An officer with the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office resigned and was charged with one count of offenses against computer users after an internal investigation, a Florida sheriff said.
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A police officer visited his ex-girlfriend’s apartment complex and looked up the tags of 15 vehicles parked outside, Florida authorities said.
The officer faces a criminal charge and has resigned from the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office, according to Sheriff T.K. Waters.
Allen Lesage, 34, was charged with one count of offenses against computer users, Waters said in a May 23 news conference.
His attorney information is not available in Duval County records as of May 23.
An internal affairs investigation found that Lesage used the Florida Department of Highway Safety and Motor Vehicles database on April 13 to run the tags of vehicles at his ex’s building for “personal reasons.”
The officer wasn’t on duty or working on an assignment at the time and was likely trying to find out information about his ex-girlfriend or someone visiting her, Waters said.
Lesage is the sixth employee of the department to be arrested so far this year, Waters said.
The sheriff added the arrests don’t feel good, but they show that no one is above the law.
“More importantly is to show our public that we hold our police officers accountable and corrections officers accountable when they do things they have no business doing like violating the law,” Waters said.
Lesage had been with the department for nearly six-and-a-half years, according to the sheriff.
You both decided it was over but now you’re wondering if it really is. Mixed signals, unanswered calls, and cryptic texts can leave you feeling lost in a sea of uncertainty. Wondering if your ex secretly harbors a “will my ex want me back” question in their mind? Do you catch yourself analyzing every text and wondering if your ex still has feelings for you? It’s okay. Couples often go through rough patches and breakups before finally ending up together in a more stable relationship. But, you need to make sure your ex is also on the same page as you.
This 10-question quiz, crafted by a relationship counselor, aims to be your “how to know if your ex wants you back” decoding guide. While it can’t guarantee a definitive answer, it will delve into the aftermath of the breakup, helping you decipher the true meaning behind your ex’s actions (or lack thereof). So, take a deep breath, grab a cup of coffee (or tea, or whatever helps you think!), and embark on this journey of self-discovery
They’re out of your life but you can’t seem to get them out of your head? Don’t worry, we’ve all been there and wondered to ourselves, “is it too late to get my ex back?” A breakup doesn’t always have to be the end of your love story. A lot of couples get back together and live happily ever after – take Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck for example. However, you want to make sure your ex also still sees a future together so all your energy isn’t wasted. This is where we come in!
This 10-question quiz, crafted by a relationship counsellor, is just any old quiz. Instead of simply answering the question buzzing in your head “will I get my ex back?,” it’ll be your relationship detective, helping you uncover clues about your chances of getting back together.
So, ditch the “how to get your ex back” Google searches and take this insightful quiz. By answering honest questions, you’ll gain a deeper perspective on your situation and uncover the most suitable path forward, whether it’s reconciliation, closure, or moving on.
Prominent Charlotte attorney Michael DeMayo was censured by the N.C State Bar in October after threatening a client with arrest if she didn’t return $4,900 that DeMay’s firm had overpaid her. In its ruling, the bar said the mistake was the firm’s, not the client’s.
According to court documents, Michael A. DeMayo was last year accused of sharing false drama about a former colleague — that included a divorce, a custody battle, an ex-wife’s new boyfriend — with a client who intended to follow the lawyer after he left DeMayo’s firm.
When the Bar’s Disciplinary Hearing Commission sanctioned DeMayo with a one-year suspension of his law license in January 2023, DeMayo appealed the complaint.
On Tuesday, A North Carolina appeals court, in a unanimous decision by a three-judge panel, dropped the case. While the evidence showed that DeMayo’s statements were “incorrect,” it did not “establish (DeMayo) knew these statements were incorrect,” they decided.
“While I respect the process under which the North Carolina State Bar and DHC regulate attorneys, I strongly disagree with these findings,” DeMayo previously told The Charlotte Observer. “I did not violate any of the Rules of Professional Conduct.”
DeMayo’s 8th discipline under State Bar
In May 2020, Ryan Valente resigned from Demayo Law Offices. Two days later, one of his clients requested the office transfer her file to Valente, according to court documents. He would remain her lawyer, she said.
DeMayo asked to talk.
“I must discuss a few items related and unrelated to your inquiries and will potentially have a negative impact on the outcome of your case,” he wrote in an email, according to court documents. “…Understand that I have no desire to sway or impact who ultimately represents you… but I do have an ethical and professional obligation to communicate a few items about your case.”
She agreed to meet, and, according to a recording, DeMayo veered into Valente’s personal life:
“I’m not really sure what happened with him. I don’t want to get into his personal life, but there was a divorce,” he said, according to a video of the WebEx meeting. “There was a custody. There was a remarriage. There was a ex-wife dating one of the defense lawyers we go against all the time. So I’m sure all of that had some impact on his productivity, but notwithstanding, I’m not insensitive to my staff.”
When the client’s case was settled — with Valente as her lawyer — DeMayo requested 85% of the attorney fees, which totaled $196,313.68. This was based on Valente’s contract with the firm, according to court documents.
Valente told DeMayo he would “invoke the doctrine of unclean hands” if he pursued the fees, according to court documents. DeMayo violated the Rules of Professional Conduct, he said.
“As to mentioning your personal circumstances to this or any client, you are sadly mistaken,” DeMayo wrote back. “I personally was not aware of the severity and complexity of your personal struggles but they would have never been fodder or a topic of discussion with anyone much less a client.”
“The doctrine of unclean hands” bars relief when the party seeking relief or help of the court is guilty of misconduct or unethical actions, according to Bloomberg Law.
The bar’s order to suspend DeMayo’s license for a year — which was later modified to place him on probation for two years — was put on hold pending the outcome of DeMayo’s appeal.
