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Tag: feelings

  • WTF Fun Fact 13719 – Managing Anger with Writing

    WTF Fun Fact 13719 – Managing Anger with Writing

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    Effectively managing anger is vital in all areas of life. Recent studies by Nagoya University reveal that writing down feelings of anger and then discarding the paper can greatly reduce, if not eliminate, these emotions. This method proves simple yet powerful for those seeking immediate relief from anger.

    Write It Down, Throw It Away

    Researchers at Nagoya University have developed a technique that helps individuals manage their anger by writing down their thoughts and disposing of them. Participants in the study wrote about issues that incited criticism from evaluators. They then noted their feelings on these harsh critiques. Following this, they were instructed to either throw these notes away or keep them. Those who discarded their notes saw their anger dissipate almost entirely. This act of throwing away the paper serves as a symbolic release of negative emotions.

    This discovery has practical implications for daily life and stressful situations, particularly in business environments. Imagine you are in a tense meeting or receive frustrating news; simply write down your initial reactions on a piece of paper. Once you throw this paper away, you might feel a significant decrease in anger.

    This technique allows for quick and effective anger management, helping maintain clarity and productivity in professional settings.

    Cultural Insights and the Science of Managing Anger

    The study also connects with traditional Japanese practices like the hakidashisara, where people write down their grievances on plates and then smash them. This ritual, much like the technique studied, involves physically discarding the source of one’s upset, fostering a sense of emotional release and relief. The research from Nagoya University provides a scientific foundation for these cultural practices, showing that such physical acts can help manage and reduce feelings of anger.

    This simple yet effective method of managing anger can be a valuable tool for anyone. It encourages a healthier emotional response and could potentially reshape how we handle anger in both personal and professional contexts. As we further understand the relationship between physical actions and emotional relief, techniques like these could become more integrated into our strategies for managing daily stress and conflicts.

     WTF fun facts

    Source: “After being insulted, writing down your feelings on paper then getting rid of it reduces anger” — ScienceDaily

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  • 6 Aspects Of A Balanced Person: A Complete Picture of Well-Being

    6 Aspects Of A Balanced Person: A Complete Picture of Well-Being

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    What are the six aspects of a balanced person? Physical, mental, emotional, social, work/financial, and meaning/spiritual. Learn more about each one and how to improve it!


    In life, there isn’t one single area that we need to focus on that is going to magically fix all of our problems.

    Instead there are multiple dimensions behind every “good life.” Each dimension requires our attention and each contributes to our overall happiness and well-being.

    Here are six aspects of life that come together to create a “balanced person.” By being more aware of these different dimensions in life, we can determine which areas we need to focus on more and work to improve.

    The different aspects of a balanced person include: 1) Physical, 2) Mental, 3) Emotional, 4) Social, 5) Work/Financial and 6) Meaning/Spiritual.

    If we focus too much on any one area, then we risk neglecting another one. For example, if you become solely focused on just work and money, you may end up spending less time taking care of your physical and mental health, or less quality time with family and friends.

    This is a common trap people fall into. They focus all of their energy and effort into one area in life while completely ignoring another. Often they need to reconfigure their core values and priorities before making a meaningful change.

    This is why practicing balance in all things is so important.

    Each of these areas is one piece of a much larger puzzle, and only when you have all of these areas working together harmoniously can you finally build a complete life that serves all of your needs.

    Here’s a detailed breakdown of each aspect of a “balanced person,” along with tips, tools, and practical advice on how you can start improving each one.

    While reading ask yourself, “Which aspect do I need to focus on the most right now? What’s one small change I can make to improve that area?”

    Now let’s dive in…

    1. PHYSICAL WELL-BEING

    health

    The “physical” aspect of life is all about taking care of our health, especially exercise, diet, and sleep.

    This includes what types of foods and drinks we consume on a daily basis, how often we exercise and keep our bodies moving, personal hygiene and cleanliness, as well as minimizing alcohol, smoking, and other harmful habits to our physical health.

    Our body is one of the most precious gifts we have – and without it we can’t exist. If we don’t stay healthy, we often can’t fully enjoy all the other aspects of life such as family, work, traveling, or leisure.

    Our health can often have a spillover effect into all the other aspects of our lives – for that reason, taking care of our physical health is often an essential first step on any road to self-improvement.

    No matter what the current state of our health is, it’s never too late to start changing our habits, even if it’s something small like stretching in the morning, taking daily walks outside, or starting an active hobby like Yoga, marathon running, or playing sports.

    A healthy body is a healthy mind. When we take better care of our bodies, we also feel more confident, motivated, and energized overall. That’s the beginning of bringing out your best self.


    Things to do:

    • Identify small ways to be more physically active. Often our days are filled with opportunities to be more active, we just need to take advantage of them. Try to cultivate an “everything counts” mindset when it comes to exercise, even if it just means taking a walk around the block, or stretching in the morning, or doing push-ups before lunch. Any physical activity is better than none at all – so seek out small and convenient ways to keep your body moving throughout the day. If you find yourself sitting for long periods of time, get up and do chores, take a walk around the office, or make a phone call while standing up. A sedentary lifestyle is one of the biggest risk factors when it comes to poor health, so finding any reason to stand up more is better than sitting.
    • Find exercise that “clicks” with you and your personality. Different things work for different people. Some people need to commit themselves to a gym membership to get themselves off the couch, while others prefer to work out in the comfort of their own homes. Your personality shapes what exercise you like, so it’s important you find activities that resonate and “click” with you, rather than trying to force yourself to do something you really don’t enjoy. All you need is that one hobby to take your fitness to the next level, whether it be finding an enjoyable sport (like Tennis, or Baseball, or Basketball), or even exercising through video games (such as Wii Fit or Dance Dance Revolution). Try to think of physical activities you enjoyed as a kid, that can often be a good place to rekindle motivation.
    • Keep a healthy and consistent sleep schedule. Sleep is one of the most important habits when it comes to your overall physical and mental health. Research shows that those who don’t get sufficient sleep (between 6-10 hours every night) often suffer worse health outcomes like a weaker immune system, higher risk of obesity, lower energy and stamina, and more stress and anxiety. If your sleep habits aren’t healthy or consistent, it will likely have a negative “ripple effect” on almost every other aspect of your day. When you’re tired and fatigued, you’re more likely to make mistakes at work or argue with your spouse. It’s important not only to get between 6-10 hours of sleep each night, but also to maintain a consistent schedule. If you don’t sleep much on the weekends, it’s difficult to “catch up” on those lost hours throughout the week. Try to go to bed and wake up around the same time each day if possible. Here are more important lessons behind a good night’s sleep, including recognizing that some people are natural “early birds” or “night owls,” and that’s something you need to recognize and work with.
    • Pay attention to your food and diet. There are many different diets out there to choose from – and people can have long debates about which one is better – but the most important thing is to not eat too much, especially junk food, fast food, soda, sweets, and lots of processed food. Use your commonsense. Experiment with different diet changes and see what works best for you. Different diets work better for different people – so there’s no “one size fits all” solution to what exactly you should eat or not eat. One simple diet change is to substitute all your soda/juice/sugary drinks with water instead. Drinking plenty of water is never a bad place to start – most people don’t recognize how dehydrated they can be throughout the day and how it effects them. If you’re trying to lose weight, one popular option you can consider is intermittent fasting where you allow yourself to eat for an 8 hour window each day and fast for the remaining 16 hours. You can also try the “One Meal A Day” approach, where you restrict yourself to just one big meal (with minimal snacking). In general, pay attention to how your body responds to the things you eat: What foods leave you tired and feeling like crap? What foods make you energized and feeling good?
    • Take care of personal hygiene and cleanliness. Proper hygiene is another important aspect of physical health. While it can seem like commonsense, basic habits like taking a shower, brushing your teeth, getting a haircut, trimming your nails, and washing your face are are all important things not to neglect. Not only does cleanliness prevent you from catching germs and getting sick, you also feel better about yourself when you present yourself in the best way possible (and smell good). Often we are surprised by how much better we feel after a fresh new haircut, or clean new clothes, or new cologne/perfume. When mental health is low, we sometimes neglect these basic habits out of laziness or apathy, which is why they are a crucial first step in self-improvement if we aren’t paying enough attention to them.
    • Minimize your bad habits. No one is 100% perfect and we all have a couple bad habits, whether it be eating too many sweets, or drinking alcohol, or staying up late, or smoking cigarettes. In general, it’s important to quit (or minimize) our unhealthy habits as much as possible. “Choose your crutches wisely.” Keep in mind the long-term consequences of your habits – while it may not feel like they are hurting you right now, their effects can often catch up to you in the future. When trying to quit any bad habit, identify your triggers and work from there to change to change your patterns. Often by creating more boundaries between you and your bad habits, you can overcome your urge to do them (until it’s no longer an automatic habit anymore). If you find that you have a serious problem with addiction or drug abuse, consider professional help (such as a therapist, psychologist, or counselor) – there are often local resources available in your area if you do a quick search.

