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Tag: dinner party

  • Beef Wellington is The Most Impressive Main Dish You'll Ever Make

    Beef Wellington is The Most Impressive Main Dish You'll Ever Make

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    Pulse the mushrooms, shallots, garlic, and thyme until finely chopped, scraping down the sides of the bowl occasionally, in 10 to 12 (1-second) pulses. Transfer to a medium bowl. Add the remaining mushrooms to the food processor, pulse until finely chopped, and transfer to the bowl. (Alternatively, very finely chop everything by hand.)

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    Christine Gallary

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  • Run, Don’t Walk—Reformation’s 35 Prettiest On-Sale Dresses Are Sure to Sell Out

    Run, Don’t Walk—Reformation’s 35 Prettiest On-Sale Dresses Are Sure to Sell Out

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    ‘Tis the season! For many, this period marks the beginning of the transition into winter, but for the fashion set, it’s something else entirely. Late November marks the start of two mind-consuming matters: holiday parties and, more importantly, sale season. While most may be worrying about finding the perfect winter staples or gift ideas for loved ones, fashion people are searching for the perfect frocks for their jam-packed calendars. Frankly, I don’t blame them. One of the best things about this time of year isn’t necessarily being able to bust out the bigger coats. It’s finding an incredible item with the price marked down.

    Sale season is our Super Bowl, okay! It’s why we’ll spend hours scrolling through the sale sections of our favorite retailers in search of the best Black Friday and Cyber Monday deals. While there’s no shortage of sales to shop this year, there was one, in particular, I was waiting for with bated breath: Reformation. You see, anyone in the know is well aware that this brand has some of the prettiest party dresses on the market, so anytime there’s a sale, you have to stock up. Luckily, the brand’s Black Friday and Cyber Monday sales just started. Running from November 22 to November 27, Reformation is offering 25% off everythingyes, everything

    For those with a stacked calendar this holiday season, you don’t want to sleep on this sale, as it has the perfect pieces for every occasion, including a winter wedding, a cocktail event, or even a gala. But what exact pieces should you be shopping for? In an effort to help you, I rounded up the 35 prettiest dresses from Reformation, which are all on sale right now. You’ll want to act fast, as these will sell out quickly. 

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    Jasmine Fox-Suliaman

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  • Great Whiskeys For A Friendsgiving

    Great Whiskeys For A Friendsgiving

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    It’s the time of year where people gather together and enjoy each other’s company, good food and hopefully something delicious to wash it all down. While wine is the general go to for dinner parties, beer, vodka, and bubbles are also in the mix. But what about great whiskeys for a Friendsgiving. Some pair well with the flavors of meats and vegetables and adds an earthiness to the palate.

    RELATED: Rainy Weather Cocktails

    Here are time-tested, proven suggestions for crowd-pleasing whiskeys to plunk down on the table after the plates are cleared and before the babysitters need to be relieved.

    Oban 14-Year-Old

    Oban 14-Year-Old is quickly climbing the ranks of my favorite all-purpose single malts. It’s the best of both worlds. It has high-toned peat and opulent, vanilla-soaked oak. It’s rich yet nuanced, sweet yet smoky, and interesting without being in the least bit challenging. It also pairs beautifully with chocolate.

    George Dickel Barrel Select

    This small batch release from George Dickel is aged between 10 and 12 years, right in the sweet spot for American whiskey. Balanced, mellow, and with signature George Dickel minerality, this is a lovely bottle to share with friends who might not know just how delicious Dickel can be.

    Hibiki Whiskey

    Noted Chef Justin Khanna encourages to people to mix it up with this Japanese whiskey. The House of Suntory a this delicate balance of several malt and grain whiskies is meticulously crafted goodness which pairs without overwhelmed savory flavors.

    Basil Hayden’s

    Everybody loves bourbon, but not everybody loves the 120+ proof cask strength stuff that’s so popular these days. Basil Hayden’s is a gentler whiskey from Jim Beam and still manages to hang on to all those fruity, spicy characteristics which make American whiskey so enjoyable. Plus, it comes wearing a fun little paper vest.

    Redbreast 12-Year-Old

    Most cringe from the word “smooth” used to describe whiskey—what does such a thing mean? Has anybody ever tasted a gritty whiskey?—but once in a while, the adjective does come to mind. Redbreast 12-Year-Old is silky, sweet, supple, and downright seductive, a seamless homage to the mellow flavors of malted barley and integrated oak. Don’t call it “smooth,” but your guests almost certainly will.