The order marked the legal-watchdog group’s eighth public discipline of DeMayo since 1999. Others addressed misleading advertisements, improper direct mail solicitations and attempted recruitment of clients “using intimidation, coercion or threats.”
The next most recent case occurred in 2019, when DeMayo was censured after threatening to have a client arrested if she did not immediately refund a $4,900 overpayment she had received from DeMayo’s firm, according to the court filing.
NC attorney complaints
Individuals can report concerns — usually by filing grievances — about any attorney through the State Bar. Once filed, a Bar attorney investigates it.
Most concerns are dismissed, The News & Observer recently reported, because they don’t identify a particular rule that was broken or because the accused attorney disproves the claims.
However, State Bar statistics show that complaints against attorneys have increased in recent years while discipline has declined.
The News & Observer reported that complaints, or grievances, in a growing North Carolina jumped to a nine-year high from 1,222 in 2014 to 1,504 in 2023.
In 2014, 33 grievances were resolved with private discipline and 28 were resolved with public discipline. The disciplinary hearing commission resolved 34 cases with discipline.
In 2023, those numbers dropped. Eighteen grievances were resolved with private disciplines, and 20 were resolved with public written disciplines. The disciplinary hearing commission resolved 14 cases with discipline.
The State Bar Review Committee, which was established through language in the Republican-crafted state budget, last month suggested lawyers needed to be protected from disciplinary complaints.’
At the most recent meeting, on Feb. 9, defense lawyers gave committee members recommendations that included the N.C. State Bar creating a system to expunge some public disciplinary actions against attorneys from the public record. They also asked that less information be shared with people who file complaints about lawyers.
This story was originally published February 22, 2024, 5:09 PM.
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Julia Coin covers local and statewide topics — including destructive fires, illegal gambling and the pervasiveness of drugs in schools — as The Charlotte Observer’s breaking news and courts reporter. Michigan-born and Florida-raised, she studied journalism at the University of Florida, where she covered statewide legislation, sexual assault on campus and Hurricane Ian’s destruction. Support my work with a digital subscription
There are few who have not been through a broken heart. Some people seem to breeze through a breakup without any of the attendant pain, but not everyone can cope on their own. Many of us need help. So, let us have a look at some of the best breakup apps that can help you mend your broken heart and get through a breakup with structured hope and support (and no, do NOT call them sad apps).
These apps for breakups come in many forms, dealing with the different aspects of your separation. Some apps help you deal with the pain of heartbreak by sharing it with others on a social platform. Other breakup apps provide tools such as AI, daily pep talks, and counseling to help you cope the healthy way and mend your scars. There are even breakup apps that will help you get rid of your ex’s gifts and possessions.
7 Of The Best Breakup Apps To Rebuild Your Life After A Breakup
The heart is not the same as an empty feeling after a breakup hits hard. This is why we bring to you seven of the best breakup apps in terms of popularity. They are not just for iPhone users; many breakup apps are for Android users too. Give yourself a break and try one of them if you are hurting. You may be surprised at how much they can help even when your breakup is all you can think about.
Name of the app
Category
Price
Pros
Cons
Breakup Boss
Self-help
$6–$7
Designed by mental health professionals
No free trial
Mend
Therapeutic
$275
Audio training
Expensive
Breakup Buddy
Self-help
$12–$18
Free trial available
Expensive; AI generated
Never Liked It Anyway
Commerce
Free
Easy to operate
6% commission goes to the app
Halmos
Social media
Free
Connect with others with similar experiences
No details of privacy policy
No Contact Rule
Scheduling
Free
Daily reminders
Easy to ignore
Our Family Wizard
Co-parenting
$11.5
Scheduling made easy
Expensive
Comparison Chart of Breakup Apps
1. Break-up Boss
Break-up Boss (or Breakup Boss) is a great breakup app and the handiwork of relationship writer Zoe Foster Blake. It is an app designed as an interactive self-help book with advice and affirmations that help you take control of your breakup journey.
Break-up Boss
Features:
Breakup Boss is like a self-help book that pushes you to go out and socialize
It helps you vent your anger and feelings of heartbreak
As breakup apps go, Mend is a subscription service that gives you access to therapy sessions that come in the form of courses. The signature program of this app consists of 390+ audio trainings and journal prompts to help you mend after a breakup, which you can complete at your own pace.
Mend
Features:
Questions in each section help you learn to introspect
You’ll learn to look at your relationship and breakup with a fresh perspective, enabling you to heal
It uses tools from various fields, including psychology, mindfulness, coaching, and nutrition
This broken heart app features an AI healing companion that can become your best friend on your journey to mend your sadness and fears. Breakup Buddy can guide you after the breakup, track your healing progress, and create a safe space for you to vent and learn more about yourself. The designers have created this app so you can deal with the heartbreak and pain of a breakup in a reliable space.
Breakup Buddy
Features:
Breakup Buddy uses AI technology, with inputs from wellness experts, to create a support system for broken hearts
Access is available 24/7
It provides several self-care and self-love tools for your mental health, including smart journaling and healing tracking
It consists of 20+ exercises to help you begin your healing
It speeds up the recovery process while you’re going through a breakup rollercoaster
One of the many breakup apps for iPhone users which is not yet available for Android users
While not a free app, there is a free trial period available
Cost: Free trial available; $12 to $18 per month
4. Never Liked It Anyway
Never Liked It Anyway is a broken heart app with a difference. It helps you get through the pain of a breakup and heartbreak the cathartic way by getting rid of everything that reminds you of your ex. These are permanent reminders of your ex and can be a painful reminder of your relationship as well. Think of it as an eBay-cum-breakup app that will assuage your emotional turmoil by erasing the memories after a breakup.