    Please don’t underestimate the importance of keeping your body in the best shape possible. As Socrates famously said, “No man has the right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training. It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.”

    Physical health is about much more than just looking and feeling good about yourself – it’s about living a life of vitality and longevity. You can have everything else in your life figured out, but if you don’t maintain your health you won’t be around very long to use or enjoy it.

    2. MENTAL WELL-BEING

    mental

    If you don’t take care of your body then it will slowly deteriorate – and the same is true for your mind.

    Just because you don’t have to go to school anymore doesn’t mean you can’t keep learning new things, keeping your brain sharp, and challenging your intellect.

    Reading books. Learning about new topics. Having deep conversations. Attending lectures and workshops. Following the news. These are all commonsense ways to keep our minds active and continue to update our knowledge and belief system as we move through life.

    Learning is a lifelong endeavor. Balanced people are always seeking new things to dig into and learn more about like a new hobby, new game, or new skill such as painting, chess, learning a new language, or playing a musical instrument.

    In addition, research shows that continuing to challenge our brain is an important way to prevent cognitive decline as we get older, including lower the risk of dementia and memory loss.


    Things to do:

    • Read more books. Reading is one of the best ways to keep your mind sharp and learn new things. Nonfiction books about science, history, philosophy, or self help can grow your knowledge and broaden your perspective on life; and reading fiction has been shown to have many cognitive benefits such as boosting empathy, creative thinking, and expanding your vocabulary. If you haven’t read a book in awhile, try to make it a goal to read at least one book this year. You can start with a book you already own but never got a chance to read, or ask a friend for a book recommendation, or get a card from your local library and explore countless books for free. Find a topic or subject that interests you and start there!
    • Learn a new skill. Learning multiple skills is a hallmark of being a balanced and well-rounded person. It’s never too late in life to dive into something completely new, such as playing a musical instrument, learning a new language, writing poetry, painting, or playing chess. A jack of all trades mindset can make you stand-out from others in unique ways. Many people have a talent or passion for at least one thing, but when you start combining talents and cultivating multiple interests it shows your range and flexibility as a person. Don’t limit yourself. There’s no pressure to become a “professional” or “expert” in everything you do, just stay on a learning path, have fun while doing it, and enjoy seeing the growth as you go.
    • Watch documentaries. Documentaries are a fun and easy way to explore new topics and learn about interesting things you otherwise wouldn’t experience. Depending on what you like, there are many different subjects to choose from: history, sports, biographies, science, inspirational stories, or nature documentaries (which have also been shown to boost positive emotions like joy, gratitude, and awe). I’ve made a lengthy list of recommended documentaries which I try to keep updated as I discover new ones. Check it out and choose one that catches your eye!
    • Monitor your information diet. Our current world is overloaded with information, including a lot that is wrong, misleading, or straight up lies and propaganda. Now more than ever we need to pay close attention to the information we consume on a daily basis. Try to find trustworthy news and educational sites where you can easily verify what they are saying from other sources. Beware of going down esoteric “rabbit holes” where people only confirm their own biases and beliefs. Actively seek out information from multiple sides so you’re at least aware of different perspectives and counter-arguments. The information pyramid is a great guide on how you should prioritize certain sources over others. In general, a peer-reviewed scientific study should be given more weight than some random influencer on social media. Keep in mind it’s also possible to consume too much and become an information junkie, where you’re addicted to learning new things, but you never act on it or put it into practice.
    • Spend time in active reflection. Give yourself time to think and digest, even if it’s just for 10 minutes while sitting with your first cup of coffee in the morning. You don’t always need to be filling your brain with facts to be a smarter person, you also need to know how to step back and contemplate what you know. Active and engaged minds are always taking advantage of opportunities for everyday reflection when sitting on the bus, taking a shower, or walking the dog. Often your best ideas and insights come in moments when you’re not trying to solve a problem directly but just mulling it over in your mind. Schedule time for solitude every now and then and don’t be afraid to sit alone with your thoughts.
    • Learn how your mind works. One essential component to being a more intelligent thinker is knowing how your mind works. We naturally believe we understand ourselves best, but psychology and neuroscience can sometimes reveal counter-intuitive facts and tendencies. To start, our minds are very susceptible to cognitive biases and logical fallacies that can muddy our thinking and understanding of reality. One of the most common errors is black and white thinking, where we believe a situation needs to be either “A” or “B,” but a third perspective, “C,” is the more accurate view. Our minds like to over-simplify things when reality can often be more nuanced and complex. Show intellectual humility. Be open to being wrong and be open to changing your mind in the face of new evidence and experience.

    Take your education seriously. Maintain a healthy and active brain. Even if you were never a good student in school, that doesn’t mean you can’t improve your knowledge and intelligence, especially once you find subjects you are deeply passionate about. Benjamin Franklin once said, “An investment in knowledge pays the best interest.”

    3. EMOTIONAL WELL-BEING

    emotional

    In the “Mental” section we covered how to keep our brains active and be more intelligent thinkers, but there’s also a whole other side of our psychology that we need to pay attention to as well: our “Emotional” side.

    Emotions can often seem like something that we have limited power over, but being a more emotionally intelligent person means becoming more self-aware and learning how to better respond to our emotions in the moment.

    We can’t ignore our emotions or push them aside forever, they are a necessary facet of life and we must learn to navigate our emotional world effectively if we want to live the best life possible.

    Remember that emotions are a resource, not a crutch. Every emotion serves a function or purpose, and if we channel our emotions in a constructive direction we can make great things happen.

    One important lesson is that even negative emotions like sadness, anger, guilt, or fear are helpful to a better life if we approach them from the right perspective.


