Tag: family life

Always Tip the Babysitter, and 29 Other Unspoken Parenting Rules to Live By – POPSUGAR Australia

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Whether you follow an authoritative or gentle parenting style or somewhere in between, there are many unofficial, unwritten rules that every parent tries to adhere to. While many of these “rules” might seem like common sense, you’d be surprised at the instances where proper parenting etiquette may not always be obvious, and you may question what is the right way to do things.

Take play dates and birthday parties, for example. They’re a great opportunity for your kid(s) to interact with others and for you to have an adult conversation with another grown-up in the room. But as a guest, should you offer to bring extra snacks and toys? Are siblings invited? What about best practices for dealing with a babysitter or childcare? Do you order them food too when you go out on a date night, and what’s the deal with tipping when you get back home? Here, I’ve shared some of my own parenting rules as a mom and consulted other parents and caregivers to come up with an unofficial set of “rules” for navigating the lesser-talked-about side of parenting.

Don’t worry, there are bound to be a few parenting etiquette blunders here and there. But hopefully, this list will help you avoid some of the minefields when it comes to interacting with other parents, kids, caregivers, and teachers.

Childcare/Caregiving Rules

1. Order Food for Date Nights

If you have a nanny, babysitter, or grandparent taking care of your child for a date night, offer to order a dinner of their choice and ask what other snacks or drinks they like so that’s one less thing to worry about. Plus, there are minimal dishes and clean-up at the end of the night, says Raena Boston, founder of The Working Momtras and co-founder of Chamber of Mothers. Be clear about what foods they’re welcome to enjoy in the fridge or pantry.

2. Offer a Car Ride Home

Attending a work or social event that runs late into the evening? Ensure your child’s caregiver arrives home safely by offering to pay for their lift home if they don’t drive. You or your partner can also drive them home if you’re able to.

3. Tip Extra if You’re Running Late

It happens to the best of us. Sometimes you just miss the train or bus ride home, a work call goes overtime, or you hit some major traffic. Whatever the case may be, make sure to give your child’s babysitter, nanny, or daycare caregiver a heads-up that you’re going to be late for pick-up, and pay for the additional time they’re caring for your child.

4. Pay for Vacation and Sick Days

Everyone deserves paid time off and sick days, including your children’s babysitter or nanny. Whether they are taking a few vacation days or are feeling under the weather and need to stay home, it’s best practice to pay their daily rate. At the same time, make sure you alert them well in advance about vacation days your family is planning to take so they can plan for it.

5. Give a Monetary Gift During the Holidays

Whether it’s teacher appreciation week or the holidays, nannies and teachers don’t want another mug or candle. Give them a monetary gift, Boston says. This can be cash or even a gift card. And don’t forget to pair it with a handwritten note! What’s even better is if you or another parent in your kid’s class can organize the classroom community to pool for a gift with a bigger impact.

6. Respect Your Nanny’s Boundaries

Avoid texting or calling your kid’s babysitter, nanny, daycare caregiver, or teacher outside of usual business hours. No one wants to get calls and messages at 10:30 p.m. – unless there’s an emergency, of course. Allow them enough time to respond before following up.

7. Get On the Same Page About Responsibilities

Before you hire a babysitter or nanny, discuss their daily responsibilities. For some people, it means your nanny is doing some light housework, like washing baby bottles and preparing your baby’s meals, in addition to caring for them. Or maybe you would like your nanny to strictly focus on watching, feeding, and playing with your child. If there are some days when other kids will be joining your child for activities, let your nanny know ahead of time and ask them if they feel comfortable watching multiple kids at a time.

8. Let Them Know if You or Child Is Sick

In a post-COVID world, it’s best to always communicate with your babysitter or nanny when your child is sick and offer a sick day for them if they aren’t comfortable caring for your child. Many caregivers work for multiple families at a time and want to avoid putting themselves, other children, and immuno-compromised people in their orbit at risk for illnesses.

9. Include Your Partner in School Communications

If you’d like a partner to be included in school communications and/or calls from the school or camp, establish that early in the school year and loop them into your emails with their teachers, Boston says. “Reinforce that they can come to dad as well as mom. I make sure we’re both included on all communications so that juggling the mental load isn’t just a mom problem and it normalizes shared responsibility.”