Halmos is a social media platform that brings together the heartbroken. Unlike Facebook or other social media apps on which people post virtually anything, Halmos is dedicated to people experiencing breakups, allowing them to share their emotions and feelings with others who have been through similar experiences. If you are trying to find happiness after a breakup, this is a great resource.
Halmos
Features:
Helps you to bury the memories of your past relationship by creating a ‘virtual tomb’ for them in the app
These become the “metaphorical garden for rebirth”
Express yourself safely within the app and vent to your heart’s content
Ever notice how contacting your ex can lead to a blow-up that just further messes things up? Then maybe No Contact Rule is the app for you. Another one of the breakup apps for iPhone, it is ideal for you if you follow the philosophy that the best way forward is to take a long break from your ex or go no-contact after the breakup. The app reminds you of why it’s important not to contact the ex in any way, either personally or by phone.
No Contact Rule
Features:
Manages your schedule for a 30-day period
Helps you fill your calendar with activities such as studying, exercising, and spending time with friends
The no-contact rule helps in keeping yourself busy after your breakup while completely cutting off from your ex
Get daily reminders of your no-contact rule for a 30-day period
Memo function lets you keep tabs on how well you’ve done
The In-app chat board allows you to share your experiences
Available only for iOS
Cost: Free
7. OurFamilyWizard
This co-parenting app allows you to keep in touch with your ex for a purely practical reason — The kids. OurFamilyWizard makes it easier to share schedules, track and share expenses, and even access documents and contacts to make managing your kids’ lives that much easier. Currently, courts, therapists, and attorneys require parents to use these apps to maintain the co-parenting rules and boundaries. The convenience these apps offer, while helping to minimize face-to-face or other personal contact, has made these apps popular with many folks who are either divorced or going through a divorce or breakup.
OurFamilyWizard
Features:
It allows you to create an account and connect to other accounts by inviting your ex
You can sync calendars, exchange messages and documents, and request expense reimbursements
You can maintain a journal
Connect to your bank account via the app for seamless financial transactions
It allows messaging and audio and video calling
It keeps a clear record of all communication
Info-bank helps to keep shared documents
A ‘tone meter’ keeps track of red flags like abusive language
Ready to move on after your breakup? Try something from the ‘dating apps after breakup’ category. Blindlee is a dating app after breakup based on the principle that “love is blind.”It allows you to actually talk to another person, pushing you back into the game to start dating after a breakup.
Blindlee
Features:
Get matched with potential partners as per your criteria
Make a 3-minute long blurry video call
The woman controls the blur effect
Get suggested topics of conversation
If both of you enjoy the call, you can proceed to the next stage and even meet up
A large variety of apps can hold your hand through a breakup
Some contain therapeutic tools that help you heal psychologically, like maintaining a journal, getting prompts, affirmations, etc.
Others help you connect with people who have been through what you are going through, helping you share your burden and thereby reduce it
There are also co-parenting apps that make coordinating the kids’ activities with your ex a smoother proposition
In some ways, all these dating apps help you deal with the discomfort and pain brought on by a breakup. If you need help after your breakup and prefer the technological approach, then choose an app from above. Be careful with your choice as some of these can be expensive and may not suit you. Be sure to read the privacy policies before making your choice.
Love is never easy. Even more difficult are break ups. They bring in their wake a whirlwind of emotions. When you finally decide to call it off, it leaves you desperate to turn back the clock and rekindle what you once had. Your heart yearns for it even though your mind clearly says no. When you’re wrestling with this dilemma, paying attention to the signs you are wasting your time trying to get your ex back can give you the final push to move on.
Yes, it can be hard to let go of someone you love, especially if you believe that the relationship is still worth fighting for. However, when you start seeing the signs you will never get back together with your ex, giving up trying may be your best recourse. While there is no manual that teaches you how to accept your ex is not coming back, paying attention to the signs you’re fighting a losing battle can help you make peace with reality. If you’re wondering what those signs are, read on.
When Should You Give Up Trying To Get Your Ex Back? 13 Signs To Watch Out For
The aftermath of a failed relationship can leave us with a sense of longing and a desire to bring back the good days. As you go through the stages of grief after a breakup, you may find yourself bargaining, trying to get your ex back into life at any cost. The question is how long can you keep at it? And when should you give up trying to get your ex back?
A good rule of thumb would be when you see that there is no reciprocation from your ex and all your efforts to revive the relationship are one-sided and might be in vain. However difficult it might sound, there couldn’t be a clearer indication that it’s time to face the harsh reality and focus on healing yourself.
Realize that it is time for personal growth instead of investing more time in lost feelings. But what does this lack of reciprocation look like? To help you understand, let’s dive deeper into signs your ex will never come back and that you need to move on.
This is a bad sign that your relationship has ended. It is also a sure indication that your efforts to win back your ex might be futile. This happens when your ex maintains complete radio silence. No amount of persuasion makes your ex respond to your texts, calls, or social media posts and messages.
This is bound to leave you in a state of uncertainty and emotional distress. The frustration and sadness that come with unanswered calls and messages can take a toll on your emotional well-being. You feel ignored, and the memories of all the good times you spent with your ex leave you feeling empty and drained out.
However, if you look at the situation objectively, you will realize that this silence is your ex’s way of communicating that they’ve no interest in reconnecting with you after the breakup. Our advice to you in this situation is simple: don’t waste your time on someone who doesn’t value you.
What to do
Once you spot such signs you are wasting your time trying to get your ex back, here’s what you can do:
Respect their boundaries and give them space if they need it
Remember pushing too hard for communication can often backfire
Don’t set yourself up for repeated rejections because they can take a huge toll on your self-respect
Redirect your energies to healing and moving on
2. Your ex has clearly moved on
Another one of the heart-wrenching signs you will never get back together with your ex is that they seem to have moved on with their life without you. They might have taken up new hobbies, made new friends, or even embarked on a new career path.