    Have a great holiday season and venture out with some great whiskeys for Friendsgiving.

     

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    Anthony Washington

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  • How John F. Kennedy Fell for the Lost Cause

    How John F. Kennedy Fell for the Lost Cause

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    John F. Kennedy took George Plimpton by surprise after a dinner party one evening when he pulled his friend aside for a word in the Oval Office. The president had Reconstruction on his mind—really, though, he wanted to discuss Plimpton’s grandmother.

    Plimpton was lanky and lordly, famous for his patrician accent and his forays into professional sports. The Paris Review founder did everything and knew everyone. He might edit literary criticism one day and try his hand at football or boxing the next. Plimpton had known Jackie Kennedy for years, and he had been friends with Robert F. Kennedy since their Harvard days.

    Explore the December 2023 Issue

    Check out more from this issue and find your next story to read.

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    He also had another, and very different, Kennedy connection. Plimpton’s great-grandfather Adelbert Ames, a New Englander, had been a Civil War general and Mississippi governor during Reconstruction. He was an ardent supporter of Black suffrage. Kennedy had soiled Ames’s reputation in his best-selling 1956 book, Profiles in Courage, which had won the Pulitzer Prize for Biography the following year. The book ushered the junior senator from Massachusetts onto the national stage, effectively launching his bid for the presidency.

    Kennedy’s book presented a pantheon of past U.S. senators as models of courageous compromise and political pragmatism. One such man, Kennedy claimed, was Ames’s racist Democratic rival, Lucius Quintus Cincinnatus Lamar II. A slaveholder, drafter of the Mississippi Ordinance of Secession, and Confederate colonel, Lamar later became the first ex-Confederate appointed to the Supreme Court after the Civil War.

    Lamar and Ames were the preeminent politicians of Mississippi Reconstruction. They hated each other. (At one point, Lamar threatened to lynch Ames.) Profiles in Courage had relied heavily on the work of influential Dunning School historians—disciples of the Columbia University professor William A. Dunning, who scorned Black suffrage and promoted the mythology of the Lost Cause. Kennedy may have been genuinely misled by these historians, but he also aspired to higher office and needed to appeal to white southern voters. His book denounced Reconstruction, casting Ames as a corrupt, carpetbagging villain and Lamar as a heroic southern statesman.

    Ames’s daughter Blanche—Plimpton’s grandmother—was incensed. She sent meticulously researched letters to Kennedy, demanding that he correct his book. Some of the letters had footnotes. Some had appendixes. Blanche would not let up, chasing Kennedy from the Senate to the presidency.

    In Plimpton’s telling, as Kennedy took his guests on an informal tour of the White House that evening, he motioned to Plimpton for a word. “George,” he said, as Plimpton would recall, “I’d like to talk to you about your grandmother.” Kennedy begged him to persuade Blanche Ames to stop writing, complaining that her correspondence “was cutting into the work of government.”

    Plimpton promised to try, but he knew it would be no use. “My grandmother was a Massachusetts woman,” he later explained, and when Kennedy refused to amend Profiles, Blanche “did what any sensible Massachusetts woman would do: she sat down and wrote her own book.”

    Blanche Ames was born in Massachusetts in 1878, the year after Reconstruction ended in a political deal that awarded Rutherford B. Hayes, a Republican, the disputed presidential election in exchange for withdrawing federal troops from the South. Blanche had the Civil War in her blood. Benjamin F. Butler, a Union general, was her maternal grandfather; he had commanded Fort Monroe, in Virginia, and had designated fugitive slaves as “contraband of war,” using a legal loophole that allowed refugees to seek protection behind Union lines. He later became governor of Massachusetts. Adelbert Ames, her father, won the Medal of Honor at First Bull Run and fought at Antietam and Gettysburg. After serving as the military governor of Mississippi, Ames became the state’s senator and then its civilian governor. He was a champion of racial rights, embracing a personal “Mission with a large M ” to support Black citizens.

    Blanche, too, was a principled fighter, willing to risk her social privilege for the causes that she championed. Adelbert encouraged his daughters to attend college. Blanche went to Smith, where she became class president. At commencement, she delivered a forceful address promoting women’s suffrage, with President William McKinley in the audience. Blanche helped spearhead the Massachusetts women’s-suffrage movement, working as a political cartoonist for Woman’s Journal. She founded the Massachusetts Birth Control League. Once, Blanche sauntered onto Boston’s Commonwealth Avenue carrying a hand-carved wooden penis to demonstrate proper condom use; she was arrested, but police released her after realizing she was the daughter of one governor and the granddaughter of another. “If she was a man,” one historian has observed, “there would be five books” about her already.

