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  • 7 Obvious Signs He Likes You, As Per A Relationship Expert

    7 Obvious Signs He Likes You, As Per A Relationship Expert

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    “Does he like me or is he just being nice?” is a question most of us have grappled with at some point in our lives. But it is not so confusing when we know what clues to look for. We talked to a California-based psychiatrist and Cognitive Behaviour Therapist, Dr. Shefali Batra (MD in psychiatry), who specializes in counseling for separation and divorce, breakup and dating, and premarital compatibility issues. She shared with us 7 obvious signs he likes you but is hiding it.

    Dr Batra says, “When a guy likes you but doesn’t say it, there are many non-verbal and social signs that can reveal the truth. Notice his body language, how he talks to you, how his friends talk to you, etc. Once you know what to look for, you can easily find out if he’s looking to be more than friends.”

    7 Obvious Signs He Likes You — Don’t Overlook These

    Don’t know how to tell if a guy likes you or is just being nice? Don’t worry, we’ve all been there—over analyzing texts, rereading compliments, and playing detective with the mixed signals. Well, here are 7 obvious signs he likes you but is hiding it as per the expert. Let’s discuss them in detail.

    1. Non-verbal cues

    One of the 7 obvious signs he likes you is that his body language is different when interacting with you. Dr. Batra says, “Even if he doesn’t tell you through words that he likes you, there are always some non-verbal cues that give the truth away. It could be how he looks at you, or the tone of his voice, or a simple nervous tic.” Here are some body language signs he likes you, discussed in detail:

    1. Eye contact

    As they say, eyes are the window to the soul. A research found that when a man holds eye contact, it is one of the signs he’s into you. So notice if he holds eye contact with just a second longer than usual.

     Long eye contact is a sign he’s into you

    2. Mirroring your movements

    A study found that when one person’s movements match another, almost like they are mirroring the other’s body language, it indicates the first person is interested in being in a relationship with the other. 

    3. Fidgeting 

    We’ve all been there — fidgeting nervously when talking to our crush, fumbling our words, tapping our foot, looking adorably jittery. Is he displaying any such nervous tics when around you? That is one of the body language signs he likes you.

    4. Tone of voice

    Don’t just notice the words he is saying but also how he says it. Does he deepen his voice when talking to you? Because that is one of the things guys do when they secretly like you. A study has discovered that men tend to lower the pitch of their voice and use varied intonation to appear more masculine when talking to someone they are interested in. 

    2. He pays extra attention to you

    One of the 7 obvious signs he likes you but is hiding it is that he pays attention to all the little things. Every detail that you tell him about, what you order at a cafe, even that rant about that one girl who always gave you back-handed compliments. Here are some ways to know if he pays attention to you:

    1. Knows your favorites

    A guy that likes you remembers what you like. Everything from your usual coffee order and your comfort food to the series you binge watch every time you are sad.

    Related Reading: Exploring The 6th Love Language: ‘Feeling Known’

    2. Can tell when you’re feeling down

    If a guy can easily tell if something is off, it’s one of the signs he likes you more than you think. It’s because he is paying close attention to your body language and notices when your shoulders are slouched and you are not smiling with your eyes.

    3. Remembers little details about you

    Dr. Batra gives an example, “He brings up that random fact you mentioned about loving watermelon-flavored candy weeks ago. You barely remember saying it, but he does. That’s not just a good memory—it’s one of the signs he’s into you.” Bonus points if he shows up with watermelon candy on your next meet-up.  

    3. He maintains regular contact

    Talking about the 7 obvious signs he likes you, Dr. Batra says, “A guy that likes you puts in extra effort to keep in touch with you. No ghosting, no going MIA. even if he’s busy, he’ll make time for, at least, a quick text/call.” So if you’re wondering, “Does he like me?” Notice how often you guys meet or talk. Let’s discuss this in more detail:

    1. Texts/calls you first

    If he likes you, you’d notice that he never lets the conversation die down. If one topic ends, he’ll bring up something else. Also, he’d find excuses to call you often — needing help with an assignment, asking for your opinion on an outfit, etc.

    signs he secretly wants you
    Regular calls are a sign he wants you

    2. Adjusts his schedules to hang out with you

    Maybe not always, but most of the time, you’d see that he is willing to move his plans around to hang out with you. If the weekend works for you, it works for him as well. If not, a week night is fine too. That’s not because he’s always free or a pushover, it’s one of the signs he secretly wants you and doesn’t want the plan to get canceled.

    3. Finds reasons to be close to you

    You’re at a group hangout, and somehow he always ends up sitting next to you. Coincidence? Hardly. Whether it’s sharing popcorn at the movies or offering to “show you something cool” on his phone, he’s making sure he’s within arm’s reach. This is one of the biggest signs a man is attracted to you. Next time, count how often he pulls the “accidental” brush of the arm move—classic.

    Related Reading: 20 Tips To Get Close To A Girl And Win Her Heart

    4. He tries to be involved in your life

    Another one of the 7 obvious signs he likes you is when he tries to be a bigger part of life than a friend would. Dr Batra says, “Does he ask you how your day went? Wants to know updates from your school/workplace? Asks questions about your goals and aspirations in life? These are all signs he secretly likes you and wants to know you better.”

    1. Shows interest in your hobbies

    Showing interest in what the person likes is one of my favorite ways to indicate that I like them. It’s the same with guys. When they like you, they want to be a part of things you do. Maybe he gave a try to your favorite book even if he’s not a reader or looked up some history facts because you are a history buff.

    Related Reading: 101 Hobbies For Couples – Make Quality Time Count

    2. Shares details of his day

    When you ask him how his day went, he doesn’t just respond with “Fine.” He tells you the little details like how he had a row with a coworker or a puppy he spotted on the road, maybe you receive a few pictures even. And chances are, he expects the same from you as well. This is how to tell if a guy likes you.

    3. Asks thoughtful questions

    Your conversations are not just filled with superficial stuff. Apart from work/school and chores, he also wants to know what goes on in your mind. He asks you deep questions like “Did you have a good childhood? What do you do when you are sad? What is the meaning of life for you?” He wants to know you on a deeper level.

    5. The friends know everything

    If the guy likes you, he may think he is playing it cool, and you may be stuck between the does-he-like-me-or-is-he-just-nice conundrum. However, it’s very easy for a person on the outside, especially friends, to notice the clues. They can see him looking at you when you are looking away, and they know how he talks about you and blushes when you are not present. So if the below-mentioned points resonate with you, it is one of the 7 obvious signs he likes you.

    1. His friends act weird around you

    Have you noticed his friends giggling when you’re around? It’s like they know something you don’t. If his buddies are subtly teasing him in your presence, trust me, either they’ve had the conversation about you or the friends have noticed the clues.

    Related Reading: 27 Sure Shot Signs Your Crush Likes You

    2. Your friends suspect he likes you

    Similarly, it’s easier for your friends to notice the signs than you because they can see his body language and expressions when you are looking away. Also, girls just have a sixth sense about this stuff when it comes to their friends. So if your friends say he likes you, he probably does.

    3. You often get mistaken for a couple

    If he’s head over heels for you and can’t keep it hidden well, then yeah, the strangers are gonna notice it too. So if “You’re such a cute couple.” is a compliment you hear often, maybe it’s time you become one.

    Related Reading: I Had A Crush On An Older Woman And It Changed Me

    6. He does you favors

    There are friendship favors and then there are I-have-a-crush-on-you favors. Speaking about how to tell if a guy likes you, Dr. Batra says, “When a guy likes you, he goes out of his way to help. Whether it’s assembling your Ikea furniture or helping you with a “difficult” spreadsheet, he’s your knight in shining Excel. That’s effort, not friendship.” So, pay attention if he does favors like:

    1. Bringing you coffee/food

    Food has basically become a love language in these times. So if he brings you food often and unprompted, there is definitely something going on other than friendship.

    Related Reading: 9 Heartwarming Actions Of Love That Speak Louder Than Words

    2. Going out of his way to help with assignments/errands

    Now we know friends can help you with this kind of stuff too. But a guy that likes you is there to help you even if it inconveniences him. Plus, he’ll go the extra mile to make sure everything is taken care of. 

    3. Picking you up or driving you to places when needed

    Not only would he be okay to pick you up, he’d be happy to do so. As discussed above, when a guy likes you he wants to be close to you. What better opportunity for that than sitting in a car side by side as a sweet melody plays on the radio?

    7. He flirts with you

    Flirting is the easiest to notice among the 7 obvious signs he likes you. It could be something subtle or more obvious, but there’s definitely gonna be some flirting if a guy likes you. Maybe he sends you flirty emojis, or calls you endearing names (even as a joke). Here are some of the signs a man is attracted to you and is flirting with you:

    1. Compliments

    Here’s how to tell if a guy likes you. See if he compliments you a lot. And not the generic “You look nice today,” but more specific compliments such as “You look great with hair down.” or “You have a beautiful laugh.”

    on crushes

    2. Playful banter

    Does he ever tease you or take light-hearted jabs at you? These are things guys do when they secretly like you. It’s also a sign of chemistry between you two.

    3. Joking about being a couple

    It’s one thing when strangers say it, but when he starts joking about getting together? Girl, he wants you bad, don’t even second-guess it. This is one of the clearest signs he secretly wants you and is observing your reaction to test the waters.

    These were the 7 obvious signs he likes you but is hiding it. Now go ahead and text him back—he’s been waiting for you to notice all along.

    Key Pointers

    • If he pays attention to you, it is one of the 7 obvious signs he likes you but is hiding it
    • If a guy goes out of his way to help you, it is one of the signs he likes you more than you think
    • Other subtle signs include nervous body language and flirting
    • If he tries to keep constant contact with and tries to know you better, that also indicates he’s interested in you

    Final Thoughts

    I hope now you don’t need to keep wondering, “Does he like me?” and decoding what every text means. Just pay attention to his body language, how he treats you, and how other people perceive you together.

    21 Signs He Wants You To Notice Him REALLY BADLY

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    He Still Loves His Ex But Likes Me Too. What Do I Do?

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  • How To Rebuild Your Life After The Death Of A Spouse: 11 Expert-Backed Tips

    How To Rebuild Your Life After The Death Of A Spouse: 11 Expert-Backed Tips

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    “I cannot live the rest of my life without my husband. But I can live without him for one day.” This quote from Linda Feinberg’s book I’m Grieving as Fast as I Can perhaps sums up what rebuilding your life after the death of a spouse can look like. Yes, death is hard, and especially hard if the person you’ve lost is a partner of many years. But are you wondering how to rebuild your life after death of spouse? Or how to get closure when someone dies unexpectedly? Or if a person can actually get over such a big shock so easily? How do widows cope with loneliness? Perhaps one needs to take recovery one step at a time.

    In this article, we’ll delve deeper into this issue and find out what makes grieving the death of a partner so hard and what the stages of grief look like. We’ll also offer a few ways to help you with moving on after death of spouse, with insights from psychiatrist Dr. Shefali Batra (MD in Psychiatry), who specializes in counseling for separation and divorce, breakup and dating, and premarital compatibility issues.

    What Is The Hardest Part Of Losing A Spouse?

    Before coming to the hardest part of losing a spouse, let’s look at a study that talks about spousal bereavement in detail. It clearly says, “The death of a husband or wife is well recognized as an emotionally devastating event, being ranked on life event scales as the most stressful of all possible losses.”

    Dr. Batra explains, “Your spouse is your one legitimate partner who sticks with you through the thick and thin of your life. A person’s entire conditioning to the care, attention, love, or even the complaints from a spouse is what keeps them going, and when that is lost, the emptiness or void can be terrifying. The first year after losing a spouse can be emotionally devastating. In fact, it can be worse than the immediate aftermath of death. It’s at that stage when you may find yourself uttering, “I miss my deceased husband” quite often.”

    Related Reading: What I Regret After The Death Of My Spouse

    While there is no one single reason that makes this loss ‘the hardest’, some of the factors that may be considered the hardest part of losing a spouse are:

    • It marks the end of your relationship, and if it was a good one, you lose a lifelong friend, a cheerleader, a sexual partner, and a support system
    • It doesn’t end the bond, and you can’t focus on new memories or new relationships because you’re still connected to old memories
    • It makes you feel abandoned or betrayed by your spouse. It’s as if they left you to deal with life’s challenges on your own
    • You end up with no social life. Dinners, weekends, and important life events are the hardest for some, as they keep reminding them of the togetherness and good moments of the past
    • Living in the same house after the death of your spouse can cause emotional pain, as every object may remind you of your partner

    How Does The Death Of A Spouse Affect A Person?