Likewise, if your ex does not remember special occasions that you once held dear, or behaves as if they didn’t occur, then you know they have moved on and are happy with you out of the equation.
Realizing that your ex is forging ahead without you can be a blow to your self-esteem and a source of emotional pain. Witnessing them moving on like you didn’t matter at all, can leave you resenting them and thinking, “I hate my ex for wasting my time.” Instead of stewing in this quagmire of emotions, you must,
Use this as an opportunity to focus on your enjoying life
Work toward personal growth
Rediscover your passions and invest in your well-being
Connect more strongly with what you do, be it professionally or socially
If you know for sure your ex is seeing someone else, then what’s the point in pursuing them?
3. Mutual friends are mum
After a breakup, your mutual friends can be a source of information about your ex’s feelings or what they’re up to. But when these friends stay quiet or vague about your ex’s situation, it could be one of the signs you are wasting your time trying to get your ex back. There is a good chance that they are hesitant to tell you about your ex because they know the truth will only hurt you more.
The lack of information from a mutual friend or friends can leave you feeling isolated and out of the loop. It is as if you feel you are marooned on an island with no source of information or help whatsoever. But hey, maybe that’s not such a bad thing after all. This space and distance may just be what you need to move on.
Here’s how you can navigate this situation so that it helps you inch closer to the realization that it’s time to give up trying to get your ex back:
Respect your ex’s privacy
Avoid putting mutual friends in an awkward position
Instead, seek emotional support from friends who are not connected to your ex
4. They’re in a new relationship
Learning that your ex has entered a new, committed relationship can be an incredibly painful experience. It indicates that they’ve moved on emotionally and are building a life that doesn’t include you. If you have been looking for signs you should not get back with your ex, them going steady with someone new is as clear as it can get.
What to do
When they embrace a new relationship with ease it is one of the signs your ex is happy without you. So go on and be happy yourself. Here’s how:
Accept the reality of their new relationship
Focus on your healing rather than dwelling on their new partner
Although tough, it is important to set aside resentment and feelings like “I hate my ex for wasting my time” and develop acceptance through understanding
5. The absence of romantic feelings
When your ex openly acknowledges that they no longer have romantic feelings for you, signs you should not get back with your ex can’t get any clearer. This reality can be exceptionally hard to come to terms with. You are suddenly friend-zoned or non-existent. You fail to understand your ex’s mind and are left confused. Given that you had hopes of rekindling the relationship with your former partner, this can shatter you emotionally.
What to do
However, you should accept that you’ve been dealt a particularly tough set of cards and aim to understand, accept, and self-preserve. Here’s how:
As difficult as it may be, honor their honesty
Realize how harmful it can be to cling to the idea of a relationship that the other person doesn’t want
Instead, view your former partner’s honesty about their feelings as a sign for you to embrace reality and move on
If upon seeing your eagerness to get back together, your ex begins to string you along but doesn’t fully commit or starts acting hot-and-cold, triggering an on-again-off-again relationship, you need to open your eyes to the signs your ex is taking advantage of you. They may be exploiting your emotional vulnerability to manipulate you into a connection that lacks any real meaning or depth, leaving you feeling ill at ease yet unable to walk away.
What to do
This can quickly turn into a toxic relationship that can leave you emotionally drained. Don’t settle for the breadcrumbs of affection from an ex because you’re too scared to let them go or be alone.
Recognize the boundaries you need to set
You cannot fix your ex’s choices, but you can prioritize your well-being
Prioritizing yourself is important at this juncture when you are fresh out of a relationship breakup
Remember, you deserve to be with someone who truly wants to be with you
7. Remaining friends but no reunion
Your ex’s choice to maintain contact without the intention of rekindling the relationship can create a complex emotional dilemma. It can feel like a glimmer of hope amid the darkness of heartbreak, but it’s important to navigate this situation with a clear understanding.
How do you know your ex is truly done with you? When should you give up trying to get your ex back? Questions like these can start weighing on your mind when your ex continues to be a part of your life sans the romantic connection. If your ex has been saying things like “Let’s remain friends” or you can’t shake off the “my ex still talks to me but doesn’t want to come back” feeling, the answers become quite evident. These are clear signs you are wasting your time trying to get your ex back.
Perhaps, he just needs you as a sounding board and nothing else. It is not a healthy relationship when one person is left yearning for more and receives nothing but disappointment. That’s one of the reasons why being friends with an ex can be tricky.
What to do
Remaining friends with an ex when you desire more can be emotionally challenging. Here’s how you can remedy this situation:
Set clear boundaries for your friendship
Take a step back if remaining friends hinders your ability to move on
If you feel it is adding to the stress rather than relieving it, communicate openly and clearly and step out of the friendship.
8. Lack of personal growth or improvement
When you notice your ex repeating the same unhealthy patterns, it is one of the clearest signs you should not get back with your ex. A stagnant behavior of this sort might also suggest that your ex is struggling to learn from past relationship experiences and make positive changes in their life.
If they’ve been promising you that they will turn things around and you’ve been waiting for them to follow through on that promise, it can make you resent them. It brings you to one of those stages in a relationship when you tell yourself, “I hate my ex for wasting my time.”
What to do
Witnessing your ex’s lack of growth can be disheartening, especially if you had hoped for a positive change. You feel personally drained trying to encourage and bring out the best in them always, to no avail. This is your cue to walk away and,
Focus on your personal growth and self-improvement
Spend time to reflect on your past mistakes and learn from them
Make a conscious effort to steer clear of being stuck in a situation where you are concentrating on your former partner and not yourself
Even if you can’t spot any tell-tale signs you will never get back together with your ex, your gut instincts may be telling you that your strong desire for reconciliation will not come to fruition.