    Blanche Ames Ames acquired her distinctive, double-barreled name upon marrying the prominent Harvard botanist Oakes Ames, who came from an unrelated dynastic strand of Ameses. A talented painter, Blanche illustrated some of Oakes’s books about orchids. The Ames mansion at Borderland, their 1,200-acre estate outside Boston, was built entirely of stone to ensure that the library—the filming location for the 2019 movie Knives Out—would be fireproof. Adelbert Ames’s and Benjamin Butler’s Civil War–era swords can still be seen in the foyer. George Plimpton once used one to cut a cake at an anniversary party.

    Profiles in Courage roused Blanche from her Borderland retirement. Eight decades had elapsed since the end of Reconstruction. The modern civil-rights movement was gaining momentum, with its promise of a second Reconstruction. Kennedy was not only taking the wrong side, but he was doing so by maligning Blanche’s father:

    No state suffered more from carpetbag rule than Mississippi. Adelbert Ames, first Senator and then Governor … [admitted] that only his election to the Senate prompted him to take up his residence in Mississippi. He was chosen Governor by a majority composed of freed slaves and radical Republicans, sustained and nourished by Federal bayonets … Taxes increased to a level fourteen times as high as normal in order to support the extravagances of the reconstruction government.

    Lamar, meanwhile, was cast as a “statesman” for whom “no partisan, personal or sectional considerations could outweigh his devotion to the national interest and to the truth”—a selfless patriot who had helped reconcile the nation.

    The truth of the matter was very different. Reconstruction-era Mississippi under Ames’s leadership arguably held more political promise for newly enfranchised Black people than any other southern state. Before the Civil War, Mississippi had contained some of the richest counties in the nation, but most Mississippians—some 55 percent—were enslaved. After the war, Mississippi was the poorest state in the Union. But the new state constitution worked to overturn the Black Codes—laws designed to limit the rights of newly freed African Americans—and Mississippi’s Hiram Revels and Blanche K. Bruce became the country’s first Black senators. Ames himself shared his gubernatorial ticket with three Black candidates.

    Democrats swept the 1874 national midterm elections in what the historian Eric Foner has called a “repudiation of Reconstruction.” Mississippi Democrats saw an opportunity: By seizing control of the legislature in upcoming state elections, they could pass measures that would essentially end Black suffrage. The year 1875 became a struggle between Ames, the elected governor, and Lamar, who was then in Congress. Ames’s administration had the support of Black voters. Lamar, meanwhile, embraced the so-called Mississippi Plan, which aimed to disrupt a legitimate election, by force if necessary. Lamar insisted that the Democrats had to win control of the state legislature to ensure the “supremacy of the unconquered and unconquerable Saxon race.” On Election Day, paramilitary terrorists called White Liners obstructed polling places, destroyed ballot boxes, and threatened to kill Black citizens who voted, as the journalist Nicholas Lemann has written in Redemption: The Last Battle of the Civil War. Counties that were once overwhelmingly Republican saw the Republican vote drop to single digits. “A revolution has taken place,” Ames wrote to his wife, prophesying a bleak future for Mississippi. “A race are disenfranchised—they are to be returned to … an era of second slavery.”

    Democrats, elected by terrorism and led by Lamar, now threatened Ames with impeachment. They accused him of financial impropriety—including the high taxes that Profiles decried—despite his administration’s relative frugality. To avoid impeachment, Ames resigned and fled the state. A U.S. Senate committee investigated the Mississippi elections and produced a 2,000-page document known as the “Boutwell Report.” It concluded that Ames was blameless and that his resignation had been forced “by measures unauthorized by law.” No matter: Ames’s reputation lay in tatters.

    The following year, during the presidential deadlock, Lamar helped broker the Compromise of 1877, which gave Hayes the presidency over Samuel Tilden in exchange for the return of “home rule”—rule by white-supremacist Democrats—to the South, effectively destroying national Reconstruction.