    Now that we know how hard it is for someone to lose a partner, you may be asking, “How does the death of a spouse affect a person?” It’s like losing a best friend, a safe space, or a partner in crime. When you lose the most important person in your life, it damages you irreparably, even if you’re the most independent person in the world or needed a lot of personal space in the relationship when your spouse was still around. In fact, a study explored that such a loss can lead to “emotional and practical problems” in older adults.

    So, how long does grief last after death of spouse? Well, it can last for years and can have a long-term impact, at times devastating. In fact, a study stated how spousal bereavement “…has immediate and longer-term consequences for many aspects of the surviving spouse’s life, including their health and well-being, their personal relationships, how they spend their time, and their sense of self.”

    Related Reading: 21 Tips For Dating A Widower

    Dr. Batra agrees, “The death of a husband, or a wife, is recognized as the most difficult time of one’s life. In fact, the first year after losing a spouse can be soul-crushing. It affects a partner extremely deeply because a spouse is like a co-manager. Even if your spouse is not sitting with you 24/7, they are the co-manager of your house, children, family, friends, and members of social units, such as organizations, or societies or groups.” For instance, your spouse is your designated “plus one” at all social events.

    Stages of grief

    While discussing how to rebuild your life after death of spouse, Dr. Batra also touched upon the stages of grief. Apparently, there are 5 stages, with the last stage being acceptance. It’s important to note that the progress is not always sequential, but it almost always leads to the final stage, acceptance. So, let’s take a look at the 5 stages of grief that a person goes through after any loss, especially that of a spouse.

    • Denial: This is the first stage of grief, where one just doesn’t believe that their partner is actually gone. When this is taken to an extreme end, you may become delusional and believe that the partner is alive or that medical professionals have made a mistake by declaring them dead. Dr. Batra says, “We don’t call this an absolute delusion because many people feel this way and it passes with time. It’s a state of shock which they are not able to accommodate.”
    • Anger: The second stage of the grieving process is anger, where you feel that your spouse was wrongfully taken away from you. You feel it was too soon for them to go and that it was unfair. At this stage, you may lash out at your family and friends or even direct your anger toward yourself, by shutting yourself in

    Related Reading: 11 Expert Tips To Have A Successful Second Marriage

    • Bargaining: This is a stage of ‘what ifs’. This is when you have a hard time accepting the reality and start wondering what you could’ve done differently to avoid the loss. Dr. Batra explains, “This is when grieving people start going back in time and wondering if only their spouse could’ve lived a little longer.”
    • Depression: In this stage, you have to deal with depression, and lots of it at once. This is when reality begins to set in and you begin to acknowledge the loss. This is when it hits you that your partner is not there any longer, especially when you’re living in the same house after the death of your spouse. Dr. Batra says, “This stage makes them really sad, low, and empty, and the hollowness in them becomes more evident. This is when they feel numb.”
    • Acceptance: Much after the depression phase of the grieving process has passed, begins the stage of acceptance. In this stage, one comes to terms with the loss. Wondering how to get closure when someone dies unexpectedly? Well, Dr. Batra says, “During this last stage, you may perhaps start learning new coping skills. This is when you make new connections and begin to pick up the pieces of life again.”
    You can literally die of a broken heart from the grief you experience after a spouse’s death

    Symptoms of grief

    Besides the stages of grief, we’ll look at some deep effects of spousal death too. Interestingly, widowhood effect, the other term for “dying of a broken heart”, is a phenomenon wherein the likelihood of a person dying shortly after the death of a spouse increases. The death could be due to suicide or natural causes due to health issues, stress, and depression. And this direct impact of grief after a spouse’s death can be prevented if we watch out for the symptoms of grief.

    Related Reading: 11 Easy And Effective Tips To Survive Heartbreak Without Breaking Yourself

    Let’s look at a few such symptoms. We’ll broadly divide the symptoms in two parts, psychological and physical symptoms:
    Psychological symptoms

    Psychological symptoms

    • Survivor’s guilt: This is when your spouse dies in a natural calamity or an accident which you may have survived. It’s part of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and comes from a feeling of not having done enough to save a spouse
    • Anhedonia: This is a strange phenomenon wherein you will not find joy in the things you once enjoyed. So, your favorite pastime, be it gardening or reading, will not make you happy any longer
    • Anxiety and depression: Grief after the death of a spouse can bring about severe mental health issues, such as major encounters with depression and anxiety. While anxiety can be located by looking out for increased heartbeat, sweating, restlessness, and worrying excessively, depression can be pin-pointed by watching out for lack of concentration, suicidal thoughts, and lethargy

    Physical symptoms

    • Brain fog: This can be a collection of various symptoms, including failure to focus and loss of memory
    • Insomnia: One of the sure-shot symptoms of grief is a marked change in sleep patterns. You may find yourself staying awake till the wee hours of the morning, thinking about your lost loved one
    • Digestive issues: Disrupted eating habits during grief can cause severe digestive issues, such as constipation, diarrhea, and stomach pain, accompanied by nausea or queasiness
    • Weight issues: A lack of focus on a balanced diet may cause rapid weight loss or gain
    • Decreased immunity: Lack of sleep and a proper diet can result in reduced immunity, bringing in a host of diseases

    Related Reading: The Emotion Wheel: What It Is And How To Use It To Build Better Relationships

    11 Expert-Backed Tips On How To Rebuild Your Life After The Death Of A Spouse

    Mourning a death and getting back to normal life after such a loss isn’t a linear process. And how long does grief last after death of spouse? Well, it can take anywhere from a few weeks to a few months to years to recover. Likewise, there’s no right or wrong way to heal. At times, the healing is interrupted by the self — the thoughts and memories of one’s spouse, the good times shared, and the longing to be with them once more. But more often than not, the friends and family of a person make them feel guilty for moving on so quickly. They start judging their love and loyalty for their dead spouse.

    A Reddit user thinks on the same lines and has likened remarrying after the death of a spouse to cheating in a relationship. The user further goes on to say: “I mean death is not divorce. It’s just unintended physical separation, like being abducted and forced to go on a very long trip in a far away country with the possibility of never seeing each other again.

    Related Reading: 17 Death and Love quotes to Ease Your Pain

    “I don’t consider myself religious but if there’s a life after this by any chance and a reunion happens and you live forever with the loved ones you lost in life, who’s going to be your spouse now? You will have to let go of one of them after having so many precious and special memories together? Is there space for two loves in one heart?”

    But rebuilding your life after the death of a partner is important, as life goes on and one can’t rely on memories alone to get you through the practicalities of day-to-day life. In this section, Dr. Batra helps us unearth a few ways to get back to normal life after the death of a spouse. So, here it goes:

    1. Remember you are alive

    In case you’ve lost a spouse, a crucial step to recovery is to realize that you are still living. You matter and so do your thoughts, desires, and aspirations. So, continue living. Dr. Batra says, “Remember that your life can and should be as full as it was before your partner’s death because you still have you. The right mindset is what will drive you ahead.”

    2. Don’t quit the things you enjoyed together

    Wondering “How to deal with grief of losing a spouse?” Instead of quitting the things that you love to engage in, continue spending time doing them, either with friends or solo.

    So, be it traveling to exotic locations, trying a variety of culinary delicacies, or just decorating your home, if something brought you two joy, don’t quit it just because you’ve lost your partner. Dr. Batra adds, “A sunset does not become less beautiful because you do not have a spouse to see it with. so, instead of letting the grief and loss destroy you, try and focus on rebuilding your life.”

    A coworker, Trish, lost her husband, Ryan, to a car accident, in her late 40s. Ryan and Trish would often backpack to the mountains when he was alive. After repeatedly crying “My husband died and I want him back” for the initial few weeks, Trish joined a backpacking club and went off to the mountains again. It made her feel whole and come to terms with the grief, she said.

    Related Reading: First Relationship After Being Widowed – 18 Dos And Don’ts

    3. Rediscover yourself

    If you’re still wondering how to rebuild your life after death of spouse, well, the lull after you’ve lost your spouse and have come to terms with it is the right time to rediscover yourself. Make a checklist of all the things you’ve always wanted to do and didn’t get the time to, or had out on the back burner because of your mundane domestic responsibilities. So, give your household chores a break and focus on your dreams.

    Dr. Batra says, “After all you matter too right? If you don’t love yourself, then who else will?” So, always wanted to take that solo trip to Europe? Or hit the gym and lose a few pounds? Do it right away!

    4. Practice gratitude

    It’s important to be thankful for life and the beautiful things it offers us. And for being alive in the first place. So, practice gratitude for living to see another day and breathe in the mourning period for spouse itself. Dr. Batra says, “Be thankful for all the wonderful things that you still have in life, such as your family and friends, your job, and your home. Cherish all the people around you who are still alive, all the people who love you, and the people you love.”

    mourning period for spouse
    Always be thankful for what life has to offer you, even when you’re mourning the loss of a spouse

    5. Learn a new skill

    Bringing in new experiences in life makes you cope with the loss of a spouse effectively, at times. So, learn a new skill, such as sketching, pottery, or dancing. Dr. Batra feels, “This will activate fresh neurons in your brain, and will also release dopamine, which will help you find happiness again.” A friend of mine, Alice, was devastated when her husband passed away in his early 30s. She could say nothing apart from “My husband died and I want him back” for a few weeks. She started learning French soon after the initial shock, as she had always wanted to learn a new language but never had the time to.

    Eventually, she took a trip to France, and using her newly earned linguistic skills, she took up a volunteer teaching assignment there, while touring the country for a month. She still tells me how fulfilling the whole experience was for her. It was her window to a new life.” This is perhaps how to rebuild your life after death of spouse.

    6. Engage in charity

    The mourning period for spouse may not be fixed but while you’re trying to get back to the grind of daily life after the initial shock, you may want to do a good deed or two. So, while you’re still mourning the loss of a husband or wife, donating to charitable causes is a great idea! It’s perhaps the best way to deal with the state of limbo that losing a partner throws you in. It also has a feel-good factor, and you end up making someone else’s life better.

    Related Reading: 11 Dating Sites And Apps For Widows – 2022 Updated

    Dr. Batra says, “If you have the funds, you can share that. If you have the time, then you must share that. If you have love and care, and some skill that can benefit someone else, then share that most definitely. When we give, we gain a lot more, and this is the perfect time to engage in charity.”

    7. Reach out to your childhood friends

    Still wondering how to rebuild your life after death of spouse? Has mourning the loss of a husband or wife messed with your normal routine completely? Call up that friend you haven’t been in touch with for 10 years and who used to be your best buddy in school. Meet that long-lost friend from your old neighborhood who used to accompany you to the dance class every day. Spending time with friends and getting in touch with people who remind you of your happy past bring back your sense of identity and makes getting back to daily life after the loss of a partner easier.

    Dr. Batra feels, “Childhood friends are the ones who knew you when you were little and single. They are the ones who accepted you through thick and thin. They’re the ones who were always there, and you felt complete in their company because you were stress-free and independent. Try teleporting yourself back to that time.”

    8. Keep the memories alive

    So, losing a spouse unexpectedly also means you will no longer be celebrating anniversaries, relationship milestones, or birthdays with them. But hey, who said you need to be sad on those special days? Continue celebrating them. And we’re not asking you to dramatically throw a party. Go, buy that strawberry-flavored cake your partner loved, and have it while watching his favorite movie at home.

    Related Reading: How To Deal With Mementos Of A Lost Love

    Dr. Batra says, “You should be happy reminiscing about the good times that you had with your partner. Just because you lose a person doesn’t mean you lose the goodness that you once shared with them. This is a way to honor the life that you and your spouse shared. The best gift you can give them is a life-long place in your heart.”

    9. Don’t judge yourself

    It’s important to be at ease with your emotions when you’re wondering what to do when a spouse dies or how to rebuild your life after death of spouse and trying to manage grief. So, don’t judge yourself for the way you feel.

    Dr. Batra says, “Some days you might feel attracted to someone new and may think of starting a new relationship. Don’t think you’re a bad person for that. Some days you’ll keep crying and missing them. Don’t judge yourself or think that you’re weak. Feel free to feel the way you feel. Of course, all of this is fine within the limits of taking care of yourself and not getting into extremes.” After all, there’s no concrete answer to “how long does it take to grieve a spouse?”

