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Tag: ego

  • How the Best Leaders Rise Above Ego and Lead With Love Instead

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    If you’ve ever watched the markets swing wildly, you’ve seen the Fear & Greed Index in action. When fear spikes, people rush to sell. When greed takes over, people rush to buy. Two different actions, both fueled by ego. This dynamic shows up in leadership situations, too, guarding your authority, pushing for more influence, and defending your ideas. 

    Fear says, “I can’t lose what I have.” Greed says, “I must have more.” Both come from the same belief: “I’m not safe unless …” 

    A better continuum for leaders 

    Most people picture fear and greed as opposites pulling in different directions. However, in leadership, they sit side-by-side at the same end of the continuum—the ego end.  On the other end of that continuum is love-powered leadership—uplifting and connecting with grounded, expansive energy that brings you back to clarity and connection. 

    This difference between ego and love isn’t philosophical. It shows up in the real world every day. When you operate from fear or greed, you contract. You get smaller. When you lead with love, your impact expands. You can see the difference clearly in how leaders respond during moments of pressure. 

    In 2020, when the Covid-19 pandemic shut down travel, Airbnb faced a brutal reality: Revenue evaporated and big layoffs were inevitable. Fear would’ve pushed for silence and damage control. Brian Chesky instead led with open communication and generous severance. That’s leading with love. 

    Then, consider what happened this month at Omnicom. In the wake of its massive merger, CEO Troy Ruhanen announced 4,000 more layoffs as the holidays began. That was paired with a LinkedIn post celebrating “a new chapter” and “the industry’s most comprehensive capabilities.”  

    Reactions came quickly, many pointing out how tone-deaf and inhumane the message was to people facing real loss. As a leader, you’ll inevitably be faced with tough choices. When you see the clear difference between acting from ego and love, you can choose consciously.  

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    Moshe Engelberg

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  • When Ego Gets in the Way of Leadership

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    Ego has many masks but only one truth. I see ego-based leadership reactions disguised as intuition, trust, defensiveness, micromanagement, and a multitude of other things. However, what’s really at the heart of those responses is a lack of radical self-inquiry. Your ego can be pushy. It can take over every decision you make if you aren’t aware of its presence.  

    Once the ego has been quieted, the real reason for a reaction is revealed. When the noise of ego subsides, what’s left is often a kind of groundlessness—a soft spot that reveals your fear, tenderness, and longing to be seen. Leadership begins in that unguarded place.  

    From a Buddhist perspective, the ego is not an enemy that you need to eradicate. It’s a mistaken belief in a fixed self. Psychoanalysis defines the ego a bit differently as the part of human beings that tries, however clumsily, to protect people. Understanding both dimensions will help you see that ego isn’t the problem; rather, it’s our identification with it that is. 

    I will warn you, though, that sometimes what’s left when ego has departed is challenging to sit with. More often than not, it isn’t what you thought it might be. What you do with the thing that’s unveiled is what defines great leaders. 

    Rooting out ego 

    There are two fundamental questions to ask yourself when you have an ego-driven response. This might look like a strong reaction to a team decision, the need to control what someone else is handling, or a knee-jerk reaction of defensiveness. You can view these questions as an inner dialogue between your ego and awareness.  

    • Why do I do what I do?
      Stop and consider you go to work every day, why you function the way that you do, and why you initially stepped into your current position. Are you destroying yourself by trying to be someone you’re not? Are you still aligned with your own goals and values? Have you strayed so far from those that you do not know who you are? Are you “chasing lemon drops,” like I wrote about in my book, Reboot? Get to the core of your “why.” 
    • Why do I feel what I feel?
      If you really take the time to pause when reacting to a message or decision, you will find the root cause. This is not easy to do, and it does require some practice, which can be guided through regular journaling. Often, what you call “drive” or “ambition” begins as a defense. This is an ego strategy to be loved, feel safe, and belong. Seeing that softens judgment and opens the door to self-understanding and, importantly, self-compassion.  

    The act of writing down how and why you reacted the way you did and then reading those words back to yourself can give you great insight. Perhaps more importantly, a regular journaling practice can teach your brain to pause before sending that email, micromanaging a team, or making decisions based on ego rather than logic.  

    It takes the time it takes 

    Some people process things and learn new patterns quickly. Others take days, weeks, months, and even years to fully engage in radical self-inquiry. Sometimes, the amount of time it takes to find the real and raw answers can surprise you.  