    Profiles in Courage evades easy categorization. It is a historical work, written by a political team, heavily assisted by historians, and published for political gain. The book features eight senators, strategically distributed across time, space, and party. Five of the profiles focus on questions of slavery, the Civil War, or Reconstruction, and none of the featured senators took a progressive approach to Black rights. Three, including Lamar, were slaveholders. Questions about authorship arose early: Kennedy’s speechwriter Theodore Sorensen was rumored to be the true author. (He did, in fact, write most of the book.) Archival drafts reveal that the Georgetown University history professor Jules Davids helped overhaul the Mississippi chapter. The book’s historical vision, though, came from Kennedy.

    Historians in recent years have acknowledged that the real problem with Profiles is not authorship but substance. As a critic, Blanche Ames got there first. Her personal copy of the book, a first edition, overflows with annotations. She drew arrows and corkscrew question marks around the paragraph about her father, her anger visible on the page. When Kennedy insisted that Lamar had written Mississippi’s Ordinance of Secession only after losing hope that “the South could obtain justice in the Federal Union,” Blanche thundered in the margins: “Lamar had sown the seed in 1861. He was sowing it again in 1874.”

    In June 1956, Blanche sent a nine-page letter to Senator Kennedy, introducing herself as his friend Plimpton’s grandmother and urging “corrections of errata for your own sake as well as mine.” She recognized diplomatically that, “in a work as ambitious as ‘Profiles in Courage’ … there are bound to be some viewpoints to arouse controversy.” Nevertheless, she argued, ambition did not excuse historical inaccuracy.

    Kennedy replied the next month. He was cordial, admitting that Reconstruction was “one of the most difficult sections” to write, not because of lack of material, but because of an abundance of “emotion-packed and strongly partisan” readings. It was a politician’s apology, suffused with qualifiers. He insisted that he had relied on “reputable authorities,” but granted that “it is possible, of course, that in so doing a particular individual or incident is slighted or inadequately or inaccurately described.” He added, “If such is the case in connection with my mention of your father … I am indeed sorry.” He assured Blanche that her message “succeeded in stimulating me to further research,” but warned that he did not expect Profiles to be reprinted, so there would be no correction.

    Kennedy did, in fact, do further research. According to Plimpton, during that Oval Office conversation after the dinner party, Kennedy asked Plimpton what he knew about his great-grandfather, apparently eager to demonstrate his own knowledge. He reenacted how Ames would inspect his Civil War soldiers and shout “For God’s sake, draw up your bowels!,” causing White House personnel to burst in, worried by the uproar. The president had found this obscure detail in an equally obscure book, The Twentieth Maine, which was published a year after Profiles.

    But between 1956 and 1963, Profiles was reprinted more than 30 times. Kennedy did not change his account of Adelbert Ames and L. Q. C. Lamar.

    Kennedy’s intransigence only fueled Blanche’s campaign. She forwarded her letters to Harper & Brothers, giving the publisher “the first opportunity” to rectify where Profiles in Courage “falls short of the Code of Historians.” The publisher declined, claiming that too much time had elapsed for readers to be able to understand any corrections. Blanche combed through Kennedy’s acknowledgments and wrote to the professors who assisted with drafting or editing Profiles, hoping that the historians might put pressure on him.

    They did not. There is no evidence that Davids, architect of the Lamar chapter, ever bothered to reply. Allan Nevins, at Columbia, backpedaled, claiming that the introduction he had written for Profiles “carried no endorsement of all details … I am sure the Senator will make correction where correction is proper.” Arthur Holcombe, at Harvard, patronizingly suggested that Blanche had “misunderstood Senator Kennedy’s meaning.” Some of these academic historians may simply not have taken Blanche seriously: She was old, she was a woman, and she lacked scholarly credentials.

    Blanche contacted a second circle of scholars, seeking a historian “free from bias” who might serve as an impartial biographer of Adelbert Ames. She steeped herself in the historiography of Reconstruction, coming to understand how closely Profiles followed the neo-Confederate historians Wirt Armistead Cate and Edward Mayes. “Cate copies Mayes and Kennedy copies Cate,” she wrote to the eminent Harvard historian Samuel Eliot Morison. “Now, unless corrected, modern and future historians may copy Kennedy! This method of writing history leads around in circles of quotations of half-truths. It is a false method.”

    Morison suggested a few military scholars as potential Ames biographers, but mainly recommended “Negro historians” such as John Hope Franklin, Rayford Logan, and Alrutheus Ambush Taylor. “Adelbert Ames’ career as Governor was, I believe, more important than his military career,” Morison reasoned, “and he was the champion of the Negroes.” Blanche contacted a host of prominent academics, including C. Vann Woodward, whose books had criticized the Dunning School and challenged the myth that Reconstruction governments with Black elected officials were simply incompetent or ignorant. The Profiles team had paid no attention to this scholarship. Despite her efforts, no historian would commit to the project. So Blanche resolved to write a biography of Adelbert Ames herself.

