Tag: Funny marriage stories

I was recently chosen to give a toast at my best friend’s wedding. Since she’s all for fun and games, her instructions were clear: “No crying; only funny wedding toasts at my wedding!” I did my research. And here I am, putting it to good use.

Did you know that the tradition of wedding toasts dates back to ancient Rome when the practice of clinking glasses together was thought to ward off evil spirits? Over time, toasts evolved to include good wishes for the couple’s happiness and fertility. Today, they’ve become an elaborate affair.

Though brides or grooms giving toasts is not unusual, the overworked couple usually decides on someone cherished to deliver funny toasts on their big day. Have you, too, been chosen like I was? Let me end your search for funny wedding toast ideas with my all-rounder list made specifically for you. There are tips for writing the perfect toast in the end as well!

Funny Wedding Toast One-Liners

So, who can give a toast at a wedding party? It could be the couple’s closest family members or, specifically, the father or mother of the bride/groom. It’s common for best friends, the maid of honor, or the best man to do the honors as well.

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Anyone who’s seen Hollywood movies knows that using a hilarious one-liner for opening the toast is popular in a lot of funny wedding speeches that maid of honor or the best man give. To give you and your loved ones that perfect Hollywood scene, I scoured the depths of the internet to bring you the best wedding toast one-liners that will have everyone roaring with laughter:

1. “A good friend just told me that the key to a successful marriage was to argue naked.” — LeAnn Rimes

2. “True love does not come from finding the perfect person. So, luckily for you both…”

3. “If you’re wrong and you shut up, you’re wise. If you’re right and you shut up, you’re married.”

4. “If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way your wife told you.”

5. “To the bride. May she share everything with her husband, especially the housework!”

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6. “I drink to your health when I’m with you, I drink to your health when I’m alone, I drink to your health so often, I’m starting to worry about my own!”

7. “A good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal.”

8. “Marriage is not just spiritual relationship of two souls. It is also remembering to take out the trash.”

9. “All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”

10. “I have one final piece of advice for you two lovebirds: Never stop laughing with each other, even though you both can’t crack a single joke properly.”

Funny Wedding Toast Closing Lines

Funny wedding toasts can lift the atmosphere of the wedding to an all time-high. You can include inspirations from funny Irish wedding toasts or even go for a dirty wedding toast in the right setting. Let’s take a look at how a happy marriage has been famously described by a few, and other funny anecdotes that make for great closing lines:

11. A Reddit user shares their successful funny wedding toast: “I got up to do a best man speech and I made everyone stand to make a quick toast ‘to some really important people whom I’m sure you will all meet throughout the evening. Without them none of this would be possible.’ Then I toasted the bartenders. The place went crazy and it set a great tone for the rest of the wedding speech.”

12. “As Dr Seuss once said: We are all a little weird, and life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness and call it love. So. Good luck, you weirdos!”

13. Awesome wedding toasts examples can be appropriately rude to the couple as well, like: “My dear friends, they’re the best friends. They are loyal, trustworthy, and able. But now it’s time for what we truly came here for: Drinks! So lift all of your glasses off the table!”

14. “So finally, a toast to the happy couple. Thank you for buying us all dinner today, so kind of you.”

15. “Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” — George Burns

16. “For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end.” — Catherine Zeta-Jones

17. “A successful marriage is all about finding that one special person to wake up to for the rest of your life. And if they snooze their alarm, well, you can always nudge them gently … with a brick.”

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18. “To keep your marriage brimming with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.” — Ogden Nash

19. “The secret to a happy marriage remains a secret.” — Henny Youngman

20. “May your love be as strong as your coffee and as forgiving as the elastic on your Thanksgiving PJs!” — An inspirational wedding wish indeed

Hilarious Marriage Advice As Wedding Toasts

Deciding on funny wedding toasts or serious ones can be difficult. Nowadays, many couples decide to go with light-hearted wedding toasts for their big day. Some do mix in touching sentiments with short and funny toasts to keep the atmosphere light for the ceremony. These nuggets of advice are sure to add laughter and levity to the wedding celebration. Just be sure to know your audience and keep the humor in good taste. Here are 11 funny wedding toast examples of how to leave the couple with some ‘good’ advice:

21. “Before getting married to a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” — Will Ferrell

22. “Marriage is like a deck of cards. At the start, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you’re looking for a club and a spade.”

23. “Marriage is all about finding that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Cheers to a lifetime of joyful irritation!”

24. Are you the kind of maid of honor or best man who’s into corny but sweet one-liners? Here’s what a Reddit user says, “It’s been an emotional day … even the cake is in tiers.”

25. “To a happy marriage: May you never have to compromise … unless it’s the thermostat.”

Related Reading: What Is The Recipe For A Happy Marriage?

26. “The best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly who you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass. That’s the kind of person that’s worth sticking with.” — Mac MacGuff in the movie Juno

27. “In marriage, if you want to be happy, be sure you’re right. If you want to be even happier, be wrong!”

28. “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times – always with the same person.” — Mignon McLaughlin

29. “Don’t go to bed mad. Stay up and plot your revenge.” — Now that’s some funny marriage advice.

