother-in-law as my neighbour, with the press at the door and the debt in the Treasury…”

    Fans seem to be enjoying the drama with many of them praising Shakira for her revenge.

    “🧙‍♀️🔊 Shakira has reportedly been listening to her BZRP session on a loop today, where there is also a witch on the balcony pointing at her ex-mother-in-law’s house…” wrote one account.

    “shakira is playing her song out loud in a balcony that faces her ex-family in law, this is the level of pettiness i aspire to have,” added another.


    READ MORE:
    Shakira’s New Song Seemingly Takes Shots At Ex Gerard Piqué And His Girlfriend

    Her former mother-in-law was said to have welcomed Pique’s rumoured girlfriend, Clara Chia Mart, which soured relations with the singer.

    Anita Tai

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  • Shakira Just Knocked Every Post-Breakup Diss Track Into the Toilette

    Shakira Just Knocked Every Post-Breakup Diss Track Into the Toilette

    If anyone ever wanted proof that you don’t fuck with a Colombiana woman, Shakira is here to provide it in the form of a new single with DJ Bizarrap. While it has no specific title, other than “BZRP Music Sessions #53” or, more unofficially, “Pa’ Tipos Como Tú,” maybe that’s for the best—at least for her ex, Gerard Piqué, who might have ended up getting the song named after him in some fashion or another had Shakira decided to title it right now. For it’s all directed very specifically at him. And while Shakira had two other singles this year that gave plenty of hints about the heartache that resulted from her eleven-year long relationship with Piqué, they were nowhere near this savage.

    It all started, innocently enough, with little “hints” already manifest in the drenched-in-sarcasm “Te Felicito” (a.k.a. “I Congratulate You”), released in April 2022. Then came “Monotonía” in October. The latter was part of her ephemeral “sad girl” phase in addressing the betrayal Piqué inflicted by leaving her for a now twenty-three-year-old named Clara Chía. Featuring Ozuna, the video takes place in a supermarket where Shakira, looking as “disheveled” as she’s able to, stoically appears in front of the camera. We then get a close-up shot on her teary eyes as she declares, “It wasn’t your fault, nor mine/It was the monotony’s fault.” The rest of the Jaume de la Iguana-directed (or rather, co-directed…with Shakira) video shows our crestfallen protagonist losing her heart altogether when Ozuna blows it out of her chest with a bazooka. This, to be honest, is far more brutal than what SZA does to her ex in “Kill Bill.” But then, men do tend to be more brutal in general (despite spouting that line about hell having no fury like a woman scorned) so…

    In keeping with that inhumaneness, Shakira’s heart is still beating on the ground as she reaches out to pick it back up. The only truly “accusatory” thing she says of Piqué being, “You left me because of your narcissism.” Of course, we all know he really left for the cliché reason so many men do: younger snatch. In any case, Shakira tries to get her heart to the safety of a lockbox without it being further damaged. Unfortunately, it gets stepped on a few more times along the way before she can secure it inside the bank vault and throw away the key. Now that she has, it’s apparent she’s in her full-on beast mode part of the recovery process.

    That’s why she’s quick to lead with the soccer-alluding shade, “So much talk of being a champion and when I needed you the most/You gave me the worst version of you.” A version that dips out for a woman half Shakira’s age, hence her mathematical insult, “I’m worth two twenty-two year olds.” Although the video/recording session might be simple in its aesthetics, Shakira does furnish us with the special effect of her eyes glowing like a loba’s when she taunts, “A she wolf like me isn’t for rookies/A she wolf like me isn’t for guys like you.” Those who know Shakira’s music will of course realize she’s referencing her 2009 banger, “She Wolf.” Which Piqué has invoked big time with his behavior.

    To mix up some of the visual “monotonía” at the forty-seven-second mark, Shakira offers major “Take On Me” vibes by emulating A-ha’s sketched animation look from said video as she repeats, “Pa’ tipos como tú” before further reminding, “I was out of your league/That’s why you’re with someone just like you.” A direct hit at both of the basic parties involved. In case there was any confusion about why Shakira decided to make this song, she sings, “This is for you to be mortified/To chew and swallow, swallow and chew/I won’t get back with you/Not if you cry/Not even if you beg me.”