10. Have Emergency Contacts On Hand

Write down the phone numbers of other family members, neighbors, or close friends your babysitter, nanny, or kid’s teacher can contact in the case of an emergency. Let me know where they can find the first aid kit or medicine, like allergy medication.

Play Date Rules

1. Ask About Food Allergies

If you’re hosting a play date at your house, make sure to ask if any of the children – and adults – coming over have food allergies or preferences. Stock up your kitchen with approved foods and serve similar or the same foods to all of the children to avoid fights and cross-contamination when sharing snacks. At the same time, you can ask if there are other things needed for the play date, like extra plates, cups, utensils, or booster seats.

“My second daughter is lactose intolerant. I’ve adopted an unspoken rule of always trying to have foods and snacks that are vegan and/or allergen-free at events, and I always ask about allergens,” says Cassie Shortsleeve, founder of Dear Sunday Motherhood and co-founder of Two Truths.

2. Offer to Bring Coffee and Breakfast for Morning Play Dates

Whether you’re attending a morning play date at someone else’s home or meeting up at a nearby park, consider packing some on-the-go breakfast foods for the kids – whether that’s pastries, fruits, or something homemade – and reach out to the other parents about grabbing coffee or tea, says Chesca Dizon, a mom of two girls based in Washington D.C.

3. Parents Are Welcome to Stay But They Don’t Have to

Parents are always welcome to stay at play dates, but the understanding is that if you are hosting, you will be watching the kids. If the other parents decide to leave during the play date, you can let them know what time it makes the most sense for them to come pick up their kids. And if your child is invited to a play date and you aren’t sure who is supervising, offer to stay and help watch the kids.

4. Ask if There Are Guns in the Home and Where They Are Stored

In light of recent mass shootings in the U.S., it’s not out of line for parents to ask other caretakers if there are guns in the home before they let their children come over for a play date. Make sure to ask if the firearms are in a locked safe and that the ammunition is stored separately in a place where kids aren’t able to access them. You can make the conversation more natural by voicing your concerns and asking if there are other things needed for the playdate.

5. Adhere to a Time Limit and Naps

Set a time limit on play dates to ensure that no one’s naptime gets compromised. Most parents stick to two hours, but you can discuss a game plan with everyone attending. “I learned the hard way where we’ve overstayed our welcome and things went downhill. Two hours seems to be the perfect sweet spot,” says Stacey Feintuch, a mom of two boys based in Washington Township, NJ. This is also a good opportunity to bring up whether siblings are invited to join the play date.

6. Bring Age-Appropriate Toys

If your kid is going over to a friend’s house for a play date and you’re offering to bring some toys to share, make sure that the toys are also age-appropriate for their siblings. You want to avoid anything that would pose a choking hazard for the other kids present. Have a talk with your kid about the toys they’re expected to share at the play date to avoid fights.

7. Set Ground Rules for Your Kid

Remind your child that they will be attending a play date and should be respectful of and abide by the other parents’ rules, whether that involves cleaning up afterward and putting toys away together or eating food at the kitchen table rather than on the couch. I tell my child that different parents have different rules and styles of disciplining in their home, and when we’re there, we try our best to abide by them. When we’re at home, we follow mom and dad’s rules.

8. If There’s a Stark Contrast in Parenting Styles or Discipline, Take It Up With the Other Parent

After the playdate, ask your child how everything went and if there’s anything that happened that they want to talk about. This way, if there is something wrong or your child didn’t feel like something was dealt with properly, you can communicate that to the other parent or caregiver.

9. Ask About What Activities Will Be Done

Will your child be doing arts and crafts or swimming in a pool? Asking about what activities will be done allows you to ask about what safety measures will be in place and helps you pack things your child needs. It also gives you the opportunity to let the other parent know what activities your child will need extra help or guidance with. Offer to bring extra supplies for anyone who needs it.

10. Help Clean Up After Play Dates

It’s considerate to pick up toys and other messes after the play date ends, and offer to help with dishes that need to be cleaned and put away. Make sure to thank the host before you leave and talk about entertaining the next play date.