30. A user on Reddit recalls one of the most awesome wedding toast examples, “I was best man at my friend’s wedding. When it came time for my speech I pulled a paper out of my pocket and began reading about what a wonderful husband he was going to be, how he was loyal, handsome, kind, how he was loved by everyone, etc. Then, I squinted at the paper, stumbled a little over the words – turned to him, handed him the paper and announced, ‘I can’t read your handwriting.’ Brought the house down.”

31. “Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how stupid [their] problems sound to you.” — Megan Mullally

32. “Before we raise a glass to the newlyweds, I’d like to share a Pauline Thomason quote with you: ‘Love is blind — Marriage is the eye opener.’ To the happy couple!”

Wedding Toast Quotes That Will Leave Everyone In Splits

We saved the best for the last so if the ideas above didn’t make the cut, you’ll definitely add a few words to your shortlist from the ones below:

33. “Remember, love is grand, but divorce is at least 10 grand.”

Related Reading: Money And Marriage – Tips For A Financially Successful Marriage

34. “The most important four words for a successful marriage somehow end up being: ‘I’ll do the dishes.’”

35. A Reddit user remembers her hilarious wedding toast, “My husband gave all the groomsmen leathermans for a groomsman gift. So one of the groomsmen gets up for his wedding speech saying how my husband was very much like this leatherman, useful, helpful, handy in many situations, dependable, and (unfolds leatherman) ‘9 1/2 inches fully extended.’ The whole place erupted.”

36. In another post, a user on Reddit recalls an incident on his own wedding day involving the best man and how he saved the day: “My best man managed to forget our rings in the car before the ceremony. It was cool. He managed to wrangle two rings so we could play it off during the ceremony and we had a good laugh about it and, during the reception, told a lot of people what had happened.

“When it came time for his best man speech, he went to the center of the room, cleared his throat, started patting at his coat pockets, and then announced that he had left his speech in the car.”

37. Short funny wedding toasts can look like this: “Marry someone your own age because as your beauty fades, so will their eyesight.”

38. “[Insert bride/groom name] was incomplete before they got married. Now that they’re finally married, they’re finished.”

39. “You know you’re killing it at the whole marriage malarkey when you ask your partner to pass you ‘the thingamajig’ and they know exactly what you mean.”

40. “Marriage is the point at which two people become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.”

41. “May your children treat life like they are blessed with rich parents!”

Tips For Writing And Delivering Funny Wedding Toasts

To craft a memorable wedding toast, start with a warm greeting, personalize your message with anecdotes about the happy couple, and balance humor and heartfelt sentiments. Keep it positive, avoid controversial topics, and offer wishes for their future. Practice and timing are crucial, and it’s wise to be mindful of your audience’s preferences. Speaking from the heart is key to delivering a meaningful and enjoyable toast. Here are 5 tips for a smashing wedding toast:

1. Always keep the audience in mind

If you’re doing wedding speeches for best friend or sibling, you need to take it as a personal project. Understanding your audience is important to the success of a toast. Some things may not be suitable for a wedding gathering with conservative elders. The dirty wedding toasts you may have come up with – you’ll need to use them on a different occasion. So, tailor your toast to your audience, and when uncertain, it’s best to exercise caution.

2. Be respectful of the couple

Have an open communication with the to-be-married pair while you’re preparing the speech. Here are a few reasons why:

• Generally, toasts don’t need to get ‘approved’ before the wedding, but it’s always better to confirm beforehand
• Ask them if they’d want you to add or remove something from your wedding toast
• Avoid embarrassing your hosts on their very special day in front of all their loved ones
• For example, don’t talk about their exes or their couple conflicts or vulnerable childhood moments

Related Reading: Understanding, Identifying And Handling Marital Conflict

3. Remember to thank the couple for the opportunity

Funny wedding speeches by a maid of honor, one of the bridesmaids, or the best man always include paying respects to the members of the gathering — So, open with a general greeting. Also, remember to thank the happy couple for putting their trust in you to be an integral part of their wedding ceremony. As the best man, remember that clean jokes guarantee belly laughs. Also, mind the drinks at the free bar before your speech. Drunk people are sure to find you funny … *wink wink*

4. Keep it short but engaging

Include a lesser-known story about the happy couple (it could be something you all did together), and tie it up with a moving angle. Include humor to keep the audience engaged, but also express genuine care and emotions, such as love, wishes, and happiness for the couple. A good mix of both creates well-rounded funny wedding toasts.

5. Practice makes perfect

Rehearse your toast to ensure it flows smoothly. Here are a few things to keep in mind:

• Your toast should be within a reasonable time frame
• Keep it concise and to the point. Long, rambling toasts can lose the audience’s interest
• Don’t pressure yourself into creating an unforgettable speech
• It’s okay if the final words that you utter are different from the ones you wrote on paper

Having to prepare the perfectly sincere and short funny wedding toast can make you a bit nervous. We hope our collection of tidbits from funny Irish wedding toasts to celebrity one-liners help you write your own speech. Be sure to toast the newlyweds a happy marriage and a new beginning with respect, humor, and a dash of whiskey.

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