Trusting your instincts becomes vital in situations like these.
Perhaps, you’re too blinded by your emotions to see that your ex has no interest in coming back to you. But your intuition has picked up on clear signs of lack of interest from them and is telling you: don’t waste your time on someone who doesn’t value you.
What to do
Balancing your emotions with that strong gut feeling can be challenging. But you must,
Learn to trust your gut feeling
Don’t silence that voice of reason in your head. It can guide you toward making the right decisions for your emotional well-being
Make a conscious effort to detach yourself from the hope of reviving the relationship
Continuously hoping for your ex to come back when there’s little or no indication that they will is one of the most obvious signs you need to refocus and work toward moving on. Don’t waste your time on someone who doesn’t value you. It will only deplete your emotional energy and keep you stuck in an unproductive cycle of longing and wishful thinking.
What to do
Clinging to false hope can keep you stuck in an emotional state that is not conducive to your well-being. To break free,
Loneliness and depression can be the byproducts of investing too much in rekindling a past relationship. You feel depleted and lack motivation to seek out anything new, professionally or socially. If you have been trying to get your former partner to reconcile only to have been shot down repeatedly and that has taken a toll on your mental health, it’s one of the clearest signs you are wasting your time trying to get your ex back.
Seek professional help to address the mental health issues troubling you as well as forge a path forward to finally snap the cord with your ex
The process of getting back together with your ex can take a toll on your mental health
12. Diminishing sense of self
Pursuing someone who doesn’t reciprocate your feelings can erode your self-esteem. When repeated attempts at conversation or fresh starts do not elicit any response, it can leave you questioning what is it that you lack or why are you no longer good enough for your former partner.
These questions can slowly chip away at your self-esteem and sense of self-worth, which can not only keep you stuck in the cycle of pleading for love and affection from your ex but also impact your choices, especially of romantic partners, in the future. The emotional pain and turmoil stemming from a compromised sense of self are among the warning signs you are wasting your time trying to get your ex back you cannot afford to ignore.
What to do
It is time to deal with things squarely. It is not worth waiting for mopping about and feeling sorry for yourself. Instead,
Prioritize your self-worth and establish healthy boundaries
Remember that your value does not depend on your ex’s actions or feelings
Work on rebuilding your self-esteem so that you’re capable of forging healthy relationships in the future
13. Your loved ones think you are wasting your time trying to get your ex back
Those who truly know and love us can often offer a far more objective assessment than those who are in the same stir-fry situation as we are. So, if your friends and family have reached a general consensus it’s time for you to move on and have been telling you to stop wasting your time trying to get your ex back, it’s a sign worth paying attention to. Their perspective can provide valuable insights.
What to do
Sometimes, loved ones can offer a clearer view of your situation and help you make informed decisions. Getting through a breakup alone is ten times harder than dealing with the pain with a wholesome support system of friends and family.
Listen to your loved ones
Lean on them for support
Enlist their help to chart out a way to move on from your ex
Key Pointers
Breakup blues can leave you yearning for an ex and intent on reviving the relationship
However, your ex may not feel the same way
Your ex’s lack of reciprocation, radio silence, moving on, and being in a new relationship are some of the signs you are wasting your time trying to rekindle the relationship
If all signs point toward their lack of interest in getting back together, it’s best to focus on healing and moving on
In conclusion, recognizing the signs that you might be wasting your time trying to get your ex-partner back can be painful, but it’s a crucial step toward healing and personal growth. Instead of dwelling on the past, focus on building a better future relationship for yourself, one that may or may not include your ex. Trust in the process of healing, and believe that new opportunities for love and happiness await you.
Dealing with the end of a relationship can be a painful ordeal, especially when your thoughts keep drifting back to your ex. Whether the breakup is recent or you’re still struggling with the hurt months later, these persistent thoughts might hinder your ability to move on. At this point, it is normal to spend your time trying to figure out how to stop thinking about your ex.
By adopting the right techniques, you can come to terms with the fact that the relationship is over and finally free yourself from the past. We spoke to psychologist Juhi Pandey (M.A, psychology), who specializes in dating, premarital and breakup counseling, about the reasons that you might still be thinking about your former partner and the best ways to get over an ex-lover.
Why Am I Thinking About My Ex? 5 Possible Reasons
Breaking up is undeniably challenging, and it doesn’t end with the conversation itself. Depending on the depth of your emotional connection with the person or the relationship, you may find thoughts of them lingering in your mind for days, weeks, months, or even years. We may even find ourselves reminiscing about what we perceive as a ‘perfect’ connection. It may seem like a never-ending loop that you can’t get out of. Here are five possible answers to your “why do I still think about my ex every day” question:
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1. You miss how they made you feel and the person you were with them
After a breakup, it’s common to yearn for the emotional connection you once had with your ex-partner. However, the truth is that you miss the version of yourself from that past relationship more than your ex. Each relationship and partner influences our personalities and behaviors in different ways. You might have been more carefree with your ex, but now you find yourself being more cautious with your current partner. Or maybe you had an amazing sexual compatibility with your ex, which is why the “I can’t stop thinking about my ex sexually” feelings are recurrent.
According to Juhi, “One of the reasons you can’t keep the obsessive thinking at bay is because you are not happy in your present relationship. Maybe you are overwhelmed or in a trying situation and you are reminded of your former partner because they supported you during such difficult times.”
It is possible to miss your ex because they taught you valuable life lessons or had a deep impact on your personal growth. You find yourself looking at the relationship with rose-tinted glasses and you think about those lessons when you encounter similar situations now.
The inability to move on after a breakup can be due to unresolved issues from the past. Lingering feelings of guilt, anger, regret, or pain might be holding you back from getting over your ex, especially if you didn’t receive any closure after the breakup. Seeking explanations and trying to understand the reasons behind the breakup is common, but unfortunately, closure is not always guaranteed.