Birthday Party/Social Event Rules

1. Always Bring or Send a Gift

Whether you’re able to attend a birthday party or not, make sure to send a gift. Feel free to reach out to the other parent about what’s on their kid’s wish list and choose something that’s within your budget. If the host specifies that they do not want any gifts, bring or send a card instead.

2. Invite Siblings

If space permits, invite the siblings of your kid’s friends to their birthday party and ask if there are any food allergies or sensitivities. Have foods and activities on hand that siblings can enjoy and take part in, too. Account for siblings when giving out goody bags at the end of the party.

3. Have Allergen-Free Food Choices

If you’re not sure about your kid’s friends’ food preferences and allergies, consider having allergen-free foods on hand so that there’s something for everyone. You can also opt to add a question about food allergies when sending birthday party invites.

4. Include All of Your Child’s Classmates

Many elementary and middle schools encourage parents to invite all of their kid’s classmates to their birthday party so no one feels left out. The only times to exclude certain kids is if there’s a space limit at the venue or if the birthday party has a specific theme that your kid wants to be just for the girls or only for the boys – such as a princess tea party or a day at the spa. Then, you can narrow down your guest list, Dizon says.

5. Help the Host Watch the Kids

Hosting a birthday party can be overwhelming for the parents of the celebrant. Offer to help watch the kids as they do various activities, like swimming, finger painting, playing in the bouncy castle, etc. You can also help with serving food and drinks and storing presents in a safe area.

6. Send Thank You Notes for Gifts – and Have Your Child Say Thanks Before Leaving

No matter how big or small the gift, always send a handwritten thank you note to all of your guests. If your child is older, have them try to write the notes themselves, Feintuch suggests. And if you’re attending a birthday party, thank the hosts before leaving and encourage your child to do the same.

7. Respect the Time Frame of the Party

Parents usually set time limits for birthday parties, especially ones for smaller children. Respect the time frame and avoid arriving too late and overstaying.

8. Double-Check With Party Hosts if Kids Are Even Invited

Attending a wedding or other social event as a guest? Don’t assume your kids are invited! Message the host in advance to ask whether your kids are included in the invitation and defer to their wishes.

9. Ask if You Can Request a High Chair or Booster Seat

If you have an infant or toddler who needs a high chair or booster seat at a party or event, let the host know when you RSVP and ask if it’s possible to request one at the restaurant or venue. If they aren’t able to accommodate your request, bring a portable high chair or booster seat for your child.

10. See if There’s a Kid’s Menu Available – or Bring Foods Your Kids Like

Not all parties will serve foods your kid will necessarily like. Plan ahead and ask if there is a kids’ menu available. If your child has particular tastes or food preferences that aren’t available, bring some of their favorite snacks or foods.

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November 17, 2023
More false claims from George Santos about his work, education and family history emerge | CNN Politics

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CNN
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Rep.-elect George Santos made additional false claims over the years about his family history, work history and education in campaign appearances over the years, a review of statements made in two of his campaigns for Congress found.

CNN’s KFile uncovered more falsehoods from Santos, including claims he was forced to leave a New York City private school when his family’s real estate assets took a downturn and stating he represented Goldman Sachs at a top financial conference where he berated the company for investing in renewables.

CNN also reviewed more instances of Santos providing additional false history of his family’s background. In one interview, Santos said his mother’s family’s historical Jewish name was “Zabrovsky,” and later appeared to operate a GoFundMe campaign for a pet charity (which he falsely claimed was a 501(c)(3) nonprofit) under that alias. Genealogists CNN previously spoke with found no evidence of Jewish or Ukrainian heritage in his family tree.

In another, he said his mother, whose family has lived in Brazil since the late 1800s, was a White immigrant from Belgium.

Santos’ campaign did not respond to CNN’s comment request.

Since reports first surfaced about his false claims, Santos has made efforts to downplay his fabrications as mere “embellishments.” But the previously unreported claims from Santos illustrate a pattern of fabricating details about his life, often in service of presenting a more compelling or interesting personal narrative. The Nassau County district attorney’s office said Wednesday that it is looking into Santos’ fabrications, though it did not specify the falsehoods it would explore.

In interviews over the past few days, Santos admitted to lying about parts of his resume, including graduating from college, but he told the New York Post that the misrepresentation of his work history at Goldman Sachs and Citigroup was a “poor choice of words.” There is no record he worked at the top financial institutions in the country, as he had previously claimed.

