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Gerry Turner didn’t intend for his book to be a “slap back” at his ex-wife, Theresa Nist. In fact, he even went through multiple edits to make sure his memoir wasn’t “too harsh.”
“Early on, I sent the transcript to my daughters. I said, ‘Read this. Tell me what you think. Am I being too harsh?’” he tells StyleCaster. “Indeed, they said, ‘Yeah, Dad, this sounds a little too harsh. You need to tone it down.’ I would rewrite, and the next time I would send the rewrite, I would send it to the publisher. I’d say, ‘OK, how does this sound? Does it sound little too harsh?’ I got that several times, and we rewrote a number of places.”
Gerry and Theresa met on Season 1 of The Golden Bachelor, where he was the lead. They got engaged in finale and married in a televised wedding special titled, The Golden Wedding, on January 4, 2024. Less than four months later, however, Gerry and Theresa announced that they had split and filed for divorce on Good Morning America in April 2024. Fast forward to now, and Gerry, who is engaged to fiancé Lana Sutton, is ready to tell his side of the story in his new memoir, Golden Years: What I’ve Learned from Love, Loss, and Reality TV
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Golden Years: What I’ve Learned from Love, Loss, and Reality TV
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“It isn’t a slap back. It’s more that I wanted to put my perspectives out there and be complete with it, not leave gaping holes where I allowed people to fill in the blanks with perhaps worse than what reality was. I wanted to state the facts,” he says. “I fall back on the fact that I was honest in the book. I tried to be candid yet kind. That’s a tough line to walk. Whatever’s in there, I’m comfortable, and I stand behind.”
But Golden Years is more than just Theresa. The book also covers Gerry’s life story and his relationship with his late wife and the mother of his three kids, Toni, who died six years before his season of The Golden Bachelor.
“I hope people don’t perceive it as a book about Theresa and me. It’s a book about my life, from how I went through high school and met Toni and spent all those years with her, to the progression of a guy like me—how I got to the point where I was the first-ever Golden Bachelor, got married, got divorced, and moved on with my life,” he says. “It’s a memoir wrapped around The Golden Bachelor story.”
How did the opportunity to write a book come about?
This wasn’t long after the divorce was finalized. Several months later, the talent agency, Gersh, brought the idea to me, and I mulled it over. It was very attractive, not just because of the content, but because I thought it would be cool to write a book. I kept a diary on the show where, at the end of the day—even on my busiest days—I would scribble a few notes about what my feelings were. When I got home, I transcribed those notes. I had 70-plus pages. I had a good basis to start from. One thing led to another, and when we shopped the book to publishers, a publisher quickly grabbed onto it.
You write in the book that you felt like Theresa manipulated you on The Golden Bachelor. What do you think Theresa’s intention of going on the show was?
I don’t hold fault with my statement here. I think Theresa was on the show to win. That played into her thoughts and actions during the show—and even after. The desire to not fail was very prominent with her. She was there to win and not necessarily to find her person. There are much worse motives for being on a reality show.
When did you realize that?
Quite honestly, it was after the show taping was over. At that point, you’ve created friendships, and you hear candid comments from people. The whole episode with the “zip it” conflict between Theresa and Kathy is a really good example. My conception of who the villain was during that time was inaccurate, and you don’t learn this until after you get a number of perspectives. Not just the two people who are in an adversarial situation, but the onlookers around. I’d hear from several of the women who were in the mansion about what was going on. It wasn’t my perspective and opinion. It was firsthand looks by other people.
You write in the book that you couldn’t stop reading articles about yourself after you and Theresa announced your divorce. What was the biggest lie about yourself that you read at that time?
Some of it is humorous. I was a retired janitor. I had an acting career. I didn’t really have any net worth, and I was relying on Theresa’s assets to secure a future life. That stuff was quite annoying. There was so much negativity, so many different things written that you just throw your hands up, and, after a while, I just stopped looking at it. I stopped reading.
How would you have done your Golden Bachelor experience differently?
I went into that show making a fundamental mistake. The assumption I made was that I was going to come out of that show with my person. It never was on my radar that I would come out “empty-handed.” As I went through it and I eliminated possibilities, and I got down to the last person, it was like, by default, there’s my person. That’s who it is. What I should have realized was, as wonderful as casting is on ABC, it’s quite possible that my person wasn’t there, and that I should go through the experience, learn from it, and then continue my search in real life.
Do you regret getting married?
That’s a tough question because of the way it ended. It’s easy to say in retrospect I regret getting married, but at that time, certainly, I had doubts. I had cold feet, and Theresa and I had conversations about that. She had doubts. But we were full steam ahead. We were two people who understood the strength of commitment. But between us, we had 83 or 84 years of marriage, so we knew what it took.
Why didn’t you listen to the red flags and stop the wedding before it happened?
It goes to the level of commitment. In our conversations, we would talk about how we had successfully managed our marriages in the past, and it worked. There’s a moment when those things changed. On the show, the dinner right before the fantasy suites, Theresa said, “When I find the right guy, I will quit work.” What that message to me was: Here’s a person who’s ready for the fun of retirement and travel, and being free-spirited. A few brief months later, when we talked, it was like, “No, I really want and need to work at least another year.” I try to find a compromise with that, but when—no disrespect, no judgment—those things aren’t mutual, you can’t work together. If I’m wanting travel and she’s needing to work, it’s not going to work. Ultimately, those two things can’t coexist.
What was your response to Theresa saying that those in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones after reading parts of your book?