    Certain to exonerate herself from any culpability with regard to his current lack of favorability among the media, Shakira notes, “It’s not my fault if they criticize you.” After all, the only thing he had to do was not cheat on her. Or at least not make her move to Barcelona where it would end up costing her very literally with the Spanish government, now accusing her of tax fraud and evasion. All because she wanted to be supportive of Piqué’s career…even though not moving to the U.S. was more of a burden on hers. Shakira herself told Elle in the October 2022 issue, “I put my career in second gear and I came to Spain, to support him so he could play football and win titles. And it was a sacrifice of love.” A sacrifice that majorly backfired.

    In the same interview, Shakira had stated, “I think that those [breakup] details are somehow too private to share, at least at this very moment—everything is so raw and new. I can only say that I put everything I had into this relationship and my family.” Well, it ain’t too private now, with “Pa’ Tipos Como Tú” garnering over sixty million views within twenty-four hours of its release. What’s more, Shakira even commits the ultimate taboo (especially in Latin culture) by bringing Piqué’s mother into it with the complaint, “You left me with your mom as a neighbor, the press at my door and a debt with the Treasury.” That last reference being to her aforementioned tax debacle with the Spanish government. A debacle that, again, wouldn’t have even come to roost in Shakira’s life were it not for Piqué’s need to live in Barcelona.

    It’s all a very far cry from 2017’s “Me Enamoré,” an upbeat love song written about Piqué for the El Dorado album, complete with a video in which he appears at the end, smiling at her with a grin that can now only be described as “Cheshire cat.” But Shakira’s the only feral feline in this latest song, having caught the canary without any abashment. For when a woman is hurt, all she can do is weaponize that pain into anger. Channel it into something productive a.k.a. artistic. It’s the most magical type of alchemy. Hence, Shakira announcing, “You thought you’d hurt me, but you made me stronger.” A line that echoes Christina Aguilera on “Fighter” when she says, “Makes me that much stronger/Makes me work a little bit harder/It makes me that much wiser/So thanks for making me a fighter.” And even the sentiments of Destiny’s Child on “Survivor” are there, namely when Beyoncé defiantly sings, “You thought that I’d be weak without you/But I’m stronger/You thought that I’d be broke without you/But I’m richer/You thought that I’d be sad without you/I laugh harder.”

    Shakira delivers a subsequent coup de grâce with, “Women no longer cry/Women get paid.” And this has certainly been an accurate take on the steady commodification of female musicians’ breakups—running the gamut from Taylor Swift to Olivia Rodrigo to Miley Cyrus to Ariana Grande to Lana Del Rey. Shakira was part of the omnipresent trend long before this group, however, with many songs on her first English “crossover” album, Laundry Service, spotlighting the behavior of cads. This is notable on one track in particular, “Objection (Tango).” As though presaging her fate with Piqué, Shakira opens that single with the verse, “It’s not her fault that she’s so irresistible/But all the damage she’s caused isn’t fixable/Every twenty seconds you repeat her name/But when it comes to me you don’t care/If I’m alive or dead.”

    But Piqué definitely cares that Shakira’s alive (and kicking) after hearing this track. For she doesn’t relent with the shade when adding the double meaning of, “She’s got the name of a good person, clear…ly (said as “clara…mente”). The word for “clearly” in Spanish being muy convenient for trolling the name of Pique’s concubine herself. Of course, some would fault Shakira for bringing “the other woman” into it, when it’s the man who led his own dick astray. But Clara Chía was well-aware of Piqué’s status as a “spoken for” man with two children. A so-called “family man.” So no, Shakira is not sparing her either as she spits, “She’s just like you/For guys like you” and “You traded in a Ferrari for a Twingo/You traded in a Rolex for a Casio.”

    Shakira further condemns Piqué’s stupidity for having thrown away what could have been a lifetime of love and family for what will likely be a drop in the bucket fling by adding, “So much time at the gym/But maybe work out your brain a bit too.” Alas, the dick always wins when it comes to getting the “workout.” In the end, Shakira seems to decide that maybe she was the one engaging in stupidity by ever thinking that Piqué was on her level, concluding, “That’s what you’ve settled for/Someone just like you.” Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker) once made a similar assessment when she branded Natasha (Bridget Moynahan) as a “simple girl” and not a “Katie girl” (it’s a The Way We Were reference)—this being why Big (Chris Noth) married her instead of sticking with Carrie. Indeed, Shakira is far from the only “complicated” woman to have been thrown over for someone “more manageable” (read: more malleable, therefore usually younger than the man in question). But she might be the only woman (or at least among the few) to have gotten a chance to say her piece on the matter so ferociously.