    Borderland became Blanche’s archive and fortress while she spent six years—1957 to 1963—researching and writing. When her granddaughter Olivia Hoblitzelle visited Borderland, she marveled at the piles of Civil War maps and books in the library. On one trip, Hoblitzelle recalled, her father asked, “How long is it now?” “Five hundred pages,” Blanche replied. When Hoblitzelle’s father asked, “Isn’t that enough?,” Blanche “looked him straight in the eye, and said, ‘Well, if Tolstoy could do it, so can I.’ ” When she finished, she was 86 years old.

    Blanche’s research drew significantly on the work of Black historians, who had been publishing trenchant studies of Reconstruction for decades. White historians had largely ignored this work, dismissing it as second-class scholarship. Blanche thought otherwise. Her bibliography cited W. E. B. Du Bois’s Black Reconstruction in America, Franklin’s The Militant South, John Lynch’s The Facts of Reconstruction, Merl Eppse’s The Negro, Too, in American History, and George Washington Williams’s History of the Negro Race in America. Kennedy, meanwhile, had not cited a single Black author on Mississippi Reconstruction.

    The stakes, Blanche believed, included not only her father’s reputation but the very meaning of Reconstruction. Her final chapter, “Integrity and History,” is a scathing condemnation of the traditional Reconstruction historiography Kennedy had parroted. Throughout the book, she linked Adelbert Ames’s promotion of racial rights in the 1870s with the modern civil-rights movement—the second Reconstruction:

    In this fateful year of 1963, our Congress has a unique opportunity with its overwhelming Democratic majorities … Congress seems to hold the practical power to do away with the disgraceful suppression of Negro suffrage rights … A hundred years has been too long to wait for application of these long-standing laws of equity.

    Blanche Ames’s book was published at the worst possible moment. In September 1963, she finished correcting page proofs for Adelbert Ames, 1835–1933: General, Senator, Governor. The book was lovingly bound in Sundour cloth and stamped in gold. It sold for $12.50, about $120 today—an old-fashioned, costly volume. Kennedy’s mass-produced paperback, meanwhile, sold for less than a dollar. On November 22, 1963, as Blanche’s book was going to press, Lee Harvey Oswald shot and killed Kennedy in Dallas.

    With the president’s tragic death, Profiles in Courage got a second life, landing back on the New York Times best-seller list. As Americans evaluated Kennedy’s legacy, his prizewinning book seemed a natural place to start. A televised adaptation of Profiles had been in production at NBC before Kennedy’s death. At that time, Blanche had urged Kennedy to use television as an opportunity to “bring your views into accord with the trend of modern historical interpretation of the Reconstruction Period.” After the assassination, the network pressed ahead, framing the series as “one of the finest living memorials to President Kennedy.” But Blanche may have gotten through to Kennedy’s team in the end, at least as far as the television series: When it premiered, a year after Kennedy’s death, the planned segment on Lamar had been quietly dropped. It was the only original profile not to be featured on television.

    But there was still the book. Blanche wrote to Sorensen in early 1964, trying to strike a tone of mutual interest: “Must we not find a way of correcting these obvious misstatements inadvertently restated by President Kennedy? Otherwise they will be perpetuated with greater force than ever, and I do not believe that he would have wished this. Do you?” There is no record that Sorensen replied.

    Blanche lived to see the passage of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the Voting Rights Act of 1965. Born a year after the end of the first Reconstruction, she was able to witness the start of the second. But when she died at Borderland, in 1969, a belittling New York Times headline read: “MRS. OAKES AMES, BOTANIST’S WIDOW; Illustrator of Her Husband’s Works on Orchids Dies.” Despite Blanche’s best efforts, her book sold only a few thousand copies.

    In 2010, a few years before efforts to remove Confederate monuments gained traction across the country, a life-size statue of Lamar was erected outside his former home in Oxford, Mississippi. The L. Q. C. Lamar House Museum’s public-outreach efforts generally commemorate Lamar not as a white supremacist or an architect of the Mississippi Plan, but as the embodiment of Kennedy’s redemptive arc: “Southern secessionist to American statesman,” as the museum describes it. Ames is not mentioned at all; Profiles is highlighted throughout the museum.