    10. Love yourself unconditionally

    Love yourself: your talents, your physical and mental health, your work ethics, your love for your family members and friends – value every single thing that makes you ‘you’. Invest in self-care activities, such as a spa day, an exercise class, or a haircut. Dedicate an entire day to pampering yourself.

    Dr. Batra says, “Understand that it’s hard work to process grief and that you are on the job. You didn’t ask for it, but you still have to deal with separation, as it is an essential part of moving on after spouse dies. Feel the mixture of your complex emotions, even if they are as negative as confusion, disorientation, fear, guilt, or anger.”

    Stories about suffering and healing

    11. Seek professional help

    Still wondering what to do when a spouse dies? Well, the best bet, perhaps, is to opt for grief counseling or join support groups where you can share stories with like-minded people. Dr. Batra opines, “I say this not just for people who are experiencing pathological grief or who are suffering from delusions or extreme depression, sadness, or suicidal tendencies. You need to understand the importance of your mental health. You need to understand that you need care and love while trying to cope with such a big loss.” If you’re considering seeking help, Bonobology’s counseling service can offer you the unbiased guidance you need to work through your grief.

    Key Pointers

    • The hardest part of losing a spouse is perhaps the feeling of abandonment one feels, along with the loss of a lifelong friend
    • People usually go through the 5 stages of grief during spousal bereavement: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance
    • Some ways to get back to normal life after grieving a spouse are: loving yourself, getting in touch with childhood friends, learning new skills, and seek grief counseling

    We hope you now have some clarity on how to deal with grief of losing a spouse. And you’re still not wondering how to rebuild your life after death of spouse. Mourning a death, and that too of your spouse, may feel overwhelming. But at the end of the day, you only have yourself. You matter and so do your loved ones who are perhaps cheering on as they wait for you to get over the troubled times. So, don’t disappoint them or yourself.

    How long does it take to grieve a spouse? Well, people heal at their own pace, and it won’t happen overnight. It could also take you a few years if you’re living in the same house after the death of your spouse. But remember, the way forward is the only way. At times, you can be your only savior by coming to terms with the loss and inching your way to a new chapter and new memories.

    FAQs

    1. What happens to your brain when your spouse dies?

    Some experts call the immediate stage after losing a spouse unexpectedly ‘widow brain’. It’s when the shock of losing a spouse affects the brain of the person and they are left disoriented, forgetful, and in a state of ‘mental fog’. They are still coming to terms with grieving a spouse.

    2. Does losing a spouse shorten your life?

    There’s a theory that a person’s chances of dying increase sharply after their spouse’s death. It is known as the ‘widowhood effect’ or the ‘broken heart syndrome’. Many such deaths are caused by stress and its impact on the immune system. Many others die of suicide, driven by loneliness. And how do widowers cope with loneliness? Well, much in the same way that widows do. So, it’s not a gender issue.

    How To Cope With Feeling Lonely In Marriage

    How To Erase Memories After A Breakup

    11 Practical Tips To Get Over Someone Fast

    Ask Our Expert

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  • How Narcissists Treat Their Exes — 11 Common Things They Do And How You Can Respond

    How Narcissists Treat Their Exes — 11 Common Things They Do And How You Can Respond

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    Breaking up with a narcissistic partner can be an emotionally taxing experience, as I discovered firsthand in the aftermath of ending my relationship with a narcissistic ex-girlfriend. Narcissists tend to have a set of dark personality traits that can be both bewildering and hurtful for their former partners. So it’s intriguing to delve into the psychology of how narcissists treat their exes, as these individuals often leave a lasting impact on those who have dared to sever ties with them.

    One striking characteristic is the narcissist’s penchant for manipulation and emotional gamesmanship. In the wake of our breakup, my ex-girlfriend employed a range of tactics aimed at maintaining control and ensuring that the narrative of our relationship suited her agenda. From gaslighting to guilt-tripping, she expertly wielded these tools to cast doubt on my decision and undermine my sense of self-worth. Understanding these behaviors can be crucial for those trying to part ways with a narcissistic ex-partner.

    Do Narcissists Suffer After A Breakup?

    In the aftermath of a breakup with a narcissist, their characteristic narcissistic traits and coping mechanisms come to the forefront. As someone who has navigated the stormy seas of parting ways with a narcissistic ex, I can talk at length about their post-breakup experience. While it might be tempting to believe that narcissists emerge unscathed from the demise of a relationship, a closer look reveals a different narrative. Let’s explore how narcissists suffer after a breakup, examining their unique brand of emotional turmoil.

    • Ego bruised, not heartbroken: For narcissists, the primary source of suffering lies in the dent to their grandiose self-image, rather than the severing of a deep emotional connection
    • Control stripped away: The breakup disrupts the narcissist’s sense of control, prompting desperate attempts to regain dominance and salvage their inflated and false self-worth
    • Concealed pain behind arrogance: Outwardly, narcissists may project an air of indifference or arrogance, but beneath the surface, feelings of rejection and abandonment fester. This is what makes it seem like narcissists hate their exes
    • Rapid rebound relationships: Often, narcissists seek quick rebounds to reaffirm their desirability and cover up their internal turmoil with external validations

    Related Reading: 13 Signs Of A Vulnerable Narcissist In Relationships And How To Deal With One

    Regarding the narcissist’s concealment of pain behind an air of arrogance, one study found that narcissists can even go as far as attempting suicide while continuing to adamantly deny their suffering: “Psychiatric inpatient admission of three non-depressed young men who escaped deadly self-injury provided an opportunity to study their character organization. Defects in affect-regulatory functions and evidence of pathological narcissism were identified and explored … Each denied intent to kill himself, and none acknowledged experience of depression or the wish to die. Each also denied his suicidal behavior involved significant risks, and each discounted the importance of obvious, identifiable stressors as triggers for it.”

    For more expert-backed insights, please subscribe to our YouTube channel.

    As we delve into the intricacies of narcissistic tendencies and post-breakup suffering, the question naturally arises: Do narcissists miss their exes, or is their emotional landscape devoid of such sentiments? How to know if a narcissist is finished with you can be a mystery, so let’s unravel this aspect of a narcissist’s behavior.

    Do Narcissists Miss Their Exes?

    Do narcissistic individuals truly experience the pangs of missing their former partners? And how do narcissists feel when you move on? As we expand upon these inquiries, it’s essential to unravel the complex layers of narcissistic psychology to see how it shapes their post-breakup dynamics such as dumpers remorse. Do narcissists only connect with certain exes? Do narcissists, driven by a profound need for admiration and control, genuinely miss the person they once shared a relationship with?

    Here are some things they actually long for when they say they miss their ex:

    • Ease of control: Narcissists tend to form relationships based on whom they can overpower, which can influence the intensity of their feelings post-breakup. So if a narcissist wants to be friends after breakup, be wary because it may be a control tactic
    • Ego boost: What narcissists may miss more than the person is the ego boost derived from the relationship. The absence of constant admiration can leave them yearning for what they once enjoyed. So a narcissist wants you back only for this missing validation
    • Idealized version of the relationship: Idealization vs. reality are a constant battle with narcissists as they often idealize their partners during the relationship, creating an image that may not align with reality. Missing their ex may be more about missing the idealized version than the actual person, particularly in a narcissistic relationship with an empath
    • Revisiting their past glory: Nostalgia for the times when the relationship served as a source of narcissistic supply can lead to a distorted sense of missing their ex-partner. Also, denying them their narcissistic supply is what makes them belligerent and why it may seem like narcissists hate their exes

    Related Reading: Are Narcissists Capable Of Love?

    On dealing with a narcissist obsessed with his ex, a Reddit user makes some observations on men. They explain that once you leave a narcissist, he will show his true colors in this fashion: “He doesn’t miss ‘you.’ He misses what ‘you’ provided. Replace ‘you’ with her/him and that’s how the narcissist sees it. A means to an end. People before you, people after you. It doesn’t matter since they are selfish and just take and take until you’re depleted.”

    Let’s now explore whether narcissists experience a genuine feeling of missing their exes. In the following section, we will scrutinize whether narcissists truly want to go back to their former partners or if their motivations lie elsewhere.

    Do Narcissists Want To Go Back To Their Ex?

    Entering the realm of what a narcissist does at the end of a relationship brings us to the intriguing question: Do narcissists harbor a genuine desire to rekindle a relationship with their ex-partners? Do narcissists only connect with certain exes — the ones they know they can control? Understanding the motivations behind a narcissist’s actions is key to navigating their post-breakup interactions.

    As we explore whether narcissists want to go back to their exes, it becomes apparent that their motivations are often intricately tied to their need for control, validation, and the preservation of their grandiose, albeit false self-image. Here are some reasons for getting back with their former partners:

    • Ego restoration: Narcissists may entertain the idea of reconciliation as a means to restore their wounded ego and regain a sense of control over the narrative of the relationship
    • Seeking narcissistic supply: The desire to reconnect often stems from a need for a fresh supply of admiration and validation, which the ex-partner previously provided. If a narcissist wants to be friends after breakup, it usually means they’re after this supply
    • Manipulative intentions: Narcissists may express a desire to reunite, not out of genuine love, but as a strategic move of romantic manipulation over their ex-partner
    • Cycle of idealization and devaluation: The cyclical nature of narcissistic relationships may lead to a desire to go back, driven by the idealization phase. This phase is followed by devaluation. All of this creates a temporary illusion of improvement

    One Reddit user talks of his narcissistic ex-girlfriend seeking this narcissistic supply from him: “Mine told me she misses the ‘old Tim.’ I responded the ‘old Tim’ that you kicked out and abandoned all those times? The ‘old Tim’ that you’d go weeks and months ignoring not caring if he was dead or alive? They don’t hold anything sacred, let alone another person, beyond themselves.”

    A narcissist obsessed with his ex will continue to subject her to his manipulative tactics

    When narcissists revisit past relationships, it’s vital to understand how they treat their exes in these scenarios and, more importantly, how one can navigate such interactions. In the next section, we’ll explore how narcissists treat their exes and offer insights on how to effectively respond to these challenging situations.

    How Narcissists Treat Their Exes And How To Respond

    Even if the relationship ends, the narcissistic abuse will likely continue. The aftermath of a breakup with a narcissist often unveils a complex dance of manipulative behaviors and emotional turbulence. “How do narcissists feel when you move on?” I asked a friend, who has been on the receiving end of the harm caused by his self-consumed ex-partner.

    He shared, “From my experience, once you leave a narcissist, he will go to great lengths to protect or feed his ego. A narcissist obsessed with his ex is a common sight for some. But to face it personally was extremely disturbing. I couldn’t have kept sane without the support of those who believed my side of the story.”

    Related Reading: 30 Manipulative Things Narcissists Say In An Argument And What They Actually Mean

    Understanding how narcissists treat their exes is pivotal for those navigating the challenging terrain of post-relationship interactions. So let’s talk about the common patterns of narcissistic abuse exhibited by them once you break up. We also offer effective strategies for responding to these often tumultuous encounters.

    1. They will gaslight you

    People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder lack empathy, which enables them to employ narcissistic gaslighting tactics to erode your confidence and sense of reality. They sow seeds of doubt through:

    • Persistent denial
    • Trivializing your experiences
    • Even rewriting of events

    This emotional manipulation leaves the ex-partner questioning their own sanity and memories. It creates a toxic environment where the narcissist’s version of events takes precedence, infecting your mind with confusion and self-doubt.

    How to respond: Documenting interactions can help. Keep records of conversations and incidents to protect yourself from gaslighting and false accusations. Doing this will probably not get a narcissist to admit to their wrongdoing but it will protect you from feeling like you’re imagining things.

    Related Reading: Manipulation In Relationships – 11 Subtle Signs You Are A Victim

    2. They will attempt triangulation

    Triangulation is a calculated narcissistic strategy aimed at maintaining emotional control. By introducing a third party — whether real or perceived — into the narrative, the narcissist triggers feelings of jealousy, competition, and insecurity in their ex-partner. Plus, if she or he cheated now and wants to be friends, there’s a good chance they’re attempting to employ this tactic on you. Whether flaunting a new relationship or strategically orchestrating interactions, this control tactic serves to manipulate emotions, exert influence, and keep the ex-partner entangled in the web of the narcissist’s machinations.

    How to respond: Be aware of the narcissist’s intent in trying to make you jealous. Recognizing triangulation is the first step in mitigating its impact. Refrain from engaging in confrontations with the third party or expressing overt jealousy, as this fuels the narcissist’s manipulation.