The lack of it can cause distress and make you look for explanations and replay old memories, resulting in ongoing thoughts about your ex. You might end up thinking about someone too much even years later because the absence of closure hinders the process of acceptance and emotional peace. It’s even natural to have occasional flashbacks of memories when doing things with a new partner that were once shared with the ex.
3. You have obsessive thoughts about your ex because you miss them and want them back
“I want to talk to her again.” “I wonder if he thinks about me.” “Will I ever stop loving my ex?” – If you’ve been asking yourself these questions, then you might genuinely miss your ex and want them back in your life. Even after a significant amount of time has passed or when you’re in a new relationship, it’s not uncommon to find yourself missing them. What you had with them might be difficult to replicate with someone else. Maybe you think that the breakup was a mistake which is why you want to reconcile with your ex-partner, making it harder for you to get over them and move on in life.
“Why do I still think about my ex every day?” – It’s probably because you’re still in touch with them. If you’ve been constantly asking yourself this question, the answer probably lies in your phone or social media. Do you do any of these things?
Follow their social media accounts
Text or call them regularly
Meet them, even if it’s with your common friends
Keep tabs on what’s happening in their lives
Yes, ex-partners can be friends. But if you’ve just gone through a breakup, you need space and time to process everything that has happened. Staying in touch will prevent you from reflecting on the relationship and getting through this big change in your life, especially if your ex moved on fast and you’re in a “seeing my ex with someone else kills me every time” zone.
5. You are lonely and miss being in a relationship
“Why am I thinking about my ex all of a sudden?” “I can’t stop thinking about my ex sexually” – Maybe because it’s been a while since your relationship ended and you feel lonely, says Juhi. You miss being in a relationship and the companionship, intimacy, and security that comes with it.
The question “Why do I still think about my ex?” is a common one, especially when there’s a fear of being single. If you were in a relationship for a considerable period of time, then returning to singlehood can be scary. To cope with this fear and fill the void in your life, you may find yourself frequently thinking about your ex. According to Juhi, “It is also possible that you see a friend or someone you know being romantically involved, and their love reminds you of your ex.”
11 Expert-Backed Tips To Stop Thinking About Your Ex
How to block someone from your mind? Let’s try to create a list of necessary things to do to get over your ex. A study suggests that reframing your thoughts about your ex in a negative light, accepting your emotions, and engaging in distracting activities can be effective methods to stop dwelling on your past relationship and find closure. Here are some of the best ways to get over an ex:
1. Take your time to grieve
How long does it take to stop thinking about your ex? Well, there’s no fixed timeline but the first step toward getting over your ex is taking your time to grieve, acknowledge, and accept what has happened. Juhi says, “There has to be acceptance that the person or the relationship was not right for you, which is why it did not work. Acceptance is the first step in the healing journey.”
Ending a relationship can be a challenging task and experience. When you invest your emotional, physical, financial, and spiritual energy into something, its ending can take a massive toll on you, which is why you need time to process the loss and your feelings. It’s essential to recognize these emotions, allow yourself to grieve, and take all the time needed to heal. You could:
Take a few days off work
Spend time alone to understand your emotions
Cry as much as you want
Journal about it every day
Allow yourself to feel whatever you’re experiencing without judgment
A breakup can feel like the loss of a loved one, and it’s alright to mourn this loss. Emotions should not be dismissed or ignored; instead, confront them without judgment to facilitate the healing process. Suppressing thoughts and feelings may intensify them. Embrace your emotions if you want to move on in life.
Establishing a no-contact rule is one of the best ways to get over your ex. Go cold turkey. Out of sight, out of mind. Our best tip on how to avoid your ex is by blocking them from everywhere – No phone calls, text messages, social media, meeting up, seeing their photos, or going to places you know they visit often. Remove their contact information from your phone. When you feel indifferent toward a person, that’s the beginning of moving on and true closure. Until then, it’s essential to keep your ex out of your life, both physically and virtually. For this, blocking exes is usually essential, at least for a few months.
According to Juhi, “Block your ex from all social media handles because the more you see the person, the more you will want to know about their personal life. It’s a natural human tendency, which is why the no-contact rule is important. Once you’ve done that, keep yourself busy and engaged in activities. It is one of the most important tips on how to stop thinking about your ex during no-contact periods.”
Keeping in touch with your ex can aggravate the painful feelings you’ve been experiencing since the breakup, so stop contacting your ex if you want to get over it and move on. Establishing this boundary creates a necessary distance between you and that person. A few tips on how to stop thinking about your ex during no-contact:
Focus on your career
Exercise regularly and stay physically active
Channel all your emotions and energy into art – this is a unique and practical tip on how to stop thinking about your ex
Catch up with your friends (stay away from mutual friends for a while)
Go for a spa session or create one at home for yourself
3. Getting rid of reminders is one of the best ways to get over your ex
Are you still holding on to the reminders from your relationship? If you are, it may be time to bid farewell to these material possessions, including places that hold sentimental value. Packing up these reminders and disposing of them will help you move on from your past relationship. While holding onto these items might provide temporary comfort, it can also prolong the pain of letting go and affect your healing process.
A reader emailed us, “I need help getting over my ex. How do I do it?” Juhi answers, “If you hold on to their belongings or relationship souvenirs or even memories like their favorite restaurants or the places you would visit together, you will continue to experience obsessive thoughts about your ex-partner. This will make it all the more difficult for you to let go of your ex, which is why it is best to get rid of all shared reminders. It brings up the past and you don’t really want that at the moment.”