    A good example of this is a conversation I recently had with a client. He informed his team that he needed several weeks to implement a significant cultural shift. He worked on journaling and answering the two questions above for a few days, repeatedly coming back to the same conclusion. However, when he returned to his team with his thoughts and decisions, a board member questioned his processing time.  

    The board member said, “You said it would take weeks, and here you are, a few days later, with a decision. How can that be?” They even went so far as to suggest that he reconsider for a more extended period. However, the answers were clear, and he had no reason to continue processing.  

    The work of self-inquiry

    When you’ve done the work to understand why you react the way you do, you may find it takes less time than expected to reach a decision you can live with. Insight can appear suddenly, but only after long work of self-inquiry. The ego loosens not by force but by love and friendship. It’s there, after all, to protect you. 

    It’s okay to take more—or less—time to figure things out. You owe it to yourself and your team to fully process big decisions and act when the move feels right, regardless of the timeline. It’s not about the numbers, but it’s about setting your ego aside and finding the truth through radical self-inquiry. When you meet your ego with curiosity and friendship rather than contempt, it becomes a teacher, pointing you toward the true self beneath. 

    The opinions expressed here by Inc.com columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com.

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    Jerry Colonna

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  • Paradigm Shifts: A Complete Change in Worldview

    Paradigm Shifts: A Complete Change in Worldview

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    Discover the power of paradigm shifts in driving individual and societal transformation, from overcoming cognitive dissonance to fueling scientific revolutions.


    When’s the last time you changed your mind about something?

    Many people are stuck in their beliefs and worldview, especially once we reach a certain age. Our map of reality is shaped most by early life experiences, including lessons we’ve learned from parents, teachers, and friends.

    A worldview can be hard to break out of on a purely psychological level.

    Once we are set in a view, we seek new information that continues to confirm these beliefs by only looking at sources that already agree with us. When new information contradicts these beliefs, we can easily ignore it or distort it to keep our map of reality intact.

    Accepting that we are wrong about something can be hurtful to our ego and pride, and in many ways our brains are designed to protect ourselves from this discomfort by simply ignoring contradictory information unless it has a real world effect on our lives. As Philip K. Dick once said, “Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away.”

    The average person isn’t primarily driven by a search for truth, they just need a map of reality that is good enough to navigate their lives effectively and not get themselves into too much trouble, which includes social pressures to conform to certain beliefs or stay silent about others.

    People can go through radical changes in beliefs though. Young adults and teenagers may go through “phases” as they come-of-age, where they question what they’ve been taught, rebel against orthodoxy, and search for their own meaning or purpose in life. These transformative years can lead to paradigm shifts that last a lifetime, such as adherence to new political, religious, or philosophical ideologies. Many may still return to their old beliefs later in life, but with a fresh new perspective.

    Learning about a new worldview, ideology, or philosophy doesn’t mean you need to adopt it – and it doesn’t necessarily lead to a paradigm shift. Often times learning about radically different belief systems can give us a firmer understanding of our current beliefs. There’s wisdom in learning about worldviews you find wrong, mistaken, or incorrect; at the very least, it will give you a better understanding of where other people are coming from.

    Paradigm shifts aren’t just new or updated knowledge, they represent a complete change in your perspective that makes you see and interpret old knowledge in a different way.

    This shift in perspective can be jolting and uncomfortable at first. We depend on worldviews to make sense of reality, so deep changes in perspective can often make reality feel more confusing or unstable at first.

    We often need to re-evaluate old knowledge and experiences through a new lens, and re-integrate them into a new and better map of reality. This is a mental shift that can sometimes take months or years before it is fully developed.

    My Paradigm Shifts

    My mind has changed a lot over the past decade, which hopefully is a sign that I’m learning and growing. When I first started this website over 15 years ago, my worldview was very different than what it is today.