    Fist bumping DJ Bizarrap at the end of the video, it’s Shakira’s equivalent of a mic drop. And if one were in Piqué and Chía’s position, they might reconsider showing their faces in public. At least until the next fire breakup song comes out (isn’t Olivia Rodrigo soon to grace us with another album?). Though it will surely be a challenge to top this one.

    Genna Rivieccio

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  • Shakira Releases Brutal Breakup Song About Ex Gerard Piqué — And Wow

    Shakira Releases Brutal Breakup Song About Ex Gerard Piqué — And Wow

    Shakira holds little back in a stinging new musical dig at soccer star Gerard Piqué after the couple’s split last year. They share two young sons from their decadelong relationship.

    The Colombian pop star doesn’t explicitly name the former Spanish and Barcelona player in the track that Argentine musician Bizarrap produced and released on YouTube Wednesday as part of his BZRP Music Sessions.

    But multiple references make it crystal clear who’s the target.

    Shakira also appears to rip Piqué’s new girlfriend amid rumors of his infidelity, saying he’s “traded a Ferrari for a Twingo” and “a Rolex for a Casio.” Piqué is well known for his love of luxury cars and watches.

    “A wolf like me isn’t for guys like you,” she adds at another point, a reference to her 2009 hit “She Wolf.”

    Piqué does not appear to have commented.

    The music video for the track, above, garnered more than 26 million views in its first 12 hours on YouTube. Shakira’s name also trended worldwide on Twitter throughout that time.

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  • Soccer Star Gerard Piqué Announces Retirement With Sweet Home Movies

    Soccer Star Gerard Piqué Announces Retirement With Sweet Home Movies

    Spanish soccer player Gerard Piqué announced Thursday that he’s leaving the sport.

    On Instagram, the Barcelona defender shared home videos of himself as a child and talked about how he had hoped to one day play on the Catalan team.

    “I’ve been thinking a lot about that kid lately,” he said, according to translated subtitles in his post. “About what little Gerard would have thought if he had been told that all his dreams would come true.”

    He went on, “And now that all that kid’s dreams have come true, I want to tell you that I’ve decided that now is the time to bring this journey to its end.”

    The 35-year-old’s final game is set for Saturday, after which he said he’ll be a “regular fan.” However, he also concluded the video by saying: “And you know me. Sooner or later, I’ll be back” — hinting that he may return to the sport in some capacity.

    Piqué also mentioned he would pass his “love for Barça” to his children ― two young sons he shares with pop star Shakira. The couple announced back in June that they were splitting up after more than a decade together.

    Piqué began his career at the Barcelona team’s youth academy before joining Manchester United, then returning to play for Barcelona in 2008, according to CNN. He would go on to become a major star, winning numerous trophies and titles.

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  • Barça defenders Koundé, Araújo injured on national duty

    Barça defenders Koundé, Araújo injured on national duty

    BARCELONA, Spain (AP) — Barcelona defenders Jules Koundé and Ronald Araújo are sidelined for an undetermined period after sustaining leg injuries while playing for their national teams.

    Barcelona said on Saturday that medical tests revealed Koundé has a left hamstring injury after playing for France in its 2-0 win over Austria in the Nations League on Thursday.

    Araújo damaged a tendon in his right thigh, the club said, during Uruguay’s 1-0 loss to Iran on Friday.

    The defenders were examined by Barcelona club doctors after returning from their national teams. Barcelona did not say how long it expects both to be out.

    The two have been regular starters for coach Xavi Hernández.

    Their injuries leave Xavi with Éric García, Andreas Christensen and Gerard Pique as center backs. Koundé, who also plays at right back, can be replaced by newcomer Héctor Bellerín or veteran Sergi Roberto.

    Over the next three weeks, Barcelona faces two Champions League group games against Inter Milan and a clásico against Real Madrid on Oct. 16.

    ___

    More AP soccer: https://apnews.com/hub/soccer and https://twitter.com/AP_Sports

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