    Things to do:

    • Learn the basics of emotional intelligence. There are 4 fundamental pillars of emotional intelligence that we need to cultivate: 1) Self-awareness (recognizing our emotions when they happen), 2) Self-regulation (knowing how to respond to our emotions and channel them in a positive direction, 3) Empathy (being aware of other people’s emotions and internal states), and 4) Social Skills (knowing how to respond to other people’s emotions in a healthy and constructive way). Certain people may be strong at some of these and not for others. For example, someone may be really empathetic and caring, but not know how to regulate their own mood and emotions, leading to burnout and emotional fatigue. An emotionally intelligent person must work on all four of these pillars.
    • Improve body awareness. All emotions have a physical component to them. When you learn how to identify the physical sensations behind each emotion, you’ll be much more attuned to your feelings in the moment as you’re experiencing them. This helps you to be more aware of your feelings before acting on them, and to recognize how emotions often want to push or pull you in a certain direction (“do this” vs. “don’t do that”). Every feeling serves a different function depending on its emotional valence (“positive” vs. “negative”) and arousal level (“high energy” vs. “low energy”). With practice, this improved body awareness can also boost your intuition, making you a better reader of your “gut feelings” and what they are telling you.
    • Learn to channel negative emotions. Negative emotions can serve a positive function if you know how to respond to them in a constructive way. If you struggle with any specific negative emotion (sadness, fear, guilt, or anger), then create a plan for how you will respond to it the next time it arises. For example, “If I’m angry, then I’ll go exercise,” or “If I’m sad, then I’ll write in my journal.” Emotions are energy that can be channeled in multiple directions. Write a list of the many ways you can respond to any negative emotion. Remind yourself you have a choice, and you don’t have to keep following the same pattern between negative emotion → negative behavior. One popular technique is opposite action, where you intentionally do the opposite of what a feeling is telling you to do (to reverse the cycle of negativity).
    • Practice meditation and daily mindfulness. Meditation is a great avenue for better understanding and regulating your emotions. It teaches you how to step back and just observe your thoughts and feelings without needing to immediately react to them. This space between “feelings” and “actions” is crucial for being a more emotionally intelligent person; it’s the main principle behind discipline, willpower, and self-control. Never forget that just because you feel a certain way doesn’t mean you need to act on it. If you’re completely new to meditation, start with the 100 breaths meditation – a simple exercise where you just focus on your breathing. It’s also helpful to learn grounding techniques for when you feel overwhelmed, such as mindful stretching or a 5 senses meditation.
    • Embrace creative expression. It’s difficult to describe many emotions with only words so it’s important to embrace other ways of expressing yourself, such as through music, photography, dance, painting, drawing, acting, or film. Often when I meet people who don’t feel fully connected to their emotional self, they usually lack ways of expressing themselves through art and creativity. A creative outlet is often a prerequisite to better understanding and navigating your emotional world, even if you don’t typically think of yourself as a “creative person.”
    • Savor all of your positive experiences. Life is filled with many joys and pleasures throughout the day and we should try to savor them as much as possible. We have many positive emotions to choose from – joy, gratitude, peace, awe, excitement, laughter, and wonder – and there are a variety of activities that can lead to more positive emodiversity in our lives. Don’t just chase after the same positive experiences over and over again, seek new experiences, new hobbies, and new ways of enjoying life. Learn how to savor happiness as much as possible by being more present in the moment, creating positive memories, and reminiscing on good times.
    • Relax and manage daily stress. Last but not least, it’s necessary we cover stress management as an essential component to mental health and emotional intelligence. Stress is a normal part of everyday life, but if you don’t know how to manage it in a healthy way it can often have a negative influence on your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors by making you more sensitive, irritable, angry, and bothered (even by little things that don’t really matter). Recognize when to push yourself vs. when to step back and recharge. In the complete guide on daily stress, you’ll find a great framework for reframing your “fight, flight, or freeze” response by viewing stress as a signal to pay attention to and guide you throughout the day. Don’t underestimate the importance of your comfort zone and use it as a place to recharge after a challenging or overwhelming day.

    Emotions can “make us” or “break us” depending on how emotionally intelligent we are. They are a fundamental part of life, but we often have more power over them than we realize. Learn how to channel your emotions in a healthy and constructive way – become a master of them, not a slave to them.

    4. SOCIAL WELL-BEING

    social

    Healthy and positive relationships are an essential ingredient to happiness and well-being.

    No matter who you are, you crave some type of social connection; even the most introverted person on the planet will have a tough time finding happiness all by themselves.

    There used to be a time when I believed “I don’t need people to be happy, all I need is myself.” But over the years I’ve learned more and more that having social support and a sense of belonging is a basic human need that can’t be avoided.

    How strong is your current social circle? Here’s advice to get you started.


    Things to do:

    • Stay connected with friends and family. You should try your best to stay in touch with people who you already have a strong relationship with, especially family and old friends. There’s a simple power in checking in on people and preserving social connections you’ve already established. It doesn’t take much time or effort to show you’re thinking about someone: a simple text, email, or phone call is all you need to let people know you still care and value your relationship with them. You’d be surprised by how much other people appreciate you reaching out to them, even if you haven’t spoken to them in a really long time.
    • Embrace small social interactions. Every time you leave your home, there is opportunity for social interaction. To build your social muscles, embrace the power of 10 second relationships, such as saying “Hi,” to a neighbor or coworker, small talk with a cashier or cab driver, or sparking up a quick conversation while waiting for the train or bus. Research shows even super tiny social interactions can boost positive emotions and feelings of social connectedness. This can also be a great exercise for people who are very introverted (or have a lot of social anxiety) and want to start being a more social person. Make a plan to have a pleasant interaction with at least one new person every day.
    • Learn how to have endless conversations. One big concern for people when it comes to meeting new people is, “What do I say? What if I run out of things to talk about?” One popular technique known as conversation threading provides an excellent framework so that you never run out of topics to talk about. The basic idea is that every sentence contains multiple “threads” we can go down, and often the art of good conversation is being able to 1) Listen to what people say, and 2) Choose a thread to talk more about. Rinse and repeat and a conversation can go on forever. Also consider improvisation exercises so that you can be a faster and more creative thinker in the moment.
    • Improve communication and conflict resolution. It’s a cliché, but communication is everything in relationships. If you don’t know how to express your thoughts and feelings in an honest and constructive way, you’ll have trouble building genuine and healthy connections with others at home, work, or wherever you need to cooperate and work together with people. In romantic relationships, it’s important to know how to communicate your feelings without manipulating or being dramatic. In family and work environments, it’s important to know how to defuse heated arguments before they spiral out of control. The truth is people can be difficult and you’re not going to like everyone’s company. That’s natural. Conflicts have the potential to arise in any social situation, because people have different beliefs, values, and personalities that may be incompatible with each other. What’s most important is to teach yourself the best methods for conflict resolution so you can better navigate the complexities of your social world.
    • Find opportunities to meet new people. Most people make friends through work or school. Once we get older, it can become more difficult to find new connections or become a part of new social circles. Recent research shows that most adults claim to have “less than 5 close friends.” If you’re looking to expand your circle, there are many opportunities available to you. Depending on your likes, hobbies, and interests, consider going out more to music shows, bars, coffee shops, workshops, church/religious services, bowling leagues, adult education classes, sports events, or book clubs. Seek out local groups in your area or volunteer somewhere. You can also take advantage of websites like Meet Up to connect with like-minded people who live close-by. All it takes is one new friend to introduce you to an entirely new social circle. Be patient and don’t worry if you don’t initially hit it off with the first couple people you meet. Finding the right relationships that fit into our lives can take time.
    • Use social media and the internet to connect. The internet can be a great place to connect with like-minded people who we’d never meet in the real world. Online communities on social media, message boards, or video games can often provide a valuable source of social interaction, especially for people who don’t have many “real life” friends. The internet can be particularly helpful for connecting with others who have rare or eccentric hobbies, such as fans of a specific author, athlete, music genre, or comic book franchise. Unfortunately, many online communities can also become negative, competitive, and toxic (see the online disinhibition effect), so it’s necessary you build a positive digital environment that works for you. That doesn’t mean hiding in your own “echo chamber,” but it does mean cultivating a feed and followers who ultimately add value to your life and don’t subtract it. First focus on topics you’re naturally interested in such as science, technology, sports, or movies. Try not to be a passive consumer of information, actively enter conversations by asking questions or sharing knowledge with others. Often times we can build meaningful connections with people online that are just as important as those we find in the real world. However, while online relationships can have many benefits, we shouldn’t see them as a substitute for real world “face to face” interactions.

    Always remember that quality of relationships > quantity of relationships.

    You don’t need to be super popular or the life of the party to have a healthy social life. All you need is a couple really close friends who support you, trust you, and enjoy your presence. That’s everything you need to be socially satisfied.