    A few ways my mindset has changed:

    • Less Individualistic – During my college years, I explored a lot of libertarian philosophy that emphasized the individual over the collective. This is a common starting point in many “self help” circles too, which have an ethos of “take responsibility” and “pull yourself up by your boot straps.” While I still believe strongly in individual responsibility and initiative, I’ve grown to recognize the “no man is an island” mantra and focus more on the importance of social support, community-mindedness, and asking for help. This understanding has led to changes in my political and economic views too.
    • Less Materialistic and Money-Focused – It’s a bit embarrassing looking back on it, but I used to want to be rich and famous. I think a lot of it is just part of America’s narcissistic culture, where everyone strives to become some type of celebrity. As I get older, I’ve discovered new core values that have helped me focus on the more important things in life. I’ve also learned that a lot of my drive for money was really a drive for independence, and those aren’t the same thing. A person can make a lot of money and be trapped in their career to sustain their luxurious lifestyle, but a person of more modest fortune, who can be happy with less, often has more independence because they can then focus on other things in life. That was a counter-intuitive idea for me that took awhile to process.
    • Focus on Social and Cultural Forces – When I was younger, and likely a product of my libertarian days, I used to focus more on the importance of economics rather than culture. Generally, I saw things like music, art, and film as just a peripheral aspect of society, but now I’m beginning to understand their central importance. Every culture reflects and propagates a certain set of values, and a culture that promotes harmful and destructive values will lead to a harmful and destructive society. When I look at today’s world, I see a lot of cultural forces going in the wrong direction. I’m not pro-censorship in anyway, but I find many aspects of our culture need to be analyzed, criticized, and abandoned if they are hurting the happiness and health of a people.

    This is how my mindset has shifted over the years – and my mind will likely keep changing as long as I stay open to new information, new knowledge, and new experiences. At this point, most of my learning has happened outside of school and that’s a path I will continue on for the rest of my life.

    The Structure of Scientific Revolutions

    One of the most popular discussions on the topic of paradigm shifts is Thomas Kuhn’s 1962 book
    The Structure of Scientific Revolutions.

    Kuhn describes that scientific progress isn’t just an accumulation of facts, which he calls “normal science,” but also periods of “revolutionary science,” where anomalies are discovered that force scientists to look at a field in a completely new way.

    Common examples of paradigm shifts in science include:

    • The Copernican Revolution in the 16th century, where there was a change from geocentrism (“earth is the center of the universe”) to heliocentrism (“sun is the center of the solar system”)
    • Newtonian Physics in the 17th century, where classical mechanics discovered by Isaac Newton replaced previous models of Aristotelian physics.
    • Darwin’s theory of evolution and natural selection in the 19th century, which changed how humans viewed themselves in relation to animals and nature.

    Often there is initial resistance to accept new paradigms, which can go through heated periods of controversy and criticism among contemporary scientists and laymen.

    However, once these new paradigms were adopted, they allowed for research and discoveries into new phenomenon which ultimately expanded the boundaries of science and learning.

    New paradigms completely change how a scientific field is looked at. Thomas Kuhn used the example of the duck-rabbit optical illusion to demonstrate how new paradigms can change how we see old information:

    duck-rabbit optical illusion

    A duck or rabbit? It depends on your perspective.

    New paradigms can take awhile to be fully adopted. Old facts need to be looked at through a new lens. New books, research, studies, lectures, and textbooks need to be re-written from this new perspective, leading to a type of cognitive restructuring of society. The philosopher Immanuel Kant referred to the advancements of Greek mathematics and Newtonian physics as “revolutions in thinking,” and they take time to process.

    Generally, new scientific paradigms are better than old ones because they have more explanatory power over understanding natural phenomenon and predicting future outcomes.

    The best measure of scientific truth is its predictive power: if a new paradigm fails to better explain or predict a natural occurrence over a previous paradigm, then there’s no real point in replacing the old model (from a scientific perspective).

    Paradigm Shifts: An Antidote to Cognitive Dissonance

    Paradigm shifts are spurred on when new facts don’t fit into old worldviews. This leads to feelings of cognitive dissonance which is when someone is forced to hold two contradictory beliefs at the same time.

    Often the only way to reconcile this disconnect between facts vs. experience is to find a completely new paradigm that accounts for all old and new knowledge. This may require recognizing wrong or mistaken beliefs from your past, or cultivating a worldview with more complexity and nuance.

    Cognitive dissonance is a painful experience that most people choose to ignore or avoid. Many people double-down on wrong beliefs when they are passionately invested in them, which leads to excessive confirmation bias and conspiracy theories when beliefs continue to be held unchecked.

    At the same time, cognitive dissonance can be a catalyst for change – it’s a signal that we need to adjust our understanding of reality. This can become a real avenue for transformative thinking as long as you are honest with yourself, seek out diverse sources of information, and open-minded enough to see things in a new light.

    Conclusion

    Paradigm shifts are a part of learning and growing on both an individual and societal level. They are necessary for both radical self-improvement and radical scientific progress.