If she wants to challenge the authenticity of the book, she’s more than welcome to. In fact, I kind of hope she does. It’s gonna sell more books. Every time she makes a comment like that, I should send her a little bit of a thank-you note. But I am 100 percent confident and comfortable that every single statement that I put in that book is truthful and authentic to the very best of my memory.
You write in the book about how you learned you were diagnosed with cancer. Where’s your health now?
It’s actually unchanged. The question I have every morning when I wake up is: “Do I feel creaky and achy because I’m 74, or is it because I have cancer?” Pretty sure it’s just because I’m 74 and I need to move more and play more pickleball and bike more and all of those things. But the doctor’s instructions to me have been pretty clear. Until I have one of several symptoms, there’s no treatment, and we’re just going through life as we always have. I’ve made the comment that I think this is a good thing. To make the best of a bad situation, I get to live like I’m dying. I get to be a little softer with people, be more thoughtful, be more charitable, be more about the other person than myself. It’s actually a very rewarding feeling to do that.
Congratulations on your new engagement. How did this relationship come about?
It came about quite unexpectedly. I had answered a long list of friend requests on Facebook. If I’ve got enough common friends, I’ll accept. I was just banging through them. Lana was one of those. She slipped into my DMs with this really darling, genuine message, and said, “Hey, I’m really not a stalker, but I’d love to meet you.” I remember the first date. I’d done this a number of times before, so my expectations were not high that anything was going to come of it. But when she walked in the door of that restaurant, from that moment until now—we’re just about at eight months—I don’t think either of us has stopped smiling, and it has been wonderful. The excitement, the common goals we have. We both love to travel, and we’ve done a lot of traveling in that period of time already. Our kids, our families are so similar. She grew up in a town about 20 minutes away from my lake house. She’s got good Midwest values and I look at some of the things she does and says, and I’m like, “Yep, that’s exactly the way I would do it.” It’s been the most amazing thing for me in the past many, many years.
Had she watched your season of The Golden Bachelor before you met?
She was a big fan. It’s what started her pursuit. She kept telling friends that she would be a better contestant than some of the women on the show. Maybe, maybe not. But I always tell her: had she been a contestant, we may not have wound up in the place we are now. She watched it. That didn’t bother me. It didn’t concern me. What did concern me is early on in our relationship, in the infancy of it, I gave her the transcript of the book, and I said, “Look, you need to read this, and if you can accept it, we can move forward.” If this is something that is a problem for you, let’s put a light on that now and understand that it would be an obstacle for us. Let’s move on. She read it. She said she needed a couple of days to process some of it and reconcile her feelings with it. Then she goes, “Hey, I’m fine with it.”
What was the proposal like?
We were traveling to Myrtle Beach for vacation out there with friends, and we got to Asheville. I had the ring with me. I wasn’t sure exactly when I was going to do it, but we’d had a really funny incident in the lobby of the hotel in Asheville, and I just decided that was the night. I had rehearsed a magic trick. Under one Solo Cup, I put the ring, and under another Solo Cup, I put the answers to some questions I mysteriously knew. So I went through this magic trick, and at the end, the last answer I pull out is: Will you marry me? She said of course not knowing that I was actually in that moment proposing to her. I lifted the other Solo cup, and the case for the ring was there. Of course, she cried, and we hugged, and it was a wonderful moment.
A little side story. I’d had a ring picked out. Lana and I were in France, and we went to the Eiffel Tower. It was really an impactfl moment for me. I loved the Eiffel Tower and how it lit up at night and sparkled. So I went back to the jeweler who made the ring, and I said, “I want the side of her ring to look like the Eiffel Tower.” They designed it so that from that angle. It indeed does look like the Eiffel Tower.
Have you started wedding planning?
We’re enjoying this moment so much that we really haven’t gotten to the point of talking about those details yet. Every now and then, it’ll come up in conversation, and we’ll go, “We’re having too much fun right now, the way things are.” When we get around to it, and when we feel like the time is right, we’ll make those plans and we’ll move forward. But there are no plans right now.
Have you met Mel Owens or watched his season of The Golden Bachelor?
I’ve watched every episode. I have not talked to Mel. The opportunity for that would have been quite some time in the past, and I would have welcomed the opportunity, but it didn’t come around. I’m uniquely the one guy in the world who probably knows what he’s going through, because I’m the only other guy who’s done it. It’s tough. It’s a hard job. There’s nothing easy about it.
What was your reaction to the backlash he received for saying that he didn’t want any women over 60?
I think those comments were taken out of context. I think he was far too harshly judged for those comments. It’s just like me. Early on, I said, “I really want to find a pickleball player.” What I meant was I wanted to find someone fit and active. I think his comments are similar to that. Some of the criticism Mel is taking is unfair. There are a lot of elements that go into that show: the producers, the editors, the way the show is put together, the way it’s orchestrated, the lead, and all the contestants. Unfortunately, it’s always the lead that either gets the credit or the criticism for success. But I want to point out that there are a whole lot of other components that make either good or less than good.
Who are you still close to from your season of The Golden Bachelor?
I’d like to think I’m still friends with many of them. I don’t communicate as often, as perhaps I should, but I try to be respectful. One of the things that I found most heartwarming is the morning after Lana and I were public with our engagement, the very first text that morning that I opened up was from Leslie giving her sincere congratulations and well wishes. In the grand scheme of things, some of the people from my season may think that they’d been treated unfairly or too much shade had been cast upon them. I think the person who has taken the high road and done a great job of making the best of the situation is Leslie, and my heart still goes out to her.
Golden Years: What I’ve Learned from Love, Loss, and Reality TV
is available on Amazon
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