    Healthy relationships are a fundamental aspect of happiness and well-being for everyone. Our need to belong to a “tribe” or group is hardwired into our brain, biology, and evolution. Like every other aspect of a balanced person, it can’t be ignored.

    Are your daily social needs being fulfilled?

    5. WORK / FINANCIAL WELL-BEING

    work

    Another fundamental aspect of a balanced person is work, money, and material concerns.

    At the most basic level, we depend on food, clothing, shelter, healthcare, and other necessities so we can live a healthy and dignified life.

    People that struggle to make a living can often hurt in many other areas: physical health (can’t afford good foods, healthcare, or medicine), relationships (can’t support family, no money for dating), as well as our mental and emotional well-being (stress, anxiety, and low self-esteem).

    Unless you win the lottery or have someone else to provide for you, finding a steady job or career is often one of the most focused on areas in life. From childhood up until we finish high school or college, we are constantly asked, “What do you want to do for a living?”

    A few people find jobs they love, many find jobs they like, and most find jobs they can at least tolerate. Balancing psychological needs with financial needs can be a difficult task depending on your current situation.

    While we don’t always get a choice in what we do for a living, there are important ways to give ourselves more power over our work life and financial life. Here are important guidelines to keep in mind.


    Things to do:

    • Focus on your strengths. Everyone has a place in this world where they add value. Before you decide what type of work you’d like to do for a living, it’s important to know what your natural strengths, skills, and talents are. If you’re friendly and good with people, you may excel at managing, customer service, or human resources type jobs. If you’re more introverted and creative, you may want to focus on writing, graphic design, computer programming, or freelance work. What type of activities are you typically good at (or at least above average)? What were your best subjects in school? What do you enjoy doing and why? Complete the strengths worksheet to discover more about your natural skillset. Ultimately, knowing your strengths will influence what types of jobs or career choices will suit you best – including where you contribute the most value.
    • Value education and experience. No matter what your job is, there are always new ways to learn and improve. The best workers in life are those who are always growing and mastering their craft. College is still an important part of education, but what’s even more important is to stay self-motivated and continue learning after school. Many people I know have landed successful jobs that had virtually nothing to do with what they studied in college. In several cases, they were people who taught themselves coding/programming, built a portfolio to show their work to potential employers, and climbed their way up the company ladder from there. All self-taught. You can also consider going to trade schools, workshops, mentorships, internships, and other forms of gaining knowledge and experience that are outside of the traditional college model. Any work experience is better than none at all – you just need to start somewhere and begin building yourself up.
    • Make the most of your job. While it’s rare for any of us to get our “dream job,” we can always make the most of our work life by being a good employee and doing our best. Use nudges to keep yourself motivated and productive throughout the day, learn mental strategies for getting things done that you normally “don’t like” doing, and make friends at work with bosses, coworkers, clients, or customers, because those are the people you’re going to be spending a lot of time with and it’s crucial you have healthy and functioning relationships with them. No matter what your job is try to see the underlying purpose or meaning behind it. What value does it add to the world? Are you proud of the work you do?
    • Live within your means. Regardless of how much money you make, one of the most commonsense rules for financial well-being is living within your means. This includes keeping a budget that you can maintain (for food, rent/mortgage, bills, gas, clothes, and leisure expenses), and not buying too much stuff you can’t immediately afford. Debt can be common at some point in our lives (due to student loans, credit card debt, medical emergencies, etc.), but try to be mindful to not put yourself in a hole that you can’t climb out of. Avoid luxury expenses that put you at financial risk. We sometimes over-extend ourselves due to social comparison and a “keeping up with the Joneses” mentality. We think if our friend or neighbor gets a brand new car or goes on an expensive trip, then we need to “one-up” them with a similar purchase. Many times people fall into massive debt because they are trying to chase status, fame, luxury, or exorbitant pleasures. In general, keep track of all your monthly expenses and find ways to cut back on spending that isn’t necessary. Learn about spending biases that can lead to overconsumption (like the allure of “FREE!,” the “Relativity Trap,” and “One Click” purchases). Big corporations are masters of psychology and persuasion. If we aren’t vigilant about our spending habits (especially if you enjoy retail therapy), then we’ll often fall for tricks that cause us to spend more money than we should.
    • Create a healthy relationship with material things. This article is about being a balanced person. Work and money are very important aspects of life, but materialistic beliefs can also backfire to hurt us. No one lays down on their deathbed wishing they spent more time in the office. Work-a-holics can end up focusing so much on their career that they neglect giving enough attention to their family, health, and well-being. Never forget that there is a lot more to a good life than just money and material things, despite what you may see glamorized in movies, TV shows, or commercials. Psychology research shows that after a certain point, increased wealth and income has very little effect on our overall happiness and life satisfaction. Being rich sounds awesome, but it won’t necessarily make you any happier than if you earned less with a stable and secure life. Take the materialism quiz to see if you have a healthy relationship with money and stuff.

    Remember, money is important but it isn’t everything.

    Financial well-being will often look radically different depending on the person. Certain people may be content with modest and minimal living, while others crave more luxury, adventure, and pleasure. Whichever lifestyle you choose, it’s necessary that money finds the proper role in your life without being completely consumed by it.

    One succinct way to define true financial well-being is “not needing to think about money all the time.”

    6. MEANINGFUL / SPIRITUAL WELL-BEING

    spiritual

    The meaningful or spiritual aspects of life can often be overlooked.

    We may occasionally ask ourselves big questions like, “Who am I?” “Why am I here?” or “What’s my purpose?” but we rarely translate these questions into our daily lives through action.

    For many people, religion is their main source of spirituality and meaning. Attending church, being part of a local community, prayer, and volunteering or giving to charities are common ways people boost meaning in their daily lives. Religion has been shown to improve happiness and well-being by creating a strong sense of purpose and community.

    However, we don’t need religion to have a meaningful life. There are many other sources of meaning, including art, culture, philosophy, literature, music, relationships, activism, introspection, and creativity.

    Where do you get your meaning in life?


    Things to do:

    • Learn the pillars of a meaningful life. One excellent guide on how to live a meaningful life outlines five different pillars to focus on, including 1) A sense of belonging (having healthy relationships with those around you), 2) A sense of purpose (feeling that you contribute to a larger whole), 3) Storytelling (the life story we tell about ourselves, as well as stories and myths about the world we live in), 4) Transcendence (experiencing “awe” and “inspiration” in the presence of great things), 5) Growth (having a sense that you are evolving and moving forward as a person). All five pillars contribute to a rich and meaningful existence.
    • Spend more time in nature. Nature reminds us that we are part of something larger than ourselves, a whole process known as “life.” Nature is a fantastic source of meaning because it continuously inspires positive emotions like joy, amazement, gratitude, and awe. The best part is that nature is all around us – we don’t need to plan a weekend camping trip to experience it – instead just pay attention to everyday nature that is all around you: trees on the drive to work, birdwatching in your backyard, or spending time in your garden over the summer. Having pets to care for is another easy and wonderful source of nature and connection, even if it’s just a small fish tank to maintain. Nature also includes enjoying the beauty of a nice view such as sunrises, sunsets, mountaintops, storm watching, and star-gazing.
    • Take a complete picture perspective. Finding meaning requires being able to look at things from a big picture perspective. What influence do your actions have in the long-term? What type of impact will you leave on the world after you die? When you keep the complete picture in mind, you recognize that even super small actions can add up and have big results in the future. Your life doesn’t begin at birth nor end at death, you are part of an intergenerational chain of cause-and-effect that has stretched thousands of years. That’s a powerful thought if you can see the true significance behind it.
    • Embrace art, music, and culture. Artists are the creators of new meanings, especially famous painters, musicians, filmmakers, photographers, authors, playwrights, and dancers. Pursuing a creative hobby of your own is one fantastic way to infuse new meaning into your life. You can also embrace art and culture more by going to museums, art galleries, music concerts, and theaters. A lot of beautiful art is archived in online art and cultural exhibits, so you can discover a lot of new inspiration by just sitting in the comfort of your own home. Artists of all forms teach us how universal the human condition is. It’s a huge inspirational boost when you realize a book written over a hundred years ago resonates exactly with how you feel today. One of my strongest memories is attending a music concert of my favorite band with thousands of others listening and singing along. Creativity is one of humanity’s greatest gifts and there’s a lot of wisdom, beauty, and feelings of universal connection it can offer us.
    • Signs, symbols, and synchronicity. A meaningful life can be more about feeling inspiration and empowerment rather than thinking only logically and factually about the world. Embrace things you can’t always explain. If you feel like you’re getting a “sign” from the universe, accept it. Our minds often think unconsciously through the power of symbols, especially through reoccurring dreams or nightmares that may be trying to tell you something important. Meaning can be created anywhere if you have the right perspective. Many of my favorite moments in life are when I experience synchronicity, which is finding a connection between two things that seem completely unrelated at first. For example, if I start reading a book and then someone brings up the same book randomly the next day, I try to see that as a sign that I’m on the right path. It may or may not be true, but it is a simple and easy way to add more meaning to the little things in life.
    • Have faith that life is good. Faith may not have any role in science, but it does play an important role in good living. At the end of the day, one of the most important beliefs we can have is that “life is good” and things will generally work out in the end. One of my personal favorite quotes is, “Pray to God, but row to shore.” It shows us to have hope and faith in life, but still take action and try our best in the moment. Both faith and action are necessary ingredients to a happy and fulfilling life. A belief in God or a higher power can make this whole process easier. However, even if you can’t bring yourself to accept “metaphysical” or “supernatural” ideas, at least try to sense the oneness and interconnectedness of all things. These ideas are an endless source of power, strength, and resilience, even in the face of incredible hardships and tribulations.