    While it’s important not to “change your mind just for the sake of changing your mind,” honest searches for knowledge and truth inevitably come up against walls that require a paradigm shift to get over and move onto the next stage.


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    Steven Handel

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  • Social Media Hype About Winter Weather Is Coming – How To Be Ready

    Social Media Hype About Winter Weather Is Coming – How To Be Ready

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    It was a bit chilly for our morning walk here in Georgia so I peddled away on my exercise bike in the basement. In that moment, I was reminded that we are approaching the cold season in the United States. It also means your annual dose of winter weather social media hype and misinformation. Here are some things to be ready for.

    Meteorologist Chris Robbins actually wrote the perfect piece on this topic a few years ago on his iWEATHERNET.COM platform. In his article “Beware of Snow Hype & Weather Hoaxes on Social Media,” Robbins, whom I spoke with before writing this essay, noted that the winter season brings the usual batch of “viral” 10-day out snowstorm maps, wishcasting, and general misunderstanding of winter weather forecasting. Weather model information is generally available to everyone, but I constantly tell my classes at the University of Georgia that posting a model graphic does not make you a good weather forecaster. It makes you a good “copy – paste” person. Understanding the nuances of the atmosphere, the models, and communication strategies is vital.

    A 2019 study published in the Journal of the Atmospheric Sciences confirmed a basic tenet first established by the legendary meteorologist and father of chaos theory, Edward Lorenz. There is a limit on the predictability of weather, and according to the study, it is around 9 to 10 days. A press release issued by Penn State University provided the following statement by the late Fuqing Zhang – “I think in the future we’ll refine this answer, but our study demonstrates conclusively there is a limit, though we still have considerable room to improve forecast before reaching the limit.” In other words, there a limits to forecasts even with the perfect model and input because of the nature of trying to predict changes in the atmospheric fluid on a rotating planet. While meteorologists understand this, many people truly believe answers to the following questions are possible 10 days out – “Will the hurricane go exactly down that straight line towards City X? or “Will it snow in the left corner of my backyard near the dog’s water bowl?” Weather forecasting today is actually quite good as long as you understand the limitations. I have explored that topic in a previous Forbes essay.

    This is exactly why Chris Robbins wrote, “For example, in the Southeast, we understand that significant winter weather events are exceedingly rare during the month of December….an exciting model forecast for heavy snow in Alabama or Georgia 10-days in advance in mid-December will be tempered by the unfavorable snow climatology for this area.” A good forecaster will consider such factors and will understand, as Robbins continued that, “Odds are, the model will flip-flop with future runs as it ingests more and better data.” We live in an area of “social media-rologists” who yearn to be the “first” to tell you about the big snow storm. However, the old saying is true, “Just because you see it on the Internet, it doesn’t make it true.”

    A 2022 study entitled, “The disaster of misinformation: a review of research in social media,” mentioned that retweet counts, early information, content credibility, emotions, and a desire to inform their circles were motivations for retweeting information. Others have hypothesized that social media prowess and “being first” feeds psychological needs around ego and narcissism. These days people try to attract “likes” and “shares” often at the expense of meteorological credibility. Unfortunately, the average person may not be able to decipher what should be shared (or when) and that can have bad effects downstream. Such carelessness leads to misguided expectations and misperceptions about the efficacy of weather forecasting.

    Some other things to be aware of this winter season are “high-end” bias, wishcasting, and static information gathering. The “high-end” bias effect is what I define as people seeing a forecast for 3 to 6 inches of snowfall for there area then criticizing the forecast because“only” 3 inches falls. I have noticed a tendency for people to focus on the high-end of the range in the same way that people incorrectly focus on the center line of the hurricane cone rather than the entire cone. For snow lovers, the desire for the “high-end” is likely a reflection of wishcasting. Secretly, I think people enjoy the, at times, irrational bread hoarding.

    Static weather information gathering is also problematic. People often see a forecast or their little App icon on a particular day and assume that will be the absolute outcome five days later. Sure, it is a forecast, but they evolve. It is important to watch the “evolving forecast” rather than act exclusively on the one you saw five days ago. This tendency is challenging here in the South for winter weather events, and it also held true recently with Hurricane Ian in Florida.

    My colleague Rick Smith is a meteorologist at the National Weather Service – Norman. He wrote the perfect elixir below for forthcoming winter weather social media virus. I encourage everyone to study it carefully.

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    Marshall Shepherd, Senior Contributor

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