4. Practice self-love and self-care
“Will I ever stop loving my ex?” Yes. Healing from the pain of being hurt by someone takes time and requires a lot of self-love and care. Making time for yourself, just as you would for your ex, can help clear your mind and provide a sense of self-fulfillment. Create a calendar of activities you enjoy doing alone or with loved ones, and set aside time slots to engage in each of them. Surround yourself with people who are positive and uplifting.
Juhi says, “A few things a person can do is plan a vacation, change their environment, indulge in hobbies, pursue a course, try to make friends, and work on their low self-esteem. If you have pets and children at home, spend time with them because they give you energy, life, and unconditional love. Indulge in hobbies like gardening, cooking, and reading books. Spend time in nature, meditate, and do ‘pranayam’ to calm your mind.”
Engage in something you love each day, no matter how small. Our tips on how to stop thinking about your ex:
Listen to the music you love
Wear something nice and go for a walk in the nearby park
One of the answers to your “I need help getting over my ex” dilemma is to change your daily routine. For a long time, your life revolved around your ex. But now that the relationship has ended, it doesn’t have to anymore, which means that you need to establish a new routine and get your life together. If you’re thinking about how to distract yourself from a breakup, then this is one of the best ways.
Juhi says, “Try to do something that keeps you creatively engaged because that will help your serotonin and dopamine levels and release all the happy hormones. Engage in activities that offer something new. Work on yourself and transform your body and mind.”
How long does it take to stop thinking about your ex? Well, the idea is to replace old memories with new ones. And for that to happen, you will have to create new experiences. You can try a few things like:
Exercise or go for a run
Meditate or try yoga
Focus on your work
Try a new restaurant or visit a new park instead of going to the one you went with your ex
11 tips on how to stop thinking about your ex-partner
6. Remind yourself why you broke up with your ex
Breakups are painful because they involve investing time and effort in a relationship with hopes of a lasting bond. As time passes, the pain may fade, leaving you with memories of the positive aspects of the relationship. In such a situation, how to stop thinking about someone you love deeply? It’s normal to think about your ex-partner, but it’s equally important to remember the reasons for the breakup and acknowledge that if it was possible to save the relationship, you wouldn’t be in this position.
7. To get over your breakup, avoid the family and friends of your ex
Are you still in contact with your ex-partner’s friends and family? If so, it might be time to consider cutting off communication with them as well. It can be difficult, especially if you were close to them. But it’s essential to recognize that they are your former partner’s friends and family, not your own. Their allegiance and loyalties lie with your ex, not with you.
By maintaining communication with them, you only prolong the pain and make it harder for yourself to move on. Instead, Juhi says, “Talk to your family members and go back to your friends. Spend a lot of time with them. After a breakup, if you have someone to talk and listen to, you feel more at ease. It helps you divert your mind from your ex.”
8. Understand that you may still have feelings for them and that’s okay
While it would be ideal to stop caring for someone immediately after a breakup, human emotions don’t work that way. It’s perfectly okay to still love your ex. You can’t get over someone you love in a day. Moving on from a relationship doesn’t necessarily mean your love for the person ends. Sometimes, the best way to let go is to love them enough to want what’s best for them, even if it means not being together. Love yourself enough to know what’s best for you too.
Getting over someone who has been deeply ingrained in every aspect of your life can be challenging, regardless of the duration of the relationship. Allow yourself time to grieve without setting rigid time limits or immediately seeking someone else as a distraction. Dwelling too much on why it’s taking time to move on will only leave you thinking about them all the more. Once you stop being hard on yourself for still caring, you may find that thoughts of them diminish on their own.
9. Let go of all the anger and find your own closure
When you are constantly thinking about him or her, ask yourself these questions: Will your anger improve the situation? Will it make your ex acknowledge their faults? Whom does your anger truly harm? You’ll realize that your anger won’t change what happened. It’ll only hurt you. It won’t affect your ex-partner’s life or prevent them from moving on. Therefore, there’s no point in you holding on to the anger and bitterness. You will have to make the choice to let go and reclaim your life instead of wasting your time and energy in digging up old wounds.
Create your own closure! Don’t allow your ex-partner to determine if and when you can move on; only you have that power. Closure may not come from your ex, and seeking it may lead to more pain. The key is to focus on your growth and healing to move forward. Take control of your life and emotions. Work on building your confidence and finding happiness on your own terms.
10. Seek professional help to stop thinking about your ex
It’s natural for thoughts of an ex to occasionally resurface. However, if these thoughts begin to haunt you and impact your current or potential future relationship with a new partner, whether it’s a rebound or serious one, it may be time to consider seeking a therapist or clinical psychologist. If you are unable to figure out how to stop thinking about your ex after months and need help, Bonobology’s panel of licensed and experienced therapists is only a click away.
11. See new people and start dating when you feel ready
If you’re wondering how to stop thinking about your ex after months, meeting new people or dating someone new can be an effective way. Engaging in conversation with new people can serve as a positive distraction from lingering feelings and thoughts. If you still feel emotionally raw from the breakup, remember that dating doesn’t always have to lead to a serious relationship. Be open with your new dates about your intentions, whether you’re seeking a good time or a temporary distraction, to ensure everyone is on the same page emotionally.
Find new love when you’re ready. There’s no timeframe for when to start dating again after a breakup, so trust your instincts and do what feels right for you. Avoid rushing into a new relationship solely to avoid being alone, but don’t be afraid to put yourself out there either. If you are struggling with persistent thoughts of your ex while in a new and healthy relationship, suppressing those thoughts won’t be productive. Instead, add to your thoughts the love you feel for your new partner. It can help resist the urge to reach out to your ex.