    A “meaningful life” can be one of the most difficult areas of life to improve, especially while living in a world that is filled with nihilism, hedonism, and materialism.

    However, once you build a strong spiritual core you can withstand almost any difficulty or hardship. It can empower you to a whole new level that non-spiritual people don’t usually have access to.

    CONCLUSION

    To sum things up we must invest time and energy in all six of these aspects if we want to live a happy and balanced life.

    Once again, these six aspects of a balanced life include: 1) Physical, 2) Mental, 3) Emotional, 4) Social, 5) Work/Financial, and 6) Meaningful/Spiritual.

    Which area are you the strongest in? Which area are you the weakest in?

    Keep this framework in mind as you embark on a lifetime of self-improvement. Try the Daily Routine (PDF) exercise and use this resource as a guideline.


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    Steven Handel

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  • 6 Common Factors Behind All Successful Therapy

    6 Common Factors Behind All Successful Therapy

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    According to “common factors theory,” the essence of successful therapy lies in shared core elements, and the differences between therapeutic approaches are often less important than fulfilling these fundamental criteria.


    One frequent question people ask themselves when they first decide to seek therapy is, “What type of therapy should I get?”

    There are many different types of talk therapy to choose from. Often specific types of therapy are geared toward specific mental disorders. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy is common for depression and anxiety disorders, Dialectic Behavioral Therapy is common for bipolar and mood disorders, and EMDR is common among those with PTSD.

    How much do these therapies differ? How much does it matter?

    One interesting idea in psychology is “common factors theory.” The basic premise is that effective therapy isn’t necessarily based on any specific type of therapeutic tool or technique, but rather there are underlying factors behind all therapies that make them successful.

    Many therapeutic systems have been invented over the past century. Today, every popular therapist or coach has their own trademarked brand that’s sold as the absolute best approach to mental health.

    The less glamorous truth is that most successful therapies aren’t special. There’s significant overlap between different approaches, with a couple extra bells and whistles. However, at the end of the day the biggest reason they are successful is because they all meet fundamental criteria.

    Below you’ll learn more about these “common factors” behind successful therapy, including: collaboration, empathy, alliance, positive regard, genuineness, and individual differences.

    6 Common Factors Behind All Successful Therapy

    One interesting study identified 6 common factors behind all “evidence-based” therapy. They also calculated estimates on how much each factor contributed to the overall variability of therapeutic outcomes.

    Here are the 6 common factors behind all successful therapy:

    • Goal consensus / collaboration (11.5%) – The most important factor is that both the therapist and client share the same goal and they’re willing to work together to achieve it. A goal can be anything from managing negative emotions, to stopping bad habits, to improving communication skills. If their goals mismatch (such as the client not wanting to change or the therapist wanting to go in a different direction), then it’ll be difficult if not impossible to make any progress. Both people need to be on the same page.
    • Empathy (9%) – The therapist must have a clear understanding of who their patient is and where they are coming from. This means being aware of their current thoughts and feelings, but also learning a comprehensive history of that patient’s past experiences and background. We build empathy by seeking knowledge and understanding about another person. Don’t try to guess, label, or project where someone is coming from. Ask questions and learn. A therapist must treat each person as their own individual case. A scientific study of n=1. Every person has a unique story and a therapist’s job is to learn each person’s story.
    • Alliance (7.5%) – Both therapist and client must see their relationship as a partnership where each puts in equal effort to realize their shared goal. For the therapist, this means providing advice, encouragement, compliments, and constructive feedback. For the client, this means putting in work outside of the therapy session (in everyday life) so they actually see changes and results. A healthy alliance requires three main components: 1) A shared bond between therapist and client, 2) Agreement about the goals of therapy, and 3) Agreement about the tasks to achieve it (practical advice, tips, suggestions, exercises, homework). Therapy has to be viewed as more than just talking once per week, but rather an impetus to work together, create a plan, and achieve real progress.
    • Positive regard / affirmation (7.3%) – It’s important that the therapist treats the patient with optimism, positivity, compliments, and encouragement. While a therapist sometimes needs to provide critical and constructive feedback, they should generally promote the patient’s self-esteem and core values. If a therapist tries to fundamentally change something about a person that they don’t want to, there’s naturally going to be conflict and difficulties. One idea known as unconditional positive regard was popularized by the humanistic psychologist Carl Rogers. He highlighted the importance of being agreeable and respectful toward the patient’s core beliefs, values, and goals (even if you disagree with them). Rogers saw therapy as a tool to encourage self-discovery and self-awareness, not tell a patient exactly how they should live their life.
    • Congruence / genuineness (5.7%) – Both the therapist and patient need to be open, genuine, and authentic. If the patient feels the therapist is just “putting on an act” or “pretending to be nice,” they are going to want to pullback and disengage from the process. A good therapist needs to be just as vulnerable as the patient. This means sharing relevant thoughts and feelings, being honest and matter-of-fact, and being willing to express emotions when appropriate. One telltale sign of incongruence is when there is a mismatch in body language (including posture, facial expressions, or tone of voice). If a therapist’s words don’t match their body language, the patient likely won’t develop any trust or rapport.
    • Therapist differences (5%) – The last important factor, which may be beyond our control, is personality differences between the therapist and client. Not everyone is designed to get along with everyone, and sometimes the therapist and patient are just too different when it comes to attitude, temperament, background, or lifestyle. Many therapy sessions don’t work out simply because the therapist/patient relationship doesn’t seem to mesh right. This is why it’s recommended that a person tries out multiple therapists when first starting out. Then they can find someone that fits with their personality and a therapist to commit to long-term.

    These are the 6 most common factors behind successful therapy. They account for ~50% of the total variability in therapeutic outcomes, so there are still many other factors at play.

    In truth, different types of therapies have their advantages and disadvantages, and certain approaches may work better for some and not at all for others.

    Regardless of the system, successful therapy often needs to meet the basic requirements listed above. Without these common factors being met, no technique or approach is going to work.

    A Warning on Overspecialized Therapy

    A therapist needs to be flexible in their approach and try not to force fit everyone into their preferred model.