    3. They will give you the silent treatment

    Narcissists treat their exes with the silent treatment as a powerful form of emotional abuse. Why do they do this? Let’s see:

    • It’s done to assert dominance and instigate anxiety in their ex-partners
    • By abruptly withdrawing communication, the narcissist leaves the ex-partner in a state of uncertainty and desperation for resolution
    • This calculated tactic is designed to maintain control, as the silent treatment communicates that the narcissist holds the power to grant or withhold emotional connection. Narcissists love holding power over a person, no matter what kind of power it is
    On-Narcissism

    How to respond: Stay calm and collected. Don’t allow the narcissist’s behavior to trigger frustration or desperation, at least not in front of them. Refrain from begging or pleading for attention. Giving in to emotional pleas will definitely reinforce the narcissist’s belief that silent treatment is an effective tool for manipulation.

    4. Your narcissistic ex will resort to hoovering

    Post-breakup, narcissists often engage in hoovering, a manipulative cycle of the idealization stage followed by devaluation aimed at luring their ex-partner back into the relationship. It’s a three-stage cycle through which the narcissist seeks to re-establish control over their ex-partner’s emotions and undermine their self-confidence, creating a cycle that perpetuates emotional turmoil and dependency.

    Related Reading: 6 Types Of Emotional Manipulation And Expert Tips To Recognize Them

    These are the three stages of their behavior:

    • Intermittent displays of affection
    • False promises of change
    • And intermittent attention in the form of excessive praise

    How to respond: Be aware of covert narcissistic hoovering and recognize it as a manipulation strategy employed by the narcissist to regain control and attention. Ask yourself: Are the narcissist’s promises of change or displays of affection temporary? If yes, they are intended to manipulate emotions.

    5. They will shift the blame onto you

    A cornerstone of narcissistic behavior involves deflecting responsibility for the relationship’s demise onto their ex-partner. By casting themselves as blameless victims, narcissists skillfully manipulate the narrative, leaving their ex-partners burdened with unfounded guilt and shame. If you’re faced with a ‘she or he cheated now wants to be friends’ situation, they will very likely attempt to shift blame on you.

    Be wary. This blame-shifting tactic serves to absolve the narcissist of accountability while reinforcing their sense of superiority, and also to create a sense of self-doubt in their victim.

    How to respond: Resist internalizing the false guilt imposed by their blame-shifting. Remind yourself of your own intentions and actions (list them out if it helps), and don’t let the narcissist’s attempts to shift blame affect your self-worth. Resist the urge to become overly defensive or to react emotionally in front of your ex. Instead, calmly address inaccuracies and then redirect the conversation toward finding solutions or resolutions.

    Related Reading: 17 Signs You’re With An Emotionally Immature Woman

    6. They will attempt to smear your reputation

    To safeguard their own image, narcissists may initiate smear campaigns against their ex-partners. Through a calculated dissemination of false information, distortions, and character assassinations, they attempt to tarnish your reputation. Narcissists treat their exes this way not only to isolate them socially but also to reinforce their control over the narrative surrounding the breakup. This can cause severe trust issues and low self-esteem in the victim, potentially damaging future relationships.

    How to respond: If your ex is doing this to you, seek support. Reach out to friends, family members, or a therapist for a supportive network during this challenging time. Get a restraining order if you fear for your safety. And always remember to prioritize self-care in the middle of all this.

    7. A narcissist wants you back if they resort to love bombing

    Love bombing is a deceptive technique wherein the narcissist inundates their ex-partner with overwhelming displays of affection and attention. This reinforcement of love and admiration creates a sense of dependency and excitement, effectively luring the ex-partner back into the narcissist’s orbit. This strategy of narcissistic behaviors is characterized by an exaggerated intensity of emotions and grandiose displays of love and sexual advances, only to be followed by subsequent manipulation and emotional withdrawal. The bitter truth is that narcissists care only about themselves.

    Also, take note of future faking. A Reddit user recounts her experience of dealing with a narcissistic ex: “It was definitely future faking. The narc will find someone else within a week and start telling her that she is the future wife and beyond perfect. That promise means nothing to them because they will drag it and drop it onto the next person in line.” If this is relatable, then rather than genuinely missing you, please know that your ex is attempting to manipulate you.

    Related Reading: How To Differentiate Between Love Bombing And Genuine Care

    How to respond: Clearly define and enforce healthy boundaries to protect your emotional well-being. Firm boundaries will come about as a result of self-awareness, and will stop you from getting carried away. Gauge their reaction to your assertion of these boundaries.

    8. They may attempt to control or manipulate your finances

    Narcissists love to overpower their partners completely. People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder may exert financial control during and after the relationship, leveraging money as a tool for manipulation and influence. They do this by:

    • Controlling access to resources
    • Creating financial dependency
    • Using financial threats

    The narcissist ensures that their ex-partner remains entangled in a web of dependence, further complicating the process of disentangling from the toxic relationship. For example, a common way of controlling finances post-breakup is by refusing to pay child support.

    How to respond: Consult loved ones or a financial advisor for ways you can become financially independent. If needed, consult a lawyer to see if there is any legal recourse.

    Related Reading: How Not To Fall For A Narcissist And Suffer In Silence

    9. Your ex will exploit your emotional vulnerabilities in yet another display of narcissism

    Narcissists maintain dominance by recognizing and exploiting their ex-partner’s emotional vulnerabilities. It is a key tactic employed by them to keep you trapped. By leveraging your most deep-seated insecurities, fears, or past traumas, narcissists gain a strategic advantage and ensure that you remain emotionally entangled and dependent through trauma bonding. This is probably one of the most damaging narcissist moves and makes it harder for the victim to trust a new partner.

    How to respond: In this situation, sever contact with your ex-partner immediately. If that is not possible, at least minimize contact as much as possible to break free from the cycle of manipulation and regain emotional clarity. It’s not a good idea to even remain friends with a narcissist.

    10. Narcissists will attempt to manipulate the narrative

    Narcissists habitually engage in pathological lying through fabrication of elaborate stories, exaggerations, or omissions. They do this to achieve the following:

    • It is a means of controlling perceptions, attempting to make it seem like their bad behavior is not such a serious offense
    • The compulsive liar manipulates the narrative to maintain a facade of superiority and regain control of the situation
    • Narcissists behave this way because pathological lying serves to reinforce the narcissist’s inflated false self-image while undermining the ex-partner’s ability to discern truth from fiction, perpetuating a cycle of confusion and dependency
    narcissist wants you back
    A narcissist will attempt to play the victim in the breakup

    How to respond: It would help to cultivate emotional independence in order to reduce dependency on external validation. Your core friends and family will support you through this. Make a list of facts, and read it whenever you doubt yourself. Share it with your loved ones.

    11. They will play the victim card

    Narcissists treat their exes like abusers to gain the upper hand. Despite being the orchestrators of emotional manipulation, narcissists skillfully play the victim to elicit sympathy and deflect blame onto their ex-partners. This manipulative tactic, known as DARVO (deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender), involves presenting themselves as unjustly persecuted, fostering a narrative where their ex-partner becomes the alleged aggressor.

    It shifts the perceived power dynamic in their favor. By portraying themselves as innocent victims, narcissists further manipulate perceptions, making it challenging for their former partners to assert their own truths and experiences.

    Related Reading: Exposing A Narcissist – What You Should Know

    How to respond: Since there is nothing you can do to change another person’s perspective, the best thing would be to ignore their actions and focus on your healing. Block them from everywhere. Prioritize self-care activities to nurture your mental and emotional health when dealing with a narcissistic injury of this kind.

    Key Pointers

    • Breaking up with a narcissistic partner is often not the end of the story. They will continue to affect your personal life and other relationships in the aftermath
    • Narcissists do suffer post-breakup but not in the way the rest of us do — They suffer from a lack of ego validation and miss the control they had on you
    • They have a range of tactics that they may employ to lure you back into their control such as hoovering, blame-shifting, love bombing, and DARVO
    • Understanding narcissism is the first step you can take. It’ll help you respond to their attempts at drawing you back into their abusive games

    We’ve delved into the intricate psychology of how narcissists treat their exes and explored the nuances of the suffering they go through, and the one they inflict upon others. From gaslighting to love bombing, the manipulative tactics employed by narcissists have been laid bare. If you’re going through this hurt, we hope you’re taking steps toward breaking free of their control.

    By documenting interactions, educating ourselves, and focusing on healing and self-care, you can not only navigate the complex web woven by narcissists but also reclaim control, fostering a journey of self-discovery and empowerment beyond the shadows of manipulation.

    Breaking Up With A Narcissist: 7 Tips And What To Expect

    No Contact With A Narcissist – 7 Things Narcissists Do When You Go No Contact

    How To Make A Narcissist Miserable — 13 Things To Do

    Ask Our Expert

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  • My Boyfriend Is Grieving And Pushing Me Away: Tips To Cope And Comfort Your Man

    My Boyfriend Is Grieving And Pushing Me Away: Tips To Cope And Comfort Your Man

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    When someone we care about is going through a difficult time, our instinct is to be there for them, to comfort and support them. However, sometimes, the grieving individual may not want you around. My friend texted me recently, “My boyfriend is grieving and pushing me away. I know he’s been going through hell after his mom died so suddenly, but I’m confused every day. What should I do? I want to be there for him!”

    A study by The European Journal of Trauma and Dissociation found that many people experience negative reactions when they express their grief, which makes them conceal it. If you’re going through a similar situation, I’m here to make sure that both you and your partner get through this. The most important thing to keep in mind is that each person handles grief in their own way. You can give your man the support and comfort he needs during this trying time, but can’t fix or remove his misery.

    Today, relationship coach Nandita Rambhia (MSc, Psychology), who specializes in CBT, REBT, and couple’s counseling, addresses how grief affects relationships. She will provide us with valuable tips to deal with the “my partner is grieving and pushing me away” scenario that I described above.

    Reasons Why Your Grieving Boyfriend Wants To Be Alone

    When a boyfriend is grieving, his desire to not want to meet or be on calls with you can be perplexing and hurtful. But even when your grieving boyfriend wants to be alone, you can handle his sadness and provide him with the consolation and support he needs. With our expert, we’ll go through a few communication techniques that will strengthen your relationship with your mourning partner, despite the current emotional distance between you two.

    Nandita says, “Grieving is deeply personal, and everyone copes differently. Your boyfriend needing space doesn’t mean he’s pushing you away; he’s simply navigating his grief in his own way. Respect his need for solitude — It’s his way of processing and healing.”

    Here are some common reasons a grieving boyfriend wants to be alone:

    • He is overwhelmed with emotions: He needs his time to process these emotions without burdening or upsetting you. Give your boyfriend space to understand the intensity of his sadness. Grief can make people emotionally unpredictable, and you never know how he’ll react to you being in his presence constantly
    • He feels an acute loss of control: Grief frequently leaves people feeling as if they have lost control of their lives. They may feel helpless or as if they have no agency over their thoughts, actions, or surroundings. Being on his own allows him to reclaim control, and that’s why your grieving boyfriend wants to be alone
    • He’s avoiding judgment: Grief can cause irrational thoughts and behaviors that are impossible to explain to others. Your boyfriend may need some space to be alone during this vulnerable time to avoid feeling judged or misunderstood. If you want to know how to be there for your boyfriend when he’s grieving, try not to make him feel hurt by asserting your own needs
    • He needs privacy: Give your boyfriend space because individuals who are grieving may feel vulnerable and exposed. He may require time to cry, scream, or express himself without feeling self-conscious or watched. But don’t let him get too comfortable with this arrangement. Studies have found increased loneliness to be correlated with lower mental and physical health. Three clinical conditions – major depressive disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, and prolonged grief disorder – are associated with more loneliness
    • He’s reflecting on memories: When my friend told me “My boyfriend is grieving and pushing me away,” this is what I thought of. That his mind is probably in the past, reliving moments without interruption. He’ll reach a stage eventually where these memories can provide solace and a connection to the person he lost, instead of cutting him deep
    • He’s avoiding additional stress: It is human nature to feel emotionally and physically exhausted in grief. Your presence and your comforting words for a grieving boyfriend, no matter how well-intended, may unintentionally increase stress or pressure. Since he can’t offer stability and comfort to you at the moment, he may even be worried about you leaving him. Breaking up while grieving can be an exceptionally challenging and emotionally tumultuous experience, as it adds the weight of separation to an already painful time
    • He’s processing the loss: My friend asked me, “I do want to give my grieving boyfriend space. I’m just wondering, for how long?” Going through the stages of grief is a time-consuming process. Your boyfriend may require a few weeks or months to process the loss and accept some of its impact on his life
    • He’s avoiding emotionally charged conversations: Conversations can become deeply scattered or enraged or ‘final’ when someone is bereaved. He’s worried about breaking up while grieving, even though he doesn’t intend to part ways. He is not sure of his emotions in this tragic scenario and needs space until he feels more sorted
    • Being alone is his form of self-care: Grief can be debilitating. Without external distractions or pressures, solitude provides the space needed for self-care. This allows him to focus on regaining emotional and physical strength

    Related Reading: 15 Proven Ways To Show Someone You Love Them

    He is pushing you away because he is probably reflecting on the past

    How To Help Your Boyfriend Deal With The Death Of A Loved One — 9 Tips

    We understand. An agonizing and overwhelming routine waits for a person after they’ve lost a loved one. And if you’re trying to help your boyfriend get through this tough time, you need guidance too. Though grief is a deeply personal experience, we’re here to help you understand how to comfort your boyfriend.

