LOS ANGELES—Announcing their first major theatrically released project, the production company launched by Barack and Michelle Obama greenlit an action film Friday about a badass drone seeking revenge on a Yemeni wedding. “The film follows a retired ex-military drone who just wants to be left alone, until Uncle Sam comes knocking to call it in for one last mission to take out the Yemeni wedding that wronged the drone in the past,” said former President Barack Obama, describing how excited he felt from the moment he read the “kick-ass” script, noting that he had never seen anything so hardcore. “The drone takes no prisoners, eviscerating every civilian wedding in its path to get to the Yemeni bride, groom, and wedding party that had killed its drone wife back in the day. The movie is just a bunch of fun; audiences are going to go crazy for the rooftop chase scene in which the drone pursues a 7-year-old flower girl and vaporizes her at the last second. It’s incredible to be producing a film that is so bombastic and crazy, but still reveals a truth about life.” At press time, Obama revealed that Bradley Cooper would be voicing the drone.
Tag: Geography of Asia
-
Qatar World Cup Games To Cut Off Human Sales After 75th Minute
DOHA, QATAR—Unveiling several policies for the upcoming international soccer tournament, the nation of Qatar announced Sunday that its World Cup stadiums would cut off human sales after the 75th minute of each soccer match. “We want fans to enjoy themselves, but we also want to provide a safe environment, so get your human purchases in early,” said Qatar’s World Cup ambassador, Khalid Salman, ending speculation over whether the host country might completely ban the sale of human beings at its eight tournament stadiums. “We’re pleased to offer a wide selection of people—we’ve got Indians, Nepalese, Bangladeshis, and many more to choose from. We simply ask that you plan ahead so that, after the game, we can ensure spectators are able to exit the stadium in an orderly fashion and get home safely with their purchases. We’re also limiting sales to two humans per purchase, but don’t worry—you can come back as many times as you like. Whether you’re buying your person for forced labor or prostitution, we just ask that you do it in moderation.” Qatari officials added that there would also be a strict no-tolerance policy against fans bringing their own slaves into the game.