Santos also denied that he falsely called himself Jewish, claiming he “never claimed to be Jewish” but jokingly said he was “Jew-ish” to the New York Post. He also falsely claimed that his grandparents “survived the Holocaust” and fled Europe to escape Jewish persecution. But CNN found that Santos called himself an “American Jew” and “Latino Jew” on multiple occasions. The Republican Jewish Coalition disinvited Santos from appearing at any of its events because he “misrepresented his heritage.”

Despite the scandals, the New York Republican, who flipped his Long Island seat, said he will take office in January — spurring calls to resign from Democrats.

Here are some of the outright falsehoods CNN found:

In appearances, and in an old campaign biography, Santos claimed his parents sent him to Horace Mann, an elite private school in the Bronx.

“He began Horace Mann preparatory school in the Bronx, however, did not graduate from Horace Mann due to financial difficulties for his family,” his biography read in 2019 for his first campaign for Congress that Santos lost. “He obtained a GED during his senior year.”

Santos also made the same claim in an appearance on a YouTube show in 2020.

“They sent me to a good prep school, which was Horace Mann Prep in the Bronx. And, in my senior year of prep school, unfortunately my parents fell on hard times, which was something that would later become known as the depression of 2008. But we were hit a little earlier on with the overleveraging of real estate. And the market started to implode. Um, and the first thing to go was the prep school. You know, you, you can’t afford a $2,500 tuition at that point, right? So anyway, um, I left school, uh, four months to graduation.”

But the claim is false, according to the school.

“We’ve searched the records and there is no evidence that George Santos (or any alias) attended Horace Mann,” Ed Adler, a spokesman for the school, told CNN.

“Have you ever heard of a Goldman Sachs employee take the stage at the largest private equity conference in the world – SALT, run by Anthony Scaramucci – and berate their employer? Well, I did that,” Santos said on a local podcast this summer. “And I did it in the fashion of renewable energy and global warming. This was the panel I was on. And they’re all talking about solar, wind, and this was back, what, seven years ago now? And I said, you know what, this is a scam. It’s taxpayer money that gets subsidized.”

The claim is entirely fictional, according to both Goldman Sachs – which has said Santos never worked there – and Scaramucci, who runs the conference.

Scaramucci told CNN in a message there is not only no record of him appearing on a panel, but no record of him even attending the conference.

In an appearance on a Fox News digital show in February, Santos said his maternal grandparents changed their Jewish last name from Zabrovsky – a claim for which there is no evidence and records contradict.

“We don’t carry the Ukrainian last name. For a lot of people who are descendants of World War II refugees or survivors of the Holocaust, a lot of names and paperwork were changed in the name of survival. So I don’t carry the family last name that would’ve been Zabrovsky. I carry my mother’s maiden name which is the Dutch side of the family.”

Megan Smolenyak, an author and professional genealogist who helped research Santos’ family tree at CNN’s request, previously told CNN, “There’s no sign of Jewish and/or Ukrainian heritage and no indication of name changes along the way.”

Santos deleted his former private Facebook account last week, but CNN’s KFile reviewed records indicating he used the alias of “Anthony Zabrovsky” for fundraising for a pet charity. The GoFundMe page under that alias no longer exists. CNN reached out to GoFundMe but did not receive a response.

In one radio appearance from December 2020, Santos falsely claimed that his mother “fled socialism” in Europe and moved to the United States.

“My father fled socialism in Brazil. My mother fled socialism in Europe, and they came here and built a family. And today they can be proud to have a son who is a well accomplished businessman, who is now running for United States Congress. That’s something that wasn’t in the cards for my family,” Santos said.

He also claimed in another interview from 2020 that he “grew up with a White Caucasian mother, an immigrant from Belgium.”

But Santos’ mother was born in Brazil, according to genealogical records.

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December 29, 2022
Holocaust survivor left on a bench as a baby finds new family at 80 | CNN

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CNN
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When Alice Grusová was a baby, her parents left her on a train station bench, with no idea of what would become of her.

It was June 1942 and this was the last desperate act by Marta and Alexandr Knapp to save their daughter as their attempt to escape what was then Czechoslovakia ended in disaster.