    From providing a listening ear to showing respect for his need for solitude, we have nine useful tips on how to help your boyfriend deal with a death. You can become a source of comfort and strength for him as he handles the complex and often unpredictable process of loss. In this section, we’ll address the “my boyfriend is grieving and pushing me away” dilemma you’re currently facing. Not every tip will work for you; it all depends on how much space your partner needs at the moment.

    1. Offer him your presence

    Your presence is one of the most fundamental and immediate ways to support your boyfriend through his grief. Simply sitting beside him (if he lets you) or being in the same house as him, can help him feel less isolated and more understood.

    If you can’t be with him physically, try leaving a loving voice clip every day — but without urging a response from him. Check in on him regularly. It’s okay if he doesn’t reply every time.

    Related Reading: 21 Beautiful Prayers For Your Husband For Everlasting Love

    2. Make sure he has a safe space where he can talk freely

    When comforting words for a grieving boyfriend are not welcome, listen instead. Listening is a crucial aspect of supporting someone through grief. Support groups might work if your partner is not ready to open up to you. According to a participant in research, “Support groups have been most helpful, knowing there were others who truly understand.”

    Another person in the study described social support as “having a community of people who are safe to share your journey of grief with; who don’t try to fix you or hurry you … people who let me say her name and tell stories about her.” Here’s what happens when the focus is on listening, not guidance:

    • Encouraging your boyfriend to express his thoughts and emotions, with you or in a support group, provides him with a safe and non-judgmental outlet
    • It allows him to articulate his feelings, helping him process and make sense of his grief
    • An active listener gives their full attention, validates his emotions, and responds with empathy
    • This creates an environment where he can open up without fear of criticism or misunderstanding
    • He feels seen and less lonely because the people in the support group relate to what he’s going through

    Nandita suggests, “Active listening can play a vital role in this situation. It means being present and understanding your boyfriend’s emotions, even when he’s screaming. Sometimes, it’s not about encouraging him to share, but rather comprehending the underlying emotions beyond his words and tone.”

    3. How to help your boyfriend deal with a death? Respect his grieving process

    Is your boyfriend grieving by going through the five stages? Such as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Or maybe his journey is not linear? Acknowledge that there’s no “right” or “wrong” way and pace to grieve. By understanding and accepting his emotions and actions, you allow him the freedom to navigate his grief in his own way — according to his needs, capacities, and emotions.

    Related Reading: 17 Death and Love quotes to Ease Your Pain

    4. What to text a grieving boyfriend? Offer comfort and specific help

    When traumatic events like these take place, it’s natural to feel hurt all the time. Send an occasional message (and specify that he doesn’t have to respond) to let him know you’re thinking of him and are available to talk or listen whenever he’s ready. This approach shows your ongoing support without overwhelming him or making him feel isolated.

    Also, practical assistance can be a tremendous relief during a time when daily tasks seem overwhelming. Share some household chores, offer him help with cooking, or with funeral arrangements. These tasks can be physically and emotionally draining and can make things worse for him. So your practical support allows him to take his space as well as focus on his emotional well-being, without the added stress of daily responsibilities.

    More on relationship adviceMore on relationship advice

    5. Be straightforward while offering support, and go the extra mile

    Instead of asking, “Is there anything I can do for you?” which can be overwhelming, offer concrete and specific forms of assistance. For instance, it will be more empathetic if you say:

    • “I have made a list of groceries. I’ll get them in the evening”
    • “I can email your workplace to tell them you need some time off”
    • “I’m here to listen if you want to talk”
    • “I will cook dinner for you tonight. Is pasta okay?”
    • “I can make all the calls today”
    • “I’ll do the paperwork tonight if you’re okay with it”
    • “I’ve verified a support group and kept the details at your bedside. You can call them and book a session whenever you feel ready. Or I can do it for you”

    This shows that you’re proactive and it reduces the burden of decision-making during a challenging time. Nandita adds, “When your boyfriend is grieving, offer specific forms of support, like helping with daily tasks and being a comforting presence. This can make a significant difference. Avoid overwhelming advice and focus on practical assistance and emotional presence while he mourns.”

    Related Reading: Secure Relationships – What Are They And What Do They Look Like?

    6. “My boyfriend is grieving and pushing me away, what do I do?” Respect his need for solitude

    A Reddit user says, “The guy I was dating recently lost his best friend. He just broke up with me saying he wants to be alone and can only be friends.” Now this kind of scenario is pretty scary to think of. Hopefully, your partner doesn’t want to let his grief break up a relationship, and neither do you.

    It’s true that the grief of losing a dear one sometimes impacts a relationship adversely. In your panic, you may start thinking about what to text a grieving boyfriend. But maybe he doesn’t want that, maybe he just wants a little alone time. Grief can be emotionally overwhelming, and he may require moments (or days) of reflection and solitude to process his emotions. Recognize that these periods of aloneness are part of his coping mechanism. Let him come to terms with his loss and find solace within himself, but continue to check in on him gently.

    7. As he mourns his loss, take care of him as a community

    Grief can take a toll on one’s physical and mental health, and it takes more than one person to take care of the affected person. Dr. Eric Bui, associate director for research at the Center for Anxiety and Traumatic Stress Disorders and Complicated Grief Program at Harvard-affiliated Massachusetts General Hospital, says in Harvard Health Publishing, “Men may try to resist grief, but it’s important not to ignore these symptoms, as constant stress can put you at greater risk for a heart attack, stroke, and even death, especially in the first few months after losing someone.”

    So, how to help your boyfriend deal with a death? His loved ones should encourage him to prioritize self-love and self-care. Include friends and family in this, so you’re not the only one who’s taking care of him. Ensure that he is:

    • Eating well and drinking water regularly
    • Getting adequate rest and taking time off work or studies
    • Engaging in activities that provide comfort and relaxation
    • Meeting people whom he trusts and who can understand his grief

    If he’s pushing you away, keep in touch with his family members or best friend in order to keep track of his health and routine.

    8. “My partner is grieving and pushing me away, what to do?” Be patient and non-judgmental

    There is no fixed blueprint for how grief affects relationships. It can lead to mood swings, hours of fun or tears, and irrational behavior. Be patient and understanding. Try not to judge his actions or reactions, as these are often the result of overbearing emotions and not a reflection of his character. Keep in mind that everyone grieves differently, and your unwavering support can help him navigate this challenging journey.

    Nandita explains, “Build your emotional resilience. It’ll equip you to be a stronger, more understanding partner during this challenging time. It’ll even create a healthier relationship dynamic.”

    9. “My boyfriend is grieving and pushing me away, how can I help him?” Offer unconditional love

    Whether it’s a beloved pet who passed away or a brother who died recently with whom he wasn’t even on speaking terms, life may not be the same for your boyfriend after this sad news. Reiterate your love and commitment to your boyfriend, even when he’s pushing you away. Let him know you are there for him.

    A study mentioned above states that “much of the support offered in early grief diminishes quickly, while the need for support continues.” Thus, your continued reassurance can provide a sense of emotional safety and comfort, reminding him that he has a steadfast source of support during a turbulent time.

    And now for the other concern you’re grappling with: Our reader, Lamya, a regional leader in the renewable energy industry, shares with us, “I understand what he’s going through, but I don’t know how to give my grieving boyfriend space when all I want to do is go meet him or call him every two hours. How do I ensure our relationship goes on when my partner is grieving and pushing me away?” Lamya, and dear readers, we got you.

    How To Cope When Your Grieving Boyfriend Pushes You Away

    Don’t let grief break up a relationship. It’s essential to remember that his actions are likely not a reflection of his feelings for you. A Reddit user says, “Grief is extremely hard and hits people in many different ways, it may not hit for years or may hit instantly.” True, grief is certainly a complex and individual process. Hence the mess and confusion.

    Here are some strategies to help you navigate this difficult situation:

    Related Reading: When A Good Marriage Is About Supporting Your Partner

    1. Be patient with him

    Patience is a virtue when supporting a grieving partner who may be pushing you away. Understand that his behavior is not a reflection of his feelings for you but rather a manifestation of his grief. Grief can be overwhelming, so give your boyfriend space even though it’s hard. Allow him to take the time he needs. Don’t pressure him to respond or engage with you when he’s not ready.

    In an article for Cake, Dr. Alejandra Vasquez, a certified grief counselor, wrote, “Depending on the significance of your partner’s loss, it may be that you’ll need to hang in there a bit longer for them to return to the relationship. Even so, they may come back as an entirely different person than before. Only time will tell the total effect of grief on your partner and relationship.”

    2. “My boyfriend is grieving and pushing me away, what to do?” Respect his boundaries

    While your intentions are to provide support, it’s crucial to respect your boyfriend’s boundaries. Express your availability to him and let him know you’re there for him, but avoid intruding or pushing yourself into his space if he’s not receptive. Nandita says, “Respect his emotional boundaries and mood swings without taking them personally. Be there for him without sulking. Offer your support, whether it’s a call or in person. Stay patient and understanding during this challenging time.”

    how to help your boyfriend deal with a deathhow to help your boyfriend deal with a death
    You must understand and respect his boundaries

    3. Repeat after us: “I’m not abandoning him”

    Keeping the door open for communication, even when your boyfriend is pushing you away, is essential. But what’s important to remember is this: You are not at fault. Snip away the thoughts of guilt and remind yourself that you’re doing what you can. It’s okay to go about your day sometimes and do the things you usually would. You need to be able to live your life while he takes space from you.

    Related Reading: 55 Motivating Words Of Encouragement For A Man You Love During Hard Times

    4. Seek support for yourself

    Caring for a grieving loved one can be emotionally demanding. Ensure you have your own support system in place to share your own feelings and seek guidance. By taking care of your emotional well-being, you’ll be better equipped to provide the necessary support for your boyfriend without becoming emotionally drained or overwhelmed. Just so you know, skilled and licensed counselors on Bonobology’s panel are always here for you.

    5. Educate yourself on the contradictions of the grieving process and its expression

    Grief doesn’t follow a set pattern, chronology, or timeline. By familiarizing yourself with the stages of the grieving process, you can better understand your boyfriend’s emotional ups and downs. Understand that grief is often irrational and unpredictable. Your awareness of this complexity will enable you to offer advice and compassionate support in a more effective and less draining way.

    According to a survey by WebMD, while half of the people in grief turned to music and social settings to cope, the other half relied on alcohol, isolation, and excessive eating. Have you noticed your partner doing any of these during his own grieving process?

    Nandita adds, “Keep track of his actions. Understanding grief provides invaluable insight into your boyfriend’s emotional journey. Recognizing his feelings allows you to offer targeted support. It shows empathy and patience tailored to his needs, and fosters a deeper connection during this time.”

    6. Don’t miss out on self-care

    Being available for your boyfriend is the most important thing while he is grieving. But grief can take a toll on both of you. Prioritize self-care by getting enough rest, maintaining a healthy diet, picking a new hobby, and engaging in activities that bring you ease. Taking care of your own well-being ensures that you have the emotional resources to support him effectively.

    Nandita says, “Take time for yourself to recharge and break away from the routine of grieving, as it’s essential for maintaining your mental balance. As for your partner, give him space initially, then help him return to his daily routine when he’s ready.”

    Related Reading: 16 Ways To Show Affection To Your Partner

    7. Consider professional help

    Nandita suggests, “Empower your boyfriend to prioritize his mental health by urging him to seek professional assistance. Concurrently, actively engage in your own support network, whether it’s professional help, friends, family members, or support groups.”