    In 1980, George Plimpton donated a copy of Blanche’s book to the John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum, in Boston. “President Kennedy would know,” he said, “that a Massachusetts woman will eventually have her way.” But Blanche Ames Ames has not had her way quite yet. At the library’s gift shop, visitors can buy a 50th-anniversary edition of Profiles in Courage, published in 2006, with an introduction by Caroline Kennedy. The book has never been corrected.


    This article appears in the December 2023 print edition with the headline “Kennedy and the Lost Cause.” When you buy a book using a link on this page, we receive a commission. Thank you for supporting The Atlantic.

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    Jordan Virtue

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  • Molly Baz on Getting Over Your Kitchen Fears and Her Prada Footwear Obsession

    Molly Baz on Getting Over Your Kitchen Fears and Her Prada Footwear Obsession

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    Congrats on More Is More! To me, it felt like your first book, Cook This Book, was really teaching us the fundamentals, and More Is More is like, “Okay, now, let’s have some fun.” In your own words, how would you describe More Is More?

    You pretty much nailed it. … [With] Cook This Book, you’re in elementary school. You’re learning how to cook. You’re learning the basics and the building blocks that are foundational and the important techniques in order to prepare you for the next book, More Is More, which is in your college. You’ve got it all under your belt, and now, you just party, basically. You still need to work hard because cooking is still work, but it can be a lot more fun, and you can loosen up a bit more and feel less stressed about the precision of the process because you’ve permitted yourself to do so.

    The second book is really about cooking more with your own intuition and according to your own palette and your own kitchen and the way you want your food to taste. The recipes are still recipes, but the ask of the reader is [to] make sure it tastes good, and don’t stop until it does. If you don’t like a certain ingredient, swap it out for something else. Empower yourself to cook food that tastes really delicious to you and not in a stressful way. It’s a bit more improvisational and loosey-goosey. 

    What would you say makes a recipe a Molly Baz recipe? 

    I think it’s recognizable-ish dishes that get turned on their head in terms of flavor profile and the way they come together. That has always been the sweet spot for me. We all know and love steak au poivre. It’s a classic dish people have been making in France forever, but what is the Molly version of it? Well maybe it’s chicken au poivre, and we’re using chicken legs instead of steak, and we’re putting miso in the sauce and tarragon instead of the classic traditional ingredients because we’re a little bit less tied to tradition.

    My recipes are not dogmatic in terms of being like, “This is the way things are supposed to be done,” and that’s what’s so exciting about cooking to me. … There’s so much in the world to draw inspiration from and so many ways to reinvent things. The exciting part of developing recipes for me is, How can we look at this beloved classic dish in a new way and breathe new life into it? That’s what I think is a successful Molly recipe. 

    As both a recipe developer and writer and a consumer of cookbooks yourself, what are the most important elements to you when writing a cookbook?

    There are a lot of things. Number one, if there is not a picture for the recipe, people will not make it. So I will never write a cookbook with a recipe that doesn’t have a photo. It’s just a waste of everyone’s time, especially mine. Number two is the formatting of a recipe. What I think is really tricky about recipes is that there are just tons and tons of words on a page, and it’s really easy to get lost, and it’s hard to find where you were, and you have to jump back from being in the kitchen to finding your place on the page.

    A lot of recipes assume a lot of the reader, and I try to remove all of those assumptions when writing recipes and writing books. That means organizing the ingredient list in a way that is efficient and makes sense in your kitchen. So I’m going to tell you everything you need to grab from your pantry and everything that you need to grab from your fridge all in one block in the recipe so you are not darting around the kitchen like a crazy person going to the fridge for milk and then going to the pantry for flour and then “Oh, I also need eggs—now, I’m back at the fridge.” It’s so inefficient, and it starts to get so much more chaotic.  

    Something that most recipe developers don’t do—and it drives me bonks—is not reiterating the ingredient quantity that is listed in the ingredient list in the recipe. It’s like, you know vaguely how much parm you need, but of course, you don’t have it memorized, and then you get down in the recipe, and it’s like, “Stir in the parm,” and you’re like, “How much parm?” You have to go back up to the top of the page and find the parm in the ingredient list. Why wouldn’t you as a recipe developer just say “stir in half a cup of parm” so they don’t have to do the work? So much of the formatting of my recipes has been thought through endlessly and tirelessly to remove any excess chaos that might enter the brain because it is my belief that extra noise makes cooking more stressful for a novice than a professional because there are more assumptions that they can just make, so they don’t have to read every word and reference every single ingredient. That’s what makes it not fun. Nobody is trying to not have fun. So let’s make it fun and not stressful.