    The more a person is trained and/or educated on a specific field in psychology, the more they seem to be “locked in” to only one way of observing the human condition. They don’t talk to people as human beings at face value, but instead think, “How does this person fit into my cognitive/behavioral/psychodynamic/evolutionary model?”

    Expertise (and overspecialization) can narrow vision. A certain element of beginner’s mind is the best approach to therapy. Start with the basic questions, “Who is this person? What do they care about? What makes them tick? What do they want to change?”

    Assume nothing and ask questions. Learn about the person from scratch. Connect to them human-to-human and see where it goes.

    More concerning, certain therapies have become popularized and over-hyped in recent years. They’ve turned into commercial brands. “Cognitive-behavioral therapy” has become a buzzword in many circles because the average person associates it with the only “evidence-based” therapy.

    Of course I’m not against specific therapies. I’ve learned a lot of helpful tools and techniques from various systems (including CBT) that I still practice today.

    At the end of the day, I’m a pragmatist, so there’s almost no therapy, treatment, medication, or technique I’m 100% for or against. If it helps just one person, then it’s that much effective.

    However, in general, a good therapist needs to have a comprehensive understanding of how humans work. Tools and techniques can be in your back-pocket, but first and foremost you need to approach people as individual human beings seeking growth.

    Successful therapy can’t be reduced to a checklist.

    The Gloria Tapes: 3 Therapeutic Approaches

    This topic reminds me of an old series of videos known as the Gloria Tapes.

    It was an educational film made in the 1960s to teach psychology students the differences between therapeutic approaches.

    The series follows a single patient, Gloria, who receives therapy from three distinguished psychologists of the time: Carl Rogers, Fritz Perls, and Albert Ellis.

    The therapy is limited since it’s only one session each, but you can get a good understanding of the radically different approaches by each therapist.

    You can watch each of the sessions here:

    Each of these videos reveals a different approach to therapy.

    Albert Ellis is most aligned with modern cognitive and rational-based approaches. Carl Rogers has a more gentle and humanistic approach. Fritz Perls has a direct and provocative approach (almost to the point of bullying).

    If I remember correctly, the patient Gloria felt the most comfortable with Rogers, but she actually went for a second session with Perls. I don’t know how to interpret that – it’s possible she felt “unfinished business” with Perls or she simply enjoyed arguing with him.

    None of this says anything about “successful therapy.” Just one session isn’t adequate to measure “success” vs. “failure” when it comes to a long-term process like self-growth. However, these examples will give you a taste for the different types of therapies out there.

    Ultimately, successful therapy depends on both therapist and patient. The most important factor is to have a healthy, working relationship and a “build together” attitude. Once you have that foundation, anything is possible.


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    Steven Handel

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  • No Hard Feelings on Netflix, Saw X, and every new movie to watch at home this weekend

    No Hard Feelings on Netflix, Saw X, and every new movie to watch at home this weekend

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    Happy Friday, Polygon readers! Each week, we round up the most notable releases to streaming and video rental, highlighting the biggest and best new movies for you to watch at home.

    No Hard Feelings, the coming-of-age sex comedy starring Jennifer Lawrence, arrives on Netflix this week alongside Old Dads, the directorial debut of comedian Bill Burr. The action comedy-drama Polite Society comes to Prime along with the Chinese World War II thriller Hidden Blade starring Tony Leung, while the horor thriller Cobweb featuring Antony Starr (The Boys) lands on Hulu. There’s plenty of new films available to rent as well this week, like Saw X; the latest installment in the long-running horror franchise starring Tobin Bell, and more.

    Here’s everything new to watch this weekend!


    New on Netflix

    No Hard Feelings

    Where to watch: Available to stream on Netflix

    Photo: Macall Polay/Sony Pictures Entertainment

    Genre: Comedy
    Run time: 1h 43m
    Director: Gene Stupnitsky
    Cast: Jennifer Lawrence, Andrew Barth Feldman, Laura Benanti

    Jennifer Lawrence stars in this raunchy and endearing comedy as Maddie, a young woman struggling between her job as an Uber driver and a part-time bartender to pay off the house she inherited from her late mother. After her car is towed, Maddie is presented with the opportunity of a lifetime: Seduce Percy (Andrew Barth Feldman), the college-bound son of a wealthy couple on their behalf, in exchange for a brand new set of wheels. Simple enough, right? Yeah, that’s what Maddie thought too.

    From our review,

    Like most funny stories, No Hard Feelings seems like a bad idea at first. It’s a movie in which Jennifer Lawrence, in her first lead role in a full-on comedy, spends approximately 103 minutes trying to seduce a socially awkward 19-year-old for financial gain. It’s also wildly funny, and a great reminder of how good J-Law is at lighting up a screen.

    Old Dads

    Where to watch: Available to stream on Netflix

    (L-R) Bill Burr as Jack, Bokeem Woodbine as Mike, Bobby Cannavale as Connor on the set of Old Dads.

    Photo: Michael Moriatis/Netflix

    Genre: Comedy
    Run time: 1h 44m
    Director: Bill Burr
    Cast: Bill Burr, Bokeem Woodbine, Bobby Cannavale

    Three old friends become fathers later in life, only to be confronted with the generational annoyances that come with interacting with anyone born (or anything created) after the 1980s. Old Dads is Bill Burr’s directorial feature debut and shares a co-writing credit with writer-producer Ben Tishler.

    New on Hulu

    Cobweb

    Where to watch: Available to stream on Hulu

    Lizzy Caplan holds a muffin tin with candles on it while smiling creepily in Cobweb.

    Image: Lionsgate

    Genre: Horror thriller
    Run time: 1h 28m
    Director: Samuel Bodin
    Cast: Lizzy Caplan, Woody Norman, Antony Starr

    This horror-thriller from the creator of the scariest show on Netflix follows Peter (Woody Norman), a troubled young boy who — after hearing mysterious knocking sounds coming from the walls of his home — attempts to seek help in unearthing a terrible secret hidden from him by his parents.

    From our review,

    Bodin attempts to invoke dread with long shots of the film’s few distinctive set elements — the aforementioned pumpkin patch, or an old grandfather clock and icebox that each hide a hidden passage — but he doesn’t do much to render those images as something powerful or sinister. It’s as if Cobweb is set in a haunted house where nothing actually happened long ago, even as it hides a girl’s voice in its walls.

    New on Prime Video

    Polite Society

    Where to watch: Available to stream on Prime Video

    Ria, a Pakistani teenager in a traditional green and gold dance outfit, holds her arms out in a fighting stance.

    Photo: Parisa Taghizadeh/Focus Features

    Genre: Action comedy-drama
    Run time: 1h 44m
    Director: Nida Manzoor
    Cast: Priya Kansara, Ritu Arya

    When a teenage girl on her path to being a stuntwoman learns that her sister is betrothed to a man, she suspects the man and his mother are up to no good. So she does the only thing you can in such a situation: try to sabotage the relationship and beat the shit out of the guy in the process.

    Polite Society sounds like an uproarious fun time, and it’s one of the movies I’ve most looked forward to catching on streaming after a brief limited U.S. run. After you see it, make sure to read this interview with the director about Polite Society’s varied influences.

    Hidden Blade

    Where to watch: Available to stream on Prime Video

    (L-R) Wang Yibo, Tony Leung, Chengpeng Dong sitting across a table from an unseen man in Hidden Blade.

    Image: Well Go USA Entertainment

    Genre: Period espionage thriller
    Run time: 2h 8m
    Director: Cheng Er
    Cast: Tony Leung, Wang Yibo, Zhou Xun

    This Chinese World War II thriller stars the incredible Tony Leung as the Director of Shanghai’s Political Security Department, who finds himself in the middle of a time of great upheaval. The Japanese occupation is in its dying embers, China’s Communist Party is on the rise, and Leung’s character finds himself caught in the middle of it all. It’s a tense, gorgeous, occasionally opaque thriller with a great leading performance by one of the finest actors of his generation.