    If your boyfriend’s grief is severely affecting his mental health or straining your relationship, a therapist or grief counselor can provide specialized support and tools tailored to his needs. Therapy can also assist both of you in addressing the relationship challenges that may arise during this grieving process.

    8. How to be there for your boyfriend when he’s grieving — Remember the loved one together

    This step can only take place when he’s ready to open up to you. If you knew the person who’s passed away, but not as intimately, you may need to find space for your own grief too. Commemorating their life and memories is a touching way to honor their legacy. Share stories, photos, or mementos to keep their memory alive.

    This not only allows your boyfriend to reminisce but also aids in the healing process by preserving the connection to the loved one. It can be a comforting and healthy way to cope with the loss, for both of you.

    Key Pointers

    • Grief is a complex and individual experience that can significantly affect relationships. It’s crucial to grasp how grief can influence emotions and behavior, which might even result in your partner pushing you away
    • Your role as a partner is to offer understanding, comfort, and support to your grieving boyfriend
    • He might want to be alone, though. This article dives into the emotional and psychological reasons behind his need for solitude
    • When grief leads your partner to push you away, it can be emotionally challenging. Understand his actions, respect his boundaries, and maintain communication and love while also seeking external support for yourself
    • These components play a crucial role in strengthening your relationship and facilitating healing

    So, if you resonate with my friend’s “my boyfriend is grieving and pushing me away” situation, know that patience, active listening, and respecting boundaries are essential components of supporting your grieving partner. Offer specific forms of concrete help, speak comforting words for a grieving boyfriend even when he is withdrawn, and seek your own support network.

    Let him know you’re there for him, no matter how he chooses to cope with his grief, and that your commitment to his well-being and your relationship remains steadfast. As time passes and his grief evolves, your unwavering support can serve as a beacon of hope and comfort, ultimately deepening your connection and healing.

    FAQs

    1. Can grieving ruin a relationship?

    Grieving can strain a relationship due to emotional challenges and changes in priorities, but it doesn’t inevitably ruin it. Open communication, patience, and support can help couples navigate this difficult journey and emerge stronger.

    2. Is it normal to push people away when grieving?

    Yes, it’s normal for some people to push others away when grieving. Grief can lead to a range of emotional responses, including a desire for solitude and processing emotions independently

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  • These Are the Only Grammys After-Party Looks You Need to See

    These Are the Only Grammys After-Party Looks You Need to See

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    Whether you actually tuned in for the 2024 Grammys or not, you probably saw what the biggest stars of the evening chose to wear. From beauty close-ups to full red-carpet breakdowns, my social feeds were alight last night with photos from every angle of the occasion’s attendees. But one thing that’s easy to forget is that Grammys night doesn’t end when the guests depart Crypto.com Arena. The party continues far into the wee hours, and at the next venue, a whole new slew of looks come out.

    This year, there were a number of big Grammys after parties, including one at Chateau Marmont on Sunset Boulevard that was attended by everyone from Sabrina Carpenter and Selena Gomez to Anya Taylor-Joy and Storm Reid. Hunter Schafer, Julia Garner, and more hit up another at Fleur Room, hosted by Billie Eilish. And yes, they all came dressed to impress. Scroll through all of the best Grammys after party outfits below. 

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  • Nina Dobrev on Adult Friendships, Keeping It Real, and Her Style Evolution

    Nina Dobrev on Adult Friendships, Keeping It Real, and Her Style Evolution

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    Juggling the ebbs and flows of adult friendships is something Dobrev knows well. “People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime,” she says. For Dobrev, whose life and schedule are as busy and unpredictable as it gets, planning has always been key to cultivating deeper relationships. She’s great with a schedule and makes a point to pencil in time with friends when she’s in their area. FaceTime and social media have been a big help too. “I’m very lucky I have incredible friendships,” Dobrev says. “They are also very understanding of the fact that we’re not going to be the kind of friends who talk every single day about every single thing.”

    Dobrev is nothing if not a realist, and she’s definitely not one to beat around the bush. It’s that directness that makes her such a great friend, actor, and producer and what also attracts her to like-minded creative folks such as Cram and stylist Kate Young. “I say how I feel, and I don’t sugarcoat too much, and that’s both my Achilles heel and one of my greatest assets,” she says. 

    Young, like Dobrev, is straightforward and direct, and that kind of personality can come in handy when the right red carpet look is on the line. The A-list stylist, who also works with Dakota Johnson, Michelle Williams, and Julianne Moore, has been an ideal match for the actor, both in personality and fashion tastes. Dobrev can confidently say that her style has evolved dramatically since the two started working together. She cringes thinking back on some of her earlier red carpet looks. “I don’t know why nobody had an intervention with me,” she laughs. These days, the two have fun playing with a variety of styles and silhouettes, whether it’s a stunning gold sequin gown for the CFDA Fashion Awards, a leggy skirt-and-blazer combo by Nensi Dojaka, or an unexpected Chanel denim-on-denim look. Again, is there anything Dobrev can’t do? Young has been instrumental in creating a more elevated and chic vibe for Dobrev. “She’s the ultimate cool girl,” she says of Young. We can say the same about Dobrev.

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  • My Aunt and I Are Both Obsessed With J.Crew—42 Pieces We Agree On

    My Aunt and I Are Both Obsessed With J.Crew—42 Pieces We Agree On

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    I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again: My aunt is one of my biggest style inspirations. In my 29 years as her niece, I’ve never seen her looking anything short of pulled-together and ultra-chic, so it should come as no surprise when I tell you that it’s basically her job to help people find their personal style. She went into fashion merchandising and has since worked in everything from personal styling to buying. Almost everyone in our family goes to her for style advice, myself included. And now that we both work in fashion, I’m constantly texting her about everything from the coolest new trends to the items I’m considering buying.

    I sat down with her to chat about the best J.Crew shopping. The retailer has recently shot up to the top of my list of go-to stores, and I’ve found more and more reasons to shop its chic and elevated staples, but I wanted to get my aunt’s take on what to buy there now. Despite the nearly 30 years between us, we picked out many of the same J.Crew items, which proves how versatile and ageless these finds really are.

    Instead of keeping them to myself, I’m dishing on all the chic J.Crew shopping finds my aunt and I are losing our minds over now. Ahead are 42 perfect picks.

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  • Inuit Model Willow Allen Is Always on My FYP—I Learned Her Beauty Secrets

    Inuit Model Willow Allen Is Always on My FYP—I Learned Her Beauty Secrets

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    Allen’s perception of beauty has always been influenced by her cultural upbringing as an Inuvialuit living in the Arctic. “The things I always grew up to know as beautiful were handmade Inuvialuit traditional clothes, earrings, crafts, arts, and carvings,” she explains. “They were seen so highly by everyone in my community and always praised and recognized. I always wanted beautiful mukluks or mitts for Christmas, and they were the most valuable thing I felt like I owned.” In the first video I ever viewed of Allen’s, she was holding a pair of traditional beaded bridal slippers made by a local artisan and sharing how important it was to her that she wear them on her special day—even taking precedence over wedding dress shopping.

    Another video features Allen doing her makeup with the goal of embracing and enhancing her Indigenous features. When I ask Allen about the most notable beauty practices passed down to her through generations of women in her family, Inuvialuit clothing and jewelry come to mind. She says she feels most beautiful in her traditional earrings, seal-skin mukluks, and mittens. “I feel like I’m really sharing who I am, how I was raised, and what my life growing up in the Arctic was. I hope my audience sees the beautiful way of life it is in the Arctic and in Indigenous culture,” she adds. The majority of her content, beauty based or otherwise, is focused on her identity and culture. Many of Allen’s videos begin with her introducing herself as an Inuk from the Arctic before diving into the subject matter. 

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  • Cole Sprouse and Kathryn Newton Are the Screen Duo We've Been Waiting For

    Cole Sprouse and Kathryn Newton Are the Screen Duo We've Been Waiting For

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    To your point, you’ve both been acting from such a young age. Cole, you’ve been vocal about the fact that it wasn’t always a choice. It was often out of financial necessity. Kathryn, you’ve likewise been in the industry since you were 4. How does that influence your current approach?

    CS: When a lot of people talk about acting, they talk about the beauty and the passion of acting, and they forget that it’s also a job. The healthiest relationship is somewhere in the middle, where you can go, “Alright, I ideally want to do one for me and one for the coffers.”

    KN: We found a lot of common ground, and we had some amazing discussions about it on [the set of] Lisa Frankenstein. I felt like I was so similar in my approach, where we take it seriously, but we don’t identify with it. I’ve been an actress since I was 4. Every experience I had has been like candy. It’s just been fun. I went to real school my whole life, so there was this experience of “Is school real, or is the job that I’m on set for real?” Neither one of them felt like reality. I was class president, and I did the commencement speech and everything. I loved school and being a kid who was super uncool and then going to set and shooting 15-hour days and then going back to school and having to take five tests. These are the things that have made me who I am, and I wouldn’t change anything.

    I can’t help but think that this mindset is really unique to folks like you who have been doing this job for so many years. It’s essentially the defining experience of your life. Did you ever look back and maybe feel any type of resentment or regret about the way that the industry made you grow up quicker and faster than kids your own age?

    CS: Great question. I don’t hold resentment. It comes with an incredible amount of privilege, and also, you do kind of know what you’re signing up for. I might not have had as much agency over career decisions as a kid, but it made complete and logical sense at the time as to why we were doing the thing that we were doing.

    KN: What’s funny is I feel like I’m just getting started all the time. Every time I finish a project, I feel like I’m never going to work again. To piggyback on what Cole is saying, the longer you do it, the less you need to do your job. I don’t need anything to do my scene. I don’t need a coffee. I don’t need five minutes to get ready. If you say “action,” I’m ready. [Cole is similar to me in that way.] I wonder if it’s because we did grow up as child actors. The roles have required more of me as I’ve matured simply with age and material. Now, the material just asks more of you. I feel like I’m just getting started because now I’m at a new level. 

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    Anna LaPlaca

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  • Katie Holmes Wore the One Winter Coat Trend That Always Looks Expensive

    Katie Holmes Wore the One Winter Coat Trend That Always Looks Expensive

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    Katie Holmes is just one of those celebs with an innate sense of style, no matter the occasion, event, or season. Case in point: Holmes was spotted in New York City dressed casually in Adidas Sambas, track pants, and a topknot, all pulled together with a camel topcoat.

    Like some folks who can wear anything, a camel coat can instantly upgrade any outfit. From street style stars to regal royals, it’s a piece that works for anyone, anywhere, and pretty much any time between October and April. If you don’t already have one in your wardrobe or want to upgrade a well-loved piece, now is the best time to purchase this expensive-looking winter coat trend.

    Ahead, shop 11 camel coats at various price points that you can wear repeatedly for the next three or four months. Keep it casual like Katie Holmes and throw it over your weekend workout gear, or take a cue from Kate Middleton and coordinate your coat with a dress, hat, and boots. With so many ways to wear it, the only hard part is choosing the best fit for your personal style.

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    Drew Elovitz

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  • What To Do When Your Relationship Is At Breaking Point?

    What To Do When Your Relationship Is At Breaking Point?

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    Do you have a nagging feeling that you and your partner may be on the verge of a breakup? That your relationship seems to be moving like a rudderless ship, while both of you are just going with the flow, knowing you’re headed nowhere? But do you also often wonder what to do when your relationship is at breaking point?

    If so, it’s possible that there is love, but it has been eclipsed by issues such as incompatibility, and lack of respect. After all, love isn’t all we need. In a relationship, aspects such as compatibility, mutual respect, space, and support define how long we will be with our partners. So, do you often think to yourself, “My relationship is falling apart. What can I do to save it?” or wonder how to solve relationship problems without breaking up?

    With the help of relationship counselor Dhriti Bhavsar M.Sc, Clinical Psychology), who specializes in relationship, breakup, and LGBTQ counseling, we will explore some obvious breaking points in a relationship. We’ll also tell you how to save a relationship on the verge of breaking up. So, let’s begin…

    What Is The Breaking Point In A Relationship?

    So, what is the breaking point in a relationship? Does it have a set definition? Dhriti says, “A breaking point in a relationship looks different for different relationships.” Cathy, a friend of mine, was on the verge of a divorce after her husband had an emotional affair with a colleague. But after proper couples counseling and some deep conversations with him, she decided to forgive him and get back together. While some couples can mend their romantic relationships even after huge setbacks, such as affairs or emotional abuse, others would prefer to break up even after relatively minor misunderstandings.

