For many, “Last Christmas” is a straightforward (no ironic pun intended) ditty about unrequited love. Its jaunty, uptempo beat belying the misery exuded by the lyrics themselves. However, upon closer study, it feels obvious that the iconic Christmas single (which, at long last, secured its rightful place as the UK’s Christmas number one on the charts) is all about George Michael’s repressed sexuality. And the corresponding fear of being “exposed” that went with it during that period in history.
Michael (a.k.a. the more weight-pulling half of Wham!), however, was not afraid. At least for a brief moment in the summer of 1983, when the video for their single, “Club Tropicana,” was being filmed. Indeed, the recent documentary, Wham!, posits that Michael intended to come out after that revelatory trip to Ibiza (which served as the backdrop for “Club Tropicana”). Because if anyplace is going to make you have a true epiphany about your sexuality, it’s Ibiza. So it was that, one morning, he called his only other bandmate, Andrew Ridgeley, up on his hotel room phone and asked him to come over for a chat. When Andrew got to George’s room, he was also in there with their backing singer, Shirlie Holliman (who dated Ridgeley for a period in the early years of Wham!). Per Ridgeley’s account, George cast a brief glance at Shirlie before saying to Andrew, “Didn’t know how to tell you this, but I’m gay.” Or “at least bisexual.” Ridgeley would state in Wham! that, “For me, his sexuality had absolutely no bearing on…on us. I wanted him to be happy.”
And yet, he didn’t seem to want him to achieve that happiness by actually coming out to his parents—particularly his old school Greek father—about it. So it was that he was “advised” (poorly) by Andrew and Shirlie not to tell Mummy and Daddy. Which meant, of course, not telling anyone. For that would mean his parents would find out through the media. As Michael recalled it, “I said I was gonna talk to my mum and dad and was persuaded in no uncertain terms that it really wasn’t the best idea. I don’t think they were trying to protect my career or their careers. I think they were literally just thinking of my dad.” Andrew confirms, “We felt he just couldn’t tell his dad.”
But that discouragement, even if “well-intentioned,” is what led Michael to go back into the closet and stay in it firmly until the late 90s. Looking back on that morning, Michael noted, “The three of us were so close at the time, but the point being…I’d really, really asked the wrong people.” Yeah. Straight people. He continued, “At that point in time, I really did, I really wanted to come out. And then…I lost my nerve, completely.” With all of this in mind, the barely coded language of “Last Christmas,” released a year after Michael lost his nerve to come out, feels only appropriate. Because even if one does the most to stifle his true identity, the truth always comes out in the subtext. And oh, how “Last Christmas” is filled with it.
Not right away, of course. Michael wants to ease us slowly into the extent of his torment. Starting with the opening verse, “Last Christmas/I gave you my heart/But the very next day, you gave it away/This year, to save me from tears/I’ll give it to someone special.” The threat being that either 1) he’ll actually find a fellow gay man who also wants to stay “undercover” (a word Michael will later use) or 2) he’ll have to settle for a beard in the vein of Felicia Montealegre. Such a woman would probably treat him with far more care and concern anyway. Not like the cad of a homo tease who baited Michael with a kiss under the mistletoe only to rescind all such flirtations once he realized how “overly into it” Michael was. As though this guy decided to adopt his jock voice and say, “No homo, bro. No homo.”
Nonetheless, Michael can’t help but admit, “Now I know what a fool I’ve been/But if you kissed me now, I know you’d fool me again.” Such behavior being precisely the reason why Olivia Rodrigo wrote a song titled “love is embarrassing”—especially when it’s unrequited. Worse still, one of the “most magical times of the year” (according to Hallmark and capitalism) has been forever tainted for Michael. Triggered every season by the memory of being cruelly rebuffed. Evidently, by someone he’s still forced to see at Christmas events, as indicated by the evocative lines, “A crowded room, friends with tired eyes/I’m hiding from you and your soul of ice.” This is why Vicki Miner (Janeane Garofolo) in Reality Bites says, “Sex is the quickest way to ruin a friendship.” Or rather, make it awkward as fuck for the person whose romantic sentiments aren’t returned by the person who would prefer to keep it platonic.
Michael didn’t get the memo in time, bemoaning, “My God, I thought you were someone to rely on/Me? I guess I was a shoulder to cry on.” Whoever this man was, he might have been lamenting over a woman when he turned to Michael to be “consoled” (read: sexually aroused). Describing himself as “a face of a lover with a fire in his heart/A man undercover, but you tore me apart” (how James Dean in Rebel Without A Cause), it’s clear that the repression of Michael’s sexual identity is tearing him up inside as much as the brutal rejection itself.
Where earlier in the song he asserted, “This year, to save me from tears/I’ll give it [his heart, mind you] to someone special,” he becomes less certain by the end. Instead stating, “Maybe next year I’ll give it to someone, I’ll give it to someone special.” Which implies he still didn’t find anyone for this year as a result of continuing to be too wounded from the double blow (no sexual innuendo implied) of his sexuality secret being “given away” and the object of his affection coldly turning his back on him. Therefore, the abrupt throwing in of a line like, “Hold my heart and watch it burn” toward the end of the song.
It’s also telling that the final version of the chorus has Michael saying only, “I’ll give it to someone, I’ll give it to someone.” That absence of the final word, “special,” indicating that he’s become so jaded about love that he decides the person he pursues next doesn’t even have to be special. They can be a goddamn beard for all he cares. What does anything matter now that the man he loved outed and abandoned him?
Genna Rivieccio
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