The couple had fled Prague, but when their train drew in to Pardubice, eastern Bohemia, Nazi soldiers boarded in search of fleeing Jews.

Grusová – her married name – never saw her parents again. They were arrested and sent to Theresienstadt concentration camp, from where they were later deported to Auschwitz and murdered. Her brother from her father’s previous marriage was also killed there.

It might have been their infant daughter’s fate too, had it not been for their high-stakes gamble. This year, Grusová celebrated her 81st birthday – as well as her 60th wedding anniversary with husband Miroslav. Living in Prague, they have three sons, six grandchildren and three great-grandchildren.

This, she had always felt, was the sum total of her family, but earlier this year the retired pediatric nurse traveled to Israel where she reconnected with her Jewish heritage and met her only surviving first cousin – as well as a wider family she didn’t know existed.

“I was most shocked when I found out, when I was 80, that I have such a large family,” she said in an emotional video call with CNN.

“I am just sad this didn’t come earlier,” added Grusová, who has battled cancer, hepatitis and a spinal surgery.

The reunion occurred thanks to the efforts of a curious woman 5,000 miles away in South Africa, during the initial stages of the pandemic. The incredible story has now been shared by online genealogy site MyHeritage.

With so much of life on hold, Michalya Schonwald Moss delved into her family history on MyHeritage. She had always known her family had been decimated in the Holocaust, but nothing prepared her for the discovery that 120 of her relatives were murdered at Auschwitz.

Yet out of the unimaginable darkness, a tiny and most unexpected ray of hope emerged. With the help of professional genealogists in both the Czech Republic and Israel, she unearthed the incredible tale of one survivor: Grusová.

Having been found on the station bench, the one-year-old girl was initially placed in an orphanage. Grusová, who has no memory of her parents, was later moved to Theresienstadt. She recalled: “There was a nice woman who was taking care of us. I only remember glimpses from that time.

“And then I remember when I got sick with typhoid and the workers there had to protect me from the Germans.

“I remember they were telling me to be silent or the bad Germans would come and kill us.”

Incredibly, she survived and after the war was reunited with her mother’s younger sister Edith – or Editka as she calls her – who survived Auschwitz by being transferred to a labor camp.

Her voice cracking with emotion, Grusová recalled her aunt, who like many Nazi camp survivors had her identity number tattooed on her arm. She said: “She was so beautiful, she was slim, she had the tattoo. But I didn’t understand that at the time.”

At first, the pair lived together in Czechoslovakia, but in 1947 her aunt emigrated to what was then Palestine. For reasons that remain unclear, Grusová was left behind and put up for adoption.

“I was six when my aunt left Czechoslovakia and I came to my new parents,” she said. “As a child, I was very sad that my aunt left. I didn’t understand why she didn’t take me with her.

“I was in contact with her for a while. She got married and had a son, whom I last saw in a picture when he was two years old.” But the correspondence with Edith petered out, and in 1966 “we lost each other,” she said.

Grusová never knew what happened to her aunt – until her son Jan, who speaks English, translated a surprising email his parents received from Schonwald Moss in 2021. He and his wife had spent years trying to trace his mother’s cousin, without success.

But with the help of professional researchers, Schonwald Moss had not only uncovered Grusová’s incredible tale but had also found that cousin – Edith’s son, Yossi Weiss, now 67 and living in the Israeli city of Haifa.

Weiss and Grusová “met” online last year, alongside other members of the newly discovered family tree. Weiss had known nothing of his cousin and his own life had been blighted by tragedy – having lost both his mother and his son to suicide.

Over the summer, Grusová flew to Israel with her husband, their son Jan and his wife Petra to meet Weiss and members of his wider family, including Schonwald Moss, who had traveled from South Africa for the occasion.

Grusová told CNN: “They wanted to meet me and come to visit me, but my cousin has cancer and he can’t travel.

“I was scared of the long journey at my age,” she said. “Now I am so pleased I went. I am just sad this didn’t come earlier.

“If it wasn’t for Covid, I would have never found out I have such a big family.”