    A study proved that there are quite a few factors that can make couples decide to break up, some of the prominent being conflict and breach of trust. At the same time, the same study proved couples also mostly decide to stay in the relationship for reasons such as emotional intimacy and investment. However, the results also proved that the breaking point is an ambivalent concept and does not have a concrete definition.

    For more expert-backed insights, please subscribe to our YouTube channel.

    Let’s look at a few instances of what the breaking point in a relationship could be:

    • No conflict resolution: You or your partner don’t wish to put in the effort required to reach a resolution to a conflict. You’re just tired of arguing and wish to let go for peace. But that creates a permanent dent in the relationship that causes future arguments
    • Stress: The arguments in your relationship have started affecting the other aspects of your life adversely and your relationship has become a source of stress instead of a source of comfort and peace
    • A nagging issue: Despite trying and communicating and doing everything in your power, there is a problem in your relationship that both of you can’t move past. None of your efforts to resolve the issue have worked
    • No spontaneity: Your relationship feels forced, like dead weight, and even normal ‘couple activities’ aren’t spontaneous anymore
    • Bitter arguments persist: There’s a lot of tension between you and your partner, and it almost always leads to ugly arguments

    Related Reading: We Both Have Trust Issues In Our Relationship And Don’t Know What To Do

    Why Is My Relationship Falling Apart? 5 Possible Reasons

    Have you ever wondered, “My relationship is falling apart. What can I do to save it?” Well, you see, romantic relationships are meant to bring out the best in you. They are meant to turn you into a better version of yourself, energizing you physically and emotionally. They are also supposed to motivate you to do better in life, be it work on your flaws and evolve into a better human being or work toward a professional or life goal.

    But what happens when a relationship doesn’t do any of this? Is it time to break up? Perhaps, yes. A situation where the relationship has reached a dead end hints that the bond between you and your partner is falling apart.

    However, before it all ends, it is possible to spot a few red flags. If spotted early on, they can be checked and addressed, preventing a happy and healthy relationship from dying a slow and toxic death. Well, we have listed 5 possible reasons why a relationship can end. Let’s look at them:

    1. Lack of compatibility

    Dhriti says, “It’s possible that you and your partner aren’t compatible. Sometimes, two good people come together but don’t fit too well with each other. It’s nobody’s fault but it’s just unfortunate.” We agree. Such incompatibilities between partners can arise from:

    • Different life goals and expectations: For instance, your partner may wish to climb up the corporate ladder, hustle, earn a 6-figure salary, and own a house and a luxury car, while you may be happy with a simple life
    • A mismatch in sex drives: Sex, or physical intimacy, is a huge part of our relationships. So, any mismatch in sex drives or sexual desires and expectations may lead to a huge gap between partners
    • Different interests: Though this can be managed fairly if there’s a slight difference, a huge mismatch in interests may lead to a serious conflict. For instance, your partner may love clubbing on weekends, while you prefer snuggling in with a book
    • Different political views: Now, this one’s a little serious, as political arguments can take a major toll on your relationship

    Related Reading: 4 Break Up Signs That You May Be Ignoring In Your Relationship

    2. Lack of willingness to change

    Dhriti feels, “When you/your partner are/is unwilling to make the changes necessary to heal your relationship, it can ruin your bond.” To make a relationship work, both partners need to sit down and discuss the possibilities of fixing the bond. But that can only happen if the partners are willing to change or adjust to save the relationship. If the partners are rigid, even a happy and healthy relationship is bound to fall apart.

    3. Lack of open communication

    Dhriti says, “Relationships fall apart when you and your partner lack communication skills to voice your concerns and struggle to understand each other.” Such instances are common when:

    • One partner feels like walking on eggshells whenever voicing their opinions and is thus silenced
    • When there’s a constant threat of abandonment from one partner, with them saying things such as, “You mention this once more and I’ll leave…”
    • When there is narcissistic stonewalling, or the silent treatment, by one party, whenever the other tries to express their needs
    • When a partner dismisses the other’s concerns or ridicules them by saying things such as, “You’re delusional” or “You’re overreacting.”
    how to save a relationship on the verge of breaking up
    A relationship can reach its breaking point due to several reasons

    4. A triggering episode

    Dhriti says, “Specific influences or instances may have harmed your relationship. Those instances could have hurt your or your partner’s trust or faith.” Such instances may include:

    • Extramarital affairs
    • A partner not supporting your goals
    • A third party (such as a family member or a friend) who may have poisoned their mind against you

    5. A clash of ideals

    Dhriti believes, “A relationship is likely to fall apart when you and your partner are no longer on the same page about your future, or the amount of effort required in the relationship.” One of my colleagues, Ryan, wished to move abroad and had started actively applying for overseas work projects about a year back. His live-in partner, Jane, however, didn’t wish to go beyond their hometown and wanted a simple life. This created a rift between them, and they parted ways soon.

    A similar situation can arise if one of the partners wants kids and the other does not. Likewise, you or your partner may decide that both are spending too much time and energy in arguments and efforts to fix your issues and wish to end it once and for all.

    Related Reading: Why Do People Fall Out Of Love And What To Do If It Happens?

    What To Do When Your Relationship Is At Breaking Point — 21 Steps To Repair Your Bond

    Wondering what to do when your relationship is at breaking point? Or how to fix a relationship that is falling apart? Well, just like a plant needs to be watered regularly for it to grow, relationships too don’t grow by themselves. They need a healthy dose of love and a lot of work. Of course, there are certain toxic levels that a relationship can never heal from. For instance, a Reddit user explains how their ex “started poking fun at my eating habits and becoming rude.”

    So, when you reach a breaking point, make sure you analyze the ‘whys’ and locate the exact reason that needs to be fixed. You also need to make sure your relationship is still fixable. Additionally, how to solve relationship problems without breaking up varies from couple to couple. But in case you’re wondering if there’s a step-by-step guide to fix a relationship after it’s reached a ‘lull’ phase, we’ve jotted down some tips on how to save a relationship on the verge of breaking up:

    1. Figure out your emotions

    Dhriti says, “When dealing with a relationship that has reached a breaking point, it’s essential to take some time apart to figure out your own emotions and thoughts.” What she means is, you need to think over the situation calmly, sorting out your emotions and separating them from your practical needs in the relationship. Only then will you be able to decide whether to and how to repair your bond.

    2. Jot down your needs

    One way to zero in on your needs in the relationship is to actually jot them down. So, you need a better lifestyle? Or better sex? Or more emotional availability? Write them down to get a clear idea. Dhriti adds, “Try to make a list of all the things you want/need from your partner, and do this a few times, to get a sense of what exactly is missing.”

    3. Decide if the effort is worth it

    If you’re wondering how to fix a relationship that is falling apart, decide whether you are willing to put in the effort required in the first place. Dhriti adds, “Figure out how much effort you are willing to put in and if you are hopeful enough for things to work out.” You see, not every crack can be fixed. For instance, one shouldn’t put up with domestic violence or grave narcissistic abuse.

    Related Reading: 10 Things To Do When You Are Drifting Apart In Your Relationship

    4. Communicate

    A simple solution when you’re wondering what to do when your relationship is at breaking point is to communicate. Dhriti believes, “It’s important to communicate how you feel with your partner. Talk about where they stand and how they feel about the situation.” It’s important for the two of you to be on the same page about the conflict at hand and whether you both wish to overcome it.

    why is my relationship falling apartwhy is my relationship falling apart
    Saving a relationship from its breaking point requires a lot of healthy communication

    5. Ask questions

    A simple way to fix a relationship at breaking point is to ask questions. Some of these may be difficult questions that will need some composure. Dhriti suggests, “Ask your partner if there is anything you can do to meet their needs better.” Some such questions can be:

    • “Are you happy in the relationship?”
    • “What do you think is missing? Can we make it better?”
    • “Where do you think I’m going wrong?”
    • “Can I do something to fix our relationship?”

    Related Reading: 15 Tips To Keep A Relationship Strong And Healthy

    6. Locate the main issue

    A relationship can have many gaps that need to be fixed, for instance: your finances or your behavior. But the main issue that’s disrupting the relationship needs to be addressed. So, narrow it down to that one cause that triggers you or your partner. It could be that your boyfriend talking to an ex is causing a rift or your spending habits. Dhriti agrees, “The most important part of this process is to locate the central issue in your relationship and figure out how you can work it out together.”

    7. Consider your partner’s feelings

    Dhriti feels, “You should be open to accepting your partner’s perspective and feelings as well.” While discussing issues, make sure you don’t end up hurting, abusing, belittling, blaming, or shaming your partner. Make it a civil discussion, not a fight.

    8. Accept your part

    Another way to fix a relationship at breaking point is to accept your part in it and focus on how to fix a relationship you ruined. Dhriti believes, “It’s important to accept responsibility in a relationship for the part you played in reaching the breaking point.” While you may also hold your partner accountable for their actions, this is the time to self-reflect and realize where you can fix yourself to fix the relationship. Don’t be in denial.

    9. Address the differences

    Differences are part of every relationship. Plus, some differences actually add a zing to the relationship. But what’s necessary is to balance those differences with the similarities, so that the relationship doesn’t fall apart. Dhriti agrees, “Try and address the differences between you and your partner. And understand that having different opinions may not necessarily always end in separation.”

    Related Reading: The 7 Fundamentals Of Support In A Relationship

    10. Compromise

    Dhriti adds one more point on what to do when your relationship is at breaking point: “Try to get to a compromise which best suits the needs of both you and your partner.” But in doing so, one must make sure that you don’t give in to unhealthy compromises and these terms aren’t one-sided, as that leads to exploitation.

    11. Appreciate more

    So, how to fix a relationship you ruined or your partner did? It’s crucial to concentrate on appreciation over criticism. Dhriti cites the theory proposed by Dr. John and Julie Gottman, which states that offsetting one negative interaction requires five instances of appreciation. This is also known as the ‘magic ratio’ of 5:1. And some of the ways that most couples tend to fix their negative interactions is by:

    • Showing their interest
    • Expressing affection
    • Appreciating the positives
    • Finding ways to agree
    • Showing empathy and apologizing

    Related Reading: 12 Signs Your Past Relationships Are Affecting Your Present Relationship

    12. Avoid the ‘4 horsemen’

    Apart from following the Gottman method, you may also need to be aware of the ‘four horsemen’ that predict a divorce/breakup: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling. Avoid all four if you wish to maintain the relationship or improve your relationship quality.

    Our Expert HelpOur Expert Help

    13. Don’t make it ‘you vs your partner’

    Still wondering how to fix a relationship you ruined or your partner did, by unnecessary arguments? Dhriti says, “Remember that it’s not you vs your partner, rather you and your partner vs your problems.” And we couldn’t agree more. Often when we voice our needs in a relationship, our partners may feel:

    • We are attacking them
    • We are being needy
    • We are humiliating them or pointing at their inadequacies

    But one must make it clear that the war is not with the partner but with the issue at hand.

    Related Reading: 9 Signs You Are Comfortable In A Relationship But Not In Love

    14. Ask for help

    Dhriti feels, “It’s okay to depend on and take your partner’s help in areas where you fall short, and vice versa.” So, don’t hesitate to ask them:

    • For financial advice
    • To teach you a new skill
    • To help you deal with your emotions, such as controlling anger

    15. Remember the positives

    So, no matter how toxic a relationship gets over time, you must’ve had those pure and beautiful moments that you cherish. Or some traits of your partner that you hold in high regard, such as their willingness to help others or their work ethic. Dhriti advises, “Take a moment to remember all the good parts of your relationship. You and your partner can practice this together.”

    16. Make an effort

    Dhriti believes, “There’s no alternative to making an effort for each other to improve your relationship quality.” You can do this by:

    • Spending quality time together: Invest in a fancy date night or just cook a meal together at home
    • Making each other feel valued: Appreciate the poem they wrote or even their commitment to sharing household responsibilities
    • Rebuild trust: Share passwords if you must, if there’s any hint of a lack of trust

    17. Reach out to your support system

    Dhriti feels, “Your emotional well-being is your responsibility.” So, it’s essential for you to reach out to friends and family in this crisis, as you can’t face this alone. You can vent out or take their suggestions in dealing with the situation. But remember not to be forced into anything.

    18. Rewind

    Dhriti believes, “The first step to fixing a relationship is to go back to what made you fall in love with them in the first place.” So, think about the first time you met or how they made you laugh on your first vacation together. Rewind and relive for a better relationship.