    Silver Dollar Road

    Where to watch: Available to stream on Prime Video

    Genre: Documentary
    Run time: 1h 40m
    Director: Raoul Peck
    Cast: John C. Barnett, Classie Curley, Melvin Davis

    I Am Not Your Negro director Raoul Peck turns his sight to story of the Reels family in this new documentary. Following the plight of the family’s fight to preserve their claim to their waterfront property in North Carolina from predatorial developers, Silver Dollar Road draws on archival footage and interviews with the family to tell their story.

    Surrounded

    Where to watch: Available to stream on Prime Video

    (L-R) Letitia Wright and Jamie Bell in Surrounded.

    Image: MGM

    Genre: Western
    Run time: 1h 40m
    Director: Anthony Mandler
    Cast: Letitia Wright, Jamie Bell, Michael K. Williams

    Letitia Wright (Black Panther: Wakanda Forever, Small Axe) stars in this new Western as a freedwoman who impersonates a man in a plot to claim a gold mine. Her journey brings her face-to-face with the legendary outlaw Tommy Walsh (Jamie Bell), whom she holds captive after her stagecoach is ambushed by a gang of marauding thieves and killers. Surrounded also features the final performance by the late Michael K. Williams, who completed filming prior to his death in 2021.

    New on Apple TV Plus

    The Pigeon Tunnel

    Where to watch: Available to stream on Apple TV

    John le Carré sitting in a chair next to a set of eggs on a wooden table in The Pigeon Tunnel.

    Image: Apple TV Plus

    Genre: Documentary
    Run time: 1h 32m
    Director: Errol Morris
    Cast: John le Carré

    John le Carré is a personal favorite author for me. His spy novels are notable for their groundedness — as a former spy himself, he had a lot to draw from — but also for their cynicism towards the heartlessness of that particular trade. Esteemed documentarian Errol Morris (The Thin Blue Line) turns his camera towards the life of the late, great le Carré, one of the finest and most important authors of the 20th century.

    New on Peacock

    Ruby Gillman, Teenage Kraken

    Where to watch: Available to stream on Peacock

    A teenage Kraken and a young boy in a multicolored sweater with purple hair in Ruby Gillman Teenage Kraken.

    Image: Universal Pictures

    Genre: Action-comedy
    Run time: 1h 31m
    Director: Kirk DeMicco
    Cast: Lana Condor, Toni Collette, Annie Murphy

    This animated comedy follows an awkward high schooler who discovers that she’s descended from a long line of warrior Kraken monsters. Destined to inherit her grandmother’s throne and defend the seas from tyrannical mermaids, Ruby must master her newfound powers and choose her own path as she prepares to embrace her destiny.

    New to rent

    Saw X

    Where to watch: Available to rent on Amazon, Apple, and Vudu

    Tobin Bell as John Kramer (aka the Jigsaw Killer) in Saw X.

    Image: Lionsgate

    Genre: Horror
    Run time: 1h 58m
    Director: Kevin Greutert
    Cast: Tobin Bell, Shawnee Smith, Synnøve Macody Lund

    Tobin Bell reprises his role as the machiavellian Jigsaw killer in the 10th installment of the long running Saw horror franchise. A prequel set between the events of the original film and 2005’s Saw II, Saw X follows John Kramer as he travels to Mexico to undergo an experimental treatment in order to cure his cancer. When he realizes that the entire program is a total scam, John enlists the help of his apprentice Amanda Young (Shawnee Smith) to orchestrate a series of elaborate “games” in order to exact his own twisted brand of justice.

    Lynch/Oz

    Where to watch: Available to rent on Amazon, Apple, and Vudu

    Genre: Documentary
    Run time: 1h 48m
    Director: Alexandre O. Philippe
    Cast: Amy Nicholson, Rodney Ascher, John Waters

    This documentary takes a magnifying glass to the career of David Lynch, one of the most unique and experimental storytellers of his generation, and how his life-long love for the 1939 film The Wizard of Oz has inspired his work. Split into six chapters, the film features narration by several notable directors, including Karyn Kusama, Rodney Ascher, and David Lowery.

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    Pete Volk

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  • Attracting and Retaining Customers and Employees Comes Down to These Two Skills

    Attracting and Retaining Customers and Employees Comes Down to These Two Skills

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    Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.

    Ever heard a business owner say they’re in “the people business?” I hear it all the time. I make a living giving presentations to franchise systems, associations and corporations. I like to ask audience members to share with me what business they believe they’re in. Most people describe the thing they sell: “We’re in the automotive repair business” or “we provide software solutions.” Eventually, someone in the audience anticipates the answer they believe I’m looking for: “We’re in the people business.” Many will nod their head in agreement.

    It’s a better answer, but still not good enough. Because what does that even mean?

    Unlike computer networks that are driven by data, markets are driven by feelings. These feelings influence everything we do. How we spend money, where we spend money, how we work, how well we perform — all human behavior is informed by emotion. We still need stuff. We still need information. But it’s our feelings that most influence our choices. Behavioral economics is a whole field of study devoted to understanding this.

    Related: Every Business is a People’s Business Including a Venture Fund

    A typical business trades its offerings for money and considers the transaction complete. A “people business” works to make the transaction extra satisfying. That additional value breeds loyalty and retention. We like to be in business with others who make us feel good. Two types of skills are necessary to do this well:

    Hard skills

    These are the “how-to’s” of the business. We need tactics and tools. We need to continuously improve our products, processes and profitability. We need to increase our knowledge and ability to perform all the functions of the business. These are essential to operate and remain competitive.

    What I’ve learned from my clients is that hard skills alone aren’t enough. In every system I work with, I meet some operators who are thriving and others barely surviving — all running the same or similar business. Many mistakenly chalk up the difference to location. But invariably the struggling locations give up and sell to higher performers who quickly turn the struggling locations around. Others think higher performers have better sales tactics or are doing more marketing. These hard-skills strategies make a difference, but they’re not the true difference-maker.

    Soft skills

    What does distinguish the higher performers is their soft skills? They manage themselves as well as they manage the business. They control their thoughts. They check their emotions. They communicate well. They understand that they’re in a people business, and they’re one of the people. I wrote a whole book about the differences between typical franchisees and whom I call “wealthy franchisees.” The best franchisees work hard and have decent locations, but it’s their mastery of soft skills infused into their daily operations that gives them their edge. I’ve observed this same dynamic among association members and even personnel within the same companies. Those with stronger soft skills combined with good hard skills will always outperform those with hard skills alone.

    Among the many important soft skills needed for business excellence is resilience. This is one’s ability to continue marching forward when it feels like the universe is pushing back. Business is tough. Business owners need to be tougher. Resilience will also make it easier to discover new opportunities buried beneath the unpleasantness. It took a global pandemic to get some restaurants to pivot more toward delivery and digital ordering. For many, these new offerings have yielded recording-breaking revenue. Resilience reveals both solutions and opportunities. (See my recent TEDx talk about the connection between adversity and opportunity.)

    With a stronger set of soft skills, you’ll be able to understand how your customers and employees — who are also part of “the people business” — need help at two similar levels.

    Hard needs

    These are the needs people have on the surface. They’re the things people consciously pursue. For consumers, it’s the products or services they seek, such as an oil change or a new point-of-sale system. It’s the food they order from a restaurant. It’s the adjustment they get from a chiropractor. Hard needs are tangible items exchanged in a marketplace. It’s what people consume.

    For employees, hard needs are their compensation. That includes a salary, benefits, discounts and other perks. In times like these when most employers are desperate for more help, most are attempting to lure and keep employees by offering more hard-needs compensation, such as increased wages and signing bonuses.

    But just as hard skills aren’t enough to drive high performance, fulfilling hard needs alone isn’t enough to satisfy customers and retain employees. They need something more.