Key Pointers
A few reasons that you can’t stop thinking about your ex include loneliness, staying in contact with your ex after the breakup, and having genuine feelings for your ex and wanting them back
What are some of the things to do to get over your ex? Snap all contact with them, practice self-care, do things that make you happy, and get into a new routine
Consult a clinical psychologist or a therapist if thoughts about your ex-flame persist
Time heals old wounds. Take your time to grieve and acknowledge your feelings instead of suppressing them
It’s natural to wonder what went wrong and replay memories in your mind repeatedly, but it’s important to recognize that the hardest part of a breakup is often the inability to stop thinking about the other person. Although there’s no magical step-by-step guide to recovery, it’s crucial to understand that feelings of love or attachment don’t vanish overnight. Nonetheless, it is possible to work on healing and moving forward.
FAQs
1. How long does it take to get over an ex?
The time it takes to get over an ex-partner varies significantly from person to person. There is no fixed timeframe. The healing process depends on various factors, including the length and intensity of the relationship, the reasons for the breakup, the level of emotional attachment, and the individual’s coping mechanisms and support system.
For some people, getting over an ex may take a few weeks or months, while for others, it could take years. It’s essential to allow yourself the time and space needed to process the emotions and heal at your own pace.
After a divorce, you may wonder how best to approach the holidays. Will you go to that party where you’ll see your ex? If you have kids, should you and your ex open gifts together with them, or separately?
Some people hold on to an idealized view of how the holidays used to be, says clinical psychologist Edward Farber, PhD. But traditions you’ve had for years are going to change. To find joy in the holidays, ease your stress and find new ways to celebrate.
How to Avoid Conflict
If you’re getting along well with your ex, it may make sense for the two of you to have one holiday gathering with your kids. But if there’s any risk of conflict, Farber says, it’s better for each parent to have a separate holiday celebration with the children.
“It’s not the specifics of the arrangement that matter so much as preventing your kids from being stressed, because they are seeing you in conflict with your ex,” he says.
Farber also says it’s best to watch how much alcohol you drink at these gatherings. “You want to be able to have a business-like interaction with your ex so that there is no tension in front of the kids,” he says.
Make Plans in Advance
Discuss holiday plans and schedules in advance with your ex to prevent misunderstandings and arguments about who has the kids when.
Also, loop your kids in early, says Karen Ruskin, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Sharon, MA. Let them know in advance who they’ll be with and where they’ll be going.
“Don’t leave it up in the air, because that can cause anxiety,” she says.
Give Your Kids a Voice
Let your children have a say in the holiday plans. Consider their favorite traditions when planning.
“When children have some input about activities and an idea of what to expect, it helps to reassure them and give them a sense of control in the midst of family changes,” says JoAnne Pedro-Carroll, PhD. She’s a clinical psychologist in Rochester, NY.
Pedro-Carroll says one child she knows asked if there could be a toy elf on display at both parents’ homes during the holidays. “Maintaining a favorite tradition like that gives children a sense that not everything in their life is changing and some things will stay the same,” she says.
Start New Traditions
Create new holiday traditions to share with your kids, Ruskin suggests. For instance, you could volunteer at a homeless shelter. If you have a young daughter, you could make necklaces together to give to each other or to Grandma. If you have a teen, you could play tennis or go on a hike together. “The key is to take action to make the season special,” Ruskin says.
Reach Out for Support
Remember to take care of yourself during the holidays. “When you get enough rest, eat healthy food, and exercise, you have more patience and more to give as a loving parent,” Pedro-Carroll says.
Also, don’t hesitate to reach out to trusted friends or family members or to a mental health professional if you’re having a difficult time. “Seeking help when you need it is a sign of strength, not weakness,” Pedro-Carroll says.
The premier divorce and relationship coaching agency expands its service offerings to provide a holistic approach to divorce
Press Release –
updated: Mar 13, 2018
NEW YORK, March 13, 2018 (Newswire.com)
– Journey Beyond Divorce, or JBD as they are more commonly known, is launching a new divorce support community Wednesday, March 14, 2018, that includes three distinct features – the most innovative of which combines the ubiquity of Facebook with the personalized advice of certified divorce counselors. The resulting amalgamation is a private peer community with daily interaction with other divorcees and JBD coaches. Ask questions and receive answers, or just vent and decompress with people that can understand and relate. Journey Beyond Divorce takes full advantage of Facebook Live, providing monthly sessions around member requested topics, away from the prying eyes of kids, friends, family, and ex-spouses.
Karen McMahon, Journey Beyond Divorce founder and IPEC divorce coach states, “We’ve always had a ‘clients over-compensation’ approach, and that is as true now as it was in the beginning. To prove it, we are offering 60 percent off annual subscriptions plus a free trial month! We know how hard divorce is for both men and women, and we want you to know how honored we are that you have chosen us to help you during this life-changing process.”
My Journey Beyond coach was ready to meet me where I was every time we spoke. But she always pushed me a little bit further — whether it was to consider something I hadn’t thought of or give me concrete steps to make the change. She kept our work focused on progress. I’m so grateful for her warmth and clear-eyed guidance.
Patricia S. , Journey Beyond Divorce client
While most life coaching agencies focus only on the emotional aspects of going through a divorce, JBD looks toward the future. JBD developed comprehensive resources such as ebooks, audio and video series and flash guides that help users process the legal, financial and emotional facets, before during and after divorce. Whether individuals are unsure of the difference between mediation and arbitration, concerned that divorce means the end of their financial security, or are worried about reentering the dating pool at 55; Journey Beyond Divorce’s team of coaches and expert guest advisers provide curated advice tailored to specific situations.
About Journey Beyond Divorce: Journey Beyond Divorce was created after witnessing firsthand how ineffectual and limited traditional divorce therapy can be. Founded in 2010 by IPEC & ICF certified divorce coach Karen McMahon; JBD currently offers separation, divorce, and relationship coaching services in New York, Connecticut, and New Jersey, as well as remote locations across the U.S.