    19. Set emotional boundaries

    If you’re still confused about what to do when your relationship is at breaking point, Dhriti advises, “One should form healthy emotional boundaries with one’s partner to maintain one’s emotional well-being.” Such boundaries may mean:

    • Make them accountable for their emotions: So, you’re not responsible for their anger that stems from work stress or some other reason
    • Don’t mirror their negative emotions: This means, don’t take on sadness or anger just because they are going through it
    • Tell them what triggers you emotionally: Is it when they flirt with someone or ridicule you in front of others?

    Related Reading: 21 Ways To Be A Better Partner For A Better Relationship

    20. Don’t forget yourself

    Before saving a relationship, remember, even if a relationship means a lot to you, it is a part of your life, not your entire life. Dhriti says, “Avoid making your partner the center of your universe and expecting them to do the same.” To do this, you can:

    • Spend some me-time every day, doing things you like, such as reading or gardening
    • Go on solo trips and meet new people
    • Splurge on a spa day and pamper yourself

    21. Seek counseling

    Wondering what to do when your relationship is at breaking point and you feel you need to make some difficult decisions or if it’s a dead-end relationship that you are better off without? Reach out to a mental health professional to help you deal with your emotions or go for couples therapy. Don’t hesitate to reach out to the skilled and licensed therapists on Bonobology’s panel who can guide on this.

    Key Pointers

    • A breaking point in a relationship could look like excessive arguments, lack of effort, and lack of spontaneity
    • There could be various reasons that could lead to the breaking point, such as lack of communication, lack of compatibility, or a triggering episode
    • Instead of wondering what to do when your relationship is at breaking point, you can understand your emotions, address the differences between you and your partner, compromise, and appreciate more

    Still wondering what to do when your relationship is at breaking point? Or wondering, “Why is my relationship falling apart?” We hope not. Also, a breaking point doesn’t necessarily mean saving a relationship isn’t possible. It also doesn’t mean that in case your relationship ends, you will not be able to forge better bonds in your next relationship.

    However, in any relationship, there needs to be a mutual effort to resolve conflict and not shove them beneath the carpet. Nonetheless, a relationship shouldn’t devour your individuality, and you should live for yourself too. So, go ahead and strike that perfect balance!

    Building Healthy Boundaries: The Key to Trust and Respect in Relationships

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  • From Barbie to Succession—See the Most Talked About On-Screen Fashion Moments

    From Barbie to Succession—See the Most Talked About On-Screen Fashion Moments

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    While the standards for a good TV show or movie primarily depend on things like an enticing plot and on-screen chemistry, the costume design carries a lot more importance than an average viewer might think. Each character’s clothing communicates the essence of their personality to the audience and often hints at hidden meanings. Whether it was the designers’ intent or not, even detailed choices in costume can lead to a larger conversation and discussions surrounding the plot. Greta Gerwig’s Barbie started an entire aesthetic and world of pink collaborations, even before the film was out in theatres. A simple white T-shirt worn by Jeremy Allen White in The Bear started an online frenzy. (It’s from Merz B. Schwanen and it’s $95.) When Succession delivered the “ludicrously capacious bag” line, a plethora of handbag-related memes were quickly made.

    Costume choices also have an impact on how characters’ legacies are carried on to future audiences. There’s a reason even in 2022, fashion folks are still making wardrobe references to Rachel Green and Dionne Davenport. There’s more to great entertainment than A+ actors and an intriguing script. From the quiet luxury pieces worn by the Roy siblings to the decadent Regency looks in Queen Charlotte, keep scrolling to see the best on-screen moments of the year. End scene.

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    Yusra Siddiqui

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  • I Have a Degree in English—These Eight Fragrances Remind Me of My Favorite Reads

    I Have a Degree in English—These Eight Fragrances Remind Me of My Favorite Reads

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    Before becoming a beauty editor, my background was in English literature (more specifically, novels and essays produced by women through the 19th and 20th centuries). Spending so much time in the company of books provided endless inspiration and intrigue in my daily life, transporting me to places and introducing me to people I never knew I needed before cracking open a cover. Between essays, presentations, and tests, I spent every possible moment in college reading to my heart’s delight. Trust me—I have the horrible eyesight of a classic bibliophile to prove it.

    Whenever I get the opportunity, I love drawing connections between some of my favorite literary works and the scents I wear on rotation. Keep reading for a look into my world with eight gorgeous scents to spark your imagination and five must-have home fragrances to help set the ambience before you dive into those pages.

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    Maya Thomas

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  • Hailey Bieber Shared Her Holiday Gift Guide—Her Beauty Recs Are Elite

    Hailey Bieber Shared Her Holiday Gift Guide—Her Beauty Recs Are Elite

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    Every year, celebrities offer us a peek into their holiday shopping lists by way of gift guides. Reliably, there’s always Oprah’s Favorite Things, Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop gift guide, and the Kardashian Jenner gift guide. Celebrity gift guides are typically pretty hit or miss—there might be some gems, but there are also often plenty out of touch gifts (like a Kourtney Kardashian recommended $2,500 energy sauna from this year’s Kar-Jenner list).

    One of our favorite celeb-backed gift guides from this year? Hailey Bieber’s, which she shared on her Instagram story. Bieber is notoriously a beauty girl, and her gift guide did not disappoint. Filled with plenty of gifts perfect for the beauty lover in your life, Bieber’s gift guide is on point. Keep reading for our favorite suggestions. 

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    Katie Berohn

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  • How Brit Marling Has Become an Absolute Entertainment Powerhouse

    How Brit Marling Has Become an Absolute Entertainment Powerhouse

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    In the world of entertainment, Brit Marling is the ultimate multi-hyphenate. A director, showrunner, writer, and actor, Marling has versatile talents that have left an indelible mark on the industry. It all began in 2011 when she made her foray into the industry with films Another Earth and Sound of My Voice, which premiered side by side at the Sundance Film Festival, catching the attention of both critics and audiences. The films not only garnered nominations for Independent Spirit Awards but also secured distribution deals with Fox Searchlight.

    Marling’s career continued to skyrocket as she went on to create and star in hits like The East and The OA. Her unique storytelling abilities and captivating on-screen presence set her apart in a competitive industry. However, Marling has proven herself to be a constant innovator, always pushing the boundaries of her career. In November, she made her television directorial debut on the FX murder mystery show A Murder at the End of the World. The show has been praised for its gripping narrative and thoughtful storytelling—two things that have defined Marling’s career.

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    Adrienne Faurote

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  • Selena Gomez Wants Her New Bodycare Line to Feel Like a “Nice Hug”

    Selena Gomez Wants Her New Bodycare Line to Feel Like a “Nice Hug”

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    Gomez chose to release a line of bodycare as an opportunity to showcase how important self-care is. “When you’re taking care of your body, mind, and soul, it’s all one,” Gomez said. “When you do take time to enjoy yourself and to find your little pockets and moments of peace, that’s something you should always be proud of.”

    Find Comfort features four brand-new products: a body lotion, an aromatherapy pen, a fragrance mist, and a hand cream. Each product is packaged in purposefully made mauve vessels. (For instance, the hand cream container also doubles as a hand massager for pressure points.) “I find that this color was comforting to me personally,” Gomez said. “I wanted to do a reflection of Rare Beauty but give it its own original story.” Keep reading for a breakdown of each product. 

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    Katie Berohn

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  • The One Shoe Trend Olivia Rodrigo and Selena Gomez Can't Stop Wearing RN

    The One Shoe Trend Olivia Rodrigo and Selena Gomez Can't Stop Wearing RN

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    When looking for outfit inspiration this year, two names always come to mind: Olivia Rodrigo and Selena Gomez. The singers each have their unique style, but in addition to excellent voices, they also have superb taste in fashion. So, when we spotted both wearing a pair of black high-heeled Mary Janes in the same week, you can bet it caught our attention. 

    Mary Janes have been around since the 1900s, and it’s safe to say they’ve evolved quite a bit over the past century. Today, stiletto or stacked heel styles can be found just as often as the original flat version of the shoe. From affordable $50 pairs to pricier designer takes on the trend, there’s a Mary Jane out there to suit just about any outfit. 

    But, let’s keep it simple: taking a cue from Gomez and Rodrigo, we’ve pulled 14 of the prettiest black high-heeled Mary Janes available to shop now. Suede, satin, and patent leather prevail, with heels coming in a variety of heights and shapes. Not all Mary Janes look the same—and that’s a good thing—so keep scrolling to find the pair that speaks to you, and get ready to strap ’em on for the holidays. 

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    Drew Elovitz

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  • Leighton Meester Just Proved This Trend Will *Not* Be Expiring in 2024

    Leighton Meester Just Proved This Trend Will *Not* Be Expiring in 2024

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    This time of year, everyone is offering their predictions about 2024 fashion trends. My fellow Who What Wear colleagues, for instance, have weighed in with their own opinions on what will and won’t make it to the New Year. Everything is certainly subjective, but I have a strong feeling that Leighton Meester’s newest look just proved that one trend, in particular, has major staying power: rosettes.

    Photographed on the red carpet at a holiday party for Freevee and Amazon Prime, Meester wore Silvia Tcherassi’s Daniela Gown ($1020), complete with a stunning 3-D floral appliqué front and center. We’ve been talking about the rosette trend all year long—remember Zendaya’s rose-festooned dress at the SAG Awards back in February? Meester’s fantastic interpretation of the trend just proved that rosettes will not be expiring in 2024. Scroll down to see her new look and shop the trend for yourself. 

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    Erin Fitzpatrick

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  • Ed McVey Is Entering His Leading Man Era

    Ed McVey Is Entering His Leading Man Era

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    Welcome to Portrait Session, an intimate photo series and interview featuring some of our favorite people of the moment. 

    After six seasons, The Crown is taking its final bow this month. Following the life of Queen Elizabeth II from her wedding in 1947 up until 2005, the award-winning Netflix historical drama has consistently given us spectacular performances from industry greats such as Olivia Coleman, Matt Smith, and Helena Bonham Carter, to name just a few, while also skyrocketing the careers of some noteworthy new faces (Claire Foy and Emma Corrin, anyone?). With part two of season six hitting the streamer today, we predict that kind of star-making power will unfold once again as the story focuses on the early courtship of Prince William and Kate Middleton at St. Andrews. Since season six casting news broke back in fall of 2022, fans have been eager to see newcomers Ed McVey and Meg Bellamy’s portrayal of the infamous royal couple. Plucked from obscurity, the actors stand to have a major breakout moment following their screen debut. So if they weren’t already on your radar, they should be now.

    The first time I met McVey was during our photo shoot for this story at the Four Seasons Hotel in Beverly Hills. He was delightfully charming, cracking jokes in between poses for the camera. Clearly poised for a bright future. Our second meeting took place a few weeks later, albeit virtually. In that time, the actor’s schedule was jam-packed with premieres, junkets, and press appearances galore, but he didn’t appear phased. Part one of the final season came out in November, but since he’s not in those first episodes, he likens the experience to being on a roller coaster that is slowly making its way up the hill. The anticipation of what’s on the other side is there, but the rush hasn’t fully hit yet. McVey expects that will come later, after part two drops. “I’m sure when it does go out, it will be nuts, and I won’t be prepared for anything,” he said.

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    Jessica Baker

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  • What's on Our Shelves: The 18 Fashion Books You'll Want to Read Immediately

    What's on Our Shelves: The 18 Fashion Books You'll Want to Read Immediately

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    A quick scroll through Instagram might inform you of the most up-to-date trends and brands to put on your radar, but the best way to dive deeper into fashion’s rich history is to pick up a book on the subject. While many fashion books feature beautiful imagery, they will also transport you to the worlds of your favorite designers, aid your personal style journey, and tap into the small pocket of the industry you enjoy the most. (If you have a niche, there’s probably a book about it.) This year, we saw a lot of industry-related releases, such as Sunita Kumar Nair‘s homage to the classic style of Carolyn Bessette Kennedy and Glossy, which reads like a true crime and explains the inner workings of the beauty business and rise of Emily Weiss’s Glossier. 

    The offering can be a tad overwhelming, so to make it a little easier, we’ve selected the best books that not only have been published more recently but also are crucial to a deeper understanding of fashion (and beauty) right now. As the holidays approach, one of the books below would make a great gift for the fashion and beauty lover on your list. (And they won’t be collecting dust on a coffee table or bookshelf.)

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    Yusra Siddiqui

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