    Soft needs

    These are the emotions we humans want to feel as we satisfy our hard needs. A true people business never forgets the human aspect of the operation. An exchange of goods is a transaction. When people are involved, there’s an interaction. That human encounter is where feelings are most impacted, one way or another.

    Customers don’t usually request help with their soft needs. But deep down there’s always a subconscious desire, something they want to feel when they patronize a business. A group of teens going out for pizza probably wants to have fun. A couple celebrating an anniversary at a fancy restaurant probably wants to feel pampered. Consider what you want to feel when you go to a mechanic (trust), a hair salon (confidence), or a rock concert (excitement/community). Often, it’s a very small, subtle thing. But every business can find nuanced ways to make customers feel just a little better. People businesses pay attention to what matters to their customers emotionally and find ways to satisfy those emotions. Because customers remember less what they get (hard needs) and more about how they feel (soft needs).

    Related: How to Develop the Soft Skills of the Successful Entrepreneur

    This is also true for your team members. The biggest current pain point for my clients is staffing. And not just finding workers but understanding them. Every generation is different, but today’s young workforce is like no other that has come before. Their values, their expectations, and their behavior have got employers scratching their heads. I’m constantly hearing about ghosting, entitlement, and a lack of loyalty.

    No one is certain about what the solution is to the current labor shortage. But I’m certain it’s going to take more than a hard needs approach. For better or worse, employers are going to have to understand and accommodate the workforce’s soft needs. Because they don’t just want more money. They also want to feel appreciated. They want to feel connected to co-workers. They want life balance and flexibility. They’ve wanted these things for a while. And not just today’s young workers.

    Organizations such as Gallup have been reporting slumps in employee engagement long before the pandemic. According to their most recent survey, “fewer than one in four of U.S. employees felt strongly that their organization cares about their wellbeing. This is the lowest percentage reported in nearly a decade.” As hard needs compensation has increased in the workplace, there’s been a decrease in the fulfillment of soft needs.

    Some of my audience members roll their eyes when I discuss the soft needs of today’s employees. They literally say, “They seem so soft!” I can understand their observation and frustration. And I don’t necessarily disagree. But at some point, to have a constructive conversation about being in the people business in today’s climate, we need to temper that frustration (which requires soft skills) and replace it with open-mindedness and a willingness to adapt. For better or worse, the workplace of the future must be less judgmental and more accommodating. Employers will have to meet the soft needs of the people they intend to employ. If not, they won’t be able to employ anyone.

    Perhaps this will be good. I’m a parent of two teenagers who’ll be in the workforce before too long. It encourages me to think that maybe work won’t have to be something they endure. I want them to feel excited by what they do, to feel safe in the workplace, to respect and be respected. I want them to like working. And if they, as a generation, through their own soft ways, force employers to create better, safer, more pleasant work environments, then good on them for making that happen. I don’t want to have to loan my kids money, but I also want them to be happy. I hope they work (or start) true people businesses that meet both their hard and soft needs.

    Related: In The Era Of “The Great Resignation,” Entrepreneurs And Business Leaders Need To Add Soft Skills To Their Arsenal

    I’m also trying to help them understand that employers also have soft needs. They want to feel stable and secure. They want teams they can rely on. They need dependability and follow-through. Everyone deserves to have their soft needs met. To advance in their careers, workers will have to understand this. They, too, will have to work to elevate the emotions of those who rely upon them. I hope my kids play their part. They better — because while I’ll always be there to help with their soft needs when it comes to hard needs (i.e., money), I’ve already done my part. They better bring value to the workplace or they’ve got rough times ahead. Soft needs are important, but so are paying rent and eating.

    Being in the “people business” means you’re in the feelings business. Everything you do must elevate the emotions of everyone your business touches, including yourself. It’s difficult when you’re busy. But investing a little more energy in the emotional payoff of your business might be the best way to achieve a financial one.

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    Scott Greenberg

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  • Psoriatic Disease: Making Peace With Your Body

    Psoriatic Disease: Making Peace With Your Body

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    By Tami Seretti, as told to Keri Wiginton

    For me, one of the hardest things about psoriasis is that people can see it. And sometimes they have really odd reactions to it. When my disease is active, some people tell me I need to use a certain soap or shampoo, as if I don’t bathe. Psoriatic disease of the joints is the exact opposite. You can’t see it. People will tell me it doesn’t look like there’s anything wrong with me.

    They’ll ask, “Why is this so hard for you?”

    I’ve felt like I was at war with myself. I’ve had my thumb joints replaced because of psoriatic disease. I’ve lost my hair. I basically went bald, which is not the best thing for a woman.

    I’ve spent a lot of time hiding. But I finally got to a point where I decided I was done.

    I was done feeling ugly.

    I was done feeling dirty all the time.

    And once I accepted my condition — and met others going through the same thing — I felt like I needed to talk about it.

    I have a lot more self-esteem now that it seems like the whole world knows.

    No Longer Hiding

    I used to avoid sleeveless shirts because I’d get psoriasis under my arms. I’d have to cancel plans at the last minute because I wouldn’t be able to wear clothes. I have inverse psoriasis. That means I get it in my skin folds and groin. And who wants to say, “I can’t wear underwear because it cuts into the broken skin in my legs.”

    But I finally came out and said, “This is me. This is what I have. This is what I live with. If you want to know about it, I can tell you. If you don’t, that’s fine. Just don’t insult me.”

    My friends said my past actions made a lot of sense when I finally opened up about my condition. That was such a relief. I started to feel better about myself. Plus, I started to feel better physically. I didn’t have as much itching and burning because I didn’t have as much stress.

    I’d held that in for so long, not realizing I was being my own worst enemy by hiding.

    Finding the New Me

    I used to go to the gym two or three times a week for hours. Nothing was going to stop me from my workouts. I just pushed through my joint pain. Then I would end up in the bed for 3 days. But one day, a few years ago, I said “This is crazy. I need to find a new hobby and stop hurting myself.”

    That’s when I became a “One to One” mentor for the National Psoriasis Foundation. It’s a program that pairs people like me — someone who’s lived with psoriasis for years — with someone who’s just been diagnosed. It’s my new passion. I want to make sure that the next person’s road isn’t quite as hard as mine was.

    I get a lot of comfort from helping others. When I found out I had psoriasis, no one I knew openly talked about it. I felt so alone. Now, I have a community to belong to.

    Don’t get me wrong. My husband is a fantastic cheerleader. But to sit with somebody who actually has it, who actually knows what I’m talking about, is the most amazing feeling in the world.

    It Gets Better

    You may think that your diagnosis is the end, but it’s actually the beginning. Now you know what’s causing your symptoms. You’ll find a medicine that works, and you’ll feel better. You’ll have a life again. You might not have the life you used to have, but you can have one that’s meaningful and productive.

    Nobody believes me when I tell them that, but it really is true. I used to be a wallflower, always standing in the back. Now I meet with my state representatives or I go to Capitol Hill to talk about what it’s like to have psoriasis. I do all of these things that I never thought I’d be able to do.

    And there’s a major difference in my symptoms pre- and post-diagnosis. My scalp used to be thick with scales. I would get psoriasis so bad in my ears that I couldn’t hear. I went to the emergency room once because I couldn’t put any weight on my ankles. 

    It took me a while to find a treatment that worked. But now I take a medication that has me about 85% clear with no new joint pain. I’m calling that a win. Some of my psoriasis is still visible, like on my scalp and ears. But now I look in the mirror and I’m not embarrassed. That’s a big thing for me.

    Mentally, I feel the best I have in 20 years.

    Tami Seretti, 53, was diagnosed with psoriasis when she was 27 and psoriatic arthritis at 38. She is active with the National Psoriasis Foundation. She also advocates for Clara Health’s Breakthrough Crew and the Arthritis Foundation. She lives with her husband, mom, three cats, and a dog in Center Township, PA.

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