Grusová – who speaks neither Hebrew nor English – communicated with her new-found relatives via an interpreter. Together they visited her late aunt’s grave, the Theresienstadt museum and the World Holocaust Remembrance Center at Yad Vashem, where she recorded her personal testimony and was also filmed for an Israeli news channel.

Simmy Allen, head of international media at Yad Vashem, was there at the time. He told CNN that it was a “very emotional gathering,” adding: “The idea that the family was uniting and different sides of the family were really discovering their roots and coming to Yad Vashem to solidify that, so that their ancestors have a place that will remember them in perpetuity.”

Grusová said: “My family increased in size a lot. And Michalya keeps finding more and more relatives.”

Weiss told CNN he had known little about his mother’s earlier life and was unable to explain why she left his cousin behind when she moved to what was then Palestine.

“From the little bit she told me I knew she worked in a factory and she came back to the city after the war and she was lucky to survive,” he said. “I knew she was married before and her husband was killed on the Russian front but I didn’t know the chapter of finding Alice.”

Of their reunion, he said: “I made sure I had private time with Alice.

“We opened up the issue of my mother coming to Israel and Alice staying behind and agreed that things were complicated.”

The question will forever remain unanswered, though Weiss has tried to make sense of it. “My mother was a Holocaust survivor coming back from the camps at the age of 25 and had just lost her husband. Alice was five. My mother couldn’t provide her home, school, food and everything,” he said.

Perhaps she thought her niece would have been better off with adoptive parents, he added.

“It hurts me on a personal level because sometimes I fantasize about ‘what if,’” he said.

Grusová felt similarly: “Of course I thought about what my life would have been. As a child, I was very sad that my aunt left. I didn’t understand why she didn’t take me with her.”

“My cousin tried to explain,” she added. “She was young, her life was saved by a miracle. I am not blaming her for anything.”

Of the reunion with Grusová, Weiss said: “She wanted very much to see my mother’s grave. It was very important to her and part of the closure.”

Being at Yad Vashem with Grusová when she recorded her testimony was particularly poignant, he said. “It was very emotional and not easy for anyone.”

Schonwald Moss agreed. “It was one of the most extraordinary, intimate, emotionally healing experiences of my life,” she told CNN.

The family is now in talks with Steven Spielberg’s USC Shoah Foundation, which plans to record Alice’s video testimony in the new year.

“To discover that one family member had survived that we never knew about, and that she was still alive and living in Prague, was as if we had found a living ghost. And then to discover her story was especially heartbreaking,” said Schonwald Moss.

“By having her anew in our lives, she’s taught us what living looks like. Everyday is a repair for our family. And thanks to Alice and the sparkle in her eyes and the love she emanates, we have become a family again.”

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November 12, 2022
Plane crash into multi-family home in New Hampshire kills 2 people on board, officials say | CNN

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CNN
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A single-engine airplane crashed into a home Friday evening near an airport in New Hampshire, killing both people on board, officials said.

Although parts of the multifamily home where eight people lived erupted in flames following the crash, no fatalities were reported on the ground.

“There were no injuries at the multifamily building. Unfortunately, those on the plane have perished,” Keene officials said, describing the crash as an accident and saying emergency personnel was responding to the scene.

The men who died were identified as Lawrence Marchiony, 41, of Baldwinville, Massachusetts, and Marvin David Dezendorf, 60, of Townshend, Vermont, according to the Keene Police Department.

The Beechcraft Sierra aircraft crashed north of Keene Dillant-Hopkins Airport just before 7 p.m. Friday, the Federal Aviation Administration told CNN.

“Last night at 6:48 p.m., the call came into 911, so our first responders responded to the call. It was a plane crash, a small plane that hit a multifamily building and started a subsequent fire that was declared out at 8:47 p.m.,” Mayor George Hansel said during a Saturday news conference.

“The crash occurred right after departure from the Dillant-Hopkins Airport shortly after departure,” Hansel added.

The mayor said the eight people who resided in the home were displaced and the Red Cross is helping to relocate them.

The FAA and the National Transportation Safety Board are investigating the crash. The transportation safety board will oversee the investigation and release updates.

“This incident is still under investigation, further information regarding the accident will be made public when it is released by the NTSB,” the City of Keene said in a news release posted to Facebook Monday.

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October 24, 2022