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    Jessica Baker

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  • The Rudest Things You Can Do As A Host

    The Rudest Things You Can Do As A Host

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    After the isolation of pandemic lockdowns, many of us developed a newfound appreciation for simple social gatherings like dinner parties, housewarmings, movie nights and even casual afternoons watching sports on the couch. But now that such get-togethers have become more common again, it’s clear some people have become a little rusty in the manners department ― including the hosts.

    “We often hear about etiquette crimes committed by guests, but certainly hosts aren’t off the hook when it comes to being polite,” said Nick Leighton, an etiquette expert and co-host of the “Were You Raised by Wolves?” podcast. “When it comes to manners and etiquette, we all have our part to play. A good host is gracious, welcoming, and makes their guests feel comfortable.”

    Hosting a gathering is a generous enterprise that requires work, but don’t go overboard pressuring yourself to make everything perfect and accommodate every possible need. Still, there are some broader etiquette points to keep in mind.

    Below, Leighton and other experts share some common rude behaviors when hosting guests ― and advice for avoiding these mistakes.

    Not Introducing Guests To Each Other

    “Once your guests arrive, it is the host’s responsibility to take the initiative to introduce everyone,” said Jackie Vernon-Thompson, founder of From the Inside-Out School of Etiquette. “Encouraging the guests to interact and establish some sort of relationship is important for everyone to enjoy themselves.”

    Try to bring up common points of interest or other conversation topics that may allow your guests to connect with one another.

    “The most obvious is how each person is connected to the host,” said Tami Claytor, the etiquette coach behind Always Appropriate Image & Etiquette Consulting. “Other topics include hobbies, recent travels or occupations. This action is proper party etiquette because it alleviates the awkwardness that occurs when people are in a room with strangers.”

    Inviting People Who Will Make Others Uncomfortable

    On the topic of making your guests feel comfortable and encouraging them to interact with each other, be mindful of the people you invite and whether it’s a good idea for them to be in a room together.

    “Curate your guest list carefully,” said Diane Gottsman, the author of “Modern Etiquette for a Better Life” and founder of The Protocol School of Texas. “No archenemies, contentious exes or competitive business owners should be at a fun and relaxing gathering.”

    Being Unprepared When Guests Arrive

    “While guests should know better than to show up early, a good host should be ready to receive guests at the advertised event start time,” Leighton said.

    Don’t tell people to arrive at a certain time and then be totally MIA when that time comes.

    “Sometimes the hosts become so comfortable with the fact that the event is hosted in their home that they think it is OK to be in their bedroom or bathroom grooming themselves to make that grand entrance one hour after the guests arrive,” Vernon-Thompson said. “Essentially, the host has taken the guests for granted and felt it was quite fine to show up late. That’s a huge no-no.”

    The fact that the gathering is in your home is all the more reason to make yourself available to direct guests and set the tone for the event. Make an effort to greet people at the door and make them feel welcome. Invite them to sit, offer them a drink and take their coat.

    “Cooking and setting up as people arrive prevents the host from properly greeting his or her visitors,” Claytor said. “I’ve arrived to people’s homes at the designated start time and the host was still cleaning the bathroom or getting out of the shower, which was really uncomfortable.”

    The Good Brigade via Getty Images

    Make sure you’re all set to go before guests arrive, and cater to your loved ones’ dietary restrictions.

    Ignoring Dietary Restrictions

    “When you invite guests for a meal, be sure ask for any dietary restrictions well in advance to avoid becoming a short-order chef during your event,” said Jodi R.R. Smith, president of Massachusetts-based Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting.

    Providing a variety of food options can help minimize stress and ensure guests feel accommodated.

    “Be sure there is enough food for your guests, including those who may have restrictive diets,” Vernon-Thompson said. “Never invite someone to your event knowing the individual has a particular diet and you show no regard. It goes without saying that a host should ensure that the food is palatable, and the guests will not only enjoy the party, they will enjoy the food as well.”

    Offering Only Alcoholic Drinks

    Similarly, don’t forget to offer a variety of drink options to keep your sober friends in mind, even if that’s just making sure the Brita is full. Providing alcohol-free choices can help ensure those who do drink don’t go overboard as well.

    “Especially for sporting events, be sure to offer plenty of nonalcoholic options and be sure to arrange rides for any guest who has had too much,” Smith said.

    Poorly Handling Shoe Rules

    “If you are going to want guests to remove their shoes, you must let them know in advance and have slippers or socks for them to wear,” Smith said.

    As a host, you don’t want to catch your guests by surprise, so advance notice is key. Gottsman suggested having some “fun, festive” socks on hand to liven up the atmosphere. Claytor noted that disposable booties can be an option as well.

    “Notify guests in advance that there is a ‘no wearing shoes in the house’ policy,” she advised. “It can be quite embarrassing if guests are unprepared to remove their shoes. For example, what if someone is self-conscious about his or her feet?”

    Failing To Warn About Pets

    Speaking of advance warnings, remember you may have guests who’ve never been to your home and might be unaware that animals live there.

    “Let them know you have pets in the event they are allergic,” Gottsman said.

    Take the time to find out if anyone has allergies or other pet-related issues that would make them uncomfortable sharing space with your dog, cat, rabbit, hamster, bird or snake. If so, make the proper accommodations.

    “A host should never fail to make arrangements for their pet to be comfortable in another area of the home or spend time with a family member or friend during the party,” Vernon-Thompson said. “One should never assume that everyone is comfortable being close to a pet of any kind. There may be guests with allergies or a guest who has a deep fear of a pet such as yours due to a previous traumatic experience. In addition, there are people who may be uncomfortable eating with a pet nearby.”

    Demanding Money At The End

    “You may not insist guests Cash App you money at the end of the party,” Smith said.

    Indeed, etiquette experts tend to agree it’s rude to charge your friends for a dinner party you’re throwing. Lots of people bring a nice bottle of wine as a host gift, which should be sufficient.

    If you’re hosting a potluck, make that clear and ask people to bring various dishes. A fundraiser or donation-based event may also call for payment. Or there might be a situation where friends can agree to contribute money for a traditional dinner party, but this must be discussed in advance.

    “One should not expect anything from the guests except for them to have a great time and mingle,” Vernon-Thompson said.

    Of course, the no-Venmo request rule doesn’t apply to a more casual situation when friends are perhaps watching Sunday football games together on someone’s couch and decide to place a delivery order for pizza and wings.

    Pay attention to each of your guests while they're over at your home.

    Compassionate Eye Foundation/Steven Errico via Getty Images

    Pay attention to each of your guests while they’re over at your home.

    Ignoring Your Guests

    “The host should engage with all guests,” Claytor said. “Ideally, he or she should spend a few moments one-on-one with each person to ensure everyone feels special and welcome.”

    Be present as a host. Monitor the space to see if anyone is alone or being left out of the conversation. Stay off your phone and pay attention to your guests.

    “If the host receives a call during a party it is OK to briefly step away and tell the caller that you will call him or her back,” Claytor said. “After all, you never know if someone is calling about an emergency. But I recently attended a dinner party and after dinner the host was on the phone either texting or checking social media. Even though all of the attendees knew each other it still sent the signal that we weren’t as interesting as what was happening on the phone.”

    On a similar note, don’t leave the scene of the gathering for an extended period with no heads up or explanation.

    “Whether it is to powder your nose or change into another outfit, that should be planned so well that it literally only takes minutes and return to your guests,” Vernon-Thompson said. “The last thing a host wishes is for their guests to wonder where they are and feel abandoned. That is certainly not good form.”

    Having Expectations But Not Communicating Them

    If you have certain expectations for your guests and the event, you have to communicate these in advance.

    “Be clear about arrival and departure times and offer up an attire level so guests know how to dress,” Smith said.

    Try to convey the level of formality of the event and how large it will be when you invite people.

    “Guests should never feel they are either overdressed or underdressed, nor should the number of people at the party surprise them,” Claytor said.

    Cleaning Up Before The Event Ends

    If your event has a start and end time, it should span that period ― barring any unforeseen happenings. So, don’t start shutting down the party while people are still enjoying their time.

    “During a party, I have witnessed the host literally cleaning up around the guests while they are having conversations and mingling,” Vernon-Thompson said. “They have literally taken the broom and began sweeping around the guests, clearing tables, and moving the food items aside. This faux pas translates to the guests that it is time to go, and they are no longer welcome. It is a resounding message and that is the type of message you certainly don’t wish to send as a host, especially if the guests are there during the time you stated the party would take place.”

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